Don't Blame Me! - S3E20: Guest: Joslyn Davis - Co-Worker Doesn’t Like Me

Episode Date: April 15, 2019

Joslyn Davis is back this week! We’re sharing advice on what to do if your boyfriend’s brother doesn’t want you to see his baby, handing your fiance’s mom being in competition with you, confronting your boyfriend’s friend that isn’t as mature as you, and being kicked out of your living situation. In Don’t Blame Them a listener shares her advice on what to do if a family member is using a death for their own fame. Follow Us! @meghanrienks @joslyndavis @dontblamemepod @sheisnotmelissa Listen to ad-free and bonus episodes on Stitcher Premium! For a free month of Stitcher Premium, go to stitcherpremium.com and use promo code 'BLAME'. This episode is also brought to you by Lovoo and The Real Real Prepare-Enrich https://www.prepare-enrich.com/ Click Here for Affordable Therapy By State (Curated by Crissy Milazzo) Need Advice? www.dontblameme.show Domestic Listeners Call: [phone]  International Listeners Send a Voice Memo To: [e-mail] … with as much detail as possible under 3 minutes! I’ll do my best to share my wonderful words of wisdom. If you’re under 18, please get your parent’s permission. Advice is for entertainment purposes only, so you can’t blame me if I screw up your life. I kid! My advice IS AMAZING. - Want to WATCH this episode as well? Check out my YouTube channel: http://youtube.com/meghanrienks Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/join/dontblameme See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

hello everybody and welcome back to another episode of don't blame me wow we started this like so not we started this fast but like we were just like talking and now we're here um guys welcome today our fantastic guest is a repeat guest i feel honored i feel so honored and also like on the real i'm just excited to see you in real life and catch up we have so much i feel like i'm trying to remember i feel like we i haven't seen you in really long time But I've, like, seen your face. Like, I've been watching stuff. I've religiously watched your story, obviously.

Yeah, no, it's like with Lily. I'm like, so how many months has it been since we've seen each other? I'm like, oh, just, no. I don't think I've seen you since last year, though. No way. Yeah. Really? Before, like, the Clever shut down.

Shut up. Duty break is gone. All the things. I don't think I've seen you since then. No way. I don't know. I've been kind of a hermit since. 2019 has been, like, a year of being inside.

I think 2019 is a year of self-discovery. Oh, my God. Yeah. that's what i'm doing i know same same it's a lot of like figuring my life out um well guys uh this is an advice podcast you guys know i don't think you were filmed what did we film the last episode oh it was at your house you must have been one of the first films yeah oh wow it was so fun i still think about some of those stories and i want to know like wait i see people say that when they come back and i never remember who called like the girl who was like um i just moved into the dorms

and my roommate's having sex next to me. Should I just like pretend like it's not happening? And I was like. That never happened to her. Dude, no. Yeah. No, that's gnarly. Oh God, yeah.

I wonder, maybe she's like, she's like not almost done with college now, but like she's like in college. She's probably graduating. She's like deep in. She's like in law school. Yeah. Wow, that's amazing.

I think about these people. Me too. I think about some of them. Reach out. I think about all of you guys all the time. But just know you're in our thoughts and prayers. you know you are you 100 are um uh melissa's here as always hello melissa's not feeling so hot today but she looks hot i'm powering through you look great you look amazing for how shitty

you feel like you look good and i wouldn't even know you feel terrible like thank you uh okay guys um well if you didn't know this is an advice podcast now you know um welcome oh yeah welcome hello welcome welcome welcome um so we're gonna listen to your voicemails and if you guys want to be on an upcoming episode you can leave us a voicemail at 310-694-0976 and um yeah international international caller so sorry if you're about to eat okay and i apologize for that accent too that was really great are you working on a new accent oh yeah with all of my free time being an unemployed actor i've just been sending a lot of you just sit at home talking to yourself doing different accents 100 hello um you guys can email us an audio file at meganpodcast at

gmail.com okay um should we get into calls yeah let's do it that was like carmen i think it was beautiful very tenor both of us very low we kept it low and i have so many questions unrelated to this podcast for you hi megan melissa at potential gas so i am 24 and i'm currently in the working world and I have a co-worker who has made it very clear to me that she doesn't like me um long story short I've known her for a little over a year and you know she is four or five years older than me um and she's just I don't know she's very cold towards me she doesn't say hello to me but she's very warm and fuzzy to everybody else and um you know I I'm always the bigger person my killer with kindness. I'm always very nice to her. I talk to her and like ask questions,

like try to get to know her. And she's just, she hasn't reciprocated that at all, which is fine. I really honestly don't care because, you know, at the end of the day, she's a coworker. I am not looking for her friendship. I just want a positive work environment. What I'm very interested in though is, um, I follow her on Instagram, but she doesn't follow me back for whatever reason but every time I post an Instagram story she is one of the people that views it so she's going onto my Instagram profile she's looking at my stories which I assume also means she's looking at my profile she's basically just stalking me which like I do that too I stalk people on Instagram that I don't follow but it's usually because I don't really have a good enough

reason to follow them whereas with her she has a good reason she knows in her life every single day so I just I don't know it's starting to get under my skin a little bit because it's getting to the point that it's making the work relationship bad um not the stalky part but just her being like so I would love to hear your perspective if you think jealousy or if you think like there's something that i should be concerned about i kind of like that she's looking at myself because it means that she's invested in me but yeah wow wow i think there's only two options yeah this lady hates you or she wants to have children with you yeah there's only two options there's really only two also oh god she needs to get a fucking finsta like yeah that's embarrassing i have a finsta

i don't have one i should get one too so i can but i don't there's no one i'm really like that interested in secretly stalking. Oh, I literally, not only do I like hate stalk people, I follow those people so then I can see what they like. And then I judge them and then I'm like, oh, like there's some people who were like, defend like

X, Y, and Z person. And I was like, God, I'm so happy you're like terrible. Like this is great. Like I love this. This is very strange though because I sometimes find myself in these situations with women. No one hates you. Oh, well. People definitely hate me.

but truthfully and this is like hard to do you have to do it like through time i truthfully don't give any f's about what almost everyone thinks but i'm not one of those people who's like i don't care about what anyone thinks oh i care i care about the right people you have to pick and choose whose opinions are meaningful to you so is this woman in your workplace someone who you look up to in any capacity then maybe care about what she thinks do you want her role do you want to be like her when you grow up then maybe like do a little introspective looking at yourself if not thank you next salutations that's it i'm curious what like why like has she talked to you about why she doesn't like you like if it's like a work thing like if it's like oh she doesn't

like how you do something work related like if there's or if it's just like oh she's cold to me i'm not finding out why like not that i'm saying you're bad at your job but like maybe this woman is just like this person isn't doing this how i would like this to be done and like that's it or there's like a misunderstanding um so i think you can like you can totally ask but hey i will also say you don't have to be friends with everyone you work with like that's not and also maybe that woman that's why she doesn't like she's not friends with people that like she doesn't want to have close personal friendships people that she works with and like she thinks that not that i'm saying you're annoying but like maybe she thinks like this is fucking annoying not everyone

is going to like you i i mean i know for a fact yeah i'm cilantro i know many many people i am polarizing love or hate yeah cilantro soapy i love it thanks so much you need to put that on a shirt yeah that's also by the way i i added you remember we looked at our birth charts or whatever we are so compatible i know like we're like the most compatible as friends i was like this is gonna be so happy oh i want to do birth charting yeah co-star not sponsored but be a sponsor yeah um but i don't think they make any money no oh they do have like you can buy into you do um so yeah i kind of think that that's like i i would find out why and then just drop it and also if you're saying like it's just she's just kind of like cold and rude to you then i don't know how that

