Don't Blame Me! - S1E5: Crazy Ex-Roommates?

Episode Date: June 9, 2017

I’m back and buff (in one arm). On this episode I dish out advice on getting revenge on an old roommate, stopping an underage family friend from hitting on your boyfriend, and coming out to your parents as bi.For an upcoming episode, I want ALL of your SEX questions. I’m talking about the questions you’re embarrassed to ask your friends about… the stuff you Google incognito. Call me at....[phone]...with your question, age, and as much detail as possible. And I will do my best to offer my words of wisdom.If you’re under 18, please get your parent’s permission. Advice is for entertainment purposes only. Don’t blame me if it ruins your life. lol jk my advice is THE BEST.[phone]Call!Thanks to MeUndies for supporting Don’t Blame Me. Get 20% off your first pair by going to MeUndies.com/blame.Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/join/dontblameme See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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So if you go to MeUndies.com slash blame, you're going to get 20% off. There's no offer code with this one. We just have our own fancy URL. One more time, for 20% off your order at MeUndies, go to MeUndies.com slash blame. hello everybody and welcome back to don't blame me this is megan rinks and this is my podcast you've made it to episode five she says with so much confidence in what number this is who is that chuckling on the other microphone it's why it's me jack ferry your producer hello megan oh Hello. I feel like we're getting into this routine now. Everyone's like, okay, Megan, we know Jack's here. Or you just stumbled upon episode five.

Well, yeah. If this is your first time listening to this podcast, maybe give people an idea of what the show is. First, I would say, do you know how to count? One comes before five. But it's okay. Still happier here. This is my podcast. It is an advice podcast featuring all of you. And how does that happen, you might ask? well it happens because we dial it back to 2007 and you leave voicemails telling me things in your life that you need some advice on and things that you would like my personal help with and if you haven't left a voicemail yet you should definitely do that call the number it's 310-694-0976 one more time it's 310-694-0976 so we've collected a bunch of calls from you guys and i'm here to bestow my knowledge of life and things in the 23 years i have done what's this uh british

accent you're doing all of a sudden it was kind of british it's it's like a harry potter british accent where it's like they cast an american who's like i'm just so happy to do divination I don't know. I'm going insane. But what else is new? That's what's new. Oh, I do want to know what's new. What's going on in your life right now?

I know you've been going to a lot of SoulCycle and Pilates. I work out at least seven days a week. Some days I do two days a week. Nope, two times a day. That's a lot of working out. Did I show you? My left arm is more impressive than my right arm. And I recently discovered that your muscles are different sizes on different sides of your body.

Yeah, that's true. I didn't know that. I was like, my left side is so strong. And my friends were like, no, your left muscles are just shaped differently. Also, I thought... Let me see. Okay. I will describe it for the audience.

Okay, what I'm seeing is this massive bulging bicep. First of all, I need a compliment before we get into the description. Great job, Megan. Great job, Megan. You do look very buff. Is that from the arm workouts you do in SoulCycle or is that from the Pilates stuff? Way more from Pilates. Okay.

Well, my body doesn't match continuity from last year, so that's all I care about. All they care about is continuity. They're mad at... Everyone's mad at me. Doesn't time pass in the world of Freakish? Isn't it feasible that your character who is trapped in this toxic wasteland would be, you know, it's feasible that she would lose a little bit of weight? It's been nine days. Yeah, you can lose a lot of weight in nine days.

Yeah, right? Yeah. I think it's mostly just the muscles. Stress, not eating. Yeah, you know. I know. All we eat is a lot of canned peaches. Yeah, exactly.

Beans. That's going to happen. It is. So it works. the pregnant girl at all the chili last season they just have to shoot in order that way by the end of the of the season it looks continuity wise i think we do shoot a little bit in order okay yeah it's mostly just the boob continuity if you literally look at my boobs well that's what i was talking about that's all anyone cares about is the boob continuity it's literally true the first

episode i'm in a sports bar with no cutlets if you look it back at it it's like zoe parker got a boob job in episode two it literally looks like that well i mean desperate times call for desperate measures and if there is a you know a toxic spill you gotta like well shit if that's not a time to get a boob job i don't know when is the silicone protects you if the freaks bite your boob it's not yeah right i love it all right should we get into some calls yes let's get into some calls hopefully some of these are about boobs all right all right let's hit it so i'm 20 years old dating a guy almost his past three years. But

