Don't Blame Me! - S2E18: Guest: Gaby Dunn - Non-Monogamy

Episode Date: September 7, 2018

Gaby Dunn is here this week to share some wisdom! We’re giving advice on what to do if you move in with a guy too soon and he turns out to be a creep, possible catfishing, and how to handle still sleeping with your ex that dumped you over text. We also have a listener sharing advice on having multiple concurrent relationship.Follow Us!@meghanrienks@gabyroad@sheisnotmelissaNeed Advice?www.dontblameme.showDomestic Listeners Call: [phone]International Listeners Send a Voice Memo To: [e-mail]… with as much detail as possible under 3 minutes! I’ll do my best to share my wonderful words of wisdom. If you’re under 18, please get your parent’s permission. Advice is for entertainment purposes only, so you can’t blame me if I screw up your life. I kid! My advice IS AMAZING.- Want to WATCH this episode as well? Check out my YouTube channel:http://youtube.com/meghanrienksSupport the show: https://www.patreon.com/join/dontblameme See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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hello everybody on this episode of don't blame me we have the fantastic and wonderful advice giver gabby dunn and one of the things that we talk about in this is um a couple who's trying to have a baby but kind of sounds like one of them isn't as ready and there's fertility doctors involved it's a mature question and uh we also talk about a girl who met a guy at college orientation seemed like he was great and he sent her a playlist that was personalized for her which personally i thought was pretty cringy uh turns out surprise surprise he sent it to another girl so should she get over him our advice is definitely yes but you have to keep listening because he sounds like a shit bag hello everybody and welcome back to another episode of don't blame

me today our fabulous guest who's so well dressed is gabby dunn thank you so much this is all my girlfriend it's really cute all she's in fashion and this is a she picked this it's a fashion outfit thank you and the glasses are fashion too though these are are these new glasses yeah i had red ones when we last saw each other yeah i like these on you i like thank you so much really cute i like to go if i had one red we would have matched though yeah but i like to go just like thick colorful yeah with the glasses well you must have very straight ears too because i can't do straight across glasses because my ears aren't at the same place on my head so they're always tilted how'd you find that out uh trying on a bunch of straight sunglasses when i went to lay at

nordstrom i'm like these aren't straight and then she put like she's like no these are straight i just don't think your ears are straight they're not yeah they're not symmetrical so i have to wear round sunglasses so it's less obvious and i have to get like my sunglasses adjusted so they're straight on me even though they're not straight on other people god one god bless that lady at nordstrom for telling you the truth i tell you the truth and two and two like then no one can steal your sunglasses because they put them on and they're like what crooked face person belongs to these my best friend and i have the same pair of sunglasses and i was convinced for so long that they were different because she's just so much smaller than me and has a smaller

head so they look way bigger on her and i was like no yours are bigger and she tried mine on it's like oh yeah i was like oh okay yeah i have a very large head i do too yeah i have a big noggin allison says that large head means you're photogenic really i don't feel photogenic i don't know if that's true it's just a thing that she said to me i'll take it yeah and then and then she has a little tiny head and then my girlfriend has a small head too so everything that that's mine looks ridiculous on her face like all glasses so funny like it looks like she's doing some sort of like bit oh yeah like uh did you ever watch um who was the lady that laid on the ground and pretended to be a clock um what 10 second tidy uh luna and molly a clown and her dolly the big

comfy couch yes big comfy couch she was this woman who just had these like they were like comically large like they're like photo booth glasses that you'd have like at a bat mitzvah where you're like taking pictures you know the big classic ones yeah wait how old are you 25 now okay see i missed big comfy couch i also for some reason don't think it was an american show it was was it i think it was canadian oh i think it was like one of those like that to be america too we we wishfully we wish don't group canada with us it's much better i want to though i do too but i don't want to Bring them down. Our American president, Justin Trudeau.

Yes. In my mind. Only the best for my president. Yes. Very beautiful. Okay, guys. This is Don't Blame Me podcast. It's an advice podcast.

Melissa and I are here. Hello. Gabby's here too, but we already said that. Can we talk about your shirt for a second? Yes. Amazing. Are you menstruating? Yes, I am.

Why are we synced up? That's so great. I don't know. We should be synced up by now. We should be synced up. Yeah. But yeah, this is a shirt from a company that I, well, organization that I volunteer with called Happy Period, where we collect menstrual supplies for homeless women.

Yes, it's so important. I saw Candace's story on that the other day. Yeah. Very cute. And if you care about my shirt, we're also in the feminist thing. Mine says girls support girls. And it's available on my shop. If you want to go, shopmari.com, guys.

Get my shirt, match me. That's really cute. I support you. Thanks. We support you guys. And speaking of supporting, wow, that's the first time any of my segways have ever worked. We're going to be giving you guys advice. So we've got voicemails to listen to.

And you guys called in to the number 310-694-0976 and all of our international listeners. If you want advice from us, email us with an audio file at meganpodcast at gmail.com. And we're going to give some advice. And you're going to be really great at this. I hope so. Hi, Megan. I'm from San Diego. I'm 25 years old.

And I've been dating this guy for about four and a half months now. It all started and moved very quickly in our relationship. Pretty much after about two months, he asked me to move in with him. And I said I didn't feel comfortable doing that so fast. That made him really upset. And he told me that if our connection really was that strong, then I would move in with him. That costified one of many, and I ended up moving in with him. He said from the beginning, though, and he always kept saying that I didn't have to pay rent or bills.

He would never let me clean up because he always said that I was his princess. Lately, he has been acting, he had been acting extra annoyed by me. He keeps telling me that he doesn't like the way I talk, he doesn't like what I do, he doesn't, he wants me to stop doing stuff that I love doing by myself. um he wants me to stop talking the way I talk because he says it's not classy etc today we had a big fight um again one of many where I told him that he was being an asshole and he got really upset and started rubbing in my face that he's the one that pays for everything and that I don't do anything um I got really upset so I left and I told him that I didn't want to be there with him anymore um we were supposed to go to a concert together tomorrow but he said today that if i

left he would take another girl to the concert um that obviously made me really upset but i still left and now he keeps texting me very angry messages and making me feel super guilty um i guess my question is if you have any advice on how to get over it uh or how to get out of the situation and cut him off from my life completely, I would really appreciate it. Okay. Well, first of all, you already know what you have to do, which is cut him out of your life completely. This person is abusive.

