Don't Blame Me! - S2E2: Guest: Meghan Tonjes - Being a Sugar Baby!

Episode Date: May 18, 2018

This week you’re getting a double dose of Meghan! The talented Meghan Tonjes joins with some straightforward and funny advice for what to do if you’re getting weird vibes from your mom’s new boyfriend and how to be a fuck buddy with your ex. There’s also a very arousing follow-up to one of the anal sex calls.The 6 Types of Attraction: http://www.thefrisky.com/2012-05-02/the-6-types-of-attraction/Need Advice?www.dontblameme.showDomestic Listeners Call: [phone]International Listeners Send a Voice Memo To: [e-mail]… with as much detail as possible under 3 minutes! I’ll do my best to share my wonderful words of wisdom. If you’re under 18, please get your parent’s permission. Advice is for entertainment purposes only, so you can’t blame me if I screw up your life. I kid! My advice IS AMAZING.- Want to WATCH this episode as well? Check out my YouTube channel:http://youtube.com/meghanrosette-Get a free audiobook with a free 30 day trial at audible.com/BLAME or text BLAME to 500-500.Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/join/dontblameme See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

On today's episode of Don't Blame Me, we have Megan Tonjes as a guest, and we talk about friends forcing other friends to take birth control, and also what happens when you're a sugar baby and your sister's going to tell your parents. Thanks to Audible for supporting Don't Blame Me. For a free audiobook with a 30-day free trial, go to audible.com slash blame or text blame to 500-500. Hello, everybody. Welcome back to another episode of Don't Blame Me. And today, if you're watching this, you'll already know. But if you're just listening to this, we have an exciting guest. It's Megan Tondas. Hello. Do you want to know a fun fact? You're

one of the first people I ever subscribed to on the internet. I'm not kidding. Like in, when did you when did you start your channel 2006 so i if i graduated high school in 2011 and i started watching youtube when i was a sophomore in high school okay so i started watching your channel wow 10 9 like 2007 2008 wow early tanges i'm i think i was just subscribed to like four people oh my god you jp metz oh my god it must have been like soundly awake at that point soundly awake and um uh i want to say i was subscribed to smosh and then i unsubscribe because i was like this is not content for me fair fair but yeah that was like you guys wow we're going back right now yeah so that's my embarrassing that's so funny well i'm

still friends with all those people that makes me really fucking happy nikki lives here in las angeles like down the street from me we still make videos together much better produced videos but still i mean it's just like i you're literally who i think of when i think of like og youtube oh my god i'll take it that's such a compliment and i didn't unsubscribe oh my god i must have done something right yeah consistently always putting up videos constantly no I think it's awesome because there's so many channels that I like had subscribed to forever ago I'm like whatever happened to those people but then it's like then there's ones you're like oh no it's like I can be like wow this is creepy I feel like I've watched your entire life but like I didn't stop watching

your entire life it's okay well that's good too because I've changed a lot of content in the past few years so like I started off doing music and I still am working on music but I kind of veered away from that recently so it's nice to know that you have a beautiful voice thank you we won't make you sing don't worry I mean I don't even know what I would sing it's like do people do that at parties too when you're like oh I sing and they're like sing something for us I'm the worst kind of musician like I'm a musician that hates other musicians and is annoyed by other that's how I feel about actors so okay good good then you connect with it I hate everyone it's like every time I'm at like playlists and there's always that one dude with an acoustic guitar

that goes to the pool I'm like oh fucking die please I hate him for you too oh it's the worst it's super annoying anytime it's like everyone's like I can play the guitar and they just like pick it up and start strumming it i have one friend who does that and it's fine but then any other guy when they're in a situation with him and they even slightly or anything musical they'll just start doing whatever they can like taking like and just like tapping on the table and he's like so i just because i brought my guitar here now you have to pretend drum yeah unfortunately life isn't quite like pitch perfect so i don't just start breaking out song often but um that cup song you know where you maybe next time we can work on it and do a little duo oh yeah i'm great

i'm a fantastic singer you told me that early i told you i can carry a tune with auto tune as long as you don't put me on good morning america i'm into it i'm into it that's like i think that's like the extent of like either you can sing or you can carry a tune and you should just never perform live that's where i'm at like with any assistant i can look i can look great i understand i understand that i think one of the things is like as a musician i think there's just different reasons why people do music and what they get out of it and it's not that i like am anti being the center of attention. Like I do love to kind of be in the focus sometimes, but I'm not one of those people. It's like, I just need to perform constantly. I need that validation. I love

writing songs when it's 3am and I'll write a song and play it once and then never play it for anyone. Like it's very much, it's much more therapeutic for me. Yeah. And performing is fun and I love performing, but it's not, I don't feel the desire to like, every time my group of friends sit down, like, hold on, pay attention to me. Let me play songs just in case you forgot I can sing. It's like, it just feels gross and icky to me. Yeah. Well, that's how you know you're actually a really good singer too you don't need like the validation of all these people they get and forgot remember i can still sing yeah i oftentimes i'm like i'd rather just you think i'm funny than anything else best compliment i think it's definitely by far the best compliment

there you go uh well guys you're listening to the podcast or you're watching it on youtube um and yeah so this is don't blame me it's an advice podcast you guys call in you tell us things in your life and we attempt to give you some advice sometimes it works out well all the time i end up being a bitch like no matter what i hate somebody by the end of every call sometimes it's the caller um but yeah so if you guys want to call in and leave voicemails the phone number is 310-694-0976 is that wrong oh that was perfect you gave me a look oh i know i was listening to another one where you you were you got it right but you struggled through it and so i was waiting i do well usually always a struggle it's my entire life excuse me oh also this person giving

snarky fucking comments mel say hello wow yeah um yeah i usually have to close my eyes but because we just recorded another episode like i was like i was okay um respect it thanks i respect the struggle the come up the struggle the hustle um and if you're international caller um you can send us a voice memo to meganpodcast at gmail.com and make sure it's mel doesn't want it to be too long because apparently some of you guys have been leaving um we have a strict like two and a half minute limit on our podcast because i do a podcast called adventures in rooming with my roommate keith and he's in charge of the questions in the advice section and so the thing is they know not to send daddy keith too long of an email because he's just not he's just gonna not read it well

yeah but they oh they always start the email with i'm so sorry i hope this isn't too long and then he just gets frustrated he's like you've already made it longer than it needed to be i just need the question oh wow yeah it's three minutes i think that's plenty of time that's good yeah you can do it if you can't if you can't tell me your problems in three minutes then they're not worth talking about or they're yeah either you're you're blowing it out of proportion or i'm not the person to call yeah there's therapy yeah this sounds like something massive um but yeah so we're gonna we're gonna get into these calls i think i might be gay but okay so i like this guy i like this guy i i broke up with my old boyfriend of like nine months because i thought i was gay

and then he and then i started liking this other guy and i was like well maybe i'm not gay i like him but i can't kiss him and i can't like be really physical like i'm attracted to him but i don't know I don't know what to do because I don't know this is really embarrassing for me because I don't I haven't really talked to people about this so I'm hoping I can get your advice even though I'm putting this on the internet um your personal advice because because I don't know what to do and I don't really know what I am I'm still discovering myself and everything do you think I should continue my relationship with him or like not not really date anybody until I can figure it out I don't know oh my gosh to be 16 again yeah that's a doozy wow she's already been

in longer relationships than I've been at 32 oh I'm already impressed hey about 16 I was like I love the Jonas Brothers and I just want to have my first kiss um fuck I mean I think the first thing I'd say is nobody can like define your sexuality and like what you identify as um so I don't want to say that like I'm trying to define you by this but I think I would say um obviously people go through like I mean sexuality is a spectrum in general like you can be attracted to guys and girls you can be I mean people are attracted to anything like that it's I don't really my personal belief is like I I have always identified as straight because I've never been sexually or romantically attracted to a woman but like that doesn't mean that there's

a woman there's not a woman on the planet that I wouldn't be sexually like I'm sure there is someone that would make me feel that way I think it's so much more about like being attracted to people like the person and who they are it's the same reason why as a straight person I'm not attracted to every guy I meet like I'm there are so many more like factors that go into that um so I would say uh but I don't know I feel like it's it's worth to talk about the idea of like being um aromantic i don't know like again like it's not like putting that on you because if you've had romantic feelings for someone if you've had like sexual attraction feelings someone before i would say if you felt sexually attracted to somebody else before and like wanted to be

intimate and physical with them then and then you have this guy who you really like and you like for his personality but you're not sexually attracted to i i don't know if that means you don't actually like that guy or if maybe have you felt those sexual urges towards other people yeah I guess the question is well first of all you went right to being like I must be gay you might just be bisexual there are a whole variety of things that you could be and you're also so young so it's like you're gonna go through this this is gonna be a process that continues as you get older you're gonna figure out new things and new people that you're attracted to and and I also think that you know you're kind of jumping I from you were from your question I'm gathering that the course of

whatever relationship you are in was at its end and I don't know if you met someone else like maybe a girl or someone else that you were attracted to and that kind of made you question it but to go into this other relationship where you're not really sexually attracted to them you don't feel comfortable being physical with them but you're attracted to the personality I think you might it might be a version of being asexual it could also be that this is just a friend it could be someone that you're really attracted to but it's not quite at that level to date them or to be physical and I do think that if you're in a relationship and they're expecting a certain level of physicality and that's not something you feel comfortable with

