Don't Blame Me! - S2E13: Guest: Brittany Furlan - Boyfriend's Kid Is My Age?!?!

Episode Date: August 3, 2018

The hilarious and insightful Brittany Furlan is here this week! We’re sharing our advice on mean “friends,” awful sex experiences, and suicidal acquaintances. We also had a listener call in with her own dick ripping experience.-National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255-Follow Us On Twitter:@meghanrienks@brittanyfurlan@sheisnotmelissa-Brittany’s Blog: http://brittanyfurlan.tumblr.com/Need Advice?www.dontblameme.showDomestic Listeners Call: [phone]International Listeners Send a Voice Memo To: [e-mail]… with as much detail as possible under 3 minutes! I’ll do my best to share my wonderful words of wisdom. If you’re under 18, please get your parent’s permission. Advice is for entertainment purposes only, so you can’t blame me if I screw up your life. I kid! My advice IS AMAZING.- Want to WATCH this episode as well? Check out my YouTube channel:http://youtube.com/meghanrienksSupport the show: https://www.patreon.com/join/dontblameme See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hello everybody and welcome back to another episode of Don't Blame Me. Today's hilarious guest is Brittany Furlan and we talk about how a friend wanted a vibrator and then that friend then invited the friend's boyfriend to get a vibrator. It's fucking weird. There's like a weird vibrator Walmart situation and we also talk about a caller who's dating a much older gentleman who's estranged from his daughter who's about her age and she's trying to facilitate them having a relationship. You're gonna want to keep listening. hello everybody and welcome back to a new episode of don't blame me aaa today's wonderful and hilarious guest is britney ferlin hello

yay she's the greatest you guys are um really they're they're in for some good advice they're like gonna be like ew why are you hanging out with britney guys first of all if anyone fucking says that like fuck you i've also known you for a long time we've known each other we've been through it we we went through some gnarly stuff we're not gonna say what it was but we went through and it's not don't be weird it wasn't a threesome or anything like that guys that would have been way better that would have been like a that would have been a way better situation than what we went through but anyway yeah moving on yeah no if anyone talks shit i'll come for you thank you yeah no i know you that's what i hate when people get upset about people i'm like no no but you

don't have to say that yeah it's like funny also i'm super judgmental too so it's like you were terrible i wouldn't like oh my god i leave the room she's like what a fucking cunt everybody you wouldn't be sitting here dead I'm pretty much I'm punching myself with a mic I feel special now I made the cut

bitch I haven't booked an audition in ages but I got this I'm good I feel good this is all I have you were just an honor list movie dude come on killing it she's killing it guys come on

you're killing it and I'm killing myself It's great. Same, same, same. Oh my God, please. Okay, guys. So this is an advice podcast where you guys call in, leave voicemails,

and the number that you would call is 310-694-0976. Our international listeners email audiophiles to meganpodcasts at gmail.com and we're going to give them advice. And also here is the lovely Melissa. Hello.

Hey, hey, hey. I like your shirt today. Thank you. I say that today as if we haven't recorded multiple episodes in a while. I'm dead, yeah. this is shirt number three yeah i like your third shirt today yeah this is like this podcast like a lady gaga concert there's several changes quick change quick change i love it megan's gonna come

down from the ceiling at some point yeah exactly exactly out of a swan i love it so good so um should we give some advice yeah i'm ready let's do it i don't know if i have to give the best advice but i'll try they're not allowed to blame us in the title oh yeah don't blame me hey hi megan so i'm 15 i'm live in the u.s and i go to a tiny little high school um where there's only about like 48 students and i'm about to be a sophomore but this was freshman year so now it's summer so i have a break from this but basically so my i had a dude that i was talking to for like three months and then he um got with a girl and completely cut me off like we used to talk like every single day because we both liked each other but like we both didn't really confirm that and

then he got with another girl and then he broke up well she broke up with him so he decided to go back to me and I accepted it because I'm desperate and I was like wow I'm a big girl nobody's gonna love me so like wow he must love me right no okay so we were together for a month right my friend at the beginning my best best friend the beginning she was like no it's not gonna work I don't like him I hate him basically from the beginning she shot down the relationship she was like I'm not gonna be friends with you or I can't like be with you if you're gonna spend all your time with him you're not like she didn't like that he sat at the lunch table with us which wow I know high school it's so stupid but it's my life right now and she was like you didn't even

like I asked like I was just like hey he's gonna sit with us now because like you know he's my boyfriend right and so they didn't like I guess they didn't ask and I should have I did a lot of things that were wrong obviously but she that basically we broke up a month later shocker and she like was just the whole time she was just like you were right or she was like I was right I was right I was right I was right like there's no winning with her so basically every time that I bring up anything about a relationship now or like somebody else or if I'm interested in somebody or I try to give somebody advice on a relationship she always looks at me and she's like oh yeah you're one to talk or something like that like she's so bitter about it and she's always

just like I was right I was right the whole time and I was like great that's great that you were right but you know what that was my feelings and I was like wow I finally found somebody who's gonna like me because I thought nobody would ever like me and it turns out he was just kind of an f-boy so I was turns out he didn't like me anyways so I was like wow you don't think how insecure I am about the fact that we broke up and all this stuff didn't work out much less her constantly telling me how wrong I was and how right she was and she's like my best friend but I don't know what to do because like she's kind of the leader and everybody in my friend group follows her so I feel like if I like confront her for like the third time because I've confronted her so many times

about it but she keeps bringing it up I feel like if I keep confronting her or I completely cut her off I'm gonna lose all my friends and again I go to a tiny school so if I lose her who I'm like I don't know what else I'll be left with so if you could just help me because I really don't know what to do this is it's sad yet also somewhat comforting to know that all these years after I've graduated high school it's exactly the same exactly the same and it has to be worse because now there's social media and you can't get away from it like at least school sucked when you were there and you could go home and be like it's over yeah and your razor phone couldn't do anything nothing yeah couldn't you barely text i was like how do i get to the f three times yeah

exactly snake all day guys we're old okay get over it um but yeah okay first of all this is some mean girl shit this is like mean girls century and i will tell you right now i don't know what your name is but it does not stay like this no it doesn't like it gets so much better after high school and i know you're a sophomore so you what like two more one more year three three more years I don't even know how high school goes I like went to three days of it um so you've three more years which sucks yeah but the thing is is that like honestly just I don't know how to say this I had like one best friend in high school yeah and I would just try to focus on doing stuff outside of school like I would try to make friends I would try to go to

like poetry clubs or writing clubs or painting like I was always very artistic and I would make friends with older people like i had like friends that were like you know 20 and i was like 16 like just friends that like you don't have to rely on school to give you your social aspect and i know there is so much of a social aspect in school but it's not the end of the world it's not and it's just high school i swear to god as soon as you're out of high school it all goes away any of it yeah yeah and you're like whoa the world sucks in high school and it does it's like being forced to work at a job that you hate with a bunch of people you hate yeah in real life yeah that shit doesn't happen if you hate your job and you hate the people that you have control you can leave yeah