Yeah. There is something called financial abuse. There's a writer named Paulette Perich who talks about how women should have an F-off fund. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. if you are if you need to have a an amount of money to be able to move out of an abusive household to leave a job where you're being sexually harassed to treat any sort of like if you are you know assaulted or whatever like you need to have money for that which sucks but

um like you you gotta get out of there you gotta move out immediately you gotta block numbers you gotta you gotta just sever ties like you any guilt that you feel is you being gaslit um which is part of abuse uh and you you got this person is bad news bears yeah and i think your gut told you from the beginning and i think there's probably a part of you that is upset with yourself for not recognizing that early and you just need to like drop that because abuse emotional and physical abusers in general are the most charming manipulative people in the world so there really wasn't a way that even though your gut told you that something was off with this he's gonna charm you into doing that kind of stuff so i wouldn't i would try and as much as you can take

any of the guilt out of this because you didn't put yourself in the situation like he sought you out and preyed on somebody who like he knows how to he knows how to manipulate people right and i think you need to first and foremost talk to and like friends family yes get a support system around you and devise a plan um yes let people know what's going on screenshot all the texts save everything because you're if you want to get a restraining order you're going to need evidence and witnesses and you and then have a place set have a set up a place to stay and talk i think the more honest you are with the people in your life the more you're going to find that this is sadly super common and that women especially are always there to help out other

women who are in these situations um if you uh i listened to dax shepherd's podcast and he had his mom on and it's a great episode if anybody ever wants to listen to it it's like very like heartbreaking but also really inspiring because she's just like she talks about these like very sad rough things that happen in her life but she talks about them with just like like just so black and white and like you're like wow you are so strong and she talks about how she was in an emotion she was in a physically and emotionally abusive relationship and a woman came up to her at work one day who she really never talked to and basically just said hey by the way um you live in our neighborhood and i just want to let you know i'm just giving you a set of keys to our

house if you ever like like if you're you or your kids ever need a place to stay or like come hang out and like be there and she said she was like petrified because she's like had never taught really talked to this woman and didn't know that this like had never told this woman that she was in an abusive relationship and she just said the woman just knew and like then when times got really bad she took her up on that and that woman was like there for her so i think putting any of that embarrassment aside and really just being honest with everybody because you gotta devise a plan because there's he's going to exactly you're saying like gaslight you and manipulate you into feeling guilty and feeling like you owe him these things you don't owe him anything you don't

owe him shit like at all at all and so i think like you gotta stay with a family member or someone who can be there with you and don't be embarrassed like say you know sometimes it's you feel embarrassed because you're like oh this person's doing all these things and some for some reason you feel embarrassed yeah but he should be embarrassed oh he won't be because he's probably a sociopath but he he should and so like it's not anything to about you no and as much as he's telling you that that's the biggest issue is like that when people tell you that what things that you've done have made them react a certain way and that's not true nothing that he's doing is because of something that you've said or done.

He would be doing it anyway. Yeah, he was going to find a way to do these things anyway. So just devising a plan, staying with somebody else while this all happens, keeping all of the receipts of everything and making sure that you don't feel crazy. Take extra precautions. If you don't feel, there's a really like thin line

between emotional abuse and physical abuse. Absolutely. I was going to say, don't tell him where you are. Don't post where you are. And don't let your friends know. Just in case you need to go to the cops. I would, I would, I would with automatically when you go to where you are and not telling anything. So the, the, so when you get a restraining order from somebody who's done that,

you, you have to, there needs to be, you have to have it on police record that you, um, have like, you have to have your first call in. So you've had your first call where they know, so they can like kind of track that. And then the only time that they're going to follow through with the restraining order is if that person has come onto your property. Right. But if you can give them the name and all the information beforehand if anything god forbid anything did happen that's already in the system now and it's already helping like protect you start a paper trail yeah exactly like give it give it so like as the steps go on you've covered all of your bases and you need to be on the same page with everybody who you talk to this about like with your family

like nobody's going to be talking to him right tell them everything don't try and especially when it comes to parents and stuff i think people feel like they don't want to hurt their families more and be like well i don't want them to know all of these things yeah but they gotta tell them everything because they're only going to be able to react accordingly and help you the best that they can when they know everything absolutely and yeah you have to delete them from everything but i think you have to sit down with your if you have a therapist but if you've got like your parents or friends or whatever and be like okay so this is what's happening this is what i'm gonna do yeah we're not going to I'm going to tell him over don't don't tell him in person tell him over

text message and then from there you're going to delete his number you're going to block him on all social media your friends and family if any of them are with him on social media they should also do the same and same thing with blocking the numbers and then um you have a call into the police and just let them know that you were in an emotionally abusive relationship and you're a little you're a little afraid of the person yeah and let them know where you were staying and let them know like let them know like his name his address the make and model of his car and then keep everybody in your family in loops and stuff and then not again not to be paranoid but like when i broke up with like an emotionally abusive ex-boyfriend i had i either slept at my friend's

house every night or one of my friends slept at my house every single night until like i was no longer absolutely terrified yeah and i told my building manager where i lived being like hey him and i broke up and i'm like scared shitless of him and so he's like great cool our security guard knows like everyone here knows like he's not going to be allowed into the building by any like at all and so is that for me like obviously it's like you feel awkward saying this of course yeah like the guy who like works the security at your apartment i watch enough it's worth it yeah i watch enough true crime to know that like we are often as women gaslit into thinking that we're overreacting and then like then the person gets murdered and then they're like why didn't she do

anything yeah if you listen to my favorite murder fuck politeness exactly fuck politeness politeness exactly yeah your intuition's always correct your gut is right especially with women too because like you there there's just a sense of uneasiness of like you're like i don't know like goosebumps and like you're like skin calling you know you have intuition yeah because it's like that predator complex and that's not something that a lot of men yeah i'm glad that this call didn't end with you being like so should i break up with him like i'm glad you already know yeah which is i think is always the hardest thing to kind of for sure get over that but best of luck you're gonna get out you're gonna be fine yeah you're gonna be great you already know yeah you got this on to the next

call hi megan mel and possible guests i'm 22 and i met this girl on a dating app and i can't tell if she actually likes me back or not uh conversation started really slow but for now like a month and a half we've talked texted non-stop uh once i got her number uh we text every morning to every night but i know she comes from a difficult past she's in a very long relationship like over five years starting at the age of 15 and the girl ended up cheating on her and she has a really hard time trusting people and she's very shy so sometimes she'll act like she's into me and like go along with it but i've never met her uh we've only known each other for a short time i know she's a real person i have her facebook and stuff like that but she won't

even call me because she's so shy and i can't tell if she's into me or not or if she's just really shy or if it's something to do with her past and along the streets with the ex um she does talk about her ex sometimes but not a lot i don't think she is caught up on the ex but i don't I just kind of want advice on what I should do and if I should continue trying for it or if I should not. She did text me the other day when I admitted that I had feelings for her, and she said that she just thought that was okay and then did not say anything else. And then I said I was trying to understand what she was saying, and she was like, why am I hard to understand? And I said, yeah, but it kind of came off a little flirty. So, like, I don't know if that's a flirt technique or what.

