Don't Blame Me! - S1E13: Can You Date Your Ex's Friend?

Episode Date: September 29, 2017

Hello! I’m coming back at you with another episode! This week I’ll be sharing my advice on what to do if you’re not interested in dating in high school, how to initiate physical contact with a guy you’re interested in, and how to face a friend you lost your virginity to.I want to hear all of your questions that you need help with. Plus some follow up calls if you’ve already called in. Call me at...[phone] or international listeners email me at [e-mail]...with your question and as much detail as possible. And I will do my best to offer my words of wisdom.If you’re under 18, please get your parent’s permission. Advice is for entertainment purposes only. Don’t blame me if it ruins your life. lol, jk, my advice is always the best.[phone]. Do it!Don’t forget to check your carbon monoxide alarms!Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/join/dontblameme See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Visit ancestry.ca for details. Terms apply. hello everybody and welcome back to don't blame me this is my podcast my name is megan and this is an advice podcast about me giving advice of your lives the advice of your lives it's like a terrible terrible soap opera hi guys and welcome back i don't even know what episode this is but you've either been tuning in for a while, 13. Ooh, lucky number 13. Should we talk about Taylor Swift in this episode? I mean, probably not. I'm probably not going to come up. Um, but yeah, thanks guys for tuning in. If this is your first time here, um, do you know how to count 13 is it has a one in it, but it's not the first episode, but yeah, this is my advice podcast

where we go through and we listen to voicemails that you guys have left me telling me about things in your lives that you would like my sage words of wisdom on. And then I give you some very questionably terrible, somewhat bad, yet always entertaining and honest advice with you all. And if you haven't called in and left a voicemail, then your life is apparently going amazing and you don't need any help. And the whoop-dee-doo is how happy for you. Congrats. But if you are not going amazing, if you're not going amazing all the time, I'm sorry, guys, I'm forgetting how to like form sentences, but we're just going to be okay with it. The number that you guys want to call is 3 1 0 6 9 4 0 9 7 6. Again, to leave me a voicemail 3 1 0 6 9 4 0 9 7 6. My gosh, we would

love that. And guess what? If you're international, first of all, kudos because you're not living in America. Um, sorry guys, I have to burp. That's what happens. Trump is, he's like coming through through me he's like stop talking bad about me um if you guys are an international caller we've had a lot of requests for you guys wanting to be able to leave voicemails too and guess what now you can if you guys recorded mp3 on your phone or any other other recording device you can email it to us at meganpodcast at gmail.com all the same rules and suggestions for your voicemail apply keep it under three minutes and give us a ton of context and detail about the things that you're dealing with in your life. It can even help if you write

it down. So you know exactly what you're going to say and you're not leaving out any details because the more details that I have, the better the advice I have is going to be. Granted, the advice is not always going to be stellar, but I mean, you got a way, way better chance of it being somewhat good if I have a ton of information on the situation. So yeah, I would love to hear from you and your sexy accents um canadians you count too you have wonderful accents a oh they all hate me i really want to try tim hortons okay well anyways okay i'm gonna stop blabbing i really have nothing to update anyone on there's what about are you gonna be traveling anytime this year oh my gosh good ah well oh i should say the jack's on here too um you guys might notice that

there is a wonderful female voice here that's not jack hello it's now mel's always here but this time she's got a microphone because jack is under the weather boo you whore it's okay we forgive him but um yeah you're right mel i am going somewhere actually by the time this is out maybe i'll have decided where i'm going but um the boyfriend and i um we have decided um fuck thanksgiving we're not thankful for shit let's go on a trip i'm kidding we're thankful for a ton of things but we're also um strapped for uh free time and we've been talking about wanting to travel really really badly and we just discovered this thing called kayak explore hashtag not spawn um but yeah it's like fantastic on finding trips so right now we're potentially potentially

potentially going to um the pacific northwest like the mountains um seattle-ish area or or or i'm hardcore like shamelessly trying to get someone to pay for us to go to canada and i'm down to pay for flights but like i just someone give us someone give us a place to stay in canada and i really want to go to i want to go to lake louise where all those instagram travel people go where they're in that kayak and they're like holding someone's hand is that my fire alarm i think that was weird wait we're all wearing headphones i'm like did anyone hear it outside of headphones yeah oh no it stopped okay everybody um you had a little bit of an intermission but you probably didn't know we actually took a field trip to Ralph's too um it was my carbon monoxide

alarm that was going off and I'm I'm I could lie to you and say I'm pretty sure we fixed it we're not it's still kind of going off so we're just gonna intermittently cut the beeps I mean Mel's gonna cut the beeps in post um and we're all going to send some well wishes and hope that we're not all getting carbon monoxide poisoning we I think the battery's just low we changed the battery nothing's really happening but we got snacks so I don't even know where we were we're at the beginning of this aren't we yeah we're at the very beginning so um start at the very beginning yeah so we can just go yeah okay guys yeah well all that hubble up aside um let's get into the calls hi megan um i am 15 and i am starting my sophomore year of high school my school is really

