Don't Blame Me! - S1E24: Guest: Joslyn Davis - Roommate Having S** Right Next To You!

Episode Date: March 2, 2018

ClevverTV’s Joslyn Davis joined me this week! We’re sharing advice on dealing with your long distance breakup, educating male friends on women’s rights, and how to get back into dating after calling off a wedding a week before the ceremony. We also have an update on the caller whose boyfriend went to jail.Call - [phone][ international listeners can email me at [e-mail] ]...with your question and as much detail as possible. And I will do my best to offer my words of wisdom. If you’re under 18, please get your parent’s permission. Advice is for entertainment purposes only. Don’t blame me if it ruins your life. lol, jk, my advice is always the best.- Want ads and offer codes for stuff you actually want? Fill out our survey here: https://goo.gl/hkGd6m- Since you guys DEMANDED it, I will now post full videos, with me and my guests ON-CAMERA, of this show on my YouTube Channel. Check them out now! Oh, and subscribe.http://youtube.com/meghanrosette- Thanks to Casper for supporting our channel. Save $50 on select mattresses at http://www.casper.com/blame code blame.Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/join/dontblameme See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to another episode of Don't Blame Me. On today's episode we have Jocelyn Davis and we talk about a roommate who's having sex while you are sleeping and coming out to your roommates. It's exciting! Get $50 off. Select mattresses by visiting casper.com slash blame and using promo code BLAME at checkout. Welcome back to another episode of Don't Blame Me. And today we have Jocelyn who's here. Oh, you're a firstie lastie. I'm sorry. Jocelyn Davis. Oh my gosh, a firstie lastie. That's so cute. You definitely are because you're an icon. Well, coming from an icon such as yourself, that means a lot. It's so lovely to be here in your home, on your podcast. I'm so happy to have you here in my home. I feel like we should recreate

sweaty balls. Megan, did you make me any sweaty balls? Sweaty balls? Well, guys, you guys can also be watching this on YouTube. We are still filming the episodes back by

popular demand. You can see Jocelyn looks snatched today. So snatched. So much old makeup. I think I definitely don't have deodorant on. So this is not scratch and sniff. Thank God. thank god i definitely did i put deodorant on or is that yesterday where are we where are we what day is today i mean i got a parking ticket on my own street so that's how glorious sick my day is

going that's neat street cleaning you know just not moving my car lived here for years solid love my life you know whatever it's whatever well um i'm so excited for you to be on here i am so excited to be here in this aesthetically pleasing environment i feel like i'm in a pinterest board when I'm at Megan's house and this show is so good and I have so many questions for you first off your podcast voice okay does it sound like me normally it sounds like you but like the Dr. Megan version oh I could take that also all the answers you give are so good I wouldn't say they're all so good I would I would say they're all um more often than not I I I do spend about 15 minutes before i go to bed with a little bit of regret of being like should i have said this

or should i have not but i'm still holding my breath and waiting for someone to call back and they took your advice you fucked up my fucking life but that's okay that happens sometimes it does but i don't want to know and also i never if that happens you've heard it here we're i just don't want to ever fucking talk let us know let us know don't tell me tell us what you learned from it exactly but this show is so good oh my gosh thank you i learned have you yes i have i feel like i need to start taking my own advice because i think i i hear some of the stuff that i say to people and then i'm like wow damn megan you i feel like my life would be a whole lot more together if i listened to i mean don't we all though that's why i'm like scared to go to a tony robbins summit

because i'm like are you going to a tony robbins i've been like toying with the idea forever but i'm too afraid to walk on fire or hot coals or whatever you have to do as your friend no you're not going together for fun no that's no you can't believe it you can't i fucking hate that i'm sorry you can't you can't you're successful you're a badass and you don't need some like random white dude to tell you that you are i don't also don't have deodorant on so he's not gonna hug you uh this is don't blame me it is my advice podcast you guys call in you leave voicemails and you let us know the things that are happening in your life that you need some advice on and uh then we give you some advice so we're gonna listen to those voicemails and if you guys

want to call in and be featured on the podcast you can use the number 310-694-0976 that was seamless numbers very seamless if you're on the video feed you can look at my face and be like i'm keep trying to find the numbers in my head like harold and the purple crayon like where are they um and if you're an international caller you can email uh meganpodcast at gmail.com with a audio file just record it on your phone and uh send it on over and now we're gonna play those and we're going to give people advice. I'm nervous. I mean, you're smart and like successful. So you're going to be good at this. That is generous. Thank you so much. But you're so good at this. I'm not that good. But let's keep up the appearance. Let's keep up the appearance. I'm crushing it. Manifestation.

Tony Robbins. Okay. On to the first call. Hi, Megan. Okay. This is a really complicated relationship situation. So I'm going to try and go as quickly as possible. Basically, I'm 20 and have been in a long-distance relationship for about two years with a 25-year-old boy who lives in L.A. We're going to school in Seattle, and we've been visiting each other about once a month and love each other very much. It's been going very well until this happened. We have always had the endgame plan of me moving down to L.A. after I graduate.

We both work within the film industry in our separate cities, him in L.A., me in Seattle. He's always said how he can see himself marrying me, being with me long-term, having kids with me, et cetera. Even though we both know we won't be ready for marriage and kids for quite a while. This past year, our relationship got a little more serious as I spent Thanksgiving with his family. He spent Christmas in New York with mine. We both had made sure to tell his parents before, but spending the holidays with each other's families was a step forward. Okay, so here's where it gets a little funky.

