Don't Blame Me! - S4E25: M&M November - The Girl That Dudes Want to Sleep With But Not Date

Episode Date: November 18, 2019

We’re answering your questions on what to do if the guy you’re seeing doesn’t want to have sex with you, making time for sex with a busy schedule, telling your friend that her bridesmaid is crazy, and dating a nice guy that’s weird. In Don’t Blame Them, a listener shares her advice about being misdiagnosed.  You’ll want to WATCH this one if you can. There’s a diagram.  Follow Us! @meghanrienks www.instagram.com/meghanrienks  @dontblamemepod www.instagram.com/dontblamemepod  @sheisnotmelissa www.instagram.com/sheisnotmelissa Listen to ad-free and bonus episodes on Stitcher Premium! For a free month of Stitcher Premium, go to stitcherpremium.com and use promo code 'BLAME,’ PLUS exclusive bonus episodes. This episode is also brought to you by Hinge, The Real Real, and Duke Cannon Affordable Therapy By State (Curated by Crissy Milazzo): www.tinyurl.com/y64kwdnf    Need Advice?  www.dontblameme.show  Domestic Listeners Call: [phone]   International Listeners Send a Voice Memo To: [e-mail]  … with as much detail as possible under 3 minutes! I’ll do my best to share my wonderful words of wisdom. If you’re under 18, please get your parent’s permission. Advice is for entertainment purposes only, so you can’t blame me if I screw up your life. I kid! My advice IS AMAZING. - Want to WATCH this episode as well? Check out my YouTube channel:  http://youtube.com/meghanrienks Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/join/dontblameme See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

hello everybody and welcome back to another episode of don't blame me if you are watching welcome to the blue couch again yeah we're back but not like back back no it's not a brick wall no we're in a new office um exciting things nobody tell us that we need to go buy a light up neon sign no unless you're gonna make one it paid for it yeah they're like a lot yeah like thousands of dollars that's that is a lot of money um but really excited to be back i'm excited to like also not be at my house yeah you know yeah like i like my house but i'm excited to not be there and we're gonna have to be there again oh okay just one time when are we going back to my house when we do the special episode well i mean i'm cool with that yeah that'll be good

um well if you guys are new here this is an advice podcast if you want to leave a voicemail for an upcoming episode you can leave us a voicemail at 310-694-0976 and international listeners you can send us an audio message at meganpodcast at gmail.com we have any other housekeeping news any other new stuff no oh aside oh aside from the fact that my youtube channel got hacked but who knows when this goes up yeah so this will be up mid-november so oh my god happy almost thanksgiving everybody yeah are you going away for thanksgiving no are you staying here you have plans i mean loose plans okay i'm gonna hop no no no well you're so popular i was gonna say mox and i have literally no plans and we're just gonna like try and find a restaurant that's

open and like go get thai food but you sound like you have lots of plans with cool people well it was just gonna i was gonna come to your i know it's like it was gonna be your place and then my friend katherine's okay well then katherine gets you yeah we'll just be eating thai food and probably still watching love island because it takes so long i'm just gonna say i pick has a wonderful thanksgiving do that yeah oh shit yeah wait i'm writing that down yeah wait we might have to do that it's beautiful wait what movies are gonna be out i don't know but last year you know it was out creed too i was gonna make a really i was gonna make it like a cream in your coffee i would have died there's no way it was great and i watched it because my mom was here so i

watched the first one oh yeah and we watched it at home because she hadn't seen it and i had though really that's when i fell in love with him was when i saw the first cream and i saw his back muscles and then that came out my mom like she was like i don't want to watch this and then she got really into it no you do you do also like tessa thompson like i like it's just it's so good so good and so yeah so I pick has a wonderful oh I'm I'm here for that I could also just do popcorn for Thanksgiving dinner that's a fun time true okay well happy holidays everybody um none of it's happened yet okay um so do you need to cough are you gonna die I'm good okay we can start okay let's get into the calls hey megan so i am 24 years old and newly well not really

newly single but i've been single for maybe six months seven months now and it's been amazing um this summer actually i started online dating i got on bumble and tinder went on a lot of dates which is not me but it was it was nice you know it felt like good it felt like it gave me confidence and it made me feel good about myself and it also like allowed me to just explore my sexuality which I've never been confident about and then I feel like kind of just being free about it like like made me feel better about it and like more confident and now like you know I have like this like high sex drive but it was like two months ago that I met someone on Bumble and I really like him he's really nice we've been talking and like the relationship status between us it's unknown like

he says we're dating but I do not know what that means because he actually he's my boyfriend but he's he's never asked me you know and he is two years younger than me so he just turned 22 in August I believe and we were we like have tried to kind of have sex but like it didn't work out And he explained to me it's because he takes Adderall, which I understand. But then I was like, okay, he doesn't take it that often. So then we, I kind of been hinting that like, hey, like, are we going to ever, you know, have sex or not? So basically kind of hinting, having got anything in return, like after we tried, it's just like he doesn't want to touch me at all anymore. And it's kind of like annoying.

but we yeah I just I don't know what to do because now like I told him like hey dude like I need to be like you know pleasure or satisfied or something you know like tell me like talk to me basically he just says he's scared he doesn't feel like he's gonna be good enough and now I'm thinking like if he's a virgin or not because I like you know if I was like his first person or not and I feel kind of weird like do i wait do i give him time i do not know like what do i do you know like i'm trying to be patient i really am but it's just like he won't talk about it either thank you bye i just want to say my instinct like visual reaction if you're watching was me being like no that is like at all it's nothing to do with it i also recognize now i don't have a penis so

me being like doesn't affect my penis like i don't have one clit's a little penis yeah little penis still gets hard um but we did look it up yeah so yeah it does call it can cause either increased sex drive or ed or ed or like a lower libido i mean i think it's great that you're trying to have these like conversations with him um but i think at a certain point if someone doesn't want to talk about it like he also doesn't have to but like you don't have to date him like if he's not gonna talk about it this isn't just like a oh let me sit and wait it out kind of thing because like if he was actually serious about a relationship with you or like wanted to like have this be like um an actual i don't go somewhere i think it would be more of a