I think that you need to take a step back and say you know what I'm kind of figuring out my stuff right now I really like you I want to be friends I want to hang out I don't feel comfortable with other stuff and I don't think that you should go along with it just because that fits into the mold of what you think a relationship should be it sounds like you're confused you're figuring things out and you have so much time like you're 16 just be friends and get to know this person and and don't feel like you have to be like in a boyfriend girlfriend situation you get to explore and figure out what it is you want and you're you probably are going to meet people that you should meet later on in life that are going to kind of influence that more than high school

yeah and I also don't think that you need to be like oh no I shouldn't date until I figure out my sexuality I think like so much of figuring out what you're into is meeting other people and like yeah through dating and all that stuff like I don't I think like you can have these hypothetical things like thoughts of being like well what if I am what if I'm all this stuff and like you don't first of all you don't need to label yourself at all and I think as opposed to just like dating to figure out a label to give yourself to tell other people I think you just need to figure out what it is that you're into and who you're into and by doing that I think it's like saying yes to things that you want to say yes to without in the back of your head being like but

does this mean this like none of it has to mean anything it can just mean that you're like just trying to figure out who you're attracted to and what you're into um and I just I think the thing exactly like you're saying there is somewhat of um an association of physicality when it comes to a relationship so i think if you don't feel comfortable with that then making then letting him know because it's also just not fair for somebody else if they think that you're you guys are going down this other path and you're not including him on like oh i'm not sexually attracted to you and then he ends up putting himself out there thinking that you guys are on the same page yeah so i think um you don't owe anyone like an explanation of like you don't have

to tell him why you're not feeling like i'm not into this because of x y and z i could just be like you know what I think I just want to get to know you and slow this down a little bit and figure out what I want I think you can own own that feeling and then yeah I would just say just like take your time it's not um I mean I also have friends who like very much identified one way or another and then ended up as they got older dating a woman or dating a man and like maybe it was the only person of the same sex that they dated or they've only ever dated same-sex people then ended up dating someone of the different sex and it's just something like being open to it you're then able to realize it's so much less about someone's like genitals and what someone,

or even what someone identifies as, as, as, as, as much, as much as it is about them as a person. And I think that's kind of like letting yourself meet all kinds of people. And I think that's how you, you'll find, you'll find out the kind of people you're attracted to, not necessarily like man or woman. Yeah. Yeah. I think it's all about figuring out the kind of personality and the traits that you're attracted to, and then kind of paring it down from there. And then also making sure that you're not like closing yourself off to who you can be attracted to while also not deciding like oh well I don't know who I'm attracted to so I can't even focus on this person like I would just be patient with yourself and also you know something that I think happens

a lot in high school but I see it even as we get older is this idea that like well I'm hanging out with you and I'm dating you so we have to be boyfriend girlfriend or boyfriend boyfriend or girlfriend girlfriend like you can just casually date and get to know people and you don't have to be claimed by anyone like you know focus on your studies okay school is important and there's a lot of other people that can come around they're gonna give you that same spark that you're looking for yeah yeah i found this uh great infographic um that what's the infographic it's like a graphic yeah i'll put it down in the show notes in the show notes but it talks about the different types of attraction sexual attraction romantic attraction crushes squishes sensual attraction

and i'm sorry you can't glaze over squishes we have to squish is an aromantic crush a desire for a strong platonic relationship with someone that makes me think of like the issue i have with that is like when i think of squish i'm like oh a baby and then you were the definition i'm like no i don't have a crush yeah and then like aesthetic attraction so yeah well you're just like like to look at someone oh yeah yeah I feel like Margot Robbie yeah oh love I also love to watch her perform great actress I'm sorry I'm just gonna slide that in there I'm just gonna slide that in there Margot Robbie you want to go on the podcast but I think there's a lot of pressure on like if you look at someone and find them attractive or can acknowledge that they're

attractive all of a sudden it calls into question your sexuality and who and I want to be with and it's it's perfectly fine to be able to look at people and say they're attractive I like them and to not necessarily make that like this is who I have to date this is who I have to have sex with this is relationship material like you can just realize beauty in all its different forms whether it's you know romantically or sensually or sexually or whatever um and i and i think that's part of growing up is you just figure out where your lines are where your boundaries are and what feels good and that and also have the freedom to change that whenever you want very much agreed okay awesome should we go on to the next one yeah on to the next call hey megan my name is i'm 15 years old

and i'm from georgia my dad died two years ago since then my mom got a new boyfriend who she loves and my brother and my sister love i'm the only one who doesn't like him i get weird vibes from him and i feel as if he's using my family i don't mean that he's a gold digger since he's rich but i feel as if he uses my mom for you know what since she got with him i found out that i found many toys and weird and it weirded the crap out of me um they go on crazy trips even that my mom claims that we're poor. She went to Mexico in December and recently just got back from a trip from Punta Canta,

which is in the Dominican Republic. I was like, whatever, I guess we'll be fine with their relationship, but then I was like, but then I found out that they were actually having an open relationship, but he has an open relationship. My mom doesn't like dating other people. She's always just been with one person only, and that was my dad but once he died my mom just dated him and she's just she's she's had a real

relationship with him I do not like him I hate him so much and I really just don't know what to do I just don't trust him with anything in my life and if my mom and him ever do get really serious I don't think I could ever trust him in my life ever and I couldn't call him dad oh man this breaks my heart there are so many levels to this first of all just don't go through your parents like oh don't open the drawers like just don't do it i've done it like it's it's just not worth it like you're if you think you might find you're gonna find it if you think you might find something like this here seems like so when you're a kid you're looking for christmas or like hanukkah presents and you're like i feel like it'd be hidden here if you're like thinking like

oh I feel like my parents would hide x y and z here or like any of my parents they're that's that's right I went to my parents stuff all the time like the minute they left the house I was like let me go through this closet let me go through these photos and you and you find I wasn't necessarily scarred but I think that I was probably for how young I was and my lack of understanding really about sex I probably found things that made me super uncomfortable and then you don't really know how to bring that up because it's like I'm not gonna tell you hey mom and dad I found a vibrator. It's not going to be a conversation that you feel comfortable having. I think there are a few things going on here. I think one, you know, it hasn't been that long

since you lost your dad. And I think that there's always going to be that struggle of seeing a new person in your life and your mom's life and feeling like someone that you loved is being replaced or forgotten. I think that's, that's just something that's part of this entire situation. And not to say that maybe you're not actually getting creepy vibes from someone that's very possible. And I'm very into like following your intuition, but that may be influencing this, this initial desire to not like this person. And then I also feel like there's a huge discomfort with the sexual aspect of your, of your mom's relationship with this man. And I think part of that is being really young and not having experience with many of those relationships,

but also your mom. And this is, Ooh, this is the lesson you're going to learn growing up. someone this is something that I've learned is that your parents are people and they have independent relationships outside of you and their love for you and it doesn't necessarily affect that and while you are at the beginning of your life and you might be uncomfortable with you know if you're finding toys or you under you're finding out about this open relationship and it makes you feel really you know defensive of your mom and really upset about certain things the reality is I think, you know, you don't know your mom, but she probably was with one person. She's met someone else and she's exploring that relationship and figuring out what that looks like for her. And

