Don't Blame Me! - S1E16: Guest: Arden Rose - Fantasizing About Your Exes and Prison Boyfriends!

Episode Date: November 10, 2017

Fellow podcast host (“Crash on My Couch”) and star of “Mr. Student Body President” Arden Rose joins me this week for a very explicit episode. (You’ve been warned). We shared our wisdom on how to tell your boyfriend that you’ve been faking orgasms for years, easing your nerves for your first gyno appointment, and how to deal with a drug dealing boyfriend who will soon be taking a trip... to prison. You’re also going to want to check out our special demo video clip on how to properly titty f*ck, based on a follow-up call from a fellow member of “The Itty Bitty Titty Committee.”My YouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/user/meghanrosetteI want to hear all of your questions that you need help with! Plus some follow up calls if you’ve already called in. Call me at...[phone] or international listeners email me at [e-mail]...with your question and as much detail as possible. And I will do my best to offer my words of wisdom.If you’re under 18, please get your parent’s permission. Advice is for entertainment purposes only. Don’t blame me if it ruins your life. lol, jk, my advice is always the best.Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/join/dontblameme See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In Toronto, every arrival is a statement, and nothing says it better than this. Cadillac Optic was the number one selling luxury EV in Canada for 2025. Find your rhythm across a seamless 33-inch display and an immersive 19-speaker AKG surround audio system. This city demands agility, and Optic delivers with precision to make every drive extraordinary. Let's take the Cadillac. Find out more at cadillaccanada.ca. Luxury sales claim based on S&P Global Mobility Canadian New Vehicle Total Registrations for calendar year 2025 for the Cadillac definition of luxury. Your playlist might get you through the workday, but have you ever wondered how your ancestors spent theirs? What work helped them

build a life? How did they adapt as the world around them changed? With Ancestry, you can search select historical occupational records for free for a limited time and discover the stories behind the jobs in your family tree. You've got questions. We've got ancestors. Search free until August 31st. Visit ancestry.ca for details. Terms apply. Hello, everybody. Oh my gosh. Welcome back to the podcast. This is Don't Blame Me with Megan Rinks. And today we have a special guest, Arden. I was almost going to say Arden. Can I say Arden Ricks or do you say Arden Rose? You can say either. Okay. I'm like, I know you on a personal level we just talked about how i know your dad's last name your dad's first name so i'm

like i mean i know you you're still in my do you know you're still on my phone as arden arden motherfucking rose that's great yeah i'm not sad about that at all actually thanks for being here in my house yes oh my gosh you've got such a beautiful home thank you i this is the only part that's clean well when it is all clean i want to come over and see all of it yes that room is they know this room is like the disaster why what is it every pr package i've ever received oh no i can't And I've like half opened and then decided I don't want them. But I'm like, I'm just going to leave it in there until someone else who doesn't live here is going to be able to take care of it.

Yep. I live in a one bedroom apartment. So it's, I feel you. It's piled up. My closet is a disaster zone. Oh, see, I like to stack. I need, I need a whole other room just to put crap in. Or in this case, two other rooms to put crap in.

I wish I could have that. Like I need to not live in Venice. Yeah, move over here. I need to go somewhere else. I know. I know. We'll plan it out. You can be my real estate agent next year.

Oh, I would love that. I could drive you around in my mom car. I can bake cookies, water bottles, tea, orange slices, Capri Suns. Oh, my God. Fuel me. To the left over here, we have Beverly Wood. I love it. Can you wear, like, a really cute little, like, pinstripe suit as well?

Yes, very Hillary Clinton. Can I wear a wig or, like, a chignon? 100%. Only if you keep saying chignon. Is that how you say it? Chignon. Chignon. In need.

In chignon. Oh, my God. I love it. Well, welcome back to the podcast, guys. if you have not heard before this is my advice podcast where you guys call in, you leave voicemails, you tell us about

the problems in your lives and we do our very best to fix your problems and if you guys want to call in and leave a voicemail, the phone number is 310 694 694 you were

killing it, you were killing it I've never gotten it right, I got it right once 310 694 zero nine seven six oh fuck me yes wow it's like i know what i'm doing i'm so proud of you it's like you host a podcast i don't even know mott's his phone number the other day we talked about it because i know my iCloud wasn't working and i was like babe what's your phone number he was like what how do you know i was like no one remembers zero something no no one remembers phone numbers anymore he recited mine then and i was like oh my bad oh that's so typical will could probably do

the same thing yeah we have very similar boyfriends where it's like you're like oh you care more about this than i do okay you're like you couldn't do it oh no you can i'm an awful human okay so i'm the bad one i love you oh love kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss so yeah if you guys tweet international calls or hop on into it we can well i was just gonna say that jack is running a little bit late because he's working on mr student body president no because he's a turd obviously i gotta respond to the email about adr so guys um jack is late bow bow bow which is fine at least he's not sick is he sick this time no no well he's kind of sick he is kind of sick he's sick in the head he's sick in the head for being late so mel's here i mean mel's always here but now she gets

a microphone and when jack comes in we're not gonna let him take over no he can just sit and like listen and watch yeah that's what happens when you're late yeah that's what happens he gets a detention so should we hop into calls yes let's do it i feel like you're gonna be really good at this i'm so excited i was excited the questions i picked for you to do with this you're also just gonna be like wow megan these are so sexual because i'm like oh it's okay last time i was on a podcast i talked all about my how i think you guys saw my giant dildo on my bed yeah it was i saw it it was okay what color is it nude i know i know i know but okay i also feel weird about fucking myself with something purple okay i don't know i understand i understand i don't know

that's too much okay let's go into a call hey Megan uh my name is Sarah and I'm 21 years old and I have been dating my boyfriend for a little over two years uh so that being said I have been faking my orgasms for the past two years uh I know that sounds really really bad but you know obviously it just started out as just a few innocent fake orgasms uh just to make him feel good about himself but you know two years in i don't really need to make him feel good about himself anymore so um so i just need some advice on to how to not obviously just stop having vaginal orgasms because he thinks i'm the unicorn and i am not a unicorn so anything that you you can think of onto how to not obviously just stop having vaginal orgasms would be really really

great because I really see myself marrying this guy and I don't want a whole life full of fake orgasms you know I want real orgasms I feel like it was Rihanna or Nicki Minaj I can't remember which one that said that nobody's got time to fake orgasms anymore no no I remember that do did you ever have that part of your life yeah oh no yeah whoa calling out an ex i think like grand total i came three times dating him oh grand total yeah and that's like handling my own biz 100 no i i don't even have a publicly said it but i've said with my friends matz is like the first guy that i've ever not faked it with yeah right like 100 you find that one that's your number one that's why because i wanted to date a recovering fuck boy i'm like i

I need someone who knows what the fuck he's doing. Who's like literally fucked all of the bitches. And then it's like, no, I'm pretty confident in this. He'll be happy. I said this, whatever.

