Don't Blame Me! - S4E4: M&M June Too! - A Catch But Single

Episode Date: June 24, 2019

You’re getting a second M&M ep this month! Lucky you. We’re answering your questions on what to do if your friend thinks everyone is in love with her, your boyfriend’s parents are sexist, moving in with your boyfriend while in college, and what to do if your boyfriend’s mom has a gambling problem. In Don’t Blame Them, a caller shares her advice on being kicked out of your roommate situation. References National Council on Problem Gambling https://www.ncpgambling.org/ Check out our NEW Patreon Community - https://www.patreon.com/dontblameme Follow Us! @meghanrienks www.instagram.com/meghanrienks @dontblamemepod www.instagram.com/dontblamemepod @sheisnotmelissa www.instagram.com/sheisnotmelissa Listen to ad-free and bonus episodes on Stitcher Premium! For a free month of Stitcher Premium, go to stitcherpremium.com and use promo code 'BLAME,’ PLUS exclusive bonus episodes. This episode is also brought to you by Terrible, Thanks for Asking, Buffy Comforters, Away, and Openfit. Affordable Therapy By State (Curated by Crissy Milazzo): www.tinyurl.com/y64kwdnf    Need Advice? www.dontblameme.show Domestic Listeners Call: [phone]   International Listeners Send a Voice Memo To: [e-mail] … with as much detail as possible under 3 minutes! I’ll do my best to share my wonderful words of wisdom. If you’re under 18, please get your parent’s permission. Advice is for entertainment purposes only, so you can’t blame me if I screw up your life. I kid! My advice IS AMAZING. - Want to WATCH this episode as well? Check out my YouTube channel: http://youtube.com/meghanrienks Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/join/dontblameme See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

hello everybody and welcome back to another episode of don't blame me my fantastic guest today if you can't see her and if you didn't read the title and i'm not a guest oh that's just an m&m we're not yeah you're yeah you're not a guest no i'm always here i'm not gonna tell you where the bathroom is yeah the guest is somebody that's just here once in a while i'm always here i've never not been here no you're always here even when i wasn't on the mic i was still there yeah you were you were you've been doing work for so long no so long you need a vacation i'm going yeah by the time this comes out is that a vacation yeah i'm just going well i'm going to write but oh i just want to get away it's so romantic is it gonna rain there do you

think probably it's portland yeah that's why i was like is that why you picked it like right my friend's there she has a house that has the downstairs is an apartment basically oh my gosh so she's a doctor wow i love this this is a nice this sounds like a rom-com yeah and it looks like a spa like it's it's gonna be great yeah wow enjoy your vacation i'm excited for you i was on a fake vacation which is a wedding somebody else's wedding is always a vacation vocation yeah and i'm sad to be not i'm sad to be back except i am a little bit amazing i mean probably from that high-waisted bikini oh yeah my ass is just eating it first of all i want to say i and like for anybody this is such a fucking like niche thing to say or whatever you know how like sometimes

you feel really stupid or uncomfortable taking pictures in public i've always felt that way especially because like moths when he's taking them like he feels weird which makes me feel even weirder the greatest thing i was like you know what fuck it i'm just gonna do it all of the girls there were like oh my god yes work this i love this okay and everybody was like cheering me on like even his like broey guy friends were oh my god great love this weren't just like random no we were like his friends which i feel more uncomfortable in front of people i know not like total randoms and it was like the greatest thing ever and all the girls like all the guys are wow this is so cool that like you get to take instagram pictures like this and all the girls like

mati must be like so happy like she looks so hot like this is great and i was like wow like i got that picture of me and that's literally all of everybody there's people on either side and like scooting away and i was like that i just took all these thoughty pictures and i got all this encouragement from these people it was really nice so guys step out of your comfort zone take thoughty pictures in public places um well guys welcome to the podcast you've been here before you're not you're new but if you are you are new welcome aboard olga to the ship for a shipping boat i can't choose if you guys uh want to be in an upcoming episode i always say like if you want to like i mean no no none of you asked for these situations happen if you need some

advice and you want our input you can give us a call at 310-694-0976 and leave us a voicemail there and if you are an international listener you can send us an audio message at meganpodcast at gmail.com wow i know i tried you said it right it was like a little there's a little twinge of like it was calm calm calm no that's not what i said i said come come oh that too come all about it big fan yeah but speaking of come okay no i was just gonna say these questions are gonna be a little less sexual than our questions usually are because these questions weren't specifically meant for me fuck there's so many good sexual i know i know so this is okay just so that you guys know someone was not able to make it so i'm just jumping in here for this one yeah i love this

actual one they're really fun okay should we get started let's do it hey megan my name is actually i'm not even gonna say it but i am 20 years old and i just need some advice about me um so i have this friend and she I love her to death but she thinks that every single boy in the world is in love with her she will convince that my boyfriend loves her and he obviously does not because he's dating me and says that she looks like a a troll um but she likes this boy in her class and this boy has a boyfriend that's right I said it he has a boyfriend um and I told her about it and she's like no they're just friends and I'm like well I mean I saw them kissing and she's like she doesn't want to kiss