conversation and also like the idea of like he won't even touch you at all like yeah that to me it's like you're right he could totally be a virgin and just be like really like insecure especially because he said he doesn't know if it's going to be good or not yeah i think that's what it is it's probably it's probably that or he's just not experienced yeah he might not be a version but he doesn't have that much experience so i think yeah talking about it you doing your research about how to talk to someone about ed would help um and figuring out what you guys are yeah like do you want to be his girlfriend or is it just because this is a challenge to know and like he's just there you know yeah oh my god yeah there's so much of like do i like this person

because like they're there and they like me or like do i actually yeah so like if you actually like him and you want to try to be in a relationship with him then you guys should have that conversation like hey like i want to be in a relationship with you and then um if sex is like really important to you then you gotta figure it out if you if this is something that you want to live with yeah i mean i would sit him down and like have it be like this whole conversation like at one time i'd be like hey i really like you i want to date you like i really like want to be in relationship with you but like we have to talk about the sex stuff and like we have to talk about the communication with that and like if like if it's like an erectile dysfunction thing

like that's fine but like you need to like let me in so we can figure this out together but if like you don't want that and you don't want to date me and you just this isn't something you want like that's fine but like just let me know so i'm not like wasting my time because if it sounds like if you your guys are just friends then no truly it sounds like straight up just friends yeah and then also like the same time if he's like a virgin not to like not that you're not awesome and not great or whatever he also like it's you can be a virgin and then like still be okay being a virgin yeah maybe he doesn't wanna like have sex now maybe he's not ready for that or anything like that but you have to have that conversation otherwise like you might just be waiting around

for someone who is never gonna see you in that way and then you're kind of like waiting for him to get to where you are and he's not gonna get there not that i'm saying give him an ultimatum but i think you are at the two month mark and it's good yeah because i think if you're not having i don't think you need to like define a relationship after two months but i think if you're not having sex like that's a mind fuck you're like are we just friends or are we dating um and yeah come at it like from like a compassionate place but also know that like you don't have you're not a bad person if like this is a deal breaker for you yeah get back on tinder seems like it was working for you so you export your sexuality i don't know what that means

but hey i also think that like i don't know i have a lot of friends like if they go on like one good date or start seeing someone who's good they like put all of their eggs in that basket and they don't go on any more dates and they even if they're not exclusive with that one person and i'm like i think that's such like a mistake yeah because that's how you get tunnel vision and like for me i've always been the opposite of being like oh no if i start seeing someone or start liking someone i'm gonna date as many people as possible to like make sure i actually really like you um and not even like in like oh i want to keep my options open kind of way but i think a lot of people do that and it's kind of nice to be like oh okay i'm doing this too i'm not like getting

so invested and then you might be like oh wow and i've had friends who've done gone on dates with someone and they went really well and they were like okay i guess i should go out with some other people went out with other people and they're like oh i like this other person so much more than i like this person or again it was like this person was just better than the other person they end up settling instead of keep going because there there's plenty of fish in the sea as they say i mean the world is dying and it's on fire and fishes and everything's dying but theoretically theoretically there are plenty of fish in the sea do you think plenty of fish is gonna have to like change their name because of global warming i mean who's actually still on

plenty of fish i don't know is it still a thing farmers only i remember those yeah farmers only is still because google you know how they have the ads oh my god are you getting targeted i'm getting targeted why i don't know i just saw it yesterday i was like why am i targeted crazy that's so funny yeah before it was meal kit deliveries and or meal delivery services now farmers only maybe it's that maybe it's like farm to table farmers only that's how they got there yeah they're like hey you got sustenance now we'll get you a man that's still a sustenance well best of luck um yeah i say get back on those apps me too or if you actually i don't think you actually like him i don't think you do yeah i think he's also a project if you actually like

him then like work through it but if you don't move on and also if he actually likes you yeah like love you but like you know like you got to figure that out in that oral work oh yeah oh yeah and also like he won't touch you yeah like that has nothing to do with his dick like that's what i'm saying he should be if he is actually interested and he knows that sex is important to you yeah and he should be otherwise he's just selfish i hate that where it's like oh no yeah can't my too many girls give blowjobs on their periods yeah and they're like if they're not having i mean it's like oh i'm not gonna have sex with you like but like i'll give you a blow job i literally think back to like high school me and i'm like what the fuck dude i was like

cramping in pain being like i'm so sorry oh fucking dumb it is dumb you should have been getting yours too i know i don't i don't like it but some people do like it but it's actually like it's supposed to help i think i would like it on like i mean i could i've told you i don't think we've talked about the podcast before matzah has like a horror story with yes you did oh okay yeah um so that would he would i don't think he would ever i think maybe in a couple he could eventually get there but i don't know for me it's been a while no i know i know i just be in our relationship he's like got a lot more comfortable talking about it's been four no but if i if i had wanted do you mean like if i was like let's put this back on the tape like

put this on the table because it would just have to be like the very end of my period when i'm like yeah not dying you know because like oh i already feel like i'm being stabbed i'm gonna be like stabbed with a dick painful so bad well on to the next I'm Megan Melissa and guest so I'm 22 I'm going to be 23 in two weeks and I just lost my virginity about five days ago I had been planning on waiting till marriage up until this point and me and my current boyfriend are very serious we've been talking about marriage and things just happened I don't regret my decision at all in fact, I'm actually really happy with it. And I found out that I really enjoy sex. I've only done it one time, but it's something that I look forward to doing again and learning more about

and experimenting with and things like that. So my question is for you, how do you balance a normal work life with like school or a job? I work full time, but my boyfriend, he works full time and he's in school. And unfortunately, we work pretty opposite work schedules. I work a Monday through Friday. His work is normally evenings, like he gets off work at midnight sometimes, and he has a sporadic work schedule because of his school. So the times that we are together, we're either really tired, or he's working on school or things like that. And I just feel like we don't have a lot of time for intimacy. And it kind of worries me because I know intimacy is a huge part of any relationship. And it's something that I've expressed to him

