Don't Blame Me! - REPLAY: My Nurse Friend Stole Medication

Episode Date: January 8, 2024

Original Air Date: Jan 17th 2022 This week we're sharing advice on:  Boyfriend berating you because his dog bites you Dating your ex after taking a break Dating for 4 months and making plans to move in Your friend lying about pharmaceuticals Don't Blame Them: Snitching on Younger Cousin Buy our merch: https://store.dftba.com/collections/don-t-blame-me    Subscribe to our new show: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/but-am-i-wrong/id1591757891    Follow Us! @meghanrienks  www.instagram.com/meghanrienks  https://twitter.com/meghanrienks @sheisnotmelissa  www.instagram.com/sheisnotmelissa https://twitter.com/sheisnotmelissa @dontblamemepod   https://www.instagram.com/dontblamemepod/   Listen to ad-free on Stitcher Premium! For a free month of Stitcher Premium, go to stitcherpremium.com and use promo code 'BLAME.”   Affordable Therapy By State (Curated by Crissy Milazzo): www.tinyurl.com/y64kwdnf    Need Advice?  www.dontblameme.show  Domestic Listeners Call: [phone]   International Listeners Send a Voice Memo To: [e-mail]    … with as much detail as possible under 3 minutes! WeI'll do our best to share our wonderful words of wisdom. If you're under 18, please get your parent's permission. Advice is for entertainment purposes only, so you can't blame us if we screw up your life. I kid! Our advice IS AMAZING. - Want to WATCH this episode as well? Become a patron! https://www.patreon.com/dontblameme   Join the Facebook Group! https://www.facebook.com/groups/dbmsecretgroup Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/join/dontblameme See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

hello little fuckers we've missed you we've missed you but i think we've kept them you know entertained with some of our favorite episodes of the past someone told me that they discovered Nicole Byer through our podcast and I was like how how whatever they're living under a don't blame me rock which I was like I'm like so flattered but this is definitely the only time that has ever happened we were like so excited that we even booked her and then it happened the same day that you got your seizure and you were like I'll push through and I was like are you sure it's the cool buyer obviously i will push through she's absolutely everything to me so yes thank you all for letting us no i'm not gonna say thank you for letting us capitalism's not

getting to me happy that you all enjoyed the replays for the last three episodes and we had a eventful three-week break we talk about it on this week's episode of but am i wrong if you want to hear us talk a little bit more about that. Now everything's lined up. So it's coming out the same week. Finally. But yeah, so we are happy to be back recording new episodes and 2022 starting off going a little too hard. Yeah, a little too hard. How have you been? You know, I've been okay. We are. I talked about this a little bit on the other podcast. It is tuesday the day that we are recording this and moth and i are submitting our first offer for a home tomorrow wednesday it's very exciting which is crazy so positive thoughts but at the same time

i'm keeping reminding myself of the things that i don't like about the house because it would just be absolutely unheard of to get a home on the first offer especially in la you know we could have offered way more but i'm like this house is not you know i mean like la home prices like the the market has like surged them up so much and i understand that but at the same time i grew up in a very i didn't grow up personally wealthy but i grew up around a lot of wealthy people in a very very wealthy up in a fluent area very affluent area shout out to my dad for building a house there in the 70s but he could but i was surrounded by homes that cost a ton of money but at the same time i'm like you have beautiful vistas everything's gorgeous i mean there mern has a lot

of its own problems big problem with racism and white saviorism and white liberals bad vibe but also like great public schools and all of that so i understand how people pay a lot more for those houses whereas in la i'm like no i can see the freeway like i'm not gonna be paying this much for it but it's really cute it definitely would need some work but that's like kind of what we wanted yeah so we're keeping our fingers crossed and what else mott's got norovirus but he's better now so far knock on such a cute name isn't it though knock on wood me and mott's dad are the only people in the entire family who never got it so like nice crossing my fingers and i have been incredibly humbled by a two-year-old because oh that's what they will do it's only getting worse

so when we were in colorado he would ask me to draw he would say aunt megan draw a octagon and the first time i drew it there were not eight sides and he's just looking at that and he goes aunt megan draw an octagon and i was like okay let me try again and i'm trying and his dad monza's brother is dying of laughter not helping me at all just laughing and then finally he goes can aunt megan draw a hexagon and just starts just like go i was like this is so so wildly humbling and then he started just saying aunt megan draw a circle and i was like sure i'll draw a circle i've been demoted to circle and triangle and well it hurts but then this one was my own fault he loves puzzles and i also love puzzles so that's like one of my favorite

things to do with him and small puzzles because i hate his big ass big ones that like he doesn't help with but he like wants me to do it he just like turns into a dictator and just tells me what to do and i'm doing this puzzle that's not even fun but so i got him a mott's and i got him a u.s map puzzle and it has like the wooden pieces and i again i was thinking about him and i wasn't thinking about me and he loves memorizing things like he's all about that like very much like one of those like little kids you see on ellen who just like has all those things memorized yeah he's like a little sponge 100 you like ask him what obama says and he says yes we can you ask him what like ruth bader ginsburg says and is like i resist or we resist something he's great at this

stuff but it has not only the states but also the capitals and i was like oh that's like a twofer because he'll learn the states and he'll really love memorizing those and knowing all those and then he can move on to like capitals and like that'll be great how are you with that that's the issue so uh they are smaller pieces and he can he can do them but they don't each have their own little outlined slot like they all fit in together which is like a more advanced thing so like he can do them and so that you know what it matches with yes so he can do like the outer corners and that stuff but like it doesn't precisely fit until everything's in there which is just a little bit harder so it's a lot of him asking me to put them in and i have now