big there's about like 2 000 kids that go to my school um i'm not trying to be like cocky or anything but um I'm more of a pretty girl and um I found that in the past I hate dating with like all of my heart I think it's a crock of shit honestly and I think it's a waste of time especially in high school and um everybody at my school are kind of just like little horny teens and um everybody wants to just mess around and I'm not here for it but I don't want to shut down people when if they want to ask me out and I've just found that I'm not really just like into it um how should I go about um going through high school without um being really uncomfortable with dating and keeping people away I know that sounds mean but how do I like make sure that I'm

not full of anxiety and stuff through high school with like a lot of peer pressure I don't know if you're gonna know what I'm like going at here but yeah just give me your advice as best as I can because everybody that i know um really likes dating and romantics and i just don't it's not my thing okay two bits of advice here one i wouldn't be so quick to put yourself in a box and say that you hate all dating and romance kind of stuff because i mean if you've only ever had bad experiences with dating you wouldn't be like you know what's fun dating um and then secondly so i think there's the others the two options where i'd say i would kind of just like not put any pressure if you're not putting any pressure on yourself and if your friends put pressure on

you i say then address it but i don't think you need to like outwardly push people away um because you might end up realizing that you actually might have feelings for somebody down the line and you've kind of put up this like no i'm never gonna date and do any of this stuff in high school kind of ban um that you might end up wanting to break and eat your own words a little while later but at the same time also there's the uh you might be asexual like or i mean you might be aromantic and like not into it in that sense which I mean you can like know at any age so there's no like oh it's a phase you'll grow out of it there's two options either maybe it is a phase and you'll grow out of it or maybe like you actually you're just aromantic you're not

interested in that kind of stuff in which case then I think um you don't have to define yourself or identify as anything if you don't want to and if you're not like ready or comfortable because it's like your life and no one else whatever you decide to decide to or not decide to label yourself as is your own that's your own thing but I think in that case then I would just just like make it clear with your like close friends and just be like yeah I'm just not into I'm not really like not interested in dating and romance and it's not I'm not waiting around for like the right person to come woo me and sweep me off my feet I'm just like I'm like I'm a romantic or asexual or anything like that and that's just not something that I'm invested in but you did say that like you

just think dating in high school is pointless and kind of a waste of time um so if you think it's like an age thing and not if you think eventually you'll want to get to the point where you want to date you just don't really see the point of dating at this age then I would just say kind of just take it as it goes um you might surprise yourself and other people might surprise you and you might have some really great experiences with people and want to end up dating them and then not wanting to be like oh well I promised myself I wouldn't do this so I think those are the two options either kind of I guess yeah just like overall just try and figure out exactly what it is that you're not you're not interested in? Is it like dating and romance as a whole for the rest of your life?

Or is it you're like, I don't know why I would date someone in high school when we're not going to end up together forever and we're not going to get married. And it's just like past the time is distracting from school and all that kind of stuff. And if that's the case, I think a lot of people feel that way about like dating at that age. I definitely did not. I loved dating at that age, but I didn't like I didn't like dating. I didn't like getting my heart broken and going out with guys and having awkward dates. Like I liked flirting and I liked like making out and all that kind of stuff, which I think is totally okay. But it's also really normal to not want to do any of that stuff in high school and then go in college, then go into start dating and having

it be normal and all that stuff. But I wouldn't worry ahead of it too much. Um, I think if your friends are close friends and someone pursues you, you can just be outward with him and be like, oh no, I'm not interested in that. Um, like I'm good. Thank you though. Um, but yeah, I think I would just kind of take it as it comes and if someone musters up the courage to ask you out and you're not interested you have every you're allowed to say you're not interested but i don't think you can kind of avoid like social things that involve other people do what i mean i feel like that makes right yeah it makes sense and she can hang still hang out with the same guys as friends they don't it doesn't have to be a romantic thing no and you also like you can't prevent them

from liking you so if someone likes you you just have to kind of you just have to get used to and getting okay with saying that you're not interested in somebody which i also think is a fucking great skill to learn because there's for some reason especially girls feel so fucking guilty if someone likes them or is like but he like asked me to prom and he like did all the stuff for me and like you don't owe anyone shit if anyone the same advice i give to people when they're telling their crushes that they like them or i'm like you have to do it for you it cannot be conditional on what the person's going to say back so i think you need to let other people kind of go through their own journeys and like discovery and figure out their feelings towards whether it's you or any other

person you can't really prevent that because that's their own journey um and but you can control your participation in it okay on to the next call um my name is i'm 23 and i recently broke up with my boyfriend and well he broke up with me um i'm kind of just struggling with how to get over it i tend to go a long time between significant others and by a long time I'm talking, like, three years, two years, somewhere in that ballpark. And, I mean, I'm relatively successful. I'm going to grad school. I have a job.

