Don't Blame Me! - S1E11: How to Get a Bikini Body!

Episode Date: September 1, 2017

This week we cover an array of topics! I’m sharing my advice on what to do if you get ghosted by someone you like, sharing kinks with your partner, and dealing with your friend hooking up with someone you hooked up with.Be sure to subscribe so you won’t miss any episodes! If you have any topic you need advice on, give me a call at:[phone]...with your question, age, and as much detail as possible. And I will do my best to offer my words of wisdom.INTERNATIONAL LISTENERS - email me an audio file with your questions at: [e-mail] you’re under 18, please get your parent’s permission. Advice is for entertainment purposes only. Don’t blame me if it ruins your life. lol jk my advice is THE BEST.[phone]Call!Check out our website at dontblameme.show!Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/join/dontblameme See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Visit ancestry.ca for details. Terms apply. hello everybody and welcome to don't blame me my podcast this is my advice podcast starring me megan rings how many times can i say me in this intro me me me me me me me hello hi guys hi welcome to the podcast fuck i've said this nine times jack this is jack jack say something hi Hi, Megan. I'm Jack Ferry, Megan's producer of the podcast. How are you? I'm great. I'm good. I'm good. I'm great. I'm awesome. I'm wearing sweatpants because we're not filming this episode. Hooray. I mean, I wore sweatpants the last two we filmed anyway.

That's true. You did. Mel is nodding her head because she did say as soon as she saw me that day, she's like, you know we're filming this, right? And I was like, no, but I'm not going to change a thing. Cool. That's authentic realism, which is what we love about you. Too real. Far too real. And for those of you who don't know, if this is your first time listening, yes, this is indeed Megan's Advice Podcast. You can call in and ask her questions about anything that you might have. And how do people ask you a question, Megan?

They stalk me on the street. No, don't do that. I don't leave my house. I don't give you a lot of opportunities to do that. You leave a voicemail, and the number you call is 310-694-0976. Again, 310-694-0976. You would think after this many episodes, I would have been able to memorize this number.

It sounds like you've memorized it. It does. I'm reading. I know how to read, though. Oh, that's great. I have this theory that some actors don't know how to read. It's fun. It's a fun theory.

I think that that's probably true. It is. I have a question for you, though. Oh, God. What if, for the sake of argument, I was, I don't know, an international listener and unable to call a local Los Angeles phone number? What do I do then?

Oui, oui, wonderful question. That's me with my French accent. Are you from France? Parlez-vous français, croissant? I'm so sorry, everybody. I love Passport to Paris. Do you speak French croissant is what you just asked. I mean, yeah.

I mean, that is the question. Like, do you speak French croissant? Hell yeah. I'm not going to do the Lady Marmalade thing. That's whatever it is. What do our French croissants do? Our French croissants grow opposable thumbs. and they use actually just use siri no you have to okay guys this this bit is i'm i'm losing track

of my joke our international callers now you guys can leave somewhat of a voicemail too but how you do that is record an audio message on your phones like a voice memo kind of thing or whatever contraption you use to record your voice i don't think there's any other ones aside from that but you know that's how you do it and then you guys can send the mp3 to our email address and then we can play that but the same rules apply or the same rules apply the same guidelines and suggestions apply to the same voicemails so we want it under three minutes but we need as much context and details otherwise i mean that's really mostly for you guys because i'm not gonna be able to give good advice if you don't give me all the details and it's important to include your age

because i think you're the advice you asked for at age 16 is going to be very different than the advice you asked for at age 24 oh completely and you could be in the same similar such like the same situation but your age really helps me uh cater my advice to you specifically choose your own adventure i've said that like three times today already choose your own adventure where do they send these uh voice memos it's megan podcast at gmail.com but not it's megan podcast at gmail.com megan podcast at gmail.com perfect yeah awesome cool so uh to give people a sense of the kind of questions they can call in and ask about why don't we just dive into some questions right now that's a good educational segue