It's true. He's a, he's like a recovering frat boy. I love it. Yeah. He's making you come. Who cares? And that's what I was like,

that's what I want to date is somebody who's like, not like who knows what they're doing in the sense too, because it also isn't ignorant of the fact that girls don't orgasm all the time. Yeah, exactly. The most annoying thing is when guys don't get it and then they're offended by it.

It's like, it's not an offensive thing. it's just not always as easy as pressing three buttons even possible at all like i'm like i think i mean art and i will probably recommend the same book for this for you this is what i would say my full-blown just like normal advice full-blown full-blown blow i mean opposite not opposite okay i'm trying to blow blow blow i'm just thinking of beyonce now it's fine it's okay so there's this book called she comes first amazing and literally just casually read it around him and then leave it on your bedside table i fucking guarantee you the cover is a papaya

like it looks very like very yonic papaya it literally is a pussy papaya yes eat my pussy papaya literally like it's subliminal messaging he's gonna pick up the book and he's gonna read it and he's going to have a full-blown like sexual like awakening epiphany it's amazing i've realized though like so will's the same way he picked it up and of course yeah oh i did that to bots too yes but like not because he needed to no no no no just like hey why not yeah we're already great at this let's see what else we can do what else can we do and oh man you can do some other stuff yes you can oh yeah oh i think like to get back to the question though that's really tough because what you've done is tied in his ego with your orgasm and that's a really hard thing to

just break because that's that's something you've ingrained in him that every time you have sex if you do not orgasm or fake it you're failing at sex that's like the a to b problem that you've created for yourself so i don't know if that's a thing where you have to just be fucking honest i was never honest we just broke up and i was like oh finally i can come yeah it's been years it's cobwebs down there yeah i think like the if you see yourself ending up with this guy i think i mean there's a part of me that i'm like if you didn't see yourself ending up with this guy i just continue faking it until you break up and then just like never talk about it and then just start fresh with the new guy and that's honesty right well yeah 100 because i have never like

literally never told any of the guys i faked it with before that i was faking no ever like even if it meant improving our sex life i was kind of like no too much confrontation just going to break up for some reason it was just a lot easier to stroke an ego completely or whoa um then get someone to just fucking eat me out exactly i mean in the right way and going into a new relationship then it's kind of like you're starting fresh and you can be a little more like demanding and also a little bit more honest because like you're not you're not like being like i'm so sorry i lied all of this time I can kind of like yeah have this like confidence in like what I need in this so if you see yourself ending up with him I think Arden's right you gotta just like bite the bullet

yeah and just say something and he'll get over it yeah he will because that's also I mean as he probably also not that he knows that you're faking it but there is I mean you're gonna say it and I don't know how much you'll like fully fully surprise him yeah there's a suspended um a suspense of belief if someone thinks that you're actually orgasming every single time especially as a girl like just reading stats online you know that doesn't happen completely so it's like just be fucking honest about it yeah and if you can't be honest about it then just like make it work like start trying to actually orgasm during sex because that was the other thing like i realized after you were just like mentally tapping out yeah i know because you get into a mental block

where you're like i know this is not going to happen and i know that this is just like like a process that i have to go through and then like on the weekends i can go wild me um like you just need to break that mold because even just like in my own head i've had that i've had an orgasm block before and i think a lot of women do yeah where you just assume that you're not gonna come so you don't even try because it's physical effort like if you're masturbating on your own you know that it's like you have to get like yeah pumped you gotta get fucking pumped up a little bit or like i can't orgasm if i've had something to drink i get whiskey clit oh whiskey oh i love that i've never heard that term i put whiskey dick but not whiskey clit

yeah unless I'm trying really hard in which case like you're like this has to happen yeah but then it's like man I'm really I'll be sore the next morning I'm like it was too much effort yeah I know I'm like fuck good night's sleep I think the other thing is too is if you feel uncomfortable either confronting it and you also still want to end up together I'm thinking what if you also if you if you just suggest new stuff into your sex life and maybe if you're reading that book and you don't want to be like by the way I've been faking it if you can just if you can get him to actually make you come that is going to be ranked as like a gold star orgasm versus a vaginal one that he's going to be more inclined to do that to get you to that other one uh-huh so 100 yeah so i

think it's like it's kind of like if you can show the difference of because like i'm sure you can't fake one as great as like your real one would actually be yes and so i think he'll try and get you to the real one yes from there because there is like there's a huge fucking difference oh there's a do you ever think about that now where you're like i don't know how i tricked so many guys into thinking i think i got really good at like squeezing my muscles a certain way but even that just doesn't cut it i could never fake it with moths now like literally he think that's just nope that's a you're lying your vagina is lying lying to me but it's also super normal so like know that like i yeah and also specifically the fact that she's saying vaginal orgasms yeah i'm

like dude i can count on one hand the amount of times that's happened to me right or or like if you're gonna come vaginally i feel like there has to be some other factor yeah there has to be some sort of like clitoral pressure other simulation yes because there are certain like positions where it's like i can understand how that would be possible but like other times there is not enough pressure no for that to even be possible it's like you're scratching the back back of my neck and being like you're gonna come and these are these are very far away sucking on my left this is so great for me it happened oh yes and also i don't know if your boyfriend watches porn but porn is a huge factor in like people not understanding real orgasm versus fake orgasm