that it's really important to me and not like, because I've only had sex one time and it was with him. It's all very new to me. And it's something that I'm super excited about learning more about and especially learning more about with him. But I just don't know how to manage a busy work life or like an adult life and like an adult sex life because I've never had that up until this point and I'm only 22 almost 23 and I just feel like a child like I don't know I just feel like I'm an adult now but I also feel like I have nothing figured out yeah I just wanted to know what your advice would be on balancing a sex life and intimacy in a relationship as well just like everyday normal things that adults have to do thank you that went in a different

direction than I thought it was going to go I thought she was going to be like yeah I have to work and stuff but I just want sex all the time like how do I get this okay one of those whether Shan had like the little necklace vibe yeah that's like that's like your name yeah um okay I think first of all not to be all like new agey or whatever but I think like intimacy like yes it's with a partner but I think also I don't know if you've explored like masturbating and all that stuff but I think like that's also a huge part of intimacy and that's also I think a huge part of like being an adult and being in a relationship with someone if you are busy like you're gonna get your own shit done and like spending time together and like having those intimate moments

like that's great but i'm like i'm not gonna stay up late until midnight to like bone you i'm just gonna get myself off when i get home from work like in that kind of a way um but i think like sometimes like schedules are just sometimes you have to like fucking wake up early and have morning sex like it's a sacrifice on either person's end for when you want to do it um and like sometimes like i mean you should only ever like do it if you're in the mood like both parties but like sometimes it'll be like a you wake up and it's like hey babe and you're like oh i'm tired and then you're like oh actually it's like the kombucha tiktok we're like well i can do this now yeah um so i think that's it well um i think that's like a part of it but

i think also um having like just scheduling a date night like once a week i think is great i mean we're not great at that like we've gotten so much better and also like his both of our job stuff has kind of shifted a lot so like we have more of like a line schedule but like for a while it was like okay well we're gonna make sure like one night either the weekend or the week that's gonna be like date night this is what we're gonna do and that kind of thing and it's gonna be like fun and great but also both of you do have to make that sacrifice you gotta make time my sister the original megan in my life oh yes um now there's 15 but you're number two thanks she worked nights and her husband works during the day and they have sex all the time yeah you can they just like

close it's like it's like one will stay up a little later or get up a little earlier and they just keep the door closed and go at it and that's what you just gotta do yeah it's it's it's just like the it's not gonna be oh he's gonna go into like work late so it fits with my schedule it's not gonna fit perfectly with both of your schedules it's gonna be like a oh we're just hope that it fits it fits but then i think if also understanding that like because it's the first time that you've had sex you're also just discovering like because i think your sex drive is all i think can obviously like be related to like like how much you like want to get off and just like have an orgasm it could be like solo time partner time but i also think there is a

sex drive aspect of like with your partner and like needing someone else and not just you and so i think you're just figuring that out right now and like learning that i don't know if he you were his first as well and if this is you guys kind of like figuring that out together because maybe one of you doesn't need like intimacy like we have to have sex every like two three times a week i'm cool with getting myself off and then like once a week we can hook up and so i think you have that conversation with him and be like what is your how many times a week do you ideally like want to have sex and do this kind of stuff and i think if you make this i don't know she doesn't know yet oh no but she asks him like if he like she figures that out

and then from there just know that like if you guys want to get married and spend the rest of your life together like you don't have like there's no rush like you can like take it slow like it doesn't have to be like okay now that we've had sex we have to do it all the time i also feel like he has to be a little bit experienced because like you seem to have had a great time she might also have been masturbating too lucky bitches um but also like i know like just addressing like the intimacy thing i heard about this well like people do it but there was term for it like called skimming where you just kind of like simmer the relationship like you start like in the morning when you get up you just like do a little sexy like kiss on the neck

and then like rubbing and then send like texts suggestive texts and pictures throughout the day and then by the time you get home you're like i'm a blow yeah like you're just like ready to go oh that's a good oh i like that yeah it's nice i think lots would be mad at me if i sent him like dirty text at work he'd be like shut the fuck up right now don't fucking do this um yeah i think and also like when it comes to like balancing like everything in your life i think just open communication especially like you guys are doing you sound like you're going through life and all that kind of stuff like together and i think like the hardest thing uh becoming like and i totally understand what you mean about like being kind of like a fake adult and like just

learning everything is um it's like expectations and like setting your expectations in a different way and like being let down and disappointed and feeling overwhelmed but the way to do that and to prevent that kind of stuff is just like talking to him so if you have an idea of like oh we're gonna have like a fun like date night tonight but you haven't told him and then he's like oh i'm like gonna work late tonight and it can be all that but i think the more communication that you have um communication is sexy like you'll be able to like you'll be able to get it all done and also there's not like sometimes things are going to be like spontaneous it's going to be like oh it's morning we both woke up early i'm in the mood like let's hook up and it's the other

times of being like yeah like skim in the situation and like let's literally plan for this to happen because i want this to happen but both are good it's just going to take some time you'll figure it out and you sound like a girl who's got like three agendas and planners like i feel like you're gonna be fine yeah you'll be great yeah and also just like i think the way to get more sex too is just like tell your partner like how much you love having sex with them and then they're like oh my fucking god yeah we bless you with this dick good wet sex good wet sex we need it on a shirt but like no one could wear it out i know maybe we just put gws and then you know what it means i like it and if you see somebody then you're like get it girl or guy or whoever

you are um but like best of luck congratulations on your fucking journey i'm so happy for you you seem so excited I wish I was that excited the first time I had sex the first time I had sex I was like oh but also you were like a little bit younger and you also was not masturbating and it wasn't and it wasn't like somebody that you thought you were like

gonna get married to no I don't think I did yeah I mean I loved him but like it's a different type of love the only kind of love you have for your boyfriend when you're 16 oh but yeah also maybe I just wanted to fuck Nick Jonas truly

