Don't Blame Me! - S4E2: M&M June - He Might Have a Little Peen

Episode Date: June 10, 2019

This week we’re answering your advice on if you should contact your ex-boyfriend about his weed addiction, how to meet a guy that isn’t a piece of shit, dealing with your boyfriend’s evil twin, and managing your friend that cheats on her boyfriend and made out with a guy that you’re now sleeping with. In Don’t Blame Them a listener shares how she got her boyfriend to eat her puss. Check out our NEW Patreon Community - https://www.patreon.com/dontblameme Follow Us! @meghanrienks www.instagram.com/meghanrienks @dontblamemepod www.instagram.com/dontblamemepod @sheisnotmelissa www.instagram.com/sheisnotmelissa Listen to ad-free and bonus episodes on Stitcher Premium! For a free month of Stitcher Premium, go to stitcherpremium.com and use promo code 'BLAME'. This episode is also brought to you by “Stay Sexy and Don’t Get Murdered,” ThirdLove, DoorDash, and Clean It Zero Cleanser. Affordable Therapy By State (Curated by Crissy Milazzo): www.tinyurl.com/y64kwdnf    Need Advice? www.dontblameme.show Domestic Listeners Call: [phone]   International Listeners Send a Voice Memo To: [e-mail] … with as much detail as possible under 3 minutes! I’ll do my best to share my wonderful words of wisdom. If you’re under 18, please get your parent’s permission. Advice is for entertainment purposes only, so you can’t blame me if I screw up your life. I kid! My advice IS AMAZING. - Want to WATCH this episode as well? Check out my YouTube channel: http://youtube.com/meghanrienks Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/join/dontblameme See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Get tickets now. we're great are we gucci though we're terrific i refuse to say gucci no say gucci say gucci gucci you like a baby i got you okay well well guys welcome to the podcast hey great to have you all here they can't respond i'm i'm not new with this i should know that you guys can't respond coming out um well guys welcome back to the podcast this is don't blame me today we have a guest who traveled far and fucking wide just don't even call me a guest because i'm not you're way more than a guest it's you're my co-host this is melissa hi in case you don't know my name is melissa diamond mont and do you ever tell anyone why you're um all your

and your sister's name starts with m we all start with the m for miracle because my mom had endometriosis and was told that she couldn't have kids so each one of us was a mistake she wouldn't say that she would say we're all miracles but we were all mistakes i mean hey it's okay yeah um if you guys want to call it and be on an upcoming episode our phone number is 310-694-0976 and if you're an international listener you can uh send us an audio file at meganpodcast at gmail.com i'm really realizing how many holes are in my sweater it's pretty breezy i don't think you pretty much don't have a shirt on yeah i'm a little cold it's like a cover-up for when you go to the beach i think it honestly is that should we get started we shall

let us begin drum roll please everybody hey megan um i'm 19 and i'm a freshman in college um basically I'm calling because I need advice on something with my ex so basically my ex and I started dating freshman year of high school and we've been super on and off in high school um and when we went off to college we kind of like lost touch I guess because we got an argument before he left and I haven't really talked to him since August but recently um he's been I guess going through some things and I guess turned to smoking weed to help him and he started smoking like when college started so no one knew about anything of it but recently it's been getting really bad and he just broke up with his girlfriend that he also dated in high school and

I don't know I feel like I want to reach out and help him and his best friend and I guess ex-girlfriend now went to his parents house over the weekend and try to get him help um and I don't know I just feel like I want to reach out to him and see I don't know if I can be there for him or help him or anything but I don't know if that's a bad idea um his birthday is in a couple weeks so I don't know if I should maybe bring it up like after that or something but I've been meaning to reach out to him anyway and I just want to make sure he's okay and to see if there's anything I can do to help so to help with that that'd be great I just kind of feel lost I don't know what's the right thing to do and i don't want to put more stress on him so yeah um i hope you

can help me out thanks um would you like to do an intervention with me because i think i smoke every single day because i can't sleep without smoking weed are you still in love with him this sounds like an excuse like a i think like i'm not we're not gonna call you out by like you know figuring out your area code but like it sounds like you're probably in a place where weed is illegal um and uh i think also a huge thing in a lot of places where we is legal is like it it becomes like crack like it is cocaine like it is and the education there behind it like the reason why it's legalized is not because everyone in california is like yeah do lines off of whatever like smoke a doobie like light up a house like do a lot of other weird

shit like that's not why it's been like legalized um here or like decriminalized um i guess it's legalized it's not decriminalized both both here yeah i think yeah now that it is but so i would say that like i think like a that comes from a little bit of naivety around what it is that someone needs to be like saved from it again i am like a somewhat functioning adult and like i smoke weed to fall asleep every single night without a doubt like when i like i i don't like enjoy i mean i definitely used to enjoy like getting high throughout the day i don't enjoy that now because it like makes me feel really anxious but like if it's a kind of strain that helps me relax and fall asleep it's super super great um cbd is also part of the marijuana plant

it's the only thing that helps me with um i mean it's not the only thing but it's the thing that like if i have like really bad pain like if i have really bad cramps or i have really bad migraines that's what i use in addition to painkillers and like it's helps my liver because i'm not taking like way too many painkillers um but this doesn't sound like it doesn't sound like he's somebody that's just taking it to help with no no medicaid but at the same time i think like there is he's not doing cocaine i think like they're like if he's gonna get into anything like i definitely had like in high school i had a stoner phase where it was like i was like pissed at the world angsty like i'm just gonna smoke book and weed and like be kind of a deadbeat

