Don't Blame Me! - S1E22: Relationship Advice with My Boyfriend!

Episode Date: February 2, 2018

Valentine’s Day is coming! So this week my boyfriend Mats is here! We’re sharing our relationship advice on how to spice up a long distance relationship and how to deal with your boyfriend’s mom being obsessed with his ex. We also had a return caller share how she handled her boyfriend’s “Me Too” situation.Call - [phone][ international listeners can email me at [e-mail] ]...with your question and as much detail as possible. And I will do my best to offer my words of wisdom. If you’re under 18, please get your parent’s permission. Advice is for entertainment purposes only. Don’t blame me if it ruins your life. lol, jk, my advice is always the best.- Want ads and offer codes for stuff you actually want? Fill out our survey here: http://survey.podtrac.com/start-survey.aspx?pubid=v6T0Gb92Mfe_&ver=short- Since you guys DEMANDED it, I will now post full videos, with me and my guests ON-CAMERA, of this show on my YouTube Channel. Check them out now! Oh, and subscribe.http://youtube.com/meghanrosetteThanks to Audible for supporting our podcast. Get a free audiobook with a free 30 day trial at audible.com/blame or text blame to 500-500.Also thanks to RXBAR for supporting Don't Blame Me. Get 25% off your first order at RXbar.com/blame promo code blame.Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/join/dontblameme See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

On today's episode of Don't Blame Me, we have my boyfriend, Motz, a.k.a. Mark Ruffalo, and we're talking about how to spice up a long-distance relationship. Thanks to Audible for supporting Don't Blame Me. For a free audiobook with a 30-day free trial, go to audible.com slash blame or text blame to 500-500. Thanks to RxBAR for supporting Don't Blame Me. RxBAR is a whole food protein bar with no BS. Get 25% off your first order at rxbar.com slash blame and use the promo code blame. That's rxbar.com slash blame promo code blame. Hello, everybody, and welcome back to a brand new episode of Don't Blame Me.

my guest today is someone special oh yeah oh my god special like you know oh my god like pity special or special like i'm actually special pity oh i'm sorry i'm like on edge already um mods my boyfriend is on today what's up guys in honor of um this is our valentine's day themed episode hallmark capitalism day what you're still giving me a present obviously i feel like i don't need to get you a present though right i'm good cool you heard it here first um if you guys want to watch this episode we're filming it for youtube uh and if you guys want to see how uncomfortable he gets and how annoying i get you should check it out um but yeah are you excited to be on the podcast very excited i i feel like our house is one of uh unsolicited advice

whoa fuck you is that not me that that that's a shot at me but you're giving you give unsolicited advice you do i do you do it's like the inner dad um you know i just want the best i want the best for everybody yeah you just also love giving people a piece of your mind well yeah i write a lot of letters you write a lot of a lot of help reviews letters emails like if starbucks like if the drink is a little too hot at starbucks i'm like you know what i'm gonna go home maybe write a letter let them know letter of complaint uh mel's also here hello what's up mel i'm doing good how are you i'm good great i i'm like this is the first time i've we've ever actually other than exchange emails we've like done something cool professional together you're right this is

it kind of cool okay well uh have you listened to any of these podcast episodes recently i listened to last week's uh with who's the guest with claudia okay who's the guest before that um i listened to the one with leo today i did listen to the one before you skipped about 15 uh i listened to the one with jared okay um i listened to the one obviously the ones with acelyn multi-guest nope well i listened to the first one oh no there's another one but it's not so you can't say you listen to it okay so well i guess i will explain what this podcast is about for you guys and vermont who apparently doesn't listen all that regularly this is don't blame me it's an advice podcast you call in you leave voicemails and tell us things that are happening

in your life and we give you advice and um who do you think's better at giving advice i feel like you're really good at giving advice thank you i i mean definitely you're gonna definitely be better than me great unless someone calls in about like something boring like golf or sports or don't have wrong demographic so this isn't going to be like a sports talk radio show like they're not going to call in and be like hey hey megan like first time long time and i want to ask you about the lakers next year i don't give a shit thank you so much i've been grossly misled my b if you guys want to call in and leave your voicemails for an upcoming episode you can call the phone number 310-694-0976 that again is 310-694-0976 international callers email meganpodcast

at gmail.com with an audio message also how annoyed are you at me that i don't know your zip code or your area code on your phone number but i have this one memorized so when you go to the doctor's off like I filled out um something today and they were like we need an emergency contact and I was like boom Megan boom boom boom boom boom boom yeah your actual number off the top of my head um who do you put in as your emergency contact the podcast the podcast I would have to the only number I know memorized within Los Angeles area code everything else would be people from back home I know Aislinn's area code and that's it like I don't know the rest of the number i don't even know your area code should we in the young love yeah okay guys let's get into the calls

hey i'm 21 years old and this is the first valentine's day that my boyfriend and i are not with each other because he recently just moved um we're from miami florida and he moved to orlando florida which is up north and so this is the first valentine's day that we won't be together um it's all very new he just moved uh early january mid-january actually so i just kind of wanted some of your advice on how to kind of spice things up even though we can't like see each other in person like should i like send him something or like you know i've never done like phone sex or anything like that but I would be super open to and I know he would be but I just kind of don't know how to go about this or like just any tips on how to like spice it up I guess