well congratulations on the sex protection and use that planner yeah should we go on to the next let's go on hello megan and melissa and whoever else is there hello i am drunk and that's the only way i could get myself to record this um i've been thinking about this for a really long time and my whole fucking shtick is that I'm so bored of being um friend zoned and I know that's so stupid and like as a feminist I don't fully believe in the friend zone because like I've you know said to dudes like multiple times like I don't really like you I just want you to be my friend but like I went through a slutty stage I went through a sleeping around stage but my problem is that I um I like a lot of dudes and those dudes usually don't like me back in a romantic

way they just want to be my fucking friend and I'm so sick of it um I want to date someone I want to be in a relationship I'm very fulfilled in my friendships I'm very fulfilled in my work I'm very fulfilled in my home life I just kind of want to date someone and like I really really really want to feel that like romantic connection with someone. But anytime I put myself out there, dude just fucking either shut me down or don't feel the same or whatever, blah, blah, blah. But I'm the girl that dudes sleep with, but don't date. And that's just who I am. Sidebar, I'm bigger and plus size, whatever. And a lot of me like doesn't want to believe that that's part of it but I know that part of that might be that um so what the fuck do I do

I'm so sick of being friend zoned I'm so sick of being like that girl that dudes are friends with or get along with really well and like we laugh the same things we have I met your family your family likes me. How do I move past that and onto a relationship? That's it. That's all of it. I'm sorry that I paused a lot. I love you. Goodbye. I love that you're drunk. Also, this has nothing to do with you being like plus size at all. I think you're dating the wrong way. I think like recognizing like your weaknesses in dating is like a great thing. And I think the weaknesses here is you're like you're a great friend and you're really really cool and therefore i don't think you can date people that you're friends with yeah i think that like you probably have

like some really strong solid amazing like like friendship foundations and those people aren't seeing you in that light because they see you as a friend first so i because i think it's pretty hard to get like quote-unquote friend zoned um if when you start talking to someone you would it's very much uh intentional like we're trying to date yeah as opposed to like oh we go to school together we've got similar for like yeah because like friend zone happens before you sleep with somebody you wouldn't sleep with somebody and then be friend zone and so i think it's just like like you said she's dating the wrong way or not even dating are you like actually going on dates with these people are you just like having fuck uh relations and here's the thing i think like

if you've got a high sex drive you like I think there's absolutely nothing wrong with like sleeping around at all I think right now for you sleeping around seems to be pretty detrimental to like how you're feeling about like your outlook on dating yeah and I don't think that that's like a cause and effect for everybody at all I think it can be like there are certain times when like sleeping around um it can be like very empowering and fun and like but there can be other times where you're like wow I feel like this is getting in the way from what I what I really want and so I'd say like if if you've got like if you have like a friend who's like a fuck buddy and you can like keep like hooking up with them and then go on dates and i don't know if you have like like dating apps

and doing anything like that i think like you need to meet people and like portray uh go out there with being like hi i want to date not like hey i'm this cool girl like i'm super cool don't you like want to date me like look how cool and fun and great i am because like if you kind of lead with just it sounds so counterintuitive but you just lead with like i don't know if you don't lead with the fact that hey i'm looking to date and that's what i'm looking for i think a lot of the time people just be like oh this is really cool girl who i really get along with who's super chill it seems like she wants the same thing that i do yeah and i think that happens a lot of the time with like again i also agree with you i don't necessarily believe in like the friend zone

but i think it has but i have a lot of female friends who like they say that this is that they go through this and i think a lot of the time that comes from the fact that like you're not being super uh you're just being like too much of a cool girl you're not you're not like saying what you want want unapologetically and being like if you don't want this then a cool i'm out yeah it's being like oh i think like they're misreading your signals too and think that you guys kind of want the same thing um so i would say like yeah dating apps and like actually go and go on dates with people and like don't sleep with them on the first date and talk to them about like i don't know like the fact that you're saying like oh i've met these people's families and all that stuff like to me

that sounds like are these your college friends like your college guy friends um and i also think that there you didn't say how old you are but i think she didn't no i don't think she did i think she did but i think there's also an age like range of this like in college it was the definition in high school like you fuck your friends and that's kind of it and i think like if you're finding that lots of guys your own age are not like looking to settle down and like looking to have relationships um then maybe start dating someone who's older than you too and then also like do your friends have boyfriends like and are you like is it like oh i'm trying to set you up with like somebody else in that way but i think like you need to be there's nothing wrong about wanting to date and

like wanting to be in a relationship but you have to lead that because if you go into like situations or meeting new people and you don't lead with that like that's not going to scare anyone off because like there's also like every everyone there's lots of people who are looking for that who like i have guy friends who like i'm not looking for casual like i'm looking like find a girlfriend or like find a boyfriend i want to date someone seriously it's not going to be a turn off and you're not going to scare the person the right person off i think like you're going to find the right people but i think you have to go about dating in a different way yeah and if you have dating apps i would like check and see like what your pictures look like and all that like

all of your pictures again okay so i'm going to say this in a way that like i don't agree that this is how it should be at all i think this is how like i think men are dumb and i think this is how men interpret something which i think they're super off basis and they're wrong and i think we should teach them but also again like if you want to work that system i think any photo i think if you have photos of you obviously like drunk or drinking or partying that to them screams like oh cool like she's just sat down for a fun time she wasn't anything serious which again does not mean that but they're dumb and if you're like with like big groups of people and it's like clear that you're at a club or partying or like um any picture that's like quote unquote like thotty

or whatever again i think people's men can see that in like a totally like misconstrued wrong way and not saying like tone down your personality or do anything like that but i think like if you can have your dating profile like reflect how dumb guys are and what they need to be spoon-fed to be like oh this girl wants to be in a relationship yeah then i think that's a great thing and i don't think that that would but also don't settle for like if you meet a guy who's like super buttoned up and it's like very not like what you want yeah but i think like yeah i mean like when i was redoing all of my friends dating uh profiles i was like yeah we're taking down all the pictures of like you on a table like dancing because i'm like you want a boyfriend like this

