Don't Blame Me! - My Boyfriend Is Researching Escorts

Episode Date: June 20, 2022

Update: Sparks in a relationship Meghan and Melisa give advice on: Working on yourself while keeping 2 guys on hold Unblocking and re-following an ex on social media Waiting to get in a fight with your partner Catching your boyfriend googling sex workers Don't Blame Them: FOMO Buy our merch: https://store.dftba.com/collections/don-t-blame-me Subscribe to our new show: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/but-am-i-wrong/id1591757891 Follow Us! @meghanrienks www.instagram.com/meghanrienks https://twitter.com/meghanrienks @sheisnotmelissa www.instagram.com/sheisnotmelissa https://twitter.com/sheisnotmelissa @by.meghan.and.melisa https://www.instagram.com/by.meghan.and.melisa Affordable Therapy By State (Curated by Crissy Milazzo): www.tinyurl.com/y64kwdnf Need Advice? www.dontblameme.show Domestic Listeners Call: [phone] International Listeners Send a Voice Memo To: [e-mail] … with as much detail as possible under 3 minutes! WeI'll do our best to share our wonderful words of wisdom. If you're under 18, please get your parent's permission. Advice is for entertainment purposes only, so you can't blame us if we screw up your life. I kid! Our advice IS AMAZING. Want to WATCH this episode as well? Become a patron! https://www.patreon.com/dontblameme Join the Facebook Group! https://www.facebook.com/groups/dbmsecretgroup Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/join/dontblameme Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

okay that's it for the podcast i'm gonna go vomit ew sorry everybody this was unhinged welcome to don't blame me starring megan who's thoroughly grossed out and melissa the culprit what are you talking about megan don't get no no no no no i will not accept this welcome to the podcast um we are delusions i'm sorry i'm a leo that's what i do and so i was born to do no because i am not questioning my own reality i know exactly what happened welcome to don't blame me the advice podcast starring two beautiful gorgeous intellects yeah what are you watching what am i watching right now a lot of real housewives per usual well per new use back to original my soaps um i just finished girls by veva the second season

i really enjoy that show it's funny um what else z-way of course um i think that's it right now when i watch the show i just binge it all and if i mean girls by veva isn't one that you can binge the new episode comes out every week but when i've been watching shows i've just been binging them like in that day so i watched angeline a few weeks ago that was weird that's the billboard lady do you know i've met her i hope i'm waiting for my day to meet her i drive when i'm driving around i'm looking for that pink convertible if anyone is unfamiliar it is like actually a very i'm glad they like me i want to watch the show like i'm glad it's like a really sometimes you think of like hollywood stories and everyone's like oh i got discovered in a mall

and then this happened or like things like la la land like that's not true like that's not what happens like you go to an audition and like your first and it's your big audition like you don't book it you bomb it like that's what happens like and it takes you like all these other tries there's just all that stuff but that is like a true los angeles story of like a woman who is just like hustle buying billboards of herself advertising herself and then to this day even buy them that's the thing she didn't buy him she i don't want to spoil it for you but she didn't buy them shut the fuck up okay even more exciting than i didn't know but i saw her west hollywood by um on the little on the little side street um right now the one that's by the uh yep

in the uh show they they're on that street for a second too i was doing a uh video shoot for i think i think it was like a a converse ad or i think it was converse i'm not entirely sure but i was doing that with this um director karen who i've like worked with a bunch she's like wonderful and she was like oh my gosh that's angeline like we have to like we gotta see if she can like be in this or do something and i was like i had no idea who she was and she was like so excited to like tell me like the story like she is like an icon like this is like an icon uh like a living legend of los angeles and like we walked up and like within two seconds she's like do you want to buy a t-shirt and she was like oh i was just like oh yeah and she was like well i'll give you like

five like this much to like for me to be in the video this much for a photo and like this much for every minute after and i was like wow hustler and she was like yeah i respect it and she bought like uh karen i forget what karen bought but she bought something it was great yeah yeah i uh i respect her so much after the show but also angeline doesn't like the show at all because she thinks that only she can play her so and i'm like this show takes place when you were young and you're like in your 60s now so kind of hard for you to play yourself but sure hey i i i respect the the um the commitment and the the the the confidence and the capabilities and they because they they paint her in a great light

it's not like this is some show that's like talking shit about her but it talks yeah it paints her in a good light so wow that's so interesting do you watch tax right i haven't watched the new season i didn't realize the new season was out until you started posting about it I was only watching season one, though. I'm on season one. Okay. Then, yes, I've watched all season one. I've been to that in, like, two days, too.

Yeah. Recommend it to everybody. It's so funny. It's, like, pain. Mott's just saying, he's like, some parts of this are, like, really uncomfortable to watch. I go, yeah, because we know people like this. Exactly. That's why.

That's why you feel so, you feel, like, visceral secondhand embarrassment. Because, like, you're just putting the people that we know in the spot. Yeah. And I'm like, I'm interested to know if anybody that's listening to this show and you don't live like in L.A., do you like it? Because it feels like a show that's so insidery that I don't know if other people enjoy it because and it also gets so many accolades within the industry. And I think it's because people see themselves in the show. yeah I would be really curious um if you don't live in LA and or you don't work in like the entertainment industry um because yeah I think that like if I didn't I would look at it like a Schitt's Creek where I'd be like this is so campy and you have to kind of get used to the style and

the camp of it where you have to like immerse yourself into it because like the acting on Schitt's Creek is like really big acting like it's not really subtle um and you have to I don't know it's kind of like getting into a hot tub you have to like assimilate yourself into it before you can really enjoy all of the jokes and catch all of that because you have to succumb to their world it's like you can't watch a fantasy movie without like being like I'm I'm good I'm believing in dragons at this point like I'm not going to say no or contest any of it so I wonder if it's like that for some people because like it feels so wildly outlandish lots of attractive people too like sexy i will say though i wish there was a trigger warning for this stuff because like

it ruined like three days for me and i like did not sleep all night i was like a ball of anxiety there is like one in season one episode episode five titled falling which if you've seen it you know how dark of a title that is um massive trigger warning for like lots of drug usage and um suicide oh yeah that one was wild i after i watched that one i was like what the fuck was this i knew based on um i was like really disappointed at first which like i still am i really really hate how we depict um especially in shows we're making now i really hate how we depict drugs um in them i also think like it's really negligent if we're going to make shows that are currently set in this time period um without the showing people testing their drugs for like fentanyl or

anything if it's supposed to be like a positive thing and uh spoiler alert it doesn't end well in this but the drugs are not a result of that and like that part like still really like really irritated me so like you get triggered with watching people do drugs um which i do i just really hate how they um i really hate the depiction of like drugs on television as a fun careless kind of like letting loose freeing sort of thing um because yeah it it romanticizes them in general like we don't need to give free press for people having good experiences with i mean like there's just yeah you don't need to look up if that was based like if they base that on something out of their life i don't know maybe but i just i think anytime you show someone taking