so I think sometimes, I mean, even as adults, a lot of people are very uncomfortable about the idea of open relationships or polyamory or anything like that. But the biggest thing to take out of that is that as an adult, you get to tailor your relationship to fit what it is you want and you get to explore the way that you want. So I'm sure that if this is an open relationship where maybe you don't know that your mom's dating other people or seeing other people, but he is, and that makes you very upset. That's probably a conversation they've had. And that's probably something that they're okay with in their relationship. And so you kind of have to let go of that control that you want, or like that inclusion of like understanding what it

is. Sometimes you're just not going to quite understand what it is that your mom's looking for or what she's exploring in this relationship. I think that, oh, it's so hard. I don't have a teenager thank god um thank god uh so I don't even know what that conversation would look like but I do think that this is something worth on some level talking to your mom about of like I'm just feeling really uncomfortable maybe not straight come out and say like hey I went through your stuff and I found out you're doing all these things but you know if you have heard that this is an open relationship or what's going on maybe it's something to bring up to your mom and say I just want to understand more about this you don't have to tell me obviously details you want to tell me

but I'm growing up. I'm a young person. I want to understand what you're going through because otherwise I have a very limited view of this man that you love and I want to understand it. And I think it's, this is part of you going through like mourning your dad, being uncomfortable with your mom, being with someone else, and also being at a place where you haven't experienced a lot of these kinds of relationships. And so it feels really uncomfortable and weird. Yeah, no, I, I mean, I agree with everything you're saying. I think, um, the lesson also here, I just wouldn't snoop I think that's like don't look for it unless you want to find exactly I think I would say that and I also think um I think it's I think it's hard to because exactly like

you're saying it's very much you're feeling really protective of your mom yeah and your mom I'm sure is like a badass strong woman and she's raised a daughter who's like perceptive and wanting to and is curious and learning all this stuff like good she's a great I'm sure she's a fantastic woman and she she as you lost your dad she also lost her husband and I think that's something we can't um we can't control how other people grieve and how other people deal with this kind of stuff and um no matter what ultimately I think you want your mom to be happy and I think that's what you need to focus on and I'm totally with you on the intuition if you feel like getting creepy vibes and stuff and I think also like you're saying like you don't really want to have

to like open up to him that's your call that's totally your call and your mom I'm sure will be understanding of that but I think you also need to put your mom's happiness and if you find that she's really happy and this might be a thing that I mean god I can't imagine if I was that age and like learning about all this stuff like I wouldn't want to know overwhelming yeah but I think you have to just take it as is she happy and also like do you you want your mom to be happy I'm you you want your your mom lost her husband you guys you lost a really huge part of your family. And, um, and that's something like you want her just because she might fall in love again or date somebody else. It doesn't mean that she loved your dad any less or anything like that.

If anything, she's your, she's going to be a much happier person. And I'm also sure that's what your dad would have wanted is for your mom to be happy and to find love again. That doesn't mean that anyone's ever, like you're saying, ever going to replace him. It just means that like, she doesn't want to be lonely. And I think again, also, um, it's, you can't, you don't ever really know the intimacies and details of anyone's relationship and her having an open relationship I get being defensive of her and being like well she would never want that it's also like there's no shame in that there's no shame in like wanting to be with multiple people or being attracted to multiple people and not being in a monogamous relationship and so I think if you don't if you try not to look

at that in kind of like a dirty gross way that's something your mom would never be interested in I think maybe just knowing that she can take care of herself and like handle it but I think yeah if you want to talk to her I would bring it up in more of a hey I'm really sorry I figured out some stuff I just want to ask you questions about it yeah and I want to get some clarification on it because I don't know why I I haven't been able I don't really feel like a I don't really not crazy like like this guy that you're seeing a lot and I'd really like to see hear what you see in him so much yeah oh these are adult conversations to have I think yeah you just need to in the same way that like one day or now even as you're exploring your sexuality and what you want in a relationship

and the kind of person you want to be with I think it's really hard for us to extend that same courtesy to our parents but it's important like if this was the only person she's been with and she's moved into another relationship she's gonna try things that she likes doesn't like figures it out this might be the person it might not be the person and I think you just gotta give her space in the same way that you're going to want it as you get older. And also, it's a great place to be. Like, I'm in my 30s, and I can talk to my mom about sex, and it's, like, the greatest thing.

Well, now they're going to do it just a lot younger. Yeah, it's true. Again, so glad I don't have a teenager. Yeah, don't snoop. Don't snoop. Because you'll find it, and you'll really regret finding it. Okay, on to the next call. Hi, Megan.

I was calling in because I could use a little help on a roommate situation. I'm 20, and I'm in college right now. And I have two roommates, and they share a room, I have my own room. So one of them is in a relationship. She's in a relationship for a little over a year now. And my other roommate and I found out back in November that she's not taking her birth control pills regularly. And that's kind of an issue because she stays over at her boyfriend's almost every night and we're pretty sure they're having like daily sex. So we've talked to her about it a few times. We try to get her to take the pill. We would monitor her,

We asked her every day if she was taking it, make her take it in front of us, but she keeps laughing it off and saying it's not a big deal because they use the pull-out method and she thinks that's a viable form of birth control. Their relationship has been in kind of a rocky patch. They were having fights about moving in together and stuff, so we're kind of worried about what this would do to him if he ever happened to find out that she's not taking her pill. And she also told us stories about how he was really paranoid about the pill in the beginning and how he would ask her if she was taking it because he was worried about what would happen if she missed one.

And she even missed one one time, and he wanted her to take Plan B because he was so concerned about it. So he still asked her about it, and she lies to him now and says that she is taking it even though she's not. And it's really concerning that she's putting both of them at risk of pregnancy because she won't take the pill regularly. We've asked her to talk to her doctor about getting a new prescription because part of the reason that she said this one hurts her stomach, but she refuses to do it, refuses to get an IUD or any other form of birth control because she likes having control over taking the pill every day. We got back from winter break.

We haven't asked her about it since. We haven't seen her that much, but we're pretty sure she's not taking it still because we found unopened packages of birth control and she should be out by now. But we're at this point not really sure what to do. because we don't know if we should tell him. We're not that good of friends with him either. So it's not like we can just go up to him and tell him what's going on. And we don't know if it's our place to potentially ruin their relationship.

So what do you think we should do? Or make room for a bassinet? Yeah. You should do absolutely nothing. This is not your fucking problem at all. You're so direct. This is so not your fucking problem. Like, I'm so sorry.

that's when I turn into the bitch to the person who called it's so not your problem and it's just not and uh I'm definitely understand being of again not to be like ageist or whatever but getting into a point where you you I don't know I want to say like you have the upper hand when you can look at it like a situation from and see the outside perspective and just really come in with your input and your advice that's not and this is an entire fucking podcast but you guys ask for my advice okay so like that's what i'm doing it's not your problem and it's not even though she's your friend and she might get pregnant that's her problem it's not has nothing to do with you guys and all you guys are doing is just riding her ass on doing this and it's just like it's not

your place you don't tell her you don't tell her boyfriend if she wants to not do this this is her life if she learns the hard way great that's her lesson you can't prevent people from fucking up you can't prevent people from making mistakes or like getting themselves into situations they can't It's like when it's just going to happen and whether or not you're able to prevent this for as long as possible, you're not going to be around to monitor and you shouldn't like, this is your friend. This is not,

you're not babysitting making sure a kid doesn't eat a Lego. Like this is your fucking friend. And if she wants to not take birth control, great, cool. Do you get to be a God mom? Like buy a cute baby outfit. Like if she's going to fucking get pregnant,

let her fucking get pregnant. It's not your responsibility. You're not a condom. Like you can't prevent this. That's true. Wow. it makes me so I would get so fucking annoyed if I was friends no offense first of all I had I had a roommate that used to like if I asked her if I told her it was her turn to do to do the dishes

she took that as like an attack and so she wouldn't do the dishes so I can't even imagine the next level of like every day like did you take your birth control first of all I'm gonna stop taking my birth control if you're asking every day because you're annoying me like you're driving me fucking crazy now I'm like no I'm not fucking taking it I mean do I think she's being smart about it absolutely not I think that like if you are someone who just it's not you're not good at taking the pill on time and blah blah and someone else is involved in a relationship with you that is paranoid about you taking the pill and they don't have control over what you're doing to prevent pregnancy like i get it i'm i have one of those um i have the next plan so the little