for those long distance couples because it's kind of tough when you're not you know with each other and yeah we've been dating for a few years now um I would first say I've never been in like a long distance relationship um uh yeah i've never been in a long distance relationship so i think my advice uh is kind of like i don't know i mean like i don't think you guys are that far away like can you show up on valentine's day like but if you've got work i get that but i mean i i'd be like send a sexy message are you feeling uncomfortable no okay first of all like i i don't know what like your circumstances are but like if she lives in no no i mean like i don't know if it's like a work thing like you can't get away from for work or if it's like a school thing

like you can't be away because there's like a test company coming up or anything like that just a note to the guy dude is is valentine's day on a weekend is on a saturday or sunday it's during the week yeah i mean dude get down there for the weekend before come on it's like a three-hour drive she's the one who's calling yeah well i'm giving a note to the guy i'm just saying he's not listening well he should okay but she called in no and how do you spice up a long-distance relationship all right but all that said i think password protection i'm saying if you're gonna do it first of all here's the thing i'm gonna be super candid if you're gonna take nudes make sure you look super fucking hot like don't take half-assed nudes

have a friend take them true i've had a friend do that that's so smart have a friend take them make sure they're fucking great so if they and then also like beat like password protect all that fucking shit make sure that if they were to potentially get leaked make sure you looks super fucking good a la justin beavers or you know use like a dropbox account that like automatically deletes after a week just saying we transfer um but no also what i would say too is like get some like if you want to do something like that like get your friend to take like a sexy polaroid pictures of you or like sexy printed out pictures and mail them to him that's good like he doesn't have a digital copy of it um yeah mail that and like that could be fun and like a like

a little like kinky surprise and you could also like send like a couple leading up to valentine's day and they could all be like surprises and that stuff i think that could be a good way too and then i think if you like want to try phone sex or whatever like bring it up i'm sure he's going to be down yeah i think i like what you said about like kind of like the lead up to it i would definitely you know i would i would say like you know build the anticipation a little bit like spend the week before like you know sending floaty messages saying some like floaty texts like really kind of like get into the rhythm of like being away from each other but being connected so yeah so you know like set the tone like send a couple 30 text messages like see how he responds

and kind of like coax him into you know making it making it fun while you're not together yeah and then and then like on the big day you can send the polaroids or yeah send send something a little extra special. Your underwear. She's 21. Overnight that. Overnight and expensive. What?

Ew. Expensive? Like for work? Well, maybe. What's her job? I don't know. What's your imagination? Ew.

Ew. You can also FaceTime. Yeah, you can FaceTime. Just also, here's the thing. If you're going to FaceTime in that situation, do a trial FaceTime with like one of your friends.

Make sure you got your right angles. Make sure you're not like struggling with lighting and like flattering and all that stuff be like hey best friend I'm about to FaceTime you I'm butt ass naked I need you to make sure I look good I would say that maybe buy a

ring light buy a mount for the phone you know yeah hands free hands free do it from your computer that works that too oh yes see Mel is like Mel is like super practical yeah we're being cheeky Mel's like okay here's

what you gotta do let's get down to fucking business get them out and like all and like mel's like do you have a computer yeah you probably did i have way too short of attention span for that adhd cannot do that i gotta say i was in one long distance relationship didn't didn't work out obviously thank god thank god here we are oh we're struggling to high five for all you audio listeners weird like we need to loosen up oh i'm loose as fuck i'm nervous as hell are you it's so funny you're doing great you are doing great should we go on to the next one let's go to the next on to the next call good luck hey megan it's i am 20 years old and i recently met this guy off tinder um i'm only on the app

because i like the attention that i get whenever people like me or super like me whatever and And this guy is super like me. So, wow, yes, bless. He is super attractive. He's 22. So, I mean, like, not really an age difference, just a little bit. And so, like, we met about a month and a half ago, a little bit more, almost two months ago. And we've gone out multiple times since.

And he's really sweet and really funny and always a really good time. Like, we always end up, like, dying of laughter whenever we're together. This is my dilemma. so I don't want to come off like that crazy person who pretty much rushes everything and he is that person who doesn't rush things and so like I like to know at least where I stand with the guy and I asked him the other day I'm like hey look like no I don't want you to think I'm rushing but like you know where do you see this going and he kind of thinking and blow off the question but he did say like oh hey like I don't know I mean like we're still getting familiar

I totally get it but like it's just one of those things where I'm like okay I need to be at least sure that you're not seeing anyone am I a little crazy for thinking that just because I don't know I haven't been in a serious relationship but he's literally like the sweetest and the funniest and like so attractive you guys like we made out all like a whole bunch of times like wow big dig too like yes but like am i crazy for like wanting to at least know where i tie that big dick down i mean i know he's still on tinder and i mean granted i am too but i'm not seeing anyone else other than him and i at least want to know for sure if he's not seeing anyone else either so please give your input kind of buried the lead with that one you know he's like this he's funny

and by the way big dick why don't you lead with that girl um do you think she's crazy um i'm i might not have caught it but like how long did she say a month and a half you're moving way too fast come on yeah six weeks yeah i mean even if you said it was three months i'd still be like hold your horses um you already got the answer out of him i think like you're saying this like he kind of blew off the question he really just answered the question and said like we're still just starting to get to know each other um you're not exclusive i would just say that right off the bat like you want you're saying that you want to make sure he's not sleeping with other girls um he probably is and he has every right to be until you guys decide that you're

monogamous and you're not hooking up with other people um and i think like you don't as great and as cool as you think he is and all that stuff you also remember like you're super cool too and i'm not saying like play hard to get but maybe be a little less available yeah i mean i was super unavailable when we first started oh yeah it was like the most i was like m.i.a definitely worked there's definitely um there was one text i sent i was like hey like do you want to hang out tonight obviously i said more than that but like the gist was do you want to hang out tonight it's all like three days went by and uh the text i got back was like oh my god like i'm so sorry i missed this like i'm super busy maybe hit me up like the end of the week and we can see how many

