Don't Blame Me! - S1E14: Guest: Leo Howard - Dirty Talk!

Episode Date: October 13, 2017

We have our first guest! My friend and co-star from “Freakish,” and self-proclaimed “dad” Leo Howard! We’re giving advice on what to do if your friend has a crush on your homecoming date, worrying about having sex with one person for the rest of your life, and if you should tell a guy’s girlfriend that he cheated on her with you. This one is super funny and informative.I want to hear all of your questions that you need help with. Plus some follow up calls if you’ve already called in. Call me at...[phone] or international listeners email me at [e-mail]...with your question and as much detail as possible. And I will do my best to offer my words of wisdom.If you’re under 18, please get your parent’s permission. Advice is for entertainment purposes only. Don’t blame me if it ruins your life. lol, jk, my advice is always the best.[phone]. Do it!This episode is brought to you by Away. Please go support them for helping keep this podcast free.Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/join/dontblameme See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

this episode of don't blame me is brought to you by away away makes first class luggage at coach prices that allow you to charge your phone on the go for $20 off your order go to away travel.com slash blame and use the promo code blame that's away travel.com slash blame promo code blame i said blame i whispered at that time but it's blame hello everybody and welcome to a brand new episode of don't blame me with me megan ranks and today is a very exciting episode first of all hello to all of the fans of the person who is the guest which is why you've found this podcast uh okay and leo howard is here hi guys you can't see it but I'm smiling.

He is smiling. It's very, it's a ear to ear. It's a creepy smile. Um, but yeah, we're very excited. We have our first guest today.

So, uh, thanks for coming. Oh, thank you. Uh, I'm stoked. This is my first time on a podcast.

Yeah. And, I am honored to be on yours. I'm very glad. Sarcasm was just dripping, dripping. And I feel like I really do need to go over with everybody. What this podcast is about,

because Leo also doesn't really know what this podcast is about. She's like, come over. I was like, all right. Hey, well together with Jack Ferry, Hi Megan, I'm back from the dead

You are back from the dead I was going to be like Mel And then I realized Mel doesn't have a mic in front of her today Well yeah, we're using up all of our channels today Because we have a guest Welcome Leo I'm so flattered Thanks guys

But if Mel has something important to say I will gladly share the mic Because we both have the same cold virus right now Oh yeah, and I hugged both of you So if I get sick Oh, it's inevitable Just get it over with That's what I say

Arden gave it to us And we're giving it to you Arden Rose Arden Rose Oh, that Arden. Well, yeah. So this podcast is an advice podcast. And yes, get excited.

Leo loves issuing advice to people and just talking. I love assuming that everyone wants to hear my opinion. Me too. It's my favorite thing. That's why I started this podcast. Wait, it's an advice podcast. How, pray tell, do people get your advice? What a really, really great natural segue.

I also have the phone number pulled up on my phone too. Professionals. I am a unprofessional professional. Basically, how you guys get advice from me is by leaving a voicemail at the phone number 310-694-0976. Again, you leave a voicemail at 310-694-0976. It's going to be fun.

We got voicemails. Oh, international callers. What if you're an international caller? So glad you asked that. No, that's not what you did. Isn't that how it works? You just add plus one to any number? You could, but I think some people

don't have international calling plans. And so we got you. And they don't like me that much to pay that much money we got complaints yeah they're like i'm going broke and no one's giving me advice um so if you are an international caller you can record a voice memo of your dilemma your question your predicament and then you save that and then email it to us at meganpodcast at gmail.com you did it wow before we get uh into it um for the the few of you listeners out there who don't know leo how do you guys know each other leo leo and i

know each other because we did we let's say we do we do it's always it's always past tense why do we say i don't always say it's still on we do a show together called freakish which is on hulu it's a hulu original um and our second season is actually coming out on october 18th i didn't like you when we first met no do you want to tell that story that's my favorite it's his favorite story to tell he's like hey what's your story about when i hated megan for no it's just like you know you always want everyone you work with to be extremely professional and like you know first impressions first impressions are this is going so we're all sitting around this table read we're sitting there and supposed to start on the dot it was like 11 or something like that oh i know this

story 11 10 goes by nothing we're still waiting on uh this character was like oh it's megan megan zoe she's playing zoe megan's here uh like 30 minutes goes by nothing so we just start the table read and then megan comes rushing in sorry sorry guys i'm here i'm here and she has cookies and the the story was that she had run out of gas on the first day of work and they called the pa to bring her gas no no no you're messing up the story but this is my story no this is my story because i make actually i like yours better because it makes me seem like a less terrible person so you keep going with yours great so she ran out of gas they had a pa bring her gas and wait that didn't work something didn't work and he had to drive you and you got your car got

towed or something like that right okay my car never got towed but you're you're you're very close i got in the car um and i didn't i didn't have gas but i didn't realize i didn't have gas and then it was like oh you like it's like i've passed the warning she's one of those people that's like i know my car my car has got this under control and my car did not we're on e but like i got another 30 40 miles and i think i remember this is like you had to drive to the middle of nowhere oh that was that was the issue where i'm like i'll be fine and then i'm like oh this is canoga park this is like 37 miles away like oh no um and the issue was is when i finally found a gas station because there were no gas stations for an extended period of time i realized

that not only did i not have gas i didn't have my wallet oh that's so i had to call production and they had to come and they had to buy me gas and then first day work like i hadn't met anyone so this is my first impression of megan's hearing like about and it's like the and it's not an accurate impression of me no it couldn't be more opposite so yeah she walks i was like oh here she is so she runs out of gas oh but she had time to bake cookies and you also didn't think i baked them you were like this bitch she stopped and yeah exactly uh and then and then we started working together and um yeah we're now best friends oh that's got a happy ending i know when did you start liking me i actually remember i don't actually remember it's just one of those

things that she makes the most aggressive uh jokes on set and it's shocking like it's jarring for yeah yeah it is and uh it's a bit contagious i'm an acquired taste yeah it's a vulgar sense of humor which i tend to love and uh then we became friends and uh the rest is history we're second season in and it's a fun show and uh yeah it comes out on the 18th we're very excited so uh set your um alarm clocks to stream it yeah only on hulu um right i think so i believe so and uh so you know you're a fan of her raunchy humor but you are in for a treat yes he asked me before He's like, how censored is this? And I was like, um, not at all.

