Don't Blame Me! - S2E20: Guest: Hannah Hart - Does This Make Me Gay!

Episode Date: September 21, 2018

Hannah Hart joins me this week! We’re sharing our advice on dealing with your depressed significant other, does it mean you’re a lesbian if you watch lesbian porn, and what to do if your supposed girlfriend is talking about other girls. We also had a listener share advice about her gay brother and his boyfriend staying the night at their parents.Follow Us!@meghanrienks@harto@sheisnotmelissaNeed Advice?www.dontblameme.showDomestic Listeners Call: [phone]International Listeners Send a Voice Memo To: [e-mail]… with as much detail as possible under 3 minutes! I’ll do my best to share my wonderful words of wisdom. If you’re under 18, please get your parent’s permission. Advice is for entertainment purposes only, so you can’t blame me if I screw up your life. I kid! My advice IS AMAZING.- Want to WATCH this episode as well? Check out my YouTube channel:http://youtube.com/meghanrienksSupport the show: https://www.patreon.com/join/dontblameme See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Visit ancestry.ca for details. Terms apply. On today's episode of Don't Blame Me, we have Hannah Hart and we've got two calls about porn on this one. So if you had some feelings about the call about the episode with Taylor with lots of porn in it, get excited because there's even more porn in this one. And we also have somebody who's calling in about a change of life situation with breakup and job and having to move back home and figuring out how to start over again. So it's a good one. We talk a lot and there's a lot of porn. So I mean, there's not porn in the episode we talk about porn. that'd be weird keep watching and we're here guys welcome to another episode of don't blame me

today's fantastic guest is hannah hart hello that's me and if you're watching on youtube there's a chance she might be a floating head oh yeah sorry about that i uh so for those of you watching with your eyeballs instead of listening with your ear parts i'm sitting on a blue couch wearing a blue sweatshirt and I just have to say that I did see the note in the calendar. It said don't wear royal blue, but I was already dressed and I then just

ignored it and got in my car. We love a floating hat. Yeah, sorry, Charlie. There's a heart on it. This is actually my sweatshirt. This is a heart. Oh, no. Oh, my God. Promo that. I should have worn my own shit, too. Yeah, I just kind of like it. No, that's good. I really like it. I was going to say it's cute. Where'd you get it from?

Well, you can get it on amazon.com slash hannah hart i feel like look i just met you today and i didn't know anything about you but i feel like our brains probably think really similarly so already established we both have adhd i guess that that might be it probably yes our brains are like right because we're both like what is the difference between this and this let me look this up oh do you have adhd melissa i do not that's why that's why she does what she does because she can keep me on track it's does your partner or your boyfriend no no he's like very calm does he understand it does he fully he he's very he's also very understanding of it um and uh will like he

if we're getting ready for something and he knows like it's early in the morning like it hasn't kicked in yet he kind of just like follows me through my routine and so we just went to a wedding and i was like getting ready and he had like packed my purse for me and like brought my shoes into the room and as i'm like i didn't even realize it's like helping me put my shoes on into all of this stuff and you're like oh my god we're leaving on time this is amazing and i was like this is so great go me and he's like yeah i did a lot of that i love you know i think it's really important when you are in like a committed relationship with somebody and you have something like adhd or depression or anything like that to like really have conversations with

them about it um there's a great great book called driven to distraction um which is about uh it's for adults with adhd and it talks about factors like uh your finances your relationships like all the aspects of it. Cause I didn't, um, I was diagnosed as a kid, but we didn't do anything about it. Yeah. I just like, and then as an adult, I was like, I think something's not right. So what's this podcast about? Oh my God. Good segue. Um, well, this is an advice podcast and people call in and they leave us voicemails and they tell us things about their life and we give them some advice. Holy shit. So don't worry. And they're also not on the phone. Like we don't call them back so you can be harsh which i tend to be i'm very tough love and as i've been i don't read

like i we have like transcriptions of the calls but we also have like summaries so i just read the summaries when we like go through and pick questions for this um and i would just like to say based on some of these summaries um you guys are being a little savage to me because everybody i know what you're gonna say you're gonna say and i'm like well first of all fuck you not always gonna say that and why would you call if you already know what she's gonna say exactly i hate people are like well okay don't say this i'm like well i mean you think that that's probably true that's fine you guys strategy for your listeners is negging them no it's being real being super real like if your friends won't tell you the truth like i'm here to tell you like i will

my friends still only come with come to me for advice like in selective specific situations because like do i want to hear what she has to say i'm a big fan of the unsolicited advice and opinion and this time it's solicited exactly yeah thank god there's another podcast i heard of for the first time called don't at me which i was like that is a brilliant name for a podcast you know which is like i'm gonna talk here's what i think don't at me i love that yeah and another great podcast is handleize this hey i've heard of that yeah that was really good today's episode we actually just released a new one is all about bisexuality and it's i think it's one of the best episodes we've ever recorded awesome yeah so you guys can check that out it's handleize

this the self-help podcast that just can't help itself good tagline thanks bruh oh fantastic um if you guys are new here um and you haven't subscribed yet on itunes or soundcloud and all that stuff you go to don't blame me dot show you can check that out and if you want to call in for a future episode you can do that by calling the number 310-694-0976 love it too many numbers no that was perfect wow it felt like a lot of numbers is it dot show s-h-o or s-h-o-w w huh i wish it was dot for show oh shit melissa i mean i forgot to introduce you um but guys yes if you're not watching on youtube and you can't see her pretty face what the fuck are you doing hello it's still

my favorite comments you guys are still constantly like she's so pretty i think we've established we're both very into giving unsolicited advice and now we get to give solicited advice yeah it feels good it feels good i love it i love it so much also a quick disclaimer um sorry yeah don't blame me that's what it is don't blame me that's exactly that's why oh man you guys know that taylor swift song don't blame me it came out after um and people were telling me they're like i'm pretty sure she must listen to podcast i'm like she does definitely doesn't but it is nice taylor swift if you're listening to this podcast good on you hello hi hannah big fan give us the writes to your song for a theme song can i oh what's your rating no cunt fuck fuck shitty

yeah once you listen to the questions you'll be like love it yeah okay cool we talk about foreskin a lot oh yum i don't know is that the heterosexual reaction to no no you don't say yum no you whatever you say yum dick like yummy dick yum yum i mean some people do some people do yeah people do i'm i'm and no hate don't blame me but i'm always so surprised when somebody's like i love giving a blow job i'm always like huh i do i love giving a blow job huge fan yeah wow yum dick well let's play the first call guys hey Megan so I'm 20

I'm a junior in college this coming fall super excited so I've been thinking about something for like I guess like a year now and I haven't said this out loud to anyone so I kind of wanted to ask you

because I don't have a sister I have two brothers and I still think I could ask either of them this Um, so I watch porn and I masturbate because I don't feel like I have to go to a man, like a man, you know, to have my teeth taken care of. They just don't. But when I watch porn, you know, there are, like, mail, email, whatever. But a lot of the times it is, like, lesbian or girl-on-girl porn. And I don't know about, like, because I identify as, like, a straight, you know, white woman.

