Don't Blame Me! - S2E22: Guest: Cat Valdes - Dating Your Step Brother

Episode Date: October 5, 2018

Cat Valdes is here this week! We’re sharing advice on new found lesbianism with your boss, having a crush on your boyfriend’s friend, and how to give a good blow job. We also have a listener sharing advice on low libido.Follow Us!@meghanrienks@catrific@sheisnotmelissa@dontblamemepodNeed Advice?www.dontblameme.showDomestic Listeners Call: [phone]International Listeners Send a Voice Memo To: [e-mail]… with as much detail as possible under 3 minutes! I’ll do my best to share my wonderful words of wisdom. If you’re under 18, please get your parent’s permission. Advice is for entertainment purposes only, so you can’t blame me if I screw up your life. I kid! My advice IS AMAZING.- Want to WATCH this episode as well? Check out my YouTube channel:http://youtube.com/meghanrienksSupport the show: https://www.patreon.com/join/dontblameme See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hello, everybody. On this episode of Don't Blame Me, we have Kat Valdez and we talk about a girl who might have dated, not technically her stepbrother, but I mean, basically her stepbrother and how she moves on from that now that their parents are still dating. It's like a Serena and Dan situation, except way messier. And we also have a girl who accidentally, air quotes, sent nudes to her boyfriend's best friend. It's dramatic. Keep watching. thanks to audible for supporting don't blame me start a 30-day trial and your first audio book is free go to audible.com slash blame or text blame to 500 500 you can do it with audio books hello everybody and welcome back to another episode of don't blame me um today oh my god

i was just gonna call you catrific that's what everybody calls me honestly i think i still have your number in my phone from when we did a shoot together forever ago and i think it just says cat and then i think it says rific as last name yeah so i had a roommate for like three years that to this day she still just has me as catrific in her phone that's what everybody does i have so many people in la especially like the youtuber people like claudia sluski is in my phone as beyond sexy star because her username was like beyond beauty star and then i think arden rose is arden no i think arden is arden motherfucking ricks is in my phone but yeah i have so many people that i've known for years of being like oh this is just like this is how people on the internet

remind everyone of their names of being like this is my username um so yeah guys uh cat is here and We're going to be giving advice and you, uh, have so much podcast experience. I feel like you're going to crush this. I'm a veteran and I'm a little like out of work. I haven't done a podcast in like three months. Cause we, the podcast I did do for two years, we decided to stop doing. And so I haven't podcasted in forever. It feels nice to be back.

Oh, it's, it's, it's a good time. It's like riding a bike. You could just, you just hop right in and you just talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, make everything about yourself, which is what I end up doing with every question. uh and that wonderful giggle is melissa hello who's sick today so so i have a little rest also do you want to tell everybody what you did on um saturday when i there are a lot of things happened on saturday i don't know what happened on saturday in the shower i'm gonna get you a life alert for christmas no that is like one of my biggest fears slipping in the shower

it's so slippery oh my gosh and i had one leg up so no no landed on a bottle did you fall out of the shower no i felt like kind of like slipped up and then fell down do you like a massive bruise on your ass it's like on the side because i kind of turned because this the left leg was up so when i fell i fell to the right uh not to the left to the left no oh well um we we're we're all thinking of you in this hard time thank you and i'm gonna get you a life because you walked into something else too yeah yeah yeah yeah it's okay i have a rash we've been over we're both falling apart yeah my knees also bleeding yeah it is from running into a drawer so i was making a dirty joke but then you explained so it doesn't really count as a dirty joke because

you said what you did yeah that's it uh oh no rug burn no rug burn not yet no i gotta tell you one time i got a sunburn just on my knees and i posted a picture on twitter and everybody's like i was like saying i was like i have no idea how this happened realistically i do know how it happened because i was in the sun and my i was sitting with my legs up like you know when you're like doing that but i was laying down so my knees are the first thing exposed to the sun and then the rest of me was shaded by something i don't know and it was a it was a good tweet i remember that do you remember that i was also fucking painful it's almost as bad as the back of the legs we were podcast it was when i first started podcasting yeah back in those days yeah well

speaking of podcasting i mean that's what you're listening to or you're watching so you guys um if you didn't know we record this for youtube which somebody commented on one the other day oh my gosh i can't believe i had no idea you had a podcast i was like are you kidding me it's the only video i upload ever like i get does it go to your main channel yeah because i don't have time i mean i do have time i just don't have the energy or the bandwidth to like become jake paul so i'm like i'm just gonna have both podcast videos and baking videos um so yeah so if you guys are listening to this on the podcast app or wherever you're listening to it you can also watch the video on youtube and if you are watching on youtube and you want to subscribe um so you get the push

notifications when the audio versions come out you can go to don't blame me dot show it will tell you and i also redesigned the website good i'm pretty stoked about it it's just me putting off like doing edits for my book where i'm like i'm just gonna redo this website i'm gonna build another website what can i do with this this and this there's some cute pictures of us there are some cute ones uh well guys this is an advice podcast in case you're new here and um you guys call and you leave us voicemails and tell us about the always typically pretty crazy shit that's happening in your lives and we give you some advice and that phone number to call is 310-694-0976 and to our international callers and listeners you can email us an audio file at meganpodcast

at gmail.com and uh tell us all that stuff there and uh shall we hop on into it um so a little backstory i am now 22 years old and i have recently moved away from my hometown when i went to college i stayed home and like you guys suffered an hour-long bus ride so recently i moved out to a totally different city and actually a new province i am canadian so uh international caller here but i moved out to like you know a completely new place i came with only a few suitcases and my friends are now away for the weekend they plan to go to this festival thing nearby here and so i saw the whole place to myself and i was like you know i'm gonna take a bath or something but then i saw how dirty this place was so i was like oh i'll just clean it then and at first it

wasn't much but then it became a lot and like it was bad for their health their bedroom is still very messy like Megan they have bowls in there with like mold in it they have cups in there and I just don't want to touch anything like you know get myself sick or anything but I did what I could I picked up some like you know junk food off the ground or something like you know wrappers and everything I vacuumed as much as I could and I even cleaned up the bathroom the kitchen and just like everything i could you know and it's still not the best because like i said there's food and mold and everything i don't want to risk my own safety and health um but i don't know how to tell my friend like you know this is actually bad for their health it's not just that they're messy

it's that's actually bad for them and i just don't know how to talk to them about it and i know you may not get to this right away but still just like your advice for like future references since i am looking into getting a roommate um that'd be really awesome but yeah um so wait question is she this these are her roommates you're just staying with her friend yeah she's moving in with them but i think she might be like staying permanently at some point it's kind of confusing yeah because you said she might be getting a roommate later on so i thought maybe she meant like actually in her room oh or just like adding somebody else into the picture perhaps oh and yeah and then not wanting to be like oh by the way this place is really disgusting yeah that

