Don't Blame Me! - Post-It Notes

Episode Date: April 13, 2023

Content Warning: Suicidal Ideation (Call 3) But Am I Wrong: Melisa: declining to do free labor from a book publisher Meghan: naming adults, not babies But Are You Wrong: Friend's boyfriend who is afraid of needles Boyfriend being weird about a female friend Telling your ex's sister that he's depressed Wanting a clean working environment But Are The Wrong: Joanne Marian Segovia California Government - Daycare Facility Checks Write In: [e-mail] Weigh In: vote in the weekly poll on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/by.meghan.and.melisa/ Buy Our Merch: https://store.dftba.com/collections/don-t-blame-me Join Our Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/dontblameme Listen to Don't Blame Me: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/dont-blame-me/id1223800566 Follow Us: https://www.instagram.com/by.meghan.and.melisa/ https://vm.tiktok.com/TTPdYV7J5p/ Follow Meghan: https://www.instagram.com/meghanrienks/ https://twitter.com/meghanrienks https://www.youtube.com/c/meghanrienks Follow Melisa: https://www.instagram.com/sheisnotmelissa/ https://www.instagram.com/diamondmprintproductions https://twitter.com/SheIsNotMelissa Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

hi welcome to another episode of but am i wrong brought to you by two people who have never been wrong it's a good time like i love never having been wrong like thank you so much for having me and like being here today like it's just an honor to be recognized as someone who's never wrong with another person who is never wrong double rights the burden we carry on these frail little shoulders of ours delicate i'm just getting so tired like i'm just oh my gosh like there's just so much but surprisingly with all that weight we do not have thickness no because we're not injecting steroids in there and just being like,

build those traps. Never let go. No, no. We can roll those shoulders. I'll be honest. If I roll my right one, this collarbone pops and it doesn't feel good.

Okay, well, don't do that. I know I don't. I can definitely roll my shoulders more than Herschel Walker can. I mean, it's the thickest neck. Anyways, my name's Melissa Diamond Mont. My name is...

Megan Rinks. So we are going to tell you so many things on this podcast. We've got lots of segments, three segments to be exact. So we will get into what specifically each of those segments are as we hop on into them. But just know that the theme of this show, the overarching idea of this show is because we are never wrong. It is our duty, our obligation, legal and moral to tell other people when they're wrong some of those people have asked for it some of those people have no idea we're talking about them and we're just here to keep your life interesting the ethical gossip that we all desire and deserve to have in this world yeehaw giddy on up motherfuckers all right so should we get into our first segment which is but am i wrong

And that's when we picked something from our lives that we were either wrong about, never, or a rant or something that really just grinds our gears that we want to share. And so I got reached out to by a book publisher, very big book publisher, and they sent me a DM and said that they noticed that I left a review on Amazon for a video production book and they asked me to review their new book. and i said well first of all if you saw amazon review of me reviewing a book about production it would have been from at least 10 years ago when i was in school i was like when have you found the time to write in this was when i was reading a book and then in-depth amazon reviews about said book yeah i mean books that i've read were books that i've been paid to read for directing audiobooks so and i didn't respond to them at first because i thought it was spam but then i looked and i was like this is actually from a verified account that is a big publisher

and then they they sent me another message and so then i said what's the rate to review this and they said the review was posting on amazon please let us know if we can send you a copy i it but how much are you paying and they said we appreciate your prompt response however at this stage we are solely seeking voluntary reviews if this arrangement does not suit you i completely understand thank you for expressing your interest in a book in our book i never expressed interest i asked how much you were paying because one this is a whole textbook shut up it's a whole fucking textbook this is from again a huge publisher also they had to search me to know that like to find me they found my instagram sent me a message so they know that like

i'm a professional working in this industry they also know that the review i left from was from like 10 years ago and so i said asking an industry professional to do free labor for a book that is below their skill level is very unprofessional so was i wrong no not first i can't i'm really glad you left the fact that it was a textbook to the end because like that just makes it even more bonkers okay i have questions how do they have your contact information through amazon my name's on it like my amazon name oh okay yeah who is like what is the job title of the person like because i'm just imagining it's not someone high up so i'm just imagining a boss being like i need you to do like were they requested to do this exact thing or did they think that they were

like oh genius i'm gonna go through amazon reviews on other things and reach out to people like is your review like at the very top and like a one that like that makes it seem like oh it's like the first one like there was a time in my life where i was like maybe i'm gonna do like professional amazon reviews and i was leaving really like in-depth reviews but again this was like 10 years ago when i was in school yeah amazon reviews have dates on this they took their time to find me on instagram which they had to google me to get there this to me is like this would be me if i worked in like a corporate job and i was just like i hate my job i'm just like trying to like prolong the process of like wasting time like because like that's what

this was like this was a royal waste of everybody's time including the person who reached out like there was nothing like they logically they put so much time and research into this that they knew nothing was going to come up of this but they could spend a couple afternoons dedicated to doing all of this i'm just i'm shocked and also i guess now that makes sense as a textbook because i was like i know that there are websites where you can like request to be put on to get like books yeah and to do in exchange for reviews and like they're usually novels and people get excited about being matched with books and getting to do all of that shit and so it just there's just no demand for anyone wanting to read this right but they're like well we were wondering if we

could make you feel special to then do it then also half of those messages sound like automated too even though it's instagram so it's probably not right that's so weird it's so weird and just annoying yeah and have you ever worked with this publisher before no no it's a textbook publisher so it's not like books that i direct it would be a textbooks nobody's i guess there are there would be people that do read textbooks for people that need to hear it but like it wasn't that and based on how much money i get paid to direct an audiobook so i know how much it costs to read and do like a peer review on a text on a textbook well that's my other question that's like okay so they did all this research enough to like go through your fucking amazon reviews

