Don't Blame Me! - S1E20: Guest: Mitchell Davis - Trying Anal Sex!
Episode Date: January 5, 2018Happy New Year! This week the very funny Mitchell Davis joins and we share our advice on how to tell your fuck buddy you want to be more, dealing with a friend that sent nudes to your boyfriend, and h...ow to tell your parents that you’re in a secret relationships - regardless of whether they’re homophobic or racist. Also a listener calls in to share her advice on dealing with manipulative partners.Call (310) 694-0976[ international listeners can email me at meghanpodcast@gmail.com ]...with your question and as much detail as possible. And I will do my best to offer my words of wisdom.If you’re under 18, please get your parent’s permission. Advice is for entertainment purposes only. Don’t blame me if it ruins your life. lol, jk, my advice is always the best.-Thanks to Casper for supporting our show. Save $50 on a mattress at http://www.casper.com/blameoffer code: blame.-Thanks to Aaptiv for supporting our podcast. New members get 50% off annual membership at:http://www.aaptiv.com/BLAME.Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/join/dontblameme See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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oh fucking shit sorry
that tea almost went everywhere spilled that's what the kids say okay fuck guys let's try that
again hi everybody welcome to don't blame me this is my podcast my name's megan and today we have a
very special special guest it's Mitchell Davis hello hello I was gonna ask you because you're
here now how do you say your um twitter name my twitter name always not your handle yeah your name
um cd emoji okay nice yeah I uh I just uh just the cd emoji that's my website too cd emoji.com
so yeah I have everything there oh because I was gonna say you know you're the person who told me
if you like left click an emoji or whatever something but it tells you yeah it describes
what it is to you that was us season one of soon buddy president it was just going through and
you're like this one this yes what well there's and there's they just added like 80 new ones and
i just did that so that i could figure out what some of them work because i had no idea what's
your favorite one like your favorite description of one oh i think i really i really like all the
the ones where the descriptions are way too way too uh like exact when it's like a family where
it's like mother and father holding daughter's hands like i like it when it's really really too
many things yeah it's longer than just what the emoji is and you're like no wonder why you want
us to condense this and just send the emoji exactly for all those times i'm talking about
mother and father holding hands with daughter it's really strange that is weird that's great
well that voice here is mel mel say hi hello i'm melissa demont they're gonna follow you on
instagram sure do it she's gotta go find me and a paypal you can send just send money money send
send all the monies all the money hey i like your uh twitter feed i think your twitter feed's
solid thank you you you will honestly uh mel now that we have a moment you use the best
gifts you're a good gift finder anytime anytime you're tweeting about popcorn i'm always like
i'm gonna use the gift mel used uh in the video because it's so good you're just you managed to
find such good gifts and i'm like i didn't even know this existed yeah yeah and they're so long
sometimes i'm like this is too long to be a gift but somehow mel's made it so that it works
it's awesome well thank you what's your twitter handle she is not melissa right isn't that great
oh that's great like with two s's because my name's spelled with one s it's so good it's i hope
you know i just stare at the she part i go she she oh i found you i'm following you and so did
everyone else yes we're all doing it live oh my god wait um why don't i have this the popcorn
sweatshirt it can be arranged it can be arranged oh this is very nice this is very nice i want it
for christmas well by the way what she's talking about is my podcast popcorn.show check it out
we've got merch right now represent it's cute i'm saying that like i'm being honest it's really
fucking cute thank you yeah those are my designs i can tell thanks i can tell i enjoy your podcast
as well thank you i like yours i'm glad that we're finally getting to collab and swappity right now
i need to figure out what movie i'm going to talk about or i guess that's not really my job that is
your job i would just be a guest we don't get to control it we take we take suggestions yeah we'll
take a few suggestions but we'll i mean if we don't like it we'll knock it down but i'm gonna say
if they're all garbage have you done holes yet uh holes that'll be a no
fantastic i'm pretty sure that's you know when shia labeouf watched all of his own movies i'm
pretty sure holes was when he took a nap did that even come out on like in the theaters
are you yes i thought it was a disney i have the soundtrack and i can still do the entire rap
oh dig it a-r-n-p to the t dude what you smelling yeah dog that's me no i don't take
showers and i don't brush my teeth all i do is dig holes eat and sleep oh my god okay fucking
great i read holes twice i thought the book was fantastic stanley yelnats backwards it was great
but um no we're not gonna watch that much no we're not okay what are my other suggestions
so what is this show okay good question sorry i got distracted everybody um this is my advice
podcast um you guys call in you leave voicemails and you tell us about the things happening in
your life that you need our sage words of wisdom and if you guys want to leave voicemails and ask
us questions you can call 310-694-0976 um and if you guys are international callers you can send
us a voice memo and just email it to meganpodcast at gmail.com just record a voice memo on your
phone send it on the email and send it on up till it has that whizzy so sound there's really no
excuse not to be sending in your questions really yeah guys come on you have so many
fucking opportunities uh yeah so we're gonna we're gonna get into it i'm so excited i'm so
fucking excited so i'm a 20 year old college student and i recently started dating a girl
that i met up here at school and she's great and beautiful and amazing but she's also very open
about her sexuality and came out to basically everyone in her life when she was in middle
school and she was very well accepted because of it but i however have only come out to my closest
friends and my roommate because um everyone i haven't told anyone in my family because everyone
in my family is very christian and i'm worried that they won't take it very well and i'm waiting
until i'm fully financially independent before i come out so if it goes wrong i have a backup plan
but um anyway so she's really open and wants to post pictures on social media and like tag me and
all this stuff and be like you know like a normal couple but I said no because um if she did that
and anyone in my family saw it it could really ruin my life and she's starting to get really
annoyed and more angry about it as time goes on every time I tell her to like not tag me in this
or you can't post this picture and I don't understand how to get her to understand that
this is like a big deal for me and i guess because she came out so early it's just really hard for her
to understand a situation where people wouldn't accept you like people in my family and i really
don't want to break up over this because i really do like her but i if you have any advice to help
me get her to understand how hard this is for me that'd be great do you have any first initial
thoughts well my first initial thought i think after hearing it is um kudos to you for asking
for advice I feel like that's the hardest thing especially I mean I'm just basing it off of like
my early relationships in life I really was like I'm I'm I'm a big proud person I don't need to ask
for help or what to do and I think I'm so glad that we live in a world now where it's like no
I don't know what to do and please yeah it's relatable now to be like I don't have my shit
together yeah and I I think that it's just like it's it's refreshing that we can actually be this
honest with strangers I love it yeah so what do you about you what do you think um so my initial
thing um uh so i guess i wish i had known when you had told her your girlfriend that you weren't