affects your work day-to-day life like are you guys hosting a show together like if i was like oh i hate megan totally like obviously chemistry as far as conversation goes is very important in a situation like this but if you guys are doing almost anything else yeah it truly doesn't matter like just go in get your work done do your thing and i would say yeah like honestly the best thing to do is just be better than everyone else so focus on that yeah just do your own thing and it shouldn't it as much as like i say like oh it shouldn't affect you like you shouldn't think about it it does it totally does but if it's not a part of your job to have that kind of relationship then just don't and then also you might not ever find out why she doesn't like you and so just

move on from that and don't give it any time and effort because clearly if she wants to like stalk your instagram stories and all of that stuff like fine i'm not like to be totally fucking frank with you i think she'd probably hate stalking you yeah um i do that all the time or she's looking for a reason to get you fired yeah like that's like maybe there is like a thing like maybe it's a total thing and then uh talk to her if you like feel like there's a misunderstanding talk to her about it um or if there's something yeah that could be construed as a misunderstanding or if there's something that yeah if it's like if it's like work related that needs to be solved otherwise just like yeah also just focus on what you're doing there focus on your work

be the bigger person be professional i don't know what your aspirations are but i'm pretty sure that the more you focus on this the less close you're going to get to actually meeting your personal goals so don't let this like weird personal thing rob you of your success in the future because you should really be focusing on how you can be your best and i know that sounds like a bunch of like tony robbins ted talk bs but that's it that kind of stuff gets said a lot because it's actually true so i'm just saying yeah and i would unfollow her on instagram like unfollow her and mute her so you don't even see that so it doesn't affect you because it's like yeah it's not it's not if she's not going to talk to you about her petty drama let that be her drama it's so i mean it's

just so weird that she doesn't have another account like that is so like so not that she's five years older she's like not even 30 unless she just wants her to see that she's doing it i've done that i've done that too where i'm like i'll look at something on my finsta and then i'm like you know what bitch i want you to know that i looked at this on my main and then i'll look on my main and i'm like i saw this dude it's it's exhausting and i've said this before where like I'm very much like a revenge petty like you fuck me over I will fuck you over twice as hard like I will not start it but I will fucking end it I will say it is exhausting because nobody cares as much as you do yeah and so that's the part it's not as fulfilling as you want it to be and I've learned

that and it's kind of just like that's also what my finsta was for oh my finsta is like tasty literally all of mine is tasty videos and then the seven people that I fucking hate it's the seven people that I fucking hate and then the people that I'm like I don't want them to know i'm watching their instagram story yeah um but yeah no it's like all food videos and like satisfying why are you not proud to like follow those food accounts on your i just want to be able to look on it and so then i just scroll through it it's just that yeah that's actually very it doesn't get littered with other things yeah by the way that wine you just said which one i won't start it but i'll finish it yeah that needs to be like the end of your next movie

trailer oh i love that oh my god i've got guns in that then yeah it can be like a revenge plot or something. I don't know why I take scissors. And you're like, I didn't start this, but I'm gonna finish it. I'm gonna finish it. And then there's just like explosions. Oh, and I jump out of a building. It's dark. You are basically the rock. I just roll it up behind you. That skyscraper movie. Done!

I'm into it. I feel sorry for this woman though that called because you can tell that she is like wanting to pursue her career, but is also sensitive, which I think should be embraced. I think she's a cancer, Pisces. It's gonna be rough and like you might just have to learn some lessons

the hard way sometimes not everybody's gonna like you and I think that's a lesson that you know but the other thing that you now need to learn is not everybody's gonna like you and you're not always gonna know why and some people might not like you for like reasons that you are actually not like that or it's a misunderstanding but you can't control it and you just have to relinquish that and like let them deal with it and trying to defend yourself and like no I want to show you the real me like you're gonna like me kind of thing it's just never gonna work because people are stubborn one more bit of advice I would give you is like I'm assuming this person is not your superior boss maybe above you at your company go and have a conversation with your boss when it's

appropriate after you've worked there for long enough and say just like honestly how am I doing on my job is there anything I can improve upon this is like one of my first jobs out of college and I'm really eager to learn and grow and do my best I would love any feedback and be ready for some criticism I think it's really good and that's like if that's if this person is not calling the shots in your career like honestly again thank you next thank you you know salutations pieces pieces deuces deuces guys cute though pieces pieces not the Reese's kind okay should we go on to the next yes this is so interesting I feel like that girl if I worked in an office I'd be worried that that girl was calling about me but she's like it's not an office

it's not like this random girl who like I know is verified on Instagram looks at all of my shit but here's the thing you're like you are very civilized you're kind to everyone in person i think you don't think you're civilized like when you're out in the world i think you're kind to people even if you're they're not your faves you know how to like conduct yourself if we're talking if we're talking but i don't i i've got resting confused face perfect which is also kind of resting bitch face i'm not approachable i know this mostly because um all of my friends have told me that they thought i was a raging bitch before they talked to me i'm not very approachable yeah lily and i always just say that you have like a celebrity quality oh my and that it's

because you look very clean you look very very clean we always say that like you and dana like very beautiful people shout out to dana ward we're like they just look so clean i feel like i don't look no no you look very clean that's so nice i'm not i'm not clean at all i'm dirty i'm so dirty so dirty i do need to shower maybe that's why maybe people are like oh she's famous i mean you are i also don't leave my house you truly are like decide whether or not people talk to me or not second half of 2019 is going to be all about going outdoors on to the next hi megan and guess so i am fucking fuming right now um so a little backstory me and my boyfriend have been dating for three years we've known each other since high school we've known each other for six years we're 22 now

in a very healthy relationship. I love his family. I literally went to his sister's wedding three days after we started dating. And now the same sister just had a baby two weeks ago. And they live about an hour away. And we still haven't met the baby. And I just got a text from my boyfriend saying that his sister texted him saying, Oh, you know, when my dad comes up this weekend, I want just you to come so you can at least meet the baby so essentially the dad's going up to drop some things off and he she wants my boyfriend to come with to meet the baby for like 15 minutes and then leave but they don't want me there and what we basically gathered from this is the husband doesn't want me to meet their baby even though I'm literally a part of this family in the Christmas

card the whole shebang like they're not getting rid of me and I have seen this kind of animosity in my own family with how my parents get along with some of my parents siblings and their spouses and I just can see that happening here and I'm totally fine with that I'm not totally fine with that happening here but I I know that's going to happen and I just want to know how can I kill this man with fucking kindness I want to be so fucking kind that none of this will ever fall back on my ass i have all the receipts and the tests i just want to make sure that i can like literally kill him a crime mess and so he just feels like an asshole and so everyone thinks he's an asshole okay thanks bye okay wow i wish i had your passion holy fucking shit dude um why does this guy not

like you well also i need more information i also need to know like what we've you like the words you use like what we've gathered if he doesn't want like so are there and when you said we've got the receipts does it literally say i don't want your girlfriend around my baby like she's a raging cunt i hope her car gets set on fire like yeah and like why are you like sick last week or is it a fact of being like okay i i totally get that you've been dating for three years you know each other for six you're in the christmas cards and everything like that but there is something different when there's like a baby around and everything like that like my friend her uh boyfriend same situation it's like same same I'm friends with the girl all of

that stuff when she it took her a long time before she met the baby mostly just because it was like a the fit like the the um uh the sister-in-law or whatever like all of that stuff she didn't want to be able like she didn't feel comfortable they were really close but she didn't want to a show another like girl being like oh I look really like gross and ugly and she's like I just didn't want to like be around and like see anything like that and like I didn't want having her look so put together and not feeling great about herself but then also it was like she couldn't yell at her like she was really family or like be like you can't do this you can do this you can't do this all of that and it was like even though that they were very very close it's still not family and i don't

