Don't Blame Me! - S3E17: Guest: Arden Rose - Dad Cheated on Mom Again

Episode Date: March 25, 2019

Arden Rose is back to share her advice! We’re answering your questions on building your confidence to enter a drag show, how to handle your friend warning you that your boyfriend is controlling, dealing with starting over with a new therapist, and how to rebuild your relationship with yourself. In Don’t Blame Them a listener shares her advice about the caller who wanted to reach out to her ex that murdered someone. Follow Us! @meghanrienks @ardenrose @dontblamemepod @sheisnotmelissa Listen to ad-free and bonus episodes on Stitcher Premium! For a free month of Stitcher Premium, go to stitcherpremium.com and use promo code 'BLAME'. This episode is also brought to you by FabFitFun, Cove, Betterhelp, and The RealReal. Click Here for Affordable Therapy By State (Curated by Crissy Milazzo) Need Advice? www.dontblameme.show Domestic Listeners Call: [phone]   International Listeners Send a Voice Memo To: [e-mail] … with as much detail as possible under 3 minutes! I’ll do my best to share my wonderful words of wisdom. If you’re under 18, please get your parent’s permission. Advice is for entertainment purposes only, so you can’t blame me if I screw up your life. I kid! My advice IS AMAZING. - Want to WATCH this episode as well? Check out my YouTube channel: http://youtube.com/meghanrienks Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/join/dontblameme See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

hello everybody welcome back to the podcast this is don't blame me if you are new here and guess who's not new here arden rose i'm not new don't blame me either new but this is the first video episode that you've been on i mean there was a little yeah because it was audio just before but there was a little video she didn't know in it you didn't realize there was camera no no no i saw that but then it just didn't like click i thought this is your first video i was like no not ever i was like oh my god i am the worst first person no no no no no no this is her your first time being on the uh video version of the podcast guys well if you're new here uh this is an advice podcast um you guys call in you leave us voicemails and we're gonna

give you advice and if you want to call in for an upcoming episode the phone number is 310-694-0976 and if you're an international listener you can email us an audio file at meganpodcasts at gmail.com and um yeah we're about to give some pretty deece advice oh deece advice we're at a standard low not decent no just decent was that a slang in anyone else's high school no yeah like deece okay california i was gonna say you're yeah california just bro-y as fuck we're arkansas gals here oh my god shut up we're evenly divided today yeah we are no way i forgot about that we're Both our accents are just going to come out in full force until you just Arkansas accent.

I don't have an, I don't have an, you have a little twang. Yeah. Really? Yeah. Oh, well,

no, I said a little twang. Yeah, no, no, no. I know it's, you know what it is.

It's when I talked to my mom, my mom had an accent. Yeah. Yeah. Well, she'll just be like, Oh, hi darling.

How you doing? That's cute. Yeah. And then I'm like, Oh mom, I'm doing great. You just get to that register. Exactly.

I don't know how you talk to your mom. of mine i have to go like three octaves up it's babysitting voice you're like hello mr mrs smith yes i am free to babysit becky and chase later thank you so much i haven't i haven't my friends and i all call it babysitters voice my friend sydney has the most like it's the most obvious you can know when she answers the phone who it is we're like babysitter voice oh that's cute and like now we're like we're 25 who is she talking to me a babysitter voice okay so your babysitter voice is mine talking to my mom voice yeah or talking to your like agent voice like Oh, like, unbelievably pleasant.

Life is great. Very nice. Is it time to give advice? Yeah. Yeah, let's give advice. Let's do it. I'm bugging down for some advice. I'm getting advice.

Hey, my name is K***. I am 24. And my question is, there is this somewhat big drag competition on YouTube, not Dragula, it's called Camp On Kiki, that I've been thinking about auditioning for. Because it just fits my aesthetic for it. and with that, I'm scared, too. For the simple fact, I've never been to a club to perform. I've mostly just been in my own house because of where I live,

and my means of transportation, I don't have a way to get to the clubs to perform. So I'm very scared because most of my drag experience is doing online competitions to try to better myself because that was the only way I was able to find better myself and do what I actually really like to do without having to go to a club or just doing it in my room and then just posting it on my Instagram. So that way people can see what I do. And then the Trollison Company, I wanted a way to learn and get better in a destructive way and I'm really scared because you know some of these people that I'd be probably

also auditioning have been in clubs you know way way way way you know obviously way longer than I have and I'm just really scared like I'm sorry I keep on all my friends I talk to about doing this they're all like I'm crazy I'm stupid I need to shut up I'm good I can get on but there's still that little bit of me inside that's like you're not that good you're not that great they're not putting what you want because when i'm doing these competitions i'm normally very close to being the first out or i'm always low until i do only get out so i'm just not sure if it's my own inner saboteur that is trying to get me to not do this or if it's really just me that's not good enough yet and i need to continue to wait we just like maybe another season or two of it

to stay around for that um yeah i really like an outside question for it because i'm not sure if you'll be able to help me much really with this but i just need an outside source of my inner friend group because they're amazing supportive beautiful people and i just need like the real heart of reality right now to see if be like okay do i do i yeah um thank you guys so much for what i need to find the instagram i want i know i want to see so bad but i feel like i don't even need to see this answer like no neither do i do it yeah do it if it scares you you're doing the right thing yeah like you shouldn't you shouldn't feel like you have it in the bag ever because like no one feels like that yeah no one feels like and not to turn it into like uh who heterosexual not

not to assume anything but like not turn into like an acting thing but like the amount of auditions i've gone in for of things that i'm like oh i'm shit i'm not ready for this at all but like you still go like the experience that you get from doing something that has a consequence yeah is so i think like you're making the stakes higher for yourself yeah it proves something to yourself yeah totally does and i think like that's the best experience that you can have um and i think like your friends and all that stuff when as much as like and this is what i say like to people like who call in wanting advice i'm like well i can't ask my like my friend said this if you have good friends like your friends aren't gonna let you make an ass no yeah like if you weren't good

like you're like a also like there would be a part of you that wouldn't be still doing this do you know what i mean like there has to be like there's something that keeps you going and like you can't yeah that a love for something like that like you you can't like learn that that's something that you can always get better at something but like if you have a passion and a drive for something like that's going to like show through and like drags are like having like when you watch someone doing drag who's having so much fucking fun that's the best that is the absolute best drag ever you could look like literally trash on stage and if you're having a good ass time no one gives a shit yeah everyone's just vibing for you it's you you can perform a