like it goes in your arm so i know i mean i might get it out because i don't know how i feel about it i can't i mean you can't probably feel it through here but i'll let you feel later it just feels like a little matchstick that's like under your skin everyone here's shaking their head but like listen I lived it and I survived yeah um so I think that there are other options for someone that struggles with um you know taking the pill every day and doesn't want to get pregnant it kind of sounds like she's just she's being very reckless about it and unfortunately it is one of the situations where like you're gonna learn the hard way probably I mean I knowing me I would just make sure there's a lot of morning after pills in the apartment like just like have a little

little stash I mean but also her boyfriend at the same time is not incredibly smart either to think that like, well, I'm, I'm confused about her taking the pill, but the pullout method, baby girl, Google that. Cause that does not work. It's not a method. It's not a method. It's a move. It's a move that's going to get you pregnant. Okay. So it's not, it's just not a hundred percent. So, you know, again, this is one of those things where like make risky decisions, things happen, there's consequences, but as her friend, all you can really do is provide her with the information, provide her with support and just pray that she doesn't get knocked up so you have to find another roommate for this apartment because rent is expensive super expensive so yeah i think that

you guys are just my initial reaction is like y'all need to get a hobby oh my god you need to find something else or other relationships to focus on i understand your concern but the concern has gone to a whole new level of like micromanaging control and it's you're only going to have her resenting you and lying to you and it's going to continue to piss you off and you're going to her. And it's just a bad cycle. You're roommates. You're obligated to live together under a lease for a certain amount of time. And if you're friends on top of that, awesome. But beyond that, you have to let people live their lives and make mistakes or not mistakes that they're going to make. Yeah. And she's also not going to, this is my, she's not going to thank you for you

micromanaging her for not getting pregnant. That she's going to take that as her all of her own accord of being like, yeah, no, I didn't get pregnant. At no point is she ever going to be like, you know what? Thank you so much for like texting me every five minutes, reminding me to take my birth control and like crushing it up and putting it in my pudding cup like i really that meant a lot to me she's never going to like either she's going to get pregnant and be like wow fuck i really fucked up i'm so sorry i should have listened to you or she's not going to get pregnant and she's never going to like appreciate you guys hovering and doing all of this stuff it's taking up so much time for you and your friend like that's so much effort and time and all you're

doing is pushing her away like you're not it's not like well we're making sure our friend doesn't get pregnant well while you're making sure your friend doesn't pray you're also losing your friend because she's probably getting driven insane by this. And she's not going to come talk to you when she is dealing with an issue because now she's going to expect to, aha, we told you so. And at that point, like she's,

you're going to lose her in this entire thing. So it's just one of those realities that you just can't control micromanage what other people are doing with their lives, whether it's safe or smart or not. And I really would not reach out to this boyfriend and say anything to him. I just think you're going to cause a breakup,

her hating you, her moving out. And someone else is going to have to pay rent to your place. it's just a lot so and if he was that concerned he would be wearing a condom he would be wearing a condom yeah if he's really that worried so i just i i think they're just being kind of young and stupid and yeah and they're gonna they're gonna figure it out or not i remember the same roommate that wouldn't do dishes i remember my roommate and i we shared a room and we she would leave and it just became like this uh we were paying attention to like how she was spending money right like she doesn't have any money but then like we find all these like receipts and

credit card bills and things like that and I remember us at the time in like our early 20s feeling like obligated to have that information and to like judge it and now that I'm older I'm just like who gives a shit you were just ignoring all the problems that you had to deal with that you didn't want to deal with you're just being gossipy little assholes so let people do what they're gonna do and if you feel like you need to have one conversation and just be like yo I'm never gonna say this again take your fucking birth control but like also if you don't want to and you end up getting pregnant I will totally take you to Planned Parenthood to discuss your options yeah exactly yeah all you can do is provide support exactly all you can do is provide support yeah

but don't tell her you're not gonna be friends they're like well we can't be friends because you have reckless sex and it really gives me anxiety oh you're probably gonna have reckless sex too if you haven't already and also you're probably not gonna be friends with this person five years anyway so stop stressing yourself out true good god on to the next call hi Megan I'm 21 And I was a kid who just turned one two months ago with my ex. And basically, when we found out I was pregnant, I was thinking of adoption. And he said, no, keep it. And we did.

He stuck around five more months and he kind of said that he couldn't do the whole parenting thing. And I was, okay, fine. And he agreed to pay, like, child support and, like, send money if he ever needed anything. And two weeks went by when he said he couldn't do it anymore. And he kind of went MIA. He left and blocked me on everything. And I was a single mom. My kid was five months at that time.

And I was with my mom for about four months, and then I met a guy, he's really sweet, and he's kind of my boyfriend right now. And I love him, and he loves my kids, my kids love him, and we just had a birthday party for my kids. And, boy, I posted pictures on my social media because why not capture the moment? suddenly he decided to appear and all of a sudden he wants to get back into my kid's

life. He was gone for about six months, seven months and now I don't know if he's jealous that I'm with someone or that his kid is spending time

and enjoying his time with someone who isn't his dad but i don't know what i should do because i really love my boyfriend my current boyfriend and my ex we didn't really leave on bad terms but i kind of if you were an m.i.a on that because i want you you're my kid that's a tough situation um okay well first of all your ex sounds like trash to be fair and he luckily gave you a great child that apparently like is loving and all these great things and you've done the best you can with the situation he's given you which was not

a mature way to deal with anything if you're not feeling a relationship or you're freaking out you don't start blocking someone on social media that you have a baby with and disappear and then have the audacity to come back into the situation when you know that she's happy with someone else no no no no so I think my advice is you're happy in the relationship that you're in this person loves your child. You love this person. And I would continue with that relationship. This guy wanted to be a part of your child's life. Absolutely. A hundred percent is he saw photos of this birthday party and was like, absolutely not. So no one's swooping in to be the dad to my kid. And also I read something yesterday where someone was like, this is, this is something that

men do. Like they'll get you, they'll get you pregnant because they, without marrying you or having any kind of other connection to you, because then they have a hold on you for the, for the entirety of your life good god and it's like a way of having control and power over someone and and you know this sounds like that kind of situation where it's like saying you're all into something and then not actually being adult enough to deal with it in a mature way like you it you have a kid in the world now you don't have the luxury of I just want to like go and do whatever and not pay attention to how it affects other people um so I would say in this relationship I would also make it this is going to require a lot of strength on your part because this person

is probably going to like gaslight you manipulate you make you feel guilty about certain things and I think you need to be very clear that like hey we have a kid together we do not have a relationship together and so you have all the rights to be a part of your child's life but you also will be financially a part of that child's life and emotionally part of that child's life and that is not going to affect this situation right here I'm happy doing my thing want the same thing for you care about you as a person but we're not going to use this kid as like a pawn back and forth to, because you're jealous about a certain situation. So I think setting up the boundaries and even legally making sure that the boundaries are set and that he knows that this is

how it goes, um, is going to save you a lot of heartache in the long run, but you have to be prepared that this person is not a mature person and he's just going to throw himself against the gates of whatever, trying to see how he can get in and how he can manipulate you and how he can screw up your relationship. So you and your boyfriend have to be prepared for that and be like a team and a steady front together yeah i fully i agree with all of that i think also it's um him wanting to be a part of your kid's life that that can't be a wishy-washy thing like it needs to be he's either going to be a stable consistent part of your kid's life or he's not he shouldn't be allowed to be part of your kid's life especially when he's this young growing up

like people i mean like people talk about when your kid fucking naps on like the wrong schedule and it fucks up everything for months and all that stuff and i'm like if you're someone who wants to walk in walk out walk in walk out that's not a stable environment to raise a kid and sure his dna is a part of this kid and made this kid but you're the one who's raising him or her son right son yeah you're the one who's raising him and so ultimately you get to decide what are the good and bad influences that are allowed in your kid's life and if your current boyfriend is a great guy who really loves your kid and is really there for him and is steady and stable he can be in your kid's life if your ex wants to be a part of his like of your son's life in this on again

off again kind of thing you need to set the parameters like are you okay with like okay well i don't want you to be around all the time because like i don't want to spend a lot of time with you but we can have like like legally setting up you get to we get to spend this time this time in this time but like you don't get to come spend a week with a kid and then not see him for two years oh yeah i think you need to establish um if he wants to be exactly saying if you want to be a part of this kid's life like okay great so you need to be financially you don't just get to come in every once in a while be the cool dad who takes the kid to like the food your mom won't let you eat and do all that stuff and then drops you back off and you don't hear again like being a parent