yeah hit it hey megan i hope you're having a great day um i am 21 years old so i'll be a junior in college and I've been dating um my best friend and the love of my life for about a year now and I'm super happy and just to preface this I have never really um had a good solid group of girlfriends and I think that's just because I had a lot of issues with girls in high school and just the cattiness and the drama and I'm pretty low maintenance and kind of just haven't like I have a few really good girlfriends but um for the most part like I don't have a ton of really really good girlfriends and ever so ever since my boyfriend and I have started dating he's become my best friend and I spend a lot of time with him and I focus on school and work and stuff

but I've noticed that um my girlfriend just has started to like get jealous when we'll make like passive aggressive remarks about how I'm not home or how I don't like hang out with them but they never really plan anything they just kind of like to sit around and gossip and they don't do much rather than like with my boyfriend like we have a ton of fun together like we'll go hiking or we'll go camping and do stuff that I enjoy um and these girls also kind of can get catty sometimes so I just would like some advice because I definitely value friendships um but it's hard to find a balance I guess and I don't know it's like I'm at a point in my life where I know I'm gonna marry this guy and um I don't know like to me I would just much rather hang out with him than

my friends but I also know that that's probably not right um but yeah if you could give me some advice on that I know you're in a relationship and probably dealt with something similar so thank you so much i love your podcast um okay so you you i feel like you kind of understand or you i feel like you know what i'm gonna say just based on how you phrased all that it's really important to have your own set of friends aside from the person that you're dating i think the kind of infatuation uh with whoever you're dating i think that happens at any age and i also think that they can last for a while like that kind of like wanting to spend all of your time with somebody that's great like it's awesome that you guys get along that well but

I hear what you're saying you're like oh but you and him do things that you really like to do versus like these girls that you're friends with don't they do other things so I think you've got a couple options here you can plan things and um and and you're saying that they don't really plan stuff they just sit around and you and your boyfriend plan stuff so plan stuff with them like you be the one to instigate planning something um that you enjoy doing and you think that they would enjoy doing and get out there and hang out with them and do that stuff and if they don't like doing that maybe you need different friends because the feeling that you have with your boyfriend and wanting to spend time with him and that you guys like doing the same

things and you really love spending time together and he's like makes you laugh and it's all great your friends should give you a similar feeling just minus the like sexual attraction part or you know or it can be there too i don't know wait okay yeah but that's what i mean like you should it shouldn't be like this very vast contrast of being like well I can hang out with my boyfriend and have so much fun because we get each other and he's great and I love him and like we do all we like doing all of the same things and like we have so much fun like he's great or I can hang out with my friends who are catty and boring and just like sitting around and gossiping which I hate doing that just sounds like friend like that just doesn't sound like the people that you want

to be friends with that doesn't mean that you can't have friends maybe those just aren't the right ones. And then also giving them the opportunity to be the right kind of friends. Um, I think maybe when it comes to like relationships and stuff, you guys can get excited about planning things and doing all that stuff. And then you want the friend stuff to kind of just like fill in the gaps and kind of like be the extra stuff. But I think you need to put as much effort into planning things and going out of your way to do stuff with your friends that you would do with your boyfriend, because otherwise you're not, you're not giving them the opportunity to be fun and to be this like really great experience and have all of that you're only

you're kind of setting them up for failure if you're just giving them you're not giving them i don't know enough opportunity and effort that you're putting forth so that's what i would do because friends are incredibly important on to the next call hi megan um i'm 19 i have a 19 year old twin brother too and um he's becoming a priest he wants to become a priest and um i'm totally supportive what he's doing because it makes him happy I think but I also have reason to believe that he is gay and I just think that him becoming a priest is also him hiding from his sexuality so I recently was gay because you know in high school he texted me something like that and then I tried to bring it up in person a few years later and he still like would deny it and then

after that he would say he didn't want to get married he don't have a family so I just don't think he wants to come to terms with his sexuality and then being a priest is a really good way of not having to date anyone because he wants to be a catholic priest or catholic and i'm totally totally supportive of whatever he wants to do but i just don't want him to be hiding from something really big in his life and I don't know really how to approach different you know if he is actually hiding from something I didn't want to bring that up to him because he does seem really dedicated and happy that he's choosing that path and it's a really long um process so if he ever doesn't want to do it like it'll take him it's almost 12 years so hopefully we'll come to terms with