find your personal contact information and all that shit i'm like at that point when you discover wow this random person who left a review on amazon works in the book space and does and is a professional in this industry wow i'm actually going to change how i said i discovered them or got their contact do you know what i mean like it would i like switch don't just be like don't stick with the amazon story like realize that you stumbled upon a gold mine and be like oh this is a professional either a don't waste the time by giving that offering them no money in exchange for labor or bring up that they are they notice your like actual active professional career not your right lustrous amazon review history ridiculous but the book it had to have been

a textbook though it wasn't even like one that i would have read because if i was in if it was a production book yeah no in my mind i'm like what the fuck is that it's a textbook yeah did you leave any reviews for other things on amazon like do you think that like in your near future you could be getting reached out to by other things that you would enjoy it was 10 years like it was like one of those things where i was like oh i could do this 10 years ago so i don't even remember i don't remember wow that's really fucking annoying why don't these things happen to you i don't know like does your instagram give off like approachable like because like i love you so much like i would not call you like i guess maybe actually maybe if i have to think back

when i didn't know you if like you look friendly and approachable you never been told that i was friendly people are always like i always thought i was a bitch and i was like you should have kept with that first exactly like when people realize that like you're not a raging cunt you're like god damn it like go back to that like that's like the idea to me that like someone like looks on your instagram and you go yes this is the one this is the one that's going to do this for free she looks just happy to do it yeah happy she has all the time in the world textbooks are like 500 thick pages with columns truly like i never even crossed my mind that people would have to like read textbooks to review do anything like that like you should be getting health insurance

for that on top of like you should be getting a 401k match for that that's like that is late that is that is that is a miserable like a horrible really difficult job i would hate that so that personal health yeah wow so yeah you're not wrong at all thank you welcome all right your turn so i have what i guess is a fucking hot take and i actually don't know what your stance will be on this okay my hot take is i am fucking anti the statement we're naming adults not babies this is like a whole fucking thing that has come up in probably the last couple of years but everybody's like you know trying to out unique the other with names and come up with all of these things and you'll see a celebrity baby name announcement or even on like some of like the name nerd subreddit

or influencers naming their children like whatever it is people talking shit about people they know and it's always like these people just don't understand like you're naming an adult you're not naming a baby or like oh I can't pick this name because that's a baby's name that's not an adult name that no no that's not how there were babies named steve there are babies named bartholomew and there are babies named rosie and there are adults named rosie like this whole thing is like what why are you infantilizing certain names and then not with others like i just think it's so fucking weird one of my favorite fun facts is tiffany is like a biblical name or like no shakespearean like old school fucking name that you would never think of but like we have

all these preconceived notions that are purely based on our own fucking world view of the time period where we have lived and grown up so like i think of old people names well my grandmother's name was blodwin which is not so much of a common is that a last name no first name no but i didn't know if they like took it from a previous last name and then made it a first name because it sounds like a last name I know I think it's Welsh okay but I'm not entirely sure there's a lot of like I know it's kind of cool there's like a Welsh Irish crossover names a lot in my family so I know Bronwyn's I know a couple Bronwyn's that was I think maybe one of the sisters or like one of like another family member like older than her but yeah I think there's like a Gwendolyn

maybe I've got an aunt Gwen whose name's Gwendolyn yeah so there's a bunch of like very like long in that kind of cadence of those names but like if I think of what I think of as an old name it'd be like Edna and there are babies with the name Edna who are going to look at old people names and old people names are going to be Chloe and Hannah and Sarah so like this is it's purely like these name trends are trends for a reason. They're on a cycle and it's going to be whatever you associate those things with. But you, when you're naming your child and you're like, well, no, no, I'm naming an adult. I'm naming an adult. No, no, no. That child is a fucking child. And this whole thing of like, well, it would be like an unprofessional name for like someone to like have at work. I'm

like, what is an unprofessional name to have at work? The only one I will say that I understand and I'm like I wish it wasn't that way but I do understand is when people are like not interested in naming their own young daughters sweetie or honey because of how men in the workplace would probably abuse that like that sure I could get that but also I think not naming someone the name with something that's like e on the end where it's like oh no it's like too cutesy like that's just like not that's not a grown-up and i'm like shut the fuck up like name kids name people whatever you want to name them like again i repeat there were babies named steve i have a friend from high school his name was steven and that's what he was called his whole life so he was a baby named

steven who cares and then he was a kid named steven and then he was a teenager and then he was an adult like i just i really don't like it and it also connotates like really what it feels like a lot of people are saying is like they're stripper names and it's pretty much happening almost exclusively with more femme names and i'm just like what's wrong with a a stripper name what's wrong what's wrong with a stripper with a certain name that's like my name diamond there was a movie that came out in the 90s called players club in the main and it was a stripper movie and the main character's name was diamond and the people were like your name's a stripper name i was like this is my great-grandmother's name like it's not a strip it's just like and

and so what it's a name you know what names i think we should steer clear of war criminals dictators strippers what who cares who cares truly who cares who fucking cares it just really fucking grinds my gears and i see all of these videos of people being like names that i would use for my baby like but i can't because like it's like it's a baby like i don't want to just name it like just like a baby name and even some people would be like davey and i'm like okay so then dave davis like or just davey like there is no name that someone has said to me that i'm like oh okay yeah you're right that sounds like a bit that would be weird on an adult like but even like Davey like or Davi or like that's a that's also a cultural name yeah like and they

all like you tell me that baby's name is Davey cute you tell me that adult's name is Davey cute that grandpa's name is Davey cute like yeah cool that's Davey yeah yeah amazing nice to meet you Davey hi like I just think back to like my aunt who we're not gonna get into my fucking family tree but essentially my cousins i talk about my cousins but we've got a lot of big age gaps there was a lot of teen pregnancy in my family um and so my cousins who i call my cousins are my second cousins so my second cousins who are both older than me they call my aunt because she's their grandma they call her gaga or gaga and like to this day that is what she's called that's essentially like a baby going goo goo gaga and this is a woman in her 70s being referred to as that like

