Don't Blame Me! - S3E24: M&M - Dating A Felon

Episode Date: May 13, 2019

Here’s your monthly dose of Meghan and Melisa. We’re sharing our advice on what to do if your boyfriend’s brother picks on you, how to avoid pregnancy paranoia, dealing with your abusive friend with benefits, and getting past your boyfriend holding a grudge over something you did while you were drunk. In Don’t Blame Them a listener shares how she handled being caught having sex. References Help for Felons www.helpforfelons.org Zocdoc & Semen https://www.zocdoc.com/answers/8836/can-i-get-pregnant-from-dry-semen   Follow Us! @meghanrienks www.instagram.com/meghanrienks @dontblamemepod www.instagram.com/dontblamemepod @sheisnotmelissa www.instagram.com/sheisnotmelissa Listen to ad-free and bonus episodes on Stitcher Premium! For a free month of Stitcher Premium, go to stitcherpremium.com and use promo code 'BLAME'. This episode is also brought to you by Poshmark, The RealReal, and Cocotopia. Affordable Therapy By State (Curated by Crissy Milazzo): www.tinyurl.com/y64kwdnf    Need Advice? www.dontblameme.show Domestic Listeners Call: [phone]   International Listeners Send a Voice Memo To: [e-mail] … with as much detail as possible under 3 minutes! I’ll do my best to share my wonderful words of wisdom. If you’re under 18, please get your parent’s permission. Advice is for entertainment purposes only, so you can’t blame me if I screw up your life. I kid! My advice IS AMAZING. - Want to WATCH this episode as well? Check out my YouTube channel: http://youtube.com/meghanrienks Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/join/dontblameme See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

hello everybody and welcome back to another episode of don't blame me uh if you are watching this video uh i probably look like a like fucking like abominable snowman next to you because i'm covered in like white pillows and blankets and you just like you're just a corner or is it because you have on a dress and you want everybody to see your goodies my goodies my goodies and if i keep them in the jar that's how this song goes oh i thought you just referred to my vagina as a jar it reminded me of the time that i once i said uh i had a video of me like trying on like cheap bathing suits which got picked up on like like dirty reddit real fast and i was like i should do another one it was very flattering i was like so do you mute it if you're gonna masturbate

because i'm like talking and i'm making a lot of funny jokes being like my vagina's hairy i'm like you muted it right like everyone's being like fapping i'm like without the sound um but uh one of the things that I yeah the wet one one of the things that I like the realization that I had in that where I was like oh wow there's like so much room in this bathing suit bottom it's like a pocket and I was like I guess a body is just like a giant pocket I was like yeah you're gonna put things in your body you're a pocket you're right isn't that weird that is weird yeah I was fully sober not high at all when I said that to you not even kidding okay I could see that happening yeah yeah body is just isn't the body just a giant pocket gross um well guys our guest today

is the one the only hello it's may it's gonna be may oh i was like that's not your name may no do they pronounce your name weird because you only have one s in it no but like if the only person that pronounced it different kendall no was my spanish teacher one time she called me may lisa which is what it is because that's what it is in spanish and it's spelt that way it's just an accent over the e so like yeah okay one of my best friends names is almost that it's mary lisa i think it's a made-up name i don't know i should ask her i feel like it's like mary and lisa put together yeah but it's like m-a-r-a yeah it seems very southern very hippie dipping granola crunchy crunch um she i doubt she even fucking knows our

podcast misa whatever it's cool um so guys yeah welcome back to the podcast i'm stoked for this one um because i actually not that i don't listen to our podcast but i don't listen to all of our podcasts because i was there i like there's no reason for you to yeah unless someone's like oh my god this one was so funny or if someone like messages me on instagram and i want to respond they're like oh i really related to this or like can you help me with this or whatever um i ended up accidentally watching this entire fucking episode because i wanted to get to the part where we the not the the last one that we did because i wanted to get to the necking part yeah and we're so funny we're so funny and there's so much that got cut out of that that we put it

in our bonus episode somebody did you see somebody messaged us on um in the don't blame me instagram hold on did they try nicking no no no but they said something really funny i was watching our own fucking pod so i watched it on youtube and that's why i sent you like a little clip of us like that i cut out too but it's like it's even just like watching it on mute is funny i was watching it at the gym on my bike and it's like so funny because i'm watching myself and everyone in the gym can see that like this bitch is looking at a video of herself and i was like laughing out loud it was so funny so funny um so hopefully we can live up to that episode and if not who cares guys just go back and listen to that one and please watch uh listen to the bonus

content yeah so somebody this is you'll only get this if you listen to the bonus it's like toward it's like the end yeah so it says the snake story should have come with a warning i'm scarred for life yuck i don't even remember how we got there it was talking about weird i don't want to ruin it for people that haven't seen the bonus but but but did someone message us about putting something in their vagina no no i'm gonna cut this but cut the portion out but left the snake in the bonus in the bonus episode fuck yeah yes guys wow um not that i'm like telling you guys to like not listen to this or watch this episode and go back and watch that just know if you came from if you you are you excited because of that episode just know we're gonna live up to it we're

gonna yeah we're gonna try we're gonna get there also i was on cold medicine so i feel like oh my god yeah and then what did you you said something that like was just like you said one word earlier on the podcast i go whoa you sick yeah like family or something i was like god be my family yes oh okay guys well welcome back to another episode of don't blame me um if you guys are new here hi welcome what have you been doing yeah what's your name i'm glad you're here i'm so glad you're here i also like want to just like have like you know how like when you're out of town you can have an email message that is like hi i'm away here i want if anyone fucking dms me or like comment something or says anything where it's like i didn't know blank about you just like

hi you're receiving this message because clearly you don't listen to my fucking podcast so please go listen to it yeah but we did grow wow guys that's a big army what are we gonna do what do take over the world we have to we have to plot yeah we're plotting what are we gonna plot oh i mean we we are we do have some good things that are coming soon we do first people that'll learn about it will be our bonus people yeah hell yeah yeah bitch as well yeah um all right ready getting i'm hella ready hi um i'm a big fan of your podcast just want to start that off and i am in a pickle here. I'm 26 years old and I just need some advice on dealing with my boyfriend's brother who keeps nitpicking me. Typically you would think like your spouse or your boyfriend would

be nitpicking you, but I have the issue of his brother nitpicking me. I've been with my boyfriend for five years. We love each other. You know, I potentially see myself, you know, marrying him and you know I really want to get all get along with his family but his brother just always nitpicks everything I do like it's just really like things that are irrelevant and I don't understand why he does it I I haven't confronted him and I've told my boyfriend about it and you know my boyfriend just told me that's how he is like he does it to me all the time but he stopped like you just have to like you know confront him make him feel dumb about it and I'm just I don't want to do that because I don't want it to be awkward between me and his brother

because, you know, I love him and his family and I don't want it to be weird. So I just don't know how to confront him about it without being rude. And I guess he kind of has like an OCD problem. And I was reading into it, you know, people say that like someone who's like really like OCD, but like to control things. So I just don't know how to handle this with him without being too harsh. please help me let me know what to do thank you bye my brother-in-law is the same way yeah um but that's just like once we became like it was like once we became closer that was his way of

