Don't Blame Me! - S4E20: M&M October - Good Wet Sex

Episode Date: October 14, 2019

Here’s your October dose of M&M. We’re sharing our advice on how to dump your boyfriend that followed you to college, confronting your Instagram Stalker, introducing an open relationship, dealing with your boyfriend hanging out with a co-worker he made out with, and if you should ask the guy that knocked you up to help pay for your medical bills. In Don’t Blame Them a listener shares her advice sex anxiety. Follow Us! @meghanrienks www.instagram.com/meghanrienks  @dontblamemepod www.instagram.com/dontblamemepod  @sheisnotmelissa www.instagram.com/sheisnotmelissa Listen to ad-free and bonus episodes on Stitcher Premium! For a free month of Stitcher Premium, go to stitcherpremium.com and use promo code 'BLAME,’ PLUS exclusive bonus episodes. This episode is also brought to you by Pill Club, Care/Of, and Quip. Affordable Therapy By State (Curated by Crissy Milazzo): www.tinyurl.com/y64kwdnf    Need Advice?  www.dontblameme.show  Domestic Listeners Call: [phone]   International Listeners Send a Voice Memo To: [e-mail]  … with as much detail as possible under 3 minutes! I’ll do my best to share my wonderful words of wisdom. If you’re under 18, please get your parent’s permission. Advice is for entertainment purposes only, so you can’t blame me if I screw up your life. I kid! My advice IS AMAZING. - Want to WATCH this episode as well? Check out my YouTube channel:  http://youtube.com/meghanrienks Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/join/dontblameme See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

hello everybody and welcome back to another episode of don't blame me and today it's an eminem melissa and megan i'm excited me too i'm 100 human 100 that bitch i saw tiktok that was like um girl like like girls in long-term committed relationships singing along to truth hurts and it's just like very much i was like oh this is me it's like a girl singing to her boyfriend like i never gonna be side chick and he's like well okay for sure like just letting you go off and be like i don't need no man but also like we're dating we're here it's my life 100 that bitch um okay so any anything else but i mean i always feel like we we usually do like intro with yes yeah um well we kind of been talking for like 30 minutes without

well the camera rolling for sure um well cool i'm trying to think if there's anything any fun facts any like have you gone on any dates recently don't ask me and embarrass me in front of the people okay you want to ask me when my book's getting released to even it out i know when it yeah that's true i should not say not don't say it um well yeah um nice any new recipes um no mots and i made a galette and we're gonna make chocolate chip cookies soon i think do you mean the sexual video yeah i don't know i truly disgusted i truly need to figure out if we had like because so for i mean not anyone would know melissa says she couldn't watch the video because it looked like i was gonna fuck him right there yeah i didn't even have the she posted a

little clip on instagram and it had the volume on on and i was just like what is going on here i didn't actually i did not want to know what was going on all it looked like was megan was ready to fuck and i was like i am so uncomfortable and i will not be watching this video so i'm trying to figure out we either had sex before or after and I need to rewatch it again to see like oh did we have sex while it was baking in the like do I mean like is there like I don't

want to know what you mean I want to figure it out though because it's funny maybe the next one we make chocolate chip cookies I will just like fully have my hand in his pants the whole time please don't because at first I was like oh I can't wait to have your chocolate chip cookies and now I don't want that shit you know what the secret ingredient is semen

ew can you imagine it probably is in some cookie true not cookie most of the food that people make in like restaurants are like there's a special sauce you think it's a powdered sugar glaze nobbage that's my cum jizzed all over that donut they just like cooked it in to the food what do you think fried jizz is like because you can fry anything yeah but it would have to be a lot i i get yeah i wonder how much liquid you would need first oh yes to make it solid then put it in whatever batter you're gonna use and then fry it yeah

someone's definitely fucking done that a hundred percent you got a deep fryer you've tried everything and you're like people fuck pies my uh nemesis think about it if you made your nemesis oh just like uh eat deep fried cum i'd do that to my nemesis that's probably the least terrible thing i'd do to my name did i ever tell you that someone like dm like i've gotten people like people i know in real life who've dm'd me they go yo can you let me in on who your arch nemesis is i mean kelsey was here she was trying to figure it out i know she'll never know i know i've actually told two additional people who um plug for shared channel lily and jocelyn's channel i've told two of them they were like and i finally was like oh and they were like holy

shit you that is your arch nemesis oh they didn't know no lily and jocelyn oh okay but there are two other girls who work on the channel got it and we were just like talking about something and i was just kind of like again i was with people who all knew and so like then you forget that you're like oh and i was like oh whatever and they're like holy shit okay and i was like yeah you get my darkness yeah you get my threats but um yeah um well now that we've discussed deep frying jizz deep fried jizz that's the title of this episode deep fried jizz that ads are fully being taken off on youtube um and uh well guys just don't blame me it's an advice podcast um we can't give you advice on how to deep fry jizz because we haven't yet to do it

how to do it in theory true and true uh in true but in practice we don't have personal experience but if any of you let us know give us a call um 310-694-0976 uh leave us voicemails asking uh for advice and things you want help on and then if you're an international listener you can send us an audio file at meganpodcast at gmail.com and see hey megan melissa so i'm 18 years old and i recently just moved away from my hometown on the way to go to college and my roommate's my best friend and it's great so far it's only been a week but I have a boyfriend and he followed me to college like he never wanted to go to school and he just came to follow me and we've only been together for like maybe like four months