I mean, I don't even know why I asked that because it's Megan. Yeah, it's TVMA. Oh, what does that mean? It means you can do whatever you want. It used to be X-rated back in like the 90s. But then it got too porno-y. Pre-Leo. Yeah, he's a child.

Yeah, you can now say whatever you want on this podcast. Your girlfriend is sitting at this table though, so I would not say anything you want. That's why I'm like silent. I'm just kind of, hey guys. No. No, no, no. It's okay.

We got it. What do you say we dive in? I'm so ready. I can't wait to give my advice. All right, let's do it. Let's start. Let's get the first call. Hey, Megan.

So I wanted to see if you could help me out with something. I've been in a band with one of my really good friends who I've actually kind of had feelings for for a long time. And during one of our sessions, I wrote this song, which technically was about him and how I felt about him um which I think he might have figured it out because he started hinting a lot about how he liked the song and how relatable it is and kept pushing me to tell him who the song was about until I finally did and I I chickened out and didn't really want to, like, make him uncomfortable about it.

So I ended up taking it back. And upon me doing that, he just kind of continued being, like, kind of, he seemed kind of hurt about it. Cut to now where I am now living with him and he's my roommate. and things have just gotten so awkward from the place where we were really good friends until now where I don't even talk to him and I spend most of my day in my room because I don't really know how he feels about it or how I will feel about the situation. So because I don't want it to be awkward, I just don't talk to him at all. And I do see that he tries sometimes to start the conversation,

but I don't really know how to get through this. So I'm trying to see what kind of advice you could give me on how we could either continue being friends or if we should even talk about the situation. That's complicated. It's complicated. So just to get this straight, because I couldn't really hear the first half.

He has romantic feelings for his friend. Bandmate. Bandmate. That's what I missed. Got it. And wrote a song about his bandmate. and his bandmate was like, I like the song.

I think it's really relatable. Who's the song about? And I guess he said it was about him and then was like, no, I take it back. It's not. And now they're roommates. And it's a little weird.

Yeah, now they're roommates. Yeah, what the hell? How did that happen? How does that happen? It's really difficult living with someone under a circumstance like that. One, it's difficult

to live with somebody in general, but with that awkward kind of tension, it's got to be really awkward and difficult. You feel like you don't really have a safe place, you know? Yeah, that's why you're hiding in your room the whole time. Yeah.

What do you, what do you, I mean, I think in general, I'm, I, the way I conduct myself is I like to, you are, I'll just say as if I'm talking to you, brother, uh, you are who you are. And like, you know, you have these feelings and you can only deny them for so long. And until you feel like, you know, you're kind of living something that isn't true to you, you know what I mean? Um, so I would, I'm the type of person that I'm very confrontational and I tend to want to work things out with someone if there's an awkward tension yeah that's kind of my thought

you know that's my thought too i mean i'm i'm also in a i'm definitely more of like a confrontational would rather rip the band-aid off and get it over with than prolong it yeah in general i mean that that's a really difficult situation the sort of friend zoney kind of breaking out of that is like and they work together if they're in a band that's like yeah that's even harder um i'm in a band i know how you know drama like that can kind of fester and that's uh oh so you're in love with one of your bandmates i am yeah yeah how do you negotiate that it's awkward no it's uh um but yeah as a musician i'd be like dude write another song about it i mean you know honestly that was my my reaction would be like if if that was kind of a place that you felt you obviously

felt a little more confident there to admit that that was about him and even though you didn't do it on the first try you said it and then took it back that kind of sounds like the place where you feel a little more open and about being honest like maybe maybe do write a second song and then this time be like hey that song this is about you this in general you can't apologize about how you feel because how you feel is just how you feel and you can't squash it you can't exactly right you can't change it if it's true to you you got to kind of live with it and roll with it and uh yeah so i i would say you gotta rip the band-aid off is kind of the moral of the story isn't it it'll be awkward no matter what it's either awkward now awkward later the awkward it'll get

more awkward the longer you wait and also you think about it what's my life 10 years from now would i want to look back on this situation and go man i told him how i felt yeah and it didn't go well i'd rather have that happen than i never said anything and i kind of live with this situation yeah i think regardless of the timeline it'll have the same outcome so might as well yeah get there quicker and also props to you if you're listening dude i'm sure you are because your voicemail's on this but props to you for like writing the song and then telling him yeah That takes a lot of balls. That's good.

It does. Well, regardless, he should call us back and let us know. Yeah, let us know what happens. Yeah. Hi, Megan. I'm 16. I'm a junior, and I'm in high school. So I got off the homecoming by a guy I've been interested in for a while.

