Don't Blame Me! - S4E16: Guest: Kelsey Darragh - Falling in Love with Online BDSM Partner

Episode Date: September 16, 2019

Kelsey Darragh is here again! We’re answering your advice on how to get your boyfriend to go down on you, what to do if you’ve had sex with a bunch of people at work, how to end a toxic friendship, and coping with having HPV. In Don’t Blame Them a listener shares her experience with having her photos on her friend’s boyfriend’s phone. Check out Kesley’s Podcast: https://www.instagram.com/confidentlypod/ Follow Us! @meghanrienks www.instagram.com/meghanrienks  @kelseydarragh https://www.instagram.com/kelseydarragh/ @dontblamemepod www.instagram.com/dontblamemepod  @sheisnotmelissa www.instagram.com/sheisnotmelissa Listen to ad-free and bonus episodes on Stitcher Premium! For a free month of Stitcher Premium, go to stitcherpremium.com and use promo code 'BLAME,’ PLUS exclusive bonus episodes. This episode is also brought to you by Betterhelp Affordable Therapy By State (Curated by Crissy Milazzo): www.tinyurl.com/y64kwdnf    Need Advice?  www.dontblameme.show  Domestic Listeners Call: [phone]   International Listeners Send a Voice Memo To: [e-mail]  … with as much detail as possible under 3 minutes! I’ll do my best to share my wonderful words of wisdom. If you’re under 18, please get your parent’s permission. Advice is for entertainment purposes only, so you can’t blame me if I screw up your life. I kid! My advice IS AMAZING. - Want to WATCH this episode as well? Check out my YouTube channel:  http://youtube.com/meghanrienks Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/join/dontblameme See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

hello everybody and welcome back to another episode of don't blame me and today we have a repeat guest kelsey darrow thank you so much for having back oh my god so much fun last time i was on here i'm so excited i was i honestly like not that i don't get excited when i like see who's coming as like the guest for one week but like there are times where i'm like oh my god this is gonna be so easy it's so nice so good at talking incredibly good there's nothing worse than when you get a guest who's like doesn't know how to go with the punches roll with the flow oh yeah no it's that or when anyone doesn't understand your sense of like humor oh yeah let me adjust this i just had to interview a very professional person for my podcast

and i put on this like different persona because i was like trying to impress her and it just it was fine but she was so important that I felt like I had to change my demeanor to talk to her it's the blazer personality where it's like even if I'm not wearing a blazer I'm acting as if like I have a blazer on and a pants you nailed it I acted like I had a blazer yeah but like a cute fashionable one but still but like you're blazery well guys if you're new here this is an advice podcast and if you want to be on an upcoming episode you can leave us a voicemail at 310-694-0976 and international listeners you can send us an audio message at meganpodcast at gmail.com should we get into the calls let's do it give some advice yeah hi megan hi melissa um i'm calling

uh because i have been having a little bit of a problem with my boyfriend who i've been dating for um almost three months now so we see each other about every day um and we probably have sex about every other day we have sex a lot and about every time that we do I will go down on him and he still has not gone down on me and at first I thought okay maybe he just you know isn't yet whatever but I brought it up to him a few times just like hey maybe you want to and he would say cute little things like uh for your birthday so I was like okay whatever but then today at work I was listening to one of your podcasts and a girl was talking about how she had a boyfriend who would not go down on her and um she had to explain like the female anatomy to him so i brought it up to

him today and i was just like you know some girls have a harder time getting off with penetration so i was trying to explain to him you know how it would be really beneficial to me and such but he was just like apologizing and he said something about he has a bad gag reflex and I told him that I would be prepared you know it would not taste bad everything would be okay it was like you don't have to go full in at first you can we can go at it slow I'll instruct you it doesn't have to be a nervous thing like like we talk about we're very open with each other this soon into the relationship and I also feel like I should point out that I am his first girlfriend he's ever had I'm his first kiss I'm obviously you know his first person he's had sex

with so I think it is just him being nervous because he's never been in a relationship before he's never done anything and I am more experienced than I than he is so I think that is playing a part in it and i do i love him i don't want to break up with him just because of this because he did say tonight that he would try to work on it i just want to know how to talk to him without like him feeling like he's being pushed so yeah that's about it and i hope you guys can help thanks bye you love them after three months wow that's like that's that's like major and how old did they say they didn't say she didn't say i feel like it's a little bit younger yeah i would i would think so i would think like late teens early 20s i do know a friend that was

dating a guy who was 30 and she was his first girlfriend okay but like not first kiss like not first kiss but first relate their first every she's his first but how often are you going down on girls when you're not in a relation I mean it's probably not enough like I think like I never had like one night stand kind of things like I like had stuff with like people I knew like one time and then was like yeah well never again but like I still knew them yeah but I literally like think about that I'm like I would be so fucking if you one night stands like you're not gonna wow which is weird because I feel like with blowjobs I'm like watch this oh let me show you what i can do this is a one night stand yeah i'm like i'm gonna make you fall in love with me

but i also didn't it didn't phase me if they didn't go down on me because i'm someone who doesn't really care for fellish okay it's fine but that's not my preference okay um so it never bothered me but i would always take note that like i was actively going down way more on dudes than they were ever going down on me which why i know it's yeah it's it's i've been i've been incredibly lucky that i've never i've never been like my first boyfriend when we were 16 went down on me like i've never dated someone who hasn't done that yeah i don't think i have either i've never even slept even like people i've slept with like singular times wow good for you it's always great but like sometimes you're like nothing yeah so she basically wants to know how she can teach