you know in high school you're like a prisoner you are stuck there it's the worst i would also say there's something that's so and i remember especially in middle school this was very clear to me is the idea of friend groups yeah which is also a term that i don't know if anyone's used past high school like a friend group yeah no it doesn't happen like even now it's not normal no like i have my friends my boyfriend has friends and we have like mutual friends but like we're not all rolling in one same and first of all the last time i had a friend group like it was the most incestual thing in the entire world like everybody had hooked up with every other person at some point yeah but there's something i i so i had the same best friend from middle school

and we had been best friends in sixth grade and both of us were in the same friend group yeah but as time kind of went on that friend group from middle school that was like so strong and so great it's not like any of us stopped being friends with each other we all just stopped being like a group of five people yeah who were friends we had all these individual friendships and those things have all lasted past that but then there were girls who I was in friend groups with that I never really got to know right and I think that like mob mentality of a leader and people who follow through with that it's so toxic and it doesn't end well ever and i think what you need to do is like i understand the fear of that friend and saying and doing those things but i think what

you should do is not only like hang out with those girls that you're friends with one-on-one without that girl there but hang out with her one-on-one too i think there's that like you can feel that power and feeling like high of being like i am like the ruler of this friend group but she is a rude awakening after high school but until she if she doesn't have those people around her who are like like listening to everything she's saying she's just one other normal person yeah she's not going to feel as comfortable talking down to you if she doesn't have an audience of people who are guaranteed to laugh and be on her side and i think you need to humanize her and she needs to realize that and the same thing with everything else and i think also

it'll make you feel more in control of your friendships with people because when you let it rely on like an all or nothing like either I don't rock the boat with this whole group of people and I'm fine or I do and I lose all of that that's kind of you have far more control than that like you yeah these people are individual people with their own opinions like you don't have to assume that they're just going to agree with everything she says I mean I get the follower mentality because that's what people do in high school and it's gross and the thing that sucks right now is that like as a normal adult if you had this problem with someone, you'd be able to go up to them and be like, hey, listen, I just want to tell you every

time you say that I'm not a good person to give advice or you tell me how how right you were about my boyfriend not being a good guy like that hurts me. Yeah. And it really bums me out because not only am I hurt by what he did to me, I'm hurt that you keep throwing and you're getting pleasure from. Yeah. And like you could say that to a person. But I know if you did that to her, then she would be like, oh, so-and-so is being weird. Like, let's not be friends with her anymore because that's how shitty and catty girls are but what you need to do is like honestly and i know this is going to sound really depressing and i was really depressed in high school but i took myself out of it like i went to school i would be like the class clown or like make people laugh like

a freaking monkey and like come home and then cry into a bowl of cereal like it was literally my whole high school but i spent most of my time by myself with my dog or like making like i said like making other friends or making hobbies and stuff like that. Like I didn't when I was at school, I was like, fuck it, I'll eat lunch by myself or I'll go sit in like the sewing room or something like that. Like I get friends like make you feel vital and important and stuff like that. But they're not people that you're going to probably talk to after high school because they're not great friends. Like they're not people that you're like, I want to stay in touch with this person. Like I talked to one or two people, maybe, maybe from my high school, my best friend and maybe some

random you know but like that doesn't yeah they're not like going to be this big part of your life and i know it's hard to see the bigger picture now especially because you're like literally serving a prison sentence you have two more years left of your sentence i'm sorry three more years just can't do math or like doesn't know what so whatever like you're in third grade you're like dude she's a sophomore okay yeah totally anyway yeah same thing um but no i i get it it's like it's it's gonna suck for a while yeah and then it's gonna be freaking awesome I'll tell you I I got put on antidepressants when I was in high school because I was so depressed and like did a bunch of dumb shit to myself and then when I graduated and went to college and I left for

California right away I left when I was 17 as soon as I got here I was like so happy yeah and I was like I don't even need to be on these antidepressants it was like crazy like I mean I'm still on them because I tried to get off and it was miserable. I got put on a really gnarly one. Anyway, long story. So I got here and I was like, God, if I had just changed my, if I had the power to change my environment then,

I wouldn't have been put on antidepressants. I wouldn't have been depressed. I wouldn't have been doing all these awful things to myself. Like I would have been fine. But the thing that sucks is like she's stuck. And I hate saying that. And I don't want to make her sad by saying that, but literally just tough it out.

Yeah. And take control in where you can. Because I think that's the hardest thing is that there are so many things that are out of your control and how people perceive you is out of your control and all of those things. But how you let people treat you is in your control. And especially at that age, people look for victims and people who feel ashamed and embarrassed and people who really show their feelings when you hurt them. People are looking to hurt other people. And if you show them that that hurts you, you are their target. That is automatically it.

And there's also this very messed up thing of toxic friendships, which is my biggest struggle I had in high school was being in friend groups and having girls who told me they were my friend being so mean, so mean and talking about you behind your back. And then you're thinking like, but no, you're my friend. And in reality, that's just another bully. That's just somebody who's treating you terribly. But they're masking it under the idea of like, no, but they're your friends. So it's OK that they say those things. And also, you're only a sophomore. I mean, I've had the same best friend all through high school.

But like I said, we had different kind of circles that we were with. And I remember freshman, sophomore year, the circle I was with kind of started breaking apart. And she and I were still friends, but she had her other friends. By the time we got to senior year, the people I hung out with were completely different than the people I hung out with freshman year. It's not a sentence forever. And I also think, especially in a small town and a small place, it's so hard. because there are people you've known since childhood who've been friends since childhood

and I'm sure people have grown up in that town, got married there, have kids there and all of these relationships have been like, oh, my best friend and I've been friends for 25 years. There are also friends I've made out in LA who I consider some of my best friends and I've known them for a far, like not as long of a time.