or whatever it's of all the things to become like a deadbeat on it's not that and i also don't know how much of your association with him doing that is it's a bad thing as opposed to him just like enjoying being high and like having not using that as like a telltale sign that like something is really wrong with his life and he's like doing all of these terrible like self-harming things um if he's going through a time and dealing with something like that if you're his ex-girlfriend you're not that you're not the person to reach out that doesn't i don't think that helps honestly it just sounds like an excuse to me because she's saying she hasn't talked to him since august yeah like that's so long ago and you don't even really know what's going on in his life

and he's had a girlfriend um in between that time too so it seems like he broke up with his girlfriend and you're looking for an excuse to slide in there yep and this is your board ariana grande hit song yeah break up with your girlfriend because i'm bored i like that song a lot um but it's just yeah you it's not your problem no you're not close to him anymore you're not part of the situation so why are you trying to insert yourself into this situation and you're making a situation that could potentially not be a situation or a problem like it's the projecting of like that this is an issue and that he needs you no offense he doesn't like as much as you i think for you you really want him to want to need you and especially when you guys have been like

on and off and everything like that if unless that you guys are going to get back together and like you want to approach him because like you miss him and you want to talk about getting back together any excuse otherwise than that is not going to help either of you like as somebody who's definitely been that girl who's like reached out to exes or whatever like it doesn't help either of us like and i've had exes reach out to like and i'm like none of this helps either of us at a certain point like unless there's like a real conversation about our own relationship but like any sort of concern that you show and compassion that you have it is just going to feel misdirected if it comes from you um i had a boyfriend in uh i had a boyfriend yeah whatever i

had a boyfriend at one time um i still have one it's great love you um no yeah multiple ones um but when i was in high school and we when we broke up i found out his grandma had passed away and i like reached out to him and i was like i'm so sorry and he was like why are you fucking messaging me and i was like you're right okay this is not all i'm doing is like you're let's say he is going through a hard time you're going through a hard time you're the last person you want to fucking hear from your ex-girlfriend like it's just not and even if you guys have like and i think also having an on again off again relationship it feels a little more natural and normal to kind of like pick things up but like i think like you guys aren't together for a reason and i think that you

need to dissociate disassociate yourself from the situation and if he wants to talk to you like he can message you and you can see that from him but yeah also you mentioned that it's his birthday in a couple weeks like you're just looking for any excuse to talk to him and no like don't do it don't do it don't do it you don't need this is like the you're bored no but it's like the light version of that girl who said that her ex accidentally murdered somebody and she was gonna reach out this is like you didn't murder he didn't murder anyone yeah this is like one that was yeah 10 that was like a five we never heard from her again yeah she we alienated her that's sorry but yeah no you just yeah gotta focus on your own stuff in your own life

hi Megan so I am 21 years old and in college and I have a question because I'm kind of at like an awkward place I feel in my dating life um so basically over a year ago I ended a relationship I was in for three years and that took a really long time to get over I dated around but I just really wasn't fully submerging myself into these relationships and now I feel like I'm at a place where I could potentially date and I've tried because you know I've been working on myself and trying to better myself you know and not go back into old habits um but i'm just not really meeting anyone and tinder is like super aggressive if i'm being honest like so many guys are just like so come over and like you more fuck like i keep running into so many of those guys and

this one guy that i went on a date with he was like oh yeah i don't like casual sex like i want to be in a relationship before we have sex does that i'm like okay cool we go on a date we go on and then we hang out again and he's trying to like stop the whole time and i was just like okay you're not making any sense like this this whole process doesn't make any sense and i guess what i'm asking is do you have any suggestions for how to meet somebody who isn't a piece of shit because i keep running into guys who just absolutely have no respect just see me as a whole to put their penis in and i want more than that like i just want you know i want a relationship i want quality friendship in somebody you know how do you find that

and i know you know the typical like saying oh stop looking because it will find you blah blah Well, um, I'm in college, um, social life isn't really there that much. Like it is, but it isn't, you know, um, I work a lot. I am in school a lot and, you know, and I'm an art major. So it's, there's a lot of gay men, not really very many straight men. So it's just hard to meet people. So I hope you can get back to me. I'll be listening to your podcast

Thanks, bye bye If any guy tells you that he's not He does not like casual sex It's a lie, it's a fucking lie It's a way to lure you in To make you think that you're special Like that this is like oh I never do this I'm not that kind of boy

I am not this kind of boy I don't want you to get the wrong idea of me I'm a stand up citizen oh my god oh but yeah if a guy says that i think like i i might honestly my like you lame to say like you gotta kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince um i think like step i think dating apps can i think depending on your age dating apps can be effective in the sense that um you can see i don't know at least i know like my friends who are like i mean my age and stuff like if if a guy wants to like hook up with someone um or anyone wants to hook up like it's

pretty easy to discern that from people's messages um on dating apps but a lot of the time people on dating apps it typically means like oh okay this person like if they're gonna hook up with someone they're going to but like if they're gonna start a conversation with me they're on this dating app because they want to actually meet people and a lot of the time people even say in their profiles like not looking for anything serious or like looking for whatever um and so i don't know if like age wise it's uh younger guys just are like scamming just like scam scam scam left and right um but i mean i think a trust your gut and trust your instinct i think the more that you talk to somebody um and if they even start to get like sexual immediately just like rule them out don't

wait it out and think a guy who goes creepy can revert to not be creepy once they go creepy they don't go back and so if anyone does that don't give them like the time to like rectify it just like move on don't keep messaging them or if anyone has something in their profile that you're like oh this feels a little like if it seems a little scammy or if it seems a little too good to be true it probably is um and then i think like going on a date with a guy i think you'll be able to tell like even if that means for you that you don't want to kiss them on the first day um i think you can see that but i would say as opposed like before you really like go gung-ho on dating apps because like you do have to sift through a lot of terrible like people i would try