this guy because that's obviously what it is she's never done it he doesn't know how but the gag i was like you don't like put a pussy in your mouth like yeah you don't put it down your throat swallowing anything like we do first of all yeah i think she said she's like i'll prepare and like he's afraid that it's gonna like taste bad or whatever and like i just like i know you really like this guy and i think like you're being great about this but i think like you're i think you're being you're being a little i think you're being a little too nice in the aspect that like his worry and fear is like mainstream media told him that vaginas are gross kind of a thing and like you don't need to like coddle that because like I don't think that needs to grow up yeah and like

that's an offensive it's an offensive thing to say to the girl that you're dating is that you're like afraid that like you're gonna gag and it's gonna be really gross and like that's not your like that's not you like your cross to bear to be like oh like don't worry like I'll like keep my stuff all like nice and clean like I understand that you're afraid or whatever like she's going and she's going down on him too yeah like it's just a little one-sided in that sense and i can get like if he's like nervous and uncomfortable but there's also a way to like be nervous without like saying things that like i you didn't sound like you were offended but yeah but it turns into like something of like oh this is like a thing that's gross about your body and like i don't

know and like i have gay friends who've like gone down on girls they didn't enjoy it but like they did it so you gotta get over the fear yeah like i feel like that's gotta be the and you you know what i would do i would fully just sit on his fucking face yeah i would just do it i would literally like when he's underneath you i would just roll up undo my pants and fucking sit on his face yeah i i mean i would honestly do that too maybe have him watch some like girl on girl porn like have it be something that's like sexy because if he's not super sexually experienced i don't know if then the only like sexual like media and stuff that he's been consuming has been like super heterosexual which is like oh i'm gonna like fucking i'm gonna like

mouth fuck this girl until she cries and like all of that stuff that he's not seeing like that like oh this is also about you kind of a thing and also if you and like you said you explained to him that like hey it can be harder for girls to come penetrative sex if you are faking orgasms stop it because that's also i could see him being like well i don't like you yeah we're already getting there and you're like no i've been lying this whole time i haven't come wants another because that should also be like the if you're hooking up and like orgasms are the end goal for both of you it doesn't always have to be but if that's the goal for both of you in that moment and you're not getting there like he shouldn't feel good walking away from the

situation like okay well we all like and like is there anything there's nothing more attractive to me than when someone says what they want and yeah like i i'm buying why i was hooking up with a girl who just was so vocal more so than i've ever heard i was like oh shit this bitch knows what she fucking wants and it made me feel a little bit like inadequate like am i doing things right and so i think there's a balance of saying exactly what you want because i'm gonna tell you this he's not gonna be able to do it right the first time no there's every guy i've ever been with that like i'm comfortable to have that open conversation where i'm like oh ow that's my butthole or like don't do that like you have to teach them unfortunately because guys just don't know

how to do that and women kind of don't want you everybody's every pussy's different so there's gonna be you are gonna have to do a little bit of that emotional labor of like once he gets over the fear of actually going down there and doing it and getting over his ego of clearly worrying that he's not gonna know how to do it he's not gonna know how to do it yeah maybe there's like some way of opening up that dialogue of even just being like look it's gonna be weird and uncomfortable and you can bring a little bit of like humor into it sometimes like we don't laugh enough during sex oh 100 yeah and i feel like maybe just opening that dialogue up of like you know it's gonna be weird and it's gonna not be right and let's just like see where we land

the first time might ease his fears but yeah don't let him put it on you i would also this is my i give this advice all the time buy the book she comes first there's papaya on the cover and just read it when you're around him it's such like a sexual cover and title that he's then gonna read it and then understand it more because I think like him apologizing and being like oh I'm so sorry like kind of in my mind or how I took it is that he didn't really know that women aren't necessarily coming from penetrative sex so this is a book that like there are step-by-step instructions there is like this is how you do it because if he's not he has to actively go find and like things that talk about how to do it like if he's like I don't even know where to start

like that's like hey like let's like mutually masturbate like look how I get myself off this way like this is like if you want to use like any sort of like toys like use like a like a something and then he like doesn't have to like fully go at it and like he can just like assist and aid and like make it like a fun sort of thing fingers are a thing yeah um but I think like you need to like not apologize for like your body and like not apologize and like reassure someone that like you're gonna do things to not make it gross because that also implies that like it is gross and like you could be gross and it's not at all and like I'm understand you want him to be comfortable but there's also a level of like just like built in like male like things that happen

and like I think like everyone needs to like yeah you just need to be like yeah no this is not happening i always say if you can't handle the taste of a pussy you don't deserve to be around a pussy yeah a pussy's gonna taste and smell like a pussy period and also like have you smelled your balls dude right like also you remember okay so i have this theory and it's actually it's not even a fucking theory it is literally a fact that has now been proven that i think like sweaty like sweaty not like actively sweaty but like post sweaty sweat has dried balls smell like the dry craft macaroni and cheese mix huh and what was the science thing yeah it's like the science of it somebody sent us an article after she said at one time that the chemical reaction for sweat on

balls and like men is like the same as the smell for macaroni and cheese i found that out about that's why your pet's feet smell like doritos you ever smelled like the pads on a dog's foot they smell like fritos and doritos and it's the same thing so funny this is an educational yeah god yeah but i just think about in that sense that i'm like yeah that's like there are so many things that we do that like on paper they're not necessarily like the i don't know like you we can get over anything and it's just like i girls aren't taught to be like oh wow like no like it's so gross like i can't do it it's like swallow it put it in your lungs like you're you're not like if you're gonna use spitter like spitters are quitters versus guys where it's like

yeah no like i'm like i'm uh what is his fucking name uh dj khaled yeah being like yeah no fuck that i'm not gonna eat that like oh like that's not a cool thing no it's not cool to not eat pussy no it's not it's not which the rock told him yeah oh my god yeah dude am i just sitting on the rock's face oh my gosh feels like it would be so uncomfortable no i feel like it would be so also but he's so like his head is so i don't know i feel like it would be like sitting on a saddle without jeans on on his head yeah like just sharp features like hard yeah every part of his body is hard but yeah the rock can you imagine a moment of silence oh i know good thank you okay well let us know how it goes um and if you guys are having sex every other day yeah it's fucking