is like and also like so much of the time my friends were including those pictures it's because they're like well guys love this kind of stuff and i was like well you don't even care about this like this is like you're doing this because you think that that's what he's gonna be attracted to you're construing something that's not actually yeah you at this moment in time you're trying to be a cool girl and like that like why is it it's fine to have a photo of you like on a family vacation like there's those things they're cool too and like your other interests it doesn't have to be like oh this is me in a bikini i have to do this photo it's like if i saw a guy like at a club holding a beer i'd be like that's not what i that's i want to be in a relationship

that's a guy that just wants to fuck and that seems like a lifestyle choice like oh that's who you are and also like for the most part a lot of people go out and party and drink and i'm gonna assume if i see someone who has more of a buttoned up profile that they still do that kind of stuff but like it's not like the only thing they're about it's not like hey like these are like this is my quick log light about my life you only have like five chances to show what you're about and if one of those things that you're about is like body shots in vegas i'm like okay well that's pretty that's on my list it's just lower on my list yeah i'm not gonna go for that because you gotta put your best five pictures or however many pictures

the best what's most important to you yeah and like what and i also think like what's most important that you're what you want in a partner because it's it's obviously like you want to be representative of yourself but it's like i don't know you you want to like put that forward to be like oh i really want someone if you if you like traveling and you really want someone who's into traveling that's what you those kinds of photos and that's what you do you rock climb you want somebody that's into rock climbing you put a rock climbing picture but if you're like hella into makeup and you like don't want anyone who's into makeup don't put up a makeup pic you know i mean like i'm not gonna like i would i mean i would put a harry potter picture up but i like might

not put up what do i want not anyone else a therapy photo i mean that's my time i don't need you there um but yeah i think this is i i think a lot of people can relate to this i i think it it happens all the time yeah but i would just say widen your circle and change this stuff and even if your friends like met their boyfriends or something but others like through the friend group and all that stuff it can be like super enticing but then it can just be like oh well there might just they're just your person just might not be there yeah and i think that's yeah i think it's a it's a good way to yeah find that fuck buddy get your get your get your jollies yeah get your jollies jolly rancher or like a christmas elf never heard that get your jollies

yeah it sounds like that like it starts like a john denver song like get your jollies oh my gosh I don't know but best of luck I do love that you I also feel like I'm really sorry

if I like really came at you for like the drinking thing just because you called because you're drunk I love it I just I loved it

it was a good time still no one beats that time that one guy called in like drunk in the back of an Uber I think about that a lot you do

how are you doing boy he's updated us oh yeah oh that's true he has well best of luck uh let us know how it goes i i have high hopes if you can like me too reformat and restructure how you go about dating i think you'll see that it's not a you problem at all it's just

like who you're surrounded by yeah okay we're gonna take a quick break guys and be right back okay guys we're back from our break and we're gonna get into the rest of the calls Hi, Megan. I'm 22 years old, and I am calling for some friendship advice. So I recently had a falling out with my roommate, who has been one of my close friends since freshman year of college. We lived together our senior year and really had dear problems cohabitating. But right before graduation, she started giving me kind of the cold shoulder and would act very standoffish. And I just figured, you know, we're spending too much time together and gave her some face stuff for a few months of summer.

But later, I tried talking to her about it, and she essentially told me that our friendship was over and made all these false accusations about my character and wouldn't even let me try and defend myself or kind of, you know, give me a real explanation. So I was trying to, you know, move past this, but we were both recently at our mutual friend's wedding where she was Canadian of honor, and I was surprised to meet her. And let me tell you, this girl was such a bad maid of honor. Showed up an hour late to the bridal shower, didn't come to the bachelorette party that I planned, by the way, didn't come to the rehearsal or the rehearsal dinner, and even showed up late for the day of the wedding.

And at the wedding reception, she was standing in the corner with her boyfriend the whole time looking miserable like she wanted to kill herself. And I feel like it kind of brought everyone down. um so the bride and the whole bride probably were pissed at her but you know didn't say anything to her because it was the wedding what we're supposed to do um until i haven't really told the bride any other drama yet because i didn't want our petty drama to ruin her wedding you know her special day but now that it's over i want to tell her how crazy this girl is being and um you know tell her that she deserves a better friend than this girl who doesn't put any in any effort to you know like one of the most special days of her life but i also don't want to have my friends have to pick

sides between us um so i guess my question is should i tell a bride all the crazy drama and you know ball out or should i downplay it and say you know oh we just grew apart um so i don't stir the pot any advice would be very helpful thanks love you guys bye no no i mean she already knows that she's not a good friend she should have laid to her wedding yeah all the other stuff that led up to it and you're all of your friend group essentially saw all of it yeah you don't need to do anything she'll dig her own grave yeah and the only thing that like talking shit about her will do is make you look bad like truthfully it'll make you look vengeful because she's already like dumped you as a friend yeah and it's gonna be like oh well

and if she's not talking shit about whoever's talking shit looks looks bad yeah and like if she's talking shit about you then she already looks bad she's already doing it you don't need to do it she's doing it herself but if she's not talking shit about you they've already seen these kind of cues that she's like kind of like a bitch and like not great a great friend at all and then it's gonna be kind of like no and like when you start talking shit about her it's just gonna be like then you kind of become the villain like it's just not a good position to be in and like as much is i think like for you it's like regaining um like power and friendship and i'm sure like you probably feel like isolated and kind of like lonely and awkward in your friend group i totally get

that but at the end of the day like people who actually really care about you and want to be your friend you're not gonna have to ask them to be on a side or choose sides they're gonna see which side they should be on and like what's the morally right thing and they're gonna be there for you but if those if your friends aren't stepping up to the plate i don't think you like like hand hold them to be like well please get on my side because like they can see it like the evidence is there that just means that they're not as attentive and like they might not be great friends for you um you shouldn't have to like i don't know come clean about that kind of stuff in order for people to care about you yeah and also like for you when you said that you couldn't defend the things that