recognized that not only do i not know where a large chunk of the states reside but i also do not fucking know the capitals so like the outline on the map like on the wood and when you take the pieces out just says the capital and i'm like oh fuck and so we were over there the other day and again everybody is just dying of laughter because he just keeps going like megan put this piece and megan put this piece put this piece and i'm like it's like i'm holding wyoming and i'm like i don't know where it goes so i am learning with him so i think that has been helpful and it has solidified of matzah's view that we cannot i personally could not ever homeschool our children yeah yeah well one day i would like to sit and do that with soren because i am very versed and like that was

one of my favorite things is states and capitals like we would have sections of i don't know if you probably not you didn't have sections where we would fill out maps and we have a test at the end of the week did you have those so no but that's like the fifth grade criteria and we didn't have that okay so we had that and i would fill out the sections around that weren't even part of the test for that day yeah so that is not me like this is again very marin one of the pitfalls of my i went to like hippie school for elementary school one of the pitfalls is they were like we're on stolen land we're not going to learn about all of these states and all this arbitrary stuff and i was like as a kid i was like sick don't have to do this as an adult i'm like okay

so we acknowledge the problem but we're also not going to learn that much about said problem okay we're using as an excuse to not really do this segment as much but like you know i learned lots of other like fun stuff regarding history but yeah not that so it's like i'm good when it comes two i can do the west coast i'm solid when it comes to the west coast i mean there's only a few states exactly but then when i even get to colorado i know like what states colorado touches on the left when i was like colorado shares a corner with nebraska the fuck i just can't well maybe this will be education for you as well there are some random states that i like know capital seven stuff like i'm not gonna call arkansas random but like people were impressed

that i knew arkansas and moz goes doesn't count melissa's from there and i was like i've also been there but i couldn't flex that so you'll have to do it with him sometime and show off your skills and then he will never let me do it again melissa where is this i like to slowly take for all children's lives i even one of my sisters i even like her dog likes me better well both their dogs actually like me better but the other one like i was around a lot all the time before i moved so like that dog loves me but then the newer dog my other sister has the first time we met three years ago he peed on me so i've been pissed at that since then literally yes but uh when i went this time he was obsessed with me and then you know the children are obsessed

with me too but i unfortunately didn't get to see them a lot because they were all sick with non-covid things and so it was kind of like ping-ponging back so i didn't get to see them as much as i'd like to that sucked did they get strapped no but we found out that audrey has needs to get her tonsils taken out so that's why she gets sick all the time yeah at least she's young though that's the good the best time to get it done yeah i had my adenoids taken out when i was a little bit younger than her for the same reason so we shall see but i was just thinking you were talking about homily mine's a little bit more simple but last night i was talking to melanie and abriel the youngest the two-year-old on facetime and abriel pushed the phone away

because she didn't want to talk to me and then her dad came in the room and she didn't realize he was in the room and my and melanie goes hey q and then she pulls the phone back because she thought he was on the phone and then when she saw it was me she pushed it back i was like you see this dude every day why am i being treated like someone you don't want to talk to when you talk to like she'll just call she knows how to like find me and call me and it's like wow i feel very disrespected and hurt yeah so i got disrespected by my niece and it hurt my feelings but i'm over it today it's been a long day though i've already directed an audiobook this morning at seven o'clock wow yeah and i was impressed with myself that i set an alarm this morning

i was like damn look at me well i guess we should give you a little lowdown on the show if you are new here or maybe you've just forgotten so we're don't blame me we are an advice show where we give wonderful life-changing amazing wonderful i said wonderful twice because it is and it's wonderful squared advice and you give us a call at 310-694-0976 international listeners send us an audio message at meganpodcast at gmail.com under three minutes or you will be cut off by us but mostly by google voice number and we ask that you let us know your pronouns you're 18 or over have your parents permission to call and you write down everything you're going to say you time it out before you call us make sure it's under three minutes practice get all of the right info in

there and then you can just read it aloud when you leave us the voicemail and that is how you can receive drum roll please a i can't roll a diamond you can't roll your arse rub it in okay it's not much i can do so i like to rub it in that's how you can receive a diamond from the diamond herself me alissa diamond ah the crowd goes wild so okay shall we get into it yeah okay so my call was um the one where i wanted to move in with my boyfriend and a roommate and he ended up wanting to get a studio apartment to himself and then i just lived in a house with just me and my roommate and that actually you guys were right and that was honestly the best i don't think it would have worked out if the three of us stayed um i don't think it'd be bad but it is nice like

he has his own space and like it can just be me and him when i go over there versus like me and her we're on the same sports team together she's still an undergrad but other than that we have like a very similar not even similar schedule but lifestyle because we're both in college if that makes sense yeah so that ended up working out really well but now for next year me so i talked to my boyfriend and he does want to live together next year so he's like yeah let's move in together next year so we're planning on doing that we he actually got a dog that we have together and like we're doing great and she's so cute so we're really excited to move in with the dog and everything but i have three other people that want to live with us next year like individually or

like with you and him like they want to all live like in a big house together that's my first i was like okay fine and then i'm like wait no that sounds terrible because two of them are a couple so it'd be me and him the two of them and then just someone else no no no what's his thoughts on it he doesn't really care he's like i don't really like it but whatever just like he more so just wants to be an apartment because he doesn't want to deal with like obviously wouldn't be buying a house but even like renting a house like all the utilities like are in your name and stuff and he just doesn't want to deal with all that which now i'm seeing too because like at this house like i'm an accounting person and like i'm from the area so everything's in my name because