time yeah maybe you'd stop until you're like hey we need to get a protest like that one girl that was like grab him by the head and say eat my pussy like i love that and also like if this is if know that also if this is the way that you come which again same i've come from penetrative sex like probably like less than five times exactly and so that's how i'm gonna come is from someone going down on me and i'm if we're not meshing and you're not doing that that's gonna be a deal breaker and it's not your responsibility to then like change your anatomy and figure and then you have to suddenly fake coming so like if it doesn't happen that way like you're not a bitch for being like this is something i need in a relationship amen so let us know how it goes

please praying for you and your pussy prayers for pussy love that that's my 2020 slip there you go next one again uh this is like the third time i've tried calling into this under the right time limit and blah blah but i'm gonna do it again um so i'm in my early 20s my boyfriend is too we've been together a year and a half and then he has a sister who's 21 and he has um another female cousin who's i believe 23 i'm not 100 sure she's younger than me and my boyfriend but uh older than his younger sister and um when i first like saw pictures of her when i was internet stalking him when we started dating because of course that's what everyone does um i just looked at this girl and i was like oh fuck this bitch i don't like her and i don't know why which is very

weird for me because I love female friendships and I love hanging out with girls and this is actually my first relationship because I've just always been around women all the time and just not had enough like uh time to meet guys um and I have a younger sister and like I would die for her I would die for my boyfriend's sister and the thing that's really bothering me is that um his cousin bullies his sister constantly and he does jack shit about it and i think part of it is that he's just not a very confrontational person i however on the other hand am very confrontational and very protective of female friends and especially very protective of female friends who are younger than me because it reminds me of my sister and i am soon going to meet his cousin and i'm very very

afraid I'm just going to beat the crap out of her because she's just been an absolute bitch to my brother's sister. She even tied her up at one point and gagged her. That's like how terrible the fucking person she's been and people have just kind of been skirting around it because they don't want to deal with it.

From internet stalking her, it seems like she definitely identifies the whole thing of like, oh, I don't like other girls. They're mean to me like, which I hate. I fucking hate when other girls, when women are like, oh, I don't like women. It's like you are a woman um so i'm just wondering if you could give me some advice wow good for you first

of all i also i don't know why my mind went to she works at dairy queen oh my god i thought like pizza i thought applebee's they're all in the back yeah it has to be something like that it has to be because a corporate situation like that gets fucking messy and that's from someone who literally fucked her entire office at one point like you gotta keep it at like a job you don't care about because the second you start to intersect a job you care about with sexual relationships trust me no one is an exception no it will get fucking messy you just gotta know you can handle that i just also can't work if i like have a crush on someone because it's like you're basically you're like waiting for them to slack you like what are they getting coffee i'll get up

at the same time it's like it's distracting yeah no so distracting uh i mean okay to be super frank and honest i think that the guy who's trying to set the one you slept with who is trying to set you up with the other guy i think him then hitting on you after the other guy ghosted you is because his friend gave him the go-ahead and the clear that he wasn't that into you anymore i think that guy then slept with you told his friend and his friend was like oh it was great sex because i'm sure he thought it was awesome too and then i think he's also coming back around to try and hook up with you to be super super honest i don't know if any of these people actually like you yeah like you don't know that i don't she like any of them that she likes the

third she likes the third one she likes the one she slept with no she likes the one that that ghosted her oh but also you don't know that you haven't slept with them yeah i think like you just i think you should treat all of these people like toys yeah and that they they aren't like none of these people are people that you're probably going to end up dating um also because unless anyone's really trying to I think like your best bet to also to like preserve your like I don't know to like preserve the best sex and then also like I don't I don't want to give up good sex for the potential of sex that might be good that you don't know um I would just stick with the guy that you've slept with I wouldn't say that like I wouldn't put all your eggs and

like oh we're dating this is like a thing that this like I would take it as this is great sex if he wants something more i'll assess if i want something more but i wouldn't go into it no assuming that there's anything more to it because then else you said you can just go back to school yeah and that guy that you're having bomb sex with why wouldn't you want to keep bomb sexing right and like for like you said you have no idea what this other guy's motives are that you have to assume they're all in cahoots oh fucking sure right and like and like if you start dating him it's gonna be weird because you're like i've already slept with his two other friends right and that's the other thing is i was gonna say like i wonder this is some shit i would do which

means it's probably not the right thing to do but i would probably go in there and be like i suck yo dick i suck yo dick and yo dick y'all all my bitches like i would go in there being like i fucking own all three of your dicks but like that might not be the right thing to do because you're wondering if you should say something my instinct would always be to say something unless you think it's gonna cause drama because then i feel like i would have more power over it yeah if I'm the one in control of it I think I but I think it's safe to assume that they all know like I don't think you need to say anything I think you can do like without saying it you can walk in and the kind of way of being like I got all y'all dicks like all of you are like are here

for me and like you have your pick of it I don't think that means like switch between them I would say like focus on like the physical stuff with the guy that you like I think like that oh like the texting and the facetiming and all of that stuff I think it's pretty safe to say that like if he ghosted you once because of that and he's not immediately coming back and saying okay i'm so sorry i ghosted you i had a weird thing with this other girl and like she came back into my life and like there was like a reason and excuse he's just trying to pick it back up that's like oh my friend said like he got a bomb pussy which like good for you yeah he doesn't deserve it oh yeah but like you i stick with the guy with good sex because then also he's also like i don't know