something. I've told my mom about it. And I mean, it's his decision. Like, obviously, as a priest, he's not asexual. So he does have a sexual orientation. But it just frustrates me when I just don't know if he's being 100% true to himself. So I don't know how to approach it with him. okay i have two things first thing um is okay first thing is the more overall thing of being this is his journey um sexuality especially you you really you can see things from the outside and it feels really black and white and really obvious but it's not your it's not 100 your life you're a part of it but that's his thing if he's not ready to come out or if he doesn't want to come out or he doesn't want to deal with that that's that's him and like that's I can

completely understand how much that sucks and you feel like he's not living his life honestly and truthfully and all that stuff but you don't get to make a call to get him to to do that if he's not comfortable doing that which it's sucky and then so that's kind of like the ultimate thing of there's really nothing you can, uh, I think there's really nothing you can do to make him suddenly want to like live truthfully in the way that you think he actually is. And then my other bit of like actual more practical advice is, is just to be super, super outwardly open to everything. I think if there's some sort of like, like hesitation and resentment towards like homosexuality or coming out or being gay in general it's probably coming from a place of

worrying about what other people are going to say or think and not being accepted and i think if you make it about just being really crystal clear just in like general like broad strokes of like turn on rupaul's drag race like show that you're like hello i am an ally kind of thing because maybe he doesn't feel like i don't know you guys are religious and the fact that he's completely turning into like wanting to become a priest before potentially coming out. I don't know if that's because he doesn't feel like he'd be supportive. You didn't mention if like your parents are accepting of homosexuality or the place that you live or anything like that. And I think if you kind of make it about like, it doesn't matter what he wants to identify with

sexually or not identify with sexually, but just making it really clear to him that you literally love him no matter what and showing that and showing that you are an ally i think that's the only thing you could do and if he feels like he wants to be comfortable with it and come out and he feels like he's in a safe place to do so and that he's not going to be in danger or like worried about he's going to lose his family or friends or something like that then he can do that but there's really nothing there's really nothing else you can do and it's sucky but i think just being supportive as opposed to being like, and not quietly supportive, but just being like supportive without pushing him to do anything. Um, I think that's the best thing that I would say. And then

if you've talked to your parents about it, um, and having them kind of do the same sort of thing, because I've also had friends who've come out who thought that their families were going to be like really not supportive and they waited forever to do it. And their families were crazy supportive, But their families, they took the approach of being like, oh, we're just not going to bring it up. We're going to be quiet about it. But, like, we really don't care, but we don't want to pressure you to do anything. But I think if you're able to kind of, like, openly talk about, like, oh, I'm, like, you know, gay people and all of that kind of stuff, maybe he'll feel like it's a comfortable place. On to the next call.

Hey, Megan. I'm 17, and here's the story. My friend invited me over to her house to drink with her and these two boys. I knew she had a thing for one of the boys, so I assumed she was basically hooking me up with the other one. someone over got way too drunk to meet up with this boy cuddled with him and woke up with a hickey now some porn details got me in the sky we didn't know each other until this night i ended up throwing up because stupid me drank way too much and he was there when i went i went through this terrible breakdown where i was like him i'm so gross and i'm gonna put everything out there

i told him how shitty i'd felt and he comforted me and then the next morning we were cuddling and stuff but when we were back to the other two friends he ignored me completely but he also knew that everyone too though they didn't even look at me and he said he remembered nothing of the night night before but he was cuddling with with me this morning well that morning so like what and anyway to make the story even worse two days later my friend who i was with that night hooked up hooked up with him and then i got angry because like i didn't like him but i finally did but i knew nothing was gonna come so i guess i'm asking him should i forgive her for hooking up with him even though we had like a small history that meant more to me than him