makes sense i also want to know if she's a virgo i bet she's a virgo what are virgos like like that that is like i could literally hear three of my friends who are virgos like calling me with this exact same predicament i'd be like it's disgusting it's gross it's bad for their health i just vacuumed like it wasn't a big deal like i would never go in someone's room and vacuum for them i think that's amazing yeah is it really bad for their health if this if there's mold growing than you yeah i mean it's bad depending on like the air circulation like if they don't have like windows open especially if they're not there like the stale air and the mold will get bad um i mean i just don't have a lot of experience with mold

um i don't know to me it just sounds super immature like i was definitely one of those kids when i was like younger and i had like cereal in my room or whatever and i left it and it got like gross and then i was like oh no i can't do this but i was young like a like a kid kid um so to me it just sounds like adults who haven't fully like either learned how to be adults yet which 22 is kind of that time i mean i think the first thing i would say is i think they'd probably people are pretty embarrassed by being messy and so i would say if you tell them being like hey guys uh because one girl or two girls two two i think it was two you know i hope you're having fun blah blah blah like just like I was bored and you can like make it like you're like

I was bored this weekend so like I decided to do um to like clean and I thought I would like help clean you guys like go in your room and clean for you guys and um uh there like I hope it's okay that I cleaned as much as I could but there are a couple like moldy dishes and stuff that I didn't really feel comfortable um like throwing out and doing all of that stuff so clean it up I don't know but I think if you bring it up like do you think they'd get him so my best friend she had a roommate in college uh one of her roommates she lived in a house with multiple girls or an apartment with multiple girls and one of the girls was like this like she used to also hoard dishes and they would get moldy and gross and they had to go into the room to like get their Tupperware and all of

that stuff so I they just kind of I mean it really they really hated this girl because of it but I don't know I had a roommate that was extremely messy like borderline hoarder kind of scenario and I lived with her for about like a year or two and I can't remember if I ever actually said anything because I was just so shocked at her lack of shame for how yeah disgusting the place would look and she would invite her friends over when I would invite my friends over I would just clean it I would just clean up all of her stuff I'd pick it all up and throw it in her room and then do the dishes and just be like passively aggressively annoyed at her for like a week and then I would get over it but I think that if you're not going to keep living there then you

don't need to say anything because like whatever they're going to figure it out if you're going to be living there I think it's worth saying hey like this is like uh are you just maybe ask about it like or do you guys uh care if I clean up this stuff and then maybe you guys get like the moldy dishes or just ask about it like ask their opinion on it like oh does it not bother you or maybe make it like kind of like a light joke like oh this is kind of gross like send a picture be cute because i mean like i'll do that if like my boyfriend leaves something messed like something like off like he'll have like random piles of crumbs places and i will just like send pictures of me flipping it off in front of like the mess and i'll text him that so like i think there's a

way you could definitely do it jokingly and be like making light of the situation but i agree if you're not gonna live there don't say anything also because of either of these girls when they start dating somebody that's when they're gonna clean yeah for sure my apartment has never been clean to this day like we my boyfriend lived together for like two-ish years and it has never been cleaner than the first like six months like it was so clean like the fridge was organized like it was just impeccable so i think they'll learn it on their own um but also if they're keeping it contained to their room as much as like you're worried about their health uh i think if you can like nudge them a little bit to give them a little bit like hopefully they'll get not saying hopefully

they'll get embarrassed but i would assume they would um and then yeah and also maybe it was like a fluke like maybe this was something they like left it in there i don't know how long they've been gone it might have been on accident because i mean it's also the bathroom in the kitchen too yeah it sounds like there's just uh it sounds like it's just a gross make a chore chart and like put it on big if you're gonna live there maybe like hey guys so like i like maybe you say some, maybe, Oh, maybe you ask them like, Hey, let's, let's make a chore chart. Like, so I want to make sure like, or, or even saying like, Hey guys, like moving in here and all that stuff. Like I want to figure out like what responsibilities that I should have, like what kind of chores and

like things around the apartment do you like, do you want to take responsibility for? And like, what should I do? And then offer like, I love doing this. Is there anything that you really like, or you really dislike? And we can kind of divide it that way. And maybe they're like, Oh, I really hate doing dishes. And you can be like, okay, cool. So like, if you leave the dishes in the sink and like immediately in the sink afterwards like i'll totally do the dishes and then one girl can be like oh i really love vacuuming and they can do that i don't know anyone who loves vacuuming it doesn't sound like these girls like cleaning at all no but i mean if you come in and you kind of are like oh so tell me like so what do you what chores should i take

over that you guys do that'll kind of maybe they'll be like do anything but then maybe they'll be like um yes so i do this and she does this and then and then they'll be like oh shit we should really like this is kind of embarrassing maybe yeah yeah or just invite like lots of like hot people over and be like this was messy and they saw your mess yeah just take a bunch of instagram pictures like really hot people so basically just shame them into being clean i mean sometimes that's what it takes i don't know i mean i'm i hope it's good or maybe just don't live there. Shall we go on to the next? Hi, Megan. I'm from Australia and I'm 19. My question is basically how to get over this situation and move on. So basically my mom fell in

love and met a great guy when I was around 10, I would say. And I developed a massive crush for one of his kids. So a few years later, I think I was around 15. This kid kissed me for the first time and basically we dated but not really because nobody could know obviously our parents were together so we kept it a secret we were probably together for a year or two and then on and off for another year I can genuinely say he was my first love we were obsessed with each other all those things um but we knew it wouldn't last because of the situation we were in now it's a few years later I've met the most amazing guy we've been together for a year and a half we've recently moved in together he knows everything he's the only person I've ever

told and felt comfortable to tell but my issue is I'm still constantly reminded of my past relationship because obviously our parents are still together so we see each other all the time so I'm struggling with moving on and forgetting everything we went through that he broke my heart and all those things he was definitely like I said my first love so hard one to get over but I'm worried that I'm going to be reminded of it for the rest of my life because I'm going to have to see him all the time oh my god

you've got yourself in quite a situation it's your step brother well I don't know if they were actually married they're still together she's 19 and they started dating when they were 10 dating at 10

the parents started dating at 10 so the parents had been together yeah the parents have been together for nine years yeah do you think they fucked yes yes oh my god i'm so sorry i'm like not meaning to laugh at this situation at all also there's a movie out right now has anyone i'm not gonna say what it is because this would be a spoiler but there's a movie out right now that has this in it does anyone know what i'm talking about no one's seen it okay fuck i mean do you have do you have any ideas i'm just sitting here like whoa that's intense uh i mean if you're with somebody now that you really love and you like it shouldn't