Over New Year's, I expressed some stress about the idea of moving down to L.A. next year after I graduate because I've never been far away from home and I'm worried about leaving my film contract in Seattle and starting over in LA, it doesn't mean I don't want the move to happen for us or for my own film career. I was just trying to say that I'm afraid of the unknown as LA is a much more competitive film environment. He said he feels a certain amount of pressure to keep me happy in LA because I would only know him and his family at first. Even though I tried to tell him he's not responsible for my happiness, he didn't seem convinced. Fast forward two weeks and now my boyfriend broke up with me because he doesn't think he wants to be in a committed relationship. Also, we broke up

last year around the same time about something else, but we got back together four months later, so I don't know whether or not to believe this will blow over or if this is permanent. I've been giving him the space for the time being. We plan on talking again in a month, but I don't know whether to hope for him to change his mind based on the fact that he still feels strongly for me or to just forget about him. I don't want to forget about him, but at this point, I don't know what else to do. I don't want a New Year's breakup tradition every year, but I really feel like he just needs time to realize that there's no pressure to get down on one knee and that our relationship is worth it but i know there's nothing i can do to change his mind oh no this

is so sad it really tugs on my heart like in a real way you want to hug people specifically hurt not just like people in general exactly um i mean what i would say off the bat is i mean i think by the end of the call you kind of i think you kind of know what came to your own conclusion right um i mean i'm a firm believer you should never have to convince somebody to be with you and want to stay with you um the same way that i would never i would never want to end up in a relationship in which i feel like the only reason i've stayed in it is because someone else has really wanted me to um and that's what i would say i think like not wanting to be in a committed relationship like that's i don't that's like even if you broke up last year and all that

kind of stuff it sounds like you just need you like balls needs to be back in your court like this is like it feels like you're very much at the will or at the mercy of like whatever his timeline is and like all the shit that he's feeling and being like well i'm not ready for this i'm blah blah kind of thing and and uh ultimately i think in that case if you can if you're not consistently the dumpy but if you're consistently the one who someone else is being like i'm not cool with this or whatever you kind of then mask any sort of negative feelings you have because you're just being like oh i want to be happy so that you're happy because yeah as you're they are ones who are unhappy and so then when they get happy you just don't want to mess that up um and so i think

you can just i think that just ends up you're sacrificing yeah and it's so hard i've never really done a long distance relationship in a real way and i think listen i believe in exceptions to rules like my parents met in high school they're happily married for like decades they like make out in front of us so when people are like that never happens I'm like well it happens sometimes so I do believe there are exceptions like maybe that's you guys who knows but it kind of sounds like and I've seen this in my own life and in friends like sometimes you're just looking for an excuse to like end things so that you can move on maybe that's you or maybe that's your boyfriend maybe just having that like moment of you being like I'm nervous about moving that

doesn't sound like a big enough reason yeah to break up because of course you're going to be nervous about moving that's a huge deal um but what do you want to do like do you want to stay in Seattle because if you do you should I I very much agree with that and I also think when it comes like industry wise you can depending on what you want to do within the industry like yes LA is like the hot spot for it all but like if you've got a successful thing going on in Seattle but you just feel like you have to move to LA because that's just like in the textbook would be the next kind of step. I would say alter that to what you want and what you feel like is going to further your career. Because yeah, starting in LA, that's like, you'll be a tiny fish in a

really big pond. And I think if that's something that you want totally. And I also think the fear of feeling like, I don't know, was it her, her boyfriend said it felt like her boyfriend said he felt like if she moved to LA, he'd have to make her happy, which I think is also a very valid fear in his eyes and I think it's also a little bit telling of maybe oh fuck I hate to say this but like if he's so worried that he will be your only friend there it doesn't really sound like he is as much as he says he ends up marrying he's going to plan on marrying you that to me sounds like I don't want you to move out here for us to eventually break up that's what that it's a lot of stress yeah that he if if he thought that you guys were like end game and you're going

to get married and this was that like i don't think he would have reservations about you moving out to la and then having no other people because if you guys were going to be together like forever obviously you'd make friends but you'd be you'd be living with him like you'd have you know his friends you'd be immersed in this circle that he's already built there but if he's trying to prep that of being like you're not gonna have your own life kind of a thing it's like well why not that i'm saying you you should obviously have your own life in your inner relationship but like if he's it seems like he's just kind of like it's the prequel to being like i don't i think we'll break up yeah fuck well yeah i would say be single um and i think if you want to move to la totally fucking

do it it's a big city you can completely avoid him but um yeah i'd say be single for a while and and um and then go into your next relationship with like deal breakers on your end and not just like making sure that you're accommodating other people's names yes girl that's what i like that Okay. On to the next one. Hello, Megan. My name is **** and I am 19 years old and a freshman in college. And I am currently living like in a dorm situation with a roommate and then two

suitemates that share a bathroom. And I get along really well with all the girls and we're all really good friends. And I think that after like we move out and like the roommate situation ends, we can still be really good friends. and um so there's no problem with that there's a little bit of a problem though is that I'm gay and I don't have a problem with it but I'm scared that they might and I haven't told them yet and um you know we all hang out together and get ready together and you know we're like various states of interest you know together and you'll sit and like cuddle and watch movies

together and stuff, and I have zero romantic or sexual feelings for these girls, but I'm scared if I came out to them that they would think that I'm, like, a creep or, like, prying on them, and obviously that's, like, 100% true, and I have a girlfriend, so I would like to come out to them because, like I said, I feel like this is a really good friendship that we're forming, and it could continue to be a friendship after like this roommate situation and I'm not really sure what to say now I kind of wanted to sit down with him have a conversation yeah I'm not sure what words what language I should use and so I just wanted to see if you have any advice for me on what I could say to tell them come out and assure them that I don't

have any feelings or that I don't creep on them or anything like that I love her me too what a cutie gosh here's the one thing that popped right into my head at the beginning is that if you guys are so close and spending so much time together something that might be comforting for you because I've been on the flip side of this situation before not this exact situation is that maybe they kind of already know but are just like trying to be sensitive to you or don't know if you're out yet or like want to just like be supportive and be a good friend to you I know I've had friends in the past where I'm just like, you know, you just don't know, but like you kind of do. And you just want them to be able to live life on their own terms and be able to share

everything about their lives with you and with the world. But you're just, you know, you can't force anyone into a situation. So I feel like that might be comforting for you just to kind of have in your heart as you go into this situation. Yeah, I was, I, I very much agree with that. And I think more often than not, we've had people call into the podcast who are friends of people who are like i know my friend is gay and i don't know what to do to get them to tell me and so again you're on the flip side of this um i i think a their reaction i think heavily depends on where you guys are and where they were brought up um i mean i had a friend come out um as gay pretty like maybe beginning of high school but like we knew forever and like she never came out to us

