Don't Blame Me! - S3E16: Guest: Alison Stevenson - Can’t Properly Ride D***?

Episode Date: March 18, 2019

Alison Stevenson, writer and co-host of V. Single Podcast, is here to share her her advice! We’re answering your questions on what to do if you like two guys for very different reasons, if you’re a bad person for sleeping with a guy that’s on a break, and how to handle your fiance that won’t go down on you anymore. In Don’t Blame Them we have a listener sharing her advice on having secretive boyfriend. Read Alison’s Vice Article Why I Don’t Give Blow Jobs Follow Us! @meghanrienks @JustAboutGlad @dontblamemepod @sheisnotmelissa Listen to ad-free and bonus episodes on Stitcher Premium! For a free month of Stitcher Premium, go to stitcherpremium.com and use promo code 'BLAME'. This episode is also brought to you by FabFitFun, Kopari, Green Chef, and The RealReal. Click Here for Affordable Therapy By State (Curated by Crissy Milazzo) Need Advice? www.dontblameme.show Domestic Listeners Call: [phone]   International Listeners Send a Voice Memo To: [e-mail] … with as much detail as possible under 3 minutes! I’ll do my best to share my wonderful words of wisdom. If you’re under 18, please get your parent’s permission. Advice is for entertainment purposes only, so you can’t blame me if I screw up your life. I kid! My advice IS AMAZING. - Want to WATCH this episode as well? Check out my YouTube channel: http://youtube.com/meghanrienks Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/join/dontblameme See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

hello everybody and welcome back to another episode of don't blame me today our fantastic guest who by the way love the shirt thank you so cute on sale at forever 21 i love the sale three bucks also this is actually throwback this is very similar to an outfit i think i wore last time we recorded i did a half up with a scrunchie yeah and i wore very similar pants too oh we could have been matching yeah i should have gotten the memo yeah i should have figured out the fuck i was wearing until i dressed like cameron diaz in the holiday in february i'm like cool cool awesome guys this is uh allison stevenson you are from the the single podcast yeah and from other things like your life and existence yeah you know all of that a few things here and

there yeah i'm very excited to have you on thank you so much i'm happy to be here i can't wait we're gonna get into some advice uh melissa's also here as always hey rocking her red blazer Hi, hi, hi. And your fancy heels. Ho, ho, ho. I know, but nobody can see the heels. Should we also address, I mean, they can kind of see we're in a slightly different place. Yeah.

I mean, like, I think for you, it looks the exact same. But for me, it looks different. But no, but I'm looking at your camera. You look different. Oh, okay. So we're in like a slightly different. Yeah. But like, if they're just looking at the main camera, it looks the exact same.

No way. Wow. Good job at scamming, guys. I did nothing. I just sat here. People moved furniture. We're in a different room, but no one cares. because now i have so many new things to look at except i i am convinced i'm gonna keep looking

this way to look at you yeah yeah i'm on i'm i'm in a different spot than where you usually are she is um well guys if you are new here this is an advice podcast you guys leave us voicemails and we listen to them and then we give advice and if you want to be on an upcoming episode you can leave us a voicemail at 310-694-0976 oh my god i actually had a dream that i went to jail and had to call the number you're having weird ass dreams dude i have the word i i this is why i can't watch horror movies because i just will dream of like also the reason why i had i had told miss i had this other weird dream about how like i had to give her my she made me give her my login info for uh my gynecologist but i also realized that's because i wrote down the password of what it was

the same place i wrote down the password of the podcast so you have the podcast instagram oh so Then I was like, this makes, now it's all making sense. I get like, yeah, I just have dreams about like my real life. It's really terrible. Except the going to jail part. And you remember them? I only have bad dreams. Only nightmares. Those are the only ones I remember. That's it. I've never. I only have

nightmares. I know, my boyfriend's like, no, you like smile when you're sleeping. Sometimes you laugh. I'm like, yeah, what the fuck do I remember those? That means you're a freaking psycho. Or you're a psycho. And you're laughing at the bad things. Like the pain. Unless I'm like, you know, seeking revenge. I don't even have like satisfying revenge dreams.

like in my dreams like i will like i can spend the whole day like plotting revenge against someone i hate and then the dream i will have is like that person doing those things to me like i never win in my dreams i also die in so many of my dreams which is apparently bad i think it might be like one of those like because i do a lot of the i get a lot of those uh my teeth are falling out dreams oh whoa that's a that's like a genre of dream it's and it's wait i get them all the time terrifying oh yeah it's always like but it's always so casual like it's always like i'm just like walking and like suddenly i'm like oh what is that my tooth's out or whatever that's so yeah crazy but they say like in the dream interpretation world that that's just like a sign of stress shut like it's related

to stress wow is it because like no it's like your hair is falling out cool stressful let's make a dream like let's raise the stakes this is a dream it's your teeth it's literally like my teeth will just crack and fall out like in a lot of my dreams wow that is that's fucking insane wow but it's like a thing okay okay so the one where you die die it might be like you know maybe you just need like a new gynecologist yeah no no this is the new one this is my only one this is the first one i've ever had at 25 so maybe it'll stop maybe now that you have a new maybe maybe who knows trying to make some connections i don't know i like that idea but i've never i don't remember any happy dreams as a kid either i watched peter pan and i dream about peter pan but like i like

ran like rode in like a train through the sky and then i fell and then a wolf bit off my finger that it was hollow oh my god yeah that one stuck with me wow also like did not understand anatomy as a kid i was like it's hollow that's what happens when you lose that yeah bones what are those organs all that tissue nope none of it uh okay guys i'm gonna stop blabbing about my dreams and let's get into it hi megan um i'm currently a sophomore in college and i am 20 years old I was just calling um to discuss I guess mine and my boyfriend's relationship basically um I read his text messages and I saw him talking to his friend and he said that he loved me and he loved everything about me and could definitely see me being a mom of the mother of his children but

the only concern for him was that he said the sex was bad in the messages he was talking like referring like i guess comparing me to his ex-girlfriends and how it was just different and better with them and he was saying that i just didn't know how to ride properly and i mean this has never been a problem for any of my past sexual partners um and i just don't know how to confront the situation do i tell him i like write his text messages do i just kind of let it be do i practice like i just don't know what to do um so if you can help me out with that i would appreciate it um also just a little bit more background information me and my boyfriend have been together a couple months probably about three oh we spend you know all the time together he