like he's he's knowing that he wins and then he's also gonna be giving it good and then you're also like the girl that just is fuckable at work yeah unless you want to be that but also she was trying to hook that guy up with her friend too so yeah what happened to your friend yeah that's a cross yeah yeah interesting yeah that is a little weird but it sounds like you this is all champagne problems like you're doing fine yeah and you know your worth and that's you seem very self-aware and like funny and and so you should have no problems with this and summer's like over so like you said you're gonna go back to school and like yeah keep this keep that dick on lock yeah and just like be confident about it i think there's nothing to be ashamed of here there's nothing to there's no like

huge problem sticking out at us it's more like which dick do you want the most yeah because you could obviously have this other guy that is returning from ghost land that you could fuck but maybe keep that card close to you that might be something that you did like that's the next summer yeah yes yeah because if you ghost you once we know you can go to 12 as serial ghosters yeah i'm excited for you though yeah hell yeah keep us updated get tested you do do you do we do we do thank god but also please get tested and wear condoms yes i mean make them wear condoms yes and i don't know if you're on birth control but you know don't get pregnant with any of these babies because that's when we have the other yes when the girls call in being like pregnant with

my boy like hi i dated friends baby and like now i'm with the other don't do that i know how do you do you think any of the don't blame me babies have been born yet yeah there should be some that have been born oh my god if you're listening please let us know it's like these moms being like bitch i don't have time i don't listen anymore yeah i have a child i have bigger fish to fry yeah okay fine that's so funny that is good should we go on to the next one yeah on to the next on on to the next hey megan melissa and possible guests um so this one might be a little bit more i'm not gonna say raunchy but like a little bit more intense um okay so i am 19 so basically pretty young but I started out the game in sexual encounters pretty young I mean pretty

old goodness um I didn't have my first anything until I was 18 um and you know I'm new to things and trying to figure things out still um I am recently in a relationship we just hit one month a couple days ago so I know it's like really new um but I've known this guy for like six years so him and I are really good friends before anything and we've like you know had fun um a lot of fun and I'm still trying to get like the courage to keep doing more fun things and get closer and closer um because I told him that I like I'm still a virgin of course but that I wasn't going to have sex until I was ready and he's just fine with that like he respects that and so I have set things up I am I'm not ready ready but I have things where I am ready I have

it I have birth control set up um like I have things ready the thing is I am scared that like because I know women don't um orgasm used to penetrative sex like I get that but I'm scared that I am not typically able to have an orgasm like I've you know talked to some doctors and they said it's like probably just I you know need to focus um but I've tried to do it myself I just can't get into it I get too much into my brain and it becomes this whole not cool thing and when my boyfriend he like goes down on me and does these other things like I can feel it but it goes away and I just can't get it back and then I get mad at myself because I can't do it and I'm like I feel bad because like you know I can't do it it's just this whole thing of am I letting him down

like I'm letting myself down because I want to feel that good like I want to do that and it's just really complicated and then as a little extra um I know he's gonna want head because he really likes things that would lead up to head that's tricky when you have a frenemy that's dragging your name yeah because you don't want to piss the frenemy oh this is such a tough one yeah oh and also girls are so smart like it's not like when a guy is like oh i'm gonna tell my friends that you all sucked my dick but it's like when a girl can like yeah girls are smart and conniving as fuck because she's coming into your space it sounds like and trying to pick off i mean she sounds wild she sounds like she wants to wear your skin or fuck you or fuck you

yeah it sounds what's that um was it like a leighton meester the roommate movie oh yeah i love leighton meester what a hot bitch so pretty talented and she's married to adam brody yeah i just like blair and seth i love amanda why amanda literally straight up we could tell you could tell her something that happened 10 years ago i mean that happened like 10 years no way i'm like but that they made it they both made it through and are still working like they must have gone through so much to be together but back to your problem we could go on a real hard tangent with gossip girl coming back um what a bitch yeah i i think like it's one thing if you could separate yourself from her but it sounds like your worlds are

intertwined that you might not be able to do that i think the thing that you i think you're i think my my i would say just ignore it i wouldn't address it because the way that you've described her uh is like pretty clear that she's unhinged but on top of that the people that are in your life you also that that you really trust and you love and you take like that you really respect you're gonna figure out who of those people are good people by who believes or who doesn't like and I think like that's it could be a quick way to weed out some people who are like just believing gossip and bullshit and anyone who is like good friends with you and like knows your character well or even if they don't but is a good person is gonna ask you about it and then

you can tell your side of the story and they'll make a judgment yeah but I think like I've had like friendships end and people like say so much like crazy shit about me and then have people like hate me and like like go off on me and then have months later be like hey I'm so sorry about all of that they did that same thing that they did to you to me and like I'm so sorry I didn't believe you but I think it's just so much better to just be the bigger person because even if someone's not looking that far into the situation and they're just hearing her talk and talk and talk all this shit they're like well she doesn't talk any shit about you like this is like even if like what you're saying like wow this is crazy you'll start to be like oh wow and she's not saying

anything back which makes me think that this is like your own personal vendetta exactly and that it's tricky because there's a fuck boy involved who exposed her text messages like no she sent it no no he showed it to her oh i thought she showed her which is crazy yeah it's like what a little manipulative bitch he is too right but like it sounds like even though you have feelings for a fuck boy you know that he's a fuck boy you know what you need to do about that yeah and that is stop it stop it or play him like a fiddle because it sounds like he playing you yeah yeah but at least he showed her yeah that's true that is true that could be like he doesn't want to lose her pussy yeah it's not like oh i care about you it's like oh i don't want to lose i showed you after

we had a text i didn't show you that she texted me i showed you our conversation after we did it it sounds like you have a lot of power here which is good like it sounds like this girl's obsessed with you and this guy's at your bending knee so like it sounds like you have a lot of power just be careful how you wield that power because there's nothing worse than getting drugged down to her level with the drama and i think you have to like you said it's going to be hard to be the bigger person but sounds like she's very capable of getting people in a position and the fact that she also admitted to you that she just wanted attention yeah like that to me is so weird i love attention but she's on a different level she probably has some type of issue she should

