Don't Blame Me! - REPLAY - DBM: Entering Through The Backdoor w/ Mitchell Davis

Episode Date: December 4, 2023

Original Airdate: January 5, 2018 Happy New Year! This week the very funny Mitchell Davis joins and we share our advice on how to tell your fuck buddy you want to be more, dealing with a friend that sent nudes to your boyfriend, and how to tell your parents that you’re in a secret relationships - regardless of whether they’re homophobic or racist. Also a listener calls in to share her advice on dealing with manipulative partners. Buy our merch: https://store.dftba.com/collections/don-t-blame-me Follow Us! @meghanrienks instagram.com/meghanrienks https://twitter.com/meghanrienks @sheisnotmelissa instagram.com/sheisnotmelissa https://twitter.com/sheisnotmelissa @meghanandmelisa https://www.instagram.com/meghanandmelisa Affordable Therapy By State (Curated by Crissy Milazzo): tinyurl.com/y64kwdnf Need Advice? dontblameme.show Domestic Listeners Call: [phone] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

oh fucking shit sorry that tea almost went everywhere that's what the kids say okay fuck guys let's try that again hi everybody welcome to don't blame me this is my podcast my name's megan and today we have a very special special guest it's Mitchell Davis hello hello hello I was gonna ask you because you're here now how do you say your um twitter name my twitter name always not your handle yeah your name um cd emoji okay nice yeah I uh I just uh just the cd emoji that's my website too cdemoji.com so yeah I have everything there oh because I was gonna say you know you're the person who told me if you like left click an emoji or whatever something but it tells you yeah it describes

what it is to you that was us season one of soon buddy president it was just going through and you're like this one this yes what well there's and there's they just added like 80 new ones and i just did that so that i could figure out what some of them were because i had no idea what's your favorite one like your favorite description of one oh i think i really i really like all the the ones where the descriptions are way too way too uh like exact when it's like a family where it's like mother and father holding daughter's hands like i like it when it's really really too many things yeah it's longer than just what the emoji is and you're like no wonder why you want us to condense this and just send the emoji exactly for all those times i'm talking about

mother and father holding hands with daughter it's really strange that is weird that's great well that voice here is mel mel say hi hello i'm melissa demont they're gonna follow you on instagram sure do it she's gotta go find me and a paypal you can send just send money money send send all the monies all the money hey i like your uh twitter feed i think your twitter feed's solid thank you you you will honestly uh mel now that we have a moment you use the best gifts you're a good gift finder anytime anytime you're tweeting about popcorn i'm always like i'm gonna use the gift mel used uh in the video because it's so good you're just you managed to find such good gifts and i'm like i didn't even know this existed yeah yeah and they're so long

sometimes i'm like this is too long to be a gift but somehow mel's made it so that it works it's awesome well thank you what's your twitter handle she is not melissa right isn't that great oh that's great like with two s's because my name's spelled with one s it's so good it's i hope you know i just stare at the she part i go she she oh i found you i'm following you and so did everyone else yes we're all doing it live oh my god wait um why don't i have this the popcorn sweatshirt it can be arranged it can be arranged oh this is very nice this is very nice i want it for christmas well by the way what she's talking about is my podcast popcorn.show check it out we've got merch right now represent it's cute i'm saying that like i'm being honest it's really

fucking cute thank you yeah those are my designs i can tell thanks i can tell i enjoy your podcast as well thank you i like yours i'm glad that we're finally getting to collab and swappity right now i need to figure out what movie i'm going to talk about or i guess that's not really my job that is your job i would just be a guest we don't get to control it we take we take suggestions yeah we'll take a few suggestions but we'll i mean if we don't like it we'll knock it down but i'm gonna say if they're all garbage have you done holes yet uh holes that'll be a no fantastic i'm pretty sure that's you know when shia labeouf watched all of his own movies i'm pretty sure holes was when he took a nap what did that even come out on like in the theaters

are you yes i thought it was a disney i have the soundtrack and i can still do the entire rap oh dig it a-h-m-p to the t dude what you smelling yeah dog that's me no i don't take showers and i don't brush my teeth all i do is dig holes eat and sleep oh my god okay fucking great i read holes twice i thought the book was fantastic stanley yelnats backwards it was great but um no we're not gonna watch that no we're not okay what are my other suggestions so what is this show okay good question sorry i got distracted everybody um this is my advice podcast um you guys call in you leave voicemails and you tell us about the things happening in your life that you need our sage words of wisdom and if you guys want to leave voicemails and ask

us questions you can call 310-694-0976 um and if you guys are international callers you can send us a voice memo and just email it to meganpodcast at gmail.com just record a voice memo on your phone send it on the email and send it on up till it has that whizzy so sound there's really no excuse not to be sending in your questions really yeah guys come on you have so many fucking opportunities uh yeah so we're gonna we're gonna get into it i'm so excited i'm so fucking excited so i'm a 20 year old college student and i recently started dating a girl that i met up here at school and she's great and beautiful and amazing but she's also very open about her sexuality and came out to basically everyone in her life when she was in middle

school and she was very well accepted because of it but i however have only come out to my closest friends and my roommate because um everyone i haven't told anyone in my family because everyone in my family is very christian and i'm worried that they won't take it very well and i'm waiting until i'm fully financially independent before i come out so if it goes wrong i have a backup plan but um anyway so she's really open and wants to post pictures on social media and like tag me and all this stuff and be like you know like a normal couple but I said no because um if she did that and anyone in my family saw it it could really ruin my life and she's starting to get really annoyed and more angry about it as time goes on every time I tell her to like not tag me in this

or you can't post this picture and I don't understand how to get her to understand that this is like a big deal for me and i guess because she came out so early it's just really hard for her to understand a situation where people wouldn't accept you like people in my family and i really don't want to break up over this because i really do like her but i if you have any advice to help me get her to understand how hard this is for me that'd be great do you have any first initial thoughts well my first initial thought i think after hearing it is um kudos to you for asking for advice I feel like that's the hardest thing especially I mean I'm just basing it off of like my early relationships in life I really was like I'm I'm I'm a big proud person I don't need to ask