we've been together for maybe two and or not even i don't know but he just i don't want to be with him like i just want to be able to like i'm in college i just want to be single i want to be able to do not like whatever i want but like whatever i want and we're in the same major and it's not like a huge school so i would see him too but my major is engineering and that's not a very diverse majors like it's mainly men

and I'm okay with that I'm okay like being the only girl in the room or being one of the few but I don't want to be

known as his girlfriend so I just don't want to like be in college with a boyfriend and

have him be the only way people know me and I just like want to make friends but it's kind of hard when like

your boyfriend is right behind you And I won't let him talk to anybody unless, like, they're talking to him, too. And I don't know. He's not controlling. But, like, it's hard to get him to understand that I don't want to be known as a relationship. Like, I just want to be able to be known as myself. And this is his first relationship.

So he's never, like, had a heartbreak. He's never had a relationship. And it's not mine. but I'm not nice when it comes to like breaking up with people I just like move silly but then I go with them and I know that's not the best thing to do especially because it's his first breakup and I'm gonna see him around campus so I like know I want to break up with him but I don't know how to do it and if we like split or what I'm doing so any advice you have for me would be great thanks

got stage five clinger up in here yeah yeah yeah yeah um first of all i'm just happy that you're not calling to be like should i break up with him yeah like you've already made up your mind and you're right yeah i mean you guys are 18 you're just going to college like it's a lot to be taking in into already being in a relationship when you get to college and then have him around you all the time it's just a lot there's a lot of growing that goes in even just like your first semester you you change a lot and it's true that you i remember i mean i dropped out of college but there are people who we're all everyone i went to college with my grade is like 26 and they're great for sure there's everyone that i think of that like i'm like oh

yeah so and so they have a high school boyfriend or like they have a boy like you are right in the sense that like that is kind of how you will be known as somebody who i didn't go in with a boyfriend but i started dating a guy like i think we met on like the first we went on the last day of rush and that was like or he was like i met him before that but like we like it was like the second third week of school and that was like when we were i was like fuck this is no one knows me except for being this kind of thing um i will also say to anyone who's listening and taking this from like this a controlling partner and boyfriend girlfriend or anything like that it comes in so many different shades so just because someone's not saying like oh you can't hang out

with your friends you can't talk to anybody else but if you feel a pressure even if they're not explicitly saying it like by their actions um by certain things that they do if it's not coming from like an aggressive place but it's coming from like oh this just makes me feel really bad about myself place that's still controlling and that's something that i think like you obviously don't need to be told that like this is a relationship that should end but like anyone in general like controlling can come in the ways of like emotional manipulation and it doesn't have to be from someone who's like an aggressor and you are the um i don't know what the other term of that is but like someone can come at it from like oh i'm insecure kind of way and makes you

think it's your own idea yeah it's toxic yeah um i think like you break up i i understand as two people who ghost i think we very much relate um i i think that it's really nice of you um and probably like the more courteous thing is what you're saying is you shouldn't do it it is his first breakup um i think in general with anyone who's like a little bit like control i'm just gonna call him controlling even though you didn't call him controlling with anyone who's a little bit controlling or um you know that they're maybe more emotionally invested or anything like that and i think that the best thing that you can do is to not leave any like loose ends and i think it's then in ghosting it can be kind of like oh i'm waiting around oh what if like they're still

waiting yeah and i think especially because he followed you to that school he'll follow you to class every fucking day at that point like i don't think it's a i think you want to do a clean break and i would say um literally just like sit down with him and be like hey i've really like liked dating you um i'm at this point and like where i'm at i just don't uh see us together anymore and like i really like appreciated everything that we've had but um i don't have those same i think it's really important just in this situation to say you don't have those same feelings for him anymore yeah because if not then they feel like i can fix what i'm doing this or at a later date this will be she'll come back around and it's that's probably the hardest

breakup to say because it's just like and i think you're amazing and great and you're going to be great for somebody else it's just not me and I think that that's kind of just where you need to end that and just like that have your peace be said and then I wouldn't tack on I'd like to be friends or like I'd like to remain friends or anything like that I just wouldn't add that on I also will say in this situation I think and you you were friends with exes I think that there needs to be a grace period so both parties can fully move on and get over because I think there are instances where people are like the person who's uh instigating the breakup it's like i want to be friends and the person who's heartbroken it's like yeah i'll be i'll be friends and they're

not ready to be friends and then someone else is kind of doing it so i think the best situation is when like two people naturally come back together and they're both like in good places but it's not i think you've dated for you've been dated for that long but he's been invested in you enough that i wouldn't say that you can just slip in and it's not like you realized you guys are better as friends i think it's you're having to break up with him um and then i think be cordial and like when you see him but i wouldn't treat him in a way that you treat like and you mean like i don't think he needs any sort of extra coddling at all he's like he's an 18 year old yeah and i mean like you guys have been together for four months which in like high school terms

that seems like a lot but now that you're older it's really not no not at all and i think it might be awkward for a bit i went on a date with a guy and then who i had a class with and i was like i'm never doing this again and it was so awkward once i was like done that's like me and everyone yeah it's super super super fucking awkward but it it's only awkward for a certain period of time and then you move on you hook up with somebody else like someone walks in on you when you're showering something else happens that's awkward in your life and you're like okay whatever this is like it's all like a manageable sense of awkwardness and it's not gonna last forever um and if he's like being immature or like a lot about it uh and it's like yeah if you