go figure out what's wrong with her yeah i think you're right though and then you can't get dragged down to her level and i think the best way to do that is to cut ties to the fuck boy because if you keep him around you're tolerating that kind of shitty behavior and you're not that i'm saying you're gonna then do shitty things but like everything just gets skewed if you can cut them both out you're not neither one is going to be as tempting because it's both toxic and i think that would be a really great exercise for you because like they're both toxic like she's a fuck girl you're he's a fuck boy like they're both fucking with you and i say like if you're gonna cut her out which i think you should cut him out too because like they're both treating you bad

it's like how do you also like i feel like maybe we're privileged because we live in la and this is easy to do right like it's easy to drop friends but i feel like if she's in a small town or in a situation that she can't necessarily drop her as a friend how do you like navigate that when it's not as easy because i feel like here you just take up a new hobby or you just fucking or just don't answer anything right yeah don't answer anything like you don't have to follow them on social media and like who cares there's so much of that here but when you're in a small town in a situation where that's gonna be like the talk of this girl's life because this girl obviously has nothing else better to do going on how do you like yeah how do you get out of the roommate

late meester situation when that's i mean i dropped out of college but i was also getting dropped as a friend and I was like deuces moving um I mean I think you do like take up new hobbies and I think like if you have you're saying that like she's infiltrating your work friends I think you can still be friends with your work friends because she doesn't work there so she's not there all the time so I think you can like focus on that sort of stuff or if there's friends that you have like if you went to summer camp and you have like an old friend from camp like maybe reach out or if you have any like long distance friends if you're in college and your friends are in other colleges like across the state maybe like for me when I didn't have a lot of friends like long

distance friendships where I like and that's where I invested my energy start a new show on Netflix like do just do anything and I have said this like I would rather have no friends than shitty friends like I would rather be by myself and have nobody and I say this as someone who like definitely had a lot of shitty friends and then finally I was like why am I doing this like you don't have to what's the point like it's not like it sucks to not have any friends but also like i'm gonna go out of my way to make friends if i don't have any and i'm not going to like just be like oh you remind me so much of that friend that i have and they suck but i'm just gonna like completely be blindsided by it but i think you just gotta focus on like yourself and also like

imagine like you learn a new language and like you have your shit together and this girl's just like bad mouthing you and you're like i speak latin now yeah bitch you upgraded yourself exactly yeah but i yeah i i i vouch and i vote for cutting both of them for sure we're gonna take a quick break and we'll be back right after this well guys we're back from the break and it's time to hop into the rest of the calls yay hi megan uh love your podcast um just calling in with a relationship issue um so I'm 21 live here in the U.S. but um I'm currently in a BDSM relationship um with a guy who's a few years older but we met online and he actually lives in Australia so um definitely a bit of an issue um we usually just interact um through an anonymous

like texting app so no like personal information really has been exchanged we just engage in an online-based relationship and it's been really good um for both of us so far but I don't know if it's a me thing or maybe just, like, a girl thing, but I, um, easily get attached and I can feel feelings starting to develop. Um, it's been about three months, um, since we started and he's just a really great guy, um, not just about, like, sexual things, but he just really makes me feel cared for and special um and like you really want to be there for me um but it's just hard you know since it's long distance first of all um big time difference um and I don't know if we'll ever get to see each other and meet in person like physically um

yeah i think that's the issue that i'm struggling with um like i said there's starting to be feelings and i do want to meet him and to see him if it's feasible um but i don't know if he would want that or um if it's even possible um but yeah i don't know if i should tell him and just talk about it because it's kind of hard to discuss these more serious things like just over text um and I also don't want him to you know like not feel the same way and then me feel like a fool for even thinking that he would want something like that um but yeah I just really want to know if it would be feasible or if I should maybe pull back a little bit before I get to her um but yeah that's the gist of it um anything you can say or any thoughts you have

on it would be very helpful so thanks love you it's like an online bdsm relationship i was trying to think about that i don't i'm not educated enough dom situation so like emotional dominance or financial dominance that's what i'm trying yeah because it's not physical or is it mastery type slave shit where it's like back and forth like go do this thing send me a picture kind of thing yeah i would think yeah me too or even just like role playing via online like sexting but like in a bdsm sort of way um my advice is shoot your motherfucking shot because he's in australia right and you're in the states and you don't have any plans to do that unless you have plans to do that always shoot your shot yeah i i i agree with you because you don't if it doesn't work out well

there's yeah there really is no stakes and like you saying like oh like i don't want to feel dumb i mean i hate to break it to you it's just it's an inevitable thing yeah and when you tell someone that you have feelings for them or whatever i always think and i always say that it needs to be because you want to say it it's not because you want a certain response out of them like if you only like someone and you're only comfortable saying it because you know they feel it back like then that's then it's you don't like them enough to feel like you need to tell them like then I would say just move on but if you're if you're truly just like way too afraid and uncomfortable do it then you have to like ghost him and like quit talking to him like there is no option in

which like there's no me I'm not gonna say like oh wait three months and then he'll definitely feel the same way like if he feels the same way he already feels the same way and if he doesn't he's not going to so like shooting your shot again like you said no stakes um but I would also be smart about it and like I don't know what you you also you know a side of him and he knows a side of you you as much as like I don't yeah your your time difference is you think it's mostly on like an anonymous texting app so you're really falling for like just a portion of somebody yeah so i would also say if he does reciprocate and you i you guys are like yeah what if he's not what you want yeah i i would say like do get a lot of information before you would end up if

you eventually met up like get like full name oh my god like pictures get all of like multiple photos background check do all of that kind of stuff because like you don't want to end up in a dangerous situation not that i'm saying that like anyone who's involved in this culture is a dangerous situation but it's just more of the anonymous like right a relationship with anyone anonymous regardless of how that relationship has like come to fruition you have to be careful because yeah you're seeing what they want to see yeah that's like a lot a lot of times on like catfish when they they're actually the real people that they say they are and then they date afterwards it doesn't last that long because they're only seeing a certain portion of who they are that's

