Don't Blame Me! - S3E13: Guest: Elle Mills - Break Up with Partner to Hook Up with an Ex?

Episode Date: February 25, 2019

Elle Mills is here this week to share her advice! We’re answering your questions on what to do if you drunk dial an old fling, struggling with body positivity, dealing with annoying siblings, and how to handle a friend that has one-sided feelings for you. In Don’t Blame Them a listener shares her advice on how she told her husband that she’s pansexual. Follow Us! @meghanrienks @elle.mills (instagram)/@millselle (twitter) @dontblamemepod @sheisnotmelissa Listen to ad-free and bonus episodes on Stitcher Premium! For a free month of Stitcher Premium, go to stitcherpremium.com and use promo code 'BLAME'. This episode is also brought to you by The Real Real, Kopari, and Nurx. Take our survey: www.podsurvey.com/BLAME Click Here for Affordable Therapy By State (Curated by Crissy Milazzo) Need Advice? www.dontblameme.show Domestic Listeners Call: [phone]   International Listeners Send a Voice Memo To: [e-mail] … with as much detail as possible under 3 minutes! I’ll do my best to share my wonderful words of wisdom. If you’re under 18, please get your parent’s permission. Advice is for entertainment purposes only, so you can’t blame me if I screw up your life. I kid! My advice IS AMAZING. - Want to WATCH this episode as well? Check out my YouTube channel: http://youtube.com/meghanrienks Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/join/dontblameme See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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hello everybody and welcome back to another episode of don't blame me if you are watching this you can already see our fantastic guest it is the internet's favorite l mills oh wow and also lily marston's favorite which she speaks for the internet yes she does 100 she's relatable she's quirky she eats pizza yeah it's true she's gonna hate that i said that that's fine uh melissa's also here hi hey hey nice top i didn't even notice your outfit change thank you it was just a jacket change oh that's what you do yeah i just get shirtless when everybody's here on the doors let me switch off um so if you guys are new here this is the don't blame me podcast it's an advice podcast where you guys call in and you leave us voicemails and we give you our advice and the

phone number to do that is 310-694-0976 and for our international listeners you could email us an audio file and megan podcast at gmail.com um and i was just telling ill ill l that i was binging your videos um this morning i felt creepy because like i usually i usually it's was it was my own fault because i think i was watching a dodie video and then you came suggested and i was like i shouldn't i shouldn't like watch a bunch of because i've seen a bunch of your videos i was like i shouldn't watch them right before i see her because i'm gonna do that thing where i'm like oh my god so funny about that thing you did last week i'm like oh i shouldn't do that no it's a nice recap oh yeah and you're like yeah okay sure and i'm like oh no uh yeah so and i just

watched your um uh the one that like got me into like back into the kick of it was uh your weight loss video which i thought was like so good and like i'm not gonna make you talk about it because like i hate people people are like hey making your anxiety video i'm like cool can we not like but if you guys haven't seen it you should just watch it it's great so you don't have to say anything i'll just plug you you should watch it it's really good and i really enjoyed it thank you so much uh so how do you feel like you are giving advice um you know what i would say there was a point in time where i was really really bad but i think as i've become more empathetic and i've grown and learned stuff gone through shit i'm allowed to swear oh yeah comfy shit

balls okay cool um uh i am now um more fit to give advice how old are you i'm 20 okay yeah yeah yeah yeah i feel like i gave a bunch of shit advice when i was a teenager being like well one time in a movie i saw that this happened and i feel like it's like you should do exactly also what's your zodiac sign um we can't see oh okay you're gonna be good at this you're gonna be yeah are you a cancer no i like leo i'm i'm a leo but i like cancers okay i got my best friends at cancer do you do like the whole like rising and yeah we just we just dove deep into that Do you know yours? Yes.

Well, it's because everyone in LA, I feel like. Oh, is there a set? So I had to get that app. CoStar? Yes. Oh my God, huge fan. We're still a sponsor. Just made her download it.

So the main one, Cancer. Sun. Yeah. Rising is, okay, wait, the moon is Taurus. Okay. And the rising is, oh my gosh. Do we need to name them all? Yeah, name them.

um aries aquarius leo libra capricorn sagittarius i think it was libra libra okay that yeah that would make sense yeah everyone always goes cancer they're really happy then i see the next two and they go oh interesting no i mean it yeah it is it's definitely but it also because it will make i always find it funny when people are not funny but when people have um like water signs like a cancer is like a water sign as like their sun sign and they're like youtubers or actors yeah because usually you would tend to have something that's more like attention attention attention but then when you see like someone's like ascending and like or like they're rising and their moon you're like oh this makes sense because like libras are very much have you seen

like all of well i like zodiac signs because of like the memes there's all the zodiac memes of like rihanna and like her met ball outfit it's like when you invite a libra to brunch and they're like hello like and so there's a little bit more of like that kind of like yeah which makes sense for like forward-facing like in front of the camera kind of jobs um but yeah and then cancers are very uh like mom-ing like mommy-ing and like liking to take care of people and stuff which i think is great because i like to be taken care of okay because i'm like needy and need lots of validation so i like to surround myself with water signs so we're like let me take care of you i'm like great i need i find it so fascinating when other people talk about it because i know nothing