not to mention that she told me what she did was okay because we weren't dating and only kissed so Megan what do I do because I don't know thanks I've been your friend I hate when I relate to like the bitch of the situation it was like this person fucked me over I'm like oh god I've done that um fuck dude okay let me let me use this as an apology to my friends in high school. Um, okay. I think, yeah, dude, I mean, I would forgive your friend. I don't think she means anything by it. Um, I think especially when like drinking and that kind of stuff is involved, people do stupid shit and they make out with people and they do all that kind of stuff. And, um, I think that that's just kind of probably how it went with

her and him she's very like upset with her friend at the moment because of like the quote-unquote history she had with this guy that she met that night yeah okay there's something my feeling is this if you actually have feelings for this dude then just tell your friend hey he's mine back off and if not just be like yeah we both hooked up with this dude because we're feeling shitty move on and be friends and then forget about this dude but i'll also say when it comes to a friend like telling your friend that she can't hook up with somebody who's not interested in you and who you aren't really that interested in this idea of claiming guys especially in high school there's not enough guys you need to have people who it's like okay we've had we've dated there's

like my god my friends in high school we've probably god we've probably hooked up with so many of the same guys but then there's ones that are completely off limits because that's the ones you had like actual emotional relationships with um and i also think she probably you you might have actually downplayed it to her like how you felt about him in the situation because you didn't want to feel stupid because it's you were pretty clear it was pretty clear from him that he didn't feel the same way and so your friend probably thought it was fair game and that you guys had just casually made out one night and so she was going to casually make out one night and also you're pretty you were pretty clear the next morning that he was kind of a dick and an asshole

about all of this so yeah fuck the guy yeah your friend is probably like whatever he wasn't that great to her i'm gonna make out with him treat him like a piece of man candy kind of thing yeah so i think there's got your rocks off now move along exactly there's that upset you get when your friend hooks up with someone you hooked up with and you're like oh but i didn't even like you but now that was my thing so that said if you do have feelings for somebody and your friend is encroaching you should be up front with them oh don't don't assume that they're like have their worst intentions at heart i think often if you just tell your friend like no no i actually really i really do like this person do you mind i think most of the time if they're a good friend they'll

be like oh dude i'm sorry i had no idea and they'll back the fuck off yeah so get i would say give your friend the benefit of the doubt on this one and also forget this dude yeah he sounds like he sucks he sounds like he sucks and also it's also there's two people in every sort of relationship kind of thing which is god it's so terrible but that's the excuse that i would make when i was your friend in this situation where if you start hooking up with someone or dating someone that your friend used to have feelings for if that guy didn't wasn't into your friend that way that it wasn't going to happen like your friend hooking up with some guy doesn't mean that if he liked you he would be with you but I mean him hooking up with other girls and anyone in general

even if it's not your friends hooking with other people it's not anyone else's fault that's Chris him just playing is like showing his hand and being like this is how I feel it's nobody else's fault if he doesn't he's the only one who can control how he feels about you him hooking with other people it's not other people's fault so that's what I would say sounds like a tool so get rid of him kick him to the curb and forgive your friend okay guys we're taking a break hi guys I want to take this ad break to a self-promo opportunity tell you to please express your love for the show in the form of words and commentary aka we would really love you could leave a review for the don't blame me podcast on the apple podcast app really helps us

out with advertisers keeping the show afloat and keeping the show coming out for you guys and for those of you who've asked for it every week i mean guys we're just trying to get this done every two weeks so the more reviews and the better it's doing the more often we can do it and we can continue to do it okay that's it back to the show we're back from the break wow it was wonderful what'd you guys do during the break okay guys we're gonna play our first call back i kind of have a weight problem well i don't but i feel like i do and i just want some advice to help me because i am a swimmer i just don't i really want to have a bikini body which fast because it's like end of the summer. So yeah, can you just help me give me some advice, like positive talk?