So just don't feel like it's defeat and this is done and it's over. Like you've got these years left of high school and whatever these girls end up doing, which first of all, they're just not your friends. So you need to- Yeah, they just sound not good. And like you were saying about you

spending more time alone in high school that reminds me so much of me in college which it took me so far too fucking long to realize i would rather be alone than surrounded by really shitty friends exactly i'd rather have not one fucking friend than have a bunch of bad friends yeah ones that are terrible because as much as i can be on my own and feeling anxious and depressed i'm going to feel 10 000 times worse if i have like 17 different pressures and people making me feel worse exactly because it's hard it's just like and you know another thing i did i don't know if this will help you at all is i started becoming friends with the kids that nobody wanted to be friends with i started becoming friend i became friends with this girl who was literally like

three feet tall and she dyed her hair purple and she had like she wore like those weird ufo pants like she was a weird like edm raver chick but she was an artist and she was really good and i was like one day i was like i'm gonna go sit next to her and talk to her because people were mean to her they were like oh she dresses weird she acts weird whatever and she was so cool yeah and i became friends with her like she was so nice like because those are the people that need friends like and i know it's like really cool to be popular but it's also cool not to be popular because that popularity means nothing in a couple years so like instead of wanting to be popular maybe like find a new group and i know that it's hard when you're in a small small setting because

you kind of know everybody but my school is pretty small too i mean not as small as yours but like the people that you sometimes don't think that you could be friends with are the people that you can be really good friends with like i became friends with that chick and i was like this is so funny just it was just one day that i was sitting with her and i was in art in an art class with her and she was she was a really good artist and i was like you know i'm gonna like sit down and talk to her and like i like sat next to her i was like so like what's your like what's your story like where are you from and like i got to know her and then i still have this drawing she did of me she was such a good artist she drew me as a superhero cartoon because she felt so grateful that i talked

to her and became her friend because she didn't really have any friends and i saved it and i think she's like a cartoonist now i don't know i have to like look her up and watch mean girls if you haven't yet oh yeah watch mean girls you're lindsey lohan let's go on to the next call wow this is great this is like love line but like better way better hey megan so i'm 18 years old and from eastern canada and so basically we're just going to give you a backstory of my history with boys so you can understand my question um so when I was 14 to 15 I dated the nicest guy ever and after 10 months we had sex but it was so short and awkward and horrible and after we broke up I liked a new guy to my town that everyone was obsessed with and he was two years older than me

and so naturally I was like stunned that he was actually into me and then right from the beginning I had like the worst feeling about him but I just kind of ignored it and this was like right before I was turning 16. And so like after probably the first time we hung out, we had sex and I never said no, but I also never was like saying yes, obviously. And also he was just two years older and I just kind of thought that was what was expected from me. Every time we had sex, I never really felt comfortable and would just kind of make him do everything because I was so scared of messing up and so scared of him telling everyone that I was like a slut or something like that so this went on and he started like kissing my best friends in front of me but telling

me it was friend kisses I don't know who the fuck like kisses their girlfriend's friends and calls it friend kisses but anyways um so I broke up I broke up with him and then two days later I walked in on him and my best friend was giving him a blowjob so that kind of scarred me and then I later dated someone my own age while I was 17 and I felt okay having sex with them because I kind of knew that they were way more into me than I was into them and that if I did anything wrong they would still be like madly in love with me um I broke it off with them and I started friends with benefits with this one guy who was a hockey fuck boy typical Canada and he was a year older than me and we only had sex two times and the second time he just kind of stopped and got up

and then completely ghosted me and finally the fifth person was just some random hookup and once again I was so uncomfortable and he also just randomly stopped like the other guy so basically my question is how do you become comfortable with having sex and not feeling ashamed or gross for actually enjoying it I'm completely uncomfortable with I am completely comfortable with my sexuality and with myself but I'm way too embarrassed to admit it and show it so I just always end up completely frozen and I'm also even too worried to about being bad at something to even give like a hand job or a blow job and I'm not sure this is because of my fucked up experiences or anything like that anyways if you could just give me some advice on being comfortable and confident that

would be awesome so i don't just end up freezing in every single sexual situation for the rest of my life anyways thank you first of all girl practice makes perfect i'm just kidding i mean find some guy you don't really like that much suck the shit out of his dick no i'm just kidding wait i mean are you kidding because i mean okay i don't think that's a i mean i'm not saying that that's a good how old is she she's 18 there we go yeah i'm gonna i'm gonna be like super candid i am on that train are you i am i'm not saying that you have because like i definitely like i lost my virginity when i was 16 and there's something like when you have sex with somebody in both of your first times or whatever there's a sense of neither of us know what we're doing

it's awkward yeah and then when we broke up like i was like oh shit like fuck i have to figure out like we still didn't really figure out how to do this in a like i don't know how to feel sexy having sex kind of way yeah and i mean like the next guy i hooked up with like i was like relatively drunk when we hooked up and then from there i'm like i didn't really care that much about him so it was like that was kind of like more of a fun exploring thing but every guy that i've really liked i've still been nervous to sleep with and like there is something about like first of all you've definitely been dealt a bad hand when it comes to sex so far like this is dude and i first and i really want to say this right now because this was really important to me and i noted it

when you said it is that please don't ever sleep with anyone or do anything that you do not want to do. Please do not ever let a man make you feel like you have to give them a blow job or you have to fuck them because they're going to do this or that. No. Or that you feel special because he's older and that he has interested in you. Remove yourself from the situation. I don't care how uncomfortable it makes you. I do not want to ever hear a woman say I felt obligated or I didn't really want to do it and i did it anyway no girl like please do not ever do that to yourself again if you don't feel like doing it make something up be like you know what i'm actually not feeling that well i'm gonna head out my mom's calling me or be honest and be like you know what dude i'm

not feeling this like i'm not feeling it i'm gonna leave and then what's he gonna tell people oh she just got up and said she wasn't feeling it and left yeah she wasn't feeling you dude because you're lame that's why and and who cares what people say like that's your private that's your body like you should never let anyone in your body that you don't want in your body like that's not cool i mean i get the pressure because i mean it's obviously with all this me too movement yeah there's a lot of women and especially in hollywood who did felt the same way you did and were like oh well i don't want to say no to like this or that person because they're powerful and they're going to taint my image or whatever but like you got to put yourself first and you have

to put faith in the other people yeah around i first of all like so off like there's there's definite mixed signals and stuff but like if you say you're not comfortable with somebody and that guy starts pressuring you if that guy's friends back him up or anyone else around him backs him up that is somebody who's a corroborating a guy who wanted to have unconventional sex yeah that's it's not a matter of you're not being chill that's like oh they're misogynistic assholes don't let them make you know and you also need to like be okay with or or just have faith in the fact that there are good people in the world where if you walk away from something and say no and also if something makes you feel uncomfortable in the moment swear to god it will not get better

like if you feel uncomfortable in the moment seven years later down the road you're not thinking like you know i am glad i went through with that you're like no this makes me feel sick to my stomach it's sick memory and then it makes it worse every time you have sex after that because you're reflecting upon how bad it was and then you start getting upset with yourself for thinking that this is your like this is your fault for having done this and i think it's like a lesson that everybody can learn no matter how old you are in life is that if you're not into something you need to follow your intuition and you need to know that like you when you hook up with somebody it's normal to feel like nervous and excited but if there's anything that isn't sitting right with

you that's it's it's not it's not because of it there's a difference between the feeling of feeling nervous and insecure about like your body maybe and like i don't know if i feel super sexy right now then being like this doesn't feel like something i really am sure i want to do exactly if you have any doubt about wanting to do something do not do it yeah especially in a sexual situation because you will never feel better about that you'll feel awful in terms of learning how to be good at blowjobs and fucking all this shit I mean personally I watched a lot of porn growing up I was very like I'm gonna be honest I watched a ton of porn I always watch porn I don't know why I was a very sexual child like I masturbated at a young age like I was very

