Don't Blame Me! - S4E3: Guest: Grace Helbig - He Wants to Borrow Money?

Episode Date: June 17, 2019

Grace Helbig is here once again to share her advice! We’re answering your questions on handling your boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend that wants to be your friend, reducing your anxiety when it comes to moving on in relationships, being in a non-relationship with a guy for 10 months, and getting over a sociopath. In Don’t Blame Them a listeners shares her advice on dealing with your boyfriend’s toxic friends. Check out our NEW Patreon Community - https://www.patreon.com/dontblameme Follow Us! @meghanrienks www.instagram.com/meghanrienks @gracehelbig www.instagram.com/gracehelbig @dontblamemepod www.instagram.com/dontblamemepod @sheisnotmelissa www.instagram.com/sheisnotmelissa Listen to ad-free and bonus episodes on Stitcher Premium! For a free month of Stitcher Premium, go to stitcherpremium.com and use promo code 'BLAME'. This episode is also brought to you by Buffy Comforters, “Stay Sexy and Don’t Get Murdered,” Care/Of, Betterhelp, and Amour Vert Affordable Therapy By State (Curated by Crissy Milazzo): www.tinyurl.com/y64kwdnf    Need Advice? www.dontblameme.show Domestic Listeners Call: [phone]   International Listeners Send a Voice Memo To: [e-mail] … with as much detail as possible under 3 minutes! I’ll do my best to share my wonderful words of wisdom. If you’re under 18, please get your parent’s permission. Advice is for entertainment purposes only, so you can’t blame me if I screw up your life. I kid! My advice IS AMAZING. - Want to WATCH this episode as well? Check out my YouTube channel: http://youtube.com/meghanrienks Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/join/dontblameme See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

hello everybody welcome back to another episode of don't blame me featuring my sick voice but more importantly grace hellbig is here yeah back with a vengeance you haven't been on in so long i know years i think literally maybe like a year a year and a half yeah your place looks great this new new york loft that you're recording in looks awesome yeah it just exudes wealth i mean i exude wealth so i needed the place that i live to also exude wealth when i think of you in this day right now i think opulence doing the most honestly love doing the most sneezing coughing dying when you have just a head cold situation i didn't think so i don't know i got sick on they've heard this story so i got sick on monday i thought that what it was was a popcorn

kernel lodged my throat at the jonas brothers concert oh it was not it was truly a real sickness that why it took me by surprise because i just kind of cough and get it out right finally it was like four days later and i had a fever and i was like maybe it wasn't that kernel was really diseased i don't think that's what it was so i'm assuming that's what it is i'm going uh on an international trip next week though so i like me take it overseas yeah and like be better and not be sick grace was sick for like a solid yeah i'm still i just learned that like phlegm is my natural state now oh no which i i mean it's one of those things that if anyone else was in my body they'd be like oh i'm going to a doctor immediately and i'm like it'll fix itself eventually i'm pretty

patient with it have you ever gotten a neti pot have you done that have not done that that's a good time is it oh it is especially if you're like really mucousy and flummy yeah it is it's fun like you can feel actual it's like when you poop when you really have to poop but you're like i'm so like light and like bouncy now that's how your nose feels like it's like full weights out of your nose and like your head gets lighter wow it's amazing i will have to you know save a friday or saturday night for a real fun time it is also so fucking terrible because the feeling that you get when you get water in your nose that's what you're just intentionally i think i'd be freaked out with myself and you have to like do it in front of a mirror so i'd be forcing myself to

watch myself go through pain you're just drowning yourself and you're like you you're actually feel like you're dying but it all comes out yeah okay one day one day i'm gonna do that later did you do the peroxide thing which one i was gonna say that but yeah that's the other thing the ear wax stuff i haven't done that either melissa was telling me about all these different tricks but i did take a bobby pin to mod's ear and cleaned out the earwax oh my god good yeah that's what she told me to do i did it when i was a child and i still do it and childless i was an md i got so much shit out of his ears right it's also so much but like i feel like i do like eardrum damage or something no it doesn't you can see it like and feel it so you're basically

playing operation on your ear by scraping it out yeah i have none i have no fucking earwax humble brag yeah i was like as someone that's waxy i know that's what i wouldn't want to do because i don't want to see what's going on and i as someone who loves to pick and loves pause and everything when i was like i have nothing like i was so sad but then i just did his and he was like can you please get out of my ears i'm like no there's more this is so fun and i like was putting it all onto like a white piece of paper so he could see it all and he's like i just showing him his shame yeah it's so gross you're disgusting and there's proof and then we were googling what different colors and consistencies meant it was a good time it was

a romantic night wow that's a real bonding good foreplay honestly though that is like for me i'm like yeah this is this is what it does for me um well guys this is an advice podcast if you're new here welcome um if you want to give us a call for an upcoming episode our phone number is 310-694-0976 my cold medicine did not make me forget that even though i thought it did impressive international listeners you can send us an audio message at meganpodcast at gmail.com okay i'm ready hi um i am 20 years old and i just finished my sophomore year in college and i recently well not too recently probably like six months ago i started talking to this guy and it was nothing serious And, like, from the start, I just didn't want to be in a relationship as I got out of a toxic relationship not that long beforehand, like, before I started talking to this guy.

And, you know, things were going smoothly. It was a fun time. He seemed like a good guy. And recently he tried asking to borrow probably about, I think it was $126 for me, which kind of freaked me out as we're not that close. and I talked to my friends about it and they all freaked out you know um trying to tell me to you know get away from him because I'm fortunate and like I've been used before for like money reasons and it's not that I wouldn't mind helping it's just that it's kind of I just I can't help but get the feeling that he's trying to use me uh so I don't know if I should keep talking to him

or not because you know I never got the feeling from him that he seemed like he had you know questionable intentions but now I can't help but think that he does um sorry for like rambling and talking so quickly but yeah I don't know what to do in this situation because I kind of did start seeing something more with him like after a while but now this situation has just kind of scared me did she pay him it sounds like she didn't yeah um or it sounds like she's in the middle of deciding whether she should or not um i mean you're a sophomore in college you don't want a relationship this guy hasn't from what it sounds like proposed a relationship he's just sort of seemed interested in you and then asked you for money which is a red flag across the board it can

