Don't Blame Me! - S3E6: Guest: Brittani Louise Taylor - Creepy Coworkers

Episode Date: January 7, 2019

Brittani Louise Taylor is here this week to share advice! We’re answering your questions on what to do when you’re a homesick military wife, dealing with an annoying ex, bad roommates, and being hung up on a perfect but shitty guy. We also have a listener sharing her advice on mama's boys. Follow Us! @dontblamemepod @meghanrienks @brittanitaylor @sheisnotmelissa Buy Brittani’s Book: https://goo.gl/dc4hti Listen to ad-free and bonus episodes on Stitcher Premium! For a free month of Stitcher Premium, go to stitcherpremium.com and use promo code 'BLAME'. This episode is also brought to you by The Real Real, BioClarity, and Hourglass Cosmetics. Need Advice? www.dontblameme.show Domestic Listeners Call: [phone]   International Listeners Send a Voice Memo To: [e-mail] … with as much detail as possible under 3 minutes! I’ll do my best to share my wonderful words of wisdom. If you’re under 18, please get your parent’s permission. Advice is for entertainment purposes only, so you can’t blame me if I screw up your life. I kid! My advice IS AMAZING. - Want to WATCH this episode as well? Check out my YouTube channel: http://youtube.com/meghanrienks Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/join/dontblameme See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

guys we are on stitcher premium wow that was a nice nice guttural very oprah like oh my gosh yes yes we're on such a premium and we're on such a premium i was gonna say you all are but i don't know if you guys are you should be oh jinx jinx right now you can listen to episodes of don't blame me completely ad free on such a premium did you know that i mean you knew that but i don't know if you guys listening if you knew that that you can listen to our episodes our regular weekly episodes ad free in addition to that on wednesdays we're bringing you guys bi-weekly bonus episodes that are exclusive to us on stitcher premium um on there we go through um let's say dating profiles we talked about our dating life i think i really want to set you up on a date with like a caller

or a listener it's like older sibling oh okay i thought you were gonna say a caller sibling i was like no we can't do that especially because i'm straight and most of them are girls yeah somebody's got a older sibling in the los angeles area we should friend yeah someone that you think would be great like i i think we we really need to like that'll be an episode which would be great and maybe i'll like we'll like record the date too far we'd have to get them to sign a release and then i think they wouldn't be on their best behavior it's true they'd be real annoying yeah well um and you don't tell them that that's what we're doing either no no no no it's like a it's like a hidden camera show i'm in a van i've got a headpiece you've got to be there yeah oh of course

you have to be like in the table behind oh with a mustache and glasses do your uh bachelor that bachelor edition uh chaz that was actually really chaz dillweed is my new favorite douche name chaz dillweed oh it's a good one um in addition if you guys aren't interested in melissa's dating life which why aren't you interested because it's like living vicariously i mean i'm not that well that's why I'm here because I'm more interested and I'm doing it for you we also have our callbacks there so we get to deep dive and really give kind of like additional advice and once you guys listen you'll hear why we have put those into exclusive episodes because they do run a little long they're not that would take our podcast to be way way way too long so we

want to give them some good time and then we also have some bonus clips from episodes that got cut for time yeah and good ones like very good so good like really really good but they were like so deep and intense and we couldn't focus enough on them in the regular episode so yeah i think you guys are really gonna like the content and again bonus it's ad free and stitcher wants you guys to love it so they are giving you an exclusive discount so you get a free month of stitcher premium just go to stitcherpremium.com and use promo code blame let us know how you guys like it hello everybody and welcome back to another episode of don't blame me today we have a fantastic guest who i'm excited so excited about not only you being here but i'm excited

about your book so excited i cannot wait to read it brady louise taylor is here you haven't read it yet no i haven't read it yet like two days ago i haven't read it yet yeah i'll forgive you well I also didn't want, I didn't want to like spoil anything. I don't know. I just like, if I came, if you came and I was halfway done,

I would have been like, dang the rest of it. I'm like, or it's like going to see like you really loving a book and then going to see the movie. It's always better to see the movie and then read the book because then you're let down. Yeah.

That happens to me all the time too. I'm no, I'm, I'm, I'm really, really excited to read it. My thoughts are better organized in the book. I'll just say that.

Cause there's an editor, right? Too. No, I mean, I, well i work with the editor but like the i was really lucky because my story is that crazy and i had it really organized because i had all my notes from my trial yeah that we just really

edited grammatical things and added in like two things to explain something like why i had to go back and i remember one besides that they left it alone i was really lucky oh my god will you give everybody like a little synopsis of what the book is yes um okay so i met a guy on tinder and right from the start i kind of knew that we probably weren't going to be right for each other but he was just so cute yeah so like hormones kicked in and I think you know I just talked myself into the relationship and before I knew it I was in love and had you know a baby with him but then things started to fall apart because I there was so many things that happened like a woman um said that he you know him and her were having an affair but I believed him later on you know come to find

out no he really did cheat on me um like his family connections there was just it got really scary really fast yeah god I this is great because I also like followed this yeah like I start like I remember you're one of the confused viewers it's like what happened I remember watching and then being like oh my gosh what's happening what's happening and so like then when I found out you were coming out with a book I was like I cannot wait to read all of this and I did I didn't really have a choice I like I couldn't safely make a YouTube video and it's all I wanted to do yeah all I want because we're YouTubers like I don't think oh I'm gonna make you know write a book about this i was it was my only option and i was going crazy during my trial so i just started

writing i was like i was talking to the computer because i couldn't talk to anyone because you see people's comments and stuff but you like so desperately want to like tell them what happened and set the record straight for things i i like would type out notes that i wouldn't send them what i wanted to say and then delete it because and then i was like you know it's not worth it and i'm like i would understand on their side how confused they probably are because they're used to me being so open so like is she embarrassed like um you know did he just cheat on her did he leave her like they don't they were just very confused and then they started making like conjectures about it and then they got really mad at me because i wasn't talking about it and they

they didn't understand what was at stake for me yeah which i mean i i will say i was not one of those people i immediately was like i get those people though i i understand but i immediately asked somebody who also like makes youtube videos and has like gone through shitty stuff while i'm like still being like a public figure i was like oh this is not this is not gonna this isn't just a story time like this isn't gonna be just something like that so yeah and it's hard like you know especially like i i've said this a lot like the fight came to my doorstep like i didn't ask for this yeah but like you know when it came like push came to shove like i needed to do what i needed to do to protect rex and protect me and i kind of had no choice like and even now like am

i terrified yeah but i feel like you know it's better for a ton of people to know what happened to me and what i look like and what my son looks like that's safer than only a handful of people knowing yeah and if it saves other people then i won yeah oh my god i'm so excited to read it and he's the cutest guys i have not seen i do he's remarkably cute and he's just but he's just cute from the inside too like he went he just wakes up smiling and he's obsessed with cars but he calls them gars so like i'm gonna go like mama gar mama gar and then he wants to like hold oh i wish he was here i brought him in he would be flirt he loves blondes like he'll start doing this thing where he gets in front of you and he'll run in circles stop it yes and he'll keep

like looking back like do you see me do you see me like look i can turn really good i love it i swear that's my number one market is young little boys because like i also kind of a little bit because i like i give the disney princess vibe my best friend says that she's like literally like my the group of people who like me the most are like tiny little young kids we're like oh my time Elsa do you want to build a snowman it was really funny when I was in college I um I went to college for two years and I dropped out for one I came to LA to be an actor um high five okay so um basically when I was in college they had those internships where you could go to Disneyland and like you know for the summer and I was like I'll be so fun for me to go yeah I wanted to go be a

princess for a summer and take the business classes because they they have those business classes for free they're actually really expensive and they're it's a you know it'd be a win-win And they said the only character I could be was Tigger because I was so tall. I was like, I got turned away. Or they said I'd probably get, like, you know, be able to pick up trash or something. I'm like, I don't know. So I didn't do it. I had a friend that did it, and she absolutely hated it.