song that i don't even know it's something i'm like oh i want to download this song yeah this is amazing like i love this like you're not you i mean like that that aspect of it um so yeah i mean i think you just need to 100 go for it and it definitely is your inner saboteur yes it is and that everyone has that like critical voice in their head um and also i think i i think sometimes we don't we don't want to set our standards too high or not standard our expectations because we don't like getting disappointed which i think is it's fine and so i think in order like if for you to feel like this is like uh like small fish big pond kind of thing don't think about it like a competition like think about it like this is like you're a learning experience yeah this is just

learning experience like don't put the pressure on yourself to make this like oh the like yeah like the first time i went to like a big audition in la that wasn't like a small one i didn't book it i'm not super girl no no i'm not super girl yeah yeah i'm not on sabrina i'm literally not super girl so like there's that like but at the same time like i go in for that casting director all the time like it's something that you like the first thing is never going to be the best i actually got some really good advice from one of my friends when i was coming when i was doing my movie and i was so stressed about it and he was like if this is the best thing you ever do like that would suck and i was like what do you mean he's like well right now like if you've been

like you're working up to this point like you're in your 20s and if this thing that you do is the best thing ever like you're never gonna like that sucks and i was like oh my god you're right he's like yeah so you don't want it to be like perfect and great because then where the where do you go from there yeah so i think if you you take it as like a this is gonna be fun it's gonna be a learning experience and um then i think i think you're also like you're gonna have like a really great time doing it and you'll be you'll be great absolutely and like also from a community perspective i mean you've only done stuff online right so meeting other drag queens and in person or drag kings whichever one um like that's amazing like you get to actually build a community around

yourself and feel confident in like other people and learn about other people who are doing the same thing as you in your vicinity and that can be really empowering as well because there are probably a lot of people exactly like you trying to do the exact same thing as you and you've never met any of them because you've only done online competitions I mean maybe you've met them in person before but like I think that's a really cool thing to be able to gather together and meet I mean once again not to bring it into an auditioning thing exactly but like I've met some really good friends just sitting waiting for really nerve-wracking auditions that aren't typically the best places to meet friends but like it happens because you're doing something

that's in common with someone else and I think that's really powerful as well so yeah embrace it for a lot of different reasons not just because like you want to win something but because you can win a bunch of other things without winning the actual competition yeah that makes sense and i think also like if you're going to be what you're saying like your your fear of like oh there's all these other people doing drag who've done clubs and stuff you're going to be able to meet all these people and like think about this is like the in-between of then then you can do the club circuit like this is like a great introduction way for you to do that like it's yeah everyone is nervous before they're doing their first thing but i don't think that that nervousness is you

not being good i think it is i think it's a self-sabotage thing because yeah nobody wants to be like that cocky asshole who's like oh i'm great and then you're like oh wow no everything fell apart yeah no yeah i think it'll be great and um please dm me on instagram because i want to see i want to see that i want to see that instagram i want to see that shit yeah oh my god i love okay let us know how it goes too absolutely yeah updates yeah please please on to the next one I am 20 years old and my current boyfriend is 23 and we have been dating for just a few months so we're pretty new but my roommate and best friend she had grew up with him so she went to high school with him it was the same church they basically were friends for most

their lives and growing up she always said that he was a very nice boy very church-going boy but he was very obsessive with his girlfriends and then she's like oh he probably changed in college and it's been I mean it's been years but I am starting to notice these tendencies and he I don't like it at all like it freaks me out to no end but I was wondering if if I'm wrong for putting the blame on her and saying oh well I'm only noticing this because she noticed or because she told me about it or am I focusing too much on his past and I'm not seeing for what he who he is now and he just like really likes me I'm just I'm really confused and I really like him but I also don't see a future with him but it's always only been dating for like a couple months did she just

answer it for herself she did i think she just i think she just broke up with him over this don't blame me voice demo to the podcast and to you by the way i don't want to name names but um tony uh yeah no you you fucking know you know what your answer is don't you and and the thing is it's like there's if you didn't think this was true like there's a reason why like she said that and you're like oh wow you're right yeah like if you didn't see any of those things she would have said that and you would have been like oh no I don't get that at all like people are very quick to defend um people that they care about yeah and the fact that like

immediately when she said that it's not like oh you're thinking this because she said it like it clicked and we literally just had a whole conversation about this prior to recording the podcast it's like sometimes like there are things that like you might have taken it as like oh wow this was really sweet and romantic but if there's a like a three percent in your head that was like that's a little weird but i'm not gonna say anything because like whatever like this is fine like my roommate and best friend knows him from high school like anything like no one's saying anything that's making me think that this three percent of my brain should be the like the nine the 97 and she says that and that's kind of where that clicks yeah yeah yeah he's and you already

don't even see a future with him at all yeah you you just answered all of it like everything you said and just the fact that like i don't know it's it's funny that you're still doing like the like a microscopic version of like well but it's just my friend like i'm gonna stay with my boyfriend that i trust more and it's like no you fucking don't trust him you don't like you don't and and yeah i don't know if you're seeing it like three months in that is the time that you either break up with someone or you stay with them for like 15 years so like that's like you know oh yeah that's when you that's when like the walls start coming down you see people without like the honeymoon glow so I feel like a lot of people are like oh it happens in a year I'm like no

no I find out in the first three days legitimately three months is actually the Mott's is the only guy I've dated aside from my high school boyfriend um more than three months because every like the third month you know I would wake up and I'd roll over be like I hate you and I never want to see you again I'm changing my keys yeah like that's literally what yeah so this is you don't owe him anything no at all and also like your friend like your friend has nothing to like gain about this and in the sense that she said well maybe he's changed and different and all that stuff she was giving him an opportunity to not be like that and you saw the other stuff yeah like that's what you saw and even like yeah say that he has changed he's not as possessive or obsessive with

his girlfriends or anything like that you're already feeling whatever whatever you're feeling you're already feeling some of it and you have it in the back of your head so that's gonna it's only gonna get worse every time he tries to say anything it's gonna bug you there's a difference between someone liking you and feeling a little obsessive like there's there's a total difference one gives you a warm fuzzy feeling and the other one makes you think you're like stomach is falling out your ass like that's literally the accutane yeah true but that's literally what the difference is so like there's no yeah there's no point and also someone who's as like obsessive and all that stuff it um it doesn't become it's not about not to take this the wrong way it's not about you

that's how they are yeah so then you're with a guy who no offense probably doesn't even like you as much as he's saying he does because it's just his personality trait yeah he already just has that he's the too much gene in that yeah he's got the too much too much gene but not in the romantic side what's that from what's too much gene from jenna marvel says it oh yeah i also have the too much gene i love the too much gene will's got the too much gene that this yeah this guy sounds like he's got the too much gene yeah but like not like the too much creepy type gene no no yeah yeah no that's just it's not yeah that's just how yeah it's not in a good place and i think it's good that you recognized it now yeah oh yeah much rather do it now than like find out after you