be the most prince charming of prince charmings but like i think you just say flat out i'm not comfortable lending you money yeah but that doesn't mean i don't like you any less and then if he goes cool sorry and like backpedals and like actually wants to hang out with you then there's possibility for something there but if he gets weird and starts like distancing himself after you're just like no i'm not comfortable lending someone money in this situation then that's a bad dude yeah i mean i think it's weird that he asked i'd be done i'd be done just now because like if i if i was going over the guy for even for like a little while and like i don't want to say like uh like uh as opposed to like if we were out at a restaurant we had

gotten dinner he was like holy fucking shit i left my wallet like oh my god i'm so sorry i'm like no no i got this it's fine but like if it's like hey can i borrow it's just odd because not that like you guys like you guys are like casually dating or whatever but like you shouldn't be like your relationship with him shouldn't be the first person he would ask like there should be like a lot like if you and they can there's no shame in like not being able to make ends meet and like needing to ask someone for a loan or for money but like there's like a like a list of people it's like a hierarchy of other people and like if you were the first person so like no matter which way you go it's bad like if you were the first person it's fucking weird but also like if you

weren't the first person and he got turned down by all the other people yeah and he still asked you like that's really fucking weird also 126 what is it for so specific and like if it's a parking ticket and he's like i can't pay my parking ticket is there any i'm embarrassed steven asked you this is there any way i could borrow money still weird like you said there should be other people that have the capability to lend him money uh and if they don't then that's another red flag of his relationships with other people uh also 126 dollars to a sophomore in college is a lot of money yeah that's like my mind immediately was like what do you need like yeah what do you absolutely need that for that like you're also the person that he's asking

and like i'm not here to like perpetuate like the toxic masculinity like thing of being like oh guys need to be like strong and pay for things but like even if like the roles are reversed and it was like a like a heterosexual guy calling in and a girl was asking for that like so weird yeah i think it's just still weird because like you're especially if you're like casually dating somebody that's when it's like best foot forward i don't fart like i am so cute like i'm the best and like if this is like him being like the most like uh polished like best foot forward version of himself and the best foot like forward version of himself is asking for money like what is him like a year and a half into a relationship like also she's been used for money in the past so there's

probably some sort of emotional conditioning that like giving money is a sign of like love to the person that you're with and just you need to be really confident in the fact or understand it's fundamentally probably easier to understand than actually believe that you not giving this person money doesn't make you a bad person and doesn't make you any less attractive overall to someone that's really going to be it want an act a genuine relationship with you especially if this is something that you've gone through in the past like i'm sure there is conditioning of like if i give him money he'll like me more yeah um that's not the case no i say cut your lot like just be done with him now and like just say like yeah like i'm not comfortable like giving you money

and then if he gets weird if you can look past it and like move on that i think like that's fine and if he can too but like be wary of it but if it was me in the situation it would automatically be like i don't think you're hot anymore if i am not attracted to you like this is gross yeah i think i because i also am like one of those people that wants to like help everyone and wants to make everyone feel good but i think at this point i just be like that's weird to me yeah i mean do want to talk about like that's weird to me um i feel bad for you but i don't i've been used before and i don't like this situation and so this is like a weird thing that i have to kind of create a boundary for yeah yeah yeah it's just fucking weird just fucking weird because you're on a

college campus there's probably tons of other people out there move on to someone that has good credit yeah nothing is sexier than good credit right like damn boy do you pay your car on time you got all your payments on time you can pay your tuition oh so hot that's pretty hot also sounds like you have good friends if they're all like telling you immediately like i don't trust this person then rely on them more it seems like they care about you yeah so that's good for you it's not like you're alone in this yeah and i think it's okay to be generous and want to treat people to things but it's like i'm a big fan of like treating people to stuff and being generous but like most of the time my friends are like please stop like i don't want

you to do this anymore or but like if then they ever turned and were like hey can i have this i'd be like what like yeah it's just like an odd thing and especially if you have been taken advantage of before to me that sounds like you're probably a pretty generous person and then if someone can see that you're generous and then it's like oh how can i squeeze more out of her like that's how you know they're fucking shit yeah yeah and sometimes it's like hard and devastating to like see to not want to believe that someone's good and that might be a hiccup and then to see that like oh they're actually like this is part of their personality and that can be a huge bummer and it's hard to walk away from that but yeah seems like you got more stuff going on that's

good in your world tell a boy bye hey new thing everyone tell them bye bye bye on to the next hi megan and mel and special guest i have a situation that i definitely need help with I am turning 21 in two days, and I have been with my boyfriend for about three months now. His parents own a yoga studio, and his ex-girlfriend works for his parents at their yoga studio. There could be much worse situations. However, just wait. It gets better. I teach spin and bar at a different studio, and she comes to my classes.

And she's really sweet and I have a difficult time not being nice to her, especially in the professional settings where I'm the instructor. However, there have been numerous occasions where she's had one-on-one conversations with me, either trying to talk poorly about my boyfriend to me or tells me about times that she would spend the night at his house or how perfect of a fit she would have been for his family. um because she is so involved in the community my boyfriend and his family don't see a problem with inviting her to dinner or even just going to dinner or brunch with her separately however it makes me really uncomfortable and it feels wrong that it makes me uncomfortable i feel like i'm expected to be okay with the entire situation even though she has she is his ex and that isn't going to change but also I don't feel I should have to compromise with everything and I'm not really sure how to handle this situation especially considering

my birthday is coming up in two days because I'm really scared that someone's gonna invite her to go out with us and I really just don't want her there I don't want my boyfriend's ex there and I don't feel like that's too wrong of an expectation to set in fact she was at my class this morning and asked me what I wanted for my birthday it's a really strange situation and at times I feel like my life is um sick sitcom like hello friends here I am and my life it doesn't make sense and it's with weird ironic mess that I sincerely and genuinely need so much help with So, if you have any amazing advice for how to handle the situation with my boyfriend or his parents or his ex, please let me know because at this point, I'm resorting to just killing her with kindness because I'm a little bit of a petty bitch and, you know, I don't want her having that for him. So, please just let me know what you think I could do in this situation.