is so much less about the dna and so much more about like consistently being there for someone being a role model and all of those other things that it doesn't i don't necessarily think you need the person who has your dna to raise you but if that person wants to be a part of your life i don't think that they can just use that as an excuse to give whatever they can give at that time. I think it's important that like your kid has stability and also that your mental health is feeling great. Like if this is taxing and really tolling on you emotionally, you're not really going to, I don't think you'll feel like you're, I mean, I say this like not a parent, but like if I'm like feeling like anxious and depressed and really stressed out all these

different things, like I can't imagine being, I don't know, like feeling capable of like being strong for somebody else. If you're constantly like, just, I don't know, like sacrificing stuff just because he wants to be a part of his life at certain points. Yeah. I mean, I think that you have to be really aware too, that this person is probably going to come in and really use this as a bargaining chip to try to get back with you. And you just need to be very aware that it's not about you in this relationship or anything. It's about you and this kid. And what's best for this kid is to be around people that are stable, that love him, that are there, that are actually showing up that aren't saying like, Oh, I want to be a dad, but don't show up to be a dad. You

know what I'm saying? So like this person has definitely a connection to your kid and let them be a part of his life, but you are the mom, you are in charge and you at the end of the day, just need to make sure that your kid knows who loves him. And regardless of what this dad's going to do, uh, knows that he always has you and, you know, potentially this partner of yours that has really stepped up to the plate and you can only control what you can control. And that's really the theme of this episode you can only control what you control yeah and you can't control what this dude's gonna do you couldn't control what he did when he left and i think you just need to keep that in your head and remember that like he's gonna pull these little emotional

things on you to oh a kid needs a family and blah a kid needs a family but a family can be a variety of things and has nothing to do with the person that genetically you're related to yeah as someone who's been disowned by their dad doesn't talk to you it's okay yeah it's you can be perfectly adjusted person and just have really good friends and family around you it doesn't have to be a mom and a dad no and i think it's the people who step up to the plate when they're not dna obliged to do so those are the people who really want to be there for you are the ones who don't like technically have to those are the ones who are really choosing to be a part of your life as opposed to ones who feel obligated yeah and just have a good support system and that could include

your family this partner of yours family friends to make sure that like whatever little trips and like little tricks this guy tries to pull that you always have someone there to make sure that you're okay and the kid's okay and that and when moments where you feel weak that you have someone that's strong with you to tell this guy like that's not what we're doing yeah okay guys we're gonna take a break and we'll be right back audiobooks are great for helping you be a better you. For our audience, Audible is offering a free audio book with a 30-day free trial. If you want to listen to it, Audible has it. Just go to audible.com slash blame or text blame to 500-500 and browse their unmatched selection of audio content. Download a title free and start

listening. It's that easy. Audio books are a great sidekick for summer activities like hiking, sunbathing on the beach, running, road tripping, walking, sitting, laying down, napping while you are still kind of awake and enjoying downtime outdoors and more listening is a better way to binge content you love while doing the things that you love audible selection of audiobooks original shows news comedy and more is unmatched anywhere and you will find what you are looking for i have been a fan of audible for a very long time fun fact i'm pretty sure it was like the first anything sponsored i did ever um and i am just like a book nerd i really love reading but i also have terrible terrible terrible adhd and i also need to clean my apartment so sometimes it's

hard to sit down and just open a book and read it and do nothing else i love multitasking so i can clean my apartment and listen to a book i feel like i'm just absorbing more knowledge and also let's talk about how great audiobooks are in general i've always been a fan of them used to get them from the library as a kid and sometimes it's nice to have people read your books to you even school books you know i did that in college guys i literally would download audible books that I had to read for school that I didn't like. And I'd be like, okay, let's have someone read it to me like a princess. But she doesn't want to feel like a princess.

Audible has the largest selection of audiobooks on the planet, which lets you fill your summer with more stories like The Last Mrs. Parrish, which is what I am currently listening to right now. I have gotten very into like true crime and then also not even specifically true crime, just like, you know, like scary kind of thriller stuff where like women are like being psycho, but also like really powerful and cool. I'm very very interested in it. I'm enjoying it so much Um, I would also love recommendations from you guys because i've been you know listening to a lot of books

So I need some more audible helps you listen to more books by letting you switch seamlessly between devices Picking up exactly where you left off whether it's on your phone through your car from a tablet or at home on amazon echo You can get through tons of books hands and eyes free while doing almost anything Get a free audio book with a 30-day free trial at audible.com slash blame or text blame to 500-500. That's audible, A-U-D-I-B-L-E dot com slash blame or text blame to 500-500. Okay, guys, we are back from our break and on to the next call. Hi, Megan. so I'm 16 years old and um basically my ex-girlfriend and I want to have sex with each

other but I'm currently not having sex with anybody but she's having sex with somebody else and she told me that um it doesn't mean anything and like it's fine like that she like doesn't know she's gonna have sex there again it's only been like two or three times but it kind of like bugs me a little bit, and, like, I feel like if I have sex with her that, like, I'm just going to be comparing myself to that girl the whole time, and, like, I don't know, but, like, at the same time, she's, like, the only person I want to have sex with because everyone else in my small town is ugly, and, like, I'm not trying to be rude and say, like, they're ugly, but, like, they're just not really my type, so I really don't know what to do.

Like, should I have sex with her and just, like, be, like, your boss bitch and, like, tell myself that like i'm amazing and that i'm like fine and that this girl doesn't matter even though it kind of bugs me a little bit and like it's like it makes me feel a little weird or should i just be like you know not do it but then not get laid and she's also really good at fucking so hold on just a second can you play the first call she's called twice okay same issue this is the first call time that she called okay um i broke up with my girlfriend around seven months ago or she broke up with me and um I want to keep having sex with her because the sex is absolutely bomb and I'm not attracted to anybody else in this town but she is like having sex with other

people but I really want to have sex with her and um like she wants to have sex with me but I feel like if I have sex with her I'm just kind of alluring myself and getting into what she wants but I really want to have sex with her but I feel like if I do I am going to be less of a strong independent woman and i really don't know what to do so please help me i love your podcast so much oh my god to be 16 you still like your ex that's the issue you still like your ex you don't want to just have sex with her you still have feelings for her which is why you shouldn't have sex with her you don't need a partner to get off at all and there will be other people in your life who will be just as awesome if not i'm sure will be even better yeah no it's not doesn't it's not

not only does like sleeping with her not make you a boss ass bitch it you're you just need to be frank with like sure the sex is great but like you definitely still have feelings yeah I mean the fact that you're affected by her sleeping with other people which by the way you broke up so that's what people that are broken up do they go sleep with other people that's part of that's part of this process yeah and they have slept with other people and they will and that's just part of I think you know it's also one of the things like you're 16 and so these are things that I've learned like in my twenties and thirties of like the feeling of jealousy of comparing yourself to another person that someone's been with. And that's all, that all comes down to insecurity

and jealousy is like an emotion that we feel it's a natural thing, but giving into it and letting it dictate how you move through a situation is absolutely up to you. And I think as you get older, you're going to realize that you're going to come in contact with more and more people that you like and you want to sleep with that have slept with other people or are sleeping with other people and are casually dating and so that's gonna be a part of like figuring out what the limit is for you can you be with someone that's up with other people do you need monogamy why do you need monogamy what does that say about you know like what is what is it that you're looking for but ultimately it's like I think you want to fuck your girlfriend or your ex-girlfriend got it

but in order and she wants to sleep with you great but in order to do that you have to figure out why it is it like why are you kind of holding on to this past situation with someone that she says I've slept with a few times not super into it is it okay for the two of you just to have sex or do you looking for a relationship is really like do you want to get back together with her is that what's affecting it and at the end of the day it's like that you have to start trusting I think in the fact that when people are like I want to be with you or I want to sleep with you which are two very different things trust that they're not going to have sex with you if they don't want to have sex with you and if they want to have a sex with someone else it's because they

want sex with someone else you can't compare yourself to what they have had with anyone else it has nothing to do with what's going on between you and this girl yeah and i also think right now you're trying to make an ex into a fuck buddy and that it doesn't work it's so hard it doesn't it just doesn't work unless you end on a place where you're like you know what whoa like we were just it could not have gotten serious you'd have to be like wow we were just way better as friends and honest like i and i've dated guys that like we established early on like we're just fuck buddies that's all we are dated them post that and it was like oh well there's a reason why we didn't date in the first place and we were just fuck buddies we don't really have those

feelings there anymore and there's a reason why you and this girl weren't fuck buddies in the first place because those feelings were there if those feelings were ever there i don't think you can turn around and have casual sex because at the same time you're saying or casual sex with her because you're saying like oh like affected about her having feelings for this other girl that's your telltale sign like yeah if if you have issues with her being with other people that's not a fuck buddy that's not someone you can just have sex with that's someone who you you're thinking about who other people that they're sleeping with that's not okay like you're breaking the code of the fuck buddy it's like it's so hard because like