open with that and like I mean not open like I didn't tell people but like I was very like like with my sex with myself sexually I was very comfortable and like you know but then the first time i didn't have sex till i was 18 i didn't have sex with someone else till i was 18 years old and i freaked out he had a condom on i was like i'm pregnant take me to the hospital like i was so weird okay but here's the thing like you get used to it the more people that you experience with i mean you're only 18 years old no one's going to be in bed with you and expect you to be like jenna jameson also none of those people you're going to be in bed with are probably super great either exactly exactly like honestly it's not that hard to fuck you can just lay there if

you want to or bend over or whatever and also these guys will not know the difference exactly it's a warm hole you throw flour on it and find the wet spot they also last like 10 seconds exactly exactly so i mean just if you want to feel like you want to learn how to give blowjobs and stuff like that i mean watch some porn like i don't know if you have a vibrator i don't know if you're yeah you're living with your parents or whatever you don't want to do that like find something to practice on or just watch i mean learning visually it's easy to learn from watching that stuff i don't know if you have access to that but another thing is is like maybe like megan said like the guy that you were dating who you weren't like that into but you felt comfortable and like you had

control like those are good people to like when you're in that relationship with someone like that to practice with because it's like you're not worried about them judging you or whatever and no guy's gonna like give you a hard time for trying to give him a blow job i mean as long as you don't bite his dick off like usually guys are like pretty excited for you to put their wiener yeah like there there's this fear that not knowing or being naive and not experienced like isn't sexy but i think there is some like a lot of guys turned on by that if you're like what do you like like tell me and you can like you can twist that instead of being like hi i don't really know how to give a blow job and like make it be like it's like what do you like like what do you

like like like and say those things to him because first of all every guy wants a good blow job if that means giving you like three bullet points of telling you what he's into because also people are into different things and like other like different things he's would rather have a great blow job at the end of it and he doesn't expect you to know at the very beginning it's like the same time like guys going down on girls if they communicate holy shit if they had never learned how to do that exactly it's like it's not you gotta you have to figure that out person to person also like you don't give the same blow job twice like you don't have the same even to the same person like everything is constantly changing and evolving um in this call too she also said that there are two

guys that just walked out in the middle of having sex with her so how should she deal with that I wouldn't that's what does that mean what a fucking loser like that's so lame like clearly they just wanted sex from you and they weren't like getting the kind of sex that they wanted

so screw that guy like you know what like that's a guy to me that sounds like a guy first of all not a stand up guy but also a guy who's not experienced either yeah exactly like he should be trying to make you feel comfortable like if he's getting signs from you that you're not comfortable he should be trying to make you feel comfortable or maybe he was getting signs that you didn't want to do it

and he was like i'm just gonna walk away you know i think the biggest sign of immaturity is when someone goes into sex being like me me me me me like the biggest turn on should be how much you can like what you can do to the other person like that's the biggest turn on and when that's not happening it's just i don't think it's like sex really worth having yeah in that sense um i also just want to stress not to like single her out and make her feel bad but like this is you definitely like this is not going to be all of her sexual experiences like you've definitely had like five shitty ones in a row yeah and this is not something that you're gonna have to like deal with all the time so you're feeling insecure about all of this like you can completely pinpoint

where all this came from like yeah you've had multiple weird guys yeah some weird fucking ones and i think you know i always say like everybody has like the shit that's going to be thrown at them in their lives and everybody has like i don't know like say like seven to ten things maybe you get ten things all at once then the rest of your life you're fucking coasting yeah some people get like one thrown at them every couple months every couple years and then some people it all happens later so like the more shit that you have to deal with especially relationship wise you're so much closer to getting the good people versus everyone who's dated someone really great and amazing shit's gonna hit the fan at some point yeah but you get to have the shitty stuff out of the way

and sift through all the terrible people and express yourself experiment with yourself masturbating okay i will only and i only really got into masturbating because i heard oprah talk about masturbating yes it has to be on youtube somewhere there's like a clip of oprah like interviewing the woman from like the national board of health dr ruth isn't she an asian lady or something like that maybe not it was somebody it was like she's interviewing someone it was I'm like from the national board of health and how healthy it is and good for the vagina and clean and cleans it out and makes it healthy. And you don't, I know some people's religious backgrounds don't, you know, say that it's right, but I grew up Catholic and I still did that. And

I'm, you know, I felt guilty the first couple of times. And then I was like, you know what? No, dude, it's healthy. I've talked to my gynecologist. Like it's good for you. You need to do it. It's you learn about yourself and you learn to be more and more comfortable. And you also learn, I think how to be more independent and less dependent on men for like sexual pleasure and sexual satisfaction, confidence sexually. Yeah. And that gives you confidence too.

Cause you're like, Oh, I don't need your dick. I can fucking get myself off. Yeah. Mine's pink. It's even better. Yeah.

It's got like sparkles on it and shit. Yours is all fucking veiny and looks like a sad Muppet. Yeah. Like it's kind of crazy. Exactly. Yeah. So I mean, I think,

I think we covered that. Um, but yeah, know that you're going to get some good ones soon for sure. And faster bait. yes okay love it on to the next god we're so similar isn't that crazy hello uh i'm 26 years old and my boyfriend is 13 years older than me he's about to turn 40 in a few days and i absolutely love him he is who i want to spend the rest of my life with um and i want to have babies with him

as soon as possible because i'm like baby crazy but that's besides the point um my boyfriend actually um was 16 when he had his um had a baby uh the girl that he was with in high school um got pregnant and she kept the baby to full term and has kept like didn't give it up for adoption so she still um has his daughter and my boyfriend has not been a part of her life um for the first four years of her life he was there but him and the mother had so many disagreements that it was really hard for them to um agree and they did go to court over visitation rights and for a while she was um agreeing to them but once she got a new boyfriend she kind of edged him out and uh there was kind of nothing he could do at that point he didn't have any more

money to be going to court anymore and um he was in college so it was really hard for him to fight for her i know he probably could have fought more but he didn't every year he has written to his daughter um although he's had to send them to the mother because he doesn't know how to get them to the daughter um and i don't who even knows if the daughter's ever seen them the mother just says she'll write you when she's ready or she'll contact you when she's ready um my boyfriend tells me about this story before we start dating because he wanted to make sure i was okay with it and i told him of course i'm okay with it because i want to be with you um so i look for his daughter on social media as many of us would do these days and i find her

she is only three years younger than me and she's a dancer just like i am so we have mutual friends I reached out to my mutual friend and she refused to help so now I kind of don't know what to do and I really want to help him get in contact with her because I want to have kids with my boyfriend or when we whenever we get married and they will be my kids half sisters so I really want this to happen but I don't want to like overstep because this isn't my life this isn't my daughter so I don't really know how to help him get in contact with her he isn't at social media so she has no way to reach out to him in that capacity um but we do follow each other on social media me and his daughter so it's very strange so if you have any advice i'd love to know what i can do to help

him well i can definitely speak oh my gosh great i can't at all my fiance is 56 he has an ex-wife His kids are 22 and 20. And I will tell you one thing right now. People get really mad when you get involved. That's what I was going to say. And I hate to say it, but it's like I came in the picture and I had a great relationship with the kids. And, you know, I'm only 10 years older than them. And, you know, I would help, you know, the one with auditions and whatnot and everything was fine.