I've noticed lately his little sister's friend, I think she's like 15, 16 and she's kind of like she's really close with his sister so that she's kind of like his little sister also but she's not in the same sense because she keeps like jumping on him laying in his lap when they're in the pool you know how the girlfriend usually like when they play um what's that game monkey in the middle like she's jumping all over him she's in a

bikini also um and she like jumps all over him acting basically like that's her boyfriend but not in the same sense and I don't want to be jealous but I'm also like thinking well this is another girl and why the fuck is she touching my boyfriend and I don't know if I'm insane for thinking that way because she is like a family friend but she's also at the age where if she wants to have sex she can have sex it doesn't matter she's figuring out her sexuality she knows how to like win guys over and I know for a fact that she used to have a crush on my boyfriend's best friend that lives with them and she would like go out of her way to like semi seduce him even though he has a girlfriend so I don't know am I insane and if I'm not what should I do

I've already kind of talked to him about it but he doesn't really understand what I'm talking about so should I talk to her should I talk to his sister to talk to her friend I don't know okay this is less about like a 15 year old 16 year old hitting on your boyfriend and more about your boyfriend letting an underage girl hit on him um yeah this is way less of an issue with her than it is with him because like that's just a childhood crush like that's just something like there's always like your friend's older brother he's cute and whatever but there's there you remember what i'd like to be 15 16 there's an innocence when it comes to that and like there's a mindset and a maturity that you don't have at that age no offense anyone listening to this but

Like, I can I definitely thought I was way more mature at 15, 16. Now at 23, looking back on it, I'm like, no, I'm such a different person. So if your boyfriend's your age at 20 years old and like you can see if it's a flirtatious thing. and I think if he's shutting it there's a way for him to shut it down in a way that makes you comfortable but there's also if he's not really seeing it and you're seeing this I mean it's more like girl on like girl power kind of thing you that's gross it's just honestly gross for your boyfriend to be okay with it and not sense it or see it if it was an innocent kind of crush thing and she was a little bit not to be ageist or whatever but she was a little bit younger And if it wasn't so much physical contact and if she was like 10 and they're wrestling or whatever, it's a little bit different. But if you're sensing a flirty kind of like sexual vibe that she's giving off that he's not automatically shutting down, he should feel really uncomfortable by that also.

Like, I mean, guys are very quick to steer away from underage girls who aren't the guy. If a guy's not if he's like, no, no, no, no, I'm not underage girl. Hell no. Hell no. they're going to completely steer away from it and really go above and beyond to just not partake in that because it's a real there's no really gray area like it's just kind of like a just a thick black line that you can't cross and it's the same reason why i did i mean well i showed jack an instagram picture of a girl and then i told her she was under 18 you're like never mind i'm like no not cute or whatever like that's how it goes like you can't yeah you don't want to you don't

want to at all like you said cross that line so what what should she do again this isn't an issue with her like this is nothing like i don't you need to talk to your boyfriend and i think you need to have like a serious conversation with him and go about it not in like a i'm feeling jealous and insecure because she's all over you kind of thing bring it up in a sense of being like i feel really gross and creepy that there's an underage girl all over you and you're okay with it and i understand that she's like family but she's not and that makes me feel uncomfortable and it makes me concerned about us and whatever's happening with you because that's like it's just dangerous territory like it's super dangerous territory and it's not even about feeling jealous of her

or feeling if it was anybody else but the fact that she's underage should make him like run the opposite direction and the fact that it's not is a little off-putting I won't lie to you that's super gross hi Megan um I am 24 almost 25 years old um I have gone through college I have a degree um I have a really good job that I like so everything is going pretty well for me um except for the fact that um i haven't come out to my parents i am bisexual and my brothers all know i have three brothers and they all know my sister-in-law knows um a lot of my friends know and i get the feeling that maybe my mom knows but i'm really afraid to talk to my parents about it just because they are highly highly conservative and have um on

more than one occasion said that um people who are homosexual or bisexual or whatever it may be um just need help or need to repress those feelings and so there's just a fear that I have um that if i come out to them that they um will treat me differently um i know they love me so they won't reject me but i still feel like there might be some level of rejection so i just need help in navigating that situation oh you can't really guarantee what their reaction is going to be and the same advice i've had with any friend who's coming out or even on this podcast talking about that kind of stuff you're the only person who can assess the situation whether or not it's safe to come out um or if you feel like it's something that's really necessary for you at