But I've had people that have done it that have loved it and said it was, like, summer camp all summer. I think it probably depends on who your roommates are. I think, well, she was, like, a weird character. I forgot what it was. I think there's a hierarchy, too. Like, if you're a princess who gets to talk, like, a princess who performs, and then all the other ones. My friend in college, Portia, her cousin was a Disney princess, but she got recruited to go to like, um, Disney Japan.

So she was like a, like a really good Disney princess. So there's different like categories. She looked just like Cinderella and she was pint size, like five foot one, like buttermilk skin. I don't think that woman has had a zit in her life. Like, yeah. And she was so sweet and like crystal blue eyes. She looked like a Disney.

Yeah, it was perfect. Wow. If only I looked, I'd be fun. I could be, I can't be one. I don't have curly hair either except now there's one who does from Brave it could be I am cold and angry I don't think I could be any of them

that would be a reach I'd like Stitch probably love Stitch he's not a princess I just want to be a minion at Universal but I'm switching brands is that betrayal? I don't know that's where Harry Potter is yeah then I would be happy

I'd go get some butter beer and hang out in my minion costume that'd be good I'm a big fan um well guys this is don't blame me it's an advice podcast uh with me megan and melissa and in this podcast you guys are new here it's basically where we give advice so callers call in leave us voicemails and then we give them advice on their lives and you are like going to be so good at this because of like your life sounds like a call my pain will be helpful no and like i think that's what why we like what the podcast works is because like that's what we we

say all the time i'm like people call in being like oh my god i'm depressed and i hate my life i'm like i can help you because i also feel the same way so um i think this is gonna be really great yeah i'm excited i can't wait if you guys want to call in and be on an episode the phone number is 310-694-0976 and to our international listeners you can email us an audio file at meganpodcasts at gmail.com shall we get in now yeah um i'm not sure if he's really ever dealt with like military or anything but I've been a part of it my entire almost 20 years of life my dad was in the military I married in the military but this is the first time that I've ever been overseas for the military and I honestly thought I could handle it I thought it would be so much

fun me and my husband would go all over this country and it hasn't happened and we're supposed to be here for two years. We've been here for eight months, but he had orders to leave a year early. I was hoping so bad that he would take it like that week ago. And he says he might want to stay because he has a better chance of promoting. He has a better chance of getting classes and getting certificates. My dad warned me when I married him, like, hey, military, like the career comes first, family comes second. And that sounds so selfish of me of wanting to leave when he has so many more opportunities out here. But it costs so much money to fly back to the States that should I just stick it out another 18 months or should I just go

home because I'm not happy. And my husband has like said, like, go to the doctors and see if he needs medication or whatever but I don't want to do that like it's not me it's this damn place and I don't think he understands that because he's not home all day like me he has a job I can't get a job out here and like school was supposed to help me out but honestly no because I'm still stuck at home all day and we got a dog hoping that would help it like my loneliness not really he doesn't really sorry he just walked through the door he doesn't really help me like he snuggles but he doesn't do anything and I don't know I just thought it would be a lot better than what it is

so let me know if you can help me like figure out like if I should just stick it out or I should leave early with the dog and try to get situated back in the states before he comes home that would be greatly appreciated i love your podcast so much i've been watching you for years oh this is hard she's so cute i just want to be her friend i want to go to that country whatever country it is we'll come yeah because she says it's expensive so maybe we won't be able to come oh i mean i don't know i think like i like my thing is like you know if their marriage just doing well like leaving might be hard but if there's trouble going on with them like that's a bigger issue i think then yeah but i think anytime you move or go to a new place it's just it's like

i've been stuck in arizona for a year even though i grew up there and like the first year i just yeah because it's not you you get into your routine you know this like you find your restaurants you like and you know you make friends and when you didn't ask for it when you didn't elect like this is a choice i want to do it's something like you have to have necessity yeah and i think that you know if she's really you know into painting find painting classes like i think whatever your hobbies are you need to get out of the house if she's going to stay and find ways to stay busy like sell everything online like do any do anything to keep your mind busy because an idle mind is dangerous yeah i think i i'm completely on the same page i think the biggest issue which is not

even really necessarily going to be helpful saying this but exactly like you were saying like the issue for you right now is loneliness but loneliness manifests itself in different ways and like you are homesick and you're missing all of these things but you have him so now imagine you have those other things but you don't have him is it a different kind of loneliness do you have the same feeling of loneliness or would you feel better still lonely but better even if he's not there because i think that's the issue is the fact that like he you're not going to get everything that you want so if you can kind of piece it together which way is going to make you the happiest and then also not to be that person but like the the idea that like and i don't have

any experience with knowing really a lot of people in the military only like friends who've like i've had friends that have moved around a lot i know it's hard on the kids yeah but like the how this seems like this isn't a one-time this is going to be an issue for a long period of time and like do you guys want to have a family like this is something that you said that your dad had told you that, um, work comes first, family comes second. And it's not selfish for you at all to feel lonely and to really like want your partner to be there. Cause like, that's what you expect and what you ask of them. Um, but you also need to evaluate, like, is this something long-term that you're going to be able to handle mentally? And I don't know if there's, um, like

I'm assuming, I shouldn't assume, but I'm assuming also part of the reason why you can't get a job because there's a language barrier and i'm sure that would make it hard to kind of create um and foster like friendships in that place so unless she made friends with people in the base i was gonna say is there like uh i i know there's a couple youtubers who like are like casey holmes if anyone watches her um she is a military wife and she has like she vlogs and like films and talks about all that stuff but um also people like she becomes friends with other women who are also military wives in the same situation and so there is that kind of like built in hopefully support system but like i just if you love someone like it's worth it like if he's a good person and

good to you and you're just lonely that can be worked on but if there's like problems in your relationship that's different but if you have a really good loving strong man that just wants to like take care of you but he's also like you know that's his career like you did sign up for that so it's just figuring out what's going to make her happy and i think you guys need to make a long-term plan to be like okay so after this because i think the issue is mismanaged expectations that you thought we're gonna see the world we're gonna do all this other stuff and like he's allowed to change his mind and be like oh no i really want to follow in this specific career path and this is the best place so i think you guys just need to have like a hard conversation about like

plan out the next 10 years not even like and just be like where do you want to be and where do i want to be and is this like sadness and loneliness temporary in this place or do i need to either decide i have to this is where we're going to be for like the next 10 years or do i need to stick it out for like x amount of time because i think how you approach it will be different knowing how long you're going to be there and then also you can make that choice because i think right now it's also probably a lot of like hurt because you feel like oh this wasn't supposed to be this long and she doesn't necessarily benefit from it he does yeah and um but yeah i think you just have to be really like open and honest with him and i know it's like stupid to say like make youtube