and i would recommend if porn is an issue or something that you've thought of like entertaining with your partner because also porn helps me orgasm so like sometimes it's nice to watch it if you're like so not in the mood and someone else is and sometimes it can help out or it can weird you out i've had both i've had both where i'm like no now it just looks like organ smashing and i don't like it i don't want it so physical yeah but there's um there's a subreddit called chick flicks with three x's at the end oh do they have plot lines plot lines but also it's couples so it's like um like people it's like care about getting each other off yeah and it's like amateur so it'll be someone like sets up their phone and it's like like people just like it would be like

if i sent us like a sex tape to will or something he would then like it's couples that think that shit's hot and would like post it online anyway and so it's just like normal ass couples oh just like having sex and sometimes that's relatable yeah and like they're actually like enjoying it it's good and sometimes it's gross but sometimes it's good so i mean if you're if that's a problem because porn can sometimes be an issue with like thinking girls need an orgasm really quickly or whatever videos like that are good to just like break that cycle of thinking girls like get touched on the clit and they're like yeah like girls coming from being like titty fucked and you're like i'm like stop it stop it you are not no it's just cruel you're ruining teenage boys

seriously i do believe i feel like we definitely solved your problem yeah mel is like move on time to go stop time to go girls okay on to the next call hi Megan so I don't know if this question is related to sex but kind of but I'm 15 and I'm kind of nervous for my first gynecologist um appointment and like my first pap smear and everything so I would like to know like your first experience and everything because I'm so scared oh that's so sweet I feel like you're gonna be better at answering this than me why do you get major anxiety around gynecologists megan may or may not have not gone to a gynecologist since she was 16 oh my god i'm 24 it's okay i went to one like a like a year and a half ago can you give me and this girl advice

because i am her but i'm not 15 yes uh 100 well so i guess for me i hate doctor's offices i was just talking about this with the the ladies around this table before we started doing this i hate doctor's offices so like i 100 understand i'm not really worried so much about like the examination i've realized that like the weirdest things make me uncomfortable like the thought of like should i shave my pubic hair do i go on my period like these random things and then i realized this person has seen so much snatch in their life they don't give a fuck what yours looks like they're just there for you it's like looking at a finger for them they're like oh great finger move on wait what can you describe to me what a gynecologist appointment is like um last time i

went i didn't have to get a pap smear which was nice what do they do it's a pap smear that like weird like like tongs they stick it's just a swab situation but they do the swab is like a long like what they did for my when i got my nose done yes yes yes yes same yes because i watched those videos i don't know exactly what you're talking about it's like a medical swab wow okay so it's not a big deal the only thing that's even remotely uncomfortable they don't like poke you or prod you or anything they just have these things called scapula no i'm speculum that's what it was what was i saying oh yeah so i think i went like as they were like kind of open you up because they want to be able to swab oh make a noise i'm sorry i keep spoiling i went oh lord in that voice like

i did and my gynecologist just laughed like she was just like okay but it was my first time ever seeing her because i was like i got paranoid about pap smear stuff so i was like i just gotta go do it so i just went to someone in santa monica and i was like i'm just gonna fucking do it and not even think about it i'm just gonna do it because sometimes you just gotta like put something in your calendar and just not think about it just like go and i the first thing that i said when i sat down was like can you make sure like you're not gonna poke me with anything like i don't want to get poked i don't care i don't care what else you do with me just like fucking punch me if you want i don't want to get poked yeah i don't want to get poked i don't know i don't want to get my

like cervix numbed or whatever like i don't want any needles up in my snatch like i just leave it leave it um so yeah it's not none of it's painful I guess the biggest thing is just like uncomfortability like if you're nervous about it you're gonna be nervous about it but if you're just like this is something that's essential to my health something that I need to do and I need to get over it so that I could be a healthy happy human with a healthy like happy vagina and like not worry about problems then you just gotta like greater than less than would you rather like something come up that's scary later on or get it over with and feel like healthy yeah you know that makes sense okay and they're really fast too yeah oh it's so quick like it's so quick

takes less than 10 minutes yeah really it's so fast and that's the other shocking thing they're not gonna like like get you ready or anything and be like okay hon are you ready for this no they're just like okay well here we go because in the movies you're literally there like naked in a gown for like three hours waiting for your gynecologist no and if they are give them a bad review on you yeah that is not how it should be yeah like the last time i went i was like well the first time i should say the first time i went i was like oh that's it and it was like i didn't even realize it was over yeah it's done it's so quick you hype it up in your brain and also you're right in the media they make it like this thing where someone's like sitting in the stirrups and

like yeah so nervous i remember before i went i watched a madman episode yeah where that was happening like she was trying to get that was the next exactly yeah exactly it's like 50s 60s like early 60s i don't know but that's like they they make it a bad situation because it was bad back then but now it's like and that's how most media is they just make it like this uncomfortable thing but it's like fuck off you male writers that wrote like a sad gynecologist room like fuck off this is for my vaginal health well i guess i should go yeah me and this caller caller please go because it's just worth it although you're 17 you don't need to get a pap smear until you're a little bit older you have to start going when you're sexually active right yeah i remember i just lied yes you

should be sick yeah you should go okay well i went when i was 20 especially like yeah getting std tests and stuff right oh i did do that though yeah because when i went to planned parenthood for my birth control i had to get an std oh on to the next call hey megan so i am 21 years old and i have kind of a big one for you um so my boyfriend is going to be going to prison in 30 days i know that sounds crazy so a little bit of context um he sold kind of a lot of drugs um in his past and this happened before i knew him um and he went through the court process for about a year and a half and i met him kind of um halfway going into that and so we've we've been together for a year and a half and he's been waiting sentencing for a long time and he finally

got sentenced he's going to be doing six months in prison and then six months in a prison rehab um and just kind of rocking the world because I've been living with him for about a year now um and he's a completely different person he has not touched any drug he doesn't drink anymore but he still has to obviously suffer the consequence and I am just kind of going crazy with like grief I guess and like I just feel like I don't know what to do and I don't know how to comfort him and I don't know what to do for myself because I'm going to be all alone for a whole year and I love him and I want to stay with him but I'm just kind of really lost and I don't have a lot of girlfriends to talk to this about so I figured I would ask you so if you have any