basically lives with me and i feel like we get along well on everything else um you know we just click together and i love him to death but it's just that problem with i guess he's not enjoying sex even though i asked him about it he's not up front with me personally about it he says he enjoys it so i don't know thank you first things first everything's not okay because you read his text messages yeah i mean that's number one right yeah why that's what you have to figure i mean like as somebody who's read text messages i knew what i was looking for and i found what i was looking for right it's a sign three months in especially like you don't you don't read them like also you were so blasé about it which is maybe because i've said before that i

have read text messages of people that i've dated but you've also said you don't read text messages unless you're going to look for something no yeah and i always find it i've never once it's instinctual yeah yeah and so i think that that as much as you're saying i don't know if that's the reason why you were looking or if there's like another underlying reason that you're like you thought something was up or is it that like you say that you're like no he says the sex is great or did you think that like it wasn't and so you were seeing the messages my guess is that she felt something was fishy yeah maybe she felt maybe not straight up cheating but there's just something in the connection that's off and she felt inclined to look through messages see what

she could find you know to solve that but then that's just a bigger sign of like there's problems with communication here that need to be fixed if you want to stay a couple yeah i think three months um three months like i'm sure there are people who like can be in love at three months i'm sure that's happened i think i would say like almost like you guys are moving so fast like talking about marriage like he's telling his friends like i can see you're being the mother of my kids like they're 20 years old yeah on top of that's the part that's like crazy he's almost living with me we like we're like totally head over heels in love like that to me is such like a fast fast fast fast pace kind of thing that i think you you are kind of true this is like the looking at text

messages this early on even if there's nothing like inherently like wrong that you're like specifically searching for I think it's just like you guys are kind of at like a two-year mark like three months right and I think there are there I think a lot of relationships like they burn bright really fast and they fizzle out like I'm like a serial four-month three-month dater and then I'm like I hate you now I am done I don't know what happened last night but I'm over once i woke up yeah um so i mean i just i think in i mean in general i think it's a little like weird that he like texted his friends about that i think that is an odd conversation to have with a friend over text like that's the thing that like at least like if any of like my friends and i've

had conversations like we'll gossip like over text messages very casual like gossip about people that we like have been on a date with but none of us gossip about our significant others or talk like that via text right because like we spend all of our time together like there is that like the chance that they could read this and like you don't want to misconstrue anything you do it in person i have a theory yeah maybe because obviously i think he wanted her to see it yeah that's what i'm thinking obviously i think there's like a weird thing where they're embarrassed to talk about it yeah so maybe he kind of planted it in a way where he was like i'm gonna have this conversation with my friend and i have a feeling she's gonna look through my phone and that's how

i'm gonna let her know without flat like telling her to her face that i wish the sex was better this is some bad passive aggressive i think it's that because i don't think that in any in the two things are totally unrelated of being like i think she'd be the mother of my children she's not as great in bed like that's kind of a thing like that's not like not to be like sex like i mean i wouldn't even say that to one of my friends about my partner yeah like and that's the part i'm like you it's it's cushioning it and saying something nice that she definitely wants to hear yes and then saying the other stuff like i yeah i think if he didn't want you to see it he wouldn't have and then maybe she has the passcode to his phone and that's why she's so

casual about like oh yeah like i read a sex messages maybe he was like you feel free to read my text anytime like i'm totally an open book yeah i wonder about that because maybe that's why you were so casual oh what if he was being like an asshole and was like oh she like like i could see her being my the mom of my kids but like she's not good at sex oh yeah well that also uh that is true but tone is everything you just made it totally true though and then that brings up like if you're just if you called us in and you're describing it with rose-colored glasses that's how i'm gonna like is that like yeah i guess you have to figure that out like was this um yeah like what was it a like dick malicious thing like if you think about it like if you showed if you have

called like talk to your friends and showed your girlfriends um like or they showed you if they yeah vice versa anything like that like how how are they reacting like that kind of thing like people who know him too yeah and can see that or did you call and tell us because you can kind of like paint it a little better where it's like a little bit more romantic and like not as bad because i think you're right like i think it could i think if someone just told me like it and i saw it i'd probably like wow it's fucked up like yeah i think it depends on if it was intentional or not yeah if he wanted her to see it then maybe it wasn't like him trying to be a dick but if he like never intended her to see it i think 100 you just tell him that you looked and

you saw him yeah like yeah i've also never looked through um a phone of someone and then not told them like I've always been like hey so I did something shitty I looked through your phone but guess what who was shittier you this is what I found so like as long as there's someone shittier yeah because also like my whole thing is like honesty so like if I'm gonna look through your phone I'm gonna be honest about it I'm gonna tell you like this is what I found um yeah yeah exactly I can get behind that actually yeah um so I think like I think you just have to like say that and admit that to him and i think like it's an awkward terrible conversation but if like you're three months and you're almost living together you say that you love each other like

you want to be with him he is love of your life like you're gonna have more uncomfortable and awkward conversations post this um yeah and i think uh yeah i think it's also just the line like she doesn't know how to ride me what like yeah that was very that's like very yeah like like 17 year old boy word well they're 20 so yeah i don't know but to me that just sounds like a lazy fucking dude you know yeah like she doesn't know how to ride me like well you just want but what do you like he likes the girl on top don't change no no no that's great not only in that but like in like a way of being like you're not enjoying yourself and you're not like you're not like in the moment that's what i mean like you're just gonna lay there and be unhappy

that's what i don't get you're true that's true like i just think that that's like a weak guy move of not because like i think like in general people should be like more expressive but like what they want in bed but like you're three months in and you're not enjoying it and like you're gonna complain to your friends and then lie to her to me that just also sounds like he doesn't want do you want it to get better or no that's what's odd to me too is that she like says she brings it up with him yeah and he just acts like it's not a problem yeah but clearly it is that's fucking weird it is it is fucking weird it is fucking weird literally fucking weird yeah um next time you're on top maybe take his hands and be like show me what you like or something

yeah yeah or put it on here and say something like sexy and be like what what do you want me to do to you what do you want to do to me kind of a thing yeah i wonder what her experience is if she's enjoying the sex or not yeah and you know and i also only care about him yeah give yourself some appreciation totally and maybe he's just like yeah exactly like what are you having a good time is this like are you getting off or is this it seems like both of them are kind of not yeah expressing fully what they want out of each other and maybe both having not great sex lives yeah that's not fun that's not fun at all and also i will say i mean yes he might have wanted you to purposefully see it in general but um got then this is i say this from being friends with