for help or what to do and I think I'm so glad that we live in a world now where it's like no I don't know what to do and please yeah it's relatable now to be like I don't have my shit together yeah and I I think that it's just like it's it's refreshing that we can actually be this honest with strangers I love it yeah so what do you about you what do you think um so my initial thing um uh so i guess i wish i had known when you had told her your girlfriend that you weren't out to your family just because i fucking hate when this happens when i kind of side with not the person who's called um but so i've i have a lot of a lot of my friends are gay and something that we've talked about always when they were dating is was a deal breaker if somebody wasn't

out to other people and if they were their whole thing is like i already came out of the closet i'm not going to date somebody who's still in the closet i think what you guys are experiencing is a little different because you have this world where you're at at college where you are out of the closet and then it's back home that you're not so the only thing that's really crossing both those parallels is social media and so i think um i i understand how she feels with not wanting to feel like she has to hide anything because she did have to. So I would even say, I know that you're talking about it from the sense of that she, everything was very accepting for her and her family when she came out and she came out so young. You also can't, no matter how great she can

talk about the experience now, she still had to come out. Like that's not something I would discredit. So I understand her not wanting to kind of backtrack with that. But I also think that um in my again in my friend's cases those were early on deal breakers but you guys have been dating for long enough that I hope that it doesn't matter and I also think if there's um you're saying waiting till you're financially independent which I get because I think that's smart um maybe there's a timeline if you give her kind of more of a specific hey this is only I need to save up this amount of money so for her it doesn't feel like an indefinite thing that she maybe she wants to get married maybe she wants to she really sees a future with you and it might be

hard to see a future um and she might think not that she doesn't think that you are serious about her or anything like that but i think it's kind of hard to not take it personally i would definitely agree with the make a timeline because that does put uh like you're saying a severity on the situation of like i i do want this relationship to continue and to evolve and man this is so hard having a call-in show because i know i want to ask your questions i want to be like so do what did you my my next question is like what is your plans for i mean you said that you wanted to come to your family when you're financially stable but I mean financial stability doesn't equal like family understanding or anything too I mean I get that that means that you will be able to

potentially deal with the the issues that come with telling your family who don't agree with you but at the same time I just want to be like maybe you should talk how did she go about it how did the partner go about it and then maybe you can use some of those cues into your life I don't know right yeah I would also I also wonder you but being financially you said being financially independent I don't know if they're paying for your college and if that's the fear yeah is if you come out there's so many questions I have exactly but I also think if that's not the case if they're not paying for school or something like that I also I mean maybe it might be better to come out when you're not living at home and you're able to kind of distance yourself yeah

so they've already got that distance a little bit to just kind of just adjust to what's going on and then you can visit back when you need to or when you want to or when you feel like it's ready and then maybe also if both of you kind of take a social media break from things and then i don't know make a fucking scrapbook like do like have polaroid pictures you guys take and like make a poster and like keep it in your apartment or something like that just keep the conversation open that's the thing too is don't try to swipe this under the rug and try to make it like not an issue if it is an issue like you know sit in front of it and talk about it with each other and figure out how to fix things because at the end of the day if you do really care about each other

you're not going to let something like this you know also not to belittle this at all but i was gonna ask you how long when did you and your are you asking me now or the person you're asking me you can ask me whatever you want okay i'm open book so you and i don't ever say your name i call her the chef is that okay so so how long not to belittle your question and make this because obviously coming out it's a very different thing but I'm just curious when how long before you guys started dating before you were okay with her posting about oh you publicly and stuff that's interesting um so me uh we've been together for about a year now and I think it was about it was about six months in um between actually it was between three and six months which I know is

like a massive big area but it was just this gray area where the first three months I didn't want posting happening because I didn't know how serious it was. And I didn't want to get my family's, you know, like, Oh, Mitchell's in something. No, he's not. Uh, and I also didn't want to psych myself out. I didn't want to get too committed to this like digital relationship when in reality it's still very much growing. And I think that's a, that's another important thing that can kind of answer, go back to that question, which is when you start to implement your relationship into the digital world and your avatars, I mean, it, it becomes part of your forever yeah and it becomes part of your online identity your timeline you know and um

there's nothing you can do about it so it's a big deal when you start to implement those person into your yeah i think it's a huge moths i i moths and i dated for a year before i ever even publicly said that i was in a relationship or anything but i gave him that timeline but i mean i know i know for him that was like there were times that he was like no there were times that like i said I was understanding of it but I felt super fucking shitty about this because it felt like you were hiding me from a part of your life and so I think like him and I being able to have those open conversations and talking about it it was able for me to really explain how much more it was about me and had no reflection on my feelings for him yeah it's it's it's honestly it's it's a

total personal thing that I have I know what you mean yeah it's it has nothing to do with the fact that it had like our relationship is coming to a halt because I don't want you to post pictures it's like no I want to keep taking all the photos and you want to keep something for yourself too and you don't want it to get tarnished by other people's opinions so I would say I think you really need to reassure her I think that of that fact of the fact that it has nothing to do with her or being ashamed of being with a girl or anything like that it's more along the lines of like I'm love I don't know if you I'm just putting words in your mouth I'm having a great time with Do I really, really like you?

And I right now am not ready to have that get compromised by someone else's opinions who really don't matter just because I need to deal with that first. Yeah. I think that's a good not to like bring it back to like our own. I think it's good. No, no, no, no. But I think peppering in some of the like you can learn from all these little bits and then you kind of just take it in and, you know, drink it up and drink it up.