but like it was never like a weird kind of thing i think the way i always describe it to like people who um i'm like it's not like i'm attracted to as someone who identifies as straight i'm not attracted to every fucking guy i see like it's so rare for me to find a guy i'm actually actually interested in so for um it's a flip side with like gay guys coming out to other guys thinking like well are you into me man it's like well think about how many girls in the world or how many people that you are like how many of that gender that you're actually interested in how are you really actually attracted to um but i think there's a couple of ways to do it i think if you really are super i think i mean i'm always the one to be like go for it your true friends are

totally going to be there and support you um but a living if you feel like this could actually really jeopardize you your comfort in your living situation then i think you can wait until you guys don't live together anymore um that's a good point because i think you don't want this to affect your living situation and your life. And even if their response, like, even if it's obviously, I'm so glad that, you know, there's literally nothing wrong with being gay and like, you are totally fine with it. It might be potentially really sucky if, if I don't know, like I hope if they're not supportive, they'll come around, but I don't know how great that is for your mental health to like be in the middle of that. Here's one thing I will say that I remember like being

in high school and just seeing like idiots, like making fun of kids who were like different in whatever way. And I remember going to college and just being around people who are smarter in general. I mean, there's still idiots in college. Like, don't get me wrong. I might have dated a few of them, but, um, like just being around people who generally are more open-minded, I mean, depending on where you go to school, just sort of also have that in the back of your mind that these people probably might be different than people you're used to being around. So i hope that you do get to a point to where you can share it with them because they sound like great friends yeah and if you want to play it super fucking casual

um you can literally be like hey guys can we all go out to dinner i really want to introduce you guys to my girlfriend and like you don't have to like have it be this sit down kind of thing um and yeah and like i think that is a great way to do it because it's kind of like first of all you don't we always say you don't really owe anyone anything in this like you don't have to come out to any anyone ever it's like it's your sexual identity like that's all you so I think if you just if you want to introduce them to your girlfriend I say like just do like you say it like that it doesn't have to be um a huge ordeal if that feels like too much pressure but if you want to come out to them and do it like that I think whatever you feel like is going to I don't

know make you like not want to call into a podcast and ask about it like something that's going to make you feel like do it because it's good for you too not because you're worried about their reactions or what other people are going to think. Do what you feel like is best for you at this time in your life. That's what I would do. And I think it's going to end up wonderful. I think so too. You sound cool. You do. Let's hang out. Okay. On to the next one. My issue is I am about to be 23 and last year, 2017, long story short, I was with a guy who I met in middle school and we reconnected after 10 years and long story short got engaged and that wedding was called off less than a week less than a week before the actual day of the wedding which sucked so I'm back into the

I'm back into the dating world and dating is not going well for me my friends can't introduce me to people because they don't have guys to introduce me to I've tried online dating and that's not working for me. Potentials, I feel like I have a right to be a little selfish and a little picky at this point. That may sound bad, but that's how I feel. And as you know, I've talked to maybe one or two guys and gone on one or two dates that ended up being a disaster. I paid for the day. I drove my car all the way to Atlanta, which is about an hour for me. So it's just kind of been a crazy ride for me and I just need advice on what to do as far as how basically how to date without having to go online or you know I just I don't meet people well I'm not I work in a job where

I meet people every day but they're older people they're people in their 40s and 50s and like I said I'm 23 so I'm just struggling and I'm not you know I'm just not doing a good job so any advice you could give me is great first of all I think you should be single for a while I was gonna say the exact same thing you I think at the end of the call you said I'm not doing well I'm struggling first off everyone goes through a lot of dating issues I mean everyone I know for sure has been through their fair share um also I can't imagine calling off a wedding a week before before and you being okay seven months later yeah I feel like your initial response just hang out with yourself and some some gal pals or yeah or non-boyfriend boyfriends

that's what I would say I would say right now um I think you're going to find faults in every person that you date because I don't coming from somebody who like will totally knock myself down I had a I went from like the first guy I ever dated I think I was like 15 16 and I didn't stop dating like bouncing from boyfriend to boyfriend or guy that I was seeing or whatever until I was like 20, like, yeah, like 19 or 20 or something like that. Like I constantly had, and whether it was like something serious or not, I always had, I always had a guy to text. Like I always had someone to like send cute things to. I always had someone like someplace to sleep. Like I always had that. And it wasn't until, um, I was like single for like a good amount of time where I made that

choice that I realized I hadn't even gotten over like heartbreaks from years before. And so I think like I, what I would say is you're going to find faults in every person that you're dating if you're not ready to date. Um, because I also think that like that kind of that shit, like, first of all, I'm so sorry. That fucking sucks. Like calling off a wedding a week before it happens. Like that's, that takes like, that could be a whole premise of a Hallmark movie. Like that takes some time to heal um so I would say I wouldn't I wouldn't jump back into it also again no offense um I think that it's it's fucked up to say I also think it's probably gonna scare some really good guys off because it's it's like if I started seeing someone and um I found out that

they had just gotten out of a really like a really serious relationship even like the week before yeah like a month before you're not ready i'd be like you know what i'm putting up a block here and we might have actually like really worked or gotten along but like you're not ready for this so i need to protect myself so i think the fact that like if you tell somebody that's so true yeah oh my gosh i've had that thought before completely now that i think of it totally shut off someone because you're like no you're which again like it's probably it's prejudging you might be you might not that it's okay but i definitely will admit to have done completely it's like it's i think if like someone has like, I'm like, oh, he has a really complicated like situation with his ex

and they've been on again, off again. I'm like, I don't want to deal with that stuff. Like you are not looking for what I'm looking for right now. So I would say, I think you need to give yourself some time because like, that's that not that I'm saying that you should like live your dating life based on like how other people are perceiving it. But knowing that the people that you're looking to date, if you got out of an engagement seven months before that, like was called off a week before that, if I was dating someone who'd gone through that, I'd be like, you know what? I think you need some time to just heal. Yeah. Because you should, because that, I mean, also if that didn't affect you, how that's amazing. I get so upset over like a parking ticket. I'm like sad