anyone except for me so basically it just goes over her head and i'm like no and just just no um so pretty much megan i need help trying to convince her that's not going to happen i mean i could just let her go and let her see for herself also this girl wants to become an actress and a singer and she's like all the boys will want me whenever i'm making famous but she can't sing and she keeps sending me clips and I don't have the heart to tell her she can't sing so help me out Megan and I don't want to seem like a bad friend like I love her to death and I want and anytime I try to tell her stuff she tries to argue with me and tell me that I'm wrong so and then she'll fight with me about everything and then she won't talk to me for a little bit

and then she'll come back and basically it's like nothing ever happened and she just starts doing the same thing again. So anyways, I really like your house, Megan. You're kind of a bitch, dude. Like, this is kind of bitchy. You think that the friends are being a bitch? I think it's bitchy.

Go ahead, you make your point first. I just think like we all do our own things and I think if she's heavily trying to involve you in everything and talk to you about anything like this like i think a we need to like okay this is like so like much less of a deep version but like we can't prevent people from making mistakes or like doing things that like you want to avoid and

be like yo this dude is gay or whatever um but i think that there's just like a level of you just have to like let people do them and like if like she like if she wants to be a singer or whatever like it's not really like it's not really up to you to be like or it's not your responsibility to tell her that she can't sing because also it doesn't really matter if you think that she can't sing if she thinks she can sing you know what i mean like that's something like she's gonna have to discover that on her own the only thing that that's going to do it's not going to be like thank you so much for telling me i'm going to change my career like my dreams my career path it's going to be like that's really fucked up and really mean like that all that does is hurt

somebody like that's just like yeah i think everyone should like follow their dreams or whatever they'll realize when it comes to like industry professionals who are saying things like that but like when it's just your friend i think that it comes across like kind of like i just think it comes across as like unnecessary um i think i'm also just really like sticking on the troll comment that our boyfriend made um that was mean that's me that was me i think that's mean but i think also like if you're if she like who the fuck cares if she thinks everybody's into her like the when she thought your boyfriend was into like her like into that's problematic and that's also like weird and difficult to like navigate to be like no we're dating like he's

not into you and that and like the guy and her if she wants to like have a crush on a guy who's gay she's gonna find out that he's not that into her like it's everything's going to happen on her own but you as her friend telling her hey by the way like you're not that pretty and guys aren't as obsessed with you as you think like i want that fucking confidence like and to think that everybody like really likes like is super into you when they're not i just think that there's really no way for you to say anything that doesn't come across as like kind of mean because also what's the point in that like if you're trying to if she's not like getting she's she's clearly has like a great sense of confidence maybe maybe this is like all a facade but if she does have a great

sense of confidence it's who cares if you don't necessarily think that it's warranted in like regards to what she feels like so sure and confident about and then if it doesn't work out like that's on her to kind of deal with but i just think like there's just not really a nice way to say any of it at least what i can't think of yeah i mean i don't think there's a nice way to say of it but i think she needs a reality check it seems like she's just being delusional like yeah yeah like yeah if if somebody was like thinks that motz is in love with them wouldn't you like no so that's the that's the one that i think that i'd be like okay that's yeah and if she's like that with everyone i wouldn't the troll thing that was me yeah i would never mention that

um but but i feel like like everyone isn't especially like this gay guy like she could end up getting her heart broken if she doesn't have maybe she needs to maybe i think i think we're both i think she also needs a reality check but i think like if she's this in her own world i don't know that you're gonna be able to get through as a friend i would for me i would be like up front with her yeah what would you say and then well i'm a mean person so i would just i would just be like girl like he's gay he doesn't like you like everyone isn't in love with you like that's great that you have that confidence but like your pussy isn't magical yeah um that's how i would say it yeah and then like with the career thing you don't want like if she's going to be

focus on this one thing and she's not good at it she could be focusing her attention on something that she's actually good at yeah um and it kind of reminds me like brooklyn nine nine um where there's this guy he wanted to be a broadway star and he and they had convinced him to quit his job and then he actually sang and he was terrible okay first of all he wasn't that bad with some training was really bad you know yeah and i just feel like if yeah like if that's what her goal is is to be a singer you don't if she's like talented in the music field maybe she'd make a better writer or something and she could be focusing her talent on that so yeah i just yeah at least for me i just i don't i don't know it's like if i i mean singing is kind of like a universal sort of thing

but like maybe you just like get her to audition for american idol and then you don't have to tell her yeah or like a local talent show yeah because i think like i don't want to say that she's like delusional but she's got a really great sense of confidence that might not just necessarily be warranted in all fields that she's confident in and i definitely think that like it's important to like have a reality check with all of that but if she argues you on all of this stuff maybe it isn't able she can't hear it from you maybe she needs to hear it from like if it's if it's music related she needs to hear it from someone who works in music so it's not like oh well you don't know like you're not into music like you don't get it maybe it needs to be something like