this time because there is really no time pressure um i have friends who didn't come out until i i honestly have friends from high school who like never even officially came out and it was just kind of like a slow thing that everyone figured out i think if you really feel like you need to talk to them about it you're you sound really aware of like the risks of what they're going to say and all of that and they're that it might happen like there's really not so much that i could tell you of in a way to avoid it because it's not really avoidable if it's going to happen it's going to happen and it's a really like as sad as it is it's a super common story of a lot of people whose families don't necessarily understand it or really believe it and are

super supportive I think what I would say is if you can find before you come out to them whenever you choose to there's no you don't have to do it as soon as possible you can really take your time it's not lying to them also like I think it's it's more protecting yourself it's your sexuality and your who you what do you identify as and who you're interested in is so much more about you and so much less about your parents and I think as soon as you have a core group of people that you feel really supported that if your parents in the chance that they aren't their response isn't what you want you have people to fall back on and you have like a really good set of friends and people who you can be candid with and open and honest with and that you know aren't judging you

and are still there for you and so it kind of gives you that cushion and then also just knowing that sometimes their reaction might not be ideally what you want, but that also isn't like a permanent feeling about it. Hopefully if they do have a negative reaction, it might take some time and they can grow and kind of become more accepting, or maybe they already know when they are going to be more accepting than you think they might be. But I think if you're having hesitations and you're worried about it, take your time until you're ready. And also maybe talk about it with some of your close friends and really talk to maybe talk to some other people who've recently come out to their parents or in a similar situation and see what they have to say about it

and find people who you can really identify with and relate to i also think that um you have an opportunity with your siblings who seem to know um and maybe they could bring it up in a sort of hypothetical way yeah drop some hints and just or or in a hypothetical way of just being like you know mom and dad how would you react if you found out one of us was non-heteronormative and see how they would react and then how they react you can then challenge them and they can challenge them in a hypothetical way that's a little more safe and then at least you sort of broached the subject you sort of cracked the ice and then when you decide it's time i need to come out now um kind of know what you're getting into you already know what you're getting into and so

are they yeah no it's true it's very true on to the next call my best friend started dating this guy probably eight or nine months ago and he seemed really cool at first and he was really nice to all of us and then suddenly he turned kind of well for lack of better words a dick one of my best friends is gay and he's homophobic and he's been just just slandering my other best friend and I don't know what to do about it because I'm not the kind of person who sort of just sits back and lets somebody bully somebody else especially because of sexual orientation so I'm having a lot of trouble figuring out what to do and my best friend he's constantly texting me about it and he feels really bad and her boyfriend threatened my friend over a Facebook

message and he said he's not the one to mess with and he also has a history of anger issues and I just don't know what to do about the whole thing and my friend won't break up with him it's her first relationship and she thinks that she's in love with him and she doesn't understand what exactly it is that he's doing and I just want to know if there's anything you think I could do to help the situation it really helped me out a lot you sound like me I'm such a fixer and that my new year's resolution is to stop it sounds stupid to stop helping people but like stop trying to prevent people from like things happening in their lives because like you can see it from a third party perspective your friend is just they're not in there yeah I get that I

know we've all seen friends like that and maybe we've all been in those relationships where you're so blind to this I think if you I don't know if you have already I mean you've expressed it but if there's if you can express it one last time to your friend um how uncomfortable it makes you that he's homophobic and you're concerned for uh your other friend's safety and potentially for her safety with him having a history and you understand that it's her first year relationship but you care about her and think she's such a great person and think you think that there's better people out there for her and that this isn't necessarily um something that you can really support and then let her know, like tell her, like, I understand if you are going to stay

together with this person, but for the sake of me and for the sake of our other friends and all that stuff, we can't support that and really be a part of it. Um, I think if you just kind of give her one last, not plea, but just really say, get everything out there one last time on the table and not even really sugarcoating it and telling her that you'll always love her and support her as a friend but right now you really can't support this decision and it's hard for you to sit by as a friend and watch it happen and that you're always there for her but you just you have to look out for your other friend and his safety and that needs to be the priority right now I think I think you're you could kind of just got to walk away from it because you can't fix it but you also

can't tolerate it we're gonna take a quick break and we will uh just be right back for you guys don't go anywhere don't take the headphones off your ears our episode today is sponsored by me undies so thank you so much me undies for supporting the show it means a lot to me and my butt and i'm sure it means a lot to all of you and your butts because they are awesome and giving you guys an offer yes an offer 20 off your order me undies If you go to MeUndies.com slash blame. And if you don't know what MeUndies is, get ready. I'm gonna break it down for you.