it was just easier that way but it's already annoying like having to be in charge of all of that for one other person and me and her get along like fine like that's not a problem at all and it already like annoys me so i'm like imagine if that was like for other people yeah yeah no but i don't know how to tell them like without being a bitch just say we want to live just we want to live by ourselves yeah that's yeah yeah that like you both have like you were going to do it this year just you two and then held off and so now for the next year we really want to do just us and like unless you are like broke broke with no other options that's like a you allocate the money for you two to live together and if that was something that was already on the table

like yeah it will be so dramatic like yeah think of the other couple fighting and like yeah and they've only been dating for like a year versus me my boyfriend been dating for like four years and i don't want it to be like uh oh we're better than you but i'm like i wouldn't even recommend them move in together right now well you have to think of it as like every single day is like a double date and dinner every night like all of that stuff an extra person plus an extra fucking person who's just gonna be like that's so weird yeah for me like i understand that and i want my own apartment and i can afford it to like just me and him or i could afford like my own place really if i wanted that but the other people are wanting to save money and like wanting like a big thing so

i don't know how to explain it to them without sounding rude i don't think you need to explain it in a way of like this is financially not we're able to live by ourselves just say it's just we've been together for a long time and we kind of we just want to move in together and yeah i think if you like really phrase it as like we're really excited for this next part of our relationship we've been i think you will like also deter the couple who has only been together for a year for like living together because i think when you are a couple and you seek out to have three additional roommates that's because you're trying to downplay the severity or the seriousness of moving in with a significant other so you make your significant other like a roommate but like if you're like no

this is like a this is like a next step in our relationship that we're really excited for we've been together for four years and we're not looking to have any other roommates because again this is like this is the next step in our romantic relationship and partnership right it's not about like roommates like he's not my roommate he's my long-term partner yeah and like the other couple one of the reasons the girl was like wanting to do it she's like oh like that way it's just not the two of us living together and like i can have help with the rent because this person's still in college and i'm like okay but like i don't want no like no no no it's okay to be selfish yeah and not think about their feelings because i mean like living situations are something serious like

they're really serious like you come home like do you want to be looking at them when you come home after a long day right like they're gonna like make out on your couch yeah you know they're gonna have sex in a bathroom yeah and you might be able to hear it yeah yeah it's not it's it's not it you should no no no no it's their responsibility if they don't want to live together and all that stuff i think you've got the perfect out like the absolute perfect out yeah and then i would also individually tell like the solo one person just be like don't move in with a couple just like don't do that not a good call yeah i guess i just feel bad like i don't want these people to be without a place or like without roommates it's a ridiculous ask yeah and

they can if they need roommates they can find other people and like they shouldn't assume like of the people who you would think would be the most wild card it'd be like shocking if they said yes to moving in i would think it'd be a couple who's been together for four years like that's not like if that's who they're like really relying on it's like you haven't thought this through because like that's not yeah i don't know why they want to live with us honestly maybe you're fun yeah i'm kind of boring so i don't know maybe they're swingers maybe they've had their eyes on you oh my god well don't do it joking joking i don't want to put those weird vibes out you had the success story of this year realizing that and not not getting into like that times five

basically or times yeah three math three yeah because i feel like this year like i learned okay like don't move in with your significant other until like you're ready to like have that as like the next party of your relationship and i don't think the other people realize that because they haven't had like a year of seeing what that would be do they live together now no they're long distance right now oh god no absolutely no it's gonna be an adjustment just for them to be in the same place together there's like a four-year age gap too someone will be like in college and yeah no and it'll ruin like the excitement that you've waited all year to like move in with your you know i mean like it will hinder your experience you know it's just not it's not good yeah it's not

worth it okay so just kind of tell them like oh i really just want it to be the two of us like we've planned for this we're really excited about this it's the next step in our relationship and that's why i moved in with my roommate this year because we were holding off and now this is something we've been really excited for but like right good luck finding a roommate well thank y'all of course you're welcome happy that it originally turned out well and um fingers crossed that if they take it the wrong like fuck them like that's so weird yeah yeah if they take it the wrong way then that might not be a situation i want to be that's on them that's on them like you're totally reasonable yeah they've got too many things going on even outside of just

financially okay i just needed that validation yeah i was like am i being a bitch or is this crazy it's crazy you're not a bitch y'all they're fucking crazy yeah well thanks again of course thank you for giving us an update yeah you'll have a good afternoon you too roll the tapes hi megan and melissa i'm a long time fan and listener of the podcast but somehow i still I don't know how y'all are going to react to my call. I'm kind of nervous, but here it goes. I am a 19-year-old female. She, her pronouns.

And my boyfriend is a 22-year-old male. He, him pronouns. We have been dating for around two years, and we live together. We each have a dog, and we kind of like raise our dogs together, obviously. We live together. And I've been with him since he got his dog. he got his dog before I got mine and his dog is a blue killer. It's a boy and he's around a year and a half old. So I've been around him. He's like a puppy. He knows me. I think mom loves me

much. He loves me. He's in my bed every night with me and I help take care of him as much as if he's my own. But he has bit me a few times and he's also bit my boyfriend a few times. He has some really bad aggression issues and really bad disciplinary issues and we've been working on it for a long time he's actually attacked by a bigger dog whenever he was really young and I kind of scarred him and made him a little more aggressive so it's understandable I guess but I don't know what I should do because everything he bites me whether it's minor or sometimes it's kind of bad my boyfriend always kind of speaks up for him and tells me that like it's my fault and I'm reacting the wrong way even whenever i'm completely calm and trying to do exactly what he tells me to