See what happens. Take it back. I don't know what I'm saying, guys. okay me neither and we both have podcasts perfect oh i love it that's a good question wow i did it you did it first one is done boom okay 99 to go okay on to the next one i am 26 and i'm hoping you can help me out um so i have this boyfriend we've been dating for five years uh we are super duper in love like he is my end game like he is my person i am his person and we're just like living madly in love together it's been great here's the the little

problem um my parents are well it's a big problem uh they're very racist um i am white and my boyfriend is black um so it's been a lot of fun um dealing with them but basically my mother knows what's going on and it's taken her a couple years to kind of quote unquote get over it um she still thinks we're gonna break up she still doesn't imagine us getting married or having kids she is kind of going with it, I think because she wants to keep a relationship with me because I'm the only child. My dad has no idea. My mom has asked me not to tell my dad because my dad is so anti-interracial relationship and he is super, just doesn't believe in it and wants me to marry a nice Italian boy from Italy and be barefoot and pregnant. I don't

really know. The problem with all of this is that I am very close with my extended family And I love them all very much. I love them all very much, and they love me. And I would love to bring my boyfriend to go and meet them. I live in a different state from my whole family. Like, I live a three-hour plane ride away. I want to bring my boyfriend up to introduce him to the family because when we get married, I would love to invite them. And they know about him, but I just, they're like, bring him.

Like, we'd love to see him, but the problem is my dad doesn't know. So because my dad doesn't know, I can't bring him anywhere, but I'm afraid to tell my dad because of the outlash, and I don't want to lose a parent, but I think it might come down to my boyfriend or my dad, and I'm going to choose my boyfriend because we're going to be the future, and if my dad is racist and won't deal with it, then he's going to have to figure it out.

But I don't want it to be one or the other. I kind of want to have both, but I don't know how to tell him. What should I do? Should I not tell him? should i be like oh my we're getting married tomorrow and then like have a deal with it when that happens or like what should i do wow what a good question yeah i mean okay there's a lot of layers to this there is i'm i i think that your dream scenario is just a dream and what your thinking is gonna happen might fucking happen and also you it like whoever's fucking

had sex with your mom and then made your jeans and then made you a fucking baby or whatever they don't that that doesn't excuse any sort of behavior i'm very much of like holding parents and everyone i'm like friends relationships everyone is being held accountable for their actions it does not matter their relationship to you and i i don't i'm just not one for like accepting those kinds of traits regardless of what you you owe them life or whatever especially especially in this time that we live in in the world I mean it's so ass backwards to be thinking like that that I just can't even imagine it's I'm having a hard time fathoming I know because I just I'm like I haven't had to deal with this since I was like ever yeah yeah I mean honestly I'm so

sorry but yeah this might end up uh being not as clean as you would like it to be you pick the one who's not a racist like that's just that's what i i don't think that whole thing of like choosing your relationship over family and things like that i think that that's it seems very black and white that you that family always comes first but there are certain things that i i think like I I don't know I'm like a zero tolerance I mean zero I have zero tolerance for intolerance kind of a thing and I think like if this this is something that's that's yeah that's it's they're gonna be they can have whatever relationship with you that you feel comfortable but it's not a it's not fair to put your boyfriend through at all um and it's yeah it's just that's not an

i mean like in-laws in itself are already like uncomfortable and awkward and i think that's not a great situation to put him in but i also think that you've already kind of sound like you've made up your mind of like this is who you're gonna be with and also even if you i don't know i mean like even if this wasn't who you're gonna end up being with i think it is something that like at this day and age you have to face that yeah it's just one of those things that eventually you're like we're gonna face this we're gonna talk about this because guess what we're a family yeah and i mean would you say it's wrong for me to to say like maybe maybe maybe you need to just have like a one-on-one sit down with your father and be like this is you know maybe not necessarily about this

relationship but just in general about like what's happening in the world what's going on where what what what you know what i mean am i am i on the right no i think you are i think you need to give him the opportunity to surprise you and then if he doesn't surprise you instead of surprising him with, we're getting married. Maybe be like, look, I just know that I have love and there's love and there's tons of people in this world and there's no sense in me not loving a certain person because of something so silly. Yeah. And I don't think it's about, I think it's about telling him. I don't think it's about asking him and I don't think it's, I think you just need to just lay the facts out there and be like, I want, I want you to give the, I think I know what you're going

to say, but I want to give you the opportunity to prove me wrong. And I, I don't want to leave any stone left unturned so i need to do this and then no and i don't i don't want to keep something from you yeah and i think that you just need you need something that's finalizing for you because right now you're just you're putting it off and you're waiting and hoping that the longer that you wait maybe he'll become more accepting but i also think it's probably more likely that um you're gonna you're gonna you'll have that found family where you live and your friends and these people who really accept you and love you and and maybe the relationship with you and your parents it might take a time for you guys to kind of recover from this but you also can't put you

can't put so much weight on that also something i'm just going to throw out here is you you have so much more family it sounds like that wants to meet him and it wants to be involved and it's just like i get that it's one person who's being a little stinker about the whole thing but like let him be a stinker and then the whole family will look at him and be like what's your deal man like why are you acting like this your daughter's in love your daughter's in like i mean listen to the message like play the message back for your father like you said i'm so so yeah like i mean you sound like you're so smitten about this person like you said you've made up your mind so it's now it's just like kind of owning up and just being like yeah this is my dude this is this is this

is my life now love always should win that's just like the truth in my book i'm like a hopeless romantic at always at the end i really am though at the end of the day it's just like be together the only thing that i'm gonna just really highly not recommend is just don't be just don't keep waiting don't keep putting it off don't think that the next day it's going to get better because i mean look at look at the world around you that's not happening these days it takes it takes courage it takes motivation it takes a little bit of a push to get anything done these days yeah and it takes education that's the thing if your dad's not being exposed to this and learning about this because he's very shut out to any other way then it's not gonna stop no not at all so when i was

in high school um for you guys that don't know i'm black um i grew up mostly around white people um and there's this boy that liked me and i liked him so i went and i hung out at his house he invited me to come over and then um at one point his mom was like uh melissa can i talk to in the kitchen she pulled you aside she pulled me oh no yeah she's like she was trying to like be sweet i'm from arkansas the south so she was trying to be real sweet about like did you see right through it i didn't at first how old are you um 16 okay so you were old enough to be like i know what's going on okay so then she she's like i don't believe in interracial dating goes on this like long tangent like she's like i'm not racist or anything but you and i think you're a