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But coming out of that, I'm just super afraid to give myself to somebody again and to fall in love again and make myself roll and roll again. So if you have any advice on that, that'd be great. I understand what you're saying, and I totally get where you're coming from. The thing with heartbreaks and getting dumped or getting broken up with and all that stuff you're i can't even guarantee you until you like when you put yourself out there it's you're gonna benefit from it from it and it's gonna be great like you're probably gonna have your heart broken at least five or six more times before you end up with the person you're

gonna be with but you either go through all of that and find the person you're supposed to be with or you don't go through all of that and you don't find that person there's really no kind of way around it i mean if there was uh the movie industry would be very very boring and no romantic comedies would ever have been made love can super super suck it can really suck um and everything ends until it doesn't and i think that's just kind of the moral of it like i've i'm definitely a huge believer in like taking breaks from dating when you're not ready i don't necessarily think it's like oh i'm not ready to fall in love yet or anything like that but you can i mean you can tell when you're kind of aware of where you're at emotionally and if you can put the time and

energy into a potential relationship and dating, not necessarily jumping ahead to being like, am I ready to fall in love? Am I ready to get my heart broken? I think taking baby steps and thinking about like small goals, like, or do you have the time and energy to potentially put into getting to know new people? Um, and kind of knowing that at the end of it, there's always a chance you're going to get your heart broken, but everyone else has done that. Everyone's been there before. Like the entire world is full of people who've gotten their heart like smashed on all the girls from The Bachelor, they move on and you will too. And if you write off like the rest of your life at 20 years old being like, I can't do it. Not that I'm saying you're being this

dramatic. I'm making you sound like Scarlett O'Hara. But if you're like, I can't do it again. Like I can't do it anymore. It's like, okay, then don't do it anymore. But like when you're 45 and you literally just sit at home all day watching Netflix, is that a better alternative? Like what's better? Like having potentially some really great, exciting people come into your life who teach you lessons and all of that stuff and you can crash and burn, but you still have these like peaks and valleys. So you're actually having some fun or just writing off the rest of your life at 20 years old. That seems like that. No, you have two options and everyone gets over heartbreak. It sucks. It totally sucks. But I promise you, you're going to get your heartbroken worse

after this one, but you're going to get better at getting your heartbroken. And hey, you might break some hearts along the way too but you can't give up don't give up hope we got time for one more call let's say play the call so i am a college student and i had a roommate who ended up moving out very early i actually rented her the room that she lived in for a while and she was probably the worst roommate i've ever seen in my life i was warned that she was kind of weird but like living with but like this is a whole new extreme of just like screaming fights and whatever eventually it came to the point where i told her like one time she complained that another roommate shared her bathroom which she signed up for it was a shared bathroom and she bitched at me and

yelled and whatever until she finally was like i'm just gonna move out she moved all her stuff out i let her do it peacefully because i was just like i'm done dealing with her whatever about a month later she comes in um to the business building where we both go to school like we both are like in a very similar major, I walk out of my test, she kind of smiles at me, and I was like, oh, that's kind of weird, like, all right, and then, um, I walk to my car to find my tire slashed. Wonder who could have done that? So, I'm, I tweeted out something like, oh, I, um, I'm glad, I hope karma gets you whoever, uh, slashed my tire, and she tweets out, look, isn't it great when karma does its job, though? So, naturally, obviously

i know it's her i want to get revenge and i want to see like what you think i should do like revenge wise like who's like what do you think i should do like i won't get cut but still like get back at her for being literally equal oh my god you're indulging the bitch side of my personality right now and it's taking everything in me not to come up with this elaborate revenge scheme i was like the ugly yet conniving bitch in high school oh my god it was like blair waldorf for the, with like a shitty nose. Oh my God. Fuck. I mean, okay. I'm going to give you two options. So like, you know, everyone has like the devil and the angel on their shoulder. I'm going to do that because I can't just give you one because if I chose one, I would pick the devil