but yeah if I could just get some advice I'm afraid she's getting catfished yeah yeah I because why would you be on a dating app if you're not looking to date so I mean I think if you that to me sounds

I would be on a dating app if I've been on one before when I was like I have really no intention of actually talking to anybody but like going out and just to flirt right but if you're talking to them all the time yeah that to me sounds like either she's in a relationship yeah she's cheating on someone or I just think if it's not who she says she is if it's not moving forward

in a like reality type of way and you both live in the same city then I think you gotta cut your losses well because that it doesn't sound like somebody who wants to be in a relationship it sounds like they're gonna be happy with what's happening and you're clearly and rightfully so not into just having a text relationship yeah there's so many other people that could actually like give you a full well-rounded relationship that you should look for that rather than because I get it like sometimes I've dated or like casually dated people where I'm like the majority of our relationship is the fun of texting yeah and that's great but like it gets hard when you mistake that for actual connection oh totally and that's so easily can happen nowadays like you can be like

oh yeah we're like dating but then you're like wait I only see them like once every three weeks and it's like but we talk every day it's like do you well that was my boyfriend and I before we started dating I wasn't dating anybody because like we were just flirty friends yeah and so like that part of my like that part of my mind felt like that was occupied like it felt like that that was being satiated but I'm like but no we're not actually dating we're just friends and we text and we flirt a lot so you're occupying the time that I could be using to like text some guy or like meet somebody that I was actually into it's safe though it's safe because think about it you don't have to there's no risk of anything physical happening you're not really giving yourself up

vulnerably that way you can't get an std from texting thus far uh you can't get emotionally hurt can't get emotionally hurt like there's not like there's basically nothing that can happen it's just almost like a video game it you know exactly and i'm definitely guilty of yeah me too doing that but i think that as much as her if her past was really plaguing her that much i think it's not fair for her to be on it yeah and be on a dating app without saying like just here looking for friends or not looking just looking to text flirt yeah why don't people just say that i don't know my friends have literally done this with like have been in this situation where they're like this person just never has any desire to meet and they just want to like text and talk

all the time i was like they just need a fucking friend like yeah and we're all like i think a lot of people are very socially awkward and so they use that as an excuse to like never hang out but But the thing is, even with friends, you have to like make the effort to make plans. Like it was so foreign to me, but I had to really be like at this restaurant at this time, we will hang out faces. Yeah. And like, so I think like if, if you're not doing that, if that's not moving towards that, I don't think you should occupy, like you said, that part of your brain, because then

you're, maybe there's someone in your real, like, this is what I pictured. It's such a rom-com. Like this is happening. No, I fully pictured the exact same thing. And then at this girl's work, there's like another girl who's like madly in love with after her and she won't even see it because she's too blocked by this texting situation yeah no i i'm fully fully fully feel that your barista's in love with you and you don't even notice you can't get your face down in your phone oh it's so heartbreaking i love this movie sell it to

netflix yes yes the kissing booth part two exactly yeah no i i i think also you there's there i found that the people who are most likely especially on dating apps wanting a relationship with the people who want to meet up with you super quickly after they don't want to text hey what's up hey we swiped right on each other you want to get drinks yeah and that's always what like propels it along and even my friends who are still on dating apps say that and the people who just want to talk it never goes anywhere because then you get comfortable with like oh this person I've created here what if this person doesn't live up to me in real life and then there's that fear of that so even then they just get in over their heads but which if you want to just have a text

sometimes you're busy and it's like, this is great. This is a great situation. I want to just have a text flirtation or I want to, there are people in my life that I'm like, we just like have like texty fun times or whatever. But then like, I'm not, it's not going to be like the same type of friendship as someone I see all the time. So like if that's fine, it doesn't sound like that's fine with this person though. And if it's not, then you got to go. And it's so okay for it not to be fine yeah of course because that's not you can enjoy and you can also enjoy text voting with somebody and enjoy that but if they're not looking for the same thing as you yeah like you're just gonna end up hurt you're gonna get hurt for sure it's not gonna be fun

and also she might be catfished i was just thinking that she might be yeah or or yeah either she's getting catfished or the girl's in a relationship with somebody else yeah she might yeah she very well could be cheating yeah which is rough which and then people the argument of like is emotional cheating a real thing but think about this she says that her the girl cheated on her what a good twist if she was like i've been with this girl for five years she cheated on me i'm devastated i'm the victim cut to she's still with that girlfriend and she's the one cheating or maybe maybe the girl actually did cheat and now she's getting the pay like she feels like she wants to get an emotional relationship buy it for netflix yeah buy it by me and megan ranks

yeah don't cut me out of this yeah oh sorry and executive producer Melissa yeah uh yeah get out while you can I mean not while you can you can't get out at any time at any time just anyone can leave anyone at any time any fucking time isn't that freeing it's it's honestly but also terrifying exactly how I feel being like that's comforting but also what if it's not me that chooses to leave like when people are like oh but they have kids I'm like you can leave whenever literally you can and anybody could leave me at any time any time I went through a breakup and like people were in And I was really sad because I really liked him. And people were like, oh, my God, you've been together for two years.

Like, how can you leave? And I was like, and I like crying. But I was like, honestly, anyone can leave anyone at any time. It's like, you know, within his rights. Should we go on to the next? Hi, Megan. I'm 18. I'm from Alberta, Canada.

And I was looking for some advice about the most cacophonous past couple months of my life. So I had been dating this guy. And we were totally in love. and uh it was going great and then about like two months in i had this like horrible horrible horrible week-long anxiety attack i was bawling my eyes on my kitchen floor every day like taking out of van like it was fucking blueberries and just like my dad would take a week off work to come watch me it was horrible and i started going to therapy and i started getting better and then this whole like time i was having this anxiety attack my boyfriend wasn't really talking

to me just because like I think he thought I needed space and like we really did love each other so like I understand and he's probably like worried and he was working and shit but this last day of this anxiety attack um he broke up with me over text no he dumped me over text um because he's an ass and then the morning after he slept with this girl that he'd been talking to before we started dating and um yeah so she's my best friend's ex and it's such a mess but he really doesn't like her and he doesn't want to keep sleeping with her and she really likes him and knows he doesn't like her so she wants to stop sleeping with him but they don't communicate these things to each other and it's getting so messy and me and my ex are still

sleeping together and like we're like in the most juvenile way trust me i know we're still sleeping together and i don't know why it's happening but whatever um and we're still friends and i just i was looking to see if you think that i should like say something to them that like this girl's gonna get her feelings hurt and mike's gonna give us both syphilis so like maybe something should fucking get sorted out i'm just looking for advice please help me i don't know what to do thanks first of all you're 18 you're beautiful so confused i'm sure that you're beautiful hear me out you're 18 you're beautiful you're never gonna look better than you do right now get rid of this dude maybe i got a nose job later on so i'm like i definitely