guys have like moved in together or something just just trust your trust your gut yeah and it seems like you are and you already know yeah you already know you got this date other people way more fun yeah super fun go for it chase the ones those ones are always way onto the next i'm 23 years old. And I'm going through something that I think that you can relate to a lot. So when I was 12, I started going to therapy and I've been seeing the same therapist up until last year. So that was about 12, 11 years. I truly believe that I wouldn't be standing here and be in my mental state, positive mental state that I'm in right now without her. And this past August, she told me that she had cancer and she had to leave. So right before

she left in June we discovered a big trauma with me that connected all the dots and everything in my life and made so much sense to me I was so happy that it was with her that I discovered this that we were going to work through we were going to write a trauma narrative and all this stuff and now that she left so now I'm seeing a new therapist and it's not easy because it's like starting all over again and I know you go to therapy for once you know have you ever dealt with this before and how do you deal with it and you know I just feel like sometimes new therapists doesn't understand me and I don't know like how to you know be like why are you not understanding without like screaming about it but um it's very frustrating it's very difficult because

I have so much history with my old one and she knew every single thing about my life I can mention a person she knows exactly who I'm talking about and um this one doesn't and it's very frustrating and I just now I dread going to therapy instead of being excited to go to therapy like I was in the past so um yeah I don't know how long to give it I don't know if I should request a new one I don't really know how it works because I've been with the same one for 11 years since I started but um if you have any advice thoughts if you went through this please help me oh I feel so bad this sucks can I ask you something about that okay because I whenever I've gone to a therapist I've I've gone to someone new every time it wasn't like not not every time but like I have maybe had

the longest relationship that i've had with a therapist is like a year yeah and it's just because like i go through a hard period yeah yeah and i don't have someone who's like been with me forever yeah how common is that i mean it's really common so i was gonna say i'm also like as much as i wish i was the person to ask for this like i'm not like so the therapy that i'm in now moths and i are in like couples therapy which i've said before thanks everyone should do it it makes it so you don't kill your significant other love it um but yeah so we're in couples therapy now and now from being in this therapy like and our therapist being like i really think you should see an individual therapist as well me being like i know um and so she's helping me find a new

therapist okay which that like for so for me like i haven't done that stressful like process yet of being like i'm terrified to go to another fit because like our therapist like knows she knows like it's about our relationship but like so much of what happens in people's relationships is individual as well yeah and it goes back to that so she knows all of like our individual stuff as well so like even for me like going to a therapist I've been like oh god like I'd like yeah I'm so nervous for this so that's why I asked her for a recommendation because I had one terrible like the first time I ever went to therapy had a terrible terrible experience how long ago was that last time did I say or did we talk about it in real life we know you talked about it on the

podcast yeah yeah well wait yeah basically like it was um that was when I first moved out to LA okay yeah no not the first no when i was i was like 21 okay yeah like 21 um no maybe 22 yeah 21 22 was that the last time like sorry this is personal but like is that the last time that you well it was went to an individual one yeah yeah so that was the last time i went so it was a psychiatrist and therapist combo so that was before because i have adhd so i go to a psychiatrist in general and i was like i always want a psychiatrist therapist combo but like yeah it's also like i wasn't that's not really like what your psychiatrist is for do you mean because i'm not i'm not on medication for anything except adhd right because i and i'm not against it at all like i've thought

about it it just hasn't been like one necessity right yeah what i wanted at a current time also because like i would i wanted to try therapy first um and so then the first person i went to he basically had told me which and even i uh oh yeah it was on katie morton's episode that we talked about this because she's a therapist and so okay I was like I was saying I was like I can literally figure out he basically told me that he uh that I was like manic and he didn't believe anything that I was saying because I was like alarmingly well adjusted and if everything I had said was true I wouldn't have been doing this and I literally was like I'm an only child I can therapize myself and be like that's what you do I'm deflecting like I'm not getting like that's

what happens and like he was like he shouldn't be accredited and even Katie was saying she's like no immediately I would have been like oh she's an only child like that's what she had to do like she built up this like I'm desensitized to this kind of thing um and so yeah so I didn't go back and so I was really nervous and so now when trying to find an individual therapist like I am going through my current therapist who like our current therapist who I really like because I really like her style like everything about it and I basically told her I was like I don't know what your kind of therapy is called but I like it I like you and I like I was like can it be someone like you I know it like can't be you but like I really like I wanted to be a woman and I was doing

all of that with her um so i don't know if there is like anyone uh that could like refer yeah that someone you could talk to that could refer because i would also say like i think there is like a awkward learning curve with a therapist yeah but there's also you just don't always mesh with people like even like my psychiatrist slash therapist went through a couple of those before i found one and now literally like five of my friends all go to the same one that's how it works yeah and then you find one and then it's like really like her yeah and so i think like if you've got other friends who are in therapy or anything like that i think that's great and then also i don't know what you're going like like doctor wise like i don't know if you're

seeking them out on your own or if you're with like um like a like a kaiser or something like that like and they're you're getting a like a signed one or whatever um like dependent on your health care exactly like i don't know if you're finding them or you're basically having to pick from like an in-house right kind of a thing right um so i think like asking friends and everything like that and to do that and then if there uh are like your whoever got you if your parents were the ones who helped you get into therapy the first time how they found your original therapist and maybe find out like what's the kind of therapy that she specifically did like what did she specialize in and then what did you really like about her like did you like that she's a woman

did you like how old that she like she like like even if they're like little trivial things like did she look like someone who like you felt like you could talk to? Yeah. That's a very good point. Yeah. Boil down what you liked about your last therapist and then try to find someone who's really similar. Yeah.