oh first of all dude that sucks a dick that sucks so hard wow uh yeah that's the meshed to the max i'm just like i i feel like i don't want i okay i mean happy belated birthday but also like i feel so bad for you because this is one of those situations when like if there's like if you're like just talking to one other person you like disagree on something and you're like you don't necessarily think you're crazy but like if there's a whole fucking family and your boyfriend her on one side and it's just you and you're like wait am i being like you're not being crazy at all you're being so reasonable they're being fucking insane it's uh yeah it's it's bonkers all the way around and like you said it's probably you feel like an island of one right now in this situation

especially when there's adults adult parents that seem like this is okay like turns out like sometimes parents are bonkers oh my god completely insensitive and way backwards about the way that they handle situations um i think first of all everything that you're feeling is good and genuine and reasonable and normal and healthy and the right way to be thinking about this um but it is also as a 21 year old now it's hard to like put your foot down especially with like parents of someone if you're I mean they're only three months into dating so it's relatively new so you don't want to be like I'm the jealous girlfriend when you're not you're being a reasonable human being yeah it's just like it's exactly that like they're being unreasonable like

the idea that like I'm not friends with exes but like more than that the idea that I would want like my like boyfriend to be friends with my ex and be cool with me being friends with my ex like there's all these levels here like it doesn't matter no matter how cool and chill and great they think that she is like she doesn't serve the same purpose in his life so like it's not like a childhood friend that like they had a flirtation or whatever like that they were introduced to her as his girlfriend and you are now his girlfriend like they don't owe the relationship with her anything no there's a certain imbalance of respect going on right now like you're being so sweet and thoughtful and like even considering that the way you're feeling

feels wrong is so sweet of you to like have those thoughts um and the fact that they're not trying to make you feel more comfortable is a bit of a bummer and maybe it is uh just a really direct conversation with your boyfriend you have to talk to the parents let the boyfriend talk to his parents on your behalf maybe it's like just be as direct as you can and then see what happens from there like that's all you can really do I've had that uh in relationships where a boyfriend has like called me out on talking too much about previous relationships and not in a way that I was like longing for them or anything just in storytelling about like events and things and he was like I'm kind of uncomfortable hearing about all your previous relationships and I got

defensive for a second but then realized like no if the tables were turned I would feel the exact same way that he does and because I want to treat people how I want to be treated it's up to me now to make changes to make this person comfortable so if i mean i would say just present it as bluntly as possible yeah and i think if your boyfriend then is like no but like it's fine it's cool like you're you have every right to be not cool and not okay with it and like the way that they're presenting it to you and talking to you about it is as if like you're the crazy one but if he had another girlfriend this is exactly how she would feel too like this is not a unique this is not you being hypersensitive or anything like that so i think if you tell your boyfriend and also like

you can even tell your boyfriend like yeah and like as much as you guys say that she's cool like it puts me in a weird position because like i'm nice to her when she comes to my class all the time which is awkward enough because she comes and wants to talk shit about you but that's the thing that's the thing that gets me because like you know i'm friends with my exes like yeah friends with their girlfriends like her and girlfriends too but i would never talk shit about them and that's like why i would never and i never go out of my way like there's something a little off a little bonkers about her showing up to your class one showing up to your class you can spin somewhere else i'm sure and two like then talking to you and inserting herself into your relationship in

a way of like what would you like for your birthday there's a little like petty weird stuff on her end i'm gonna wear your skin that was like single white female in situation and also like you don't owe this girl comfort like you don't need to make this woman comfortable because she's making you uncomfortable killing someone with kindness is obviously like a great philosophy but i think that there you can be a little bit more assertive and if you're you know if you're brave enough this is easier said than done like let her know like i'm a little uncomfortable like with you being so close in our relationship hopefully you respect that i know if like tables were turned in this situation you probably wouldn't want someone like feeling like they're encroaching

on your relationship as it's in like the building stages of it um and that's not invalid to like feel or say yeah because i think like you're especially if your boyfriend's partaking in it and if he has any sort of like gripe with you wanting to have the separation to me it sounds like a guy who like wants to keep his options open and like it's like as sucky as that is it's like he's okay with his parents still romanticizing her and keeping her around because he isn't totally done with the idea of her and in the long term yeah because it sounds like if she keeps saying how she could have been in great fit that he probably broke up with her yeah and then it's too enmeshed for the parents in the business to like have her completely leave and he's not

squashing it and that's what happens like when parents still have attachment to like exes and whatever like that's the their child who has been in that relationship it's their responsibility to be like no that's my relationship that's done i don't want you to talk to them anymore like we need that separation this is my new girlfriend like i need you to respect her and if he's not doing that to me that sounds like he's just not a good boyfriend like that yeah that i think like you need to like it's not even just necessarily about like oh she needs to stop doing this like he needs to not want her to be doing this there's a lack of maturity in that like understanding like if this is going to be a serious relationship and she's trying to be mature and respectful like he

owes her that too yeah i think it's just like in general if you're the person you're dating is too close with their ex and it makes you uncomfortable your boyfriend or girlfriend's number one priority person who they want to make feel comfortable is you like it's not their ex like he doesn't always act like well i don't want to hurt my ex's feelings it's like well you're not dating her like you already hurt her feelings so she clearly wants to still be with you and you broke it up and you don't have to see her all the time it's like the person that you have to like that you owe it to is the person that you're actively pursuing and like in a relationship with and if he's not going to give you that level of respect that he's giving her and like that like niceness um i think that

you just you need to be able to feel confident to walk away from the situation knowing that it's not you and that this situation is like an unrealistic ask yes of anybody like and if he dates somebody else like he'll date a girl and then she'll be like oh what the fuck no i'm not down for this at all yeah can you imagine celebrating your 21st birthday and she just showed up i would lose my fucking mind there's a girl who works out at my gym that my boyfriend hooked up with like years ago and when he told me about it i was like oh i want to find out what girl it is and he was like no please don't and i'm like no i'm gonna find out and then the next time i was in a workout class i could tell quickly because she was death glaring me but it was like one of those things that i'm

like he literally was like well what time does she go i don't want to fucking go like is avoiding like the play and i'm like that's how it should be and he's like i'm really sorry and i'm like you hooked up with a girl when you're like 23 when i didn't even know you and you're apologizing to me like that's thoughtfulness yeah and it's like avoiding those situations like you should never want to put your significant other in a situation where they could potentially feel uncomfortable and then if you're doing it then being like well why do you feel weird like this is fine yeah and doesn't matter how nice this girl is that's also sometimes kind of worse like when like your ex has like a really nice girl but you're like oh i want to hate you so bad but you're

so fucking nice like it doesn't even matter if she's like chill and cool and nice it's also so fucking weird like okay i mean she's definitely doesn't sound nice though this girl she's a fire sign and she's a scorpio or she's a leo yeah this ex-girlfriend sounds like she's going out of her way to make you uncomfortable and she knows it like there's no world in which this is an accident that she's showing up and you happen to be the teacher of these classes and it's an accident that she starts word vomiting like that she could have been perfect for their family like that no it's crazy it's like very much an intentional she's trying to make you insecure in your relationship too yeah and she's trying to insert herself and keep herself around so then you become