And then one day, like, it was just like flipped, like some crazy stuff went down. And, and so now, like, I tried to like, reach out to them and reach out, you know, to tell them to, you know, they've had a lot of back and forth. There's been a lot of drama between them and my, my fiance on social media, unfortunately, but I try to always like mend the bridge. And all I've gotten back from that was hate and from both, you know, from both kids and people just being like, you know, you need to just stay out of it. And I know this is so hard because you hate seeing your partner in pain and sad. And I hate that, too. It's like very hard to sit there and watch someone you love be hurt by his children. But it's not your problem. I don't know how to say that nicely. No, it's not her battle. It's not your battle. And it's only going to cause more problems in the long run if you involve yourself and put yourself in the middle because then it's like you're going to be the one to blame.

Exactly. I think it's really between your boyfriend and his daughter to work it out. And as much as like I think it's great that you guys follow each other because that shows that she's like supportive of you. And I think it's wonderful that like, I mean, I don't know if you've reached out to her and just said, hey you know i'm dating your dad and he really cares about you and it'd be nice if we could all grab lunch or something and like kept it really light and like that like that's fine but then

after that like once they connect you might just want to take a step back because if anything goes wrong with that you're just going to be the one that gets the brunt of it i mean i've gotten so much hate on social media from from people who are like you're not you haven't been in their lives long enough to comment on this and blah blah blah and all this stuff even though i lived with them and was there you know whenever it went on bad things happened I was what happened right in front of me and I was like you know I guess it's just really hard to stand back and watch someone you care about be hurt but you have to kind of just take a back seat to this and let them figure it out because it's just not your place at this point yeah and she also I think the advice I had up until

the when you said you guys follow each other on social media was if her mom had potentially hid her dad from her for from her whole life and she didn't know her dad was trying to get in contact with her but if she follows you this is her friend said no i'm not going to help you with this yeah i'm 100 sure her friend asked her yeah and then she said no you have to give her the choice yeah it is 50 it is 100 her choice if she wants to have a relationship with him and no offense to him but it is all on her if she wants that yeah it's all her decision

because he is her dad and he did fight for her and wanted to be in her life before it didn't end up that way he wasn't there for her and if she doesn't want him there that's fine but that's her call any hurt that he feels from that he needs to

deal with on his own and not put on you either no exactly I'm like it's putting you in a position where now i don't i also feel like like as his girlfriend like it's so sweet that you really want to help him all that stuff but like you have followed you found them on social media can't he make a social media account and like take some initiative there like there's something a little twisted to me where i'm like okay he doesn't have social media so you're the one contacting them like if he really wanted to like reach out to his daughter he'd make a fucking

Instagram it's not that hard or you know even get her email or whatever there's got to be I mean there's just so many ways to reach people these days Facebook whatever yeah exactly yeah yeah the daughter's 23 so he could have reached out as soon as she turned 18 yeah and and you know like she listen if she doesn't want anything to do with him there's you need to just accept and there's nothing she can say that's going to make her be like oh no I do want to and there's just because he's her biological father he wasn't her dad growing up do you know what i mean if he wanted to be yeah and like it just didn't happen and she lost out on having him around in the early parts of her life but if she wants him around in the later parts of her life that's on her she gets

to call the shots not him in that situation and i think it's also important for you to know that hit her and her being if she chooses not to really acknowledge him as a part of her family it's not reflected on you and she doesn't owe it to you for when you have kids and kids who have half siblings my i have a half brother my half brother and i like i we only started having like more of like a relationship relationship and like talking and like being friends on him and his wife share uh facebook which i think is the cutest thing in the entire world it's like their name slash like this slash this and i do everything together yeah literally and i only really started having like more of a relationship with them in the last couple of years and like

growing up as a kid you're really kind of at the mercy of what the adults in your life let you in on and then also like what they who you who they let you have relationships with and so i think if she was fresh 18 this daughter was fresh 18 and all that stuff she's had a couple of years on her own and she if she makes this decision knowing all of the facts knowing that he tried to be a part of her life she he needs to be okay with that even if it's not a malicious feeling it's more just i don't know you like i don't know this guy like sure you were like were my biological father but like i you haven't been in my i don't know this person so i think as if he can do like just reach out to her one final time and know that that's out there then the door is open to being like and

i understand if this is not something that you want now or ever but like it's there's no expiration date on this if you ever want to have a relationship in what capacity and how how you want that to be it's on i will do whatever you're comfortable with or nothing at all and then from there i think you guys need to drop it because she's got her own life and you have your own lives together and you just started on this you know you just started this journey with him and you focus on your life with him like make a beautiful life with him yeah and she has nothing to do with your future kids exactly and yeah exactly yeah you just gotta let him i don't know let his actual desire to be in her life he you need to let him show that yeah otherwise it's not your job and for her as if i

was this daughter i would be like my dad wants to fucking talk to me so much why is his girlfriend reaching out to me yeah like why aren't you doing that and I I know that that's coming from a place of maybe it's hard for him and all that but you also have to like let him yeah yeah if you really want them to have a relationship he needs to do the hard brunt work okay guys well Brittany texts you guys can't see unless you're watching the video we're gonna go on to a quick break this episode of don't blame me is brought to you by me jacking off my own dick reading reviews that you guys have left on the apple podcast app um because it just makes me feel really good so this is what i need to do sometimes it's all about self-love and sometimes you just need to read

aloud nice things people say to you and put them out for other people to hear and then tell other people to listen to those nice things that other people said and that it's not enough and that you need more people to say more nice things i'm desperate and needy and want validation all the time so this review says love love love can you tell why I picked it also it says love like like with a capital L and then the lowercase then love in all caps then LUV so I get it like switching it up watch an episode on YouTube for the first time it absolutely fell in love was skeptical to watch when I would get the notification on YouTube because I thought I'd never be into podcasts but it made me laugh think and realize things about myself and life that I never did before

it's made me feel so not alone in the world because I can relate to some of the problems and it makes me feel normal I love how you were unapologetically yourself and so real and honest about everything I've watched your beauty cooking lifestyle videos for a while and I'm glad I found these gems thank you so much I wish I could like read out loud how many exclamation points there were but I just feel like that's a little too much also as I read this a lot I was like fuck I'm just like I am just yeah I'm just jacking off my own dick here um but seriously guys it really does mean a lot and um I love to know what episodes you guys really gravitate towards which guests you really love the kinds of questions that you love and um if there's a guest that you

particularly loved them on you can like let us know in the review that you're like hey I loved the episode with lucas have lucas back so um please let us know that kind of stuff because always makes me excited when you guys like people that i like too and i'm like cool great everyone loves taylor taylor's great sick awesome love it so um please leave us a five-star review on the apple podcast app because i'm desperate for attention and love haha think of it as your good deed for the day and um back to the episode megan you got me in the eye with my jizz from my from my penis from jacking myself off with compliments compliment come hey hey okay guys we are back from our break and we're gonna hop in to the rest of the calls

hey megan so i'm a 20 year old sophomore in college and i just got into my first relationship Not ever, but since I've been in school, we've been dating very short, like two months. And I have a question for you. So my best friend, I love her. She's graduating this year. I'm so proud of her. Live your best life. But her and her boyfriend, her boyfriend has this weird thing where he doesn't like to have sex while she's on her period.