think it's in like a oh you're not close enough for this it's more comfortability of being able to call the shots and not feel bad of if you talk to them terribly and also maybe the wife is dealing with postpartum depression exactly maybe she doesn't want to see any of that and then also and the husband might be just like taking the blame or looking out for her and himself and this is what i will say like especially because i'm in my 30s so a lot of my friends are like either starting to have kids or have already had kids and my sister too with the first kid especially if it's like the first kid in your family people are like freaked 100 out like i've had friends i've come i'll come over to meet their baby and they're like okay i'm gonna take you to

the bathroom please wash your hands first cover your whole body and hand sanitizer here's a coat here's gloves like people are just different then with the second third kid they're like who cares i just hope it survives do you bring me any wine you know and i think especially with the first kid and i think you bring up the best point like literally after my sister had her first kid she became crazy because your hormones are just like all over the place and i don't think a lot of people talk about that so the husband could be looking out for her or also like i don't know like i want to know more about what's going on with y'all like why is he potentially have an issue with you yeah and i just feel like do you are you just assuming that and that's that's really

what it sounds like and like the idea of like having receipts like why and you're being like i just want to make sure that doesn't fall back on you i don't know why it would fall back on you at all um is he like do you guys have some weird history or something i don't know or is it something like uh the family like the like the family and all that stuff like the mom can send over like vaccine records of the last time that like the sons got back all of those sort of things versus you and anything like that like I just think I mean my automatic assumption is it's not the it's not the dad that it's automatically the mom and in my in my assumption is that she just doesn't want it to be that many people like there are some people who's very overwhelming I think

when you first have a kid and like the adjustments and like also feeling like i'm not doing a good job and like i only want like certain people around me and also yeah at the end of the day too it's like you're not technically like whatever you're like you said it's not like maybe she doesn't feel the same way about you that you feel about her which i know is a really hard pill to swallow but i would say like this is your boyfriend's thing to navigate it's his sister like why don't you talk to him about it really like you know i don't know at the same time i feel like he shouldn't like that's just like he should tell you but i don't want him to be an instigator of like this should like no offense right this isn't about you like you just you

don't have a right to be mad about this it's not your baby and it's like even if it was your sister's kid and she didn't want to have anyone around yet or she just wanted her parents around or something like that like that's your fucking that's like people like it's fucking called let's like i love that she was like i want to kill him with kindness i think that's great do you do crafts can you make them a blanket can you do something so wildly thoughtful yeah they'll just be like but also to tears but also genuine you don't want to be fake you're gonna look you're gonna feel like a fucking idiot if you come in here and being like like just over the top like extra as hell like receipts planning all that stuff and then you see her and she's like oh my

gosh like hi like when we meet the baby and she's like i was just in such a bad place like i really didn't want yeah you're gonna be like oh wow why did i make this about me like just make a casserole like yeah i would say like send a bunch of food because no one wants to cook when they have a baby yeah send something thoughtful send you know what i do for a lot of my girlfriends when they have kids which i think is like a really awesome gift they get so much freaking baby stuff it's like yeah i'm the one who just pushed this thing this watermelon out of my jj no one's doing anything for me so i usually try to buy my friends like like a cute sweatsuit or something in a size they currently are because also by the way after you have a baby you're not small again so nothing

fits you can't wear maternity clothes and they're like oh my gosh this is the only outfit i can wear that i feel good so do something like that for her girl call us back yeah yeah yeah also this is okay last thing i'll say on this also you don't have to be in the car for an hour she might not even want the younger brother there that might be her husband being like no i want my family to come and all that stuff and maybe she had her family there like the wife the mom had her family there and all that stuff and she felt safe and comfortable with that and then he's like okay now my family's turn and she's like well they're not like it might even be that you consider yourself a part of their family she might not feel as so included in their family that she

wants a bunch of like boys around like all of that stuff and she's just limiting the amount of people that need to see her post all of it's honestly like really freaky how small newborns too like even with my sister's kids i was in the room when she shot them out you know oh my god and then i was it was i fainted you've heard that story i passed out to the ground no i didn't yeah they had to like resuscitate me and then i was back in action at least you're in a hospital the nurse was like oh no we gotta find her um and uh i was even like wait you're gonna let all these people hold your baby right now it's so little but it's like also like the grandparents very protective of my niece when she was born i wouldn't let anybody yeah i was in the room too

I'm like, have you washed your hands? What's going on with your health? I held her most of the time when she was in the hospital. They're so nugget tiny. Did you see it? Did you look? Yeah, because, you know, I studied biology and I took a first responder class. Like, I know how to deliver a baby.

Will you be there? Will you be there with a baby? Honestly, between your toe photo, Megan's toenail came off. It's true. And seeing a fully open vagina, I feel like maybe we should both go into the medical field. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I left it. Yeah.

You're like, I was going towards it, and then I ran away. Yeah. Yeah. I was never even that close. I could barely pass science. Yeah, I didn't take a lot of the science required for high school. That's not bad. Yeah.

Thank you. Okay. Should we go on to the next? This is fun. So, I am 26 years old and currently engaged, and my fiance is seriously the best person I've ever known. we've been dating for almost nine years. But the problem is his mom. She is arguably the worst person I've ever known in my life. And I'm not sure what to do about it. She is a complete

narcissist and is like inherently in this weird competition with my fiance and I. She's kind of dated around, and now, you know, we're engaged, so she is getting engaged to her boyfriend. We are looking for a house, so she's building a house with her boyfriend. There's this weird underlying tension and has been for years. I am not sure how to move forward with this, and for some reason, the idea of dealing with this for the rest of my life and bringing children into this mess is so daunting. So yeah, I just am so lost and with our wedding a year away, kind of freaking out. I contemplated calling you many times, but out of fear of her finding out about this somehow, kind of deterred me. So that being said, I finally bit the bullet

and decided to reach out and I hope that you can help me um my fiance wants no part in this um he does not support what she's doing he also sees what she's doing we've sought counseling together we've sought counseling separately so I'm just completely lost how can I move forward with someone who's so wonderful but comes with the worst baggage ever um I've actually been in a very similar situation when I was like early 20s um and I'm not gonna lie it was definitely a big factor for me like kind of being like all right like because you have to decide what you do want to put up with and what you don't want to put up with um but also like this is your fiance's family and I feel like if you guys are going to get married and make a family together

like you need to be his number one priority so he needs he needs to get involved in this situation even if that means like hey we're gonna have new boundaries with my family like you know maybe you spend less time with them or whatever but this seems like something you just have to decide make the choice I'm willing to put up with this or I am not and there and you can't control other people and what they're gonna do and it sounds like this is very strange you know yeah um so i want to touch on the therapy part because it's always my favorite go-to um you said you guys it's great that they did it separately and together but you're not actively still going that's really what it sounds like and therapy's not um as somebody who's in therapy

therapy is not something you go when your relationship is good like when it's bad and then it gets better and then you stop going like that's not what it's for like you start therapy and then you continue therapy the whole time like our therapist she and her husband have been in a therapist been in therapy together she said like since they like first got married i think that's and they never stopped and it's that's what you need to do because you guys need to figure out a game plan and if he's not doing anything about it that needs to come from a therapist saying okay so what's the game plan here how are we going to do this because if you've been trying to facilitate this and he's being not an active participant and trying to find a solution to this then i think

your hesitation is not because of his family i think your hesitation is because he's not sticking up for you and you are not feeling supported in this which is totally valid but i think if you are fearing a wedding coming up within a year i think you need to like listen to that because i genuinely don't think it's about his family it's about how he reacts to it 100 because honestly like my view of marriage is that like you guys then become each other's like family exactly and top priority and it doesn't sound like you're feeling that from him and it's like oh wait i'm blaming it on the mom situation but definitely go back to therapy together and separately if you feel like that's what you want to do because i agree with you it's something you need to be doing

in all seasons of life and if this guy needs to have your back my grandpa always said you know try to get divorced before you get married yeah try not to get married first yeah get divorced first thing you know whatever no you know what i mean that's exactly as harsh as that is to say like i definitely have a lot of hope for you guys that you're going to work through this yeah and i like just like you said like i've fully been there with guys where it's like terror like very much the exact same situation and everything you want to kiss your mom yeah and it's like does your mom like what is this it's like i figure out what her boyfriend look like yeah comedian says like oh my god like like no i want to fuck my son like that one my friends and