about it but i like hearing other people talk yeah it's fun and it's a great way to like katie was just on and we were talking about it and uh and we were she i was asking her because like my therapist anytime i bring up like zodiac sign she's like okay but we're not gonna blame that on you being a leo like that it's like just like standard leo stuff right like just leo things and she's like i need you to not and then she was like and then kimmy was like no i mean like if it validates like those things and then you still work on them but like you can't just be like oh this is why like yeah tough shit like this is how the planets were when i was born and like i can't do anything about it okay okay well we can stop blabbing about um zodiacs and we can get on to

giving the advice play the tape roll the tapes hi megan my name is roxy um i'm 20 years old from california um and i have a problem a bit of a dilemma if you will um i am currently dating someone um and I'm kind of like six months deep to the point where it's like feelings should be happening like I felt feelings at one point but um we're long distance right now that's really tough for me um and an ex from high school um is actually in the city that I'm in right now and I'm having lots of feelings for them so I don't know what to do about my situation like I really want to act on my feelings for my ex because like I feel like there's still something there but I also don't want like I don't have a reason to break up with the person I'm in a

relationship with right now so I'm kind of stuck um so yeah if you have any wisdom or advice um it would be much appreciated i'm sweating wow there are layers to that there are lots of layers i'm also worried i wonder when she sent this in because i'm like are you still in the same city did you do it did we get to you in time first thing i'll say to the the i have no reason to break up with my boy your current relationship the fact that you are having feelings for another person that's yeah yeah yeah that's the reason why you don't have to break up with somebody because they're horrible or because they've done something terrible or because like oh we can't be together like yeah there doesn't be Romeo and Juliet like you having feelings for somebody else

and wanting to act on them and like that's that's reason to break up um yeah what are your thoughts I mean like I like off the bat not even hearing about the ex I'm like if you don't have feelings for them yeah then like you're settling if you're yeah i mean and i just think maybe fix that problem first the ex is like that's like a separate thing i mean like don't do anything if you're still dating for sure i've never been in a relationship this is so this is why i mean like i can't really give advice but that i think is honestly like i find that like i i mean i turn everything about myself and then that sometimes is not productive advice at all because i'm like well i don't want to tell you to do this thing because i definitely did the wrong thing so i'm gonna tell you to do

what i did so i can feel better but i think um yeah i think you're right they're like two totally separate things and i think no offense girl but it sounds like you want us to like you want to kind of be like i don't know make us be on the side of you and you're like that kind of thing but ultimately like it doesn't matter how like your ex being in the picture just like you said like if you need to deal with the fact that you don't have feelings someone in six months it's like i used to say like i was a four month person like four months in i'm like wow i hate you never want to see you again like gonna ghost and like back out of your life and never speak to you again so six months i don't think i i wouldn't say that that's like a bad thing to realize you don't have

feelings for someone yeah and also like i don't know i yeah i stopped having feelings for everybody except for my current boyfriend after four months yeah i was like fuck you yeah honestly this is gonna sound bad but like the fact that it's long distance kind of makes it easier to end it that's oh my god that's i don't know i'm really bad with confrontation so i'm like i was like oh just you're in a room of people who ghost so oh i'm gonna go are you a ghost we get judged really i am so i've ghosted so many people already i've already ghosted like two people would you rather be ghosted would you rather have someone ghost you yeah see that's what we say yeah i just hate confrontation i hate it fucking hate it just

ghost me because then i'm we're doing on to others as we would like done on to ourselves exactly so truly we are living the golden rule yeah so preschool got it um but yeah i think you just gotta you gotta end it and like you said like yeah long being long distance makes it easier to end it and then if you want to pursue something with your ex like for sure then go for it but i also uh i don't think that you you can't i hate the fucking idea of like people like lining up things so when something else ends they have something to like yeah fall into that place so um if you actually care about this part like the person that you're dating i think you can't convince your you don't you wouldn't want someone to convince themselves or talk

themselves back into liking you so you need to then just be like you know what they deserve better they deserve someone who's not going to be thinking about being with other people and don't cheat because it's fucking terrible agreed don't do it it's mean oh okay should we go on to the next 21 and i'm calling about a situation that happened pretty recently um there's a whole bunch of background that i need to tell you but just know that there's this guy and i had a thing with him when i was in college in the united states this is like two years ago and i ended up having to move away because i had an amazing opportunity to go to school in mexico and i'm here but like we still talk all the time i still i still talk to all my friends over there

i still talk to him a whole bunch and a couple nights ago i i'm so embarrassing i got wasted and I ended up calling him and I don't know if there's unresolved feelings there or something but like I basically ended up telling him a whole bunch of stuff and making him tell me a whole bunch of stuff that I don't even think sober me wanted to know but drunk me was all for asking about and knowing and I just I want to know what I should do because I don't want to ruin that friendship I still really care about him and think he's an amazing person but I don't I don't know if I already did ruin it because of what drunk me did um so should I should I try to talk to him about it should i apologize for what happened should i just leave it alone and see how he reacts

