Don't Blame Me! - S3E1: Guest: Nikki Limo - He Murdered Someone on Accident?

Episode Date: December 3, 2018

Welcome to a brand new season of Don’t Blame Me! Actress Nikki Limo is here to share her amazing advice. We’re answering your questions about being homesick, weed allergies, dating in college, being harassed by a guy with little man syndrome, and reaching out to an ex that murdered someone. We also have a listener sharing support for the caller that was sexually assaulted by her co-worker’s fiance. Follow Us! @dontblamemepod @meghanrienks @nikkilimo @sheisnotmelissa Listen to ad-free and bonus episodes on Stitcher Premium! For a free month of Stitcher Premium, go to stitcherpremium.com and use promo code 'BLAME'. For a limited time, get 3 months of Audible for just $6.95 a month:  audible.com/BLAME or text BLAME to 500500. This episode is also brought to you by Poshmark and Try Fit Jeans. Please support them! Need Advice? www.dontblameme.show Domestic Listeners Call: [phone]   International Listeners Send a Voice Memo To: [e-mail] … with as much detail as possible under 3 minutes! I’ll do my best to share my wonderful words of wisdom. If you’re under 18, please get your parent’s permission. Advice is for entertainment purposes only, so you can’t blame me if I screw up your life. I kid! My advice IS AMAZING. - Want to WATCH this episode as well? Check out my YouTube channel: http://youtube.com/meghanrienks Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/join/dontblameme See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hello, everybody, and welcome back to another episode of Don't Blame Me. And today, our wonderful patriotic guest is Nikki Limo. Hey, once you guys see the video, you'll understand what I just voted. I have a sticker that says I voted because I did. Because you're the best. Thank you. I think everyone you're I think are you the only one who's voted out? I mean as of right now out of this circle that's in this room yeah

oh my gosh I am you are we're voting but we are voting but they will vote they are voting they do vote I hope you all

fucking voted yeah this episode will come out you better have voted or else whatever's happening in the world right now is your fault it's your fault

true because this episode will come out in December oh shit so you'll really know if the world is burning yeah so fuck all of you

if you didn't vote and you caused it and yay if we've changed the world yeah to make it a better place or a less terrible place yeah just everyone my standards are low right now everyone's playing harps and yes getting along and

having sex and oh my gosh i just all i want is just like not like the terrible stuff i'm like you know we don't have to necessarily improve but like let's just not go backwards right so um and maybe like less murder oh i'd be into that maybe less murder totally yes we have a saying here where you can't own an apple tv and also be a racist and like i would just love if we like followed through with that thing of being like you don't get to like reap the perks of living in this century and then also be a total idiot yeah yeah i like that rule yeah thankfully all of my friends on apple tvs they're not racist i have an apple tv me i have two apple tvs whoa you're double not racist or does it cancel it out and now you're racist oh god something about

check yourself no they're too positive too positive two positives equal positive that's positive positive positive positive yes uh so this is an advice podcast uh people call in they leave us voicemails and uh then we give them some advice and our lovely producer here is melissa hello aaa uh and our phone number if you guys want to call in for an upcoming episode is 310-694-0976 and our email address for international callers is meganpodcast at gmail.com and uh it's gonna be good are you good at giving advice i hope so i mean it depends on the type of advice do you give unsolicited advice uh not unsolicited oh that's yeah you're a better person always solicited but i you know i can't wait to give that solicited advice oh it's it opened like you i always thought

because i'm an unsolicited advice kind of person okay i always thought that i i couldn't deep dive more but then the power that you have when someone actually wants to hear what you have to say yes you're like hold my hoops yeah let me tell you as long as i have permission oh you're in for all i'm going in because like now you've signed up for this yes like this isn't just me like trying to tread lightly without being like i don't want to offend you i'm like oh no you asked and here's the thing i think you're a bad friend if you don't tell the truth oh i think you are too if you're a good good friend you will tell them the things that they don't want to hear yeah or maybe you say something nice and they're like oh phew i was right and that's that's cool but at least they

know that they can trust your word so i always hate that when friends don't ask your advice on something or your opinion you're like please ask me because I have one like I got one and I really think you should hear it but I'm not gonna tell you until you tell like you ask me what I think sometimes I ask if I can have their permission oh my my friend she was dating this guy and we went out together and she was like a little tipsy and then I was like I have to go to the bathroom do you want to come with me and she's like sure and we get in the bathroom I was like how drunk are you right now she goes I mean like I'm a little tipsy and I was like like I'm gonna tell you something and i need you to remember it but i need you to not be mad at me and she's like okay

i feel like that's good i was like you need to dump him he's the worst fucking guy in the entire goddamn world that's a good friend okay that's a good friend probably right and then it took like three more months before she did but she got there but at least she got there yeah she did breakups are hard to do oh yeah i don't know if i've ever i've uh i've ghosted a couple people oh that's usually me no no more of that don't do this but she's in a long relationship now like Now, I tried to ghost him. It didn't work. I would rather.

But here's the thing, though. Like, I'm a big believer in, like, do unto others what you would want done to you. I would rather be ghosted than 100% that someone would be like, hey, I'm just not that into. No, I don't want to hear it. Really? It's like my exes is, like, 50-50. It's like either, like, I'm still really good friends with them or I just ghosted them. With ghosting, though.