when my Cheez-Its run out. Oh my God. Totally. If I burn food, I'm like, really? I spent all this time. Um, but one thing I will say in my old age that I've realized I'm 74 Megan, everyone knows Thank you. Is that lifestyle is so important. And like I was single for so many years, I would say like I'm single and off the market because there are so many things. I was in a long relationship when I was really young too. And there was just so many things I wanted to do. I wanted to see the world and start my career and do all those crazy things. Is that lifestyle is something that's really important and a cool way to meet people. So I would encourage you to find some new hobbies not your job some new hobbies that you're passionate about whether that's travel or

salsa dancing or working out and maybe through the course of exploring these new things you'll find someone else who enjoys similar activities and maybe that could be something fun you could share as friends or lovers yeah you know I think that's a really good idea I don't know that's that's something that I've realized as I've gotten older like I don't like to hit the club anymore it's really you screen someone who hits the club I used to pop bottles but now I'm like like, Ooh, after seven 30, nothing good's happening. Literally nothing. So it's important to find someone who like, you know, you can kind of share a similar lifestyle with. Yeah. I think that's, I think that's great. And I also think, um, doing something out of your normal routine,

because when you get over getting over a breakup and stuff, if you have like the same friends that you had when you're going through this engagement and all this stuff, you have the same job and things like that. I think starting something like for yourself that just has the end goal of like making you happy and like trying something new. I think not only is it a great way to meet people, I think it's a really great way for you to, I don't know, like learn more about yourself. Like do like a local version of eat, pray, love. Yeah. You know, in your own hometown. I think it's like daunting to be like, oh, I'm going to move to a new city and reinvent myself. But I mean, just like a few new small things that you can explore on your own outside of,

you know, your bubble or whatever. I would say that. Okay. On to the next call. My name is 18, and I am in a big group message with about 30 people of my closest friends, about half are girls, half are boys. And this weekend was the Women's March, and two of my very best friends went to the local rally that we had, which is not actually local. It's like four hours away, but that's besides the point. So we actually just had a very big discussion slash fight slash argument in the large group message about women's rights, and it seems that none of these boys that I'm friends with understand the need for women's rights and the need for equality. They actually, I can quote one of them and say, name a few rights that women don't have that men do have, which absolutely baffled me. So I guess my question is, how do I and the rest of my girlfriends remain friends with these boys and remain in close contact with them when they don't understand the need for respect that they should have for us? and i guess just um how do we either get through to them or how do we look past their

i don't know their their neglect for equality i guess oh my god first things first i think texting conversations can be very challenging especially when like people 30 people that is just making my heartbeat so fast i feel like you guys maybe need to sit down in person a lot can be lost in translation. Um, I know I'm guilty of that. And I think face-to-face contact with another human being might even open their hearts and minds a little bit. That would be my first bit of advice. Yeah. But this is a, this is going to be a journey. Yeah. I think, I think that's a great, I think you and your friends should definitely do exactly that and be like, Hey guys, let's like go to lunch and talk and have a conversation. And I think put it all out on

the table, state the facts and whatever their responses, if it ends up being like, oh, they were being sarcastic on text or if it was like they they really were ignorant and they're willing and able to learn and they're kind of like, holy shit, I had no idea. Oh, my gosh, thank you so much for enlightening me. And they've just been sheltered and they're now able to not only understand the point of view, but like, you know, be a feminist and be a supporter of it. I think if that happens great you've been able to like broaden the horizons of a bunch of these guys that you're friends with if not I do not think you should be friends with them like it's first of all you even said this like how do we deal with like guys our guy friends who don't

respect us like what the fuck that's not friendship it's not and I've said it on the podcast before but it's like you should hold the people your friends to the same standard you hold your relationships like the shit that you wouldn't let slide like would you ever let slide if your boyfriend was like yeah women's rights fuck them like you would never do that but it's like because it's a friend you you kind of give them a little more leeway which i don't think i don't think is fair um and there's also different layers to friendship like are these people your inner circle like your wolf pack 30 but then you need text though then you need to get on the same page if these are like acquaintances that you see walking down the street it's like that's the

world and that's just very unfortunate but i think it's great that you are taking a step and your friends to enlighten these people you are 18 i don't know if you're in high school but some of these people have may have never been exposed to the concept of what feminism is which is just literally like women deserve the same things as men like imagine working at mcdonald's and like your guy friend makes eight dollars and you make seven dollars like that's happening in the world not at McDonald's, shout out, like your fries. But that's just like an example kind of that. I don't, I don't know anyone that would say that's okay. And if they do like it's time to trim the fat. Yeah. That's a bigger issue. I think if someone it's, that's an issue of just being

like, Oh, you know, the situation you've been made aware of it. You hear both sides of the argument and you're still like, don't give a shit. That is like, I don't think that person brings nothing to your life like what fantastic things can they bring to the table that mask the fact that they don't think that you deserve the same rights as them that's kind of how I feel like if they don't bring I don't know I have friends that I like going to Target with I have friends that I like like just hanging out at home with like friends that are fun to travel with like I have friends that fulfill different not necessarily like parts of like my personality but like I like to do different things with with different people yeah but it's like not one of

those people none of those people in my life there's something that I'm like oh well oh shit you know i've got this one friend who i really like but i can't hang out with her at women's marches because you know she hates women like at a certain point like people can be like better for like friends can be like your friends who you hang out with and you go to parties with and all that stuff but your core values yeah like it shouldn't hopefully you share you should share those yeah like human rights like it's so fucking basic this is this is some basic stuff right here but i think you need to start by giving everyone the benefit of the doubt of face-to-face time and if you move on from that and they're like i just believe women shouldn't vote then it's time to move on

they're never getting laid like literally never going to have sex ever with that mentality so yeah i would say i would say fuck that if if if they can't um yeah i don't think you should look past it because i think uh i don't know i think that's part of a problem too is a lot of people accepting really shitty behavior and like intolerance, which I just don't think, I don't think it's worth it at all. And also it's a big fucking group chat. You can like, you won't miss all of them. I wish I could remember what Janelle Monae said at the Grammy. She's like, we come in peace, but we come to like get down to business or something. I don't know what it is. Like you don't have to. And I think people get stressed out. I know I have a fear of confrontation that