You know, all those kind of, like, good things that are kind of cornerstones in our society. But I'm kind of just struggling with the whole singleness and, you know, being okay with being single while also trying to meet new people. Also, how do you do that as an adult? I mean, college is so much easier, but with grad school and jobs and stuff, it gets ten times harder anyway. Any advice on how to live with a singleness, deal with heartbreak, and also, you know, find a boo, preferably male. That would be great. Thanks. Oh, my God.

I'm so good at being single. I'm, like, fantastic at being single. I'm way better at being single than being in a relationship, except now. I'm killing this current one. um uh first of all sucks for the breakup i'm so sorry that's never fun at all um advice on being single well i think there's there's a couple of different like routes routes to go on when you're single i think that are important i think i'm a huge i'm a huge fan of the like rebound phase not even necessarily following through with the rebound but whether it's just texting somebody

who reminds you that like, oh, I'm pretty, like I'm cute. I know how to talk to people. People can still have like feelings for me. This last relationship isn't like, oh, the only person will ever like me like that. It's nice to kind of be recognized as like, I don't know, like just recognized as like a sexual being again. And you're like, oh, I forgot what this is like because I'm so used to being in a relationship. So I think whether that's like texting somebody or I don't know, hook it up with an old flame doesn't add to your number. Not that there's anything wrong with adding to your number um but or even just going out to your friends and going to a bar and flirting with people it can be as innocent or as like having follow-through as you want but i think

that's important um because it also helps you not just settle down with the next person who tells you you're cute because you're actually getting like more feedback from people no you're getting like more exposure to like other single people and all that kind of stuff i think hanging out with single friends that's super important if like your best friends in a relationship no offense to her you just probably should not be spending a ton of your free time with her and her boyfriend because that kind of creates that like massive hole of like oh I'm not in a relationship and but you have to remember like there's so many single people in the world at all like at all times and the friendships that you probably had with your friends when they were single and you

were in a relationship they're not bringing you on all their single girl trips and all those single girl fun stuff so participate in that kind of stuff and it's important because you have like wing men wing women and all that kind of stuff when you're talking to people um and then the other part of singleness I think it's really important to um find find stuff that you like and kind of like reignite your own solo passions or like start a new hobby take a new class or do stuff that's like completely and entirely selfish um especially when relationships get rocky but just in relationships in general you spend a lot of time doing things for other people that's for the benefit of both parties or just being selfless and doing stuff for somebody else

and i think you can we can kind of lose direction track of like putting ourselves first so whether that's like you never really got your nails done as much and now you're like oh i want to go get my nails done like every other week doing stuff like that or like i've always wanted to start a trashy tv show or do that or reading a book or like going not even like spending money on stuff but like taking an art class or traveling or visiting for family from out of town doing the stuff that you're like oh my significant other never wanted to do this or this is something that I always wanted to do but could never find the time or the justification for doing it because it's just for me so I think finding something like that's also really good because it puts

the value back in yourself and you you you remember that you exist not to just build somebody else up that you can do it for yourself too um and then I think there's the grieving process too which like it's you I think it's something that you kind of have to deal with and um I think a good I think a good amount of time of being single before it's okay to or before I think this is just again this is all my personal view on stuff I think there needs to be a break between dating people and I'm also just like you in the sense of like I would go single I would like date someone I would have like a spur of like dating dating dating dating and then like okay I'm done I'm taking like I'm going cold turkey from dating I refuse to date anyone for like a year and then I'll jump

back in a relationship or something like that but I'm very much that same way but I think when it comes to like the process of getting over a heartbreak you have to go through the you have to go through it's like I don't know it's like the steps program and all that stuff like you have to go through the sadness you have to go through the like the missing it and all that kind of grief and you have to go through like the blame of the putting all the blame on the other person and hating them and then when you get to the point where you can look at it and you're like I don't hate this person and they did some bad things but I'm also guilty of doing some other things and this relationship when you're able to look at it in the sense of both parties are at

fault and both parties both parties messed up but both parties like tried and you don't hate yourself and you don't hate him and it's nobody's fault that you broke up except both of you are equally guilty I think that's when you can start dating again because I think if you start dating when you're angry and pissed off and that they did all of these things wrong the people that you're starting to like pursue just aren't the greatest people because you're just like they're going to be totally opposite from my ex and my ex is the worst person ever but your ex probably isn't the worst person ever because you dated him for a certain amount of time and you guys probably had some stuff that you would never want character traits in a different person you date

now but there's definitely probably some good things and then you also don't want to start dating someone when you put all the blame on yourself when you're like i messed up i'm terrible why did i let him go and then you're going to start clinging on to whoever gives you attention next so i think when you can look at both parties being guilty i think that's a good time to start dating and then I'm also the worst person to ask because I would just have set crushes not follow through with them go on one dating app date and then hook up with guys from high school and then um I then meet people on set and then I started dating someone who I used to work with and that's where I'm at I'm just gonna pick it back off what you said about like going and doing things that

