Don't Blame Me! - S3E9: Guest: Shereen Lani Younes - Siblings Changing In Front of Each Other?

Episode Date: January 28, 2019

Fellow podcast host Shereen Lani Younes is here this week to share advice! We’re answering your questions on what to do if your mom is pressuring you to date, how to enjoy sex with a micro-hymen, if you should tell your boyfriend that you’re bi, and how to tell your boyfriend to go down on you. We also have a listener sharing her advice on what to do if you have a crush on your boyfriend’s friend. Follow Us! @dontblamemepod @meghanrienks @sheerohero (Instagram)/sheerohero666 (Twitter) @sheisnotmelissa Listen to ad-free and bonus episodes on Stitcher Premium! For a free month of Stitcher Premium, go to stitcherpremium.com and use promo code 'BLAME'. This episode is also brought to you by BetterHelp! Need Advice? www.dontblameme.show Domestic Listeners Call: [phone]   International Listeners Send a Voice Memo To: [e-mail] … with as much detail as possible under 3 minutes! I’ll do my best to share my wonderful words of wisdom. If you’re under 18, please get your parent’s permission. Advice is for entertainment purposes only, so you can’t blame me if I screw up your life. I kid! My advice IS AMAZING. - Want to WATCH this episode as well? Check out my YouTube channel: http://youtube.com/meghanrienks Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/join/dontblameme See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

hello everybody and welcome back to another episode of don't blame me today our fantastic and very chic guest is shireen hi i'm shireen so we have to okay so you used to be our camera op yeah but more than that the og the yeah the og so i feel yeah yeah oh whoa i didn't know that really you guys dreams do come true you can be behind the camera and then you can go in front of the camera you know we did have a glow up of we're no longer in my dirty apartment yeah well i refused to be on it when you guys were in the apartment this is disgusting i hate it here but you also have your own podcast which is currently crushing it oh thanks yeah it's called ethnically ambiguous i host it with my friend anna uh it's about being ethnically ambiguous and um we talk

about like middle eastern news and issues that don't get covered in the media like western media and just being like minority girls and children of immigrants and just venting it's like i like therapy i really love it as soon as you listen to it yes as soon as you told me you had a podcast oh my god i didn't know that yeah you guys dreams come true oh my god i mean you're in really great company i also started listening to uh uh uh the bonapartite podcast and then i also hate listened i've gone into hate listening podcasts of people that i don't like and i need to stop yeah right that's a lot of energy it is a lot of i think i did a lot of negative um but yeah so uh i feel like i guess i'll explain to you guys if you're new here because

you already know how this goes um but this is our advice podcast and with our fantastic co-host producer superwoman what else do you want to call yourself today i don't know i'm just here not a long time i like i like how she's like behind the desk all professional and just like almost like interviewing us it is it looks like we're a job interview and like we're like really far really far like we're not gonna get it like you yeah i'm here for a good time not a long time what is that song from is it a show tune acelyn oh i mean you know what it was do you know why oh yeah acelyn's background i know why it is have you ever watched super fruit the guys two of the guys from pentatonix yeah no so they had like they did musical broadway singing of

rap songs and so now i have them singing the musical version of a rap song i'm here for a good time not a long time so i thought it was from a musical what is that from that's gonna bother me it's a rap song but i only can think of it from the music version asa knows just say it oh so it's taken from a rock song put into a rap song and i'm remembering it from pentatonix doing a musical version of that cover yeah wow okay well thanks guys also when people do this on podcasts and everyone gets angry i'm not gonna think about anything else until i know no neither all the listeners are gonna just be like this yeah exactly just fucking say it how do you not know well it's the first thing is from a george straight song oh who's country oh country song

yeah he's a country song he's a country song a country boy it's also according to urban dictionary it's in a lot of tinder bios tinder we're all good lyrics go to die big sean also has a song featuring drake and kanye okay so that's definitely what it was yeah that's what it was okay okay it's a phrase that's been used also trooper troopers the rocks band yeah they have a song as well we're here for a good time not a long time so it it's a new motto yep uh well guys it's an advice podcast we are going to listen to your voicemails that you called in with and you left them to us because you have shit going on in your life and if you are an international listener uh then you emailed us not you emailed us an audio file at meganpodcast

gmail.com um so i didn't say the phone number did i nope okay great if you want to call in for future episode 310-694-0976 your eyes are open i know i've improved she's evolved oh my god i feel like i'm in a dream look at her she does with her eyes open except no not even that like to all you out there you can i was behind the camera just recording this not even thinking about the possibility any makeup today except for the concealer i have on the zit in the middle of my forehead oh yeah i have i'm glad this mic's right in my face honestly so you can your skin looks good no this is there's a zit like right on my chin but if i have i just can't go i can't lift my face up right here but

i turned my chin a certain way it was just like the angle of my jaw yeah yeah it was a cute moment i just had my period so i'm cute shireen does a fun thing on her instagram called oh is it pimple or freckle freckle or pimple f4p it's a series it's all my highlights i take a picture of my face and i circle all the like weird blemishes that you think are yeah that are not normal and then i give the like it's like a series so it's like one photo is just the circles and then i give the audience some time to like think about what it is and then i reveal like like the red the reds are usually pimples like i circle red and then the greens are freckles um or just like unknown objects um and yeah it's called freckle or pimple just ig highlights that's what i use

i thought i got a new i like have no i have like rant like maybe like five freckles all over my entire body and i thought i got a couple freckles on my face and i was really excited one day And it turns out I had just, uh, I had had, um, like popcorn and a little burnt myth had like flown off and got stuck to my face. Not freckles. It was charred popcorn. So I'm jealous. I wish I had freckles.

Well, guys, on that note, should we get into the advice? Let's do it. I feel like I'm going to be really cunty today. Hi, Megan. I am 25 years old and I need some help with my mom. I currently live with my parents because I work two jobs and I'm in school and my work actually goes over 40 hours a week. I'm very busy. My mom is on this tangent of I need a boyfriend.

I've been single for about three years now that I've been out of a very serious relationship. It was a hard relationship. That's besides the point I'm over it. But my mom seems to think that I need to be in a relationship now. And I've told her on many occasions that I'm just so busy and I have so much on my plate right now that a relationship is not in my mind. And she just isn't listening to me. She really wants to set me up with a guy from work who I have zero interest in. And I've told her many times I have zero interest in and I don't want to be set up because I'm so busy.

But she doesn't listen to me, and I just don't know how to get through to her that I'm not in the place for a serious relationship right now. I get that she's worried about me and she just wants me to be happy, but I'm taken care of. i have friends i have people that i'm taking care of and i don't tell her that but i've told her that i'm fine and she just really keeps wanting me to be in a relationship and i don't know how to get through to her that that's not in the cards right now so if you have any advice on this or or any tip that you can think of that I can use with her, let me know. I feel like she'll just lie. No.