the girl who goes fucking crazy and insane and then she's there looking like this stable like oh my gosh i don't know how this happened and then suddenly like she's the light and everyone's like oh he should be back with her totally and if she can't get to the ex-boyfriend she's getting to him through you yeah and through his parents and that's not fair no that's weird i think you can continue to kill her with kindness because it sounds like you sound like a very sweet person in general you don't sound like very like ruthless in that sense but i think having a super honest direct conversation with your boyfriend is like the way to go i think your boyfriend needs to hear you out and if he doesn't hear you out i think like fucking kick him to the curb because

yeah boy bye boy bye should we go on to the next let's do it hi um i'm 18 years old and i am calling for some advice basically about healing i guess you could say like moving on from previous relationships so basically um just recently broken up with and um in my one of my first relationships is very like physically abusive second one um very like sexually abusive and I guess just in a lot of my relationships I've dealt with a lot of people kind of I feel like using me for um sex and like basically that being like the predominant factor in the relationship and just recently with the person who broke up with me um it's been kind of hard because in previous relationships I've had reasons to be angry with a person but

in this case like there's nothing really wrong with the guy um he never did anything bad to me he just um just really didn't have feelings for me so I guess what I'm calling and asking about is I've just I get like a lot of anxiety about these kinds of things and like just um just kind of feeling like I've only been used for sex for the past like few relationships and just on a lot of relationships in my life and stuff so I'm just calling and I guess asking for advice about how to be basically like move on from these relationships and encounters and kind of i guess avoid being used and kind of ending up heartbroken so thank you so much i love your podcast and i kind of look up to you as a big sister so thank you so nice

oh yeah that's rough it is i think like how old did you say she was she's a teenager 18 i heard 18 she's 18 yeah you're very young yeah i think like one of the saddest things that i think we've like learned in the last like year or so is like how incredibly common it is for uh just like women in general to have ended up in like multiple relationships or situations that are just like not healthy and i think now is the time that like we're like not that like not not that we were accepting of that kind of behavior before but then kind of realizing that it's not that as much as like that was the note that has been the norm for so long and for so many people that that's not okay yeah and i think like while it might be hard especially when it's like time

after time after time for you for a while i think like if you look at your life in like the scheme of like how much more of your life you have to live like this short this period of your life is going to be like relatively short um and i don't want to like victim shame or blame at all because like it has nothing to do with you and like any like uh predators or like assault and any like shitty people like they're going to be doing that regardless but at least for me i got into the habit of when i would hop from like unhealthy relationship to unhealthy relationship like it was because i didn't give myself the time to like think that i deserved more than that and better than that and it wasn't that like i was letting these people do this to me but it was like

the first time that someone treats you really shitty and really bad um as sad as it is like there could be parts of you that are like oh this is what i deserve this is all that i'm worth and then it's not that you let other people do that again but you tend to seek out other people who validate that really negative thought that you have of yourself and not that i think that like you brought this upon yourself at all but i think at least for me i got into a really terrible habit of dating people who fulfilled like the worst image i had of myself and it wasn't until that i took like a year-long break from dating anybody and i always said that i was like it was like my picker was off and that like i would i was subconsciously seeking out these people and

when i took that like long break and i started like dating so many different kinds of people not that not the people that i was immediately attracted to and that can be also like a super fucked up thing that happens with like if you've been like uh any time with like toxic relationships or like emotional abusive uh anything like that like your psyche can then make you attracted to those things which is so fucked up and like you're like brain this is so not nice to me like why would you make me like then be attracted to these people or someone who reminds me of someone like self-harm exactly and i think like once you for me it was taking a huge break and then it was like i'm not gonna immediately go after the guys that i'm automatically interested in because that hasn't

done well for me because i don't think that i'm attracted to uh what's good for me i think like it's like fulfilling this terrible thing and so that for me was like then dating people that were nothing like my type um and just like a really like broad range and also like taking my time with it because i think that was also like when you jump from relationship to relationship like you can tend to put a lot of um a lot of importance on someone else like fixing you and making you feel validated and worthy and okay and that like you're never gonna get over this like bad relationship or like this toxic abuse unless like until you get into a good relationship when in reality like that doesn't have to do with a partner like you move on from all that stuff

solo and by yourself and until you do that i just find that like no matter how great a guy is he's never going to make you feel better because like this is something that you have to deal with on your own which or or and like as as i'm learning in therapy like not by yourself but like with a fair with somebody who's not that role that you're trying to fill like no one is ever big enough to fill that role because like you've had these things happen to you and like you need to process and deal with them and what they mean to you as a person and who you are and how you deal with your feelings and emotions and relationships but you can't process that and deal with that in a relationship with a romantic partner. Yeah, I agree. I think, first of all,

these two people that used you in that way suck. They're terrible people and clearly have their own problems. Two, I was going to say, I think if you have the means or any sort of resources to talk to a therapist or a counselor, there's probably a lot of lingering trauma from those situations that's going to affect the way that you approach relationships moving forward. And I'm sure you feel devastated right now because you just got broken up with in a relationship where you can't pinpoint something that they did wrong that you could, which is what we use a lot. I know anytime I had a relationship ended, I would look for all the negative things that that person did to me so I could move on. But it wasn't even really moving on. Like I wasn't I was just using excuses to move forward. And same I started going to therapy consistently last year.

And that's like the biggest tool that's helped me find a relationship that feels strong in its foundation and makes me feel valid and I feel valid feeling great about myself in the relationship that I think that and I'm no specialist to talk to any of the trauma that you've been through. But I think at 18, recognizing that you had really toxic, shitty using type of relationships is huge because now you have a tool to start talking and working through all that and to be able to pinpoint when it when or if it happens in a future relationship. Because a lot of people, like you were saying, now in this culture, it's been lots of things been brought to light. So I think a lot of people have these realizations that they had all these shitty experiences without even really knowing it because they had no way to like, they didn't truly believe that that was as bad as it was. Like we rationalize the good out of really bad traumatic situations. So being able now to just start like, here's your jumping off point. I think you should really work on yourself and not worry about having defined, like you said, a great partner that validates you and quote fixes you. Yeah.