drugs on television movies now you don't show them testing the drugs me too i hate seeing drugs on tv anyways those are our tv shows that we're watching i know you care immensely everybody but i guess i should let you know what this podcast is it's where we give wonderful life changing advice and if you're wondering how do these bitches have the credentials and what i would say is turn on the patreon subscribe it's ten thousand dollars a month for haters like you and you will see all of our credentials hanging up on our walls and that was not a lie actually yeah for you it is true and for me clearly have fallen yeah yep that's true all of my credentials dark dark and for non-skeptics our patreon is only a dollar a

or five dollars if you want to join our live streams but anyways we give advice and uh if you want to call us for an upcoming episode you can leave us a voicemail at 310-694-0976 international listeners you can send us an audio message at meganpodcast at gmail.com and we haven't had to do this disclaimer in a while but i have been getting a lot of message on my purse a lot of messages on my personal account i don't know if i've been seeing them on our uh podcast account but i haven't seen whatever you're about to say we don't give advice through dms or dm messages i take that back then yeah we just do it through phone calls um and the voicemails people have also used voice changers and international listeners i didn't say but you

can send us an audio uh recording to meganpodcast at gmail.com but we don't answer through dms if you're concerned about people knowing the details or figuring out that it's you um change people's names like you can change things that are like really inconsequential to the situation and um also lie if you get confronted normalize being a better at lying that's like my favorite advice that i've given in our facebook group where someone was like what should i do this situation like blah blah i couldn't read that whole thing it was a lot i saw your response but it was too much i couldn't read it i literally just said i think you just need to learn how to lie i feel like all of this could have been avoided if we just lied better i was trying to get the gist of

what was going on from everyone everybody was responding but i still don't know you know it was a friend who liked who thought they liked someone and then another friend and it was very much like oh i'll talk to them but yeah and then i was done just lie lie this is a pro lying this is a pro robbery and pro lying show and pro abortion ethically anyways should we get into the update now let's fucking go so i was on the episode called sparks when dating and my call was in reference to sparks when dating and i was basically had been on a couple of dates with this guy really really nice physically cute but like wasn't really into it um but prior to that I'd sort of been in a relationship with somebody who was really good on paper not very sparky but

then prior to that a couple years before that I'd been in a relationship with someone where like sparks off the charts literally in love with him and it just sort of ended in a really amicable like annoying way where like no one did anything wrong and I was sort of like oh am I just destined into a life with no spark ever again should I just keep going with this guy should I give up and the advice that I got was essentially you know keep going with it kind of manage your expectations obviously your first love's always going to be intense and you might not find that exact thing ever again but don't write it off and I took that I went on three dates in total with this guy they were really lovely um he was really thoughtful really kind came up with great ideas

good great but neither of us clearly were feeling it that much because we had a bit of a conversation he texted me like can I call you and I was like I see where this is going so he um called me and he was like yeah this isn't really going anywhere is it and I thought I said to him like no it's not and he was kind of keen he was like you know if you'd still like to do things as friends that would be great and I thought I said I said oh yeah cool but like obviously in my head all night I don't really need another friend I'm fine um but this was fine um and then left it there and since then I've kind of just sort of not really been that fuss like I've carried I've spent a lot of time with my friends I've not been like sad or anything I've just been like

spending loads of time with my friends because that's who I want to spend my time with um and I've realized like dating apps aren't doing it for me at all like I think I've realized this is a huge flaw for me with dating apps a guy being on a dating app is a bit of an ick they're just never gonna work because the idea of a guy updating his hinge profile makes me feel sick so I've given up on that for now but a slight update that's kind of related to this whole saga is that I actually in a very not manic way even though it sounds a bit manic um texted the ex boyfriend that I was like in love with in love with and was in I consulted my friends I did it in the middle of the day sober like it wasn't anything scary and I basically said um like hi

hope you're well was just thinking if you're ever in because I know he comes to my city sometimes to be a friend here I was like next time you're in my city be really nice to have a catch-up and he was like yeah that sounds really good um i'll definitely shout you from over there i hope you're good and that's where we're at so a daytime booty car might happen yeah yeah well it's it's an emotional thing because i've realized i think sometimes we really even like kind of the opposite i think some i've sort of over rationalized it where i've like gone to therapy and spoken about this ex and gone oh i must have just i must still care about him because he represents this or because of this or because of this and actually i think i just missed him like i think i was

overthinking it i think i just miss him because he's a nice person and be nice to see him so that's where that's ended up and i probably won't date anyone for a bit there you go i i i i want to i want to contest your anti-dating app thing by saying i completely understand um and i think that like you don't have to like like dating apps in the traditional sense or like utilize some of the traditional sense i saw moths on a dating app and like we knew in real life and like i can't tell you how much of an ick i got when i saw his profile i was like oh my god weird like and like we were friends but like there were some people like on there like if you look at any of it hard enough or you like look at it like as a concept like yeah it's weird like as a concept like i

don't think anybody is like i love the con like the idea of looking at this guy and seeing that he's like picking these pictures of himself and whatever like I think there's a way to kind of decode and my biggest thing was like if I thought I think you're cute um that's like whatever but it's mostly like I'm looking for someone who's like personality I can see through a dating apps like do you have a picture of something that's funny like I'm not looking to see if I think you're like super hot like it's am I attracted to you but also like sure visually am I attracted to you but I'm also am I attracted to like the kind of person you seem like you would be and then your answers and like relying on that a lot more and then immediately getting into like a

conversation because you basically just like sift through all the people that you might meet in real life but just you would never spend that much time directly like it's just like it takes a huge pool that you have and then gives that like gives it to you like at your fingertips which like you don't ever really have that other opportunity and i think like i i will say though because you do value like the spark that is something that i think you can dating apps might be something like kind of fun for you if you like end up seeing someone who you think is like kind of cool and like with no pressure no expectations of like having a date or whatever but just like a banter back and forth in the messages and that kind of thing like i think like we don't have to use dating

apps to like explicitly go on dates through them but just to be like oh to like practice like talking to someone or like a confidence boost like I think just like having those kind of interactions and especially if you like decide when you want to kind of like start dating again I think it's a really good way to if you are someone who like very I I therapize everything in my life like my therapist is like you know your life's like feel things right like not everything has to be like I'm like I'm very much that same way where like I like had a really hard time understanding the concept and I still have a hard time where it's like just because you understand why you feel that way doesn't mean that like that's you feeling it like you have to feel it