matter really that you're seeing somebody from your past on a regular basis because you didn't say it ended terribly you just said that it ended because you guys knew like it couldn't be a thing now if you're like totally still in love with each other i could see where that's really complicated but it sounds like you have a new person you're happy with so I think it, I think you're just going to have to change your perspective of how you look at the situation of like, this person is going to be around forever. And yes, we did have a relationship and now we don't. And I think you just have to be really literal about it and try to just take any emotions out of it that you can and just accept the fact that this is your

situation and it's not really going to change and focus on your current relationship as much as possible. Yeah, no, I agree. I think I hate saying like time will like, I hate that being the advice. Like, Oh, it'll just take some time. But genuinely, like I remember even the first couple of years after, like, even if I was in a new relationship, like seeing ex-boyfriends would totally, totally suck. And now once more time passed, seeing them isn't weird. It isn't awkward and like, I'm okay with it. And so I, I hate that that's kind of my advice, but I also wonder super controversially do you think that maybe some of the reason why there's like so much awkwardness and she feels so uncomfortable is because her and him are the only ones that know

like I wonder if like depending on how if you want to like skew it hell like super innocently like maybe if you like just tell your mom so it's something I know that's like excessive and maybe that's but I mean you guys it's not you're not together you're obviously in a different relationship and i wonder if some of the it feels super important and it's like such a big deal because it's a secret and you're keeping it a secret from the whole family but like can you guys laugh about it yet like can it be like oh my god do you really think they fucked that's the part that wait so what how old were they were they 15 well they kissed when they were 15 and they dated on and off for a few years i totally and they're living in the same house like oh my

go are they well or probably around each other they're probably in the same house oh my god yeah okay i mean yeah you just have to deal like you did this like you did this isn't like a serena and dan thing like you did this to yourself and it's yeah the amount of i think sometimes we just all kind of have to live with the stupid decisions we made when we were young and this is kind of one of those and I'm not saying it's stupid it's just like this is how you feel afterwards like you feel this awkwardness and uncomfortableness which I think is totally valid but um it's yeah you just it's there's not much you can do I think also you can I feel like there's probably a lot of shame here like you probably feel really embarrassed which I'm so sorry if I've

contributed to any of that I don't mean to say this is shameful I just can totally see this happening at like if like i don't know like if someone i'm like this i could just see this happening like there's another cute young person happens all my god my friend had like a massive crush on her cousin for so long because she didn't understand like really what cousins were and he was like well i was gonna marry all of my first exactly because like they're cute and like you're like oh another person my age and we're on vacation together and like you're younger and you don't really understand like well like this they're not even blood related it doesn't feel permanent it feels like someone you met when you were a kid and it just happened you don't

understand that dynamic when you're so young. And so I think that if you are embarrassed about this or do feel shame about it, I think just letting yourself off the hook a little bit might make you feel better. Cause you probably feel so much anxiety over the situation in general and just looking at it and saying, okay, this is a situation I put myself in. I was a kid. Um, yeah, it's kind of embarrassing, but whatever, it's not that big of a deal now. And just forgiving yourself in a way and like like just accepting that that's what happened and not like beating yourself up over it because I feel like there's probably just a lot of like anxious feelings regarding that like if nobody knows about it if you can't tell anybody about it and so just like be like easy on yourself

that might help with the weirdness just owning that it happened versus like oh god this happened now what do i do yeah i don't know and i don't want to make it all about um other people's perception and the reaction and stuff but the fact that you and not like getting like seeking like who whatever gender you're attracted to their approval but your boyfriend knows and he's like yeah and like this is he's okay with it so if anything you're your harshest critic in the situation like the person that you really care about and you really love and honestly probably the person that would be the most judgmental and that you'd be the most worried about telling would be your next person that you date or any other person you date. And you've already tackled

that and he's already okay with it. And so I think that that's exactly what you're saying. Like you have to come to peace with it at yourself and just realize, I mean, everybody just does things without thinking of the consequences. And also if your parents, I don't know when her parents got divorced or split up, but if this was like the first guy that your mom dated afterwards, you probably aren't thinking like, oh yeah, they're going to end up together. I'm seeing this like 10 years down the road and they're still going to be together. It's kind of like, oh shit well definitely didn't think that one totally through like didn't see that coming so it's not i wouldn't say it's that big of a deal because you're also not blood related and

you're not still together and um maybe if you haven't had a conversation with him about it in a while and you can just be like can we just like talk out that this like do you feel awkward do i like so i think maybe i'm not i don't believe in closure but if there's something that if you just want to know if he feels as uncomfortable as you do sometimes there is comfort in knowing that somebody else is like oh no i feel hella fucking awkward too and then you don't feel as like isolated and alone with it um well i don't think we helped at fucking all with this i'm so i would love to know yeah i would love to know if you what other people think maybe like in youtube if you want to comment and stuff it may be i don't know yeah or yeah call in and let

us know uh what you guys would do in the situation and maybe if somebody else has been in the situation it would be probably feel really nice for her to know oh i'm this i know this happens it has to it has to it has to but don't call in if it's real incest stuff because that's no please don't do that we're not gonna no blood relations also we're not qualified no not at all we're gonna have to like forge your number it's not Because we've done it before. True. Okay, let's go on to the next one.

Hi, Megan. I'm 20 years old and I'm in a bit of a pickle, so I'd really appreciate any advice you have on my situation. My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and a half now and we've been doing long distance for pretty much the entire time. Yes, we have an end goal. It's when he finishes university and we have about a year and a half left to go. I'm really happy with it because we both get to be our individual selves

when we're apart and have that sense of independence as well as being a couple when we're together and talking constantly. However when we first began dating I met a few of his friends and one of his friends I clicked with and began a friendship with. This made my boyfriend quite annoyed because he was worried his friend liked me. I reassured him that that wasn't the case and we moved past it. When it came to the first time we separated doing long distance it was really difficult for me because I wasn't very busy and he was the only person I had to talk to and so I would talk to his friend when he was busy and I guess that I sort of developed a crush at a feeling lonely from my boyfriend being busy in a way and I sort of ignored the feeling and a

few months later I accidentally sent him half a nude it was just like the top half of me to that same that friend of his so I stopped talking to him because it was just weird after that and didn't want my boyfriend to become insecure over the situation and thinking it was on purpose but now we've managed to just laugh it off and not really speak of it and I'm really wanting to be good friends with him again. I'm just worried I might end up liking him. I truly love my boyfriend and I would never do anything behind his back. I can definitely see a future with him and I don't have any doubts about it. He hates that I want to hang out with his friend even in a group situation and I really don't know what to do. He isn't the best of friends with him either,

he actually quite dislikes him and was only kind of friends during high school I've never had sex with anyone but my boyfriend and I've only ever had this relationship I've never had one before and his friend also studies in a different state to me so I don't really see him that often either I love your podcast you're a true gem and I'll always support you okay I'm gonna hold you to that i'll always support you brought to be real tough love i mean what do you think yeah i just i'm gonna i need i need to hear what you say before i go before you get mean well yeah because i'm like if you want to be like light bad cop then i have to adjust my bad cop we can't both be bad cop uh i think that first of all this is again another scenario that probably

happens all day, every day in so many different relationships. And one thing that I've kind of realized is a lot of times we'll like somebody and we'll get in a relationship with them. We'll start dating them and we'll develop a crush on their friends because a lot of times people that are kind of similar hang out together and it would just make sense that you're going to be attracted to other people. And that's another thing that happens when you're dating, you're still attracted to other people. It's that doesn't turn off or shut off when you fall in love with somebody else. And so I think that you're being really naive to think that like you have zero. Well, you said you have a crush on this guy, so you did admit that.