No, because then her mom's going to want to meet him. She's the kind of mom that's going to be like. Or what if she says that she's dating a couple different people? You know, like, oh, like, I've been going out on dates and that kind of thing. I mean, I think you should just convince your mom that, like, you like being on your own. like independent you're only 25 wait and if you're i think i mean my parents are the same though so i mean they want they don't understand why i'm always alone but um i think she'll eventually understand like if she sees you being like happy and like flourishing

and stuff and um just tell her that it's not your priority right now to be like uh i don't know partnered up you know yeah i think also you don't have to like if you don't obviously maybe lying is not the greatest advice i can backtrack on that but i mean maybe as much as like just don't let this i don't know there's sometimes sometimes there's just no convincing people something else right and you just need instead of trying to get her to see it from your point of view you just need to stop trying to get her to see it from your point of view and stop caring about that so if she really wants you to date and you say like okay for the last time like i'm really not into that right now like i'm really focusing on me the next time she brings it up

change the subject and like let her know like i'm not going to talk about this anymore like that's a good point good with this and if you're good with this i think also if you keep trying to prove her otherwise she's probably going to just read into that being like see she's not happy with that she's trying so hard to convince me and like she's just like channeling all of that sexual frustration like you don't have to tell her like don't worry mom i'm getting fucked like which it sounds like you are yeah girl get it get it or just like fucking yourself um take care of yourself yeah i think you can just like just ignore it and then she'll get over it but i think the more that you talk about it even if it's trying to like defend your life choices she's gonna think that

she has the option to talk to you about it but if you tell her like no this is my personal life like you don't have a say in it i'm just gonna do it and then ignore her if she like keeps like calling you and saying that stuff just totally ignore her that's a really good point that's a really good point like don't don't spend so much energy convincing someone of like that's something they they're not going to believe or whatever just live your life and she's ultimately you're i mean obviously she's your mom and you like that relationship and i want it to be good but she's not always right about your own life yeah you know what's good for you and if it's not being a relationship right now then i mean i've never really had a real relationship and i'm okay

i'm okay i'm okay no i think it's just kind of a dated perspective that she has and i think that the best way to show exactly you're saying the best way to show that you don't need a relationship but just let her see you flourish exactly and see that happen and then even if she doesn't like settle down or stop with that like maybe you have like siblings who are going to start dating someone maybe she's bored like maybe get her a netflix subscription my older sister my older sister getting engaged has been a huge relief for me it takes a bread drop yeah we're like focusing on her and we're like happy for them and i'm taking their engagement photos like i have i have a place in the family and it's behind the camera and what happens when they

get married i'm going to i'm going to prolong this as much as possible because they're still both in like medical fellowship so it's going to be at least like two years okay so i have a little bit of time but um yeah hopefully you have siblings that you can just like detract attention away from and if you don't then just ignore it yeah yeah i um my mom same way so i just started telling her about everybody in my life that has terrible relationships like i am flourishing like my life is great do you want me to be like betty sue over here whose husband is cheating on her all the time no exactly yeah i used to do that when i was in high school just like so my parents wouldn't ask me about people that i was seeing because i was like seeing like not the people they wanted

me to see and so i would just talk about everybody else's relationship so much that they would get distracted by that yeah so i say yeah fill her time with some other things yeah and then she'll eventually get over it and the more you don't want to talk about it she's also not going to want to ruin your relate she's she this is coming from a good place from her really wanting you to be happy and if she sees that the more she asks you about it the more distance she's creating between you guys it's not worth it for her i don't think she'll be like well if you don't talk to me because you don't have a boyfriend then we're never gonna like we're not gonna talk anymore i don't see that she ultimately like it's coming from a place of like care and and um i don't know

uh you can also find this video of share when she was younger being like um she's an interview and she says yeah my mom was saying like why don't you just go marry a rich man and i told her i am a rich man and i'm like fuck yeah share so find videos find videos like that maybe express your opinion better than you can and like even if it's a meme i don't care yeah we're millennial garbage like true crime things about like boyfriends or husbands who kill their wives and be like look what i'm saving myself from death yeah yeah and you're crushing it you're in school full time two jobs like who the fuck has time for that yeah you don't you genuinely don't flourish baby you're only 25 like you have so much time and being by yourself is so important and i think the best

relationships happen when you're not trying like when you're doing your best when you're out there killing it and then like it happens naturally i think that's the like you're already your best self or like becoming that person and then it happens it's not like you're constantly seeking it out because i think that it doesn't really work out the best when it happens that way so you settle yeah as opposed to being like i'm great i'm crushing it yeah i don't need anyone then someone's like i'm also great and i'm crushing it i don't need anyone you're like you're awesome we're both awesome you attract like people when you're like at that level yeah and yeah yeah i did a lot of really shitty guys when i was really shitty in college so

okay on to the next good luck by the way yeah congrats on school and being smart and job. Keep flourishing. I'm 20 years old. And when I was in high school, I realized I couldn't put a tampon in. So I went to my gynecologist and she said that I had a microperformed hymen, which means that it's just a really small hymen. I was really nervous about it and insecure because I was like, great, I can't have sex. Well, when I was a freshman in college, I decided to get the surgery to help me with that and I could insert a tampon so it worked out fine but now I'm dating my boyfriend that I've been dating for like eight months and everything's good except we're not able to have sex because I'm still like really tight I went to the gynecologist about it and she said

that I looked normal and everything was fine which I was hoping that would be a problem that way I could get it fixed. My boyfriend doesn't pressure me to have sex and he's really supportive and after we try every time and we can't get it, I just start kind of crying because it makes me insecure and I feel bad that I can't help him out and I feel like it's my fault but he reassures me that it's not my fault and he really gets upset when I'm upset because, you know, he wants me to be happy and he understands that this isn't my fault and that this is something that we're going have to work through together. And he's really patient, but I just keep on feeling really guilty about it. And I know I shouldn't, but I just, it's really hard on me because I want him to be able

to have that fulfillment and stuff like that. I mean, we do other stuff, so it's fine, but I just feel really insecure about it still. And I just don't know what to do. I've tried dilators and vibrators and everything like that. And also my boyfriend, I think is pretty big. So that also contributes to it and it just makes me really upset so um if you have any advice for or maybe encouragement um that would be great thank you oh yeah i so i had a friend who will not name names but i had a friend who had the same thing so she ended up getting the surgery too um and she found that uh i also love when i say friend it usually is about me this one's actually not about me i did a lot of gymnastics and like falling on the beam like i didn't yeah girl had

no hymen by the time i was having sex um but i had a friend who this that was her and like she found out the same way it's like she was having a really hard time using tampons and went to the doctor found that out and then she also did the same thing waiting a while to have the surgery started dating someone and was like i really want to do it she did it and it took a while for her to be able to have sex because for her it was so much more not like psychosomatic but it was so much more in her head of like this like the first time she ever tried like she'd failed so many times that by the time that like everything was fine and she was able to do it like she was psyching herself out because he tents up and it makes it worse like think about like if you're not even