I think also the problem is, is that from what I heard in the voicemail, you mainly complained about not complained, but issued a problem with the fact that your new therapist doesn't know a lot about you. Yeah. And I'm worried that, that you're going to find that with any therapist,

that there is that learning curve that like I, I went to the same therapist for like three or four times. and even though she was amazing and by the second time i feel like she knew yeah what was up like she would still like get my sister's name wrong yeah like not exactly know what was going on but you have to give you have to give some leeway i know this is probably a traumatic time though because you don't feel like you have someone that you can talk to about anything and like they just get it but i i think you also have to like give people a chance and whether that's like you legitimately do not like this person and you have that gut feeling of like this isn't gonna go well

so like you're that's another reason why you don't like them in that case yeah move on take take a different approach but if it's literally just this person doesn't know that much about me you're gonna keep getting into that problem yeah because you said it took 12 years for you guys to get to the point where you had a break that's a lot of years that's a lot and you guys discovered stuff together that was like the other thing and i think like excuse me i'm burping i think if you haven't like with this therapist i think you're exactly right like that's no matter what when you're gonna go to you're gonna have to do the explaining which is the suckiest fucking part that's the absolute suckiest part it's even sucky when i well yeah when i switch psychiatrists where

i'm like i have to go through all of this and i have to explain adhd i have to explain like my all of these things that i'm like i've been doing this for so fucking long like can we just like get like i wish i had a file i could just like yeah here do your research over the weekend i'll see you monday but i mean a they should have your therapist should have a file on you say can't you just transfer files would that be possible yeah 100 will have a file on you and then i think like the best thing that you can do and is telling that your new therapist about this being like i'm gonna be honest with you like i'm feeling really defeated and like i feel really shitty a this is like a really traumatic loss for you in general like this is like losing someone

that was so important to you it's losing trust yeah it is and then saying like and i'm having a really like i'm having a hard time with this kind of a thing and just saying that is going to they're gonna be able to be like no i totally understand like this is fine like they're really gonna be like i'm really gonna i'm i'm gonna catch myself up on this like i know that you don't want to go through this whole process again they know that that's the painful shit like yeah rehashing all of that stuff because you're not getting anywhere and you feel like you're kind of like just playing catch up so i think like give a like give this person like a real chance um and then yeah if if if there is something that's just not sitting right yeah know that you're gonna have to

do the handholding and the explaining and like the backtracking with every therapist but if there's there is like you were so lucky that you got a good fit the first time but that doesn't always happen yeah so now knowing that that like this could be the right fit it just takes a little bit more time yeah and i would say uh our our therapist she had said like six months give it six months and like even she's with us i could give it six months and if you guys feel like at any point during that or after that that you feel like oh this isn't really like working out because also your therapist learns how you communicate and like they're a fucking chameleon like oh yeah they understand yeah and when they start to understand like what you need from them

and all of that stuff and like what you respond well to they're going to be able to cater that to you so even if the first time it feels a little clunky and awkward or the first couple times like they're going to start to learn you better yeah absolutely i like what you said too about um kind of like you have to be up front with doctors in general that's like one thing i learned in the last year because i've always had a huge i know that you're lying about everything right lying about everything i could be like gushing blood and being like i'm not no i'm good oh yeah no i just show you guys later i don't know if i dislocated my toe or not well listen i'd love to take a look for a while i know oh god i know okay um well either way i

know that you have fear of doctors i've got a big time fear so i recently conquered my fear by getting blood drawn which i right i feel pretty good about it used to go every month yeah no I only have to go one more time. Oh. They changed the rules. Oh, fuck that. I only have to go one more time. That's a big thing.

But anyways, but it was great because I, like, I've always been really scared of doctors. I've always been really scared of, like, just the entire, like, being in a doctor's office freaks me out. And my brother-in-law is an anesthesiologist. And so I was just talking to him about it because he was like, you got to get over this. Like, A, you need to get vaccinated. like you are old enough to like go and get your shots your boosters done which thank god i'm doing that so that's fine um but uh he was like you just gotta go be like a good person in society

and i was like yeah but i just feel like i have no power like i feel like i walk in and i'm just an animal like that's what scares me so badly and he was like that's because you do not stand up for yourself in any doctor's office or in any like medical professional's office and he was like doctors don't want to hurt you doctors don't want to do anything to you like no one wants to hurt you or make you feel bad or anything you just have to tell them when you've reached your limit yeah and that's what i've learned more than anything and i think that's the same thing with therapists i think that's psychiatrists i think that's everyone you have to be so upfront about your feelings like and i know when it comes to therapy that is a very specific dynamic that you don't

want to like mess with or fuck with but being really honest and gritty with your therapist is what they are looking for so they can help you yeah so like i do agree if you are having a problem with it just say it to the therapist yeah or if there's something that she's doing and saying and something that really doesn't sit right with you that she might think that is comforting to you or something like that you can say that like there's literally like our therapist has been like i want you to come in here and tell me like if you don't want to be here like tell me if you don't want to be here and then we can talk about why you don't want to be here and also you can leave like you don't have to stay there yeah it's like you don't have to stay if you don't want to stay

like if you're having like we can sit here and talk we can sit here and not talk but like just tell me like i can't help at all if you tell me what to do or what like not to do doing that kind of thing like not they're not going to take it personally at all they're doing a job and they see a lot of other people just than you like so it's not like they are not going to take it personally they're not going to lose sleep over it at night yeah like you can be i don't want to say brutal but you can be very honest yeah you're a therapist and if you're a fan of my favorite murder um georgia her therapist recently passed away and so she had a whole like they did like a portion of the episode talking about it and so she's going through finding a whole new thing

so as much as i wish i could be like oh my god i totally understand yeah hopefully this advice works but also listen to my hair murder because she's currently going through that part too which girl i hate that oh my god i yeah i would be so sad okay guys we're gonna take a quick break and we'll be back okay guys we are back from our break and we're gonna hop on to the rest of the calls i'm 25 years old and living in the midwest i moved back in my parents after finishing grad school about a year ago i spent my first five months or so at home being single and finishing two internships. My last internship really aggravated my anxiety and depression, causing

me to lose weight and a lot of my self-worth. I got back on meds and started seeing a therapist again, then started my first job. Felt like I was in a good place and ready to date again and tried Bumble for a while without a lot of luck, probably because I'm living with my parents, and met my best friend's boyfriend's roommate while dating a Bumble guy and felt really connected to him and the things with the bumble guy and started seeing the roommate things were great but early on he talked to us me about how dedicated he is to his work and how he had a hard time reconciling that with relationships in the past basically said that he self-sabotages because he's so focused on work and wants to end things before they can go wrong talked it out and I

assured him that I was also focused on my career and was happy with the amount of time that I spent with him. We agreed to be open and honest with each other about what we needed and everything was great again. Over the holidays we got an Airbnb in our city and had an awesome night out just the two of us. Everything felt as good as it could possibly be and I was really happy but last week he ended things kind of abruptly after about three months of being together basically on the premise that he felt it would eventually go wrong and saying he didn't feel he could commit to me in a way that I deserved. We had a good conversation about it,

and I'm trying really hard to take the things he told me at face value, but I can't help but feel like in some way it's my fault. I can't stop telling myself that if I were enough, this wouldn't have happened. I've cheated on him in the past, and I've always been the person that gets broken up with, so I feel like I'm the common denominator here. So much of my focus as my therapist was on rebuilding my relationship with myself, and i feel like i'm back at prayer one what can i do to feel like enough and what advice do you