that and the same thing with the guys like there's kind of like people that like her it's kind of like a what-if situation like if you don't clarify and ask someone if they're in love with you you can think that they're in love with you because you don't know otherwise and as a friend technically you also don't know for sure like she has an argument where she's like no you don't know no i mean really you don't i mean you don't know this so maybe there is like she saw the guy kissing you don't know like there isn't like her argument of like that your friend i'm not that i even know what her argument is but it's like she can she can believe these people are super if she doesn't actually act on any of it but i and i think if she was actually acting on these

relationships and like like flirting back with these people and it just sounds like to me that she hasn't actually acted on it so she hasn't actually gotten rejected and realized that it's not like how it is and also it might be like totally fake confidence realize when your friend is dating this guy that you think's in love well then ultimately this sounds really fucked up i just would i would never be friends with a person like this because of the fact that like yeah it sounds like this infiltrates every part of your like when you're like she's a great girl except this like so this has to do with your relationship this has to do with everything that she talks to you about like all of this stuff like what part of your relationship and your friendship do you

really like and appreciate like she's very defensive and she's like getting upset with you as much as like I from the beginning said that like I sound think that you kind of sounded like a bitch it is one of those things that I'm like I don't know why you are friends with her because it is putting you in a position where you constantly kind of have you where you are being a little bit of a bitch because like you are raining on her parade which isn't a nice thing to do but like why are you in that position in general um because yeah the boyfriend thing is like weird and then maybe it's taking some separation from her because like it does put you in an awkward position you kind of have to be an asshole um if you're not yeah if you're not

comfortable just like letting her be delusional you have to be a bitch and then do you want to be a bitch like or do you not or like is this friendship really worth i don't want to say like fighting for but like is this friendship really worth it when it's this like taxing and kind of just like a headache and annoying in a lot of parts of it um but yeah i think it's also not it's not your responsibility or up to you to kind of dish her reality check she needs reality to do that but also like feeling like you it's exhausting sometimes when you're like listening to someone talk about something that you even if you've told them that you're like this is like not real or not seeping in yeah it's it's really exhausting and frustrating and that's also yeah it's not

your responsibility to listen to that as a friend so i think you just need to like figure all that out and really don't reiterate the troll commenter because that's mean until your boyfriend he shouldn't talk about your friends like that or women in general or anyone in general like that like that's not nice but i got a clear picture what's laughing that's so mean you don't have troll no i have grinch as a background on my phone yeah honestly me as a baby that's like literally mine is like she looks like this oh my god fyi baby grinch can fucking get it ew he's a baby no but like baby grinch think of okay well no because he did grow up when he was sure big grinch team grinch maybe very tall he is very tall so that could work out for you

oh okay well we we're giving you two different sides so pick which one you think would be best for your situation yeah and i'm sorry i called you a bitch at the beginning yeah i don't think you're a bitch i think you're real i think you have to be a bitch do you know what i mean i think that's what's been happening i think you have to like you mean like calling in about this like i would have just ghosted which is also bitchy yeah all right on to the next hey Megan I'm 25 I actually called in yesterday and left a voicemail and ended up dreaming about it and was mortified about the message I left so I figured I'd call again and make myself a little more clear I am a flight attendant and I am again 25 I have kissed one boy my whole life

I have never had a boyfriend nor have I ever had any kind of sexual encounter oral any kind of penetration nothing I am honestly just sexually frustrated I feel like I'm missing out on a lot in life with experiencing any kind of anything that has to do with anything sexual I am not looking for a one-night stand I'm definitely trying to I'm putting myself out they're looking for some sort of companionship. I've tried the dating app. It hasn't really been working. I've even tried match.com and I'm not having any luck. And I even people on planes and in airports and all around the world all the time. And I'm just not having any luck. I hate to say I sound, well, not hate to say, I don't want to sound too confident about myself, but

I'm financially independent. I have no debt. I make decent money and I come with fucking awesome travel benefit and I think I'm a catch. I'm interested and feel good about myself. I am a marathon runner for crying out loud and I just can't seem to even meet a guy at a bar for a one night stand. Not that I'm that's what I'm looking for but I just am having a hard time meeting people anywhere. I again put myself out there and meet people all the time and I'm starting to get in my head that either i'm too picky or there is something wrong with me all of my friends say that i'm just too picky and when the time comes it'll come but most of them are married and having kids now or the two that aren't married are in relationships and it's getting