like it doesn't matter why you feel it like it's a great thing to know but like you can't like intellectualize like your problems and your emotions so sometimes it's kind of just fun in that instances if you find that you tend to do that in relationships where you feel like dates where you don't feel like you owe something to someone but like you you are you feel more obligated to keep up a conversation because you're in person or you feel like you kind of have to perform a little bit more. There's something really low stakes about dating apps that can, for me personally, I found were really good at getting me out of my head and making me just kind of like act on impulse and like be like fun and flirty and like go for

the things that felt kind of more spark, like without, um, feeling like there was an expectation on like the success of like a date or whatever. So I wouldn't swear off dating apps as a whole. and I have lots of friends who like met their partners like in real life but then saw them on a dating app and then found out they were single that way and then like asked around and like it's a good way to just also know people in your age like you know I mean like you might not you might then see someone like oh I thought I think we matched on like that happens all the time where like you'll meet someone later on you're like I think we matched on a dating app like that's so funny like it's just kind of like a you went to college with my cousin like it's just like this

like weird connection that can be helpful for sure yeah maybe maybe um have you set a date with the new fella not like a date date but like put it on your old fella new fella yeah your daytime booty call well it's not there's no date i don't know when he'll ever be here but i know he does i like the summer's coming up i know he visits people here i'm like it will happen but i don't know when but it's like in his court do you know what i mean i didn't i was very careful to send something that was like not like i still think about you all the time it was like it was very like oh yeah if you're ever here so he i don't i have no idea okay well i feel like probably in the next couple months okay hey are you continuing to chat with him or this was just

no as in we've been broken up like three years so it'd be a bit weird to be like texting back and forth i feel like it would feel weird so we haven't i was just wondering i'm just asking questions here um how long were y'all together like not even a year this is the mad thing it's literally not even a year how old are you both we're both like 23 24 so then you were like 18 19 okay that checks out completely yeah yeah yeah that is like i don't mean to say this is like a like i want to like this is like so i don't want to say like oh this is so common as in like it's not special or something but like there is this sweet spot of being 18 19 when you are not a you don't you're not a kid you don't feel like a kid like you have this independence and

you have this agency and like that I went back I compared everyone to that like that time period love of my life like that was the one that like that would be my go back my like back and then eventually he wasn't like eventually it was like someone someone else but like that is like there was something really really like unique and special about like the person that you fall for or date at that time and like romanticizing it yes but also just like i think it's a really romantic part of your own personal life and who's ever with you during that time tends to kind of like that becomes another room like it's just like this that's the that's the fucking age and like the summer and the time that they make fucking teen movies about like that is the time

so like it is a romantic kind of time and who's ever with you there like whatever music you listen to at that age period like that you're like all of those things like have that like nostalgic kind of feeling and like comfort and love there so like that makes total sense to me and i think as well if you i mean i'm sure any of your uk listeners will understand that particular summer of like 2018 it was like the world cup love island hot weather the uk was an incredible place to be anyone you were with at that time you're like that was the best time of my life I miss them I want to move back to the city I lived in like it was a crazy summer do you think that it's him that you miss or that time well this is the thing because I've gone back and

forth on it so many times obviously and then tried to look at it so not obviously you can't look at it objectively but try and look at it in a really rational way and like talk in therapy and do all of this about it and I realized that with him as well it was that it was the nostalgia factor and also he represented a lot of things I felt deficient in so he had really strong friendships I didn't he had really good relationship with his family I didn't he had a lot of drive I didn't like he had all these things that I felt like I didn't and so I made a real effort in the last few years to really build myself up in those categories where I feel really strong in those categories and I thought it would just go away I was like well once I do that he's just gonna that's gonna

disappear and then I've realized actually it hasn't and actually do you kind of want to show him maybe I think so I think that too I think that too but I'm like do you know what even when I saw even when because I don't see a therapist anymore but when I did like she was she literally said to me she's like why don't you just text him which I didn't expect her to say I thought she'd be like don't contact him at all and she was like why don't you just text him what's stopping you what's the worst thing that's gonna happen and i was like i can't because then it will be desperate and whatever and now i'm like i actually don't care i'd actually like to go for a coffee with him and whatever it is it is i'm looking forward to this i want to hear i want i want to hear all

the follow-up you know we don't even have to if you don't want it to be on the podcast it doesn't have to be i just personally i am curious though if you're gonna go and you're going to if you're gonna realize that like maybe it's not all it is because like i totally understand in the sense of like when you are attracted to people who have things that you personally feel like you lack when when they relationships are mutual but like at that point like when you feel like you don't measure up in these certain areas when someone who has those things picks you that makes you that like fills your cup but it doesn't actually fill your cup like it just no it makes you think it does and like it feels like it but it's not actually happening

so i do wonder if some of the sparkliness of him and all of that was this thing of like this longing of this thing that these things that you didn't perceive yourself as having or being insufficient in and now that you've done all of this self-work to have those i wonder if you're gonna see him and like it's not that he is like not a good person or like is still like really kind and like really great or whatever but i wonder if that like luster like that sparkle around him yeah will will be dulled you know well and that's what i'm intrigued to see like i was talking to my friend about this who's known me like for six years like she's known me throughout this whole thing from when i was like a teenager and she i said i broke it down into like three

kind of possibilities obviously it's more complicated than that but i was like the first one is you know we meet up and it's just sort of i i still feel the same way he doesn't feel the same way back and that's that and i have to move on the other one is we meet up we're like wow why did we ever end it like whatever this is great or the third one which is honestly quite likely possibly is that i'm like oh is this the not in a horrible way but like is this the person i've been obsessed with for three years i'm joking like oh i've done that he's like a normal he's a little 24 year old boy like what is this not to go against things that we say but it's a form of closure and seeing if you're comparing everyone that you've met now to that idea of what he was

yeah and then you become like you become the thing that's sparkly like you get to like and i think that's like not to be cheesy but i think that is like a really beautiful thing like once we get older is like we the people we choose to surround ourselves with are people we want to be like and people we aspire to kind of be like and it's not like we're sucking the glow or the sparkle out of them but it's like we're not consciously knowing that we're doing that but we're we're surrounding ourselves with people that we admire and we aspire to be like and when those are healthy relationships they like empower us to like be better people and to like to adapt those things into our life and then eventually like then you realize that not that people are stepping stones

because like they're obviously individuals and all of that but it's like oh you came into my life for a reason that was the reason and that doesn't mean that the what we shared wasn't great and wasn't beautiful and like wasn't really honest at the time but i'm i i was in awe of your sparkle before but like now i'm sparkly like i'm in my own sense and like now the people that i'm surrounding myself with aren't are people who like i respect and i feel like are my peers and aren't people that i'm trying to emulate and and and be like because i'm trying to improve myself like and i think that's again it's all a subconscious thing but i i i'm so curious to hear how it's gonna go because so invested in this melissa knows i've done this and i literally sat down and was like