I've just had have had to learn how to face throughout my life so don't be scared to have these tough conversations you could honestly change someone's life you could change the world you could change the goddamn world and if you need help with confrontation just like call me up put me on speakerphone I love I fucking love it it's a terrible part of my personality you do I love planned confrontation I don't like being attacked oh my god but like if I know it's coming or if I'm like oh like when I'm right which is always I love that like I love that also because I don't fight or an art well I'm not a yeller but I also don't argue anything unless I 100% know I'm true because there's nothing worse than like being wrong it's the worst I just will not

if I'm not a thousand percent sure of something I'll be like no totally you're right totally you're right totally you're right even if I like am probably right unless I'm positive um but confrontation wise no but picking your battles is important and I think this is a battle you should pay it should because you know it's about your rights girl power and i think the the main thing is like she was saying that guy um said what rights do men have that women don't have so i mean it takes a simple google search print it out and you can print it out google and once you get to the level of being like jennifer lawrence versus chris pratt or whatever that's millions of dollars that somebody else is making just because they have a dick and identify as a

yep 79 cents on the dollar it's crazy it's just inferior i'm sweating it's like we're taxed it's so obnoxious yeah so and we have periods it's like what the f can we get a break yeah gosh like we can bleed for five days yeah i can literally bleed out for seven fucking days and survive and you stub your toe and you're like i'm dead okay guys we're going on to the commercial and we'll be back this episode of don't blame me is brought to you by casper casper is a sleep brand that continues to revolutionize its line of products to create an exceptionally comfortable sleep experience one night at a time casper's mattresses are designed by humans for humans the original

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towards select mattresses by visiting casper.com slash blame and using the promo code BLAME at checkout. Terms and conditions apply. Okay, guys, we're back, and we're going on to the next call. Hi, my name's ******. I'm an 18-year-old, and I'm at university. And so I'm living in a dorm, which means I have a roommate. And my roommate has been so great so far.

I love her. um she's my closest friend at my university and she recently started dating one of the friends that we met here which is perfectly fine no problems with that um I'm also friends with him um so there's no issues there but he sleeps over a lot which is still fine no problems there either but one night I was having trouble sleeping and I woke up and well I mean they were fucking on the bed next to me and like I was just you know kind of disturbed by this um not a pleasant thing to wake up to um and like part of me was like uh did it really happen where they like moving around but then like when I was cleaning the room um there was like a condom

wrapper on the floor so I mean kind of um makes sense and I thought that maybe it would just be one-time thing and i wouldn't have to deal with it but uh i don't know if like it's actually been like entirely having sex again while i'm sleeping right next to them um but there's definitely been like some stuff going on and like it's not so much that i might end up doing that in the room i don't care but it's when i'm sleeping when i'm there and like i'm a very very non-confrontational person so i really don't want i have to like bring this up and be like hey you guys need to stop having sex while I try to sleep because it's nothing in my sleep schedule but at this point I don't know what to do because I mean it's still going on and it's not like I never leave the room I have

classes when they don't and so yeah I don't know what else to do um so calling for some advice and it's also an embarrassing situation for both of us but yeah I'm very non-confrontational and I don't like to create awkward situations and I really like them as a couple and I don't yeah just embarrassing kind of awkward situation going on I would like some advice this is so gnarly I would just like to say out of all the terrible things I did as a roommate shout out to my roommate Dree from college I'm sorry it was the fucking worst I never ever fucking once did that not once this is not cool and also and as someone who was a terrible person even I'm saying that's that's fucking not cool you cannot do this and you and you absolutely i'm so sorry

but if your roommate doesn't know that you know you have to tell her and honestly if she's a decent person she'll be mortified she's gonna be fucking she has to be so embarrassed unless she gets offline that is disgusting i don't know i mean well hey you do you but like that just means it won't end. Then you're screwed. Then you're screwed truly. As she's getting screwed. Exactly.

But here's my thing. One question. Is she drunk? Like, do they think they're being really quiet or is it like, oh, we're tipsy?

Like, that kind of. How big is this dorm room? Definitely super fucking small. My dorm room was like the size of like an animal cage. Yeah.

And where does he live? Can you go to his house? Or can she go to his house? Can she go to his dorm? I feel like boys don't care about that nearly as much as girls do. You need to get like a code system or something in place.

Like the tie on the door or the sock. The sock on the door. What do we used to do? I just was not with freshmen. So I was like, I'm not going to fuck anybody who's in the door. You're going to go to like an outside party location. I'm not having sex in a twin extra long. I feel like you honestly, this is so awkward, but you have to say something to her.

I would say text her, honestly. Yeah, that's a good idea. I would just be like, would literally say, hey, because this is going to, i'm thinking about it from your perspective and also from hers she's going to be super fucking mortified and i would i would literally just text her and say be like hey i've been sitting on this for a while and i'm feeling super awkward about it and i've been like toying with like if i should say something or if not and i would hope that if i was in the situation like you would say something to me too but like um i woke up in the middle of the night you guys were boning and it made me

really uncomfortable you could also be like a little more subtle if you wanted and be like i don't um i'm a pretty light sleeper if you get what i'm saying and there's been some times recently when you and so and so have been sleeping or that you guys have been up and i have been looked like rumbling and i've been able like i there's some stuff because she's gonna fucking pick up on if she's like i'm confused then i would be like i am not as heavy of a sleeper as you think and i've been hearing you guys getting it on and i'm like totally happy you guys are having a safe sex life because i found the condom wrapper so glad you're not getting pregnant congrats like i would really like i'm totally like happy for you guys but i just feel a little

uncomfortable because i live here in this room yeah and be like i'm not upset and like are you guys like obviously this room is just as much yours as mine but i think we should come up with a system exactly when um of like for private time yeah so that she so that you can have private time too in your room exactly so you could do whatever you want she's monopolizing this yes this could be a great system I can't even honestly though I literally I once um whatever I'm not gonna explain this person too much so it like won't be an issue um you can't unhear your friends having sex like you literally like that is something that's scarred with I once was on I was at a party in high school oh it literally sends me like just back it's a party in high school my friends and

