Don't Blame Me! - REPLAY: Friend Wanted to Throw A Party Over My Breakup

Episode Date: December 1, 2025

Original Air Date: November 20, 2023 Meghan and Melisa to give advice on: Update: Friend thinks I’m going to hell because I’m bisexual. Is finishing your degree worth it? Long term boyfriend refuses to think about marriage Getting back with someone that your friends hate Being into your best friend but they aren't into you Join our Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/dontblameme Subscribe to But Am I Watching? Apple  Spotify Subscribe to Don’t Blame Me! Apple Spotify Call In for DBM - 310-694-0976 (3 minutes or less) Write In for DBM - [e-mail] (300 words or less) DBM Submission Form Buy Our Merch https://crowdmade.com/collections/sister-sign Follow Us! instagram.com/meghanandmelisa @meghanrienks instagram.com/meghanrienks https://twitter.com/meghanrienks @sheisnotmelissa instagram.com/sheisnotmelissa instagram.com/diamondmprint.productions Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

hello and welcome to a brand new episode of don't blame me my name is megan my name's melissa and together we're a menace and a half good tasty thing no what's the finger looking good one Finger Lickin' Good is KFC. KFC. Mm-mm, good is Campbell's. Is it Finger Lickin' Good? To be honest, when I was in high school, we could leave. At senior year, we could leave to go for lunch.

And there was a KFC behind my school, and I would drive over there. And they had, like, a kid's menu where you would get, like, three chicken strips, a mashed potato a applesauce and a fruit roll-up and a drink for like three dollars and in that case yes it was i think they call it a laptop pack or something because it was like in the shape of a laptop and then everything was in it i just think that like on paper what they serve is fucking great like i just think that like more fast food restaurants should have mashed but i should be able just to like go through a drive-thru window and get mashed potatoes and gravy like that's like that's fire to me like i'm like that is that is delicious i don't need um

actually i do need onion rings but like there are other things that i'm like i don't i don't need this but like you know what i always eat more of mashed potatoes i think they should be a year-round food i eat mash you don't eat mashed potatoes no no i do eat mashed potatoes year-round but like a lot of people think of mashed potatoes as exclusively a like thanksgiving and christmas kind of dish i mean mons doesn't like mashed potatoes so maybe that's why he thinks of it as exclusively those holiday dishes okay um but no like i growing up like that was like only a thing oh we were eating mashed potatoes all the time yeah sunday dinner good that's what i think i'm like that's what we i i'm i'm here for that but they're instant mashed potatoes but there's

some they're still for what they are they're good i haven't had it in years from what i remember was good well let's keep it with a fond memory and we can align with kfc and we are also finger licking good so this is a podcast where we give you wonderful amazing life-changing advice and if you want to call to participate in an upcoming episode you can give us leave us a voicemail at 310-694-0976 international listeners you can send us an audio message at meganpodcasts at gmail.com or you can send us a dm or you can email us type it out to that same email address so for the voice call and the voice memo you have three minutes and for the written version dm as well as email 300 words so you'll have to remember like three three you know the three is the through

line and you need to be h-nover have your parents permission you can let us know your pronouns if you would like but we do ask and we require that you let us know how old you are because it is very helpful and if it's about a relationship how long you've been together as many details as possible and the best way to do that is to write everything down and read it out loud, time it out, practice a few times, and then just read it on the call. Make sure that you, you know, you can sit on it for a day or so to like make sure you have all the like as much information because we can only go off of what we have. And if we have to like, you know, patch it up or like infer some things, we might infer wrong and then it might be like, well, this was a waste and we don't want it to be like, we

actually want to help you and let us know if you're sensitive because we will take that into account despite people just thinking we're ruthlessly mean some people i want them to think them well some people deserve that you'll notice that those are not the people who ever say like please be nice or no those are never the people who are saying like you know if i'm in the wrong like i can take it and like those are the calls where it's like hey someone ran me over with their car and then like told me i was ugly like you can tell me if i was being a bitch i can take it and I'm like, what? In what world did you record this and hear what you said that you went through that you thought that you could be the villain of this story? It's never. It's not. It's not.

No. No. Well, today we have an update. A very exciting update for us personally. Yeah. So open your ear holes and listen. So take it away whenever you're ready. okay so hello i am from the call i think it was titled i'm forgettable um but it was the one about my friend thinks i'm going to hell because i'm bisexual so long story short we're no longer friends but we still do work together and so like i want to say the first week of december is like when i get to switch campuses and not have to be around her anymore thankfully but we did have a

conversation over text message which wasn't my favorite because the whole thing is i was never scared of like confronting her because at the point to where she like said what she said i was like okay fuck you you're homophobic i don't want to be your friend anymore but i was scared because the job that we work it's like it's child care but it's at a church and so we just know how churches can be with like just gay people in general so i was like in the grand scheme of things i don't want her to like get mad at me because i've never like seen her like angry or like vindictive so i like she could be like oh you're gay i'm gonna get you fired from our job and the only reason i have this job that we work together is because it's like flexible enough to where i can like

call out and like do all these things and like it's not super strict because the full-time job that i have is also homophobic um and i literally signed like there's like a contract that make you sign like a sexual health policy thing it's really bad because they like rope it into a sense of like oh we're just trying to make sure like you're keeping yourself like pure and good or whatever so they include like you can't have sex before marriage you can't do this and you can't do that yeah and this is common because the college I went to did the same exact thing so this is like a thing that I'm used to in the circles that I'm in so and the thing is I don't hate my job because I get to work with kids and I love the kids that I get to work with because I get to work with

middle schoolers I myself I don't consider myself like religious anymore I feel like I'm really attuned to like what Melissa says like I'm just vibing you know I'm just here and so because it's not like i'm dating anybody but like me being gay is a factor that could give me fire so i'm like if what i think about london i was like if london gets mad at me then she could be like oh i'm gonna tell our boss i'm gonna tell your boss i'm gonna get you fired now that i think she was but i was like i need to tell this time because i'm broke and i need this money so i was like waiting and taking their money is great yeah it's great to take their money it's not a lot at all like i need a better job, but you know, we're here for now. So I was like waiting. And I also hadn't