showing that we were family yeah it's like like in like a it wasn't like in a bad way he just like that's just like how he talks and so like he used to be like on his best behavior around me and then like once he was like in love with my sister and comfortable it was like now we're family so i'm gonna be what kind of nitpicky things it's it's like he like for example when i went home he was like this was like two years ago he was like your thighs have got really big and he said it in a way that like wasn't like yeah you know he's not trying he wasn't mean but i was like yeah i know i put on a couple pounds but it was like and then he was like and then he changed he's like it actually looks good on you yeah but like he does like things like that but

i can understand if it's not reciprocated yeah it's not reciprocated because after that i was like your stomach got pretty big too yeah yeah um because that's exactly what i was gonna say is in the sense of like uh like some people just don't have um as much of a filter and as somebody who has as i've been therapists have told me i have ocd tendencies in the sense that like when i get really anxious or very depressed like i get i've got massive control issues but like that's how i cope with things um and so i am incredibly i just i have as you if you're listening to podcast i don't have a filter like i think about what i say like as much as i possibly can but especially when it's people that i'm comfortable with and that i love and that know me like and

I don't think that I need to like have that like live TV, like five second delay. I will just I will just kind of like say things or do things. And I think that I'm being helpful and I'm not always. And that's one of the things I'm learning in therapy is the fact that I'm like, oh, it's raining. And I'm like, I'm like, oh, you should put your like it's raining. Put your hood up. And he's like, oh, no, I'm good. I'm like, OK, I'll do it for you. Yeah. I'm like, oh, no, I shouldn't. Like that's like a control thing. But it doesn't come from a bad place. So I think the reason why that your boyfriend is kind of reacting in a nonchalant way is because I think he like this to bring it home to like the name of my book you're not special in the way he's

treating you like this isn't like a there is no issue or problem here from his brother he knows he doesn't need to be worried that's why he's not like intervening or saying something um i think you're you're concerned about uh making it awkward or hurting his feelings which i understand because your boyfriend's saying like oh just like give him make him feel stupid about it there is kind of a safety net because that's his brother and like their family so you can kind of push back a little bit more so uh i would be really honest if you're like you're like your boyfriend and be like i really like want to do that i just feel like a little uncomfortable because he's not my brother and i don't want that to become across weird and even if like could you like can you i

like if you are if you want him to talk to his brother or being like can you give me some like tips to this and i'd also say like it know that it doesn't come from a bad place tune out as much of it as you can and once you start to realize like pay attention oh look he's doing it to like his mom he's doing it to his dad he's doing it to his brother he's doing it to all of these people and that's how he communicates yeah and some people just like it's it's just tends to be a little bit more straightforward and blunt and if there's any teasing aspect of it like give him give him some shit back like I think like you're not you've already got the go-ahead from your boyfriend that like he did that and that's fine and I think if you want to like gauge with your

boyfriend being like so what should I say like in that sort of way um and at the end of the day it's about um he's not intentionally hurting your feelings and your feelings are getting hurt it's not your job to protect his feelings for telling him that he's hurting your feelings so at the end of it you need to say that like I've definitely been at the other side of it where like people have been like hey like that just like ah that was like a little too straightforward and i feel like a fucking idiot because that's not my goal and i think i'm being helpful and i also i also like when people are like that to me like that's what i enjoy and we can get kind of caught up in the idea of being like treating other people how you want to be treated and i'm like oh wait not

everyone wants to be treated like me and we don't have that same kind of like back and forth repertoire so even if he feels a little i don't think he's gonna get angry at you i think if anything he'll feel a little bit embarrassed and i that's not the end of the world and i think he there's no way in hell he wants to hurt your feelings and i'm sure he'd feel really sad if you just kept letting it go on he's like so i've been hurting your feelings for like five years you never told me yeah so i'm thinking like you guys have been together for five years so he probably sees you as like his sister and it's it's just coming from i'm sure it's coming from a good place and especially because he does it to his brother like the fact that he's doing it to you too

i always like i was talking to acelyn uh about this where i every guy that she's like ever had like a small crush on or like anything like that i've just given so much shit and like kind of like lightweight hated and i was like whoa what happens like if like i like hate the guy or like i like constantly give shit to the guy you date she goes if you don't give him shit i'm gonna be like oh this is bad like this is super bad like this is like not good because it's that comfortability that you feel like you can kind of like that they're gonna they're gonna stick around you're not gonna they're not gonna like run away like you're a steady constant so yeah if you feel comfortable give shit back if you don't have a conversation with yeah yeah and i

think definitely before you do any of that talk to your boyfriend about it and let him know that it hurts your feelings because i don't want you to feel like you're holding to tell her boyfriend but she doesn't want to make it when you kept stressing i don't want to make anything awkward i don't want to get anyone get angry about me i don't want you 2019 the year of not downplaying how we feel so make sure you're being pretty like upfront and honest with your boyfriend because that's he's gonna be able to give you like the best like actual like in real time advice on that and um yeah and if there are certain things that you can yeah maybe also just start to notice how he treats other people and but yeah i think you should i personally personally think you should

give him shit back if you don't feel comfortable tell him because it's clearly hurting your feelings which is valid as fuck and not a fair way to live especially when it's not when someone's unintentional like because that's also i feel awkward if i know someone's like not meaning to hurt my feelings but they are you gotta say it because they're never gonna fucking stop and especially if you're probably gonna marry this guy too then yeah it's gonna keep it's gonna get even more worse yeah i would say if you don't say something now yeah it's gonna build up resentment and it's going to start being like you your feelings get hurt because of the nitpicking because he nitpicks and it might not even necessarily be what he's saying like it's

just the fact that like it's he just keeps doing this thing that like you have association with hurt feelings which is totally fair hi Megan I am 23 and for the past month I just started dating someone new who is literally one of the best things I feel like that's ever happened to I have been out of relationships like three years prior so I feel like I found a good egg but the problem is that he is a felon basically this happened like a year before I ever came into the picture and when going through kind of some mental health stuff his family had called the police on him and essentially he punched a cop um and obviously that's not ideal and he has a lot of regret and he's like in a really good headspace now and like in therapy and on antidepressants

and is literally um one of the sweetest people that i've ever met um but i guess my problem is is that he is a felon so currently he is out of work and looking for a job and obviously that's super difficult um as well as i love to travel and now i'm dating someone who currently can't leave the state um while on probation for this crime a year ago um so i guess i'm just looking for advice on how to get how to like navigate this until um the fall when he is off probation or if you have tips for like career paths that don't mind someone who is a felon um i'm really happy in my career and i can tell that even though he like loves me and supports me it is difficult to see me at 23 owning a house and loving my career when he's trying to figure things out so

yeah i would love some advice on dating a felon will you buy me a house i'm jealous of your life um okay first thing i would say uh i not that i get worried when people like call in and say like oh i'm dating a felon as a huge advocate for mental health like this i listened to a great episode of my favorite murder and uh about uh a i think it's called burn day was the episode or burn something um burn day is the episode but they did uh they talked about how there was just this one murder about this guy who was um have like had like a psychotic break and he became aware of it and ended up committing this like terrible terrible terrible crime and um it's because like then they tested his brain and there was just all of these like issues that chemical