videos but like do something like whatever hobby or anything that you do do something that makes you have to like human okay yeah that's like the biggest thing like when i'm super depressed i'm like i have to human i like because like i could go when i like lived alone and like was in college and miserable but like like walking out of like getting out of the house having to human having to like talk to people having to like put on shoes and walk but like i like will get in these like phases where i'm like i cannot talk out loud and like hear my own voice for days at a time and i'm like that's not healthy like you just get trapped in that so having a hobby that like school online it's different like something that you have to get out of the house something where

you have to communicate with people use other parts of your brain yeah and just kind of get some like face-to-face like human interaction is so so so important um and while a dog is great i think you need to focus on your own mental health and also there's nothing no shame and nothing wrong with seeing somebody yeah and seeing and you saying that you don't like your husband thinking you might need medication i don't think you should go into like going to like i would start with going to a therapist not a psychiatrist but like hey who knows maybe you would and there's no shame in that and i think you need to focus and both of you he's focusing on his work but he also needs to prioritize your mental health and so do you and like know that this might um it might not like

fix itself overnight but like just like taking steps towards it but if we were there we'd be your friend we would i would totally hang out with you and with your dog some of my best friends that i've made though i've just said when i first moved to la i was a bridesmaid in her wedding later i was like i said i said look i just moved here i'm so lonely do you want to go to lunch oh my god Like sometimes just telling people because they don't know. They don't know how you're feeling. Then they go, oh, yeah, okay. She's lonely.

And then they bend over backwards to try to help you. So you sometimes just need to ask for help from perfect strangers that you think might be cool. Yeah, no. There's a lot of times I've become friends with people where I'm like, I feel like we'd be really good friends. Like, do you want to hang out? I have like no friends. And I say it like a joke and they're like, sure. And then I find out later they also have no friends.

We're like joking that we have no friends, but we have no friends and this is what we do all day. I think as soon as you can kind of, yeah, like break that down, you don't have to appear like you have your shit together. because that's how none of my people do most people don't know i don't know anyone who has their total shit together all the time yeah you have your shit it takes a team of people to have it no but like not but like we can still be friends but like you're not like a mess yeah that's true well best of luck let us know how it goes on to the next i'm 22 and my now ex-boyfriend is 25 and we dated for about a year and nine months and I just recently broke up with him last week after the breakup he came over to pick up his stuff because you know stealing

boyfriends things and we had this long conversation about why I broke up with him and just to give you a little bit of context the reasons were that I just couldn't deal with feeling Like I had to take care of him anymore, just because he doesn't really know how to take care of himself. And whenever we would argue, he wouldn't listen to anything that I said. He would just kind of argue until he was right, even though he never was. Um, but yeah, so I kind of told him the laundry list of things as to why I broke up with him.

And then I thought that was it. But then he texted me a couple of days later. asking me why i broke up with him which obviously is confusing to me because we just had that conversation um so i texted everything out again and sent it to him we had the exact same conversation again but through text message this time and i thought that was it but he kept texting me so i blocked his number because you know i have shit i need to do that doesn't involve telling him the same thing 3000 times. And then today, he just Facebook messages me the exact same question, asking why I broke up with him. And at this point, I am losing my goddamn mind. My two friends told

me I should take the screenshot from our previous text conversation and send those to him. But I wanted to know if you had any advice on in case that didn't work. So yeah, please help. Thank you. bye well you're dating dory um are you just doing sometimes you just need to stop responding if like if people don't get it because it's not he he probably is hearing her but he's trying to get her back he's trying to get a different answer yeah because he's just trying to get her like it's not over yet so yeah but why is it over because i don't really want it to be over like he's trying to keep getting back in her if we're doing the dory thing he wants to get back in her ocean he's on the beach completely he wants to swim right back into the ocean yeah but the water shower

no he doesn't know so he just keeps saying like hello yeah me yeah i love this metaphor yeah me too but i think that's exactly what that is it's like it's an excuse it's like the reverse side of what i always say like when i was in like high school and i had a crush on a guy i would always like oh do you know what the homework is like i'd come up with an excuse to talk to them yeah but then when you're in or like when you break up of a relationship like you just come up with something just so like you can keep like oh i'm just gonna stay on your mind across canada in a volvo destination vancouver turn left to leave travel west through approaching continue toward you've arrived adventure and comfort with volvo whether you prefer gas plug-in hybrid or fully

electric there's a volvo for everyone learn more at volvocars.ca i'm just gonna keep talking you but i think he's really hurting so i kind of feel bad he's really into her yeah so he doesn't want to let it go god yeah but i've also noticed like men they have a switch sometimes where they can just turn it off and not listen so he may he may when he starts to hear something that he maybe doesn't want to hear about himself he might not be baseball baseball baseball baseball yeah boys um are not always sober i wish i could do that no i wish i could turn off my brain that'd be amazing i would sleep so well i would just immediately close my eyes and be out and not just be like think of all the terrible things no i have a post-it like list in my brain that i run

through every night and it drives me crazy because i go through did i get this this darn it i missed that one and i'll hop out of bed and go do something it's awful yeah no i'm i'm terrible i'm i'm not yeah yeah but but i think that like the best thing to do is just stop responding yeah i think that's the only way like you know just block him because if you keep giving attention he's gonna keep trying because he's gonna take your you responding is your interest which is not but he's gonna ignore he's like he's been doing ignore what you're saying and just take it as it's a response but if you want to send the screenshots i think that's funny and pretty and then block them yeah then block them after that so if you want to do that i don't think

it's going to get your point across it'll only just be like funny for you and your friends which like it's just it's just awful anytime you have to break up with anyone i hated it yeah and i was always the one that would stay in a relationship too long because i didn't want to hurt them yeah what's your last astrological sign virgo okay does that not really no but i'm always the one like i worry so i feel like i feel bad for this guy yeah yeah i think i mean but but i think that you know that but i've been there too where you just have to stop responding and then he like because you know negative negative attention sometimes better than no attention so i think he's like he just wants her to talk to him because maybe they'll work things out yeah i think that's

the best bet i think like you it's not even you you you already broke up you don't owe him anything and then he's also gonna be able to get over it if he doesn't talk to you and you don't if you don't engage with him and so i would say block him on everything i don't think it's petty i think it's just like you're doing it for both of you you're like being like hey i have shit to do i'm gonna block you if you don't leave it alone yeah say look i still want to be your friend but you need to stop messaging me all the time just be straight up so then you don't totally like gouge him i think he doesn't want to be your friend he'll be like i'll be your friend like do you want to make out yeah this is like the whole closure thing like he's trying to get he is

he's like seeking closure he's never gonna no he's trying to unclose it if it's a box he's like ripping it open yeah but he's never she's over there with like tape trying to like yeah i just i i think you just you you need to for the both of you and also just take this as like a wonderful compliment too because clearly you have your shit together so much that he's like i know i like he literally is cannot like he just wants to be with you so badly like it makes sense though too because she's saying her issue was that um she felt like she didn't know how to take care of himself and that she was a caretaker too and i feel like you also bring that on yourself yeah because you're you like start like oh they can't pay for something well i have money

i can pay for it but she's recognizing it yeah but i that's one of my biggest downfalls is i always like let people become codependent on me i'm not codependent on them but they start to like need everything for me because i'm always giving and trying to fix yeah well that's totally a virgo thing yeah yeah very much like that my one of my best friends is virgo and she like packs lunch for her boyfriend who doesn't live with her i'm like what are you doing it's packing leftovers for him i was like stop it and that's we could we could yeah we'd have a lot to talk about and her sweaters everything is so organized oh yeah mine's color or yeah my closet's color organized yeah virgo virgo virgo virgo um but yeah you don't have to feel bad about cutting