do he still tells me i'm reacting the wrong way and he's just always trying to make it seem like i'm wrong and the way that i'm acting is making him bite me and i try to express to him that nothing should make a dog bite the hand that feeds him like especially if i'm not hurting him or putting him in danger so what should i do should i talk to my boyfriend about like training and like I don't know like looking into more about it I don't know I don't know what to do he gets mad at me every time I like bring it up so what should I do how should I approach this um I would really like to like save my relationship with this dog he's a good dog and I do love him known him his whole life and I have hope that he can get this sorted out I know that he's not trying to purposely

hurt me and I know that he always feels guilty after biting me so what should I do guys please thank you love you guys I mean I think the notion that like a dog should never bite the hands that feed him if it's not like if they're not being abused is not correct also you did acknowledge that this dog has trauma and but that is why and like I'm not siding with like your boyfriend at all but like yes there are certain ways that you can behave when you are around a dog that is aggressive or has discipline issues or has trauma that can trigger and cause that like there is a way to be around that dog and i'm not saying that you're not doing that so like he's not wrong in that statement i just don't know if that applies in the situation but like overall he can't say

that if the dog's not going through training and the dog needs to be going through training with both you and him you all three need to be doing said training together because if he's doing training if you're spending like live together you're spending all this time with the dog like you are like the mom of the dog he shouldn't have to be telling you what the training is to do all of that like you are equally taking care of the dog and it should be something that you are both getting that information from the trainer so you're all on the same page and so you're all behaving and disciplining the exact same way and like working on that because it's not ever a dog's fault for any of this stuff like it's the owner's fault and like the previous owners or whatever

happened when he was like attacked by another dog caused a lot of trauma and now it is the responsibility of both of you as pet owners and i think like you've only been together for two years but you do live together but it's very much my dog and his dog i think that like you just need to view both of these dogs as your both of your dogs and like go together to get the training and if it's not something that he wants to do then to me that would be a massive red flag for him as a person yeah my um cousin had a dog that loved me it was just like laying on my and whenever i'd go over, just lay in my lap and I'd pet him. And then one day I was spending the night and I came out the bathroom and the dog just charged up the stairs and bit my hand. And it seemingly came out

of nowhere. So you can't, that's a dog that very much loved me and then bit me. So like, you can't just say you can't, a dog wouldn't bite the hand that feeds them because they can, you don't know what's going on in their brain. And I agree with Megan, like you guys should be going to training together. And if your boyfriend isn't in agreeance with that, honestly, I think that he should have been the one that brought that up to begin with. If you're not going to training together, if he's not noticing some behavior in you where you're like abusing the dog and giving the dog like a reason, he knows like it's already a red flag to me. I would just say he knows that you're not doing anything to promote the biting so then why is he saying these things to you you guys should

be going to some type of training together so that you know what the dog's cues are and then you guys can figure out together why the dog's doing this yeah because if you were inadvertently doing something that was causing this reaction out of the dog he should immediately be like i don't want you to do that because that's bad that's harming the dog and this is the result of that and i don't want the dog doing this as a result of that we need to be going to training immediately like it doesn't feel like he's looking out for you or the dog right another thing is like if he cares so much about the dog and he thinks that you're doing something to provoke the dog then why is he still letting like it's just red flags i'm not saying that you are i'm just saying

as someone as him as a dog owner if he thinks that you're doing something that's triggering the dog to bite you then why why would he continuously let you around the dog that in itself is not a responsible dog owner so to me i don't think that you're doing anything like you're not abusing the dog and i don't think that like he just refuses to take any sort of accountability for this and like this will affect your relationship and you seem to have like a very like great understanding of like this is not the dog's fault the dog feels guilty like this is a training and discipline issue and at a certain point you might just need to start recognizing and telling yourself it's a training and discipline issue it's a boyfriend issue like it's a him issue it's the person that

you're dating and him as a dog owner which like tells you a fuck ton about someone so i think if like training is not something he's open to or something that like does not go over well with him that i think that's time to like re-evaluate the situation because how someone treats a dog and all of that that says so much about who they are right and like it could just like get worse like i got i mean i'm not good with big dogs still to this day but when i was like three family friend dog i don't know how big the dog was but like comparison to how little i was it was a big dog to me and like this is one of my earliest memories that the dog i don't know why but i also don't like the people who owned this dog like i know that they didn't like them as people

the dog like jumped on me and bit my face and knocked me over when i was like a little little kid and that is something that like i can recognize as an even as a kid then that i didn't like the people who owned the dog and the dog then like bit me and that was a reflection of those people you know not the dog red flags yeah all right next call hi nigga melissa i am 24 and go by she her pronouns my ex was 29 and goes by he him pronouns we did it for three years and broke up over a year ago we broke up because i felt like he didn't speak my love language and he was ready to settle down and have kids and i wasn't it kind of sent me into a quarter life crisis i realized i hadn't left my hometown i didn't have a whole face basically hadn't lived after the breakup my

sister got assigned to california and i decided to move with her and there because since there wasn't anything holding me back anymore i went to school i better myself got out of my comfort zone and was on my hot girl shit the brawl on the road my ex called me a couple days ago which is not out of the ordinary since we ended on good terms and kept in touch we call each other every couple of months to check in and see how we're doing. Last time he called, I found out that he was talking to someone, which kind of stung, but he's a good man and it was bound to happen. I stopped calling just out of respect. I didn't want to get in the way of anything or start any unnecessary arguments between them. Anyways, he called me a couple days ago and we were on the