get involved in something at school that's not within your major yeah that was gonna be my advice i was in a ton of clubs at school because and she got so much i mean i did but like my major was biology and that was not the hot ticket not where she was that's not the dick you wanted yeah um oh i take that back because they're not listening i was gonna say two of my boyfriends were in my major but um but i did i was in a lot of clubs and that weren't necessarily in my major and i would be in them because i wanted to learn more about what was going on even taking like elective classes that are outside of your major as well i took like golf a lot of hot guys in golf in the golf class and then they get older and then yeah they lose all their hair yes and they vote for

trump i have to show you an exact example of this um but yeah just going like um getting outside of your like safe place you've got to put yourself out there so going to you like your student activities place at school and finding like different clubs and stuff and then signing up for those i know that you're busy i was super busy in college too but i still like made time for things that I wanted. And the whole wait for it, it's going to happen. I don't buy that. You have to make time and invest in that because if you were going to, if it was going to be so easy and you were going to meet somebody clearly, no offense, clearly in your circle and your safe space and everything you're doing, there isn't a guy there. You haven't met that guy. That guy

isn't going to miraculously show up. So doing the same thing over and over again, again, like and expecting different results, like it's going to end up the same. So like you have to put yourself in a new position to meet new people to then potentially yeah find somebody like that but if you don't look I mean I definitely for a long time was like you know what I also use it as my excuse because I like didn't want to date for a while um that I was like you know what when it happens it's just gonna happen to my best friend was like so Dean was like no it's not fucking not you're gonna fucking die alone if you do that like are you and she was like I'm so fucking worried that you were going to die I'm on that path you do not go out with people and she's like and she's

like you have to understand like you're gonna go on one date with somebody in a year she's like so you said you're gonna be ready to like go out with someone like in a year she goes you have to she's like i've been through like 15 fucking guys in a week and they're all terrible like you gotta get those numbers in just so you're meeting all these people my god i coffee meets bagel uh j swipe j date sydney also we've been over this she can she's the greatest person of all time and therefore she can get a little clouded when she meets people because her personality is so great and she can talk to anyone she's so fun that she sometimes doesn't realize if she likes them or if she just like has a lot of self-love and really enjoys dinner with herself which like you sometimes

but yeah you have to switch it up um and I know it can be kind of uncomfortable I am 100% a creature of habit like I do not stray away from those things I mean stray away from things uh that I'm like comfortable and used to and I did like the Greek thing in college when I was there for a hot second and then real quickly dated everybody I wanted to date and I was like I'm still a freshman fuck um and i did a i auditioned for like a student film that i was like okay i mean still something that i like doing but it didn't have like my safety net of like my friends and like the people that i felt more comfortable with and i felt more like i had my footing i kind of put myself out there and i met this guy who turned out to be fucking psycho but hey but still you

wouldn't have had that experience you wouldn't be telling that story in my book too guys like when is that ever coming up off good god i'm done i'm just messing i'm just messing with you i saw your little message that you sent to your publish they were really nice to me about it but i did finish it i mean we took more i mean i finished the last round of edits yeah good god um but yeah you gotta push it put yourself out there because it's not it's not just gonna happen um and also i think that's also kind of how people settle is because like then somebody comes into your life and they've done all the legwork and they've really pursued you and like so you're like oh this is who i'm supposed to be with and then you sometimes can end up settling for like character

traits where you're like but if you're actually looking for something yeah it's like it's like but it's like going shopping and buying a dress and then getting a dress as a present which one do you usually like more the one that you like thought like you mean i mean yeah i mean sometimes you like gifts i was gonna say but if i didn't pay for it i might like it too i didn't have to like get my lashes done there's such like put in the work yeah but yeah you know who knows maybe maybe it doesn't fit though yeah you're you're gonna be good yeah yeah just get out of your circle yeah and i'm listening to this as my own advice too because i just don't leave my house or when i do leave it's for work and i'm probably gonna die alone so it's okay i would die alone if

it wasn't for mods i went on one date on a dating app and i hated him he was the worst made out with him all night and then he was like i really thought we had a connection i was like really yeah your tongues were connecting that is kind of my own fault but i gave him like he was one of those like white guys who loves like he like is like fiscally was he was like he's like fisted you he fisted me and i was at the bar and i was like fuck yes um that was your connection fiscally republican or like no he's fiscally conservative because i wouldn't have gone to date with him if he was fiscally republican um or i wouldn't even do this now this was like four years ago um much later time uh and he was one of those guys who like liked the fact that i gave him a hard

time and i was like no no i just actively hated you and thought you were kind of a shitty like douchebag but he was like oh my god i love like when the girl's like you're not like afraid to give me a hard time like no i just think you're bad and i'm telling you that like he's a submissive 100 he was so tall such a tall man to be such a submissive boy okay he was hot too i think don't really remember so drunk okay should we go on to the next we shall hey megan i'm gonna try this again i'm 20 years old and to get some background my boyfriend and i have been together for a little over five years we don't plan on getting married anytime soon i mean we are 20 but the issue isn't with us it's with his brother he to put it in perspective him

and his now fiance both call us names. They've both said, fuck you multiple times to us. Actually last night when I got into a wreck, they said, they both said, I wish you died in the wreck and that I could burn in hell. My thing is it's also my boyfriend's twin brother and I, they've always been really close now that his brother met this guy, he's completely changed pretty much do a complete slog i mean it happened a little bit before he met this guy but this guy just made it escalate even more i guess what i'm asking is when our wedding does come