oh god this is but then the outcome is gonna be good no matter what because it's just gonna be it's either like you were meant to be with him and so you're gonna get back together or you know that you're not meant to be and you can move you can continue to move forward in your life but either way you're still coming out stronger on the other side yeah well exactly and i think some people do these sorts of things under the guise of like they say it's like oh it's the closure and like to be honest i think i think ultimately closure is something that you give to yourself so that's why i'm not doing it under the guise of like this is for closure i'm not doing it for a particular reason uh-huh it's like these are the things that might happen yeah this is what i want

to do and that's why you weren't ready earlier when your therapist said to text yeah yeah because it would have been i would have said it was for closure and it wouldn't have yeah it would have been because i wanted to get back it's like the no stone left unturned thing that like my therapist always says that she's like i do that and she's like there's nothing wrong with that you just have to know like it's the timing of when you do that like when you're doing that and you're looking for something where you're like I need to turn all these oh I need to find something versus being like you know what I think it would really help me like I have this thing in the back of my head and I don't care what the outcome is but like I just got to know what's under it like

I just want to know like it's not going to change it's not something that I'm like not living my life because of this but it's kind of like an itch that I need to scratch and like I don't really have any skin in the game of how i want it to be i'm just like my curiosity is getting the best of me and she was like yeah like dude there's nothing wrong with that and like you just have to know when to do that and i think like you clearly exactly know when and we are very much looking forward to hearing what the results of it is because yeah like melissa said like you come out on top either way exactly that's what i'm hoping for we'll see it could literally be like in a year who knows i'll have no idea when he's gonna he might never text me back and then you

he might eventually do it and you're like i don't want to see him yeah yeah truly you shall see beautiful accent we'll never be over it lovely lovely lovely absolutely that's not a very good impression so i'm so sorry uh to them they're hearing this right now but i know that's not good my accents are not great melissa did clock my um italian accent a bit ago she goes is that what you're trying to do clearly not well not well bitch anyway thank you for sharing we appreciate it shall we all right should we this is our last i swear to god this will be our last virtual one for a while where i was supposed to go to melissa she literally blew her back out i did and not in a good way no in a bad way cleaning and i was going to come over and um at by 9 a.m

i had already shit like five times and i was like i can't i can't trust my bowels to get me to your place so um ibs one megan zero to be fair ibs is probably way more than that I've just ruled my life my whole life so next time I swear I swear hey guys uh I am 26 years old I go by she her pronouns uh the two people involved in this story go by he him pronouns one is my now ex-boyfriend of three years he's 34 and another is a guy from work um that is one of my best friends I've known him over a year he's 32 um so backstory is uh my relationship was really struggling over the winter months my boyfriend had just started his own business I was really supportive it kind of started to get overwhelming though with the 24-7 like talk

and work and all of that so um it wasn't just that it was like COVID was the middle of our relationship and we were together like 24-7 um and that kind of continued after COVID um we would invite each other to every single thing we were doing uh so I think that was an issue with us too I moved in with him two months after we started dating so it's like we never really like had the dating phase we were just kind of like thrown into like this like almost like a marriage it seems like um so anyway uh I have been close with this guy at work for a really long time um one night we're out getting drinks and he tells me he has feelings for me that immediately threw me into confusion um because I'm already having problems with my boyfriend at the time and now

he's telling me this my friend um which made me kind of feel like oh I think I have feelings for you too um so I didn't really know what to do in that situation but I knew that my boyfriend and I like should take time apart regardless um we both need to go to therapy in a very serious way um he needs insurance I need to just be more independent in general I'm always glued to my partner um so we decided to break up um me um live in my own place so I got my own apartment farther away from him um we decided to like work on ourselves that was like the goal of our breakup with the possibility of like getting together in the future um the problem is that me and my friends from work are still hanging out and my feelings for him have gotten stronger but also my feelings for

my ex have not gone away and we're still hanging out sleeping together um being near each other all the time um i don't really know what to do i know that i'm supposed to be working on myself i don't really want to move on so i don't want to lose the possibility of getting back together with my ex but also i feel like i should give this new guy a shot in some capacity i'm just so fucking confused i need some honest advice you guys are always the most brutally honest um which i really appreciate um thank you so much i really hope that i can get some good advice from this Love y'all. I think the biggest thing here

is that you're working on yourself. So what do these possibilities, they shouldn't matter right now, in my opinion. If you're working on yourself, the possibilities, they don't exist because that's not for you right now. Like if it's meant to be, or if you feel like that this is something

you wanna pursue later on, then cool. but this isn't the time to even be entertaining those possibilities or to be holding on to the thoughts of being with these guys especially since you don't you have two people that you're interested in two people that are interested in you but you don't even know what you want you don't know what you need right now so how can you you can't work through that while you're still thinking about i mean you can think about them but you can't work through that while you're still trying to hold on to them so i would say stop talking to both of them i know you haven't talked to the work one because it's work but like anything outside of work outside of a don't be

friends with him right now too because you can't separate your feelings from him for friendship so just set up boundaries for yourself push your feelings aside for now and work on yourself yeah i agree with all of that like you're not working on yourself right now like what you're doing is you're back burnering both of these people but like you're stirring both the pots like you're like you're you're you're trying to keep these you know control these situations in a way that is affecting how you are quote-unquote working on yourself because like the possibilities are not um that's not within your control like that's at all and like if you're trying to like orchestrate how to remain how to keep the possibilities alive with both of these relationships

like you are sacrificing you like you are sacrificing this because like right now you're trying to mold your life around keeping these things afloat that have absolutely like nothing to do with your own personal self-growth or anything like that. And I think like being self-aware of knowing that you're always really attached to a partner, like just because you're not like in a relationship doesn't mean like you're doing the exact same thing. Like you're just doing it in a different font. Like, so I think if you can detach, you've detached from the labels like you're not living with him anymore like you've created that separation but that's just like the start of it you're not officially together so like Melissa said like you stop

talking to both of them you stop hanging out with them socially you see your co-worker and you if it's something that you want like you tell them like hey I just want you know that like I really wanted to work on myself um and I have realized that despite moving out and breaking up like I actually haven't been actively doing that and so I am creating this boundary for me that like I'm going to take some time for myself and that means like not being communicative and like being like friends with you right now and like that's not to say that that won't change like later on but I'm not going to be able to get to where I personally like need to be with maintaining these relationships as they are because I'm not growing because these relationships even though

we're not calling it boyfriend girlfriend we're not calling it like partners we're not calling what these it's still the same people and still the same timelines and still the same everything like I need some I need some change in order to actually change like myself um and if the person who you're like going to be with or like whatever you believe for like destiny soulmates whatever it is but even in the small on the much smaller scale of like i don't want to do anything i don't want a decision i make to then jeopardize the what if with this person if you prioritizing yourself and not being like hey i'm i'm gonna do my own solo thing and work on myself if that is what stops you from being with those people they don't want you to do that and then they're not good