you like if you go do and think things that you like like going to an art class you might meet somebody there and they like doing the same type of things that you like to do that's smart yeah i mean being single is hard also grad school focus on that too right you got shit going on right and there might be people in grad school too that you might be interested in dating you might maybe run your nose yeah or go to somewhere to study oh the library the quad a coffee shop somewhere close and there might be somebody you're interested in there too oh that is very true yeah you'll be fine it sucks breakups are terrible and shitty and it's also weird when you're an adult too because you're like oh this is odd because you can also never

have to see that person again but then also might see them randomly and it's not like school and it's it's all it's all it's all a stressful thing but hey i did it i got in a relationship in la and that was if i can do it anyone can do it because i'm incompetent when it comes to that stuff yeah I think we're tit for tat for that you'll be good girl yeah you'll survive on to the next call hey Megan I'm a 18 year old girl uh I recently got set up by one of my really close friends who is dating this other guy's um best friend and so I've already known him for like four years now or something I've known him all throughout high school and now I'm graduated but he's a year older than me I'm really freaking awkward and I've never done anything with a guy

like I've never had a boyfriend or anything like that we've been going on some dates like we've gone on a double date and stuff but like nothing's happened yet like we haven't kissed or anything and he's been noticeably trying to find reasons to like make I don't know a connection with me or something and like touch my thigh or shoulder or like rub my back like very casually and stuff like that and I've only like patted his shoulder once and like I literally do nothing because I just don't know what to do I really like him and I think he likes me too I know he's already had some girlfriends in the past and I know he has experience with like getting physical and things like that. And I'm worried that I'm not expressing like the fact that I like him enough. I guess what

I'm trying to say is how can I ease myself into making more gestures and like touching him more or showing him that I really am interested? I would first say that... Sounds terrible. No matter how experienced a guy is, it doesn't mean that he is no longer awkward. And it doesn't mean that because a guy is hooked up with girls or had girlfriends doesn't mean that like

he is freaking 50 shades of gray man, super confident, knows what he's doing all the time. Like you can have like sexual partners and girlfriends and still be super awkward and have no idea what you're doing so I wouldn't put yourself on such a different level as him and the physical experience stuff if he's a good guy and he's cool and all that stuff he's really not gonna mind that you're not super confident in all that stuff because you don't have a ton of experience I think if you like him I think the best way I I'm I'm a huge I'm very into the

self-deprecating very self-aware sort of thing and I'm always awkward but if if I was in that situation I would just straight up if you're hanging out one night and tell him like hey I'm just gonna be straight with you I think you're cute and I really like you and I don't know how to be um I don't know how to like express that I'm into you I'm like definitely not very experienced and that kind of stuff and I don't want to give you the wrong idea that I'm not interested in you but I don't really know how to like show it and I just like I feel weird because I'm not that experienced and I think if you can say that and just get that out of the way then he not only not only will you be able to tell if he's like a good guy and he's like okay no it's totally fine

but then it also kind of for him he's not going to read too much into anything that you're doing because he's like oh no she's just like not used to doing this kind of stuff so I think if you're comfortable saying that oh god I'm burping in your question I'm burping into your question um I think if you're comfortable saying that I think that's really really good and it's also just like kind of just opening the door for a way more candid conversation and it's not kind of not leading him on but not I think getting it out of the way because no matter what if you guys end up getting like more you get closer on what's up the conversation will have to happen that you're not experienced intimately and I think it's better to kind of start off with that early on as opposed to

just being like psych before you put it in I'm a virgin like I think that can be a little that can be a little rattling um and then also you don't want to get that invested if you find out that he's like just another douchebag but then I would say if you want to just kind of like bite the bullet and be like I'm just gonna like try and be more physical with him I think it's sweet if you can I mean I love you girl don't pat him on the shoulder that sounds like your friend sounds like a dog don't do that I mean you can't maybe it's maybe it's more of a rub maybe it's a little more romantic than I'm picturing I was patting the chair when I was listening to your question I was pretending it was you. That's weird. I know. He told me he could see me. But I think, yeah,

if you can, if he puts his hand on your leg, maybe you just repeat what he's doing. So he puts his hand on your leg and then you do that like an hour later or something like that. Whatever he's doing to you and you feel comfortable with that kind of stuff, you don't have to get creative, just reciprocate. And then I think from there, it'll kind of slowly build. And I don't know if you guys have been on like solo dates without your friends and all that stuff but I think that kind of you're gonna feel so much more comfortable being physical with him when your friends aren't there there is a sort of thing where you're like I feel like I don't want my friends to see me hardcore flirting with somebody this feels a little weird I'm not totally used to it I think