And so part of me wonders is, like, I'm attracted to men, but when I want to get off, I watch women. And so I don't know if that, like, if that changes or if it matters at all. But I don't know. I just have been confused about it. I don't know if that means I'm bi or what. but any advice from a sister would be really nice thank you oh my god what a sweetheart it was really sweet i also love everyone calls from their car because they don't want anybody else to hear it's a privacy and like i i love being able to hear their voices isn't it great first of all i'm

i from this call i don't know where i read this at all but that um yeah i really have no i can't like cite the source but from as long as i can remember i've been told that uh heterosexual men usually like majority of heterosexual men like get off on uh male female porn or like girl on girl porn and then women are like what can get aroused like women who identify as straight like are can be aroused by girl on girl porn as well as uh male like like guy on guy porn and heterosexual porn like women are just more susceptible i don't know what yeah it was it was a big article in the huffington post yeah i gotta read this article because in my head i'm always just like whatever whatever turns you on whatever magical formula helps you get off

is great and it could be whatever like i identify as a queer person and i've watched guy on guy porn and been like this is fucking hot you know what i mean um ironically girl on girl girl porn i don't really enjoy that much but uh my partner who identifies as bisexual she loves girl on girl porn and it's like i just don't think it's it's it's whatever works for you and i'm really really proud of this person for being able to like masturbate at 20 and like take care of themselves you know i mean because like we preach it therapy and masturbation masturbation is huge and i didn't have an orgasm until i was like way older yeah you know like well like probably around 21 22 not way older but I never masturbated as a kid I didn't masturbate until I had already become

we are the same person we are just officially the same person boom and I was always very sexually confident but like I just didn't I know that's a lie I wasn't I was I was never like I like pressured into feeling like I shouldn't be sexual like it was very encouraged I would say potentially overly encouraged in my life and so I think that for me I had a big issue with I had more of an issue of like seeking uh attention and validation from people and not more about that than like my own pleasure or whatever you were in the experience and so i think like where she's at is amazing because it took me so long to be like oh yeah wow i don't need a partner to get off or to have like sexual satisfaction at all like that's not necessary it's not a necessary thing it's such

a benefit to masturbate because then when you do start having sex with a partner you can tell them what your body is all about yeah like otherwise if you don't know yourself how will they know you right and then other and that can make you feel really like insecure and shy if you're trying to discover yourself with another person like that's a lot of trust and a lot of communication so sometimes it's just kind of like why don't you just go figure yourself out and then just tell me what you like and so much of like the female orgasm is mental like you can like will yourself not to come like as a girl like oh 100 whereas like guys are being like baseball like my naked grandma like literally like my root my i always like say this like my friend like literally she's

like oh i can't come if my room is messy like even if i'm like she's like if i'm not at home and i know and i'm thinking my room's not like my room is messy so i think like if you you at least for me like i didn't have my first orgasm ever with a partner like that was like i did that on my own because there was no way in hell i was ever going to be comfortable and relaxed enough to like have a sensation or a feeling that i've never felt before in front of somebody else like i'm like no let me like figure out how to do this on my own it's like i don't know it's like learning it's like memorizing french and never saying it out loud and then like i'm just gonna speak french to a french person you're like no i'm gonna research that's a good analogy but like

you don't want to ever like you're like this is embarrassing like i can think about it as much as i want but like i don't know i've never said this word out loud parley yeah okay so it seems like her question though was um is that normal does this is that quote unquote normal does this make me gay or bi or what what does this mean and um you know i guess from my perspective i would say it can mean as much or as little as you want you know there is uh porn isn't another person yeah so you're not falling in love right and i think that that sexual identity in the queer versus straight and i like to say queer instead of lgbtqia because uh i kind of think like socially we need to move past putting everybody in categories like you're a

lesbian gay whatever like i think it's just like if straight people get one word and they can all just say straight i just want to be able to say queer yeah um but the categories are all still there and the labels are still there and it's really good because it can help people find community and identity and blah blah anyway it's an umbrella it's an umbrella term right it's an umbrella term so um love and like queerness versus straightness is about person to person so i think you'll have a lot more clarity when you find yourself falling for somebody and i would say be open to falling for somebody yeah i mean i always have said like i have always identified as being straight but i've just that's because i've never met a girl that i've been attracted to

in that way but that's not that's not saying that that girl doesn't exist in the world so i think like if you just don't let this situation make you feel like you have like this has to mean anything like it can mean as much or as little as you as you want it to mean if you end up like having a crush on a girl great if you end up like being attracted to guys great like you can watch like a scene in game of thrones where it's like two girls like getting it on and i'm like damn this is hot but i don't i wish i don't wish i was a part of that but like cool like that's like me watching two dudes like going at it you know what i mean i'm just like this is hot i do not want to be in that room no i've watched gay porn with like my guy friends and

like i'd be like yeah no this is not this is not my j like i can be like this is like super hot but like this isn't like something that i want like to be in like sandwiched between yeah like that's not my like dream space to be but like i can still also when i think there's something especially with porn i think there's something to be said it's so not about um like gender as much as it is about like sexual acts yeah but i'm like who cares that it's like a woman like if you're if you enjoy when someone goes down on you you see someone a woman going down on another woman like that's the same thing as a guy going down on a woman that's what that huffington post article was saying is that a lot of straight women like lesbian porn because they focus more on going down

on women and so the girl's needs as opposed to which is hot it's like that's why they have those like porn calendars of like guys cleaning for like women to be like this is a housewives like dream porn i'm like literally no honestly no that was literally my weekend moths had uh friends over for a football like party thing and game day oh yeah literally and so i came home and the house was perfectly clean and i was like what and he was like yeah no it was a great like i told everybody I sat them down I was like the house is very white he's like I sat them down and I was like you know we can you can have no colored food there is the only thing you can have in the living room is beer all of the colored food needs to stay in the dining room kitchen area pizza wings all of

that like everyone has to use coasters and I'm looking I mean like I'm I'm wet like take me now like this is like literally I am so turned on by like you being like right now on this clean clean couch and I cleaned up the whole time I just like as people were watching the game I like picked up after them and I did that took the recycling out I'm like stay recycling again Oh, my God. I love it. It's so good. I think the moral of this story for you, caller,

is don't let it mean anything unless you want it to mean something. Yeah. Get off how you want to get off. Get off how you want to get off. It's better to get off than to not. Wise words from me. Better to get off than to not. Title the episode.

Get off. Get off. Get off. Get off. Let's go on to the next one. This is kind of a response to episode 30 with Taylor, but also I have a question that I want advice on. So there was a girl that was upset about her boyfriend watching porn, and I've been in kind of the opposite situation. I kind of wish my fiance was watching porn and taking care of himself sometimes because I feel

like he relies on me too much for sex sometimes. So that leads me into my question for advice. So I'm 24. I've been with my fiance for a little over three and a half years and we're getting married in December and I love him so much and we work really well together, but we do have some tension around sex sometimes I have like a weird libido I guess and it's pretty low and I do want to have sex but it's just not really that often um at least to him or I guess in general but my fiance wants to have sex a lot more than I do um and it's hard because I know that he has like sexual needs but also I don't feel like it's fair if I have sex with him if I don't want to and sometimes he really pressures me to um I've seen a doctor about my libido being