I just never feel like there's closure when people ghost. We don't believe in closure. Oh, really? yeah oh i need to be more inclusive to guess because we're aligned with everything like we don't do that here we haven't voted either so who are we we're going to vote we just were busy this morning but no yeah we don't believe in closure why why is that that's so curious so you know it's so funny the first conversation we had with this i think was ashley and ashley was wearing a very similar outfit to you right now and she just didn't look over and i'm like wow i can talk to

you about closure it's like i've already done this i'm not on like the exact same thing i'm not maybe because you need closure on this subject literally it's full circle it is um so our feeling on closure is if you need like especially in a relationship or anything like that like whoever was the reason why you ended your relationships not ever going to be part of like you moving on like i think like if anything the only time you'd get closure is if you like you want to talk to your like ex or whatever and like talk it out a you're really going into you want to get one thing like you want that satisfaction of either like i fucked up i really miss you or all of this stuff but like most of the time the answers

you're not going to get the one answer that you're looking for and the only time closure would happen is if like they end up being a complete and total jerk and then you're like okay yeah i was right you're a jerk hmm for me it's like a puzzle like a jigsaw puzzle and then there's like pieces missing yeah and i just want to finish the fucking puzzle but then do they ever help you do that yeah really yeah so like like years later like it'll be like seven years later okay yeah yeah that's our exception okay it has to be years later because it's usually people are trying to get closure in a relationship like within like a couple months oh no no and that's not a thing because the only way you can get closure is when you don't need the closure it's like when you're

already good and you've moved on and everything's fine that's when it happens yeah i can agree with that as soon as you're trying to like tie up loose ends with somebody like it's it's just you if you if you still have like feelings there and stuff you're giving them like a way to say oh no i messed up yeah that's what you're waiting for yeah you're waiting for that moment until you're not waiting for that then you can get the closure because also then you don't give a shit what do you feel about closure with friends because i've been ghosted by friends before i do that all the time oh jesus same same same i just get like monsters i get tired of people yeah same no no that's hilarious but like good friends are just acquaintances it's usually good

all right it takes it takes a while to like actually be my friend and then i'll just be like we're not on the same page yeah and also people who put in more effort than you for like most of the time you're like dude if this was like if you put in equally as much effort as i have we would have not been friends like five months ago yeah but like yeah like you're trying like you really put all this effort and i've kind of just like been where you've at like i'm like okay sure but oh yeah i get it you didn't give me the opportunity to prove that like i don't really think you're a friend i'm the worst okay yeah i've been ghosted by people where like it takes me a while to become friends with someone too because i like just have trust issues because

once once you're my friend i'm like so fucking loyal and so like very few people are in this like tight friendship circle and so if one gets in it and then they like become a shitty friend i'm like how did you how did you make it through the vetting process how did you make it through this in like how did you infiltrate and and then I'm just so confused about like where did I go wrong like where did I where did I misstep and allow this person in this circle and it drives me crazy until I can figure out the reason why it didn't work out and then I'm like oh okay then I can let it go yeah but until then I'm just like why the fuck is that bitch such a bitch and I'm just like yeah I'm just mad and I don't like to harbor like mad energy or toxic energy and so

it's almost like not getting this piece of the puzzle like it makes it impossible for me to let that go and I hate that yeah see sometimes I'll ghost people and then I just need that distance for a few months and then we'll become friends again okay yeah I've definitely like let distance happen yeah but like full-on like not responding to confrontations and yeah definitely never done I need to reevaluate myself I'm a shitty person we both do I also have terrible anxiety with when i think everyone's mad at me so i'd rather just not respond to someone and then let them be mad at me and know that's why they're mad at me as opposed to like so you come up with yes so it's not so like it's a self-fulfilling prophecy i'm like i think you're mad at me like well at least

if i don't respond i know why you're mad at me so then i know like i can control the that anger i see because i'm insane just a little bit i understand the thought process yeah i get that way too and then i'm just like wait but this makes me feel better when this goes away because for some reason this feeling doesn't go away or it just stays attached and i'm like it's better for my aura if i just like confront the issue that i'm scared of which is odd because i'm also very confrontational huh i'm not at all no no not i could not see you no that's why i just ghost people yeah but like not even in like a like oh i'm scared of that you're like too much i'm just You're like, I don't care.

Okay, guys, I guess we can start and give some advice. Oh, yeah. Should we give some advice now? I'm 18. I recently started college. And to put it as simple as can be, I'm not having the most fun. I've kind of struggled with depression for quite a while, more recently through high school. And now I am without some of the friends that I have had throughout high school.

and it's really hard making friends here I've been throwing myself out there like a million different ways and it just hasn't worked so far and so I'm really kind of lonely I'm only about an hour and a half away from home but it's still kind of far my sister goes to university only 20 minutes away from our home and I see her going home on Sundays and having dinner with the family or my mom coming up and having lunch with her when she has a break from work and different things like that and really I'm kind of getting FOMO you know I love my roommate and there are certain things I love about my campus like the liberal politics and stuff but I'm just not super happy and so I've kind of been thinking that at the end of this academic year I'm going to

reevaluate and maybe transfer to the college my sister goes to, which is only 20 minutes away from home. So if I'm lonely and without friends there, at least I'm only 20 minutes away from my family. What do you think I should do? Should I soldier on because this is the university I picked? Should I keep putting myself out there? Should I do what I said by reevaluating at the end of the here i don't know just help me out i think this is not so black and white because there's a lot of reasons someone can be unhappy she mentioned she struggles with depression and if you have depression it really doesn't matter if you're at that college or you're at the college closer to your house or you're at home or you're around people you're not around people you're gonna

not be happy it just is like you have depression if it's outside factors like the stuff at this particular college is stressing you out or you think that like you're lonely and you'll never make friends here and so you need to go back to your old friends then I don't know maybe maybe you'd be a little happier if you knew some people but I also think that the these are like the best parts of your life is the figuring out part because once you like become happy on your own you can be happy anywhere and you and even if you have depression you can find if you find ways to work through it and and stuff that like gets you past those really really hard parts that's like the best piece of life to find yeah you know no i i agree i think uh yeah i think there you got

to figure out exactly what it is about this school that specifically makes you unhappy and then also i would say i don't know if you've talked to your sister about it yet but talk to her i think the thing that i learned as a college dropout hell yeah me too hell yes um what i learned thank god i've been i i'm always outnumbered actually i'm not always outnumbered most of my friends didn't go to college um actually here because it's la yeah but uh usually she's giving me shit for not going to college no it's not for everyone statements that you make regarding yeah i'm like now that i'm done with college now that when i was post grad I was like but you didn't graduate I meant the age I was post dropout yeah I was like all