i i have no idea just help wait so what do we think that she said i don't know i know intrigued me too girl you still had a whole minute left you kind of gave us the details about what was and like she said things and then made him say things like probably tell me you love me or like have you fucked any girls lately like what is it yeah my best friend um not to throw her into the bus i mean i was definitely big into drug dialing but she was like she there was a phase in her life in high school in which that she could not get drunk without crying and calling someone and crying to them and it was just such an ordeal um and she grew out of it and i was definitely like a drunk dialer um but i need to know what was said like she i could hear her cringing the whole

time she was saying it but i think it depends on i don't know are you a drunk dialer i'm a drunk text oh oh what do you like at least you remember what you said though you can see yeah but at the same time then you can see it oh oh does she not know what she said times oh and then you just like look back and you're like that's a 40 minute face i'm like i don't remember what i said she doesn't wait but she remembers yeah so she knows i don't know like i feel like no matter what it could be like she obviously needs to talk it out and tell him that tell him how she feels about like her doing it drunk i guess and like it is kind of hard not knowing what she said but i don't know just talk it out do you think that like drunk words are sober

thoughts yeah yeah um something i mean depending yes my my drunk my drunk words are my sober thoughts yeah i because i wonder because her saying that like she doesn't even know if sober her would want to have known or like have asked the same kind of questions i think if i'm gonna like there's a lot of assumptions that i'm gonna have to make here but if you called him and like let's say that uh you really tried to like ask like well what are we like this like thing like i miss you and like made it like a like more of like a romantic thing and like about you guys as a potential item um i think maybe that is how you feel and now as katie has taught us the term moonwalking out of a situation where like maybe he hasn't responded and now you're kind of like

oh fuck i'm gonna backtrack this that's not actually how i feel um but i think like sometimes if i think if you're friends with somebody who you have if you still have these like serious feelings for him you can have like feelings for a friend and not have like i don't think like serious feelings that you need to act upon but if it's preventing you from like moving on like that's how my boyfriend i got together is like we were friends and i had a crush on him and i kept me in my head being like do i have an actual crush on him because like i like him or is it because this is fucking easy and then when i started trying to date other people and then i was like no i really like i think i want to date him that's when we were able to like do that but

i think like maybe there was a part of you that needed to yeah needed to kind of get the closure um but i think you're i think you just have to talk yeah and find out where you both stand like i've done stupid shit drunk like i think i've uh it's how my current boyfriend and i got together i mean was i mean i was more than drunk i was in vegas so vegas drunk is a different level well i mean it also wasn't just alcohol so okay yeah we all get where we're at um but yeah so like and then he was wasted and we like we both said the stuff that we never would have said to each other sober that kind of like we couldn't backtrack and we both did that because i don't think we wanted to i think we knew that if we had tried to broach the subject sober that we would

have really like done it in a way of being like i'm gonna give myself an out but like when you're drunk you don't do that and the same thing in high school i did that when like i had a crush on somebody like i got wasted and then i like was like i love you and then i was like no no i can't take that back so i think like you just have to kind of own up to what you said figure out if that's what you meant because i mean i like also lie when i'm drunk but um figure out if that's like what you meant and then also know if your answer if you're serious if you think like oh well i wouldn't mean it unless he feels those things back try and cut that side of it out because i think it's more important to figure out how you feel not like oh i feel this way

conditionally depending if this person also felt that way because then you're not really honoring your feelings you're just trying to get a good outcome um but i really want to can you call back and let us know what this was about because like what if i what if we're so off basis yeah i'm really curious i feel like we're on we're on the now i feel like we got it made yeah it's like she was cringing hard yeah it only means like i like wanted like you said like lynx i want to fuck her like and he's like okay yeah god i'm like cringing for her i've done some real stupid shit drunk too oh should we go on to the next i'm 16 and i struggle a lot with self-confidence and body image you go online and you see all these like beautiful girls and all these pictures

that are perfect and i know it's photoshopped half the time but like my brain doesn't understand it so i was just wondering if you could give any advice on like body positivity or loving yourself and yeah i guess that's it thanks oh god i don't really know how to do that yeah me too i'm literally like oh to love yourself um well i'm in therapy trying to learn that um okay my first like super uh like not productive really glad there's no real therapist here to be like hey megan um do you know the account celeb face on instagram no it is sad yeah for other for the people who are on it and like i feel bad like that their struggles make me feel better but yeah what i'm sorry like that's just a fact yes it's just like celebrities and models um the video

it's like video and photo comparisons of them facetuned and versus the original picture so they get the picture from getty images and then they post the picture that they did but it just keeps going back and forth so you see it wow yeah so you see like every celebrity every model like every person you could think of is on there and for me when i found the account when yes there's a part that i'm like there's the bigger part of my brain is like wow this sucks that like everybody is so programmed to feel this way but at the same time i'm like wow everybody is programmed to feel this way so i'm there's no goal or ideal or thing that i can ever get to when i'm not gonna feel like this and because i'm like it's every no one is immune to that so i think for me like it sounds