him loose because it yeah it'll help him he'll get over it faster he has like a list of things that you want him to fix and if he's not trying to fix it keep moving why can't he like if he wants desperately wants to win you back can he just like wait six months get his shit together and be like look i listened and i did it yeah and for him too like you know if someone doesn't want you just walk away like you don't like like it's like taylor so if they only want it if it hurts like it's true i feel like sometimes they want to be tortured but you don't really want to be tortured the rest of your life so she doesn't want you just leave it alone deuces okay also feel good about yourself i want to be that girl like she's like she was so funny i know like i'm

done i have shit to do and then i go on facebook you missed me again i die okay on to the next hi megan i just got my first job five months three months into the job somebody started talking to me and i think he likes me but i don't like him back and he's kind of very clingy and touching he uh every time we cross paths which is very often i hate it he's like oh if it's from pi five he's trying to do a handshake for us and he purposely bumps into my shoulder or taps my shoulder and I told him I don't like that it makes me feel weird when he taps my shoulder he's like okay I'll stop and then he kind of butts in my conversation to other people and there's this guy I really like at work and I'm talking to him and he comes and

he sees us talking he butts in interrupts our conversation and starts talking to me about when are we hanging out like oh we should hang out sometime and I'm just like um no I'm kind of like busy I have plans like oh can I be part of those plans I was like no it was a kind of personal friend family thing so like oh but we're friends I was like yeah but these are very close friends I've known for years he's like oh yeah I understand and somehow he got my phone number which I don't know how he got the only people that have my phone number the people that hired me and the chef and the receptionist which he does not work in those departments and he's found all my social media like Facebook Instagram Snapchat Twitter everything and he confronted me about how I didn't

follow him back on Instagram and I told him oh I'll do it later he's like why can't you do it right now I was like oh I'm kind of busy he's like why can't you do it right now it's really quick I was like okay fine so I followed him back and I accepted his request and then he started liking every single one of my posts like like since i had my instagram and he started commenting on everything and every time i post an instagram story he he's like oh haha that's funny i was like oh that's dope oh that's nice like oh sweet i was like why are you doing this and so he he guys he tries to start a conversation with me on social media and i kind of just delete it because I really don't want to talk to him.

So my thing is, how do I get rid of this dude? I don't want to quit my job, the first job I've ever gotten, after two years of looking for jobs. And I really don't want to be that new girl who's reporting some dude because this dude has a crush on her. I don't know what to do. Can you please help me? By the way, this guy's, like, 30 or something.

I heard he was, like, in his late 20s, early 30s or something. I'm 19. This dude is parched. Dude, this, my God, he is beyond thirsty. It's like, you know, Hole is my favorite movie. No, you know I have not seen that movie. I know, that's why I said that. So, you know, when he's in The Onions, and they're, like, dying in the desert.

This is how fucking parched and thirsty that man is. He's the one trying to eat the onion. Yeah, but no, she thinks she's the onion. And she's so close. She's like, don't open this jar of onions. God. If anyone hasn't seen Holes. Like, I, like, I just, I, all this made me feel really uncomfortable because I don't

even know, because like, I, like, I know what it is when you want work. Yeah. And if you finally get a job, like, let's say, because we're both actors, what if you got something on set and then someone's harassing you and you really want to be on this show, but you don't want to report it because you want to get in trouble. How do you handle that? Oh, well, that's actually makes me give advice that I wasn't even thinking about because that's happened so many times on sets I've been on.

and it yeah you feel really uncomfortable and you don't want to report and also i don't know about in your industry but in our industry majority of the people above are men yeah i'm reporting a creepy guy who's 20 years older than me who like is being making me uncomfortable but i am gonna report that to another guy who's 20 years older than me like how am i supposed to feel comfortable and god i'm so glad you said that because i would never thought of this but i found i would just find like allies in that like i would find like so like on on a set like i like you get really close like makeup artists like i would find the women and then i would be like this person really creeps me out and they're like yeah never gonna happen again will not i will not leave your

side i will like make sure and do all this stuff and to like just like protect me in that like i've had that with like other actors who like had no sense of personal space and i am like very big into personal space like i'm totally a toucher and a hugger with people that i know and love yeah but if i don't know you like it like even her describing it gave me a pit in my stomach i'm like i hate that we had one kid who would just like every single time i'd be getting my makeup done my eyes were closed and he'd come up behind me and hug me and kiss me on the cheek and like i don't know what i and i literally had a makeup artist big you can't like just fyi you can't do that for the actors it really like doesn't help me do my job it really distracts me and made it

about it so it wasn't me being uncomfortable though there's nothing wrong about me being uncomfortable but i get the situation when you feel like you can't report it i don't know she can have a buddy system we don't know what her job is exactly like you know like like in on sets you have group situations she might just be she said what a receptionist and something else i don't know where she's working or what she can do i think she just needs to be point blank honest and say i like i'm not interested and like i when he touches her i would say that makes me uncomfortable please stop touching me like she needs to start drawing the line yeah and if he won't stop i would start documenting it so yeah i mean i hate to say because like if he if he won't

listen there's something wrong there and just like i know her following him back and her responding and stuff i think she is without even knowing it encouraging him and she needs to nip it in the butt well i think it's it's the it's the female complex of being like i don't want to make you feel uncomfortable for making me feel uncomfortable and so like you're not doing anything wrong by that it's like the same reason why like when men make inappropriate jokes about women and women laugh yeah because it's like i'm uncomfortable but i don't want to make you feel uncomfortable because you've made me feel uncomfortable so i think like i'm just gonna talk about it later how that was yeah and so i think like keeping a track record to potentially report to hr

you said that you have a crush on some other guy at work um i think maybe this this first of all okay this one i'll do the second part i was gonna say after um i i don't know if you've said anything to the guy that you have a crush on i think like if you've said like oh yeah maybe he i'm sure somebody else has noticed how much this guy's into you and like i don't she needs a fake boyfriend at work and you need to tell somebody to like so if any of your co-workers or anyone else might know like oh yeah no i always thought you guys were close friends oh i didn't know that like this guy that you might like might not be thinking that he is like he might be thinking that you and this other guy are going out and something like that so i think like telling at least one person

at work so it's not like that aspect of it and then i would also say i'm quicker to just say report it to hr because of the age thing because you being 19 as mature as you might feel someone who's like 10 years older than you at that age until you get to be about 21 i think like but she needs documentation too the 10 year age difference speaks to what not about you doesn't speak to your maturity it speaks to what that guy is attracted to and that's like the fact that there's a teen still in your name like that to me just like it's not and it's like he's clearly not an adult who can like hear rejection. And so I, my instinct reaction would just say reported to HR and you can also start, cause I've had a couple, I had a friend, a couple of friends recently who

just reported different people to HR. And the first thing that, um, they did with their HR person, they had a great one said like, when you first, what do we talk about this? When you want to tell me anything like what we can start small, you don't have to tell me who this is. You can just talk to me about it and you can tell me what you would like and like what situation you'd like, oh i don't want someone i don't want my phone number to be given out i don't want people to be randomly showing up at my desk like i don't want like calls to come through if i don't know who they are and so kind of setting up parameters and then and then you might not even have to tell hr who the specific person is if you can just be like i want my workplace to be like safe and

private but if you have to tell who he is like you gotta do it just in case our brains don't always log it but if he said something creepy i would write it down i would do date time if Someone else is there because like the problem with the H and R, they are going to want proof. Yeah. So she's got to come and show them. And he probably has seniority over her. Cause she needs to say like he had this and such and such was in there.