But I think it's like it would be pretty naive to move forward and continue a friendship with this guy when you know you have a crush on him. And when you know that it makes your boyfriend really uncomfortable for really valid reasons. And it's not that he's being psychotic and he's just like picking up on something that's not there. His intuition is picking up on something that's there. And I think that you can acknowledge that. And so you are right when you said you're hesitant to start up a friendship with him again, because like after the whole half nude scenario, which I don't know if that was actually a mistake or not. um i don't know if you know if that was a mistake or not but after that whole thing happened i think it is best that you guys are not friends anymore and i just you're playing with fire and it's just going to get more complicated if you continue that way but i also i get the appeal like it's a safety net it's like someone there when your boyfriend's not meeting your needs it's like kind

of having two boyfriends at once so i get it exactly what i was gonna say because it's not it's that isn't a friendship like the key is like a fill-in boyfriend when your boyfriend's not there and i don't know if you're like i don't know if you intended for i don't think you intended that when you started this friendship with him but that's kind of just what it is especially because his ties are to your boyfriend not you that it is like there is somewhat of a similarity there um let's address the nude situation unless both of their names are Alex it's not it's that to me I'm like there's even exactly like you said even if you don't realize that you did it on purpose I think there was a part of you that probably just wanted to be like is this crush

one-sided is this something that like I'm is this just from me um and you didn't say what his reaction was um but you guys kind of just laughed it off again not to like infer but maybe i don't know if that meant that he he didn't see you in that light and he sees you as his friend's girlfriend but or maybe that for him was kind of crossing a line because you guys kind of like laughed it off and it's fine now and he didn't act on neither of you kind of acted on it um but as much as you say that you really care about your boyfriend and really love your boyfriend this shouldn't be really hard for you if that's really how you feel about him because like if you ever like hurt somebody that you love in that kind of way and it's it is your fault um there's like a

sense of guilt there and so bad that you're like how can i make this better i never want you to feel like that again but i also think that the the attention and all of that stuff feels good and an emotional affair um an emotional cheating i think is just as harm like hurtful as somebody who's been like emotionally cheated on it's almost i mean i've said the thing of being like i wish you would have actually have had like like hooked up or slept with somebody else or like made out with somebody else because that would make me feel less like less dramatic because so much of it it's just like the mental conversations and all that kind of stuff so it's just a betrayal regardless totally and there's something that's more it's longer like and i'm because like you

have to build up an emotional relationship with somebody that comes from like talking conversations, as opposed to be like, we got wasted and we hooked up one time and I felt really guilty about it. It's something that starts really innocent. And that also is scary because it feels like it can happen any other time because you're like, oh, this just like spiraled out of control. Um, I think like there's, there might even be something a little bit enticing about the fact that your boyfriend doesn't like this guy. And I think there might be some of like missing him and you want him to kind of be jealous and not in like a vindictive way I'm very was very much that girl of being like I really want my boyfriend to be

jealous blah blah blah and some people are and are not jealous but I used to identify jealousy with how much someone liked me and if they weren't jealous they didn't like me a lot which isn't true like they're not connected at all and so I think like you would have never put yourself in this position if you didn't it's not even I don't even think it was just missing your boyfriend I I think I think it was missing your boyfriend and it got wrongly in in missing your boyfriend and as opposed to just like filling the void and finding someone. I think like subconsciously you wanted to make him jealous so he would give you more attention so you wouldn't have to miss him and you wouldn't need this other guy. And he didn't do that. And then I think the relationship with this other guy kind of got a little out of control. Um, and if this is, if it's hard for you to think about not being friends with this guy

who your boyfriend really doesn't like, and exactly like you said, for very valid reasons, I think maybe as much as you are really like, you really love your boyfriend, all that stuff that you're just maybe not ready for a relationship, especially if it's another year and a half of the long distance. Um, there's nothing wrong with like wanting to play the field and wanting to like talk to multiple guys and like have, like, I love attention. Like, and I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I think like, as long as you can, you just have to become self-aware of that. And in your endeavors of dating or whatever, you just can't hurt other people.

And that's the thing here. Like he, your boyfriend's the one who's getting really hurt. And I don't think it's fair for him. If you really care about him to even spend any time, like wondering and being like, Oh, I should be still be friends with this guy. And like all that kind of stuff. And just like you said, it's not, it's a naive way to think about it, that this isn't going to like potentially happen again. And you just, yeah. Long distance is hard too. Long distance is hard. And you're also, I think if you're trying to hold yourself accountable and be honest with yourself, it's like moving forward and other potential relationships or just this relationship it's like hold yourself accountable and like try to cut off bad behaviors like before

they start to get too crazy because you're still really young you're only 19 so this is the only or sorry 20 this is the only person you've ever been with this is the only relationship you've ever had you still you kind of have like a clean slate right now so like don't fuck it up and like cheat on your boyfriend or really screw him over because then sometimes that creates these like patterns that will happen again and again in future relationships so take responsibility now do the right thing now and it'll make it easier in the future for yourself yeah yeah and i don't not to be controversial i don't think she didn't tell him did she that's what i was confused about did she tell the boyfriend i don't think i wasn't sure if they laughed off the dude or if the other

kid laughed off the nude with her i think the other guy i think it was the guy who got the nude which also no one should be laughing when you send a nude like i should be the only one laughing she was probably like yeah if he's at lol i think i can say lol to my boobs but you can't say lol to my boobs i i mean not to be that girl i don't think you need to tell your boyfriend um but i think you need to completely cut off this guy not be friends with him anymore delete his phone number like don't be friends with him on social all that kind of stuff your boyfriend also his disdain for this guy um you've said that your boyfriend think didn't she say that her boyfriend thought was like a little too flirty with her or something like that and she doesn't

like him he doesn't like him so imagine he already doesn't like this guy and also is upset because he has a little bit of a crush on you this is like his kind of worst fear come to light not obviously like actually cheating cheating or anything like that but i think if you can cut him off completely from your life that other guy um i think even then you might realize that this relationship relationship is something that you're like, oh, wow, I really do love this guy. I can do this long distance thing. Like I can be independent. I can like make my own friends. I can like start up hobbies and stuff to like distract me and enjoy living my own individual life. Or you might find like, you know, I really don't want to be in a relationship that's long distance and all that.