out to your family just because i fucking hate when this happens when i kind of side with not
the person who's called um but so i've i have a lot of a lot of my friends are gay and something
that we've talked about always when they were dating is was a deal breaker if somebody wasn't
out to other people and if they were their whole thing is like I already came out of the closet
I'm not going to date somebody who's still in the closet I think what you guys are experiencing is
a little different because you have this world where you're at at college where you are out of
the closet and then it's back home that you're not so the only thing that's really crossing both
those parallels is social media and so I think um I I understand how she feels with not wanting to
feel like she has to hide anything because she did have to so i would even say i know that you're
talking about it from the sense of that she everything was very accepting for her and her
family when she came out and she came out so young you also can't no matter how great she can talk
about the experience now she still had to come out like that's not something i would discredit
so i understand her not wanting to kind of backtrack with that but i also think that um
in my, again, in my friend's cases, those were early on deal breakers, but you guys have been
dating for long enough that I hope that it doesn't matter. And I also think if there's, um, you're
saying waiting till you're financially independent, which I get, cause I think that's smart. Um,
maybe there's a timeline. If you give her kind of more of a specific, Hey, this is only, I need to
save up this amount of money. So for her, it doesn't feel like an indefinite thing that she,
maybe she wants to get married. Maybe she wants to, she really sees a future with you and it might
be hard to see a future um and she might think not that she doesn't think that you are serious
about her or anything like that but i think it's kind of hard to not take it personally
i would definitely agree with the make a timeline because that does put uh like you're saying a
severity on the situation of like i i do want this relationship to continue and to evolve and
man this is so hard having a call-in show because i know i want to ask your questions i want to be
like so do what did you my my next question is like what is your plans for i mean you said that
you wanted to come out to your family when you're financially stable but I mean financial stability
doesn't equal like family understanding or anything too I mean I get that that means that
you will be able to potentially deal with the the issues that come with telling your family who don't
agree with you but at the same time I just want to be like maybe you should talk how did she go
about it how did the partner go about it and then maybe you can use some of those cues into your
life i don't know right yeah i would also i also wonder you but being financially you said being
financially independent i don't know if they're paying for your college and if that's the fear
yeah is if you come out there's so many questions i have exactly but i also think if that's not the
case if they're not paying for school or something like that i also i mean maybe it might be better
to come out when you're not living at home and you're able to kind of distance yourself yeah so
they've already got that distance a little bit to just kind of just adjust to what's going on
And then you can visit back when you need to or when you want to or when you feel like it's ready.
And then maybe also if both of you kind of take a social media break from things and then, I don't know, make a fucking scrapbook.
Like do like have Polaroid pictures you guys take and like make a poster and like keep it in your apartment or something like that.
Just keep the conversation open.
That's the thing, too, is don't try to swipe this under the rug and try to make it like not an issue.
If it is an issue, like, you know, sit in front of it and talk about it with each other and figure out how to fix things.
because at the end of the day if you do really care about each other you're not going to let
something like this you know also not to belittle this at all but i was gonna ask you how long
when did you and your are you asking me now or the person you're asking me you can ask me whatever
you want okay i'm open book so you and i don't ever say your name i call her the chef is that
okay so so how long not to belittle your question and make this because obviously coming out's a
very different thing but i'm just curious when how long before you guys started dating before
you were okay with her posting about you publicly and stuff that's interesting um so me uh we've
been together for about a year now and I think it was about it was about six months in um between
actually it was between three and six months which I know is like a massive big area but it was just
this gray area where the first three months I didn't want posting happening because I didn't
know how serious it was and I didn't want to get my family's you know like oh Mitchell's in
something no he's not and I also didn't want to psych myself out I didn't want to get too committed
to this like digital relationship when in reality it's still very much growing and I think that's a
that's another important thing that can kind of answer go back to that question which is
when you start to implement your relationship into the digital world and your avatars I mean
it it becomes part of your forever yeah and it becomes part of your online identity your timeline
you know and um there's nothing you can do about it so it's a big deal when you start to implement
those person into your yeah i think it's a huge moths i i moths and i dated for a year before i
ever even publicly said that i was in a relationship or anything but i gave him that timeline but i
mean i know i know for him that was like there were times that he was like no there were times
that like i said i was understanding of it but i felt super fucking shitty about this because it
felt like you were hiding me from a part of your life and so I think like him and I being able to
have those open conversations and talking about it it was able for me to really explain how much
more it was about me and had no reflection on my feelings for him yeah it's it's it's honestly it's
it's a total personal thing that I have yeah I know what you mean yeah it's it has nothing to
do with the fact that it had like our relationship is coming to a halt because I don't want you to
post pictures. It's like, no, I want to keep taking all the photos and you want to keep something for
yourself too. And you don't want it to get tarnished by other people's opinions. So I would
say, I think you really need to reassure her. I think that of that fact of the fact that it has
nothing to do with her or being ashamed of being with a girl or anything like that. It's more along
the lines of like, I'm love. I don't know if you, I'm just putting words in your mouth. I'm having
a great time with you i really really like you and i right now am not ready to have that get
compromised by someone else's opinions who really don't matter just because i need to deal with that
first yeah i think that's a good not to like bring it back to like our own i think it's no no no but
i think peppering in some of the like you can learn from all these little bits and then you
kind of just take it in and you know drink it up and drink it up see what happens take it back i
don't know what i'm saying guys okay me neither and we both have podcasts perfect oh i love it
that's a good question wow i did it you did it first one is done boom okay 99 to go okay
on to the next one i am 26 and i'm hoping you can help me out um so i have this boyfriend we've been
dating for five years uh we are super duper in love like he is my end game like he is my person
I am his person and we're just like living madly in love together it's been great here's the the
little problem um my parents are well it's a big problem uh they're very racist um I am white and
my boyfriend is black um so it's been a lot of fun um dealing with that but basically my mother
knows what's going on and it's taken her a couple years to kind of quote unquote get over it um she
still thinks we're going to break up. She still doesn't imagine us getting married or having kids.