she's not a baby and they're calling her goo goo gaga like it's oh it's just name your kid whatever the fuck you want to name your kid you know yeah i mean you're not i think i'm over i'm over certain names personally but just the spellings like you know that's like if you want to roast anyone for anything like people who are doing unnecessary things i just say think of the scantron test as someone with a hyphenated last name it doesn't fit so just think of the scantron test when you are the only thing i would say when naming your kid just doing scare trunks well scantron test and anything that involves you having to fill your name in through bubbles or with like you have a small space to write your name that's the only thing i'll say like my name

is a lot of fucking letters like and then they threw in the h they just add more just add more fucking letters so that's my hot take i don't think that's too hot um i know the internet will make you think it's too hot but i just don't think that whatever so my friend named her baby sterling and she really liked the name and then people were telling her it was like an old man name and i was like who cares like it's a great name that was my grandfather and my uncle's name like that's a cute name yeah i grew up with a sterling sterling k brown exists too i also could not give less of a shit of what someone like names like someone like named their kid like pumpkin i'm like okay someone names their kid reminds me of flavor love someone names their kid

i love new york i'm like relatable tiffany bollard new york spit on pumpkin so that you have twins you're just starting a lifelong lifelong drama between the two i'm just recreating my favorite moments from tv and my children that would be so funny all right now we're gonna take a break and we are back from our break and it's time to get into our second segment which is titled but are you wrong and in this segment we read your email submissions where you let us know a situation some drama a kerfuffle that is happening in your life where you want to know if you are the hero or the villain so you can submit those to but am i wrong pod at gmail.com you have to keep them

under 300 words and we do ask that you include ages pronouns if you would like and give some pseudonyms to people because it helps us follow along a little bit better and if it's not too much to ask for the people who are going above and beyond and you want to do that little extra credit you don't have to do this but if you for fun like doing it where you name people based on characters in a tv show or a movie or anything like that pop culture you need to make sure the relationships add up because i personally have a very hard time when you're naming someone um it's like rose and jack and your brother and sister i'm like okay but the titanic and like this seems a little incestuous and it's just gonna have me to have these biases like i can't check those at the

door so um all right so email number one hi megan and melissa my friend and i are 23 she her and her boyfriend is 23 he him she started dating her boyfriend in the beginning of 2022 and casually mentioned that he hasn't been vaccinated for covet yet because he has a phobia of needles during that time we weren't seeing people or going to get togethers because of covet so it seemed odd that she was willing to go out with this guy when she had been so careful slash stress the importance of COVID restrictions for people's health. I said I don't feel comfortable with him not being vaccinated for myself and my family's health. The beginning of 2022 was when everyone, her included, got their third doses in my area. Now in 2023, my friend and I both had gotten our

booster doses. Later, she mentioned how her boyfriend still hasn't got any vaccines because of his phobia of needles. And I reacted saying it didn't seem like a valid reason to not get vaccinated since it has been almost two years since we were originally able to get vaccines. She mentioned that he was trying to go to a specific place where they take phobias into account when administering vaccines. And I asked why he didn't go there in the past two years. and she said he was very busy with work and life. I told her I wouldn't be comfortable being around him in the future

until he gets vaccinated and would keep our interactions limited to outside because of this. Am I wrong to have said this to her? She reacted seemingly fine and hasn't been upset with me since. We don't live near each other long distance friendship. I needed to show proof of vaccination

to continue university classes and go to work I don't know how he hasn't needed to slash avoided it all. Well, you know. Do you perchance relate to this? As someone who is terrified. She doesn't love needles. It's not her favorite thing. It's an understatement.

Terrified of needles. I got vaccinated and boosted numerous times. and so i do not feel like this is a valid excuse because health outweighed my fear and if he was really trying to go to the specific place which i don't believe exists because every time i've gone to go no every time i've gone to get my vaccine i just tell the people i'm like hey i have a fear and most of them like they've been very calm one woman was like great i need a break so you gather yourself and i'll like i'm just gonna be here and then she came back and like i told her i was ready but i still wasn't ready and freaked out

and then she tapped me and pinched me and then just stuck it in like this is something that a lot of people have nurses are trained or the person administering the vaccine nurse doctor pharmacist whoever is permitted to give it they're trained in this they will help even like Some places I went on the form, it said, do you have, do you need extra time? This is not an excuse. That is not his excuse. He is, dare I say it, anti-vax. Yes.

And he might have been vaccinated as a kid. I don't know. But like pertaining to this specific vaccine, he is not making the necessary precautions to do this. If he wanted to, he like, if he wanted to, he would. if he wanted to go to this specific place that he believes that they will take special care of him he would make the time to do it but he's not and so no you're not wrong but also I would limit my interactions with her as well because she's in contact with him constantly so it's not just him

it's her that i would limit interactions with too and also he's just making up an excuse not to get the vaccine this is not the truth yeah uh that's not the truth ellen you were invited like i i wholeheartedly agree and i think like very rarely would i ever come at phobias um rebutting or like trying to work through phobias with logic in this sense because it doesn't always come across very sensitive but in this sense like this isn't a hypothetical like there is a very real pandemic with very real health repercussions and if you get horribly sick you will have you'll have needles and then you'll also be sick as well like it's not something you totally avoid and like even with you like when you were getting your when we were all getting boosted and stuff I remember looking at

stuff for like I think it was even like regular vaccine and boosters and stuff and here's a little backstory Melissa definitely has asthma she just is not diagnosed with asthma yet and so when looking for like we were looking at appointments and stuff I remember looking through it I was like Melissa you definitely can get your vaccine early and you were like I I know I probably can but like I have been mentally preparing like I know exactly when I'm gonna do this and like even like there's a date like when I got mine I was like oh you can get yours early the day that I got mine and you were like I'm good like I know this is like what I need for this and same thing with boosters you're like i you would set the time and you would do all of this research and thought nobody is like

holding a gun to your head no one's forcing you to do this but like you're mitigating your own phobias based on what soothes you and what comforts you in an uncomfortable situation and it was like you just set those parameters for for yourself and you got vaccinated within the same schedule as everybody else yeah but like yeah and also i was like i'm at home by myself so I don't get in front of line for other people. But also, like you said, I had to mentally prepare myself. And I did for each one of them. I have mentally prepared myself.