of my friends graduated so I was the age of post right right right that makes sense it's an age bracket that's what it is it's easier for people to digest it has nothing to do with a degree I did or did not get um but I would say figure out talk to your sister about it and um find out if she's happy because I think as soon as I kind of like swallowed my pride and admitted like to like a couple of my friends being like, so I first admitted to, uh, my, one of my best friends and she's two years younger than us. And she's my best friend's little sister. They're both like my sisters. And I called her like crying, being like, I hate this school. Your sister's so happy at college. Everybody's so happy at college and I don't know what to do. And she's like literally

like a junior in high school being like, Oh man, I don't know what to do. Like, I'm so sorry. Like trying to help me and she was like panicking and freaking out and uh then she was talking to somebody else about it and their sibling who was one of my friends he was like yeah my sister's like really hates school and she was like wait Megan hates school and so then I ended up calling my friend and being like yeah this is terrible and she was like oh my god I'm so glad somebody else had said this and I think everybody I mean it's just like the Instagram highlight reel in general nobody really likes to talk about or show if they don't love something and especially college like i felt so much pressure to have such a good time because a i was i don't know like so many

movies and tv shows about people going to college and like it was supposed to be the greatest time ever and my friends who had older siblings and it was so cool and fun that i was like oh my god what the fuck did i do i hate it here like i'm doing it wrong and then when i started talking to a couple of my other friends and they also really hated it and were super miserable a that made me feel a lot better of knowing like wow okay it's not just me you're not alone and then when I ended up leaving and my other two of my other friends and the friend that I called two years later when she went to college she ended up transferring and going to a different school and we she was able to like talk to me about it which was nice all of us ended up uh I ended up

dropping out but those two ended up transferring to schools that they really really loved and I think once you can have like a conversation about it and about what makes you unhappy and if it's not just the FOMO. Cause your sister might be like, she might not that I'm saying like this could, I could be totally off basis, but like she might like be spending so much time at home because she also hasn't made friends. And she's also wondering maybe, maybe I'm really relying on being home so much. And that's not why I'm not making friends. So I think there's a lot of factors going into it, but I think if it's affecting your mental health and there are aspects that like yeah are just detrimental to you then I think re-evaluating and making like a

decision that's going to make you happy is a good thing and something that I I don't know I wish someone had told me is like the college experience can be whatever experience you want it to be like college like point blank is school like it's it's classes it's getting an education it's getting a degree but so much of it right now is relied on the social aspect and like the independence and growing up and doing all of these different things which that experience works for some people and sometimes it doesn't work for other people like my friend just graduated and she went to a four-year university for a year dropped out then went home did community college and then moved into another campus like to a different school hated it there and was like fuck it i'm gonna move home i'm going

to just take these classes i'm gonna get it done and i'm gonna like i'm gonna do that and everybody had such a hard time with it because they're like well you're gonna miss out on this experience i hate when people project that and they're like if i don't like this experience and i don't want this experience like i can that shouldn't mean that like i have to endure something that makes me unhappy to get an education when really i just have to get the education yeah exactly that's why hated my 20s because um i'm just not a going out person like i like being at home with my cats and i felt so pressured to like everyone would be like you need to get out and have fun have fun have fun i'm like yeah but this isn't fun i'd go out in a little dress i'd be fucking freezing cold

have to stay in a line which i hate lines hate lines then i go to this loud club where i can't hear anything and then some smelly guy is hitting on me and I don't like that and uh and then I just want to get a drink but it takes so long to get a drink and it's $13 and it's $13 and then by the time I get a drink it's like we almost have to go and it's like it's not fun yeah I never felt like oh what that was worth it yeah you know and then when I just finally admitted to myself that like oh these are the things I think are fun just staying at home and like doing arts and crafts or whatever I'm doing I felt like a like an ownership of my own happiness yeah and I think that's just something that you everyone needs to find and it is really easy to look on Instagram

and see everyone being happy and like having such a cool life and you think oh if I just went to Fiji like I could be on the beach having a good time too and then you get to Fiji and you're like why do I feel so alone still yeah it's because you haven't really found your happiness and you're looking at everyone else's you know projected sense of happiness and it just becomes this like dark web that you spiral down when you don't have a sense of self yeah yeah I think I think I think you gotta just I think the end advice would be I would say reevaluate I don't think you need to stick it out unless you feel like it's worth it and you feel like you actually like it there and yeah and if you know why you're there like like you said how you're there to get an education so

if there's a field that you're studying that you're actually really passionate about i think focusing on that will make you more happy but if you're just there because that's where you're where you're supposed to go and that's what you're supposed to do because everyone else is doing it then that can definitely contribute to a lot of unhappiness and confusion and darkness and you're allowed to have picked the wrong college yeah fuck it i mean don't fuck it but get your education just do if that makes you happy yeah so okay wishing you all the luck let us know and on to the next. So I'm going to get right to the point. I am almost 23. My boyfriend and I have been together for over six years and we're both close to being done with college and are excited

to move on to the next stages in life together. The only problem we kind of are facing right now is that I'm allergic to weed and my boyfriend likes to smoke. He only smokes once or twice a week with his roommates and never when I'm around but my allergy is getting worse and it's gotten to the point where if I even smell weed I break out in hives so I have to avoid his apartment and him if he's smoked within the past like 48-ish hours. We've had many discussions about how the fact that he smokes could literally kill me and that in our state it's still illegal and so I'm not a huge fan that he's breaking the law when he smokes but we're kind of on such different sides of his argument that i have no idea what to do that almost makes me feel like he doesn't take

my allergy seriously and like he might see me as like a killjoy because even though i was in a sorority at one point i'm not a huge partier um my friends like alcohol and drugs in general um but i really don't care if people smoke weed but just the fact that he smokes weed really like hurts um the problem that we're really facing is that i want to be able to live with him and like i'm about to be done with school and we'll probably get married one day but because of my allergy and resistance to dropping the habit i really don't know what to do because my health is kind of on the line um i'm not one to give an ultimatum but i'm kind of stuck at this point is saying like leave me a good option would really love and appreciate your input i've never heard of