I um I forget like why we were like pissy and we're like we're going to bed early but we weren't even really it was my one of my friends who's a girl we're both laying in the bottom um we're laying in the top bunk and we also kind of wanted to grab like a good bed um because this we're this like massive house on the beach and we like want to make sure like we have a good room before everyone else like passes out drunk and we're like have to sleep on the couch we were like whatever and we were like talking and like just like hanging out because the boys that we liked or whatever didn't show up so it was just like whatever girl time we start falling asleep um and we're like we're like pretty much like we're asleep and the door opens and it's obviously been

hours we're like okay cool like the party's like winding down and um two people climb into the bed it's a bunk bed like the the bed below us which again expected that we knew there were gonna be other people sleeping here it's all of our friends and like we both at the same time just wait they just you just you just hear it you hear it start happening the whole fucking bunk bed is rocking and her and i just roll over like you were like involved in it and we realized 30 seconds in we realize we know exactly who it is which is even worse oh my god and both the entire time are just like covering our mouths like screaming internally being like we can't fucking say anything because like it has now been going on for like a long enough time that we're

like hi i'm awake up here there's people up here honestly we kept this secret for like five years and finally told them like later like by the way i guess you know we know what happened then because we were on the top bunk oh my god that's horrifying it I still to this day like I still like every time I see these people I'm like it's so awkward you have to say something if you want to continue being friends because if like if you're like me I'll just be like putting it off putting off and then I'm just like suddenly trying to ignore the person yeah so that I don't have to be around them and then it's like you're not friends anymore but you really like her so just rip the band-aid I say like you had a good point about like being vague I just say like dude I

woke up in the middle of the night you guys were having sex um just want to let you know i'm a light sleeper yeah or she's gonna freak out tape the condom wrapper to like the mini fridge and be like i found this found this would love if you guys didn't have sex while i'm in the room also that's just like so like not polite but honestly what if there are people that like to be watched there's nothing there's no issue with that i think but he does the watcher doesn't yeah that's a consenting thing you can't consent for somebody else to be like i know you don't want to watch us have sex but it turns me on so you fucking have to watch us fuck i'm sure you could easily find someone i'm so sure you're calling the market on that great yeah go on like uh i don't know

go on craigslist yeah miss connection but don't don't don't have her invite the craigslist viewers to your door please and also like if it gets to be that point like you can just like you don't have to ask your ra for you to switch rooms and also she can just go have sex in his room like right yeah or like a car or something yeah get creative you went to high school come on oh my gosh these situations are just bringing back so many dorm memories I'm so glad I don't live in the dorms anymore but it was so fun yeah I think my worst situation that I had that's only somewhat similar to this is I came home wasted obviously and um I uh was like super fucking drunk took my contacts out I didn't realize that my roommate like had the guy that she was dating

over um and like they weren't doing anything they were just watching a movie but like i was i was so drunk you start taking all your clothes off and she's there like and she's like been like like first of all like they have a light on like by her bed it's like it's not pitch black and she's like uh and i turn around and i literally crawled into bed and it wasn't until like i went to like plug my phone and i just see that they're both staring at me from the other bed i'm like oh my gosh completely butt naked but no it never happened again memories gotta tell her gotta fucking tell her or start recording it and then just like text her the voice oh that's illegal oh the best things are aren't they though on to the next call hi megan i uh i'm 25 i live in a

small city i'm a young wife and a young mom i've got two super cute kids and i recently had an experience that i wanted to get your perspective on so i'm home late from work one night and i'm running an errand, a quick errand for my husband on my way home. It's like seven o'clock at night. It should be noted that while I'm 25, I look 20 at best, but I can easily pass for 18. I look very, very young. And I walk into the grocery store, I'm walking up this aisle, minding my own business, when this middle-aged, easily late 30s, early 40s man just starts to talk at me. and seemingly harmless not overly flirty I just kind of ignore him and I'm going about my business when he goes to walk past me says something to the effect of

oh I'm just so shy and then touches me and I am incensed I let him walk away because he continued walking away and I'm not super confrontational but I'm really really upset and really annoyed that a random stranger would think it was okay to talk to me when I wasn't even looking at him or responding to him in any way and I'm just trying to mind my business but mostly to put his hands on me in any fashion because I think that's super inappropriate I'm not a super touchy-feely huggy kind of person but even then touching strangers is not okay to me so my friends and family are not all of them but some of them have

kind of laughed and rolled their eyes at me come on you're being kind of silly and this is a little ridiculous but i don't think it is so what do you think megan am i overreacting and getting a little too upset about this random stranger thinking that he can touch me or and invade my privacy and my space when i'm just trying to run an errand after work or are they right and i should probably we found it down um you're not overreacting fuck this dude this is one of my many pet peeves but especially in the conversation that's happening surrounding women's rights specifically women or at least myself i oftentimes find that i am physically smaller than many men and i have on many occasions felt taken advantage of because of my physical size and it is the most just i feel

like a fire burning inside of me just thinking about this. I had a recent experience with something like this where I actually tried to chase the man down on foot. Yeah, you did unsuccessfully. For me, I'm like at this place, you know, at my age and being a woman and like knowing who I am that I don't necessarily take offense to it personally as much as I do thinking little girls out in the world right now are going to have to deal with this. And that is not OK. So that's why I chased this man down couldn't catch him then got in my car and tried to find him thank god above I did not find him because I was so angry I don't know like what I would have done um but I think you're totally valid no one should touch you man or woman without without consent no