I'm super excited to go with him, and I've been looking forward to getting to know him, flirt with him, and possibly hook up with him at our after party. However, I found out that one of the other girls whom I am friends with likes him and also plans on trying to hook up with him the same night, despite the fact that he is my date i don't feel right claiming him but i'm worried that somebody can seriously get hurt in the situation the guy i'm going to homecoming with told one of my close friends that the girl who likes him is mean and annoying and that he wants to hook up with me

i don't want to hurt my friend but i'm also really into this guy and i'm interested in starting a relationship with him i need your advice from a non-bi standpoint on what i should you um leo if any of you heard leo's reactions during this oh my god literal shout yeah i shouted i don't know why it just no it seemed like it is dramatic it's also there's something really nice about other people's drama yeah like no offense i'm not that invested in like i don't i can still sleep at night and also like i i not that i'm like so much older but i remember on 16 things like this it is it's so stressful oh yes and it really is and i feel for you because this is uh everyone goes through situations like this but the classic triangle oh i'm so glad you're asking triangle

with where two parts are into each other and one part is like i don't like this i want you to like me yeah uh i've had situations in the past where i you know i had the conversation i had a guy friend that uh we both had a crush on the same girl yeah and we were like you know let we made the the the the agreement we're like you know what none of us neither one of us are gonna go there because it'll mess up our friendship and then um he ended up going there and then i went so it was one of those things and so that doesn't work because like we're people and like sexually we want what we want and it's just i mean talking about i'm gonna go for it uh even though it says nothing about how i feel about you as a friend yes but no um it's a very difficult situation

uh but you know what i would do i would talk to your friend about it and i would hook up with the guy anyway i would i mean just life's about making experiences and here's my thing this is what i feel like doesn't get factored in so much is the fact that he has an opinion too like if he's not into your friend he doesn't have a choice but i mean he's not into your friend he's into you so if it means i mean he's a guy uh let's be honest okay but he can have his pick between the two girls he's gonna have both no he's not gonna have both let her have a fun homecoming the same time of course come on now if he's if he's good he'll hook it he'll hook it up okay okay we're on her side feminism okay i agree but i'm saying that like if he's slick him and you

know but i mean like he's if he's if he's going homecoming with this one girl that means he that if with like with you who called yeah then he's into you and he likes you absolutely and i don't think that it's it's not your responsibility to like preserve your friend's feeling of heartbreak from that guy because he likes you not her and if you choose to not go out with him that doesn't mean he's going to like her correct and there's also that being said there is a proper way to go through the situation like obviously you're not going to want to rub it in your friend's face like oh look who i'm going out with you know but if you're going to do it there's sort of like a polite way to do it and that that's that would be what i would say yeah i wouldn't make out in front

of her and him and also i would have a conversation before that's that's all uh like hey i know you like him but hey he likes me i'm obviously the better choice but i mean if you both have a crush on him and it's both kind of known i will also say too i one time one time i didn't make the okay whatever i one time had a friend being the situation where a guy and i liked each other and one of my friends liked him and was like i don't want you guys to date and i was kind of like fuck it i don't care we're not that close i'm gonna still hook up with this guy and date him and then he was like no i don't think we should because of this and now looking back on it i'm not friends with either of them and the fact that this made me stay up for like three days straight

stressing about this i'm like i'm not friends with this girl i'm not friends with this guy why was this such a headache i think you just have fun in your homecoming and your other people's happiness is not your responsibility in this situation you know uh on a different subject megan and my girlfriend both make jokes about me that i am a total dad and this is that part of me i'm listening to this conversation and i'm like you're scared she's getting pregnant no i'm like if i'm if this is my daughter i'm like i don't want my daughter to be talking about hooking up with some guy like you're 16 that you should be in school studying like this isn't she gets to let loose absolutely yeah don't go to homecoming leo howard wants you to study and watch come on now

i mean when i was 16 i would have yeah done the same thing have fun at homecoming um i hope it goes awesome yeah tweet us pictures i want to see i want to see your date too tell us if you hook up yeah please also use a condo if you're gonna have sex i was just gonna say wrap it up make wrap it up wrap it up or just make out no wow you're a bad influence horrible i am like i'm like the devil and the angel like i'm like no in one hand you're 16 you shouldn't be doing the other hand like wrap it up have fun use this trick no sorry gross okay on to the next call so i'm 18 years old and um i need some boyfriend advice I've been dating my boyfriend for like around three years and he's the only person I've

ever had sex with ever my virginity you know it's good stuff I really like being with him um but I'm just kind of worried that I'm gonna live my whole life without having sex with anyone else and I'm kind of just worried I'm never gonna be able to experiment and his my issue is like i've tried to be open about asking him if he's more open to letting me do things like that but he's very like that's cheating that's bad that's bad and i agree but i don't know what to do so i just need some advice this is particularly hard because this is one of those things that you know when you're in the moment it's like you know you're 18 years old or however you're young it feels like you know this is it's it this is it exactly and you know 20 years down the road you

look back and you go wow my life i've had so much happen so um what do you think i want to hear what you think first and then i'll give my opinion um here's what i'd say um as somebody who i okay knock on wood fucking hope i end up with my it's my boyfriend forever i mean we're absolutely well i would hope you wouldn't be in it unless you know yeah that's kind of where i'm at in my life with this relationship where i'm like there's i mean yeah we're we're we're kind of end game in that sort of mentality um all of your eggs are in all of my eggs are in that basket don't fuck it up um but my my i don't know if he was the first person that i ever dated we i would be ready for that so even though that like i would consider him like i'm i don't fucking hate the word like

soulmate and all that stuff i wouldn't i don't even really and like necessarily think that's real but i think like you the person you end up being with is because you meet them at a certain point in your life and they're at a certain point in their life and i think like sexuality and experimenting with stuff and feeling confident and comfortable with that is important so if i was if i was like 18 and moths was the only guy i'd ever dated i don't know if he would be the person that i would actually it wouldn't be the same because your life experience person moths has set you up for this relationship now. And I hear people talk about that where they go,

if I'd have met this person at, you know, 15 years old, I would be with him. And I go, that's not true at all because your entire life sets you up for where you are. And what you're attracted to, what you're doing, what you value in the person. What you appreciate, what you value, like things that you appreciate about that person

you may not necessarily appreciate if you hadn't had another situation happen to you. But that being said, if you have a sort of, if you're having these thoughts, if you're with this person and you're having a sort of frustration about not getting out there and you, you want to experience other things. Um, that's okay. That's, that's completely human.