like hives allergy yeah it it's if you handle it and you are allergic to it then um you can get itchiness red skin hives dry scaly skin and it can be like so bad you go into anaphylactic shock okay that's so that's what i was gonna say i was gonna pair it too i'm allergic to pine i'm allergic to everything but i'm allergic to pineapple and that's for me pineapple's the only one that pineapple and msg monosodium glutamate uh are the only ones that for me are anaphylactic shock and that's like can't eat pineapple no but it sucks man if my boyfriend fucking loved pineapple he wouldn't eat it yeah like even if it's one of the things like for me it's like i can be physically around it i just like can't touch it and it would have to like

be in a plastic bag in the fridge in a separate area yeah and i wouldn't be able to kiss him and he still wouldn't like even with that if it's a fruit salad somewhere and i'm not eating it he'll be like oh no pineapple because he's like well no i'm not gonna like risk it do that at all even like if we do the safest precautions he's like that's just like not necessarily worth it yeah so does your boyfriend know how like like yeah it does sound like he's not taking it seriously at all and that's really hurtful your feelings are totally valid um in a way he's choosing marijuana over you because he needs it so much that even if it hurts you he needs to do it can he have it can she like what if she's around edibles i don't know yeah i mean we have to

see have you made the argument i want they're also in a place where it's not legal so edibles might not be readily available. What about vaping? You know, because then you're not actually dealing with the actual leaf or plant. Yeah.

But has your arguments to him been about the fact that like you say that you don't care if other people smoke weed, you just don't like that he smokes weed and you just don't like that he's doing it

because it's like illegal in general. Has your argument to him come from that place? Because that sounds like not... More possessive. That sounds like a place

of judgment too. Right, right. And like you guys have different lifestyle choices and you have a different side of opinions on this. but i think if you come from that place it's like there can be something that you're like yeah cool not for me but like i don't care if anybody else does it but if you kind of come at it from a place

of being like i don't like that you do this this is illegal like i don't really like this i don't like this and you don't come from like the health perspective first i think he's probably just being like a stubborn like 20 something guy who's like no let me cool and smoke weed yeah or is there like a documentary or something like just come at it from the health angle more i don't know maybe you are and he's just like a complete fucking idiot i don't know if i just think that if he can't give it up either if either he gives it up because you make him give it up and not not his choice to give it up and then he resents you and then that's a terrible relationship or uh he keeps doing it and then it hurts you physically and then it hurts you and then that's

not a good relationship because you're dead so the only way that this would get resolved and you would have a good healthy relationship and move on is if it was his choice and he saw how much it was hurting you and he chose out of free will to be like you know what i love you more than this yeah and and so really that's what it's gonna have to come down to um because otherwise if it's just like you making him quit that's just somewhat he was gonna want to rebel against it yeah and he's gonna resent not being able to maybe he's trying to just like get that fun in before you guys live together um and you saying that he's not smoking around you and he's like respectful of that so he's not like you're you're not being bombarded necessarily with it a your allergy is getting

worse so i think like come at it from that place but i mean when my boyfriend and i started dating uh when you said you felt like a killjoy my life is a killjoy like i am the biggest killjoy um my boyfriend stopped like drinking as much as he did with his like his like just casually or like going out like clubbing going out and doing that kind of like rowdy single 20 year old guy like just like partying hard kind of thing because like I'm not into drugs and I'm not I don't drink and so that though it wasn't a conversation like I didn't have to be like hey by the way like I don't really want to date somebody who like like is really like a super hardcore partier he just knew that and implemented it but then at the same time if he goes out with his friends like he's

still gonna like party and do that kind of thing because I'm not around and not in like a douchey way so i don't know if there's like for him like is there a way that he's allowed to when you started dating your ex though um was were your lifestyles already that way my current boy my no the one that you're talking about right now my current boyfriend oh it's your current boyfriend okay um so were your lifestyles like that before you started dating i wasn't a big drinker and he was yeah he parted okay he's like because this girl it sounds like that you started dating when you were 17 and then now they're 23 and people grow apart i started dating my ex the one that I moved to LA with when I was 18 and then when we were 23 I just realized we were

completely different you know like I thought we were really the same when we were 18 and then after being an adult for a while and living on our own I realized like oh yeah you're totally not my type at all and and it was really hard that breakup was so hard because nobody did anything wrong yeah and I still loved him but I wasn't in love with him and how do you do how do you break up with somebody like that it was a really really hard breakup I had to end up doing it because he was still in love with me um but yeah I just kind of distanced myself so it could it could also and I'm not saying this is true in your case but you might want to examine like whether or not you guys have just grown apart and maybe this is kind of something he's doing

to distance himself by not giving it up. Yeah. Come at it from a health angle, like a hundred percent and like just serve him the facts. Don't have it like laden with like judgment and emotion and like disdain or like the fact that it's illegal and all this other stuff. Just focus it on it being about your health. Make sure he's educated on it. So he knows the kind of decision that he's making and then give him a chance to change. And then if he doesn't change, take that as that's what he's, that's what he's going to say. Yeah. And there are other people out there. I know it sounds like, you know, this has been the most serious relationship that you probably had in your life. So you're like, this is the one, but I swear to God, you don't have

to settle. Like there are so many people and there's, there's a person that will value you for there's multiple people for everybody. I'm not a believer in soulmates. I'm like, there are multiple people that you can end up with in this world. And you not one of them. I don't think you're ever going to really have to settle for something like potentially going into anaphylactic shot yeah well let us know how it goes and best of luck don't die um i am 20 years old and i go to a super small liberal arts school in ohio and okay so the thing about going to a small liberal arts school is you either play a sport or you're in a fraternity so keep that in mind so i dated this guy my freshman year of high school I'm currently in my junior year and um when we dated it was

fine but after the fact I realized he was such an asshole like after we broke up we hooked up a lot and I super regret it but like it got super messy like he would tell people I raped him he definitely took advantage of me and it's just like super shitty I have so many friends that are in the same fraternity as this guy that I dated so we like I have super close ties with that fraternity um and now this is where it gets tricky okay so I have a crush on a boy that's in this fraternity and like he would snapchat or like I we snapchat sometimes and I always snapchat him first and he's like always the one that responds and is always super flirty and two of my best friends are in this fraternity so it's super hard to like cut ties with it and