advice would really appreciate it and I won't blame you I just want her to move in with dude right I want her to come and live with us wow that's I will say surprisingly I've never been in this situation shockingly i've never had the love of my life go to prison no i've dated a lot of drug dealers but not once did i ever date them when they actively had to serve time but oh my god fuck i mean here's what i would say as like i like the prison shit that's intense i would say date like just like have to be real with you fucking intense i've dated ex like druggies or like users kind of a thing and the thing i'll say is like someone being clean for a year in the scope of everything is not that long of a time so i think like you no matter how much you love him and all

of that stuff and want to support him and be there for him through him going through all of this stuff you need to because you're also young like this time where he's he's doing his time like that needs to be a time for you to like just live your life yeah figure out what you want yeah because i don't you don't want to be that like i'm not saying don't like wait for him but don't like let life pass you by yeah if you have any sort of inclinings or feelings about like either wanting to like break up or even just like not visit for a little while like don't make this whole year about him because he needs to make this year about like himself yeah and don't go pining yeah don't pine no because it's that's like it's a it's a fucking intense thing but like that's

like a personal growth thing that he has to go through yeah and so because you're right i mean you're honest you said he has to suffer the consequences of his past and that's true and he's gonna have to go through a very rough time prison is not a fun time yeah arden's been listen i just i conceal all my teardrop tattoos at all times it's good tattoo cover-up it's pretty good yeah it's pretty good she does a good one um yeah no i wait did she say that she'd been dating him before she knew all this shit no after and she knew going into a relationship that all this stuff was going on you're an edgy lady you're going in you got some kinky shit that you attracted some bad shit yeah god i mean that's interesting i mean if you really love him and you think he's

a nice guy and you don't think that like there's anything behind this that would worry you then i understand like being excited to see him back but i think the problem is that you're gonna make your whole life about him for a year and like he's gonna be away and he can't make it all about you for a year no it's not reciprocated because he's literally in jail yeah and you don't want to be in emotional jail no while he's gone true see what i'm saying very very true i don't know it's like being in purgatory so it's like just don't don't do it to yourself you're so young that's the other thing i'm like we like you said we've all dated a drug dealer yeah you don't do true like you don't need enough for the room but i mean like yeah no it's like there's something

i also would say like not god i feel like every time a caller comes in i'm like automatically being like there's something wrong with you there's not anything wrong with you but i think like knowing that you're gonna date like i had a friend who went on a date with like a guy who like a first date and he told her on the first day it was like by the way um i have to tell you this because like my counselor's making me tell people i'm going on dates with but like i'm currently up for a sentencing for like i'm gonna go to jail i've been convicted for a crime but like they're like deciding my sentencing and my friend like went on a first date with a guy and didn't go on a second date so i think for you i don't know if you were friends with him before

or if you met him but if you're consciously like going to go out with somebody after you found out all of this stuff that they're in the middle of i think that's something like for you are you like looking to be a part of like like you know like those people who like love to fix people i'm like is that kind of like yeah and i wonder if like is do you feel like you've kind of like gotten caught up in that whole thing or the idea of making making him like um like a better person at the end of it and i think probably also what you've done is something that we've all fallen into where our boyfriends are significant others are our best friends oh yeah because i know i'm like that will's definitely my best friend and i don't mind it because he's also not going to prison

but uh but well as far as i know that'd be kind of hot but uh but uh no for will to go to prison he'd have to do something fucking nuts dude it would be no he'd have to do something really smart like he'd have to like pentagon hack some shit like whistleblower yeah i don't see him robbing anything or using any sort of physical force definitely not i feel bad because i feel like you made him your best friend and also you don't have a lot of girlfriends as you've said and so you have no support outside of this person that's going to be gone for a year like you gotta find i know it's like a tough thing to say but you gotta find outside support that's not that person yeah because he you're gonna get a skewed view of reality through that

through and through and and it's going to be really hard to make an educated decision or an unbiased decision about your relationship if the only person you're going to for advice is a person who benefits from you staying with him yeah like you got to find someone else that can give you clarity i guess that's us but i was also going to say both you and i like until like the last like like two years or so this relationship that i'm currently in is the first relationship i've been in where i've had friends who are girls yeah like both you and i both were very much like the dating the guy he's like Matz is still my best friend but like the previous guys both of us have dated it was like those were the only people really in my life yes that was so true so I was in these

pretty like I'm not saying your relationship is toxic but it's impossible exactly you're saying it's impossible to know because the only people who you talk to are the people who are in your like who is in your relationship that's too close too close to make a call yeah and it's also it's hard for you to kind of understand exactly like the scope of like everything in perspective of like your whole world but then also kind of getting some outside opinions and if you ever it's able you're able to validate your feelings because like you don't have to squash stuff and you can go to friends and talk about other things and you need it like as i've gotten older because we are the same we're on the same fucking life path where it was just like i love it yeah but it's true like

and also you know it took us a while to find girlfriends that we like completely so that's the other thing like you gotta take some time to find the people that you like and not feel pressure to to just try and like people yeah no don't accept shitty friends oh don't ever do it so bad it's not worth it so not worth it's such a drain so just like find the people that you like i mean it doesn't even like you know it doesn't have to be your boyfriend all the time um and i think also important to like foster relationships with other people because i don't think you should put the pressure on him during his time in jail thinking about wow she's at home by herself she has no friends she has nobody and he's spending this time which he should really be like working on

himself like worrying about you and feeling like like he's abandoned you and all that stuff I think the best thing you can do for both of you is to really like take these like take the year to do like separate journeys even if it means staying together but like really focusing on your own stuff so yeah you can like feel okay with that too love it best advice ever right there yeah and prison changes you too so you don't know if he's gonna be the same that is the tagline of this Yeah, you don't know if he's gonna be the same when he gets out. So true.