sweet girl but I just I just don't think that'll be good for you in the long run I mean if you had kids then we don't want like that kind of world of them growing up in and having to choose if they want to be black or white and I was just like uh-huh and so um she wasn't expecting me to tell her son but I did tell him yeah yeah and um I didn't tell my parents though because they would it went ballistic but um so i told him and like we ended up date actually like dating for a while and she eventually came around yeah and she like accepted me and she was sweet so do you think you bringing it up to the son played a major role in him and him talking to her being like what did you fucking say yeah i i really think so yeah see i and i think that kind of leans with what we're

saying where it's just like the youth is a future man yeah you've got to be like mom dad you guys are being fucking old you have an iphone ma'am okay i mean like where are we right now fucking choose what generation do you want to live in right do you want your apple tv okay then don't be a fucking racist i mean right you can't have both bitch i i have two one of my friends um in high school she ended up i mean they had she had a very strange relationship with her family but um she was in an interracial relationship and her family did not accept her at all and was very much like nope not happening like you and her and this guy aren't dating anymore at all but her parents were just like these racists like that was just the kind of thing and so for her it was like

as much as it sucked for it to kind of be a character trait it was like well i'm glad i know and i'm not putting you on this pedestal of being an untouchable person because i'm like no i'm gonna be a fucking woke 25 year old exactly living in la and i'm gonna be able to look at you and be like okay cool you gave birth to me and there's certain things that we can relate on but i'm not going to like sit quietly and not and like let you be racist and if she found out later on that her this like she found out later on that her younger sister had been hiding the fact that she was in an interracial interrelation interracial relationship for years and ended up living with the guy and never ever told the family and it was like you can go about any of that how you kind of

want to but i also think it fucking sucks to say that like your parents are people and everyone has flaws including the people who like that doesn't yeah and i think i think it's just it's something you gotta fucking address it's weird when you have to start thinking of family as friends you lived with um you know no ex-roommates you know what i mean though because like you got to have this kind of mentality where it's like again like you i'm same with you i'm from ohio and i moved out to los angeles woke up a little bit and then went back and i'm like yo are you guys fucking crazy like this isn't how we do things like and you just have to you just have to get to that point where you have to start being like i know that there's like you want to play the

seniority like mom and dad card but i'm just telling you like this is the world card this is what's happening and i'm doing this for the better of everyone at this table like you just need to know yeah what's up yeah i'm yeah i'm i think that's i think that's a really smart thing to do because i think we give yeah we cut too much slack for everyone i think i think it's definitely like a thing now we're like especially like i said even with thanksgiving like i mean you saw it on twitter where so many people were just like i went home today and i really i really fucking told them what was up and i mean this is the first year too where i'm like good great we need these conversations to start because we've been sitting on our hands for such a long time

how we elected this president exactly because we all thought and then we i like how we brought this back to this but at the end of the day though it does it just conversation words are crucial use them and use them with each other and talk about it and have conversation yeah I feel like everyone is so afraid to just be like I don't understand I don't understand can you explain that to me yeah and I live like me man I just just don't know anything keep asking and everyone just tells you it's amazing yeah because yeah and I also think especially if you want to have kids and all of that stuff i think you you guys regard no matter how the relationship with your family changes if when they find out about like the seriousness of your relationship and all that

stuff you need to do that so you can really create a foundation and an amazing supportive group of people at the same time that you might be letting go of some not forever but maybe temporarily so you can have another support system so it doesn't and that's a good thing is you know that this isn't the world and like you know that like you're even able to see like your extended family and everybody else is so much more accepting um that i think you just you need to make sure that you feel supported yeah and hey also who fucking knows maybe it gets to the point where your dad's the one who's now gonna be not invited and who's not who's gonna be exiled from the like with your extended family exactly he might be totally by himself but you've just

been thinking well he sits at the top of the table so i guess we just let him do what he's doing and that's that's again that i feel like that's like old traditions and this time right now where when we're living is is when we're we need to kind of break those stupid walls down and just like be like what's really going on here like where are we yeah because you're at the head of the table and you don't even know what the fuck's actually going on outside yeah and shit's gonna happen it's unavoidable shit's gonna happen uh we all have these perfect ideas of relationships and how everything ends up but you you got to accept the fact that this is not going to be easy But this is the life that you've chosen

Or chosen for you Whatever you believe And you have to deal with it Because it's just not going to go away And that's good, it shouldn't go away Because you guys seem super happy and in love I was going to say, it sounds like nice love to me So just keep enjoying it

Yeah, enjoy the good loving Okay, we're done talking about politics Maybe not, on to the next question 14 more questions to go I am 19 years old I'm from Vegas and I've been seeing this guy on and off since I was a sophomore in high school and now I'm a sophomore in college um we slept together a few times this summer we slept together quite a lot

and he acts like he cares a whole bunch but then whenever I talk to him he's like no I just want to be friends and the thing is like I would stop sleeping with him but like the sex is like really great so like why would i stop but at the same time it's like i don't want to be just another girl just another notch in his belt and just being used i'd love to see where something would go with him because he's a great guy like whenever we hang out and stuff it's not like every time we hang out it's netflix and chill like we'll go to dinner we'll hang out but at the same time like there's always the question of is this going to happen is it not gonna happen sort of thing so i just don't know what to do should i end things with him

or should i keep going and ask him and see where like if this potentially could be something more or should i just leave it at just friends and stop sleeping with him i'm gonna just say the first thing that pops in my head which is this guy's not gonna change no i literally wrote fuck buddy yeah this dude's not gonna change i'm so sorry that i have to be the one to tell you this because i don't even know you but yeah if it's been happening for this long and he's he's look i get that he's cool with you but he's cool with you because you guys are fucking at that time who's not gonna be cool with someone while they're fucking yeah you know what i'm saying if he's being that much of like a standoffish dude when it comes to just like hanging out and