I just like I have a really hard time like separating myself from being like this guy's ex-girlfriend and I don't know how to move past it I feel like everyone because I have so many close friends in this fraternity and I feel like they all think of me as this guy's ex-girlfriend and like this crush on a boy that I have I feel like he doesn't want to date me because I'm this guy's ex-girlfriend technically even though it was super shitty and I wish I like it never happened so I need some help what advice would you give a girl to like I don't know I don't want to be known as this guy's ex-girlfriend and I really really like this guy and I don't know how to like get him to think of me as like not this girl's or this guy's ex-girlfriend

does this guy care no no no and it's so hard because oh I know it's such a big deal right now I know it's such a big deal but like oh I'm so like that older sibling or mom or whatever that's like oh once you get past once you get over college like none of this will matter like this is not anything but also like I I mean I will say I definitely I don't know I don't know if i would call it a mistake or not um it made for a really great chapter in my book um coming out soon guys this spring check it out can you order my book um you're not special go on amazon uh but i started dating uh a guy like my second week of freshman year of college and he this is a creepy part he was an orientation leader and i immediately saw him and i was like i will date him

like at like my college orientation like figured out who he was and then like told the girls that i when i joined a sorority and they're like oh my god we know him let's like go to his house and i was like drunk and i was like i feel like we're gonna date and he was like sure um so i we dated like literally that's how i was introduced and that was like at college so like i had that title of being like once we broke up i was his ex-girlfriend uh did not stop me from hooking up with other people right right like god like you can be known as that a if you were really known as that and it was like he was harboring a lot of negative feelings you wouldn't have friends in his fraternity like that's not how it would work uh they would like completely like it

would yeah they wouldn't want to be your friend if it was that like such a huge deal and this guy wouldn't be flirting with you and text like this is his sign of showing you that he doesn't give a shit who you dated before yes and you might date this guy and then you'll be known as his ex-girlfriend like yeah i don't think if this guy is still worried about like talking about it i kind of think it might be in your head you think this guy is flirty flirting back if he's snapchatting her but she's always snapchatting him first but is he responding flirty i don't know did he did she say that no she just said he that she's flirting on snapchat well maybe she's flirting oh see this is where it gets dicey because i i wish i knew the details because i don't want

to give you the wrong advice no she did say it's always super flirty oh it's always super flirty has he made a move like i mean i don't like i just feel like if a girl is showing you like signs that she wants to hook up yeah and you're in a frat I I would think if it's flirty both ways that you would hook up yeah that would happen had the opportunity I think like if you if there's an opportunity where you go to a party at their frat and like he's there and then he doesn't like flirt with you and he doesn't talk to you and he's like hooking up with some other girl like take that like if unless you really want to like ask him and like really get like potentially really rejected yeah yeah it's like i don't if you're especially in college like if

you're into somebody and somebody's into you like shit happens hella fast so fast so give if you haven't given the opportunity for it to happen and like this is like you've been stopping yourself because you're convinced that this other guy's like potentially gonna ruin every relationship you have forward um but if you've also like given an opportunity and he hasn't kind of taken that's what i thought happened i thought that she was getting rejected by him and so i was like hey this is you gotta move on you know maybe she needs to go date somebody that's not in the fraternity you gotta make the fucking rounds this is the thing you don't go to pike and then you don't stay at pike you go to fiji then you go to pie cap and then you go to sing then you like you

make the fucking rounds and you do it again so if you start at a pie like me or actually nope started at fisa no fiji okay great no so you gotta start and then you and then you can slowly come back so then by the end like end of my um or right before i dropped out sophomore year i like finally came back to a pie and i was like okay i can i can be here for a minute but like don't yeah don't stay in one place too long make like do you know what i mean yeah like totally there's like so there's so many routes you can go also like i know i had to leave i literally dated everybody who i was even mildly interested in that i was like cool there is nobody left for me to hook up yeah i'm out if you really want to piss off this guy you know just hook up with his big bro

that yes not little bro i was just gonna say all of his friends you know and then it's like now you're not this guy's ex you're a girl that you know yeah likes to hook up with people okay well good luck with that yeah and stay safe protection because also don't get stds revenge glow up yeah and then also a wrench glow yeah and maybe he'll glow down yeah yeah dim dim oh that's a good one i love it dim down okay guys we're going on a break and um we will be back okay okay everybody we are back from our break did you miss us oh my god i was just gonna say we're like on the same level now we finish each other's sandwiches sandwiches that's what i was okay let's hop back into calls i'm 21 and so i am a junior in college and i um and i'm exploring

you know the dating world again after you know breaking up with my boyfriend of three years and um i've just kind of run into some assholes if i'm being honest like and one particular asshole um we met on tinder which was like kind of weird for me like i wasn't super comfortable with it but anyways you're all that um we met on tinder and i'm like really really short i'm four foot 10 and he is like five six or five five or something like that and he honestly comes off as like having little man syndrome like I'm not a doctor or anything but that's honestly what it seems like and he just like has no chill and we stopped talking like I was like fed up with him we got into an altercation and I just goes like you know what you're kind of an asshole

and so he you know was still following me on social media and saw like I'm not kidding months later um that I've been talking to another guy and posting pictures with him and he's like wow you're a hoe and I'm like what do you mean I'm a hoe and he's like well you probably started having sex with that guy like within minutes or something like that and I'm like what like what does that have to do with anything like I was like yes he's like I was like we had sex like pretty like off the bat like what is that like what does that matter and he's like only because I asked you to and it's just super like backwards and it honestly stresses me out that like I'm having deal with this like he was like you're a hoe you're a bitch like i know that he's like jealous