have for me when it comes to seeing him in the future since we met through mutual friends thank you so much your podcast gets me through my week since my job kind of sucks now too poor girl yeah i hate this dude i know i hate this dude this dude oh i hate this dude i wish you had called in like right before he broke up with you and i would have been like break up with him right now do it first because like that's why like that's why he said that like that workaholic thing all that stuff like that was setting up a bomb like i'm dating a capricorn i know what it's like to date a workaholic like i get that but like yeah he's setting up some he's giving himself an out like he's setting that up yeah um so he's done that before yeah and so no that that wasn't you

he told you from the very beginning that he was gonna do that he was gonna do this and it and that was before you had been dating for three months it has nothing to do with you that's what he was always going to do yep um and i i definitely struggled with this in college especially with like i date with dating this guy it was also like three months i like i was also and i like not to like say like part of this is my fault but like i was also like kind of a little bit of a shit and like he very much was everyone in college is oh yeah totally and there was like this there was like there was like a month of our relationship where he was like let's like let's like let's be exclusive like let's be boyfriend girlfriend and i was like no no like like let's like i don't

want to put a label on it and i'm like saying that because i'm like i don't want to get too invested right and then like then and then after that he stopped asking and i was like oh okay and then i brought it up again he's like no i think you're right this is fine or whatever like i don't want i think we're good like the player got played yeah exactly but like we were still exclusive but like we just weren't like there wasn't like labels and like that oh you get to play that cute little game exactly and i was like fucking shit what did i do yeah and then he was like but we were still exclusive like but all of that stuff and then uh he broke up with me and it was like the whole thing was like oh yeah like he only dates girls for this short amount of time like

all of this stuff and i was like god i fucked up he wanted to be like he wanted this and then i was like no and like this whole thing that i put this blame on myself right and then the next girl he dated he dated for like a year and a half and i was like why that was me that was my issue i was like no it has nothing to do with you and that's the thing we say in like on so many episodes of being like it's not about like two people it's not about the perfect timing of two people it's literally about the person about what about you individually yeah it's like if you are ready to have a relationship it doesn't matter how fucking great or how terrible somebody is you're probably going to get in a relationship if you are not ready it doesn't matter how awesome someone is

you're not going to be ready to be in a relationship like no it just being broken up within all of those things like that has nothing it's not you it has nothing to reflect it on your self-worth when somebody else can't be in a relationship like yeah that you can't change that because that's nothing that you've done and nothing that you can control yeah um and i think like also i speak from personal experience like as a woman i i feel like a sense of wanting to be the special one or the one to fix someone's thing or like oh i'm the one that breaks the mold i'm like the special one and maybe that's a little arrogance on my part but i think it's also like also movies yeah also fucking yeah media bitch okay tells you that you need to be the person

to like change someone's ways like come on twilight yeah get out of here filling our all our heads with nonsense and marble skin and breaking headboards and leave me alone so breaking the mold um breaking the bed uh you will always feel that way if there's like a pattern that you're trying to break but that is a pattern for a reason like it's not your pattern to break it's like his pattern to break if that makes sense like you will not you are a factor obviously but like it's not gonna happen like you said if it's not supposed to happen like i don't know case rossera yeah like you were in the crossfire a guy of a guy who's done this countless times like if anything like i think like this is definitely something to like bring up to your

therapist and my therapist said some really great thing where she says um she told she said to me uh if it's hysterical it's historical so if you get hysterical about something and it like really brings something up in you that's because this has happened before that's really interesting no but so that like for like that's like when something comes up and like i would get so upset about something she's like i'm gonna tell you right now that this this you getting this upset you've skipped like 10 levels because you've already gone through all of those to get here and this is something that's happened before and that's why you're like it's historical and you're hysterical and i think that you're right of saying this is tapping into like your issues

of self-worth and stuff because if anything this should be something that doesn't make you question it because this is a guy who's done this yeah this is this is like easy mode everything's laid out for you being like oh no so logically like you shouldn't feel like that but it's because and you're even addressing like it's because you have these prior feelings of that and i think more importantly than like being enough for a guy or whatever like you need to focus and work on that aspect of yourself because you're making something that was so obviously laid out about him about you and that's the same thing i'm being like he clearly like if he was not ready to date he's not ready to date but also maybe you're not ready to date right now you might be self

sabotaging just so you don't have to come to terms with the fact that you don't necessarily want to be in like a long-term relationship either like that like i don't know i feel like almost like maybe if you guys had continued dating you would have been the one to be like yeah and you even said you hate your job and you told him like oh i'm also really serious about my job like yeah these are the things of being like you and i'm the i always would go out of my way to date people that i'm like oh this is terrible for me i wouldn't even consciously do it but i was like oh i'm gonna date someone who like is going to break my heart like continue on this terrible cycle i did a lot of drug dealers back to back being like well it's all gonna end the same

like they're like this is a common denominator that i find drug dealers like do you just is there like a hotline you can call drugs with a z oh she follows the weed map i do she just smells a little bit of weed and just kind of like go like where is it literally leading to a pot of gold a douchebag so yeah so i think there is a sense of um i don't believe and i like went off on this on twitter the other or instagram the other day i don't believe in like in order to like if you need to love if you want to love somebody else you need to love yourself like i don't believe in that shit at all i think that's like very toxic yeah but you need to be able to you need to have a good picker and you need to be able to like see this and i'm not saying that like

oh you're like you've been like you walked into all these situations where all this bad shit happens but subconsciously sometimes we do feel like we're like self-sabotaging and punishing ourselves and if you have had issues and struggles with self-worth my god how fun how fun is it like great time what a unique feeling that no one else feels exactly like yeah it's it's terrible and so then sometimes in order so yeah sometimes you then seek out those things that kind of validate that side of you because like it's a very terrible thing to think about yourself but if you can bring someone else in it then it yeah it's a it's a self-harming kind of thing yeah so i think bringing that up to your therapist and asking your therapist being like do you think i should

be dating right now like do you think that this is something and explaining all of that um and i think it might be a good time for yeah for you to kind of like take a step away and then also if you feel like you have a bad picker we've said this before too talk to your friends about it yeah be like hey but her friends set him up but like if she said something to her friends about being like not don't let's say that not the friend who's involved like a different friend of being like so he says he's like really into work and all that stuff like be super honest with me like do you think that that's just now right say that stuff because if you feel like you're adapting for what somebody else wants yeah like you need other people to remind you no no that's not who

you are like you aren't cool with that no i know right now it feels like you're cool with it but you wouldn't be and so i think that's a good um thing to do and then also you could just call the podcast every time you're trying to make sure yeah also like i this is like sort of a tangent about the work thing but like if you are really dissatisfied in your work and maybe you're kind of distracting yourself with this like other worry maybe maybe you should like refocus and and think more about what you want to do i don't know obviously like everyone gets stuck sometimes in a job they don't want to do and we're just we're just there aren't we um so that happens but maybe instead of putting all this energy into this relationship that is you know not really a