she's saying she wasn't trying to like have a conversation oh no she was just just talking at you trying to end it and it seems like she's the one with the issues if she's not being a good friend to anyone so maybe she needs to just work through her own stuff and just let her be like just don't interact with her unless you have to yeah and i think like you don't have to necessarily like downplay it or like tell the whole truth or anything like that just don't bring it up if someone asks you what happened you could be like oh i don't really want to get into it i don't want talk bad but like yeah like we're not friends anymore like just say it's there's two sides to every story yeah just not friends anymore and just pick i really like it's not my place to like talk

bad about her like i'm not about that and then that like it shows that like hey you're a mature person who's above it but you're also not like denying it or being like oh we grew up like just saying that you don't have to elaborate any any more than that and i get it and it's totally hard i definitely went through that in college when i got like dumped by my friends i was like trying to get anyone else i'm like oh my god please and everyone's like oh sure cool i was like oh you don't care yeah and it's like oh if you don't care then like why do i care so hard about making you care because like then the only reason you care is because i've made you that way like when you should just either feel that on your own or they don't um but yeah i think like

even when next your friends get married i doubt this girl will be a bridesmaid yeah in that way so odd that she was the brides the maid of honor maid of honor so weird yeah she was a good friend at some point yeah and also as much as like you have shit with her i'm sure the bride fucking has mad shit with her yeah and like if she wants to like vent to you and come talk to you about it like then that's fine and like if you guys want to like do that to get like if she wants to be like i need to fucking vent and like you could listen and be there but i would just like stray away from being like vengeful because there's nothing you're gonna get out of it like there's truly nothing like as someone who loves like revenge and getting even like the only thing

it does to hurt you it makes you care more yeah because the other person clearly doesn't give a shit and also like you said when you're like she wouldn't let you defend yourself she was dumping you as a friend she wasn't trying to make amends or try and make things work at all like she was just cutting it off and being done um which i think is probably a blessing in disguise i think so too she seems like she's got a lot of shit to figure out on her own but yeah i mean i feel like you are actually in a great situation like the fact that the wedding happened everyone got to see it without you having to do like you have to like lean back and just be like i knew it i fucking knew it i fucking had to deal with all it would have been something if she would have

showed up and been like perfect amazing so fake and you're like yeah and everyone's like she's amazing i love her so much she's such a good friend and you're like no she's not right like i think yeah karma's karma's doing it's doing its job it's it's happening you don't need to do anything plus then the hands off that's such a like a more fun like you just have like popcorn in the corner just like watching it all happen as opposed to like you don't have no skin in the game yeah which i think is the way to go but um yeah sounds fucking crazy yeah pay attention to your actual friends yeah spend time with them yeah 100 um and wow i really want to see what these wedding pictures look like do you think she's like mugging and like being a like bitch

in the photos too or she's like not happy to be there the biggest smile oh my god or she might not even made it to the pictures can you imagine oh my god i die yeah i would have demoted her if she was late i would have demoted the first thing yeah i'd have been like you out bitch somebody else already well yeah you really stepped up yeah you threw the bachelorette party you should have been the one that yeah this is ridiculous i would want to throw all of my own stuff when i got married though i don't trust anybody else not me neither it could be just bad and like not fun and like cringy yeah i'm just like i do it myself or jerry jerry could plan stuff but she also like might have an aneurysm you wouldn't let uh sydney do it fuck no fuck

no i love sydney so much but she's just like happy with anything and like i've told you like a monster like sent like christmas gifts like is this pretty it's all wonderful and then she'll show me and she's like i mean it's not really your taste and it is like pretty like ugly but like it's so sweet i'm like no it's no fucking no it's because she's just so nice yeah we're versus jerry hates everything which would be great but also like she's a virgo yeah she's a virgo but she would go gray like she would like rip her hair out but in like i think she would probably enjoy it she'd be yeah she wanted to be a wedding planner for a long time okay now she's doing real estate go buy a house like the same thing it's truly like it's the same type

of personality you have to have to have yeah yeah and she just looks so cute with her like her little barrettes and her hair a little flipped out and her like nice little sensible heels and loafers and her pink blazers it's fucking adorable should we go into the next one let's do it hi Megan and whoever else is there um thank you so much for taking my call um so I'm in high school I'm a senior and I go to a like a prep school boarding school on the east coast um and there's like a very specific environment I guess with concerning boys and stuff and like I've been having sex for two years and I've always just found what guys treat me like shit I'm trying to kind of come to terms with that now and I never really like it when I lost my virginity I lost

it to someone I didn't really know and like I've been having casual sex for two years I've never been in a relationship there's this guy that I is known for being the biggest asshole in my entire school he's my great man known for my whole life and we started having sex last year and I took his virginity but he's like really big and like really mean and i don't know he just always really treated me badly so we stopped picking up when he went on vacation a month ago and then there's this new junior who's a repeat came to my school recently and he's like really hot and he a lot of people wanted to get with him like my friends did too but no one really knew him that well and so i like hopped on him i was like smashing him a ton and i was like you want to hang out

this weekend or whatever so we hung out and he was super super nice he wasn't that good of a kisser but we had sex and it was fine and um we started like hanging out with library every day hanging out a lot and talking a lot when I realized like he just kind of weirds me out a little bit like his music taste is very unique and he wears like very unique clothing I guess which is different than all the other guys at prep school um which isn't bad at all it's just Like, a lot of people think he's weird, and so I started shit-talking him, which is horrible of me to do, and we, like, stopped talking for a few weeks because there was a bunch of rumors going around about, like, who hooked up with the who and what we did to each other, and I don't know what to do because tonight I was going to get something from Jack, and we haven't talked in so long, and I was in his car, and we, you know, looked at each other, and we just had sex. and i don't know what to do because i don't know if i should tell sam because he thinks we're exclusive but i haven't talked to him in a while and i just don't know what to do like should i