talked to May yet because what I didn't include is that May doesn't live in the same city that me and London do. So if I had the conversation with May, it would have been like over FaceTime, which it was, it didn't go super great. So I called her after we had been paying phone tax for like two weeks. And she was like in the mall when I called her and I was like, well, I can't like drop this news to her in the mall. Cause I wanted to text her before and be like hey I want to talk to you to catch up like this is kind of more serious but I have anxiety I know she has anxiety and I didn't want to like send her that text message and she like be at work or like somewhere where she couldn't like process this safely so we were on the phone to the mall

she left the mall went to the grocery store left the grocery store went home to cook and so I had like a little bit of time to tell her so I just like dropped the bomb and I just like saw like her she like went to the same motions that I did whenever I heard it she was like well I thought she would feel different because of like my girlfriend I was like yeah she's like I thought she would like she supported it because of this I was like I thought the same thing and we just like kind of went back and forth a little bit and then like the conversation like ended abruptly because like her girlfriend called her and like we just never talked about it again which it didn't really matter for me what she did I just didn't want to put her in like a compromising position

because like we were close friends like all three of us so it's like I don't want to wreck our friendship and make it like harder for May and London to like be friends so I told her and then after that I was like okay well one I need to switch campuses because the one the good thing with the job that I work with London is that I can like switch locations because there's one closer to my apartment but I didn't want to do that because personally I was like well you're the homophobic one like you're the one that like wrecked our friendship I don't want to have to move because I like my co-workers like I like the kids that we work with but I was like I just I can't be here anymore and so that's kind of like the point that we're at right now I saw her last

night actually it's a lot of tension because she i don't think she's like fully taken except like responsibility for what she did because the text conversation basically was her texting me because may was coming into town she came like last weekend and usually if she came to town we would all three hang out together but the fact that london and i aren't friends anymore like throws a wrench in that but we still hadn't had a conversation and so she texted me and she was like i feel like there's like tension between us and like we need to talk about it and i just like ignored each other. And I was like, yeah, there is tension. Yeah. We probably should have talked sooner or later. But I was like, at the end of the day, I don't think I want to continue this

friendship, which is like the boldest thing that I've ever said to anybody. Cause I'm just a very, I'm a very shy little girl. And she's like, oh, I understand. I just want what's the best for you. I'm like, you can't act like all nice and high and mighty right now. Cause I'm like, at some point, like, you know what you did? Cause she was even, whenever I saw her at work, she'd be like, I just don't feel like, like, you don't like me anymore. Like, I don't really feel like we're friends anymore i was like oh my gosh why do you feel like that she was just like like i don't know i just we don't hang out as much i'm like oh i'm sorry i'll be better which is like a full lie because fuck you you're homophobic you're going to hell anyway so what does it matter what is it

what does it matter we're not going to end up in the same place so i don't think you really care about me can't write you a postcard bitch sorry it'll burn before i get there sorry and so so like she said that and then like we went back and forth and i basically said i was like at the end of the day I think we have different thoughts when it comes to my sexuality and I don't think we can be friends anymore and she was like okay I'm not gonna lie I don't know like where you're coming from with that like I've never said anything bad about your sexuality or anybody else's which is a lie mind you because when we talk about celebrities who like transition or anything like that she's always just very she's she's she knows what she's doing and so I this is I'm really proud

of myself here this was I feel like I cleared her maybe it's not that good of a response I think it was great but she was like i don't think i've ever said anything and i was like consciously no you haven't said anything but i was like when you were on laughing gas and when i took care of you you said this and i was sure to not include may in that conversation because i didn't know like what they were doing i didn't want to like mix up anything between the two of them but i was like you said this it hurt me and i was like i was using this time of us not talking to like evaluate wanted to do which is a lie i just said that to make her feel like a little bit better but I was like I was like whether this is like a conscious thought that you have in your head

like you like you still believe or like you used to believe this and don't anymore like either way I can't be your friend anymore and I was like left it at that and she was like okay like maybe we'll talk and that might help but like I just want what's best for you so I have left it at that and now we just passively see each other at our jobs which is not fun because it's kind of close quarters but she acts polite I act polite and I just do what I have to do to get my paycheck until I can move campuses yeah good yeah does people normally say things on laughing gas I don't think homophobic things I think silly funny no I know because I think that like I'm trying to remember because when I got my wisdom teeth out like I was like on like I was more under

like IV kind of under and so that's one where like yeah you don't remember but like laughing gas like she should like I don't know that you don't remember what you say and so like her whole playing dumb i also really don't like that i want what's best for you because i'm like the thinly veiled to me is like i just don't want you to be gay i just want you to not go to hell it's like fuck off like you know what you're like you're not that dumb and this whole time she never apologized and that's how i know that she because number one she never apologized and number two because like this conversation was happening through text message and i found out later i'm like 90 sure that while she was having this conversation with me she was hanging out with may

in person because like the timelines of like her being here like line up and I know that she knows she was wrong because it was like five to ten minutes between like our replies before I told her like exactly why I didn't want to be her friend anymore and then she didn't reply for hours so I'm like you know you fucked up you know like you can't number one you can't talk yourself out of this because you still believe this way and like you have nothing to say and so you know it's her loss yeah it totally is her loss yeah and I'm proud of you for standing up for yourself I was my therapist was proud of me I was very proud of myself so I appreciate that and I will say the like calling in really helped because a lot of like things I didn't even think of about like

just feeling bad for like not recognizing the warning signs earlier and also just like letting myself be so comfortable around her I was also like this was my friend like she just bamboozled me into thinking that she was like a different person which is not my fault yeah we don't assume the worst about friends like that's like you will give naturally give people the benefit of the out that you're friends with like not consciously because it's like well of course like they become safe people like it's just like you wouldn't even think of that i don't know if i said this in the original call but i just looked it up to see if she does did i mention anything about andrea russet and sandra in that one yes yes okay because i was gonna say i looked it up and andrea has a almost

a 30 minute video talking about like all of it and it very like matches very similar in the sense that like Sandra won't even apologize because in her belief system she's like no no if I apologize then they're like then I'm taking back what I truly believe and it's like the most condescending and I didn't grow up with this kind of religion aspects at all but she does talk about in like the frustrating sense of like this holier-than-thou person who's just like trying to like be like oh like this like no I just want what's bad I just want all of these things and where it's like it's like I'm not even fighting with someone or having a conversation with someone who is like a human like they're treating me like they are at this entity that is so fucking above me that is like