She's just kind of going with it, I think, because she wants to keep a relationship with me because
I'm the only child. My dad has no idea. My mom has asked me not to tell my dad because my dad is so
anti-interracial relationship, and he is super just doesn't believe in it and wants me to marry a
nice Italian boy from Italy and be barefoot and pregnant. I don't really know. The problem with
all of this is is that I am very close with my extended family and I love them all very much
um I love them all very much and they love me and I would love to bring my boyfriend to go and
meet them I live in a different state from my whole family like I live a three-hour plane right
away I want to bring my boyfriend up to introduce him to the family because when we get married I
would love to invite them and they know about him but I just they're like bring him like we'd love
to see him but the problem is my dad doesn't know so because my dad doesn't know I can't bring him
anywhere but I'm afraid to tell my dad because of the outlast and I don't want to lose a parent
but I think it might come down to my boyfriend or my dad and I'm going to choose my boyfriend
because we're going to be the future and if my dad is racist and won't deal with it then he's
going to have to figure it out but I don't want it to be one or the other I kind of want to have
both but i don't know how to tell him uh what should i do should i not tell him should i be
like oh my we're getting married tomorrow and then like have a deal with it when that happens
or like what should i do wow what a good question yeah i mean okay there's a lot of layers to this
there is i'm i i think that your dream scenario is just a dream and what you're thinking is gonna
to happen might fucking happen and also you it like whoever's fucking had sex with your mom and
then made your jeans and then made you a fucking baby or whatever they don't that that doesn't
excuse any sort of behavior i'm very much of like holding parents and everyone i'm like friends
relationships everyone is being held accountable for their actions it does not matter their
relationship to you and i don't i'm just not one for like accepting those kinds of traits regardless
of what you you owe them life or whatever especially especially in this time that we
live in in the world i mean it's so ass backwards to be thinking like that that i just can't even
imagine it's i'm having a hard time fathoming i know because i just i'm like i haven't had to
deal with this since i was like ever yeah yeah i mean honestly i'm so sorry but yeah this might
end up uh being not as clean as you would like it to be you pick the one who's not a racist like
that's just that's what i i don't think that whole thing of like choosing your relationship over
family and things like that i think that that's it seems very black and white that you that family
always comes first but there are certain things that i i think like i i don't know i'm like a
zero tolerance i mean zero i have zero tolerance for intolerance kind of a thing and i think like
if this this is something that's that's yeah that's it's they're gonna be they can have
whatever relationship with you that you feel comfortable but it's not a it's not fair to put
your boyfriend through at all um and it's yeah it's just that's not an environment i mean like
in-laws in itself are already like uncomfortable and awkward and i think that's not a great
situation to put him in but i also think that you've already kind of sound like you've made
up your mind of like this is who you're gonna be with and also even if you i don't know i mean like
even if this wasn't who you're gonna end up being with i think it is something that like at this day
and age you have to face that yeah it's just one of those things that eventually you're like we're
gonna face this we're gonna talk about this because guess what we're a family yeah and i mean
would you say it's wrong for me to to say like maybe maybe maybe you need to just have like a
one-on-one sit down with your father and be like this is you know maybe not necessarily about this
relationship but just in general about like what's happening in the world what's going on where what
what what you know what i mean am i am i on the right no i think you are i think you need to give
him the opportunity to surprise you and then if he doesn't surprise you instead of surprising him
with, we're getting married. Maybe be like, look, I just know that I have love and there's love and
there's tons of people in this world and there's no sense in me not loving a certain person because
of something so silly. Yeah. And I don't think it's about, I think it's about telling him. I
don't think it's about asking him. And I don't think it's, I think you just need to just lay
the facts out there and be like, I want, I want you to give the, I think I know what you're going
to say, but I want to give you the opportunity to prove me wrong. And I, I don't want to leave
any stone left unturned so i need to do this and then no and i don't i don't want to keep something
from you yeah and i think that you just need you need something that's finalizing for you because
right now you're just you're putting it off and you're waiting and hoping that the longer that
you wait maybe he'll become more accepting but i also think it's probably more likely that um
you're gonna you're gonna you'll have that found family where you live and your friends and these
people who really accept you and love you and and maybe the relationship with you and your parents
it might take a time for you guys to kind of recover from this but you also can't put you
can't put so much weight on that also something i'm just going to throw out here is you you have
so much more family it sounds like that wants to meet him and it wants to be involved and it's just
like i get that it's one person who's being a little stinker about the whole thing but like
let him be a stinker and then the whole family will look at him and be like what's your deal man
like why are you acting like this your daughter's in love your daughter's in like i mean listen to
the message like play the message back for your father like you said i'm so so yeah like i mean
you sound like you're so smitten about this person like you said you've made up your mind so it's now
it's just like kind of owning up and just being like yeah this is my dude this is this is this
is my life now love always should win that's just like the truth in my book i'm like a hopeless
romantic at always at the end I really am though at the end of the day it's just like be together
the only thing that I'm gonna just really highly not recommend is just don't be just don't keep
waiting don't keep putting it off don't think that the next day it's going to get better because I
mean look at look at the world around you that's not happening these days it takes it takes courage
it takes motivation it takes a little bit of a push to get anything done these days yeah and it
takes education that's the thing if your dad's not being exposed to this and learning about this
because he's very shut out to any other way then it's not gonna stop no not at all so when i was
in high school um for you guys that don't know i'm black um i grew up mostly around white people
um and there's this boy that liked me and i liked him so i went and i hung out at his house
he invited me to come over and then um at one point his mom was like uh melissa can i talk to
in the kitchen she pulled you aside she pulled me aside yeah she's like she was trying to like
be sweet i'm from arkansas the south so she was trying to be real sweet about like did you see
right through it i didn't at first how old are you um 16 okay so you were old enough to be like
i know what's going on okay so then she she's like i don't believe in interracial dating goes
on this like long tangent like she's like i'm not racist or anything but you and i think you're a
sweet girl but i just i just don't think that'll be good for you in the long run i mean if you had
kids then we don't want like that kind of world of them growing up in and having to choose if they
want to be black or white and i was just like uh-huh and so um she wasn't expecting me to tell
her son but i did tell him yeah yeah and um i didn't tell my parents though because they would