at next week and i was like wow i can't believe this is working on me but it's totally working hey it worked totally worked i'm also just bad my email can testify i'm just bad if i can that is also true even now six weeks is you're moving way too fast that was yeah i think yeah i i would say that i don't necessarily i wouldn't deem you crazy at all but i would say what you're asking for is too much right now um i think yeah i mean if i think if you really like this guy and you think he's like super cool and awesome um then cool totally continue to date him and maybe you guys will get exclusive but i also don't think the reason i don't think like him not being exclusive with you right now means that he doesn't want a relationship with you I just think

it's so early on exactly like he's saying is that he just wants to you guys are still getting to know each other I wouldn't say that he's like putting you like ruling you out for that you haven't reached that threshold I'd say if you were together for like a like six months to like nine months and he like doesn't want to identify or like determine what you guys are like term wise um then I would worry that's what I would say and I would um I don't know I think yeah yeah he hasn't dumped her no yeah you know and I think like even if he in his mind he does want to be in a relationship with you you kind of have to let him come to that realization himself yeah otherwise he's you're not gonna enjoy the relationship yeah like the minute you're like

if you're like six weeks in you're like all right dude like what's up like I need you to define this And that so early, like, he's going to feel like you're kind of, like, pushing him into a corner. And, like, then any thoughts that he has about wanting to date you might evaporate because he doesn't want to feel pressured. And also, like, go out and get a couple more super likes. Like, boost your ego a little bit. You got a little bit more time. Get some super, like, what does that feel like? Aim the super like.

Aim the super like. Has anyone ever super liked you? I was off the market before super likes came in the book. I think so. Yeah. yeah i don't remember getting super likes and i feel like i really would have gotten super liked to finish around get some super likes i feel like that's like i mean that is like a high you cannot trade i'm sure it is um and yeah and i would also just say one last time i don't think

you need to rehash it with him i think you asked him originally and i think he told you his answer with him saying you guys are just getting to know each other so yeah go out get some drinks with other people get some super likes feel good about yourself and um don't put all your eggs in one basket either just because the first guy you meet who's like nice and cool and funny and has a massive dick there are other guys probably smaller dicks but like they're pretty cool i mean congrats for both of you yeah give me some time big accomplishments okay on to the next call i'm almost 25 and i've been with my fiancee for four and a half years getting married in today of 2018 and I just had a couple questions for my podcast slash internet

sister um so everything is really great with my fiance he's got an awesome personality my second half and my family loves him I love his friends I love his family he's an amazing person And we really don't have disagreements or yelling or screaming or arguments at all. But whenever there's, like, a serious conversation that we have to have, whether it be with the wedding or with our joining bank accounts or whatever, whatever we may be talking about, something serious, I feel like he always has the upper hand. He is seven years older than me, and I feel like sometimes I just say, okay, whatever, because I want to end the disagreement, and I don't know as much of him as I think I do. I just kind of give up at that point because I just feel like he knows more than me, and sometimes I know in my gut that I'm right about a decision, and he just kind of overturns it. He is very, very sweet, and I don't want to let that kind of go without saying,

But I just feel like I don't know where to go with it because every time we have a serious conversation, I just kind of shut down because I can't get my word out about what I think. So I just kind of whatever it. I don't know if you have any advice. I mean, I've gotten courage up, and I've kind of had the upper hand in situations, but he always comes out and wins. And I don't like to say that it's a competition where whoever's on top wins

or whatever but i just feel like i don't know what to do anymore about these serious conversations about our future um if you could just help me out uh that'd be great there's a lot more i wish i knew but what do you wish you knew um i guess like first of all like that's kind of like this is some uh this is a criticism against him because it feels like the it feels like he uses the age difference this is just like an all-knowing yeah just like an implication it feels like he uses the age difference to kind of like dictate how decisions get made because it's like the seven the seven years that he has on her so to speak like automatically nullifies anything that like she would have to say

which isn't you know is shouldn't really be like too much of a consideration yeah um you know i it'd be interesting to hear a little bit more about like what like the specific types of disagreements they are it sounds mostly like kind of like the financial yeah like the like the real kind of like um nitty-gritty of like getting married like bank accounts like putting your putting your name on like a mortgage or stuff like that um she said that like she doesn't like to view it like a competition but the way that she was talking it sounds like they both kind of view it as a competition for me it sounds like he views this as she's not even participating in the competition like he kind of has this he's he's kind of regarding you as like oh you'll

understand when you get older thing i have these years on this um what i would say is like first of all that's so fucking frustrating like she'll never win no and that's the thing it's like you never catch up it's i think it was chris hemsworth who i think it was chris hemsworth who's doing an interview talking about his kids and how his kids are really competitive with each other and then one of his kids he said something he was like um oh he's like you know one day you if you if you work really hard you can be just as big and as strong as your brother and he goes but you know what you'll never be older than your brother and the kid just burst into tears and he was like well that's just how like age works and that kind of a thing so i think if that's kind of what he's

using as the basis of like why he should be why he's always right you're never going to be older than him he's always going to be this much older than you and if that's the tactics that he uses for why everything all his opinions and his arguments need to be the ones that you guys go with. I would, first of all, I would say like, if it gets into like really big stuff, like finances and it's not even necessarily, cause first of all, I have, I have a ton of pride and I don't, I don't like being wrong. I'm rarely wrong, but I understand the feeling of like at a certain point, um, when everything you say or do or whatever that the other person is like, no, that's wrong. This is right. This is right. You kind of start attaching yourself to me. Like I just,