And that's, that's, that's normal, especially for someone that you've, you know, you've put all your eggs in this one basket for, you know, your life so far, this is the guy that you've been with. Um, so it's totally natural to want to experiment and want to have fun. And I wouldn't deny that. I mean, you've had the conversation with him and like, yeah, he's not crazy for being like, no, I don't want you to do that because that's cheating. Like, you know, but I think if you're having those feelings of wanting to be with other people and you're feeling that sign. No, that's kind of where I think if that, those feelings naturally, if you're like, I,

if this is the last person I'm going to sleep with all that stuff. But that being said, like the grass is always greener. That's exactly what I was going to say. You have nothing to compare it to. And I understand that that's where she's at. And that's, um, but I think there's either it's either you don't, you don't kind of take some time and separation and you're going to feel resentment for like the what if like what if i missed out on all this other stuff and then there's also a chance that you if he ends up being the guy that you want to be with forever and everything

like that and it's supposed to end up together then you'll end up being together and he'll be able to get over at this time period that my recommendation would be to take a take a little break yeah that would be what i would say um i mean speaking as a guy it's not necessarily his guy but for me yeah like commitment's really scary yeah like it's a scary thing and you you're never i mean in my opinion i'm not really sure until i dive in then i go oh this was a good decision you know what i mean and so uh yeah my i would say take a break and i mean you also you can't let life pass you by if you're really wanting to experience these things you got to and you've got to try all this and you know what if it's there when if you wrap back around and you really want

it to be there if it's there great if it's not you move on and it just makes you a stronger person and it just adds to that little bank of life experience that we all pull from and we can be a better person for yeah oh good one plus i mean if you love him and you really care about him it's not fair to him if you're like yeah trying to be like oh i want to fuck other dudes exactly if you're if you're looking around and that's not necessarily fair to him because not at all you wouldn't want him doing that i wouldn't i wouldn't want my girl who'd be like no i have eyes for all these i'd be like that bothers me yeah it bothers me a lot i i i would i would advise a little bit of a break and do some have some you time and on the other hand honey have fun yeah life is short

Oh, God, the shit I did at 18, God. I know some of the shit you did at 18. You do know some of the shit I did. Mott's wouldn't date me back then. I wouldn't date me back then. That's also the other thing is that's necessary. I mean, I wouldn't say, this is my opinion only. I think it's necessary to have other experiences

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a bit of a situation i was seeing this guy and i'll be blunt i stuck this dick and months later after things have fizzled away and you know now we're both blocked on each other's phones like it's irrelevant i found out he has a girlfriend and had a girlfriend and i was decided oh a bunch of people in my life keep telling me i need to tell her and it's wrong of me not to but i personally don't want to get in the drama i don't want all of that but what do you think i should do should i tell her or should i just keep it a secret guess you'd be sucking the wrong dick i just hope everyone knows that leo looked at me it was like i'm gonna talk first i'm gonna talk first like okay say what you're going to say we have to have you back on say what you need to

say i would love it oh so i i actually she mumbled through it and i looked at megan and she was like suck dick yeah i was i was mirroring sucking a dick because leo was like what did she do air blow job yeah air blow job everyone gave me everyone she gave me the air blow job on air i think it's called an air job it's air job okay so honestly we said she's 15 right oh good that's better than i thought she said 13 i was like what are you doing at 13 yeah fucking dick badly that's what you're doing if you're sucking dick at 13 you're doing it badly poorly um i i actually i think i have a really fucked up opinion on this like you're saying don't tell yeah i mean you know just because things have a way of working

themselves out and situations like that they do work out and if you're cheating it's gonna it has a way of coming to the forefront and you're saying she shouldn't i don't think she should his his current and then girl here's the thing if i was in that situation i have been where you are i'm sorry you're still in the microphone as you're like if i've been in the situation no no hang on what what where were you in that situation i was the person you were i was the, wait, how do you say it? You were the side hoe? This person, yes. No, this person was cheating on their significant other with me.

Yeah, you were the side hoe. And I didn't know it. I mean, I kind of knew it, but, which is messed up, I'm sorry, but like. Did you know or did you not know? No, okay. I did not know. Well, Megan said. Shut the fuck up. Here's the thing. You did not know, and then you knew, and then you were like.

She didn't, I, I, it's not my business. That was it. That was the whole thing. That just makes me a horrible person. it doesn't it doesn't it doesn't it doesn't make you a horrible person what do you what do you think here's what i would say um i think so i have had i've had a friend who's the girlfriend in this situation and my opinion would have been 100 with leo on this if i hadn't had known a friend in the situation where she had this but i'm also still so my friend had a knew this girl no my friend had her boyfriend this girl came out of the woodwork and said that he was cheating on

her with him but she didn't know this girl so there isn't a reason for her to know or trust that this person is telling the truth so i think that's kind of where it's hard if you don't have a relationship with this girl there there there isn't necessarily any reason for her to believe you and you're kind of like you're saying you're kind of inserting yourself into someone else's drama which i don't think is necessarily healthy and yes it's going to come out no matter what um, but I think if you do feel guilty about it, if you're like in the same friend circle or something like that, I think for sure. But I would try, I, before you say anything to her, I would try and feel out the situation as a whole and see if she has any idea. Like if she has any

suspicion that her boyfriend might be like not faithful to her or something like that. Because if you're just dropping a bomb as like a rando girl, who's like, Hey, um, nice to meet you. My name's I don't You didn't say Pretend your name's Mackenzie Hi my name's Mackenzie I sucked your boyfriend's dick