about and it's been this long it's it's it can only get worse yeah right well i mean i've like i've been i've had fuck buddies like i've been in that same year that thing and it's kind of like it's like you categorize people where it's like oh we're if you're having casual sex with someone regularly and you know that they're and you're not looking to put any sort of label on it it's not because you haven't thought of that exactly it's because you've thought of that and have been like no not what I'm interested in with you yeah so I think that you that is something that I would just say is like you you guys are ultimately your fuck buddies and if it's great sex and if there's a way that you can attach your emotion emotions from it sure but right now it sounds like you

are emotionally invested in this guy and he is not emotionally invested in you even if you guys are going to dinner and it's like you're not sleeping together all of the time you are a girl that he regularly sleeps with like this is not it's not a friendship anymore and it's not a relationship the you are the in between of that which is a fuck buddy see and that's why also with the whole like should we be just become friends that's not gonna happen either that you can never revert back if you've seen your friend naked i've seen you naked you've been inside me yeah i don't think you can revert but i know you can't revert back from something like that especially if it's been going on for this long because there's always going to be that

residual i actually still like you i actually don't really like you oh you still want to have sex with me i still want to have sex with you just because we were good fuck buddies and i mean even the way that you you you presented this question to us says that you know the answers because i just you're like it's really really good but like you're not solid on even what it is because you know that it's not a solid thing like this isn't even if this he you were like yeah let's become super just into each other i'd still be like yeah but we started as like crazy fuck buddies who didn't give a shit about each other yeah and i feel like that would that would be a weird way to start no the i've only started i've started one relationship from being fuck

buddies um and it didn't end well i mean same yeah like it's one of those things of being like it it was in the moment was the most flattering thing in the world and it's so fun yeah because it's like well like he came up to me at a party it was like i heard you made out with blah blah blah and i was like yeah so and it was like you can't make out well while we're dating and i was like we're not dating we're pure we've established we're purely fuck buddies like well i don't want you to sleep with anybody else and i was like well if i was and then i was like well if i'm not sleeping with anyone else then you're not gonna sleep with anyone else he's like yeah okay and then that hardly lasted but even that no offense like even that is fueled with a little bit more

emotion than what this sounds like because if you i always think about it in like my sense like i how I started dating my uh first serious boyfriend in high school was the fact that I was helping him I was helping set up him to go to prom with some girl and it was fucking killing me to the point where I was like I can't be friends with him anymore because I can't watch him go out with somebody else but if both of you have been able to kind of coexist and loop back to each other and I'm assuming dated other people neither of you would be able to do that if there was some serious emotion there which i don't want to question how you feel about him either but i also just want to say it is so fucking hard to have great sex as a girl that if you're if if

you're getting fucking amazing sex from this guy that's going to automatically you're going to feel more invested in him specifically and i also fucking hate no offense i love you you're great um but the amount of times that girls have called into this podcast and talked about a guy and said these or not even just like in general my friends and they'll say these things that are terrible and prove that this guy's not a good guy and they go but he's such a good guy that's i was gonna say if he's such a fucking good guy he would have he would have noticed this by now and then like actually you know what we're great for each other because that's what a good guy i mean look don't get me wrong look i've been a fuck buddy i'm not a terrible guy but at the same time if i see a

budding relationship i know when to change gears or if you saw that she was developing serious feelings for you i know to pack my brakes because that's that's giving her crazy bad emotions i'm i'm fucking with this person completely not just fucking her you're not you're fucking with her yeah you're making it seem like you're putting oh god this is so this is you gotta all this thing so what should she do i know should she tell him i mean but see if she talks to him he's just gonna be like yeah you know we're just uh you're just having fun we're just gonna see where it goes yeah let's just see where it goes this is I mean, okay. I'm, I'm a very like honest to the point kind of person. So I think that especially

if it's been going on for this long, I think you have to have a conversation about it. Otherwise there's still the what if, or maybe kind of thing, or that when you go back to something and you're thinking, uh, uh, well, I mean, I never actually knew, or I never really got a solid answer. So I think if you can find it in you to go into it and say, if you're like, Hey, um can you tell in the last like five seconds i've tried to stop saying like and it's not working my words have gotten slower i'm trying so it's not gonna happen i'm just gonna say like all the time um i i think you just need to say it and be hey i have been feeling this way for a while and i know that we've been casually sleeping together for a while and we're such great friends i for me have

developed feelings for you over this period of time and at this point i've reached this place where i need to know if you have those feelings for me as well and you would be interested in starting monogamous relationship otherwise i really i can't do this anymore and i think you need to you need to say that and you can't ask him what you guys are or define this you need to say what it is that you want because this at this point this is about you i mean it should always be about it's about what you want and not because right now what you're doing is you're you're taking whatever he's giving you and you need to just be like this is what I want if you can come to if you can do this and this is something you also want then let's try this otherwise you're just settling

you can't take anything less than what you like you want I like this I like this answer I just feel like that's what it is otherwise you're gonna it's this is gonna last forever and then guess what he's gonna date some girl and he's gonna she's gonna be his girlfriend they're gonna be in a relationship they're gonna get married and that's gonna be it you'll be you'll you'll you'll be fine you've got this and if i can get in a relationship and not get sick of them you can do it too same here i feel like kudos to us high five like when we when we were talking about the idea for this podcast with jack we were both like single mingles last time we hung out actually you helped me set up my tinder i like to take credit for your relationship you do no hey and

it's been a year and we're still together and i met her on tinder which is fucking bonkers and even today before i came i was like by the way babe i'm going to hang out with the person who made it so that you swiped on me yeah you're welcome yeah i know we should do an entire episode that is about how to make how you can make me one seriously i'm not joking and i i will say this i'm it's not even like you changed my life on tinder no one matched with me ever on tinder and i i just had no idea what i was doing and then you were just like oh this needs changed this this this this this and then all of a sudden i it was just like people were actually gates were open people were actually communicating with me and it was fucking fantastic it was bizarre i still don't

know what kind of wizardry you did but it worked okay guys um listen to words from i'm gonna go check my tinder yeah okay we'll be back in a second or more than a second okay guys we are back and we're gonna hop on to the next call um so basically my i found out a couple weeks ago that my at the time best friend um she told me that back in march she sent nudes to my boyfriend who is now my ex-boyfriend for other reasons literal trash bag um so she said I connected it over the phone and just brought it up in casual conversation. Naturally, I was pissed because, you know, my ex or my best friend is not going to send nudes to my boyfriend. That's not cool with me.