even if you are right, I want what I'm saying to be right for once ever. Um, not that I'm saying you're doing that but i mean if there's something that's like super massive that you genuinely feel like you are in the right on um when it comes to like massive things like finances which affect you just as much as they affect him i think whether it's like getting like a premarital counselor to like have you guys talk that out or just like couples counseling in general just like talk that out and figure out how you fight and figure out like how you can get better at this. And both of you probably have things that you can do to improve that. Um, because I would say also like, yeah, if it's stuff that's like really massive, that it comes down to like

finances and these things that affect you as an individual, not just like your union together and your relationship. Um, I think it's really important to get that stuff ironed out before you guys get married. Yeah. And, and I would say about like the, the premarital counseling stuff, like the way that you're describing the dynamic is you're you've reached a point of frustration or like you feel like you need something to change yeah and it may feel like you've reached like your ultimate frustration point now i would say that like that point of frustration would be magnified by like five times if you're in a marriage so it's i'm i'm sure it's so hard to be to i'd be so fucking annoyed yeah to be like to stand up and be like you know what like this

time like i really need you to hear me i really need you to hear my side of this argument um and i don't want to do this or like i don't agree with this but you have to do it now because it's not gonna get better if you do it like five years from now like on your the fifth anniversary of your marriage it's gonna be a lot harder and a lot more complicated so i you know you said that like you kind of crumble every time it gets to a certain point you know all i can say is like when it gets to that point the next time like you have to like say something now because if you don't uh waiting a couple years after you guys are married it's just going to be that that much more harder because i think it's valid like i think it's totally valid for you to

feel super shitty about this and i also don't think this necessarily makes him a bad person and also if he talks down to you i don't know if he talks down to you in like the worst moments but doesn't in the best moments i don't necessarily think that they kind of cancel each other out i kind of think like you should take that in mind too if he makes you feel that way um and it's not willing to change i don't think you need to accommodate that i think you need to know that that's not okay so that's what i would say yeah on to the next call you're doing a good job babe Thanks. Hey, Megan.

My name's *** and I am 22. So my problem is a little bizarre. I met my boyfriend over a year ago and two weeks after we started hanging out, his brother passed away and things got serious between us very quickly. We ended up moving in together about six months after all of this happened. And after we moved in together, things slowly started to change, and he started falling into this deep depression and wouldn't seek help. And just for context, he is 28 and I am 22, so there is an age difference as well. Anyways, he ended up losing his job a week before Christmas in 2017, and now it is January 22nd, and he still has yet to apply for jobs.

And I'm just kind of wondering, what do I do? I am a little less attracted to him now knowing that he doesn't have much drive, but I also feel for him as somebody who also has dealt with depression in the past. And I know it's not easy to get out of. So how do I be there for somebody, but also look out for myself and get myself out of a situation before it gets worse? I would I you know the first thing I would say and I I don't want to sound uh callous towards what he's going through because that I mean I can't you know I'm really close with my brother and like I know that like if my brother passed away or was gone like it would be one of the worst things I could imagine happening to me so I can only imagine how he feels um and also like the indignity of losing your job a week before Christmas I don't know who that employer is but like yeah fuck them yeah you are oh god but um all that said um I think you really you you can work as hard as you can to help someone and um you know be there for them and

be support for them but at a certain point if it becomes pretty clear that they don't have the interest in helping themselves and it's just like really really bringing you down as well and you have done everything you can that you feel like you can help them you need to start thinking about what you can do to kind of like make your own situation more positive and like I I just you know I'm not saying break up with him I'm not saying like move out I'm not saying any of that yet I'm just I'm saying that you really need to start um saying you know you I I really need you to get help like for us or for our situation because like i'm really concerned it affects you too like it affects your relationship i'd also say i think if this had happened and you guys

had been together for like 10 years i would say it's something different but your relationship was on fast forward hyper speed because all of this happened and grief brings people closer together i don't i mean like when you find out that someone you just started seeing is going through this massive loss and they start confiding in you, those feelings you have for him are going to be like amplified and you guys are going to get way closer, way quicker than you would if it was like a perfect, very happy situation. Um, and so for that reason, I would say like, just like he has to, he has to want to deal with this and he has to want to get, um, get help and like be able to deal with this grief. And there's literally, you, you can't do anything about

that. Like you can be as supportive as you are, but at a certain point, it doesn't even become helpful. He's not receiving any of that. It's just draining you, but you need to prioritize your own mental health as well. And I think a lot of times when people go through situations like this or their partners go, when the people's partners are going through something, we feel this immense guilt because it's like, well, they're going through so much. I should be over accommodating, but at a certain point, if he also has feelings for you, he's not going to want you to sacrifice your own mental wellbeing and your own mental health to just be there for him when he really might just need to deal with this on his own. Um, and yeah, I, I would also say like

losing someone in grief and all that stuff, it's incredibly hard, but, um, he, I think it's probably smart for him to spend this time around his family and people who really, I don't know, like who are all dealing with that together. I think with you right now, like, I think he's just going to be dumping a lot of that stuff on you, which a relationship is about like listening to other people's problems and dealing with that stuff. But you guys have been dating that long. And I think right now it sounds like it's just doing more harm than good to you. But just like you were saying, I don't think you need to necessarily like break up with him, but I think you need not an ultimatum, but being like, I really care about you. I really like you every,