find that he is getting like a little too attached and like too clingy don't like don't don't succumb to it in the sense that you feel like you need to coddle his feelings or apologize for any of that like don't you need to set the boundaries because he followed you to college which is fucking in and you've been together four months that means like when you guys like first started dating yeah he decided to go to college with you because you would have had to have your papers in sooner yeah it's just not it's awkward it's yeah it's just a lot and it's like not a normal i don't want to say yeah whatever it's not a normal amount of a lot like this is someone that like that is a lot and be cognizant of that and it can be hard when you're in a relationship that kind of moves like

very fast in that way that you get used to it but then realize like oh wait no if he's like wants to keep hanging out and all that stuff i think it's better for both of you to have like a clean break separation don't talk don't text don't do any of that even if he's like hey i really miss you and i'm sad i just want to hang out or you feel like you need like i said coddle or anything like that it's not your responsibility yeah you've got your best friend that you're living with you guys like enjoy college like don't settle down with some dude like in your first few weeks no go have fun yeah have so much fun so much exploratory fun yeah but be safe and go to class no that's not what i was gonna say yes that's what i was that's usually mine is but then yours is like study i

know but that's why i pointed to you yeah wear a condom i mean or be on just don't get pregnant or get an std and get tested regularly and have fun have fun get a get it girl um best of luck yeah and go to class but best of luck i'm excited for you and i just like yeah and i admire you for being an engineering student because that shit is hard like so hard i ditched i was like physics when i went to school and i was like and it was like mostly dudes and i was just like i can't be around these guys for the next four years and it was only like 10 people in the program yeah i'm always very impressed when i see like just i think about like when i see a woman graduate with like an engineering degree it's like yes you're smart but also your tolerance for bullshit yeah is

insane of just like guys like circle jerking like i'm fucking smart like i'm the fucking bit like that's like that's amazing yeah you're gonna go so far in life and you're gonna make a lot of money so much money so much money with just a bachelor's degree which is insane yeah the entry level oh my god fucking crazy okay we're gonna go on to the next hi so um i'm 23 years old and i just recently got out of a relationship but um so when me and this guy were dating his ex started watching my instagram stories like she didn't follow me on instagram she just would watch my stories so a couple of weeks after we broke up I noticed she was still watching my Instagram stories which when we were dating was weird but then it was still weird like after we've broken up

after we've broken up so I messaged her and was like hey you don't have to watch my stories anymore um like we're not together anymore and so she sent me back this message and was like basically was like oh well I'm not you know in communication with him so I just wanted to like, see how he was doing and, like, stuff like that, which is really weird. And, like, I knew that they did communicate, like, while we were together because she messaged him while we were dating. And so, anyways, that was super weird. But here recently, like, I've seen, like, signs of them, like, talking again.

But they haven't, like, said they're in a relationship again. But since they've kind of made it obvious they're talking again, she's been watching my instagram stories again which is again really weird so i don't know if i should like message her again or should i just like leave it alone um so yeah that's just what i'm wondering i love that you messaged her i do too i was not expecting the story to go that way i thought it was just gonna end with hey this is weird um what should i do but no you messaged her so she like knows that you know yeah and it takes well it's not like so much energy but it takes so much thought to sit and search for someone that you don't follow and then watch their stories oh

as somebody who does it i know it's a lot and also the fact that you so i've just been blocked from the people that i would follow so from multiple accounts um you know uh but so i like very much applaud you i think here's the thing i think that again as somebody who does this it comes from an insecurity like she's coming at it from like the fact that like she just feels shitty about like herself and maybe her situation and she's comparing herself to you and so for her she's trying to get ammo in either direction she's trying to get ammo in the sense that like oh my god that negative thought in my brain i'm right i'm the worst like this girl's so much cooler than me she's so much prettier than me her life's so much cooler than me or

she's looking at it and like is like fuck this girl like my she's so lame like i'm so much better but regardless none of it has anything to do with you and i think like messaging her doesn't really it doesn't really do anything i think like if you want to do anything i think probably the best thing to do because i think it'll also be better for her mental health again as somebody who's been blocked so many times it now takes me so much more energy and effort to go search for someone and like the specific person that i'm talking about it takes so much time because i can't just go onto my instagram like i can't go onto my finston look i literally have to go onto a website and type in their name and like and it just makes it harder to do and so it's less like pouring salt

in a wound because it's less easier access so i think hiding your story you don't have to block her but i would unfollow him too yeah i would unfollow him and i would just hide your story from her and I think that's a great way and you can also hide your story from him if you want to too but I think like for her she's gotten into this habit when she still when when you were dating the guy that she still had feelings for she got into the habit of it and even though you guys ended it and you're there together she's just in the habit so I think like preventing that from happening because it's yeah it's not like a she's just yeah she's just using you and what you post and your stories and your content as like ammo to like fulfill whatever narrative she's

she needs to fulfill at that time and that's not your responsibility wow it's like i really I want you to like repeat this like play it back told you that I know now I have to go on websites and I don't do it as often yeah that's good it is like yeah I think you'll break the habit it's like when I first deleted Facebook well the first step was like I deleted it from my phone and then i just completely canceled my whole account yeah but i was still in the habit of always going to facebook.com yeah like when i got on the computer i'd sit down and my fingers would just automatically type it but then eventually yeah it just stopped and i don't do it anymore and it is a it is like a habit and i've gotten into like when i got blocked before i knew about the websites and i

was a block for like a good amount of time it was like i was pissed off and but then you just unlearn it it just becomes like oh this is not yeah and i deleted it from my home page when it used to be just the instagram account right yeah but yeah no i think i think it's uh it's a good it's a good lesson if i if i my arch nemesis imagine if this is my arch nemesis it's not oh and i don't know who you're talking about no but it's like it's a different i'm saying it's a it's a totally different situation i thought you were you are referring to no no no no no no yeah but i'm saying like if my arch nemesis called it and this is not the situation of my arch nemesis but But it would have been like a, some bitch is looking at my Instagram like, who me?