look better than i did at 18 that's probably true you've got some good years left you have great years what i'm saying is i'm like 30 i'm like look you're out to pasture no okay so you're beautiful you're 18 you're never gonna look better than you look right now fuck this dude get rid of him don't be friends with him who cares yeah this girl also presumably can make her own decisions yeah let you're not in charge of her i understand girls supporting girls yes but and i'm glad you're not like that girl's a hoe but get just you get remove yours you know like exclude yourself from the narrative remove yourself from the narrative also that anxiety attack shit happens to me all the time happened to me to the point same my dad had to

come and like take care of me uh 2012 what a year um and uh and so like if someone's not gonna support you through that like obviously you're very mature right you're like he didn't have to be there for me like he was busy he had his own life that's mature of you to think i'm instead of being like i need to be codependent with this boy no but he should have wanted to be there he behaved poorly you don't have to cut him any slack no and you don't have to with her right right yeah and you don't have to look out for him or for the other girl like you're acting like you're their mom you're their mom yeah you don't have to be in charge of everyone which is which is like very stressful for you at this point like take care of yourself yeah and I'd say we we talk

about this a lot of being like I'm all for girls supporting girls but the only time in which I think that it's okay to kind of tell someone something is if you don't gain anything from the situation right you gain like this is a vindictive thing like as much as like you like as much as like there's a part of you that wants to protect this girl it's because there's like like i've dated guys who like have been absolute shit and they go on to date other girls and i'm like i want to warn them and then i'm like well i want to warn them because i don't want this relationship to work out because i don't want this to be it was just me that didn't work out yeah i don't want that to be yeah not not say that there's any blame on you or whatever but

Like, some people's relationships, like, how he treats you might not be how he treats her. Yeah, unless he, like, punched you in the face. No, yeah, and that's definitely any abuse stuff, 100%. And also, if this is real syphilis, I feel like that might be a thing. But, like, also, like, I don't know. Just take some antibiotics, just in case. I'm also really confused about who's sleeping with who. She's sleeping with her ex.

She's still sleeping with the ex. Okay, so I got that. Again, you're 18. You're beautiful. Sleep with someone else. But who are the other people that are having sex now? so her friends ex-girlfriend and her ex-boyfriend there's a love triangle okay so her best friend is not getting any he's alone she's alone no she's fucking up no no no i i don't we don't

know if the best friend is a guy or girl and the girls and the ex is like bisexual or if it's like you know what i mean we don't know if the friend is a friend her friend is anybody could be anyone could be anyone yeah but so that person's alone that person's not getting any whoever might be yes whoever they're not in this circle not okay because in my head i thought her best friend was still hooking up with his his or her ex no okay no that person has done the right thing they're they're at a buffalo wild wings having a time of their life like them they're like your friend go hang out with your friend go hang with your fucking friend stop having sex with your you and your friend leave go to buffalo go to buffalo wild do we have that in canada uh i don't

know i just love saying it because i we have my friend and i have a joke that it's our favorite straight bar do you want to go to the best straight bar no right so we're like have you ever um so just go with your friend buffalo wild wings yeah ignore all texts and calls from these other two people yeah let them live their dreams it's so it's just too exhausting and i remember i remember being like 19 and a part of it like my ex-boyfriend broke up we broke up uh the week before prom and the guy who ended up asking me to prom i went with him because my ex-boyfriend hated him because he was also like oh for sure always flirted with me except like you look really hot today my boyfriend time was like the fuck dude like right here look at that yeah and so

pre-nose job oh 100 crushing it killing it crushing it it was a small school but so so this the guy who asked me to prom him and i ended up like getting together and then my ex-boyfriend got with my prom dates ex-girlfriend of course and so it was like this whole switcheroo i've seen the oc oh god and i remember spending so much time just being like so emotionally invested in their relationship that like i like what the i just it was it's just so much wasted time that i then went on to college and i was like i just all this like pent-up feelings and i go to freshman year of college i'm like oh there are so many i have so much other shit to deal with who cares also your your mental health is is incapacitated you gotta take care of yourself you gotta like you

gotta recover from this anxiety attack i mean i i spent a lot of time like i had a very bad anxiety attack in 20 2008 and then i had another one in 2012 and then another in 2016 and the reason it happened every four years on the presidential election cycle is because I never took care of it the first time around yeah I wasn't I was I would get distracted by other things and you you're doing that right now you're distracting yourself with this relationship drama and what you should be doing is going to yoga and taking medication and seeing a therapist and just like you know taking sound baths and like doing stuff that will like make your mental health better and self-care doesn't have to be like emotionally treacherous all the time and I

think there's like I I always find if I'm going if I'm dealing with something really shitty that I want anything that makes me happy and I can sometimes I will mistaken things for that make me stop thinking about it for things that make me this ex-boyfriend is not medicine no sleeping with him he's not making you feel better he's making you not think about it but that's not helping it like that's not helping the problem and there's other things that like you don't have to like spend every single day in therapy crying and like working through this you can like do little things that make you happy that don't hurt you also hiking yeah like see a movie yeah go go take a shower swim take a bath get a pet rabbit 100 get it get a dog get like hang out with your

friends go on a road trip like there are so many things that will like help you that won't that will also make you forget that will also help heal you yeah but that won't hurt you in the long run which you will forget start a journal yeah paint write write it all down yeah don't if you're gonna like text if you're gonna like meet up with the ex-boyfriend to have sex with him instead text your other friend and go to buffalo i don't work for buffalo at all just get like a get like a get go no actually go somewhere if they have a rewards card they should do that that's canadian yeah yeah yeah you ever been to a tim hortons caller go there i'm sure she has i'm sure she has or get some poutine poutine go get some poutine yeah and yeah live your best life and

focus on yourself pet a moose yeah but get pet multiple mooses no canada meese how many is that the plural of moose or is moose the plural see these are the types of things you could think about instead of having sex with your ex-boyfriend so the options are endless do you have any episodes of this podcast we have you can watch them all oh my god watch this listen to my podcast it's called bad with money dude you have so much like hours of content yeah we between the two of us so much and masturbate oh my god this was helpful i hope so okay guys we're gonna go on a quick break and we'll be right back this episode of don't blame me is brought to you by me promoting us on itunes i'm a

ho for iTunes aren't we all uh so guys uh I love when you guys leave fantastic reviews on the Apple podcast app slash iTunes it really means a lot to me I enjoy reading them also this is a great place on the podcast app to tell me what your episodes have been your favorite who what guests have been your favorite what guests you'd like to come back on and if you guys left reviews on the podcast app again like I said it would mean a lot to me that's an opportunity for you to kind of vocalize how you feel and what you want to see more of guests you like and all of that stuff because i definitely do read them when i have bad days and i don't book auditions i won't name drop the one i didn't just book because everyone watches it so fun um so yeah guys uh