So true. Yeah. Okay, guys, we'll be right back. We're gonna take a commercial break because we are like a TV show, but without Kristen Bell. Or visuals. That's the bigger one.

this episode of don't blame me is brought to you by me whoa it's megan guys don't worry still here haven't changed a thing in this ad placement we've decided to use this time to ask you guys to do me a little bit of a solid do us a favor if you have enjoyed listening to this podcast which I mean, if you made it all the way to, like, this ad right here, that means you've listened to, like, half of the episode. You're obviously enjoying it. And if you're enjoying it, it would mean the world to me if you left us a review on the Apple Podcast app. I mean, it's going to be a good review, guys, right? You're not going to let me down.

I would love to hear your positive remarks. Give me some validation, like I'm driving my car out of a parking garage. Validation jokes. It would be great. it really helps us keep the podcast going and more than that it really makes me feel good late at night when i read mean youtube comments and then i can just go and read nice comments about the podcast i would absolutely love it and hey in your reviews too you can leave maybe what your favorite episode was what your favorite kind of calls are who your favorite guest was or like what

your dream guest is or um anything like that would love to hear some of that stuff in the um reviews we can make it fun make it feisty throw a little uh eggplant emoji can you leave emojis in reviews I don't know. Maybe you can. Hey, if you can, that'll be our inside joke. And I'll know that you listened to this ad because you left an eggplant emoji. So again, if you guys could leave us some nice reviews on the Apple podcast app, it would mean the world, the world to me. Oh God, Megan speak English. It would mean the world to me. So guys, this is it. I'm going to stop talking to you in this context and I'm just going to talk to you in the other context. So back to the episode okay guys we are back from the break in which everyone yelled at me for not

going to the doctor no we love you so much it's not an aggressive thing you should go for your own health yeah okay obviously well on to the next question which hopefully is not about doctors yay hi megan um my question is how can a woman a young woman like 21 22 how can she um being more comfortable with her like sexual energy and being just a female I'm 22 years old um I did not lose my virginity until this past April and I waited like four months into the relationship because I didn't want to be viewed like as easy or anything like that so now that I'm no longer a virgin um I was just wondering like you know right now I don't want a relationship my relationship ended a few months ago but there's a part of me that was still like sex but I feel

like it would kind of be dirty if I had sex while not being in a relationship and I'm trying to kind of get over the fact of like seeing sex as wrong or dirty and just kind of being comfortable with the fact that I do have sexual energy and that that's okay and this is something I struggled list for a long time and I just wanted to hear your opinion um dude fuck fuck just fuck safely yeah but fuck oh it's so good it's so good dude fuck all the time yeah like there's not and I also think there's something I I think there's there's either the people who lost their virginity really young and kind of did that whole thing of like having like multiple sexual partners in relationships because that's such a high school thing is to go from like having a boyfriend

boyfriend boyfriend boyfriend or you're waiting until you're older and then it's kind of like you feel that weird pressure of being like well i've only ever had sex in a relationship but now i don't really want to be in a relationship but i want to have sex that's called being grown yeah the grown-ass woman that's being an adult yeah i mean i don't know she says that well you can tell that she has like an issue with like easiness because obviously well that's a construct for other that's something that you've heard other people talk about yes that you're applying to your own life so if you think listen if you think waiting four months is like the cutoff to being easy no i slept with will the second night that i ever saw his face oh so like no pressure and

now we've been in a three-year relationship he doesn't think i'm easy yeah and i'm also kind of a believer it's it doesn't really matter when you sleep with somebody i think it matters how you your energy go which i hate energy you're like energy going into that kind of thing so if you're going into something with the mentality of like this is a one night stand and you hook up with someone like like literally who you meet that night at a bar and that's that's what you're putting out that you want I that if you're but if you're if you've gone on like six dates with somebody or you've gone on one date with somebody and you had dinner and went to a movie and like you hook up afterwards it just has to be like what you're looking for and you put that energy out

way more than you think that you do and also I find a lot of girls like it's this whole thing of being like you don't even perceived as easy because who calls other girls easy girls like so true and also i just want to say as somebody who like like there's this weird thing like when you're younger and either you're not having sex or you're like awkward and ashamed the amount of girls that i called sluts when i was like 14 and that guilt that you feel when you're suddenly like understanding like oh i want to have sex but damn am i eating my own words because i've talked shit about other people like this you're eating your own dick yeah you're eating your own you're sucking your own dick just do it but that's what i would say is like don't i think you kind of need to if

you've been that judgmental person to other people accept the fact that that is just something that you went through and like judging other people for doing that and you can come to your own like forgiveness of yourself for saying that and that doesn't mean that you're a bad person but it just means that like we grow up ignorant of like that kind of stuff and we judge people and you don't have to it's not being a hypocrite so i think like take over i mean that's also me just like pretend like implying that i think that's what you're feeling so i'm sure a lot of yours your kind of hang-ups on sex are cultural just spend some time on the internet yeah like if you just spend a little yeah literally i swear to god just like opening your mind up to as weird as it sounds

like sexualized media has made the way that i view sex so different and like so benign i mean i've said this in videos before and like i've gotten kicked back for it but like my virginity was not something special like sex was not something special to me until i found someone that just made it fucking awesome they're like you know don't make it don't hype it up to be this like big moral compromise you're making where you're having to split your spirit and your body just like enjoy it you know what i mean it doesn't have to be this whole like severance of of anything you can just enjoy sex and also enjoy your life or feel like you're a morally awesome person it doesn't have to be it's not mutually exclusive and it doesn't carry the weight with each person

that you sleep with like the person that you end up with that relate that sexual relationship is obviously going to be held differently than like a one-night stand but that doesn't mean that one is good and one is bad like you can have a sick ass one night stand but you're like oh that was amazing he was psycho but he's amazing you know what i mean like you don't ever have to go back to that person no like if they're amazing you had a great time you go home great experience write down in your journal wonderful yeah you know take control of your sexuality and your like sexual experience and that whole part of your life because if you just let it be controlled by the people that you're dating you're not gonna have fun like you're not gonna and you're not

gonna I don't know it's like go to Baskin Robbins taste all the flavors yeah taste all I mean also get tested get tested as well taste and test taste and test oh yes oh wow what a good philosophy we would never get this question from a guy no and I think that's a shame and it's a stupid double standard because it's like it's like a point of pride for a lot of guys like that you've slept with lots of people and you've had casual sex so it's a bummer that there's such a that it's so like one-sided and i feel like women should feel just as empowered about this as men do yeah right and also a feminist i love it a true feminist honestly the ideal feminist well that's a girl's girls i every girl i know will like round their number down and every guy rounds

their number up that's so true like that's a hundred percent it yeah i think just go for it And kind of, I think there's, there should be no shame in it. And it's the same thing that I say with anyone who's getting like, not even like saying that you're getting teased, but anyone who feels insecure about anything, the time that people are going to judge you is when you show that you're insecure about something. Right. Okay. On to the next call.