one. First of all, let's start with the, um, let's start with the angel. Let's start with the angel. So you could look at the situation and see that she's obviously a really troubled girl. she obviously has lots of problems and she's taking them out on you and you have obviously way more of your life together and way better of a life than she does and that in itself your own happiness is revenge enough and then also in there you could uh potentially have the screenshots and show them to your school i boo real i don't think your school's gonna care that much about paying for your slash tires that really sucks completely um but i think there's a way to like just taking the high road and knowing that she's crazy and then also like

telling everyone that she did it too um secondly oh let's play let's play like like not fully devil not fully devil you could do screenshots of your tweet of her tweet and your slash tire and tweet that out because that sounds like some stuff that would go viral and then people would know Jack's shaking his head. You definitely should not do that.

Can I offer you advice that you should say? I think she should get her car towed. Can we tell you what she should do? Yeah. She should take photos of the tires. Yeah.

She should take screenshots of her tweet and the roommate's tweet and she should file a police report. Oh, that. And. Will police do shit

about Twitter? No. They won't do anything but she started a record and then if something happens again and the next time they go okay well now we've got more evidence because you started a file the first time it won't do anything like they probably won't even talk to the girl but you should start a file and say i have no evidence to prove this but here's what i believe happened here's the evidence i'm they they have to investigate a crime was committed i don't know if it'll lead to anywhere but then if something ever happens

again and then you could tweet just filed a police report to the person who slashed my tires and at the very least you put it out in the universe that uh this if she decides she wants to like battle you you're she'd be taking on you and law enforcement at the same time that's what she should do that's right what she shouldn't do is revenge because what's going to happen then is she's just going to have this like escalating war where then like well now she's slashing her tires and she's going to do something even worse back this is why police exist for things like this i get yeah and like i said nothing's going to happen from that initial police report but the fact that she filed it means she started a record and then if this person really

is crazy and she starts doing more and more things at least she's like well look it was you started the documentation process which is where all this starts and believe me if this girl is crazy enough to keep doing stuff to you sooner or later she's going to screw up and she's going to do something in front of her surveillance camera and then you've got her and then she'll get she'll get surveillance cameras at school though there might be that's the thing you won't know No, until you file that police report, because you could complain to the school. But better than complaining to the school is having the police come to the school and say, show me the surveillance tapes. Yeah, no, that makes sense.

Having the police get involved. I also still like the idea of Ben tweeting, file the police report. The other thing that scares her straight, hopefully. The other thing, too, is just I had a terrible, terrible roommate one semester at school. and um you're best just rid of that person and sooner or later they will have moved on and you will have moved on and it's best to just rid yourself of them it sucks that this happened to you but sometimes you just have to let crappy things go block them on social media and hopefully they just forget about you and decide to turn their crazy on someone else i'm smart yeah my

college roommates who are crazy and mean and terrible. And do you interact with them at all anymore? No, and they seem to lead really boring lives. Great. So there you go. And how much do they occupy your mind at this point? Not so much, but I dropped out of college. Yeah, but that's the

point. Once they left your life, it didn't take them long for them to be gone. So believe me, I've been there. I know what it's like to be feeling the red hot rage and the thirst to enact revenge but trust me when i say it will lead nowhere i feel so bad for you she sounds

like a psycho bitch but jack's right jack's right okay voice of reason if i was your friend in real life her house would get tp'd so fast that was my revenge in college okay guys we have reached the time of the podcast for producer's corner which is where producer and director jack fairy picks a question of the week that he would like it's his own selection yeah i thought it'd be really fun for me to pick my favorite question of the week and uh not to end on a downer um god but i've got like a really serious call that i think is important uh that we play so um i want really want to hear um what you think about this one megan hey how you doing first time caller long time listener i'm just calling about uh my name okay sorry my name is jerry and i'm 15 years old

And I was just curious about how do you know if you masturbate too much? And also, side question, not in any parallel, but also, how do you know if you sprain your penis? Thank you. Goodbye. And, again, love the show. Keep doing what you're doing, girl. Well, I mean, I don't have any personal experience with having a penis attached to my body. So I couldn't give you any advice