it went ballistic but um so i told him and like we ended up date actually like dating for a while
and she eventually came around yeah and she like accepted me and she was sweet so do you think you
bringing it up to the sun played a major role in him and him talking to her being like what did
you fucking say yeah i i really think so yeah see i and i think that kind of leans with what we're
saying where it's just like the youth is a future man yeah you've got to be like mom dad you guys
are being fucking old you have an iphone ma'am okay i mean like where are we right now fucking
choose what generation do you want to live in right do you want your apple tv okay then don't
be a fucking racist i mean right you can't have both bitch i i have two one of my friends um in
high school she ended up i mean they had she had a very strange relationship with her family but um
she was in an interracial relationship and her family did not accept her at all and was very
much like nope not happening like you and her and this guy aren't dating anymore at all but her
parents were just like these racists like that was just the kind of thing and so for her it was like
as much as it sucked for it to kind of be a character trait it was like well i'm glad i know
and i'm not putting you on this pedestal of being an untouchable person because i'm like no i'm
gonna be a fucking woke 25 year old exactly living in la and i'm gonna be able to look at you and be
like okay cool you gave birth to me and there's certain things that we can relate on but i'm not
going to like sit quietly and not and like let you be racist and if she found out later on that
her this like she found out later on that her younger sister had been hiding the fact that she
was in an interracial interrelation interracial relationship for years and ended up living with
the guy and never ever told the family and it was like you can go about any of that how you kind of
want to but i also think it fucking sucks to say that like your parents are people and everyone
has flaws including the people who like that doesn't yeah and i think i think it's just it's
something you gotta fucking address it's weird when you have to start thinking of family as
friends you lived with um you know no ex-roommates you know what i mean though because like you got
to have this kind of mentality where it's like again like you i'm same with you i'm from ohio
and i moved out to los angeles woke up a little bit and then went back and i'm like yo are you
guys fucking crazy like this isn't how we do things like and you just have to you just have
to get to that point where you have to start being like i know that there's like you want to play the
seniority like mom and dad card but i'm just telling you like this is the world card this
is what's happening and i'm doing this for the better of everyone at this table like you just
need to know yeah what's up yeah i'm yeah i'm i think that's i think that's a really smart thing
to do because I think we give yeah we cut too much slack for everyone I think I think it's
definitely like a thing now we're like especially like I said even with Thanksgiving like I mean
you saw it on Twitter where so many people were just like I went home today and I really I really
fucking told them what was up and I mean this is the first year too where I'm like good great we
need these conversations to start because we've been sitting on our hands for such a long time
how we elected this president exactly because we all thought and then we I like how we brought this
back to this but at the end of the day though it does it just conversation words are crucial
use them and use them with each other and talk about it and have conversation yeah i feel like
everyone is so afraid to just be like i don't understand i don't understand can you explain
that to me yeah and i live like me man i just just don't know anything keep asking and everyone just
tells you it's amazing yeah because yeah and i also think especially if you want to have kids
and all of that stuff i think you you guys regard no matter how the relationship with your family
changes if when they find out about like the seriousness of your relationship and all that
stuff you need to do that so you can really create a foundation and an amazing supportive
group of people at the same time that you might be letting go of some not forever but maybe
temporarily so you can have another support system so it doesn't and that's a good thing
is you know that this isn't the world and like you know that like you're even able to see like
your extended family and everybody else is so much more accepting um that i think you just you
need to make sure that you feel supported yeah and hey also who fucking knows maybe it gets to
the point where your dad's the one who's now going to be not invited and who's not who's going to be
exiled from the like with your extended family exactly he might be totally by himself but you've
just been thinking well he sits at the top of the table so i guess we just let him do what he's
doing and that's that's again that i feel like that's like old traditions and this time right
now where when we're living is is when we're we need to kind of break those stupid walls down and
just like be like what's really going on here like where are we yeah because you're at the head of
the table and you don't even know what the fuck's actually going on outside yeah and shit's gonna
happen it's unavoidable shit's gonna happen uh we all have these perfect ideas of relationships
and how everything ends up but you you got to accept the fact that this is not going to be easy
But this is the life that you've chosen
Or chosen for you
Whatever you believe
And you have to deal with it
Because it's just not going to go away
And that's good, it shouldn't go away
Because you guys seem super happy and in love
I was going to say, it sounds like nice love to me
So just keep enjoying it
Yeah, enjoy the good loving
Okay, we're done talking about politics
Maybe not, on to the next question
14 more questions to go
I am 19 years old
I'm from Vegas
and I've been seeing this guy on and off since I was a sophomore in high school and now I'm a
sophomore in college um we slept together a few times this summer we slept together quite a lot
and he acts like he cares a whole bunch but then whenever I talk to him he's like no I just want
to be friends and the thing is like I would stop sleeping with him but like the sex is like
really great so like why would I stop but at the same time it's like I don't want to
be just another girl just another notch in his belt and just being used I'd love to see where
something would go with him because he's a great guy like whenever we hang out and stuff it's not
like every time we hang out it's Netflix and chill like we'll go to dinner we'll hang out
but at the same time like there's always the question of is this going to happen is it not
gonna happen sort of thing so i just don't know what to do should i end things with him
or should i keep going and ask him and see where like if this potentially could be something more
or should i just leave it at just friends and stop sleeping with him i'm gonna just say the
first thing that pops in my head which is this guy's not gonna change no i literally wrote fuck
buddy yeah this dude's not gonna change i'm so sorry that i have to be the one to tell you this
because i don't even know you but yeah if it's been happening for this long and he's he's look
i get that he's cool with you but he's cool with you because you guys are fucking at that time
who's not gonna be cool with someone while they're fucking yeah you know what i'm saying
if he's being that much of like a standoffish dude when it comes to just like hanging out and
about and it's been this long it's it's it can only get worse yeah right well i mean i've like
i've been i've had fuck buddies like i've been in that same year that thing and it's kind of like
it's like you categorize people where it's like oh we're if you're having casual sex with someone
regularly and you know that they're and you're not looking to put any sort of label on it it's
not because you haven't thought of that exactly it's because you've thought of that and have been
like no not what I'm interested in with you yeah so I think that you that is something that I would