Like, you know, Megan was in there with me and you know, they heard him say this or here's all these inappropriate messages and, and whatnot. So, and he got my phone number and I didn't want that. So she,

yeah, but I think she needs to tell someone because, or she leaves her job. That's kind of her options. And then even, even if you just want to like the thread, of hr to him because like you have been don't be afraid of protecting his feelings at all because he's not caring about your level of comfort and just being hey i feel like i've been pretty clear

with you but if i haven't been clear i'm sorry i felt pressured into following you on instagram i don't apologize yeah true true just being like i yeah i love it and just be like i i have been relatively clear i thought so and i just want to let you know that i don't have any interest in you romantically i don't have any interest in being your friend and it makes me really uncomfortable when you are at this point pretty much harassing me on social media and like like talking to me at work and constantly like this is not a relationship that i've like ever asked to be a part of with you and if you continue to contact me like i'm gonna like i'm gonna talk to hr but she also needs to be careful just because of this when i was in high school i had a teacher

that was hanging out by my car and being crazy i kind of said like if you don't leave me alone i will go to the principal then he went to the principal and said that there was rumors that he was so you can't tip people off so megan it's it's best it's best for her to just like take her case and go straight to hr okay i take it not yeah don't warn him because he'll go and say oh such and such she's like this little thing or whatever you know she's mad at me right yeah she will turn it before she can turn it on him okay you're right guys i take that back you're right just go to hr immediately god i know i think you're right this is scary dude i hate men power like like freaks me out too there's that idea gross oh god yeah yeah he's been touching

her too which is like i hate that i don't even like i don't care if it's a fist bump or a high five like when you don't know somebody and somebody like wants i and she told him that it made her uncomfortable and he's like i don't give a shit about you feeling uncomfortable like it's oh my god yeah i think at this point she's warned him enough times she just needs to make the documentation and then go yeah because i and i and i think that from now on she needs to and say it loudly like when she's around people should say like please don't touch me without my permission or please don't text me without my permission she needs to start so when did he get her phone number probably i mean i know that we can probably look at her first and last name and

then maybe he might be on facebook but like what if someone at work breached and gave him oh true yeah god yeah and also i would say like i hope hopefully this doesn't result in you like needing to leave your job it sucks i think right now we're in like hopefully an influx of like women being defended really well at the workplace but at the off chance you were you said you had been unemployed for a while and this was like your first job it won't be your last job like don't be this is not something that you that comes to the territory of like being employed like you don't have to set like the company will want to take care of it because then it's a liability on them because they didn't they could get sued so they're gonna want to be in her corner but she

just needs to show the proof and i would just i would do i would tell him no like don't every time he doesn't want to do it i would document it and then i would go report it yeah and the reporting that's hard because it's embarrassing but like sometimes you need help yeah and we've had a lot of we have a lot of like listeners who are work in hr who've given like great advice with that stuff we had like a teacher who like got like wrongly fired and stuff so really just i know a lot of people also in hr not to shit on them some people in hr really love their jobs and really want to fight for you and other people would really just looking at the bottom line and not wanting to cause drama so do a lot of research and googling beforehand of like what do i need to have

what what are my rights what are they going to say that they don't have to offer me and like all of these other things so do some research and then just go in with your case and like be confident behind it because you're not being sensitive you're not being like wimpy it's not anything like that like if you feel uncomfortable there's a reason why it's the reason why you get that pit in your stomach and you're like oh this isn't good yeah that's that's when you get in trouble is when you don't trust your instincts yeah yeah okay well really really really wishing you best of luck and i hope the guy that you have a crush on at work i hope that happens well maybe that will work out maybe she tips off him that he won't leave her alone and then he becomes protected

and they start hanging out and talking and then they then they get married and have kids yeah it just like gives you a nice like i don't know like a cushion of someone who knows that's what i think you really the first thing is someone who knows so if you're like trapped in a corner talking to somebody they can like be like oh she doesn't like that guy that guy's creepy let me go save her yeah unless they're friends if they're friends and you should not have a crush on that guy gross i have such a picture of the guy in my hair in my head he's got long slicked back greasy hair that never never washes and he wears a pocket square for no reason and he's like he is a really thick big buckle on his belt but she seems so sweet she just needs to stand up and say

no yeah yeah yeah because men are scum if you don't tell them that they're being scum this will be scum but you have to stand up for yourself okay it's time for a break guys and we will be right back own iconic luxury items at unreal values with the real real the leading reseller of authenticated luxury from top designers shop from designers like louis vuitton gucci rolex cartier and hundreds more all up to 90 off retail new arrivals come in daily and every single item yes every single one is authenticated by the real real's team of experts in fact the real real employs over a hundred brand authenticators gemologists horologists and art curators from

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i caught him stealing some of my stuff and it's not big valuable things it was some of my cookbooks because last time he was there he mentioned that he wanted to take some of them not really asking me more like telling me that he was going to take them from me and yesterday he was there and I was going to use my cookbook that night and I did not find it and so I confronted them about it at first and all it was denied and I denied because I'm kind of OCD I like my things in certain places I know they don't use cookbooks and I know my boyfriend wouldn't move it or anything so I'm pretty sure that he took it I don't know how to confront them more or tell them how I really feel

because it's kind of hard for me to do those types of things but you know just give me some advice please um I don't know what to do it it really hurts me because i see them as friends and i would do anything for them and the fact that they defend him and don't take my side it's kind of hard i mean i think this is kind of just like a classic roommate thing where like these girls aren't your friends they're like they're paying money to be there so they feel entitled to bring whoever they want yeah and like it just so happened like it sucks that you like had to find out this way that these actually aren't your friends because like this is the clearest way of someone to tell you that they're not your friend is to

not defend you or stick up for you and someone else is being disrespectful yeah i think like this is just a really passive aggressive and shitty way of them telling you that they don't see you as a friend and like any confrontation i think you get you do with it's gonna make it worse yeah yeah just because anything i've had in like roommates even stupid things then it always becomes a passive aggressive mess. Yeah. It's never like, I can, you know, yeah. So I like, I remember like my roommate, um, she kept eating my food. Like I had like cereal and she has a, she had a ton of money and I like just moved to LA and I'm like, I was very protective of my Trader Joe's. I'm like, why are you eating that? She's like, why, what do you care? I'm like,

it's my food. And then it always escalates. Roommate stuff is really hard. I think, you know, it's one of those things like maybe you just say, I would try to just compromise with them and say when he or she is coming over like can you just give me a heads up so i don't have to come out of my room or i don't have to be here and if you see them touching my stuff like don't let them like you know i would just give it and then see how they react because more than likely it's not going to do anything yeah i think like i had issues with roommates dealing shit when i was in college um and it's like a very like it just makes you nauseous like it's a creepy invasion of privacy where you feel like there's a serial killer in your house because like i'm exactly the

same way of like even if like i live in organized chaos sometimes like i know where everything is um for the most part i can imagine my like acelyn hearing this being like i know acelyn really knows where everything is in my house not me um but i think like as much as it sucks that like this is your living environment and you want to feel comfortable in it like they you guys have equal rights in this and like just i think that morally they're on the wrong side yeah but like on paper written down they have just as much right to be in the living room watching a movie with their shitty friend as you do with your friends who aren't shitty just happens that like they're friends with shitty people so i think exactly you're right you're right exactly of just being