stay with him even though he kind of wears me out because he's the first guy that's treated me nicely or should i end it thank you bye can we do the diagram i'm not joking truly can we do it you want me to draw one yeah we're gonna draw a diagram for this guys because this is really fucking confusing also you name dropped both of those guys we'll bleep it out yeah but we just have to like get this okay so should we call her Blair or Serena I'm feeling I didn't watch it oh but which one is who like a Serena probably because like Serena oh my god and we'll call the weird one Dan because Dan lived in Brooklyn honestly these prep school problems girl holy fucking shit also like so expensive it is Mott has friends who like went to prep school all that

shit like i can just tell like they were cardigans like tied around like the top of their shoulders i'm like you look like a fucking loser okay so okay so who's this serena okay in case you're not following this is from um what's it called the whisper show gossip girl okay yeah so serena's the caller so serena was hooking up with nate nate big and then was the word lean or mean we don't know just put both okay so lean slash mean then dan weird but nice and then bad kisser and bad music tastes oh bad music.

And dresses weird. Oh, yeah. Weird clothes. But, like, you didn't know that he was wearing weird clothes before you had sex with him? Yeah, and so he's a hot junior. So he was, like, the hot new

junior. And then he was a senior. And she's a senior too. Okay, so, but here's the thing. So, Serena when dan first came to school everyone was talking about him you're saying everyone was being like oh wow who's this hot new guy like who's everyone gonna be into blah blah blah so then you hooked up with him but then now everyone else all those other little people are talking about like

ew he's so weird and now you're saying that he's weird yeah and then also like when there's like a new piece of meat everybody's gonna be into him because you've been so used to seeing oh yeah same you've known him forever yeah you've known him all your life so you've been so used to seeing the same dudes yeah so anybody new that's coming into the situation it's just going to be by default the hot new one that's true and he's got he's a mysterious because you don't know him yet yeah so here's the thing i think you you you like well how do i i was going to draw sex but i don't know how to draw sex you had sex with both of them okay which is fine but here's the thing you and dan dan thought you guys that were exclusive yeah and then you fucked nate which

presumably i don't know why my mind went to was in the back of a car like you were picking something out of his car sounds like you fucked him in a car yeah like you were like who and then you guys just ended up fucking yeah so i think regardless of the whole situation like this is a messy ass fucking situation but i think like i mean i say screw nate sounds like a dick big and unless he was lean if he was lean i'm for it but if he was mean mean no fuck it like no like you know and then dan doesn't sound like you like him at all no and you already thought you cheated on him with nate except you're not even really considering that you actually really dated i personally think end it with dan you don't have to tell him like oh hey by the way i slept with nate

like i wouldn't tell him that like as a reason and also because like if you don't see yourself as exclusive and he did you're not on the same page yeah the cheating it's gray it's a gray area and you're just gonna hurt him by telling him that so i say fuck all that don't do that like get some friends who are potentially nice and like don't make fun of weird kids anymore just because you guys are have like so much money and you're at prep school you're like oh he listened to weird oh he listens to weird he's a vampire weekend what a fucking loser ew he doesn't like drake what a loser also you're a senior so i say just do what you want to do like school's gonna be oh you got one more semester yeah i say find find the other people that you want to have sex

with and then have sex with them and screw these ones you've already been there you only have a small amount of time left get like sow your seed plow your oats yeah where you don't like have like wrap it up oh wrap it up 100 oh yeah that is what that means yep um okay for sure so like wrap it up but like hook up people that you want to hook up with that like do that i say like don't go back to like the old stale sort of things yeah and i would also like yeah just like have fun like sleep around have fun hook up with people but like oh also which one's the virgin you named her dan no i think she took i think oh i think she took nate's virginity yeah oh virgin probably dan too probably dan too yeah because he's younger yeah but maybe if he listens

to weird music he had weird sex yeah but he like got attached real quick oh yeah it's high school though too yeah okay i yeah i say fuck like just stop with these both these boys i think it's a waste of your time and you're just like and also like do you just like the drama yeah it seems like it you went after the guy that everyone was talking about and you were like sneaky but i of like the way that you went about it you're like he's gonna be mine but he snapchatted him and now everybody's talking about him it looks like yeah that is yeah i thought it was a little ghost in pac-man but they're both ghosts yes yeah you were snapchatting him and then you i think you kind of like you got what you wanted out of it and then you're done now and now you don't want

people to know about it yeah and also okay who cares if he's nice like that's like not a like it should like sure okay which does make me think that nate's probably mean not lean yeah because we were so happy that dan was actually nice to you and here's the thing stop having sex people who are mean to you yeah just stop doing that like we all do it and like it's not fun and it's not fair and like you think that like there are not people who are going to be nice to you who will also have sex with you plot twist most the time people who you have sex with will probably be nicer to you because you're having sex with them but there is like this small time period in your life in which like you will just if you've been conditioned to only like sleep with the same group

of people and you've been with the same group of people and you all just kind of treat each other like like shit like that's when you have sex with people to be honest she doesn't seem like she's very nice to begin with no you don't seem very nice either but i think we can learn that for you in college yeah unless you're going to like harvard or yale and probably yeah let's make a joke that your parents paid your way in like this is gonna be like that she's a legacy okay oh for sure i'm just better because i wasn't born rich it's my biggest regret in life um i think we just drop this and i think like don't contribute to talking shit about dan no like dan did nothing like you had sex with dan and you pursued him you know what have you seen that tiktok where it's

like if i fall in love with a dangly haired um if i fell with a dangly earring wearing like floppy e-boy that's on you this is on you it is you did this and so like you can't participate in making fun of him like anything like that also considering like you basically cheated on him so i say remove yourself in the situation and like just focus on like being a better person and like also surrounding yourself with like people who treat you nicely so you're not then like blinded by the one guy who's like nice to you and being like wow he's so special like he's not that special yeah like um but i think since she's a senior in high school it's she probably already knows everybody's a dick there and that's true it's not like you can't you but by the time you're