if you love him say that but like everything you're going through i can't imagine it's so incredibly difficult and i'm trying my absolute best to be there for you but this is really taking a toll on my own mental health and i really feel like i'm taking steps backwards and in trying to help you pull pull you out of this so it'd really mean a lot i don't so i don't think i'll be able to continue this relationship unless we're able unless you are able to go to therapy or we're able to go to therapy together to really talk about this and like work through it and the last thing I would say is if you're scared about, um, making ultimatum, try doing things with him that are constructive, that kind of help him get out of this funk. So when you come home from school

or for work, be like, Hey, when I get home tonight, um, we're going to spend an hour and a half updating your resume, or we're going to spend an hour like looking at LinkedIn and we can job hunt together. And that way you can kind of help them start getting active and like trying to pick himself up and it's not as like abrupt or like as final as like this is an ultimatum and if you're doing that and it's still not getting better then you can start kind of thinking about taking like a little bit more drastic actions but trying and doing stuff like that might help kind of bring him up a little bit yeah and i would also maybe reach out to his family and tell them that you're like concerned um and all his friends yeah and and because i mean his parents are obviously going

to the same sort of thing. So making sure that he's not putting on a good face for everybody else and really breaking down around you. But I'm so sorry. That sucks. Okay, guys, we're going to take a quick break and we will be back. Audiobooks are great for helping you be a better you. For our audience, audible is offering a free audio book with a 30-day free trial if you want to listen to it audible has it just go to audible.com slash blame or text blame to 500 500 and browse their unmatched selection of audio content download a free title and start listening it's that easy millions of audible members can access performances by entertainers magazines and amazing narrators

i've been listening to the last black unicorn by tiffany haddish first of all um if you don't know who tiffany haddish is what are you doing she is so incredibly funny and i've become so insanely obsessed with her that when i saw that she's coming out with a book i was like okay cool i'm gonna hold off until i can listen to her read this book and guys um she there's performances within the book and it's an experience that you literally cannot get with just reading it you have to listen to it she's so so so incredibly funny uh it literally makes me laugh out loud as I'm driving in my car, like being sad after I don't book auditions. Yeah. It's like having a friend in your car, which if you have a friend in your car too, you can both listen at the same

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and on to the next call pull yourself together dude hi megan and guest um this is i am 21 years old and i need some advice so i just recently got back from being an au pair which is like an abroad this nanny from Sweden and while I was there I met this guy his name is Lucas and we just fell in love um we have a really strong relationship and we are just kind of certain that we want to be with each other for this portion of our lives and uh he just came back here he came back to the states to meet my family um and they all love him and all my friends love him and I forgot to say that we've been together for like eight months now and right now we've decided that we would like to do the long distance thing and so far I have applied for a visa to go and live with him

in Sweden for uh the next two years so it's going to take about a year to get the visa and so right now we need to be long distance and that's something that Lucas and I are very comfortable with and we realize that's going to be really awful and we're just going to have to make it work and we both we both have complete trust in one another and yeah but really my advice would be like do you know anybody or have you ever been in a situation where you were long distance and maybe it actually did work because really the only the only like things in media that we see for long distance is that you're long distance and people your boyfriend will cheat on you or something like that so I was just kind of hoping that you could give us a little bit of advice

maybe to figure out how to cope with being long distance for so long the people calling in like liked me more than you like me no but thank you you're welcome uh the 2021 and 22 year olds that come to this show vastly vastly more mature than i was at their age no because they're the girls calling in about you the fuck boys you are still a you're still a character in these stories first of all for this girl this girl she's first of all she's living the fucking lizzie a wire movie god au pair sweden good choice this mott thinks he's swedish no i don't think i'm swedish just okay swedish roots it's nice um first of all this is fucking beautiful like this is a hallmark movie i am so happy for you this is like everything i wanted at 16 years old like i'm like

you know i just like want to go abroad and like meet a foreign guy could have been a paulo but Like, and just, like, fall in love. Like, that's fucking amazing. Like, ugh. So many black turtlenecks. So many black, and berets, except you're in Sweden. So there's no berets, I don't know. Yeah, I feel like it's more, like, very nice beanies.

Yeah, tell us about your people. My people. No, I'm good, never mind. Apparently we're cold, we're emotionally remote, which is not good for you, but I hope Lucas maybe bucks the trend. Okay, okay. Okay, so do you know anybody that it's worked out?

Do you know the example I was going to give? yeah well here's the thing i think long distance the only way long distance works out and we've said this before on the podcast if there's an end goal in sight so like having it be a year of you applying to get your visa i think in like an indefinite long distance relationship doesn't fucking work because there there's no there's no time period that you're all working that you're both working towards it's kind of just like you get stale and you get bored and it gets stagnant um our friends well technically my friend like their their friend your friends than by association um leo who's on the podcast leo and maddie maddie and him when they first met she was living

i think she was she was in new york and then moved back to like london really really quickly right after they first like before they were officially dating but they did the long distance between la and london for a good amount of time before she moved out here and um obviously i can't speak on his behalf. Technically I can't because he's my brother and we're related. Um, we're not really related, but pretty much. Um, and it was hard. Like I know it was hard for him, but what they just visited each other all the time. Like they didn't really, they had a rule where they wouldn't go a certain amount of time without seeing each other. And the long distance thing definitely sucked because like of time zones and time changes, all that stuff. But they very much