Six months ago Kind of a thing And you've like never This girl's never met you before By the way that's like Just a great icebreaker It is That's why I meet

Everyone at parties There's so many people Who think my name is Mackenzie Hi my name's Mackenzie And I sucked your boyfriend's dick Nice to meet you Specifically six months ago Six months ago

Wait also It's like It's a blowjob It's like a handshake In some places Ooh Maddie is not happy I really wish I didn't bring my girlfriend

no no Maddie's chill Maddie walked into my apartment and saw you wanna shake my hand baby ew she saw I have a poster

that says pussy and I was like this is how I know we can be friends she liked it yeah I would on this

this is one listen to Megan cause I no but I get what you mean also also just so everyone knows I come to Megan for all of my advice

so I don't know actually why I'm here no we come to each other I will be like am I being crazy am I being psycho yeah I'll be like

yeah you are always that's what I would say I think if you don't have a relationship with a girl it's just going to cause more drama but I also think you it is such a personal thing if you were in this situation would you want someone to tell you like would you want someone I know if it

was me honest to god if some girl if like Mott's ever cheated on me first of all so help fucking him because I will unleash the wrath I mean I would be angry at him but I would want to protect him because I'd be terrified I think all of my friends would

not side with Mox they would honestly be like dude okay we gotta come come with a plan she's gonna fucking kill you um but I think in that situation I I would I would want someone to tell me I would as opposed to finding out on my own if someone was gonna tell me I'd want to know but you know your situation though that's the only that's the only thing is she would know her you don't necessarily know this girl's situation and the dynamic of their relationship they could have been on a break they could have been like you just don't I'm just saying you don't we were on a break That's true. I mean, I've made out with people before when they've had girlfriends.

That's my point is you don't know. I mean, for all you know, she's aware of that. Yeah. And you suddenly inserting yourself in the middle of their dynamic could potentially embarrass this person. Yeah. And you. Yeah.

I don't know. I kind of feel like what exactly do you have to gain besides just like, you know, you're making a lot of assumptions about this girl saying like, I want to let her know in case she doesn't know. maybe she does know and they moved past it maybe she does know and she's cool with it or there are there are listen i'm just saying there's a lot of assumptions we're making here because they are they're living we assume a traditional heterosexual couple but like there are people who have dynamics there's i'm just saying like there's like i've got gay friends for instance where it's just like

that's not a big deal in their relationship handshake essentially effectively but i'm just saying and then there are other i have other friends who are in relationships where that would be completely uncool yeah you don't know their dynamic and to make that assumption and insert yourself all you know is you had a thing with this guy that thing is now over so it's kind of his other relationship is kind of none of your business it's an intrusive situation but this is an intrusive show it is so my my feeling would be to talk to him and to say and And I would just say, like, hey, if she didn't know, that's uncool. Yeah.

And if you hurt her, you should do the right thing here. Yeah. And then leave it at that. Yeah. But, like, this, especially just, like, because you're basically going to this girl and saying, yeah, he cuckolded you. I love that word. That's super, that's potentially super embarrassing. No, it's not good.

Yeah. I'm also kind of taking back everything I said because I now realize that I've been this girl before and I've said nothing. and I was trapped in an elevator with both of these people. Wait, hang on, which girl? I've been the side hoe, not knowing. By the way, the side hoe is the word that she used. I don't normally speak like that. Did you just call this poor girl a side hoe?

Do you call her a side hoe, Jack? Jack, that's not acceptable. She's a minor. Damn it. It's just 18. Here's the one thing that I want to top it off with. Make sure, if you do want to tell this girl, make sure you're doing it for the right reason.

But what's the right reason? Make sure that it's not self-gratifying. That's what it is. Look how hot I am. look how how you know look i made oh no i think it's i think it's more clear your conscience thing yes i think it's more girl power yeah by the way your boyfriend's a dick exactly i'm warning you so you know what you're into yeah which by the way she i think she must know she does have a right to know i think yeah but that's not for you to be the one to tell her yeah or just send

us where he lives and i'll go beat him up there you go also no you can't threaten that you're actually scary when i well no also when i threaten that it's like not as intimidating because i do pilates but like you you could you could kill him you could shank how i did it is i found out that this guy had a girlfriend and i was like uh okay not my business i mean i'll be honest i didn't i didn't hook up with him at all after that but like i wasn't like fully like oh i'm gonna ignore all your text messages or whatever do you guys just cuddle huh you know who this is about too but i'm I'm just not going to say it out loud. Yeah.

Your face, just reaction. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. And I got trapped in an elevator with them and it was the most uncomfortable and awkward thing ever. But wait, you were trapped in an elevator. I just was going in the elevator.

It's just a lot of floors. Okay. It was like 37 floors. But I think, I mean, I don't think I would, I felt awkward and I felt weird, but I think I would honestly have felt more awkward and weird if I had then told her like a couple of years ago,

by the way, I hooked up with your boyfriend and then they stayed together and dealt through it because I'm sure I know for a fact she knows now purely based on like how she's acting and they've gotten past it but I'd feel so embarrassed if I had like said something but also I mean we're assuming I I have the inept amazing ability to clear my conscience like that so you may not have that no that's true that's true and you kind of also have to deal with the fact that sometimes you're gonna make uh you're gonna make accidental mistakes like this and you're gonna feel guilty but you just kind of have to like live with it unfortunately that's that's just

the cost of doing business I mean like how would she have known unless she quizzed him before and like hey before I suck your dick where are you from are you in a monogamous

relationship okay not gonna happen that's one thing if he was like hey look we don't know that they were monogamous or he might have said