I've had breakups where it's like I just missed the dick right and and and you can separate that but more often than not once you start getting whatever you start remembering all of the other memories and all the emotions and it's just so hard to disconnect that again i think this girl broke up with you and you're using the ploy of like well i just want to fuck her to get back in but really you're not entirely over this the ideal situation is to sleep if you're gonna have fuck buddy situation someone that when you're done having sex you're like cool don't want to hang out with you yeah like exactly awesome like not oh you're on tinder right after swiping left right awesome it shouldn't affect you good for you i'm doing the same thing in fact and so once

you start getting your feelings about it there's something more going on there that you need to deal with and also like just because this is the like great sex that you've had right now that doesn't mean that doesn't mean that that doesn't exist elsewhere it definitely exists elsewhere find another fuck buddy um completely and also i think you're exactly like you're saying when you're missing the sex of that too so much of sex is i think because you guys had um i don't know like emotion driven sex. Cause you had feelings for her. Yeah. That that's probably a huge reason why you still, it wasn't just that, like you had feelings for her. That's the worst emotional sex that gets to you. It's just like, you can't shake. It's like, you're haunted. I feel like

my vagina is haunted by my ex. It's just like, I miss it. And you're like, no, stop it. He's bad for you. I love my, originally in my head, I was like, well, all three of you should just sleep with each other. But then I realized I was like, you're 16. That was my initial. And I was like, is so extra what's happening right now oh my gosh and also that new girl is just gonna someone someone's gonna get left out that's true i mean listen y'all got hands y'all figure it out y'all do but one person got feelings that's true you all have hands but only one of you has feelings quote of the episode yeah uh go fuck other people so you stop feeling this way you don't compare hey that too yeah toys are your friend yeah and also like it's like a habit or an addiction or

whatever it takes 30 days to make a habit break an addiction which probably not like all addictions seem like sometimes it takes 10 months it's whatever it's up to you but i'm like you need to like stop talking to her give yourself the time to actually move past this and not be like oh i'm still talking about her oh like i'm still feeling these like feelings for her sexually and all that stuff because you're still constantly talking to her i think you need a clean break before you're like oh wait that's okay i can other i can have sex with other people all of This can be, this isn't just, like, all, like, riding on her. Yeah.

I feel you. You guys are going to different towns and getting on Tinder. You need to find yourself an Instagram girlfriend or something. Yeah. Get yourself an Instagram thought. Start sexting with someone on Instagram. Whatever. Totally.

Omegle? Do people do that? Yeah, sure. Fine. Sure. You're also 16, though. Be safe. Yeah, I was also going to say, it's like, I'm giving advice to, like, myself right now.

But stay in school. Stay in school. But also get laid. You've already done it. That's true. on to the next one I have been an online sugar baby for maybe a year and a half now and I it kind of started with me like sending nude photos in exchange for money to men and then I kind of got regular people who would you know pay me an allowance per week for certain things

online and phone calls and blah blah blah and I you know I'm a university student so I'm a broke ass hoe if I don't be an online sugar baby and I don't mind it like it's not something that sits um uneasy with me but anyway my sister is also a university student and my sister is my best friend and um she was a broke ass hoe so she decided to do this as well for about four weeks and then decided it wasn't for her which is fine and I've continued doing it um and I met this man And originally he was giving me like $1,000 a week just for online relationship, sugar baby, regular stuff. But then we decided that we wanted to meet and I was very happy to meet.

This was the first time I'd ever met anyone from being a sugar baby. And I wanted to because he seemed quite nice. Anyway, we met and I really enjoyed my time with him. And then we met again and I enjoyed my time with him. And then we met again and I really enjoyed my time with him. and we had so much sex and it was the best sex of my life. And I wanted the sex. It wasn't that he made me feel like I needed to have sex

or that he was paying me for the sex, but we did have sex. And then anyway, once I went home, he was like, hey, thank you so much for meeting up and having sex with me. Here's an extra $6,000 for this week. So that was $7,000 for the week because we had had sex, which was not previously decided, but that's just what happened. Anyway, I told my sister being so excited, being like, oh my goodness, I can pay off so much debt, which is an exciting life, I know. But I was so excited to pay off all my debt.

And my sister decided that she thought that I was a sex worker now and a prostitute and that my family needed to know. And she's told me that she would really like to tell my family because she thinks what I'm doing is wrong. I'm not ashamed of what I do, but I just don't think my family would be comfortable knowing about my sex life. I mean, I like this man and we have sex because we like each other. But the relationship did start with him being my sugar daddy. Anyway, I guess my question is, what should I do? How should I talk to my sister about being more open-minded? I've told her that what she's saying is hurting my feelings,

the way she talks down to me. But she seems to think that her moral high horse needs to, you know, tell my family. And I just don't know what to do about it. Wow. Your sister sounds like an asshole. first of all how how who has the audacity to do that when you have an email address connected to an account on this site that we're doing this sugar baby shit through like who are you to like

hang out for a month and then be like not for me but everyone else that was my issue too like well i mean if she comes forward is she also gonna be like and i tried it but like i swear like i didn't like i didn't like it like it's like i only spoke one time it wasn't even that great like i didn't even get high like no bitch like you were still you know what sugar babying is i would yeah see i'm vindictive i would tell my parents first that she was doing sugar baby shit and then when she came back and told them i'd be like classic projection show me the receipts can you show me a bank account that's oh who's this guy this is the guy i've been dating prove me wrong that's so funny but then you gotta change you gotta change your like sugar baby account or whatever

so she can't find it and show your parents um yeah i'm a scorpio so i'll attack first i love that though i'll take the power don't don't tempt me don't tell me you're gonna do something i will do it first and i will make you look like an asshole i would create a fake account for her on the site and i would like list her prices and i would send it to your parents be like oh my god i would actually i wouldn't send it to your parents i would send it to another family member like an aunt or an uncle and say i found this i don't know what to do and then just let them tell your parents first don't get don't ever fuck with me yeah i think that's what we've learned for this don't fuck with me that's amazing anonymous tip wow wow uh yeah i mean this is

this sucks because she by all accounts might go and tell your parents regardless of what you say or don't say to her yeah and whatever connection so it is one of those things where like i think you just have to i mean i like my method to be honest i think that's a really good plan i think you just gotta be prepared i think that's be prepared for the worst which is your parents uh having their opinions and being very upset and i don't know what they're you know how the lengths that they'll go to like is this a i'm gonna get disowned situation and kicked out of the house situation is this financially independent i mean listen you're making more money than i am so like i'm here uh but i think ultimately i mean from a moral standpoint i think sex work

is one of the things that i don't understand why it's criminalized the way that it is i think that if you can go on etsy and make fucking bracelets and sell them to people i should be able to use my vagina however i want yes and i think if anything like they're in a perfect world sex work would be legal and people would just be able to be taken care of and have health care and have all the access that they need because that is a form of currency like people are interested in that and i don't understand why it's different than anything else i think for your sister to have this like moral high ground of like well that's well now that you're getting paid for sex that's prostitution and blah blah blah first of all he didn't tell me he was gonna pay me

beforehand we had sex because i wanted to and also that was a bonus okay for for the photos i don't understand why she's okay with the photos and the videos and stuff but she's like i don't know that you liked each other you hung out three times and had sex i don't know how i feel about it i understand being concerned but at the same time this is another bitch that's gotta learn this is not your life focus on yourself and at the end of the day don't come for me because you try to do this too and i will destroy you you're just doing it better than her like not she's just mad because she didn't make six thousand dollars i think that's really what it is i think like you've got a great outlook with like you're not embarrassed by this and

exactly like you're saying i think don't be embarrassed no and i think the only the biggest issue we have with like sex work here is the fact that like because it's because it's criminalized like we have so so many people who aren't getting access to health care and it's that's the biggest issue i think here i think like sex is such a normal natural thing and i mean i'm like i don't the people are in business for all these different things. I just don't think there's a difference between like, I slept with this guy I really liked and he gave me extra money this week. Between that and like,

I married this guy that I don't really like, but he makes a lot of money and he can support the life that I want. Literally. I'm like, have you ever seen real housewives? Like, there's like so much of this. Like,

I don't think it makes you a bad person at all. I think like you're, you're hustling to pay what you need to pay and you're being safe and you're being comfortable. And, and this is also like you, you, this all started from a regulated site in which like you,

you took every step of being like, I'm comfortable with this. I'm comfortable with this. And you made all these decisions on your own accord. If your sister wants to be concerned for you, can she not see that you're okay? And like that you're, you're fine with all of this. You're not like a wounded, fragile person who's been through something like this.