But I think you have to cut off this other guy and give the guy that you say that you see a future with a chance. And then even if that means that you realize later on that that's not exactly what you want, I think you have to give, give it the opportunity and give yourself exactly what you said, like step up to the plate and be, fix your mistakes. Because there, I made so many of the same mistakes over and over and over again. It became a completely unhealthy pattern of the people that I was dating and like the, how I was behaving and how I was letting other people treat me. So the quicker that you can move on past that and like take responsibility, I think you'll, you'll figure out if this is the relationship that you want and then you'll be able to salvage it.

oh dramatic good god it is a little bit of pickle that's a big pickle big big pickle okay are we going on to a break oh i'm psychic uh okay guys we're gonna be going on a quick break and we will be back what would it look like if we all listened more listening to audiobooks motivates us inspires us and even brings us closer together for our audience audible is offering a free audiobook when you start a 30-day trial if you want to listen to it audible has it just go to audible.com slash blame or text blame to 500 500 and browse their unmatched selection of audio content start your 30-day trial download an audiobook for free and start listening it's that easy peasy lemon

squeezy thank you finally how many episodes does that take there's no better place to listen than audible because audible members now get even more more is more people oh that's a good voice crack there's exclusive audio fitness programs audio books audible originals and more and now with audible originals you can experience even more custom content made exclusively whoa that's the word exclusively for audible members so guys i recently downloaded a book that i saw the movie of first which i know i mean it's not really how you're supposed to do it but i learned about crazy Rich Asians which a fantastic and fantastic film and it just got announced that they're going to be doing more of them because it's a book series so I'm gonna start by listening to Crazy Rich

Asians was the first one I downloaded but I'm going to listen to all the rest afterwards so then I can listen to it before I see the movie and it's great the book is by oh the book is narrated by Lin Chen and it is by Kevin Kwan and it's a part of a trilogy guys wow oh my gosh I'm had to spend a lot of time in my car it is 13 hours and 53 minutes that's really what i need honestly it's fantastic if you guys saw the movie and you want to listen to the audiobook you should definitely check it out so if you've already listened to crazy rich asians maybe you saw the movie uh and you've already read that book guys let's all listen to the whole series of it before the next movies come out and we've got some time yeah it's like a audible book club oh yes like a

listening book club which we all clearly like to listen i clearly like to talk and listen to my own voice sometimes i need a break and listen to somebody else's voice true true do you need a break from my voice is that what that was about i hear your voice a lot so much just in your head like she's there she won't go away every month as an audible member you get one credit good for any audiobook you choose plus two audible originals from a changing selection that you can't get anywhere else audible members also get access to audio fitness and health workouts created exclusively for audible plus guys your books you get to keep those with audible you can go back and re-listen anytime even if you cancel your membership so if you didn't like your audio

book exchange it no questions asked i do it all the time really do you start a lot of i if i start a book i have to finish so sometimes it'll be a book that it's like recommended to me that i feel like i should be reading and then i listen to like the first chapter i'm like not for me yeah and i return it and get another one yeah i i really i think my favorite genre i right now i've been listening to fiction books but one of my favorite genres are non-fictions narrated by the author gosh so funny so good also when you listen to sad audiobooks that's always gets me because i'll be like listening on the plane and it just looks like i'm that girl listening to like a sad song and like looking out the plane window thinking it's a music video i'm like no it's a

book it's just in my ears start a 30-day trial and your first audiobook is free that's my favorite amount of money to spend on things free go to audible.com slash blame or text blame to 500 500 that's a-u-d-i-b-l-e.com slash blame or text blame to 500 500 okay guys we are back from our break and we're gonna hop into some more calls I'm 24 years old. I started this new job like a year ago and it's amazing. It is a very important job. And my boss is incredible. Like she's so amazing and she's very recognized in our field. um and we got along pretty well like soon we became best friends and we're inseparable but the thing is a few months ago we were hanging out at her place and we got really really drunk and we ended up making out um so um that was that and i had a boyfriend at the time so i

cheated on my boyfriend with my boss who's a woman um she is openly gay but the thing is like i'm not and i didn't know i liked women um i've broken up with my boyfriend since because I continued cheating on him with her and I just I thought that wasn't fair like you love him so much he's an amazing guy but I couldn't keep this going but the thing is I feel like sort of this internalized homophobia like I don't see myself as a woman um I'm not thrilled about the idea of coming out to my family and friends like when I had a boyfriend it was fine but now that I'm not I feel this pressure to to take this relationship seriously and she's pretty serious about it um and I really really care about her but I think it's a bad idea if she's my boss

because people I mean it will keep it secret people are eventually going to find out and if we go public what are people going to think about me dating my boss I don't know I'm not ready to tell my parents because they're not going to be

thrilled that I'm dating someone so much older than me and who's a woman I just want to give her a hug I also saw this coming from the very beginning of the call, she's amazing like yeah you you getting it with her aren't you yeah I was kind of thinking that too I feel like I have a lot of things to say about this I just like dive in okay um I think that you're kind of

correct when you say you probably have a lot of internalized homophobia but it doesn't necessarily mean that you don't like gay people or like whatever I think it's just well okay I also let me go back you can also be bisexual it doesn't mean you have to be totally one-sided gay or it could just be you just love or like this woman in particular a lot and you're never gonna like another woman again so don't I can understand why it's confusing for you to suddenly be 24 years old and be like okay wait I'm attracted to a woman I've never been attracted to a woman before I've never seen myself with a woman this can't actually happen and I can I understand how that's super confusing for you. But I think that you just need to kind of isolate the situation and just look at

it for what it is like in the present. And it doesn't mean all this stuff about you. And also you don't have to tell your family about this right now. Like as much as I am a really communicative person and I like to tell my family everything that goes on in my life, there's some things in my life that it's like, okay, they just don't need to know this right now because I haven't come to terms with this. And I think that until you're more comfortable with this scenario, nobody needs to know whether it's at work or at home. And I think that you saying that at work, you're like, well, I don't want anyone to know that I'm dating my boss. I think you just don't want anyone to know you're dating a woman. That's just like what I think,

because if this were a man that you were just like head over heels in love with, you probably wouldn't be quite as hesitant to tell people at work. So I get it. It might be just like a mixture of both. And I think that you probably have spoken to her about your, like how hesitant you are because of these things, like you're not out as like queer or bi or anything like that. And so I think that if she's patient and understanding about that, then just keep it between yourselves until you're like ready to tell other people. But I would suggest like not shutting out the relationship and then blaming it because like she's your boss because then I don't think that's being totally honest with yourself I think you do want this relationship I just think you're afraid

and that's really valid but like try to be brave and hang in there because I think like if you really do have something special with this person you don't want to shut it out just because you're scared of other people knowing yeah no I I completely agree with everything you're saying I think the biggest issue here for you is the internalized homophobia. And I think that's really scary because you can be a complete ally for the queer community and then have never seen yourself as being with a woman and just kind of that typical like little girl fantasies of like, oh, like marrying a boy and like all of all of that kind of stuff, like that Prince Charming thing.