relationship anymore you could kind of focus on yourself and and your work and i know that's like the classic like just focus on you girl but it is true to a certain extent if you're really miserable in your job like you know try to make strides to do something else and then that'll give you such like a i know i wasn't like ready to actually date someone until i had my own shit together and like i was you weren't looking for like a distraction yeah and i was at my point where i was like i would be a brilliant sugar mama like i would be a great sugar mama and that's when i knew like i wasn't going to be relying on someone for something else like i have everything that I need and not necessarily that I love myself so deeply like when I first met Will I was not

a confident person like it's not like that I agree with you I think that is a toxic way to think um sorry RuPaul yeah but um but yeah no I agree with you I think I think yeah maybe maybe try working on your job for a little bit yeah yeah I've realized like the times like because I have to do long distance my boyfriend's in London so I have to do like three weeks by myself every like couple months and those are the times when I'm the most miserable because I have to be by myself and I have to like come to terms with myself but also by the end of those three weeks um I'm almost like I'm always I always miss Will and I always want him back but then part of me is kind of sad that I don't get to be by myself anymore because I really yeah and then I get to be like

my own best friend again which is like something that I don't get to do very often and I don't get to like tune into what my actual head is hearing all the time um so like I don't know appreciate that too because it's once you're in a relationship sometimes it's hard to separate yourself um so yeah just like enjoy enjoy your own shit too yeah yeah we have one more hi megan melissa and potential guests i am 25 years old and i live in australia um i recently found out that my dad is cheating on my mom again with masseuses um this is the second time he's cheated the first time was an emotional relationship with a lady and i guess this time is a little bit better because it's with masseuses um like sexual masseuses I don't know what to do I live with

my parents um as I'm going away to Europe for a few years next month I don't know if I should tell my mom or if I shouldn't because I'm about to leave and I don't want to leave her with to deal with this whole thing by herself um because the last time my dad cheated it kind of it broke her and i just and i was there for it which was fine but i just can't leave her you know broken um it's especially difficult for me because i live with my parents um just like for a few months for him going away and it's hard to want to kill your own parent figuratively of course um And I just don't know what to do. I'm so moody and I'm a total bitch to live with

simply because I can't stand hearing my dad's voice or seeing my dad because I know what he's doing. I'm the only one who knows and it's A, killing me inside and also, like, what do I do? I want to hug this person. I want to fly this person out to LA and we'll just hug them for six hours. Or we can go to, I like Australia.

you i go down under let's go down under i'm down i i have such a strong feeling that i want to hear yours first okay okay i want you to have those strong feelings yeah i don't know hey i'll just say what i said before which is i hate when kids have to like kids should never have to get in the middle of shit like this you should never have known this and that's what bugs me more than anything is that like i was about to say sorry to your dad but not sorry to your dad he's a shit head for don't know okay well it seems like yeah i'm so sad so so so so so sad that he involved you in this yeah and made it your secret like if if it is that i mean did she find out randomly or did he tell her do we know i'm assuming she found out yeah not from him i'm

assuming like there were signs again because it had happened before and i'm assuming she like looked through his phone or something parents literally just like are here to fuck us up aren't they like it's it's just it's so sad because like there's so many layers to this that i'm like a your dad should never have like involved you in this even if like even if it's like he left something out and you saw something like yeah he should lie better yeah always lie you're gonna lie better okay but clearly he's so shameless because he's done it before that he just doesn't give a shit in which case like fucking gross also b you shouldn't have to be your mom's like shoulder to cry on and i know that's like yes you want to support your mom but you do not have you

were a child like you that is a such a hard relationship to then like mess up or distort by suddenly being a parent figure to your parent like I hate that that has to be a thing for you because then you're feeling this like no I have to be with my mom because last time this happened I had to comfort her and like I know from personal experience because I have people in my personal life that do that kind of stuff and it is the most toxic thing when your parent becomes your boyfriend or girlfriend or wife or husband like that dynamic is not healthy you then have no parental figure anymore you like and at some point in your life you will realize that your parents are just humans but you don't want to get to that point when they're getting cheated on by someone

else like that is that is so beyond your sphere of needing to know and like needing it just makes me sad that you're even involved in all of this and that they can't just like work it out like adults but i don't know okay you think she should tell her do i think she should tell her i don't i think that she should confront i think that she should say that that to her dad yeah i think she should tell her dad like get like i'm not doing this and you two can work this out i'm not doing this i think i think that she yeah i think that she should tell her dad if you don't tell her i'm going to oh i like that because she needs to know and that's the thing that like yeah i yeah i think if you have been cheated on uh you you should know i think you should know because the and i've said

i've like yeah i've said this like my friends who have uh been cheated on or who have cheated on their partners have been like if you don't tell that person you're not giving that person the choice to be with you despite you having been yeah unfaithful yeah they can still want to be with you if you've been unfaithful but if you don't tell them you're taking away that choice and they might not and the reason why you're telling them is because you're not sure if they're going to still want to stick through that yeah and that's like you it's selfish yeah and she needs to do that and i think also it sounds like you really fucking hate your dad which is totally legitimate understandable um and i think having a conversation with your mom i don't know the first time how it

went around because you were younger if your parents if your mom felt like oh yes you hate your dad but he's still your dad i think really when you talk to your mom about it be like you like give her she doesn't need your permission to like leave the situation but give her that permission yeah just so she doesn't feel like that's the thing parents you feel like they're staying like they need to hold it together and even though you're mad it's still your dad of being like keep it together he's a shit yeah like i don't he's not being a great dad like you're saying that you don't want me like you still want me to have this father figure but like he doesn't deserve to be a father figure right now and if he wants to do that later that's fine but not at the

expense of like her being upset and hurt yep and so i think exactly like you said it's not your responsibility for your mom and uh i also had friends have friends who've been in that situation and also so sad the kid like it doesn't shock me because human beings are all flawed and horrible but like it just makes me sad because i could just never imagine putting that pressure on my children no and it's insane i like talk about how much better of a parent i'm gonna be i'm like i'm gonna be a fucking sick ass man because i'm like i'm already like i don't have to do all this shit but like there's something as an only child that like your parents clue you that you're a pawn you're really used as like that makes me so sad oh it's very sad have have more than one fucking