turned on like you're like not wet and then that's already like even if you have a giant like a giant vagina like that's still not like a yeah it's a wide set vagina me and my super tampons like yesterday but like you don't like even with that that can be a super uncomfortable and like painful but also the second that you start to feel that like your body will be like nope i'm done um so i would say like as much as like perseverance and try and try again i think because you went back to the gynecologist and they said everything is looks fine which i totally get the feeling of like you want something to be wrong so you can fix it and not saying that you're the thing that's wrong at all but i think like you guys you need to not be so hard on yourself with

this because he's clearly not being hard on you and not upset with you for this at all but knowing that like it isn't an impossible feat and it also like a like it's probably going to be quite uncomfortable the first couple times and then it'll get better like it's not like vaginas stretch and have babies yeah it's a it's something that can stretch and as much as like that sounds awful and terrible and painful it might be for the first couple times and even as somebody who like broke her hymen before they had sex like the first like three times i had sex i was like this is not like this is just i mean it wasn't good like for a while it's like teenage boys but it was like physically painful for a while and uncomfortable until a your body like understands the response

to that so like you've been a foreplay and you're like getting warmed up and you're like actually really wanting it and your body's like clearly showing that you know getting like hot and bothered um and then like the more that you do it the more comfortable that you'll get but i think if you just try and like wanted this to be a cure-all and a fix thing i think you need to take continue to take baby steps yeah baby steps he sounds like a great partner to like be patient with you and it's hard not to feel guilty because like i understand like wanting to give affection and being a giver and like wanting that person to feel fulfillment but um try not to blame yourself i think that's really important because i think that makes it worse for your your because it is

psychosomatic it makes it worse on yourself and your body like when you're trying to do it and you feel guilty or nervous or whatever um so yeah maybe just be patient with yourself and keep trying and maybe like even like invest in some like water-based lube yeah like um yeah so because again like if you're nervous about it and like scared or blaming yourself you might not be your body might not be like open for business yeah no your body's like no we're nervous i'm scared i'm tapping out early yeah and also if he's big that's another issue so i love what she said i think he's great which i just love that yeah but not a lot to compare it to which is great yeah also like even if he's not big he probably would love that he's like well she doesn't

mouth like i'm huge nobody sounds like a good yeah good guy you know um i was gonna say also if you went to the same doctor that did the surgery maybe try going to a different doctor and get a second opinion yeah because they might just be telling you because she already did her work yeah wow that's a really good point yeah yeah she's so smart you're so smart but i think focusing so much more on foreplay and also like just in general i think women especially put so much like importance on like, like penetration as like, this is sex. Like, and it's really not, it's not like, it's really not sex. Like I know people who've never been penetrated, but they've have sex regularly. Like that's, it's such like a dated way of thinking at about it. And you guys,

you're saying that you guys are pleasuring yourselves and like, you're doing all these other things. So your sex life isn't necessarily, it's not suffering because of this. And he's clearly this isn't clear it's clearly not a deal breaker for him and i think like the more insecure and the worse that you feel about this you're not going to be enjoying the other parts of sex like yeah there's some girls who don't like going down on guys and i consider oral sex sex and like if a girl who doesn't want to go down on a guy or a guy who's not going i mean i'd be a deal breaker for me if a guy didn't want to go down but like they're in relationships like there are certain things that you want and you need and then there are other things it's like you know what i signed

up for this like this isn't something this is not a deal breaker of mine and like i'm good moving forward with this and i think you're inheriting blame that he's not putting on you exactly that's a really good way to say it like it's this it's this shame that we just yeah it's just as women i think too like that's like a giant of four yeah as if we're like responsible for making them come which is like not the case like i think like the same way he's not responsible for making you come it's like i don't know what i'm talking about um but what was i gonna say i i wanted to bring up something that was in my head um oh yeah just enjoy intimacy i think for me a relationship like it's just the intimacy that goes with that isn't just penetrative sex it's like

holding each other like just like the foreplay around all of the other stuff like penetrative sex is part of sex sure but it's not like an end-all be-all you're right it's not like the the end of the fucking race like that's what happens it's like and it's also not necessarily constantly mutually beneficial for both people like yeah you're not necessarily missing out on a lot but so just make sure you're also not blaming yourself and enjoying the rest of it not thinking like well i wish i could do this or which could do that like i think maybe your brain is taking you out of the good parts when really you should just be living in in those moments and then also i don't know if you've had talked to the doctor i know i mean as somebody who's terrified of

gynecologists um there's a look coming from melissa um i think like being really honest and saying like well my boyfriend i've been trying are there any like tips or things that i could do because they might have some suggestions of things that you could physically be doing to make it better like maybe like i don't even i'm i like will track my cycle to like make sure i'm not pregnant but i think there's even times when your body's like more horny and not and like finding those things and making sure that you're going into it like how do i set myself up for like to be really turned on and be really into this moment and then not like okay it's third tonight we're gonna try and like we're gonna try and have penetrative sex that's a lot of pressure yeah just

like let it naturally happen and then if it doesn't happen don't quit either you know like don't be like okay we're done we're getting off we're moving on like have him go down on you after that go down on him like make it so like if it doesn't work and it doesn't happen that that's not like the end of like the sexual experience yeah that's a good because you'll walk away feeling defeated but in reality like you won't be defeated because you're still with the person that you want to be with and like you're intimate and i think it's lovely yeah i think it is lovely too and good luck go to a doctor yeah let us know how it goes it's smart she is to her dude yeah do that genius fucking alien genius over here on to the next one i'm 23 years old and i've had a boyfriend for

about a year now. I love his family. I love him so much. Um, my issue is that him and his sister, older sister are super close. Um, they are about two years apart and I have an older brother. He's 10 years older than me and I am not very close with him. They can't really relate to that. My issue is they are so close that they're super open with their bodies. She will change in front of him, bathroom, go to the bathroom, went in front of each other, even talk about boob size and sometimes it just makes me feel uncomfortable and maybe even a little bit like jealous I guess it's really weird and I was wondering if you can give me any advice I don't know if I'm crazy if they're just super close if they're just like best friends and I know

being a close sibling you know you're around each other all the time i don't know i have all sisters i know shereen you have all yeah i was thinking i was i was just thinking like i have two sisters and we're like we're both uh assigned female like sexually or whatever and i pee in front of them and i change in front of them uh but i'm also queer so if i ever was with a girl would she be uncomfortable with me doing that um at the same time though at the same time though i think coming at it from a straight relationship it is a little strange because i mean i don't want to i don't want to have like a like a um double standard but it is no your bodies are different like like my sisters and i we all have boobs we all have

like we like we all sit down to pee like i don't know like it's not like but i think especially if they grew up together so close like if they were always used to changing in front of each other maybe they shared a room or something like um maybe they got used to that and maybe they're not aware that from for you coming at it from the outside it's so strange to you yeah and i don't think i mean i don't know i mean also a guy that has sisters I'm sure he talks about like like a guy that has a sister and a mom already he probably has more talk about periods and boob size like growing up that he didn't like want so maybe that's something else but I think changing in front of each other that's where I find it