What? No. But yeah. So yeah, you're good. Yeah. On to the next. Hi, Megan, Melissa, and guests. So I am 22 and I just graduated college.

And I need some advice about something that's kind of weird, but I also feel like a lot of people can kind of relate to it. I am in a relationship currently, and the guy that I'm dating is also my ex. So we dated senior year of high school through junior year of college, and then broke up for an entire year and then got back together in December of last year, so December 2018. And while that year that we were broken up, I kind of did my own thing. like I met a bunch of guys hooked up with people made a bunch of friends and all of that it was really great and then when I got back together with my ex I kind of realized that I wasn't fully

over that phase in my life like I still want to like go out and experiment and stuff like that there's a part of me that thinks that maybe I should um maybe bring up an open relationship to my boyfriend but I'm afraid that if I do that I will like fully end up leaving and the problem is is that I love my boyfriend so much and I love his family but I'm having a trouble I'm having trouble connecting with him like sexually um so I just need some advice and on top of that the guys that I hooked up with during that year of me just like really finding out who I am and stuff like that the guys I hooked up with were all really really good at sex and unfortunately my boyfriend is not the most experienced so I'm just kind of struggling with that as well um but yeah if you

could help or if anybody else um could give some advice that'd be great thank you love the podcast there's a lot to unpack here yeah I mean I think the first thing that you need to do is figure out your deal breakers because sexual compatibility and all of that kind of stuff like you saying like i feel like if i had like brought up an open relationship like that'd be the end of us and it would only be the end of you i mean if if he's not respectful of like what you want then also he's not your guy but or she's saying that i might find somebody else that i that is better yeah i think you need to figure out your deal breakers because like if this if you're not being satisfied here that's not like that's not on you like this is something that like you have every

right to be like okay our relationship didn't it's not going to end like we're not going to be our end each other's end all be all and i think if you want to be in an open relationship if he says no to that you have to figure out like do i want to be in this relationship exactly how it is and have nothing change or do i want this relationship and it can change and we can have we can have a relationship we can like our sex can get better and if he's not willing to do the things that would make you want to stay in this relationship then you don't want to be in this relationship like you have to look at it in that kind of way because like there's so much of like the caveats of being like well everything's perfect except this i'm going to stick around

until this and this and this but if you're with a partner who's not willing to like do their part and changing that and getting it to be in a relationship that like is fulfilling for both of you then it's not it's never going to get there and then you're holding on to something that's not going to happen um yeah it feels like to me that you're comfortable being with him like you can she's dated him for a long time you guys i don't even think i would call him your ex i would say like he's your boyfriend that you guys broke up but you're back together um yeah he's not your ex he's just your boyfriend yeah um it seems like like you love him and you love his family but it could be like there's different types of love it can just be a love where you guys

are great friends and if you're not compatible sexually then maybe he's not the one for you yeah or if there it might be also that you were out here and it was just like the sex was good because you were having like sparkly new sex that you weren't connecting with somebody emotionally and so maybe you need to or not need to maybe a suggestion would be to um like find things to spice up your bedroom there might be things that you like and other guys were doing and your boyfriend might necessarily not know you that you like yeah you might not even have known yeah or like you guys are like you he he might have been like your first i don't know just because you were dating so young in high school um that you were like used to a certain type of sex and now

you've experienced other things and you're like hey i'm interested in this so yeah introducing new things in the bedroom and i think there's something like when you're hooking up with uh new people or one night stand or anything that you can feel a little bit more comfortable asking for what you want because you're just like doing things that you wouldn't normally do yeah and having someone else suggest something and being like sure let's go for it because you don't have anything to compare it to with that person necessarily and so for you and him i think you're right you could just be slipping into like the old ways and you've had all these new experiences which has made you want to experience those things with him and i think you also need

to figure out do you want to do you want to have those experiences with him or do you want to have those experiences and was what part of the thing you liked a lot about those experiences was it the physical acts of things that were happening or was it like you the new people the different stuff like was that something that was also a turn on because i think you're right in like the comfortable sense of uh different kinds of love and i think you can like love somebody in a romantic way and still have all of those feelings for them and have it not like be it and that's a really hard relationship to let go of when there's like nothing it's like extremely wrong there's it's just not it love just isn't enough yeah and i think that's also like something

that you learn a lot when you're older it's like it's so much you can like love somebody but if you're at different places in your life if you don't want if someone wants kids someone else doesn't want kids it's all of these things that like in in the scheme of things they're just one thing on a con list and everything else is pro but it does all play into like what you want your life to be like um so i would say like speak up sexually with him but then also really think about the fact like is it all of those things that i did sexually with these guys and how good they were at sex is that what i want my boyfriend to be like or those experiences do i want to have because you're saying i feel like i wasn't done with those experiences are you not done