i always say like you either end up with an in like your your boyfriend your boyfriend's mom is either uh like is in love with her own son or uh wants to wants you to be their kid and there's only it's either like oh my god i love you like you're perfect like you were like you were my daughter i never like ever had like oh my god like we're best friends like we're getting our nails and we're shopping and it's like overkill or it's like fuck you you were the worst you're taking my son away from me it's like well are you gonna give your son a blow job like is that like like how is that relationship the same yeah and i feel like after going through that when i was younger now with chris my boyfriend with his mom she is like literally the coolest person

like she would come and like hang out with us and be like i have good advice for you guys but also very chill very awesome and so it does make you grateful for those relationships and you just might have to be like i'm never gonna have that like yeah and i think you just might not and i think it's okay that's okay you just have to like the idea of like in-laws or anyone who's like that great relationship i think you also need to take people at face value and for what they're worth like so if she's like a narcissistic bitch she's a narcissistic bitch she's like in all relationships probably you're not special how do you take yourself out of how do you get out of the situation when that is like applicable as much as you can so when she when is

she the worst narcissistic bitch when does it affect you when does it actually hurt you versus when is it annoying she also sounds like the type of mom that will probably wear white to your wedding yeah i went to a wedding like that once where the mom was like trying openly to outshine the bride oh my gosh the weirdest weirdest of all time but you look i mean the other person looks so stupid and everybody can see the writing on the wall it's very embarrassing for them and i think you just need to like you just like taking every situation like as it is like is the fact that she's getting married and like all of that stuff because you are too like it's funny like think about it like that like you're not going to be able to fix this person of their narcissistic

tendencies but when in reality does this actually hurt you is it like okay is it terrible do you go to dinner and is she just like the fucking worst and talking about herself cool so go to dinner with her once a month and then the entire time just be like don't like don't engage in that and just be like okay like let her do her thing but don't put yourself in like the battlefield of it as often and if your fiance is seeing that too then you then you guys just that you you reframe the parameters and changes of everything and then when it comes to having kids that is again i think you a conversation you have to have in therapy with your partner is your mom gonna be in our kids life because i mean maybe not as involved as you sort of imagined or dreamed when you were

growing up and I think you just have to totally shift your expectations because I know for me like that's been something I've really had to work on is having realistic expectations for relationships for what people are going to give me and honestly and truly all you can do is control yourself and your own emotions and also how much you let other people offend you which is a very hard lesson to learn because it's like I'm so mad at this person I resent them I hate them guess who's hurting just me yeah they don't even know i exist yes they don't care no no idea i'm mad i at all i really started learning um about like i i put so much like i have these like i always had these expectations of like what other people their relationship what our

relationships would be like not even necessarily romantic but just anyone in general and i would put forth all of this effort and energy in time into like all of these people and then even if it didn't work like if i wasn't met with what i was giving i would then give more to hopefully be like oh yeah this is what I want this is what I like this would be great and finally the moment I just stopped giving a shit and was like I'm not putting the fucking effort in if I'm not getting any back I received the exact same amount of effort but guess I hurt so much less because I wasn't putting in all of that effort they're gonna give me the same thing they're always gonna give me I'm gonna just I'm just gonna give them exactly that back and it's not manipulative to try and get

them to do more but the less I gave a shit about it it was the same situation but I wasn't trying to like put so much and you're happier and i yeah and i'm not disappointed and it's like i don't care anymore like this is fine and it's not even like a oh fuck this you like fuck you i don't care it's like no you know what some people like the expectations that you have for them and everything like that like in the relationships and all of that stuff and what you foresee like relationships with people to be like when you're younger and you see all of that stuff when they don't meet those expectations you're the one who put those expectations there like sure yes movies tv all of like the media has done all of that yeah but once you not necessarily

lower your expectations but you reframe because like as you're saying this is an amazing wonderful fantastic guy so let's say you you guys break up if you and also if you break up then then that's also fine too but if it's because of the family yes this family was going to be a part of his life and all that stuff and if it's something that you can't deal with for sure but then think about it in the other sense i don't think any situation any relationship everything is going to be perfect all the time no and also like someone else's family either so like you did another guy and then they have a terrible uncle like exactly there's always gonna be something everybody's got at least one weird uncle oh yeah yeah yeah at least one so don't blame him for the

situation but i do think that there is some responsibility to be taken for how your life is going to like work out that he needs to be on board with because i think it's more about him and i think it's way less about the mom i think it's way more about how you don't feel supported in that which is completely valid and fair while you wouldn't want to be in a marriage with someone like that so i think you guys need to go to therapy once a week and you need to talk about everything and you need to lay it out out on the table and you need to say what you want from this and really air your like that frustration and having a third party like unbiased be able to like look at you two and like look at him and be like it seems like she's really hurt by this and

this is something that's really hard like do i like what are you going to do to help contribute to this and it's not you being the nagging bitch which like even if you're having the same conversations i fucking promise you like matz and i can have the exact same conversation over and over and over again then we go to therapy and have the conversation like and suddenly you heard her even though i've been saying the exact same thing an outside person so another thing i was going to recommend since you guys are engaged something that chris and i did even though we're not engaged i'm like we're like going to like pre-dating counseling um we took this test it's called prepare and enrich and it's like a pre-marital thing that basically like you take

this quiz it takes freaking forever it's like the love language quiz but at the end it's like based on science here are your problems here's what and then you go to like a therapist session and for I think we went like six times or eight times and they basically teach you how to fight yeah like effectively because fighting is like you know it's a negative word obviously but like you're gonna have arguments and bigger issues probably than this in your future but I just thought it was so cool so I've been telling everyone it's perfect you can google it it's like on online I'll put the link in the notes yeah it's pretty cool have you seen it before have you seen that I hadn't heard of it but I'm looking at it now fascinating and I think like a

lot of church people do it but it's not a religious thing but it does bring up like oh I'm this religion you're that religion what is that going to mean for like things you would never think about in the world until you're like thinking about them on this quiz you know it's pretty crazy I hope for you though I do too you have a year until you're getting married you totally have time to start working through this stuff you know and I would also say listen to um listen to your gut when it comes to this and then even if you're in therapy um and you don't feel like it's working and you still have the feeling of like oh i don't know you don't have to break up but postpone the wedding like i just okay yeah i just think that even if through all of this as much as

he's a perfect guy and all of this if it's still like you just don't have like you just don't feel okay with it let yourself because i think that's another really hard thing that once you put the time and the effort into therapy and all this stuff, it really feels like, okay, now I have to make this work. You don't have to. No, absolutely not. I know someone who canceled their wedding three weeks out, lost tens of thousands, maybe even like hundreds of thousands of dollars. Best choice ever. Yeah. Best choice ever. They ultimately did not end up getting married, but this person is now married to someone else. Yeah. Very happily. And I think a lot of people, it's just you, the courage, it's really hard to have the courage to, I mean, I can't even

imagine yeah yeah you got to work on it now we believe in you we do we do you can do it with the mom i think they should go to therapy together because i don't think i honestly don't think it's about the mom i think it's about how his reaction i think it's about him not having her back yes and i think that's all like that's a huge uh huge yeah i think that's like that's probably what the huge issue is to it because at the end of the day it is his mom and if he is saying one thing to you his like his fiance saying one thing and supporting you and all that stuff but then in the moment is not sticking up for you to me it just sounds like he's saying what you want to hear but will not actually go up to bat for you versus when there's a therapist there that you're gonna