Hi, Megan. I'm 20 and I've been in a relationship for two years off and on. And right before him, I was in a long-term relationship that lasted all through high school with this guy. and um whenever we broke up a few times i would end up going back to that guy and uh i haven't seen this guy for over a year now and i'm just wondering is there any ways to help me forget him or put him out of my mind it's so bad i now even have um dreams sometimes about him and it's just starting to kill me i still miss him and i really don't want to so

could you please help me with this i greatly appreciate it thank you okay you gotta break up with a current boyfriend like there's no way yeah have you told the current boyfriend that you're dreaming about your ex-boyfriend yeah and if you're having like conscious and subconscious thoughts about another guy like i i i don't know i mean like i've i've definitely dated guys and then like still like thought about an ex or whatever but then for me that was kind of the telltale sign and be like wow we should break up if i'm like romanticizing a relationship i had forever ago that ended yeah and i'm like not then i'm not mentally present in my current one yeah no i agree with you wholeheartedly it's well it sounds like that you know the first love thing

kind of shot her really really hard it does like it it can get you sometimes like you idealize someone because you're young and in love and the first one and it's exciting and whatever and then when you break up and you get back together it's all drama and it's exciting but like that's not a healthy relationship and it never will be and like the fact that you've tested it out and tried it so many times just to test the fact that you keep saying i'm done with this yeah like you should know i i 100 agree with you that you shouldn't be with your current partner if you're fantasizing i'll use that word fantasizing about your previous relationship um but you should maybe think a little bit about where you hold value in your relationships if you are still looking at

this guy this past guy is someone important yeah I think there's also something that only comes with time for me I put so much on like grow like just even honestly for years my first boyfriend and my first love was the most that was always going to be like I don't know like the top but then it wasn't until like mods and I started dating that I'm like wow it's not your first love who matters the most it's the last one it's the same thing with like losing your virginity It's not the guy you lose your virginity to or the girl. It's the person who's the last person that you like commit to being like, this is the only one I'm going to sleep with kind of thing.

Like that's, but that's something that like, I, I think until probably, it probably took like years and years and years for me to stop. Cause I would compare every guy I dated, not to the guy I dated previously, but like my first love kind of thing. And I think that's totally normal to kind of always compare that to those, like that first rush of like feelings and physical stuff and all of those things but it's I think it's the last one who's far more important and you'll know like you'll know when you're suddenly like oh you're not gonna have to consciously not think about no like do you

think about the last time you thought about like in a sexual way but think about how much you used to think about like in a sexual way like oh well that's but exactly and I think about then I'm like I don't think about the guy I lost my virginity to or my first love who were the same person literally ever but every other relationship I was in that it would still be in the back of my mind because i was like a comparative list almost yeah yeah i don't know i think you just need to do some soul search in here i don't think that's gonna work out for you i also love that you're southern i heard that i heard that too i heard that accent um yeah i don't know i think you need to i think it's time as well and be single for a while just be single because then i think the whole process

of like mourning a relationship especially when you've gone back over and over and over again you've never fully gotten over it it's like putting a band it's like putting a like a like not a real bandit on something and then expecting why is this not healing yeah it's like getting a zit and just picking on it and being like why is this not going away like yeah because you won't stop fucking bothering it or going back to it exactly just fucking leave it alone so i would try that because i think then you'll be able to look at it more clearly and see his flaws more and you'll romanticize it a little bit less yeah maybe take some melatonin no don't take melatonin that makes my dreams worse oh yeah take like some benadryl don't dream about him anymore or just

like watch game of thrones before you go to bed sorry i just gotta think about the guy's perspective on this one I don't agree she should just dump him right away I think communication in a relationship is important

and even though this is a really difficult subject I think it's important to say like hey I can't stop thinking about

my previous boyfriend because you might be able to get to the bottom of something there because there might be a problem with them like they need to

communicate about something there might be something there might be something going on that they might be able to have the opportunity to work through you're suggesting

just breaking up with him like like just out of hand and i don't know if that's the best move because you know there might just be something going on in your listen the grass is always greener a lot of the times in your relationship and you can only remember like the positive things about things and you forget all the flaws and right now you're with this currently flawed person because we're all flawed maybe you just need to work through the flaws not saying that's the solution but if you're unwilling to talk to them and you're just gonna break up with them i don't know it feels a little cruel at the

At the very least, I think it's worth a conversation. I do. I do understand like opening a dialogue and if it ends in a breakup, then you know how it was supposed to end, even in, but just don't start it with, Hey, so I've been fantasizing about it. What would you do if a girl said that to you? Because also I think there's something with, if you're, if, if she's hung up on like an ex and not problems in her current

relationship, I don't know. I mean, I, I don't know if that, like, I don't know if you'd manifest your problems in your current relationship with comparing them if this is more about if it's not about a problem with her and her boyfriend and she's saying that she can't stop thinking about her ex for me that just feels like you're putting a guy in a position of being like okay make me want you more than I want my ex and that for that to me just then ends up putting in like a guilty situation of him being like no I can do better I'm not good enough I can improve and she because she's not it's like not giving any criticism to their current relationship and the only thing is is like you're just not really enough for me but like let's keep trying