like just let me know and if they're not even gonna do that like then then you just save money and you get a different place that's what i did i got bullied out of my apartment in college and i was like this is so much easier if you just told me you didn't want to be my friend anymore instead of doing this and like playing all these mind games and so i think like you have to preserve your sanity and i think like a first step is cutting them out as friends they're just your roommates there doesn't have to be drama you don't even have to have a conversation about it they've taken the first step of showing you that you guys aren't friends and you just take that cue and be like yeah cool we're not friends um we're just roommates and then ignore the guy when

he's over there if there's anything like of value or like sentimental or hide it yeah hide it be like your cookbooks keep them in the room like and then really make your like your room your sanctuary and like does it suck that you're paying for more square footage than you're really like getting to utilize yes but it's temporary save up for a new place and move in with your boyfriend yeah like full-time i mean they like live too but they live together but anytime there's a lot of people in a small space it never works like even if you're everyone's paying their fair share of money or whatever there is always drama and it's just it's just the price you pay by having cheaper rent yeah like it's all my experiences but one i had a kindergarten teacher that was incredible

and she had this gorgeous like townhouse and i rented a bedroom but then within like five months of living there she got engaged and sold it so i remember when she told me i was just like oh you know you know i got engaged and by the way we're gonna be moving i was like okay cool bianca and i went back to the room and just started crying i was like i finally found a roommate that i like because i lived alone for a while that's how i was when my roommate got pregnant and then you're yeah and we lived in a townhouse too and she owned it and then she got the perfect ones never last yeah it's like you want to marry them yeah mine was like five years but it was it was a great five years yeah i live by myself but you get it so i think that you know just anytime that there

is what there's two people four there's four people living in this space like i tried that before like just it never works yeah it doesn't it's always good for like a week and then it's bad i mean i would also say your boyfriend is friends with these two girls yeah i think he have a conversation yeah you're really not like you're kind of friends by approximate like yeah through this like mutual um and even if it felt like more than that like he really a owes it to you to like not not i think women stand up for yourself all the time that's what i'm saying so you need to like don't try and fix the situation and think that like oh how can i fix this the situation doesn't need to be fixed and mended like the situation needs to like stop and end

and as opposed to like trying to like get them to understand your point you need to tell your boyfriend what's happening if you haven't already told him hey hopefully he doesn't want to be friends with those girls anymore and if he sees like you know this is them being idiots he can have that talk with them and then you have someone in your corner because right now it sounds like it's you versus the two girls and i don't know where your boyfriend plays a role in it and i think because she said she said that i live with my boyfriend and his roommate and her girlfriend it seems like she does they were roommates first and then she moved yeah so she feels like she start like she doesn't have like she doesn't have any yeah and she doesn't have any power in the

situation because they've already like you know peed everywhere and like you know they they have their ownership of everything so i think you need to use your boyfriend not use him but like gently like i would just say like look you know such and such like you know to say he doesn't need to like be mean to him just say like hey like she he's not really nice to my girlfriend when she's over and like like he doesn't have to like her but he needs to respect her yeah like because she pays rent and she lives here too like that whole thing so i think you need you just need someone in your corner because right now it's two against one and there's four people who live there so at least make it two against two yeah yeah then you just will never stop battling and then you like put

like change a lot i had to do that at one place as the lady was nuts and i found out that she was like my rent she started me eight hundred dollars for rent and her whole entire rent was eleven 1700 oh that was story of my college life okay so so i ended up like she was just crazy and her boyfriend would be in my room sometimes so i put a different lock on my bedroom door yeah i put my own lock on the bedroom door yeah she came home one day she's like what this and i'm like protection yeah i'm like why are you trying to get in my fucking room and her cats too would just like come running in and tear up everything and i love cats but she did not discipline her kitties so they just shit and pee everywhere they just they claw everything like everything was was a scratching

post in my room no no everything's textured now yeah lots of textured things oh good god well let us know how it goes and on to the next one i am 22 years old and i feel like i've been having some problems with boys um basically i tend to like hang out with guys and really vibe with guys really nicely which is really awesome and obviously i'm looking to date um but i haven't found someone that i really clicked with there was one guy that i did really click with him very well um and we went on a date but it didn't end well on my end basically um and since then i just feel like every guy that i've like tried to date basically after that hasn't really lived up to that guy's level if that makes sense and I like try to talk to some

of my friends about it and be like is there something like wrong with me am I just like super picky and a lot of them have been saying that like I'm just super picky and that one guy that I went out on a date with he did kind of have a bit of a shitty attitude I would say um that I like obviously discovered on the date but like if he didn't have that he was literally like my dream guy and a lot of my friends are like well you're just not giving like these other guys the amount of attention that you should be or like maybe they could be like you're not giving them the benefit of doubt but I feel like these other guys that I seem to like hang out with and they definitely have feelings for me I don't I'm not attracted to them in that way like they're

super sweet and they're super great guys but there's something missing there that I wasn't missing with this other guy that had the shitty attitude or shitty personality, I would say. But I just, I don't know what to do. Am I being too picky by saying like, no, I'm not even going to try it with these guys? Or am I staying true to myself because I'm not allowing myself to? Your playlist might get you through the workday, but have you ever wondered how your ancestors spent theirs? What work helped them build a life? How did they adapt as the world around them changed. With Ancestry, you can search select historical occupational records for free for a limited time and discover the stories behind the jobs in your family tree. You've got questions.

We've got ancestors. Search free until August 31st. Visit ancestry.ca for details. Terms apply. Date someone that's not really worth my time if I'm not attracted to them in that sense. Like, they're great guys. They're not bad looking. I'm just not, I can't see them past being friends. I don't know what to do. Help me, please, Megan. It'd be great. Okay. I'm just a little confused what your criteria is. If this other guy was perfect, minus his personality. Because she was super attracted to him. That was the key thing. She said, I was really, because I know what she's talking about. There's those ones that you're around that you still think about you know maybe you went on like eight dates with maybe i don't

know i hate people after i go out with them no but there's there's a there's a few that are standouts and she's just like she wants that like oh my gosh who are you moment and she's just not getting it from the other guys does that exist she wants him because she can't have him and but i don't like how she blamed herself like i did something it's like no no you he has a bad person i think he's not perfect yeah you can't say that somebody's perfect but it's either perfect no it is better to be alone than with the wrong person and i learned that the hard way so like you can't like you know it's good to not talk yourself into a relationship even if someone is good on paper like don't be that girl because i did that yeah and you where you go okay they're

they're you know they have a job they're good looking whatever like i kind of like them but you know i could and then eventually if it isn't right from the start a lot of times it just isn't right and i think right now not i'm not saying you're being too picky obviously because i also don't know your criteria i've been called too picky but like my criteria wasn't like anything on paper it's more just like i hate everybody and it takes a while for me to meet someone no no no like boys okay no no i don't hate everybody i mean but like not like dating guy like i meet a guy and i'm like i was so worried that i was never gonna find some like i wasn't not to sound like a bitch but i wasn't worried that someone wasn't going to like me i was like i don't never going to like

somebody like for more than like a couple months and I had like a couple serious relationships but like all the like guys that I really liked when we broke up I was super sad but then moving on I was like I like somebody for a couple dates and then I'm like hate you and I'm totally over it but also like that was person like purely personality driven so I wonder if like when you say that you're rejecting these guys are you rejecting guys that you like see on dating apps or are you rejecting people saying she needs to get on apps like get some variety because if you you know, I always say that like, like, you know, all these apps are like grocery shopping for men. It is. Do I want brown hair? Do I want tall? Do I want hairy? Do I want, you know, like whatever