imbalances and all of that sort of stuff so uh i think it's fantastic that he's in therapy it's great that he's on antidepressants and like all of that like we all we all go through i think everybody deals with some sort of like mental health issue at some point in their life and we all go through really bad points of that and it it bubbles up and it ends up in a circumstance and for some people it might be abusing drugs it might be self-harm it might be committing a crime or anything like that and it's incredibly uh important and i think great that he's getting the help and he's an active participant in that and that you're accepting of that and understanding and knowing all of that so i think that's great um i think for the travel thing you gotta swallow that and

be like you can't travel until then and i think also go on trips with your friends yeah and like go on domestic like go like go on like if you can go on a weekend getaway if you're like allowed or anything like that as hard as it is for um you it's so hard for him also because of like there's like there's so much shame regarding mental health in general there's so much shame regarding depression and men and like being up front with your emotions and toxic masculinity and all of that so he's i'm sure dealing with a lot so anything that you feel like you're missing out on like by proxy he also feels that too so any like empathy that you can have for him because this wasn't this wasn't like a lucid clear decision that in like event that he was an active participant

in it and like his mind decided to be like hey fuck you like i'm gonna tap out and like not do the thing that i'm supposed to do and i'm not gonna produce these chemicals that make everything good i'm gonna fuck around um and he was like the victim of that so i think the more empathy you can have for him the best and you sound like you've got a great amount so i think for like trips and stuff yeah go with your friends um and when it comes to like him being like envious and jealous of where your life uh is at i have 100 i've been there with guys that i've dated i have always dated guys that are older than me and i was financially independent and dropped out of school at 19 like i dated a bunch of guys who like got fired didn't have jobs were unemployed or like

could like lived with seven roommates and there i was and like my like really not like even any of the first apartments i had like i always lived alone i always had two bedrooms like i drove a nice car like i had like night like i had like nice things and it it can be and we've talked on the podcast before like it can be like a point of contention of wanting something that someone else has i don't think you should validate those emotions by apologizing for everything that you have at all because everyone takes their own journey to where they get yeah and being jealous and envious is a normal feeling but i just don't think you should validate it by telling like by apologizing and like saying that you are sorry for what you have you can be sorry for the instance

that he got himself in and that and just motivating him and being like you know what it's only like we've only got this much time left like we can we're gonna plan a fucking amazing trip in the fall to celebrate like like plan for those things um and i wouldn't even say like feeling sorry for the situation that he was in i would say having empathy for it but you don't have to feel sorry yeah like it's like and it's something that happened it's something that happened and it's again like it's we don't like we are we're all like you're young we're all like we we don't know what's gonna happen in our lives and like what we're going to have to like go through and face like there are so many times in my life that i've been like cool got through the trenches now i'm

great i'm like cool fell back down the rabbit hole gotta climb back out again like shit like we can never predict those sorts of things that happen and some people get like a bad hand like over and over and over again and then it's like coasting but like it's comparing yourself it's it's never going to um yeah it's never it's never going to uh benefit anyone um but i think planning a trip would be a great source of energy um for you guys and also because and even if you if you want to travel with your friends for sure but maybe if it becomes like a you know what we're going to plan for this really cool trip we're going to save money i know he's unemployed now we'll get to that but like we're going to make this be something that's like really fun and

really cool and something that he's like an active participant in planning with me so with you so it doesn't feel like he's going because just because you want to travel and he can't contribute to any of it um job wise so i looked up there's a website called help for felons dot i was just going to be like there's a bunch of websites i know that yeah and so there's jobs that felons can have welding electricians which electricians make like a lot of money i had one come to my house just to switch out the like the light switch thing they were there for all of two minutes and it was 150 dang yeah like that that's a good job um other type of technician jobs carpenters oil fill jobs working in kitchens and restaurants wind energy technicians commercial

truck drivers like there's there's a whole list and i'll put this um link in the show notes and what i'd say about that too is um the it's not even just places that oh these people they they they will employ felons and all of that they regularly do so chances are if he has like any sort of like shame or embarrassment with it he's going to be in a meeting with someone who's interviewing him who has hired hundreds of other people in this they might be exactly and those the places that those are initiatives that focus on doing that and it's rehabilitation programs it's the same thing that uh like jobs that hire um how there are organizations that focus on companies bettering themselves to hire more veterans they also have those same initiatives

for felons and people who are like newly released from jail and all of those different things so it's those are people who are like supportive and pioneers of uh assuming this i'm not assuming uh assimilating those people back into like society into a way that they feel productive and it's like a safe space it's not like you're the black sheep of that so i think if he knows if you guys don't i mean i'm saying that like you guys don't know a bunch of felons but like if you didn't yeah that there's a community of people who are also going through the same thing that he is that i think would be actually really beneficial for him and very supportive in all of that i think getting back into a routine and a job and all of that sort of stuff it'll help him

realize like how important he is and how valuable he is and how his life is not defined by that like one moment in which like the chemicals in his brain were not regulated and like the decisions happened that he didn't really have any control over okay guys on to the next one hi um i'm 19 and i have kind of a crazy i don't know it's not crazy it's just a i'm okay listen i'm very paranoid um i'm terrified that anytime i do anything sexual like with my boyfriend that i'm going to end up pregnant and I don't even mean like have sex I mean like if like we're doing oral or like dry home thing literally anything like I'm terrified that I'm gonna get pregnant like somehow his semen is gonna come out

of his you know his penis come into contact with my vagina and in some weird freak coincidence I'm gonna get pregnant and I'm gonna be like you know with child and then my life is just gonna be an absolute shit show because that is awful um I'm 19 that's not happening right now for me no thank you um yeah so I just I want to know like how to err on the side of caution and like be safe and have like a healthy amount of worry about that kind of thing so that you know we stay safe and stuff like that but also how do i stop being so paranoid because there's like a difference between being cautious and being paranoid and i just feel like every time we do something like that i'm freaking out until i get my period or if my period is a couple days

late then i'm like still freaking out and anyway i don't know if this made sense i hope it did um yeah thank you so much if you end up answering this uh i really appreciate it i love the show and i love you and um yeah bye thank you so much bye the truth is you can get pregnant okay you can but the the possibilities are so so so so so so low you can give a hand job and if there's come on your hand and then you touch yourself you can get you could get pregnant from if you are yeah that's okay in theory 100 true have i definitely like gone into those wormholes of like wondering like holy shit am i fucking pregnant yeah okay here's what i'll say um first things first you you need to do some reading i want you to do some reading i'm giving

you homework i just want you to do some reading on um people who try to get pregnant i have friends too it was incredibly easy for them to get pregnant i have friends who it was incredibly hard they had unprotected sex every single fucking like the entire time that they're ovulating and like when you look into the reproductive aspects of it of like your body is the most this is when your body is fertile this is when the egg is releasing this is when the implantation is there is like i'm not telling anyone to have unprotected sex there is you can have there is a way to time your cycle where you can have unprotected sex and you will not get pregnant because your body is not it's not your body is not always ready to have a fucking baby it's like