I've scheduled it. I've talked to because Allison's gone with me for every single one of them. I talked to her. She worked for her schedule. She and like this is it's just it's not an excuse. Like if he want, he would make the time to do this. He just does not want to get vaccinated. Having a busy schedule.

I have a busy schedule. yeah and he's saying life got in the way and it's like well hopefully what if you die yeah because that could also death would death is a little bit more life altering than life so i might call it ending so i really agree with you in this sense i think that like at this point too i'm sure there are some people who there have not done a lot of work leading up to this with like their phobia And that to me would be like, okay, I would be in telehealth therapy appointments constantly until I'm able to do that. And I would also be isolating myself and making sure of that because my phobias and my own things that should not put other people potentially at risk. And I would be working like on every free moment that I had. And I would prioritize doing whatever I needed to get myself there. it's been three years like there's no it's there's no years yeah there's no excuse i agree with you like he's straight up just an anti-vaxxer and this is his cover and it makes it it's a cover

that's hard for other people to question or to like be like uh really like or in his mind maybe like it's the free pass you can't judge for that right but here i am judging don't tell me i can't judge that's what was asked of us no no i mean for him for him if he's like being like i gave myself i found the way out that nobody can question i go i'm here to question anyway your turn hi m&m my pronouns are she her a weird interaction happened today over text with my boyfriend he him of four years we've been living together for two years i am 25 he is 30 i need your perfect input oh thank you am i wrong in this situation but they said in this sus my partner paul texted me to let me know that he is going to have dinner tonight with some of his

friends. When I asked who it was, he told me, I'm going out with Mark. We met him ages ago once for his birthday dinner. Andrea and his other friend who was supposed to be at the birthday dinner, but never showed. Since Andrea is a new name I've never heard, I asked who Andrea was. He replied that Andrea is a friend who was supposed to be there for dinner, but never showed. They're going to be three for dinner now, not four. Mark, Andrea, and him. Keep in mind, this dinner was literally four years ago. I found it weird that he mentioned that she was supposed to be there because it's so long ago and she never even went to the party. I'm not a very jealous person at all, but it seems like he's weirdly trying to put some distance between himself and Andrea in a weird way,

presenting it like she is his friend's friend and not his friend at all. I asked if he is friends with Andrea and he confirmed. When I asked him why he phrased it so weirdly, he replied he was just trying to provide context. Am I reading too much into this? P.S. He's a translator. Writing is his job. I'm not saying that he texts me perfect essays all day, but normally he's a pretty good communicator what this is like weird to me this is very weird so I don't think that you're like wrong for reading into this I also don't want to say I think he's like totally wrong but based on like really thank you for the last little sentence you said about like he's a translator he's normally a very good communicator because like my initial question

would have been does he offer some like weird contextual things because like I sometimes do it all the time where I want to tell somebody something but I decide I have to like do a backstory that is like almost completely unrelated and like I will then be like oh my god what was I talking about before so if he's not like that normally it does kind of seem like an excess of useless information to like overload you with that information so you don't ask or he is it's not the it's like lying by omission but I used to do this like as a teenager where like I would like for adults in my life they like ask questions like I would just overly share about things about other people so then they wouldn't they wouldn't ask about me or they wouldn't like they would assume

that like oh look talking about all this like clearly like doesn't relate to this or something like that like that was a tactic that I had and it is definitely a tactic that like you overload someone else with like useless information so you don't dig for the useful information so I think it's such weird unnecessary context and I don't know if my mind would have gone to like oh he's like trying to put distance between himself like but as you say that like I do think that you are correct I don't know if I would have gotten to that conclusion so quickly like I might have just been like why are you being weird do you have like what like is there someone else who's not like do you know what I mean like so I don't know if it's this Andrea who is the problem or

andrea's a red herring and he's trying to make you worry about like that and that's actually not it you know what i mean like there's someone else there who's going who's someone who he is interested in but it's like oh well andrea but then very quickly you could then meet andrea talk to andrea and then suddenly see like oh it's definitely not but yeah this is just i think this is also weird and i would be not in i would be not having a good time processing this i would look on social media and figure out who the fuck andrea is because this is weird to me i don't understand why he's being weird about it if he just wasn't like trying to overly explain himself then i would be like whatever cool i'm fine with significant others having friends of another sex

or whatever it's just odd that he went into so much explanation and then was weird about it and then bringing i don't understand why the thing from four years ago was even brought up was it just like no we've been friends for four years and you just don't know this person that's even weirder that they've been friends for four years and you've been together with them for two years and you don't know who this person is very good point dude very good point i didn't even pick up on that yeah i mean i you don't need my permission to snoop as we always say when if if the urge to snoop comes over you there's a reason and you snoop for like you don't accidentally snoop like you snoop because you think something might be up and I am very very pro snooping in that sense

because either it eats away at you or you find what you need to see like you know if you're not going to leave without having concrete proof and evidence or whatever it is like that's when you you have to snoop so i would not only be checking all the socials like melissa said like i would be snooping on his phone emails you know credit cards you live together don't commit like i need it though please let us know what this like how this has transpired because this is from this this dinner has already happened so we would like to know all right hello megan and melissa last october my boyfriend male 24 of two years broke up with me female 25 randomly over text messages in mid-january he finally agreed to exchange things i gave him a