I have a girlfriend yeah maybe he said it as he was coming yeah that's what that might have been I have a girlfriend and she's like what I have a girlfriend

oh my god I got a great story but I can't tell it no don't do it don't do it on to the next one. Hi Megan. So I'm 21 and I have a sex question. So I've been dating this guy for a couple months and we just started having sex and it's really great. Really great sex. Really good in bed. Chemistry is there. Everything's there except we're just in bed and he really

likes talking dirty and I do too so I'm like whatever great and I think it's sexy but not when he does it and it's just so bad like it makes me cringe and I am very upfront like I'm a very blunt person and I just tell you what's on my mind but I just can't have the heart I don't have the heart to tell him stop fucking talking in bed because it's turning me the fuck off like I had an ex who did it and it was just so hot and it was just so hot and like he just talks in bed like it's like just like a verbal conversation like we're just have like I'm talking right now like that's how we just like talk and I'm like and like stuff he says is just oh I just don't like it and I don't have the heart to tell him like please stop doing that because I put myself in his shoes and I was

like if a guy ever told me like I really don't like when you talk in bed like can you stop I would be fucking mortified humiliated so please help i don't know what to say or how to say it it's so not sexy and like it's great everything's great he's great sex is great it's just like when he starts talking dirty and it just it makes me cringe and it turns me off but please please help me figure out what to say to him i think you just need to like be kinky one night and get some duct tape and tape his mouth i was gonna actually go that's 100% what i would say or i would just fucking grab and be like shut the fuck up and just and and every time he says it just be aggressive but yeah i would i would honestly try and play it off as being sexy like

babe like let's try this and like i really want to know what he says i just i want to hear me too like great job go down on me go yes baby i love it when you suck my penis yeah my penis loves your vagina so hard for you i i am my penis is hard you think he's really clinical that's i don't know why that's what i think yeah yeah dirty talk is a really hard one because like it's hard sorry oh my god if if it's the wrong like vibe or atmosphere or chemistry it's just it can't be worse yeah and if it's good it's good it's great it can be a complete asset otherwise it is like fully, like, full body cringe. Get it? Assets and liabilities.

But let me ask you this, though. If you were on the other side, wouldn't you want to know? Here's the thing. Yes. Wouldn't you want the other person to say, this thing you're doing I find super unsexy? Yes. In a positive way that isn't, like, shamey and embarrassing? At first, it's gonna

be weird because it'll put him in his head a little bit, for sure. There's no question about, like, sorry. Like, if I If I had a girl, I'd be like, look, it's really turning me off. Also, you would lose your shit. What do you mean?

If a girl said that to you- Oh, it would make me doubt everything. You would literally lose your shit. You would 100% lose your shit. What do you mean lose my shit? I'm just talking about- Hang on. How would you frame it in a way where you wouldn't lose your shit?

You would have to give positive reinforcement to the- Yes, our chemistry. Specific things that you like that he does use in, like, dirty talk. If you can, or talk to him how you want him to talk to you. Can't you frame it that way? and say like you frame it like you're in eighth grade truth or dare or i'm sorry no truth you just go like what do you not like that i do yeah and then he'll say something and then he'll ask the same question that feels like something playful that could turn very dark i'm well i

think if you give positive i think if there's some if you can find something that you like in his dirty talk something and then be like i love it when you say this and then he's like oh great i'm gonna like fucking find things that are similar to this because i'm getting positive reinforcement this way not like i don't like these things i think if you magnify what you like as opposed to what you don't like but if there's literally nothing he says in dirty talk then i mean i i i maybe you just say you don't like dirty talk yeah i'll just play loud music yeah isn't that that's i think the thing you have to frame it around yourself you have to you have to so that way it's not like this is not a uh deficiency on your side it's a deficiency on my side it's just

like i know i'm weird i just really don't like that yeah yeah that's a that's a good one too because then then it's like oh you know i'm good at this but she doesn't like it yeah and as a guy yeah and then it's not affecting his ego yeah yeah because that's a fragile thing like you know a guy's ego it is fragile you know in that kind of setting well that's my question though because if someone said it to you how do you how would you want him to frame it so that you wouldn't i'll tell you what i'm a straight up person it would definitely it would totally bother me and i would call megan to be like i don't know what to do with my life what do i do but wouldn't you want to know 100 i want to know and i'll tell you what a good week into having sex after that it

would be fine like it wouldn't be awkward anymore and it would be i'm also a guy i like to joke about things that actually are serious self-conscious things about me i like to joke about it and that helps so it would be for me it would be something that i joke about and and then you know i would go over the top to be worse yeah yeah i think i honestly though i stick with my first advice and gag him the first time and use that as like being fun kinky kind of thing and maybe he'll be super into that and then you can just like fully be like yeah don't

talk and then that could be the new thing but then I think also he'll pick up the point but then be like hey so you don't like it yeah oh god what if he gags her and then all he does is talk oh my god do you think it's subtle if you walk into the bedroom with like airplane earmuffs

oh yes noise canceling headphones I like the idea do you have a Sonos player or just increase the volume as you start talking? What are these? Oh, just, you know, just to block out you. Just to block you out?

Just like really helping my senses? Good God. Okay, well, let us know how it goes. I feel like we beat that dead horse. We did. And the dead horse

is her boyfriend's dirty talk. We beat that dick. What? Horse. Dirty talk dick. Dirty horse. Dick. Dick.

Do we have time for another call or are we doing producer's corner? It's time for producer's corner. It's time for producer's corner. Leo has no idea So Producer's Corner is... Not a clue. Explain.

Producer's Corner is where producer-director Jack Ferry picks his favorite call or the most unique call or the call that spoke to him the most this week. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I generally try to find the person with the best voice. The best dirty talk or lack thereof. Hey! So, yeah, let's listen.