I think you can be an ally and an advocate towards the queer community and still kind of see something different for yourself and not judge it but then when it's happening to you it feels a little odd i would i also would say i do agree i don't think you need to put any labels on it i've always said like i'm straight but that's because i've never met a girl i was been into but that doesn't mean that that girl doesn't exist and i think i mean sexuality is a scale it's a spectrum and so you can fall anywhere on that and i think more than anything it's like i'm not attracted to every single guy that I see like that's the same like and that it's so much more about the person and the personality that I really think that everyone you fall in love with people

and you might just happen to fall in love with more gender than the other or specifically one gender I don't think yeah I don't really think that you need to define it to anybody I think I understand the fear of I would just say I think the dating somebody who's out and this is something that's really, really new for you. I think the biggest advice I would just say is talk to her a lot about it because I have friends who, uh, are gay and they don't want to date somebody who's not out or if it's not coming soon because they spent so much of their time in the closet and they already had to go through that whole process. They don't really, they don't really want to go through that all again. So I think the more open and honest you can be with her, cause you also

might feel some pressure of being like, I've never been with a woman before. Like you've been with women. Like, I don't know. I don't know how I stack up in comparison. And like, this is all very new. So I think the more you can talk to her about it, this might, even if this isn't the relationship for you, this might be opening up your mind to being like, oh, wow, no, I, I can fall in love with somebody else. That's not just, I can be with somebody else. Who's not just my boyfriend and I can fall in love with a woman. So it doesn't, the relationship only has as much importance as it's, it's going to have, but you have to communicate that with her and address that with her because otherwise it is, you're going to internalize a lot of it. And it's going

to, I think it's just, there's a lot of like self-loathing when it comes to, I don't know, when you, you, you don't recognize yourself or you're doing something that's very out of character for you, which isn't a bad thing, but it's just different. So I would say definitely talk to her about it and i don't know if you're in therapy but i would totally recommend that um and yeah i i think yeah there can be also a little bit of pressure maybe maybe you're like being like okay this is opening up the world like i could be into girls too but i don't know if i want to be with this woman forever and she might feel that and so there is that stickiness of being with a boss because it is somebody in power which is attractive and you also then

if it doesn't go well do you fear for your job like how's that going to happen so i mean i would if there's a way if you want to date her and that's i'm all for that i think that's great i don't know if there's a different um if she's like your your boss boss of your department or if there's a couple of people in her position that you can maybe transfer to like a different team or something like that to kind of keep that separation and then also if you do feel like you really want to give this relationship a like real go i think there's also like maybe finding a job that's like a your similar job but different company just to keep it separate i met my boyfriend through work and i we didn't date the whole time we were working together and i think

if we had started if we had dated while we were working together it start could start off like that but it's just it's also just a lot of time to spend with somebody that you kind of want to keep those separate lives. So I don't think there's anything like weak about that either, or like, Oh, I'm leaving a job for somebody or something like that. Um, I think if you want to give a relationship, like a really fair shot, having them be your boss, I think is a hard way to do it. And also I think as much as it would be hard coming out to your family and everything, the questions from work too, cause you probably have work friends who knew you had a boyfriend and all of those other things. You don't want to be in a work environment where you feel

shame and you feel uncomfortable and i think honestly you might there and i think looking for an exact i don't think that's ridiculous but also if we take like the lesbianism out of it if this was an older man that she got drunk with and then that was her boss that they hooked up what we'd be giving the same advice that's exactly what i was thinking there's a power thing that's attractive to that and that's why i don't know how much not to say how much you don't like how much you like your boss but like how the power her powerfulness is so attractive she said it a bunch of times she's like she's top of her field yeah but is that wrong that that's attractive i don't think it's wrong i just think in its opera it's an issue if you're working in the same place

because who knows how much of that is so like my boyfriend and I, we didn't date the whole time. We were like flirting at work together. I was so petrified when we went on our first date that I was like, I think the only reason I liked you was because I wasn't supposed to like you. And you were this kind of untouchable thing of like, Oh, we're not allowed to date. Cause we work together. But also you guys weren't in a position where he was like your boss. No, but different, even in the sense of being like, I think when you're in a workplace and somebody can be, it can just everything can get kind of skewed you can be attracted to somebody because you're not supposed to be or you're attracted to somebody because they're so powerful and all of that but if

you take that away do your feelings still hold up and also like it just it it makes me it just makes me worried in the sense of the power and control that she has over right the company like over everything and your livelihood and your job that i think again like yeah if it was a guy my advice would be like if you are both serious about each other both of you should want you to get a different job so it doesn't conflict because people will talk about it but more than people talking about it it's just i don't think it's healthy for one person in the relationship in the relationship to have that much power at all like whether it's in the relationship or outside the relationship and if they're your boss they have a lot of power but i think like you could

also be really super like this is how you guys could have met and like maybe this is you would have met like later on in the world or something like that and it would have been great but i think if you're both serious about it then like doing it getting a new job or just trying to work not directly under yeah because it's just so much power to have over well it also probably started to change like if you're dating if you yeah and then do you feel like you're getting favoritism though too like other people will probably be like yeah okay well she slipped her way to the top yeah and like there you don't want you want your success at work to be based on like your merit and your competence and like your work ethic and i think i if it if it was me in that

situation i would always be one i would be teetering between always fearing for my job if like my significant other and i got in a fight and then i had to go to work um or i would constantly be worried thinking that like my positive accomplishments were only because that i was dating this person and not saying and even if it's like subconscious on either of your ends like i don't think it always is intentional but i just think like what if you're fighting and then you go into like a board meeting and like something they say something or they criticize your work yeah you're gonna take it really personally yeah you're gonna take it and then you bring it home and that's kind of the issue there. But, um, yeah,

I just, yeah. It's, I wonder how much older she is too. Yeah. Cause I would think a lot older. Just be careful, be safe and talk to her about it too. Cause maybe, yeah, maybe she'll be like, no, I really think that we should, you should get a new job. But if she's like, no, I think you should stay here. Everything will be totally fine and normal. I think that's a little bit of a red flag. Yeah. Cause if it was a male boss saying that I'd be like, well, okay, well, scary.