And yeah, so yeah. And by the way, I am 14 years old and my parents did say yes. There's only one step to getting a bikini body. You just put a bikini on your body. Whoa, that's it? That's it. That's literally it. It's the easiest thing in the world. How to get your summer bikini body is it summer cool step one done next have a bikini put it on your body whoa that's it i mean that's really it also dude you're 14 that makes me sad to hear uh not not like not like down on you or anything like that but literally just because you're concerned about like your physical appearance and your weight at 14 um which i would say my biggest advice to that is just do as best

as you can to put that out of your head because the second you start thinking those thoughts those thoughts literally like it will just keep with you forever um and so i think i think yeah you just got like it really doesn't matter what you look like it matters what you like being feeling healthy and feeling good um and you're also about to if you haven't already about to go through puberty so i apologize homie you're gonna get a butt you're gonna get boobs it's gonna happen it's gonna be a thing and you're gonna be like wow okay cool this is a thing that changed and has happened my body is not a wonderland I'm confused so yeah I think when it comes to the body positivity stuff I mean shit we're all guilty of being like oh I feel like I look fat in this I

feel like I don't look great I don't do anything like that but something that I even still do now is anytime that I'm like feeling upset about myself any sort of appearance thing I will just be like but that's that doesn't matter like in the sense of like that sounds stupid to say but it's like that's not my job like my job I'm not a model my job is not to be perfectly in shape and like have my skin be cleared a hundred percent of the time. Like that's not what I, that's not my passion. My passion is not being like, Oh, my hair looks good. My passion is not my hair looking good or having like long, perfect eyelashes. I think if you focus on things that further what you, where you want to be with your life and do with your life,

those are far more fulfilling and far more beneficial in the long run than like making sure that you look good all of the time. Cause you can't get paid money to do that unless you're gonna be a model in which case I don't understand how people do that at all but yeah throw a bikini on your body don't worry about it everybody else is way more concerned about how they look and no one's looking at you hey Megan um I'm 16 and I live in San Francisco also some more contact your homegirl's gay I don't know I just want advice on how to not feel shitty I don't know I think I've just been dealt bad hands but whenever I talk to a potential guy it's always really really weird it's like we'll have a really really good day talking and we'll have

a lot of fun talking and then the next day they'll ghost me and it's like completely fine like I understand that it's like if it wasn't meant to be it wasn't meant to be but it you know it still kind of hurts and it's kind of like a big blow to my ego kind of when people just like I don't know I've just put myself out there countless times and I've tried so many like different like I'm literally on Grindr too it's just I've it's not like I've tried super hard because I know I shouldn't force things it's just like it's kind of painful to see everybody around me in relationships and it's like me feeling like i can't do anything about it because either the guys i like will do that or the guys are like they're straight and

it's just like hurts and i know you have a lot of friends and you have a lot of advice even though you're not gay i just really need some light in this really weird not really dark tunnel but it's like it's getting dimmer everything ends until it doesn't it's kind of like the overall relationship advice i've always given when it comes to dating um and i mean i think that that applies to everybody like every relationship is going to end until it doesn't whether that relationship ends in after a day or a couple of weeks or something like that it's just that's just how it is which super super super sucks obviously um i think you said you're 16 right that's what that was 16 years old so i will say this despite the fact that you're in san francisco which is

like the i i identify as san francisco being like the gayest city because i don't know i just i grew up near san francisco and well it is definitely the castro we've got everything yeah it's one of the birthplaces of the movement yes no and i think you're in a really great city um but i will also say from not my personal experience but being friends with some of my friends who were gay in high school had a really hard time dating in high school just because the pool was a lot smaller because some people are able to, uh, really like understand their sexuality and be cool with it and come out at a young age. But a lot of people aren't, even when I was in college, I had a couple of friends who like, I clearly, clearly knew that they were gay and both

were in relationships and had girlfriends and it took them to being out of college to end up dating each other and all that kind of stuff. So I think there's definitely, uh, there's definitely like when you, when you go to college or anything like that, you're going to be surrounded by a lot more people and a lot of different kinds of people. And I think giving everyone the opportunity, um, to, to surprise you and to potentially be a great guy. If you go into it, kind of being jaded, assuming that they're going to ghost you, they're probably going to ghost you. And then I think also just knowing if some guy's ghosting you, it's because like, you're better off that he's ghosting you because he's probably not the right guy for you. And he's, if he was the right guy, he wouldn't