phone for over three hours. The last hour was through FaceTime. Seeing the way that he was looking at me, I thought, if that's not good, there's still something there. I can read him like a book. The next day he calls me and he told me that he broke it off with the woman that he was talking to. When I asked him why, he told me that she was going through a lot and wasn't sure of what she wanted and basically didn't want to waste each other's time. We moved on from that conversation and started talking about our new year's plan. That's when we both found out that we're both going to be back home at the same time. Because of his job, he's always out of state. He asked me if I wanted to go watch Spider-Man with him and then have dinner afterwards. I said

yes, and we've been talking every day since. I keep telling myself we're just going as friends and not to overthink it, but I'm a smart woman and I wasn't born yesterday. I know exactly where this is headed. So I'm reminding myself that we broke up for a reason. Also, you do not move all the way to California and go through this long journey just to move back home and get back together with your ex. However, there's a part of me that wonders, what if this year apart, this year of growth is what we needed? Let me just add that I never planned to stay in California permanently i've always planned to move back to texas after my sister's time here was up and that is still the plan also i know that three hour long conversation with him was not very girl

supporting girls with me but i am a pisces and i know i deserve some self-love for that but please be gentle because i will cry thank you it's okay that phone call is very pisces like that that aligns i mean here's what i if i'm gonna get like technical what i would say i would give it another year of this kind of time i wouldn't necessarily call you had a year apart because you were talking every couple months and like you didn't mention that you had dated anyone else or like been around i mean you said like you had a hoe phase but like i don't know if you had like association of like relationships and love with like one singular person like i don't know if you like went on a date with someone that you had i don't know if you had a crush on somebody

or if it was just like sleeping around, having fun in that sense, which I think is great and something that awesome to do if you want to do that. But I would probably, if it was me, I would probably maybe wait like another year or what are the conditions of this?

If it's like, is it moving back to Texas? Is it like settling down, having a family, doing all of that stuff that like you weren't really ready to do before? Is that like what it is like riding on? Because I think that like the reason why you broke up was not because you stopped like loving him.

and like when that love is still there we can't be surprised and shocked by that that wasn't the issue and so to think that those issues aren't there anymore when you had the year doing all of this it kind of feels very like textbook like well maybe I spent this year and I got it out of my system and now we kind of come back together and I think that like I don't know I think you couldn't like totally go for it but if it was me like I felt a very big change between the ages of 24 and 25 and I would probably wait until I was 25 and or if I decided to like come back to like the hometown thing I would test that out first before it came along with any commitments and be like okay moving back to my hometown seemed like a plan that I wanted to do but now in practice I

don't feel like I've been gone from home enough to like want to be back yeah I just think that like whatever choice you make just not have those like attachment those commitments attached to those choices, you know? Yeah, I agree. I know you mentioned that he broke up with the other girl he was seeing because he had a lot going on. What was going on? Like, what were the reasons why they broke up? Is that something that would hinder you to getting back together? Does he even want to get back together? Maybe he sees it as just because you're home that it's kind of like a temporary thing like he likes spending time with you there I would write down like all the reasons why you broke up and look and see have either there are things that don't matter now anymore or are there

things that both of you can work on or are there things that nothing's changed so I don't want to even you know revisit that I think just reminding yourself of the reasons why you broke up Also, if you move back to Texas, making it so it's not just about him, making it because it's something that you actually want and it has nothing to do with him. He might be like a very small factor into that, but you can't move back just because there might be a relationship there. Yeah. I also think that like this is a decent enough age gap that like if he is wanting to date someone who is 24 when he's 29, the whole pressure of getting married and having kids and settling down like that is something that like you then need to date someone older like who's ready to do that. I think that expecting that of someone who is 24, that's something where like, I think there's a lot of compromise when it comes to like relationships and things that you just have to compromise on.

But that to me is one that I'm like, if you're going to date someone who is younger than you, you have to know that that will factor in and you can't just want to push them up to your age and where you're at. And again, your brain's not fully developed until like you're 25. And I think that like, it sounds very romantic and poetic that you had this like year apart and you did all that kind of stuff. But like in the scheme of your life, a year is really not a large amount of time. And I think if he can't wait another year of, or if he can't like continue on with this

for another year. And like, it feels like if this is a now or never, you're going to lose him kind of thing. I don't think he's the person for you. Right. Yeah. and I think that like it feels very much like eventually you wanted to settle you didn't want to stay long term in California you weren't going to come back to Texas and all that but it feels like he is influencing the timeline of it and it feels like you should have gotten it out of your

system maybe in some sense and that like everything should be back to like the better and ever than it was before but it feels heavily influenced by his timeline you know and by him yeah all right let us know after you thought sat and thought about it let us know give us an update we're gonna take a quick break and then we will be right back we're back from the break and we're getting to the rest of the class hi megan and melissa i am 21 and i use she her pronouns and my boyfriend in the story is also 21 uses he him pronouns I'm calling in because I am arguing a bit with my boyfriend about how to proceed in moving in together right now we've only been dating for like four months totally not

trying to move in now but I just graduated I'm about to graduate college literally this week I'm so excited to be done but he has a whole nother year and a half of college so one semester and then a full year. And I was talking to him about when his lease is up in August. We've been together for about a year. I want to start my career, and, like, I'm really wanting to move in together. Right now we live about 90 miles apart, so it takes us about, like, an hour and a half to drive to each other.