find that out as opposed to like finding out once you have kids and you're like holy shit i thought this was gonna change i thought you were on my side you have someone to then he has to be held accountable the next week he has to go back and it's like okay well you saw them like how did it go and you're like not well bitch not fucking well and also the mom like it's hard too because like about the expectation thing it's like is she really gonna change like or can you change your situation on the way you handle it and like approach it and but also not a bad idea eventually if she's open to admitting that she needs to have those conversations but yeah but it also might be he needs to under like he needs to go to like in group there and that's the good thing with

couples therapy is great it's like it's also very much like individual therapy too like you don't always focus on like okay this it's like you're you're dealing with this one thing that's affecting your relationship and in that he might realize that he has some issues in his relationship with his mother and that's where all this is and things that you might not even know that are they're gonna get brought up i honestly think it's so great and i had never done that in a relationship until this thing i did with chris and it was amazing and i walked away like there's hard lessons to learn but i think if you're in a good relationship like at the end of the day even though it is so hard to have those kind of conversations i think you walk away feeling

like empowered and like you've been through something you know in a good and i mean that in in a good like a good way that you're learning and growing no but it's not easy to change it's not at all but it's amazing because like you can do like yeah like we've we have fixed so many of our fucking issues in like weeks like like two weeks of a set like two weeks whereas it would have taken like 25 years literally i've been like so like all these issues we have the last three fucking years like we can fix them this time i'm so glad you called though me too and if donna hears that yeah fucking donna oh donna what a bitch what a bitch yeah but you call us and tell us your problem yeah and watch the movie monster in law because i think monster monster in law

oh with jane fonda no i'm lying guys this is not a movie that's a movie i auditioned for Monster-in-law is Jane Fonda and J-Lo. Yeah. And it's where she's like, I was going to be like a baby when that came out. No, I auditioned for one that sounds similar. And then there's monster, also totally different things. But yeah, in-laws have the reputation for being terrible because a lot of the time they are. I'm very fortunate right now, like honestly.

My family's also wild. No, your family's the best. They're very involved. I'm obsessed with my family. They're never getting away. They're the best. Okay, guys, we'll take a break. We'll be right back.

Okay, guys, let's get into more calls. Let's advise some more people. I'm an advisor. With a visor. You are. Hi, Megan. It is 7 a.m. where I'm calling from right now, and I was about to pick up the phone last night at 3 a.m. and call you,

but I decided I needed to get my shit together first. I'm 24, my boyfriend is 22, we've been dating for just over two years. We've just been pre-approved for a house and we're very excited. We have a prenup done yet, no one gets their panties in a knot and we're excited to move on to the next chapter of our life. Yada yada. The problem I have is his best friend. His best friend is just on a bit of a different spectrum than us.

He's single, never been in a stable relationship. He doesn't have a career right now. He's working as a bartender at his parents' restaurant on the weekends. He's constantly wanting to switch his mind about careers and whatnot. That's not in my business. The problem that I have is he is a very great friend, not only to my boyfriend, but to me. However, he's almost, no, he is a bad influence in the sense that when we go out, he's, let's go out, let's drink, let's get super drunk, let's do this, let's go to a club. And you literally have to say 30 times, no, I am not going.

Like, we are not going. we are like the tools for that we live in Canada we've done that when we're 18 like we're not doing that they've been friends forever and like I said he's a really great friend however my problem is whenever my boyfriend gets together with him there's been three episodes where they've ended up getting shit-faced on a weeknight and my question basically is does this need to be a red flag to me now the red flag comes from episode number three last night that we've been dating for over two and a half years and this this is just like it's not okay with me a little bit more context i grew up with a very alcoholic father and unfortunately and fortunately a trait that

i brought from this is i can 100 know when anyone in my life is lying when something is up i just like have a third sense now about it all um so he went to hockey last night they play on a hockey team the hockey team um i practiced on thursdays he texted me hey i'm at practice yada yada whatnot um he texted me at 11 45 which he usually called me and he was like hey good night and i knew something was up i called him he lied to me and told me oh i just got home from hockey and i said no you didn't you're wasted i can tell like by an instant i can tell you're drunk so long story short he actually lied to me and we got to this massive fight about it and he was like yeah okay His friends will call him Patrice, made him get super drunk last night.

I know that this is on him, and realistically it's down to his choices and not his friends. However, what do I do about this bad influence, and does this need to be a huge red flag about us moving in together, or is this just him and his 20s having fun? Please help me. Thanks. Oh my gosh, I'm so glad no one knew me when I was 22. Holy shit, bartending it all the time. I literally say you really hurt my feelings with your tone in this call I feel personally

fucking attacked and I would like an apology from you because I feel I feel attacked I was very confused but then I realized Canada the drinking age is 18 because when you were like we're too old for this I was like holy shit whoa we're on different pages I it does Patrice want to hang out with me yeah honestly I think the first thing I'll say is and uh this is I think for you as much as you're saying like oh i can tell when someone's lying and all of that stuff people lie for a multitude of reasons i'm not a fan of lying at all or anything like that he's clearly was lying because you feel uncomfortable about him drinking this much and you also feel very uncomfortable with him drinking this much because your dad was an alcoholic and like

my therapist has this thing where she says if it's hysterical it's historical and if it's oh my god this moment she said it to me i was just like put that on a shirt or a binder i know and then she over and she goes we have to talk about all of your trauma and i'm like oh gosh yeah so if it's historical i mean if it's hysterical it's historical and i think again as somebody like i don't drink i don't surrender i don't love people i don't i don't hang out with people who get like trashed and wasted and all of those things i can like count the number of times i've seen you like oh my god never seen me like he's never seen me wasted he's seen me tipsy like i had half a glass of wine it was tipsy and he's like you were scary and i was like

It's because I was mad at you. That's exciting. Was this at a wedding? Yeah, we were at a wedding. We were fighting. And I was like, I'll get a wine. And he goes, oh, she's so mad at me. He's like, I'm going to have to carry her home.

Half a wine. I was so mad. Threw her up. It was terrible. But so I understand, like, A, not drinking. And oh, God, such loud noises outside. So I understand you not drinking and all of that. I think, like, this isn't a red flag.

I think you are bringing a lot of your previous childhood trauma to this, which is totally valid. Right. I do that and so many different things where I will like again have this hysterical reaction and then my therapist has to be like this isn't your reactions completely valid based on your history with this but this isn't a react you're not reacting to this incident you are reacting to this and then all of this backstory that you bring to it so I think you need to like realize that and I think because of that reaction and of your like not no no we're not doing this and you're using the term we so much with you and him. if he's going out with his friends and doing this yes guys are dumb yes they can be a prayer prayer if he didn't want to do it he wouldn't do it and I think you're kind of speaking for him when you're like no we don't do that we don't do that that's why he's hiding it from you is because he wants to do it he feels bad about himself that he wants to and that you're going to think less of him so he's hiding it from you and so again as somebody who like I can totally tell when someone's

lying and all of that there's also a time to recognize okay I'm bringing to this my own issues again very valid issues that's also part of the reason why I don't drink is because it's just traumatic and it brings those issues to you that makes you feel like this this makes me feel like I felt in this point and it's not on him to make you not feel like that because that he's not doing that him drinking during the week like that's like I know plenty of people who have like a drink every night after dinner I do I have like my my mom swears it's very healthy it is healthy I have glass of red wine like pretty much every single day i'm not like wasted or anything but i mean to your point i think lying is wrong i don't care when it happens or how it happens but ask yourself

like why does he feel like he has to lie to you because clearly he doesn't want to you guys are you're very responsible you're getting like a prenup of some sort to buy a home be responsible in a way that's like introspective too and i would say we already told this to the last caller i would 100% recommend you going to therapy on your own for sure um my grandma was an alcoholic and I remember like I have a super open family she was like in rehab multiple times when I was a kid and I remember my mom picking us up from school and being like time to go to group therapy and I truly do think the reason that my mom and her siblings and like our family is very well adjusted and open well we're open obviously and talking about it but also because you got to do