low because I think it's weird but she dead ass told me that I should leave him because I need to like have sex with other people but I don't want to do that because I love him I'm gonna marry him like I think that's weird um but there are some factors to this that could be relevant so he's actually the first and only guy I've ever had sex with. And I mean, sometimes I think maybe I should have, um, had sex with more people like in college or something, but I really love him. So it doesn't really matter to me that much. Um, also a lot of guys I dated before him have dumped me because I wouldn't have sex with them. So that could have hurt my sexual self-esteem. Um, and also I don't get off every time I have sex with my fiance, and he'll go down on me sometimes, and he's

really great at it, but that's not all the time, so I guess my question is, is it normal to not have a big sex drive? I mean, I am a girl, so I feel like it's not usually as high as guys, but in media, it seems like everyone wants to have sex all the time, and it kind of stresses me out a that i'm not like that um also like what do you think i should do in terms of the sex drive not matching with me and my fiancee wow makes me sad that's a really real like things just got so real that girl is so brave for calling in and being so candid and going to the doctor like that makes me so happy because like we've we've talked about um

libido and sex drive on the podcast so much and a lot of it we always reference like medications can make that fluctuate and i think you having already gone to the doctor's amazing i wish her doctor was a little more delicate and maybe she was saying that because if her fiancee is pressuring to have sex that's that's not good biggest thing and i i'm i i wish i under i don't know i i wish it feels like it feels like so first and foremost you know i have two things i want to say here, let's just take the sex drive aspect and put it aside for a second. It's the communication aspect about what she wants and what she needs for her life. And this person that she's hoping to spend the rest of her life with, I would say that they should not, they should really work on

that mutual respect and communication surrounding the issue, because that will be a big factor in their lives you know it seems like it seems like there's definitely room for growth there and she has absolutely no need it is not her obligation to fulfill his sexual desires whenever he wants sex is about intimacy and communication you know yeah and two if she really doesn't feel sex like in that's nothing makes her feel sexual like look into asexuality i mean it's a real thing there are some people that do not have an interest they might be you know romantic heteroromantic bi-romantic homo-romantic whatever pan-romantic but they some people don't have yeah a desire to have sex with a man with a woman with a whatever you know um so i would say that and that's totally

valid um but yeah i mean this guy sounds like a dick sorry about that for your fiance he just i mean it just it makes me upset because so many young women are pressured into sex with their partners oh totally and it makes me sad because we can even hear from you that you're clearly a great communicator and that to me is like there this shouldn't have this shouldn't be three and a half years and a wedding a couple months away and still be an issue because you're I okay and I'm gonna give a little bit of tough love here in the situation I don't know are you being are you being the bigger I'm using air quotes like being the bigger person by saying um he's like great at going down on me and doing all of this stuff you're putting she's putting so much blame on

herself and her low sex drive that at this point I think you need to really like think about take yourself and your own sex drive out of the picture and be like am I actually getting sexually satisfied am I saying because I love him that he's good at this and he's a great at this and that I'm coming more often than I actually am because I mean if I my sex drive is so much higher when i'm with a partner where i'm enjoying myself like i don't my sex drive is not nearly as high if i'm like with someone and i'm not in like i'm not getting off yeah you're not gonna want to have sex with someone that you don't feel respected by 100 and if his goal is his finishing and not mine and like also okay i've recommended the book so many times like she comes first if he's not going

down on you every single time you are having sex like what like that's and if that's something that you want if it's not something that you want but if there is like if this isn't as much about I don't know I have a really hard time with like anything in general of somebody else prioritizing their needs and their comfort and being okay with that being the opposite of what you want yeah so it's like when someone invites you to a party and you're like I really really don't want to go to the party there but I really really want you to go you're like so you want me to go bad enough that you don't care I'm gonna have like that I'm not gonna have a good time yeah it's like the want versus need question because if he needs to have sex so often it's making you uncomfortable

that's a little that's that's not right that's not right like i don't know if this guy is like you know if he's just a young man he just really wants to have sex all the time fine but that's not food water shelter that's not a need and i just this girl is so my heart breaks because she's there are women that get jealous if their boyfriends watch porn yeah but she is so desperate for a compromise yeah you can hear that she is desperate for a compromise desperate for a solution and she's like maybe you should just masturbate maybe you should just go watch porn and at that point when someone's suggesting that their boyfriend go masturbate because they have have to have sex with them so much like dude that's not that's not cool no like that boyfriend's not

being cool to you no and also i just that to me i'm like if he's not watching porn like that you can still be objectified in a relationship like you don't have using her as the porn and that to me like i don't i think that that can be that can be like you can find that hot and sexy if your boyfriend's like no i really want specifically you but then if he's on if you you have to be an unwilling participant that's just control in a different that's fine that's him masturbating with your body yeah they've been dating he's the only person she's ever had sex with this is clearly something that is very is very present in their relationship it's a lot of pressure and yeah there's a lot of pressure and they're about to get married like it's sweetheart if you're

listening i would caution you to really take yourself seriously and validate that this is an important factor in your relationship and and hit pause be like i i can't spend the rest of my life being like somebody's like if you feel like you're a sex doll sorry that was really yeah yeah yeah if you feel if it gets it because i've had friends who were like had had relationships with kind of shitty dudes but not saying that this guy's shitty but like who you know effectively they just felt like a rag doll they're like great yeah it's like oh just like good god please come so i can fall asleep yeah you know and i just it sounds like she just you deserve so much more you know do you guys ever get follow-ups i'm so curious oh yeah we do we do oh my god please

follow up uh listener and and let us know how it all because i think if you really love somebody too there is a sense of like you're you don't and you can tell there's so much blame in her voice like i don't know how much of this he's being like i want to give him a benefit out because like you love him and you sound like a great person who hopefully has like a really great judge of character so much of it you can just especially women can really take on so much responsibility and blame for things that you make excuses for other people and that you don't always give them the opportunity to like like step up to the plate and like maybe he won't like maybe he like won't and maybe he's not a great guy but you have to give him the opportunity and the chance

to be that guy that you want to marry and like you obviously see something in him and i'm a i'm a huge believer in like pulling out all the stops and like checking off all the boxes like no stone left unturned and then if it means like postponing your wedding to figure this stuff out i think it's better to postpone and like cancel a wedding than it is to get divorced yeah but there's also yeah i think you just have to have that conversation and also if he is like super resistant to going to therapy just realize that like you're only 24 and she's in her 20s you're only in your 20s yeah she's 24 yeah you're 24 and like if you're gonna marry this person and they don't even want to go to therapy now like the the first year of your marriage isn't going to be the hardest year of

your marriage like that's gonna be kind of like it's gonna be telling to see how he's gonna be as a partner for the rest of your life and if you want to do it yeah you don't need to be with this guy but you do need to be happy yeah you know okay yeah man I know I got really invested in that one I'm invested I get overly invested please give us a call back and let us know yeah um and you're like amazing I just want to say like we we always preach like all of the I hope this next question is like cats versus dogs dogs cats yeah okay we disagree on one thing now okay should we go to the next one I'm 17 years old and I'm about to go into my senior year of high school I'm bisexual and I've just started my first relationship with a girl just for a little

backstory she's a year younger than me and was actually one of my really close friends for multiple years before we started dating it's pretty new for both of us since we've only been with guys previously. Because we were friends before any of this started, I was pretty aware of her problems with anxiety and depression, but I guess I didn't know the full extent until we were on this level. I'm a very empathic and emotional person, so when someone that I love is hurting, I want to do everything in my power to make things better. Of course, my objective isn't to fix her because I know that that's her own journey, but sometimes I just don't know what to do when she's constantly texting me that she's sad or sending me crying snapshots.