And it's just kind of frustrating. And I would like to move to his area. However, I just can't afford my own place right now. And if I bought a lease now, it would end six months after his ended, so they wouldn't line up so the issue we're having is he says he wants to wait to move in until after he's graduated which will be in the spring of 2023 and I just really do not want to wait that long but am I being unreasonable for not wanting to wait or should I find my own place should I look into getting roommates I really don't want roommates I've had horrible experiences

them but i just don't know what to do i really want to move in with him at the one year mark but he's saying it's too soon and i just i just want your advice because maybe it's too soon and maybe i'm being crazy so please i will try things to be a little bit gentle with me but i can take it give me some love it can be tough though okay love you both thank you we kind of already shared our thoughts on this with the update yeah i mean this is like you moving in together with someone we said this before like should be uh the next step in a relationship and uh the only time i think it should be convenience-based is if it's a make or break budget situation and it's a dire need you get evicted like not like oh i would have to find roommates and like if there's a way for

you to financially do it that doesn't involve moving in with your partner but like if you get evicted that i completely understand the dire need of it finding roommates is not you mean like meeting roommates is not like you have other options but yeah moving in with your partner should be like a next step in a relationship and like should be equally excited like think of it like any other roommate you're like i really want to live with them but they don't want to live with me yeah you don't want him forced into a situation that he doesn't want to believe in why are you putting this unnecessary pressure on him and your relationship just wait yeah he has reservations about this why are you trying to do something that he doesn't want to do and i promise you it won't

be fun for you because like i mean this in like not a sexist way at all but like when you are done with college and you're moving in with someone even if it's a roommate or a friend you're playing house and like especially when it's like a partner like it might not feel like a large gap in time between like the last year that you're in college and your first like quote unquote grown-up apartment but like it is like you are playing house for the first time like and it is just different and like he will still be in college and i don't think that he as a roommate will meet your needs and your expectations and it won't be as fun for you because like he's going to be studying for finals and like you're going to have other stuff that

it's like on your mind or whatever but like you're living with a college boy it's just different especially in like the undergrad like social settings of it as well even in the pandemic but like it is just a different a much different mindset that I don't think that you will enjoy it mindset and different lifestyles and different milestones that are going on in your lives yeah wait it out yeah just wait and like I think it's also like a year living like after dating for a year moving in with someone I think is really really quick but I think it's even quicker when you have to start talking about it at like four months and planning that like that's just a lot and like if you want to be in a relationship that you want to move in with that person after a year

that's totally okay but not this relationship because he doesn't want to so like then maybe it's breaking up and dating someone else and letting them know right off the bat that it's important to you to move in together at a year you know yeah but i don't recommend it i don't recommend it at all it won't be fun it really won't be fun but he's not gonna want to do it anyway like he's not gonna go and put his name on a lease if he doesn't do something like you're gonna have to bring him kicking and screaming yeah next hi megan and melissa i am a 24 year old who uses she her pronouns and i'm calling in about my best friend who is 29 and also uses she her pronoun. Let's call her Emma. Potential trigger warning ahead for mentions of controlled

substances. Emma has been a nurse for a few years. She worked insanely hard and overcame so much shit to get her nursing license. You have no idea. However, Emma recently got herself into a bit of trouble. About a month ago, she informed me that she had been suspended from her job due to drug diverting. That basically means she took some controlled substances from the pharmaceutical machine and did not return them. She says it's because she's been so overwhelmed and completely forgot to return them in the same day, which for the record is probably true. Thanks, COVID. I felt so horrible for her being punished over a simple mistake. They made her take a urine drug test on the spot and hospital police even escorted her home to have her turn in the drug. She's in required

therapy and may have to go to court to fight for her nursing license and potentially dispute a felony charge. I figured it would be an easy investigation and she'd have her job back in no time since it was an obvious accident. However, that's when Emma reluctantly informed me that she had actually taken a couple of the pills to relieve one of her severe migraines because she was out of her prescription migraine medicine. I was on board and understanding when I thought it was a simple mistake, but now knowing she intentionally ingested some of the stolen medicine kind of makes me feel different about

her. She had the medicine in her home for a few days, and part of me worries that she took them on purpose and she just isn't ready to admit that. I truly don't believe that she's addicted, but I also don't now know how to be sure of that. I'm trying to be sensitive to her feelings as she's the one going through this firsthand, but as her best friend, I don't know how to react as I don't support this behavior. This just isn't something that aligns with my moral values. She also lives in another state, so I can't physically be there for her anyway.

We primarily communicate via text or FaceTime. Any advice you might have about how to proceed with our friendship would be greatly appreciated. and since i have some extra time i'm an aries and she's a scorpio thank you oh and megan congrats on the engagement okay well thank you so much this is tough yeah i think that what she did yes nurses uh and health care workers are and so many essential workers are so wildly overworked and put in dangerous situations during covid that um naturally the percentage of human error that happens increases like it happens when there's lack of sleep it happens when there's lack of support all of that but this is not that like this is she lied about something that's very serious

and this is something that she knows was a felony like this is something that like this was a decision that was made and it's a decision that can affect the rest of her life and so i think operating under the circumstance that she is dependent on some medication whether it's this medication or another medication i think is probably the assumption to kind of go off of because this is a choice that is we are more likely to see in someone who is actively dealing with substance abuse because it's not something that you do lightly especially when you know so many things are against you like you know your job yeah taking drug tests all the time this is something that yeah that she needs help yeah and I think that like I mean the justice system is not

a place for people to get help with substance abuse and so I think that your instinct of being like I don't know she's going through all of this so much and I want to support her and I think that that is like the right instinct is supporting her and that support long distance is really hard and I think it's just when you have to deal with the justice system in regards to substance abuse and active addiction, it really makes that feel like a moral failure and a personal failure that like addiction is a choice and addiction is a disease. Yeah. And I think that the way that you can show your support with that is knowing that that's the rhetoric that she's probably hearing a lot and has become essentially a criminal and a villain in all of this, that it's like,