it and I feel like that just puts the pressure on him to just like that's so much because that's not like that like how do you fit there's nothing to fix there's nothing like to do because she doesn't have an issue in our current relationship her issue is he's not this other guy okay so I wish they could see us sharing I know it's really cute the way I would respond to that is uh first of all if i was the boyfriend i would rather some i would rather have a candid conversation where it's just like i don't feel the way that i felt in previous relationships as opposed to just being broken up with blind a like give a reason at least and b i agree that there should be you're taking a photo i believe that there should be some like soul searching

going on because i think it's important to like what is it about this other guy that's so like transfixing you and then maybe to the bottom of that and then be like you know i wish our relationship had more of fill in the blank and then have that conversation i think there's a way to do this delicately um but again i just think throwing the baby out of the bath water you're just like well i'm fantasizing about my ex therefore my current boyfriend it does isn't cutting it for me so we have to break up it's a little too black and white for me personally yeah Oh my God. What would you do though? If like a significant other told you that they were like, just said that to you though. Cause that's my thing. It's like, I take that from like my

perspective. I would, I would rather someone break up. I would rather have someone be like, I don't know if it's really working between us. And I, if I asked like what was going on and they were like, I just like, I'm, I don't think I'm over my ex. And then I would get to make the do you know what i mean that's really common yeah it i mean yeah i know what you're saying i i probably i don't know i'm very revenge driven so that's what in my head i'm like oh i would do something that's what i mean i'm far too much of a cunt if you give me that knowledge i'm like well i can finish the bitch like do you know what i mean like i'm like don't give me that power like don't tell me you're still hung up on your ex because i'm going to hang your ex like i was

thing where i was gonna like you i was about to say i was about to go in deep like i was about to like oh because i would feel less than me too like that would fuck me up for all of my future relationships i think if someone told me that they were still hung up on their ex i'm like okay well there's nothing i can do that's on you this has nothing to do with like me being the issue but if you're going into a relationship and you're like this isn't working for me because this is what i had and this is what i liked and you're just like great so you're comparing me to somebody who I'm nothing like and now I feel super shitty and like I'm not good enough because I think if it's like if if I mean if she was like fantasizing about like having like come like really like open

like communication like I think that would be different than like I really miss how much you would talk to me about your feelings but I think if you're just romanticizing like a guy and like how you felt for them in general expecting telling someone else that like you want them to make you feel the way you felt about that person like that's like i feel like that's just that's way meaner i think you want to would you want someone to tell you yes i would want someone to tell me because i think it depends because i i mean also i have the confidence that i would be like okay this isn't so much about me that's the thing it's about their their people get hung up on their exes that happens and for me i would look at it as an opportunity to be like okay well what is it about

that relationship that you're longing for and maybe we can i can try to you know work together to fill that void um and then if not then okay then we go our separate ways but i would much rather know that than to be broken up with blind well i think after i think that's like the six month period in most relationships where it's like the shininess has worn off a little bit and then that's kind of when it sets in of either like this is worth pursuing for longer or it's not but i think that's just yeah being conscious of that and also like you're even this is also something like you can which I had a hard time understanding you can break up with somebody or end something with somebody even if they're not a terrible person yes like you don't have to

villainize everyone that you end up not not vibing with because that's all it is or feel guilty of being like wow I just don't this is just not there's nothing like wrong with you there's nothing like really a major issue here it's just not I'm not really feeling this anymore and that's also so okay the amount of times I felt guilty about like if I literally would date someone that I'm like i just think they're kind of boring now and like now i feel like an asshole because i'm a terrible person because i'm like you so don't have to no it doesn't have to be every time you break up with someone it doesn't have to be like some big dramatic thing they don't have to be going to jail no no they don't they don't have to go to jail you don't have to be fantasizing about your

ex it can literally just be like we're not vibing so it's fine it's fine and like it doesn't mean that you hate that person or that you need to like smear that person completely anyway it just means like we're just we're gonna go two different ways yeah yeah we're coming to the end we have a producer's corner this week is a little different because uh no no because uh what's special about this week's producer's corner is we have some follow-up calls and i wanted to highlight some of the follow-up calls that we got so really yeah from previous callers hi megan i'm 19 years old and i just wanted to call and like check in i guess i listened to your podcast about like titty fucking and I am also part of the itty bitty titty committee with ABs here and I can say that

like I don't know if I guess this counts as titty fucking but I guess it's like what I would do in a titty fucking situation is that like when I would go down on the boy I would like graze my boobs over as in i'm like going up and down with my mouth i would use my boobs as well so i was just letting you know about how little titties can titty fuck wait where is your body like a body roll i don't know how you're doing that no it's like i want to i want to i want a live demonstration could she send a video demonstration it doesn't have to be with her you're not gonna use that knitting needle that's disgusting and then when she's like in between i can't look she's taking a breath like that yeah

and do that that's what she's saying i'm wait wait do it again explain it explain it jack it's for content it's it's for fun no absolutely please please you're gonna titty fuck that so jack has well megan has these like foot long pink okay i'm gonna boomerang it you only got a little bit of time go go and so we're making a demonstrative video where jack is putting them between his pectoral muscles and then titty fucking the needle.

But how long is this dick? That's what I'm saying. Also most dicks it doesn't go straight up. It's kind of an out situation for some people. Not all people. There you go.