a senior it's very hard to remove yourself from situations no but this is but you're at the time where like i was just like fuck it i'm a i'm a hook up with whoever i fucking want yeah well she's been doing that anyway that's true but maybe you need to maybe maybe let's just focus on being nice then yeah let's just be nice to dan because he also has to have his whole senior year there and you're gonna be gone and like don't make it hell for him yeah and it's probably gonna get out like because you're talking shit about him it's probably gonna get out that you were the one that slept with him yeah so don't yeah just don't even join in or even if you want to like be a solid person and just be like hey i just like tell him like hey i think i see you as more

than a friend and then tell your friends like you know we hooked up he was great he was phenomenal in bed it was amazing like greatest sex i've ever had yeah look at doing him a massive solid also would you like to join our patreon and give us money because you go to uh prep school so i'm assuming you have some god how's this gonna work perfectly i was just gonna make a gossip girl joke but i don't remember how it ends oh you know you love me exo exo you know that's kristin bell i know i was gonna say um i don't even remember i was gonna say whatever her character name is on the good place but then i could remember eleanor eleanor i knew it was an old lady so funny okay guys um now it's time for don't blame them and this is when you guys call in

with your own advice for previous callers on different episodes so what do we got play the tape roll the tape it's from an episode with us so fuck yeah hey megan i'm calling for a response to your most recent m&m podcast where there was a girl and her iud wasn't like performing and then she got pregnant and then they couldn't get the iud out and then she had surgery and then a lot of money and stressful situations later and i have like a similar experience um not in the sense that I had an iodine and got pregnant but that I got misdiagnosed kind of thing um basically what happened was I I have this weird thing where I passed out a bunch in the past couple years and it's been happening for like a very long time and then one day I just

was feeling really dizzy and stuff and just like I called I called my mom and she was like call the nurse line at the hospital and I called the nurse line and basically my symptoms were like I was dizzy I couldn't really see all that well like I had numb numbing on like my face like my cheek and um I was 19 at the time and the lady like told me she was like you are having a stroke like call 9-1-1 like have them take you in and my then I called my mom like crying because I was like, mom, I'm having a stroke. And she's like, you're definitely not having a stroke. So we went to the emergency room. And I got a $1,500 medical bill to tell me that I have syncope. So I get dizzy sometimes. And they gave me dizzy pills. And they sent me home. And I was pissed about it.

And I'm taking a different approach than you probably should. But my mom worked for that said hospital um for years and years and basically she told me to just not pay the bill and that sounds so bad but honestly it's kind of the thing of like it's been a couple years now and they haven't tracked me down for it I'm not saying do the same thing but I'm saying that like maybe like fight it and kind of be like this was their fault and like um see what they can do for you and like I mean in my opinion that kind of sounds like something you could sue for I don't know 100% don't quote me on that but like that's a lot of stress for like something that like could have easily been prevented and that's just malpractice so yeah love the podcast love you

guys um all right bye yeah I don't want to get into like the legalities of it just because we can't no you're not lawyers but someone commented on well i think the video or something and said that like they wish i could see it work in my health um that they work in uh like uh they're like an attorney or a lawyer or something like that and that like there is like a substantial case in there again i we can't give you any sort of legal advice and also like in these situations when people call in and we don't give legal advice and you're like oh my god give this we can't like we like that would make us liable exactly and so we're not lawyers yeah and so if you were like a lawyer like watching and listening to our podcast and you

hear and like we're not saying something like that then please feel free to comment on youtube and like tell them as someone who is like a registered lawyer because you can say that we can't um and doesn't mean that like we're not thinking it but it's just we can't legally say that um so i think like it's a i think this is like a yeah i agree like where it's like this definitely sounds it sounds like regardless just doing research and doing some googling again i also think like i don't know it's like the same thing with like any sort of uh that's also really hard like it's also really hard financially and time-wise and if you don't have the support from like other people it can be like a complete shit show and like dragging your

name through them like all of that stuff like it can be like pretty rough and just like a lot of time and energy so like if it's not something that you choose to do that's also okay but also like i think it's there's never any harm in like looking into like or talking to a lawyer yeah and being like hey like even to quit google search of being like is this is have people had cases like this and then yeah having a consultation with the lawyer to like find out and if it's something that you like want to fight i think like fight what you fight like why not why not do it take a crazy chance that's crazy i can't even imagine so you went to the er see this is why i didn't want to go to the er because i was like i know i had a seizure but i'm not going to

the fucking er yeah but god i can't even imagine them being like hey you're having a stroke over the phone yeah well guys that's it for our episode yeah uh hope you all enjoyed if you want to be on an upcoming episode you can give us a call at 310-694-0976 and international listeners you can send us an audio file at meganpodcast at gmail.com and we love you guys so much you please don't send us dms asking of like things that just call in call and also if you think like if it's too long and you're worried about it write it down and then time yourself saying it and then cut it down like everyone can get like help guys we got a fucking girl to tell us about she fucked three brothers in this time period like there is nothing going to be we drew a diagram there are

things are not like it'll be fine it won't be so confusing like it's okay this is a long time it's a good fucking imagine you do a presentation at school you would get up and stand up and do like a out loud presentation for three minutes wow it's a really long time it's not nearly as long as you think it's going to be and also we don't necessarily need all of those like really minuscule details and i would also implore you guys to like listen back to old episodes and read descriptions because so much of the time like hey you can find out which episode we've talked about something similar things like that and if you're like i don't know if you've ever talked about this and it's like well listen to the ups find out you might you might be pleasantly

surprised um but yeah uh regardless you should still follow us on instagram uh don't blah meme pod and our socials be listed down below if you uh are hopefully watching this somewhere you can also listen to it on the uh apple podcast app and everything like that leave us a review we love it and um we'll see you guys next time goodbye don't blame me is a production by me executive produced by melissa demonts Camera operator Amanda Lechner. And music by Ryan Hunter and Giacomo Picasso, part of the HerPod Network.