kid everybody have more than one kid but yeah you get used in that aspect and so i think what you what you really need to do is you need to tell your dad straight up like you need to tell mom and i like you this is what i would do and i'm a savage i did you we are going to walk in there right now and you you are going to tell her and i'm going to stand right here to make sure you do not fucking lie love it i'm going to make sure you don't twist it and i am going to sit here with you and we're going to talk about what's going to happen we're going to talk about mom's going to talk we're going to talk about this because if your parents have a toxic relationship and if your father's manipulative or your mom is quick to uh justify his actions or something you're able

to be there to be able to they've already fucking included you in this relationship which they shouldn't have but i think when you're at this point now i think also for your own sanity to be able to know that everything that you know he is going to tell her and that you can hold him accountable for that and your mom isn't going to be like oh well maybe she was exaggerating all anything that they might be able to find a loophole in this you're able to like let it all out there and then you're also able to have a conversation with them about like this is how as your kid this is how i feel yeah and this is what i think you should and so much i can promise you so much of their relationship is also because they're your parents and they have a kid and you can be like

hello I'm older now like let me tell you what I feel let me take the pressure off you guys are horrible anyway so like I'm out like it's cool it's a very hard conversation to have um and I think like if you can do that with them uh I think you're yeah I just think it's going to be able to clear your conscience of it as well and I think also maybe part of the reason your mom did feel very upset the first time is maybe she didn't even really maybe there was a part of her that didn't want to stay around but she felt like well no i want to keep the family together so that sadness that you're afraid of her reaching that now she might not oh yeah that's like that is such i would say that's probably one of the number one reasons why people stay together in like a

marriage when there's been cheating is because of like wanting to wanting to keep a healthy relationship with your kids but what you don't realize is that that actually is the antithesis of keeping a healthy relationship because the moment you like prioritize your child in that moment you're also in a weird way blaming that child for having to stay with this person so there's like 10 different layers of reasons why you shouldn't stay with that person so i think i agree with you now that you've said that i do agree it would be great if they could like talk it out i just like i wish this poor girl did not have to be like the adult in this situation like it makes me sad when i see kids having to parent like yeah it sucks yeah it makes me think she's

an only child or at least grew up as an only child like didn't grow up with like siblings in the house yeah but yeah it sucks that you kind of have to hand hold these people through it yeah and you shouldn't have to but um yeah exactly like you said too with your mom and stuff like you if your mom's very like upset and emotional about all this stuff uh you you can be there for her and support her but like you don't need to be like her backbone in all of this and that's also how she's gonna heal yeah like when she doesn't isn't able to like rely on you i mean even like i know it sounds a little bit like patronizing but even like recommending a therapist or something to your mom in that situation because she is going to be very broken and i get that and you don't want to

just dump her out on this like on the streets out of out of nowhere like emotionally um but like yeah trying to find an alternative for her that maybe also like generations past don't totally click on to the therapy thing right away oh yeah whereas like our generation is very like oh shit i'm going through something i'm gonna go talk to someone about it which is a great thing to have as like a tool but i think also you have to kind of reintroduce that idea to an older audience so i would highly recommend trying to get your mom interested in that because she might not even think about that totally you know what i mean and maybe it is couples therapy even yeah because because also like if she does still want to keep you know your dad in in the circle like at the

very least they should be going to couples therapy and at the very least yeah and the last time when he cheated it was an emotional and this time it's physical so that also might be in the case like this is escalating if we talk about like murder yeah the escalator yeah so this might be a different deal breaker for her listen to my favorite murder so much every day that's what i think it is too i think like you have to give her all of the fact like you don't know what decision she's going to make but facts are facts america the only way that she's going to be able to make a decision is if she knows and don't think about it in the sense of being like oh this is going to hurt my mom it's going to be oh this is going to make my mom have to make a decision

and it's a decision that she should she has she should be able to make and he already made that decision yep and right now he's making the decision for them that they're going to still stay together but now it's her turn like no she gets a say in that too and that's what you get to think of you have to you get to give your mom a say in it i like the way that you put that you know that makes me happier because i think in my head i'm just like my like emotionally repressed self is like just run away buy a plane ticket get out of there go to college go to college or something i don't know we'll play some tennis and also if your mom finds out later that you knew that could be very detrimental yeah yeah that's gonna suck for your relationship and also it's

just knowing it and being the only one who knows it's eating you it's gonna fucking eat you alive so you gotta get that out there get it all out in the open and then let the adults make their own fucking decisions but like they are adults relinquish that yeah and give your mom the opportunity to make a decision too yeah we'll see oh but i'm sorry it fucking sucks yeah so sorry i was like i wish that i could take that on for you because that sounds so horrible i mean i i don't wish i mean no i don't i don't i wish you didn't have it either no i wish it didn't existed yeah i wish we could just like take it and just like throw it away for everybody well i'm sorry but hopefully it'll work i mean it will work out it will work out eventually yeah

okay is it time for listeners advice don't blame them exactly ayo so uh arden i'm telling you this no dory this isn't like a test this is when don't fail you look very shocked what do i have to do uh so this is when um caller listeners call in and give their own advice on previous uh episodes oh i love this am i gonna have any way to know yes okay i'm like wow i want there to be a really obscure advice that i'm like i want to know if we did play this shut up okay so this is from the episode with nikki limo the original caller this is the one that found out that her ex had murdered um someone and then she was trying to reconnect with them and i'm sorry do we have someone who's been in a similar situation but she's calling to give her own advice because she

has a psychological explanation for why this would happen hi megan i'm 23 years old and i was a forensic psych student so basically i studied like why people commit crimes and why people are attracted to certain things and so forth and so forth um so this is regarding the whole girl that kind of wants to get back in involved with her ex-boyfriend's life who he accidentally in quotations murdered somebody because one murder you need intent um so there is a psychological term called hybristiophilia which is like people get attracted

to people who commit crimes they don't know why it happens it's mainly because of an adrenaline thing they psychologically believed and another thing is just because somebody is Christian or Catholic does not mean they're a good person

case in class with this guy another thing is like I was in a very abusive relationship with a guy who we shared the same religious beliefs and he used our religion against me in high school basically said it was okay to hit me and degrade me and belittle me because that's what the Bible said I think this girl needs to do some actual considerations and like deep inward thought of like why do maybe go see a

psychologist um find out like what's the root of the problem also take into consideration you know because some dude your same religion doesn't mean he's a good guy you know there's plenty of shitty Christians out there choose somebody because of the same moral views rather than same religious because i'm sure there's a great guy out there for you that's not your religion okay bye i love this can she come on the podcast yeah i know wow i want to hear better like all the study yeah she's sick i love her so cool yeah i wanted to do that in college and then i was like well i really that'd be my backup plan and i was like i'm just gonna fucking drop out so you're