kind of frustrating so i was wondering if you had any insight or any help i'd appreciate it thanks so much i also aspire to have this level of confidence bad bitch yeah bad bitch she's a cash she's a fucking rare rare-a-thon marathon runner for crying out loud okay well i feel like i'm gonna sound a lot like your friends you know yeah i think i definitely my best friend sydney had like a full like mental breakdown to me a couple years ago that she thought i was gonna die alone because like not about her dying about me and i was like what the fuck um because uh she said that i was uh i was too picky and not in the sense that like i was like ruling out guys once i talked to them but i was ruling everybody out before i really gave them a chance and then

i had made way too narrow of um a pool that like i was i just really wasn't making enough of an effort and i want to know like when you say you tried the dating apps here's the thing with dating apps you can literally be on dating apps for like a dating app doesn't work until it does it's like a relationship in general we're like oh they really haven't worked for me it's like i don't know anybody who's been like yeah i have my last five boyfriends i've all met on dating apps like it's sifting through a lot and it doesn't work and it doesn't work until it does and like even people who've gone on multiple dates like they could have gotten ghosted they've had like i've had friends who like they have if you consider like multiple meeting up with guys and going on

dates like success through dating apps like yeah but they got dumped a lot on dating app like they like went on like three dates and never heard from a guy again like there was follow-up like there was more than one day but like it didn't necessarily end well until it like did and there was that one person and i think that's the same thing goes with like meeting people in person or like anything like that you're it's not going to be easy and it's not going to be a plethora of people it's gonna be one person and like it's gonna take a while before that happens and it's sucks that like dating apps especially or something and dating in general it's something that you have to actively be doing it's not gonna fall in your lap dicks don't just fall in your lap

at least the dicks that you want don't just fall in your lap yeah they're like it's it yeah and i i also want to if you're if you are like hanging out at airports and you are a hot flight attendant the guys who i feel like are probably hitting on you are not cool guys not good guys a guy if he sees like a girl who like is a literally at work in her work uniform looking pretty and put together his first assumption is i am that i'm definitely not gonna like i'm not gonna be that sleazy guy because i'm sure she gets hit on all of the time and also she probably has a boyfriend so i think dating apps especially would be like a great thing for you and also making the first move because you are in like the power position of being like at work like if you're on a like anything like

that if you flirt with someone you're letting them know like hi i'm interested in you and i'm single and it's okay because a good guy like all of my i was all of my friends who are good guys like all my friends are good guys like they're not shitty none of them would ever like they don't hit on bartenders they're like no i'm not gonna do that but if a girl like a bartender girl so she's like if she's into them he's like no if i saw her on a dating app i would totally do that but like i'm not gonna do that because i'm sure they get bombarded all the time and i don't want to make anyone feel uncomfortable at their job right and it's like in that position it's like and i'm it's the same for you there you have to be nice to exactly that's part of your job and some sometimes

people might mistake your niceness for flirting but if you if you flirt back then that that's a signal yeah okay I think making the first like flirting move that way and then I think being active on dating apps and like not just waiting for people to message you you need to message them I mean I definitely was guilty of like being that girl who like when I was single my friends would go out when you go to bars like why is no one talking to us literally my friends I would go i've probably been the number of times i've been approached by people in person it's a number the number of times that i've been approached by somebody that i find mildly that i'd be into zero yeah anytime someone comes up and hits on me it's a creepy fucking dude

like that's not really how things happen good guys aren't gonna be like oh we've said this like aren't like the good guy we're like oh i'm a good guy i never do this kind of thing it doesn't really happen we see it in like romantic comedies and movies that it's like this like wholesome great guy who just wants a relationship and isn't skeevy at all and didn't just take his wedding ring off and put it in his pocket like he's the one coming up to me and like our meet cute at a coffee shop good guys don't want to make women feel uncomfortable and feel threatened especially at work um so i think you pursuing and being more active on it i think is a great call especially when it comes to dating apps too because you talk so highly of yourself in a fantastic and confident

way portray that confidence when you're making moves with guys too like i think there's nothing sexier than a girl who's like no i'm gonna message him first like i'm gonna try and do all of this and a lot of the time they're not gonna respond sometimes they're going to respond it's going to be great but i think it's about giving people an opportunity to like to surprise you guys have terrible dating app profiles like they're so bad oh yeah listen to our bonus episodes yeah like in the first few ones we talk about how bad they are so bad and i've like looked at my guy friends who are fucking catches and i'm like oh my god i would never fucking swipe right on you like this is like your personality isn't showing through like you look like such a dweeb or you

look like such a douche like i think that like if you can focus on conversation not their profile and if you guys vibe in conversation and then meet up and hang out with people obviously in a safe way but don't eliminate people based on like really arbitrary things that don't have to do with your conversation you have with them like have your deal breakers have the things that like is a must for you like someone like age or where i mean for you location isn't one yeah political views and all of that stuff and then from there focus on the conversation don't focus on like a oh but he has this like one picture and like this is like kind of gross and like he's got this and because that was my biggest issue was that i was ruling so many people out for things