did like the, Oh, I'm going to stay up extra late to FaceTime you today. And tomorrow you'll stay up extra late to FaceTime me. So it wasn't like one person was giving more than the other. They were both like really going out of the way to make it work because it's not easy. And especially when it's that long of a distance, like there's time zones you have to think about and like sacrifices of being like, I'm not going to sleep that much so we can talk. Um, so I would say like, I think that's a pretty successful international relationship, like long distance relationship that worked out. Um, I would say my advice would be like plan, plan trips. And every time that you're planning a trip, um, make sure it's enough amount of time that you're spending with each

other. I think like just a weekend, it's kind of like, you'll be jet lagged and you won't be able to really experience, like enjoy it. So I'd say like, make sure you're not going more than two months without seeing each other and make sure that you're like spending at least like four to five days with each other each time um and uh and yeah make sure you're like talking and you're staying in communication and all that stuff um i feel like that's i think like i think it's totally doable though it's just a year but also it's pretty fast for you to move to sweden yeah but i think that year is a good time yeah to figure out if that's what you really want um i i don't know anybody in my circle of friends where leo's my friend i just want you to say it here leo's

your friend yes also my friend um i i don't know anybody in my circle where um it's worked and that they were dating together and then they moved apart and they came back together um i did i do have one friend that just got engaged and he actually originally met his girlfriend while we were in college and they met on a study abroad program together. They went to different schools and they stayed in touch from the time that we went abroad when we were 20 and they stayed in touch through the time they kind of came back to living in the same city. They both moved to New York after college and they stayed in touch until they were about 23 or 24 and then they started dating again so that obviously is like a an example of like kind of long distance that had

a happy ending um but yeah just like what mel said it's like a year um and it sounds you know it's it's a process like getting a visa so one of the ways that you can kind of like time it out is when there are certain like milestones in the visa process maybe like that's when you take your trip like you check off a certain you're gonna go so broke though like getting a visa and going to Sweden all the time? Well, we don't know what, uh, we don't know if the caller or Lucas are of means, but obviously split the travel. Like you go once, he comes once, like definitely don't always travel to Sweden and go bankrupt. Um, but yeah, you know, like kind of like map out the year and like have those milestones. So rather than like looking a year in advance, it's like you're

looking two months in advance, three months in advance. And that way you guys can kind of have like you know like a shared experience that like uses and you're still dating like it's not just like you're waiting until you're back in the same city to start dating again um i think like you're able to like still enjoy that kind of stuff and not be pining over it like plan facetime dates like ordered same sort of both order italian food and like set it up and like you're watching a movie together not just like the oh i miss you i wish we were here together or yeah that's like such a good idea like a movie but also like yeah like find a podcast and yeah listen to start routines and habits together now that things that you can share that aren't just like your

shared interest of missing each other um and then i would say when you're planned trips the only other thing i would say is make sure that by the time that you're leaving one trip the next trip is already on the books because i think it can be really hard saying goodbye when you're like when are we going to see each other next but if you're like oh no we're going to see each other in this amount of time. Which is one of the tips and tricks I do to keep my long distance friendship with my best friend Sydney. We talked about that. That's a good suggestion. Also for the next

trip, pack lots of really awesome black turtlenecks to like keep in character. I thought you were going to say something like dirty and I was like No. Pack lots and lots of condoms. Yeah. Pack lots of condoms kids. Don't get pregnant. This is like half the time it's a family podcast and the other half the time you're talking about incest. When has there been a family podcast

ever? Okay guys, on to the next call I'm 20 years old and I've been dating my boyfriend for about a year and a half everything in our relationship is going really well we both make good money he makes me laugh every day and we both just moved out and got a town home together so basically I'm the happiest I've ever been but I have one problem and it has to do with his mom super cliche but it's not that I don't like her or don't enjoy having her around. But just a few weeks ago, she said something to me that has been on my nerves, like to this day. So she told me that she really misses her son's ex-girlfriend. She called me randomly and we talked for about 45 minutes. Then she mentioned

his ex-girlfriend and she told me about the good times they had and how she loved talking to her and could always go to her about a problem and that when the two of them broke up she cried for four months um this isn't the first time she's brought up the ex-girlfriend to me but it's the first time she's told me that she misses her so with all that being said I mean I have absolutely no idea what to do um don't know if I should confront her and be like yo that was disrespectful like i'm the girlfriend now like why aren't you on the same page um or just ignore it and move on so any advice helps wow fuck this woman i'm gonna go hot take get out abort abort what of the relationship yeah get out you're saying give up on the relationship because nothing should get

between a boy and his mom no i just god i mean that is it's fucked up but shouldn't she say something well yes okay so maybe i was a little too uh a little too extreme my first about my first take but uh yeah you should definitely tell him or the mom oh yeah does he know that she's telling yeah i mean i would i would say bring it up to him and i would hope that he would say something because if first of all what what 45 year old woman is going to like some 20 year old and being like hey can i get some advice like come on let me get it together after talking for 45 45 minutes she sounds like a stay-at-home mom no but i mean like she take offense stay-at-home no but she like says she likes she's like send the call like the the woman told her that she

always felt she could go to the ex-girlfriend for advice that's so fucking weird that's true that's so i didn't even think about that so that's so fucking first of all not only is that weird that's so fucking inappropriate yeah and also take in mind how old they are so they've been dating for what a year and a half and they're 21 yeah so they've been dating since she was 19 shut up hold on i'm first of all so jealous what do you do yeah we need a follow-up call what do you do what do you what does your boyfriend what does his mother do um but here's the thing they started dating when they were 19 so that meant that whatever ex-girlfriend he had at like 18 19 and this fucking mom is calling an 18 year old for advice and being like we were so close that's