leave us some reviews on the apple podcast app five stars only like an uber and now back to the episode uh okay guys we are back from the break and we're gonna hop into more calls hi megan i'm 18 years old and I'm going to be attending college in less than a month. So at the orientation for the college that I'm going to, it happens in early June. And I met this boy who is going to be roommates with another one of my incredibly close gay guy friends. And we all just met up at orientation and hung out all day. And honestly, I kind of fell for him, which is surprising because he's totally not my type, but I've never met anyone like him. He is so different. He is literally the funniest person I've ever met and like I'm just so attracted to him so he lives

about four hours away from me and the college I'm going to but we've been talking like every single day since orientation and about a week ago he made me a playlist with the songs that he said reminded me of him and the title of the playlist was literally for you and it made me feel really special and he was talking about how he's going to make me dinner when he moves up here and we already just had so many dates planned out for when he finally moves in so needless to say i'm in love with him i've totally fallen for him but randomly after making me that playlist he said we're just going to be platonic friends he sent me a text saying that and keep in mind this is after he's like openly flirted with me and said he wants to be serious with me and he literally

sent me nudes and he randomly just brought up the name of this other girl and he told me that he's in love with her and so he has to be loyal to her and he kind of just ghosted me and we haven't texted in probably about a week now and I don't know if this girl's going to our college but I can't help but just compare myself to her like he told me her name and so I can like look her up on Instagram and she's prettier than me so I just am feeling really bad about myself but yeah and also on Apple Music I can see that he shared that for her playlist or for you playlist with her as well so I just am feeling really bad about myself I'm just wondering if you think I should cut this guy off or just let myself get hurt because I swear I've never met anyone as

amazing with him as amazing as him but also he's rooming with my friend and we're in the same major so it's really gonna be hard to avoid him i want to know where she lives and how many terrible guys she's come across that just aren't funny that makes this guy so amazing despite the fact that he sent her the same playlist as he sent another girl cut this guy off but like why cut him off but why is he so amazing like what he's not amazing he's a piece of shit terrible he's a piece of shit god he's a piece of shit uh like you don't want to win him no he's not a good prize to win he's a bad prize yeah no that is you're also you're going into college where there will literally be thousands of people so many this guy you haven't even you're 18 you haven't met that many people

this guy's not that great i promise you uh he's probably shitty uh he's clearly shitty because he's got another girl he's super shitty and he's telling that's the thing he's telling like is if this isn't his girlfriend or if it is his girlfriend like the biggest thing that like I wish I could fucking shake people people will tell you their intentions right and he's telling you point blank but you're listening to the other things that are more favorable that you like more as opposed to this when you're treating those as fact and you're treating this as maybe not fact right this is also a fact he's saying this so three months down the road when you're completely invested in him and you've slept together and you're asking for relationship he's like no i

told you i like i don't want yeah yeah i thought you knew because i told you this so then it becomes on you because you you did something in despite in in spite of knowing that yeah he it's not like it's not worth it he's sucks uh objectively as a person yes and like and like to be like oh this is what i don't understand and please be an ambassador to straight people for me i mean we're not that great here's my question are straight people okay because no straight I will say something straight white men are so not okay at all yeah but are but are straight couples okay because it seems because okay it seems to me like a lot of times it's girls who are like I feel bad about myself I want to be with this guy why doesn't he want to be with me and he sucks

and the girl is amazing and then it's like but so like she's like i feel bad about myself comparing myself to this other girl but like but like this guy is terrible yes what you don't want like you want him to want you but as soon as he you were together he would treat you like shit yeah so you you want to be good enough for this person who is not good does that make sense no and that's and i feel like that's every straight girl i know is just like i want to be good i why aren't i good enough for this literal like sentient bag of potatoes to like me genuinely exactly what it is because so as opposed to big dick energy there is straight white male ego yeah that is this the most like i god i like look at my straight white male friends and i'm like if i had that confidence and

that ego and that's what that is it's that difference in a relationship of i mean not to say that like i mean like i as a girl i as a female like very insecure but especially when i was younger and then you see a guy who you feel like you you feel like you're in a rom-com and you're being plucked out of obscurity and even if he's not cool and not cute and has a terrible personality he has this confidence that only comes with like white like white like cis male privilege confidence and that's what that is it's like this weird thing where you guys are supposed to be in like a in like this like plucked from obscurity thing and then it's that she doesn't know she's beautiful yeah take your glasses off and then some guy is gonna come and be like

here's a magical playlist for you I've chosen you out of everyone like I but like it's like my female friends are like gorgeous like put all this effort into how they look like so smart like accomplished like have amazing you know jobs or accomplishments and then they're like why won't my unemployed like literal garbage bag with legs boyfriend proposed to me yeah and it's like but what like you're what it's like the weirdest cycle in the world and it's a thing it's a total thing yeah I I you don't want him you just are sad that he didn't want you but like you're 18 again you're 18 you're never gonna be more beautiful than you are right now you might be you should be dating 60 dudes and you should be

leaving them all on read like you should not you know what I mean like also coming from somebody who dated someone she met at college orientation did not work out well no I 10 out of 10 would not recommend that no my college girlfriend I met during orientation but it was like it's the first car you see you first

don't don't don't drive that off the lot you gotta test drive them all and also I'm just gonna put this out there I'm gonna not to for all of you hopeless romantics I don't relate to you at all which you might have seen in my face when she was talking about the dates and stuff if any guy is telling you things that sounds like it's too good to be true and he makes you a playlist and everything just feels out of a movie it's fake yes that is not genuine at all especially if you don't know the guy because

a real true guy who's looking for a really great relationship is going to guard his emotions and read you and he's not going to just go above and beyond like I love you I'm so into you okay so it's an abuse no it's an abuse tactic and it's called love bombing oh and it's what an abusive person does where they shower you with love i've experienced this yeah that's shower you with love so romantic dozen roses helicopter ride fucking the bachelor experience like literally like you're perfect you're amazing you're wonderful you can do no wrong then like three weeks later they're like why did you think we were dating oh yeah oh god and then they own you yeah and then they own you forever uh it's a they they lure you with like a false sense of security like these like

these gestures and these things mean that you are gaslit you feel like oh you're right they never said that we were dating so I was with someone for such a long time who like love bomb love bomb love bomb love bomb and then I was like and then I was like oh so we're together and then he was like what I'm seeing like 15 other people why would we be together you're like oh okay I guess actions don't speak louder than words right or like what what like what what are you getting out of this yeah and then it's like the adoration allison always says if some if a guy is overly romantic towards you then he's that way towards everyone exactly that's exactly what he does to every girl and so the the fact that as soon as you said the playlist i was like he sent this