so belittling and patronizing so i would i would recommend that video and i fucking hate people like this yeah and she's and i and the thing is like this situation just showing me like this is probably what's gonna happen once i like quit my job and like be like out in public because i'm not because the thing is i have like a great support system of friends who like love me and like care about me and all that stuff but also so many people in my life right now who are like i love you i would do anything for you like i know like whenever i do like come out public they're like oh my gosh i don't support this like i love you but like i can't i can't be around you anymore i'm just like this is just the beginning of like a long trend of things and i just hate that she

was the first one because i don't the thing is i wish i hated her and like part of me does because she's horrible but i'm also like she's so kind of funny sometimes and i think i would feel differently if i didn't have to see her all the time it's just not fun but that's what you get whenever you're homophobic because now all her friends are going to be boring yeah yeah you know it's very true it's scientifical like if she does like tell like you're something like that and like you don't have another job lined up you also can just lie and be like i have no idea what you're talking about like i like i never really thought she would do something like that but i was like who knows and i thought it might happen in a sense of like people notice that we're not as like

friendshipy as we used to be and then they'd be like oh my gosh what happened and she she can't would play into yeah she can't hold water if she tried like she she will tell everything which there was one time i was i was hanging out with her i hit a gate at her apartment this is part of the reason why my car was fucked up for like so many months and she told you hit a gang i hit a gate like one of those automatic gates the gate hit me and this should be my first red flag is because i was embarrassed i didn't want anyone to know she was showing people the videos she was telling people pictures she was telling the story the whole time and i was like this is not your story to tell even if you weren't in the car and that should have been my first red flag but she

doesn't she doesn't care about anything so bye bye london so sorry actually i'm not sorry but no it sucks when like people like that you like for better like they're like they have traits whether they're funny or like they're fun to hang out with or whatever that like i think are harder traits to have it's a lot easier to just like not be homophobic and like but it's a lot harder to have a sense of humor and it's like if you have all these other things that you check off and then I'm like you're gonna go down by being just like a bigot like that that's gonna be what takes you down like god like you you have the cards to not be this like you could be very cool and awesome and so like mourning those kinds of friendships is like wow that sucks that like

that is the hill that you are willing to to die on but like that's the belief that you're gonna hold on to like fuck and so many of her other friends are gay too which I'm like how can you be surrounded by so many gay people and so be homophobic so part of me thinks that she's gay she doesn't want to accept it but i'm not going to be here for your journey because you dug your grave so now you have to go lay in it sorry i'm sorry i thought that the whole time yeah yes we said it offline as soon as we stopped we were like that girl she's yeah and she's like she's also four years younger than me this i don't need friends that much younger than me it's not suitable how old are you again you're young yeah i just turned 24 in august on the 16th yeah she's

basically a child fuck london fuck london yeah i also think that like if may wants to like maintain a friendship with her that's also like it's their loss not your loss like that's kind of like i think that's a friendship betrayal in that sense and like i think you're being very kind to kind of go about it in a way of like not wanting to make things weird with them but like yeah that to me is like there's one clear problem here and it's london and that is like that needs to be and she should be treated as the problem not like i don't know i think having separate relationships in that sense from from their side is kind of like shitty yeah but yeah sometimes people just are shitty i was a little jealous for a second because i was like for may it'd be so much easier

for her to like cut off the friendship because like she can essentially just like stay states and states away and like never had to see this girl again if she doesn't want to now that's like oh like i felt like she was more affected because she has a girlfriend that like london has met is obsessed with talks about all the time so i'm like i don't get how you're so sticking around this girl but for me like once you do me wrong one time i can be such a nice person but if you like hurt me like intentionally it's fuck you like i don't need you around yeah so i have too many friends in general so some people need to fall off anyways reevaluating god yeah yes you gotta do the quiz because she's not the only friend i've cut off i called another girl yeah

who i have since cut off because she's a horrible person and made me cry so yeah fuck those friends i wish i could tell you it gets better it doesn't all right well thank you so much yeah we appreciate you updating us anything for you just turning my life into content for you guys you know what we thank you for that you're welcome and i think that's one that like a a lot of people in certain areas of the the country will have um a lot of experiences with and even i even like i said before like i even know someone who went through this in la where you think of like a very progressive kind of area that it's like homophobic people will have a way of letting you know at some point or the other maybe it takes laughing gas maybe it does not i wish i could just download

those things about you i don't love discovering those things later on just be up front if if you know people were truthful then and showed who they were to begin with and stop being fake you would get a download. Well, should we take a break before we get into the calls? Let's do it. and we're back and it is time to get into the calls slash write-ins because the first one is a write-in. Love the podcast. Long-time listener, first-time advice seeker. I am 24 and I use she, her pronouns. I need some advice on if finishing my degree is worth it. I've been in college for six years trying to complete my bachelor's degree in business. I've gotten good grades since I started college up until 2021. I've been stuck trying to finish the last course I have left to

graduate. I took the class twice already and failed both times. I'm burned out and I've had a difficult time trying to focus. My time in college has not been ideal and has greatly affected my mental health. I feel so lost and I'm not sure what to do. I switched my major many times, so it's taking me longer to complete my degree, but I've reached the point when I'm ready to be done with school. But there's the other part of me that feels dumb that I haven't finished the last class. I don't want to feel like I wasted my time all these years. This was the first time I failed a class before and my parents didn't react well, which has made me feel like a burden to them for not completing my degree yet. I took the spring semester off and I was happy that I didn't have

to worry about school. I'm retaking the course this fall and I'm already late on a few assignments, which is starting to overwhelm me again. And working at a hospital at my current job is not related to my degree but if I ever wanted to progress with this job it could help me in the future thank you so much and I look forward to hearing what you guys have to say I need the college grad to take this first here's the thing you if if it was something where you're like having a degree in the area that I work I want to work in or I am working in won't matter then I would say, you know, don't finish. If it's causing you almost all this stress and anxiety and having a toll on your mental health, I'd be like, what's the point? It's just a piece of

paper at this point. But for you, it's not just a piece of paper because you said that you want to progress in this job or in another job in the field. And I have several questions for you as far as what you're doing to take the class. So you said that you failed it twice. Are you taking the class in person or online? Have you talked, do you go talk to your professor about the difficulties that you're having? Do you have a tutor for the class? Are you talking to your advisor and telling your advisor that, you know, I've taken this class twice. I don't understand what I'm doing. It's causing me a lot of anxiety because sometimes if you talk to the advisor, they can help you out in a type of way that will help you get the degree or they can point you in