fucking weird that's so and you cried for four months when your son broke up with his high school fucking girlfriend that's so fucking weird that's that's so now that you're like really drilling can you imagine like a 45 year old woman granted let's say that she's 42 at the time so she's 42 which also by the way is a relatively young mom right yeah for a teenager let's say like 40 okay let's go back let's say she's 45 and she's going to her son is dating her son is 18 and he's dating an 18 year old girl and this 45 year old woman is going to an 18 year old girl for advice what advice like our french manicure is still in like what the fuck are you saying to her that's so vastly inappropriate first of all this these this girlfriend maybe this girlfriend broke up with him

because i can't fucking deal with your goddamn mom that might be true i yeah like what did that like that's so weird my mouth like what advice are you asking your son's teenage girlfriend for what does she know that you don't know or you can't figure out with like your other 40 yeah something friends and i wonder what his relationship with his mom is like like is his mom like has she been a single mom her whole life and is like constantly trying to like date around and be younger than she is and like fit in with a younger crowd is that why she's latching on to a younger girlfriend oh my god babe nasty i don't know she's like let's let's gab let's talk like you didn't scare it into me he's so cute it's like i'm mrs walker she's probably one of those

moms that like has everybody over in her basement and it's like lets them drink because it's safer snacks a condom um i just think like i i would definitely bring it up with him i would gauge the situation i would be really fucking surprised if his previous girlfriend didn't bring it up with him as well unless this girlfriend and her had a very odd relationship which i really don't foresee it's happening um and i also would wonder like what's his relationship like with his ex-girlfriend like does he talk about it with the same kind of like is it like a taboo subject you guys don't talk about like was this a really big heartbreak for not only him but the whole family like I know my friends when they've broken up with their boyfriends like some of us we glorify their

relationships and it's like god I really miss this person my friend used to date my friend misses them way fucking less because they were really in the relationship and we just did the outside of it so I would say like if he is just as torn up about this breakup that as his mom is i would just be like get the fuck out of that way because no matter what you're never gonna live up to this 18 year old girl who apparently was like super into like going to go see kate hudson movies apparently it was like wise so fucking weird to me yeah i genuinely can't wrap my head around it yeah what do you what what does that girlfriend's parents think about being like why the fuck are you talking to like so-and-so's mom all the goddamn time i guess i'll i'll amend what i

originally said um i would say talk to him first then talk to her if it doesn't he doesn't respond yeah if he says don't worry about it um i or i'm not really comfortable bringing that up with her then you're then say okay i'm sorry i'm gonna bring it up with her and if he really pushes back on that and makes it a big deal reach out to the ex-girlfriend oh i don't know i'm so curious if you guys break up though honestly if you break up you gotta fucking find this ex-girlfriend and you gotta ask but if he really pushes back

and then I think that's a massive red flag and you gotta start thinking about getting out of that cause also she's that fucking weird it sounds like a mom who breastfed her kid until he was like 17 I just wanna go back

one more time what the fuck do you ask an 18 year old what do you ask i literally being like high lows are those in gauchos love them yeah okay i guess i guess that's like do you like nordstrom's or like macy's better yeah or is it like is she single and being like so like if i like should i do this with my like new boyfriend or whatever whatever it is there's no way it's appropriate there's just no way it's appropriate it's a really it's crossing a massive line of not only like the like this privacy that you have in your relationship with your boyfriend but like also like the age gap and like yeah do you want that for the rest of your fucking life fuck no yeah i don't know i

think i think my i think it took my mom like seven years to ask my brother's fiance and now wife like advice about something and when she asked about it was about like uh what art gallery exactly that's exactly what it was innocent shit innocent shit fuck this weird fucking mom that said we really need follow-up with you so much follow-up please call us i wish you could send me a picture of this mom too because i'm picturing her as amy poehler and mean girls me too that's what's been in my head the whole fucking time i'm picturing that is cool no not nearly as cool i'm picturing a more down market amy poehler and mean girls at like a senior frogs or something like that yeah and like a box blonde yeah with like one of those cowboy hats that like

the the edges of like really rolled up at the sides the woven ones like red and has a little white tassel yeah she probably really likes jimmy buffett loves jimmy buffett we're probably gonna run into her at stagecoach yeah something like that and she does her tongue down like a 20 year old guy's throat yep loves her some prat boys so gross so fucking weird please let us know what happens the advice was probably like do you think do you think there's anything hotter on a guy than a polo shirt and cargo shirts because i don't thanks for laughing at my awesome joke now i laughed too no you did not i chuckled it was just a little more silent okay guys producers corner time this is hey babe do you know what producers corner is i do know what producers tell me what

it is well it used to be jack calling in with like a fake call that was hilarious whoa i have no idea what you're talking about jack never called in never not once you know leo listened to a whole call of jack make and dick had no idea i did good thing you're pretty boy i did one too and you didn't realize it either no but your voice did sound different like you actually attempted yeah like jack never tried to change his voice and they was like well great like girl are you kidding okay or or what else is it uh it's mel chooses a question right or what's the third one Babe. I thought that was the only two options.

No, there's one more option. What's the third option? The coolest option. No offense, Mel. What's the coolest option? A callback. Oh, callback. Of course.

Apparently not of course because you forgot. No, I mean, I'm sorry. Sorry. I'm sorry, listeners. Is it a callback? Yes, it's a callback. So this is from episode 17 when Lily was the guest. Hey, Megan.