that is so strange and if you felt uncomfortable it's not okay no I mean I'm also not a huggy touchy feely person at all and i feel uncomfortable when people i know will like reach out and like i've worked with guys before who were like we'll just like work like reach out and like go like this and like touch my shoulder or something like that and i feel uncomfortable and i know this person like i know this person's first and last name i know where they grew up like i know those things about him but like i didn't if i didn't ask for that and we don't have that kind of relationship that i've set the precedent for like that's not fucking okay i don't think you're overreacting at all like at all I mean I definitely I was at the grocery store like a couple months

ago and some guy was like giving me some like creepy fucking look as I walked in and I was with one of my friends and um when we were there and like the we're walking through the frozen food aisle and I could tell like he's not fucking shopping he's just sitting there and I'm like I'm like what like looking at something and he like comes up and then it's like I shut the freezer door and he's sitting there's like I just have to tell you like I just like want to make sure that you know that um you're really pretty and I really hope that like somebody in your life can tell you that because you really are and i was like that's i literally turned him i was like that's not your place sir this is extremely inappropriate you're making me very uncomfortable and he's like oh

girl can't take a compliment i was like no i can take a compliment but you are just this is disgusting and like went fully off my friends like oh my god megan megan megan but i think like if it makes you uncomfortable first of all um not to promote someone else's podcast but on a ferris um on her podcast she had um ariel keble keble oh yeah the actress yes and they talked about this was like months ago but they did a whole like me too themed one and they really talked about the shame that women feel when they are in these situations and they don't speak up and about how there's this like embarrassed um this embarrassed giggle that you that a lot of women do when they're in a situation where someone says something really fucking nasty

and disgusting and you don't want to make them feel uncomfortable because you know they made you feel uncomfortable so naturally we always assume like oh well I don't want to make you feel as bad as I do so you uncomfortably giggle and for that it kind of feels like an omission to being like I let this in which is not true it's but it's so I mean I've done that and exactly what you're saying but like literally when it comes down to physical size there are some things that like yeah we you can't always speak up and go back because like ultimately like you need to think about your safety. And if you feel like you can't say anything and you can't come back at this and be like, that made me uncomfortable because you are a small woman walking alone in

a grocery store and you feel like my safety is in jeopardy, I'm not going to say anything that doesn't mean that you've welcomed that behavior at all. It just meant that like, hey, I assessed the situation. I was not comfortable to say anything, but that doesn't mean that what that person did was okay at all um and yeah I mean like I don't really even I guess and I'm at this place now too where especially with the situation I was mentioning like when we first started talking about this where it makes me so angry that in those situations I have no problem walking back to that man and being like you touched me don't ever touch me again and don't touch someone else without them inviting it or asking for it that's not okay and I feel like sometimes when you do

that like it really knocks the wind out of people and that I feel like as women is something that unfortunately we're just gonna need to do until this stops happening because like I remember after I had this incident and it was out in a like normal in my parents neighborhood which is like suburbia this man came up to me and I remember as I was like chasing him fuck yes I passed by so many kids that were playing in this quiet suburban neighborhood and I was like all these little girls just trying to skateboard in their front yard aren't going to be able to because there's going to be a bunch of creeps

or our society is perpetuating that this is okay. So I think for a while, you're just going to have to like get real uncomfortable and get in people's faces. And I think that kind, that fire, like you'll feel that. And I think obviously when it happens, like you have something like this and it happens

and like you're more taken aback. And now like you have enough of this anger that the next time this happens, like you're not overreacting. Like, I mean, there's even like the simple stuff. like um i think like uh parking garage attendance when it's like i think also a lot of older guys feel like they can play the cold be like oh gosh like i'm just i'm like you're such a pretty young girl and you're supposed to feel non-threatened by this like old man kind of thing but i literally

started like the last time that that happened to me it was like an old man being like oh like i'm so happy to see like your pretty face like every single morning and all that stuff i was like please just take my ticket like please don't do any of this and you might and the issue is is like for a while i was like fuck am i being rude and i'm like no fuck i mean to quote my favorite murder fuck politeness like i don't owe this man shit like you old man are telling me that you think i'm pretty and i'm supposed to feel super fucking flattered that this like old dude has like a semi hard-on and i'm like imagine the tables if they were turned if it was like a 65 year old woman like telling a like a i don't know a 22 year old guy like damn you're so sexy they'd be like what

this is the weirdest shit ever but it's just something we're trying to coddle everyone's feelings when no one is coddling ours. No, no. So I think you're going to have to get uncomfortable for a while. And I have to say like, I'm not a confrontational person, but this specific thing, just because like, I feel like wage inequality and a lot of other things I personally feel I do face are things I don't have a problem standing up for myself with. But when it comes to the fact that I just weigh like 30 or 50 or a hundred pounds less than someone that allows them to take advantage of me like i'm sorry no also feel free to call the police anytime you want to and carry mace in your purse if it's allowed in your state and if it's not allowed in your state just do a lot of

billy blank's workout videos is he still relevant i have no idea he's taibo taibo taibo yeah i ran darren's dance groups yeah he was before that but yeah oh really so 90s yeah you were like you're a baby I was a big fan of dance dance group um but yeah I would say yeah fuck so obnoxious kick some ass dude yeah and you're a mom too so that's exciting I feel like you can train our next generation to be good humans you're gonna raise some woke as fuck kids hells yeah I bet they're cute too could you tweet us pictures please oh my gosh okay guys so it's time for producers corner and we have a call back so producers corner guys is where um producers pick either a favorite call, a most memorable call, or in this case, this is a callback from

a previous episode, someone updating us on their situation. And I know what this one is about, but Jocelyn doesn't. I'm so excited. We'll give you a summary. Yeah, this is from episode 16 with Arden Rose. So this was a caller whose boyfriend was going to jail and they started dating after he'd been sentenced and all that stuff. He was going to spend, was it a year, a year, six months and then six months six months in jail six months in like a jail facility that's not jail like rehabilitation yeah and um and her worry and fear was like she didn't have a lot of female friends and um she didn't know how she was going to handle him going to jail and how she was going to be able to support him um and how it was hard on her emotionally but she also knew it was hard on him