Part of the sounds like the kink of what you're doing is that it's anonymous and maybe the taboo-ness of it is what's keeping it sexy. And if you remove that veil, you have to be comfortable with knowing that you might lose this kink partner too. So knowing that like you're setting yourself up, how much do you like this person? Are you okay with losing them? And this, what seems like specific type of kink relationship as well. you know what i mean like if if he's like oh my god no this is an anonymous thing like what if

he's married yeah and like yeah you know has a whole ass life and this is his way of staying sexy and making it work is you have to you have to consider all scenarios that could be true like i guess we didn't hear how much she actually knows about this guy no although you mostly talk on the anonymous texting app which if you're still talking in an anonymous texting app move that's and I would say I move it to messaging or whatsapp or something I'm not super familiar again with like the BDSM community and I don't know what your experience has been and maybe if it's something that like you've felt kink shamed and you haven't found a lot of support and so you found someone through this app who's into the same things as you and that's really

enticing I think kinks are like everyone's into so many different things I think if you're looking to pursue a relationship with someone i don't think an anonymous based app is the place you're going to find like-minded people who are looking for that too i think like that's like you said that's to me in my mind where people would go if they don't want it to like come to their real life quote unquote like they want to keep it really like sectioned off but there's like bdsm like groups and clubs and like local based things where you can like meet people face to face or like have a little bit of like it's a safety within that community but it's not um it's not people there aren't like that's in my mind I would see that as being a place that you could end up dating

someone who's also into the same things as you but I think like as I'm all for like like shooting your shot and going for it and trying but I think like knowing that there is a high likelihood and a high chance that he's on an anonymous app for the reason that he doesn't want it to get more personal than that um and one is like try and move it off that anonymous yeah and just see how that goes and if he's like absolutely not oh that's a good take it as a sign of like yeah we should keep it here and then if you can handle that keep it but if you can't handle that then yeah because it's anonymous so who cares that makes total sense like if you can get him to whatsapp you and then maybe it's exchanging more information about each other um for i mean i don't

I think you should get information about him. I don't think that you should be the one forthcoming about your own information. You can send pictures if you want, like, of, like, parts of your body if you're not already doing that. But, like, getting more info. And then, yeah, seeing from there, I think that's a good way that you're not, like, wearing your heart on your sleeve telling him, hey, I have feelings for you. But it's a good indication if he sees this as something potentially more in the same

way that you do. I think that's a good call. Good job on us. Yeah. we solved it we did you're welcome you're cured wow oh i really want to know what happens and also would love to i'm just gonna have to like look up like what like yeah like an online media yeah i tried to do like a quick search and it was more just like but i think you're right there's like the financial dominance like all of that yeah yeah i'm super involved in that like i love

hearing about that kind of shit i had a guy that recently i was like fin doming and i didn't even realize that i was financially dominating him yeah so like he would be like i'll pay you for pictures of your feet and i thought you were paying him for god no no no i've got bills and things yeah and i was like feeling bad because this guy i don't think has a lot of money but he was giving me a lot of his paycheck and i was like oh i really shouldn't i would be like are you sure and then i went on and did a podcast with a woman who is a professional dominatrix and she was like no if you empathize with him it takes the sexiness out of them you'd be like i don't give a fuck if you didn't get your paycheck yet like you fucking find a way i was like oh

oh i have to be rude okay i just don't know that i'm like made out for that kind of i just feel too bad man i'm like i'll be okay don't don't go into financial dire straits because of my feet like i need to go get a pedicure today that's what i'm going to do after i leave here i've always wanted we've always wanted to get into like selling feet pics yeah you could in a heart what do you mean have you seen her feet i can't find they're disgusting i've got i've got it would be like there would be a niche for people who'd be into it but are you not on wiki feet no i am i've got a pretty okay rating i have really big feet and i have really long toes and in my mind the only thing people are gonna add like like if i did feet pic there no it's gonna be like

i need like put a dick between your toes like i think it's gonna be no i think you could easily make 150 bucks a pop for just picking things up with your toes i can do that dude and they're very long they're basically fingers they're finger toes i have a boyfriend with finger toes and i always put my hand in them like we're holding and i'll take a picture and it's so gross but that's me you could ease and it's not like sexy right yeah no i'm i'm i love attention that you could easily just get like your amazon bills paid from wow you are enticing you knew my because my My weakness is my Amazon wish list. Okay.

Do we have one more? Yeah. Again, I am 24, and I have a little bit of an issue that I'm calling about with kind of what to do about a guy, and I'm going to try to get as much information in the three minutes that I have as possible. Anyways, let's start with the fact that I am 27 weeks pregnant with a guy that I only knew for about a month, and we weren't even really dating. I was actually kind of with his, like, one of his close friends first, and then him and the guy I'm now pregnant by hooked up, and I ended up realizing I liked him way more than I liked his friends that I was, like, kind of with.