letter i had written asking if he could explain why he ended things february 27th he texted me a response to the letter detailing how depressed he was, saying he was secretly addicted to pornography and that it made him more sad and more depressed. This is all in quotes, more sad, more depressed, and I'm sick of being on this earth. I'm not going to die on purpose, but I wouldn't fight it if that's what fate had for me. I'm tired of pretending to be the person everyone sees, end quote. It was alarming to read so I wanted to reach out to someone he's close with but didn't know if it was overstepping but I asked my therapist and she encouraged me to do so. So I texted his sister and she flipped the fuck out. To be fair I got nervous after texting her so I didn't

look at my phone for an hour. She said this was some sick joke and was going to report me to the police. When I saw I apologized for freaking her out and said I just wanted someone in his life to know. She asked why he would have told me this. I said he was explaining the breakup and said a screenshot with that quote. I share it with y'all, but not the porn part as it seemed too personal to share. So she knew I wasn't lying. Then she said nothing. After that, I was sobbing, thinking maybe I had made everything worse for him. My friends say I did the right thing, but I don't know. Am I wrong for letting his sister know how depressed he is? I don't think you're wrong for letting her know, but I think you're wrong for the way that you went about it. This is heavy

information and a lot to get in a text message, especially if you weren't in contact with her leading up to this. And she knows that y'all are broken up and probably doesn't know the full story of why he broke up. Well, he does. She doesn't know. She doesn't know the full story of why he broke up with her. So I would have, if I were to do this, I would have said, hey, I have something that's important that I need to discuss with you. Can we either talk or are you comfortable right now to receive the text message? Because this is a lot of information to put on someone who may not have been in the headspace to hear it at that time. And so you need, and I think you should of prefaced it to say that this is like important and dire and I need to talk to you and not have

sent it in a text message unless you let her know ahead of time that this was going to be something heavy. Because if I got that in text message, I don't think I would have responded in the way that she did, but it might, if I, let's say I was in the middle of maybe recording this podcast and I looked down and I had a text message saying that my sibling was depressed and they didn't want to be on earth anymore I don't think I would have responded kindly to that I might have taken a moment but like especially coming from somebody that I haven't talked to in a long time so again I don't think you were wrong for telling her but I think you were wrong in the way that you went about it I fully agree I don't think you're wrong in telling her at all I don't think you made the

situation worse at all because your intention was to not make it worse but I don't think that you were quite emotionally ready to do what you felt you were obligated to do and that to me is like the not checking your phone for an hour that's not okay in this situation and I agree with Melissa like I understand if you wouldn't want to talk about it on the phone it's like a relatively fresh breakup like you're still very emotional about it I am uncomfortable talking on the phone to most people. But I really appreciate people who let me know that they've got something to tell me that's heavy or something and then ask if I'm in the space to hear it. People have done that to me and I've been like, I'm honestly not. I can talk about it tomorrow. And I've also had

people who haven't asked and I've had a situation about getting a text message about someone in my family passing away in like a really horrific horrific tragic way while i was on facetime with lily and jesse and i like burst into tears and just like slammed the computer shut and they were both like what the fuck just happened and like they were both like so kind and like helpful sweet about it but like it's like being like emotionally accosted like it is day ending week ending like that kind of stuff they then they don't become helpful in the way that you're reaching out to them because they're closer to that person and they can be of more of help than you can when you just unload something on that without someone being prepared or ready for

that they don't become helpful they become in an emotionally numb state similar to the one that you might be in so i think that you felt this was the right thing to do and you knew it was the right thing to do and i agree with you but i think that just because you were in the right for doing it it might it can have been the wrong time and it doesn't mean that just the wrong time for her but if this was something you really needed to get over with very quickly then you weren't at the right space to to tell her yet and that's also okay and in that instance then i would have asked your therapist like while you're in the office with her or whether you're like on something like can you help me draft how to go about this because you're processing a breakup and you're also

processing this information. So the way that you're thinking about how other people are processing information, you're coming from an emotional heightened state. And so you don't have that baseline to make sure that you're not just bringing people into that state along with you as you're trying to, you know, grasp for air and get someone who can be a little bit more like stabilizing. And we can destabilize other people in those instances without attempting to or wanting to, but I've been on the other side of it too, of a former friend who I heard through their partner or their partner, their ex partner, who we, I was very close with and that they were having really hard time. And it was like alarming, the things that they were saying

and their ex like did not feel comfortable telling their parents. And they told me, And I was like, I'll tell their parents, like, I'm not, I don't have this. Our friendship has ended, but I don't have this like really intense current thing happening with them right now. So I can tell their parents and I'm, it was a lot easier for me to do so than it would have been for them. Their parents did not take it well. Like they got upset with me and the person didn't take it well when they found it afterwards. But I was like, I don't want to sound like callous to say like I was fine with that. But it was like, I wasn't so emotionally invested in these relationships. Like I was just doing it to get the message to the people who should hear the message.

And so when you're too emotionally tied into these situations and how other people react to them can really like deeply affect you, then it's like, okay, so I'm not the right person to get through to this person. And maybe I'm not even the right person to reach out to somebody to get through to this person like okay so who do is there a mutual friend that we have that can reach out to his sister so I don't think your intentions were wrong yeah I don't think so either and the thing is like once you sent the text messages a sister was more accepting of it so she may not have initially believed you but she she was she was still like once she got over the shock she was in a place where she could accept it so i think that just shows that like it was a delivery and not the

and not the information all right now your turn this one gets straight to the fucking point am i wrong if i start leading post-it notes calling out my disgusting co-workers i'm on the edge of my goddamn fucking seat hola megan and melissa i am 26 years old from buenos aires argentina she her i work at an office full-time and i'm having a list and i'm having a list of all the problems this office and my co-habitants have that are just gross and rude. First off, we have two bathrooms per floor. At the women's bathroom on the bottom floor where I'm located, someone keeps peeing and not flushing the toilet. It's not your house, just don't do it. Moving on to the shared kitchen, I found multiple mugs dirty with the rest of