like a lot of straight guys and my even my boyfriend saying this where it's like they that like oh god i hate the term locker room talk now but like that idea of like guys like talking about like girls that they get with and stuff a even like my boyfriend all of my guy friends said like oh it's not we wouldn't you never get super super super district descriptive of stuff like that and it completely stops when it's your girlfriend like you don't talk like that with like i don't know the sex lives like with my like friends who've been dating people for months at a time yeah i know the first time they hooked up i heard about it but like they've been dating for like what six months a year three months like i don't hear about that aspect yeah yeah no one cares anymore no

exactly and like that part's a little weird that he would talk to his fight like it just to me doesn't seem like a great sign of like i'm gonna text my friend and talk about like my sex life with my girlfriend as opposed to talking to her about it to me that doesn't seem like he's it's a very 20 year old thing to do it's very immature no offense to i mean but oh to 20 year olds like offense to him sure but i'm sure there are very mature 20 year olds out there i was not one of them yeah i was definitely not but i mean honestly like yeah at 20 years old it's like you don't have to stay together like no not at all be done with each other it's not a big deal and like bring it up try if it doesn't get better i think it's also going to get in your head like when you're having

sex with him now and that's not fun for you either so i think if you guys can't have like a real honest communication talk about it and be honest and up front and tell him like i read these messages like this really hurts that like i've tried to talk to you about this before and you keep saying it's fine and like i really want us to both enjoy this and then if he reassures you that it's fine and you know that it's not then like i think you need to like be with somebody who's going to be more upfront with you exactly it's only going to get you're only going to have more complicated things in your life to deal with together yeah and if you can't even be honest with like that i mean if they get married yeah you know like what it's like it's only gonna get worse

yeah only gonna get way fucking worse so um talk to him and then give us a call back let us know happens on to the next hi megan i'm 27 years old and i would love to hear your opinion on my situation um i just broke up with my boyfriend uh we were together for four years we started talking about getting married really loved each other but i decided to take a break from this relationship because i had some doubts and and i needed to clear my head because basically there's this other guy uh that i met at summer camp 10 years ago we dated at summer camp and then when summer was over because we were living so far apart we decided to stop but ever since we have continued to talk and I really love our conversations he's the smartest person

that I've ever met and I really feel like life would be so interesting with him but the reason why we never got back together after that is that even if at some point we were at this in the same city um timing was never right so either he was in a relationship or i was and then i guess the second thing is that i'm not exactly sexually attracted to him uh i am so attracted to his brain but i'm not exactly attracted to his body for some reason um and going back to my ex it's the exact opposite i am really attracted to him and i when he's around i really want to touch him and i love the way he smells um and so i'm now at this point where i have the opportunity to either get back with my ex or try something with that guy and my question is how do you choose between

i guess intellectual compatibility and sexual compatibility how do you know which one's going to make you happier in the long run because i don't want to make like the wrong decision about this oh wow polyamory that's like a movie right there i know her accent is also so beautiful which made it very much like this is like a french film from the 70s where is she from i don't know no that was that you've a sexy ass fucking voice yeah i assumed french too makes it sexier yeah yeah yeah everything she has is just like a sexy version of it like a sexy problem on like a sexy saturday oh how do i choose between all these guys who want to sex with me uh sorry we're just we're just really uh i feel like we're harassing you at this point um i mean honestly my gut

reaction is kind of like maybe neither of these guys are your thing like that's exactly i was hoping you would say that yeah i was gonna say i don't think you need to you wouldn't choose um because also i would say i think there's a difference between like automatic like lust for somebody when you're really attracted to them right off the bat um and that can kind of like fade and then or or or not okay not even that so the lust or that attraction you have to somebody right off the bat and then from there oh like compatibility we realize there's so many things that are so much more important to that which is like the reason why you guys broke up was the fact that like you were like i don't see us connecting on all these other levels and stuff and then there

are people who like they aren't automatically your type and you're not like attracted to them right off the bat but then you get to like know them and their personality and then because how much you love their personality and who they are they become more attractive to you exactly and i think if that's not happening and it hasn't happened after all this time a if you guys aren't in the same city and you're not seeing him there's no way you can be i mean i don't think there's like unless you're like really like talking dirty there's not a lot of like sexual like it can't grow yeah yeah um but i think if it's you you have spent time in person and it's still not there i think you just like it's a really great friend and a really good person but like

i don't think you would yeah i just i don't see i don't think you need to choose that yeah i mean when i was first listening to it at first i thought maybe this was some sort of self-destructive behavior yeah like kind of wanting to end a relationship that looks promising but then near the end when she was talking about how well actually he never had that sort of mental stimulation that i was looking for that's when i started going like all right i think neither of these guys are the one that she needs it's like there are so many more options exactly and i think just because you dated somebody who wasn't like i think we can really get in this like like this this guy didn't have this, but this other guy has it.

So therefore that means he must be it. And it's like, no, like he has a character trait and he has like a brain and he's very smart and he has a quality that the one quality that your other boyfriend didn't have. But that doesn't mean that he's the only guy in the world with those qualities. And so I think that maybe you can just treat it also

as this was a really great vehicle and way for me to know that this is something I really care about in a relationship and I really want this. and maybe that's the reason why you've been holding on to this for so long is that you didn't you needed to then become aware and realize that this is something that you're attracted to but you're not necessarily like it's not him it's the fact that he has that and that inspired you to like break up with your boyfriend and realize that like this you guys aren't compatible but um

i'm gonna yeah i'm i'm gonna bet neither of them yeah i think you can find someone who ticks both of the boxes and problem solved i mean it'll take a longer time you got two options now that's easier and faster yeah but ultimately it seems like you're not going to be satisfied with either one yeah i also think as much as like oh timing and it's been like 10 years and all of this stuff like it wasn't great and all that i had one of those things with this guy where it was like constant like oh my god like no you're with somebody no i'm with somebody it was like a will they won't they thing and we never really talked about it but we both knew and then we finally were single at the same time we went on one date and it was fucking terrible right and i built it all

up in my head and it was like oh shit like why have i been like leaving you on the back burner for so long right also if we were really meant to be there's no fucking way we would have been able to go all of these years without ever like you know anything with other people exactly like if that's your person that you're supposed to be with like you're not going to be able to have like long lasting relationships with other people because you're thinking about somebody else but not clearly only when you're lacking something in another one so yeah it's it's an interesting because something i would battle a lot in my dating life is like having these things that are like must-haves in a guy like he has to be like this this this and then wondering when i