So I ended up getting with the guy that I got pregnant with again, and that's when I ended up getting pregnant. and so now we there's been some drama and everything with getting uh things situated the first 10 weeks he didn't want to talk to me because he wanted me to get an abortion and I wasn't for getting an abortion just for some personal reasons so he told me not to talk to him so I was 10 weeks along and in that 10 weeks though he told me he wanted to move in together however um he didn't give me any more information to that and then still wouldn't talk to me till I was 10 weeks along and I was hearing like rumors from different friends and things about how they were trying to find a house and I was like well how come I wasn't involved

there was that aspect and then um finally there was more drama but we got over the drama hurdle and then there was also an issue where he was dating he was like with another girl and I ended up telling this girl that I was pregnant with his kid and that blew up in my face kind of really badly and again we got over it now anyways fast forward this was at like 10 12 weeks now I'm obviously three months farther than that I'm 27 weeks and we ended up moving in together but here's where my issue is is that I really like him I know you're gonna say like oh parents don't have to be together you can just co-parent but like he wanted us to live together because he thinks the baby should have both parents i still really like him he has a job

where he goes he's basically a professional partier like i can explain what i need more by that but he's basically a professional partier he goes out a lot and it just sucks because i can't do that also he will like text other girls when i'm around but we don't have like i just need to know if i am because i really like him i don't know if i'm putting too many eggs in one basket trying to get with him oh i'm sorry yeah it sucks um but a you are so right in the sense that this is not it could be a lot worse my mom had hpv and she ended up getting cervical cancer and she's okay so it's also not a death sentence even if you did have the strains that do lead to cancer um modern medicine is amazing and great there's something that like i again i'm not i i'm only

familiar with hpv in like the cancerous sense like i don't really know much about it's like it's genital warts right you can't like it can do cancer or it can be genital warts or you can just have like no signs so she probably doesn't have signs right and so um it goes like it usually just goes away it's the most common std pretty much everybody has had it at some point or another and it and it'll generally go away also your boyfriend probably has it too yeah yeah and he could have given it to you he probably did give it to her because men don't they're not they don't yeah yes yeah so um he should get tested as well it's really i don't want to like minimize your feelings because you definitely need to feel that like grief or loss or whatever

you you're feeling about the diagnosis but it really is not a huge deal and i know that that's like i'm not trying to be flippant about it and like don't don't care about it and just like fuck wherever you want and like you and your boyfriend shouldn't use protection or whatever but there I interviewed a herpes specialist on my podcast who said something that I'll never forget she said it is so much harder to find a good person than it is to find someone that doesn't have something like an STD or herpes or HPV in this situation and it really is just about management at this point and that's gonna be the biggest pain in the ass it's it's not gonna be the emotional tear and you know the more educated you do get about it like i've dated people that have uh type one

and type two herpes and have had i five years ago would have been like oh my god never 10 years ago actually it was when i dated this person anyways i would be like oh my god never it's like a death sentence i would never sleep with someone with herpes but the the way they educated me about it And I was like, oh, my God, what are the real statistics about like transmission and shedding and what preventative measures can we take? And the more they explained it to me, the safer I felt, because really there's no one going around talking about this kind of stuff. Like we barely have opened the door with talking about STDs before sleeping with people. I mean, like that's a whole nother conversation. but the more you are educated about it the more power you're gonna feel and have about it because

right now it probably just seems really scary because you don't know anything about it and yeah being told you have something and having no clue what it is can be really terrifying but i think the more you you learn about it you're going to realize that it's just going to be like annoying yeah it's just going to be maintenance and it'll probably go away right so i would say instead of looking on the internet talk to your doctor more about it yeah and doctors have like youtube tutorials now like my gyno has a fucking tutorial for everything like her name is uh uh i forget her her yeah zaz varky varky's wrong just look up dr varky and she has so much that you can watch a little tutorials about like here are the real facts here's what's fiction and yeah i like

that like don't go down a weird reddit rabbit hole and i think there should be i it's a double edge sword in the sense that I think like you probably feel like really thrown for a loop that you had no idea and it just feels like this diagnosis or whatever but also that's a think about the fact that you've lived this long and had no idea like you haven't been suffering any or from what it doesn't sound like you've known that something was up or you're dealing with all of these symptoms just because you have a diagnosis doesn't also mean that that's going to change how you feel on a day-to-day basis like if you didn't know before I get that it's so scary to think that you could be walking around and then have no idea that there's some something that's up but also

that now that you know that it's up you didn't have to find out because you were in terrible pain or something was going on like you found out in a way that's like you're able to approach like how you're going to go about this from a way that's that you you might not it doesn't sound like you're necessarily experiencing like terrible symptoms right now and even if you are it's i've i've got a friend who just got diagnosed with an autoimmune disease and i i told her i told her i was like i'm sorry is it weird that i'm really happy for you and she was like no i am so fucking happy that like i can now like even that even just knowing that i have something and i'm not crazy like there is like there is like power in that knowledge um and it's like again like

like there's so many men have it like it is it's i think it's the most common std it is and it's like without a doubt like everybody goes through all that and like i understand your anger to your mom about the vaccination i will say the vaccinations were insane for that because i was again my mom had it when i was in i mean she had hp before but she got cervical cancer when i was in fifth grade so i was young so i ended up getting all of my like shots super early got all of that stuff but it's like you have to get one shot then you have to wait like seven months and then three months then like two weeks and it's this whole long thing and doctors still really unless you have a personal experience with it doctors aren't up on your ass to get it done immediately and

you're also not really thinking about your like 10 year old 13 year old kid in regards to stds you're thinking like oh i don't want them to get the measles i don't want them to get like all of these other like polio these things like it's i wouldn't i understand that like i think it's valid how you feel regardless and i get that like there's some sort of anger that you feel like it could have been prevented but just know that like it's so like you talking about on the podcast and saying that you want other people to hear this like that's the great work that should be done because it isn't really treated in the same way it's not it's that vaccine is not treated in the same way like you can go to school without being vaccinated for that and I think like I get

chronic yeast infection so like literally six to ten times a year I am out of service and I had a really hard time going back to having regular sex or being intimate with anyone because I just felt like gross i kept being like my pussies turned against me like it stinks it's got fucking cheese coming out of it like i was just like i was just so grossed out by my own body for a while and i think like if you're feeling any of that kind of shame the best thing you can do is again like not only talk to your doctor to try and normalize it and get in conversations where it is more common but like oh just being kind to your body and doing some fucking dumb ass mantras and like really uh some body work and some and mindful meditation and like all this woo woo foo foo la shit really