And her explanation was that she's jealous of me and that his attention made her feel validated. Basically, I don't want anything to do with her after that. And I think that's a smart decision. um in my opinion so if you were me would you accept her apology and stay friends with her or would you kind of just ditch her because that's a really shitty thing to do also um i you know looking back i realized shit i don't have really and it's going to be hard going into senior year without her so if you recommend that i there's some other ways i can make more friends because i have a lot of guy friends but she's really my only girlfriend oh my goodness i i feel this is

no no no no no no no no no no she's she's not a she's not a best friend anymore there's so many boys in this world that she could have sent i mean go turn on snapchat turn on snapchat turn on anything she could have sent if she wanted validation go on reddit okay i mean i in high school i used to go to borders and just walk around because the guys who worked at borders would flirt with me like that's very fucking innocent I mean seriously the fact that she had to the oh there's so many things about this that are wrong like the whole the fact that it's her the best friend's boyfriend like yeah really I mean I think the biggest thing here is I I mean I'm I'm a girl who I've got I'm a girl hi um but I've got a lot of close girlfriends now and I

grew up with a lot of really close girlfriends. And I, um, I, when I went to college and all that stuff, I struggled really hard to have friends who were girls. And most of my friends were guys. And I ended up settling for people who did things that were super shitty and treated me like shit, because there's a part of you that is like, no girl power. I have to stick with this. The thing that I issue with, I have with your friend is this is she's essentially blaming you for this. she's jealous of you. And so this was something that she had to do. This is not a friend. I am all for amazing, wonderful female friendships, but this is also the core issue. Why women on women anger and all that stuff is so prevalent is because you're accepting, we're accepting this

kind of behavior, um, just to have friends who are women who get you on a level of like talking about your period and being able to be emotional and feeling all of that stuff. Female friends are important, but good friends are far more important regardless of their gender. And Arden and I talked about this when she was on the podcast, both Arden and I, I mean, since we moved to LA have always been close friends, but neither, neither of we went through, God, we went through circles of different friends who were girls who treated us like shit that we accepted. And then we both just ended up being like, fuck, I'm going to just own my only friends. Give me my boyfriend. My only friends can be my boyfriend. And it wasn't until we started holding our friendships to the same

expectations that we held the guys that we were dating that we were like oh fuck i can be just as picky and choosy with the friends i let into my life as i am with the guys i'm letting into my bed whoa wow i've never thought of this this is kind of eye-opening genius you have to and especially because i think men not to categorize anyone but a lot of the time aggression and anger between men it's it happens it comes to a head and it's addressed in a moment with women it's a lot of belittling over time, quietly and slowly. And it's a lot of this thing of blaming. It's a lot of when something finally comes up, you are, you are being given a lot of this blame. And so you feel responsible. That's just, that's kind of, it's just a, it's a gender stereotype of

apologetic women who take, tend to take a lot of the blame for things. And I think the issue is here is you want to remain, you want female friends, but ultimately she's not a friend. and if a boyfriend had done this to you if you're if you were still with this guy let's say you were and he sent a dick pic to your best friend this would not be a conversation like you would be i'm done like you're you're a fucking asshole and i think you have to i mean i just wow thinking about it like this i'm so sorry but this is blowing my mind a bit because you're thinking like i've never thought about a reverse like this but yeah it's just like what the fuck yeah like that's crazy it is and especially when you're when you're young enough that you a lot of your

friendships have become out of uh just time convenience and the fact like oh we went to same preschool together our parents carpooled us together we in the in the scheme of the world we probably wouldn't seek each other out to become friends you have to hold people accountable for their actions and also i think you making friends whether you're friends with guys or girls it really doesn't matter but i think what is more important in this situation is not accepting this female on female abuse and taking that because that's just it's just contributing to the cycle I think you need to I think you need to call her out on it I'm sure you already have but I think you can I think I mean I also think it's kind of worth it to tell her and just be like hey so I've

been really trying to grapple with what had happened and if I was going to be if I would be okay remaining friends with you and at this point in my life I really need and in this like political climate, I really want to surround myself with women who are going to empower me and bring me up. And that's the same thing that I want to do for the other women in my life. And I really feel disrespected. And, um, I, I, I'm just gonna, I hope I wish you well. And I really hope that you can take this as an opportunity to really look at how you treat the other women in your life and, um, what you can, how you can move forward in that because it's just, it's, yeah, it's such a, and also the thing is like what it's not it's not even about your boyfriend it's about you

that's the whole thing she's doing this like to to to be an asshole to you otherwise it would have been any other guy and that's a much deeper issue like yeah i was gonna say do you think that this was like like in the back of the friend's mind that there was like a little bit of something saying like we're gonna make sure it's her boyfriend though well oh well that's that's a 100 yeah I mean I I'm thinking that too but I'm just curious like do you even think like in the back of her head that she was like and then I'm gonna take him or like what I don't think it has anything to do with him he is solely he's not a person in this situation I think he's her best friend's boyfriend it's just a pawn in the situation that he just happened to be there

think about it like your your friends and you meet their your their girlfriends they become in a box of people who are like your brother and untouchable and they are not sexual objects yeah it's true and that's just kind of like i think about that with like my my girlfriend's boyfriends like i'm like you are you are literally you have no penis like you are not a sexual object and i will i can't ever see you like that and so then that becomes it becomes a power move with the girl it has nothing to do with the boyfriend i'm also so fucking glad you guys aren't dating anymore i'm so glad that this is why you and your boy did this is why they broke up she said that he was just a shit but it makes me so happy that this is not this what you're not you didn't condone