coffee on the counter and no one seems too eager to wash them. Same with the cutlery. We have a shared fridge and not one person seems like they've ever organized a fridge or played Tetris or something. They throw their Tupperware, half empty bottles, delivery bags, etc. and close the door. I've already gone to the kitchen and found the fridge open because of overcrowding it and starting to defrost, which eventually ruins everyone's food. We had a few days where the cleaning personnel were not coming for external reasons and the shared tables were filthy. Someone left a used glass for two days straight. Again, if you do it at home, fine, don't do it here. Lastly, reheating fish in a shared microwave should be illegal, but these people continue

to do it. I want to start putting post-it notes at certain spots of conflict, calling out everyone. I already brought up the issue of the fridge to my superior, but nothing was done. Am I wrong or am I expecting too much from these people? Bring up the tough love if I need it. I hate it here and I'm already thinking of quitting. Love you, gals. I hope you have a wonderful day. I have different thoughts and feelings. I don't think that you are having unrealistic expectations, but I think you are expecting too much of these specific people who have just constantly shown you that they're relatively gross like you don't become like a an adult who does those things in a shared workspace without knowing that it bothers other people like how I clean and like keep our

house is very different than how I am like when I'm visiting and staying at like Matz's parents house or the mountain house or like anything like that like so there's not like being completely unaware and it does seem like they're all on the same page except you so it might be like these people all work well together in their their little office of their cubicle of filth their office of filth and you were the odd one out so i don't think as humans we should you're expecting too much for asking people to be respectful especially if you're like of a communal space that's a workspace like you already don't even like want it like you have to be there it's your job like this is like I don't know part of me thinks like if you're already planning on leaving

and you hate it the passive-aggressive notes would be fun but I don't know if that would then what you're if you would get fired like and you don't get severance or whatever shit comes from that the last thing I'll say is the fish in the microwave thing first of all I mostly am either in awe or feeling bad for people who are microwaving fish because either they have timed it so perfectly when cooking it previously that when they put it in the microwave which you have been able to do that you have or were you doing that with steak what was the one i was talking to you about earlier that i was like how are you reheating that oh it was steak and you were like you were under cooking it the just right amount so then by the time that you would put it

in the microwave it will be like the exact right temperature it would be perfectly done so there are people who are able to do that with fish i'm in awe of them i'm like tell me your ways like look at those secrets that's amazing but then there are a lot of people who are reheating they are eating sawdust at the end of it like they are eating dry ass little wood chips and for that i feel bad for them but i do have like i don't know i'm like very anti uh policing of food related smells like actually maybe i'm just anti-policing of smells mostly in general like yes garbage without a doubt but like if someone farts if you have to fart fart don't keep that Go for it. Whatever you need to do for your body. But there are going to be smells and things that bother certain people and not other people. And maybe there is a universal smell that we all hate. But like for me, I can't stand the smell of original Dawn Power Wash since I accidentally ate some. And I can't stand the smell of lavender. And those are things that like I recognize are me things.

and if they're so bad that I can't deal with them but like maybe I've also never dealt with something like that on like like people really hate like tuna on a plane like I would never do it because I know it's like socially I'm not supposed to do it but like I don't know that I would notice if someone else did or I would really care but I'm not sure like maybe I just haven't experienced that mine's like smelly socks that's like the thing like those are like things i can't do mildew smelly socks bo but also like you don't know personally like if that's all that person had to eat for today like they had leftovers i guess for me i because i have my own contamination issues so i'm constantly if i'm out in a shared space i'm going to clean it

regardless so this doesn't like i would not use the communal utensils or things i would just bring my own if this is how they've been working and you're doing this they might also just be pushing back because you're leaving post-it notes like i would find that so annoying and it's not that's not like a dig at you but like personally if i saw somebody leaving post-its everywhere to tell me to do something that not everybody everybody is like not doing like it would just like they're probably talking you're probably fine with this but they're probably talking about you behind your back how you're like trying to mommy everybody and like everybody like I would be like I'm an adult I can do whatever the hell I want to do so I don't think that you leaving post-it notes is

helping the situation at all it's probably making it worse so if you have issues with these things that everybody else has accepted bring your own cleaning stuff like if you're going to use the communal tables just wipe it down and sit down if you're have an issue with the dishes and stuff bring your own mug bring your own silverware and just use that with the bathroom you know just flush it before you come go in some people see it like as in if they pee they see it as an environmental thing i'm not flushing the toilet so like i don't know what people's beliefs are do i think it's disgusting yes because i don't want to when you're flushing the toilet all those particles are flying so I'd flush it and like leave and then go back in

I'd rather have my pee particles flying but also yeah also urine is sanitary even though it's been sitting in the toilet it might have cleaned the toilet a little bit better but yeah I just I think that what you're doing is annoying and so I guess I think that you're wrong yeah I think if you did that you would if you did that with the intent of changing hearts and minds you would be wrong if you did it for your own cathartic release like and you did it like to cause chaos it'll make it worse but like i don't depends on what you want out of it like i'm all for a cathartic release and sometimes that takes form in things that are petty but you have to know going into it that like it's you're not going to be it's not going to be like a happy pleasant surprise that it does

shift the culture at the workplace like it's not and yeah I think that you probably are the odd one out which I don't think that your standard and expectation is wrong but I think it is wrong to change people and clearly management like is fine with it so then it becomes like okay why I'm not going to spend my time and energy trying to get these people to like step up to be a more considerate workplace and a cleaner workplace because that's, you're not, you're not being paid to do that. Like I would find a different job at that point if you like in the best of your ability. So, you know, wrong, not wrong. All right. So that is it for this segment. We're going to take a break.

we're back from our break and we're gonna get into our final segment but are they wrong and that's when we picked somebody in the world who is the worst of the week as megan likes to say the load of the week the rachel of the week oh tomato tomato tomato and my pick this week is joanna segovia who is the executive director at the san jose police officers association every week i hear a name i've never heard before and you give me suddenly my number one enemy and another person i add to the list for my personal purge i'm like okay what do we've got today what do you think Joanna did? I don't know, but I heard police and San Jose and nothing good is going to come from those two statements together. So Homeland Security said that between 2015 and

January 2023, Joanna allegedly ordered using the Police Officers Association's computer and her home computer thousands of drugs the drugs you may ask synthetic opioids xanax fentanyl you name it which she ordered from india and her plan was to distribute them and you know allegedly she already did that from 2015 on the boxes she had them labeled clocks and makeup and she's now facing oh my god do be a little bit smart nobody is putting clock first of all you have multiple clocks and clocks and makeup that logical sense yeah yep shut the fuck up she's facing federal charges about 61 shipments that they know of were made in her google search she said to paraphrase how do I get drugs from overseas?