stupid to say to follow that account but it did make me a you're exactly like she's saying like oh you you realize so many of these things are photoshopped that's like a you can literally see that these things are photoshopped and then more than that what was i don't know it was like comforting to kind of know i mean comforting but also sad to know like oh these insecurities of mine that i have aren't gonna go away with like achieving any sort of goal like these people who i'm sure people feel that way when they see me when me i complain about things that they're like oh you're being stupid like that makes no sense yeah it's the same way that i feel when i see other people photoshopping their images um but that's like i don't know if that's like a good

therapist-y way to be like look other people do it like now you can feel better because like people are photoshopping their thighs but i yeah i don't know i mean like that's yeah that's good but i also don't love myself so it's not necessarily that's my problem like i don't know how to help you um it's just a tough thing because i feel like this is something like like people have to work through work on throughout their life and it's just like over time you you do learn to love yourself like and i just i don't know she's so young too she's 16 yeah i don't know it's just tough it's yeah it is tough yeah well i think there's some things that as i've gotten older like i wouldn't say that like i mean like i'm not like in a great

place but like i would say that like i've grown out of certain things and then other things have bothered other things that i've focused on which i can then only hope is that like as other as i as there are certain things that i like really like disliked i care about less now like when i was younger like if my skin was breaking out like i would be maybe that's also because my skin isn't breaking out right now but like yeah i think there's certain things that like this would make me really really really insecure and now i'm like oh or like not having an outfit on like not having like like wearing a cute outfit i've just kind of stopped caring about that and there's other things that I care about but I've kind of realized like I go through phases in which some things

really like matter to me in that moment and then I'll be like oh wow this however like I used to hate having big cheeks like I hated it and then as I got older I was like oh well no actually I don't hate it like I kind of like the fact that like I'm gonna look younger like and it does have that so I think that like those things I also think I think if you can surround yourself with people like none of my friends face tune their pictures and i don't follow aside from the celeb face account i don't follow people who post pictures like that because i don't like to like i don't want to have my instagram feed with people because like you do get desensitized like you your mind can tell you these are photoshopped pictures but if you're not seeing them being photoshopped

like it's hard so i think if you can like eliminate anything that you might find to be like triggering or something that hurts you like that and even like that can be people that you know like that can be like friends that you have just mute them like i have so many instagram accounts of like people i know in real life that i'm like you've done nothing wrong but my insecurities you make me feel bad about myself and you're not trying to and that's something i need to focus on but in order to focus on it i'm not gonna look at it because like that's just like that's like a form of self-harm is looking at things that make you feel bad because you want to punish yourself when there's no reason to and um i mean i keep i push therapy on everybody

no it's yeah great but it's a really great way to like you can't rewire your brain but like you can find ways to kind of like i don't know like go about it in a different way that doesn't end up with you feeling super shitty all the time um and i think especially when it comes to like being young and having body image issues like i remember the first time i ever like struggled with that was like when i was in elementary school and like a family member suggested i didn't wear a two-piece bathing suit in fifth grade and like oh yeah terrible but like and that's something like why do i like i don't remember shit from fifth grade but i remember that so i think like being aware of um that this is having like an effect on you and making you

feel bad about yourself i think is like the first step in kind of you're not desensitized to it like you still can see these things and recognize that they're making you feel bad and i think that the um the the quicker that you get help with that kind of stuff i think it is because it's slippery it's just like a slippery slope and and yeah i think i don't know if it is comforting that you have two people on the couch here who both like well i don't know how to do that it's fucking hard yeah but yeah it's like not a fun thing to work on with yourself because like it isn't and i say this is what my one suggestion would be is don't keep those thoughts to yourself talk to like either your parents or sibling close friend um just so like you could talk it out and because

then some people like i don't know yes yesterday there was a friend who was saying all these things they would want to change get plastic surgery for and i'm like in my head i'm like i thought that was crazy because i thought they were beautiful i was like what i had to see none of those things so like having someone else's perspective on what you look like and hopefully they are nice yeah most of the time they will be i'm sure yeah if you're family um i think that helps um jamila jamil from the good place with her yeah she's awesome she has um an instagram page called i underscore way that is all about body positivity so i recommend following that and then there's also like a community based around it too on the website where you can talk

to other people and it's iwaycommunity.com and then there's another website and i'll put all these links into the show notes but it has like 10 steps to positive body image and send that to me yeah i'll send it to you but a couple things on here is like appreciate the things that you're your body can actually do and um remind yourself that true beauty is not simply skin deep so it's a whole list of things and i'll put these in the show notes too those are much better references than me saying look at pictures of people i mean hey whatever works for you i also i have a workout instructor who constantly like makes us after like every which at first i used to roll my eyes now i'm like actually it's kind of nice um after we do like every like break that we have she makes

us like like slap our like arms and our legs and stuff and then she's like but make sure you cup your hands i was like the whole time she goes so we're hugging your bodies because you are all able to come here and spend like 35 at a workout class which means that you have the money to be here and you can do a squat and some people can't even do this so thank your legs for doing the only fucking thing they're supposed to do and i was like wow okay and i was like in the middle of doing burpees i'm like this is inspirational i guess i'll do some more which is like yeah i think it's a it's a it's a great thing yeah like that your body doesn't exist to be um i don't know doesn't exist to be necessarily like everyone's opinion of beautiful like it's meant to function

yeah that's already a great thing that not everybody is lucky to have oh well this taught me that i need to work on myself and i therapy tomorrow so it's gonna be great um uh it's time for a break guys and we will be right back own iconic luxury items at unreal values with the real real the leading reseller of authenticated luxury from top designers shot from designers like louis vuitton gucci rolex cartier and hundreds more at up to 90 off retail new arrivals come in daily and every single item is authenticated by the real real team of experts in fact the real real employs over 100 brand authenticators gemologists horologists and art curators from around the globe who inspect thousands of items