I'm calling back. I was the caller on your episode with Lily, um, talking about my boyfriend and the Me Too movement. Uh, unfortunately I just listened to your podcast where you answered, you know, gave me some advice and I really, really appreciated it very much. So, um, even in hindsight, uh, my boyfriend and I did talk about the situation. Um, I gave it some space. I waited around a week and a half before talking before bringing it up again like you and Lily had mentioned and I just basically told him hey I've been thinking about it a lot because the thought of you being hurt just hurts my heart because I love you um but if you'd like me to put it out

of my mind I'm more than happy to and if you ever want to talk about it then we can um and we did And obviously I won't disclose the happenings, but I wanted to reiterate a point that you and Lily did talk about that I think is super important too, that not all wounds in anybody's past are open all the time. like the first half of our relationship basically um it just felt like we were my boyfriend and I would go through my closet and start cleaning out just like all the skeletons just like one after another and he handled it so so sweetly and with such compassion and understanding and I think why it bothered me so much that he didn't tell me was not because he didn't trust me but just because he had done that for me and I just want to be that for him so badly I just feel also indebted to him and I adore him and I love him but yeah I just wanted to bring that point

home he talked about it very calmly very coolly and he had obviously thought about it a lot by himself and that was enough for him but you know he's my person and he wanted to tell his person about it so it definitely brought us closer and even though I heard the advice after the fact I really appreciate it thanks Lily thanks Megan oh my gosh um it was a sad call I remember that call um but i'm so i'm i'm so glad that you feel better about it and that you can have the comfort of knowing that he's this is something that he's dealt with and he's worked with and that um and yeah that it doesn't have a reflection on your relationship it's just yeah it's sucky it's sad it's definitely it's still a sad situation from the first call nothing really changes with that

um but a i'm really glad our advice helped even if you heard it after the fact but i think it's also cool that you pretty much did exactly what we said um which i think i think is awesome um and yeah i think it i think it does give a good message like you were saying that like not all wounds are open and so much of the time when we date people or we have people in our lives we want to i don't know like we always want to help people and all that stuff and we forget that they have had an existence in a life before us and they've been able to like get through life on their own before and like deal with that stuff on their own and I think it's great that you he knows that he has your support too which I think is great because this stuff is so common and so tough

yeah I mean um you know I think it's I can certainly um understand maybe feeling like um I don't know what the right word is like disappointed that he didn't come to you initially or you didn't like divulge divulge it up front but i think like um when when it's something that's like that complicated and like that um just tough for someone you know you really have to like be understanding that they're gonna tell you on their own terms and it happened you guys were able to do that so i think that's great um but yeah so sending you guys both love it's a tough thing yeah it sounds like you uh you guys had like a really like a like a breakthrough so just keep just keep being there you know keep doing you guys

well that's it for today's episode thanks so much for being on it babe you're welcome did you enjoy yourself i did i have a special message for all the moms out there don't ask your teenage son's girlfriend for advice because that's weird things we've learned on today's podcast yeah we've learned two very important lessons that one and au pairs kill it oh dude yeah life want to get a kick-ass hot boyfriend named lucas be an au pair yeah i hope you guys all having a fantastic valentine's day even if you're single i think valentine's day is so fun what are you buying me for valentine's day um some pop rocks oh i fucking hate you raw water raw water yeah it's the it's the new thing fuck charcoal water uh like silicon valley thing if you're drinking water and it's not raw then

you're not elevating yourself bro okay and then the third thing i'm gonna buy you is probably if it's not a puppy I'm done a puppy you make it be a puppy she's been asking for a puppy I want a puppy so fucking bad it's gonna be like best wishes just like a salutations

just a greeting greetings and salutations just a sign off you know well thanks I'm gonna get myself a puppy for Valentine's Day I hope you guys have a great Valentine's Day whether you're single or not it can always be fun because it's pink and there's hearts and you can eat candy

on sale on the 15th big fans if you guys enjoyed this episode we would love if you rated on the podcast app subscribe while you're there if you're not subscribed already and speaking of subscribe if you didn't know that we filmed this entire episode for youtube so if you want to look at me looking like i'm really fucking high i'm not i'm just tired and i got lasik and my eyes get really red late at night um you can check that out and leave a comment yeah leave a leave a nice comment tell him how much he looks like mark ruffalo because we've never heard that one before yep a little late in that game and you look like rosamund pike the only feedback i got on my audition power have a performance i would totally buy that i'm excited guys there's a survey for you

who doesn't love a survey i love survey especially when the survey is about you guys saying what products and things that you like that we'll be able to get ads for so you guys can get coupons and deals so essentially it's you doing the survey and through the survey we'll figure out what things you guys are interested in and therefore what things we will partner with so you guys can get good promo codes so check it out in the description check it out in the description guys that mother out fill that mother out okay guys so hope you enjoyed this and uh let us know if you want moths back on the podcast if he gave some good advice i would love to come back but only if the fans want it okay well you live here so

I feel like it's pretty fucking easy. Okay, guys. I mean, just have Mel reach out to my people. Shut the fuck up. I can't with you. Oh, my God. Okay, guys. So you're people as in nuggets.

No, it's biz at mattsangdahl.com. Shut the fuck up. I'm going to kill you. Okay, guys. Bye. Bye. Bye. don't blame me is a production by me produced and directed by jack fairy associate producer

melissa de monts edited by melissa de monts post-production sound by chris henry and music by giacomo picasso and ryan hunter i will see you guys in two weeks and don't blame me if your life bursts into flames before then We'll see you next time.