meet someone who i really really click with but they don't have a lot of those like must-haves that i felt like i needed in a man i would get scared i'd be like wait is this me settling or like like what is this and i think over time you realize like a lot of the things that you think are like must-haves that are like deal breakers aren't really deal breakers they're really just things that you kind of put a wall up for yourself and you say like it's a way to dismiss a lot of guys yeah but there are those like key things like now i boil it down to like kindness overall or like you know things that i care about like physical like touch and things like that i have those that i just boil it down to like three instead of like having ten and it seems for me

like maybe one of her three is like intelligence like he needs to be very intellectually stimulating so now that you know that you can move on and find someone who ticks that box and maybe one or two others and yeah there we go i just think when when two people are like very much into each other and like you're super into it you're not gonna really have to um this is hypocritical because it took me like a year and a half to actually like figure out if i liked my boyfriend or not before we were dating like not a year and a half into the relationship yeah but um i think like once you go on a date with somebody like a couple of dates or whatever i think women especially actually we were just talking about this based on this new netflix show dating around or whatever um and

like women know like yeah i know i a i know 10 minutes into the date if i'm into you but also like i'll know after the first date if like like i think women are much less inclined to give a guy a second date like base unless it's like i'm about to be a bitch for like pity date or being like okay like sure i'll give you another chance but like usually you know so like the idea that um that like this could have gone on for like this long like you'll know right off the bat like the same thing like if a guy's smart all these things that you're going to know based on how you feel with that person when you go on a date with them like you don't like writing a pro con list or being like well he has these things but he doesn't have these things like you're gonna know in the

date like are you nice are you smart am i intellectually stimulated because also like it doesn't matter where he went to college it doesn't matter any of these other things that can attribute to like oh like someone who's smart right but like you're gonna know on the date like how do i feel like is my brain turned on is like my lady bits turned on exactly yeah i think you yeah if you don't if it doesn't happen that way i think the only way that like sexual attraction can build from anything else is usually with friendship like i don't think you date somebody based being like well like hopefully one of these days i'll think you're hot like i think that builds more with friendship and then you're like oh now i'm into you in this way but yeah i think

you just gotta move on find another one yeah agreed because you got a sexy accent use it yeah although i'm sure where she is there's a lot of sexy it's not accents for them it's just how they talk i guarantee you a ton of like pretty like subpar american guys uh there's a lot here and they would love they would love it maybe there's a couple good ones i don't know canadian they're probably good canadian men i feel like for sure yeah those are good ones yeah that's where they go yeah there's canada that's where they live and then the bad ones come here and then the bad no i like justin bieber not the best person i don't know but i like that i like that album okay what the first one when he was five baby i mean first of all

also my best friend little sister found him um on myspace like the same time usher did so like i've known about justin bieber for so fucking long like she literally was like i feel like i should really like be able to like contribute to like his success because she used to comment on his videos and stuff and like he would like it on myspace before he blew up yeah that's so funny her and us are discovering talent on myspace so funny okay on to the next hi megan and guess and melissa i just wanted to say first off i've been watching you megan since i was in like eighth grade I'm a sophomore in college now and I really appreciate like your YouTube channel and just you in general like you've been a really huge role model for me so I just wanted to say thank you

for that but now like to my problem and sorry if I'm being quiet I'm like in a dorm room and the walls are thin and I like don't want to tell everybody my business so and it's like 12 30 so I think my roommates are asleep but yeah so I was like kind of talking to this guy we like went on a date like two days ago and I met him like through a friend like he had like worked on a project with her and she like set me up with him but like she was showing me his Instagram and like his ex was still on his Instagram and I was kind of like um that's interesting like there was like a picture of him like kissing her on the cheek but then like when my friend asked him like hey like I don't know if like you're single or whatever but my friend thinks you're really cute

he was like yeah I'm single and so then like when we went on our date I asked him I was like so like why is your ex still on Instagram like if you guys have broken up and he was like yeah we're like very like on again off again I was like okay well like I don't want to like get super involved with you and like commit to you if you guys are going to be like on again like I know you're off right now but if like in a week or two you're back on like that's not really fair to me and he was like yeah okay but like for me and I know this is like a huge like we were on a break friends reference and I know I'll probably get a lot to pay in the comments but like in my opinion like if you're on a break is that technically cheating no is it hurtful to the other person absolutely but is

that cheating no and everybody has their own like opinions on that and so we ended up hanging out yesterday and like we ended up sleeping together and like I don't regret it but I also like don't know if that's just me like being like oh well I can do whatever I want and I don't know this girl and like you know like I don't know if like I'm in the wrong and I'm just like refusing to see it so I would love to get your take on it and just your advice like do you think I'm in the wrong for sleeping with him while they're like on their break or whatever like it's just sex like there's no feelings or anything but I would just love to get your take on it thanks love you bye interesting I really wish I mean I'm not mad that you started with that whole really nice

thing but this whole time I was like I hope I'm not gonna be mean to her I hope I'm not going to be I can't promise I'm not gonna be I want to say thank you for all of those nice things that you said um and and now I'm gonna be a bitch yeah well I was gonna say I mean like this is how that's the whole thing I'm like this is how I would talk to my friends about any of the situation it's just being yeah I think like right off the bat like you like you purely based on like your tone rising despite you thinking being like i need to be quiet like you adamantly really really really really don't want to believe that you did anything wrong and you even when you're like it's not cheating it's not like it's not like that like you clearly feel guilty and you really don't want

to be in the wrong here i would say a i think like in general the issue is uh you we need to hold everybody accountable to things but when you don't know this girl or anything like that from the very beginning like when you see someone with a girlfriend on their instagram and stuff like that and your friend says my friend thinks you're cute are you why is your ex still on here it's not a why is your ex still on here with an honest answer it's being like here is a temptation that i'm telling you and then it's like oh and here's this other thing and it's like oh yeah fuck that other thing what was that thing you're saying you're saying about that girl who thinks i'm hot like you're that there is like you don't even know if you ever got like the real straight

up answer and you're saying you don't know this girl so you don't know this girl do you owe her something more than that you don't know this girl you don't really know if they're actually on a break right and i think the most important thing i think now especially is being a like a stand-up woman for other women that doesn't mean that like that he's not a shitty guy if like they weren't dating or anything like that and it's also my whole thing is like from the like i think everyone should be upfront and honest but i think if this didn't deter you this just to me sounds kind of like a self-sabotage thing like that if you're going to go out with somebody who is like any of these things like they're red flags like his girlfriend is on his instagram he says that they're