could you introduce those experiences into relationship are you not done with those experiences with new people being single um and if that's the case i think um having an honest conversation with him but i would also if you're talking about an open relationship i think a relationship needs to be incredible and we've talked about this with like people who've been in who are polyamorous who've been in open relationships have been guests on the podcast before an open relationship needs to be a way to have a the way to have a healthy open relationship as gabby said it's about um it's about your relationship it's about bringing you and your partner closer right and that's going to be a turn on for both of you and it's not something that

someone does to keep the other partner to appease the other partner um it needs to be something that brings you closer so if you feel like you are drifting away and you feel like that's it i think emotionally sparing him uh the like emotional turmoil of being an open relationship and then breaking up like i don't think that's i would try and avoid that if i were you unless later down the road you already spice up your own sex life between you and him spice it up there and decide if that's something that you like are comfortable with and you're good with and make you feel like and then have it be like okay this is a new thing that's gonna bring us closer right it's not like i'm not getting this from you so i need to get it from somebody else yeah and i wonder if like a part

of it too is that you had mentioned that he was inexperienced so are you hoping that he goes out and gets more experience and brings it back too yeah yeah and you also don't have to have you can read you can learn all this stuff it doesn't have to be like actual like acting that's out but also i wonder too if you want him do you want him to also go explore other stuff because you want him to gain experience and bring it into your relationship or also do you want is there a part of you that feels a little guilty that you experience and how those other stuff and so you feel good like you'd be okay leaving this relationship but you're you want him to feel like empowered and sexy and that he's desired and all of that stuff because again you guys just might

not be it and that might and that's also like okay and you can like love someone's family and like that and they can they can have served your relationship it can have been great but it doesn't necessarily mean that that's who you're gonna spend the rest of your life with right so have a conversation with them and let us know how it goes dress up somebody else yeah wear a wig okay guys we're gonna take a quick break and we'll be right back Okay, guys, we're back from our break, and we're going to hop into the rest of the calls. I'm 25. My boyfriend, who I just started dating recently, is 30. And the woman that is his friend in this scenario, she's around 40. Okay. So basically, he has had this long time,

long time, meaning like a year and a half friend, who is a woman for a while, and they're really close they're like basically best friends and they hang out and talk a lot and they see each other every day at work as well which is fine the issue first of all is that he kind of hid her from me for a while because he was afraid of how I would react to him having female friends because I guess it's gone sour with other girls okay I don't have a problem with that then he kind of hid and then revealed that they also at one point made out when they were drunk like a year ago and And so just the fact that he didn't tell me that when I asked him if they ever had anything happen between them kind of irked me. So that has kind of surfaced these insecurities and this anxiousness that I haven't really experienced in other relationships

because I'm usually someone who is very much like, I trust you, go do whatever you want, be friends with whatever. you know um but now I'm having these feelings I haven't dealt with before and um for example today like right now he's at a movie with her they went and had dinner and they're at a movie and um he's very like reassuring and he knows that I'm struggling and so he tries really hard to reassure me he's like I'll call you after um do you want to play video games after um you know just trying to reassure me and I'm just trying to figure out how to uh be how to just accept it and move on because I don't like feeling like this and I don't want him to make to feel controlled but I'm also like what boundary does there need to be and the other thing is that I know that she

has feelings for him it's really obvious to me and he even said like yeah that is definitely a possibility and i can see why you would think that so anyway just i need some advice on what how to handle this how to handle what i'm feeling and not be controlling at the same time so thank you i hate your boyfriend so fucking much you are not controlling at all you're not being controlling you are not being controlling you are not being controlling dump his cheating ass because he's fucking her yes like they made out one time when they were drunk that's code word for we fucked we fucked and the fact oh this makes me so mad first of all someone's hiding someone from you a person there's a reason they're hiding it it's not because of your reaction that's

gaslighting yeah and if this has happened he said he was hiding because this um has happened to him before like they've only been friends for a year and a half so like how many girls are you hiding this girl from right like what it doesn't add up here's the thing as some i i very much have been in your position and i understand what this is like but the thing is that you have to get it's here you're being gaslit and that's like a it's a big phrase to use and i'm also we've talked about this on the podcast before it's a big term to use and it really comes in like the twitter cancer culture of like wow fuck you fuck you this kind of stuff and i think a lot of the times we think that we know that it's happening and it's a really obvious manipulation evil this is like a villain

who does this kind of thing and it's super clear and it's not it's in the narrative and it's in the way and the words that you're using of controlling women don't call themselves controlling men call women controlling and we think that we have become controlling and we think that it's a statement we've created ourselves but it's not it's not a statement that we come out of the womb thinking about ourselves at all and there is no there is and i'm just again i just say this because i understand there is nothing more like the epitome of gaslighting is telling someone that you lied to them because of what they were afraid of your reaction and your interpretation would be then that's where i say well i would be upset if you had if you cheated but i wouldn't

be upset if you had a friend it's like well i thought you were because other girls would be not true that's not a true thing that's not a true statement if he's dating you he should think highly enough of you that you're not like this like and like you said you were a self-proclaimed not jealous person which means he has no reason in this relationship to assume that he should need to hide something he's gonna hide something that has actual meaning to it and then on top of that if he the fact that he lied immediately and was like no no nothing's ever happened and you finally get it out like they kissed and they were drunk again gonna tell you right here they had sex like fyi they had sex even if he won't tell it or admit it to you and he swears on his life on