Okay. Should we go on to the next? Hi, Megan. My name's 21. So I've been seeing this guy for about two months now, and I'm not sure if he's ghosting me or what's going on. Back story with him is that we met through mutual friends and went on one date and then started hooking up pretty much weekly. I've only had sex with one other guy, my ex, who was really experienced and we had a lot of sex, but I never went down on him. i've realized i think the reason i never did was because i don't think i really liked him that much so i didn't really want to um but with this new guy he's less experienced and we also went straight to having sex so i haven't gone down haven't gone down on him but the thing is i really like him and i want to i'm more confident in sex than giving a blowjob because of my experience with my ex and i really wish i could have blown him just so that way he'd be more confident now but the thing is i really like this new guy and i don't want to fuck it up um he's also inexperienced so we go

straight to sex so that way uh it lasts long enough um I know you said in previous podcast episodes that you give a bomb explanation of how to give a great bj so side note can you please explain and how to be confident and sexy in your first time I want experience but I also want to keep this guy because I really like him also I used to talk to his roommate we never hooked up or anything but I don't know if either of them know they're also on the football team at my college together so well uh basically it's been a week now and I haven't heard from him and I'm wondering if his roommate talked to him or if he's busy I know he was on vacation we had finals but I don't know if I should reach out or what um I'm also going to a party tonight that I think they

will both be at and part of the problem is I think I still have feelings for both of them I have multiple questions here but how do I get experience while making sure a guy likes me in bed what do I do about this ghosting scenario and what do I do about the fact that I think I still have feelings for both of these guys and their roommates and play on football team together okay i love your podcast so much i it's like literally the highlight of my friday um and i really hope you can help me out here and i'll call back if the party goes well or badly bye oh my gosh she sounds really pretty um okay wait so who's ghosting her i know that's what i was confused about the current guy but how is he ghosting her i didn't hear that part

i just heard that like she's like there's a break or something yeah he hasn't texted her yeah okay first things first i give a mean blow job second thing um your sexual how you perform in bed or whatever anything like that i would just really advise you not to have the outlook of like how do i keep a guy or keep a guy interested in me sexually and like those aren't tied together if somebody's into you it's the same thing i wish we could all think about it in the same way that like we view people um you're not if you're into somebody you're gonna be into them kind of regardless like you don't need like it's not like you're being with him being like well i need him to keep me interested in bed like that's just it's it's just an unhealthy mentality to kind of

you need to be great like i we need to have chemistry in bed but like i don't need like you he shouldn't you shouldn't be like this master breaking your hip every time yeah and like it shouldn't be one of those things that like he you should be confident in your relationship and not be like oh sex I have to make sure that I continue to like give him great blowjobs so he like will stick around like he's gonna stick around or he's not regardless of how great that is and uh you're worth so much so don't worry just don't and if he's just sticking around for the good blowjobs you don't want him exactly exactly so like that's not you don't want that to be the deciding factor be like well she kind of sucks but great head like no you don't want

that because like guys will do that honestly um uh i would say i think if we're let's talk should we talk the blowjob one first okay sure here's what i'll say if he's that inexperienced you're like you're fine that's like that's an easy that's an easy that's an easy dick to suck because he doesn't know anything like else really you give him the worst one and he's gonna be the still gonna love it yeah as long as you're not using teeth by any means you're gonna be fine top three tips um my top three tips okay um use your hands and your mouth uh no teeth and um don't forget the balls yeah yeah i would say that and then just like but also see how they respond to that because some people yeah it might be too much you're right you're right i would probably say

that if we were gonna have a fourth check if you listen to them or just pay attention to their body and what they're doing what they're responding to because we've said this on podcasts before of being like every every dick is different every guy likes something different and you could be like you could have given like bomb blowjobs to like a different guy and then you do the same kind of one to a different guy and you're like oh wow you're not as into this but you can figure it out and the more you're with somebody the better it'll get just like the sex will usually get better because you'll be more in tuned with what the other person likes so i think experience wise i wouldn't worry about it i find that it's a learning curve with every

person you're with regardless of like how many dicks you've sucked like yeah so i would say i mean also my other how old did you say she was 21 great get a little tipsy before you do it i think it's a great like just just so you don't feel as nervous and awkward um and yeah throw some music on if you feel like you want to kind of yeah make it a little dark put some music on make sure you feel really sexy because that's what makes that anything like that hot for a guy is a girl i know comp like knowing that you're good at it or whatever like being good at a blowjob half of it is just pretending and just having that like sexy confidence that's what's gonna be like that and also he's gonna come so fucking fast so i wouldn't yeah i wouldn't i wouldn't

worry about that the ghosting thing is he ghosting you if he's gonna be at a party i guess it's college so i kind of understand the whole like well i'm not gonna text him like let's see if he's there kind of a thing also if you really really like this guy maybe um figure out what he if he wants to date before you like continue sleeping with him if like this is gonna like get you hurt but otherwise this could be your practice blow jumps if you're not like that super into him and she can't even decide if she's into him or the roommate and the roommate she hasn't slept with yeah yeah so there's always that curiosity yeah but what if she sleeps with roommate and it's bad and then she wants to sleep with the other room and again he's like fuck no

you fuck my roommate are they friends yeah probably yeah yeah i just wouldn't go there i wouldn't either you shouldn't be running through the football team no not yeah that yeah it just goes trust me i've been through this scenario yeah yeah i just yeah i think if you have unresolved me i think also sometimes when you a new sexual confidence which i think you're even if you feel a little more insecure you're definitely gaining a sexual confidence um that can make you i don't know kind of like look at other people and be like oh i feel really like i never slept with this guy i just talked to him but like i feel really confident now i definitely had friends who like dated guys and like when they were virgins and then like once

they lost virginity they like looped back to all their exes they never slept with like i'm gonna sleep with all of you but i think that's kind of natural to like gain that sexual confidence and you feel powerful and you feel sexy and you when you see these other guys that you might be attracted to you're kind of like oh this seems fun and exciting so i think that's also totally allowed um you don't have to just you can gain sexual confidence in a relationship but you can also gain sexual confidence by like consensually hooking up and like sleeping around which i think there's nothing wrong with as long as you're being safe so from here i think you don't even have to really figure out who you like i think everyone just needs to be on the same page so if this guy

if you're really into him you have to let him know and if he's not into you the same way I would say drop it because it's just it's not worth it to kind of invest in somebody who where you're both on different pages um that was always my rule I'm like I'll sleep with I'm not I won't sleep with whoever but I'm like as long as we're on the same page but it's like one of us likes the other one more than the other like I'm not gonna do that because one of us is gonna get hurt so I think if you have that conversation but um yeah also don't give don't give a blowjob at a party don't don't don't do it there don't go into like don't be like oh it's an empty room at a frat house it's never an empty room it's never an empty room it's never an empty room people

walk in and fun fact and they will tell everybody else they will tell everybody else 100% happened to me multiple times mostly in high school the worst of them all was my friend wore a gopro the entire time on his head oh my god but like but just he has just did that in general no just no no just for new years no actually i think he did it for almost i think it was the last week of senior year but not intentionally trying to like find not at all not all my best best best guy friend in high school sup jake love you uh wore a gopro on his head and was like new year's and like we definitely the next morning he was like scarred for life because like we were like such good friends and also i was so naked in high school and i was also did dance in theater so