and with our kids i don't want him anywhere near him am i wrong or should i accept the fact that he is going to be in the life my boyfriend and i both have talked about it because it is something that we you know talked about so i was just wondering if you could give me some advice about it if i need to give more detail i can always go back thank you bye i'm really confused i think you're jumping the gun do you have kids i don't think so because she's at their 20 and they've been dating for five years and but it's too young for them to get married so i'm like really okay so i yeah i'm confused because like wishing death upon someone and then you go on to say but my but they're really him and my boyfriend are really close

that's super fucking weird like that is a little bit of a red flag to me like is it like i don't i mean i i was he like is he have a really weird twisted sense of humor that like isn't funny um or is like your boyfriend cool with his twin brother wishing death upon you like that to me like it just doesn't all add up in the sense that you're like i've talked to my boyfriend about it but like are they they're not engaged they're just yeah but like i that to me i'm like so what does he say when you guys talk about it like does he talk to his brother because anybody who you want to spend the rest of your life with and who wants to spend the rest of life with you like you it's you don't let people talk to your like someone like that i wouldn't even let someone talk like

an acquaintance if i heard that's terrible if moth like said that to like someone who i'd met in passing i'd be like what the fuck like that's it's such a weird thing and but you also saying that it's come since he's been he oh he's engaged since he met his fiancee is it like i i don't know i i don't i don't know is it something like i don't know if you think this relationship's going to last but is this going to be like is this a phase is this like a really like negative very toxic shitty phase that your boyfriend could be like you know what until my brother gets his shit together and can be a decent human being we're not he's not going to be a part of our lives but like i think like you should not a you shouldn't accept this behavior not even

thinking five years down the road when you're being like well once we get married we have kids like you shouldn't accept this behavior now so i think like that needs to be a bigger conversation and to me it doesn't sound like an issue between you and the brother for like a why does he even dislike you but this sounds like an issue between you and your boyfriend like if he's not shutting this down and like cutting this relationship out of his life like how what that makes no sense yeah none of this you don't tolerate that from anybody does he talk to his brother that way well he did say that they they say fuck you to both of them i don't know it just seems like an evil brother like they're evil the good twin and the bad yeah and they had a triple and he ate the

other one in the womb yeah like oh yeah you guys you and your boyfriend need to talk about this because this isn't like this isn't one of those things that you're like well with every relationship you have to deal with the twin brother who wishes death upon the fiance no like that's not a thing and also i'm guessing since you've been together five years maybe you're close to their parents too like what do their parents say about this this is a strange situation we do need you to callback with more yeah yeah this is this is odd i yeah i want to know what you and your boyfriend what he has said about this and what also where is it coming from because wishing death like did you guys get in a fight like have you guys had disagreements over like actual

things and is there like a lot of animosity and anger surrounding an actual event or is it just like i actually just want you dead and like what does your boyfriend say when he does that and did did he talk like this before or does the that the um fiance escalate everything yeah um and what was because like i said you've known him for five years i'm taking it that you guys went to school together and everything so like what was your relationship like before yeah and yeah i think as much as like family is family um that a first of all sounds dangerous but like on top of that like as much as like if you're a boyfriend family could be family but that still requires standing up to people um and always holding people accountable um and wanting people to be better

but like if his mentality of this is like oh that's just my brother pay him no mind um he's not looking out for you he's looking out for his brother more than he's looking out for you and he can look out for both of you it doesn't have to be an either or um but right now you're getting the short end of the stick and he's letting his brother like treat you like shit and talk to you like shit which is not okay and by any means um and he needs to get that shit together otherwise i think that it's a waste of our relationship yeah yeah yeah call us back we need more information i'm so fucking confused me too wishing oh my god if someone wished death upon me i'd be like wait actually are you serious no way that can be true unless they're just evil and then are they just

not know how does the how is the boyfriend like we're really close i don't know okay it's time for a break and we'll be uh right back goodbye for now uh okay guys um how was that for you uh let's get into the rest of the calls my name is um i'm a 23 year old 24 i've been seeing this guy for a few months now and well this is the first serious relationship i've had in a long time because i've been in and out of like friends with benefits and sleeping around and i've had my fair share of good sex and i've been in this relationship and we have yet to have sex three months and it's not because he doesn't want to it's more because i'm afraid to few months um we have messed around

to the point of i've seen it and i felt it and it's just i don't want to be cruel i don't know it's just not big and i'm used to big yeah girl so i'm kind of scared that all this it's gonna lead up to me disappointed in sex because i've had similar guy before and it was not the best so I don't know how to say it to him that like I'm scared to have sex or like I feel like I shouldn't at all tell him that just because that's really messed up um I've told my best friend that I'm scared to do it with him because I'm scared that and it's not going to be good and I feel like that's really messed up with me because we're in a relationship we've been together we've seen each other like we know each other and I feel like

that should make sex with him even better so I don't know what to do I don't know how to go about it I don't know how to stop myself from thinking about it because I know myself I'm going to have lay there thinking about it and be thinking like oh my god i'm not this good or oh my god like i'm so scared like i'm terrified of what to do and i honestly don't know how to react i don't know i'm just very confused so if you guys can like help me out with this because i'm a girl lost completely and utterly lost right now why are you scared it's so little and cute it's not gonna bite it's harmless it's like a yorkie it's so small oh my gosh um i think like i think okay so let's just first start out by saying size does not matter no the best