playlist to somebody else like he probably did not make it for yeah no for you yeah it doesn't even say your name yeah it's just like a standard typical douchey guy move which this to me just screams small dick energy correct guy who maybe wasn't super cute when he grew up in like middle school high school and then got cute last year of high school but everyone from high school was like no i still think of like jerry as the guy with like who like wore tivas with socks and then he goes to college and he gets this like hot guy ego and then he's like let me take everything all at once right and he's throwing out all of these like false romantic gestures that he sees from movies that nobody who's been in a real serious relationship would ever do that because they're

going to guard their heart i also think if you're 18 year old boy and your only idea of romance is from movies yeah then you kind of think this is how i have to behave even if i'm not that into the girl totally like this is the steps that let's say let's take this guy's side for one second he like i'm sure he thinks if you are interested in a girl you have to go above and beyond because there's no there's not really any there's no movie in like and then we dated yeah do you know what I mean and then we broke up but it was fine yeah exactly like in if you're 18 it's like Romeo and Juliet we're fucking crazy in love and everything is insane or nothing yeah no and that does that that does make sense I just think like you the idea of you being like should I just

commit to getting hurt I think there's so much things of like life lessons that you're going to get hurt but there needs to be something you actually benefit from and like date someone older let them pay for everything yeah but like you're gonna get hurt regardless like this isn't like let me speed up this life lesson and get hurt now in a heartbreak and then i'm gonna meet my husband next like you're gonna go through so many heartbreaks there are ones that you should avoid there are unavoidable heartbreaks and there's like clear signs that you're walking into like a garbage pit like don't fucking do it like get rid of this dude yeah and it's also let me let me give you some advice from my life experience he sent those nudes to everybody everybody they

might not be recycled nudes baby yeah they might not even be his yeah but they are definitely recycled nudes for sure everything that you've been like everything that you think about him is not him like this like he's great and he's like no what guy you've ever any other guy you've met that is an act that is a performance you've also met 12 guys you met four guys and one of them is gay and your best friend like chill out yeah no no there's there are so many other great people and also not to like throw the make him hold that day's newspaper in the nudes.

Like a proof of life. Like it's a kid, like a kidnapping. Yes. That's what you need. That's the only way I accept nudes now. If it has that day's date in your name. I respect that.

Yeah. I love that. I don't trust nobody. And he had to take the extra effort because who gets newspapers delivered anymore? no he has to write like it's a reddit ama his name the date his handle hold it up your names yes and we need like full watermark everything everything i need to see everything clear um i love it i yeah i would say also there's not to pull like the college reputation thing in with

this but i wish i hadn't jumped into a relationship immediately in college because then after we broke up it was like everybody was like oh i thought you were still with this person like yeah it became like i was known as this guy's girlfriend rather than being known as yourself and starting over in school and being known as yourself and like making my own friends not just making his friends then we broke up and then i'm like fuck i have no not really any of my own friends and like nobody knows me for anything except this guy's ex-girlfriend yes so yeah i would and then also then you're also the reason why he's so great is because you can't see the contradictions he's probably going to make in person or see him doing this to other girls

you're only seeing like talking to over text message the second you get to school and you see that he's a total sleazeball and that he's doing this to everybody you're not going to like him okay on to the next call i'm 23 and i was i wanted an unbiased opinion about my relationship it so I'm engaged and we've been engaged for almost a year now but um I like I'm canon we've been trying for a baby and I know it's like a little more of a mature subject than you're used to like receiving but we've been trying for a baby and we've had no luck so we've actually going to like fertility doctors well the beginning of it anyway and um this is where the issue comes in is that I'm going through more fertility doctors because I'm a woman I have to I have

more steps and processes than him where he has you know an afternoon and then a reading of his results and the problem is is that he's procrastinated it because I don't think he wants to receive the bad news if it is his side that's not letting us have a kid um i've tried to talk to him about it but he just seems to kind of oh yeah i'll book it and i'll i'll get to it when i can but then just kind of blows it off um so is it like my part to nag him or should i just kind of go with the flow and deal with my stuff and then once my stuff's done push him a little bit more or should i just leave it entirely well there's a lot of masculinity at play right like he doesn't want to find out if his if he's shooting blanks he doesn't want to find out because he thinks it

means something about his he's like less of a man masculinity which it really are they trying how long have they been trying yeah it really but it really doesn't mean anything thing is if you you take care of yourself you deal with your own stuff on this side and then if it turns out that you're actually able to have a child and it's and it's on and then you'll pretty much know on his end but you do want like the medical diagnosis or whatever but he needs to not like this is a group effort he needs to not take it personally he doesn't want a kid right now well yeah that's kind of what i was thinking that's what i'm like i think that they're you gotta have like that's like a hard conversation to have with somebody like do you not want to have a kid or are you

nervous that you are unable to have yeah and also like do you not want to have a kid right now like because it also can be one of those things like how long did they say they were dating a year and they've been they've been engaged for a year and a half but I think also like a lot of the time when you at least like when I was younger like I had a totally skewed idea of where my life would be at at 25 now that I'm older and in a relationship I've like those those expectations I've had I've changed them I've been like oh no I don't want this at this age now but I wonder are you holding on to these things that you wanted regardless of the fact that like maybe your partner isn't ready for that yet yeah or maybe he thought he was ready and he changed his mind and he's scared to be like

I'm just not really ready to have a kid right now and I want to enjoy being like I want to get married and enjoy being married yeah where's the fire yeah why are you why you're not married yet no also don't you want to have a little time with each other and like a wedding do you know how hard it is to get sized for a wedding dress when you're pregnant yeah like you're not married yet like get married don't have to the alterations are so expensive right i know a girl who got married when she was like she got married she was engaged had her wedding dress got pregnant and was pregnant while they were like literally spent so much fucking money on alterations every single like every two months yeah i had friends yeah i had friends that that i'm not sure what i never really

asked what the rush was but i don't i don't really like have time together like you're you make it about yourselves like make the wedding about yourselves yeah and also you you've been engaged for a year and a half maybe put this effort that you're putting into trying to have kids right now into planning a wedding, like having a wedding, or even just getting married. If you don't want to have a big wedding, just get married. Because I would say-