and like how how she how to deal with that kind of stuff and like the loss of your best friend and all that stuff um and the advice that arden and i gave it's pretty fucking good i'd have to say it was real i was like how the hell are you gonna do this one i feel like it was pretty good it was good we told her that this him going to jail and she addressed it in her original call was that he needs to she knows that he needs to suffer the consequences for the crimes he committed um uh but what we had said was so much that like him going to jail and him doing all that stuff that needs to be a time about him and he's not going to have a lot of shit to do. And so our whole thing is that we didn't want her pining for him and her not living her life, just kind of

living her life around, around him being in jail and like visiting him and responding to letters and doing all that kind of stuff and just not living your life. Um, and the fact that we've said that the space that they should have would be even more beneficial to him because then he can really i don't know just like not so heavily rely on a relationship when he should be really focusing and like looking a lot doing a lot of like introspective work yes um and we said that also that she shouldn't feel guilty if she decides that she doesn't want to like ultimately deal with it because it's really super fucking hard and that um prison melded a very good uh relevant fuck you know the word i can't say relevant relevant revelation revelation i keep talking

about ballet uh where it was like prison changes you which is true um and so this this this is her callback hey megan it is the girl whose boyfriend went to prison um a little less emotional this time just as crazy though um so yeah it's been about three and a half months and he is gone um he's been gone for about three and a half months so um I don't know yeah I I'm taking your advice currently and it's working well-ish I don't know I feel like it's still kind of early on and so I'm still like really really sad and kind of grieving and I mean um he writes me letters all the time and I just am so busy because I have work a full-time job and I have two dogs and so I'm kind of constantly going and I feel really bad because I feel like he's kind of

wanting me to give him all this attention that I can't give him because I'm not locked up in jail I have a life to live and like I know that sounds like kind of rude maybe but like he's expecting me to like be able to like talk to him all the time because he calls me all the time and then wants me to pay for the phone calls and I'm just kind of in this place where I'm like not over it because I obviously like I love him but like I can't be giving him as much time as I feel like he wants me to um and it's taking kind of a taxing effect on me so I kind of am trying to like live my life myself but I feel like he is like not and I don't know I know I'm asking you for more advice but I don't know how it's like tell him like hey like maybe we should like live our own

lives like I want to be dating him so like I don't know I need your help I would never say I told you so I wouldn't do that but um it does feel nice not doesn't feel nice to have predicted this I'm really honestly super fucking happy that you feel this way um as opposed to just feeling like crippled and like just like numb and sad just crying all day not doing anything the fact that you're able to like three and a half months down the road of this of being like i have my own life i have shit to do and you're and you know that and you really want to focus on that i think that's fucking amazing um the great thing is you can tell him and he can't really do a lot of follow do anything yeah I think you already know the answer by the end of the call similar to when

we had earlier you already know like where this is going I think you just have to continue to follow your instincts because I think love like our relationships when you're an adult and you can like choose if you want to be in a relationship you don't have to so I don't feel like it's something that should complete you it should just like make your life better be like the bonus Jonas sprinkle to your already amazing life sounds like girlfriend you've already like had an open heart and an open mind by dating someone that was going to prison like that's pretty awesome and it sounds like you made some sacrifices there but if he's not willing to sacrifice knowing that you're getting a life and having a life and being happy for you then that could be like a

little problem yeah signal you know I'm I'm I'm in agreement with that I think you need to I think you can like whether you want to say it if you go visit him or call him or write a letter and be like hey um i obviously have feelings for you um but uh the last three and a half months have been really eye-opening for me and i've been able to see that i'm not sure that i really want to like whether like you said you still love him but like i totally understand i'm not sure if i want to actively pursue maintaining a long distance relationship when the distance is me with our dogs and you in jail like i think that's fully fully valid and also like if he has all this like massive faith in your relationship like maybe he'll get out and you guys will want to end and

you guys will get back together but like the idea of staying together all this is going to do is you're just going to resent him more and more and more and he's going to drive you fucking crazy and you're also not you're not going to be able to do be there for him as much as he wants you to be there for him because it's it's never going to be enough because like obviously he's going through a really tough time i think this is kind of like a cold turkey thing of like you need need to cut him loose so he can really experience this um and not and not i don't know like just rely so heavily on you um so i mean i'm personally a fan of i'm not a fan of ghosting or bread crumbing like i would say bread crumbing like i know what you're fucking doing um i would just like honestly say

that to him and be like i'm not saying that like this is considered a breakup like right this minute. But, um, I think we should schedule and have a call, um, like once a month or like once every two weeks kind of thing and set that and then like loop back to where it is. And then also just be, I don't know. I just like be open to the idea of like you meet someone else that you like end up having feelings for, um, that doesn't make you a bad person at all. Um, because you're not doing time. Like, you know, you should be living your life for his consequences. No, not at all. and this is about him too like he should be really like having some time to reflect and think about his own journey and maybe you guys being together is stopping him from doing that

too you know i think it's it's going to hold him back from being able to like not like necessarily achieve his full potential but to like really really fucking like learn the lessons he needs to learn i think i think if he has not that i'm saying you shouldn't support him but i think like that you're both of you right now you're kind of holding each other back a little bit so if you feel like you you're not ready to like be done with all of this i would say just like set some boundaries and set some like strict limits of when you're going to talk and how long it's going to be for um and then from there if you still feel like at that point like you're he's asking too much of you and all that kind of stuff um then i think it's time to like cut those ties and don't

feel bad having fun and living your life and going out on the weekends like don't feel guilty you didn't fucking sell drugs no yeah please continue living your life yeah and also don't do drugs everybody listening and watching what she said don't do them okay that is the end of our episode this was so cool this is probably great i'm just trying to keep up with you i was really nervous i'm like sweating is my armpit sweating i didn't mean it is wait is that the one that one doesn't sweat no this one sweats more you know me so hardly at all just it all comes out of this one It's so fucking funny. It's so true.

Thanks for having me on. Come back anytime. I would love to. Oh my God. I'm here always. This is my house. I'll just walk on over. Please do it.

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