the ocean for sure i hate that phrase the best sex i've had with guys like the the guy who has i'd like that we refer to as smart water bottle for obvious reasons dude i can't baby like i i can't even fucking explain to you girthy girthy as fuck i'm sorry she's drinking you're watching the video okay moment of silence for you to swallow great she's good um but like it was not the best i've ever had at all because like there's only and i think like this sounds to me like you the penetrative sex that you've had has been probably the stuff that you've enjoyed the most or something that you um uh have had like the great the most pleasure in and it does make sense if like that is what you're kind of used to um but guys who like a we said this before

like a guys who like come really fast or guys who like are a little less endowed those are the ones with something to prove those ones who go down on you for like 45 fucking minutes they read books they read articles they're like she is going to come and i'm going to be a fucking hero yeah and i think like you need to get yeah yeah i think you need to give him the benefit of the doubt and of that like him yeah again size and also like penetration like that's a that's only like one small aspect of sex if you choose for it to be keyword small um and he can also be a grower not a shower it could be something like you could have like felt it and then in reality like once a guy's there and you're like oh i'm actually really enjoying this i mean like unless you are

one of like whatever small percent that can come from purely like vaginal penetration what's going to make it good is like stimulation of all of the other stuff and that's usually what does make sex good and also maybe like that had been happening with your other partners but you attributed to The reason why it was good was because of the size of their penis. Right. And did you have the other guys that you were with that had smaller penises? Were you dating before? Was it just like a hookup situation?

Yeah. What? We need more information. You gave us the wrong information. Dude, yeah. You gave us your fucking social security number. But I think also this is like a very standard typical me advice. You got to have fucking sex with them now.

You need to stop talking to your friends about it. you need to stop worrying about it um i love moths so much this is nothing i had not seen we hadn't like really even fooled around at all but even before we started dating i was like so fucking terrified that like for me having sex with someone is how i know if i like them or not and so i was like i think i like him i think i like him and i was like what the fuck it happens like the second he puts it in me i'm like i don't like you at all which has happened to me before like where i've like been with guys i'm like ah shit this is bad timing to figure this out but like for me that's really what it takes and that fear the more that fear builds up before you like

hook up with somebody it that's that's when you get in your own head i think like yeah also if you guys like when you keep saying go we've been dating and all that it's only been a couple months you've been like the putting these like labels and things on um really quickly especially if like you want sex to be a part of your relationship and that's something that both of you are interested and open to and the reason why you haven't done it is because you're nervous i think like the longer that you wait on something that will probably as you it sounds like is a deal breaker for you then you should establish that and kind of figure that stuff out before you guys are like committed to each other because that's yeah i mean i wouldn't i wouldn't i wouldn't be like

someone's like you want to be exclusive and i'd be like can you go down on me first before i give you an answer like it's like hey let's figure this out um but yeah i think give yeah give them a chance to um surprise you yeah i've never had bad sex i've had like fuck but i'm gonna tell you why i've had good sex and great sex but like i've said this before like i masturbated before i had sex and i think if you know your body and know what you want and you're vocal and you tell exactly what you want then it's gonna be better and especially if you already have feelings for this guy too yeah it's gonna be you just tell him what you like and you find out what he likes maybe he maybe he's afraid of your vagina yeah maybe he's afraid of your vagina and he's just

gonna swallow up his little pecker and so you gotta be vocal oh it's funny i feel like you've never had oh my god i i've never had terrible sex it's been good and great the way she describes i don't know how small this guy's penis is but let me just say the worst sex i've had in my life a i like really didn't like the guy and i like realized i like knew i didn't like him but i was like i'm just gonna do it anyway like because maybe i do i did not and it was i might have said the words isn't it like also i was wasted and i was like uh like i was like this i'm sorry this is this is we're having sex right now this this is what having sex with you is like and so i understand did he go down on you no i probably didn't i actually have no idea it could have been

that you were drunk you could have been terrible too no he hit me up a lot okay i yeah no but yeah so i think like you gotta like they're like if sexual chemistry is important to you i think you owe it to both him and you to like figure it out sooner rather than later um and it's also okay if you guys aren't super compatible but i think if you're really attracted to him and like you're turned on and like if like the penetrative part of sex like it just isn't right off the bat as great as you want it to be like it is something you work towards and it is being vocal and asking for what you want and saying what you're into and things like that i think you'll realize that but also at the same time like yeah some people just aren't sexually compatible um and that's also okay

but yeah that's where my good sex came in yeah compatible yeah i'm still getting off a girl yeah you just gotta figure it out yeah now um and there's like yeah there's no shame in either sense of it but yeah get that good dick even if it's a small one and it's a small one yeah and what if his dick really isn't even what if it's like a fucking like optical illusion yeah because she's or like he it's so big that it's like tucked on the side of his leg you're just you're just touching his ball yep he just has a very he's a narrow ball like a not girthy ball and you're like oh wow and then just like whips out and it's like the cracking literally think about that you don't know you don't know you don't know and you also don't

know what he does with the other parts of his body and then you can be like oh hot damn well yeah does he let's try to think of an instrument you play with your tongue does he can he un can he tie a cherry string take him out for ice cream see yeah watch how he licks that slurp it on up slurp it on up also how well do you know the size of your own vagina you know what i mean like when you like i guess if you're like wrapping a lot wow yeah if you're like wrapping lots of fingers if you're like touching yeah what if she's touching his penis and then you're like looking in that they're not like looking but like you're feeling like oh you can wrap your fingers in got it very good they really go over each other so i'd like i'd love to know