be ghosting you. And yeah, I think being on dating, can you be on dating apps at 16? I feel like I can't advise that. You said you're on Grindr. I think, I think you can be. I mean, my feeling is like, what are you trying to get out of these either dates or relationships or hookups? Because if you're not doing it for, if you're not on the same page with these people, then I think maybe you need to communicate that. Yeah, no, I didn't have my first, like my high school relationship we started dating when i was 16 and we dated through the like the rest of high school but then after that i wasn't in any relationship that lasted more than like six months and there i was in like two other relationships that last like six or so months

and then didn't get into another long-term relationship until i was in my 20s so i think that's an age thing in general and then i also think i i don't and you you didn't allude to this at all but it follows on what jack was saying is don't be afraid don't be afraid that you're gonna scare someone off by saying what you're into because there's again what what you're looking for and if you want a relationship you're like oh but i don't want to scare someone off and it's like well if someone's scared off by what you're looking for out of this that's good that there's you're you're essentially weeding them out you want to scare off the people that you don't want to be with 100 you can't date you can't go out with somebody and hope that like well maybe when

they meet me there they will be in a better mental place to like want to date or do something like that and they'll be for it people are usually pretty honest about themselves up front and what they're looking for and so if you give someone the opportunity to be honest about what they're looking for by you saying what you're trying to get out of this situation most of the time people are going to be like okay cool if they're not interested in a relationship they're going to be like i'm not a total asshole i don't want to i don't want to get involved with that i'm so sorry that's not what i'm looking for and then you might be surprised by the amount of people that are actually interested in that but i i do want to say that like i get it i mean when i was 16 i was with

a group of friends and almost all of them had like serious girlfriends at 16 yeah wow yeah like I had like a friend group there's like four dudes and at any given time at least two of them and sometimes all three of them had like serious long-term girlfriends and I was the one that was just sort of like oh it's fine I'm the fun guy I don't need to have a girlfriend right now and it was fine but then there were definitely times when you're like oh I kind of I do feel like I'm missing out yeah I mean it's different when I got into college obviously and I met a whole new group of people but like at the time it definitely does feel isolating when other people are like when you see the benefits of like that like serious committed relationship and you're

like oh I kind of want that I don't want just like the rando hookup whatever like I get that I understand like that feeling of loneliness but I do think that like he's doing something right I mean he's getting success with these people who then maybe later aren't like following up with him so like clearly he's he's able to find people that are into him i think he just needs to like you said weed out the people that are just interested in physically yeah and find the people that like might be interested in more than that and then if you decide you want to do something physical with that person there's an expectation then that when like when you follow up like two days later or whatever with that like follow-up text they don't they feel a responsibility

to at the very least be like yeah let's let's maybe go to get together again for like a coffee or something to sort of see where this goes. It might not go anywhere, but at least, you know, you've made your intentions clear, and I think that's important. I think so, too. Okay, guys, we've got time for one more call. I've been dating my boyfriend for two years now, and we do have a really great sex life.

However, I, um, I have, I'm, like, really embarrassed to say this, but I have, like, a major table fetish. And I think it's really embarrassing because, like, I never talk about it because, like, I think it's really weird. Like, I don't like that I have it, but I do. And I don't, I, like, have been, like, trying to, like, subtly introduce that into our sex life to kind of, like, let him know without officially saying it. But that's what I want. But he's always been, like, no stop. Like, it's weird.