but i don't know why this bothers me but like why does it bother him and like how can i like tell this kid off and just be like get the fuck away and i see him sometimes like in passing at school so just i'd like to know what to do because this kid stresses me out oh my god but just block him on everything yeah i mean this is the kind of guy that wants he wants you to respond yeah and like my original advice would have been like just fucking ignore it as somebody who's confrontational and loves to tell somebody off especially like at school like on campus like in front of other people i love that anytime any of my friends got cheated on like the friends i had in college for five minutes i was like let me talk to him in the library during finals week

um even someone who's super confrontational like if somebody else is like confronting you in that situation that's because they want a reaction yeah and like the most the most upset you're going to get him and the way that you're really gonna get under his skin is to not fucking respond yeah and it'll feed him if you respond yes it doesn't matter what type of attention it is he just wants your attention my friends and i started we've started realizing and talking about the fact that no matter how you treat a guy a guy is going to feel the same way about you like so we've decided like if you want to date with a guy and i'm really interested in him he's going to be as interested as he is like no matter what if i'm a total dick to him he's still going to be

completely as interested as i was as he was before that this guy like if you give him no matter what you do he's going to come at you with like the same if you if you match what he's doing he's doing this because he's like he's enjoying getting this rise out of you like you're not proving any sort of point at all like yeah he's he's getting off on that kind of confrontation and drama so even if it's something that you're like if i heard someone say this to me this would really help me like no you have to go about it from a completely different tactic because he's he's being the aggressive one so you gotta be obsessed with you yeah so block him isn't it nice you can block people's phone numbers now i remember like seven years ago you couldn't block and my ex would

like you know text or call or whatever and i actually had to use a service that made it sound like my number was out of order when that number called i forgot what that service i think was called you it was you something I can't remember but yeah and so I told him I'm like I'm changing my number and then whenever he would call it sounded like I did change my number oh that's that was the only thing I could do yeah but and I blocked him on Facebook anywhere I could block him I blocked him Instagram wasn't really around yet yeah I know right so it's weird I know I've really recently started getting into muting people on Instagram I love that this is liberating it's like YouTube comments like the way that it happened you can't it doesn't really ban people

anymore but it just hides them from anyone else seeing what they're saying like i love this it's like without starting drama and you just get to kind of like walk away from it um and i was gonna say the reason why this bothers you is because he's being a dick like yeah that's why like if someone talks to you terribly like someone calls you a hoe like that's gonna bother you and i don't think like you don't owe him any sort of explanation and i think also there's maybe potentially if this is me in the situation so i'm projecting there's kind of like a part of you that like when you are happy with this other guy there is something a little bit flattering about another guy coming out of the woodwork being like I mean that happened when my boyfriend I started dating

I had a couple guys that I was talking to before they're like oh wow so you're dating someone new and I responded because I was like oh wow I feel so hot and desirable so cool but then ultimately I was like oh no you're just like being like a like a sore loser and like kind of a dick because like I didn't I wasn't into you and now I'm happy but like why am I wasting me being happy talking to somebody who even at the time when i didn't have another op like it was you were the person i was seeing i was like yeah no i'd rather not i'd rather be single than date you and now i'm not single and happy why the fuck am i giving you the time of day exactly there's you don't gain anything from it and if you see him on campus like literally just ignore him nothing's gonna

piss him off more and send him into like an embarrassing rage that someone's gonna capture and like put on twitter and it's gonna like blow up and be viral act like you don't recognize him i love that oh my god what was your name again if you want to be i'm nervous because i'm being really bitchy and that sent me to short people because i'm tall so i can't make that but i'm not gonna say it but you know yeah um yeah and also i do love the fact that uh a doctor could diagnose short man syndrome well you have a case of short man syndrome that's what i have here on your charts uh i see you are under five six you have some aggression issues and uh you dm people on uh instagram who don't respond to you and call them a whore you're like oh okay small man

syndrome well yeah best of luck and good luck with the new guys congrats on the new guy okay on to the next i went out with this guy back in high school my seizure year in 2016 um recently i ran into one of his family members and i asked how he was doing because i knew he had got married he was a really great cushy guy just like me and we kind of hit it off but he off for school to Florida and I ran to one of his family members and they're like yeah well he's not doing too well you should check his wife's Facebook page so I check his Facebook page and turn out that in 2015 a year before we dated he murdered somebody on accident he shot him on accident and then hid the body period I'm not really sure how to feel about this and I'm not

really sure if I should reach out because he still is a good Christian man and we're still friends and so I'm just not really sure how to feel about this anyways so yeah he murdered him on accident and then he hit the body and he had his car crushed and he's married now but he's serving 50 years in prison so I'm just not really sure how to feel about this and I thought I'd get your advice okay bye okay i just need to i just want to say i think you missed the part because you're laughing but he crushed the car after he hid the body i definitely missed that part my god okay let's just have like a little bit of like like just okay you can't accidentally murder murder someone also that would be involuntary manslaughter like let's just

talk about that like and also he's convicted then because he's going to prison and he hid the body yeah so you're tampering with the crime scene oh he's guilty it's not even like a hit and run where he just like left like he literally what okay first of all wait isn't it in the bible to not kill yeah so how is he not kill how he's accidentally murdered someone but he's a good christian man he's not he's not very good at being christian because uh he lost me isn't that like you can't kill that's the number one pretty sure you can't do that my god he's a bad christian homie what is no offense what's up with you like girl we gotta talk you should feel really disgusted by this guy and honestly not to shit on you probably should feel if this was me i'd be

like wow i'm a fucking idiot for going out with this guy i dodged a bullet thank god because it happened after yeah what the fuck like how like think like i'm glad that i didn't spend more time with him and like i'm okay and that i didn't i don't know like shit i need to reevaluate my picker and like figure out if i wasn't picking up on something sketchy as fuck it was just two years ago yes you don't you should feel weird as shit very weird and well and the murder happened in 2015 and she went out with me so 16 it's it's and so it's been three years also so he has 147 the whole time he was with her and afterwards he felt no guilt or any sort of thing that didn't update my friend okay this i mean granted my friend went on a date with this guy who was uh