And spend time with each other. Yeah. And like, you don't know what's going on with him. Maybe he, maybe you're right. Maybe he doesn't really want to have a kid right now. Maybe he, even if he does want to have a kid, even if it's the truth, and he is very scared of finding out

that he can't have children, that's your partner. You love him. Like, that's a real fear. and maybe that's a fear too because you're not married yet and this is something that you really want and what if he's like well fuck what if i can't have kids and she's not gonna want it yeah right like you like it's not just about hitting the benchmarks yeah and the goals because he's a person as well no totally if you i think sometimes i see women friends of mine they get a

guy they have the guy they're like great i have the guy and then they run towards all the goals but like then the guy is not even humanized no he doesn't have a choice he doesn't have like he's like check in with him if he is scared i understand that it's like damaging your timeline yeah but if he is scared that's your partner and he's your friend yeah like you love him like if he's scared like that's legitimate like it's not like his fear isn't like ruining my timeline of like engaged married pregnant like he might have a different timeline or he might like you make him feel better yeah and also a spooked guy is probably not going to be the best dad to a baby either like you want to have you guys both need to be ready and I would also say I think if you were older

like he needs to be until you have a kid your partner should be your priority that's what I'm saying like the kid the non-existent baby is a priority over him yeah and that if I were him I also probably would be like holding off having a kid to be like I need more attention like hi what happened to me weren't we excited about us and getting married and engaged and I'd also say too you're both so incredibly young that the chance that they're you're like the most fertile you'll ever be for the next couple years so they're it's not like you're running out of time right to do that so i think like that to me just it it just seems like you're skipping i understand wanting to be a young parent and all of that sometimes a lot of people want to grow like want don't want

to be too old when they have kids and i totally get that but i think especially going to like fertility doctors and doing all of this stuff like that's something that unless you've been trying for like years yeah like you're so so incredibly young it's really just that to me just sounds like it's you're putting the focus on that as opposed to like the relationship you already have and that needs to be a priority and just talk to him about it because either he does there's yeah there's two things and make and make sure you're not talking to him and being like why are you holding me up? No, not at all.

Like talk to him. Check in like on your relationship. Is he okay? Are you okay? Are you both okay? And also what if it, the same thing if this was, if this was you,

like if you were the one with fertility issues and he wanted a kid so bad and then what if he's like, wouldn't you be scared? Yeah, you'd be terrified. And also if you're with somebody who prioritizes having their own, like conceiving and carrying their own,

like child so much. And if you couldn't do that, wouldn't you also fear that maybe he would walk away if that was his number one priority I think if you have that conversation you can then still tell him be like you know what I'm totally with you on that but like we've already started to go to a fertility doctor I'd love to just check in to know when we want to have a family if we're okay and be like I'm not gonna I'm not leaving because of this no yeah yeah yeah and make him feel

supported like that because that's just it's a lot and also I just want to know why you're not married yet you know like what's the hold up what's the hold up yet what's the rush like why aren't you married yet yeah and so why are you trying to check all these like boxes yeah if you're not married yet why are you trying different priorities i always feel like but then why would you get engaged you know i don't know like either have a baby i don't i forget that people um like that that's not that young in some parts of the country and that like people have you know they're like oh my god well i have to check all these boxes for i'm 25 or else i'm like just useless to the world which is bizarre because i think there's like i i'm i don't know if it's just

because we're like la coastal elites that we're like what you have 35 it's fine it's the craziest thing my wife and i've been my boyfriend and i of course have been together since i was two we've been together for like three years and i'm 25 now the amount of tweets from people and now the amount of like older adult friends who are being like so even my dad will be like so when's uh when's he putting a ring on it and i'm like what i'm sorry that doesn't happen till you're 30 over here like what and it's like it's so odd to me that people would think that that's something where i'm like i in my mind if we got engaged i feel like every comment be like oh my god you're too young why would you get engaged like that's my response but it's it's not like that in everywhere like

everywhere at all which is so it's just it well i think they're putting it the pressure on timeline versus age which is interesting like we don't know how long they've been together like my sister has two friends who've been together since high school and they just got married and so technically they they've been together for 10 years they're 25 they've been together for 10 years if I've been with someone for 10 years it's like okay probably you'll get married but in my but then in reality I'm like you're 25 though yeah it's lifestyle for me it's so much more about my lifestyle when I'm when I feel comfortable doing anything it's not about like my age doesn't determine how mature or ready I feel for anything right it's just like where my life is at at that

point yeah and those two I'm like yeah they should probably get married they're like a weird Kory and Topanga situation but like I almost did it for my eighth birthday that was the only thing I actually I think a couple years in a row for my birthday the only thing I asked was to legally change my name to Topanga wow didn't happen but that's all I wanted she sounds like she's probably a cancer or a Pisces a Pisces yeah yeah I bet you're a Pisces or a Taurus because she's trying to like micromanage everything oh that could be true that could be true let us know call out yeah yeah please do do we have more questions we've got producer's corner now what's that oh wow good question you want you want to take it away you want to explain uh sure producer's corner is where

i pick uh either like my favorite call of the week it could be um a callback of somebody updating us on their information or someone else calling back with counter advice okay that's what we did so this week we have someone with counter advice so this is from the episode with lee newton and this caller is calling about about the girl who um her boyfriend thought that they would end up together later but he wants to go out and figure out himself and date so it was wild notes sure hi megan i was just wanting to i guess um give some counter advice to some advice that i've heard on the podcast um this is mostly inspired by the episode with lee newton um where you're talking to the girl um whose boyfriend was like I guess feeling kind of stuck in their relationship

or feeling like you know he was worried that he hadn't been with anyone else um so I guess I just wanted to say to that girl and a bunch of others um ethical non-monogamy is a thing um monogamous relationships aren't the only way to have relationships. Exploring outside of your relationship with other people and, you know, making connections with others, whether they're emotional or physical or both, is a wonderful thing that can happen. Obviously, it's not for everybody. It takes a lot of communication and trust. And, you know, of course, there's going me feelings of jealousy, but those are easy to manage. Um, but I guess, I don't know. I just wanted to put out there that being with only one partner, is it the only way to do it? Um,

so I just encourage everybody to keep an open mind, do research. Um, Shan Boodram on YouTube has a lot of really amazing videos about open relationships. And I think it's worth looking into for a lot of people because there are many many ways to love um just monogamy isn't the only way uh i'm non-monogamous my uh i don't think i've i don't think i've been in a monogamous relationship like fully monogamous in a decade maybe um but it is like it's not for everybody and it does take like a lot of um talking about stuff and and also not being selfish it takes a lot of not being selfish it also takes two willing participants yes two people who want to who are both on the same page and that you're not doing it to get away with something or you're not doing

it to be um or to prove a point to prove a point and you're not doing it to uh like you have to you have to be able to not read like not try to take advantage of stuff like my girlfriend and I were somewhere and I was interested in someone and I was like I was like I'm gonna go make out this person she was like great I went and made out with them and then uh then my girlfriend trying to be like supportive was like oh you should go like go home with them and I was like no I don't need to yeah she was like go no you're like yeah like I'm cool I'm cool like go home and I could tell that she was not cool yeah and if I was like a lesser if I was like more selfish or if I was like using it to take advantage or whatever I would have been like peace yeah but I was like