Like this to me just sounds, this just sounds judgmental. It doesn't sound like, oh, I'm worried about you. I have your best interest at heart. It's just being judgmental. It's vindictive. it's just like i'm pissed that you're doing this i have to go work a regular job and you're doing this and so i'm gonna tell mom and dad so you get in trouble fuck you bitch and i think there's so much like the sexuality thing of like people wishing like she tried to do it she couldn't

like not that i'm saying that she couldn't handle it but she couldn't handle it the pussy wasn't worth it so you know be mad and then her sister is like totally comfortable doing this and owning her sexuality and being this boss ass bitch and she's feeling like fuck i wish i could feel that empowered and confident to do that so she's just turning around and getting in like throwing this in your face oh my god i'm so vindictive i would totally just like i would just go to them first and then i would also plan b i would create like a business plan like a deck that i would just like you know use like adobe or whatever and i would just be like this is my business plan moving forward mom and dad if i choose to go down this road and this is how much money i would be making

a month and this is how i'll be applying it to the principal on my student loans yeah i would make it a very appealing offer i mean your parents are gonna be aren't gonna be okay with it it's gonna be a huge thing but at the end of the day like listen this girl take care of you your sister better know don't ever tell me anything because i will go you oh you're cheating on your boyfriend guess who's getting a phone call tonight oh you say shit about your friend guess who's getting an email tonight like i would i'm a scorpio no i love it i would ruin someone's life i think i mean i think ultimately at a certain point like if she's trying to come fuck up your life for all this stuff i think like we're saying prepare for the absolute worst i wouldn't i i don't i think

no matter what if it comes from you or your sister saying what you do it's gonna be equally as bad i don't think you need to go to your parents and beat them beat your sister to the punch i think they'll be just as upset if they hear it from her versus if they hear it from you and the chance that she doesn't go tell them i don't know i just wouldn't go tell them because what if she like was just like what if she knows ultimately that like you can you can expose the fact that she was doing this do so maybe she's just kind of like yeah saying it and then if you then be like well you know what it should come from me and then what if she never actually planned on telling yeah i mean i would this isn't great advice but i would just lie about it yeah and i would be like i she's just

jealous because i don't flirt with her boyfriend or whatever or something like her someone likes me that she likes and she's like creating this all in her head but if you do lie about it you have to really like cover your tracks to make sure there's nothing that she's gonna be able to pull up on her computer and show you live with her sister don't know your parents also or your sister also needs to know that she is potentially losing a relationship with you over an argument that has nothing to do with your parents and over a disagreement in lifestyle that has nothing to do with her.

And she needs to grow the fuck up. Yeah. Maybe float her some money. Yeah. Maybe. Yeah. Maybe be like, here's a $500 shut the fuck up fee and you'll be signing this legal

document. Yeah. Oh, give her an NDA, buy her a purse and then give her an NDA. Family is like single-handedly the worst. 100% Good God

Do what you want Yeah Screw who you want And make money how you want Yeah You're crushing it I love it Yeah

Go you I approve I do too I'm proud of you and your vagina Life goals Okay guys It's time for producer's corner So for this episode

Is it a callback or a response? This is a response Okay So someone is Gonna respond to some advice That we gave on another episode I hope they roast you Don't say that

I've been I've banned that Yeah fuck her too i don't agree with anything she's the worst so the reason why i picked this one well initially i sent megan tonges an email on accident that had questions from an episode and the greatest moment of my life yeah the greatest so uh because you know same name whatever and so she saw a question i did and so i was and i heard that she had a lot of opinions according to mitchell davis about mitchell lies first of all don't trust anything mitchell davis ever says let me tell

this story though because so i'm up i'm up one night i'm like sitting in my bed on my laptop checking my email for once not gonna respond emails and i see this email pop up and it's like questions for the podcast or something i'm like what so i in my head i'm thinking oh i said yes to something or i forgot about something that's scheduled okay and so i click into this little google and then also in my head i'm thinking i'm about to get like a virus that was the other one i was like this is a bad news really creative virus about podcast i've gotten weird messages before so i like i click into it and i'm looking through and i'm like i don't know what any of this is for but i see my name hey megan and i'm like what the fuck like is there because i have a

podcast so i'm like did key set up like a weird google doc and like it's like automatically sending things to me like what is going on and then i zone in on this question that's like something about mitchell davis and anal sex okay so that's what we'll get into so this is a response to the caller from episode 20 with Mitchell yeah the best part about but to end that story too the best part about that was when I responded back to the email to be like I don't know

what this is you responded and you were like oh no so sorry wrong Megan and then the the file went private but not before I fucking screenshot it yeah you did and sent it to Mitchell Davis and I was like I don't know what just happened or why it was a question it was like hey heard about the anal sex

thing we're gonna play it yeah okay good yeah we're gonna play it so funny talking you into it So, um, the, uh, the original episode with Mitchell, someone called in, um, saying that their boyfriend had mentioned before that he'd really wanted them to have anal sex. They tried and she just really wasn't into it. And he understood that she wasn't into it and was okay with it, but she was still feeling guilty about not having anal sex and wanted to know there's ways that she could actually enjoy it and what she should do and all that stuff.

And so Mitchell and I's advice was very much, I mean, Mitchell came up with this story that some guy's dick got stuck in some girl's butt, which then he realized might not actually have been true. um but we basically said uh if you're not if someone's fan you can ruin someone's fantasy by not being into it and it's better to if he does if it's not a deal breaker for him not to force yourself to be into something because you're just gonna ruin the whole fantasy for him great because you won't be that into it and also there's nothing wrong with like wanting anal sex and not wanting anal sex also off your point of like the threesome situation guys always wanting girls to

make out and like fuck each other the the i swear to god the line that they all say to is well just two girls though not guys because they always ruin it it was fuck you first of all if I'm fucking a girl then I'm also fucking two dudes like something's happening I'm getting something for me exactly you get two and I get what I get what like I I do this thing that you want me to do because it turns you on and then I don't what I just get I okay yeah or like I'd be I would also be into like we we are having sex with you but not each other and then I can have sex with another dude but you don't have to have sex with oh yeah that's a good compromise fair very fair much much i've been thinking about this a lot lately drawing up propositions all right so i'm gonna play the

uh follow-up okay well it's not a follow-up it's a response they're married now so i don't actually have a question for you this is a um response to your most recent episode with mitchell um davis um responding to the the caller that was asking about like butt stuff um I am 28 and up until this year I was on the same page as you where like the butthole is for pooping and that's it don't go near it but um I don't know like recently I just got curious and my boyfriend and I did some research we talked about it and we did it and um honestly it is the best orgasm excuse me the best orgasm that I have ever had um uh like and like Michelle was saying like if you don't want it even if you're like subconsciously nervous about it your inner

butthole will quench and you won't be able to get anything in there and it'll be a bad time for everyone um but like if you warm it up get a lot of foreplay happening uh and then you like ease into it there's like it is a lot of work but once you get there it is so worth it and the thing that a lot of people forget to talk about um because a lot of people are just like disassociate like you have a vagina and a butthole and a lot of people are just like well if we're gonna focus on the butthole we're gonna focus on the butthole but if you also have a vagina you'll also have a clitoris and that is the most important part at least for me and like a couple other people that i've talked to that is the most important part i missed the end of that because i think i jumped