the direction of another class that will be equivalent to what this class is and will count toward that credit especially if this is the absolute last class that you have to take and you can and it shows that you were making like good grades to begin with do you have people in the class that you're studying with what type of test is it and if it's the testing that's happening in the class like is it multiple choice is it written out is that the optimal way that you take tests and if it's not can you talk to your advisor about your advisor or the instructor about like i've taken this class twice i don't understand what i'm doing wrong it's causing me a lot of stress i need some help like are you asking for help in every way that you can because

in college they want you to graduate and they will give you the resources that you need but you may not know what resources are available to you and so I would ask anyone there instructor other students your advisor the department head go talk to the department head and and see what it is that they can do to help you so that's my advice cool that answered a couple of my questions because I that's how I was able to I mean it prevented me from getting into two schools I was waitlisted on but it is how I was able to graduate high school was because like my advisor is able to my high school advisor is able to find an equivalent to a science class that like I just could not get and I would ask yourself like is part of the reason why you are behind on these assignments

already and like you're behind on stuff is it because you have a full-time like or at least a part-time job like is it a time thing and is that uh a necessary aspect of it because if it is and you're like i just don't have the brain power it's something that's already hard for me and then like i don't even have the time to kind of do all that stuff because i have a full-time job and it's like i'm not gonna quit my full-time or i'm not gonna quit my part-time or full-time job that is in the like what i want to do i don't want to quit that because then i'm like starting from zero and it's already really hard to get a job there then i would i mean i would really advise like this could be a teacher issue like have you talked about like switching to a different teacher

do that course is there a community college class that is an equivalent of that specifically is there a class over the summer that is that like because there are like for somebody who like had a hard time academically i had to do i don't know if i ever did like official summer school but i did like knowing there were certain classes that would be really hard you could take a community college class during the summer that would at least in high school that was like equivalent to a high school course because it was like people were jamming those things in in the summer that you could have something that might be formatted slightly different than it would during the academic school year i will say for an upper level class when it's probably the one that she

needs to graduate it's probably the one that they need to graduate it may it probably isn't offered it at a community college level, but it may be offered in the summertime. And summertime classes, because it's a shorter amount of time, it can be better for like, for example, I took my organic chem classes in the summer because I knew that they, one, it's notoriously hard class. Two, an instructor that I knew was teaching it. And three, because the classes were shorter, the labs were also shorter and so i could just like plow through it and like my attention span because class instead of it being like a monday wednesday friday class it was every day of the week and so i could focus on better so yeah i think i really think like go talk to the people

in charge and they will have tips for you because they want you to graduate it's not like a some like um place where they're just trying to milk you for money and want you to keep failing classes they want you to get out of there yeah it helps their statistics for like the they want a lower amount of years for graduation rates um and I would just reiterate Melissa said like I strongly advise that like you get this degree because this it is hard right now but this is the easiest time for you to complete the degree it will only get harder specifically because this is a class you're having a hard time with that like the more time and space you take away from this the harder it's going to be to hop back in, hop back into it. So like, I think right now, utilizing all of the

resources that you have, I don't think you will ever regret finishing it. Yes. And then also add on is something I just thought of, because you're in your sixth year, you're now considered a non-traditional student or whatever the term is that you have at your school. And non-traditional students also have more at least at my school they had there's additional resources and i feel like this would be everywhere where they offer tutoring that would be free they also um if you're just trying to finish this one class there might be scholarships that are available to you um as a non-trad student and then also they will help you find jobs too if you don't want to be in this job anymore i actually at my school i i was working in the non-traditional oh because they paid the

most on campus it was the highest fake campus job and um there are students just like you and we had a whole bunch of resources for them yeah i i think that like where there's a will there's a way and something i like think about is like there are people who graduate colleges specifically athletes there is a whole system of like ways to get college athletes who are spending all their time doing their sport and not so much time doing academics like depending on the sport that it's like they want everyone to succeed they've already set up these avenues for people to graduate and succeed that aren't necessarily acing all of your classes and passing all of your classes in the most traditional sense like they know everybody has different capabilities

and it can be hard when you're not an athlete to think like oh well that's what they bring to the table that's why they can have these different treatments and have these different things that like help them succeed but at the end of the day like these schools are institutions they want lower year graduation rates they want they want you to succeed because they want you to donate money to them afterwards and so just know that they are looking out for you and I think we should all have the confidence of a college athlete you know because they are making money off of all of us. All right, next one. Hi, Megan and Melissa. I'm going to jump straight in. I'm 30 years old and I have been in a relationship for seven years with my boyfriend who is 33 years

old. I guess because I turned 30 recently, I've been thinking a lot about my future and kind of started panicking a bit about goals that I want to achieve. The conversation about marriage came up. I brought it up because my boyfriend never seems to do so. We have already discussed that he is more focused on his career and feels like he needs to still figure out what he wants to do, how he can achieve his goals, and not so much spending any thoughts about our future together. I know he loves me and I love him very, very much. We are a great team and I love life with him.

This is the reason why it irritates me so much when I hear him say that he doesn't feel the need to think about our future together because he is happy the way it is. So he is more focused on the parts of his life that according to him still need improvements. I know that I'm much more of a family person than he is and I do like the idea of celebrating our love in a traditional way, making it official, being husband and wife. And even though we are both not ready to have kids right now, I also do see us having that at some point. He said that he has negative feelings about marriage maybe because of his parents divorce and that he doesn't necessarily want that ever we had a long and emotional talk and decided to give couples therapy a shot we

don't really have communication issues but i don't know maybe a therapist can put things better in perspective for us i really feel my heart aching when i think about losing him i really can't imagine life without him but also i'm very scared and not sure if i can give up my wish of marrying someone because currently I'm at the point of feeling frustrated whenever I see couples getting engaged. I would love to hear your thoughts on this. Thank you. First of all, I'm so sorry that that takes a toll on you because I think specifically like I really don't like how he's phrased this and like has kind of like defended his point because a relationship to work on a relationship and to think like, oh, this isn't something that I like need to work on. Like

things always get better it's not that there has to be like a problem there but like i don't want to be stagnant like i don't want like to never grow like i i like the fact that when you're with someone for when you choose to be with someone for the rest of your life like you're making that active choice to like love them more every day like you're always wanting to be better and to like be happier and to do all that and that doesn't mean that you're unhappy or things aren't good but to kind of just like write it off that like you're a box that's been checked that you don't have to think about again that's just inconsiderate to me and like that's the no matter how much you love life with him i would be really hurt by that phrasing because to me that