his behavior i think because i'm sure he probably did some you said he did some other shit i mean hold your friend to the same standards that you held him because obviously he wasn't good enough to keep around i don't think she is either yeah i love it i love this so much i want to be on the show every goddamn week oh my god do it next question hit me with it i'm 21 years old and I've been in a relationship with a guy for about three years and I know one of his like biggest fantasies is anal and we've done like some book stuff like he's like trying to finger my butthole I've never been a fan of that and then about a year ago we tried like full-on anal and we used lube and he got some thrusts in but I was just I'm not a fan I think it's uncomfortable

kind of painful but I know like he still probably thinks about it all the time I'm sure when it jacks off he looks up anal videos but i'm just wondering if like am i weird for not enjoying it um is there a way to enjoy it more should i like try doing it again with him like i know he's okay that i don't want to but i just feel bad because i know that's his fantasy i mean i'm like so anti butt stuff i'm like so like literally my asshole is clenching this entire question like oh i like i can't i mean also as the amount of the i bet you i hope you know this too i'm like you're getting all these relevations relevations i always say it wrong revelations revelations i keep talking about ballet um but i'm like the amount of times that like every girl has been

like oh yep no wrong hole nope wrong hole nope you're drunk wrong hole like it is not you are so not weird at all or not yeah you don't have to like it ever no i was gonna you this is not like a standard you've got to have that whole fuck to that no i mean even my my gay guy friends are like literally it's it's the whole thing they get actually angry when straight people have butt sex like no you have a perfectly functioning fucking vagina do not do this and like literally you're like don't even know but i mean the whole if if you're into it this one would also say about sexual fantasies as much as you're thinking that this is one of his huge fantasies if you're not into it that's not a fucking fantasy like if you're not enjoying

yourself that completely ruins it and that's not he's he's not going to yeah i mean those you have to share those things i understand like whatever fucking rachel dressing up as princess leia that's a totally like not harmful going to hurt your ass kind of thing well look here's the thing with anal sex okay they're oh my butthole's clenching look the thing with anal sex though i mean in all seriousness is like you the body you have two sphincters okay you got one sphincter on the outside that you can control and then the other sphincter on the inside that just kind of does its its job and so look it's not like this is a a perfect and look if if you're not into it the body's not into it you know what i'm saying it's not gonna work also ordeal yes it's a very

it's a stupidly slow dumb process yeah i have a fun story so it has it's not me per se okay it's totally you it's not i'm serious so i just wish it was i was at like a house party or something and there was a guy who was in the back with a girl and um he he got stuck no i and that's how like he just it just got like he said it's too dry it said he said he said that it said it closed up and basically had a clamped down but i'm just like that it's like she had anal dentata instead of vagina dentata but like from that moment i was just like oh yeah so if you're not into it like you're not into it yeah yeah but i just remember being like that's like you can't you can't you can't force you can't force that yeah oh ah going from finger to dick unless your boyfriend's a very

tiny right that's a lot dick or a large you gotta loosen it up a little bit i mean to be fair now that i said the story out loud this guy might have just been saying that to make his dick sound huge but look what i'm saying though is that that's what propelled me to then go into research about the sphincters and how it all works because i was genuinely like well what and that's that kind of made me then also go like well there was a perfectly working vagina right there i don't know what uh happened yeah but if he's into watching like butt stuff porn you're gonna fucking ruin it if you guys have terrible like it's gonna completely that's just not gonna be a thing anymore and i also think with fantasy wise it's like okay like every every guy i've been with

it's either that or it's like multiple girls and like having a threesome, anything like that. Whereas for me, I'm like not into that at all. That's not, not my, not my thing at all. Really? And you just look at a girl who like looks like you really definitely want to be in a threesome. Like I, that's just not, that's not something that I'm interested in at all, but it's also one of those things that then because I'm not interested, like think about it in this way. Um,

let's just say like guys who have a fantasy about two girls it's only hot because you're picturing these two girls making i'm sorry making out with each other but if they're not into it your fantasy it's not gonna what you're picturing is not happening it's not real no this whole idea that you have of these fantasies is because they're these perfect scenarios and they're super sexy but if there's like one thing that's not fitting into all of this which is a dick and a butt no i mean just like it's like if if it's not sexy and it's not everyone's not super into it like he's fantasizing it's not it'd be like okay i'd rather have no threesome than one where i feel like i've forced this and no one's enjoying themselves so i can't enjoy myself it's the

same thing and if he's also not bringing it up i don't think you need to feel i think also girls a lot of time feel very guilty about that i'm like am i depriving you is like every other girl you've totally wanted to do this and like will will do this and am i like closing off this part of your life but we've had people who've called in about sexual fantasies before and it's either if someone can't if someone is not interested in participating in your fantasy either it's a deal breaker or it's not and for him it doesn't sound like it's a deal breaker wow you guys might find something way more fun that you both enjoy you got a fucking sex swing equally yeah you never know you never know never titty fuck him seriously i don't want to fucking talk about titty fucking

wait why can't we talk about titty fucking oh my god what's wrong with titty fucking what is titty fucking what do you mean what is i didn't mean to open up that titty fucking open up that titty fuck by the way can we just say can we is there like another phrase instead of titty fucking it's the great for it's a wonderful phrase i feel like i feel titty fat i just feel like the word titty is so it's just so weird i feel strange when i say it i feel like titty is my shit i say titties more than shit i feel like when i say titties i'm i'm like i'm calling for a small animal here titties titties titties come here you do when you say it you do make it sound somewhat like a character in like like oh you're talking about titties yeah like i don't

know i'm just yeah i don't know i don't know yikes okay guys now we're gonna go on to producer's corner we have someone who's calling back from a response to acelyns uh-huh um they're actually not calling back this is someone that yes yeah yeah someone's response to the advice that we had given on the call one of the calls we had with Aislinn I wanted to send in a response to your first caller from the episode with Aislinn so I work for a non-profit that provides emergency shelter and counseling and education about domestic violence and the first caller I just was listening to it and there were so many red flags that the relationship that the caller was describing is an abusive one especially you know how controlling her boyfriend is over her and

getting mad and about her not being at his house on time and making her you know quit the appointment with her friend like all of that kind of stuff is just such a red flag and I thought that the advice that you guys gave was great but I do want to just stress that this is something that can turn dangerous really really quickly and it's really the most important thing for the friend to do is to provide support for her friend because one of the hallmarks of abusive relationships is the abuser making the victim feel isolated and like they don't have anyone to turn to. So the friend being there for that person

can make such a big difference when they decide that it is time to leave the abusive relationship. If you want some more info, I would suggest going to the One Love Foundation. They're specifically catered to people in their 20s. There's also the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, and the National Domestic Violence Hotline number is 1-800-799-7233. So I just, I was listening to it, and I was just like, red flag, red flag, red flag.