on again off again that makes you feel weird you still go out with him you go on the date with him then you go out with him again and you sleep with him and you're like it's just sex that to me just sounds like that like it does kind of it doesn't like you wouldn't do that she's making excuses yeah but it's like a self-sabotage like why do you want to like why are you putting yourself in that situation right that like and i relate to it i was like that for a very long time where i was like so in denial about my feelings yeah i could totally just have sex and not care about this guy or whatever but it was always a lie i would always be like heartbroken at the end of it Yeah. And I think like, you also don't, the biggest thing there is like, I just,

it's messy. Like, why would you actively want to like knowing what, you know, even if it's, if it's true or like, if it's not true, but even if it is like, why would you want to get involved to something messy like that? And like, you're going to like, like if it was, you went on a date, it was like, my friend thinks you're hot. It's not like, oh, I met this guy at a party and we hooked up. It was just sex. Like you went on a date, like this was something that you told your friend about you saw him on Instagram maybe it was like you just like you wanted to sleep with him and you wanted to hook up and that was it but like that to me is just like I wouldn't I personally if I saw a girl there that would make me be like wow this guy like this is gross for

this guy like why is this guy cool with keeping this girl on his Instagram he's treating her terribly why would I want to like even if I don't have feelings for you why do I want to reward you for that like i think that's just kind of scummy on his part definitely he's the biggest 100 factor and that's why i'm wondering like why would like he's probably really hot though maybe it's my assumption maybe yeah i just think like in general i'm a huge like i don't uh i don't know i don't i'm like i will take a lot of what people say at face value it's like someone says they're not mad at me and they're gonna pout about it i'm like fine like you're not mad at me cool like i'm not gonna like i'm not gonna handhold you through something like that but then if i see

like yeah if i was in the situation and i saw this it wouldn't even be like oh i like can't do this because of the girl or whatever it's more like this is messy like i don't want to like jump into something like that that seems messy and like i don't know at the off chance that like he's lying like i that like true i didn't think about the fact that he probably is yeah i mean i mean i My feeling's a little different on her feeling guilt. Yeah. Well, face value. It's like if someone says they're on a break

and they're not in a relationship right now, like, all right. And I want to have sex with no emotional attachment if that's genuinely what I want. Yeah. Then, yeah, I would say that's fine. I'm there with you, too. But the thing is, she does feel guilty

or else she wouldn't be calling. Exactly. And I think that's the part. That means there's more to the story. And I think that, to me, that makes me think it's not just sex because it isn't that like that is that is a totally rational way of thinking and that's somebody who and that's there's again nothing i don't think there's anything like wrong with that

but you looked him on instagram you saw that he had a girl like there are all these things that you questioned about you asked about like you you like hashed this stuff out before as opposed to being like i'm gonna take it at face value i'm not gonna look into it because like it's not my business you looked into it you like if that's when you get to that point i think like you kind of yeah if you're looking that far into it you obviously care if he's telling like you care and so i think that it doesn't make you like i don't think that yeah i understand you feeling guilty like all of that stuff like i don't think it was it doesn't make you like a shitty person but i think you need to figure out why you did it because you looked into it and you knew you'd feel

guilty but you still did it so like what are you punishing yourself for like what like that's not like you can like sleep with whoever the fuck you want it's not going to make you feel guilty and shitty afterwards like that's not an empowering thing of being like fuck this i'm gonna have sex with like a hot guy that i see like it shouldn't end in feeling guilt so i think that that was your intention because yeah i yeah to me it sounds like a self-sabotage like you this was like a punishment thing for you for something and i don't know why because i don't think yeah i don't think you would have involved yourself in something that's like messy and potentially hurting somebody if you um didn't you you knew the like the the consequences of like how you might feel it's not

like you got any information you know totally so i think that you need to kind of figure out why you did that and like it doesn't make you yeah it doesn't make you like a bad person yeah um but i think there's two different mindsets you had like you did the whole like sexual empowerment i don't know this i don't know this girl and then you also at the same time you you looked into this girl so like you care so i think you got to figure that out yeah yeah i totally agree oh did you look at her instagram too and see how he's on there as well yeah true yeah i mean it could be that she like maybe she's doing her own thing and she's boning a bunch of other dudes but like i don't know it just seems like something you want to avoid if all you want

is sex yeah just you could do that with any other guy exactly you're in college girl yeah that's a lot of dicks around 100 you don't have to go on dates either like you don't have to sit through dinner like you don't have to leave your room you just go open an app it'll come to you oh my god it's like postmates on d-man dick like you don't need to like jump through these hoops like all of that stuff like just like when was last time you were tested great cool like take your pants off DTF yeah so um yeah no I think you're right like in like the stalking the girls Instagram all of that stuff I think it's just um and also like my whole thing I'm like if you're on a break with somebody and your intention is to like hook up and all that stuff you would archive posts of

your significant other because this would deter people and he didn't so that's so then I also wonder were they on a break and were they not sleeping with other people like yeah I wonder yeah because i think i think um yeah yeah i think that it's the same with open relationships like i think you should trust when someone says that they're in an open relationship but if there's all these like things that make it seem like this feels off yeah i think you should go with your gut on that totally and there's no way he's hot enough uh okay well i hope you don't hate me and i hope you continue listening to the podcast and i would say this to one of my friends so i would actually say this is more fucked up shit to my friends it's just you know i care about you like that's

But you got to figure out in this situation. It's hard. What's that called? That phrase? Tough love. It's tough love. Oh, yeah, yeah. Constant tough love.

Yeah, yeah. Time for a breakity break. We will be back after you guys listen to me talk about other stuff. Wahoo! Okay, guys. We are back from our break, and we are going to hop into the rest of the calls. Hi. I'm 23 years old.