if you guys can separate yourself and have some alone time I think you'll find that it comes far more naturally because you don't feel like everyone's fucking watching you and staring at you we all start inexperienced and even even the most experienced person once you get into a relationship with somebody else it's a whole different ball game um and there's really every relationship is different with like the intimacy stuff and all that thing so i wouldn't say it's fair to super compare yourself because he might be terrible in bed and then you could you might be fucking amazing and then you'll teach him everything and you don't even know you could be a teacher or you don't sleep with him but i don't know right yeah i always like the old

pick the imaginary lint off of them pick the imaginary what the fuck you just pick it and it's kind of like a little graze and rub no i don't know what the fuck you mean i'm literally pinching my chair like that like oh oh okay so you're okay i thought this was one of those things where it's like the cabbage patch dance move where you've just named it something but you literally mean imagine that there's lint on him and you're picking it off i was like is this i hand i thought this was like a romantic hand gesture you mean okay so that's actually a good idea it's like pretend there's a hair on his shoulder or like some lint that makes sense yes okay i thought you were just like clasp your hand and look like you're the claw machine

on his shoulder two fingers two fingers and then a little that's super that's fucking good also now i wonder if i've been giving off mixed signals because i do that to everybody where i'm like there's something on you and i'll get it off i'll get it off that's a really good one wow okay mike dropped my mail over here yeah do that and then you guys need to have your first kiss i want to hear about it call us back yeah please do i'm excited okay you'll be fine this is great this is all exciting this is all good oh i cannot wait to hear about your first kiss or your first other stuff no pressure no pressure okay on to the next call hey Megan I'm 17 years old and in case you couldn't tell from my accent I'm from New Zealand and I was hoping you could help me out with a

little dilemma I have so a little backstory I recently lost my virginity to this guy at a party and it's just been really awkward ever since because he doesn't want a relationship or anything which I don't really mind because I'm in my last year of high school and heading off to uni and stuff next year and I don't really want a boyfriend but like I don't know it's just I feel like I haven't got that closure because he won't he won't talk to me about it and so I just haven't closure in that sense I feel and it's also just quite awkward because we're both in the same friend group so we share a lot of the same friends actually and my best friend is his best friend's girlfriend so we see each other a lot I feel like at least once a week and we actually haven't seen

each other since the incident in question um and I just feel I feel like he's been avoiding me but then at the same time I guess I've been avoiding him because I just don't really know what to do obviously I've never been in a situation like this before and yeah don't really know what to do about it um if first of all I really like your accent okay here's what I'd say um I don't really believe in closure. I don't really think it's a thing. I think, um, when we're searching for closure, it's kind of like, ha, it's like, there's the answer and what you think is right in front of you and a big poster board, but there's this other thing in the corner that is like in your dream ideal world. And closure really just means I don't want it to be this

very obvious thing that it probably is. I want it to be that 1% chance of a thing. And closure is usually trying just ridding yourself of that like oh maybe it's but maybe it means this so i think if you really really really want to talk to him about it i mean i you're what's the drinking agent who told my advice i'm like get drunk i mean you lost your it was at a party so let's just say in another party situation i i would bring it up with him super casually i wouldn't bring it up in it's 18 it's 18 okay were you senior yeah she's going to uni uni love that by the way not university in general just the way you say uni um i would say bring it up if you feel the need to bring it up to him bring it up in a similar setting to where it happened so that

another party or something like that where it's really casual and it's not like a hey let's sit down and talk about all this kind of stuff i think even though it feels important to you right now i think if you can bring it up in a way that's um because you're even saying that you don't know if it's you avoiding him or him avoiding you i think if you say like hey um actually you know what this is my other thing what do you want like what do you want out of this you're saying that you're going to university um and that you don't really want a boyfriend going into this all this kind of stuff um and you guys weren't dating so what's the goal what is it that you want here and i think you're kind of aware of like the attachment that you think that you're just

feeling just because you had virgin like you lost your virginity to him um but i don't know it depends on what you went out of it like if you have actual legitimate feelings for him i don't think having sex is solidifying that i think you would have known that you've had those feelings before sleeping with him um so maybe those feelings have always been dormant and they've always but they've always been there and then i say then if you need to talk to him and then you're like hey i just like want to feel like we should just like address what happened um i had a great time or not just telling you to be like by the way it sucked like i had a great time um and i don't know where you're at but i would love to like just hear um what you're thinking about this

um just candidly so we can have a conversation open conversation i know school's gonna be ending soon so i'd rather us just not beat around the bush and kind of just like get straight to the point so saying something like that i think totally works but then if you're not interested in him um but you just kind of want him to be interested in you which i'm not shitting on you for because that's a hundred percent something i would do where i'm like i don't really like this guy but i want him to like me um and now i'm now i'm upset because i'm not getting him he's not liking me even though i don't really really like him then i think it's kind of just like letting it letting time sort of pass and deal with that stuff and then i would also talk to your friends if