She struggles a lot with body image issues and I like to consider myself a pretty confident person and sometimes I worry that that also affects her. She really doesn't have a supportive family when it comes to her anxiety and depression and just her being bi in general. For example, her mom took her out of therapy just because it was a hassle and they really aren't 100% okay with the whole fact that she's with me, even though my family is. It does get pretty exhausting for me to constantly be the one holding her up and trying to be strong 24-7, even though I may come off as being more sure of myself, I really don't

know what I'm doing. I guess I just wanted to know what I could do to not only help her cope, but also to help myself as well. i know that new relationships come with their own hurdles so i just want to be as happy as possible oh oh my god 17 yeah wow and that was that was incredibly articulate and i feel like we really got like the full scope of kind of what's going on yeah wow oh wait oh man well i've got a million things to say take it away well so first of all listener or what do you have a name for your community your sweet babies sure okay little fuckers now was that a little fucker or a sweet

baby i think so far we've had three out of three sweet babies uh so the uh this little fucker um i really appreciate how much like research and thought and consideration she's clearly put into this you know by saying that she knows it's not her responsibility to fix her um i feel like your heart and is in the right place. The hard part is when you have someone with, you know, depression or anxiety, especially if they're not in therapy or they're not being medicated, they can be like laying in the mud a lot. And obviously when you love someone, you want to lift them up out of the mud, but you can't always lift someone up out of the mud. So what happens is you actually just end up getting pulled down too. Yeah. Right. Cause it's exhausting. You only

have so much physical, mental, emotional energy. So if you're pulling them out of the mud every single day, eventually you're going to start to sink too. Right. So something that I have chronic depression and I am like, I'm, I've got everything I want in life. You know, like I love my job. I love my partner. I love my home. I have a great therapist. I've got all my drugs right as rain. I feel really good. You know, that being said, I still have major depressive disorder. I have a, my predisposition chemically is to always just kind of tilt. So my, my fiance, um, didn't know what depression was when we first started dating and didn't really like understand.

So she very much was always trying to help pull me up in my lows. And I would say, honestly, I, I, what is going to be most important is for you to take care of you. I'm not in a good place right now. I'm in a really low place right now, but I want you to have a good day. And that was really hard for her to make the decision to like go work out or go to dinner with friends or something. Cause she's like, well, you're in crisis. I should be here to help you. The reality is it's not an illness. I'm not in crisis. There's no cure. It's, it's my life. And

I have to learn my toolkit for dealing with it because it's always going to be here. And it gets really tedious. You know, it's like, there's not, if you accept that there's not something to fix, then also accept that they're not in crisis you'll know when they're in crisis you know and if every day is a crisis then they need real real help yeah and I mean we again we are exactly the same person so I think this is something but this is something that I've I have had to like go through the motions and deal with like every relationship I've had of being like when some when if I'm like just like having a low day or whatever I'm like first of all if I'm telling you I'm having a low day like cool great leave it at that like I don't necessarily if I want to talk about it ask me if

I want to talk about it like there are certain and I'll get into like what I would say the specific advice but like in my personal experience with it it is it's a learning curve with somebody where there is also this feeling of you have to like exactly like the same analogy like you have to learn how to pick yourself up out of the mud and for so long so many especially kids I think who deal with mental health and I mean everyone has mental health but like everyone who's like dealing with struggles and stuff like that if you don't ever learn i didn't ever learn how i this it was my responsibility to like like trudge through and pick it up as opposed to like investing in whether it's things or people or activities that were going to like make it better i was like

no no the reason why i'm not good is me and the only thing that is going to make myself good is me like there aren't other factors going into my life as opposed just it's chemicals like that's what this is and this is all internally in this like in this house that i live in in this body and when you're in a relationship with somebody and somebody is just like desperately trying to make you feel better there's also like make it better not even make you feel better make it better there's a frustration at least on my end too where i'm like okay this is a forever thing and like if you're trying to fix me like this is me i'm not broken yeah this is the shape i'm in i know that this like this isn't fun for me more than it's not fun for you so just know like this

isn't something that like i'm gonna grow out of and like this is something that i need you to deal with just as much as i'm having to deal with this kind of stuff and then it's it's it's kind of like if somebody like let's say somebody has chronic fatigue because they have lupus right yeah and sometimes some days some months i call my depressive stuff down swings or like a low it's like i'm just in just the world is dark today it's like everything's in black and white you know um so like if you had some if you love somebody that had lupus and they were like i'm so exhausted but you know they have lupus and you know sometimes their lupus flares up you wouldn't be like do you need coffee do you want vitamin b do you want to do this should you exercise

you'd be like oh okay it's a lupus episode got it you sleep all day i'm gonna go have a good day yeah big disclaimer you and i are both talking from the perspective of people that have done the self-knowledge the growth they're 17 we're older yeah you know for the situation you're in listener little fucker sweet baby you know as hard as it is you need to set the boundaries as you have them because that's the only way she's gonna learn yeah you know and it sucks because you might she might not be ready to understand her depression but you have to set her anxiety you have to set your boundaries so that she has something that she has to you know she has something she can work with not just always being there because then you're just enabling her to

always have to rely on another person there's also some guilt there that like for me if i'm feeling really depressed and shitty like sometimes there's the worst when people are like let me stay home and i'm like the entire time you're staying home i'm gonna be looking you thinking that the reason why you're here is because of me and then i'm gonna feel more upset and so that's something too that like as much as you think you also might be helping her a there's the enabling thing and then there's also this this justice feeling of being like a charity case of somebody of being like wow I just like opened up how I'm feeling and as opposed to feeling rational and like normalized of being like that's totally I totally get it even though I don't maybe you don't

personally relate to it of being like yes this is so normal like you're so good like you don't need to stress about this as treating it like this is like this is this huge massive thing you're like oh wow so I'm not normal so this isn't like what is happening here I would say my advice and this is something that my it's so funny the guilt thing too because like every time I'm in a really like low place i'm always just like honestly it's best for me to just kind of socially isolate right now um just sometimes sometimes it's like i just need to be hannah on hannah and because i just can't carry the weight of like i don't know what i want for dinner like you know what i mean exactly and like being like having a responsibility to somebody else and i'm being like i don't want to really

talk i don't want to do any of this kind of stuff and like i'm gonna feel even more guilty if i'm not being a good like communicator because you are being generous with your time and your energy and like i feel like an asshole because like i don't want like it's like so thank you for the gesture but like i'm not gonna appreciate it right now it's like the chronic like fatigue analogy where the lupus person's like oh this coffee thank you so much like yeah i love it yeah let's go to a movie now yeah all they want to do is sleep you feel bad but i think and a system that i've gotten really great at with my friends and my boyfriend um and is we just the automatic go-to response when one of us comes to the other whether it's like text phone call or in person saying that

they're feeling a certain type of way a we always check up on each other and be like hey how are you feeling if i can tell you're not gonna say something um but uh then it's always like what what can i do and it's not here let me like fix this it's like what do you need from me and like is it that do you want space do you want to hang out like do you want like just tell me what you want from me because then i can be the best i can attend to your needs because also sometimes what you it's kind of like love languages like sometimes what you would want if you were in that position is not what that person would want yeah so if i'm like feeling really depressed some days i like really want i was like you know i just honestly like i don't want to talk about it but like i