Well, that's fine. Whatever. Kind of an asshole thing to do. But live your best life. So she was texting me. She goes, I want to buy a vibrator to satisfy those needs while I'm on my period. I said, girl, get it. I'm home for Easter.

She was like, girl, I'll go with you when I get back to school. Anyway, she calls me Sunday night and goes, hey, what kind of vibrators do you have? I said, why? She goes, oh, because I'm at Walmart right now. Why Walmart? I do not know. But she's at Walmart with not only her boyfriend, but my boyfriend. She brought my boyfriend along to help her buy a vibrator.

I don't know if it's weird to you, but it's weird to me. It weirds me out that she went with my boyfriend and my boyfriend got me my vibrator. She goes, I wanted to know what kind you had. Like, just take a fucking picture of the box. Like, I don't know if this would weird you out if your boyfriend went with Ashlyn, your friend, to go buy her a vibrator. They're going to weird me out. And I'm like, girl, I love you to death. I really, really do.

But, like, you're going to think things through more. So I'm feeling mildly annoyed. It's the next day. I slept on it. I'm not as mad. But I was wondering if you could tell me if I'm crazy. He would say yes. I haven't told him crazy before.

But tell me if I'm crazy. If you're thinking of the first guy I've been in love with in, like, five years, I think it's weird that she took him to buy a vibrator with her. But wasn't her boyfriend with them, too? Yeah. So it's not as bad. I mean, it's weird, but at least, like, it wasn't just the girlfriend and the boyfriend. Also, she threw in there being like, how would I feel if my friend Aislinn went with, like,

Mott's to buy a vibrator? Okay, first of all, dead that Walmart sells vibrators. Yeah, I have no idea. They're massagers. They're discount vibrators. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sexist idiot. Oh, my gosh.

I'm dead. It's shaped like the fucking smiley face. It's so weird. I just, I wanted, like. it would have been really bad if it was just her your boyfriend and your friend but like it's a weird enough situation that like wouldn't your fiance text you and be like hey so as it hit me up to go vibrator shopping with them i'd be like what the fuck are you doing get out of here he would text you that right because it is super weird out of like the blue it is weird so i would

say like even like my boyfriend would even say like if someone like a friend of my friend or like my friend's boyfriend he had never met followed him on instagram he'd call me like hey someone follow me on Instagram can I accept this not even like a permission way but I think like I'm just so curious why you found out through your friend and not your boyfriend yeah that's not cool and I think it's more

of an issue with your boyfriend like I'd be like why'd you even tag along for this unless your friend invited your boyfriend or maybe the boyfriends were hanging out they were hanging out and they like went to Walmart okay so that's not as bad maybe they went to Walmart and they didn't know she was buying

a vibrator if the boyfriends are friends and they were just all hanging out and went to Walmart and it just happened to be, she was like, oh, let me get a vibrator. That's not weird at all. And I wouldn't be mad at that. No, completely. So if they're friends, like, just let it go. Because they were probably just all chilling.

You know what I mean? Yeah, if he was, like, unassuming and went into this and didn't know that the goal was, like, buying a vibrator. Because sometimes that happens. Like, you're all just hanging out and you're like, let's go do some shit. And then you're like, whoa, this place has vibrators. I mean, that happens to me all the time. Every day.

Me, me, me, me, me. In Palm Springs, downtown Palm Springs, you always wind up, be like what is this store i met a subscriber in a sex store and i was like i should let's take a picture like let's go outside retro vibrators like what is this uh weird anyway yeah that's the best advice i could say and if he treats you well if he's a good boyfriend you know he's not shady he's not doing anything weird yeah and i also think like you said her boyfriend was there too so it i i don't get like suspicious vibes from it i just get kind of like weird mood weird mood vibes from it where i'm kind of like don't you feel a little awkward about that like it's just

a little to me it just sounds like a three people who didn't know what situation they were getting into exactly they probably went to walmart to get like sandwiches or snacks or something and then she was like oh shit i could get a vibrator here oh shit i'm on my period so yeah i would say that i mean i think like the the best thing to do would be to like ask your like ask how it happened like ask your boyfriend ask your boyfriend i mean you can ask your friend too but i would especially start with your boyfriend like so how did that come about because i think it's a little odd and then also i don't know if they're close because like there are some like my boyfriend and i like he is i've got guy friends and guy friends who are in

relationships and like we're like not like we're like friends like all like as like a circle like oh this is like people we double date with yeah and so like at what level are they friends in a way that it wouldn't be as weird because it would definitely be super fucking weird if like mots and acelyn went to go get a vibrate i can't the fact that she said that is so that's just like why would you do that like why would you bring that up to me yeah it's so like i mean but like i'm saying i bet the guys are boys and like they're homies and like they were probably just chilling they're playing video games and they went to go get snacks she tagged along yeah and then she's like oh my god let me get a vibrator yeah so not that weird yeah also maybe she just

wanted to like like she did that on purpose in front of um her boyfriend because she knows that your boyfriend got you your vibrator so she's like oh he's a chill cool guy game up yeah and so now he can be held accountable in front of like a guy who like did this already maybe that was it like maybe your boyfriend was there to be proven as a cool dude example yes should we go on the next call yeah so i'm 25 and just for um a bit of context so like two years ago i had a fuck buddy like for real like we didn't have feelings any of that we would just have sex sometimes and then like leave anyways um so that ended because he got back with his ex which was fine I was just like okay cool and then we didn't really talk very much after that until recently

but uh so in the meantime he had a kid with his ex whom he got back with but then they are no longer together and um he reached out to me a couple days ago um pretty much saying that his ex the mother of his child won't let him see his kid and you know it's probably for the best like she's better off without him and everyone's better off without him and he should just kill himself and stuff like that so of course I was like no of course not like you shouldn't do that here's you know suicide hotline here's the text line here's um numbers of therapists here's the number of my therapists like please get help get help please and he's refusing to do it but um here he shot again yesterday um doing the same thing like hey i'm gonna end it i'm gonna end it