just say is like you you guys are ultimately your fuck buddies and if it's great sex and if there's
a way that you can attach your emotion emotions from it sure but right now it sounds like you
are emotionally invested in this guy and he is not emotionally invested in you even if you guys
are going to dinner and it's like you're not sleeping together all of the time you are a girl
that he regularly sleeps with like this is not it's not a friendship anymore and it's not a
relationship the you are the in between of that which is a fuck buddy see and that's why also
with the whole like should we be just become friends that's not gonna happen either that you
can never revert back if you've seen your friend naked i've seen you naked you've been inside me
yeah i don't think you can revert but i know you can't revert back from something like that
especially if it's been going on for this long because there's always going to be that
residual i actually still like you i actually don't really like you oh you still want to have
sex with me i still want to have sex with you just because we were good fuck buddies
and i mean even the way that you you you presented this question to us says that you know the answers
because i just you're like it's really really good but like you're not solid on even what it
is because you know that it's not a solid thing like this isn't even if this he you were like
yeah let's become super just into each other i'd still be like yeah but we started as like crazy
fuck buddies who didn't give a shit about each other yeah and i feel like that would that would
be a weird way to start no the i've only started i've started one relationship from being fuck
buddies um and it didn't end well i mean yeah it's one of those things of being like it it was
in the moment was the most flattering thing in the world and it's so fun yeah because it's like
well like he came up to me at a party it was like I heard you made out with blah blah blah and I was
like yeah so and it was like you can't make out well while we're dating and I was like we're not
dating we're pure we've established we're purely fuck buddies like well I don't want you to sleep
with anybody else and I was like well if I'm not sleeping with anyone else then you're not gonna
sleep with anyone else he's like yeah okay and then that hardly lasted but even that no offense
like even that is fueled with a little bit more emotion than what this sounds like because if you
i always think about it in like my sense like i how i started dating my uh first serious boyfriend
in high school was the fact that i was helping him i was helping set up him to go to prom with
some girl and it was fucking killing me to the point where i was like i can't be friends with
him anymore because i can't watch him go out with somebody else but if both of you have been able to
kind of coexist and loop back to each other and i'm assuming dated other people neither of you
would be able to do that if there was some serious emotion there which i don't want to question how
you feel about him either but i also just want to say it is so fucking hard to have great sex as a
girl that if you're if if you're getting fucking amazing sex from this guy that's going to
automatically you're going to feel more invested in him specifically and i also fucking hate no
offense i love you you're great um but the amount of times that girls have called into this podcast
and talked about a guy and said these or not even just like in general my friends and they'll say
these things that are terrible and prove that this guy's not a good guy and they go but he's
such a good guy that's i was gonna say if he's such a fucking good guy he would have he would
have noticed this by now and then like actually you know what we're great for each other because
that's what a good guy i mean look don't get me wrong look i've been a fuck buddy i'm not a
terrible guy but at the same time if i see a budding relationship i know when to change gears
Or if you saw that she was developing serious feelings for you.
I know to back my brakes because that's giving her crazy bad emotions.
I'm fucking with this person now.
Completely.
Not just fucking her.
You're not fucking with her.
Yeah, you're making it seem like you're putting, oh, God, this is so, this is, you got to, oh, this stinks.
So what should she do?
I know.
Should she tell him?
Or should she not?
I mean, but see, if she talks to him, he's just going to be like, yeah, you know, we're just, you're just having fun.
We're just going to see where it goes.
let's just see where it goes this is i mean okay i'm i'm a very like honest to the point kind of
person so i think that especially if it's been going on for this long i think you have to have
a conversation about it otherwise there's still the what if or maybe kind of thing or that when
you go back to something and you're thinking uh uh well i mean i never actually knew or i never
really got a solid answer so I think if you can find it in you to go into it and say if you're
like hey um can you tell in the last like five seconds I've tried to stop saying like and it's
not working my words have gotten slower I'm trying so it's not gonna happen I'm just gonna say like
um I I think you just need to say it and be hey I have been feeling this way for a while and I know
that we've been casually sleeping together for a while and we're such great friends I for me have
developed feelings for you over this period of time and at this point i've reached this place
where i need to know if you have those feelings for me as well and you would be interested in
starting monogamous relationship otherwise i really i can't do this anymore and i think you
need to you need to say that and you can't ask him what you guys are or define this you need to say
what it is that you want because this at this point this is about you I mean it should always
be about it's about what you want and not because right now what you're doing is you're you're
taking whatever he's giving you and you need to just be like this is what I want if you can come
to if you can do this and this is something you also want then let's try this otherwise you're
just settling you can't take anything less than what you like you want I like this I like this
answer I just feel like that's what it is otherwise you're gonna it's this is gonna last
forever and then guess what he's gonna date some girl and he's gonna she's gonna be his girlfriend
they're gonna be in a relationship they're gonna get married and that's gonna be it you'll be you'll
you'll you'll be fine you've got this and if i can get in a relationship and not get sick of them
you can do it too same here i feel like kudos to us high five like when we when we were talking
about the idea for this podcast with jack we were both like single mingles last time we hung out
actually you helped me set up my tinder i like to take credit for your relationship you do no hey
and it's been a year and we're still together and i met her on tinder which is fucking bonkers
and even today before i came i was like by the way babe i'm going to hang out with the person
who made it so that you swiped on me you're welcome yeah i know we should do an entire
episode that is about how to make you can make me one seriously i'm not joking and i i will say
this i'm it's not even like you changed my life on tinder no one matched with me ever on tinder
And I just had no idea what I was doing.
And then you were just like, oh, this needs changed.
This, this, this, this, this, this.
And then all of a sudden I, it was just like people were actually.
Floodgates were open.
People were actually communicating with me and it was fucking fantastic.
It was bizarre.
I still don't know what kind of wizardry you did, but it worked.
Okay, guys.
Listen to words from.
I'm going to go check my Tinder.
Yeah.
Okay.
We'll be back in a second or more than a second.
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Okay, guys, we are back and we're going to hop on to the next call.
So basically my, I found out a couple of weeks ago that my, at the time, best friend,
And she told me that back in March, she sent nudes to my boyfriend, who is now my ex-boyfriend for other reasons, a literal trash bag.
So she said, she mentioned it over the phone and just brought it up in casual conversation.