what your boyfriend's penis size is moral of the story also like if we were wrapping hands hold up your hand oh my god do you think every penis is huge i know holy shit oh my god wait no do you do do you ever feel bamboozled do you ever feel what does javelin say i was bamboozled i was like hoodwinked and uh yeah all those yeah um no so you just don't use your hand as a gauge of size i can i have eyes yeah yeah that's what i mean yeah like if you were like touching with some but you wouldn't if you just like were feeling down without seeing anything you'd be like this is not an accurate i know what would be yeah you know yeah i've been in the game a while yeah had your fair share of dicks that's so funny actually i think pete davidson said that about

ariana grande that like everything looks huge tiny hey megan love your podcast um so basically i'm a college senior right now and so my roommate slash best friend she's been dating her boyfriend for like five years now um and their relationship is really rocky where they've almost broken up a bunch um they've both cheated on each other like at least making out maybe even more um it's like a weird power dynamic because he's like fucking loaded um she's also really rich too but like he buys her a lot of stuff like they go out like they went on spring break to london all expenses paid by him um and so the relationship is just weird and basically like when we go out to bars and stuff she'll still dance with other guys and flirt with other guys like lead them on

as if they have a chance with her um and so basically one night we were going out and she starts dancing with this guy and he made out with her and so I stepped in and like stopped them and then she's like gets embarrassed and runs away and then texts me being like fuck like I'm down to fuck him um and so I'm like we need to go home right now like that's not happening and basically she's like no let me stay with him like just go home let me be and I'm like no we're going home now and um she like ran away after I like initially stepped in and because she was like embarrassed I assume and then she like stopped responding to my text and so I'm stuck with this guy and I'm like telling him like oh she has a boyfriend it's not your fault and basically like

he was like oh actually I was going after you and so long story short I'm now friends with benefits with him and my roommate's like really awkward about it where she's kind of like i don't want him coming over yada yada um i'd rather you hook up with your ex who was like really shitty to me um and i don't know how to deal with it because he's like the best sex of my life thus far and i enjoy it and it's just weird because i can't talk to her about it and she's kind of still weird about it but she has a boyfriend so i feel like she's not allowed to be jealous or weird yeah um first off their relationship sounds like goals to me dude fucking goals honestly though yeah like they're both rich yeah they both they have an open relationship i guess yeah

sounds great to me does sound sounds like a fucking party in london baby um wow but then you really at first i was like well no still i'm i'm like you shouldn't be inserting yourself into the relationship or any problems or anything like that like you shouldn't be mothering it sounds like you're mothering her um and now you're the mom who fucked her crush yeah this is like i yeah i really don't know that i'm trying to psychoanalyze you but that's always what i'm doing when i listen to calls i'm like psychoanalyzing everybody um so yeah i mean like my instinct is my initial reaction was like butt the fuck out of her life it's not your life let her make her own mistakes um you're way too involved in like the like i mean at this at the end of the

day if someone's going to cheat and somebody's going to like do something stupid and all that like that's on her and like you putting yourself in there makes you feel like you can do something to either make it or stop it like to like that if you don't do it you're going to make it happen and that's putting like a blame and fault on you on something that literally has nothing to fucking do with you and if your friend's going to do that and like ruin her relationship that's on her and she has to do it yeah but it doesn't even seem like they're really their relationship it might be cheating to you but it's not cheating to them yeah and i i think you being like i'm gonna stand here and protect and be like i'm gonna pull you away from this guy and like whatever that is just

like uh fucking you need to butt out you need to butt out i'm like not here for infidelity and like not here for any of that stuff but like if she you can make let her know one be like i really like i don't want to if you're going to cheat on your boyfriend like i don't want to know and i also don't want to be there because like it makes me feel gross and shitty it makes me feel like i'm an accomplice to something and then you take yourself away from the situation but you don't take both of you away from the situation because like she's not your child that is not your responsibility um and she's just going to do it anyway but at the same time then you hooking up with this guy i don't know i don't understand that aspect of it because it's like you're trying

so hard to protect your friend and she's clearly like was sexually attracted to this guy but you're negating any of those sort of like feelings because she has a boyfriend and therefore you have the right to hook up with him when you just stopped her from doing it like that looks like a shitty friend move and like hurt the idea that she's and even if she didn't have like if she wasn't attracted to him or whatever it's a guy that she made out with at a bar that she was like oh shit i fucked up you're bringing him around like that's somebody like for her it's like fuck what if my boyfriend like but even did but did she have that feeling like she said she said didn't she say i messed she's like i can't believe i did that and then she's like now i want to fuck

the friend said that she ran away because she was embarrassed because she was embarrassed okay like she was putting her own thoughts on it she doesn't know she didn't say why she actually ran away maybe she just didn't want to be around you yeah this is just like you you need to if you want to be like that savior and i'll be your friend who's like i'm gonna protect you from every single heartbreak and every single like bad mistake that you're going to do then you don't fuck the guy that she was flirting with and dancing with like that those just they they're just two completely different narratives and you yeah i don't i don't i don't want to sound like i don't know if you guys have like a weird if there's a jealousy in your friendship and there's something that like

it kind of sounded like it was yeah and i think that's also like i am constantly jealous of my friends and not in like a in like a green with envy like fuck i wish i had that kind of way but it's kind of one of those things of being like this is someone i really care about and i really like and i'm in close proximity to like great cool things that they have and like i want that for them and i want that for me um and i think like if you have any sort of like competitive like any jealous or competitive feelings for her or you see her as an extension of yourself and you don't want her to make a mistake because it feels like oh we're like best friends and it feels like if she make if she's hurting i'm hurting so you're protecting her from that but then at the same time