would just be like i don't consider you or think about you because i don't have to and then it's like so then would i actually then do i need to then do we need to be unhappy for you to put the time and effort and energy into this it just it doesn't feel like a priority and even if that's not how he meant it like i would take like that i that like the phrasing of how he said this would really hurt me i i think couple therapy is a great call i think like it's very valid for some people to not want to get married i don't think it's a cool for someone to say you know i you know i'm really focused on my career this is just it's not a big priority for me but then to follow up maybe i never want to get married like that's not cool like you need to have this like if you never want

to get married then you have to say you never want to get married but the kind of stringing along thing he might not know what he wants but then like he needs to figure it out and then that needs to become a priority is figuring that out because I don't think it's fair for you because you're kind of holding on to this limbo and you know I'm never going to tell someone that like because you want marriage and your partner doesn't like you should leave because you won't be like you know you honestly like leaving and breaking up that might be devastating to you and like you might be hella fucking unhappy and like it might be easier for you to kind of move past the notion of what you had wanted for your life was marriage when in depending on where you're located it can

be whether it's a party or it's a piece of paper or it's something that is a like legally binding thing that affects like your taxes and affects all of those other things and like medical stuff and so like I think like logistics aside if I were in your position I would tell him I'm right now I need you to figure out if you if marriage is something that you are going to want ever or if it's not something you're ever going to want. And while you take the time to figure that out, I'm also going to take the time to figure out if that's a deal breaker for me.

And then we'll come back and we will talk like, let's say like two weeks or something. We give each other to kind of think on this or a week, whatever it is, not long. And we're going to come back and we're then going to talk about this in therapy. Like this is going to be the place where we speak about it because you're both allowed to have strong feelings about this

and it's allowed to be a deal breaker for the both of you. but you're not allowed to even process if this is a deal breaker for you because he's not even telling you if it is a deal breaker or not. Like it's just so wishy-washy that it's just not, that's just really not fair for me.

Like, cause I always think that I can get over, get through anything, but I need to, I need to, I need to start the process. And like right now the process hasn't even started. So whether that's like getting over, mourning the life that you had thought and mourning a marriage,

but you're still going to stay in the relationship or if it's mourning this relationship and leaving this relationship to get like what you want as like the final outcome but i i do think that having like parents with like a shitty relationship which like i understand like i think using that as a so i don't even i'm not sure if i like if that's made you not want to get married that's totally fine but to kind of use this as like an I don't know, maybe to me that just screams like you have not, you've not done the work. You've not unpacked your own traumas here. And so like you're kind of throwing it up in the air, hoping it's going to land where it's supposed to land. But like you actually have to put that work in

there. Like if your own past and your parents' relationship is holding you back from like making a definitive decision about your future, it is not like the person who you're with who's going to change that. Like you actively, he actively has to work on that and has to change that. And I think that is a really good thing to do in therapy. I just, I think when you're in a relationship with someone, it shouldn't be on the back burner. Like it shouldn't be something that you're like, I, I don't, I just don't want to think about our relationship. So because things as they are, they're stagnant. And I don't think that this relationship needs to have any growth. And in any relationship, there should constantly be growth. People should be trying to better

themselves and I don't understand why he can't be focused on his career but also focused on you why can't he multitask both of these things because that means that you're not a priority to him and your relationship is not a priority to him and if it were a priority then he wouldn't he would be thinking about the future. And then my question for you is, do you want to be married to him or do you just want to be married? Because you said that you see other people getting married and you never like imagine not being married. So is it him or is it you? Like, is this something that you want for your future specifically with him? Or is this something that you want just to be married? And do you feel like that he is the person that you want to spend the rest of

your life with and that he is the person that you want to marry? Is he showing you characteristics of someone that you want to be committed to for the rest of your life? And if he's not showing those characteristics and does not want to develop those characteristics while he's actively in a relationship with you then maybe this isn't the person that you're supposed to marry yeah i agree with that like i would ask herself how much of the um how much of the emotional labor in this relationship are you carrying who brought up the idea of going to couples therapy who found the therapist like how much of this that like is the reason why he's not considering you or making you a priority because you make his life a hell of a lot easier like and like he doesn't have to

and in that case like no matter how much you love someone someone who views you as like a someone who like makes their life easier and a lot more convenient with all of the unpaid emotional labor that you do that is someone who if they can't look at it and go I want to reciprocate this and be the better I see this person who I'm with like growing and being a better person every day and like doing so many great things for me if that is the instinct is not to immediately reciprocate that and to also propel move forward and grow as an individual he's not going to do that and he's not going to do that whether you're married or not and he's especially not going to do that if you have children he will revert the exact opposite and

you will be carrying a lot of that there so i also think point blank if something is important to your partner and you know that it's important to your partner the only reason why you should be of like not doing that or shutting that down is because you have strong beliefs that it goes against that you have very clear and strong boundaries, but just kind of a wishy-washy, like, I don't know, maybe it's like, if you don't feel that strongly about it, that means the other person feels far more strongly about it. And like, that's, then that's what we should be going with because I care about making you happy. There's something that like, I don't give it like something as trivial as like, let's say like, you know, people always talk about couples. One

person likes pickles one person doesn't and it's like this person loves pickles and you have you go out to eat and you get burgers and there's a pickle that comes with each and they're like oh are you gonna eat that pickle like i love pickles i would love to have that and it's like i don't know maybe i i mean i don't really like care that much about pickles but like i'll let you know and it's like what like you know how happy this would make the other person and you know how much they care about it clearly they care about it more than you do and so therefore like when i love someone I want to make them happy and knowing that this person has handed me something that would bring me so much joy and make me so happy and I get to witness that and see that and be a part of that

sign me the fuck up but like kind of dangling it in front of that is I think cruel because you clearly don't care enough about it or have enough disdain for it to have a strong stance yeah and like when I'm in a relationship I like to take care of my partner and I like to also be taken care of. And I understand that every day, it's not going to be like a 50-50 thing. Some days it's going to be 40, 60, whatever the fraction percentage is. But at the end of the day, we should both have each other's back and should be making each other better and not worse or making the other person just sad and not. And when you get to the point where you can't give the other person something that they want and is a deal breaker for them, then that's no longer the