And I recently got engaged. My fiance and I have been dating for a little over a year and everything is pretty great. So going right into it, our sex life is great. The only issue, I don't really have an issue with it. Well, I don't know, but he hasn't gone down on me in a long time. so at the very beginning of our relationship when we first started getting physical he would always go down on me every single time and he would always express to me that he loves doing it that's like one of his favorite things to do and he would rather me get off than him get off because he just

loves doing it that much and it turns him on so much um so just how much he's expressed that to me it's just I was like oh that's great because I love I love being eaten out you know so I was like this is going to be great but also going off of that I don't really go down on well to begin with I didn't really go down on him a lot um and now that's kind of hypocritical like now saying this but since he hasn't been going down on me I thought maybe that's maybe me not going down on him a lot that's why he hasn't been doing that i hope that makes sense i'm like really jumbled but so i don't know i thought maybe that's the reason why so i've been trying to go down shit more like i've been doing it every single time and like it's been a while since he's gone

down on me so i don't know i and it doesn't have to be every single time we have sex i just i just love it so much so i don't know and i know i'm like you have a conversation with him like communication is key i just don't know how to start that conversation so that's why i'm asking you guys so i really appreciate your help thanks wow wow wow wow wow i totally get where she's coming oh my god i 100 get where she's coming from yeah i'm gonna i'm gonna i am saying it now so i don't do it so everyone holds me accountable i'm not going to talk about how young you are and i'm not going to talk about the fact that you're getting married a year into this yeah after i say communication is so so so key especially if you're gonna get married

and it's understandable having this conversation a year into a relationship i would probably feel a little awkward and uncomfortable yeah and i think that if you guys want to get married young after only having been dating for like a year and some time you need to like speed up the comfortability with each other because you're it's yeah that's you're just gonna get more tied up in that that so that's all i'm gonna say about that totally first and foremost um wow i i don't know if anybody i don't know if anybody like i'm the person who wrote that vice article about how i don't suck dick oh really yes stop it oh my god i had no idea i totally get where she's coming from oh my god you start take this away i i myself i'm not a big fan of

sucking dick and i get it and a lot of the reasons you know when i first wrote that article it came from a place of anger too because men were not eating me out i was like never getting eaten out but it was always anticipated that i would suck dick every time i would so men get to get off twice women don't get to get off at all exactly exactly and i think now we're talking more about it so it's a little different but i felt back then there wasn't a lot of discussion about needing men to reciprocate oral sex and especially i think there wasn't a lot of uh communication about the fact that you know i don't think a lot of men knew that or even today know that you know you can't achieve orgasm most women don't achieve orgasm from penetration it's

like more than 80 percent of women like you need something additional there needs to be like extra heteroclitoral stimulation and my subject may be going that route of explaining to him that you know your lack of eating me out these days is affecting the sex overall yeah because it's all sex it's yeah that's the thing that like i fucking hate as somebody opposite love giving blowjobs i'm like all about i mean like not to like randoms but like i'm a fan i'm also a fan because like you know when you get told you're like good at something it's like oh it's great like i hate dodgeball you know i've been told i'm bad at dodgeball fuck that fuck dodgeball i'm never doing that again but like also this could be like a manipulation think of like ex

boyfriends to be like you are so good i'm like oh my god i'm a leo keep telling me how great i am give me compliments and attention um but i would say like i really hate the idea that that's a tit for tat kind of thing like a blow job and like eating a girl out because penetrative sex like the men are going to or like they're gonna come they're gonna come but women aren't that's not 100% guaranteed not that's 100% guaranteed that a guy is but like it's way way more like like it's that's pretty much a given um i used air quotes for uh audio listeners um versus women where it's like uh no so the idea to me that that's like a well i didn't go down on him so like therefore they're not equal they're not equal at all because all of it is sex and all and like not that the

purpose of sex is not like to achieve orgasm necessarily depends on what you're going into it like whether what if that's what you want or not what you want but like the idea that he would need to then yeah get off twice so you can kind of get off once i will say again because of the communication like a year and you're feeling uncomfortable talking about this have you perchance also maybe been alluding to the fact that you are coming during penetrative sex so does he think that like this is like we're solid we're good and also i wonder was he going down on you before you guys had sex like but like before you had penetrative sex and then you were coming you were achieving orgasm and then you were having sex and a you're so much more sensitive down there

after all of that and like you're just enjoying it and you're more vocal and is now he thinking like oh like i don't need to we don't need to do both i don't think it's a malicious thing i think that he's assuming you guys are both getting to the same place that's yeah that makes a lot of sense and in the way of like if you from the right off the bat weren't like giving him blowjobs and all that stuff if that wasn't a conversation between you guys and him saying that he wanted that more then i don't think it's that important to him i don't think like you giving him more blowjobs means like if that's some fucking weird passive-aggressive shit if it's like i'm gonna stop going down until you suck my dick but i'm not gonna tell you that like the fuck yeah i don't

think that's what that is but and like men will even say like the sensation of like getting a blowjob versus having sex like is totally different but like they do achieve the same kind of end result and so maybe for him he thinks like yeah it's the same kind of thing but like we're all she's still achieving the same end result totally yeah and maybe you are like maybe sometimes you are but like this isn't i don't know i'm also a huge thing of like when you start a relationship and there's kind of like an expectation and a standard and how someone presents themselves and like what they're into and like how you guys act around each other and then they change that it's like no i didn't sign up for that like i wouldn't have gone on a second date with that

like this has been not that he's like catfishing you with like a i i go down all the time right but i think well i guess our question is how she starts the conversation yeah um i mean she's how old 22 23 that's okay um i mean it's like you're getting married yeah this shouldn't i mean i'm being too judgmental i know i'm like you should call a podcast to ask how to have a conversation with your husband like your fiance but yeah it should be easier yeah um but i think if you're feeling uncomfortable uh i think you just need to like go into that like just sit in that uncomfortability and like leave your phone out and text your friend oh wait i was gonna say say that he's not and we're full circle um i this is okay so this is the advice that i feel like

i've given on the podcast before about like guys who weren't like great at it or whatever there's this book called um she comes first it's fantastic it's great there's papaya on the cover very sexual we've talked about on the podcast a lot i feel like we should have like a shop on the website where it's like shop the things we talk about it's like vibrators and like this book um but my friends and i've like we've passed i've said this story so many times we've passed this book around often like we've all read it like all the girl my girlfriends have read all my guy friends have read it and most of my guy friends like i didn't be i was never like here you should read this but they saw me reading it left it on the like on the table when i went to like set or

something and then i come back and they're reading it like it's a sec it's like an enticing cover right i when i read it left it on my bedside table the next night i came home my boyfriend was almost done with it and i was like do you just grab it he was like i mean i saw the cover and i was like i feel like i should read this so i think that's like a subtle way to do it but that's always my advice for someone who's like in a relationship but i think that you shouldn't take the easy way out i think you need to have this conversation because this is you're gonna have to do it at some point and this is gonna be a way easier conversation than some other awkward confrontation communication situations um so yeah and you gotta you don't know if he's like just

like over it if you're before you get married because like that yeah was that all a lie yeah was he just doing that to get a ring on your finger and then he's like never doing it again like that's fucked up that's me i'd be so mad i'd be like what do you mean yeah um i mean it seems like from the start he was like down to not get his dick sucked yeah yeah because he didn't bring that up but i think you could also say in the conversation of being like hey um i feel awkward about this but because we're engaged and we're gonna get married we have to have really open communication skills i really loved how much you went down on me uh when we first started dating and also like I it was like hot to me how much you liked it and now that that's kind of stopped