the door is locked and for a small window the door is open being like hey if you want to come to the party you're more than welcome to but also like i'm only going to keep the door open for a week and then i'm going to shut it right like there so i think there's apps to track when that window is that um here's my i have that app yeah like uh let's see yeah let's look when oh i switched my birth control time though so i don't know when my i'm ovulating anymore but if you think about it in the sense that like if you watch like shows like friends like monica and chandler trying to get pregnant it's like oh you're ovulating and people are trying really hard to get pregnant it's not all it's not as easy as we always think it is in that way i'm not trying to tell you like

don't be stressed about it because i think i'm not worried about you having um not being safe like you're like how do i have like how do i stay safe and not have an unhealthy man i don't think you're ever going to get to the point where you're being unsafe because like you are very stressed about any of this um we have this idea and as i'm getting not to say i'm getting older but as i've gotten older like i have been more aware of the fact that like i did you do so much in your early life of sexual history life to like not get pregnant that i have i have friends who struggle to get pregnant i'm not trying to get pregnant that's i'm not saying for that but i have friends who struggle to get pregnant and their biggest thing is they were like i tried so

hard my entire life to not get pregnant that i didn't realize so i think like first things first if you don't know that you're saying like taking birth control and then how you have to get off yeah for years yeah and like all of that but or being like they were i had friends who were off for well over a year and they were like doing everything right by the book like having sex and they're obviously all of those different things and it took them a long time to get pregnant and obviously because all those hormones yeah and i even had friends who like have like for like friends parents who ended up having to do ivf and like all of these different things so i think first and foremost um you should be on birth control whether and if you're if that's

your choice yeah if you but if you if you want to if you want it like like to go over all the protection things that you can do you can choose to do or not do birth control whether that's like an iud a patch a ring um or a pill i and he can he can wear a condom any of that i don't even you can wear a condom exactly and i think the thing that you should 100 do is go to a gynecologist and have a conversation with them and talk to them about it they're going to be able to give you like like settle any of your anxieties and then tell you like if you want to be extra neurotic this is how you can do it in a way that like isn't just making your life impossibly hard so like okay you said dry humping that that one's pretty much impossible gonna come in his pants

yeah there's not gonna be any like all of it's gonna get absorbed in his pants that one no if you're giving a hand job don't touch yourself after go wash your hands um oral that that's a lot of transfer because it would be like you going down going down on him he comes he comes he doesn't clean anything up he doesn't yeah like i don't know if you're suddenly gets hard immediately if he kisses you you guys kiss and then it gets on his mouth and then he goes down on you like that's a lot yeah or even like the idea that like he's gonna have cum on his dick and then get hard again and then have sex with you I think in general if you see cum clean it up like that should be like that first thing first um and I think like a healthy like

want wanting to be safe I think right I think fear I don't want to sound like an asshole and i'm really sorry if i do i think fear comes from um just a lack of knowledge about a lot of stuff and people get afraid of things that they don't know and the unknown um and as somebody like i was terrified of the gynecologist i was terrified of endometriosis i was terrified of all these things the more that i learned about them the less i was scared of my own body and the more i was like prepared and uh in tune and aware of things and there's always going to be a worst case scenario there's always going to be like a freak accident there's always going to be someone's cousin's friend who got pregnant this way and all of that and like what i never even watched it but

what's um jane the virgin like oh that was that's a completely different thing but she gets like yeah she goes for a regular thing and she gets inseminated yeah or it's inseminated a word in itself okay um but yeah so like you hear all of those things yeah on scrubs he like they didn't really describe it but they were like fooling around and like he came and they didn't actually have sex just got on her and she got pregnant i had a fear that i was pregnant um because there's this thing called like implantation bleeding where you if you when you get pregnant you can possibly bleed and i had started my fear i mean no i had started my birth control and i um i had no i hadn't started my birth control yet and i never spot and i started randomly spotting

and i was like holy fucking shit am i pregnant and then i was talking to my best friend sydney and she was like well is there a chance you could be pregnant and i was like well i mean like if it was like this this and this and she was like and it was literally one of those things of me being like well i'd have it like no one came no one sorry mott's babe i'm gonna rat you out we have sex like he didn't come inside me like in that aspect of it and sydney and i was like so it would have and i literally had to come up with like like six whatever degrees of kevin bacon or whatever big well it would have been this this and she literally goes that happened in a movie once and i was like a documentary of fucking fiction and she doesn't respond then she goes

oh fiction i was like not fucking helpful bitch like not fucking helpful so i think like we we tend to kind of, uh, yeah. So I think the more you can educate yourself on it. Um, I did a lot of like research, especially when, uh, figuring out if I was like birth control to help regulate my endometriosis and all of that. I did like a bunch of research, um, on, uh, like the reproductive system and all of that. I also have a like very rational and valid fear that my endometriosis is going to make me infertile. So I did a lot of research about those things and like, as like scary as all of that stuff is and to read it like the stupid like knowledge is power thing which is also like rich coming from me because i like went to a guy in college for the first time and like

once he gave me shit on the podcast for like two years um i did but it happened and i was excited when you finally went and the more that you learn about it i think like the way you're describing the things that you're afraid of like in a freak way that this could happen i think once you're to see statistics and numbers and like actual, like, like doctor data-driven information, it's going to kind of take away the whole, oh, but what if, what if, what if, when you're going to know, wow, that what if possibility is so incredibly, incredibly, incredibly small. And I also, I am 100% pro-choice and I am pro, then by pro-choice, I mean, I am pro people making the choices that they want. I don't think anyone should make any choices they don't want. I don't

care what choice you make the choice i might make might differ day to day if i was in that situation like i don't even have a specific choice until unless that situation happened to me but i want to be able to choose um know that regardless of like how you're brought up uh and like the belief system of everybody else around you too i think educating yourself on um on that aspect of two of like if you want to get into like that what if what if what if what if and all of that i think you need to know all of the options out there and really educate yourself and make you don't have to pick a stance or pick a side or anything like that but i think um living in fear i think is also from a lot of the time women were taught to be feared of our own bodies and we're supposed to be afraid

of men and we're supposed to be afraid of our bodies and like afraid and their growth and what we do and all of that stuff and if you haven't had very open honest conversations about your body your reproductive health uh sex in general with people in your life who are older than you um i think like it totally sucks when that happens but you should take it upon yourself to do a lot of research because it's so empowering and you're it it's a very reassuring thing because also at 19 i was 100 like this like i was so afraid of getting pregnant like terrified yeah did i make a lot of stupid decisions that like definitely could have gotten me pregnant 100 my fear it didn't it didn't what i'm saying is my fear didn't necessarily

protect me from that if i had been more educated i think i would have made a lot of smarter um decisions but yeah i'm gonna put a link to this article from sock doc love sock doc but it just says that um sperm can live for four to five days in a warm moist condition such as the vagina however once dried sperm will die wait however once dried sperm once dried sperm yes you're correct however once dried sperm will die within a matter of minutes so that maybe that makes you feel a little bit yeah better yeah i mean i definitely thought i could get like i was like so afraid of getting pregnant from a lot of certain things and also don't don't give your don't give his sperm that much credit like come on yeah you know i mean it's young viral sperm