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of a thing I hate stuff that feels like precious that you can't use it because then I don't use it like I I don't I don't want that I want something that someone else has loved that it's in really great condition but i'm not spending all of that money that you do just because it's like brand spanking new plus i think it's kind of more fun to find stuff that's like vintage or like a little like older and all that stuff i found this really really cute gucci purse that's got like the bamboo handles and it was like so cute and i was like oh what year is this from and it was like the 80s so vintage fetch shop in store online or download the app and get 20 off select items with the promo code real that's the real real.com promo code real for 20 off select items

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your doorstep in less than a week that's nurx.com slash blame okay guys we are back from our break and we are hopping into more calls hi megan i'm 20 years old i'm a sophomore in college and i've dating my boyfriend for about two years um he's awesome he's my best friend everything's really good there but uh his family is kind of a problem um so basically his older brother moved far away a couple years ago and he recently moved back to try and get a job here which was all fine but now he's trying to act like a parent to not only my boyfriend but to me as well and I just don't really know how to handle it because he's only a couple years older than us he's not like 10 years older than us or anything and he's just like so overbearing um for example last night

my boyfriend and I was doing stuff and he walked in and I don't think he really saw anything but he like thought he did so in the morning when we woke up we heard him tattletailing to his mom and they're very conservative Christian and um my family's not like that so I'm not really used to that um and we just have no idea like if they're gonna bring it up if I'm not gonna be allowed to go over there anymore um I I have no idea and I have no idea how to handle this situation because it's constant overbearing we never have any privacy we have a trip planned for our anniversary in a couple months but I just that's like the only thing that's getting me through right now because I literally have no privacy with him and it's killing me so any facts that

you have would be greatly appreciated thank you so much wait do they live together oh do they all live there it sounds like maybe the boyfriend lives with his parents and they were in there messing around and the brother walked in on them okay yeah um lock the door first first thing i would say as somebody who ready for this is a story i've never told on podcast as somebody who got walked in on in high school like walked in on like okay i'm not gonna be super explicit but we're all gonna understand what i mean and by we i mean everybody in the room as i'm looking at um in high school lunch my boyfriend and i went back to his place his grandma lived next door his grandma walked in on us and just picture what is worse than walking in on a heterosexual couple

having sex picture what's like another sexual act that is like worse of her walking in on she walked in on that and we had to convince her that she was sleepwalking and was like it was my god so bad who was giving and receiving i um it was a very feminist moment okay got it it was the worst thing of my entire life like i thought i literally have goosebumps right now talking about i thought i was like i thought in that moment like when you like the first panic attack like this is how i'm gonna die that was the first one where i was like no this is it for me this is how i will not be able to recover it was the fucking worst um so learn the lesson lock the doors like yeah that seems like the simple solution yeah also it doesn't seem like

he's being a parent it just sounds like he's being a tattletale i was gonna say you've got younger siblings yes i do so would do you do you would you i'm like you did make a roast for your brother for him leaving so where do you like what do you see as like a too much line i mean like no the fact that that's not even her even her brother that's her yeah it's like her boyfriend's brother yeah that's a that's a problem i think because i can see i don't know that's that's a tough situation i think well first of all maybe like that's like that's a family like family problem so i'd say tell your boyfriend to talk to the brother yeah right like because i get it's awkward telling him um oh that's just it's uncomfortable it's super uncomfortable and

like maybe if your family's not as like uptight first of all also i don't understand this because my high school boyfriend was like this too where his parents really cared if we spent a long time together i'm like he can't get pregnant like why do you give a shit like why the fuck do you care like yeah that's like that aspect of being like we want to keep the we let's make sure that they're hanging out with all these i'm like okay what like sure be concerned she can get pregnant yeah but i'm saying so like she's saying that her parents aren't as like aren't as like uptight and conservative and so like then the part of me is being like well then you guys should like go hang out at your house but then that's true your parents if anything they can make the argument

yeah there are ways to avoid it but if you want to address the problem yeah then like talk yeah i'll say you guys are like 20 yeah adults that's weird yeah who's assume and also if anything i if he yes the family might be conservative but if they're so conservative wouldn't the brother like wouldn't it be like weird as wouldn't the brother not even want to bring it up and been like hey by the way i walked in on like johnny like railing becky last night like yeah i mean like if that's if they're if they're more buttoned up and conservative like would you even say something like that also if you hurt them the next morning after you woke up that means that you're okay with you sleeping over so why wouldn't that be expected yeah anyway oh wait yeah this is