like that's a lot of hours any of the prereqs uh it's a lot of hours and i probably have to dissect a cadaver i'm not in that fuck that not into that can't can't come to terms my own death anyways um yeah i mean i i've heard of that whole like yeah like there's like pages of people who love like and this is disgusting but like the columbine shooters like they're like yeah like marilyn manson like people like write letters to them yeah being like i send you naked pictures all that stuff yeah it's like it's such a weird thing but it's like it's so well documented that it doesn't surprise me that you see it in like a very average case as well totally not even it's not average someone got fucking murdered but like i'm just saying like you know on your

average manslaughter murder charge like there can still be that thing and also the other thing is like sociopaths or people who are capable of and i'm not saying all sociopaths are capable of murder but people who are capable of murder are also probably a little detached from like reality or emotions so they can be very manipulative yeah like it's very easy for you to like charming yes very charming who you want them to be that's how ted bundy like killed everyone is he would just like knock on the door and be like hey there yeah and he's hot yeah hot yeah i mean mostly zach efron's hot and real ted bundy like just looks like ted bundy he just looks like average dude yeah is that guy from playing ted bundy yeah in addition to that not for ted bundy

whoa you're like ted bernie is really pretty you could be like you could be like cute oh there was like there was a female serial killer like teddy teddy teddy yeah there you go so bad i see you smoking a cigarette and then murdering people or murdering people with like blood on your hands and then like cigarette smoking afterwards cute um but no yeah i mean i've like i've heard of that as being kind of a fetish um but like i love her just laying down the law dude same same same same like just like no yeah and this was something that i think was like we we get like very evenly split on people on sides for most calls this one was so funny because like everybody was like yeah nah yeah something's wrong with that girl yeah like that's it's yeah it's it's also like one

of those things where i'm like god this is like this is an issue like an issue that's like you're gonna put yourself in and that's what i think of i'm like sure in my like i can be the judgmental part but then the other fear of me is i'm like you are gonna put yourself in such dangerous situations and you don't realize that this is an issue with you and this isn't like an exception to like oh i would never be into this i'm like no no no matter who it was and like i think nikki and i even said i think he said like if her husband killed somebody yeah i'm fucking leaving like if that if you don't have that kind of threshold there yeah like there's some it's that's something and like there's nothing like mental illness any sort of like any sort of

issues like that no judgment of it but you need to understand and learn that because you're going to put yourself in terribly shitty and very dangerous situations also like random note to add to this but on the religious note just know that there are a lot of people who are psychopaths in religion for a reason because you can use something like the bible to justify your bad actions because uh don't know if you know this but like every religious text is up to everyone's interpretation so you can interpret it literally to say uh yeah i think today god told me to beat my wife and like that's not a thing slavery yeah exactly so like no no don't ever let that be a thing i've seen like i was raised in a christian home i can't tell you how many people were in the

church that were mooching off the the big old boy upstairs the entire time i always think too in the sense of like as somebody who didn't grow up religious and isn't religious like i think about it in the sense of like okay let's take a room full of christian guys yep some of them let's called they're like just universally super ugly and some of them are really shitty people you are going to go for the ones that are shitty people because they're a good christian guy but what about the other guy he's a good christian guy like that's the part that drives me fucking crazy i'm like no no it's not about the religion it's not about the religion it's also a vanity aspect of this whereas if he looked any different or anything like that like you wouldn't you wouldn't use the

oh but he's a good christian guy to justify somebody's looks you're going to use it to justify someone's morals which have everything to do with your religion yeah like oh my god like you're like oh it just it's it's insane to me yep i agree insane i agree and also bad christian man bad bad christian man oh i'm not christian and i know that's not what you're supposed to do it's not but it's not i've never read the bible but i'm pretty sure that's not you're not supposed to do it for any religion or just like as a human being like yeah my moral code is like don't shoot someone in the back. Yeah should I do that to them?

Put them in the car. Put them in the car. Yeah they said it like fire. Yeah or whatever. It's very you of him. Have you seen that show? I don't want to talk about that show. No it's so horrifying. It's so horrifying. Well those are the glamorizing of that too of like oh he's a stalker but he's hot.

It's like mmm. Yeah. Oh god. Well that's a good one to end on. I'm glad you got to be here for that. You got to listen to the episode. I'm so glad that I'm here for that. I've never heard of that situation happening in real life. neither had we we're learning a lot about people from the podcast you might turn into a murder podcast right i mean maybe i would just be so afraid because they also like a lot of people and they do some fucked up shit which we don't air these ones but it'll be megan you know i feel

like you'd really understand and they seem like fucking insane i'm like fuck you dude why would i understand why did i get this i'm not like what am i giving off that's like oh well megan you're very sex positive and free the nipple i thought you'd be cool with murder and i'm like unrelated free the nipple sex positive murder like i don't understand i am not chill with you doing this or being like a like a mistress like i'm not cool with that no i can't anyways that's it for our episode arden thanks for being on thank you for having me oh my god so fun uh promo yourself tell people where they can find you on the internet my god uh well my name's arden so just like literally it's literally just yeah real honestly it's like no one else has my name other

than arden cho i know her um yeah she's gorgeous and wonderful yeah oh she was in she was in uh yeah she's very pretty you're pretty too oh thanks it's like a thing you have to be pretty for names arden i'm like the second best art let's be real next to the tree yeah you know what no their skincare is not good uh but sponsor me um no but yeah you can find me on instagram arden rose twitter arden rose youtube arden rose uh let's see i just reviewed james blake's new album on my excited to watch that on my youtube and pretty much cried drunk the entire time so that was good um and then also i have a book called almost adulting that's out so you can go check that out um if you guys want to uh uh uh uh follow the podcast on instagram we're at

don't blame meme pod and if you want to call in for a future episode you can leave us a voicemail at 310-694-0976 and international callers leave us an audio message at megan podcast at gmail.com record it on your phone and then send it to us don't just like i don't know if you need me explain how to leave one um also speaking of we've been having a lot of people write in into our email address oh that's not how it works you gotta call guys you gotta call we don't read your emails here oh i didn't even think about that yeah i see them and i just yeah they don't they don't get they get the shaft yeah and also a lot of people who say that like oh my friends are gonna hear and know my voice not i know i don't you know i have called into this show as when we

used to do like jokey things and megan didn't even realize it was my voice you can change your voice people sound so different over the phone yeah totally and your friends are never gonna think like oh this is cool about me or anything like that yeah so no yeah um and uh yeah guys uh that's it see you later bye don't blame me is a production by me executive produced by melissa de monts camera operator amanda lechner production assistance by julie carley and music by ryan hunter and giacomo picasso part of the her pod network