hey i love you so much i'm so sorry you're going through this i just want to let you know if you are struggling with any sort of dependency on like any of these medications that does not change how i feel about you like you're a wonderful person like i love you so much and addiction if that's what you are dealing with like is not your own personal failure and it is a disease and it's not a choice and I'm here to support you in anything that I can do with that and I just like want to let you know that like you are a good person this doesn't make you a bad person and like I am here for whatever you want like and whatever you need and like you can always call me I'm not going to judge you I just want you to be safe and however informed you feel comfortable informing me so I

can be able to know you're where know you and if anything at any chance were to go wrong i can be informed in helping you please like give me as much information as you are comfortable giving me so i can be the best friend that i can for you and for your safety and that's pretty much it i know you have more experience with this just because of what your dad does but do you think that calling it and I'm asking because I don't know calling it an addiction is the right thing to do if we don't know how she's we know that she's still that's a form of abuse yeah but is it the right thing to do if she hasn't recognized well so that's I think that like anyone who is dealing with taking substances recreationally whether it started as like prescribed medical

things and then has come into something that involves dependency individually people need to define it for themselves. So I think if you bring up in general, even us like bringing up the term addiction, that has to be a self imposed title. But yeah, you kind of have to like for her saying it like you can she can bring up the word addiction and be like, if that's something that you align yourself with or recognize in yourself, or if there's another term that feels fine with it, but I think from like our side of it, diagnosing someone with like substance abuse disorder, or like saying that someone is an addict, we can only really go based off of like information that we have in that and i think that like you either take medication because you're selling it

or you steal medication because you're taking it you know and i think if we didn't know that she had taken it i'm also not inclined to automatically assume someone is selling and distributing controlled medication before i am assuming that they might be dealing with their own do you think that the caller should ask her more questions to see because it seems like she wasn't initially forthcoming with the information but then became more open to talking about it to ask her more questions to see if this is the first time that she's done something like that yeah i mean i think the best thing to do because like she's actively going through criminal charges and dealing with that right now that the first thing is making sure to know that you are like

a safe place to share more information to because i think like following up with like more questions that she hasn't been forthcoming with them it might feel like an interrogation in that sense or like what's the right they tell me the right answer but if you basically kind of go for and obviously not in these exact words but if you kind of go for like worst case scenario she has a dependency on something and she is dealing with active addiction and you reassure like if that's happening like i love you like does not mean that you're a bad person or anything like that offers her up to be honest in whatever way that she is comfortable doing i think that like if she is struggling with active addiction and simultaneously with like a court case which

she is so much on the line for that like you don't know how honest she's going to like be with you especially if y'all are texting yeah that's what i mean like in the her stuff could get subpoenaed and stuff so if you can make it abundantly clear that whether it's the next day or the day after months later anything that like you are someone who she can count on and rely on to be a non-judgmental person like that's the best thing that you can do for somebody who is going through any of that and maybe she's not like maybe it is maybe it was a overtired lapse in judgment kind of thing and even if that is also the case people going through addiction the way we talk about disabled people the way we talk about all of that kind of stuff i think like even in

friendships and relationships that are sober or able-bodied or anything like that it's always nice to have that kind of baseline level so like I think it's a very big moral thing that we don't really talk about that much that like if something were to ever happen you know you could call that person and you know that like wow like you really care about me and this is something that like I know you're really here for me because like i don't want to assume that she i mean she took them so like that it kind of tells you an abuse in itself is that she physically took them and then them as in took them from the medical thing and then put them in her mouth and swallowed them yeah and and it makes me really sad like that's a level of risk and crime that you are taking

to me says that this has gotten to like a really bad point and like that this is like a really like she really needs a friend like really needs someone to tell her that this doesn't make her a bad person and it also doesn't make her and this might be controversial some people and it's not a controversial statement that it doesn't make her bad at her job it like there is like absolutely no moral failure with addiction or substance abuse at all there are just unfortunate situations and having access to medication when you are going through any of that like it's so prevalent in the medical field from patients with from doctors nurses all of that kind of stuff that someone's access to it that's not like abusing their power that is someone who is surrounded by their vice

and that thing and when that happens it doesn't make them a bad person or bad at their job it just means that they like really need some help yeah and if she gets like upset with you or it is like a lot of denying any of that don't fight it just be like okay i just wanted to let you know if that ever changes like these are still my feelings about it like and we talk about this with like like friends who are in really bad relationships like making sure you're staying there that's like a whole different level when it comes to addiction and that kind of stuff because by nature of it you keep a lot of secrets and you hide a lot of things and that's a that's where things get really dangerous so i don't mean like appease her if you know she's lying to you

but like if you know she's lying to you kind of yeah like you don't have to enable her by any means and don't enable her but protect that friendship and that line of communication because it's important yeah this is so sad it really is and i also think about that with like people in the medical field a lot of like people who've like dealt with substance abuse and who like are sober and no longer using like we'll go into like medical fields and help people but like with the shortages of nurses and places and people being put in positions and with access to things that they don't normally have access to and like the stress and all that like it's it's like incredibly incredibly hard yeah so sending love to anybody who is dealing with