you want, you can kind of find like, you know, be shallow and find something physically and then see if mentally it works. And also I think you'll find if you do that, you're going to realize like the things that might be on your list are really not necessarily as important as you might think they are. Because I think like I, every like long-term relationship I've ever been in was not with a guy that I went on one date with and I was like he's perfect I how do I get him to like me it's always been a guy that I was friends with that suddenly I was like holy shit do I like you like oh my god yeah it's never been something where like it's like the Thor and I'm like oh my god it's Chris Hemsworth like drop my panties this is everything I've ever wanted like that's

me because also I can't be myself around that like I can't grow to it I know she's saying though like I had one that I really liked but then it just it just didn't work out because he was like a little more into like drugs than i i don't do drugs so like i know like so he's just getting high a lot but he was like so sweet and his personality was amazing you know those people that you're around and like you just like a ping pong it's like back and forth all night and you are like you are so attractive because you are so funny i think i know what she's talking about though so she wants that again but a lot of times that fades too i was gonna say that the reason why you felt that is because it was one date and like you didn't spend a lot of time no and you

didn't get a chance for like everybody's flawed like every person that you meet is flawed and i think like if your criteria and you being picky has to do with like looks like not to be the age old cliche of like looks fade i'm not saying like date someone you're not attracted to but the stuff the thing that i find i'm most attracted to the guys that i've been the most in love with but like on a piece of paper you could probably rank them looks wise but i wouldn't be able to because my feelings for them and why i find them attractive like stop at the like like the physical part once you start to get to know that person like if you think about like that's why so many like and she's only 22 she's young yeah i'm not like my 30s and i think that like you know

there is a switch where you start to relax more yeah when you're younger you just want because all your friends are in relationships and they look perfect but you like being in a relationship is a lot of work so unless you find someone that you really like it's not worth it like I've had so many that I've stayed in I'm like I just want to cut them loose because you have to like work really hard to get you know videos done and then spend a week with them and like go do things and if you don't really like them it's not worth it yeah it should be it should be easy it shouldn't be I mean it should be easy like I mean it takes it takes work but it shouldn't be like you should want to make the effort yeah you should want to actually put that work in as opposed to like

feeling like you have to um but yeah i don't think there's anything wrong with being picky i think if your pickiness is depending on what somebody looks like and you're ignoring guys who have really great personalities and are really funny that's why there's like so many like males so like got males like jason sudeikis would you kind of call him like a hottie but no like i think he's hot i think okay i actually also think so but also because he's so fun like you think of people and like everyone's a package like i don't know if i'm gonna get shot but i think like justin timberlake is like cute but it's his personality that makes him like god i know but but when you go he's cute but it's his personality makes him gorgeous yeah when he sings he sings dances he's funny too like

yeah but he's not someone that you go right away if you just saw him and didn't know that you wouldn't go okay you think he's cute and i think that's what you need to focus on is like the package and you also can't like there's totally people you can see on a dating app and be like no not interested or people you meet in real life that you know automatically but someone who you're going to rule out like oh they looked a little different like if they were more my type everything else is perfect give that person a chance because anyone who looks perfect from the absolute on the outside you're going to go out with them and realize that you're not into it like i had i didn't have a list i have a friend of a friend who has i can't even explain to you the most insane

list it involves how many siblings they have where they went to college and where their families are from so when they spend holidays together they're like still in the same area oh my gosh the most single person i've met in my entire life i'm like i can't understand and compete with like i don't like no i'm just like has job has car yeah is nice person oh okay yeah like it's not my list was like three things and like i used to definitely think like i didn't want to date anybody who was like in the industry i didn't want it that's but that's so stupid because there's so many cool people in this town i was the same way my first game was like no because you know why actors are crazy oh most of the time actors are an actor yeah no but i mean

but some are really cool but that was my experience when i first came to la like i go to acting class and i'm like they're all nuts yeah we're all crazy i can only deal with one of me but also for a while i was like i want to date somebody who just like works in finance when i'm dating a guy in finance i was like you are so boring we have nothing in common exactly and so like you can create these things that you think are really important or i used to like i want to date a guy who's like this many inches taller than me so then i can wear heels and i only came up with that because a the other guys i've dated who've been shorter like my height don't like when i'm taller than them and i'm like wait i actually don't care like a lot of this type i would have

is like based on like oh what i think how tall are you i'm like five eight ish okay yeah yeah i'm six feet so i get it like but i used to have this thing i'm like i don't want to be able to lean my head on their shoulder i want them to lean it on my like i don't want it no backwards i want to be able to lean my head on their shoulder i don't want them to lean on mine because i want to feel feminine yeah but then there's been like there's been like one guy i remember that i was so attracted to and he was like five seven a little like hotty yeah hotty i mean it's a little bit he's a little bit of a man slut so it didn't work yeah but like like when there's someone because there is that thing i think she just wants that thing she wants like the spark she

wants the attraction but there's nothing wrong with that i know she wants to be picky like you're don't listen to your friends like you have to you have to love your friends hang out with friends but then do what is right for you at the end of the day but i think you have to give yourself the opportunity to have that spark with people on a date and not just someone you see based on attraction. Cause that spark, and I'm totally with you on that. Like it's like an unexplicable thing that you're like, I don't know why I'm like enamored by you. And it doesn't, it can do with anything in that moment can happen at any time. And I think you need to give people that opportunity because if you have that moment by seeing a picture or just seeing what they look

like, that moment usually isn't so real. That moment should come from like a conversation that you have and like something that's a little more intimate and like not so surface level not that i'm saying it was but you're you loved but you were very attracted to him but again some of that just needs to relax and date you do just relax the longest relationship there's no plan yeah longest relationships i've ever had were from friends that i was never i was not like immediately attracted to like i wasn't like my high school boyfriend i was like no not at all and then i was like oh okay no i guess never mind i do love you like yeah so i think you you need to give people the opportunity yeah and then appease your friends go on a couple days maybe they're

fucking terrible and then you're like see told you not going on dates for a while but like also too i know a lot of people that have been set up by their friends and usually your friends know you better than anyone so that's what you're doing with me that's what i'm doing with you and all the callers i don't like maybe in the future for me i do not want to date anytime soon but yeah like i think that it's not a bad thing to let her friends know like hey you know someone you think that they are my type okay yeah because you never know yeah you might meet someone that you think is perfectly your type and you're like oh you're the worst i'm wrong i need to re-evaluate my whole type yeah my type is like pretentious assholes that's always one of this like a smart

my type are ones that i have to take care of and i'm fixing that i thought i fixed it but i didn't i constantly feel like that now i'm like i got this together i'm like no i don't i don't have i don't know why i've always like like i always pick people that need me and i don't know why like and i'm like why can't i pick someone that's also really successful and has things so i thought i found someone but no no they still need me to function yeah god therapy that's a great thing let's go to morning therapy yeah i love it oh my gosh we're done but now we have some we've got what do we call listener advice there you go it's two words that i can't fucking remember things that are very it's a new ish segment okay

we just now we have a name for it yeah listener advice um and this is where uh a listener a caller will call back a listener will call in and give their own advice on a previous episode where we've given advice so maybe somebody who has some more personal experience they'll tell me that you were wrong or wrong or i was the greatest or they have additional yeah it's usually people who've got personal experience which is great because like you know i have no personal experience in the military stuff like that yeah except we do have experience and loneliness true love it all right this um is from the um original call is from the episode with leo howard um episode 50 about dating a mama's boy oh and so this is someone that's calling in with

similar experience to the original call i really want to know if this mama's boy calling in her person she's talking about is also two boys that's always what we find is the worst oh like a two boys and and it's the younger boy yeah and the younger boy it's always that's always the situation hi megan i am 28 years old and i'm calling in response to the girl who called during leo howard's episode about her boyfriend being a mama's boy boy um and i just wanted to get a little bit more insight um i've been dating my boyfriend for nine years now and he is 28 he He's 29 now as well. And he is such a mama's boy.