just like really yeah a lot of question i mean like honestly he's gonna move out soon yeah right right also i mean like there's a way to avoid like off like yeah just a have sex in a car like come on that's what your 20s are for terrible they were probably having sex there anyway before the brother moved yeah back in and i'm sure that the her boyfriend's parents like you can believe be like blissfully ignorant like willfully ignorant like you like his parents probably if you're sleeping over i'm sure they're not thinking you guys are just not hooking up like i'm sure that they maybe they don't maybe you've never had that conversation so you assume that like they wouldn't be okay with it but i feel like that's kind of implied once you're that age and also if you're

not um if your boyfriend and you aren't like very religious and have made it clear that you're not doing that i feel like i would just assume especially for like sleeping over like i wasn't even allowed to like do that and like i've grew up in a very sex positive household oh really yeah oh it was like tell them test drive test drive the car before you buy it and i was like okay thank you wow different household yeah really yeah i would say the the conservative family yeah like that would be the my well like part of my family my family's very complex like my mom and my brother we're chilling we're fine yeah but we don't really talk about it but like my dad and like his my half sisters oh their mom is very religious so my half sister's boyfriend and her

what i'd say this is that's the problem they would have yeah they were having um and the the overprotective brother would be my oldest sister okay they definitely had but like here's the thing it's not hasn't really been resolved it's just kind of like oh god just stays just stays there yeah they he they just kind of like yeah they just try to avoid her yeah so avoid him that's probably the best i mean honestly i think there's like at a certain point like at least i mean i'm a huge runaway from conflict kind of person if i like don't if i know i can't win yeah like i don't want to participate like like confronting someone if i don't have the upper hand so i think like yeah if it just means like sure maybe like because he's there it's like not as

easy for you guys to get away with like hooking up so like don't hook up at the house like if you feel uncomfortable around his family limit the time that you're there and if his brother brings something up like just know that like you you've got your boyfriend like you like it'll be okay like any sort of like awkward tension or like nasty things that they might say you've got someone who's hopefully he will hopefully be in your corner for it so you're not um kind of being a like i don't know yeah i may just spend more time with your family or spend more time out of the house yeah i would that's what i would say also did you guys like get in trouble like what happened what were the consequences it probably nothing probably even happened it just seems like

bit yeah to me it just sounds like tension like it's gonna be like no one's gonna ever say anything and like i don't think she needs to worry about getting yelled at because i think like there's probably like a level of like uncomfortableness that's like oh like we disapprove and you're gonna know that but we're not gonna say it out loud like we're gonna make you feel like that um but also maybe you guys like i don't know like yeah you don't if she doesn't live there like yeah try and do stuff other places you know and also for the parents home that to me is like a level of like but if they knew she was staying the night yeah that's true or was she was did they not was she hiding under the bed that'd be no that'd be a really big one i really want to

know i'd love more details on this one if you can give us a an update um or just yeah give us some more details because i'm very curious about it he needs a life he needs to find a job and move out and get a life yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah should we go on to the next so um i have a situation i'm 18 i'm in my last semester as a high school student um i've never really been one to have very many friends because i had a situation with a friend when i was younger gave me a lot of anxiety a lot of i was went through some severe depression but i'm doing better now and i've made some friends but it's a really big issue because I um my best friend in the whole world has um kind of opened up to me that she has feelings for me and that's fine we're both bi we both know it

but like she's been showing it a lot and I love her so much like she's my best friend in the whole world but I don't feel that way about her and she's been going through a lot of tough shit and I don't want to like put her through more stuff and like break her heart but I don't want to lead on and I really don't know what to do and the only person I would ever be able to talk about this with that I'm super close to as close as I am to her just left for basic training for the Navy about two weeks ago and this happened last week and I'm trying really hard to not hurt her feelings but also keep myself in mind because it's weighing on me and I I just I don't know what to do on top of the fact that i miss my friend who's away and you know my best friend the person i talk

to every day i don't want to hurt i don't want to hurt her my life is a hot mess i'm sitting here having one of those mental breakdowns on target parking lot um but yeah i don't know what to do and i really need some advice so please help thank you wow wow breakdown target parking lot though is my brand that's a mood when i was in college i used to go to like the walmart parking lot and just sit there or go inside because they were open 24 hours so it'd be like late at night and i just walk around so yeah yeah you just like push a cart and you're just like i'm just gonna i'm fine everything's fine you're kind of spiraling as i'm going through like the throw pillow aisle uh wait so did her did her friend tell her explicitly is it i'm assuming that yeah yeah

her friend told her wow wow oof oof oof uh yeah have you i've been um i feel like i've been on both sides i empathize empathize empathize empathize with the friend that has the feelings i feel bad but like it's it's a tough situation but i feel like that the girl on the phone uh-huh she seems the fact that she still wants to be friends yeah that's good because there's some people who like as soon as their friend has a has feelings for them they like oh they get mad and they're angry about it um i think well i'm just does the friend know that she doesn't have feelings for you i don't think i that's why i wonder what her response was yeah because right now you're she's trying to figure out what to say like were you just like brb hold that thought