Like, he kind of, like, turns it down. And so that's why I'm scared to, like, have a conversation about it. But I really would like to because I think it would just make our sex life so much better if I was open to him. Okay, if you've been dating this guy for this long, it sounds like you guys are in it for the long haul or you've been in it for a while and you're of an adult kind of age. And if this guy is into you, which it sounds like he is, he's going to be into making you happy. so i think the idea that it is weird and it is like a you are embarrassed by it i think it doesn't really matter i cons jack is making so many faces but i was like i constantly say that like if like mott's fucking decided he had some like weird fucking fetish the only thing in my

head i'd be like oh god now we have to do this i don't know i think i think for you it's different i do i think unless you came up with something really out there you'd be like yeah okay cool that's fine no i even think about the weird out there things that i'm like oh fuck i don't know don't know it sounds like she's already tried i i honestly i think that maybe listen if if this is a real thing for you uh and and you've tried to float the idea and he thinks it's weird and doesn't want to do it i think you've got really one of two choices you can either say like listen to me like this is a very important part of who i am um i need this in my life and can you indulge it um yeah yes or no or you just need to find somebody who really is into

it because i think you're gonna if you end up with this person and this is something that you just decide that you like it's it's whatever it's like the thing about like these sorts of things is you don't choose them they choose you and for better or worse this thing chose you so this is what you're into and like you need to find somebody that's going to indulge that whether they're into it or not but you also need to the be honest with yourself in the sense of how much have you really put this idea out there with him because if you're just like if you haven't explicitly said it and you've just kind not even like hinted at it but like i don't i don't know the specific i don't want to like picture you having sex with him no offense i just feel weird picturing anyone

having sex but i mean i don't depending on how you've brought it up has it been in like an honest serious way because you do you said that you feel really embarrassed by it so i think if you kind of just like give yourself like one like that's the first problem well i'm gonna give yourself like one like okay i need to rip the band-aid off and just just full-on say it and i think trying that but i also think a way to how i would go about it is ask him if he has anything anything that he'd be like are there any like sexual fantasies that you have that like we could try or are you is there any like thing that you're into even if it's like super embarrassing um like let me know like i like open that conversation for him and giving him the opportunity to say something that

he's like into and then maybe if he flips the table on you start like casually saying some like smaller things that you're that you already really like about their sex life your sex life that you like would like to do more of and then saying maybe floating the idea of like oh maybe watch that genre of like porn together or something like that i think um that's a great idea is to say whatever you want to do it's on the table just tell me what your like deepest darkest fantasy is because maybe he's into something like that like he probably is most people are into something but i do think part of the problem here is the fact that she's embarrassed by this thing which she shouldn't be embarrassed by no but i i completely

understand it but you know you have no reason to be embarrassed by that yeah i think a lot of people but she's not gonna it's not gonna be easy to deal with until she can get over her own shame around it though yeah that's the thing and you have to just come to the i think accepting it that accepting yourself with it i mean like okay this is something that i'm into i am embarrassed by it and i don't like this is something i'm into but like okay cool this is this is me i have to deal with this and pushing it away is just kind of kind of great uh also i think it's important to say here uh just so you know caller that what you're into is not weird no not at all it's actually a very common fetish there's a lot of people that are super into it that's like one of

the big ones yeah it's like one of the top when it comes to like uh fetishes and like the bdsm community like it's on the sort of like more common and like what they would call like like the minor scale of things so you have nothing to be embarrassed by it makes complete sense it's all about like control it's playful like there's nothing weird about it and the fact that you're into it is not odd it's actually much more common than probably you even realize and you shouldn't feel ashamed and I don't know for me it's a red flag hearing your call because it's just sort of like you floated the idea it's a pretty innocent fetish and the fact that it sounds like your boyfriend sort of reacted so negatively to it for me that sounds like a bit of a red flag so

for me that would be like look what i'm asking you to do is not that weird i mean we've had other calls on this show oh yeah where people have asked uh been asked to do things that are on the much more extreme extreme scale of things so the fact that he seemed so not into it when when he should have like megan was saying seen this as an opportunity to be like oh okay well you've revealed something very honest about yourself here is my very you know maybe slightly embarrassing thing that i'm super into that i've always wanted to explore and rather than like get into that sort of exchange and give and take his response was no that makes me uncomfortable and it's weird that you like that that makes me go oh god yeah but i'm i'm also curious did you did