anyone's life they had sex just gonna break it to you and i feel like i'm gonna be mean to you because you need to break up with him and i'm gonna be super blunt about it on top of that the fact that this is how you know the truth this is my hack of how the truth if the full truth is out things change and things adapt he would not be hanging out with her he wouldn't need you to tell him that he would do that on his own accord because he would be realizing and knowing i admitted i lied i fucked up here i'm going to do everything in my power to prove to you and to show you how much i care about you without assuming and knowing that this is going to guarantee that we're going to be back together i'm just going to do this to prove it to myself and to prove it to

you he's not doing that which means there are still lies he's still hanging out with her he's still doing all this so if he were to stop hanging out with her it would have to be on your own accord which then puts the blame and the fault in your court not his and he's able to protect that lie which is they are fucking and all of it and the fact that he's coming up with like you saying it seems like she could have feelings for you him saying yes is getting his ass out of it too to be like yeah so if you see us or you see our conversations and you read it as flirty i'm gonna make you think it's her flirting with me and me not flirting with her and it's not reciprocated and if he was a good guy would not hang out with her would not do any of this would not do anything

to make you feel this way at all and the fact that he's being like well you're feeling that like knowing that you feel this way and putting that on you again it's gaslighting and he's cheating on you if she's such a great person then he should and their friends he should want you to be friends with her yeah yeah i'm just talking like from like logistically like personal experience like um everyone here knows that i'm friends with my exes from the beginning yeah from the beginning like when um one of my exes he started dating his um current girlfriend we did not like we didn't hang out at all like we stopped hanging out one-on-one period and then once like they realized like they were serious about each other he invited me to come meet her because he was like

like i like you're awesome she's awesome i think you guys will be friends i hang out with them i hang out with her a lot i never hang out with just him and that's also you being respectful of the relationship and he knows that too and he's never asked me just like to hang out with him because it's disrespectful of the relationship and the fact that as a woman who supports other women the fact that she is hanging out with your boyfriend is because he's not calling her he's not calling you his girlfriend to her she's not doing you are either being painted as my super controlling girlfriend who like won't let me do anything and she's such a drag we're totally gonna break up and she's like okay well i'll wait around until like this is my you're giving me my little caveat

like my little like squeeze in and like i'm just waiting or he's completely downplaying your whole relationship so she doesn't think that she's being the other woman or she's a cunt but like there are three options and all of them involve your boyfriend being an absolute jackass that lied to you and still lying to you why are they out at the movies together without you there in it's absolute and the fact that like even now if he's being forthcoming about that information that's his cover that's not actually doing anything and he thinks that she has feelings for him and he's admitted that to you if you think that somebody has feelings for you that is so disrespectful to go hang out with it's disrespectful to both parties um like to hang

out with her leading leading the co-worker on to make it feel like that like you know she has a chance and then disrespectful for you because he's hanging out with someone that he knows has feelings for him yeah and he knows that you know it and is being like just made out and also they're on a date and i'm gonna be again level with you and say this and i say this out of love because you need to break up with him he thinks you're a fucking idiot like he thinks you're a straight up idiot and he's treating you like a fucking idiot so don't be an idiot and like i love you and i'm so glad you called in the podcast and again as someone who's been there i just have to tell you like you have to fucking wake up and realize if someone's treating you

like shit it's because they think shit of you no one who you to respects you and does all that stuff that's not where he's at and if he was there this would have changed and everything would have changed and you get there was an opportunity for him to like be honest and come forth with all of this stuff and you found what you found and i think i i believe that there's redemption for everybody but he has to want it and he clearly does not give a shit and clearly is not trying to fix this or do anything to fix it or even cover up anything he's now hiding the fact that he's cheating on you in plain sight and it's so fucking disrespectful of like your intelligence and what he cares about you how he cares about her and you just need to end it and be done and

know that like she might not even be the only girl he's sleeping with besides you like and i would like this is a scary thing like whatever but like i would get tested if i were you and i would just fucking cut him out of your life and be done and don't listen to his gaslighting shit at all because that's like i totally understand what it's like to be there and you're putting all this fault and blame on yourself and your own reactions and it's everything that you're saying you've called into a podcast of people telling you like he's being a manipulative cheating ass and none of those things that you have about like worrying about being controlling and you want to get over it and all of that stuff that's not how this works again as somebody who's

in therapy there's not the idea if anyone tells you you need to get over something that's that's that's trying to shove away and push away your valid emotions that come from like actual legitimate actions and it's someone trying to get away with more shit it's like please just get over us we can move on because i don't want you to figure out the rest of the shit and if you need to figure it all out go through his phone go through his messages go through everything and you'll see it all go to the movie sit behind them follow him in your car with your friend like there if you need more evidence which again i understand like i get that and there might be there is a part when you're being gaslit there's so much of like you you begin to question your

own reality and of being like am i doing this like what's real what's not what am i reading into what am i not go with a friend tell your friend the whole thing again you have people here who've been like yeah no no you're not crazy and build up that evidence that you might need if you don't need that great but if you need that evidence build that evidence up and you'll see it go through um if he has any apps on his phone that you don't know what they mean and they potentially kind of look like a lock or something like that that's usually password protected hidden photos and hidden text messages i would also check to see what her name and his phone is i would look at her initials because he probably is keeping her name look at the male version of his name