Naturally, I was pissed because, you know, my ex or my best friend is not going to send nudes to my boyfriend.
That's not cool with me.
and her explanation was that she's jealous of me
and that his attention made her feel validated.
Basically, I don't want anything to do with her after that
and I think that's a smart decision in my opinion.
So if you were me, would you accept her apology and stay friends with her
or would you kind of just ditch her because that's a really shitty thing to do?
also um i you know looking back i realized shit i don't have real and it's gonna be hard going
into senior year without her so if you recommend that i there's some other ways i can make more
friends because i have a lot of guy friends but she's really my only girlfriend oh my goodness
i i feel this is no no no no no no no no no no no she's she's not a she's not a best friend
anymore there's so many boys in this world that she could have sent i mean go turn on snapchat
turn on snapchat turn on anything she could have sent if she wanted validation go on reddit okay
i mean i in high school i used to go to borders and just walk around because the guys who worked
at borders would flirt with me i mean that's very fucking innocent i mean seriously the fact that
she had to the oh there's so many things about this that are wrong like the whole the fact that
it's the best friend's boyfriend like yeah really I mean I think the biggest thing here is I I mean
I'm I'm a girl who I've got I'm a girl hi um but I've got a lot of close girlfriends now and I grew
up with a lot of really close girlfriends and I um I when I went to college and all that stuff
I struggled really hard to have friends who are girls and most of my friends were guys
and I ended up settling for people who did things that were super shitty and treated me like shit
because there's a part of you that is like no girl power I have to stick with this the thing
that I issue with I have with your friend is this is she's essentially blaming you for this
she's jealous of you and so this was something that she had to do this is not a friend I am all
for amazing wonderful female friendships but this is also the core issue why women on women anger
and all that stuff is so prevalent is because you're accepting we're accepting this kind of
behavior um just to have friends who are women who get you on a level of like talking about your
period and being able to be emotional and feeling all of that stuff female friends are important but
good friends are far more important regardless of their gender and arden and i talked about this
when she was on the podcast both arden and i i mean since we moved to la have always been close
friends but neither neither of we went through god we went through circles of different friends
were girls who treated us like shit that we accepted. And then we both just ended up being
like, fuck, I'm going to own my only friends, give me my boyfriend, my only friends, give me
my boyfriend. And it wasn't until we started holding our friendships to the same expectations
that we held the guys that we were dating that we were like, oh, fuck, I can be just as picky
and choosy with the friends I let into my life as I am with the guys I'm letting into my bed.
Whoa. Wow. I've never thought of this. This is kind of eye-opening genius.
You have to. And especially because I think men, not to categorize anyone, but a lot of the time, aggression and anger between men, it happens, it comes to a head and it's addressed in a moment. With women, it's a lot of belittling over time, quietly and slowly. And it's a lot of this thing of blaming. It's a lot of when something finally comes up, you are being given a lot of this blame. And so you feel responsible.
that's just that's kind it's just it's a gender stereotype of apologetic women who take tend to
take a lot of the blame for things and i think the issue is here is you want to remain you want
female friends but ultimately she's not a friend and if a boyfriend had done this to you if you're
if you were still with this guy let's say you were and he sent a dick pic to your best friend
this would not be a conversation like you would be i'm done like you're you're a fucking asshole
and i think you have to i mean i just wow thinking about it like this i'm so sorry but this is
blowing my mind a bit because you're thinking like i've never thought about a reverse like
this but yeah it's just like what the fuck yeah like that's crazy it is and especially when you're
when you're young enough that you a lot of your friendships have become out of uh just time
convenience and the fact like oh we went to the same preschool together our parents carpooled us
together we in the in the scheme of the world we probably wouldn't seek each other out to become
friends you have to hold people accountable for their actions and also I think you making friends
whether you're friends with guys or girls it really doesn't matter but I think what is more
important in this situation is not accepting this female on female abuse and taking that because
that's just it's just contributing to the cycle I think you need to I think you need to call her
out on it I'm sure you already have but I think you can I think I mean I also think it's kind of
worth it to tell her and just be like, Hey, so I've been really trying to grapple with what had
happened. And if I was going to be, if I would be okay, remaining friends with you. And at this
point in my life, I really need, uh, and in this like political climate, I really want to surround
myself with women who are going to empower me and bring me up. And that's the same thing that I want
to do for the other women in my life. And I really feel disrespected. And, um, I, I, I'm just gonna,
i hope i wish you well and i really hope that you can take this as an opportunity to really look at
how you treat the other women in your life and um what you can how you can move forward in that
because it's just it's yeah it's such a and also the thing is like what it's not it's not even
about your boyfriend it's about you that's the whole thing she's doing this like to to to be an
asshole to you otherwise it would have been any other guy and that's a much deeper issue like yeah
i was gonna say do you think that this was like like in the back of the friend's mind that there
was like a little bit of something saying like we're gonna make sure it's her boyfriend though
well oh well that's that's a 100 yeah i mean i i'm thinking that too but i'm just curious like
do you even think like in the back of her head that she was like and then i'm gonna take him
or like what i don't think it has anything to do with him he is solely he's not a person in
the situation i think he's her best friend's boyfriend it's just a pawn in the situation
think about it like your your friends and you meet their your their girlfriends they become
in a box of people who are like your brother and untouchable and they are not sexual objects yeah
it's true and that's just kind of like i think about that with like my my girlfriend's boyfriends
like i'm like you are you are literally you have no penis like you are not a sexual object and i
will i can't ever see you like that and so then that becomes it becomes a power move with the
girl it has nothing to do with the boyfriend i'm also so fucking glad you guys aren't dating anymore
i'm so glad that this is why you and your boy did this is why they broke up she said that he was
just a shit but it makes me so happy that this is not this what you're not you didn't condone
his behavior i think because i'm sure he probably did some you said he did some other shit i mean
hold your friend to the same standards that you held him because obviously he wasn't good enough
to keep around i don't think she is either yeah i love it i love this so much i want to be on the
show every goddamn week oh my god do it next question hit me with it i'm 21 years old and
i've been in a relationship with a guy for about three years and i know one of his like biggest
fan to see is his anal and we've done like some book stuff like he's like trying to finger my