I've been feeling like wondering if that was like did you actually really like it or like is there something going on and I've been trying to go down on you more I didn't know if you felt uncomfortable asking for more blowjobs and I know I never really did that because it's not like my favorite thing but um I just wanted like let's open the line of communication with what we are expecting in this relationship and this is how i get off during sex and i don't want to yeah yeah totally and i think you just have to like really lay it all out there and um say everything and don't like hold back because it's awkward like you're getting married yeah like you're gonna have kids he's gonna look at your like like a child potentially coming out of like a bloody

child coming out of your like vagina like there are so many other things that like yeah like you know like you might fart during sex like you know like oh yeah i mean you will all the time over the course of your entire life like you might get your period like you might like there might there's other things that there's gonna be more yeah yeah and other non-sexual things that are gonna be totally terrible so you just gotta yeah learn how to communicate now yeah yeah absolutely um please do it yeah please please please it's i mean it's sad but like for me it was something that really just came with time and getting older oh and when i was in my early 20s i couldn't speak my mind at all with any of the guys that i was dating no matter how like comfortable i felt

around them just because we have this internalized sort of fear of appearing like fussy or like we have this fear of like seeming too picky or too uptight because we're so societally conditioned to not take up space exactly yeah exactly and so i you know in those ways i can relate to even though this is someone you're going to marry you still feel that little thing inside you that's like no no don't make a big deal out of it but i mean at the end of the day it's not a big deal to talk about it it shouldn't be it shouldn't be either and i was the exact same i mean like i didn't i didn't like like orgasm during sex with a partner until my current boyfriend when i was like in my and like i my that was not the first person i had sex with and like i definitely like faked that

kind of stuff and also like guys didn't follow up and be like hey feel like you're not like guys were kind of like cool you're probably thinking i'm like i'm fine with that like if you're fine with that so i think like it does like you're exactly right it does come with age and i would say also my boyfriend and i started dating when i when oh god how old 22 i was 22 um and i wouldn't have felt comfortable if we had this conversation like we didn't yeah i wouldn't have felt comfortable for probably a year like yeah and that's like now we have all those conversations and stuff like that but you just have to like if this is what you want you have to speed up the process because i'm exactly the same way like it took me years to feel comfortable saying what i wanted and all that

stuff but um and i think it helps we are talking about it more on a societal cultural level right now when when i i'm old i'm not that old but i feel like i'm older than you for uh when i was in my early 20s i don't at least in my personal bubble in my circle i felt like nobody was discussing this you know totally i don't know on a wider culture that's why when i said earlier like in my personal life i felt like it wasn't a thing being when did you write the article i think like in 2014 or 2015 something like that i don't remember but in i was like 25 or something like that at the time and that's when i just started things just started clicking yeah and finally people were like kind of in my world at least starting to talk about it more

and i think now that i'm seeing it more everywhere where there's like shirts like eat a woman out and stuff like that i think that helps so much in talking about these things and bringing it up when you're younger and you have that still you have that like internalized sort of fear of talking about these things just the fact that in a cultural sense we're talking about a lot more I think that should help well yeah and I also didn't know like as like when I was a girl I was like oh my god I should be coming from penetrative sex like right these are the movies that we watch these are things like because like even me as a woman I wasn't able to like advocate for what I wanted because I didn't know what I wanted because I didn't understand

because no one talked about it so I think that's also like you're you're already steps ahead of knowing what you like and what you want and all of that and I also don't think it necessarily makes him like a bad person i think he's just like ignorant in like knowing that like there was this buzzfeed article about um women being like it was like guys everybody like or like girls like everyone ask your boyfriend um to like like or like what's like the weirdest sexual like misconception your boyfriend has and so many of them that was like oh like that girls just have one hole and everything comes out of one hole and i was like these are fully grown adult men who think this thing in like 2019 and it's like they just don't they don't know so you have to give

give him the opportunity because he's probably gonna feel like holy shit like i am such an idiot yeah and like yeah half the guy wants to get married he sounds like he's a decent guy like it could just be pure like i didn't know yeah i had no idea well uh best of luck i really thinking thinking positive thoughts for you please call us back oh yeah i want to know i hope yeah that's an interesting yeah i'm curious what his what what the conversation is gonna be like from his end too okay you could listen both call us back now that's that's too far too uncomfortable for her maybe have like a live little therapy session hey guys okay guys don't blame them this is where listeners call in with their advice on previous episodes or previous calls right

i've been trying to find the right words to use to describe it i'm like previous calling listener listeners calling to give their own advice on previous calls yes wow it's like a lot the same words it made sense to me yeah cool so what's this for this is from episode um 311 um it was an episode that you and i did together um and the original caller she had um we actually got the the original caller actually sent us messages about this but the original caller um her fiance had been like ghosting her for weeks oh my god months too yeah months yeah the at the time of the call it had been like a couple weeks but her fiance has like ghosted her for months and his parents are racist and it's just like he won't tell them that they're like

getting married they're dating because he didn't want to get cut off yeah they don't live together but he would like disappear and like go be unresponsive for like months at a time yeah yeah so this is somebody calling in with similar experience it's not it's not as bad but like similar well actually it might be worse it's not as bad but it might be worse hi megan um i am calling back for advice for to give advice about episode number 61 um i want to talk about the caller whose fiancee lives in a different state and he he goes like five days or several weeks without contacting her so i was in a long distance relationship for about a year so not as long as her but the last like six months or so