You're happy. I saved it. I'm going to do it when the episode's live. Yeah. We're going to put it in the description for the show. I love how like Lily

hold on. Are we going to ask if Lily's here and she doesn't have headphones and she's like the fuck are you talking about? Oh my god. i just realized yeah oh my god i'm so sorry it's been the weirdest thing ever she's she's only like

what are you doing with these knitting needles and all i hear is you've been like so her titties but no so she's crazy going up as as she said as we've got some keywords here as she's going up and down with her she's like using her mouth whatever she's also going up and down with her boobs oh i just realized something we're missing the whole position okay so what okay is he lying down yes that's what it is then there's titty drop yeah there's a graze if you're lying down uh yeah there's a graze but if she's going up and down no going up and down yeah i think he's lying down he's lying down but how are her boobs still touching his dick if her mouth is also touching his dick maybe it's like a longer hand motion a full so is he laying down you're kneeling

like on the ground no no no i'm saying like you're over over over him given the eyes that's my suggested blowjob position you know what i'm saying i'm doing this you're gonna come this is as good as it's gonna get you never want to have sex with me that's what you've learned you will never want to have sex with me i just i don't understand how i still don't get how this works but think about this okay think about him i wish this was a fucking video so i could like make you mount me and we could see what this looks like literally literally imagine like we can do it okay can we try this yeah we're gonna have probably they're gonna do a demonstration okay okay also

now i want this girl we asked the other girl to send us a dm on instagram of what drugs her boyfriend sold and where they lived right this girl i want you i don't need you to show me with a real dick but i want you to show me draw a picture or show me with some a remote visual because we want to know if we're even remotely close yes because i kind of remotely remotely i love the idea if we're super fucking off oh remotely we did it we demonstrated with the remote yeah you made me explain the joke okay jack wants the mic okay sorry guys i was gonna we should explain we shot a small uh clip it was big it was a lot big production we shot a small clip uh where arden laid on the ground and played the guy uh using well using a remote as the phallus

and then uh megan climbed on top to try to figure out how mechanically this was working and then mel uh thankfully volunteer really stole the show volunteer and showed us the the proper technique And I think you cracked the code I think so I think she got it I think so Anyway We're gonna upload this clip somewhere

Because it's too funny not to Yeah I will say Mel You got bigger titties Than both of us That's part of what I was thinking That's what I was thinking I'm like in the middle

Yeah No you got titties But they're like They're not big though But you're like not You're not in the committee Yeah You can't sit with us

You can't sit with us Damn it So but I also I would love if we're just Super fucking off And there's one way That's like super obvious that's like easy as hell and we've like made she's like you've made this way more complex

i still think it's something to do with the hands but then is she just holding up with her core like the whole time i mean i am i gotta say you can get pretty tantric you can but i'm just also wondering this sounds like something that like is a part of her like routine in which i'm like you must not need to work i think of sex as a workout that's what i mean like that's when i workout homegirls definitely on that boat my bed is my gem my bed's a gem so actual things sometimes when i'm having sex i'm like my ass is gonna be so clean after this i am working out so hard who needs pilates he's like you're enjoying this i'm like oh am i look at my abs i look amazing yeah i'm so yoked we're gonna wrap it up now guys arden thank you so much for here take

your sip i'm gonna talk about how great you are while you take a sip of that yeah nailed it thank you so much for being on the podcast yeah thank you guys for having me on can i crash your podcast you can crash on my couch podcast any day literally any day we need to start having guests you know we've never had a guest on crash on my couch we just started having guests and it's only people that i like i'm friends with because i'm like who's gonna get on like really like i need someone who's going to let me mount them and like pretend to be like i can't have any like any people that i'm like oh i don't know them because i'm gonna be like yo can i pretend to fuck you is that cool my breasts or no sign this nda

it's like the small print was really weird yeah they said a remote a titty fuck i was very confused about rectums yeah but no thank you for having me on it was awesome i love just being able to talk about all this kind of stuff all the time that's so good where can people find you across the internet and in real life social security number oh good point last four digits is that the only part you know yes me too 100 that's the only part that i need to know me too um i text my dad anytime i need it oh yeah same i'm one of those um no but you can find me on youtube arden rose instagram arden rose twitter arden rose i have podcast crash on my couch if you would like more shit like this although will my boyfriend is a lot more polite than me so it's okay yeah

but he has a very melodious british accent which is the fun part although he does say three as free fright so if that annoys you i'm sorry i can tell it annoys you so much no it really doesn't in fact i think it's really cute but either way if you would like to listen to that crash on my couch uh it's a fun time um yeah mr my president season two coming soon uh you can see me you can see you yeah very soon oh i don't even know this where can people watch that if they haven't watched it before uh go 90 you can download the app um it's delightful and it's free it is free and you can watch all of the all of the first season as well if you want to go binge that before the second season comes out you're welcome guys hell yeah uh and uh that's cool yay yay amazing thanks for

being on here thank you for having me i'm mopping we'll have to have you back please anytime you need someone to we're about to we're also about to rotate through all of the people i like really quickly so they're just gonna have to come back anytime well we'll have to do a tit for tat thing you come over to mine we should record this one with a camera next time too how much art and i have grabbed our boobs such a good point if you guys enjoyed this and you're like yo i want to hear my voice on the air talking about my titties then you can leave us a voicemail at 310-694-0976 yeah that only took me 15 tries

so we're not including all of those other ones maybe we will and if you're an international caller if you're British if you're Arden's boy if you're Will and you want to call in Will can you imagine him just like basking his voice trying to get on this hello I'm Max

William nice name Max William is really in me very Pinterest I like it his brother's name is like Forrest Houston something like that very Pinterest apple drive love um you guys can leave us a email and so just record a voice mail on your phone email it to meganpodcast at gmail.com and uh we can play it on the air that would be great but

again make sure to keep your uh problems concise which i mean it's hard everyone's telling you to downplay your problems we're just telling you to talk about them with enough context but not so long that we forget the point of your call which we didn't do this time yeah this was good we really get some great ones yeah so um we would love that and if you're a follow-up caller same thing check in with us if you have any feedback on other calls if you have some input if you know how to titty fuck with tiny tits would love to know would love to know please advise next steps um yeah awesome guys i will see you all in two weeks adios i also want to start my new sign off for everything i do i want to say adios fuckers but i spelled adios wrong in an end card and now no

let me live in town that's perfect this is your way to like yeah I'm redeeming myself yeah and also I literally defended myself five times before I saw the spelling error in audios and there's only like five letters I was like it's not spelled wrong how did you spell it wrong did you add an e no I just switched um switch something an i and an o I switched them around I okay guys goodbye don't blame me is a production by me produced and directed by jack ferry associate producer melissa de monts edited by melissa de monts post-production sound by chris henry and music by giacomo picasso and ryan hunter i will see you guys in two weeks and

don't blame me if your life bursts into flames before then We'll be right back.