that's true and it's true yeah yeah yeah they can they can fight through a lot of wars yeah uh i did see a funny tweet though about like um like whatever like like i just like wish i could have a conversation with whatever sperm made it to me being like i'm the one that survived i was like oh fuck you bitch look at all the mental illnesses i have and all the dead i'm in you wanted this life that's so funny that's a good tweet uh but you're gonna be fine you won't get pregnant just be safe and be smart um but you don't need to be paranoid because also high anxiety sex is not sex you know also are you having penetrative sex you know i don't know she talks a lot about dry humping me too i mean not me too like that yeah

so that's why i want i'm yeah okay yeah just wrap it up wrap it up don't let come near your vagina and if it's in if it's near your vagina wrap it up condom but don't do two condoms that doesn't make it work more they will rip they'll rub against each other and they will rip and then you could definitely get 100 spermicide jelly too i it smells so bad no i just i i there asan and i have talked about this there the only time jelly should be used is next to jam i don't want spermicide jelly i don't want meat jelly i don't want any fucking word that in conjunction with jelly unless it's next jam or jelly some loops or i don't want petroleum jelly i don't i'm just saying like ky has jelly like it says it says jelly in it but you call it k what would

you call it ky gel or ky what i would just say ky there you go but i'm just saying it's still jelly i just why do we need to spend i can see that it's gelatinous don't call it jelly like it's so fucking it's also just weird because it's like jelly beans that's fine also because i think it's fine because it's jelly something else do you know it's not a description of it that's like it's like jelly beans it's not like bean jelly like that's fucking gross and also like it's also what happens like all the fucking time in child when they're like i'm gonna sous vide some salmon and make um a mint jelly and i'm like no it does sound disgusting like no one wants like unless you're like oh i'll have like also

i don't even like just call it i don't even like call it jam like i know they're different but like they are two different things jelly and jam jelly preserves oh peanut butter and jelly is okay then because it's the fucking food yeah i just don't like no okay i found a lot of pet peeves i have okay guys we're gonna go on a quick break and we will be right back let's go on to the next uh call hi megan and melissa and guess i almost said my name but you're gonna believe it out anyways so what's the point um i actually the most recent episode that was just released i forget who's on it but i actually like played my call i was the girl who's sleeping with the guy who like he and

his girlfriend were on a break and he thought you were really mean and that i would hate you and that can never happen because i love you and like literally like nothing you could ever say or oh okay so i'm not sleeping with the guy who's like is on a break with his girlfriend anymore i have this like on and off friend with benefits and i'm talking really fast so i feel like the machine is gonna cut me off because i have a lot to say but it's fine and he's like not a good person like for example he'll get really mad if like i like don't feel like everything like we're on his way like we were on the way to his place and like he was like give me head and i was like i'm eating and he was like super upset about it and then also like later that same night like

that same day he was like he like slapped my ass like really hard like to the point where like brought like tears to my eyes and i was like can you like please not do that like that hurt and he's like like relax like chill whatever he got like super upset and then like i was crying and He was, like, super annoyed and being, like, you're, like, such a big turnoff. Like, it's not that serious. And I, like, tried to, like, pretend, like, I had an emergency. And, like, he, like, saw right through it or whatever. And, like, he'll do this weird thing where he, like, demands news of me.

And he, like, before he'll, like, sleep with me. It's weird. He's not a good person. That's the point. So I know, like, I shouldn't be sleeping with him. But, like, the sex is so good. And I know that's, like, not a good reason. But, like, I have a very, very, like, high sex drive.

Like, I am that girl who, like, go, like, 10, 12, 50 rounds with you. Like, no exaggeration. Like, no shit. Like, that is me. Like, I've got multiple vibrators. Like, I masturbate as much as I can in a college dorm with a roommate in my room. But, like, how do I, like, stop sleeping with him? Because he's a horrible person.

But, like, the dick is amazing. And I'm definitely dickmatized. Thanks. Bye. Love you. Melissa's going to cut out when you gave me really nice compliments. But I just want you to know it made me really happy. um we gotta talk i don't want to therapize you and get all psychiatrists on you and all of that

i think the reason why you are so into the sex with him is because he is so fucking mean to you that it is not that i'm saying that's a turn on for you because you're aware that it's bad but this is like a gaslighting manipulation sort of thing so he's treating you like shit and then when he's being intimate with you it's like the lowest of lows then to the highest of highs so you're associating the sex with being so great because in contrast to how he treats you this is like the ultimate i've been picked i have his approval he like that sort of aspect of it i they think there's a 100% a psychological thing here. And I say that because no matter how high your sex drive is at all, if someone treats you so, so, so terribly and makes you feel really,

really shitty, sex is so mental for women. And the fact that you are still able to get off and enjoy yourself when he treats you like that and out of sex, like sex aside out of that situation, you can see that it's really bad i think that um if there wasn't some sort of like i don't like that i think there's a psychological reason why you're enjoying the sex you shouldn't enjoy the sex with somebody who treats you that badly who's a fuck buddy like not going to talk about like uh like abusive relationships and things that end up something that starts some some way and ends up another way and there are all these other emotional ties there you don't have emotional ties with him like he's a fuck buddy who treats you really really badly

hitting you on the ass and not apology like this is verbal abuse that's physical abuse physical abuse if that's not what you want if that's not something you're into then no and he shouldn't be annoyed about that no i'm annoyed i it's it's he's i'm so glad that you're not that i'm glad he's a fuck buddy i mean obviously i'm glad he's your fuck buddy and not your boyfriend i'm also so glad that you are aware of like that you don't like these things but like terminally he's he that's abusive and he's also gaslighting you like he's treating you like shit whether it's physically touching you or saying mean things to you and demanding sex from you again those that is abuse he's doing that and then your response is you're clearly and valid upset

and he's being like why are you being so sensitive you're being crazy all of those things to then make you feel shitty and question your own sanity as someone who's been in relationships where i've been gaslit like it is a incredibly manipulative and confusing thing and especially when all you end up doing is pissing and i'm saying this from not i'm not trying to like project your own experience from my experience when it's when you're in a relationship with someone and everything you do you do seems to piss them off and everything you do is wrong when they give you that approval and validation and if that's through sex that is the great like it makes everything worth it and it should not because it is not worth it but that's how your

mindset gets to be when someone treats you like shit and that's the only thing you can expect from them no matter what they're annoyed no matter what you've done something wrong no matter what you're crying he's yelling you're apologizing he's upset like then when you get an approval from that person like it just fucks with you like it fully fucks with your spectrum of what's normal emotion like with emotions and everything like that and i think you this isn't about the sex i think it's there's clearly some sort of other thing there i don't want to say like you've got like unresolved issues or anything like that but like there's a reason as as my therapist says she's like there's a reason why we make decisions and put ourselves in positions and that's either

if we put ourselves in a position that we all we know we put ourselves in a position knowing knowing that it is harming us usually it's because we're we either we feel like we deserve it or we are projecting from something that we've been in before and we're we get ourselves in these situations and people who have like fully dealt with whether it's trauma or have dealt with any sort of emotional issues don't put themselves in situations where they're going to be harmed and they know that it's going to happen that's and so i think for you if this wants if you want this to be like a fantastic sex positive thing masturbate like his dick is not like there's no dick so good that you have to put up with physical and mental abuse at all like and it

seems like just based on this call and another call that you made the call you made before and I know you've called in before with another problem. You've said this many times, you're pickers off. And I feel like you're 19 years old, you're in college. There's so many other guys that are out there. You don't have to keep settling for these shitty guys. Well, you have to go out of your way to find this many shitty guys. There's common denominators with the people that you have been involved with.