I'm very curious to hear both of your opinions on this one. Okay. Hit it. Hi, Megan. This is actually a real thing that happened to me. So I got into an argument with a friend of mine who told me that he doesn't like it when his girlfriend gets a massage because she always insists on having a male masseuse. And to him, he feels like it's kind of cheating because she finds the massage very sensual. I kind of found this ridiculous.

um but then he brought up a good point where um you know if you're like a foot fetish person and you work in a shoe store then that's also kind of you're taking what is a non-sexual act during the sexual act and uh anyway so he was saying because she uh finds the massage um stimulating let's say that uh he considers it cheating and i don't think that she finds it stimulating in the same way as the um aforementioned person who works in the shoe store but i kind of see his point and i was curious getting a female's perspective on this argument at what point would a massage cross over into uh cheating let me know your thoughts thanks uh you're doing some hand signals there

hand gestures leo and i were out doing some matching hand you need to give your woman a massage that's what you need to do right um okay when does it when does it go into the area of cheating i mean okay i like if like in my head i'm like does did you get massages finish funny enough moths and i are literally getting massages tomorrow because it's our anniversary and he when he was booking the appointment he was like oh he was saying on the phone he's like oh no i don't think so actually wait and then he's like do you have a gender preference of who does your massage And I was like, no, I don't care. And he goes, no, it's fine.

Like, literally, like, didn't even cross his mind. If, uh, if, would it be, is it weird for you? Like, if he was just like, it needs to be a female massaging me. Is she going back to the same one? Or is it, like, the same massage therapist? Yes. Well, you know what? Who she's, who she's.

Then it might be deeper. It might not just be the massage. Obviously, spoiler alert, I was the one who made that call. No way. Leo didn't know. Oh, Jesus. I tried to make eye contact with you. I was like, it's...

Got it. Thank you. Anyway. Got it. So, yeah. So, a friend of mine, basically his girlfriend was like, she goes to the same massage therapist

who she is very attracted to. No. That's not okay. Not okay. But that's my question, though, because he is a professional. He never crosses the line. Yeah.

But... Still. Just the fact that she's attracted to him just, like, triggers my friend. I mean... Of course it does. Yeah. Of course it does.

Also, there's something to be said if... And also, she doesn't take off all of her clothes when she gets the massage. She leaves her underwear on. Oh, wow. Okay, can't get past those. Just saying. But I'm saying, so that's the difference?

If you're attracted to your massage therapist, then it's cheating. Then what's the line? Yeah, that's my question is where is the line? I think the whole thing is if you're attracted to somebody who is not your significant other and you feel comfortable going back and seeing them repeatedly,

i think that's a bad sign i think that's that teeters a light on emotional cheating because you're like i recognize that you're making me feel things that i shouldn't feel for somebody else who i'm not in a relationship with and i'm gonna keep going back and i'm gonna and i'm okay with that i think that's where it draws line because it becomes it doesn't necessarily just become like a sex because they're not having sex but that to me sounds it's more becoming an emotional relationship and i think if you just love massages go for it yes and get massages from whoever you like, but if you're going back to the same person because you're attracted to them

and... Well, no. She's going back to that same person because he gives an amazing massage. But she happens to also be attracted to him. She mentioned that, yeah, he's really attractive. I also couldn't... If I got a massage by someone and I was super attracted to him, I would never want to go back again. No. Really? Because a massage

in nature, it's a bit sensual. It is. I think, you know, it can obviously not be. I go to get Thai massagers that are... couldn't and it'd be anything farther from central you get an old thai lady that's just like painful yeah exactly because i need it yeah uh but a massage in general is a bit central you got someone else's hands all over your body you know oiled up oil all slicked up right um so if you are attracted to this person i mean i wouldn't say go as far as to say that it's cheating but

yeah if you're attracted to someone and you are willing to repeatedly put yourself in that situation choose to put yourself in that position that shows that maybe you're missing something that you want to get out. So you think it's crossing the line? I think it's, I wouldn't say it's cheating. I think it's a conversation. Oh, it's more than a conversation

in their relationship. I don't think, yeah. It's a point of contention. I mean, I wouldn't be a- But the counterpoint is, okay, what if you're seeing a therapist? You know how some people, when they start seeing a therapist,

there's this thing called transference where sometimes you end up- You think you have a crush on your therapist. You think you have a crush on your therapist. Yeah. Right. Conversationally, you're intimate, yeah. Yeah, and that happens a lot.

And then I was like, okay, so if that happens, then is that considered emotionally cheating because you're attracted to this person that you're sharing all of your secrets and feelings? Do you know what I mean? Like where do you cross the line? Because obviously the therapist in the same way of a masseuse

is a pro, isn't going to cross the line, isn't going to do anything sexual, but you're still spending time with the person. And I'm just saying, where do you draw that line? I think because I'm like a masseuse, it's the combination of right now going back to the same one it's the combination of like there's a huge amount of physicality and then there's also the i think that's sounds like emotional cheating just because you don't think the same thing is true of the therapist no because there's

no physic there's no physicality in that where i think also there's something that's like it's not sexy to like talk about your childhood problems and so like there is a sort of that's an emotional bond that yeah that there's a companionship that you'll feel and like that trust there but you're never like you're not oiled up half naked as a person like where as your therapist is being like tell me more about your broken childhood as they're like squeezing your ass but i also wouldn't go as far as say that it's actually cheating no it's i wouldn't say it's actually it is crossing the line i mean obviously any relationship depending on where your boundaries are but it uh in my mind i would definitely not like it if my girlfriend were going back to the same massage therapist

because i'm saying in in this hypothetical situation because she's attracted to him she keeps going back which probably isn't the case she just no she goes she likes the massage yeah it's one of the things so happens that he's an attractive guy and my friend find it very like triggering to his she's attracted to him or he just thinks like no she said he's an attractive guy she said she was attracted to him yeah she's he's like he's like is he good looking and she's like well yeah you know whatever and then she's just like do you think he's attractive well yeah i mean he's attractive like are you attracted to him is he gay yes is he gay but i don't i don't I don't know that she knows.