yeah I wonder how you left it off because I think there's also if you didn't say you had feelings back I think it's probably implied do you know what I mean yeah that I agree yeah I and I think that then it just comes down to that person having to yeah figure it out yeah and like get over it yeah sadly and it's true I but I yeah so I think I don't know if there is exactly you're saying I don't know if there is something that you need to say unless you said like i don't know how i feel but also again i think it's unless unless like at least for me like when i'm telling someone how if i like like that i like them unless they say i like you too any other responses i don't feel the same way yeah even if they're like you know i'm not really sure i'm like cool you don't feel the

same way they're well i think you're really awesome and like i'm just not ready for a relationship like cool you don't feel the same way so i think i don't think you need to like throw salt in the wound she might already know that um but i would also i wouldn't feel i think it's like you can be empathetic but i don't think there's a reason to feel too terrible because like i'm also just a believer of like if i like somebody and they don't like me back like then like okay that wasn't meant to be like then i don't then then however she feels about you i don't believe that like your great loves can be like unrequited like can be ones that aren't reciprocated by someone else like i've i've found like i've never every time that i've been in love it's been only

when i'm receiving love back from that person like i can't be in love with somebody who doesn't love me yeah so i think that there or i mean or didn't love me at some point like you can't if you get broken up with like you can still have those feelings so i think like if you don't feel those things that's i mean obviously that's totally okay but know that like yes it makes it a little stickier when you're friends and i think that's probably why they said something was because it was like i need to say this now so i can get over it or figure this out and then i think your job as a friend is just to be supportive in whatever they need to do to get over it so if that's like taking some space or some time apart or like pretending like it never happened i think you

just need to kind of take the cues from them yeah but does she bring it up again i don't know oh this is that's just so messy it really honestly depends on how that person the person the friend that has feelings yeah is like takes it and like continues on the friendship because if they continue to be like madly in love with yeah her then that's not good because that's a just an imbalanced friendship and it's probably like she's waiting yeah to see if your feelings will change yeah exactly so it's like it's it's it's all like situational i think in this case and the only thing that i wish there were names the girl on the phone the only thing she can do is just yeah be a supportive friend but also like like don't let the it change your friendship

yeah but like if it continues to be a thing then it has to be addressed and resolved somewhat yeah because that doesn't really then that's not necessarily a friendship because you're not getting a friend back like you're getting someone who's wanting something else and then that's stringing them along almost but not yeah you didn't consent to do that you're like i didn't want to string this along but if they're not going to be able to be a friend back which also i think is like fine like i've had feelings for friends before and then like it hasn't like worked out and then i'm like cool yeah i never want to see you again don't want to be your friend like i'm done which i think is also fine um but if you guys are like yeah i'm not like a destiny believer but

like if this person is a good friend and this wasn't um yeah if this person's like a good friend and really cares about you they're going to like want what's best for you and um know that like oh if that's not being with me then like that's like totally okay but i think it was probably something you just had to get off their chest more because i think yeah keeping feelings from your friends when you have feelings for your friends is so hard yeah because like oh do you like do you like have you talked to anyone you're like oh yeah i should i suppose people are cool like no it's fine i'm good it's it's really no matter what the response is it does feel like a way off your shoulders yeah no matter it's just like good to get it out in the open and not be

keeping a secret from like one of your closest friends yeah no it's yeah it can be it can be rough but um but uh yeah it's gonna be fine you guys are gonna be fine yeah you're chilling yeah you're chilling you're chilling you're chilling elmo's told you you're chilling guys is it time for don't blame them yep ah i did it for the first time it's like three words to remember and only one of them is different than the name of the fucking i don't know what's up but it's the first time it's like official it's true that's true we've just been like soft launching it for months um so this is a segment in which uh listeners call back and they give their own advice on advice we've given so they've like personal experiences

something like this they're not they're not like the callers who they're not giving us updates but they're being like oh let's listen to this in my car and now i'm going to give you my two cents gotcha so like that yeah that's getting schooled says your shirt so the original call was from the episode with lindsey simsick um and it was the caller she um had been in a relationship for a long time and just discovered that she was bisexual and she didn't know what to do about it even though she was still in love with her boyfriend and didn't want to break up with him. So this is someone calling with similar experience.

Okay. Hi, Megan and Mel. I was just listening to your episode with Lindsay Simkick and I can relate to the girl in the long-term relationship who is bisexual. So I'm 26 and I've been with my husband for nine years now. I've never been with a woman, but I identify as pansexual.