And I was about to ask you, how the fuck do you even do this? She Googled. I guess I could Google as well. And then she started emailing other people. This broad has been selling drugs for over seven years while working for the police.

She also didn't like the supplier in India. So then she switched to China and she used Cash App to pay these people. So there's records of this. And then when she was caught she blamed her housekeeper for ordering them, even though there are also records on computers at the police association. And she has been allegedly pointing fingers at immigrants and Mexican cartels for bringing opioids to the U.S. When you said San Jose, I knew there had to

be a racist element in here. The call is literally coming from inside the house. Like the money is coming from your cash app the search engine is coming from your computer like bitch the fuck first of all not not surprised at you know corruption in the police at all the police is inherent inherently corrupt but then she's pointing fingers which again tracks because that's what hypocrites do but you're gonna throw your housekeeper under the bus fuck off also like I'm not saying you need to be like a genius to commit like crimes or anything like that but if this shows you that there is no there is no wow it's an apt an apt comparison or a statement there is no drug that is stronger and more intoxicating than power especially in terms of

policing like you and I and everyone else who hears this is like what the fuck but like there's an untouchable feeling you have when you are working within law enforcement and so like legitimately oh no there is not a lot of thought and foresight going into this because it's i'll get out of it it's me like i have all the access like i'm i have the upper hand like i'm on this fucking power trip so therefore i'm un-fucking-touchable like whoa whoa whoa i'm i'm actually like not so i wish which i don't think that they will do um backstory for people if anyone does not know san jose in california um and it's a relatively diverse area of california and what happens in a lot of relatively diverse areas of california specific i mean i guess

southern california too but specifically in northern california i'm more familiar with because that's where i grew up you'll have a lot of fucking racist people like you'll have a lot then when you have a diverse area lots of racist people who are in power police who are in power you have a lot of people who like everyone abuses it everywhere but it's you abuse it and then your citizens and the people no one's holding you accountable because no one cares because the people who are voting for you and keeping those things all of those things you're like yeah no we're all we're all in agreement we're all like raging racist so i wish and i don't think they'll do this but i would be absolutely shocked if one of the people that she was not selling to

would have been specific precincts to then plant drugs on other people yeah i don't think that they'll look into that because then they would they would have to yeah they'd have to reconcile with that as they already have to deal with all that shit but without a fucking doubt like that's why she was comfortable she did it for seven years but blaming it on her housekeeper because it's like hey this is something that I know

that I'm going to be able to do this and these people will probably like probably she was assuming that they were not onto her as much as they were and it was at a federal level and that you know if someone else might have noticed maybe at that point in her history someone else called her out on it

and she had the police plant drugs on them and was like oh no it's them they're doing this like I didn't, I can't believe I missed hearing this. You know me. I find things in the deep pockets of the internet. Yeah, San Jose. A fucking deep pocket. Wow.

Holy shit. Well, fuck her. Yeah. So for mine, I'm not nominating this person. I want to first start by saying the person who I saw this from. And it is a TikToker named DannyMoran13. and i saw this this morning and completely switched like what i was going to talk about because i had never heard of this before and so i'm not going to get into her whole backstory

um too in depth it's really sad and also i have not done enough research to do it justice in the way that like she's an advocate and talks about it a lot so i would check out that is her tiktok account she lost her child in 2016 due to negligence at a daycare in california he was strangled by like an amber teething necklace the daycare was so understaffed with far too many kids that they just didn't notice and they were too negligent to call 9-1-1 or administer cpr so he could have been saved. It was a very avoidable thing. And the ratio of kids

to adults was so beyond past what is even legal. So since then, she has advocated against people using these amber teething necklaces. I mean, children die from them at home, like with two parents there

with even at daycares that have fine ratios, like the actual mechanism of them themselves are dangerous and they are not recommended and baby's diets it's truly just not worth it so she advocates against that and then she also advocates for like safe and affordable child care access for all and making mandates and specific requirements for these these daycares and facilities so she's worked so hard at doing all of this stuff and basically has been able to pass mandates and regulations through congress

with her advocacy to make sure that specifically in california because california was one of the and she found this out after she lost her son california is one of the few states that doesn't have yearly mandated and required facility checks of daycares so she got this bill passed where then California had to do yearly checks on these daycares because, you know, she found out that the daycare, there were some other complaints there and things that they hadn't been up to code and doesn't know because, you know, as you trust the government to be on top of these things. So she had posted this TikTok today as we're recording this on April 4th. And she has her younger son she's looking to put him in daycare and as she is like looking up different daycares

to send him to she is doing her due diligence now that she has been a fallen victim to knowing how shitty the system is she's doing all the research on these checks of these daycares and she's seeing that none of them have had check-ins in three years four years two years six years ever since and she had passed that like had worked they've passed this law in California that they are legally required to do month to do yearly check-ins at these daycares and they're just not doing it she calls all these different people she's like trying to figure this out and they're basically giving her the runaround even though she's like hi I'm the mom who like advocated to congress like for this and this was passed what's going on and they're giving lots of different