On what it's like to sprain your dick Is that a thing? Oh, Mel is nodding her head Apparently that is a thing I've never heard that either I've never sprained a dick I feel insulted God damn

Can one sprain one's dick From excessive masturbation? Oh, I'm thinking you would sprain a dick From those rap videos They talk about the things they do to girls What is it? Spinning on a dick? What is that? Side to side? here's the thing uh neither one of us are doctors so it's impossible for us to know for sure

um you can break your penis but you can you can masturbate too much you can that to answer the first question first of all are you chafing your penis a b uh is it getting away of your it's any sort of addiction getting away of your your normal day-to-day social activities oh yeah that's a good point it is a good make sure you use enough um what lubrication i don't know i've i've never masturbated a penis right do you believe people can masturbate too much and how much is too much yeah i believe people can masturbate too much but i think it's also like if you think you're masturbating too much maybe you're masturbating too much like i think if it's crossing your mind there's not really a specific threshold if it's getting in the way of your day-to-day activities

then yeah but i think it's also as soon as if you start to recognize that you feel like you're doing it too much then that's too much for you but then again jerry's also 15 so yeah you're not having sex if you're not if you're not if you're not masturbating like furiously at age 15 then you're not being 15 properly i think that's true there was a girl in my preschool who used to like masturbate on couches at school and then her mom had to come to school and like watch her oh my yeah oh my yeah um but no yeah you know do your thing like enjoy you're not getting them pregnant so i like how we're treating this obvious joke call so seriously people have questions about masturbation peanuts cool guys thank you so much for listening

to episode five of don't blame me i had so much fun uh giving you guys advice and if you listened to this episode and you were like hey megan these are some great questions and i've learned a lot but i have things that i have in my life that i need your advice on um then you should leave a voicemail and call. The number is 310-694-0976. Again, 310-694-0976. We will be soliciting calls and I'm very excited for it. I'm excited to hear what questions you guys have. Okay, guys, I would love to solicit some calls relating to sex. Whoa, scandalous. I feel like we've been getting a lot of questions about relationships and things like that, which are great but I'd love to be able to get some ones that are a little just a little different and

things that you guys might not feel comfortable asking your friends or your family or talking about like candidly with other people think of it like oh good I have a good way to relate this we want questions that are the kind of sex questions that you would google you what I mean like the things that you're like I'm not talking to my friend about this I'm not talking about anybody about this I'm just going to google this whether it's about sexually exploring things masturbation fetishes all those kinds of things that you feel weird talking to your peers about um i think that's a good thing just to talk about start some conversations and then if you want to talk to your friends about it too they can come listen to the next episode too and then you'll

be like oh we're all gonna talk about sex whoa crazy so yeah leave a voicemail with those kinds of questions i would love that curious about i'm curious about your sex lives no i'm kidding i mean kind of but it sounds creepier than it meant to be but yeah we will see you guys in two weeks uh adios hi guys i want to take this ad break to a self-promo opportunity tell you to please express your love for the show in the form of words and commentary aka we would really love you could leave a review for the don't blame me podcast on the apple podcast app really helps us out with advertisers keeping the show afloat and keeping the show coming out for you guys and for

those of you who've asked for it every week i mean guys we're just trying to get this done every two weeks so the more reviews and the better it's doing the more often we can do it and we can continue to do it so i thought i would encourage this by reading my favorite review for the week which is from diana de monco 8 i have a hard time reading by the way so if i said that super wrong i apologize and her thing her review says i never listened to podcasts but i could listen to this all day every day 365 366 if you count leap year of course it's like hearing advice from an older sis i wish i had or a really close friend would rather listen to this podcast than my brain contemplating on my life choices and my future i love that review also i completely relate life

choices in future are not fun to listen to instead listen to my podcast and then when you do leave a wonderful review like that because it makes me feel good going through my day and uh it also helps this podcast happen and i i really like doing this so i'd really like to continue to do this yeah don't blame me as a production by me produced and directed by jack fairy associate producer melissa de monts edited by melissa de monts post-production sound by chris henry and music by Giacomo Picasso and Ryan Hunter. I will see you guys in two weeks and don't blame me if your life burst into flames before then.