she float around the idea did she did she verbally say something or did she just physically kind of try to get there i don't know that's a tough thing to do because that's well because that's what i mean well it depends on which side yeah because if she's the one who likes to be tickled yeah that's not something that you can just sort of get someone to do that that's what i that's what i wonder whereas if he if she prefers to be the top then that would mean he was in a position where he was like she was tickling him and then he was like stop it knock it off but also to be to be fair some people fucking hate being i hate being tickled more than anything yeah some people fucking hate it i fucking hate it yeah i kick mots when he tries to tickle me yeah i don't i don't

particularly like it either but that said like i think megan's right you need to be very fucking crystal clear that like this is a part of who i am this is something that i need the thing that you're into sexually because i think if you if you randomly start tickling he might think you're he might not be taking this as a serious thing and especially if you're feeling embarrassed and you're kind of like halfway saying it but not fully saying it this is one of those things when it comes to sex stuff you have to be kind of really crystal clear black and white because a you don't want to do something that the other person's uncomfortable with because you've kind of assumed they're either for it or against it or you don't like just being honest it's going to be

super fucking awkward and feel really weird but again like you're saying you don't choose these kinds of things these things choose you and the person that you're with you have to also figure out if this is a thing that you really need to have a fulfilling sex life which I also there's no shame in that there's no shame in needing to prioritize you getting off and like your sexual happiness and if this relationship isn't going to be able to do that for you that doesn't mean you're a bad person or that you're choosing something for something else I think every relationship at least in my like the your perfect relationship should be a harmony of like someone who you can explore all those things with and you feel really satisfied with um and you also have

the emotional connection with so I think you have to give him the opportunity to be really understanding and supportive and a great partner and until he until you've given him that opportunity you can't know what he's going to say and if he doesn't say what you want then I think it's the figuring out how how important that is to you which and it's okay if that it's a hundred percent okay if that's super important to you and that he doesn't fulfill that and then like you guys aren't a thing i mean that's that happens all the time and there's nothing wrong with that i think this is a great example of something where uh we would love more context we would love it if you could talk to your significant other and then follow up with us and let us know how it went

because i think there's some details we don't really know and also like this can go a lot of different ways depending on um what happens so let us know because i think your experience could be very informative for others um but also we just we would be very curious to see uh where this takes you but that that said you should never feel embarrassed for something that that turns you on because you know for the most part fantasies are fantasies and you don't really pick them and they're and they're not a reflection of who you are as a person they're just that's the thing that you're into and you shouldn't feel any shame towards those yeah and even the most vanilla looking person walking down the street, I'm sure has some crazy sexual fantasies. Just because you

don't talk about it with your friends doesn't mean that they don't have them either. Yeah. I mean, sex is crazy. It's a crazy thing people do together. So, um, when you, when you take it out of context, uh, it's, it's pretty absurd, the things that we do. So when you think about that in that context, like the, the sort of things that people do that are sort of on the periphery, the kinks and whatever, they're, they're actually not that odd. No. Go to Pornhub. You'll see some weird shit yeah there's all kinds of stuff there's all kinds of stuff okay everybody that is it for today's episode of don't blame me this was a fun one i mean they're all fun ones i'm not playing favorites to the people who called in this episode versus other episodes but you guys

were really great i really enjoyed your questions if you guys want to call and leave voicemails because you have questions or a follow-up from another call that you've called in before if you have some feedback for some of these other calls and advice that we've given on today's episode or any other episodes, you can leave us a voicemail at 310-694-0976. Again, 310-694-0976. We would also really love it if you left us reviews on the Apple podcast app. That would be really nice. I like, I like, I'm like an Uber. I just beg for five stars. Is it five stars? Five stars is what I want. Five stars, please. And if you want to leave us a call because you are an international caller and you have no way to call this 310 number, you can always record a message under

three minutes give us context in your age and then send us the audio of that call uh to megan podcast at gmail.com okay guys hope you enjoyed this episode and i will see you slash you will hear me in your ears in two weeks deuces don't blame me as a production by me produced and directed by jack ferry associate producer melissa de monts edited by melissa de monts post-production sound by chris henry and music by giacomo picasso and ryan hunter i will see you guys in two weeks And don't blame me if your life bursts into flames before then.