um all these things and making me feel like responsible for if he does or doesn't and I just want to ask you if there's anything else I can do like I don't want to block him obviously but I don't like the position he's putting me in um so any advice is appreciated thanks honey it's a tough situation you can take a horse to water but you cannot make him drink okay and you are not responsible for anyone taking their own life okay you're not sitting there telling him to do it you're not giving him a gun you're not doing anything you're being there for him you gave him resources you're being a friend and first of all i know it takes a lot of a toll on you as a person too to give me if you're in therapy like you said i gave him my

therapist number like you must be having you know stuff going on for yourself and it's not healthy to have someone bringing you down number one number two a lot of people who say they're going to kill themselves constantly usually don't like i grew up with someone that used to say that all the time as a way to manipulate me and i let it really affect me and it really screwed me up for a long time in my life and then obviously they never did it they're still around yeah so what you can do is offer your help and say that you care and you want to help them get better but literally do not let them make you feel responsible for them because everyone is only responsible for themselves yeah and i think i think i get your fear because no matter how

much you feel no matter how technically you're not responsible at all there is a feeling of guilt and also a feeling of if someone's coming to you and confiding in you you worry and especially if he's just your fuck buddy but you don't have like you don't know yeah or a ton of like knowing of the rest of his life right then there's that fear am i the only person who knows this and you i think you not that you need to block him but i think that you need to preserve your own mental health because this will take a toll on you and if you're really afraid that he's going to follow through with any of these threats you can alert like alert they can you is it nine yeah yeah and say i this person is been saying they're threatening suicide and they're in danger

of themselves and you can put that out there and then you don't have to continue to talk to him and i'm not saying go as far as block him but you need to you don't get sucked into this no I mean, you're not a therapist. No, and you can't. There is literally nothing you can say or do. The only thing that is going to happen is that you are going to get more and more and more invested in this. If he knows that you've brought all these resources, exactly like you said, like you can bring him to that. And if he chooses not to do that, you can't force him to do that.

And so you've suggested professional help. You can tell him this. If you're not willing to get professional help, I am not willing to listen to you and to talk to you through this unless you take the necessary steps with a therapist or anyone like that. Like until you've done that, I can't be your friend support system because what I can provide you is far less important and helpful than what medical professionals can. Exactly.

And if he really wants to have you to be able to talk to about this, then he's going to have to go out and do those other things. Yeah, he needs to help himself. yeah if you're really afraid and i think you should call 9-1-1 and report that and also especially i also knew somebody who in high school was very much everything was a threat of that and even even a guy i dated when i got old like when i was in my 20s like everything that i if i did anything wrong it was just like oh this is a reflection even if i did anything if i got upset about anything it was oh you hate me i should just kill myself like why am i even here and then that

becomes like a you can no longer feel things or think things because everything turns into I have done this to you and this is how you feel and like you said both of those people are still around yeah and so I think also calling 9-1-1 on him either is it really it's going to completely help him or it's going to him it's going to be the reality check of like yeah no I didn't this is not actually what's happening in my life like this isn't I don't actually feel this this was an empty threat but i think for your conscience i think you need to do that step otherwise if something i think you're always going to wonder should you have done that i think if he threatens it again for sure if he gets on the phone with you and says you know or messages you and says

i'm going to end it whatever you need to take a picture of that and you need to call the authorities and say hey listen i have this friend and you know and then after that it's like you know what is he going to do you tried and you helped you tried to help everything you could and you know I'll tell you something. If someone really wants to kill themselves, they're going to do it. Yeah. No matter what you do,

no matter what you say, once people have made that decision in their minds, it's something that they usually do. And I've known a few people, unfortunately, who have done that. And the one thing that I will say that almost all of them had in common was that like,

I didn't see it coming. Yeah. And a lot of them are very to themselves and very quiet and they don't usually tell a lot of people. I mean, you'll see maybe they're sad a little bit and it's not everybody, but I mean, And like the people that I've known, it's people who kind of kept to themselves and they made sad posts here and there.

And then it happened. They didn't warn anybody ahead of time or they didn't reach out for help. I mean, it's important that he's reaching out for help. I think that's a good sign that he, you know, really does not want to do it. He wants someone to hold to know that he's thinking these things and hold him accountable. Yeah. And know that someone's there for him. I feel like I feel like he's lonely and he's just using really extreme measures to feel.

feel comforted. Yeah. Yeah. I'm with you guys on that. Yeah. So if you call 9-1-1, they'll do an evaluation and they won't discharge them until they feel like that they're either stable or they've put them on medication so that they're no longer a threat to themselves or anyone else. And I would also say, I know we did an episode before where we talked about suicide and I gave the same advice of being like you should call 9-1-1 and somebody else said you should warn that person if they do that again that you're going to call of course i'm not a huge fan of the idea of warning that person because in the small chance that they are or whatever in the chance small or big that they are being serious telling someone hey you told me you're gonna kill yourself

i'm gonna call 9-1-1 on you there's a chance that can send that person over the edge because they don't want that so I think you need to assess the situation and without freaking somebody else out by telling them that you're going to do this it's like the I'm just gonna make a terrible analogy I'm not gonna make that I caught myself but like you can't it's suicide is something I mean mental health in general there's so many people and they I say this is somebody who like constantly struggling with mental health so many people deal with the same things and they deal with them super differently everyone some people are predisposed to being very depressed and having suicidal thoughts and they can go through the same things as somebody else and somebody else can be completely

fine it's not necessarily there's situational depression there's clinical depression your situation doesn't like your actions don't result in that right that's something too like you need to treat this as a situation like this is somebody if this is all real and like this is how he's really feeling this is somebody who these feelings would have been brewing for a while this is like a sense of worthlessness that started might not even have started from the issue with like like being around this kid and all of that stuff but you need to treat it delicately and not in a blamey kind of like hey if you do this again i'm gonna go call the cops on you don't be mean don't be rude obviously the person's hurting and struggling but definitely draw your boundaries

with yourself because you don't want to be pulled into something where it starts affecting your mental health like it's I mean I seen it happen to so many people like it happened to me when I was a little girl I had someone in my life who was constantly threatening suicide and I used all the strength in my whole body at like six years old to be like please don't please don't you know but begging them and I'd cry about it and like scream and plead with this person and they're still here and I have an anxiety disorder yeah and I'll have it for the rest of my life you know like it's like you have to really draw lines and know what you're capable of doing and you've done more than what yeah more than enough and know that like it's you've been brought into a situation

but it's not your responsibility and you've done you've done so much for it exactly oh it's a tough one and i'm sorry that yeah sorry you're going through that not cool not fun okay guys we are on to producers corner what's that oh my god so good that you asked i was just gonna tell you so this is when melissa will um we've got either a callback so somebody who has previously called it in and they're updating us on like follow-up i love follow-up or we've got somebody who listened to the advice i gave in a previous episode and was like yeah no that's not that great thanks for ruining my life or they're giving their own input which is great especially in situations where i'm like yeah i don't know what's happening so then we also can find other people

who have apparently been through very similar, very specific situations. So what do we got today? We've got someone calling in that has had experience. So this is from episode 33 with Kingsley when the girl said that her boyfriend's dick ripped. Oh, my God. Shut up. Shut up. I wonder if this is the same girl who slid into my DMs.