like you would constantly just see like me accidentally flashing a tit as i'm putting like a leotard on in the back seat of a car like right it was just very normal he had gone through almost like all like since sixth grade up until almost the end of senior year without ever having seen me naked and then he was like i can't get out of my house and it was like burned on the gopro so yeah don't do that i wouldn't recommend that or if you're going to lock doors always lock doors why would you not lock the door 16 70 and i was dumb yeah don't do that um i don't i don't think he's ghosting you i think she's being a dude probably like unless the dynamic is like significantly changed then you actually probably are picking up on something and i wouldn't continue

but you probably text him first anyway i don't know whatever like yeah i wouldn't stress like that stuff it's so easy to get in your head about and make it seem like something it's not so just go to the party well i guess she's gonna let you know how it is now i'm gonna want to know uh and just like have fun yeah just don't overthink the texting thing i agree if you want to text and text him, but you should definitely talk. Cause I think that if you're having sex with someone, it's completely valid and okay. And probably a good idea to be on the same page and after a couple of times say, okay, so how do we feel about this? And like guys can sometimes really not want to talk about feelings or be really like, not if I'm stereotyping, like

not into those kinds of conversations, but I think it's really important to have, it's a mature thing to do if you're sleeping with someone regularly. But yeah. And you might also find too, that you, you don't you like him but you you obviously have feelings for somebody else too at the same time but like maybe he can be a great fuck buddy and as long as you're on the same page my friends might always say that like if you get on the same page with somebody early on you're like well right now we're in this like gray area we're like i could put you in the boyfriend position eventually i could also be the fuck buddy or we could just be friends like let me know now because we only have like a couple week window before more feelings develop so i would yeah i would talk

them and have fun at the party locked doors and no teeth uh are we on the producer's corner we are so producer's corner is where uh melissa picks her favorite call maybe a call back from a previous caller maybe somebody who has some better advice some input from advice we gave on a previous episode um and uh maybe it's wills from the bachelor and melissa finally got him to call me no it's not no it's not this is um someone that's calling with more advice um this is from the original call was from the episode with hannah hart about the caller that uh had a low libido and she um and her fiance was kind of forcing her to have sex so yes this is someone that has similar experience and they're sharing it great i have the same issue i'm in a three-year long

relationship and this has been an ongoing thing with me my boyfriend and I just feel like I need his call because girl if your guy is not being supportive you gotta get out and the thing is I get it three years is so long and you get so comfortable with somebody and you're either so in love with that person or you're not but if he's not okay if he's pressuring you if you're feeling like bad about yourself because of it there has to be more conversations or you have to get out me and my boyfriend talk about this extensively every few months I've gone to a doctor about it I'm at a point in my life though where like I don't feel like I need to have sex all the time and he's okay with that and we have had conversations of how can I help you

so we don't have sex handjobs and blowjobs are a wonderful thing for guys as well as if I'm not in the mood he knows where he can go to fix his craving so it just it breaks my heart that you have somebody who almost pressures you into having sex and you just got to look at him and be like hey if you want to spend the rest of your life with me you've got to be prepared for this if not now it's the time to walk and I won't be offended because guess what not your fault it happens you now it's either because of a medication you're on or it's just your body and that's okay like it really is but when you're in those moods take advantage of them for sure that's what I do when I'm in that mood I take advantage of it and my boyfriend's more than happy to help out but

yeah I'm sorry this is happening to you I'm so glad you spoke up and I hope a little bit of this helps oh my god she's so lovely yeah she was great and that's really good advice I really liked her that felt like very much like a girlfriend one being like girl stop but yeah yeah so i think that was i mean i i i i just felt really bad for the original caller so yeah i didn't hear that but i know those scenarios and i i unfortunately more often than not people feel pressured into having sex and those relationships like even when they don't want to and it's unfortunate because you like if somebody doesn't understand that it's like do they even understand you yeah as a person do they care about you like it's just it feels like objectifying and then within a relationship

it gets very confusing yeah that's super weird but I mean like I've actually had issues where I've dated somebody their libido was lower than mine and that made me just feel oh my god the most insecure you'll ever feel you're like oh my god aren't all guys supposed to want to have sex like all the time. And so I was dating someone who didn't. And I talked to my therapist and I was like, so like, what do you do if you're dating somebody and their libido is lower than yours? And like, you want to have sex more than them. And my therapist is like, well, usually you have to go with what the other person wants to do, because if not, it's pretty messed up. So I'm like, okay. Yeah. So, so wait, I have to wait for him to want to have sex. Even when I want to have

sex, she's like, yep. And I was like, yeah, okay. Yeah. Okay. Fine. Cool. I guess my vibrator is literally yeah but you did our our top two things that we say to do go to therapy and masturbate those are advice for every every every caller from both of those things uh but yeah no i think exactly like this girl was saying though it's no if you like ranked like libido on the scale from like one to a hundred everybody's gonna be between one and one hundred like it's not either you have a high sex drive or a low sex drive and those also think those things also mean different things like and can change completely and can change based on like your stress levels and like what you're doing with work and things like that and also different just where you're at at different

places in your life and you're going to that's why sex i find sexual compatibility so important not just like good sex but somebody who you're on the same wavelength with where you feel comfortable like not just comfortable having sex but comfortable not having sex and comfortable being like yeah i'm not in the mood and that's okay um so now now she can hear from a couple who's done that and is great with it and um yeah yeah hopefully other guys not being a dick anymore well guys um that is our episode where can people find you on the internet cat uh anywhere like twitter instagram youtube uh catrific c-a-t-r-i-f-i-c you guys can follow melissa and i our socials are down below you should also follow the podcast on

instagram i made us an instagram um and i'm still pressuring all of my friends to follow it because i'm like not all of you have followed it yet and i'm pretty upset about it um but follow it it's don't blame me pod and it's great because if you look at it it kind of looks like don't black meme pod because i just see memes sticks out that's great um so follow us there and if you have stuff in your life that you want some advice on for a future episode give us a call at 310-694-0976 and our email address for international callers and listeners is meganpodcast at gmail.com just record an audio file and email it to us you heard a lot of international calls and they definitely wrote them down and they were clear and concise which we're a big big big fans of um big very big

like big fans big big fans of little audio files so uh yeah and if you haven't subscribed on itunes please go subscribe there leave us a wonderful five-star review any other place you want to find out where to listen to us megan podcast nope nope nope it's uh don't blame me dot show and um on youtube on my youtube channel megan rinks check it out there hell yeah i'm like what else can i throw in there order my book watch my movie buy my merch okay bye guys see you next week don't blame me is a production by me produced directed and edited by melissa post-production sound by chris henry production assistant julie carley and music by giacomo picasso and ryan hunter i'll see you guys next week and don't blame me if your life you know

completely fucks up before then oh