No, I think that's exactly it. Being 18 sucks anyway. This is a lot. yeah but exactly like you said like the realization of knowing that like it took me therapy and way longer to realize like oh wow like to unpack all those situations like so much of this stuff that like i was like i was carrying baggage on from these other things and like and you have no idea and then it's like oh i didn't realize that i had this like like bomb minefield of triggers that come from other things that have affected the way i've interacted in a relationship

in my like now present day yeah as my one of my i have two therapists but as one of them says my favorite line if it's historic if it's hysterical she knows but if it's hysterical it's historical and that for me i was like oh wow what does that mean exactly basically like if if you're um in an argument with someone or something happens even if it doesn't regard anyone else and like your reaction it just feels like so blown out of proportion it's because you're as opposed to being the base level like if for audio listeners i'm doing hand gestures yeah but for like the base level being here instead it's here it's because this has happened so many times before that your threshold for it like you just go from zero to 100 like so fast so as opposed to getting

like if someone says something it's essentially just triggers like if someone says something that would make anyone else like sad but it makes you absolutely devastated it's because it's not the first time you've heard it yeah and like it just takes your mind right back to that and i think that for me was like incredibly helpful in um in in dating especially was like the fact that i was like oh wow like i've had such i've had like at like i had like was just loved crazy guys like i loved a guy who would like show up like drive three states away and show up where i was for my birthday and i was like so romantic impulsive fucking insane yeah but like then there were certain things that like when are and i would then get into this habit of like playing games with

them because like they would play mind games with me i would play mind games with them and like that became exciting and what i liked yeah and when i tried to do that for the first time with like my current boyfriend he was like what are you doing and i was like what and he was like and i was like oh i'm like out of town like so sorry i can't come he's like no i literally what like i we still have the same calendar like i know you're in town like why are you avoiding me like whatever and i was just like oh ah and it just became this whole thing that it was like when someone else presented as like such a rational thing and then even same thing in therapy it's like when someone says something so like when they say that these things that you think in your mind or like you spiral in

your mind and someone says it in such a rational way that you're like yeah there is there is no point for me the reason why i'm doing this is because this is what i've known like this is what i've done before and it becomes a habit it's not the only way to do it it just means it's the only way you really know how to do it and the way that you probably feel the most comfortable and like yeah the guys that you probably feel the most like immediately attracted to or comfortable around or you feel like you have like a repertoire with immediately are probably similar to the guys have treated you like shit because that's what you know and as much as like it's the devil you know versus the devil that you don't and like as scary as that is i think like the most important

thing you can do is like you said like you need you need like the space away from trying to find somebody to fill that and to make you i don't know i think at least like with relationship in general like they they all fail until one doesn't yeah and i think like for me i definitely every time I would have a bad relationship like I wanted like in my mind to know it's like if you get like rejected or something you're like want to like oh I want to get on a dating app and I want to like I just want to know that I'm still cool like I want to know I'm still fulfilled by attention that's positive yeah and so then when it comes to relationships like that's just so much harder because it's like you have a bad relationship you want to be validated knowing that you can

have a good relationship but then you're hopping right back into something and like that's not like a quick fix sort of thing and I think like and it's gonna fuck with your self-worth yeah There's this whole thing in the Eckhart Tolle books about pain bodies. We all have these pain bodies, which are essentially the negative views that we have about ourselves. And a lot of times we just feed those pain bodies because, like you said, it's super familiar. So I'm sure you're subconsciously seeking out a certain type of person that makes you feel a certain way that you're so used to feeling, albeit completely negative and shitty and used. and so it's like talking to someone outside of a romantic relationship to start figuring out like why do i seek this out yeah i these have been really terrible situations in the past i want

to move forward and i know you asked about healing everyone's healing process is totally different so it's hard to be like here's the actual formula of exactly what to do and this will be the outcome for you um it's just starting to ask yourself more um i guess deeper questions about yourself and it's so as someone that's a monogamous like serial monogamous like dating person it's so so easy to seek out a relationship after a breakup just to fulfill that like the distraction and not want to feel alone because when you're alone you're faced with all of your pain bodies you're faced with all the negative things you're faced with all the memories of the bad stuff that's happened you're faced with all like the self-loathing of like not feeling enough

and but if you're in a new relationship and someone's validating that you're like pretty and fun and stuff like that then you don't have to you can ignore working through any of that so it sounds like you're ready to start doing the work yeah which is unfortunately what it is it's work yeah and it's not necessarily like fun which my therapist always laughs at me when i'm like this isn't fun she's like well it's not supposed to be fun yeah i'm like i don't like it she was like well i think it's helping i'm like yeah but i'm not having a good time i avoided therapy for so long because i knew it was not going to be fun and i knew i'd be like and i've gone to therapy in the past consistently lying to my therapist because i don't want to reveal how bad i feel

or any of the bad situations so i'll just give her like 10 percent yeah and then it's like oh why am i not getting better oh because i'm not actually participating 100 i'm giving this person a lot of money to not help me i just want you to think i'm cool and i should think that like i'm I'm like kind of like a little bit of a mess but like I already like I'm really self-aware about it I already know what I'm doing wrong yeah why are you here I mean calling into you I think is a really great step to even be able to be like I feel shitty right now and I don't want to feel shitty that's like literally the first step yeah well best of luck sending you lots of love okay guys it's time for a quick break and we'll be right back

on to the next i am 22 years old and i am currently talking to a guy that is 20 um i've been talking to him for what's going to be 10 months in about two weeks um so nine and a half months and we are still not dating so i met him in the summertime time we talked for about two weeks before we got you know like we started kissing and stuff like that and he did tell me at first like he told me he's like I'm not looking for a relationship right now but I want to like enjoy this with you while we can because I do really like enjoy your presence and I wasn't looking for a relationship either because I had just gotten out of a serious three year relationship at the time that had been over for two years though so like I wasn't just it's

not a rebound um but we were honest and upfront about that and so I didn't think that we would be talking for very long but here I am it's been nine and a half months and we really do have feelings for each other we both say that we care about each other a lot and we talk every single day all day we hang out every weekend I sleep over at his house like we haven't had sex yet but that's like a personal thing um neither one of us are really ready for that if we're not going to be in a relationship so I don't know okay the big problem is he still won't date me and like he says that he likes me and he still wants to talk to me and like I don't know I feel like we both have so much love for each other but he's still not ready for that and I personally feel like he

needs to go to therapy because he has he had like a really bad relationship before he met me and like a year before he met me and he's still not over that and so I'm not going to date him until he's like ready to date but I don't know how to bring up to him like hey dude you need to go to therapy because this is like an issue and i can see it's hurting you and also like we want to date each other but that's never going to happen if you don't like get to the bottom of what you're going through oh my god stop talking to him but also i know you won't stop talking to him you will this advice is a moot point because she's like she's already been like should i stop talking to him i don't want to stop talking girl i've been there i can tell you i could scream as loud