that i was reading them as saying like oh this is so douchey and gross like yeah but that doesn't mean they're douchey and gross i just happen to dislike this thing and that doesn't it's not like a defining character trait of them like they didn't do this to like wean me out like it doesn't mean as much as i was giving it like weight to mean um but i think like it sucks that it's definitely a long game and also i know so many fucking great girls who are single which sucks have you seen that um meme where it's like have i looked in the mirror no yeah literally have you seen the meme that it's like uh all my friends all of my girlfriends i know are like fantastic they like go to workout classes they drink green juice they like juggle all of these things their

boyfriends uh almost tried to make a dinner reservation yeah and i was like yeah yeah that's good but yeah i i think like as much as it i'm sure it feels like in your world that like everybody else um is like there and like with relationships and stuff know that like it does take time especially um if you are picky which i don't think there's anything wrong with um but i also think like if i know you say you don't want to have like a casual one night stand or like a hookup or something like that but hey girl if you're horny like get like get yourself off but then also know that like if you want to have a one-night stand that's also okay I think a lot of the time people who don't have a ton of sexual experience that are like oh no now I have to get into a relationship

I can't just like hook up with someone like you can if you want to but yeah yeah I'll piggyback off that um you said that your your standards your friends had said that um you're being too picky and i don't i'm not saying to lower your standards but maybe just go out with guys just to like test the waters and get practice with dating and then um the confidence thing you are clearly very confident and megan talked a lot about like online dating say for me the longest two relationships that i've ever had it was from guys that i met in bars and the first one was a guy that i i told i was just with my friend and i was like the next hot guy that walks in here i bet i can get him and he walked in and then like i got him and we dated for like two years and i'm sure

he loved that story too yeah yeah and then um the next one was when i first moved here to la and it was the very first night i went out to the bar and um there was a guy that i thought was cute and i just went up to him and we dated for a while too so it's just like you're confident maybe just like like Megan said making the first move yeah you can do it I have all the trust in you that you can do it yeah I I mean I don't want to say this is like oh my god like I'm so cool and like cute and all of that but like my friends and I when we were single we never we hardly ever got approached by guys ever like I can tell you like when Monsignor started dating he was like oh no I bet you get hit on bars all the time I was like no literally never

rarely get hit on usually if I'm getting hit on it's a guy who's toothless and it's in like the ralph's parking lot and he's like hello pretty where do you live where you have to like switch one of your rings and you're like i'm married you got your keys in your hand you're like fuck off dude like it's it's just like we have this and i yeah i definitely was guilty of this idea of thinking that like oh like if i just stand and like look pretty guys are gonna come approach me and talk to me and like i'm uh i don't know like it guys guys are are uh intimidated i would say they would think that they would get crushed exactly and they also assume a lot of the times too if they like a lot of guys like bill and like matzah said this too before where he was

like no if i saw you know i was i always ask him like if you saw me about would you come up to me he's like i would probably assume that you had a boyfriend and i would also probably assume you would shut me down in like a really mean way i was like oh nice that's the vibe i give off you're fine you're gonna be fine also i got into like finding flight attendant youtube videos like flight attendants who are like our vloggers and like have like instagram accounts oh my god i'm obsessed i didn't know that was a thing yeah you should also do that too maybe you already do that it's really fun they're always like really like cute and they do they're like oh my god i woke up and like we just had a red eye and like so they're like i have to get ready like so fast

and they look like amazing i'm like holy shit it's fantastic i'm a big fan so thank you youtube too let us know if you want to get some dick no do things that take you out yeah go out onto the next? Hi, Megan. I'm 22 years old and my boyfriend and I have been together for four years. He is about two years behind me in college. So I'm about to graduate next semester with my bachelor's degree and he'll be graduating at the same time with his associates from community college. So essentially his parents really want him to go to the university that's really close to their house. And he's living with them right now. But my dreams are to go to law school when I graduate. And the closest law school to us is about four hours away. It's on the other side of the state.

So ever since I started talking about going there, his family has been trying to talk me out of it and saying that his career is more important than my own because I'm going to have kids one day and have to walk away from it and I just don't agree with that and he's really close to his family but when he says that he will move wherever I want to I like that but I also can't help but feeling like his family is going to resent me for being the reason why he moved so far away from them and I don't really know what to do about it because since I met them we've had a really great relationship. But now it's becoming pretty clear that they're not looking out in both of our interests. They're really just focused on what they think is best for him. And I feel like they

don't really care about my future. So I need some advice. Thanks. I'm sorry I laughed, but I literally laughed because I'm like, I don't know how these people are still alive. Like what year is it my 2019 literally my god i applaud you for your self-control i genuinely think i would have taken a butter knife and stabbed them all if someone fucking said that to me i'd literally go i'm sorry bitch what the fuck did you like yeah holy fucking shit this is this is this is when we go to the i think the first quotable moment of the show if you have an apple tv you cannot be a racist if you are living in this day and age and you're gonna tell your son's girlfriend no no no your career like verbatim your career is not as important because you're