excuses she finally gets like on like the top top tippy top person in that chain to talk to and they're like oh you know we can't do much but to call these people and she calls the other people and they're like who gave you this she says and they're like well that's our boss like they're the one who is like at the top of this and they're blaming lots of different things blaming COVID saying that COVID like these daycares they weren't in facility like 365 days like it has they weren't in in in use for like a whole year and it's like well no it has been since then all this and it's that they've passed a law that they're not enforcing and so and this is like one of those things that's like I think about it from an episode of Veep I recently watched with

my, one of my favorite characters, Susan Ross, who was like, this bill seems great. How are we going to enforce it? And it was like all of these people being like, well, you know, like it'll be a law. So it'll be illegal if we don't. It's like, okay, well, so who's monitoring, who's not following it? Like who's going to do that? Who's going to be on top of that? And this is one of those things that it's like, holy shit. So you can do everything. You can spend all of your time being an advocate for this because you suffered an immense trauma at this negligence. And even with all of these things in place, the system is not set up to follow through on what they have promised, nor have they spent the money to hire more people if that is the issue to like check

in and do all of this stuff. And then the recommendation that they gave her, which they told her not to tell people, but she goes, I'm telling people was for any specific daycare that you want to send your kid to, like call your local government representative in your city or in your county or even in the state or social services and ask them to do a specific check on the daycare, which can be then flagged as a false report for abuse or something bad happening at a daycare that hasn't. So these daycares, most of them want these yearly check-ins or asking for them. But right now, the only way that they're going to happen is if they get accused of doing something bad so it's either accusing something that hasn't happened yet or waiting until it's

too late and that's kind of when it's going to happen and child care in the united states is fucked and the shit people you see about daycares and stuff and like then very quickly their narrative switches to just employ a nanny and it's like well people can't afford nannies and it's like, well, then pay nannies what you pay. Like someone was like, well, like our daycare six, one of the comments was like our daycare $600 a week, the one that I work at. And like, I would take less than that from a family to be a nanny. And it's like, that's like less than $30,000 a year in California. Like you can't live on that. So then we're asking people to not take a living wage to take care of their children, to take care of somebody else's children. Like

that, that person who you are entrusting to take care of your child. I don't want to skip out on how much i'm paying someone to to do something like that because we don't have government funding for that like i think that if if we had government funded daycare those people should also be paid very well i think teachers should be paid very well but all of this as a response of like then then take advantage of somebody else and don't pay them well is not the correct response to this and just like i don't know this is like one of those ones that i'm like there's like really nothing good coming out like she's did everything that she was supposed to she did everything right and like when you think about it from like I would I would never call myself like an activist but

from someone who like follows a lot of activists and like looks at people like talking the talk walking the walk and like going through and doing this stuff like this is something I look at and I was like holy shit wow like that took so much time effort and for a grieving mother to have the bandwidth to be able to do that and to then have people listen and pass through all of this stuff and then have it just kind of end there it makes you feel like very small and I'm not someone who like looks at elections or looks at things and is like well what's the point like I'm just like not going to participate in this because like it's just like a family it's never going to work out and all of that stuff and she's not someone like that too and like I'm so thankful that

she made this TikTok because a lot of the time the reason why these things keep happening and they don't have to follow through on them is people don't know and so I think her not taking this as a final say and not listening when someone said don't tell people that this is how you do this it's like no I'm gonna make fucking noise I'm gonna make this shit blow up and so then you have to fix it yeah so fuck fuck the government really yeah yeah you don't think we our government is great um you know i don't think our government lets anyone be great and that's the that's the that's the truth of the matter there are some people who could be great but some are born great some achieve great some have greatness thrust upon them and some of them then start having to

become government employees and get their soul sucked out of them i agree with you and thank you for bringing that to my attention i always thought those little necklaces were weird anyway yeah me too i didn't understand why it was because we don't see people putting other things around children's necks so i never understood why they were okay anyway oh that's the end of the show but you know how we spoke about having malala of the week before yes so you know that tiktok that's going around with like nicholas cage making a face and then um yeah so and then pedro pascal And then so the first Malala posted on her Instagram or on her TikTok, the first one with Nicolas Cage, and it says Malala fighting for girls education. And then the second one says everyone with Pedro saying everyone's spamming our comments saying they hate school.

And then someone responded and said, you do slay Malala, but we all hate school. and then Malala responded with this and it's just her like looking like what the fuck so we actually could probably do our Malala because she's because she's making funny funny tiktok girly girls hopped on tiktok and was like yeah let me help Megan and Melissa out I heard that they were struggling they've got a lot on their plates right now maybe so she heard last week's episode of fisting friday she knows that our plates are full and she

said let me give you let me give you guys something not only to talk about something to celebrate malala on tiktok wait i'm loving this and you know what again i love just picturing her husband doing all the filming for her as he's her number one fan and it's just like him with like a selfie like him with like a tripod holding a ring light just being like perfect and you just hear like over and over again the audience bombastic side and him just be like perfect perfect now a little head angled a little bit like got it perfect post it they're gonna love it um i love that thank you for sharing i i fully have not it's not even crossed my tiktok nothing so i'm glad i got it from you before it was just served to me we didn't get to share in

the Malala of the week together yes so every week we just recap what did Malala post on TikTok if she makes an avocado toast which I said I was just like do you ever think Malala just posts on her Instagram an avocado toast like have some relaxation like drink a kombucha like get a massage like go for like you know show me like I would love to see Malala on like an influencer brand trip like literally just like go on a vacation like sponsored vacation go to de mon resort like just a lovely lovely chill soft life experience so if we see a tiktok of malala making an avocado toast we know malala listens to the podcast right it'll be a sign i'm holding my breath i'm not anyways all right well okay goodbye everyone

but am i wrong is a production by me megan rinks and me melissa demonts plus diamond imprint productions post-production by coco lorenz and production assistance by melanie d watson