no yeah and I didn't even think about the double standard because you're right I wouldn't i wouldn't think anything of it if like i was like i don't know if i was yeah if it was like a girl like a queer and like women changing in front of each other like in siblings but i think the reason why i would think of it differently is just because how different women's brains are right when it comes to like sexual like attraction and things like that like women don't think with a penis like there's so much more logic and rat and that's like just like a fat like prove it about how women think versus how like male brains work and so this is what i would like the reason why i find this weird i wouldn't necessarily find it as weird if like let's say like they're on like a

camping trip or whatever right and like they're like she's like changing and she's like in like she's changing from her bra to something and her like brother would probably be like oh gross ew let me turn around in the same room but like the fact that you know that they change in front of each other means that like it's not that right and it's not like oh my god gross sister stop like that's fucking nasty like stop it we're right here like he's not doing that so you know about it and like he's not you're concerned because he's not grossed out by it and like i think i mean i don't what was like there was like i mean i'll say sorry back to into freakish like they like wrote in incest storylines about brothers and sisters really they like wrote it in

they're like no we're all like yeah no they're like fucking like why is she so jealous of him show life of Derek or whatever yes oh my god even growing up I wanted to get together but they were step siblings but still so I think like there's like definitely a weird line there I don't want to like make it like hella dark or whatever but like there's like I listen to like a lot of true crime and like psychological things and like a lot of like either kids who are like sexually abused tend to have like a weird can have like those not weird not to like I don't want to shame like can have kind of a bond over certain things that can make them just be a lot closer and have a skewed view of what's okay sexually um not saying that that's the case there no like just

to cover that there might be have been something like that but i think like but it's also like when you grow up with someone so close into your age they kind of define like what the other sex is to you yeah you know what i mean so i think maybe just explaining to him that like you don't you're you're not you don't relate to that closeness or whatever and you would just feel more comfortable if i don't know actually does that like make you i don't know how to word it so you're not like being annoying but i mean it's normalized for them yeah it's not weird because it's what they've always grown with it's just normal it's not i want to know what exactly it is i know plenty of hippies that like change in front of each other and like like mom and

yeah like yeah and but i think the thing is is like if you're feeling you have to decide of are you because the fact that she's saying that she's feeling jealous that's the part to me because i'm like it's not like a like so i don't have i've got a step i mean a half brother but he's like way way older than me so we've never had this kind of relationship but even my guy friends that i consider to be like my brothers the times that i've like accidentally changed in front of them i've scarred them for life and they like have not been able to look at me in the eyes and we're not even related like the one time leo saw me like in my did you see he might have seen my boobs and he freaked the fuck out literally screamed out loud and ran the time that tyler did

could not look me in the eyes and like had me on the group chat being like guys i just saw megan's boobs i'm losing my shit i feel so uncomfortable i don't know what to do like and that's someone who's like a friend who we consider ourselves like siblings yeah and so i think like they're talking about girls and all that stuff i don't i want to know if he had guy friends growing up because if he had guy friends and his sister was like they were there and one of his like friends was like oh your sister's hot he should have then been like whoa stop it no and there should have been this divide created at that age of like a i'm like he's two years older than his sister or there's a two years there's a two year like age difference there was there had to have been

a moment there should have been a moment where his friends or her friend like something was established that it was like you know that's my sister right and then they would have really changed how they acted around each other just because like you do like kids bathes together when they're little like those things but now you're like in your 20s yeah once you get to a teenage age is kind of where that like should be that shift yeah and like it's like the same time when like kids stop like not all the time but a lot of when kids stop kissing their parents on the mouth is when they start to associate those acts sexually with other people i still don't like i mean i've never me and my parents never had a kissing on the mouth thing i think it's

like something i do not understand because you associate it sexually not just that i just don't like mouths i don't know okay but um but it makes sense but it's also like uh i i've i've i've seen sisters be really or like siblings be really protective of their brothers and sisters and like especially when a person comes into their life like romantically and so maybe there's something like that going on like with her with the sister yeah maybe she's just very protective of her brother and like it comes off like really strange i don't know maybe like yeah because i think if i feel like you being uncomfortable can't be that much of a shock right no that's what i mean like there has to be something that they're doing and who's changing in front of who and under

what circumstance how much unchanging is going down to underwear yeah because if it's just down to underwear and like she's changing or whatever and like is he like turning away but he's not leaving the room yeah like because that's the kind of stuff that like i i don't necessarily find super weird if he's not looking but like i even have friends who like are men who identify as being gay and then they have like female siblings who also identify as being gay and they don't like watching each other change and they're not even they're a siblings and also not attracted to those parts right and they still are like no gross ew yeah so i think like they're just i there has to be a reason why you feel uncomfortable and jealous and like i don't want

of rule out the fact that they might have like an inappropriate sort of relationship not saying that it crossed over but like who knows i mean i i i'm i'm more likely to believe that like they just like were raised really open and are very comfortable with each other or whatever but i still think you need to have like a sit-down conversation with only him and like tell him like you don't under you don't relate to this and um sometimes it makes you feel uncomfortable when he's like when she also like how many times are you changing in front of her like i don't understand but like just tell tell him like it would make you just explain why you're feeling uncomfortable explain that you and maybe he'll just come back and be like well it's always been like this and

then i don't know just make sure you tell him that you're uncomfortable without being like defensive or attacking him just just explain your point of view being like i have i've never been uh i've never had a relationship like the one that you have with your sister um i just want you to know that i feel uncomfortable sometimes and here's the reasons why yeah yeah and i would tread lightly too because that sister and that sister brother bond that's never gonna go away that's a good point but you you could be temporary that's what i'm saying a lot of siblings are protective over their siblings and can like be detrimental to a romantic partnership so but i think you've got ground to stand on because you also have a brother

like you have like you have that same potential of that relationship and you don't have it but i think exactly that give him tell him that you feel uncomfortable and don't be attacking or like judging how they've been parented or how they've grown up just say like it just makes me uncomfortable i don't really yeah like explain this to me because my my relationship with my brother i'd call it like very close but like these are things that as somebody who has a brother i would feel a little uncomfortable with and i i just have this i don't know like i just feel weird about it and i'd love to like understand more about it and then if he if if there is no change and he really like comes at you and like isn't like mad or something i think it's like a

red flag yeah i think it's a total red flag and then just move on because like if it makes you uncomfortable now it's probably and he doesn't want to change it like it's not worth it you don't want to sound like you don't want to sound like it's me or her because he'll always choose her you know what i mean because melissa's right like there's a bond that you can never uh compete with but yeah maybe he just like had no guy friends and he's gonna say this and he's gonna be like oh my god wait what do you mean you're not like this with your brother and he might panic and feel like holy shit this is so we like i didn't know this was weird i'm i think i'm more likely to give him the doubt and just think they're just like i don't know just raised a