person that you should be with yeah i wholeheartedly agree um and i would ask him why he doesn't want to get married because like if the fear is i don't want to get divorced or i don't want like whatever that is like that needs to be unpacked because he needs to figure out if this is related to your relationship or if it's related to the trauma of his parents relationship and then it's like okay well you have to do that work so even if we get married if your constant fear is this x y and z thing happening that doesn't disappear as soon as we get married like it's yeah that's yeah because anybody can leave your life at any time but when they don't and I feel like you should go into marriage as if like it should be like if you're not happy I don't want you here like I

don't think like you should go into a marriage and be like we're just gonna stick it out because we're supposed to stick it out like every day in any type of marriage any friendship like if we if the problems arise that neither one of us want to fix and we're not happy then we shouldn't be here yeah and you shouldn't go in just thinking negatively about what the relationship is and just like i don't want to get married because i don't want to get divorced that's bullshit yeah i think it it says a lot about the person for the reason why they don't want to get married and like it's not doesn't have to be a bad thing but like people who are divorced when they're like oh I don't get married I've been divorced I'm like understand that you've been through a divorce you don't

want to go through that again or if it's something that like you watched a one parent bleed the other parent dry it says a lot about then it's like okay do you view me like that there like it says a lot about whether they what not necessarily what they think about you but like how they view relationships how transactional they view them and um how much they've worked through their own their own bullshit and like I was definitely someone who like I theoretically always wanted to get married but I was like I don't think that I will ever conceptually I was like I like the idea of being married but I just could never see myself wanting to be with someone for like my entire like yeah I did not grow up with a good representation of that but that was like on me like I didn't I

couldn't fathom liking someone enough that I want to spend all that time with them and also feeling comfortable enough to spend that much time with someone and so like that was on me it wasn't a belief system I held depending on the relationship that I had like it was not a reflection of the relationship that was an individual thing and like I went into relationships like knowing that about myself and then when I was in the right relationship and then when I put the work in for myself then it was like oh okay I want to do this because like I like you said like I I don't you're the only person I want to fight with you're the only person I want to work through these issues with everyone else I'm just out like I'm gonna dip but like this is the first time that

like I actually like want to work through them I want to solve these problems I want to move past these things and that takes effort and work and like uh active participants to do that and if he's not doing that he's just he's not going to and right yeah i would be really frustrated especially if he like shuts down these conversations or trivializes them because it's there's never going to be enough time then so i'm really sorry and i really hope that you are able to get some clarity with this and also like i know that you're in couples therapy but are you in individual therapy as well? Because sometimes you might be in couples therapy and people are just showing who they are in couples therapy and not being their true selves. And when

you go into individualized therapy, that person can just hear your side of what's happening and can give a different perspective for you. Yeah. All right. We're going to take another break. When we get back, we'll get into the rest of the episode. and we're back and it's time to get into the rest hi megan and melissa i need advice on how to tell my friends that i might be getting back with a guy that they don't like so i'm 28 years old and I've been with a guy for a few years but only seriously for like two. He's almost 41 years old. I lived with him at his apartment for a while but I moved out a few months ago for space but we still remain together. We've always had an up and down relationship and we will argue. My friends

have never liked him and they make that quite clear to me. About six weeks ago things just got a bit too much for me one night and I ended things with him and it did feel quite final to me. When I told my best friends they obviously checked if I was okay but then they celebrated. One of them stood up and was dancing around and spoke about having a breakup party. It did make me feel quite rubbish but as time has gone on I miss him. I have met up with him a few times and it's been really good but I haven't told my friends this. Now I'm stuck. I feel a bit embarrassed if I get back with him because of their initial reaction. They were clearly happy it ended and I've been so supportive of me since i'm worried what to do if i do end up back with him i don't want them to be mad at me

how do i approach the situation i don't want to continue to lie to them i'm just a bit stuck and can use some advice please be harsh if you need to be but then i also might cry i love you both on the podcast bye with love we're gonna be very harsh my girl and it's not just because like you told us we could no it's because we love you yes we deeply love you you didn't give us any specific reasons as to why they don't like him because the reasons are valid and you don't want us to know or you they don't even need to tell you what the reasons are you already know like it doesn't even have to be a conversation here like there has been no there's a miscommunication here like there's this it's like there you do not discredit their feelings about him because they are you know

that they're valid and the whole like what should i do if i end up back with him it's like just don't like this isn't like you're not going to fall in his lap this does not need to be something like this but like i'm just going to tell you right now a tumultuous on again off again up and down relationship with a man who is over 10 years old over 10 years older than you for years and it was only serious for two of those years and you live together and then you move out and you you know all of those things this is not your person and like this is this chapter closed so long ago and that's why it's so up and down and tumultuous like when we keep revisiting like parts of our life that we have lived already and like we have we've gotten everything out of them that we've like got

this life experience and we keep going back to it it doesn't move forward it doesn't progress like we are just going it is we're going back and looking at the memories again and trying to relive it and just play house and do those things like there's a reason why this is doing that it's because like you're drinking spoiled milk like expiration date has already fucking happened that's the reason why and especially like having this like shift and change in heart in six weeks like this is because you keep staying in contact you keep talking you go back like you can only miss someone when missing is a crucial stage in moving on past someone or a breakup and if you cave and give in to the missing part you're then then we're starting from square one all over again

like missing someone is not an indicator that you made the wrong you made a mistake like that is just the first step of grieving your morning like you need to get past all of those steps and live hell of a lot more life in six weeks to then be like, okay, we've recovered from this. We've done X, Y, and Z from all of this. And more importantly, I will say, if you are worried about what your friends think, that is a clear indicator that you should not be with this person. Like there is times where it's like, you know, you can know, and I've been there where like, you know how people feel about some and you don't give a shit. And it's because like, I know, I know it's good for me. And I genuinely do not care what you think. And then, then that is like, that's, that's all

there is to it. But if you are worried about their perception of you or him or what this means or anything like that, that is an indicator that you trust and believe them. And, or you know, that their grievances are real factual and that there has been no, there is nothing you could say to change their mind there is none of that like all you can do is essentially prove to people by being in a much healthier and better relationship and having them see that but they're not going to see that because that's not what's happened yeah i i want to know specifics of why they don't like him but honestly it doesn't matter that much because there's multiple of them that don't like him like a lot of friends don't like he's also too old regardless if your friends

even like him yes they're too old but they're also like cheering and want to throw a party that speaks volumes and so like for you to be on and off with somebody that is 40 41 um almost 41 while you're in your 20s this is just not this is not the part it shouldn't be this much work and this hard where you have all this back and forth and you can't decide what you actually want and you you lived with them and then moved out like that's not that's that's not a good sign that's not a good sign at all because that means that you weren't ready to spend your life with this person and it's only been a few weeks and neither let's say like you're like no this is the one what work have both of y'all done to make sure that this is actually the one like this is the