butthole I've never been a fan of that and then about a year ago we tried like full-on anal and
we used lube and he got some thrusts in but I was just I'm not a fan I think it's uncomfortable
kind of painful but I know like he still probably thinks about it all the time I'm sure when it
jacks off he looks up anal videos but I'm just wondering it's like am I weird for not enjoying
it um is there a way to enjoy it more should I like try doing it again with him like I know he's
okay that I don't want to but I just feel bad because I know that's his fantasy I mean I'm like
so anti butt stuff I'm like so like literally my asshole is clenching this entire question like oh
I like I can't I mean also as the amount of the I bet you I hope you know this too I'm like you're
getting all these relevations I always say it wrong revelations revelations I keep talking
about ballet um but I'm like the amount of times that like every girl has been like oh yep no wrong
hole nope wrong hole nope you're drunk wrong hole like it is not you are so not weird at all or not
yeah you don't have to like it ever no I was gonna you this is not like a standard you've got to have
that whole fuck to that no I mean even my my gay guy friends are like literally it's it's the whole
they get actually angry when straight people have butt sex like no you have a perfectly
functioning fucking vagina do not do this and like literally you're like don't even know but
i mean the whole if if you're into it this is what i would also say about sexual fantasies as
much as you're thinking that this is one of his huge fantasies if you're not into it that's not
a fucking fantasy like if you're not enjoying yourself that completely ruins it and that's not
he's he's not going to yeah i mean those you have to share those things i understand like
whatever fucking rachel dressing up as princess leia that's a totally like not harmful going to
hurt your ass kind of thing well look here's the thing with anal sex okay there oh my butthole's
clenching look the thing with anal sex though is i mean in all seriousness is like you the body you
have two sphincters okay you got one sphincter on the outside that you can control and then the
other sphincter on the inside that just kind of does its its job and so look it's not like this
is a a perfect look if if you're not into it the body's not into it you know what i'm saying it's
not gonna work also ordeal yes it's a very it's a stupidly slow dumb process
i have a fun story so it has it's not me per se okay it's totally you it's not i'm serious i know
so i just wish it was i was at like a house party or something and there was a guy who was in the
back with a girl and um he he got stuck no i and that's how like he just it just got like
he said it's too dry it said he said he said that shut up he said it closed up and basically had a
clamped down my god but i'm just like that it's like she had anal dentata instead of vagina
dentata but like from that moment i was just like oh yeah so if you're not into it like you're not
into it yeah yeah but i just remember being like that's like you can't you can't you can't force
you can't force that yeah oh ah going from finger to dick unless your boyfriend's a very tiny right
that's a lot dick or a large you gotta loosen it up a little bit i mean to be fair now that i said
the story out loud this guy might have just been saying that to make his dick sound huge
but look what i'm saying though is that that's what propelled me to then go into research about
the sphincters and how it all works because i was genuinely like well what and that's that kind of
made me then also go like well there was a perfectly working vagina right there i don't know
what uh happened yeah but if he's into watching like butt stuff porn you're gonna fucking ruin it
if you guys have terrible like it's gonna completely that's just not gonna be a thing
anymore and i also think with fantasy wise it's like okay like every every guy i've been with
it's either that, or it's like multiple girls and like having a threesomes, anything like that.
Whereas for me, I'm like not into that at all. That's not, not my, not my thing at all. Really?
You just look at a girl who like, looks like you really definitely want to be in a threesome. Like
I, that's just not, that's not something that I'm interested in at all. But it's also one of
those things that then, because I'm not interested, like think about it in this way. Um, let's just
say like guys who have a fantasy about two girls it's only hot because you're picturing these two
girls making i'm sorry making out with each other but if they're not into it your fantasy it's not
gonna what you're picturing is not happening it's not real no this whole idea that you have of these
fantasies is because they're these perfect scenarios and they're super sexy but if there's
like one thing that's not fitting into all of this which is a dick and a butt no i mean just like
it's like if if it's not sexy and it's not everyone's not super into it like he's fantasizing
it's not it'd be like okay i'd rather have no threesome than one where i feel like i've forced
this and no one's enjoying themselves so i can't enjoy myself it's the same thing and if he's also
not bringing it up i don't think you need to feel i think also girls a lot of time feel very guilty
about that i'm like am i depriving you is like every other girl you've dated totally wanted to
do this and like we'll do this and am i like closing off this part of your life but we've
had people who've called in about sexual fantasies before and it's either if someone can't if someone
is not interested in participating in your fantasy either it's a deal breaker or it's not
and for him it doesn't sound like it's a deal breaker wow you guys might find something way
more fun that you both enjoy you got a fucking sex swing equally yeah you never know you never
know never titty fuck him seriously i don't want to fucking talk about titty fucking wait why can't
we talk about titty fucking oh my god what's wrong with titty fucking what is titty fucking
what do you mean what is i didn't mean to open up that titty fucking open up that titty fuck
by the way can we just say can we is there like another phrase instead of titty fucking it's the
great for it's a wonderful phrase i feel like i feel titty fat i just feel like the word titty
is so it's just so weird i feel strange when i say it i feel like titty does my shit i say
titties more than shit i feel like when i say titties i'm i'm like i'm calling for a small
animal here titties titties titties come here titties you do when you say it you do make it
sound somewhat like a character in like like oh you're talking about titties yeah like i don't
know i'm just yeah i don't know i don't know yikes okay guys now we're gonna go on to producer's
corner and producer's corner is um in this in this this time usually it's when jack picks his
favorite or most memorable call but instead we have someone who's calling back from a response
to aceland's uh-huh um they're actually not calling back this is someone that yes yeah yeah
someone's response to the advice that we had given on the call one of the calls we had with aceland
I wanted to send in a response to your first caller from the episode with Aislinn.
So I work for a nonprofit that provides emergency shelter and counseling and education about domestic violence.
And the first caller, I just was listening to it, and there were so many red flags that the relationship that the caller was describing is an abusive one, especially, you know, how controlling her boyfriend is over her and getting mad about her not being at his house on time and making her, you know, quit the appointment with her friend.
Like, all of that kind of stuff is just such a red flag, and I thought that the advice that you guys gave was great, but I do want to just stress that this is something that can turn dangerous really, really quickly, and it's really the most important thing for the friend to do is to provide support for her friend because one of the hallmarks of abusive relationships is the abuser making the victim feel isolated and, like, they don't have anyone to turn to.