people and they're not the people that you should be with like you should never have to compromise self-growth to it's literally holding yourself back to be with someone else like walking on eggshells with like a partner or like a future partner of like well I need to watch what I say I need to watch x y and z and all of that otherwise I might lose them that's not being truthful or honest to yourself that's like forming yourself to mold to like what you think that they want and what is going to be the best and then you're putting all this responsibility on like quote-unquote keeping a relationship like on you that it's not like an active participant that you're both in this together it's that like you you are holding on to this and you've like

orchestrated this I think a lot of this happened in the pandemic of people like I were very anti moving into someone like really really soon but this happened in the pandemic and like I do not blame anyone at all and I think that it bred a lot of um codependent relationships and you went you couldn't go anywhere so like this was a way to protect people so that's what you had to do and some people it turned out great and some people it didn't some people they weren't ready for this some people it I mean these were unprecedented times and we didn't know how it was going to affect us mentally and so you did what you thought was best for you at the time but now you we're like i've started to say now we're post uh vaccine and so we're still very

much in the pandemic but like now you can see what was actually happening to you and to your partner at the time and now you've separated yourself from that and you can see the big picture but you're not actively working towards a better outcome yeah i think you need independence and agency because even you saying that the co-worker told me yeah the co-worker exactly like the co-worker who said that like i have feelings for you that was the moment you realized you also might have had feelings for him that it feels like other people are kind of in the driver's seat of your life and I think that's probably why you feel like you need to hold on to these possibilities and it's all these plates spinning in the air as if it's your responsibility and I

think you probably feel like that because you don't feel like you've had a really heavy hand in these situations that these situations are more delicate and like they came up by chance as opposed to like really thoughtful careful decision making on both parts and that when it feels like something that's fleeting or random or a surprise like those things we grasp onto because they feel if they came as quickly as they did they can go as quickly as they came and so I think that like the best thing you can do is to just spend time with yourself and like yes go to therapy but also like find hobbies that you like that are solo hobbies like make new friends spend time with old friends like write letters to people you haven't talked to in

forever start a new tv show go on walks like like plan trips that you want to take by yourself do things that it's like you're of the age of like what do i what the fuck do i want to do what the fuck do i like and like once you can find figure out all of that and who you really are then it's about it's not about oh are these people potential people are they gonna wait for me it's like when i figure out who i am and i work on myself and i really start to have a relationship with myself or not only like, do I really like myself, but I trust myself and I like, I value myself and my decision-making process.

And I know that like, I'm looking out for me and I have the toolbox to address situations as they come up, but done with both of them. Done, done, done, done, done. Also don't date coworkers. How many times do we have to say it? I don't, I truly don't know. only date them after they're no longer your co-worker right megan yeah i'm marrying one

eventually hi megan melissa i just called but i got cut off because i spoke too long i did write it down i just made it too long so i wanted to resend my voicemail i basically wanted advice on whether or not i should re-follow my ex on social media um for some contacts i'm 21 she her and I went through a breakup and this was my first relationship with someone they them it didn't end well as essentially I didn't want it to end and there was a lot of hurt feelings and they did a lot of gaslighting towards me and said a lot of hurtful dismissive things during the breakup they messaged me along and kept checking in with my sister kind of saying condescending things and asking if I'm okay and keep keep on mentioning things like oh like I know

she's struggling a lot more than I am and things like that. Additionally, he posted something on his account that he said was sort of like a tribute to like how we how they felt and their emotions, but kind of ended up coming off as quite hurtful and to the point where my friends would DM me asking me if I was okay after reading that post. So we spoke again during Thanksgiving on the phone and we were still willing to talk about what happened and at that point I still wanted to be with them and they basically said things trying to make me wait for them as like a maybe while they weren't actually interested in pursuing me additionally they said a lot of more condescending things and were like kind of shocked at how bad I was feeling and were saying things like oh like

I guess it must have been hard for you because you didn't see it coming and things like that but they also like threw in some flirtatious things and showed me a picture of myself and and they were like oh yeah like I saw this before and I thought of you I thought it was cute so after all that like confusion and kind of condescending behavior and belittling I decided it was time to block them so I did and I've done a lot of therapy and started a bunch of new activities and I truly feel really happy and over this person I'm currently dating someone else and I'm really happy about it and I know that they're also in a relationship now but I remember we talked about perhaps being friends in the future and I remember a lot of the good parts of our

relationship I know I don't really want to be friends and I know that after a lot of the things I really don't want them in my life to that extent but also a part of me thinks that if I follow them it's like proving to me and also to them that I forgive them for the hurt that they've caused me and to kind of show that I'm no longer falling apart because of them but other part of me knows it doesn't matter because their opinion of me doesn't matter so I'm not sure if it's going to cause more pain in the process or anything like that so just in short should I unblock him and refollow them or not thank you bye so before we get into this call i just want to say that um the caller when they're talking with

their part ex-partner they said they them pronouns and um we're just going to be using them pronouns though they did say uh other pronouns a couple times we're just going to keep going with they them because that's what they said uh at the top of this call here's my thing um i was gonna say that uh you don't need to follow them back you need to block them but you say you have them blocked so uh i think you need to throw away all your social media good call that's it thank you for calling goodbye now this is like i i i think truly what might be the most helpful is for you to go back and listen to your own call and recognize that you're like okay well they said that they wanted like we talked about potentially being friends

i don't want to be friends and so i want to unblock them to show them and to show myself that i'm over it and i'm doing really well and i um and with a new partner there with a new partner i had like no feelings or anything towards them i think you're mistaking what feelings are like you might not have romantic feelings you've got very strong you have very strong feelings towards this you got big feelings you've got big feelings and that's fine but you're allowed you're allowed to like not get over something and have something be incredibly hurtful and like have that change your relationship with someone forever and like you don't have to like being the bigger person doesn't mean that you have to like forgive everybody it just means that you move on

like you move on with your life but if you feel the need to prove it to yourself beyond like proving it to them but if you feel like this action is what you need to prove it to yourself that means you're not where you think you are like because if you were where if you were very fully over this which again i don't think you have to be over this but like if you were completely over this you would have no desire to unblock that like it wouldn't even be a blip on your radar but they're still taking up space in your brain it might not be romantic it might not be sexual it might not be like anything relationship wise but like anger is a feeling and you still have anger towards them and that's fine you can always have anger to some people but you can't have active