he had like seven he literally their first date he's like by the way i just want to let you know i have a court date coming up i um i've committed about four different felonies and she was like okay granted she stayed for like the rest of the day because you want to hear like yeah i'd be definitely he told her on the first fucking date and like even this guy we cannot me my friend and i have agreed like he's pretty much scum he didn't tell us exactly what he did but just figuring out how many felonies like they're only like what are considered felonies yeah like figured out arson must have been involved like this guy's not good right and even he managed to tell her on her first fucking date what so that like you know you have a choice like you get to know okay i'll stay with

you willingly knowing that or it's like having a kid or not like that's like being like oh this is something that would like potentially affect not it doesn't just this affects everybody yes i'm potentially taking a job in china and how does she how is she still like i'm sorry how are you still defending him and knowing that his the the murdered guy's family is like looking for a body all of these years and now they finally get closure and you're like oh i feel bad for the murderer boyfriend i had and also i'm not to like make this about religion because i'm not religious but like get being being a good like just because you're a christian doesn't like mean you're good mean you're a good person and it also like this is not i'm not shitting on anybody's religion

as long as your religion doesn't like affect other people and like say that other people's existence shouldn't that other people shouldn't exist or invalidate or take away other people's rights believe what you want to believe whatever makes you whatever like yeah whatever it feels true to you and like satiates you and gives you that feeling of like hope and all of those things that's great as long as it's about for you but somebody was fucking killed in this and you're using that as a blanket statement for like no he's still a good guy just be yeah just because you're christian doesn't make you good i mean i was raised catholic and then i was christian And then now I just I'm spiritual, like I have a relationship with God, but like I'm not part of a religion.

And one of the things I didn't like about religion was the structure and this notion that as long as you're part of this church, then you're a good person or you're a bad person. If you're not part of this church, that to me, that doesn't define your character. No. This like being part or not part of something. um so yeah you need to see this person as an individual not as someone that's part of your group but as a person that's an individual that made these choices on his own that were actually against your religion so yeah you know it's like a moral issue that's the thing it's like it's a moral issue like someone can be a part of any sort of organization but if they don't if they

their morals that's what speaks for them like it doesn't matter you don't get it it's not a get out of jail free card like yeah you did something hella fucked up morally and they took away someone else's right to live yeah you know and that's like and hit it and hit it that's the worst girl girl like watch if like good god like just forensic files watch like and watch watch some crime shit dude i've been obsessed with making a murderer uh because season two just came out and i'm just like we just finished it last night and it's just oh my god i'm so into all that shit but yeah god it's just and also like it just pisses me off because there there's like so much sadness for people who have like when involuntary manslaughter is a thing like

somebody who's got a substance abuse problem got behind the wheel and killed somebody while they were drunk driving and that guilt that those people must feel and they do like walking around this whole time knowing that they hurt someone unintentionally because of like a selfish choice or something like that that was happened like that and then you're giving you're putting this guy in that category or even if they weren't didn't have a problem like uh so my neighbor hit somebody and killed him um but this guy was jaywalking and it was during an hour of the morning where the sun was like perfectly blocking that and it was there was no crosswalk or anything and my neighbor like ran him over at like 45 miles an hour and he was just like whoa what you know

just in so much shock for like weeks and months just like didn't know how to feel was just sobbing uncontrollably could not handle that he like killed somebody that's an accident yeah shooting someone and hiding the body and crushing a car that's not an accident no we need definitions for words yeah yeah and also again accidental murder is not a thing murder involves intent to kill so i yeah i just i think you need to figure out like on your end like why do you want to reach out to him right and like the family member told you to check the wife's facebook page so are you friends with the wife too yeah and also how long did you like date for this to be like no matter who i fucking dated from my past like my high school boyfriend it could have

like i found out now that he like accidentally killed somebody my or purposefully in this case and i wouldn't my instinct wouldn't be like i should reach out to him to see how he's doing my instinct would be like oh my god i wonder how that family is doing of that person like that is so heartbreaking and sad right like you know what i kind of feel like maybe because i'm just trying to understand the mindset of what would make you want to reach out sometimes maybe it's a little sexy to be part of the drama like something big happens and you're like oh shit i was part of that yeah i was part of that guy's life so that's the only thing i can think of and then you just need to check your own self like yeah what is the what is your intention for this yeah and yeah you just

need yeah that's what you need to figure out and you need to not reach out to him and focus on uh guys who can be a part of if that's what you want to date people part of your religious organization but people who are good people and actually good people yeah and not just oh cool he's christian so he therefore he's a good person so focus on like the people amongst that he talked about god a lot and like recited verses so therefore he's a good person yeah so if he shoots somebody it's okay yeah like what the fuck we said a hail mary first yeah oh my god holy goddamn tits he got married like a year i guess it would have been soon right after he dated you so no no no no no not at all just think about this as something this is a great story to tell people

at parties if you listen to the podcast my favorite murder you can do your hometown on this and be like let me tell you guys the story about this great use it for that but like by no means is this like anything that you should be thinking anything else besides like thank god that wasn't me and oh god i need to make sure to ask any guy i take from now on hey have you killed anybody accidentally murdered someone yeah have you murdered someone and hit a body and crushed a car just i just need to check because also his poor fucking wife i hope they don't have kids what if the wife is like he's a good christian man though oh my god oh my gosh can you imagine i can't yeah not a good maybe yeah interesting very interesting well i wonder maybe no but also

she probably did say something like that because how else would she know that he was accidentally he accidentally murdered someone right yeah oof oof and i like how the family member just didn't say it outright because she was they're like just go look at his wife it's like some drama it's like oh did you hear you need to go check this out for yourself yeah because like uh i remember this guy at my high school he got killed in a bad drug deal like he was the one doing the bad drug deal thing and he had just texted me the night before and I thought it was so creepy like you know and I got like kind of obsessed with what happened yeah because it was just so kind of close to me and so in a way that's the only way I can think that maybe you're like oh I should reach out

because you were at one point close to that person and now they did something fucked up and got themselves in a terrible situation but really really just like you get at peace with it with yourself and let it go yeah well is it time for what are we calling it melissa's happiest hour melissa's moments no it's time for uh listener advice if you guys have a better name we're workshopping it so let us know you can hear our uncertainty listeners bye ding ding ding

make it shiny yeah sparkles so this is the part where people call in with their own advice with the other calls that we've had for different episodes so something that they might have personal experience with sometimes I get yelled at for doing something wrong but we don't like