I don't think that matters. I don't know that she knows. No, just the comfortability of saying another guy's attractive. In my opinion, if it were me, if it were me- I don't think she knows.

I don't think they really know each other that well. I would say you need to find a different massage therapist. If it's hurting your relationship that much, I don't think that- It's not worth sacrificing

your relationship for a massage therapist. character flaw on your friend, I don't think at all. I don't think that it's like his issue to overcome. I think that's a legitimate concern. Yeah.

Might be being a bit paranoid. Yeah. But at the same time, based on what you're telling me. But let me ask you this. Yeah. Counterpoint. If you went in to get a massage

and the masseuse was female and you were instantly attracted to her, would you be like, nope, sorry, I need a new masseuse? Yes. You would. Because men are weak. I mean, honestly,

here's the other thing. Honest, I love it. Like, I am completely faithful, but I'm not going to put myself in a situation where I could fail. I'm just not going to. Good for you, man. No, seriously,

I would be way too embarrassed sorry I find you attractive I need you to leave I mean just guys in general we are weak weak creatures and so if I if I've made this decision I'm not going to put myself in a position to where this is an option that's what I would say and as a girl I also think that that rings true and that's where if you're going back to the same situation where you know you find this person attractive and you know that you're getting excited because they're going to be they give a great massage but there's something like oh he's also super sexy and I like the fact that he's touching my body and you're okay with that like excitement and feeling of that and going back to that yeah they're that for me i would never put myself in that situation

i'd be like like if there's like a fucking super hot trainer at a gym and you're like a straight guy i'm like one time i'll do your class never fucking again never fucking again because it's not because you don't trust yourself it's because also in in my mind it's disrespectful whether they know about it or not i feel guilty because i'm i'm being pulled in a certain direction and that's not fair to them yeah you know exactly and i feel like it's misleading to both parties because also there is there's a there's a difference between a pure physical attraction and emotional yeah attraction and that physical attraction you can cut that off you just walk away just turn around exactly exactly god wow i really didn't think i was gonna agree with

your friend i've grown from this conversation i know i'm a little bit uh yeah you kind of convinced me to be honest i know i was very much not on i was very much on the girl's side for the beginning of this for me it was when she keeps going back to him and she says she is attracted to him. Yeah. Even if it's just a statement. Again, I don't think that's the reason she goes back to him. No, no, it's probably not. I think he just gives a great massage. Yeah, but it's a bit in your face. A ton of people give great massages. I was just going to say this. There's a lot

of great massages out there, and I know a Thai lady down the street that gives great massages. Happy endings? And I'm not attracted to her. Oh, no. No, no, no. No, no, no. Well, we have reached the end. Aw, Leo. This is emotional. I had so much fun, guys.

I'm so glad. You were a great guest. I appreciate it. I had a lot of fun. Come back. i would love to come i mean you're here i'm here at your house all the time and i'm about to go eat some brownies yeah you are i did make brownies um yeah so people can check you out on oh god okay this is what i would say i really love your social handles um because i think it's a question hold on it's a call and response also did you know that because i think i told you that last i think i told you that last year two whatever two years ago whatever how long we know each other i told you that and i was like this is was this on purpose you're like oh no your ins instagram no

your Instagram is whoisleo and his Twitter is IamLeoHoward. That was completely unintentional. That's great. It works out great

and it's very pretentious. It is. I love it. So you guys can find him there. You guys can also watch us on Hulu on Freakish. Freakish.

Freakish season two. You can binge all of season one. Both of us are making out with random people. They're not random people. They know them from season one. That's true. I mean,

just in this conversation you talk about mods. I'm talking about my girlfriend. Oh yeah, you can watch us make out with people who are not We're talking about, we're like, yeah, massage, it's cheating. Yet we're making out with people.

It's cheating. I have like Melvin Gregg grabbing my boobs. And I'm like, that's not cheating though. Cause I got paid. And the camera was rolling. Okay, guys, I hope you enjoyed this episode. And if you want to give your feedback on any of the calls, or if you are a caller from this episode,

you want to give us an update or an update from a previous episode. Or if you have just things in your life that you would like some advice on, you can leave a voicemail at the number 310-694-0976. Again, that number is 310-694-0976. We would love to hear your thoughts on the episode on Twitter. And if you're an international caller, Jack is nodding because I did exactly

what he wanted me to do, which is talk about international callers. If you're an international caller, shout out to you in various countries that aren't America, who probably get better presidents, but you don't call them presidents. Prime Minister.

Okay, I don't know. You guys can leave a voice memo, just record it on your phone and email it to meganpodcast at gmail.com again all of the same sort of suggestions um on how to leave your voicemail apply keep it under what we say three minutes three minutes let's say like two minutes guys let's say great idea let's say under two minutes and spare us the extraneous details yeah but give us as much details are we love the raunchy details tell us when you suck a dick but i don't need to know yeah yeah i yeah but we like It makes you feel.

Shut the fuck up. You're the worst. Yeah, we would love to hear from you guys. And we will see you in two weeks. Bye. Bye. Don't Blame Me is a production by me. Produced and directed by Jack Ferry.

Associate producer, Melissa DeMonts. Edited by Melissa DeMonts. Post-production sound by Chris Henry. and music by Giacomo Picasso and Ryan Hunter. I will see you guys in two weeks and don't blame me if your life bursts into flames before then.