and they're all people who if you tell the story to somebody they're gonna be like yeah that's not gonna end well and that's a form and i want i don't want to like put any like names i'd be like that is it can be a form of self-harm picking the like people who you know and relationships that you know whether that means that it's repeating something that you saw growing up or if it's um uh i mean for me 100 like a self-esteem issue that was like a huge thing for me it's like i was dating these guys who treated me like shit because like i didn't think i just like i didn't consciously think i i was completely unaware of it but i consciously was like i don't like myself like i'm gonna be with a guy who validates that really negative part of me and any guy who was

like overly romantic and really sweet like when monster first started dating he was like really nice to me i was like ew gross weird and he's like why is that weird and i was like it just like makes me uncomfortable when you say nice things and he was like that shouldn't make you uncomfortable like the idea that that's the anomaly like that's the one that's very far often different um and i think if it was about getting off it wouldn't there didn't there doesn't need to be a guy attached to it like vibrators for sure if you want like that's great but having a high sex drive that having a high sex drive is not also conducive to having multiple partners or having one partner in general like i think if that's where you're where you're out of being

like i need to like i i need what i need i need to get off you don't need to involve other people in that because you are putting yourself in situations that are a dangerous they're also mentally harmful and you i don't want you to put anyone i don't want you to put anyone like at the and the chance that like there's another like in the previous call when you were hooking up with this guy who him and his girlfriend were on a break like those are also the girlfriend is an unwilling participant in your sexual endeavors yeah and i'm not and you're not responsible for everybody else but it's at this point where if it's about like satiating your sex drive that's your responsibility and it's not like yeah it's nothing is ever worse being physically or verbally

abused um and it's also just not worth it's not about involving these other people in it like that's that's not getting off doesn't it doesn't like constitute to that in because of the fact that you're this you're you're pickers off and it's not and also i don't know when you say friends with benefits are you guys friends at all because this sounds like a shitty guy and i don't know if this this picker and the situation of surrounding yourself and getting in situations with people that really are not good for you or healthy for you and also can't give you like and treat you what in the way that you should be treated I don't know if that also applies to your friendships but I would do like a massive look at all of that and I say this like out of love and because like

I definitely it took me like I mean taking me like therapy but also like a long time to realize that like the choices that I made in my life and I that I was I was like my picker was off but also putting myself in these situations and all of that because I didn't let myself recognize that like I was unhappy with myself and I was more comfortable with someone else being unhappy with me than me being unhappy with me because if I'm unhappy with me that's all I have that's the only person that I live with that is like that is me and that is a much more daunting and much scary thought than having someone else vocalize and treat you in the way that you would treat yourself yeah and it's an incredibly like dark and spirally thing to like think about but I wish I had thought

about that when i was younger and i think i would have been in much healthier relationships and my patterns with relationships that i was in like 100 i was definitely somebody who uh i would pick fights like i would pick fights because like you'd want to get like not that i not i didn't consciously want to get yelled at but like there are these certain things whether it's how you're raised and how you see other people display love and affection and things like that but um there's just there's just definitely something else here and you're in college i would really um if take advantage of like the mental health department at your college yeah and have a very like you've been super honest and candid on the podcast i think it's great and it also makes me really

happy that like as tough love as we were the first time you still want to call like back and that makes me really happy because like i don't know that's like i want to be able helping yeah but we want to um we're not professionals so we want to point you in the right direction of the professionals that can help with this yeah it's hard when we think that um we're making uh i don't know it's it there there's like this twofold of like making empowered decisions about like your body and your sexuality and things like that and then also realizing that sometimes those decisions aren't they're empowering as an idea but they're not sometimes the intention behind them that you're unconsciously doing isn't necessarily empowering um and it's a hard thing to figure out it's taken

me like a really long time but i think the the best thing that you can do is be really honest talking to a mental health counselor at your school the same way you've been very honest with us and have that conversation with them and i think if i i think you're going to find that through talking to somebody and going through all of that you're going to realize uh you're going to be able to change the patterns of how you make decisions right and you're going to be making better decisions and you're going to realize like the desires that you have and the needs that you need to be met you're going to be able to do a lot of that yourself and like you're not going to necessarily need someone else to fill specific um like like like your

dick appointment you don't necessarily like you know i mean like that kind of stuff hi megan i am 20 years old and i've been with my boyfriend for about two years our anniversary is next month um and there's been something kind of eating away at me for the last year and i have thought about calling in about it and i just get too nervous every time because i feel like i know what you're gonna say um but so about a year ago my boyfriend and I went to my old college that I transferred from to visit some of my friends and go out and party and whatever and I got blackout drunk um like worse than I've ever been before and I got up on this table I started dancing with my friends and all of a sudden this random guy started smacking my ass

and I didn't notice because I was so drunk and my boyfriend came over and pulled me down from the table and started yelling at me and saying he wanted to break up with me and like just kind of saying really terrible things but he was also drunk and we ended up getting in a really big fight about it and like it was one of the worst nights of my life honestly and um since then we've gotten past it kind of but at least once every couple months he brings it up and says that it gives him nightmares and he has trust issues because of what happened and I honestly didn't think that it was that big of a deal because I wasn't like trying to get any guys to touch me or anything like it was literally just some random guy that came up and started smacking my ass and I

don't know what to do about it I've told him multiple times if he doesn't trust me like we need to break up because that's not a relationship that I want to be in and he says he does trust me doesn't want to break up and all this stuff and otherwise our relationship is really good and people always tell us like we're the you know perfect couple and everything but this is just something that i don't really know how to handle so if you have any advice please let me know it would be really appreciated um i love you and your show and i hope you have a great day thank you i'm confused at your boyfriend me too as somebody who is incredibly jealous um and is like i don't know i'm not like i wouldn't i guess i'm pretty prone to holding grudges but like yes you

yeah not pretty prone you hold grudges i was in my mind i'm like well it's like not like holding a grudge if the person did something really bad like it's just like a fact no that's holding a grudge that's true okay yeah but i don't know grudge okay you're right you're right you're right yes i am i shouldn't deny it also all of my friends were listening to this and be like are you kidding kind of um see i called her on this shit yeah she does this is what we were here for but i'd say like even as somebody who would be more along the lines of your boyfriend in the situation i don't fully understand his stance and i think the issue the biggest issue here is the fact that you guys are both really drunk um so i think it's that she didn't tell the other