anger because that means that they're occupying your brain space on a regular basis like if you think about them and you see them or something pops up that's out of your control and you're like oh god yeah that was bad i really dislike them that's totally fine but you that you just can't let you can't in the situation that you can control they just shouldn't be on your mind at all and in attempts to prove this to yourself like this if it won't because it's clear you're not where you think you need to be you know what I mean yeah I mean I have a ex that I broke up with a while ago and I unfollowed him I had him muted for a while I unfollowed him and i do not care what goes on in his life at this point at all and so like he still follows me

he also still messages me a lot and he has a girlfriend and i i just don't i don't like follow him at all i feel like it's more like that's even a stronger move is me not i'll still if he sends me something, I'll respond to it. But I don't follow him. I don't look at his social media. I don't care. You're not at the point where you don't care. And I don't think it'll be healthy for you to unblock them and follow back. Maybe you feel like if they see how good that your life is going, that it might make them feel a certain way about you. But in honesty, See, if somebody wants to see your Instagram, all they have to do is log on. They don't have to use the same browser like on a computer and they can see your Instagram

if that's what you want. And if you want them to see what's going on in your life, they'll see it. And so you unblocking them is not, it's not going to do any, I just don't think that's going to do anything for you because you're still mad and angry and this person is awful. and even though you've reconciled what your feelings were in therapy it just doesn't feel like you're over this situation like this person did a lot of bad things to you a lot of bad things and i still think that you have like a part of your heart that still thinks of them and i just it's just not going to be a good outcome no it's not going to be good for your current relationship

either and like even if your instagram is private like everything melissa says like that's completely true and i think like part of the reason why you might want to unblock them is because you are worried that they're not thinking about what you're doing like you're worried they're not going to go out of their way to try and find out how well you're doing and i say this in the most loving way possible like you're worried that they don't care as much as you do and they might not and like that's good like if they don't care to know how well you're doing that's the same way that you should, you shouldn't care how they think you're doing or how you're like, and if you feel like part of me feels like wanting them to know how good you're doing is not just a ha ha, look at

me now. But it's like, when you have a really rough breakup, it feels especially when it's like someone breaks up with you, it can feel like I'm not good enough. I'm I can't measure up like there are all of these like self-doubting hating kind of things that come from there that even though you're in a new relationship it feels like maybe you think that having your ex think you're doing so much better will make you think you're doing better but this is like a very active in your anger sort of thing and if I was your new partner I would be like really I would if I heard this call I would be like you're not over it right because you said like you named off all these terrible things they did things that they said about was it to your sister about your sister

either way it was to your sister to your sister and then they just they said these little things that are like breadcrumbing you to like make you feel better just saying a few nice things and and complimenting your picture. Like, I don't feel like you're over this yet. And unblocking them is not going to do anything but just bring more harm to yourself. So if you don't want to, since you don't want to be friends with them, why does anything they do, why does it matter? Yeah. And if they were so bad and they treated you so bad, their approval should mean nothing. Their approval, their opinion, their thoughts on your life, like that should mean nothing like whoever they think is treating you well that should be an indicator of oh need

something better because they treated me like shit like someone who was so bad to you does not hold like the power or like know what is good for you because they were so bad for you yeah so you don't need to prove anything to them or to yourself in regards to this relationship what you need to do is focus on being done with this person and focusing on yourself not even your new relationship because i don't know if you can even give everything that you have to your new relationship because you're still not over this past one like imagine if your new partner said this to you like that this was like you found out that they were like i just want to follow my ex again unblock them so they can like see how good i'm doing and how much like that would make

you feel shitty like that would make you recognize that like oh this doesn't feel like it's like a aha moment towards the x like it feels like they're feeling those feelings are still there yeah no no no no no focus on you like melissa said all right time for a break we will be back we come back just like that and we're and just like that big died still haven't watched it don't waste your time i won't rumors are they're gonna bring back samantha but with the new actress i was like oh y'all are getting soapy huh the fact that i memorized

this number just shows it shows hi megan and melissa um i'm i love the podcast and everything i am a 21 year old female see her um please excuse my voice and any hesitations i have COVID currently at the moment because people are stupid and think it's gone but it's not um so bear with me brain fog is rough um so I'm calling about my past relationship or not my past relationship my current relationship Jesus Christ um to give a little bit more detail I did call for the don't blame them on the last episode um calling or two episodes ago calling about um feeling a spark in a relationship so if that gives you a little I was the girl on the hot girl walk yes um so if that gives you a little bit more information on me and my boyfriend then cool

um so we've been dating it's very new we've been dating for about three four months um and he's like my best friend and I feel like I fell really hard and really fast because we just seem to be on the same page and everything and I'm really happy and I can really see a future with this guy because it's just like such a healthy relationship to the point where it makes me want to throw up and like I've talked about in therapy and my therapist is saying that it's just because I'm not used to being loved unconditionally and it's a healthy relationship and I just don't get it so the thing is this is a very first world problem i just don't know when we're gonna fight like we have no conflict there is nothing about him that annoys me there's nothing

that he has told me that annoys like we've had conversations about fighting he's had conversation with his family members his friends about fighting me not like fighting me but like we have not had a fight a disagreement an annoyance nothing like that and i honestly cannot imagine what would cause it and i know things will come up it's just i'm kind of just nervous about what it's going to be when it's going to be and i am getting so stressed about it i i have so much anxiety just in general and now feeding into this and he's really good at calming me down and reassuring me but it's just like i can't get the thought out my head like when are we gonna fight is like are we going to break up like what it what's going to happen I don't know I have this anxious feeling

that like I don't know because I'm so used to my old relationship how we fought all the time and literally I feel like for three to four months in you should have at least a little disagreement or an annoyance like literally nothing about him annoys so I just don't know what's going to happen so I don't really know what I'm asking for just like reassurance I don't know some advice I guess you need to pick a fight you need start you need to start a fight um I say this with all the love in the world your last relationships must have really fucked you up because three four months you should not be fighting you should not be annoyed with your partner you should not have any icks you should not find anything about them annoying you should

not have anything that is brewing you shouldn't be fighting like this is like the ultimate honeymoon stage like i truly don't think you experience like in long-term like healthy relationships like you don't really experience your first fight in like your first like real fight i think until like a year ish because like i don't think you're fully comfortable with someone i think two years depending on how old you are and you're 21 so yeah that holds up i think if you're in your 30s you can get you can speed ahead but in your early 20s I think it takes two years to get really comfortable with your partner in the sense that like comfortable with bodily fluids even if you think you're comfortable like two years is when like you're actually

fucking comfortable and that's like from the point of like comfortable fighting like actually like really not holding back but no like I like again I say this with love like you got fucked over in relationships like in no way is it i would be i would be concerned if you were fighting already this reminds me um and a lot of real housewives when a new housewife will come in that's watched the show before and they feel like they need to pick a fight because they think that's what people want like that's going to create drama and you're trying to create your own drama where there is none. And that leads to you coming off insincere and not invested in what's actually going on right now. So you're sitting here waiting for the other shoe to drop instead of just