And I didn't even. OK, I'm not going to say I won't say it specifically. I'll ask her. But see, that was my question. So I had mentioned on the podcast and then she DMed me and she goes, girl, just listen to the podcast like fyi yes a dick can rip and fyi my vagina did rip his dick and then i was like wait will you tell me the story and she's like well how detailed do you want me to get i was like very fucking detailed and she sent me all of it so i'll ask her if i can um

i'll dm her like i wonder if this is her i wonder i'll hear i'll know if it's a similar dick situation so um i'd say like six months ago my boyfriend and i had sex without a condom we're 18 and 19 years old and um his dick ripped and it actually ripped inside of me and he bled inside of me and it was the scariest thing that you could ever think of especially like we're like so young and we're like oh fuck this is we're fucked and this isn't gonna work and blah blah blah so um what's it called all right so we just didn't have sex for about three months and yeah it kind of sucks but then at the same time like we both learned how to pleasure each other in different ways and we didn't wait six months we couldn't wait six months because we're both

teenagers but um we used a condom and everything worked out like perfectly fine nothing like there was nothing wrong with it after we were just very very careful and we used the condom and everything worked out perfectly fine so i'm just letting the girl know when she talks to her boyfriend i mean her husband and just like they have to communicate because that's what me and my boyfriend dead and like everything's fine now and we're all good and we can have sex without a condom and I'm on birth control I want to just let you know that right now because I didn't say that before but yeah um we use protection and sometimes we won't but when we don't nothing like everything's been fine now it's just so it was still very touchy um and like what do you call

Tender? Sore? Delicate. Delicate. I was very delicate with it when we first did it after it ripped, but everything's going to settle. So, yeah. I just want to let her know.

Okay. Thank you. Holy shit. Oh, my God. Now I'm Googling ripped dicks. Yes. Right now. Now I know this is a different girl than the one who slid into my DMs.

So, now we officially have three people who have ripped dicks. Oh, my God. I didn't know it could rip. Well, I'm also, now I'm, I feel better because my reaction in that episode was very much like, no way, this isn't a thing. So, like, even I accidentally kind of assisted in the feeling of, she's looking at her dick, like, feeling very, like, I don't know. I don't think I came across as judgy, but I think I was, like, really shocked. But now I'm like, shit, this is a thing. It's just a fucking thing.

I don't see any pictures of it. Oh, all I see are butts. Okay. But I think you, so you rip, like, the four, it's, like, usually uncut dicks. Yeah. And it's like the frenulum, the same thing that you have under your tongue that connects the penis to the foreskin. Oh, my God. That was also the girl who DM'd me.

She was like, what you guys didn't talk about or what the girl failed to mention is just how much blood it is. She said it's an insane amount of blood. So you need to get circumcised if you can. Not as much. I mean, it's just it's also like what so I'm just whatever. I'm not ratting out this girl's Instagram name. what she had said that the reason why it's like they also had sex i'm assuming without a condom and like she just wasn't wet enough and that's what that is you're too dry and i'm like so this

is a lesson for men for play like yeah for play and come on get her into this get some uh what is it lube yes like you need to you need to prep the situation before you just stick your dick in it because you might rip it you don't want to stick a hot dog in a sand castle no that's nasty right gosh i also told my boyfriend about this and he was like what this like he didn't even know dicks could rip my fiance broke his dick how do you break he was fucking some porn star back in the day and fucking her from behind and they were fucking ramming oh and she turned a little bit and he pulled all the way out and went fucking broke it like he said like an arm like it breaks and it gets black and blue and it's swollen and he couldn't fuck for two months

yeah like that's like a situation you cannot fuck like he couldn't even barely you couldn't even get heart you can't get heart no he couldn't even break it so you just have like a like a swollen plastic purple and like a little eggplant broken and it has to heal no and i'm like did they put a cast on it like i was asking all these questions like yeah of course you went to the doctor but they can't do anything you have to let it heal it's like if you hurt your ribs or something like that you can't do anything yeah you just gotta let it heal just don't use it yeah don't use it let it heal he said it was the worst two months how do you pee carefully carefully he said it hurt like a bitch that sucks i learned about it from gray's anatomy isn't that crazy that you can

break your penis i'm like there's not even a real bone in there it's just like a cartilage right muscle cartilage yeah muscle tendon i don't know what the fuck it is anyway it feels great yeah i am into it yeah i'm familiar i just don't know what it is yeah exactly exactly i see it a lot i'm just like i don't know what you do yeah good job yeah you look great you're nice i like you give it a little pat on the head okay this is weird all right i don't know what we're doing i don't know either oh my god oh my gosh well thank you for being on this episode thanks for having me i feel like i just got like a therapy session for free i feel like i did too like whoa i feel so zen and great and so good you're so helpful too you're so helpful and it's actually

really nice to like meet other girls you're both lovely and you didn't speak much but you're lovely but like it's nice to just have nice people thanks for having me

oh my god I love you where can people check you out on the internet just at Brittany Furlan on all things and I'm trying to do a blog

so if you guys are on Tumblr I'm gonna follow you I have a Tumblr now I mean I've had it for a while I just got reactivated on there

and I started talking about like real life things that I'm going through I mean probably not the best or probably I'll come back to haunt me but I don't really care I don't really care

at this point I'm just like okay yeah they're like ooh she's um it's um I don't even know what it's called

it's very new I don't know what my tumblr is is it your name it's called happy sad girl the name of the blog dot tumblr

so it's just brittanyferland.tumblr there's a link to it on my instagram page okay so there's a link yeah brittanyferland.tumblr.com

amazing backslash I love it yeah well great thanks guys oh my god thanks so much

for being here and thanks for having me you're welcome if you guys want to Check out Melissa and I will have all of our social handles in the show description and YouTube as well. And if you want to subscribe to this podcast and you are watching the YouTube video, you can go to Don't Blame Me dot show. But we're also on iTunes. You can check it out there.

Podcast app. And yeah, if you're not an Apple user, go to Don't Blame Me dot show. Figure out where you can listen to us. Subscribe, guys. Get it in your phone or your device immediately. And then if you haven't watched it on YouTube, go watch it on YouTube because it's great. And yeah, thank you guys so much. And we'll see you next week.

Goodbye. Don't Blame Me is a production by me, produced, directed, and edited by Melissa DeMontz. Post-production sound by Chris Henry, production assistant Julie Carley, and music by Giacomo Picasso and Ryan Hunter. I'll see you guys next week. And don't blame me if your life, you know, completely fucks up before then. Oh. Real Canadian Superstore has everything you need this back-to-school season.

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