person that you're supposed to be with no work you haven't had enough time to do any work to better yourselves and that it's not going to get better if y'all are fully in a committed relationship you haven't even stopped talking during any of this time nothing has been fixed it's just that like Megan said you miss each other and so you've never had that reset so no I'm with your friends y'all aren't supposed to be together and if you're ashamed tell your friends who you're with then that also speaks volumes yeah and just know that like you've heard so many calls on this podcast of people who their friends are getting back with toxic relationships and it's like how do i support the friend and like you know at a certain point that like those

friends might not be able to stay your friends at this time like it might be too hard for them and it's what do you who do you want and what do you want like moving forward like these people who so clearly care about you so much and like sometimes I think that like when our picker is wrong and our friends have a gut feeling about someone even if you wholeheartedly disagree humor them humor them don't talk to him for six months see what happens see how much better like see all of those things because you are so in the thick of it that like at that point like you need someone else to be your eyes and your ears and your decision maker and your brain and like if you care about your friends and you love them if you made like a list of all of like the things that

how the ways they have treated you and all of that and you compare it to him who's winning and like that like a relationship relationships all are based in the same things and then some we may or may not be adding romantic or sexual aspects to but if this person was if he was just your friend would you tolerate these behaviors like where is this coming from and notice that like if you wouldn't take this behavior from a friend you can't take this behavior from him and then knowing that like the more you accept the behavior and your friends watch you accept it and accept it and accept it you're leading to your own destruction in the sense of you will start accepting poor behavior from other people as well you can't keep it

isolated in one aspect of your life and like melissa said like i moving out after having lived with someone i think is the clearest fucking indicator that it's not gonna work because when you live together the whole point is you have to make you make things work because you live together but like if you can't then you can't and it's not like okay well then we'll just date and like never like live together like this is not to be like cheesy but like is this a story that you envision telling people like that when you like what if you like make it work and you like do you envision this like is this a story that you you want to tell and also do you envision these friends being at your wedding like do you envision this like how do you see all of this

going because i promise you that like to sacrifice everything in your life your relate your friendships like your future all of that for someone like that person better be better than any other person you've ever met but like he's not to to put yourself and put the other people in your life through all of this for something that like ultimately you're just trying to hold on to something that was once good and that was once exciting like let that be what it was because the more you tarnish this with like the furthering and trying again and trying again those good memories are going to become fewer and fewer and fewer and you just need the space like you need the time and the fucking space away because you you're not letting yourself actually get past

step one right I personally do think that if somebody if somebody moves in with somebody too quick and they move out like they realize that they like this isn't gonna work and they move out I do think they can come back from it but you have to figure out why things didn't work and again work on yourself and then go back to it but like years like yeah it's gotta be time there's gotta be some time between i i would even say like like six months could be it but like depending on where you are on your maturity level and how much work you're putting into figuring things out but like not a few weeks no and if this is only serious for two years you said but it had been going on longer than that that puts you at 26 and let's say if it's four years total you're at 24

and he's in his late 30s he this man has already taken up far too much time he's taken up too much time of your life and he does not deserve any more time here and like if you're gonna date someone so much older than you they need to have all of their shit sorted out there needs to be no problems they need to be like the most therapized mature favorite person your friends all love they need to have a condo they need to have multiple cars they need to have a vacation home like they need to have like absolutely anything and everything and have absolutely nothing wrong with them like it needs to be like coasting like if you're going to do that and he's not that and there's a reason why he's getting people younger it's because he is not

up to the level of his peers and he's not even up to the level of your peers right and that's fair point that's a fucking flag that's not even a red that's just like you're seeing red everywhere where you go there's not even an outline of a flag it's just everything is fucking red so you deserve so much better than this and even if you can't see it your friends can so like you can like ride in the passenger seat of your life for a while like let them and you can tell them like hey i really need to lean on you like i'm mortified that like i went back to him we've been texting and like i'm hella fucking embarrassed and like i shouldn't do this i never left him yeah it's like i shouldn't do i know i shouldn't do this but i really want to and like i need you all to hold

me accountable i need you to like non-stop talk about how awful he is i need you to prompt me to talk about how awful he is i need you to like delete his number in my phone like lean on your friends as like i would do that for my if my friend needed that i would be fucking there in a heartbeat because like we know everyone knows what it's like to go back to someone who's not or like to whether it's go back to someone or pine for someone who is like so bad for you like you need your village and you need your arm you need your support system and to like let them let them support you yeah all right give us an update please even if it's not something you want to share on the podcast yeah all right next one hi megan and melissa i am 22 and use she her

pronouns i'm writing to you for advice regarding unrequited feelings for someone very important in your life i'm a senior in college and i've been friends with justin 22 he him for four years now he and i are from similar places over a 14 hour drives from our college we have a great deal in common, so we became fast friends. When we first met, he was in a long-term relationship with his high school sweetheart, and I was in a relationship with someone from college. Over the course of our friendship, both of us went through rough patches, bringing us closer together, and I would say we both consider each other our best friends. Recently, we were participating in a project together where we had to work very closely. I can provide a little context for you and Melissa,

but I don't want to be too specific. This project had some pretty heavy subject matter that hit home for both of us and made me realize two things. One, I needed to step back from this topic, and two, that i had been suppressing feelings that i have for him in the past i've had a hard time differentiating between strong feelings of friendship and when i like or love someone i know for a fact he does not feel the same way about me as he tells me who he does like i do not want to tell him how i feel as i know it will hurt our friendship and i don't want to lose a great friend if you have any recommendations on how to help yourself move on from feelings that are not reciprocated i would appreciate that i mean okay so i don't want to give like

false hope but like some people say they like someone and they like don't know you i mean like it could be a not an option and like i have done that before like i've so done that with people especially because i'm someone who chronically dates friends i don't know anyone who has dated a friend where you haven't been like you tell them who your crushes are and all of that kind of like it just happens you can have crushes on multiple people but there could be somebody that you actually like like like and you also don't think that they reciprocate your feelings so you talk about the other crushes to throw them off so yeah he could like you but i don't want to give you false hope but i do think that if you i think i think you need to i think you should tell him