you're not really thinking about her feelings in this instance and like monogamy is whatever and like you don't know the inner workings of their relationship even if she if you think she tells you everything she doesn't and i think like the idea that like she's not allowed to be upset or even like beyond feeling upset feel awkward like that's super fucking awkward like if if let's say if Aislinn started hooking up with so I'm just throwing her throwing if Aislinn started hooking up with a guy that I like got like they got mate got out like went out and was like drunk and like hooked up with and like let's say that okay let's pretend I cheated on even if I didn't even cheat on Monson if it was like I hooked up with a guy pretty early on when him and I were dating anyway

um and acelyn started dating him what i know he's going small because acelyn said she was picturing a certain guy she knows what i'm saying and if that was a thing like i even know that i have like feelings for mods and like that's who i really care about who i want to be with like that still puts me in an awkward position regardless of my emotions and my like feelings of like romance or attraction to that person it also can just feel really awkward and feel a little bit betrayal of being like hey i fucked up and you tried so hard to protect me from my fuck up and now you're parading my fuck up at my house like why would you make it why would you have sex with a guy your friend made out with anyway and even if you if a guy who was hitting

on my friend all night or i thought my friend would get all that and then he was like oh she left take it back never mind into you i'd be like yeah fuck off douche lord and also is this that's such a sex that you're like this sex is so good it's the best sex you've had in your life is it better than your friendship yeah i just think that this is like it's i think you're telling yourself again not to be like a ruthless bitch i think you're telling yourself you're being a good friend by trying to protect her from all of this stuff when in reality i think you're being overbearing and then in turn when you're not following through on that being a good friend trying to protect you because you're confusing the shit out of your friend too being like well

i thought you were trying to protect me from this and even if she's wasted and didn't see it in the moment and then the next day it's like oh my god you're right and you're like actually i'm hooking up with them it's like what like i'm so confused now like you made me see the error in my ways or anything like that i just think it's it's not i don't know i yeah it's not worth your friendship at all i think you need a hobby too yeah and another guy who's like in a totally different friend circle and it's like not i think you need to get invested in your own relationship drama not hers because also then when you make decisions not that you're making decisions for her but then when you make this decision you're coming at it from like oh well she's already

feeling this and this and this like you don't know really how she's also feeling and also there's so many other guys that you don't have to like factor in your friend's one night history with when it comes to it like you're not being a good friend yeah wow when we lost a listener goodbye becky i don't think that's your name okay is it time for it's time for don't blame them we're gonna sell you a car where price is right oh yes yes that's what i was going for i love the price it's a good i haven't seen it since bob barker left so that's been years well i mean the og he's the best yeah

speaking of um game shows you see that guy with his jeopardy streak oh yeah we're watching i wonder if he's single he's married i think i'm just joking yeah he also doesn't smile it's a little creepy okay but we like him mox and i are into it back to don't blame them back to don't blame them so this is the original caller called into the episode with allison stevenson um it was about how oh you okay there okay there buddy um don't talk to me like his penis little bud you're a champ get up little bud

hey come on look alive this is spring forth smile for the camera okay oh god um our five male listeners

are being like please stop making fun of small penises I know we're making up for all the hot dog in a hallway jokes from every movie ever

also I'm not making fun of small penises I think they have their right to be there just as well as the big ones i fully agree and again guys with massive dicks they never get head no ever also how good i can't

take i'm a little girl i can't take a massive day no i'm a big girl in a smart water bottle like i didn't walk for like two days i mean i couldn't sit for like two days and when i walked it was it was a big first position that's why your knees are best yeah from all that big ass pipe okay okay like i said this call is from the episode with allison stevenson the original caller had been like dating her boyfriend for a while and he would go down on her all the time and then he stopped once they started having penetrative sex yeah this is someone calling with their own little story. Hi, I am replying to the episode with Alison Stevenson.

This is about the girl who is having issues with her fiancé going down on her or not going down on her. I have had similar situations with my current dude. We've been together for over seven years, and for the first little bit of our relationship, he would sometimes, but not very often. So one time I just got kind of tired of it and I, like while we were doing it, I just grabbed his face and looked him straight in the eye and I said, Hey, keep my push. And he did.

And then afterwards we, you know, after everything was done, we had like a sit down and a talk. And I explained to him how the female genitals work and how it's difficult to get off sometimes. He totally understood. Um, and now it's a regular occurrence. Um, so, uh, to reiterate what you guys said, uh, just fucking talk to him, dude. You're you're in relationship. He's your partner. He's not like you're supposed to work together and you're gonna get married

And you don't want to get married to someone who's not going to eat you out. So, tell him you want him to eat you out. Okay, thank you. Bye. Oh, my God. I love you. I do, too. You're great.

Eat my puss. Eat my puss. And he did it. Puss is, like, no offense. Puss sounds so much like pus. I know. Like, say pussy. Pussy can be, like, hot.