want you to come over and i want to just like watch like the great british bake off for like five hours and like not talk about my feelings or it's i want to kind of go dark for a week and i want to know that my anxiety brain is going to be turned off because I know that you're not mad at me and you're not going to be upset that I'm not responding. Like this is the kind of stuff that I want. Or I just like, I just want to hug. Like I want to talk about it, but saying offering just to be there in whatever capacity that is, I think is the best thing that you can do because it's the most productive thing you can do. To the extent that it's okay for you, because we're speaking from the perspective of the girlfriend that we're discussing, but from her perspective,

the listener's perspective, you are totally justified in drawing the line as to how much you have to give. I really, it's best if you look up advice for partners of people with depression or of this, and your girlfriend might not be in a place in her life where she's going to understand or respect this but it's not her life it's yours yeah and it sounds like you can't you can't only be you can't be somebody's comfort all the time god i'm so happy we're not 17 anymore oh my god it was so rough oh god guys you know how they say it gets better that's just the facts it gets better but then it gets worse but then it gets better but then it gets worse and then you're like okay yeah the entire time ebbs and flows ebbs and flows like my vagina right now someone remind

me to change my tampon later okay please we're breaking after this great cool cool you grossed out now uh i hope that helped everyone um but yeah and i think again just i know she's not in therapy right now but uh i would also suggest to her if she's interested then there's lots of like free websites and apps and things and um you're thankfully she's young and school counselors and all that kind of stuff so just because your parents won't pay for therapy you can't be is her therapist totally and also not being able to afford a therapist especially when you're under 18 um there's just a lot of resources and things and so even the lgbt center if you're fortunate enough to live in a community that has one well i hope this helps okay guys we are going on to a

break and we'll be right back sup guys megan here oh my gosh this is an exciting ad because guess what uh well i mean you're not gonna be able to guess also it's not a call and response thing um i spent the past uh weekend making and revamping the don't blame me socials so you guys already know that you can subscribe to us on iTunes on the podcast app which you should do and leave us a fantastic review um but now you can also go on our website don'tblameme.show and you can see the hard work that I put in in designing this website I feel like I did pretty good it's cute I'm looking at it now there's some things going to change but guys I'm just like it's it's a work in progress and on there you guys can see where all of the videos for the podcast are you

can see where to listen to it on soundcloud as well on youtube you can figure out how to call in email us tweet and then you can also check out our brand freaking new instagram yes i made us an instagram it's called don't blame me pod so search that and also when you search it it kind of looks like it says don't blah meme pod but that's just because you see me in the me and the blame and then the me after that and it just turns into me when I see it because you know millennial um I'm very into this Instagram account uh it's premium content mostly because I cannot not have a theme so there's a theme starting so I'm really excited we're gonna be posting when we have new episodes there hopefully some BTS stuff maybe some uh IGTV things and all that so um yeah guys

look you can follow us all these multiple places now hit us up on the insta slide into our dms with I mean, like, PG, I mean, PG-13 stuff. Like, I can handle it, but, you know. So, thanks, guys, and back to the episode. Guys, we are back from the break. Hello. I hope it was good for you. It was good for us.

Changed my tampon in case anybody was wondering. Everything's still there. I like you guys. It's still working. Peppermint. It's nice, isn't it? I'm a big fan. I love it.

Okay, guys, let's hop into the next call. I'm a sophomore in high school. I just started sophomore year. and I had a girlfriend all summer and I have this other friend who's like my ex but also friends with benefits but me and her stopped being friends with benefits when I got with my girlfriend that I had last summer obviously um and she was just kind of flirting with me all summer and like saying other stuff and I'd be like no we can't I have a girlfriend um and then I broke up with my girlfriend and I was like talking to her and we were like I thought we

were flirting and stuff but then she's like oh yeah and she keeps like talking to me about girls and like wants girl advice and I'm like but I thought we were a thing and I don't know how to tell her that because every time I tell her that she just like ignores me and doesn't really say anything so I don't really know what to do damn players gonna play this like little like 14 year i had even my first kiss by sophomore year literally like like a good god play is gonna play i know she's like so i'm out here crushing the game so many girls oh man let me ask you about bitches man i just got like i got a lot i got all the bitches i thought she wanted to get up on this but like maybe not weird why not wow wow um i think i it's hard because i think

my advice if she was older would probably be a little different because my insight on it would be different because at that age it is difficult my automatic thing would be if she's not being straightforward and honest with you she probably doesn't have feelings for you but then I think like at that age I was all about like the like go around and like being like oh no I'm like asking for like boy advice but like the boy is actually you like oh yeah do what I mean so like there is there's a little bit of like there's it's kind of a toss-up where it's you're the only person who knows her and i think um i don't know i don't know how long how long did she say this has been going on i guess i mean summer well just remember though also like you know she's sophomore in high

school and uh you know i would say that like it's just i'm so happy for this caller because this little fucker this is a little fucker we thought we got our first little fucker little fucker is like, it's really great that you have a fun friends with benefits relationship. FYI, friends with benefits is like the most complicated thing that anyone could do in the entire world. The question is, how do you feel about her? And if she doesn't want to date or go back to being friends with benefits, do you want to be just friends? Yeah. That's the only thing you could focus on. It's not about this other girl's feelings. Cause if you're like, hey i like you do you like what's up and she's like ah tiddly he and like runs away from the

question you know she might not like you back and then you have to ask yourself am i cool with that yeah and then also do you do you really like her or do you kind of like this game in this chase and this interest and also does she know that you like that and that's why she's kind of doing this i hope i hope this kid didn't break up with her girlfriend for this other girl i don't know it doesn't sound as no offense it doesn't sound as romantic like there it's it sounds so flirty and not so feelings driven so I think I would figure out that because I mean I'm so quick I've always been very quick of being like oh I broke up with my like boyfriend or something I'm like oh that guy that I used to hook up with like let's hang out and not really thinking it wasn't really

driven by like my like romantic feelings towards them it was kind of more just based on the fact that I'm like a this doesn't add to my number like b like I like you like we're good friends like i find comfort in you like checking the romance box yes yeah yeah okay cool i'll just date this person but it's not like i did it's not like i've been like longing for you and like kind of like pining after you it's kind of more you're you're just in that circle and i do find you attractive and i do like you as a person but like in the scheme of things like do i really care about you that much because also friends with benefits is you have to it's almost it's nearly impossible to be on the same page so even if you thought that she might have had more feelings for you

or like maybe she she really likes you as a friend but like doesn't want to hurt your feelings that she's yeah because she could be saying talking about another girl to try and like easy and being like yeah nothing to you but i don't want to say it like that right i don't want to say it directly because i don't want to hurt your feelings or she can be doing it to mess with your head and like a weird cat and mouse like crush game that being said like i feel like friends with benefits only works for like polyamorous people because like somebody's gonna get hurt you just don't want to be the one that does you know yeah yeah i i did it i did it one yeah i did like real for once like actual like hook up hook up um when i was in high school and we both were like fine but it wasn't