as possible that this boy doesn't like you and is taking you on a ride for his own benefit and you're not getting as much out of this as he is but you're not gonna hear it i don't think yeah like and that's the thing that like sucks when it comes to fuck boys it's like we have selective hearing we're like this the thing he likes you he's told you he likes you and he does like you sure he just doesn't like you that much yeah he doesn't like you as enough to not want to date he doesn't like you enough to date you and like as much as that sucks like it's it's a true fact and like i'm sure you've probably been in positions in that same way where like there's been guys that like you've enjoyed flirting with and you like like you wouldn't date but like it's still fun

that's who you are in this situation yeah and it sucks it just sucks all around it's uncomfortable who knows if like who knows if whatever the chaos or drama is from his previous relationship if that's even real because I know that's like a very convenient excuse to be like, I'm not ready today. I had a traumatic previous relationship. I've used that excuse because I was too much of a pussy to tell a boy that I don't think this is going to go any further. And like it, it happens with people. All of the telltale signs are there that this guy is just kind of, if you're willing, going to keep you around at arm's length because the shittier thing is like you in this mentality, if another girl swoops in all of a sudden they start dating it's going to be devastating so you

I think need to start separating now and like move on a little bit who knows in the future if the stars align and work separately has been done on each other that it makes sense and you guys like hit it back off and like go right into a relationship that's you know what happened with the guy I'm dating right now it's like we hung out in the past and it wasn't the right time and I was very much the one that like wasn't ready and so now the stars align and it's like a much solid healthier situation yeah so that's never out of the question but for now it seems like this guy i mean it's really been 10 months nine and a half months so many two years three years like one year like he also told you from the very beginning like what he that he didn't wasn't

looking for anything serious and i think like a lot of the time in general i think we should all just be more honest with ourselves when we when we respond to things like that like i never think you should go into a situation like when you're like defining the relationship or whatever asking for someone what they want i think the most important thing is just laying your cards out on the table and be like this is what i feel because your feelings can't be conditional on how they feel so it's like they're like oh i want something casual and you're like oh yeah me too me too right no like if you don't want something casual that's why you need to be the one to open the conversation and be like hey i really like you i really care about you i um would really

love for us to like actually date and that's not gonna happen i need to leave yeah because it's not fair because i think like as much as you said like back then you weren't you were cool with it at the end of the day i think you have been prioritizing him versus any other guy that you've been dating because like as much as you weren't ready to date he was a convenient guy to kind of be there and like you to hang out with no pressure as you got over your breakup and then you didn't put any energy and effort into anyone else and so it's all in him and so now you're waiting being like okay well i'm ready to date and he from the beginning told you that he wasn't ready to so on his end he's like i haven't ever lied to you yeah and it's a really also a convenient lie we tell ourselves

because it's embarrassing to be the one that's more in than the other person yeah it's very easy when you meet someone that you genuinely really like to lie to yourself and say i also don't want a relationship but like you said you were checked out of your three-year relationship two years before so you've already like moved on emotionally from that situation so I don't think you're grieving the loss of that relationship since you were mentally checked out already so you probably were ready to date this person and you because he wasn't tried to make it cool and chill and like not dramatic by also saying yeah yeah on paper I just got out of a long-term relationship so I clearly probably i'm not ready to date you even though i secretly if you wanted to date me i'd

probably also say i want to date you right now and it's just not like i i don't think it's fair to future you because like yeah the more that you stick around it totally sucks but exactly like you said he's gonna meet some girl and he's gonna immediately start dating her they've known each other for two weeks and he just knows yeah if you've been around for nine and a half months and he doesn't know that's because it's a no like that doesn't that doesn't just stick around that doesn't just happen in that way and you can really care for somebody and that can still not be your person and like he might wish it was you he might really wish like you know what this would be so much more convenient i really do like you but like i don't like you enough in that way like

that's just like it's just not what i want right now and like that's not what it is and if it's not enough like you never want to be that person who's like tugging the person that you're dating to like like you as much as them like you don't want that you don't want to have someone to play catch up where you have to dial back your feelings because you don't want to come off too strong and be too crazy like that's not how it should be and like the truthfully is like if someone wants to be with you they will be with you and like especially after all of this time like i also think like i've had i've had friends who've like started talking to guys when they were in uh going through like breakups and like or dealing with it and they've been like hey i really like you and i am not in

a good place right now so like i'm let's not talk like yeah let's separate and when i'm doing better let's go out again but it's not like oh i can keep you if he's okay with keeping you around as a friend through that whole process to me that's not that's not gonna go anywhere like he wouldn't have done that if he truly thought that you guys had a future together and all of that stuff he wouldn't have wanted to have all of this time in this weird limbo like it's just not worth it and i think he's just he told you what his intentions were and what he wanted from the very beginning and that doesn't mean that he doesn't care about you and that everything else he said is a lie but it just that rings true his actions and all of that stuff and therapy and all of that stuff like

i think like as somebody who preaches therapy hardcore i don't think it's a case of him needing to go to therapy to get over this relationship i think you need to realize that he's not that into you and you need to get over that she's trying to fix him yeah you can't go in a relationship trying to fix somebody and you can't yeah if he i mean you guys have been nine and a half ten months hanging out a baby but also like if that guy wanted to go to therapy to fix himself he would have signed himself up already he would have done some research it's not your job to be his secretary that looks up therapy and is like here if you go then we can be in a relationship like the coolest most mature thing you can do at this point is be like brutally honest with yourself and recognize

that either one you really do want a relationship and if he's not ready you need to start opening yourself up to other people or two if you really do not want a relationship right now like just be super super like uncomfortably honest with yourself yeah because it's like it's not like this is a comfortable situation for the last 10 months anyway how can they why not make it a little bit more uncomfortable and walk away yeah because i think you're trying to find excuses and reasons to get him to be where you are and if he's not there now you don't want to like it's all these wishes that you're like and all these like fairy tales that you tell yourself that like if he just went to therapy we could be a couple and we'd be so strong and solid that's not he could go to