gonna have babies one day do they realize that you are not just like a gestational tank to grow humans you you are a human you're already like bitch law school he just got his associate's degree not to shit on him and his community college like you've got your bachelor's degree they should be kissing the fucking ground you walk on like i can't believe you dating our son thank you so much two years ahead of him already like my god mothers and their sons does he have an older brother do you think he's do you think he's the baby i think he's the might be only child maybe my god we moral of the story mothers and their we can't i can't have sons it's just no but that's the matriarch that's what happens when you are the woman of the family

holy fucking shit okay here's what i i would say i think i am if you follow me on twitter i'm a big believer in just i am not here for anybody else's i'm not here to handhold anybody else through their small-minded backwards 18th century fucking mindset at all and i'm not here to like slowly ease you into feminism and teaching you about all of this stuff i am like here for saying your piece and being like i am smart as fuck i'm going to law school i am ahead of everything i am not a fucking baby maker i am not just gonna lay fucking eggs and pop out babies my entire reason of being on this planet is not to pop out fucking grandkids for you and to be in a kitchen like that's not what i'm here for i'm going to go to law school if your

son wants to be a strong man and follow a strong woman to do what he wants to do which clearly he's been dating me for all this time he wants to do it he's into and this is what he wants then you need to sit the fuck down get some knitting get a fucking hobby like read a book turn off fucking fox news and realize that like you cannot talk to women like that especially as a woman like yeah it is a completely completely fucked up thing and there is like you are so in the right and they are so in the wrong that i don't think you i like i get that it's his family and it's like oh let's not be like let's not piss off anyone or whatever i mean i'm i'm fine with pissing off people's family like i'm okay with that but like you need you need to say your piece and it's not it can't

come from him it can't come from anyone else you need to say it and it needs to be the one time you have that conversation and then you never fucking talk about it again and if they bring it up again you just change the subject you completely ignore it and if they get in his ear and they scare him out of it then like he's fucking weak and he's not for you no and there are so many other guys who are gonna be like fucking like hard as shit for you and your like law degree like ahead of the curve smart as hell and like this is just so oh my god this pisses me off me too like i'm so fucking i'm like trying to get my words gathered for what i need to say i don't want to say like i because i'm also like didn't go to law school like you're ahead of a curve in a different way

but like i've been financially independent since i was 19 i'd like didn't go to college but like i've always like lived in i've been i've been very privileged working on my like working for myself and doing my own thing so like when i've dated like there's been an intimidation factor but there's also been a massive um toxic masculinity from uh parents of guys that i've dated where they're like whoa this girl like she this this is like it feels a little jarring that like their son doesn't need to provide for me and a lot of the time it does come from the fact that that is how their family is and that's how that is and how that woman feels the more moms and dads feel threatened by that idea that it's very different from what they know in their

relationship and it makes them feel like their son isn't doing enough and it's it's shit it's like why it's like why some guys i'm not saying your boyfriend is like this but i'm saying like that mindset of like some guys like date girls that they feel like they have they have power like some guys like like i don't want to say like small man syndrome but like some guys who are like uh maybe insecure about their height date really petite girls they feel like really big me i'm very tall i want to feel small i have a king-size bed like sometimes we do like these things that like to make us feel a certain to feel a powerful or feel a certain way that we want to feel and i think his parents are completely projecting that on to him and that not might not be what he

wants but hey if he wants that that's not your fucking problem no and i genuinely just think you need to have a real as fuck sit down conversation with his family everybody who has said all of that and then tell them like this is the one time we're going to talk about it because i will not dignify this with multiple times because it is incredibly offensive and completely backwards and so incredibly sexist and i need you to know that and i'm going to say this once and this is this is this is the only time we're going to talk about it and that's just because it also brings in this idea that that's that like all a woman is good for is create is procreating and it's just yeah so and like that's the part that like makes you're supposed to be

his little woman like are you fucking kidding me what's he gonna do with his like no offense to your boyfriend again like also didn't graduate college but like the idea that they're going to tell this woman who has graduated college early is going to law school that no we need you to like step down and let our son with his community college associates degree catch up so he can be more powerful right like that's it it's like it's fucking insane like it's so fucking insane and like also his i'm sure it's your boyfriend you love him he's fucking great his his worth also does not equate to the fact that he might not be as academically driven as you are right now like he is but he just he just had a different pace but why should you slow down and also why

but like and on top of that like why are you thinking so lowly of your son that you're like no this girl is too great it's making our son look bad we need you to like slow down like know the fact that like it also speaks so highly of their son that you are dating him because you are this strong badass really fucking smart woman who likes their son like they should be thrilled and they're in he's clearly like okay with it it's them oh i hate this family i do too i hate them so much yeah and i also at the same time though like know that like we've said this so many times before too like i'm as much as like i want to be like fuck this like whatever like sometimes in-laws and sometimes also like old people just suck and not that like i necessarily