you're in the same mutual friend group you can always do the sneaky thing of being like hey can you find out can you ask your boyfriend to find out about what he said about him and i hooking up and if he like what he's thinking about it and then you can find it out that way so it's a little bit more like closure and getting it straight from the source but through a small game of telephone with people that you trust um that's what i would say and then i would also i would also say um losing virginity can be a major deal if you want it to be a major deal but it also really doesn't have to be it's there it's also super subjective to like what virginity even is um it's you do you know what i mean like it's not like it's i mean especially if you if you look at it in terms of

like not just like heterosexual couples like losing your virginity doesn't mean like popping your cherry or whatever anything like that it can really be up for whatever you want it to mean um and as much as someone can be your first they're far less important than your last person that you sleep with like the amount of time they think about the guy that i lost my virginity to are slim to not like and and that was someone that i was in love with and dating and all that kind of stuff but i wouldn't say i wouldn't say that i regretted losing it to him but i also wouldn't say that like he's this very special person because of that because he doesn't have anything it's not like you're giving something away to somebody else like you just chose to

have sex there's no like there's no no tangible thing of virginity and it's not something that he possesses it's definitely like a personal choice to like choose to be like i'm a fuck I'm gonna go do this and I'm gonna have fun and all that kind of stuff and just because he's your first doesn't mean he needs to be super important so if you have feelings for him I would say try and try figure out if he's got those same feelings back um and then if not and you just want him to you're just kind of wondering what things are then you can be candid but also just be ready for the answer if you're not ready to hear what he has to say think of the worst possible response and if you're not ready to hear that then i would just kind of move on from it and

then hook up at another party and then be like well whatever still going to university later you'll be fine right and if you if you guys are friends and then you all have you have the same group of friends you're gonna have to talk to him eventually oh yeah if you don't want it to be awkward so just do it yeah no that is true because you don't want to be like all getting lunch one day and you're sitting next to each other and he's like do you want me to butter your muffin and you're like oh god you'll be fine it'll all be okay it'll all be okay virginity fun times fun times fun times okay guys we are going to take a break so braid your hair knit a sweater no sweater because it won't be that long it'll be right back

this episode of don't blame me is brought to you by you you did it you done good kid congrats to you you're awesome what the hell am i talking about well this is what i'm talking about i'm gonna tell you so this episode we so this is basically me thanking you guys for leaving such awesome reviews on the apple podcast app i would love if you could continue to do so because not only do they make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside but they help other people find this podcast which means we get more ears listening which means we get to record more episodes and everything like that so if you love this podcast we would love if you could express your love in the form of stars and words and speaking of stars and words i'm going to not read you the hollywood

walk of fame I'm going to read you some of my favorite um or not even my favorite just some random um reviews that I've scrolled and found on the reviews of don't blame me best podcast for teens all the topics and questions are so relatable and so beneficial to me especially being a teenager this is the first podcast that I've listened to and I haven't been able to put down my phone I don't know what I'm gonna do when I'm done catching up keep it up oh thank you that means so much i'm so glad um oh this is a good one oh this is also like an rip because jack is jack is sick today love megan and jack this podcast is so funny and the advice is always good the dynamic between her and jack is also so great i love it this is this is oh my god this is

another good one sorry guys i'm just getting i'm on a roll with all these compliments i'm getting high from it must listen by mr oink the cow also i'm really curious why oink and mr are capitalized but the cow is not but there's no parentheses it's not like mr oink by the way he's a cow it's just like mr oink the cow i remember that last one where i said i'm not judgmental and i don't laugh at people fuck it's happening i listen to her podcast while driving doing laundry or just laying around and she gives fantastic advice 10 out of 10 recommend this to everyone i know also she's the best podcast podcast voice which is just a bonus is anyone else picturing a cow doing laundry oh i love it guys and i also just like i love that like these usernames you've always had

to have like these are your apple usernames i you didn't have to create this oh my god also this is a good one I feel stupid dot dot dot but I love the podcast by complicated and eight it's an eight like complicate with an eight dude I feel so stupid it took me about a week to figure out how to rate this anyway though I love the podcast also the only podcast I've ever listened to along with your YouTube channel I love listening to people's problems then give then the advice you give them keep up the good work thank you so much and also guys it's attainable and relatable you might not know how to make a review on the apple podcast app neither did complicated it's a little complicated all you do is go through you click rate and you press the stars and then do you want to leave

some feedback and you can ah so i hope you guys enjoyed my dramatic reading oh maybe next time i'll do like an actual dramatic reading of your reviews or i'll sing them if you have any requests let me know on the twitter and i can um potentially maybe do that but anyways um we're gonna stop talking about how great my podcast is and we're gonna get back to my podcast which is pretty great okay get ready for more of my voice it's happening in three two one blast off hey yo we are back back back again again again time for another quick quick quick quick question hi megan this is i'm 19 and i'm gonna start my sophomore year of college on Monday