So I thought I would call in and hopefully give some of my expertise. I don't know if you could call it that. I've only been in this job for like five months. you have the sweetest listeners i know aren't they so nice your listeners are now in the conversation and helping that's fantastic it's very nice i like it i like when they can give uh that like there was a couple of ones where i've like i've missed something that was quite obvious and they're like but maybe this was it and i was like oh that's fantastic honestly she answered everything yeah that was that is amazing information and please do not forget all of that

like that is very serious i think because if you feel like you're in a situation that is isolating yourself and getting smaller and closed in and something just doesn't feel right then yeah contact reach out figure it out ask questions yeah i think that's awesome because i think a lot of the people who are calling in in on the podcast it's a lot of people who are seeing this like that call was a girl who was seeing her friend in this relationship and it's so hard when you feel like you can see everything very black and white and sometimes you wonder um like i mean i've like disliked friends boyfriends before but sometimes you're like is this me or is this sometimes the fly on the wall though is the perfect way to see like hey just to let you know exactly how he's

talking to you yeah is not okay no and i think it's not now knowing that those i mean from from a professional that a lot of those things that you were describing if you're listening again caller um a lot of things you're describing about your friend and her boyfriend um the woman who just called in it was smart in the sense of like making sure you have all this contact information And even if you're being pushed out from this friendship, really, I guess, not letting that go and making sure that you stay a steady part of this person's life, even even if your friend's boyfriend is really trying to push you out and isolate her, making sure that you even if you're not able to be around all the time, that your friend knows that you're always around and that you're able to watch and kind of monitor and see if there's any point that you should be intervening. and yeah definitely i mean that is it's so situation i've had friends who have been in situations like this and it's always just so difficult to find that perfect right kind of moment to be like hey i i think something's wrong and you don't know it oh i've said it and lost

friends from that yeah it's like i i've done all that i can do and if you ever want to come back to me again i know that you hate me right now but i promise i don't hate you and whatever like i hope i'm so fucking hope i'm wrong but this is just i have to say something it's it's so easy to be oblivious of what's right in front of you when the words l-o-v-e are right there you know what i mean like when you when you yes and i mean and that's the thing that i remember just seeing a lot of is i'm just so in love and it's like i understand that but like it doesn't trump everything i mean there is a certain level of things where you just have to like it's it's yourself care about yourself it's it's about you at the end of the day and you wouldn't treat

someone like that like so i i just it's it's such a delicate little place and it's sometimes it's so difficult to like focus in on when it's happening directly to you which i've always thought it's very fascinating to me oh you get i've dated terrible guys where i can now it takes years to look back on things you're like wow this was so fucked up but you were you've managed to make me feel i like god like managed to make me feel like this was this super romantic gesture yeah and i can now look back and go wow that is so fucked up but not only was i not one only was i like oh no this is like i'm gonna ignore this i saw in positive light that's the issue that happens if you're dating someone who's abusive we got those rose colored glasses it becomes like

when as a friend you're seeing oh he's not letting you have any other friends but you're like wow he wants to spend all his time with me he loves me so much and that's like that's such a red flag that's so weird and it's so oh it makes my skin crawl in a relationship you should always still be an individual you know what i mean you can work as a unit together but that doesn't love blissfully coexisting yes exactly but that does not mean that you control each other in any sense of the way like there's just if that's something that needs to happen then it's not a relationship anymore it's like honestly it's like a weird obligation it's like a roommate mom dad sit nobody fucking wants that okay guys that is it um mitchell you're great at this thank you i honestly

i never give advice i don't know if i did a good job or not you did great did i okay good good good yeah no please have me back i love it it's so fun yeah i love talking about sexy stuff sorry i talked right over you you said sexy stuff so i do love talking about sexy stuff though i think it's fun and i also feel like uh it's it's needed there's not there's too many people that are afraid to talk about this shit and the thing is is that if i was a kid i would have loved to listen to things like this yeah because i didn't know what the fuck was going on i really didn't and i mean i mean just as like a little fun like a little taste like i had a girl once tell me like no one will ever like you because you have such bad ocd and i stayed with her for years oh god

so just like there's so many things that you think are just so normal and then you're like no yeah no man no we're the amount of i think like broadening perspectives with this is great just hearing like the the calls where even we've said like you hear this and you're like wow i didn't even know people still think like this anymore yeah exactly and if you guys want to go find mitchell you can find him at um you can google me uh and you can find all my stuff but honestly i just want to promote uh popcorn.show that's my podcast since you're already in the podcast realm listening to this why don't you just go head on over there and listen to a music or excuse me a movie review and so i guess i can't do holes for my episode we cannot do holes i will keep another

you know let's let's watch a sexy movie i feel like we should watch something we watch porn that's popcorn at dark popcorn at night no yeah we should we should just watch like um well okay here what what was like an early movie that that you were like oh i have a crush on that person um think about it and that's i used to have a crush on al gore okay that's not what i meant okay let's wrap this up okay cool so now we're getting into the daddy episode okay guys um well yeah uh i hope you enjoyed this episode and if you want to call and get some advice you can leave a voicemail at 310-694-0976 and if you're international again you can just record a voice memo on your phone email it to meganpodcast at gmail.com and we would

love to get reviews on the apple podcast app yeah i hope you guys i hope you guys enjoyed this episode and uh we will see you in two weeks it's a fortnight it's a fortnight it's two weeks of fortnight oh wow you're not on my podcast yes two weeks is a fortnight yeah fortnight i should have learned this from paul revere but i did not popcorn oh i get it now don't blame me as a production