um my husband knows I told him pretty early on in our relationship um because I kind of knew when I was I don't know like 15 16 um and so I kind of let him know straight away and he didn't have a problem with it he um trusts me and I know the kind of stigma that comes with bisexuality that I don't know you always want threesomes and you want to cheat and have an open relationship but as long as you're open and honest and communicate with your partner like he's never wavered on his trust with me so um it's never been an issue and it sounds like um her partner was very open and um like that way so I don't think she's gonna have an issue if um she does decide to come out with him however i also feel like you don't need to come out if you don't want to like i do identify

as pansexual however maybe five people in my life know um my husband and uh the only person in my immediate family that knows is my sister my sister is gay but neither of us have felt like we need to come out to our parents um our parents are super like uh liberal like they wouldn't care if we what like who we liked as long as um we were happy in our relationships and um that kind of thing however we just don't feel like we need to uh come out we just like who we like and um whatever but uh yeah if you don't want to come out to anybody that's fine if you want to come out to everybody that's also fine um don't feel pressured to need to come out like it's it's not a huge deal like it is a part of you and it's a part of me however it's not the be-all and end-all if

everybody knows or if nobody knows um so I kind of live my life that way like um I have friends that know and like when we go out like there's a bunch of us who are gay and we'll kind of joke when we're like oh like the gay parade is out on the town or whatever like we're super nerdy so um yeah just a little two cents from someone who's kind of relating to you um your husband or your partner sounds really great so i wouldn't worry too much about telling him so thanks that's cute i like her voice yeah i really like how she talks i wonder where she's from yeah i know wait we'll look it up later not to be creepy wow that's a international call yeah but i yeah international cost dealing gabby and allison's um thing that was great i think yeah

i think it uh because i mean both lindsey and i identify lindsey identifies as straight i'm pretty sure i think so if i sing it then it's like not fully like a committed statement yeah um but no yeah i've always said that i'm like i'm straight but i just i mean i'm not wouldn't rule anything out i've just like never met a girl i was into yeah but it doesn't mean that girl doesn't exist um so yeah so i love i like getting that's i'm glad we can have input from somebody who is in a very similar situation and i have friends who've been in the situation who have come out as bi in a relationship with like a man like heterosexual relationship and like have stayed in both people i know have stayed in those relationships for the last like six or something years um so i think i

think she's right that you don't have to come out or you could come out and like the greatest youtube video of all time yeah it is but no but it genuinely is thank you i don't know how many times i've watched it it's like it's it's like who the fuck needs tv like it is oh my god it's like my favorite love getting gassed up it's well you should i mean yeah that fuels that thank you yeah it was like i was the whole time she's like you don't need to come out i was like in my head i was like wow i'm the polar opposite i literally came out the biggest way well i think i think i think that's like the it's good to have both um vocalized because like yeah you don't have like too like i think um yeah there's some things like i definitely have like put a lot of my life

on the internet that i'm like why the fuck would i do that yeah but then i'm like i don't know in the time at the time i was like that's what i needed to do and i have always kind of been that way um but i think there's also something to be said about that doesn't have to always yeah you don't have to fit one of two ways you can go out to some people or not everybody um but yeah so hopefully that caller's doing good and maybe she did or maybe she didn't come out who knows because it doesn't really matter it's her life not mine though i do care about her well-being i hope it's yeah her life is fun and good and great and awesome um so that is it for our episode uh l thank you so much for being on thank you for having me this was fun so good such a good time

where can people check you out on the internet um youtube.com slash l the mills and then l mills any on any other social media i also stalked your mom on instagram oh my god sorry l mills mom if you want to check her out first of all does she write her own captions yeah fire fucking fire so good the thing is people think some of my friends think i do and i'm like if i ran that account it would be 10 times better it'd be so much better but i mean yeah she loves it like it's like she that's her pride and joy her instagram i mean i i really really i don't know why i had never looked before but it was just it was it did not disappoint like it was everything i wanted and more yeah like james like it's like um uh bretman rocks like little like yes it's like

when i finally found her when i finally decided to look at her instagram i was like does not disappoint yeah like i really should have looked at like i don't know why i didn't think i you know i'm like i feel i feel so bad yeah you know i don't promote it so don't worry well it was no it was really good i really enjoyed it um uh so guys if you liked this episode and you are watching it and you want to listen to it on um other apparatuses apparatuses what's the plural apparatus apparatuses i'm not too sure honestly i mean true literal apps um you can check us out at don't blame me.show we are also on apple podcast app we're on stitcher ad free sound cloud and then if you are listening on those places you can watch the video on youtube see

what we look like i'm very mustard yellow today um and if you want to check out melissa and i our socials are down below and then the instagram account for the podcast if you want to check that out is don't blame meme pod me pod me me don't blame don't blah me don't blah don't blah meme pod so nice that's it guys and we will see oh no i have to give this my number again did i do that already no okay my adderall wore off a while ago and i brought my act the wrong one so i can't take anymore oh okay so if you want to leave us a voicemail for an upcoming episode the number is 310-694-0976 and if you want to email us our international listeners you can email us an audio file at meganpodcasts at gmail.com that's all the information i have in my brain and that's all i've

got okay we'll see you guys next week goodbye imagine ordering and chatting with doctors all online and getting birth control delivered right to your door every month enter nurx a company that's here to make getting birth control easier nurx means fewer doctor's visits skipping pharmacy lines and automatic refills you don't have to think about plus it's the most affordable option out there without insurance and could be free with insurance. Go to N-U-R-X dot com slash blame for a $20 credit. Don't Blame Me is a production by me, executive produced by Melissa DeMonts, camera operator Amanda Lechner, production assistance by Julie Carley, and music by Ryan Hunter and Giacomo Picasso, part of the Herpod

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