Like, it's ridiculous. And basically, I've learned throughout my life there's three types of relationships. There's disengaged people who don't really talk a lot. They're related by blood, but just don't have a lot of relationship together and are very independent. And then there's, like, very healthy relationships, such as normal independence, but also, like, relying on each other somewhat. And they're a match. and this girl sounds just like my boyfriend's mom but they have a really a matched unhealthy relationship so they're super codependent on one another and they like just are have very

inappropriate boundaries and what I just want to say because I'm not really sure you quite got this across not no sense to you is that it takes two to tango and what I mean by that is his mom is definitely crossing boundaries and like obviously shouldn't be so involved in his romantic relationships but he's also kind of behaving in a way that allows her to do that and he kind of needs to take a step back and realize that himself and as a girlfriend of someone who was a mama's boy to this extreme level i kind of got to the point where if you don't like try to talk about it and openly communicate with your boyfriend it got to the point where his mom was so inappropriately in my relationship and i had to set a boundary saying

I don't want you to talk about me to your mom, and I don't want you to talk about your mom to me, because it was getting to the point where she was constantly texting him while we were together, calling him, like, telling him the weather reports, when he drove. Like, it was all, like, ridiculous crap, and it got so bad. Now I can only bear to see her on holidays. So just try to realize that this is really a mesh thing that is going to take a lot of time. And I don't know why Megan didn't say this, because it's her motto, but therapy. Like, I went to a couple of therapies with my boyfriend.

We talked this out. He now goes to therapy so he can learn how to kind of get away from that enmeshed closeness with his mom. And, like, just talking to his mom and saying, like, I want you to so be a part of my life, but there are some things that I need you to keep for me and my girlfriend, just like you and dad. We keep these things for you and dad, you know. so just good luck and really just try to be assertive and open communication and give it time but definitely don't let it fester because otherwise you'll just freak out and it'll ruin family ties and like you don't want to have him choose between family and you and you don't want

his mom to get in the way of your relationship either not to defend myself but i feel like i probably said the guy sucked the guy it was part of him too yeah whatever it's fine i won't defend previous me yeah i think what she said was solid no she's right yeah yeah she's totally right i agree on all ends um i think it's a and you're also a mom of a son so eventually yeah and i think that you know also too if you enter into a relationship and someone's a mama's boy it's not going to change so you have to either accept that or move on because people that are mama's boys like you know or like have weird attachments to their families it's just it's just what it is yeah and there i think there are ways you can set like healthy boundaries but you're never

you're never gonna you're making a compromise so if you're not okay with kind of making a compromise and if you have a like children that's their grandmother you think boundaries are bad now i know i have i know this firsthand because my ex was a mama's boy and the moment i had a child it's like she owned my child my god so i like you know you have to think about the future too because you're marrying that whole entire family you're not just marrying them so you kind of have to accept everyone or move on yeah like you can't because they're not going anywhere anytime soon yeah yeah oh but yeah no also therapy is a great option i'm surprised i also didn't say that because couples therapy especially not even just for like like for you and like your partner if

you're having those kinds of issues like it doesn't have to just be there can be third-party issues that you have that can take you to therapy not just like your relationship might be great but there might be other factors so you could do family therapy too with the mom yeah oh that's awkward it could be awkward but if you want to get through it that might be the only way to go it's true it's about how much you care about it and then also putting forth the effort in trying to like make it work from all ends and make people like not miserable i think is important but then also knowing that like you can put in the work and then also know that you can still be done like if you put in the work and it didn't work or if it didn't like come up to your

hold up to like what you wanted it to be yeah that's okay like it's it's fine i think it's good to put in work and it shouldn't oh it doesn't always work out but that doesn't mean you shouldn't try at least but yeah oh well um to the mama's boys no not to the mama's boys not about that um well that's our episode thank you so much for being on thank you for having me plug your book i learned a lot oh um it's at everywhere pretty much um i don't know um a sucky love story overcoming unhappily ever after it's a true crime tale it's my real life that happened and it's very juicy because I had no one to talk to but my laptop so I kind of spilled everything but yeah I cannot cannot you're gonna be texting me in the middle of the night with like if you wear a

retainer you're gonna retainer in because that's what happens all my friends are like bring me oh my god no like I cannot believe it's happened to you I keep getting those messages at like the middle of the night funny yeah oh my god i wish i had a rich i'll just do it i don't have a retainer but i'll do the voice yeah i have a retainer i had a list for a while because of the retainer i love that because i had braces you got used to the retainer and then my tongue and i wouldn't like enunciate and already i'm like tongue tied and probably you know as a baby you should have had it cut so i don't enunciate so add in the retainer you're like what'd you say oh my god i can't imagine i already don't enunciate either i used to have directors all the time but can you

sound a little more sober or talk slower oh yeah i'm like my tongue all my hosting jobs it's like okay great great energy but slow down and then it's the game yeah that's me too i don't know how to do that i'm like not sure um well i'll have all of our socials list down below including melissa and eyes if you guys want to follow us and uh if you are watching this episode on youtube head on over to itunes and subscribe to us on the podcast app we're also on stitcher premium guys ad free with bonus episodes bi-weekly on Wednesdays where I take over Melissa's dating life, all that stuff. And then if you want to find out anywhere else, I mean, yes, it's also on YouTube. If you haven't watched it on YouTube yet, see the video component and go to don't

blame me.show. If you want to learn more about where to listen to us and you can follow us on Instagram at don't blame meme pod. And what else? That's it. Give us a call. Oh, we're on Spotify now too. Oh my God. Wow. This is, I just found that out last night. Shut up. I just found that Well, everyone's going to be really, I've been getting a lot of requests and I was like, I don't know how we do that. That's Melissa knows how to say it. I'm a podcast new podcast newbie. So I just go on iTunes.

So I don't understand. There's like, I've heard of Stitcher and all those things, but I haven't done it yet. Oh, it's good. Add Frank. Check him out. I will. And if you guys want to give us a call for an upcoming episode, you need some help with your life.

We can attempt to help you. If you give us a call at 310-694-0976, leave us a voicemail there. Or if you're an international listener, you can email us an audio file at Megan podcast at gmail.com and that's it guys we'll see you next week goodbye own iconic luxury items at unreal values with the real real the leading reseller of authenticated luxury from top designers at up to 90 off retail every item is authenticated by the real real's team of experts and new arrivals come in daily new customers receive an automatic 25 off at checkout shop in store online or download the app and get 20 off select items with the promo code

real therealreal.com promo code real don't blame me is a production by me produced directed and edited by melissa demont post-production sound by chris henry production assistant julie carley and music by giacomo picasso and ryan hunter i'll see you guys next week and don't blame me if your life you know completely fucks up before then oh Thank you.