the hard work sometimes and have those conversations and I think it's only going to be good for you you're only 24 like you obviously have it together but work through this stuff having to do with your you know dad and his alcoholism because that's not to be taken lightly like that had a huge effect on you and if you guys are planning on having a family in the future you definitely like want to try to get rid of or deal with as much of that baggage before you bring your own family into the world um because i definitely see how that would be a whole other layer that in the future that you haven't even probably thought about as much and the friend has nothing to do with this in my opinion he's just like a bonus jonas he's 22 like oh bless him i think

you're villainizing the friend because you don't want to villainize your boyfriend when neither of them are villains in the situation and it's very natural to like be like want to get drunk and all that stuff and then I also want to say so if you don't want to be with somebody who drinks that's also very okay yep but you need to that needs to be your hard line and that's not something that you need to be like taking out on him yeah or be an ultimatum like it's me like you because he doesn't he doesn't have a drinking problem I think like if and also I will say like getting like if you he gets wasted one night a week with his friends and stuff like I mean like when Mott's i first started dating he had uh him and his friends played oh god it was a kickball or

something kickball or softball one of those and like they like would get wasted after and it was like a wednesday night or whatever and then the dudes being bros being dudes and stuff now as he's gotten older and like responsibilities with work and also like he'll get heartburn and like all of that stuff exactly he's not gonna do that but it's i think you're kind of reacting based on like your where your lives are at in the sense and like and I also again I really really I was financially independent by the time that I was uh like 18 I lived on my own in an apartment like I never went to clubs like I didn't do any of this stuff like very much understand like the most put together young person I get that but like mentally totally falling apart but like aesthetically very

put together so I understand that aspect of it and like it I definitely all it's like that's when I met you and Lily and all of my friends were older than me because I was like cool you all have your lives together like jobs and doing things and it's like yeah and so that's also like so then i that's like i i don't remember if she said there was an age difference in her boyfriend yeah they're two years apart yeah she's two years older so that my boy matz is four years older than me i would have never even did i couldn't even date a guy who was my age because i i a women return faster than men but also i was just at a different life point than even my friends my age for sure so then i was dating someone older and even then like he was still kind of being like a reckless like guy

but it took him, it took him changing and wanting that for himself. And like, I've got a hard line with like, I don't date people who do hard drugs anymore. I mean, not that like, I just don't do drug addicts anymore. That's not my thing. And so if you have a hard line that can, that then that needs to be there, but that also needs to be there when you start dating someone. And so the idea that like, if you don't want to, you don't have to date, like date, not saying you need to date an alcoholic, don't date an alcoholic at all. Right. Like if this person's drinking and driving and doing irresponsible things and like hooking up with people when they're wasted totally different story but he's just he's he just sounds like he's living life yeah you know and you in a different

way than you i'm sorry that that happened to you that your dad was an alcoholic because like now you're having to deal with it and that just really blows but you can't control what's but you can't control what's already happened and you can't control your dad but you have total control over what's going to happen in your life so like make it good you know and try to like get through this situation and just know that like dude it really sucks yeah like I'm sorry that happened to you because like I mean I look at my mom and what she went through and like oh my gosh just like so uncool like she didn't deserve that you know but she has I think as a result of what she went through with her family she was like my family is not going to be like

that like even the fact that we like have open discussions and don't sweep things under the rug or whatever probably to a fault sometimes i'm like this is i don't want to know this about you guys um it's just something she was just like nope the buck stops here this is it is cyclical and it is for many people hereditary and like addictive personality traits and it's just like nope we're done with that and i give her so much credit for i mean what five-year-old is like i'm gonna go to group therapy right now my grandma's rehab center for alcoholism you know what i mean But I think it was really good for us. And I think then you can start a new chain and a new cycle for your future.

Yeah. So best of luck. Yeah. And yeah, so sorry about all of that stuff. But I don't think you need to worry about him at all. Yeah. Worry about you. Yeah.

Yeah, girl. Okay. On to the last call. On to the last call. On to the last call. Oh, my gosh. Hi, Megan. I'm 19 and I am in my second semester of college so this past weekend it was my birthday weekend

it was really crazy and fun and two days before my birthday I was talking to my friends who we were going to room together next year and I was like hey I'm feeling kind of left out like you guys don't want to hang out with me and you're only friends with me when it's convenient to you so I wanted to tell them that and I have like pretty bad depression and anxiety so I was like this like might just be my depression and my mental health speaking for me so I told them that and they were like like kind of like just mental about it so then the day after my birthday They unadded me from the roommate group, so I'm not rooming with them next semester. And they said they didn't know that the university was going to email me that I was going to

be out of their group, which is kind of BS because, of course, the university would let you know if somebody unadded you from a roommate group. So I kind of had a little freak out because they didn't tell me and I was already feeling like really left out of the group. So I've kind of gone into like a really bad, like depressive episode recently and I'm like seeking help, but it just really hurts to know that like your best friends aren't actually your best friends. so um yeah i think it might be super great oh i want to give you a hug so i i'm curious maybe

you guys have more clarity did she talk to her friends about this while they were like partying i don't know if they were drunk or not because i feel like she said things got crazy and then the day after the birthday is when she got unadded so i'm wondering like i don't know what she said well yeah i'm super curious like how it all went down and how where they are of like some of your mental health stuff because i think that's always like good information to have if you are a good friend but they're not they're not they're not your friend they're definitely not your friend your friend my sister who's like almost two years younger than me we were in college at the same time at different schools um have you met my sister you have so my sister ali was in

college at the same time as me and she went to long beach state and i went to uci so like pretty close to each other she was supposed to live with these girls or she did live with these girls her second year in an apartment and they were like straight up nightmare crazy terrible terrible terrible people one of them even lived with my parents over the summer because my parents were like oh you don't have a place to stay you can stay with us and i saw the writing on the wall i was like this girl is a mega bitch like she gots to go she is a snake in the grass and she is bad news my parents are like whatever i'm like oh you guys are such good people anyways cut to she was basically just like using my sister so she could have summer housing and then my sister

lived with these girls straight up nightmare terrible terrible people and they really hurt her feelings a lot too they like didn't want to live with her the next year and i was like girl let me tell you i was so wise two years older i was like you just dodged a bullet and it took her a long time to kind of like embrace and understand that too because it was the truth in her case for sure like these were not good people they were actually terrible people and she went on to as hard as it was to find housing last minute find a place to live so stressful lived with a different group of people who she has like been in all their weddings they were at her wedding they're all the best of friends and it was terrible it was the worst situation because these people were just

so mean and awful especially after our family had embraced them and done something kind for them which i felt offended by so come for me you know who you are if you're listening i will cut you um and it it ended up being great but i am glad that you are in treatment or like seeking help because that's like the most important layer yeah i would say i feel really my heart breaks for you yeah you you are living my college you have a similar situation yes and exactly what you said about dodging a bullet girl you fucking dodged a bullet because i moved that situation that happened to you i moved in with those girls oh and that was yes that's right and they were two weeks in they were like we don't want to live with you anymore we only started living with you

so you would pay all the rest of the money and like we like like and we like being able to like take your stuff and i was like what and i was completely like floored yeah and it was it was i i started feeling the same way that you're describing a feeling like they're being left out I felt that over the summer and again also depressed anxious that I was like this is me this is me like not not like because sometimes that does happen like sometimes you're you're feeling like oh my depression anxiety is making me feel like everyone hates me but no one hates me and so I was telling myself like no no you're fine like you're like this is fine they're not leaving you out they're not being mean to you I'm overreacting or something exactly and I moved in with them and

it was literally the first week but it was the second my like my parents drove away we were also to go get dinner i'm like they were like so nice in front of my parents i felt a little weird because i was like that's what's happening and they were like so sweet and the second my parents left like i went downstairs we're all gonna go to dinner and like my parents are like what are your guys plans they're like oh we're all gonna go to dinner i like get downstairs and they had already left and they had gone and i was like what and it was just immediate it was so those two and then me and it was like i spent weeks desperately trying to make them like like to like like me and it was so dumb because it was like these are people who are treating me like shit and now