when she sounded very excited and i lost it she then talked about how uh she wasn't sure sorry i'm i might go to thing is just to make fun of you which i'm not trying to do no no no i'm not at all at all that was a great call but she just said um if you have a vagina then you also have a clitoris and she's talked to a couple people and they both agree that the clitoris is the best part okay i'm like all right you could do a survey of a lot more women and you're gonna get that answer it's not just like you and your friend yeah yeah um and that i think she was trying to say that if you pay attention to both yeah that's what makes it okay it's a combination i mean first of all i'm so happy for you and you seem like i'm i'm satisfied bless you

and for finding something that makes you feel great uh it's even better listening to this as opposed to reading the transcription in an email I can say I just didn't quite catch the the emotion of it but I appreciate you and uh I think listen as far as the previous call I think that this is someone that obviously tried it wasn't really working and I don't think that they're under any obligation to keep trying especially their boyfriends like it's not a big deal it's something I want fantasies don't have and I got really loud fantasies are great but you can there's a lot of different fantasies you can explore it doesn't necessarily mean like if you don't like the exact same thing the relationship is over like people are very understanding and it's not it doesn't

mean they're gonna go cheat on someone the next time they have a chance because they want to have anal sex um what's so funny about this too is that Mitchell and I ran into each other like out at a restaurant last week and we started talking about this exact same thing because the email we were laughing I think he made the the screenshot his background on his phone for a while like he was dying and we agree in a similar way of like i think anything can feel good most things can feel good with the right person and if you're in the right frame of mind but at the end of the day no one's obligated to think that everyone feels everything feels great so if it works it works if it doesn't it doesn't try things out i mean i'm i'm totally down for the like you

know i thought i wouldn't like this one thing and then i tried it and i love it and it's great keep your your options open and uh and you know never close yourself off but if anal sex not for you it's not for you yeah and that also doesn't mean it's not for you forever kind of a thing and i mean like i definitely have and still have visceral reactions people talk about i do well just because i know and that's just me personally but like all right talk to me five years from now maybe i'll be super into it but i have no shaming in that and i feel like i definitely like played into the comedy a little more in the last call if i just kept talking about my butthole clenching which is not a lie definitely does every time we talk about anal but i don't

i don't think it's wrong or gross when other people are into that kind of stuff like i'm sure there's stuff that like i like that i'm into that other people would not be into but i think it's the whole thing of you need to own what you like be open to potentially liking new things and be curious and be comfortable with your partner like the i mean when you think about like the first person you had sex with and like how fucking vanilla it was and you're like good god like that's like but that's so much to do with like your own comfort level and like exactly you're saying the partner you're with the headspace you're in so I think like never there's some things that you never have to loop back to if you're like yeah nope not for me but um that

doesn't like there's nothing wrong with people who are into that kind of stuff whenever whenever I think about anal sex I think of there's this comedian Ali Wong who I'm obsessed with and I just remember her I remember her just talking about how she loves anal sex and she talks the specific line I think is maybe if we fuck different holes we'll feel like we're fucking different people and I think about that all the time so you know what maybe you'll get to a point in relationship where you're like I need you to fuck a different hole so I feel like this is different and new honey that's great I just think of um when the when Amy Schumer texted off of Katie Couric's phone to Katie Couric's husband saying I want to have anal tonight and he responded again

yeah she did a follow-up to it back on uh and said that I was like Kate Couric listen her best friend is um my landlord oh there you go yeah I met her at VidCon and she's like I hear you live in so-and-so's place and you're like I hear that you have anal sex with your husband and I heard he said again you know it's so funny is it like i mean i've never had anal sex it's not something that's super on my list but you know who knows someone could trick me into something uh but i do think that i when i think of all the things that's not even that doesn't even register as like a kinky thing anymore for me because i'm like that's just what people do yeah i also think maybe i have ptsd because when i was a kid i used to get really bad anxiety and wouldn't poop and

so i have this thing it's like a constipation related fear no and that's what it probably is i had to go to a therapist because i was like so anxious and stressed i wouldn't poop when i was like four or something and they just stick those things at my butt and now i just don't i don't want anyone sticking that's my butt maybe one day though someone come along that you want them but maybe you want to give a little foot job maybe you want to like you know tie some up in a swing i don't know your life where would you hang it that's what i think about with like a sex swing like how i don't even i don't even know how to properly hang a fucking photo up on the wall because i'm like this is i don't have a level this is too much now imagine two people's body

weights in a fucking swing you can get a stand though what like i'm too fat for this i got i got sent a sex swing once that like attaches to your door and i was like who's getting a deposit who's getting a deposit back on this apartment because not my fat ass when this breaks off completely like we're getting stuck on it oh no i don't even trust like the over the door shoe stuff like i don't trust that no i don't trust chairs so i'm not here for anything no no no i just like you're not gonna get me with a sex swing oh i just also what does it look like it just in my head it just looks like that like a trapeze yeah yeah it's like yeah you know what very similar is it just looking trapeze i don't know i don't have enough you know what i live in los angeles i pay

a lot for a little space i don't have enough room for a sex swing i'm thinking about you know you got a lot of room no but this is what i'm saying you definitely have room for a sex swing there's a whole corner over there you could just be fucking and swinging but here's the thing like you would have to put it in like a bedroom or a private area because like how do your parents come over for christmas well it doesn't work with my aesthetic like where like you can get a white You got to get a white one with like some rose gold accents. But like put some like lights around it. I would need some like succulents falling next to it.

This actually sounds like a beautiful fucking swing. I'll put it right there where the Christmas tree is. Wow, I'm into it. Me too. Everyone can take pictures in front of it. I'm waiting for like a sex swing company to reach out to you and want to send one. We make aesthetically pleasing sex swings, Maggie. Would you like to take an Instagram one?

Tumblr, Instagram ready. Yes. I started working on my Instagram theme recently and I'm really excited about it. Oh my God, I'm so excited for you. It's all I think about every day. That's all I think about every day too. For years. I'm not that bright.

Not a lot going up here. It's okay. You're cute. Thank you. Someone told me I was cute, not funny once. And I didn't speak to him for two weeks. And I was so mad. And except he told another girl that she was funny, not cute.

And she wasn't mad at all. Wow. He sounds like someone who's just not going to get fucked by anybody. You'd be surprised. I still love him though. But I was really mad. Yeah. And then he realized I was funny.

There you go. Obviously. Oh my God. Thank you so much for being on the podcast. You are great. Anytime. This is fun. You are very good at this.

thank you and not okay i don't want to say you were being you're bitchy but like i felt like sometimes i felt like i when i give advice and like sometimes i yell at people and tell them that they're wrong i really liked that you were on the same page as me oh good yeah i like to give some tough love every now and then don't make mistakes that i've made yeah be better okay i love that because i i can't fuck with everyone who's just trying to coddle everyone all the time sometimes you need a swift kick in the ass oh yeah or sometimes you need to be told to get your shit together yeah and to stop being concerned about birth control of people then aren't you my god yeah i'm i'm agreeing with that well where can everyone check you out on the internets and

don't tell them where you live all right thank god uh you can find me at megan tangis on most things my youtube channel is tangis and i also do music so you can find me on the itunes and i have a podcast called adventures and roommateing we put out two episodes a week and it's me and my roommate who are we're a couple of friends so have fun amazing well um guys i hope you enjoyed this episode and if you did leave us a review in the podcast app and um yeah you guys can also send us your calls if you have a follow-up call if you are another responder you want to talk about anal sex some more for sure actually i don't know how much my butthole can take it like i'm just clenching i'm gonna be constipated for days um so uh leave us a voicemail at 310-694-0976

and if you're an international caller email meganpodcast at gmail.com um do you have an email just people can just send you like spreadsheets about you know let me get back to you i have to make sure i have to see what emails you've taken like you might have grabbed like anal sex megan at gmail.com i have that one i have anal megan too i like i like anal megan at gmail.com yeah yeah yeah i've got a lot of aols and a lot of hot mails okay good i'll get on the yahoo then yeah hop on that yahoo um yeah so we will we will talk to you guys in in a week oh and also this was on youtube if you want to watch on youtube too where you could see faces and facial reactions there was a lot of facial reactions at least on my end

mine too okay we'll see you guys next week bye don't blame me is a production by me produced directed and edited by melissa demont's camera operator, Shereen Yunus, post-production sound by Chris Henry, production assistant, Julie Carley, and music by Giacomo Picasso and Ryan Hunter. I'll see you guys next week. And don't blame me if your life, you know, completely fucks up before then. Oh.