So my ex did the exact same thing, and then he would gaslight me, and he would tell me how needy I was and all this stuff. And it was awful. And then when I tried to bring up things that I was concerned about, about him not talking to me, he would tell me it was just my anxiety making me see things that weren't there, and I was too needy. and that's why I needed to talk to him all the time when in reality he just wasn't talking to me for like I said like weeks at a time so I just want to reiterate for this girl that even though I can totally see why because I've been through it and leaving him was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do it I he caused so much anxiety in my life and he the gaslighting caused so many issues with my head so I know this is gonna sound easy

but she needs she she's got to get out of there I mean um it's just it's not a relationship it's I was constantly worried about what he was getting into or what he was doing if he was hurt I didn't understand if I did something it was just this complete mind fuck and it never really ended and then I was talking on Instagram one night like three months later he's a child so there's that I mean the baby looks pretty young so this definitely happened a while I like while we were together which is a lot to take in but now we can laugh about it sort of um so I would suggest highly to get out of there I just got so annoyed hearing it because if my little sister came to me and described what this girl was describing I just I would get so mad

because it sounds exactly like what i went through with the ignoring and it just my heart goes out to her because i know how hard it is and i love her and um i know it's going to be hard but you will feel so much better if you get out of this and i mean it cut off but we got the gist of it yeah can we tell that yeah because she messaged us and didn't call so yeah so in the original call uh or original our advice so um we had said on the call being like dm us on instagram like give us his info we'll find out what it all is and all that stuff um which i think she didn't really want to find out all that she dm'd us and she was like yeah we broke up like you're right like he's my ex-fiance like now this all sucks and stuff but um yeah so she's thankfully we can

we can update that she's no longer with him okay okay um but yeah no i think i think god people are just fucking insane right like the not not these girls not at all like it's these guys just it they're it's just just how are they so good at being so manipulative it's insane it's i mean i think it's like a whole like systematic thing of like how women are used to being like treated in that kind of way and also that like you don't see like even when you see like when you think about like um uh like ex uh like when you romantic comedies when like the girl starts out with one guy and you're like oh well that's not gonna be the good guy or whatever that guy who's not good is either cheated on her or he is like like money like money hungry or something like that but

there's no it's never manipulative like that's the part that i like drives me crazy like show an ex show her boyfriend gaslighting her and her realizing that because like you're showing these things that are like so obvious and so clear that it's like oh he cheated this is like a line that this everybody watching this is like yes that is good yes that is bad but i yeah no i really wish that because i think that's how you fall into that kind of stuff just like and i don't think a lot of guys even realize they're doing it it's not something that they're consciously like i'm gonna gaslight her right now but it's very like just downplaying emotions and just saying like you're being paranoid or something just something as subtle as that is like it's gaslighting yeah

it's really just not taking accountability and trying to make a woman feel like she must there must be something wrong with her to have these thoughts and these feelings and it's just it's immediately someone trying to save their own ass yeah and like i think the issue is is like it's a habit and something that comes that like guys who gaslight the first person they gaslight it's not their girlfriend the first person that they lie to and like save their ass is their parents and then it's their teachers and then it's all of these other it's like work it's all of these other things and then you project that kind of like I need to protect my own ass and then you're in a relationship and suddenly it's like no that's that's not where you can kind of like get away

with stuff and that's like where I yeah I think it's just like this very I don't think yeah I don't I think a lot of guys like there's some really terrible shitty guys but I think there's a lot of people who don't even realize that like you you're doing that right it's an accountability thing that i think is from like birth of totally you gotta figure this out early yeah i mean which almost makes it worse oh no 100 because it's like it's yeah that's like in something ingrained in you but totally uh yeah it's that's so fucking insane i'm so glad you're also out of that situation um and i'm not that i'm glad that he has a baby but like because i said it in the first call i just i'm happy that like there's a part i was right that someone someone had a baby yeah

I'm still not convinced that this other guy doesn't have another family either. It's either another family or he's like a serial killer. Yeah. He's either Ted Bundy or he has a family. That might be too old of a reference. I loved it. God. Fucking insane.

Fucking insane. Okay. Well, that's our episode, guys. Thank you so much for being on. Thank you. You were so great on this. Plug your podcast. Tell people where they can find you on the internet, too.

v single v single podcast on instagram uh we're on itunes all that stuff uh and i'm at just about glad on the socials or i don't know where to look so many cameras okay at just about glad twitter instagram there we go hell yeah i'm gonna read because i read your i read that article about blowjob i need to reread it now oh it was a long time ago i mean i would rewrite it now but yeah we'll put it in the i'm just curious i'm so curious though because like i i'm curious what my my like i wonder because i don't remember what i thought of it when i read it then and like versus when i read it now because i agree i like very much agree with you in the sense of like i also would never be giving out blowjobs left and right if like guys weren't going down i mean

not giving out blowjobs left and right not that's not what i mean it's like that i wouldn't i wouldn't be like oh yeah fuck yeah i love a blowjob like if i wasn't also getting yeah you know i mean it i wrote it very young and from a place of like anger so i definitely regret some of the ways that i phrase things but overall i think my sentiment is still the same where it's like i'm i don't i'm sick of feeling like embarrassed or like ashamed to not be a big fan of sucking dick yeah like no there's nothing that's the thing and i still make dudes come so it's not like yeah yeah i'm i'm a firm like everybody's got their everyone also has their deal breakers like if you if it's someone's deal breaker there's some there's a perfect

sexual partner match there's multiple for people out there everywhere yeah all that stuff um but yeah guys um thanks so much for listening if you guys want to call in for an upcoming episode you can leave us a voicemail at 310-694-0976 oh international listeners don't worry i didn't forget about you i forgot about you in the beginning of the video um but if you guys want to leave us a voice memo just record it on your phone and then email it to us at meganpodcast at gmail.com and if you want to follow us on instagram don't blah meme pod um which i spelled wrong the last time and i did me meme like too many me me because you did don't blame me meme pod instead of don't yeah don't blah meme yeah i did don't blame me but yeah don't blah me yeah

and uh our website don't blame me dot show figure out where you want to listen you can watch on youtube if you're listening to this on um itunes or anything like that and then if you are watching on youtube go listen to the audio version listen to it twice close your eyes yeah and we are on spotify i know a lot of people keep saying why aren't you on spotify but we are guys you just look shit up yeah it's all on the website every link to wherever we are is on our website and also google google's your friend do you want to google last night i googled um i found out all the people from that uh that dating show figured out all of their instagram handles i googled that what else did i google i googled how old somebody was i googled when jake gyllenhaal and taylor

swift dated like what i didn't remember that i completely forgot about it too and so i was like when did they date so then i googled it you don't have to comment on jake gyllenhaal's instagram hey When did you date Taylor Swift? Gotta use Google, guys. I'm a huge fan of it. Really good at it. I love the idea of Jake Gyllenhaal responding to this. Yeah, hey.

Technically. I mean, we were like, we hadn't, like, defined the relationship for a while. So, like, it depends on how long you want to say. It's a little gray area. And if you want to follow Melissa and I, our socials are listed down below, as always. And we will see you guys next week. Goodbye. don't blame me is a production by me executive produced by melissa demonts

camera operator amanda lechner production assistance by julie carley and music by ryan hunter and giacomo picasso part of the her pod network