so in about a week and basically right before I left I slept with this guy I'd been talking to him for about a year and I just kept ignoring him because I was like focusing a lot on my athletics

and my school and I was kind of talking to him but anyway I slept with him right before I left back for school or left back for home and we've been kind of talking the entire summer, but I didn't like want to make anything official because we literally slept together, like, well, like a few times, but like in a week, anyway, like I have, I have to go, well, I don't have to,

but I'm going to see him when I get back to school, cause there's like a lot of mutual friends and everything. And I don't know if he wants to keep talking to each other or if he doesn't want to keep talking to each other because we've talked to each other a lot this summer but until recently so I don't know how I should approach him or the situation when I get back thanks bye I just gotta ask him hey do you want to keep talking or are you not interested in me anymore I think that's like really it there's not a lot of gray area here um does he go to your school yeah he goes to your school so you oh so you slept together right before summer

then there was summer you didn't see each other all summer and now you're going back to school and you will see him yeah I mean I think I think ask him if like or just say say how you feel I think that's a better question um because how do you feel like do you want to date him do you want to be in a relationship do you like him I think being curious about how he feels about you I totally understand that but unless you know how you feel I don't think it's really fair to ask him where he's at because yeah I mean who knows who knows where you want to be are you are you still in the same mindset where you don't really want to start dating um but i think if you're if it's more just like oh why isn't he talking to me anymore um then i then i kind of i think it's

something you kind of just have to like take and just be like okay well whatever either cut your losses or bite the bullet and ask him straight up what's up but then be prepared to have to answer what's up with you too do you know what i mean like be prepared to answer like how you feel and what you're looking for because um two parties in this it's not just it's not just him being interested in you anymore it's like are you interested in him like you get as much of a say in a future between you two as he does so i would i would yeah if it was me i would just be super blunt but that's that's that's how i would do it and i would do it before you see him i would text him so you don't have to have that like what if you see him and like he looks really cute and

you're like oh my god we're gonna start dating and then it's like legally blonde and then like selma blair just like comes out and just like there and it's like oh we're engaged and you're like oh why did i go all the way to harvard for this i could have just texted warner and asked him if he was seeing someone else i would do that yeah and if you don't actually like them then you just want to hook up with them yeah just do that too and get on that same page too there's nothing more liberating than talking to someone and have you both just want to be friends with benefits and you're like oh great there's no guesswork here i don't have to try this is easy i think i yeah i would be i'd be candid cool on to the next one hi megan so i am 20 years old

and i live with my ex-fiancee so that sounds weird and it is but he's my best friend it's fine like nothing weird we're not sleeping together whatever um but i kind of have a thing for one of his best friends like he was supposed to be one of his groomsmen and I I don't know like I kind of like him and I kind of like see want to see if anything like would go anywhere and he does like come over and hang out and whatever but like he will never come home and come over whenever my ex is here obviously because they're friends but like he doesn't want him to know or anything and I kind of just don't know how to like go about it like with him and like with my ex and kind of be like hey like you know I really see potential here like what should

I do how should I like handle addressing like both of those because neither of them like know that i mean like the guy knows that i live with my ex but my ex doesn't know that the guy and i are hanging out so i just need advice don't do it just don't fucking do it just don't even open up that can of worms shut that can that you've started to open don't fucking do it oh yeah this is just it's uh i i i i say this as if i'm just gonna treat this as if you were like and i i do this with a lot of these questions as if you were my best friend coming to me with this advice and i say this out of love you just can't do that it's not it's not a romantic comedy kind of situation where i've been referencing a lot of the family stone where you show up and

you fall in love with a brother and everything's okay and all that kind of stuff it's just not it's really it's really not it's super shady for your ex-fiancee's friend in general like it's just it's just a display of really shitty friendship where for me I would never be able to get into a relationship with somebody who I could so clearly see disrespecting their friendships I'm like that just I don't think is is a positive thing in his personality and then I also just don't think there are so many great guys in the world that aren't friends with your ex that like that aren't involved in the situation and you're potentially ruining a friendship between them and then pretend then ruining the friendship between you and your ex

and all of this is for a maybe possibly having feelings it's it's not someone that you are in love with and all of that kind of thing and the likelihood that it like would succeed and all of that stuff i think in a perfect world if you guys were going to end up together and like he was your soulmate maybe your ex would understand but it's so much more likely that like it's not going to be that and then you've you've ruined um bromance and an actual friendship that you and your ex have managed to keep for this other guy which i just don't think it's worth it and i also think that this shit happens all of the time the amount of time that I have like had breakups with someone and then been like but their friend is kind of cute and it's like it's on me because it's a I'm