little more open than i'm used to yeah um does he change in front of in front of his mother too i know shia shia labeouf like him and his mom walk around naked yeah exactly there are families where it's just like bodies are not as like like i don't know like not shame it's just yeah yeah and they're all just naked which i'm i would i'm a self-identified naked person like we'll be naked in front of anybody do not care like totally fine with it um but like i don't know i'm like that too sometimes and like i'll change in front of my little my old sister doesn't really care my little sister i'll i don't realize i'm making her uncomfortable sometimes i'm very much like that where i'm like oh other people i will get naked spray tints in my living room and friends will

be over and i'm like i know we just met i'm so sorry yeah i think the first time asin saw me weeks into knowing her and that's just how i am sometimes i don't realize that like even though i'm not uncomfortable like oh you don't want to see my boobs sorry like but at the same time i wouldn't necessarily like i don't know i wouldn't change in front of like so like my cousins or something or like or i wouldn't change in front of like if i felt comfortable changing in front of my guy friends which i i totally am but they're not comfortable with that but if i was comfortable changing in front of them again which i am and they were and let's say i'm changing to broad underwear not getting totally naked oh yeah i also wouldn't fucking do that like in front of

their girlfriend yeah do you know what i mean like even though i'm like oh no it's just like a totally platonic like i want to know how she found out that that happens yeah like were they were they like there about it like were they like swimming around in a pool and then they all went to change and she just like stayed like the sister just like was there and i don't know like what's the context the bathroom thing is weird i think it's more just kind of like like them like going to the bathroom in front of each other like whatever brushing their teeth exactly especially i mean like i grew up sharing rooms all my whole life because we didn't have a lot of money and so like i got we got used to training in front of each other going to the bathroom at

the same time even showering together you must do a shower together like just to save water and stuff so that's when i showered together for years my parents were like whoa oh so i understand bathroom stuff because you're just like i have to pee you have to wash your hands just like get it over with yeah so it's like those things are different but i don't know i think yeah i think if you're reading into it and it's making you jealous and uncomfortable even if it's not necessarily coming from his side maybe it's coming from her side or maybe there is something there i think you need to say it in a nice way and then trust your gut exactly i was gonna say the same thing just like trust how you feel deep down because it's usually not wrong no your gut's

never your gut is never never wrong and also even if like that is the truth and there is nothing more there that feeling you have isn't gonna go away and it's not worth it just to keep feeling that feeling even if like they're like no no this is totally this is why yeah even if they're not like fucking incestual as hell and it feels like that it still feels like that please please update us on this one i need to know i need to know more about this and how you found out that they were even doing that and has this happened to anybody else oh yeah maybe it has someone else has called in with a similar call before oh my god okay is it time for a break i'm getting so psychic i can We'll just count the calls and know when it's time for a break.

God, so much has changed since I've been gone. Okay, guys, we're going to have a quick break, and then we'll be right back. Okay, everybody, we are back from our break, and we're going to hop on to some more calls. Hi, Megan. I'm 22 years old, and I'm calling to ask advice on a little situation I have. I've been dating my boyfriend for about a year now, and I started thinking recently about how I used to have experiences with girls, and don't get me wrong. I am completely in love with my boyfriend.

I love him to death but I was wondering if there's a chance that I could be bi and if I am what exactly would be something I could do after that like would I have to tell my boyfriend or like do I just forget about it because I don't plan on being with any girls but I have enjoyed it when I was with one it's only been one but I've always been kind of scared to keep experiencing but uh yeah so I don't know what to do but I think I shouldn't do anything but I don't know maybe some advice from you guys would be great. I do think you should tell him because I think you should be honest with your partner but I also think like I remember when I was dating someone pretty regularly like the closest thing I've had

to relationship basically um i got really terrified because i also like women and i was like i'll never be with a woman again like oh i'm trapped and i like kind of self-sabotage it without even knowing like because i was just like waiting for it to end or i was just like making excuses to like find threesomes or like i don't know like i was like trying my hardest to be like i still want to be with women um so i think even subconsciously i think if you don't tell him i think he'll kind of eat away at you because you're hiding something that you think is like um detrimental to the relationship but i think if you tell him that like you've had experiences before that you've enjoyed and you want to be with him but you just want him to know that like if you guys are going to

continue to be intimate like you want to just know the whole you you know what i mean um i do think it's good that you're not like me and thinking like you're trad forever uh because i think um i think that's the problem that like if a lot of like queer bi people come into going into relationships relationships with straight people is that like um you feel like you're only giving them like part of you but i think if you're honest with him and if he understands then that's great if he doesn't understand that he's garbage but i think you should understand yeah and i i agree with all of that i think you don't need to necessarily like read into i don't know i think like thinking about anybody when you're in a relationship think about other people when you're

in a current relationship usually means like you might be feeling trapped and a little like oh do i really want this um but i think if it is just coming from a place of i don't feel like he knows all of me and now i'm like worried that i'm not because i'm not being upfront and honest like it's it's going to like implode because i'm not being myself yeah um i think like and then also you might tell him and then a couple like months down the road you might be like you know what i'm not totally into you and maybe you won't even go date a girl after that you'll date a guy but i think like the the way to give your relationship like the best shot is to be open and honest so you're not withholding anything that might like make you self-sabotage your relationship because

you're not being honest but at the same time if you don't feel like it's something that's important for him to know and you feel like maybe this is like your mind telling you that you don't want to be with him you also can break up with him and you don't have to tell him that like i'm bad that's why i'm breaking up with you because it can also be not the reason why it could be manifesting itself in different ways so i think you need to have like a conversation with yourself with being like whoever i like it doesn't matter whether what whatever i want to identify or not identify as and is the reason why i'm thinking about this because i'm unhappy in this relationship or is it because i don't feel like i'm i'm so happy in this relationship but i'm waiting for the other

shoot a drop because i don't feel like i'm being totally honest and then figure out from there and then i say if you feel ready like totally tell him and again if he's a good guy will not give a shit yeah like imagine if it was reversed and if he had an experience with a guy that he enjoyed like i think it would be nice to like share that with each other i don't know like i think it's like being especially i mean i don't know how did you did you say how long they've been dating i don't know almost a year six months yeah that's that's plenty of time to be that open and honest with each other i think talking about like yeah like talking about your past experiences is so important and i think there is less stigma when it comes to girls and girl like

girls and girls together but like i don't i don't understand like i mean like i don't know it's just annoying but um for whatever reason like i feel like he should be accepting of it um and just letting letting him know that like you want to be with him if that's the case like you want to be with him and you just want him to know that like you're also figuring out your own sexuality but it has nothing to do with the relationship it's more just like you're accepting that like oh i've had this experience with a girl and it wasn't nothing to me you know and i think when people when you hide something especially when it's something like about yourself because you don't want it to hurt your relationship it's gonna hurt it no matter what because if you're hiding it