i'm bending over backwards to try and convince them to like still not even not treat me like shit but just let me still hang around and like just take them treating me like shit so as much as this totally totally fucking sucks you did dodge a bullet like sure this would have been so fucking terrible first of all i'm so like we move in with them yes three girls should never live together three is just a terrible fucking number it's always two against one it's not like never do that in general don't live with friends it's i these were girls that i was like had become friends with freshman year and i had originally had been like oh i wish we had lived together freshman year i fucking loved my freshman year roommate she was a fucking random person and

probably has like her own life you're not like with each other 24 7 like i've even said this so many times out of like all of my very close friends there's very few that i have the chemistry to live with to travel with like that's a whole other thing and i think that's totally okay but i think honestly i think you are going to be so much happier even though you're really upset right now which i think is so valid yeah that's just mean that they didn't tell you to your face and you had to find out through an email that is cowardly yeah immature and not what you need in your life no and these these people i think i went through a string of like terrible friends picking terrible friends and I was just picking less terrible friends and I think the thing that I learned

through all of it is I would rather be and as someone who's like being depressed being alone when you're depressed is like not a good thing but I would have rather I got to this place where I was like I would literally rather have no fucking friends than get in this situation with somebody else again so I'm just going to be fine I'm going to have no friends and I'm going to deal with that and then if someone comes in they have to be so fucking great but I'm not going to sacrifice the idea of having friends because I wasn't having friends I was just having people in my proximity that I was calling my friend because I thought I needed to have friends but I'm like but you're not friendship is a relationship and if that relationship isn't there they're just

fucking people and that's the part that you like you're gonna realize once you like a I think it's a fantastic that you're getting treatment and taking care of yourself and focusing on all of that and I think through that you're also going to realize that I bet you that the feeling of feeling left out you've been feeling it for a long a while and it took until it was hard for you to kind of ignore it or maybe they were saying things in front of other people that like it just it got under your skin immediately like it didn't it didn't get under skin immediately like it had been there for a while and I think you're going to realize through all of that like not that's not any fault of your own but you're not you're not going to let people like that into your life again

And I think we live in this world where like, and listen, I work in media. I love Taylor Swift. She has her squad. But we're serving these ideas in the media. And like, I mean, I'm one of the ones serving it out there. It's like, I have my whole squad of 15 people. You don't need 15 friends. I call it your wolf pack. Your wolf pack could be you and one other person. And that is really all you need. You don't need 30 friends surrounding you all the time. Because honestly, you can't be close friends with 30 people anyways. Like, those are shallow friendships. you just need like one or two people who really care about you and that's it that's all you need in life so like don't feel pressure by society or media to be like i need like a whole sorority house of people around you guess what all the people in those houses they don't all like each other anyways i can tell you that from personal experience you know um and you know i think it's more important that you have just like a few solid people around you and that could be like a family member even that's a friend to you or whatever and um people who care about your well-being yeah in a real way you know not in like a fictitious fabricated kind of way and being

in college and I don't know if you're far away from family or if you have any good high school friends or other friends that like or cousins or anyone that you're close with that's what I really did once because I mean I ended up dropping out which I'm like that's also because I lived with them and it was like just so so so terrible but um i i really like really fostered long distance friendships with a lot of my friends of like my my like high school friends obviously who i've never met but i definitely know icon what an icon what a curly haired queen literally she is and so we had like we've we have gotten very good at being long distance friendship being long distance friends and i think for and i don't want to like say like oh talk to your high

school friends because i don't want to be insensitive if you didn't have a great high school experience and you didn't come away that's super normal too normal like i i think it usually people either have like a group of friends that they have through their life through college or from high school i don't know anyone who has like all of my high school friends and all of my college friends we're all like the closest and we're all best friends like that doesn't you usually like one was more successful than the other when it comes like who you walk away with and so uh you might not have had those friends in high school but you're that means you're going to like make those friends in college but i think it's so much more important to even if you can't physically

surround yourself with people who support you and care about you and like care about your well-being and love you um having those people via text via phone calls like i had a couple friends of mine who we weren't even we were friends in high school we weren't even that close but they also had really shitty height like college experiences and they were miserable so like every single fucking day we would facetime and eat lunch together and like like being like okay you hate you're in colorado and you hate college like i'm not like the beautiful thing about this world that we live in now and technology is that it can be used in a positive way and so maybe that's something that you can embrace. Also something else is like a lot of people are like, you know, it's hard to

make friends as adults. And I do agree for sure. But so many of my closest friends I have met as an adult through shared passions, AKA like my job. And I've been super blown away by that. So maybe like once you feel ready, either find like a club or an organization on campus that is like in line with something you're passionate about or like get a job. I, when I was bartending, I met so many cool people. I'm not really in touch with any of them right now. but um actually me and my sister worked at the same we worked at outback steakhouse together and we had so blooming onion y'all oh my gosh it's so unhealthy but so good and um yeah we met so many people that we hung out with in our 20s and just had like a great time with and there's

always time to make new friends yeah so now it's time for don't blame them oh my gosh so this is where people will call in listeners will call in and give their own advice if they've got personal experience with like a call oh so it's like yeah so if someone had like signed a prenup and like oh my gosh they were drinking my chat guy was like get a prenup yeah i'm like how much stuff do you think i have i like don't really have very much can you get married hopefully soon oh my god hopefully like you know you're gonna just i know you gotta get going on megan and lily my twins yes you have twins same way i know for a fucking fact i'm just gonna get like a text message or an email from you and i'll be like hey guys we're having a barbecue we'd love you to come by

that's the plan everybody better show up never ever fucking like be like oh i don't want to go because i'm like you could honestly convince me to do so many social things because everything i think jocelyn might be getting married i have to go she might be getting married now you know that now you know don't tell kyle don't tell kyle he wants me to be social he's like it's your comeback i was like fuck you first of all if i left i'm not ready to come back okay so what episode is this from this is from the episode with kelsey dara that's how you saw her oh yeah kelsey i love kelsey because i asked her 15 times i was like tell me how to say it i really love her she's a bevy of information and advice she's like lily but like a leo like a leo version of lily

she's like me i really liked her like if me and lily had a baby she's so funny legitimately yeah she has real skills yeah she does as i drool skill skills i like her and so um the original caller um had called because her grandfather had been murdered and um her aunt who did not get along with her grandfather was like taking fame with his death stop yeah and so this is someone calling with a similar experience what the fuck is wrong with people i'm still waiting for the one the i want i want someone to call him with similar advice for the person who accidentally accidentally murdered someone else hi megan this is for um feedback with the episode with kelsey and the girl whose grandpa just passed away and her aunt was kind of being a bitch about it

I'm 21, and I recently just lost my mom. And my aunt, who was her twin sister, did the same exact thing, posted on social media, kind of used my mom's death as, like, her way into fame, which sounds shitty, but it was true. The way I dealt with it, and it really pissed me off, but the way I dealt with it was kind of looking at it through my mom's perspective and knowing that if I made a scene at her funeral or said anything about it, it would have embarrassed my mom and it wouldn't be something my mom would have done. So that's why I kind of kept my mouth shut.