therapy and then cut it off with you immediately after yeah and also at the end of the day it's like as much as like really think all of that out and what you're what you think that you want because do you want a relationship with somebody who let's say if if everything that you said is so is true if that who he is into you but like he's still so years later still so so hung up over his ex that he can't even get himself to go to therapy he needs you to force him to go to therapy so he can realize that he does want to be in a relationship with you do you want to be in a relationship with that guy like when you are so sure and solid of your emotions and your feelings that you need to handhold him to get to where you are that to me is just like that's always gonna

that doesn't feel like a secure stable love that's gonna be like a oh I hope you still like me oh I hope you still like me I don't want to say anything that like freaks you out because like that's not you don't feel secure in that yeah also I think none of these answers we're giving you are a surprise to you I think you called because you already know what the answer is like you sound very intelligent and like you've done some of your own personal work that I don't think anything we're saying is it isn't something you've already thought of a million times yeah oh god but I'm sure you know that yeah if she's if she kept listening yeah she's like got it i got this i'm done that's the answer i wanted not what i want to hear i'm gonna go ask him if he wants to hang

out what would his name be brad oh for sure brad brad with like b-r-a-y-d yeah brad brad oh my god okay on to the next hi megan i'm 20 i just finished my sophomore year of college so here's what my life has been like so far i got into a relationship with this guy in january and we had like started talking at the beginning of december and everything was good like We went on our first date and it was like, oh my God, like ridiculous level of like connection. And like I texted him after and I was like, hey, you know, if you just want to be friends, it's fine because we had mutual friends. And like the last thing I wanted to do was make it awkward or like pressure him.

And he was like, no, like you're amazing. So I don't know. In a way, he just made it seem like, you know, everything was mutual. And like he went on a vacation with his family and like he FaceTimed me the whole time. And he was always so into me. he started telling his parents about me all of his friends knew about me and like we dated for like officially dated after he asked me to be his girlfriend for like three weeks and then we got into like a barely a big fight and he broke up with me and then I confronted him and turned out

he lied about liking me the whole time and he then proceeded to try to get me in trouble and say that I was harassing him because of it and like told a bunch of people my life lies and tried to make it seem like he had to go to a mental hospital and he had a fake panic attack around me and when I asked how he said oh we all have our talents you have yours I have mine I think my question is I'm still really messed up about it and like I think maybe you hurt more than I should be and I don't really talk to my friends about it because I think when it first happened like it was okay for me to be dramatic and for me to be like not okay but now I think when I bring them up people like are like oh my god why are you still talking about it but also

like a sexual assault thing came up and I had to like figure out that a situation that he put me in was bad and I just think that like I still deal with it like I still have dreams about it I still cry sometimes about it and he's essentially tried to ruin my life and some of my friends aren't friends with him anymore but I still have friends that are and it really sucks because he lied and admitted to manipulating everybody and like he told everyone like yeah I would have had sex with her but I would have regretted it right after you know it was a bad decision and like he was like I like her personality it's not her body and so any advice that you could have for me should I get over it what should I do because I don't know and I'm tired of crying about it and I feel like I'm

giving him more power than he deserves in this moment but at the same time like it hurts and i was like really really falling in love with him because in my eyes i dead ass thought that he was like maybe my soulmate so i don't know any advice you could help you could give without thanks i felt like a fucking sociopath yeah that guy what a loser what a fucking scary loser i know wow that first of all this happened in january yeah so it's right now june that's not a ton of time so it's totally normal to still feel like traumatized and to still be processing what the fuck just happened to you yeah um so i don't think your friends that tell you like to get over it like tell them the fuck off like it's if there's more to the there's

a lot of vague things that you said so i don't know fully all the details in the context of everything but it sounds like there's a lot of intense layers to this that i'm sure you probably felt like a lot of embarrassment about when he broke up with you and then also it's the one of the most embarrassing things is like one getting broken up with by a person but two like really liking that person and then finding out that they dropped you and that they're like bonkers in the brain a little bit and to feel like i chose that person i was attracted to that i can't even trust myself and my instincts um but it's not you it sounds like it's there's a lot of chaos happening here um and i think it's totally normal and fine that you're still crying and thinking about it

like you shouldn't feel that's just gonna you're gonna cut yourself off from actually like grieving the loss of what happened um it's intense yeah and i exactly like i don't think and i really don't think this is an amount of time that i would if i was a friend to be like get over it i think like also um one of an important thing to remember just in general especially if it's like you're talking to your friends about really heavy traumatic things it can be really also hard for your friends as hard as that is for you I mean we preach therapy here like crazy but that's one of the biggest things that I think has been a great discussion as of late in general is talking about how like your friends aren't your therapist and you can

talk to your friends and confide in your friends but also with traumatic and triggering things you also don't know everything in your friends lives and like it can be a lot like if your friend is really dealing with something even similarly or not similar at all and they have a lot on their plate and they're not opening up about it it can be a lot to require that from your friends i think in general though like you should be able to have conversation with your friends about it and if there are friends who are more able to talk to you about it and like not write you off as being stupid like ridiculous with it i would lean on them because any judgmental stuff also first and foremost any friends who are still friends with him are not your friends yeah i am not here for

if i anyone who has treated me like shit or has been like a fucking toxic terrible person me if any of my friends are still friends with them like no like then you're not my friend yeah and someone that's admitted to manipulating your friends like that's a like you're just cool with it like you're like oh no i mean it wasn't me and like they said like they were they owned up to it it's a lot of other people in the world to be friends with so many other people um so i would say first and foremost like i think you definitely need um you need someone to talk to who is going to like listen and be compassionate and like help you unpack everything because yeah it hasn't been that long and you're when you date someone who like he sounds like a sociopath and like

that the whole thing with sociopaths is is the facade is like when they're you fall for the image of them and who they want you to who they are portraying themselves to be and then when you start to see like behind the behind all of that and you start to see catch glimpses of that it becomes this like one of the things we've impacted my therapy session a lot it becomes a whole thing like you said trusting yourself and then it becomes this whole internal thing of being like i don't know when my brain is telling me the truth and when it's telling me when it's lying to me because when you're with somebody and you spent time with someone who's like so incredibly manipulative to your own reality you have a really hard time grasping your own reality right because

you've listened to what someone else told you was your reality for a really long time and even though this relationship wasn't necessarily super long it made you question yourself and i think that's going to seep into every aspect of your life not just your romantic life is because like it does make you like second guess everything that you're saying or you're thinking or that you're doing or that you're interpreting and being like was this actually what is this is this this or then it's also it can make you like i'm definitely like i'm such a mistrusting person because of that stuff we're like you've been burned yeah and like i then then would like if someone was like just like nice to me i mean like i don't believe it like there has like i and