because you don't want to know if he's going to be accepting you're going to find out in a way that he talks shit about the same situation with other people and you're going to be like you're talking shit about me you just don't know it yeah so give him the opportunity and i always say give people the opportunity to be a good person and be the great guy but if he doesn't you not telling him doesn't erase that part of you or erase that part of your past like he's either going to love you for like for this or like love you regardless of like who you've been with as he should or he's not going to and him not knowing still means that he like those feelings would still exist and i think really like putting him aside like this is an amazing time for you to really like discover

yourself and like coming to the realization that like this experience that you had with a girl was meaningful to you and like awakened a part of you that you didn't realize was there and realizing maybe you might be by those are like amazing feelings to feel but they're also terrifying and i think if you're feeling alone in them like i'm glad you even reached out because that's like brave to do so but um i really hope he's supportive of you if you do decide to tell him because i think it's a very fragile place to be mentally and um because you think you know yourself your whole life and then you're like well maybe i don't psych yeah um but yeah i mean that your whole life is all about like fucking self-growth and self-improvement and

we all are learning and growing as we go and so if this is like another development of that then more power to you yeah yeah best of luck let us know how it goes i think it'll go great yeah and if not fuck him he's worse and you're great yeah exactly and you can be with whoever you want to be yeah on to the next um i'm 21 years old and i've been dating my boyfriend basically since like freshman year of high school which i know that that is very long but we took really slow and we just had like a thing for a while and we're really realistic about relationships and we are now in college and we're still together um so we started having sex when you're about like 18 years old and it's been very good but the only thing is that I've never orgasmed from sex

like penis vagina sex and so my well okay I've orgasmed from like 10 even now I'm like really that's all that I've ever orgasmed from but she usually wants to go like just straight into it and I always need to like work up to it because I feel like if she's gonna come i'm going to so my question is how do you think that i could help myself in a way um i've like thought about sex toys but she's not like really into that type of shit um i don't know i just i can't i don't want to like scare him or like pulling out like whipping out this use like a scale girl or something um so i guess my question is like what's like a tame thing that i could do um yeah because i just i want to enjoy it without having to

constantly be like no dude go down on me first because i'm not gonna do it if you know oh my god she needs to stop defending him if you're watching this on youtube and you saw me like laugh in the middle of that just know that it was because i knew melissa had put the past two questions on just for me i feel like because she knew that i would have questions for every guest you're very tailored yes well melissa's the best um i've never had an orgasm i'm just gonna say it outright uh and just ever okay and i'm in my late 20s and it's kind of like a weird thing to like admit but um I think it's when it comes to I think because you guys have it sounds like you guys are each other's firsts and um he does not know what he's doing as far as being like a giving

lover he sounds like a very selfish lover and um only thinking about himself and not realizing like you need more to climax or even like get pleasure out of it um i think first of all i think being okay with not organizing all the time is like the first step but if it's because of him not reciprocating then that's another issue entirely um i yeah he just he sounds like he needs to like grow the fuck up it sounds like he's he's comparing the only thing he's comparing this to his sex in movies so it's like oh she can't come from penetrative sex i've come from penetrative sex one time in my entire life yeah like once ever every other time i've come it's because like if we're in like with a partner it's like them going down on me or like fingering me or something

like that like it's like the one time happened it was like a rogue experience that i've never even tried to get back to like who's that that's like i don't know many women who do so that the the idea that he's he's saying like what you're like well why can't i come from penetrative sex like women usually can't they can't usually can't and so he's comparing your sexual experience to like what he sees in porn and he sees in things that like they're just not accurate in depicting this so you're taking on this blame when in reality then the entire aren't like nearly our entire gender would need to take on that blame yeah so i don't want to say that like oh well he should have more sexual experience to understand that but like again to recommend the book she

comes first like there's so and like looping back to like there's so much pressure put on the idea that like penetrative sex is sex yeah and the idea that he wants you to like get off the exact same time the exact same way he's getting off is fucking lazy yeah that's so fucking lazy also like the the pressure that you probably have on yourself to orgasm like i know that i feel that all the time like it doesn't make sex fun like it just makes you in your head and you won't come when you're thinking about it anyway because you're just like that's the whole the whole point of i've heard is that you're letting go or like whatever no like the first time i ever had an orgasm it was like from masturbating because i was like dating i was like i had had sex with

guys had never come yeah and i was like just i knew i was too nervous and i was like well i don't know i'm gonna make a weird face i'm gonna make a weird fucking sound like i don't know what it's gonna be like and it's like i'm a control freak so i was like no i'm gonna make myself come first so then i understand this so it's not like going in dark and giving someone else this making it making it feel in my head because i'm like young making it feel like i was giving someone else's power over something that i didn't really understand or know so i was like i need to experience this first to know what i'm getting that's a really good point like know what your body likes like like be with yourself first and know that like like understanding how your body

likes to be pleasured is really important and then it sounds like she's like in the like you're wanting to bring in toys and bring in these different things if he doesn't want to put forth any effort into you being scared or something like that's a matter like he sounds insecure and he's just like he wants like his dick to be a fucking golden rod of pleasure that like three pumps and you're like screaming like it's not gonna happen and if he's not willing to be like okay i hear you i understand that and i also want the most important thing for me here is for you to also have a great time and be pleasured if he's not going to do that like that's a shitty partner yeah like it's just exactly lazy yeah fuck he sounds like if if

that's the case then he does really sound like a shitty partner and if you have to keep telling him to go out on you then that's also fucking shitty yeah he should be into the fact like he you should be turned on by he should just be going down like you shouldn't have to tell him like how much pleasure that brings you that's like i am a huge fan of giving blowjobs because i'm great at them and i like them not because like i love a dick in my mouth like i like you like to give her the control and the pleasure over somebody else and how much like how great you have all this fucking power it's like one of my biggest pet peeves when like there's a big legion of women that think like it's degrading to give blowjobs i understand that sure but you

have so much fucking power in your mouth their most prized possession is like i can under your can bite it and they would die like but i won't do that obviously but like my point is as a giving i really like to give love when i'm like an intimate or whatever and i enjoy the my partner like reacting to what i'm doing and a good partner would like the reverse also like he should enjoy going down on you because he knows he's giving you pleasure the same way that you probably want him to like finish every time and it's probably and maybe i'm projecting here but like in my sexual experiences because i've never had an orgasm the the end goal is usually my partner's orgasm and so if that is the case for you guys then he just sounds like he's like

like the fucking champion of sex like he's like like the whole the whole point is him finishing all every time and he's probably getting used to that because you're it sounds like you're his first sexual experience yeah i have i've got a guy friend who um him and one of his previous girlfriends not with anymore but they like she was never coming when they were having sex and it was like a whole conversation that we had when we were in high school and he was like petrified of it because he had been with one he had one other serious girlfriend like earlier in high school and they were each other's first sexual partners and they both were like early on were able to get each other both off and then he went on dated this other girl later on in

high school and she they weren't he wasn't able to make her come and so he struggled with it a ton because it started with like okay well how do i he automatically is treating it like he treated his ex-girlfriend and things that she liked but it ate ate at him away like there were so many fucking conversation of like him pulling like our female friends being like so like what are you like in bed because like what i'm doing is not working and it was like it was so important to him to have her like he was having a hard time getting off because he knew that she wasn't it's like it then he made it became so much about her and that pressure that eventually we were like just fucking keep trying eventually it's gonna happen that's like my worst fear honestly like