it like got to a point where he was like why'd you cheat on me i'm like i don't think it's possible for me to cheat on you when we're not together buddy and it was like even he's like oh cool okay i didn't know and it was like this just it was just the communication it's not even like he was like butthurt or like hella sad about it it was just kind of more like oh oh oh you're right i guess we just never really talked about it it's like clicking the um checking the terms and conditions before so you guys just need to figure out what your terms and conditions are and then you can go to the captcha and move on exactly yeah read that shit read that shit so i feel like this little fucker needs to just figure out a if you are just friends yeah um are you cool with

that and b are you just friends you know like and i think the more straightforward she might be giving off like this kind of like like you're saying this cat and mouse like flirt flirtatious thing and you might then be asking her if she has feelings for you matching that yeah and then neither of you are really saying anything so i think if you really do have feelings for her even if she's just doing this flirtatious kind of getting out of the question you don't match that be straightforward with your feelings and kind of and don't really not that i'm saying don't give her an out but like don't make it make it a yes or no make it like something that gets an answer get your answer exactly unless you're into the game too because you know you're such a

you got who i loved that game i love a chase i love a chase i have one friends with benefits relationship very briefly as an adult with um just like a friend of a friend kind of thing and like we hooked up after one party and it was funny because i think now i could have done it and it would have been great but at the time i had never done it and i was like and i didn't like like this person i was super attracted to her she's super hot and i was like this is great and then i was like so do i need to have a crush on them and then i was kind of trying to force myself to have a crush on them and then and they were not interested in me dating wise just yeah they were down for the hookup but then i just i don't think i was as evolved in that and i was

like and it was funny because i didn't even have a crush on her well i think we're really trained to associate like intimacy with romance and feelings yeah of like towards the other person not just like i'm getting mine you got yours i respect you great yeah there is a feeling of like there is that pressure of being like oh i'm supposed to like really love you and this is supposed to make my the chemicals in my brain explode and it's like sims and woohoo and now i want to have your babies and you're like oh my god if i don't want to have sex with you for of my life what's wrong with me what's wrong with me i wish i could go back in time and be who i am today because obviously i can't anymore because i'm not coming in my relationship but i wish i

could have been me today and you had this and just been cool and casual i've been like so we hook up tonight or no like okay great you know because she was cool yeah but yeah i did i instead i just overthought everything and panicked oh yeah i i relate i relate to that it's a good time always an option always an option always an option usually the first one i do panicking have you thought about freaking out and losing your goddamn mind for no reason you should try that sometime yeah that'll be great it's gonna work out well uh okay should we go to the next hey megan mel and guest i'm just gonna jump right into this i am 30 years old um and last year i left um well my boyfriend of four and a half years and i broke up um it was like a mutual

break up, that's all fine, whatever. So since we broke up, I've had to move back in to my dad's house, which has not been ideal. And I work full time, but I don't make enough money to move out of my dad's house on my own. And so I got my bachelor's degree in May of 2018. So I've only been looking for a job for the last three months. I've had a few interviews, a few job offers, but they haven't been the right ones. And I know it's so dumb because I've only been looking for a new job for three months, but I feel really discouraged. And I just kind of, I don't know, I'm having a harder time with this than I thought I would. And I'm not even sure exactly what my question to you is, I just feel like I need maybe encouragement or advice as far as how to keep

moving forward with this. The situation living with my dad and his girlfriend is not the best for a lot of reasons I can't get into, but I'm just feeling really like, I guess I'm telling myself all of this is permanent and I'm going to be at his house forever and I'm never going to find a new job. So none of those thoughts have been helpful to me, as you can imagine. So, yeah, any advice or just words of encouragement would be great. Thank you so much. Oh, man.

Sweet baby. Sweet baby. Sweet baby. Sweet baby. Congratulations on being a sweet baby. I actually teared up. I did. Well, I just have such I just have such like sympathy for that, you know, because I have friends that are in their 30s.

And like when you know, when you get out of a relationship, one of my best friends, actually, the co-host of Analyze This was in a relationship for eight years left and had to at 28, 29, move back in with her parents. And I just saw, you know, and she you know, now she's out of there and she's moved on. But I just saw how much it, like, fucked up her psyche and her sense of self and her sense of, like, time. And it was really, really hard for her. And she struggled to get out of the house again and to get back to independence. She found a place with some roommates, which really, really worked out. That's actually what helped her to get out. But, yeah, like I said, Hannah, that's why we call it Hannah-lize this, is her name's also Hannah.

Oh, nice. Yeah, we Hannah-lize. Yeah. But, you know, Hannah's 33 now. and um she she's so much farther than she was but she was at the exact point in time at 30 that this this sweet baby is also so I just my heart goes out to you I have nothing but love for you and like Hannah you know Hannah pulled herself out of it and I think that it you can too you know yeah I think or pulled herself through it actually yeah because I it's it's you're gonna be faced

with things in your life that are going to suck at any age like it doesn't there are certain things that get easier and then certain things that get harder and i think especially as you get older it's this chase of this like non-tangible idea that we have of success that always gets like farther and farther away as we get closer and closer and so then when the kind of the rug is pulled out from underneath you and this idea that you had of your life and that kind of goes away um i think there can be a lot of like blame that we automatically put on ourselves of being like wow i am worthless like i can't believe i did this like this is so this is not where i wanted to be this is not where i thought i was going to be right and i don't know if anybody ever really

ends up where they think they're going to be like every step you're always like this is not how i plan to go this way but i mean it's gonna get me in the way i want to end up but i don't think you ever really plan those kind of tangents that make you that get you to where you want to go right it's not intentional it's kind of like yeah exactly and those tangents can feel like oh shit this isn't about this is about the entirety of my life right now so try and break it into smaller pieces it sounds to me like the primary focus like don't worry about your career path don't worry about finding a partner don't worry don't give yourself all this pressure for all of these things that you don't feel like you have answers for honestly just get out of that house

yeah that because right now living with your dad and his girlfriend it i can hear in your voice how damaging it is for you and to find a way you know go online find roommates get a room in a house like whatever it takes for you to not be in that environment will make answering the other questions easier yeah you know what I mean yeah no I I very much agree with that I think to start small and tackle things one by one and for the job thing um I I mean I'm congratulations for having a full-time job by the way it's it's so it's such a like it's such a hard thing especially like when they took her out three months three months still yeah yeah figuring all that stuff out that's something that I wish more people as adults talked about um as I mean I have like a

weird job where like my job is constantly being like I'm putting all this time and energy into a job that I probably won't get like I have no job security yeah and so there's like that stress and that fear of being like every single day you have to like pick yourself up and also you have to like you face rejection and then you have to still manage like okay well let me try again let me try again and try again and try again and it's taxing and it totally takes it really can take it out of you but i think if you can just i think i think the first yeah you just get out of that house because it's like everyone like you're not so uniquely the good news is everyone has issues with self-sufficiency and everyone has issues with how they feel about where they are you know

which I think is what you're speaking to, which is like, oh shit, is this enough? But like right now it's like, you know, drive lift in the evenings, do whatever it takes for you to get enough money and get yourself into a different environment. And then things will become more clear when you're in a better place to, to have the questions that you're experiencing right now. Well, I think it's overwhelming when there are so many things that you wish were different and that you want to change. So yeah, focus on one and then like write it down and be like, this is the one goal i'm going to focus on right now this is how much money i need to make this is i'm going to look up the median of rent if i had roommates if i had one roommate if i had two