guy to stop but she was drunk and didn't even know who like in your i could have been your boyfriend but i think the issue is is like when there's an argument happens when two people are drunk no two people are ever the exact same amount of drunk at the same time so for him he might have been a little more sober it might have been like from the way that he or he's drunk he's so drunk that from the way he's looking there's no way you couldn't know that this guy was behind you and like you couldn't see who it like there's no way that you wouldn't know who it is that it's some random and you're so drunk you're just assuming it's him or he's more sober and is looking and thinking that you are more as sober as he is and all of that um or he was really fucking drunk and

like doesn't really like you know what like you know when you are like if you've read it like when you're are really really angry in your dream at someone then you wake up in the whole next evening like i'm fucking mad doesn't that happen to you a lot yeah it does happen to me a lot and i have to be like months i'm mad at you and he's like what did i do i'm like there was a snake and you fed it uh and he's like that was a dream and i'm like okay you're right but like there's something about like when you stuck it up you stuck it up my pussy but like when you're angry with someone um and you will you just wake up angry and you know you're mad about something and he was drunk so we might not necessarily remember everything but he was mad and so that

emotion has like filled in the blanks of his memory or he's created something worse that's what i was gonna say or it was worse like he saw it as something way worse than it was and i don't know if you guys have had like a very like open conversation about like if you like saying for you being like i'm telling you as like honestly like being 100 honest like i don't remember this is what i remember happening and if he remembers happening something different like if your stories don't add up i don't know if you just immediately the day after went into this fight and you're both like standing your ground defending your own actions um because i i think like i i agree that he definitely shouldn't have like talked to you that way and like been an asshole and i don't

want to like give him like a pass because he was drunk but like alcohol fuels every argument it fuels every emotion if you're like a little sad you're gonna be fucking hysterically crying like it's it's a downer like that's what happens and so i think like i think both of you probably just have like a really negative feeling and a very like hurt feeling about that because like he felt hurt because he assumed that you saw what was happening and you let it happen and you felt hurt because he thought that about you and that he yelled at you so you're both coming from these places of pride and hurt and i think if you both can be like it was a drunk night we both fucked up and like we're both hurting and neither of us want to hurt each other no one needs to be right

no one wins if we're right either it's a situation that happened that neither of us enjoyed so let's both agree on that um and i think like i think the way he's using it right now of like oh he's over it and it's okay and it's fine like and he's just like bringing it up every so often it's a little manipulative it's definitely manipulative in the sense that like it's like he's holding it above your head you don't even know what happened and you guys should be over it there are certain things that like instill trust issues and something that couples need to work through for like the rest of their relationship you getting your ass smacked by a guy that you just assumed was like your boyfriend or your friend or like you don't even remember what happened yeah just this idea like

him using it as a like to manipulate you and like anything like that i think like if he's really like genuinely hurt by it these just i don't know not to be a fucking asshole but like that's what he has trust issues from like bitch like come on like is there something else going on and that's what i want like is is there another issue that you guys are having that he's using this is there something and i say this like like i've been in relationships before where like when i would bring up issues i'd have partners like bring up like the one thing that i did bad like forever ago and i'm like do you not like it when i confront you with an issue that i'm having that you need to make sure that like i also feel shitty so i don't know if like how you

guys communicate with like your other issues and things like that um but i would say um i agree with you in the sense that like if there is like if you saying like people if you don't trust me you shouldn't be in a relationship with me i would say which is the thing that i say to everybody now is be like you know what i really don't know what else i can do to make you feel like like trusted in the situation it was also a very like bad night for me i don't remember a lot we've been over this before it feels like we're beating a dead horse and we're unable to move on from this on our own would you feel how about we start how about we talk to a counselor who can help us figure this out because if he's not willing if he's not willing like if he doesn't want to break

up and if he doesn't want to talk to somebody else about it he just wants you to like he just wants you to feel bad every once in a while for no reason because there's no productivity that comes from that like i'm a huge thing of like you can't complain about things and you can't bring things up if you don't want to actively change them yeah if you don't like him ask him like what what do we need so we can get past this because it's not we can't go back in time there's also both of us are at fault here in the situation like no one is right and no one is wrong we both were drunk and it was stupid like the idea that you don't need to apologize for any like any of that like there's there is no like you don't owe him like this thing that he was also a dick to you

in that situation so you need to be given tools to move past this and if he's like there's really nothing to do then it's like well i don't want to live my entire life with once a month you bringing this up all over again and then that needs to become the choice about breaking up is not in his hands it needs to be in your hands because if he's not going to be able to move past this and like adapt and like grow better in a relationship then like you need to be like okay i'm done because it's not gonna change also don't drink under age oh how old is she 20 uh whoa girl um but yeah i think you guys should have that conversation with him couples therapy also the amount of time i've recommended couples therapy to people

like whether it's people on dms or on the podcast and everyone's always like um i like usually it's you i'm just gonna be honest every single person has been like a heterosexual couple and it's always been the girl saying that and then be like oh my like husband or boyfriend won't i'm like that's really fucked up like that makes me so sad and that should also be an indicator of someone who like isn't invested in your well-being and your relationship's future well-being if they're like no i don't like you want to go to therapy like us as a couple to figure are like like to get better at communicating no yeah but there's also a lot of stigma that goes around um therapy and i know like we're we're in no yeah we're in a bubble we're in a bubble where

where everyone talks about their mental health issues everyone goes to therapy but there is a lot of stigmatization yeah in other parts of the country so yeah it's a toxic masculinity thing but just makes me if there's any straight men listening to this and if you're or anyone if like your partner i'm guessing if they're straight and listening they're listening yeah it's like if your partner at any point wants to like go to couples therapy i think like that there's nothing no love you can show greater to someone than like swallowing your pride and being like you know what we don't know everything there's a reason why people go to college for this and go their masters and all of this that i think that's like the greatest sign of love is someone who's like

willing to do something like that so i think it's a really great thing and also i love we've had a lot of people who've called in so like they're sticking with you and others are going to therapy which i think is great pro therapy i wear it on a shirt we do like the juicy couture sweatpants it's just this therapy on the ass that is ass therapy is it time for don't blame them we're not gonna blame you no uh other people might but hey not us we're the ones with the headphones and the microphones um so uh i feel like it's weird explaining it do you guys i'm explaining to you guys not most like us you know um but now we're going to uh play one of your calls uh with your own personal advice from a previous episode and what episode is it this is from the episode

with l mills okay um so this is the original caller um the original caller she um was having sex at her um boyfriend's house and the brother walked in oh yeah and it got weird as fuck and so this is someone calling in with similar experience everyone needs to have sex in cars if you're having sex when parents are home have sex in a car have sex in a car have sex outside in a backyard in the park no because they know no you're gonna rest with that if you get don't get caught yeah but they got caught in a fucking bed in the house i don't think they're gonna be like subtle we're not gonna give them wide open spaces what do you mean we got caught having sex i'm just standing in the middle of the woods naked oh no like of course i'm gonna