i put a lot of pressure on myself because i'm like i'm i'm broken why can't i do this like like it's really not i just be patient with myself and like i've gotten really close i feel like with partners and by myself but um the the closest time i've gone with a partner was someone that i was very intimate with like had history and also he wasn't just he was like it wasn't just his penis inside me it was actually fingering it wasn't like like you you won't know what works for you until you fucking try and so i think keep experimenting experimenting with yourself and not with him um if he's not interested in like helping you achieve that then you can move on and find a different better person to be with because i think you'll find with sexual experiences

there are lovers out there that will fulfill you more and he sounds like a dick yeah and like it's it's it just sounds like a very young mentality and like she's only 20 yeah it's just it's crazy because like i don't i'm at this point in my which people have given me shit before because they're like well some girls don't like getting blowjobs some guys don't like going i'm like great that's fine and there are people for everybody but like if i went out with a guy and we're like hooking up and he was like oh yeah i don't go down on girls like it was so great to meet you i'm out like that's a deal breaker for me because like that's me getting rid of my sexual pleasure with a partner like i can still be able to get myself off but like i want to be

with a partner and you're not into going down on me that's great i i enjoy giving blow jobs but like i'm i want it to be equal yeah if there's if he's you don't have to i don't know it's just one of those if he if this is like if he doesn't like doing that and it's not something that he's automatically doing off the bat because he enjoys your pleasure like that's the biggest turn on for me i get the most turned on when like a guy's like losing their shit because you're giving a great like but yeah that to me is the biggest turn on in the world it's like fuck pantry of sex exactly like i'm like way more turned on than that within like sexting or anything else because like you feel so it's just like empowering and sexy and hot and like you like that and if he

doesn't have those feelings there it really sounds like he's just aiming for an end goal and doesn't want to put the work in he doesn't want to put the work in that's not on you and it's not like oh i can't come from this he will eventually learn if you wake up he will eventually learn it'll take maybe five or six girlfriends before he'll be with one girl who's like yeah no it's not just you haven't just dated a string of women who like need you to go down on them that's just like a female thing yeah it sounds like he's not counting oral as sex yeah right just or like the back and forth of being like well if you go if i'm going down on you then you have to go down on me it's like well that's not it's not like penetrative sex and then oral sex like all of these fall under

intimacy yeah so whatever whoever needs what to get off if that's the goal and you're not just like fooling around with no goal in mind which i think is also really important but like if the goal here is for both of you to come it doesn't matter what you're doing it's not like a tit for tat situation like it's all sex and like whatever you need to get your you and your partner to get there you should both want the other person to get there it shouldn't be like well it's like we're having penetrative sex and then i'm going down on you you have to give me a blow job immediately after like what is the it just sounds like you're i don't like that it sounds like she was blaming herself a lot because i totally feel like don't blame your vagina then the rest of us

have to blame our vagina i mean i've been there like i've i've felt a lot of blame for myself and like my inability to like yeah reach that whatever it was but it's not like it makes it worse when you do that and i think if he is understanding of you um trying and if he's if it's a one-sided effort then i think it's just very telling of the sexual relationship like if it's a one-sided thing where like you're the one that's like hey i want to try this or like hey like i want to do this and this is important to me or whatever and if he's just like blasé about it or whatever then i don't know blase the fuck out of there um i just wanted to end with this that about 75 percent of all women never reach orgasms from intercourse alone um that is without the help

of sex toys hands or tongue and about 10 to 15 never climax under any circumstance so sad my life no masturbate she doesn't you don't masturbate well listen there's too much Wait, do you not masturbate? It's all out on a podcast. Okay, not this one. Well, shut up. Come on, you're excited to be here. I thought you were excited to be here.

Wait, you don't masturbate? I'm never excited. No. I mean, I don't know. Not often. I mean, I just like, I get bored. Okay.

I'm just, I don't think my, I've also been on like a lot of antidepressants over the years and I think that's fucked up my sex drive. It does.

Is there another call? There's a listener device. formerly known as producers corner yes oh you changed the title so much has changed so much has changed yet not a lot too yeah like it's like the same stuff but like a lot has also changed um so it's time for listeners advice but that's the name for now for now that's the name um so this is where uh i'm like i don't need to explain it to you but if you guys are new listening here or watching here this is where uh other listeners call in with their own advice from previous calls and episodes yep and this is from um episode 48 with kat valdez the um original caller um

she had a crush on her boyfriend's friend you remember this yes yes she sent the accidental nude she accidentally said his best friend to nude which we don't know how you do that like in the accident right so this is somebody that's calling in with similar experience god you're all fucking homewreckers they're wrecking their own home they are wrecking their own home literally self-sabotage self-sabotaging i am calling back about a girl from the episode with chat who has a crush on her boyfriend's friend I just sent him, like, half-brewed. So I have some insight on this situation.

I was actually in a very similar situation when I was her age. I'm 23 now, so probably in, like, 2015, 2016. Me and my boyfriend were dating for almost three years at the time, and I got this huge crush on a boy that I worked with. We all worked together. And the boy that I had a crush on had a crush on my best friend. So I started texting him to kind of hook him up with her, but then when they didn't work out, I still kept talking to him. And my boyfriend was just, like, being a real dick this summer.

He was on his boy period, and he, like, just never wanted to hang out. He only wanted to play video games. So because I was alone and I felt like I didn't have anybody and this other boy was giving me attention, then I latched onto that attention, and I hugged him all the time. I had talked to him on the phone, I had talked to him behind my boyfriend's back, I was still dating my boyfriend, and he just like was there for me when he knew I was upset about my boyfriend, and I think he kind of took advantage of that, and I don't know if that's what happened in her situation, but my advice would be to just cut it off, because I didn't cut it off, I never cheated on my boyfriend, we didn't get in a really big fight over it, almost broke up, we didn't, got over it, we're still together, but I would definitely suggest that she cut that relationship off, because it's just only going to get more and more toxic and you're just going to want more and more out of it when you're not getting that from your boyfriend constantly.

So I understand where she's coming from and I understand why it's tempting, but I urge her not to do it because I did it and it was not good. Don't do it. That's all I have to say. Sorry for giving you a stink face the entire time listening to that.