look through the text even if it looks like text of his friends if it's he's probably hiding her there under something else look in his deleted photo album look at instagram dms and here's the big one that will this will blow your mind look at his slack messages between her if they're working together like get look at all of this shit and you will not you will no longer be able to it's an empowering it's an empowering feeling to know that you are not wrong like you are right you're validated in these like feelings and if you need all that information and you need all that evidence find it because i promise you it's there it's there and because you need to break up with him because he's a fucking piece of shit and there's nothing he's doing that there's no

redeeming quality of him at all and i and we've said this before i don't think it's about like the actions that we make that deem like if we're a good or a bad person or um if our relation of relationship is doomed or not it's about how you recover from it and he's not doing that he's playing you like a fucking fiddle i hate this guy and also if you need some help finding evidence i fully can if you want me to slide into his dms on my finsta and i'll like pimp my finsta out with some hot pics or i can slide into his dms on my regular one and like flirt and then show you he's a piece of shit yeah but you've got to unfollow her first yeah unfollow me before you do that but let me know don't unfollow me until like you say you want me to do that i need to know so then we'll

we'll coordinate yeah but um yeah and uh let us know how it goes or just dm us on instagram on don't blame meme pod if you don't want to come out and say all of it but oh yeah fuck that dude i'm sorry yeah i'm so sorry and i'm sorry that i was mean but like you need to break up with him yeah he's a piece of shit i just love her like oh we drunkenly made out is it is universal term for we fucked yeah yeah yeah i've drunkenly made out with a lot of people hello megan and melissa um okay so i called him before but honestly it was a mess um and other stuff has happened so okay so um i was having somebody has like a backstory okay so i was having like problems like with like my like period whatever and i had an iud um i went in had

ultrasound of my IUD everybody said it was fine you're good and that was on June 5th and then June 11th I hook up with a guy um after I broke up with my ex-girlfriend um so he was like definitely like rebound um but we had discussed beforehand um like the cleanliness of the both of us like we were both std free and i had an iud so as far as i knew we were safe um but that was not the case because i found out that i was pregnant on july 13th um i went in immediately that day um to go get checked out um they had me come back a couple days later to try and get the iud out they couldn't so they sent me home um the next day i was at work um and i had this like really sharp pain um ended up getting rushed to the uh to the emergency room um i had an

ultrasound turns out that um it was a tubular pregnancy um and it had erupted and i was bleeding internally so um i went in for emergency surgery um and i like don't have a tube now on my left side so now i'm like without a tube um but i can still have babies so it's okay um so he like still like reached out to me like wanting to like see me um but and he knows that i had the surgery but like he thinks it's because like like i have like a tube like a cyst in my tube whatever um but now i'm like having bills come in and um it's pretty expensive from the surgery and would it be wrong of me to ask to like alleviate some of like my stress like in regards to like the bills because like technically bills take two to tango um and like how should i

tell him um i just i i just i don't know how to go about this and it like stresses me out so please help me thank you oh my god first of all i'm so sorry like that i mean even you said you don't want kids so it's like a no it's not a no but that's like a painful and expensive experience so i'm so sorry that my vagina is clenching just thinking about it um okay this is i mean it's tricky i i'm very much in the camp of i think you should be honest with him and tell him like hey fyi it wasn't actually a cyst on my fallopian tube like uh that time remember we had sex and i thought my iud was fine turns out it wasn't actually working and i got pregnant and it was uh like a tubular pregnancy um and that was what happened and like it actually ruptured

i think i would start by just telling him that um and i think from there i think hopefully it would be fantastic if he was like oh my gosh i'm so sorry like that's crazy and you're big and you can even respond and like this is how i would probably bring it up and i would find like yeah it sucks and like good god like how fucking expensive like i thought having a kid was having expensive i can't believe like and me making a joke like this is like and it's like bleeding me dry this is so expensive sort of a thing and he might offer um from there but i think you have every right to like say like hey this might feel like a little like uncomfortable and i just thought i'd ask and if it's no okay but i feel like i should just ask this is actually what

happened and it's really expensive if there's any chance that like you'd be able to contribute at all that'd be great if not it is what it is because he has no legal obligation it's more at the fault of the doctor that you went to before and said that everything was fine it's their fault yeah and i think is in in the same sense of like a birth control pill when you take it every month there is like you're taking this under the condition and they're not liable for anything that might like the that's why they say 99 effective and all that stuff it's like the health care and the company's way of getting out of lawsuits of this kind of stuff so i think he doesn't i think it'd be great if he had to pay you for it i think more you're at more than anything

i think the hospital should have like your doctor should have to pay for it you went there you had pain yeah they're not obligated to pay for but they misdiagnose you yeah and you thought you were fine you had sex but no i like any form of pregnancy it's never 100 there's always a chance you can get pregnant in this case you did and it was a tubular pregnancy and unfortunately it caused a lot of further issues but he has no obligation to do anything no but that doesn't mean you can't like ask you can ask but there is there is no guarantee and also like it's it's not like he could say he could and then he doesn't and it's not like you could follow up with like lawyers or anything like that it's kind of more if he wants to it'd be a really great thing and