roommates i had three roommates i'm going to look up how much the median of rent would be how much i would need to save to do this like how much i would need to make per month when taxes are taken out i how how how are you going to get that kind of money to do all of that focus on those steps because it's accomplishing a task that makes you you feel more in control and that's like the biggest issue when yeah breakups and everything like when you're like in a situation that you're like i didn't ask for this and that's it happens and you can't control certain things like that so find the things find the healthy things that you can control in making it feel like i'm putting an effort forth and i'm doing what i can do to change my situation and to change where i am all the

while knowing that life's gonna throw shit at you but like you just have to like devise a plan like step one figure out how much this is gonna cost and then like okay cool so i need to be working this this this and this i need to do this i need to save this much this month let me budget how much i'm going to spend on food this month and then for while you're at the house i think living rent-free hopefully yeah hopefully and if not that also kind of sucks i mean like hannah lived with her parents and she was literally the it's so it's so kismet she was this exact age um and like i said we talk a lot about it on hannah lies this but like living with your parents is so regressive you and yeah you regress you know you convert into your child self and your identity and for a lot of

people and it sounds like with you that's not a healthy experience you know to be like oh shit like and and that contributes to the feeling like you're not at where you should be in this point in time but that's all in your head yeah because you're basically think don't think of it as your dad's house think of it like you're living rent-free somewhere hopefully airbnb like you got a brand deal with airbnb you want a contest you want a contest and airbnb is letting you stay at this place yeah and then when you're there in the house you're an adult like you're still an adult it might feel like you're a kid again it might feel like you're going to be disciplined and yes like hopefully you're living there rent free and there might be some rules there's a way

to be respectful of whatever said rules are but like you are not obligated to be miserable and sit with them because like you're not 18 you're not a child 16 you're not a kid you don't have to be home on time for dinner you don't have to watch tv with the family you're not a child you're an adult and congratulations by the way on getting your bachelor's degree that is super super awesome my aunt actually got hers when she like turned 40 um so like just congrats for that it's you're on your own timeline in life and that's a-okay yeah you know what i mean like validate that like validate yourself yeah and you're listening to an awesome podcast that's so cool yeah and find other things that make you happy when you do have to be there like like maybe there's a specific tv

show or there's a candle that you love or if there's i mean i don't know if you're in your childhood bedroom but if there's a way that you can just change stuff convert it but i don't know make things where it feels if she's with the girlfriend i don't know i think it's probably they probably are in a different place than you were but yeah but they just make it so even make it so like when you walk in it doesn't look like your dad's house yeah don't make it homey for you Yeah. After. Well, first of all, congratulations. You've had like several job offers and you've turned them down because they weren't right for you. And I think that's awesome because that means you're not settling for something. When I graduated from college, my plan was to go to dental school and I was just like, nah, don't want to do that anymore. So I did move back in with my parents and didn't settle for something else that I really didn't want. and um when i moved back in i set ground rules with them like i'm an adult i don't have curfew i'm here and i i did offer to pay like some rent but i was mostly there so i could save money

because i had decided to move here um so i was um working a job saving money i like you said changing your environment i painted my walls green like i i changed everything that was what that was about my childhood it was not the same anymore um and I also like I I didn't tell them like what I was doing every day I'd just come home when I wanted to yeah you don't need to check in with them right but I also realized that I was staying under their roof and um and uh and not taking advantage but like I was taking advantage of not having to pay like a full rent so I would buy groceries and sometimes i would cook so it's just like being respectful of them too yeah treating them like you would roommates yeah there's like you wouldn't you don't have

toilet paper and stuff yeah like you don't have to check in with your roommate and be like hey i'm gonna be going doing this and all that stuff but then there's other things that you're like okay cool this doesn't feel like i'm oversharing or i don't feel like i'm sacrificing my privacy but i can do something nice for you too to kind of show yeah and just in case because again we don't have the full picture if they're asking you to do too much like you know being like well if you live here that means you're responsible for all the dishes or everything every blah blah blah like we don't know the situation and it could be one of many things but what matters is you making it the situation that's going to be best for you and finding compromise not sacrifice yeah you know

like there's a huge difference between the two yeah yeah my mom did pull thing like you need to wash the dishes i was like i'll wash the dishes that i make dirty like i'm not gonna everyone does that for themselves there won't be dirty dishes exactly if you want me to teach me chores like i'm an adult now we all can fend for ourselves yeah yeah i'm and congratulations i know that ending relationships ending adult relationships as an adult is so hard and i can't you're reeling right now your life has been tossed up in the air and the pieces are coming back down pick the one piece that you know it sounds like we're all in agreement on which is like you know figure out what it's going to take for you to get out of the house and and good job

and good job for reaching out you know wow i love your listeners aren't they great yeah they're the best i love the sweet babies i love the little fuckers i'm a little fucker so i relate with them yeah i'm like oh you little fuckers oh yeah i think the last thing i'll say on this um which this is totally maybe doesn't even apply um uh if you if you're maybe if your dad if they have like an unfurnished basement or they have like a some some some area that is a little farther away and isn't so like check in on the house maybe you can offer to be like hey like let me help like redo this and like do this kind of stuff and then i can stay here and kind of if there's a way to get more physical separation um i would say that or even if there's like a different if there's

an office that's maybe the guest bedroom is right next to their room maybe if there's like a downstairs office that's small exactly like if there's a way to even just do that and see if there's a even because it's even a couple doors down is a better space for that yeah you don't have to come home as soon as you're done with work yeah yeah yeah i would go work out yeah yeah go for a walk or work out maybe there's a cool board game community that has like monday night like that's what i would do and talk to your friends i know that there's so much pride that comes with wanting to act like you have your shit together and the greatest the greatest comfort i've ever realized as growing older is that i'm like the more i talk about not having my shit together

the friends that i thought really had it together totally didn't and i was like oh cool we can talk about this kind of stuff so i think that'd be great too because maybe there's like a friend of yours that it's like oh yeah maybe they seem like they've got it all and they're like married and all that stuff and like maybe they're really not happy maybe they could also be looking for a friend and stuff and i think it always takes one one person in the friend group to kind of admit that they're not doing so hot for everybody else to be cool can we talk about this now neither am i have a good good system like that yeah i mean we don't fucking know yeah okay are we good we on to uh so this is the part where we either have there's another segment there's a segment

would you like to explain the segment sure so this is producer's corner so this is where um i pick either call this week that i i really liked and thought i'd share it or it's a call back the callers calling back to update us on what's going on in their lives and then there's also um other listeners calling and giving advice on past calls oh love that so it's kind of letters to the editor yeah this week what we have is someone that is sharing their advice on a situation so this is from the episode with ashley perez um about love her love her she's great i love me so much when i got dressed today i almost put on like a little white shirt and tied a bandana and then i was like it's too close to the episode episode with ashley because i complimented her

outfit and told her i was going to copy her and i was like i can't copy it on the podcast like i have to do that in real life yeah yeah and so this is someone um so the original call was about um two um girls had who had just started dating they had been friends for years and they had just yeah but now the dynamic has changed where their parents won't let um them stay the night well and so what Ashley and I had said was both, uh, both of us had talked about how her and her current relationship that they were friends first. And that's how my boyfriend and I started dating. And we both talked about how, when we were just friends with our partners, we would say, I love you. And then as soon as we started like liking them, we're like, Ooh, I can't sleep at all