I don't like Liz when she picks those so but it's nice but for ones that we have no relation to. So maybe from this episode, somebody will call in and be like, I also dated somebody who murdered somebody. Hi, I'm 22 years old and I just had some insight on the episode

with Andrea Russett for the girl who said that she got drunk and her co-worker's husband or fiance ended up sexually assaulting her And she hooked up with her friend, or they finally got sexually intimate with her friend of five years. I kind of did the same thing after my, I was raped at 16 and it was my first sexual experience and it was horrible, but I did the same thing. I ended up going on tinder like three months later and just getting my body back getting being in control and having sex with with guys so I felt like I was in control and

um and I didn't tell any of them um none of them asked me why I was doing what I was doing I didn't tell anybody and honestly my advice to her is that you don't need to tell anybody Um, I do advise that if you do want to talk about it, you do see somebody, a therapist, or they also have groups, um, therapy groups for multiple people who have been in this situation or who have been sexually assaulted. so just knowing that you are not alone and like megan said with the me too movement um there's so many women and and even males that that go through sexual assault and go through these traumatic events and you're never alone and i just wanted to share that with her that she's not alone and She doesn't have to tell anybody. I didn't tell anybody until, like, six years after the actual event happened.

And that was, like, my first serious boyfriend. We were actually even engaged. And he was the first person I ever told. That's awesome. Yeah. Makes me so, like, I think we had said this in the reference to the Me Too thing in that call. that i was like it sucks that so many people totally relate to this story um and like yeah proof in that so yeah but yeah i think i'm happy like the finding your healing of like taking your

body back like whatever works for you you know because it's not about anybody else no like at all like and yeah because that wasn't about it's also like taking your body back that's about like your control and your power and that and like sexuality and that and like yeah like being feeling like a sexual being and like feeling like like like hot and sexy and powerful and it's not about like uh an act of like rage and something that's not they're two totally unrelated things that suck that they're core like that they're the same physical act that gets correlated um i think group therapy sounds like a really like great idea especially um if like anybody i mean anybody who's listening to this who has any sort of similar experience which sadly is probably a

lot of people um if you don't want to talk to like a therapist it might be really nice to do like something group related a to hear other people's stories and kind of how they're healing from that and then also that sense of okay everybody's kind of dealing with this stuff together so you don't feel as alone and so i think that'd be a great call for anybody who's doing that and uh thank you so much for calling and sharing that because you totally didn't have to and i'm sure hopefully that she hears that and she knows better about it too because yeah that was a that was a that was a dark one yeah like not a fun one yeah on that note guys our episode is done thank you so much for being on thanks for having me great advice thank you hope someone got

something out of that and i'm glad we have another college dropout here to really even out yes all the college that's happening how long did you go for a year in like um i don't know a month of the next semester yeah okay yeah well go yeah go ahead follow your path follow your you know your journey speaking of following where can people follow you on the internet oh my gosh good segue at nikki limo is my handle on everything uh it's n-i-k-k-i-l-i-m-o i also have a podcast called shit they don't tell you with my husband it's when we talk about all the shit that we wish that people told us that they didn't about like finance relationships all that stuff yeah my friends and i constantly have this ongoing joke where we say we we feel

like we missed the class on something yes we're like so did i miss the class on like how do people know this thing and like any of those things so i'm like how do you did i miss when did we all learn how to do this because i didn't was it in the college that i missed yeah i always asked my friends who went to college like no i didn't know it wasn't like okay this is weird then why do i not know yeah like stocks bonds uh if you always want to follow melissa and i on socials will also be listed down below and if you want to call in for an upcoming episode the phone number is 310 six nine four zero nine seven six the uh the international listeners all y'all's international listeners can email us an audio file at meganpodcasts at gmail.com uh the youtube video

guys who watch this will be up today same time so you guys can now you listen to it good job now do you want to watch it do you want to see our outfits or if you watched it just go listen to it in your car yeah um yeah just like back to back never enough maybe listen to it on slow speed to miss something yeah true like me in that call about the murder car crushing the car crushing none of us caught it except for melissa and if you want to check out our website it's don't blame me dot show our instagram is don't blam meme pod don't blame me pod me fuck it's so hard i can't i can only say don't blam meme pod uh you can check us out there and um yeah right that's it that's our housekeeping everything yeah i'm very impressed that you memorized a phone number

oh it took a while it took like it should yeah no we like lost that ability in 2018 like nobody i only know if if anything happened my i don't know my boyfriend's phone number i couldn't even tell you his area code really no seven something i didn't memorize my husband's until he became my husband because i was like oh i shouldn't know that like yeah as your wife if it's like official emergency like if someone is like they i don't know i got shot or something knock on wood i don't and they're like what's the number right now the number i'd be able to give is my best friend in san francisco or you can give this number honest to god i would have to i'd have to give the podcast number if i like got in trouble that's it and then i know acelyn's

phone number because her area code is one acelyn is good enough no but i only know her area code because there's only one number off from my area you have it listed in your phone i do but i'm saying like at the top of my head got it yeah i could have my couple of my friends home phone numbers that they don't live at the house anymore have those still stocked every hannah montana lyric still up there yep yeah but no problem with song lyrics yeah no none of the actual important phone numbers uh-huh but um yeah they don't want you to memorize phone numbers i don't want you to know phone numbers i want you to be dependent on this phone yeah fuck it okay okay guys we'll see you next week goodbye

don't blame me is a production by me produced directed and edited by melissa de monts post production sound by chris henry production assistant julie carley and music by giacomo picasso and ryan hunter i'll see you guys next week and don't blame me if your life you know completely fucks up before then