focusing on your communication, how you're communicating, how you're talking to each other, how like is small things come up how you're handling conflict but like you you're you don't truly know this person right now like you're still some of the blinders are on you're not being yourself around them they're not being themselves and so just like kind of just enjoy the moment and live in the moment and if an argument comes up okay if an annoyance comes up okay but like don't go into it looking for it to be this big blow up don't think that that just chaos has to ensue at every turn focus more on what is going on now and how you're talking to each other and even figuring out what like your communication styles are because it

it could be something as stupid as like one person might think that you need to like use a rice cooker to boil rice and others like no i can just boil it on the stove and then you have a fight but like if one person makes it to be this thing that's way bigger than it is then maybe that's a red flag because that's something so small and doesn't really matter in the long run but stop looking for something to be wrong yeah I think like this is directly tied to the fact that like you say we love each other so much we're best friends we fell so hard and fast you've been together for four months like three three slash four months and usually in that instance it's usually the three trying to make it sound longer than it is and like so of course if you have

completely romanticized him and put him on a pedestal like of course it feels like when the other shoe drops it's like 10 000 fucking feet like you i my biggest advice is dial it back like dial it the fuck back right now because you are treating him like a god that like the notion of getting in a fight will automatically lead to a breakup is absolutely devastating to you again i say this with love like three to four months in you're putting too much you're putting too much like you are wearing your heart on your sleeve which is not a bad thing but like But you need to put your feelings and your love and your heart with someone you trust. And right now, if you're so afraid that a fight will, like, yes, that can be, like, something that's related to, like, past traumas or other relationships have ended up that way.

But the only thing that you can control in these situations and your only responsibility is, like, protecting your own heart. And if you are looking at this right now as this man can do no wrong and, like, everything about him is perfect, he has no flaws. if we get in a single fight we're going to break up that's like a oh I need to dial it back I need to like take a step back I'm getting way too engrossed in this relationship that I am losing myself like this is something can be so wonderful and so great but you still need to take your time with it like you still need to do that like you can love someone it can be wonderful they can still be your best friend but when you go so hard and so fast right at the start yes it is more likely it's gonna burn out a lot quicker than it is but i just think that making decisions in regard

to your relationship that protect your heart and your feelings while still being like vulnerable and honest that is the only way that i think you're going to be able to quell your anxieties and to be feel like you have a little bit more control of your life because right now it kind of feels like you're on a fucking roller coaster with no seat belt hi Megan and Melissa I really need some advice here um so I'm 22 and my boyfriend is 23 we've been together for three years in July and we have a baby together a few weeks ago he fell asleep with his phone unlocked and i went through it because i just had a feeling um and i was going through his google search history and i found out that he was google searching escorts near us and different massage

parlors and um things like that um he said he does it for the thrill but doesn't go through with it because he loves me and knows i never deny him sex and we have a good sex life um But there's a small part of me that thinks at some point he'll have a weak moment and go through with it, especially because he used to have an issue with paying for OnlyFans and premium Snapchats and things like that. And even when I found out about it, he had lied and said it was only one person, but then I found out it was more than one person, and that was over a year ago. so I feel like at some point he's going to have a weak moment and actually contact and meet up with these escorts

I just like I don't know how to feel about it and I'm being sent down a spiral I have anxiety every single night and I've completely lost trust and I just don't know what to do from here any advice would help

I really appreciate it thanks, bye am i misremembering that he said something that like you didn't you don't ever deny me like good sex or something that's exactly what i wrote down okay so i'm not crazy okay you don't deny me sex like that's the thing that that stood out i wrote it like i'm holding the phone because we're having some technical issues and i had to like use one hand to write the write that phrase down because him cheating on you is contingent on you always saying yes to sex that's what i'm getting that's that's what you got too oh i wrote it down and then i thought

i must have i wrote it down then i went and looked back and i was like there's no way they're like also him having a a weak you you fear that he's going to have a weak moment where he meets up with someone someone doesn't do research writes down numbers seeks out these because these can be a little bit hard to find because it's not i don't know where you are but in the united states it's in a lot of places it's technically not legal so this is a little the research has to be well researched and he's gonna meet up with somebody while you're at home with your baby that's not a good moment that's that's planned that that's premeditated

because you said no to having sex with him yeah no one gets their rocks off by looking at yelp reviews to find out who gives a hand job like that's not what's happening some people can some people have that excitement of just looking but the way that he is coming about it saying you never deny me sex so i'm not gonna go do this that's the problem no and like he has a kink where he's like this really gets me off just to research and the excitement of it and you know i might get caught and uh just looking at pictures like that if he was being truthful with you and saying that's what was happening and that's where it ends then that's it that's where it is he's not gonna say something like you say you said no to me to having sex with me so in a weak moment i went

and did this yeah i if if if there is no consent in your kinks like that's that is not that's not okay and that's also like not welcomed within the kink community so like he has repeatedly lied about oh it's not only fans i'm just looking i'm not subscribed to anything and then now he has made you think that suddenly when he has been previously acting out on this that instead he's just researching them again without your consent and without your knowledge and that is now what gets him off like that's not true like that's just it's not it's just not true and if it was true you did not consent to that that was not a conversation you had ahead of time and I think in young or you both young but you've been together for a long time it's like

and he knows better than this I think when you're younger like sometimes there are kinks regarding like oh I'm really into what we've had so I'm into watching um what's it called not me personally but we talked about with the big boobs thing the um uh yeah so like saying like oh that's something that i felt shame so i was hiding it so like therefore i didn't do you even in the succubus case that's not even in that case they they said that they were just into you know just watching it and and then they wouldn't act it on that yeah that's like so if i my belief system is like, it is your responsibility. If you have a kink, it is your responsibility to be honest, open and forthcoming with your partner so they can consent to said kink. You cannot be doing

it without their consent. And even if it's a private kink, that is something with just you. If it involves something that could feel somewhat nefarious, I think in general, it's a good thing to be honest with your partner. But if it's something that could be construed in a way that is like, hey, this looks like you're trying to pay for sex from other people. It looks like you're potentially going to cheat on me. That is a conversation you have ahead of time and hiding that is not because that's what he's doing hiding it is because he's following through on that there's no shame in having a consensual kink that doesn't involve you crossing the boundaries of your relationship but if you feel the need to hide

it it's because that's not what you're doing and you know that and that's the biggest i think the biggest issue in all of this is he's just won't fucking stop lying to you he will not stop lying to you and you deserve more than that and it's not about a weak moment and not only is he lying to you he's making you believe that him cheating is within your control and if he cheats it's your fault it's your fault because you said no to having sex with him and if you deny him sex any every time you have sex then that or he comes on to you in the back of your mind it's well if i don't have sex with him he's gonna go pay for it with someone else and he is putting that thought into your head on purpose and the moment of weakness takes away any responsibility