anymore. And so we had to backtrack and we both did say that we felt like it, it was actually kind of nice to kind of start fresh and start over. And it was exciting. And that, so one set of, so one set of the girl, one of the girls, her parents are fine with them having sleepovers there and the other ones aren't and she didn't she didn't say that there was like they didn't dislike them being together I actually think to be honest like uh you know being queer you're always looking to be treated the same way as a straight couple that's what we actually were like no I my mother would my parents would never have let me had like a boy sleepover that I was dating even at 19 and that was our exact same thing of being like I just I don't kind of cool they

respect the relationship enough to be like well now you're dating and we don't want to hear you have sex in the house exactly but it was cute though because they've been like friends forever like childhood childhood friends and they fell in love i'm gonna literally listen to this episode on my drive home i listened to this clip like of this call multiple times it i can't even explain to you it is this it's the happiest story in the world it's just so fucking cute i can't wait i want to be a movie really so this is someone else calling in to respond they've got their own experience her advice with it um so i'm personally not um gay but uh my older brother is and he and his boyfriend had the same situation um when they were 18 and they like had started

dating each other once my brother realized that she was bisexual um and my parents were super strict about it um they wouldn't let them just spend the night in each other's rooms anymore and it totally doesn't have anything to do with them being homophobic or anything because his parents were kind of strict about it too. They just didn't want them having unsafe sex until they were both tested and they had figured out everything. It was the same rules for me and my sister that applied to my older brother. My parents were super understanding, plus it is like their house,

and you're living there as an adult going into college, so you kind of have to respect them, which I think you guys also said, and I thought that was really good. But from, like, an outside perspective who's, like, still, like, involved in a similar situation, like, watching as, like, a sister, I think it was, like, the best decision on my parents' part because it did keep, I think it kept their relationship kind of fresher and it kept it kind of exciting because they weren't with each other every waking second and they didn't, like, get to know each other. And then once they moved in together like a year ago, they've been together since. And I think it worked out in the long run. And my brother's even told me, like, oh, it was probably better that we didn't spend those nights together and that we didn't live together and move together all the time

because mom and dad knew it was right. And now we're getting to know each other even more on a more emotional level. But it worked out. And my brother's really happy with his boyfriend. And everybody touched. So I hope everything works out with her. Oh, man. i love that i love that second story that's just so happy and cute that's so great and like wow

what a rad family too like i i just think that that's that's just so lovely you know exactly like you said it's just it's you're being that's a perfect case of he was being treated exactly like his heterosexual heterosexual sisters and they were with their relationship for the parents are like no all the rules apply to everybody yeah and i said to my sister um she had her boyfriend come visit and i was like i just said like you cannot have sex in this house well also like it's just mainly because yeah exactly that's my baby yeah i don't want to hear you having sex or they think that you're going to be doing that i think that's half of the reason my parents don't want that it's not like i think like yes there's a part like we want you to make sure you're safe

and all that stuff but they're like i don't want that gets gross like if you're gonna have sex in your own time don't have sex here and also it's like you don't even have sex at like a friend's house if somebody's letting you like well I mean I did hook up on my friend's couch once and then yeah it was really messed up actually oh man but that's great yeah yeah that makes me really happy it makes me happy to hear that they're like excited that still they're still together too because that it makes sense because you there is that bonus of dating someone who's a friend but you even anyone you meet in the like as an adult or you're not going to automatically moving with them usually so there is kind of that you get to enjoy that build that you kind of i

don't know people get sad about missing out on that kind of oh is he gonna text me back or is like she gonna text me back like does she like me does he like me thing when you've been friends with somebody and this is a way to kind of get that excitement and that i feel like a slower pace has never hurt a relationship you know it's just like helps you maintain your identities as individuals yeah and like i i think it's great i love it oh oh my gosh is that it that's it oh my gosh thank you so much for coming on this podcast thank you for having me i'm a new fan of the show and now i'm gonna like literally subscribe after this listen to the episode and i hope you check out and analyze this and we'll have you on i would love to come on yeah

i love analyzing things i love you're pretty good at hand i can analyze whatever it's pretty great For those of you curious, it's Hannah Lye spelled H-A-N-N-A-H-L-Y-Z-E. This available wherever you listen to podcasts. And very soon we will have the lovely Megan as a guest. Oh, you just hit your teeth. You almost made it. I went through the whole cut. You almost made it.

Every episode. You like to get up on that mic, bro. I do. I talk like this because I'm like, this feels funny. You're like, I feel safe here. I do. I do because it gets ASMR-y. Yeah.

Wow. You made it. Let's do it. Like an hour and a half. That was the most I've ever made it. That's the longest. It's never. I'm never not going to hit it with my teeth.

If you guys enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe on the Apple podcast app or SoundCloud or wherever you get your podcast. Don't blame me dot show. And if you're watching it on YouTube, do that. And then if you're listening to it, you can go watch the video version and Jerry still out.

If you'll be a floating head, we don't know yet. I mean, I'm pretty stoked if I am. That's fine by me. Oh, and if you're on YouTube, sorry,

I was a, if you're on YouTube and you want to find more of me across the internet in general, I'm on YouTube, Twitter, Instagram, et cetera, at heart dough.

h-a-r-t-o and Melissa and I are walking around in the real world actually I'm rarely walking around in the real world unless it's hopefully I'm in my bed except for when I come to podcast exactly oh no I have to take my car in

yeah you do have to do that you can check Melissa and I our socials will be down below as well and if you guys have something going on in your life that you want some advice on for a future episode please leave us a voicemail at 310-694-0976 zero nine seven six and international listeners you can record a audio file and email it to meganpodcast at gmail.com and um yeah these were some really great calls so also if you've heard

if you listen to this episode and you heard these calls they were concise they explained a lot if you want to model your your calls after these let's these are the star pupils i mean that's been a lot of time limit like three minutes three minutes someone dm'd me and she was like i can't get under like 15 minutes and i literally respond i go girl i promise you you can't i promise you that whatever you're saying she i just really feel like i'm like you say it one time i'm gonna get it i'm gonna get this one thing i think that's what it might have been the same person because she dm'd me too and she was like i can't get under 15 minutes and she's like and i hadn't responded yet and she's like what happens if it doesn't she called in and she got cut off she's

like oh i get it yeah that's my response she's like well i actually got cut off i'm like no no you will like you won't know the end of it so finish the story also if you're listening and you're like oh no but it's different because of this or because of that stop just even if we don't have the details exactly right just get out of it what you can it's not about making us understand all the complexities because we'll get it that's the thing i mean if you want to pre-order my book haha you're not special no offense you're not that special like these these issues that everybody has is that the name of the book yes that's the name of my book oh i thought you were saying like you of all the people who also want to pre-order my book you're all not special no but that's that's

the thing i with the calls especially we get so many repeat calls and so many times in the repeat repeat calls people are like i just feel like i'm the only person who's ever gone through this like no there's like 19 that are exactly like this so no that uh you're not special you're probably we'll get it don't worry also don't like preface it with things like this is going to be so long like you've wasted time there don't tell me it's gonna be long yeah and uh yeah we'll see you guys next week don't blame me it's a production by me produced directed and edited by melissa post-production sound by chris henry production assistant julie carley and music by giacomo picasso and ryan hunter i'll see you guys next week and don't blame me if your life you know

completely fucks up before then oh Thanks for watching!