So, the friend being there for that person can make such a big difference when they finally decide that it is time to leave the abusive relationship.
If you want some more info, I would suggest going to the One Love Foundation.
They're specifically catered to people in their 20s.
There's also the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence.
and the National Domestic Violence Hotline number is 1-800-799-7233.
So I just, I was listening to it and I was just like, red flag, red flag, red flag.
So I thought I would call in and hopefully give some of my expertise.
I don't know if you could call it that.
I've only been in this job for like five months.
You have the sweetest listeners.
I know.
Aren't they so nice?
your listeners are now in the conversation and helping that's fantastic it's very nice i like it
i like when they can give uh that like there was a couple of ones where i've like i've missed
something that was quite obvious and they're like but maybe this was it and i was like oh
that's fantastic honestly she answered everything yeah that was that is amazing information and
please do not forget all of that like that is very serious i think because if you feel like
you're in a situation that is isolating yourself and getting smaller and closed in and something
just doesn't feel right then yeah contact reach out figure it out ask questions yeah I think
that's awesome because I think a lot of the people who are calling in in on the podcast it's a lot of
people who are seeing this like that call was a girl who was seeing her friend in this relationship
and it's so hard when you feel like you can see everything very black and white and sometimes you
wonder like I mean I've like disliked friends boyfriends before but sometimes you're like is
this me or is this sometimes the fly on the wall though is the perfect way to see like hey just to
you know exactly how he's talking to you yeah is not okay no and i think it's not now knowing that
those i mean from from a professional that a lot of those things that you were describing if you're
listening again caller um a lot of things you're describing about your friend and her boyfriend um
the woman who just called in it was smart in the sense of like making sure you have all this
contact information and even if you're being pushed out from this friendship really i guess
not letting that go and making sure that you stay a steady part of this person's life even
And even if your friend's boyfriend is really trying to push you out and isolate her, making sure that you even if you're not able to be around all the time, that your friend knows that you're always around and that you're able to watch and kind of monitor and see if there's any point that you should be intervening.
and yeah definitely i mean that is it's so situation i've had friends who have been in
situations like this and it's always just so difficult to find that perfect right kind of
moment to be like hey i i think something's wrong and you don't know it oh i've said it and lost
friends from that yeah it's like i i've done all that i can do and if you ever want to come back
to me again i know that you hate me right now but i promise i don't hate you and whatever
like i hope i'm so fucking hope i'm wrong but this is just i have to say something it's it's so easy
to be oblivious of what's right in front of you when the words l-o-v-e are right there you know
what i mean like when you when you yes and i mean and that's the thing that i remember just seeing
a lot of is i'm just so in love and it's like i understand that but like it doesn't trump
everything i mean there is a certain level of things where you just have to like it's it's
yourself care about yourself it's it's about you at the end of the day and you wouldn't treat
someone like that like so i i just it's it's such a delicate little place and it's sometimes it's
so difficult to like focus in on when it's happening directly to you which i've always
thought it's very fascinating to me oh you get i've dated terrible guys where i can now it takes
years to look back on things you're like wow this was so fucked up but you were you've managed to
make me feel i like god like managed to make me feel like this was this super romantic gesture
yeah and i can now look back and go wow that is so fucked up but not only was i not one only was
i like oh no this is like i'm gonna ignore this i saw in positive light that's the issue that
happens if you're dating someone who's abusive we got those rose colored glasses it becomes like
when as a friend you're seeing oh he's not letting you have any other friends but you're like wow he
wants to spend all his time with me he loves me so much and that's like that's such a red flag
that's so weird and it's so oh it makes my skin crawl in a relationship you should always still
be an individual you know what i mean you can work as a unit together but that doesn't love
blissfully coexisting yes exactly but that does not mean that you control each other in any sense
of the way like there's just you if that's something that needs to happen then it's not
a relationship anymore it's like honestly it's like a weird obligation it's like a roommate mom
that's it nobody fucking wants that okay guys that is it um mitchell you're great at this
thank you i honestly i never give advice i don't know if i did a good job or not you did great did
i okay good good good yeah no please have me back i love it it's so fun yeah and i love talking about
sexy stuff sorry i talked right over you you said sexy stuff so i do love talking about sexy stuff
though i think it's fun and i also feel like uh it's it's needed there's not there's too many
people that are afraid to talk about this shit and the thing is is that if i was a kid i would
have loved to listen to things like this yeah because i didn't know what the fuck was going on
i really didn't and i mean i mean just as like a little fun like a little taste like i had a girl
once tell me like no one will ever like you because you have such bad ocd and i stayed with
her for years oh god so just like there's so many things that you think are just so normal and then
you're like no yeah no man no we're the amount of i think like broadening perspectives with this is
great just hearing like the the calls where even we said like you hear this and you're like wow i
didn't even know people still think like this anymore yeah exactly and if you guys want to
go find mitchell you can find him at um you can google me uh and you can find all my stuff but
honestly i just want to promote uh popcorn.show that's my podcast since you're already in the
podcast realm listening to this why don't you just go head on over there listen to a music or excuse
me a movie review and so i guess i can't do holes for my episode we cannot do holes i will keep
another you know let's let's watch a sexy movie i feel like we should watch something we watch porn
that's popcorn at dark popcorn at night no yeah we should we should just watch like um well okay
here what what was like an early movie that that you were like oh i have a crush on that person
um think about it and that's i used to have a crush on al gore okay that's not what i meant
okay let's wrap this up okay cool so now we're getting into the daddy episode
okay guys um well yeah uh i hope you enjoyed this episode and if you want to call and get
some advice you can leave a voicemail at 310-694-0976 and if you're international again
you can just record a voice memo on your phone email it to meganpodcast at gmail.com and we would
love to get reviews on the apple podcast app yeah i hope you guys i hope you guys enjoyed this
episode and uh we will see you in two weeks it's a fortnight it's a fortnight it's two weeks of
fortnight oh wow you're not on my podcast yes two weeks is a fortnight yeah fortnight i should
have learned this from paul revere but i did not popcorn oh i get it now
don't blame me is a production by me produced and directed by jack fairy associate producer
melissa de monts edited by melissa de monts post-production sound by chris henry and music
by giacomo picasso and ryan hunter i will see you guys in two weeks and don't blame me if your
life bursts into flames before then.