and culpability because like you said it's premeditated not only is like you caught him in the research process of of what he's doing but i don't i say this with love because you have a fucking baby and i think that like you need to you deserve like all honesty because this man's clearly not being honest with you and so i know when sometimes people are honest with you can feel really really harsh when someone's been lying to you so just know i say it out of love he's sleeping with these other people like he's paying for he this is happening this is currently happening and the reason why he's making it into your head to think that this is a possibility because he's giving you a baseline of his behavior of what his behavior is like when he's not being

unfaithful but he is being unfaithful so then you're gonna think well he's acting like this now like it's not like he's leaving the house more often than he was before like he's making you think that right now he's not doing any of that stuff but he is and so you're gonna no red flags are going to be raised because it's like oh well he's still having dinner with us he's still doing x y and z and blah blah blah he hasn't acted on any of this because he's been behaving the same way when he was just in the research process so it's just the research process no he's he is fooling around and doing that shit now and wants you to get used to that and then when shit gets worse it will be your fault and this is like absolute bullshit and it makes me so mad because

like it's so clear from like how you're speaking about this that like he is he's he he's like fucked up your barometer of like what's honest and what's not that like you desperately want to believe him and i understand that you want to believe him because there also comes a little bit of pride in not wanting to feel like you picked the wrong person to have a kid with but that your kid's dad is as relevant or as irrelevant as you choose and like kids like that's not something that you don't have to make this work just you don't have to make this work in a romantic partnership and be disrespected like this that doesn't change the fact that he's your kid's dad your relation your kid's relationship with him if it's a healthy one

that you're comfortable with that can be a wonderful wonderful thing but it is not riding on the back of like him just repeatedly treating you like shit and i i don't think that you believe him i don't think you'd be calling into this podcast if you actually believe that your relationship was solid and that he was telling the truth because you've caught him in several lies before so why should this why is this time different because you don't think he's actually making contact we're all for paying sex work sex workers here but it needs to be consensual on all parties parts if you you're if you called here to hear someone that doesn't know him to hear us say like this man's lying here's here it is he's lying he's lying

and take without what you will but like this is you want to be in a relationship that's truthful and honest he's lied several times before why is this different because you don't think he's physically going there he knows where these places are that's a level of paranoia you shouldn't have to live in like that's not that's not happiness and that's not a healthy relationship and deep down i agree like you call this podcast you know us you know our belief system on this but also like you look through his phone and i'm we've said over and over again we are not anti looking through phones but you look through a phone when you want to find something and you know there's something there and even if consciously you don't feel like that you do

and you don't believe his lie because you called and I think I think you're tired of trying to believe his lies and I think at a certain point it's beyond disrespect and it's like beyond hurtful and it just becomes a time when you start questioning your own reality and you need someone to like give you the permission to be like you're not crazy this is be done i can't stress enough how much i hate him and making subconsciously i don't even know if you recognize it that he's telling you that if he cheats on you it's your fault all right time for don't blame in. Hell yeah. So this is where a caller will call in with their own advice pertaining to a call that we aired on a previous episode. Maybe they have personal experience or they have some insight

that we didn't think about. And yeah, so we'll hear from them. Hey, Megan and Melissa. So I'm calling in for a don't blame them in response to episode 22 of the person that was asking for advice on dealing with FOMO. And I wanted to share that as a 27-year-old who has been in a long-term relationship, I can completely understand the feeling of not meeting where you're supposed to be at in terms of getting married or being engaged and all that good stuff. And it's especially hard when you have that timeline. And I remember calling in a while ago, like years ago, when I was in my early 20s and experiencing, you know, that photo and comparison and, you know, constantly expecting myself to be where other people in my life are at. And I remember the advice that I got, it was from a guest, they had shared the saying, comparison is the thief of joy. And that's something that I thought of for a very long time. And it's something that has reminded me going forward that when I am comparing where I'm at to other people, I'm comparing it to their highlight reel. And I don't deserve that, you know, nobody does.

So continue to just do your thing. You're on your own timeline and don't expect yourself to be anywhere specifically by a certain age because when the things that are supposed to happen, happen, they will. And you're going to love it and experience it at the time that you are ready for it. So best of luck and continue to focus on schooling and focus on your right now. And don't worry too much about where you think you should be. perfect cool you know what i always remind myself not for me personally but in these moments of these calls i always just think of you saying everyone i know who got married young is on their

second marriage that's practical practical and factual and it delivers a punch like that really it tells a story and it paints a picture yeah so this is a very relatable thing so i hope that the original caller was able to hear that as well. And that helped. And yes, that is it for our episode. If you want to call us for an upcoming one, leave us a voicemail at 310-694-0976. And international listeners, you can send us an audio message at meganpodcasts at gmail.com. I don't think I gave at the beginning of the episode the requirements. So I'm going to do it now in case I didn't. Keep it under three minutes. We ask that you write it down and then you time it before you even start recording so you can make sure you fit it in three minutes. And also it's

just easier to keep track of your thoughts that way for most of the callers feel more comfortable that way let us know your ages um anyone in this uh in the who's also in the call their ages and pronouns if you would like and just give us as much detail as possible because that's how we can give you the best advice but if you leave out really important things like how long your relationship was that can affect our advice then we're not giving you the best advice for your call we want this to be like effective so those are the requirements if you're Asian or over have your parents permission i am not sure if i already said that and yeah but no worries keep it moving if you want to follow us on instagram you should do that we spend a lot of time trying to make

wonderful graphics and content and we also have another podcast by we begging yeah melissa does all like the podcast stuff i do all the i make i find the cute little pink pictures yeah i'm the yeah that that part so please follow us there leave us a review on the podcast app please we really appreciate that and we don't have any new ones this week so if you haven't left to review please do please and we have another podcast that comes out on thursdays called but am i wrong it's a wonderful wonderful show give it a listen and that's it oh also you can leave reviews on spotify now too so if you use spotify can you leave a review there as well amazing clue fantastic well if you're still listening at this far what should they comment on the instagram

comment what you're watching on tv right now yes that's a great one great great great um and yeah our own links will be listed down below if you want to follow us on other things that we you and i think that's it that's it oh patreon i already said it but just go do it videos watch visuals smiling haha laughs and also we do it topless so okay did you catch we never have on bras that's the fact never ever okay goodbye don't blame me is a production by me executive produced by melissa de monts and diamond and print productions edited by coco lawrence post-production sound by chris henry production assistance by melanie d watson music by ryan hunter and giacomo picasso