not expanding my bubble because I'm like well I'm comfortable in this friend group and I'm comfortable in this kind of area and there's also that little vindictive side of you that is kind of like oh maybe this this will piss him off and not that I'm saying that you would do this I'm saying purely based on my personal experience that sometimes it comes from like I don't want to get out of my comfort zone in the circle of people that I'm friends with. And I like staying in this friend group. So how can I root myself with somebody else here? And then there's also that moment of being like, you know, and it also feels kind of awesome to like know that my ex's friend has always thought I'm hot. And the whole time that him and I had been dating, he like always

said a little bit of a thing for me. That's a confidence booster. And there's nothing wrong with liking that feeling. But I just think it's a can of worms you don't really want to open. And it's a lot of pressure to put on your relationship with this guy if you ended up starting dating because you guys both risked and would have lost so much for this that you're so fucking invested in this and what if you don't end up actually really having feelings for each other I think it just puts an unnecessary amount of pressure and it's just it's not if you were in this situation and your ex and you broke up and he's already dating like one of your best friends or like your sister or your cousin or something like that like it would feel shitty and it's just kind of

one of those things like why like why of all people in the fucking world you decide to pursue a casual relationship with somebody so tight-knit to both of us i just personally don't think it's worth it i would separate yourself from the friend group as much as possible and cut ties with this guy as well and then really pursue a being single for a while because it's like out of being like engage that's a big deal and then try and pursue relationships amongst people who aren't so involved with your ex and also get a new apartment right like move out that's just like that is just like a confrontation waiting to happen exactly if he's sneaking over to see you while your boyfriend while your ex-fiance isn't there what if he comes home exactly and also doesn't that that's a shady

dude that's a shady bro like I that's imagine being a girl doing that like I would never fucking do that to any of my friends and I think that sort of that sort of respect even though it's in his like bromance like bro bro friendship that sort of respect will translate to his relationship with the females in his life and the people he has romantic interest with so someone who does not respect their friendships in that way that's not yeah like that's so breaking all of bro code i would never trust a guy like that because if a girlfriend of mine did that and started like hooking up with my ex i would be behind my if we were oh my god imagine your roommates with a girl she's your best friend and no yeah let's just pretend your roommates know you're yeah your

roommates with your ex-boyfriend fiance and you're one of your best friends is sneaking over the middle of the night to hook up with your ex like that's shitty on both of their parts but that's Definitely super fucking shitty on the front. Right. And then you walk in on them. Oh, can you imagine? Right. Because like he lives there.

So he's going to come home. And he has a key. You can't even like prevent, like get by yourself 10 seconds of time. Okay, guys, that is it for this week's episode. I hope you enjoyed it. And if you did, you should leave us a lovely review on Apple podcast. Give us a five star. I'm an Uber and I'm asking for it.

I need to stop burping in this fucking episode. I'm disgusting. If you guys, I would really, really, really love some caller responses. We've had a couple of people who've called in with their own personal feedback on questions, which is awesome. Not that I'm saying I don't want that anymore, but I really want someone to call back in who has dealt with something that we talked about in a different episode and I want to hear the conclusion or I want to hear at least like a little bit more of the story or what's

happened since. So if you guys want to call with some follow-ups, you can leave voicemails at 310-694-0976. Again, the number is 310-694-0976. And you can also, again, leave your feedback and then call again with more questions or topics or advice stuff that you guys have or things that you need my sage wisdom. Why do I keep saying sage wisdom? Because you're old. Because I'm old as fuck.

Yeah. Yeah. I hope you guys enjoyed this episode. And if you're an international caller, which two of these calls were guys. So if you want to be cool, like the international callers, you know how they called in, they recorded an MP3 and emailed it to Megan podcast at gmail.com. And that's how we played it. And they follow all the same rules. They kept their calls into three minutes, I think. And they gave me a lot of context and a lot of all that stuff. And if you're ever like frustrated with yourself of not being able to get your words concise, you can always write down what you're what you're gonna say and then read it on the voicemail there's nothing

wrong with that i can totally tell when you guys are reading too i love it i think i don't know why i think it's just like the sweetest most endearing thing um but yeah i would love to hear from you guys international or not i still love the america listeners i was almost at the americas i'm just having like chris columbus the americas uh chris columbus we're boroughs i don't call him Christopher anymore besties besties okay guys um yeah enjoyed this enjoyed this fucking titties okay guys I hope you enjoyed this episode and I will be talking to y'all in two weeks okay goodbye don't blame me is a production by me produced and directed by Jack Ferry associate producer Melissa DeMonts edited by Melissa DeMonts post-production sound by Chris

Henry and music by Giacomo Picasso and Ryan Hunter I will see you guys in two weeks and And don't blame me if your life bursts into flames before then. Your playlist might get you through the workday, but have you ever wondered how your ancestors spent theirs? What work helped them build a life? How did they adapt as the world around them changed? With Ancestry, you can search select historical occupational records for free for a limited time and discover the stories behind the jobs in your family tree.

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