I'm fine there's this is not do or die there is no situation in which like it is worth hurting your feelings totally I was like so we went home and then the next day she was like I'm glad you didn't go home with them and I was like of course you are like I could tell like don't it's it takes it's a lot of like reading your partner and also like you you can take them at their word but you also a little bit have to be like it's not all about me no yeah and that's hard to get to that place yeah and I think I think like also it's just I think it's worth anybody who's like interested in that talking about that and I think like I've had friends who've like asked me my opinions on this because they've been with I've had friends who've been in open relationships that were more

along the lines of being like we're just gonna break up but we're gonna like slowly break up versus like i and which is am i wrong in the sense that like do you feel like there's a difference between the term open relationship and non-monogamous relationship sort of it depends i mean it's all different like i used to identify as polyamorous i don't know that that is the case anymore i've had boyfriends and girlfriends at the same time or two boyfriends or two girlfriends whatever um but now i feel like time management wise i just like can't make that work um but so i've like shifted more towards non-monogamy or open relationship but it depends like some people are in open relationships where they don't tell each other anything yeah i don't understand that yeah

my friend did that and i don't understand that that would drive me insane it was a segue for them to break up and they both knew it they just didn't that would drive me crazy they didn't want to give up on something until they knew there were other things out there and they both were kind of okay with it but i've also had friends who've talked to me about like as a girl being like what are your opinions on this? And I'm like, I've, I think you, and what I've always told them, I was like, it's the same thing of being like,

you can't, if you want to introduce this into your relationship with whoever you're dating, this, A, it probably should have been something that you might have, this shouldn't be sparked from the fact that you are just like wanting to, like, you're just like not that into your partner anymore. Like it can't come from that place.

The thing that people don't understand is that it has to be about you and your partner. so like anytime that it's been in that it that i've done non-monogamy with people um it's about us it's about like so that's why not talking about it doesn't make sense a lot to me but like it's been about like oh how did your date go tell me about it or like i'm prioritized or like my girlfriend is prioritized over this person i'm going to make out with or like you know like compersion instead of jealousy where compersion is when instead of being jealous you're happy that they're sleeping with someone else so you're happy to hear about it or you're or it informs your sex

life so like I've dated people where like they go off and fuck someone or I go off and fuck someone and then we talk about it and then that makes us fuck each other like yeah there's like elements of it where it has to be about you guys at the end at the core and it's not the unknown it's not you thinking about like what potentially could have happened and all that or they have met each other or like we've gone out to dinner the three of us or like and they're not necessarily interested in each other i've had situations where uh like my boyfriend and i had a girlfriend and we were both seeing her or i had a girlfriend and a boyfriend and they did they were friends but they didn't hook up with each other or like uh you know it's like all different kinds of situations

and it's just very individualized but it's never i don't like the type of non-monogamy where you don't tell each other no i always like i always like it kind of to be like a big discussion but also you can't just if your partner's like hey i don't want you to hook up with this one person can you not like or like i'm not i don't trust this person or i don't feel respected by this person can you can you not like then you have to your partner is still your priority yeah exactly like i think there's there's relationship anarchy where you're dating multiple people and it's everyone's kind of on a level playing field a lot of what i do is like primary partner secondary partner or or two primary partners or whatever um but there's different like all different ways to

do it you can read a book called the ethical slut that's like a really good book about non-monogamy it's catchy right i like that but basically like yeah it's just in my mind it always comes back to it has to be about something cool and fun and like that you and your partner are doing together yeah it has to be about you both well that's like my fear though is the caller it was her boyfriend wanting to not be with someone for the rest of forever and or like not wanting to settle down with like the first girl that he had like all of his like first things with and that's my fear though too though like if she as as much as like i'm fully totally in favor of everybody doing what they want sexually i just don't want her or anybody to be like i feel like i'm losing somebody

let me give you the free reign to have sex with other people because that means i won't lose you and ultimately if you're compromising what you what your comfortability for anything yeah it's never going to end up well yeah and you don't have to if you have a partner who wants to to be with other people and you're okay with that but you don't feel like well if he's out doing something i should be doing something read catch up on tv all the shows he hates there's been times where i like my partner's like gone out and been like i'm gonna go like hook up with someone and i've been like amazing it's spa night for me like do you know what I mean like it's it's um sometimes also like it's not a competition no and and sometimes like it's been taking the pressure off like where

I'm like look I'm super busy for the next month like I can't see you as much as you would want to see me why don't you get that old fuck bunny back on the line you know what I mean like there's there's plenty of different ways but I also think like it's hard to introduce someone to it who isn't naturally inclined to it yeah well that's it for our episode thank you so much for having me this is so fun thank you for being on you were so great come back okay i wonder what would be like if you and alice were on at the same time we disagree on everything i know that's what i'm kind of curious she says i don't have enough red flags that i'm sort of just like whatever she was very decisive about everything yeah very decisive that's what our channel is like yeah oh yeah i

mean you know me big fan oh well where can people find you on the internet or not on the internet sure uh i'm at gabby road on instagram no longer on twitter no longer on twitter and then um i have a podcast called bad with money uh which is out now there's three seasons and then uh bad with money is about to be a book and that's available for pre-order and the bad with money book comes out in january but pre-order it now please so that my publisher likes me um and that's like a financial book, but it's not yelling at you. It's not condescending. It's a financial book for the rest of us. Oh, I like that. Yeah. That's great. Well, now we can both promo our books because your book comes out in January. My book comes out in February. Hey, what's your book

called? It's called You're Not Special. Well, I'm going to pre-order your book. Thanks. I'll pre-order your book. Thanks. Although you seem real scared for people to read it. I'm really scared for people to read it. Okay. It's just too personal. I fucked up in that. I mean, but you should read read books pre-order our books pre-order our books um and yeah and uh you can check out melissa and i's our socials are in the description as always and um if you guys have shit in your life that you need some advice on give us a call at 310-694-0976 and if you're an international listener send us an email with an audio file at meganpodcasts at gmail.com and if you haven't watched the episode watch it on youtube and even listen to it on uh itunes

soundcloud or uh the r go to don't blame me.show to listen to the podcast subscribe there leave us a review and yeah guys we'll see you next week bye don't blame me is a production by me produced directed and edited by melissa demont post production sound by chris henry production assistant julie carley and music by giacomo picasso and ryan hunter i'll see you guys next week and don't blame me if your life you know completely fucks up before then oh in toronto every arrival is a statement and nothing says it better than this cadillac optic was the number one selling luxury ev in canada for 2025 find your rhythm across a seamless 33 inch display and an immersive 19 speaker akg surround audio

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