But, like, pus. Well, it works. No, it fucking works. Let her do what she does. i'm i'm more i'm just more proud of both of you for getting through that moment of you saying puss or have you said pussy um yeah you sound a little nervous to the end of the call i love i loved that um no i mean i think you're you're very much exactly right like when you're in a relationship with somebody you can't be afraid to ask for stuff and also fucking a lot of like

straight dudes are super fucking dumb when it comes to female anatomy and i think gay dudes or two oh well i mean we're not gonna include them in the conversation the amount of times kyle has been like wait i don't he sent me that meme of um the boyfriend buying the girlfriend uh buying his girlfriend like tampons being like what size is your pussy and kyle sent to me goes wait is that how it works no it's not how it fucking works but i would say like um as uh yeah that like a lot of people i mean even me as a female um i definitely had a lot of like learning to be like i don't fully like i didn't start masturbating until i was like in my 20s i'm 20 how 20 20 ish um we've been in it for five years huh it's been a good five years i've enjoyed myself thoroughly

no but maybe even like 21 though i want to say like probably four yeah yeah um and but yeah so i think like there just isn't a lot of information like widely accessible and just everywhere you look you see things for like erectile dysfunction and like blue balls all of these like references about the guys and their penises in regards to sex but like you don't really get any from about women like i think like the amount of times we've heard the joke like hot dog down a hallway versus how many times have you heard the word like clit been said on tv like we're movies like it's like completely polar opposite so i think um anyone who's listening if you're dating uh a guy and you have a vagina and you want him to go down anymore i think like we're afraid to ask for

that kind of stuff but also it's usually they're usually not doing it not because that like they're like oh i don't do that i'm not into that they're like oh i thought this whole time with like three fucking pumps and you were like killing like crazy yeah like this like niagara falls this is also how guys get their dicks ripped they stick it in not wet vagina like they're not that bright yeah so um yeah giving giving them and teaching don't let it in you unless it's wet enough yeah don't let the dick in you unless you're wet enough the same way that you do if you're like not into anal the same way that like when you guys are like a little drunk and it's like oh bronco and you just like completely fly across the room do that if he comes at you with his dick and you're like dry ass vagina

yeah you're like i am not ready she is not primed get get her wet get her wet if you gotta grab that head and say eat my puss. I love her. That was fucking fantastic. Be aggressive. Be aggressive. Yeah. Consensually aggressive. Yeah. It's a good time.

He seemed like he was into it. I mean, it definitely sounds like it worked for you guys. And I also love like when you refer to your seven year relationship as that dude. That I'm currently with. Like you haven't been with him for the last seven years. It's like he's new.

he's new and like he's temporary he can't get too comfortable i'm with right now don't don't yeah don't take your shoes off get it twisted don't get it fucking twisted okay oh well that's it for our episode guys hopefully you enjoyed this hopefully so many girls get so many vaginas get eaten so many vaginas get eaten and so many little dick guys get some love get give the little dick some love and butt out of your friends relationships yeah and you know don't don't don't try to go back to a guy that's a pothead yeah and also weed's not that bad and it's not but like you're not with him so yeah i'm also gonna get comments he'll be like actually marijuana is a gateway drug i'm gonna ignore all of your comments so don't waste your energy

i have had plenty of weed in my life and i've never had any other drug no i'm fucking terrified of all drugs i can't even watch tv shows where they do cocaine like no no like nothing about that excites me not at all it literally gives me hardcore anxiety like i've talked about in therapy of being like i get anxious like around drugs like oh like in real life that would make sense like oh no no in movies like i can't watch movies where they're doing drugs or they're even like implied that they're high i even had a hard time with leonard dicaprio on quaaludes i was like oh god like i don't even know what a fucking queen loot is but i have to look it up yeah but yeah um so keep your weed shaming comments to yourself

well not welcome here you're not welcome here with our ganja okay go on some like anti-vax like rant that can be not on here but like i mean like go find yeah go find your own people this is not your people leave nobody asked you get the fuck out bitch get out of the way um also never mind i was gonna tell you to ask you about an instagram video but i'm gonna show it to you later okay well guys um hopefully you enjoyed this episode if you want to call in for an upcoming episode you can leave us a voicemail at 310-694-0976 and if you're an international listener you can send us an audio file to meganpodcast at gmail.com um and if you're the girl who's dating a small penis follow up with us give us inches and width

would love that we don't need pictures don't do that please don't do that no no no no i just need like comparison like just similes metaphors um it's as big as a there we go or it's like a that's what we need that's all we need um and if you guys are listening to this episode you want to watch the video version it's over on youtube and if you are watching on youtube and you want to listen to the video i mean you don't want to have fucking titties if you are watching on youtube and you want to listen to the audio version and uh maybe you know subscribe to us on one of the platforms where it comes out audio first um because i it's not all scheduled with my um i have to be home and like press upload on youtube i've been getting them to you pretty late

at night yeah and i go to bed early she goes to bed late and then i wake up early sometimes i've woken up and you've sent them and i'm like i'm going to my workout yeah this is crazy no it's just it's because we've been we got behind on taping so yeah whatever so guys yeah make sure you subscribe to um we're any place you want to find us you can just go to our website don't blame me dot show and instagram don't bomb me pictures of us there are cute pictures of us in this office actually well no oh yeah yeah it's in the office building i thought you meant like for the nevermind yes also if any of you guys want to give us a neon sign please do because all of you are asking for one do you know how expensive they are right do you know how much

money we make on this none not enough to like buy groceries for half the month yeah i can pay for one of my therapy sessions so if anyone makes neon signs yeah or i can send it your yeah you make it your family makes them you're in the neon sign biz biz biz yeah let us know because i'll be requesting that yeah without giving us the funds yeah and then we'll give you shout outs yes you can have other that's what we can pay you in shout outs that's what we got we don't got cash but we got i was gonna say mouths and that sounds like we're offering other stuff which we're not no not we're not we're not not for that cheap anyway okay unless you're taking me to london yeah fucking london and back boy um okay guys we'll see you next time

don't blame me is a production by me executive produced by melissa demonts camera operator amanda lechner production assistance by julie carley and music by ryan hunter and jacomo picasso part of the her pod network