think that like you let them be like whether it's like racist misogynistic like sexist uh fucking i don't anything you don't let them do that but you say your piece you don't engage with them and you don't expect to have a fantastic relationship with them like i don't think this means your relationship is doomed because you're not i don't think that like you're gonna know that he's the one when you meet his family and everything's amazing and it's all perfect like sometimes people's families fucking suck but that doesn't determine that that relationship's not for you but it's it's about who you're dating yeah and there are so many there's this whole idea that like men are intimidated by like strong women and like there's a certain kind of guy

that is intimidated by strong women then there is another guy like let's leo howard who refuses to date any girl who is not at least four inches taller than him like he's like no i want a girl that like everybody's like how the hell did this guy get her is his mom taller than his dad yeah i feel i've seen pictures yeah love okay guys it's time for a quick break and we'll be back what is up guys we're back from our break how is it for you is it good for everybody oh my god you hear my neck crack in the mic i didn't hear i thought you hit your mouth no that was my neck oh well thank you so much for your support shall we get on to the next hi megan i'm 21 years old and And I have a question that relates to finances and relationships.

I'm 21. I've been with my boyfriend for one year and we are now thinking of moving in together. He seems to really want this more than me because he got financial aid almost to cover almost all of his tuition, either his tuition or his housing. And I didn't get any financial aid because my family income does not qualify for that. So although my family's income is higher than his, my parents aren't willing to pay for my tuition and neither are my housing, which I completely understand. And I don't want them to because it's my schooling. I should be the one responsible.

So the problem is that he is looking for housing options and expects us to pay both equally. and I don't know how to stress to him that I find it a little unfair considering that I will know that I am giving up my last dollar and have to worry to pay up to have to worry about tuition and have to worry about housing while knowing that he is only only paying for one of the one of those things so either he's paying for tuition or for his housing And yet he expects us to pay half and half. And he's a great boyfriend. He is never stingy.

He takes great care of me. But how do I stress out to him nicely that right now at the moment, he wants to live on his own. He can do that, but he also cannot afford it. So I keep telling him, well, then get a roommate. I'll be happy to visit you. But he says, no, the only way he wants me to be his roommate. So in a way, subconsciously, he doesn't realize it, I think, but he is in a way putting me, making me pay for half of it.

And I just don't know how to stress to him that I am not financially ready right now. Please let me know what you think about this and whether you think it's fair or not and how I can stress it out to him. Thanks, Megan. Okay. My first thing is, if you need financial aid and your parents don't qualify, there is something you can do. i forgot exactly what it was called but i had to do this where um i had you can like make a claim against it and you can still get financial aid if yeah because you're paying for yourself yeah um second if you guys weren't rooming together where would you be living yeah that's

my question because ultimately no offense but like him getting financial aid and everything like that it's on a need basis and i also when i was in college for hans engen did not qualify and i was paying for it all myself but when i lived with roommates and everything like that like i still pay like it wasn't like they had to pay more because that was what it is like it's just not it's not your life in the same way like if you had a roommate who you didn't know was on financial aid and you guys are splitting the rent like it's still going to be divided like that because it's not anyone else's responsibility to carry the other person financially it does make it difficult because you're in a relationship so you have these like knowings of these things and

like money is a really awkward thing but that's what i'm wondering like if because you're saying like you're saying to him like why don't you just get another roommate to me it sounds like you don't want to live with him and you don't need to like you have another finance you have another living situation that works for you financially yeah in which case i think in general if you're like someone wanting to move in with you and you're hesitating at all I actually just went through this with my friend who her and her boyfriend just broke up and I was like you're welcome for telling you not she was like I feel like I just like it's not clicking that I want to move in together and like he's really doing it should I just do it and I was like no it should

not moving in together like I I there obviously sometimes we're like it's a need basis like financially you really really need to and it's not like an emotional thing but like you should both be so gung-ho on it because it's incredibly hard and this sounds like there's no way that there's not going to be a lot of resentment because i do think it is i don't think it is fair to ask him to pay more because like his finances are his finances and yours are yours and as much as it like as much as it sucks that your parents don't qualify you're paying for this and i'm not i don't want to like put words in your mouth whatever but i'm gonna say from my own experience like I guess it will actually but like I had I I was making money and I was I'm

pretty sure I was making more money than my parents by the time that I was in by the time I was no no not by the time I was in college but I was making money so I was paying for it but at the end of the day when your family has money not even like a huge amount but isn't qualifying for financial aid as much as it sucks that you are the one paying for it and you're not getting any of that aspect of it there is a cushion that you have if something were to fucking go wrong that you got in an accident and you couldn't work to pay for this your family can contribute some of that and he doesn't have that like and that's something that like as much as it like as much as that's frustrating to think about because realistically like the difference in finances