I think it's good advice. I just want to say for anyone listening, including this girl, not that I've been your boyfriend, but i have there's the idea that somebody else can make you like make you insecure and if you're in a committed and serious relationship that like your partner is the reason why you are straying is not fair like you can't make that argument oh my god don't cry megan oh god no but just like oh no no we have to change the subject someone has to talk um i think it's great that you

recognize that uh you you made a mistake and like i'm glad that you have the foresight to be like don't do it i made a mistake or whatever but i do think emotional cheating is still cheating yeah um i'm sure you never like had sex with this person or even like were intimate with them and you're saying that you never cheated but there is cheating involved when you are talking behind your partner's back when you are doing something that you know they wouldn't want you to do or like the fact that you're high if you're hiding anything it's because you know that like there's something to hide and i think like i think i'm so glad that you guys are together and it never like crossed that line but just like if anyone else hearing this like the idea that

your boyfriend wasn't giving you enough attention and that doesn't mean it was like a like a pass to be like well i could get attention somewhere else yeah and it's also like i we i always say it's like you need to give people the benefit of you need to give people the opportunity to show that they're a good person yeah and if you're feeling anything in any relationship like whether or even it's like a friendship or a relationship that you're feeling like your needs, your needs aren't being met. The solution there isn't to seek out that validation from somebody else. Like, again, even in friends, if you feel like your friend is being a super shitty listener, have a conversation with them about that. Don't be like, Hey, I'm just not going to talk to you.

And I'm going to go find another friend who can fulfill that. So I think like, I, well, I'm so glad that you guys, like your advice is great. Like, don't do it. It's a total shit situation. Just like you said, I think the thing that everyone should really take away from this is like if it's you're unhappy in a relationship or in any sort of situation and it's not necessary you don't feel like it's necessarily in your control the thing you do have control over is letting those people that you've brought into your life that you love and you trust letting them know yeah and giving them the chance to like show you that they can improve on that but if you go and seek that from somebody else the issue there isn't you

didn't do that because like you didn't like because of your partner you're doing that because you didn't want you're responsible for your actions yeah and your response and i hate the idea like oh you're responsible for your happiness because like depression anxiety all of that stuff but like there are things that are under your control and in order to like grow and mature as a person like you need to like harness that control and ask for what you want theme of the episode sexually you have to ask for what you want as opposed to like trying to find it other ways or like dodge the question because you feel embarrassed or awkward and you feel needy yeah like you just need to straight up ask for what you need open and honest communication every fucking time only

way to get you what you want like you instead of i mean like obviously you learn from your mistakes and i don't imagine you ever doing it again but um like the next time you feel like your boyfriend is like neglecting you you can talk to him about it instead of seeking your own like um validation in different ways but but yeah i emotional cheating is true yeah if not i think worse yeah and i think you gotta give like if someone's being distant like when i think about it like friendship wise the amount of times asin and i have texted each other being like i'm sorry are you mad at me and it's like oh my god no i'm just having a really bad day and so like i thought everyone else was mad at me like the amount of times that like you can if you just let things

fester so much of the time when you feel like someone's pulling away or is being distant or doing something else a maybe maybe maybe you had a conversation that like he read too much into something that you said and has been like taking a non a non-verbal cue from you thinking that you wanted space or maybe he's like dealing with something on his own terms and just isn't doing a good job of that and so then you're internalizing it and making it about you when it's not about you at all yeah like it could be about you it could not be about you but like if you don't tell somebody and have that talk you're never gonna know like i felt like a dick before when i've been like i feel like i'm not getting attention and someone like you know i've just been like really depressed

and like was suicidal recently i was like oh my god i'm so sorry like i should have just asked you about and even though i asked you like i asked you about it like we're able to have that conversation and now you're trying to keep something from me to make me feel better like i think the more that you can just give people the opportunity to be the people be the people that you want them to be yeah and like and even if they are let's just say like they are being lazy in the relationship and they aren't like trying and maybe he didn't want to play video games all day and like he wasn't being the best partner still not an excuse it's still not an excuse don't let like don't don't have that on your karma like yeah have it like you find out that like that he's

just kind of a lazy boyfriend and then be like hey i want to walk away from this situation not feeling guilty but like if you start acting on something in reality you you felt like you were acting out but you ended up taking it to a far where now you're apologizing as opposed to like him being like i'm so sorry that was really shitty of me and you having the power now he has the power yeah so keep keep the power more always keep the fucking power keep the power okay that's our episode guys i hope you enjoyed shereen plug your shit oh right i'm shereen um um you can follow me on things i have a i have a podcast called ethically ambiguous it's on the house of works network and um you can find on itunes spotify anywhere listen to podcasts ethnically

ambiguous on twitter we're on ethnically and amb and then on instagram we're ethnically and big amb ig um you can follow me on instagram shiro hero s-h-e-e-r-o-h-e-r-o and then twitter i'm shireen y because someone took shiro hero so it's s-h-e-r-e-e-n-w-h-y and i'm a filmmaker and so you can like follow me and all my stuff and i'm trying to make some more things right now because i have some free time um but yeah what about your book and i have a book yeah i have a poetry book called dime piece um because it's like spans 10 years of like from 16 to 26 like the collection of poems i had from there so it's kind of like a diary it's like chronological it's on amazon prime 66 cents because hail satan hail satan i'm gonna buy that shit i love poetry and i'm making my i'm

making a second one right now which i think is a little bit better than my first because i i have this thing about poetry for me anyway like i don't edit and i put in the shitty ones to like mark my growth even though like a lot of poems poets that i know like are very like edit yeah edit heavy but i'm not like that so my second one it's like 50 pages deep and i'm excited about it oh my god so cool i love poetry i'm also very much not an editor with it yeah for me it's like a therapeutic cathartic like release and i'm like okay i'm done and i can never get back into like the mindset when i wrote it like half the time i read i'm like what was i talking about i'm like i don't know i don't know how to edit this to make it better because i don't know the

fuck i was saying yeah and i've got people like when i was in high school i had like a website and i would put my poems on there and i remember someone's finding them one day um and terrifying but it's like the emotions i felt then were like there yeah i don't feel them anymore yeah it's like the most cathartic thing that was like literally why i started a tumblr when i was younger like it was just like a zanga there was an angel fire uh-huh uh the time oh my god i remember people are too young and i don't know what that is what's a geocities what's that yeah um well if you guys want to be on an upcoming episode of the podcast you can give us a call at 310-694-0976 and uh if you're an international listener you can email us

at meganpodcasts at gmail.com these were some great calls so if you just take this as like some advice like if you heard this and we went there know that we'll go there again if you have something that you've been afraid to call in about and if you do want to be on the podcast also maybe you can start as a camera up and then dreams come true oh my god i can't with you if you guys want to follow us tonight our socials will be down below as well as our website don't blame me dot show if you're watching this on youtube go subscribe to us on itunes and go listen to the audio version of the podcast so you can listen to it in your car and then if you're listening to it in your car in your headphones

and go home and watch the video version so you can watch shereen get incredibly uncomfortable all my facial expressions also listen on stitcher this is all exciting guys this was fun oh my god thanks for having me thanks for being here today especially oh yeah well give me love oh guys you look so good today too everybody go comment she looks very pretty today i mean you always look pretty but you look especially pretty today oh my god you're such nice eyelashes okay we can end the episode now don't blame me is a production by me executive produced by melissa demonts camera operator amanda lechner post-production sound by chris henry production assistance by julie carley

and music by ryan hunter and giacomo picasso part of the her pod network