i would like love that and most i think every guy i know would definitely be like oh my god a hundred percent um but i think there's no harm in asking yeah um you might have a bruised ego if he says no yeah but you don't know the answer unless you're asked yeah which i think is great and then also yeah as like a lesson for all of this stuff i think like it's great like i i have a friend who have had an iud um and her boyfriend they were hooking up one time and he like felt it yeah i had one a friend too and that then it that there's some sort of like things can fall and be misplaced and uh doctors will always tell you like oh no you'll know you'll feel it and in your case you didn't feel it and they misdiagnosed you but i've had friends who didn't feel it and then

something happened and that kind of stuff so i think like the safest way especially if you're having even if someone you're clean with like you both say that you're clean i think or std free oh yeah sorry sorry i don't like that yeah um i think if you both if you have a conversation with a partner the first time you're having sex and you say that you're both std free i think precautionary it's courteous to both of you to still use protection the first couple times i think like for me i'm like oh my gosh wow this is so this is like this is i i want i want you to be concerned about your own sexual health i don't want you to think that i'm lying about i don't want i'm not gonna say like oh if you wear a condom and i've told you that i'm std free you're

going to think that i'm like i'm lying or anything like that i think it's just a courteous thing that is kind of like all of those precautions and even if it's someone that you don't plan on sleeping with for long term even just like you like a fuck buddy maybe the first couple times you and even though you have this other form of birth control it's just an added it's an added form also this should be like something that all women should be aware of if you think that there's something wrong with your body don't just settle like for one doctor's opinion get a second opinion and a third if you still think like there's something wrong and um no one and everyone's saying it's fine especially when it comes to like reproductive and sexual health because that's something that

unless you have those parts regardless of gender you are the only one who knows what that feels like and knows what that's like and there's so much of like i've learned so much of like the oh you you just have bad cramps that's all that like it's all you that's all there is to it and that's also there's so much more and we know when something's up we're very in tune and in touch with our bodies uh and so if you know something's up like you said yeah don't find another doctor because it sucks that doctors the ones you're supposed to trust but it's not always that case yeah or they might miss something and the next doctor has a better eye for it yeah but um i'm so sorry that happened and i truly hope that financially he's able to chip in and help which

would be great okay guys it's time for don't blame them and this is when you guys call in with your own advice from previous episodes hi there um i'm calling in response to a question that was asked on an eminem episode and the girl was talking about her sex anxiety and asking for advice about that So, actually, I've been going through sex anxiety for about two years now. I'm not really sure where it started. There was no trauma or anything that would have led me up to it. My husband and I, when we first met, used to have amazing sex all the time. We were like 18 to 19, and I was a virgin.

It lasted to him, but it used to be really good. And then I started getting so anxious during sex that it was literally hurt to penetrate. I would want to cry. I would, he could tell, he would be like, well, you're not into this. So what do we need to do? It would make him feel like I wasn't into him. And so recently, you know, I actually said to him the one day, like, oh, I don't know. Like, I just can't get into this.

I'm having a lot of anxiety right now and I don't know why. and you know he was he was like okay well what can we do and this thought just came to mind like we just put on some music and honestly the music helped so much because I could listen to it um and it kind of put a mood like it wasn't just quiet silence like okay we're having sex I have to perform at my moaning and this and that I kind of just could relax and so that's helped me a lot with the anxiety and also sex toys if you feel like you're not getting wet enough or you're just not feeling pleasure believe me if you can use a sex toy on your clit even during penetrative sex usually for me that puts me in the mood eventually and um you know i think it's just a phase that we

go through if you're having a lot of anxiety it just it goes into other parts of your life so sex life also and i'm about to be up on time but i just want to say um you got this you're not alone i just talked to another friend about this and try some of the uh tips and i hope your sex life is great and you're having lots of good wet sex bye so we always try to tell you i hope you have good wet sex oh i love that that's great no i think you're i think it's also a very insightful point to say like when you're anxious that anxiety it manifests in other parts you might not necessarily be anxious about but it's like a physical feeling that's what i've like learned through therapy and stuff it's like there are certain things that like it's also some some

people find that like if they uh don't sleep enough they get more anxious because your body will mimic that physical feeling first and then it's like oh this is the same feeling as anxiety and then it's like oh no wait but it's not it's not anxiety don't turn it into this don't don't spiral it from here yeah i started taking naps in the middle of the day for the same reason because then you just recalibrate your body and it's like no no these are not it's the same feeling it doesn't just like rush to that kind of feeling um which i think yeah it's it's very very smart and i do wish good wet sex on everybody me too wet consensual sex yes and like yeah good sex with like you know if you want it to or if you want orgasm or not personally i'm that's how i

want my sex to go yeah um but yeah i think that was great advice yeah thank you and um well we've come to the end of the eminem i was gonna try and rhyme we've come to the end okay no i'm done for sure great um so if you guys want to be an upcoming episode you can leave us a voicemail at 310-694-0976 and international listeners you can send us an audio file at meganpodcast at gmail.com check out our instagram don't blah meme pod our own instagrams and all of our socials we link down below what else do we have oh watch it on youtube yeah go listen leave reviews wherever you listen to your podcasts we've got some exciting announcement coming soon so make sure you're following our instagram account oh yeah it's gonna be good um so yeah cool guys we'll

see you next time goodbye don't blame me is a production by me executive produced by melissa demonts camera operator amanda lechner and music by ryan hunter and giacomo picasso part of the her pod network