then i would self-sabotage new relationships because like i was just being nice like oh i'm so sorry i did not know what that was like i thought there was an ulterior motive and so it could be really really hard and i think like the most important thing to do is to talk to a professional about that yeah um again we plugged in the last one but in all of them we always have like the affordable uh therapy like listed in our uh show notes but i think like also first and foremost like give yourself like give yourself like some time to breathe in some space from this because like this is it's it wasn't just like a breakup it was like emotionally in mind fucking you yeah and that's something that's gonna take a little bit longer to get over especially when

it's someone who was like so charming and that is a thing with sociopaths like they're so charming and like it was like felt tailor-made to you it makes you feel like a fucking idiot yeah and then it's really easy to play your own mind games on yourself and romanticize the person that you were like i that i thought he was gonna be my soulmate yeah yeah you can think that because that's what they sold you on when you first started but then you really have to look at the reality of what that person did to you as they unfolded all their layers of like sociopathy also i always think that and i have to remind myself in the time that like getting over a breakup especially something that is traumatic like that it's like mourning a death and there's five stages of grief that if you look

it up it's so uh maps over like getting over a breakup like you're in denial then you're angry about it and you rationalize and then something and then you accept uh or you bargain and then you accept and so it's of course you're now still having these moments because it sounds like you're angry about it you were probably in denial for a long time and now it's finally hitting you and you're mad and you're sad and you don't know why you can't get over it quick enough um or pretend that or just cut it off because it sounds like you're not a sociopath you can't just compartmentalize your feelings like he probably can so it does affect you deeper and it affects your relationships with your friends so yeah go do your work for yourself realize that you've seen this guy's

true colors and that ultimately people like that like it'll come to light for people like yeah you don't have to do any campaigning for your friends to tell them that he's a bad guy if they can't see it they'll eventually find out in some other way and hopefully you've moved way on by that point but good luck it's okay your feelings are valid yeah and it's like yeah it's gonna take everyone's got different timelines on how they get over relationships too so don't feel stressed out that you're not completely over it overnight yeah and i don't even necessarily think it's uh about him i think it's also about like what he represented like the kind of person that he was i don't think it matters the duration when someone's used car salesman that sold you on this image that

turns out wasn't what it was and then right when you were about to buy the car they're like never mind the car's not available anymore bye get off my property exactly you're like what yeah that's exactly how it is oh fuck that guy fuck that guy should we go is it time for don't blame them okay uh this is don't blame them this is when listeners call in with their own advice from previous episodes so if like someone had dated a sociopath they would then call in and be like here's my two cents oh cool so what is this one from this is from the episode with jocelyn davis um season three the 20th episode from that season and um the original caller had called because her boyfriend's friend was being like a bad influence on him oh okay and so do you remember i do okay

so this is someone calling with similar experience cool hi megan and guest um i am calling in on the most recent podcast with jocelyn um i'm calling about the caller who said that um her boyfriend has a friend who's um kind of bad influence um i'm kind of speaking from experience or I am speaking from experience on this my boyfriend and I have been together for six years this May and his uh best friend since they were like in middle school um is or was um not the best influence on my boyfriend and um it came to the point of where I would get uh really nervous every time that him and his friend would go and hang out and um go out drinking or um just even like hanging at home something always this kind of ended up getting a little too crazy when he

was with him and my advice and what that was something that I've learned is that when I stopped making a big deal about it and when I stopped trying to control him he realized on his own how stupid it really was and it ended up also not being a fight between the two of us anymore because, again, he was realizing just kind of how foolish it was. So when I stopped making a big deal about it and when I stopped bringing it up and when I stopped trying to have a say in what he did and who he spent his time with, he actually stopped making those decisions because, like I said, he just kind of realized that it was kind of pointless.

So I don't know if this is of any help, but um now it is definitely not an issue between us anymore so anyway love your podcast thanks so much hope this helps oh that's really sweet yeah and that's also a tremendous and beautiful amount of trust that you put in the person that you chose to like be in a relationship with to have like the wherewithal to recognize it on their own instead of you badgering them about it and getting mad that they can't see from like an eagle's eye view like what the situation is so that's really cool good for you guys yeah that's so much art and like just like such the smarter way to do it that i never would have thought of yeah i wouldn't i would never trust someone to

recognize i'd be like you don't see what i see then that's a me problem you're blind but no that's like that's genius and like the idea that yeah i mean i always say which apparently i should preach more because i would never thought to do this like expect more of the people that you surround yourself with like if you really like them and you really care about somebody like you should hope that they're good people and expect that they're smart um but i think that's like yeah that's that's incredibly impressive and it's also like it's the same thing when you let someone like come to the conclusion on their own then you're like oh wow i never thought of that and you're like i'm not the evil bitch like right i'm not the controlling girlfriend that's trying

to because there's also i imagine that if you consistently bring up something that bothers you and they can't see it then they kind of you know that you want what you can't have like they want to hang out with that person more just to spite you so that they have their independence in some regard so letting them feel their independence and then come to their own conclusions is pretty mature and rad good job yeah i'm very impressed by that i wonder what happened with the original collar let us know did you do that if you did i will be so so impressed these are things i don't think any of us had to do that no none of us said that well guys uh that's it for this episode um grace plug your shit oh yeah um i got a couple podcasts going on multiple podcasts yeah not

impressive not too deep the melissa works on um that comes out every monday and then uh this might get weird with my friend mamrie hart comes out every wednesday and then just i'm at grace hell bay across all the social medias yes and we're i'm watching you uh cook food once a month thank you somehow i got a brand deal that is consistent and it is bizarre that they support me like that i'm very into it though um if you guys want to call to be in an upcoming episode you can leave us a voicemail at 310-694-0976 and international listeners can email us an audio file at megan podcast at gmail.com follow us on instagram at don't blah meme pod and check out our patreon for some bomb ass exclusive content chat rooms talk to us talk to each other make some new friends

real fun stalk some people like more like we can like talk about you know what i mean like you're like is my boyfriend cheating on me and then we can all like deep dive oh yeah that's a great way to use like your discord chat and have people present things and then be like immediately we're like this is what we need you should just call it secret agents yeah it's like hey guys i need a secret agent um well uh we'll see you guys next week goodbye don't blame me is a production by me executive produced by melissa demonts Camera operator Amanda Lechner. Production assistance by Julie Carley.

And music by Ryan Hunter and Giacomo Picasso. Part of the HerPod Network.