is important because right now like i try and think of like my pussy having a personality and it's scared like it's also like what's like why are you mad at me yeah i'm just doing the best that i can and i literally talk to it like it's a person or like a pet or something just being like i'm not mad at you like we've got this together we're gonna figure this out i'm strong for you and you can be strong for me when i'm not because it's really easy to also then shame yourself like how did i do this how did i get this why is this my fault like should i have done this the other vaccinations the condoms whatever the truth is is like everyone's gonna get a like an STD at some point in their life and it's just about how you manage it and so freak out now

give yourself time to freak out and then it's time to go into like management mode and I think also a good thing as well as talking to your doctor and also still again not just like google web md-ing all of this stuff go on to like specific reddit threads of people with this specific strain of HPV so you're not looking at because that's the whole thing it's like HPV when when you look it up it's really just gonna talk about the cancerous aspects of it look up like forums of people who are also dealing with the exact same thing as you who it's not the cancerous fear in there it's just that aspect of it because you're allowed to feel how you feel and if you feel silenced by the fact that you're not allowed to complain unless it's the cancerous one like there is information and

like other people who struggle and deal with that stuff too um and yeah it's it's yeah it's no it's not your fault it's nobody like else's fault like it's just a thing that happens and the thing that sucks with hpv unlike a lot of these other uh stds is there is a link to something that's much scarier and greater um but at the end of the day like if you think about it in the sense that like it's like mono or strep throat like someone got it early yeah someone could have given it to you like someone who had no idea like that they gave it to you like it's not about like your cleanliness or your judgment call on somebody it's like it's like the it's like the dormant thing that nobody and like like you didn't even know that you had so I think getting your boyfriend like tested for

talking to your doctor about like what you can do or what you should do and like educating yourself because I think like again like we said not to minimize your feelings but I think the more that you can like learn and know uh about it I think like it probably fucking sucks right now if you give it a couple weeks a couple months it's just going to be again like you said just an annoying thing that sometimes you have to deal sometimes needs a little extra maintenance like sometimes again everybody has something that they have to deal with okay is it time for don't blame them so this is when uh you guys call in with your own advice regarding previous episodes so so this is from the episode with nicole byer love her an icon so funny hi megan and melissa um so i'm

responding to the episode with nicole byer and the girl whose boyfriend had like a staying bank of her and her friends um so it's kind of been in a similar situation so in college i had two roommates um and one of them had a boyfriend he used to stay over a lot um and like we all got along and we hung out and stuff but we just thought he was kind of weird so they ended up getting into an argument like he went through his phone and found a folder of like photos of her and our like small group of friends um same kind of thing like facebook instagram screenshots um and it was just really weird and like unsettling she asked if like he had done anything with them um and he said no i don't really believe that um but she also found like photos of her that he had taken of her that

she didn't know about i'm like strangers in public so he had like some weird ass type of issues that he was like doing that and it was very weird um so i'm not trying to like make this girl like paranoid or anything i do kind of address you guys like if there's screenshots it could be like a fantasy or whatever like no bad intentions but just being on the other side of it and like having my photos on like this guy's phone is just like creepy considering he's like hang out with us and like stay over in our building um so yeah I would just be wary because like boys are dumb and like you don't leave evidence like that like on your phone where someone could find it and like label it like like this guy literally had it labeled like blank friends like can you be

that stupid I don't know um so it's just really creepy and I know this is like a super specific like weird kind of dude um but I just thought I'd share because it's like on the other side of the extreme um yeah I hope this goes uh relationship goes a little bit better but yeah I love the podcast bye wow I never even thought about it from the perspective of like a friend who's photos in there and then being like I don't like that your boyfriend has photos of me without my consent so that makes a lot of sense but on Instagram like once a week if I can though so I feel like I'm kind of ask him for it well also like but but if you it was one of your friends boyfriends that's that's because that's the difference it's not a random dude it's like if you found out that like

your friend's boyfriend had a folder of pictures of you that's and her and all that stuff yeah i think that totally yeah i never thought about it i didn't think it yeah that's why we do this so everybody can give the different angles but also this guy does sound like fucking ted bundy like creepy and like as much as you were like what kind of guy like labels and leaves it like yes men are i was like yeah i feel like i know they're so stupid i mean folders called this is the second person that's called in there's probably somebody else that has the same thing so it's problems are not unique yeah no but it's a good point gosh yeah i think i think also like it's it's it's a i mean yeah i could never i i wouldn't be good dating a guy who had pictures it's like

my friends i'm too jealous for that okay well that's it for this episode oh my god kelsey thank you much for being on plug your shit just follow me on all the things Kelsey Dara and then come over to confidently pod which you still haven't come on yet oh my god which one of these three people do I talk to to make you come on it um nobody okay great I'll figure it out you could talk to me but I would have to cc someone so I won't forget there you go perfect we'll do that um and where do people get feet pics slide into your dms oh my god please slide into my dms and pay me for pictures yeah I'm going to get a pic here literally right now slide into all of our dms because i'm i'm for this podcast i'm i'm enticed by all of this thank you um if you guys

want to be on an upcoming episode you can leave us a voicemail at 310-6940-976 and international listeners you can send us an audio file at meganpodcast at gmail.com um what else follow us on instagram don't blow on mean pod don't blow on me don't blow on mean pod follow our socials will be listed down below get my presets hashtag megan rings presets fuck yeah um and that's it right that's it okay see you guys next time goodbye don't blame me is a production by me executive produced by melissa demonts camera operator amanda lechner and music by ryan hunter and giacomo picasso part of the her pod network