active addiction or has anyone in their family who is because the last couple years have really put stressors on all of our mental health. And so, and also last thing I will say, if you don't personally want to forgive any addicts in your life, that is totally fine. If you had a parent who was not available and around for you during any of that, that is a hundred percent your choice to make. There's a lot of ways that like you cope with having that and however you cope is completely fine but friend to friend in those relationships and if you can you know being on this level but you know this sucks and i'll put some resources in the show notes too all right time for don't blame them so um this is where one of you calls in with your own advice pertaining to

a different call hi megan and melissa i'm calling in um for a don't blame them my pronouns are she her, and I am 21 years old, and I'm calling for the episode three of season nine, International Love Bombing, but for Don't Blame Them on snitching on children's reckless behavior. So last year, I had a similar situation where I found one of my cousin's TikTok accounts, and she is the youngest cousin on that side, and I'm the oldest cousin. She was in the fifth grade at the time. I don't know exactly how old. She also looks young for her age and she's a gymnast. So she's used to wearing a bra type top and really short type shorts. Anyway, I found her TikTok and I was going through this because she's adorable and I wanted to see what she was posting. And

she was dancing to WAP and a bunch of other very inappropriate songs and dances for her age. so immediately I told my mom about it who told her brother who is my cousin's father so I told my mom because I didn't feel comfortable telling my uncle directly and he took care of it and so I have to agree with Melissa I think that you should talk to the 14 year old parent because if I were to go up to my fifth grade aged cousin I think that's like 10 or 11 and like talk to her and tell her that this was inappropriate, she would not respect me and would not see that it's something that she needs to be concerned about, but because her father was able to take care of it. Also, they're just like huge Republicans, so I didn't want to talk to

her dad directly. Anyway, I'm about to be or I'm about to graduate with a teaching licensure for high schoolers. So I will be teaching high school when she's still in middle school. So there is also that dynamic of working with children there because I do work with children in order to obtain my degree in the future. So anyway, I hope this helped. I'm so sorry, Megan, that I'm not agreeing with you. Usually I agree with you on most things, but love the podcast.

Thanks guys, bye. You're not disagreeing with me. We, if remember by the end of the call, I was like, I just wouldn't feel comfortable. I would tell my parent. Do you know what I mean? Like I would tell the parent to tell their sibling, which is exactly what you did.

Yeah. So to not, we're on the, understand that. wait so not that it has anything to do with this but so she's going to be she's 21 now next year she's teaching high school students she'll be 22 teaching high schoolers yeah so if you think back to well for me if i think back to a lot of my teachers they were a half of them were not that much older i think the youngest teacher i had when is when i was in third grade or fourth grade fifth grade and they were i would think in their 20s maybe but like probably like mid or mid to like later 20s but high school no yeah like everybody had like my friend like kids wild

yeah well that is it for our episode we hope you all enjoy we're excited to be back recording new ones and if you want to follow us over on social media instagram tiktok we would really appreciate it and if you are listening this far i'm gonna be back on my game of like posting episodes i mean posting the graphics on time so what should they comment comment either california or texas if you think that that girl should stay in california longer or if you think she should move to texas and live a hallmark life texas is not very hallmarky no offense but uh yeah we also have our other podcast it comes out on thursdays so if you want to hear but am i wrong check us out there it's a great time follow us on socials follow me on socials

everywhere follow me at she is not melissa on instagram you can see me in a rabbit coat it's fabulous she is giving money like money money like standing out of that sky thing in like the limo and just with cash and jewels and gloves. I love that. If you want to leave us a review on the podcast app, we would appreciate it. Oh, I wanted to read one, I think. Hold on.

Okay. I do have a question for the people who hate me. I'm just like really curious about this because like I'm not, I don't even mean this in a facetious way. Like I'm genuinely curious when people say this one. I really used to enjoy this podcast up until recently. This is definitely Rachel.

i really didn't choose to love this podcast and megan up until recently there's always been negativity and bullying in my opinion but just recently i've realized how negative and sad i'd be after an episode and realizing i had to stop listening to the constant bullying megan used to have such compassion for people but lately you can tell she just projects her own pain by bullying others i'm not a rachel by any means or by any means a conservative but i do hope megan can learn to be not so hateful and begin to heal what have they been like do you know what i mean yeah because like we've definitely had like we had a review from someone who had said or no i think it was in the facebook group a while ago that it was just like we had negative energy in one episode

and it was just that like if we can like vary up the kinds of calls that we pick and i was like totally hear you yes and like we did you know what i mean but this i'm like i'm sorry the last three episodes have been re-uploads like i'm so confused you know yeah but it's because it's a rachel yeah the great thing about adhd is i forget everything so like something bad can happen and i will okay like the insurrection the day after i forgot until i got back on twitter and i'm like oh yeah shit i remember exactly what i was doing at the time oh i remember the exact moments but you know the day after do you want to read a positive one to end us yeah considering that's the only negative one let's see uh another great year of don't blame me episodes i'm a total fan

of the new but am i wrong podcast with megan melissa as well loving the end of the year re-release episodes as well so fun to listen back to the iconic calls i'm so happy also this one have so many questions about this just discovered this podcast a couple of weeks ago and there's another one that goes i found this podcast through megan's features on cammy's podcast that's what i was gonna say some people have come from cammy's podcast now this is a shameless plug for cammy cropper's podcast relationship it's fantastic it's great i just listened to her new year's zodiac episode earlier this week and it's great we love cammy all right that's it thanks for being here oh yeah if you want to see us patreon videos join our live streams we still have merch

oh we have merch buy our merch okay goodbye everyone bye don't blame me is a production by me executive produced by melissa de monts and diamond and print productions edited by coco lawrence post-production sound by chris henry production assistance by melanie d watson music by ryan hunter and giacomo picasso