get fucking caught do people have sex at the beach no actually no no but think about this if you have sex at the beach experience i like that that's fine have sex somewhere where there's no cell reception so even if someone catches you then they can't call 9-1-1 immediately finish yourself fast and then by the time the person gets service like 9-1-1 there you go against having sex so not only like now you're like like the ultimate voyeur because somebody's standing there waiting to get like service while you're getting service you have to walk away though oh that's so funny let's go on top of a cliff like at the end of a hike and everybody's like i have to hike all the way fucking back down run again before i can call

this in that's a good idea that's so funny hi megan and melissa um i'm a long time listener and i just listened to the podcast with l mills where the caller was talking about how her boyfriend's brother walked in on them and made it really awkward um i had a similar experience I've been dating my boyfriend for a year and a half now, but at about, I think, the six-month mark, I was home from school, and he's older and lives with his parents still. And no one walked in on us, but we were really drunk one night and had sex in their basement, and his parents heard us. And he got a text message from his mom that night that said, like, just so you know, your dad is a light sleeper. And we thought that would be it, but then the next day his dad talked to him about it and how we have to be quiet, otherwise I can't stay there anymore.

So I just wanted to let the caller know that I feel for them. After that conversation, nothing else happened. It was a quick conversation with his dad, and then we obviously were a lot more quiet. Also, we weren't really as drunk. So I just wanted to let the other caller know that it might take some time, but it'll get better. I would avoid the conversation, honestly, unless the parents or the brother brought it up, just because I think confrontation is awkward, especially with something like

that. But if it is brought up, just have a mature conversation, say it won't happen again, and go to your house more if you can. That's what I did. I tried to not go to his parents' house for a little while, just to diffuse the tension. But everything's good now. I've been with him for another year, and we live together now, so it is possible to get through it um and don't worry it's awkward but everyone has sex your parents probably know

you're having sex and yeah that's just my advice it'll get better have a confrontation if you want to but i don't think it's totally necessary hope this helps i think the difference here is that the other guy's parents didn't want them having sex at all and they somehow scammed their way into the happening like yeah we sleep in a bed and we don't fuck yeah and so your parents are okay if you're having or his parent your boyfriend's parents are okay if you have sex as long as you're not allowed that's yeah that's so funny though yeah if i like when but if i had kids that would be 100% a text i'd send if they're like just so you know light sleeper i would say light sleeper use protection yeah i would just like leave a condom with like a little bow on it

like on the pillows next time just like just like fully embarrassed the shit out of them um but yeah i mean i think like i don't know like we kind of get into these like these uh times when we're like like i don't know like i don't even want to say yeah like young adults where it's like we're grown-ups we can do whatever we want okay i like wouldn't even like i feel weird if like my friend is sleeping over and like moz and i had sex in our own apartment like and like you get to this age where you just like you just like figure other people's comfort levels i am uncomfortable even if they're not uncomfortable i'm uncomfortable with the idea of making them uncomfortable so i think it's uh they're craftier ways to like get around doing stuff like that again

cars don't have sex in a park unless there's not cell reception and then it takes them a very long time to report it whoever sees you um but yeah you know like there there are like other ways i think like that you can like get yours without getting like in truck because also it's that kind of thing like you don't want to get in it feels like so like like childish to get in trouble when you're an adult but in reality like there's only so few things that you could do but you're still under like you're still under like your parents roof and stuff like they're like okay if we're letting you sleep in the same bed can you just like not make it super obvious you're fucking like you've already scammed them into thinking that you're not having sex but wow i would i mean

i i think i would still die if someone told me that they no i mean i wouldn't die if someone told me i've had like friends be like i married you and i was like jerry i don't care but like the idea that like an like a grown-up adult yeah yeah like even like i used to i had a roommate and um and she would have her and her boyfriend would go at it all the time and we had like the wall that my head was against was next to her bedroom so i would hear them like i know what she sounds like when she's coming that's crazy yeah and so like even just like she's like she just like that was weird enough so i can't imagine like like even hearing my sister or something i've never heard that i just think that would be yeah awkward i told you the story about

how i was on a top bunk when yeah just swaying i was like i hate this i'm on this ride i'm like i'm literally having sex with them like i literally know everything it was yeah so so so so so bad not fun at all um but yeah just i also think about the sense of like you never want to like like listen to your roommate have sex or anything like yeah put yourself in that position would you like want any of that stuff but well guys moral of the story don't get pregnant use a condom go to therapy have sex in parks yeah also don't don't touch your vagina after you have wet cum on your hand but i just like the idea that there's just cum like you keep holding your hand like this like it's just your fingertips like one serving of cum here you go like you're

like working a diner okay like dick diner this well you just like come directly to my hand but you didn't mean it's never like a are you catching it i'm just trying to it's it never ends up in the palm of your hand that's what i'm saying but it has like on my stomach like if i was yeah and then if you're like yeah and then you're like like let me touch it and stick it in my vagina but if it's like up this way and it comes out then it like goes over your hand oh okay yeah that's valid that's valid if you're not you're getting a lot of air yeah not a lot of distance it's up this way like so it comes here it goes and then it goes and then it just like a volcano erupting dick eruption on your hand yeah okay

yeah don't so if you come on your hand if there's cum anywhere don't put it on your hand and then stick your hand in your vagina don't put it on anything don't put it on an inanimate object and sticking your vagina if there's cum clean the cum just have your hand like this flex your bicep honestly guys get a workout in it go to the bathroom just wipe your wash your hand turn the lights on when you're washing yourself in the bathroom too like if you like are cleaning yourself from like if it's like on your neck or something yeah turn from necking yeah turn the lights on so you know what you're getting and hey enlist your partner to help also if you're it's a group effort also if you're with a guy who's immediately is like come on some part

of your body and isn't like here let me help you it's like you got this right and you're like lying there naked just being like i can't really move like that's fucked up like they should be bringing you a warm wet washcloth yes and then still like wash your face or like wash whatever you need to wash you know like if it's on your face like rub it in a little bit i feel like that's really yeah it's a little dry and then you don't get pregnant because it's dead and then you can wash it off so truth just let the cum dry don't move it's like a crime scene you're a dead body don't move until all the cum is dried no matter how many days it takes and then and then you can clean it up then we're really not making fun of you no uh it's just i've

had i've been afraid to say 100 i literally got afraid like a couple weeks ago and both aces and they were like well in movies sometimes girls get pregnant that way and i was like are but it does happen in real life yeah you just it just has to it would have to be the perfect storm yeah like i just looked at my ovulation calendar on may 16th that would be the day that you would get pregnant yeah stay inside close your legs and stay indoors don't let anyone know this is the day they can impregnate you flashing neon sign i am so fertile i am so fertile oh it's so funny i wonder when i'm brittle my whole cycle has changed because it's fucking yeah you can't you don't know i don't know um okay guys uh i hope you enjoyed this episode

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don't blame me as a production by me executive produced by melissa demonts Camera operator Amanda Lechner. Production assistance by Julie Carley. And music by Ryan Hunter and Giacomo Picasso. Part of the HerPod Network.