Finally, at one point I did say something, but the perspective, the way I looked at it was just like, you know, I'm here to remember their memory and if this person wants to use it as fame at the end of the day, they'll get what's coming for them. And so I'm just kind of looking at it with respect for the person who passed away and just with love. i'm really sorry for her loss and just um i get that it's really frustrating but it's good to be

the bigger person and not stoop down to their level because if they're using someone's death for fame they're the shitty person so i just would recommend not stooping down to the level level um thanks so much love the podcast um have a good day wow oh my god very mature so mature first of all so sorry for your loss that's i mean yeah i was like yeah there's two other people who have been like this this this is crazy this is like we had a few calls about this yeah really that is strange though and you do see that on social media specifically with old people on facebook and some of the stuff they post i'm just like this is not appropriate yeah and i i had a friend i had um a friend passed away my seat my junior year of high school and like we were like

satellite friend like we were friendly very small school and like we all did theater together but i really knew him from being my one of my best friends it was her boyfriend and he passed away suddenly and the amount of fucking people who like came out of the woodwork oh my god i miss like i'm a bot and like his ex like yeah his uh actually was so fucking funny about it she would just like turn to me and just be like he fucking hated this person this person's posting all the facebook i want to fucking kill him oh i miss my friend i was like think about how funny he thinks this is think about how much he is laughing that this person who he fucking hates is talking about how much of a great relationship they had when they had no idea the entire time he was just

fucking with them like he was just making fun of him like come on it's so crazy it's really crazy how people come out of the woodwork it's truly disgusting i had a situation with my parents a few years ago and they got into an accident it was crazy and some of the people that showed up what to the hospital oh yeah oh yeah and i was in charge i'm the captain now so we had people showing up to the hospital to visit them and i was like oh no i know why you're here you're just you feel guilty for all the shitty things you've done to my parents i'm like you do not gain entrance i was like you can go hang out in the lobby if you want and there was this one woman i'll never forget i was like i know what you did she stole like fifteen thousand dollars from my

parents in the 80s when fifteen thousand might as well have been two million dollars and she shows up and she was like oh i'm here to see your mom and i was like she doesn't need to see you though i'm so sorry she came all the way from vegas and i was like i know all about you thanks for driving here you're welcome to grab a slice of cheesecake in the cafeteria and see yourself out and my parents were like you are savage and i was like yeah of course i'm like ew i'm like it's self serving like yeah it's trying to like gain any sort of attention or peace for yourself in light If someone's deaf, no, go away. And I'm glad to be your stand-in daughter if you need.

Because that kind of stuff really pisses me off. That was amazing. I mean, they feel like you just need to call Joss up. She'll do it for you. I was just like, I remember telling this woman, she was like, I really need to see your mom. I was like, she does not need to see you. So thank you. Goodbye.

Wow. It was really fun. It was like the only thing I've done in my life that's like, ugh, edgy. Yeah. I love that. Also included like a soft voice and saying, thank you. There's cheesecake. used by the way when you do a compliment sandwich that's what i like to do we're like it's so lovely

to see you you're never ever coming inside best of luck with your life they're like wait what just happened because you do like two compliments in the middle i like a compliment we used to do a compliment sandwich we were peer grading each other's papers that's cute yeah a couple people didn't do it for me and then they got in trouble i'm like you didn't give me a compliment sandwich you just told me i was stupid and i get it i didn't do anything right but you have to at least tell me my handwriting is nice great cursive literally people don't do cursive i can't i can't even hold a pencil are you kidding me it's just like same same same same same kyle's sitting over there with his pencil excuse him wow

i like it it's lumber sexual i like it uh well i'm so sorry that this has happened to like more i mean i'm sorry this happens to anyone but the fact that i could think uh hopefully not even like you i don't think i did was it yeah you said multiple people have called in that is so sad similar stuff to this yeah but i think she's right in the um that that way of going about it of being like not making like knowing what the person would have wanted um whether that's like oh don't make like don't give them the time of day in that way or also maybe they think it's fucking hilarious and i've been like how fucking funny is this um true yeah i think yeah and you and you just get to know and people always get what's fucking coming to them in the end for sure

always fucking get it yep but like i just want a front row seat to it so i very much understand when it's like but i want to like i want to watch it happen i know same oh well you have the rest of your life to see what happens very exciting very true oh well that's it for our episode what a journey this is so fun i love this show so we can come back again i would love to i would love to and now um congrats on everything that's going on with your life by the way what's going on my life megan has a book coming out yeah you went to the gynecologist that was huge i thought that was really powerful you have this podcast you're selling cute shirts you have an amazing instead what was that your toe her toenail came off she saved it it's going in a shadow box

very proud of you in 2019 very thick nails by the way you're doing well you're doing great sweetie i'm wow thanks tell it to my therapist she's like yeah i will she's working she's on a journey like every time it was this journey i'm like can we not use that word it sounds like the bachelor i know i love i've been using journey a lot i'm on a journey speaking of journeys um plug all of the amazing shit that you're doing oh my gosh okay well um what am i doing so i started my i started my very own youtube channel for the first time in my life i'm obsessed i have my own channel it is a journey to be totally honest it's been really fun because i'm so used to like creating videos for clever and that's awesome in its own way it's it's been like that

was a cool journey but now being able to just like be like i'm gonna make this video and see what happens and see people's reactions is so fulfilling and so much different and so cool and been just a really exciting new chapter and i'm excited to see where it goes i need to get megan on my channel megan rose that needs to come on my channel oh my god she's ready i'll put a prosthetic nose on i would love that you literally made me want a marie kondo in my closet i didn't i instead just watched you do it great i got rid of so much stuff by the way two different tv shows in japan like the good morning americas of japan have played my video yeah and i was like where are the links they're like oh no we're just like television shows we don't because i guess like

it's one of the biggest marie kondo videos on youtube but it worked i got rid of so much stuff i recognized a lot of the things that you were trying on getting rid of i was like i i've seen that hang in your old fucking office yeah but some things i kept put it over jeans yep all the all the time so yeah i'm really excited about that and new opportunities and new exciting things and i think 2019 is going to be a good year a lot of learning i found that i have curly hair which has been a whole exciting thing we knew you would curl your hair but we didn't know that it could look we didn't know it could look like this i mean like not monica on vacation 24 7 yeah and that's just one small aspect of of my journey so come join the party yeah you guys want to call in

for an upcoming episode give us a phone call at 310-694-0976 and you can send us an audio message if you're an international listener to uh meganpodcasts at gmail.com can they send a text message no they can't send a text message they can send an audio file just another text message fuck i'm so sorry everyone um and it sounds like tit message i know the more you can send that if you want to message no boob art that would be a fun thing to do take our boobs cover them and paint and paint things with them boob art i love that i'm sorry that just really you know the pic the photo booth at prom me and my friends we all like did like four photos so it's like one two three four we're all staring at straight face and then the last one we all

just like took our dresses off and like so did the boys and so everybody's just like shirtless and like it's really funny oh my gosh i've also seen your car tour some of the the raw footage from that oh my god you're literally nude the entire literally lillia said she's like dude never not that i would fuck lily over in front of me but lily's like you have how many fucking naked videos i have of you delete them like what are you doing so i'm just holding on to it just in case you like blow up famous and i just sell this shit like fuck off just release your own nudes and then it'll be perfect i've accidentally did that one time i did a video where i was getting a spray tan and i blurred it but then i didn't blur my reflection no i feel like there

was a clever video where your boob showed and we had to like edit it or something yeah lily no it wasn't even like my boob showed like i didn't know you were filming oh it wasn't hey and i was like what's up and i flashed it and lily's like well i assumed if you flashed me and coachella you're cool with flashing the internet i was like no i'm not like i'm not cool no anyways you are oh my gosh prove it just prove it take your top off um okay inappropriate well if you guys are oh if you're watching this on youtube hey what's up cool go um to the uh apple podcast app you can subscribe to us there and listen to it and if you're listening go check out the youtube video and find out anywhere else that you can listen and watch us on don't blame me dot show and our

instagram don't blam mean bod and um melissa and i our socials will be listed down below as well and um yeah guys we'll see you next time see you next time don't blame me is a production by me executive produced by melissa demonts Camera operator Amanda Lechner. Production assistance by Julie Carley. And music by Ryan Hunter and Giacomo Picasso. Part of the HerPod Network.