and here's why because you're going to continue to create this false in there you're going to continue to create this narrative in your head of what you think the relationship could be and why it could be good and if you're going to remain friends with him that's never going to go away because you're always going to have this imagination of how good the relationship will could will be but that's just your imagination and your imagination is always going to be better than reality because you don't have two people that are you know somebody left a wet towel on the floor and you can't fight about that you're imagining what you want this relationship to be and it's going to be the best possible scenario in your head so are y'all going to remain friends

because senior year y'all could never talk to each other anymore so are you going to remain friends outside of college are you going to be still living in the same area um are y'all going to hang out all the time are y'all still going to be doing similar you gave us context and I don't want to say what it is but are y'all still going to be in that same type of group setting where this type of thing could come up because you were playing make you're playing make-believe in your head if y'all are still going to be friends and you want to be his friend I think you need to tell him or else you're just going to keep creating these false narratives if you like get to the point where you're like oh we're not going to be in the same place you may not be

friends anymore but you still might think of him as the one that got away and so you're still going to be creating an imagination and that may not be healthy for future relationships that you try to get into because you still might be thinking of him so actually in any situation i think you tell now that i've talked it out amongst myself i think you should tell him i i agree the the friendship will be ruined either way because you will have to take it because he's your best friend like this is a difference between having a crush on a friend versus like someone who you're really close with because the only thing that has shifted is now you're attracted to him essentially or like assume assumingly that so you've already gotten to like the getting to know him like you've

you've gotten the emotional aspect which i think is harder so you can't just like shut it off if he was a crush and this was a friend the advice to get over a crush is to distance yourself you can't distance yourself from him without that affecting your friendship so like no matter what this will affect your friendship and so the best way to do this is to be honest and you know i will say after that the advice i would give you like you know if the he you're saying he doesn't reciprocate those feelings let's operate on under that assumption you tell him i would say you phrase it in a sense of like hey i just want to let you know that like i need to take a step back from our friendship for a bit um after we did that thing together it made me realize that i

have developed like romantic feelings for you and i value our friendship so much i know you have feelings for this other person and i um need in order to like i thought about it and like i wondered if i could just like stay with our relationship with where it's at but like i do think i need to have like a little bit of space to kind of get over this and i just wanted to like let you know that and that I really care about you but like I I really yeah so that just just as a heads up say that you don't don't you know putting that on you not in a sense of like how do you feel about me like just he can offer that up if he wants to and then from there for you when you're taking that space think of things about him that would give you the ick like think

about things that are like like literally look up things that give you the egg and just picture him doing those things and like think of like the things that you want in someone like don't watch rom-coms don't watch all of those things where you can like like melissa said you'll have this fantasy and this idea of him don't do anything where you can kind of slot him into these different roles like anytime you think about him like redirect in the sense of like think about him doing something like oh that would give me the egg or like oh not the vibe not the vibe and throw yourself into other things there and other friendships

that you can like work on at that time and know that you can go back to that friendship. But like Melissa said, you're young, you don't know where your like lives are going to take you after school. And I will also say, again, we're not saying what the context was,

that experience can give you goggles. So you might have, this person else might be very good at it. And so like you might have had these goggles on that like when you actually take this step away from the friendship for a little bit, you might realize like, oh, shit, that's like so not what that was. Like that was I was in a circumstance in a situation and I was caught up in it. And that's not how I feel about like the real life you and the real life me.

So you but you do need space for that. And that space cannot be fantasizing. And that space has to be like constructive and redirection. And these are all of the things that I don't like about you in a romantic way. Yep. And I'm going to give you two examples of both possibilities of this. I had a friend in college and he used to talk shit about this girl all the time, like all the time.

And I was like, why are you so concerned with her? She had the same name as me, too. I was like, why are you so concerned with her? he was in love with her and he was trying to fight the feelings and they are happily married now with multiple children. Like they, it was just like, he wasn't being truthful for what he was feeling.

He finally told her and they were good. Then a specific situation with me, I had a friend that we were very close. One of these friends, like we would drink together, like in our friend group. And like whenever people drink together, we all got a little flirty and touchy for some reason i was straddling him and um

and uh and he was like why haven't we hooked up and i was like i don't think of you in that way at all despite the current situation yeah i was just like we're having fun you know we're just hanging out and then like now we're we are still very close friends but he is truly like my brother and he calls me his sister and he is married to another one of our friends that's in our was in our friend group like and they have beautiful children and they are a great couple so like there's different you know scenarios here and it can turn out one of two ways if he's your actual friend you're still going to remain being friends yeah and like you could date and then you also could break up and like things could go well and then they don't go well for a bit after there

But I think holding on to a relationship to where it's at at that current point only works if both of you are at that current point. You're not at that current point anymore. And so like there is no holding on to what it was. So what can we do moving forward? Yeah. Well, best of luck. Let us know how it goes. And yeah, I would also say I don't know how recently you've done this thing together.

But I would at least give it three weeks before you even say that you have feelings because like those might completely go away. Yeah. um all right well that's the end of the episode wow amazing wonderful we hope you all enjoyed if you did please leave us a review you can go to apple podcast and leave your review for the podcast you can also use spotify to leave a review for specific episodes and uh as as always or maybe this is your first time listening and you did not know we have a whole multiverse of other podcasts once you subscribe to this feed you will get all of them so tomorrow we have see you next tuesday we skip wednesday so you can actually this wednesday you might get the episode early

because it's thanksgiving week and i oh yeah so you might get don't hold her to it though everyone don't hold me to it but you might get but am i wrong on wednesday and no episode on thursday we'll see then we have thursday or maybe this week wednesday we have uh uh but am i wrong which is where we ethically shit talk as well as uh fisting friday where you read the results of the episode prior of what am i wrong but we also you know sometimes chitty and chat chat and it's a wonderful amazing fantastic time and what a wonderful slate of content for you if you are spending time over the holidays with people who you dislike throw a little airpod in there put your hair down no one will know the wiser we'll just be right in there yeah hang on us we'll chill

with you um and we also have a patreon where you can listen to the episodes ad free and you can also join um for our live streams that we have twice a month and video versions of all the podcasts so you can see the facial expressions and we've got some more fun things coming for you over there check it out so that's it for today goodbye bye don't blame me is a production by me megan rinks and me melissa d montz plus diamond imprint productions. Post-production sound and editing by Coco Lorenz. Production assistance by Melanie D. Watson. And music by Giacomo Picasso and Ryan Hunter.