it's not it's not when they say that people can afford like oh you don't qualify for financial aid it's like you could sure you can drain your fucking income and pay for your kids college and you still don't qualify like it doesn't mean that like your parents are totally completely loaded but like there is a difference in cushion there and i think like you having a little bit of awareness of the fact that like the reason why he qualified for financial aid is because he wouldn't be able to go to school without it and you're able to do that you're able to work and get all this stuff done this is the way that he can do it and it's not your place to not i don't want to say offer judgment or everybody but it's not your place to be like okay well then if you

get this deal now we have to be even because you're trying to make it even in your mind do you know i mean like you're trying to be like well if he's not paying for this and he should pay for more of this yeah but it's like you don't want to split the rent evenly when that is what's that's what's fair oh gosh i hit it hard but that's what's fair hit it this way and then i like brought it back but yeah i also just think it the best way to avoid this is don't move in with him in general i don't think you should move in with him i also don't think though that he's being manipulative and trying to get you to live with him so he pays half the rent it sounds like you're not being completely truthful yeah and i would just don't even make it financially based

like if you don't want to just say like we're not ready just like i'm really like i i'm cool with my living situation i really like really like you and i really like dating you but like i'm really happy with where i'm at right now and like i want us when we move in together like i i like want to save that like i want to enjoy this part of the relationship while we're here and like all of this like right now and he just needs to accept that and but yeah he needs it's his responsibility to find other roommates and stuff it's not up to you for uh him to be well if you're i'm just then like what the fuck is he gonna do then like not go to school anymore because you don't live with him yeah like yeah but yeah all right a year is really quick i always want to say

years really quick to move in especially in college yeah because i was like mox and i definitely moved in together way before that but like but you guys were friends and you both had jobs and both financially stable technically had another apartment but i wouldn't let him officially move in for a really long time until he was like by the way i'm fucking moving this is a completely different type of situation like you guys are 21 you're in college you don't have you don't have the finances that you want right now at this point i don't think it's just a good idea to be moving in also all the couples i knew in college that lived together were super fucking weird because i didn't know anybody except for this one girl i went to high school with yeah

and i would know one girl and then i'd be like never see her again yeah poof like it's just not yeah you don't i i don't know i'm just not here for that yeah wait wait it's always the answer hi megan i am 22 years old and i have a boyfriend who is 25 um my problem is his mom she little background she's 50 something years old and she has five children and she has three different jobs um my problem is is that of all her five children she keeps going to her youngest son my boyfriend for money um she has like two children who were in their 40s and she's not asking them for money um i just struggle with this because it goes into our relationship and i'm not like a cold-hearted bitch like i would do anything for my mom too

but if the conversation was oh i'm late on a bill can you help me out then yeah i'd send so much money to my mom but his mom is saying hey i'm on my way to the casino can you send me two hundred dollars or like pay for all these bills they're around four hundred dollars send it to me and it goes into our relationship so i'm just a little nervous because what if we want to start a family or hit a house and he can't afford it because he's playing all of his mom so if you can help that'd be great or just give me your opinion on all this that's awesome too thanks bye i really think you kind of answered i mean like your own question like the way that you said like

you would it's not your mom and the way that you said if your mom was laid on a bill you would send her all of this money immediately the reason why you feel weird and uncomfortable about this and it seems so ridiculous is because it's not your mom it's not your fit you don't have those emotional ties to it and i i also want to say i think the reason why she's probably going to her youngest son is because her oldest kids who have families are like no we have kids we have money we have bills to pay for if she's not continuing asking that if your boyfriend's not the last person she's asking the only reason why she's asking him first is because everybody else has cut her off financially and that's the only person she still has access to which makes a lot

of sense um it really really sucks to see someone who is in a uh when their parent is and like my therapist always talks about this kind of stuff all the time like when parents um when parents aren't the the parents job is to provide for your kids whether that's fine it doesn't have to be all of these things can be one of these things it's also the reason why that doesn't need to be like biological birth parents it's providing support it's providing safety it's providing uh sustenance it's providing like safe uh like like school safety is like house but it's and it's providing support and when those roles get reversed it sucks like it really really really sucks it we've gambling if she's if this is a big gambling's also gambling's an addiction

it's an addiction yes it doesn't to me when you say like you would pay for your mom's bills but then when she's asking for these bills they're like 400 and all this stuff i think your boyfriend's probably not telling you everything i think she's probably going through a rough time maybe she's been going through a rough time for a while and his siblings aged out of feeling like they needed to help and he's feeling as the last kid as the baby he's feeling responsible and feeling like he wants to help his mom in any way i don't think he's happy giving her this money i think he feels it even more than you about how much it fucking sucks that like this is his situation and that like he can't save money for a trip for you guys to go on or he's has to worry about this

like i've got friends who pay for families rent and they financially are in a really tough spot when they make way more money than me but they're in a really they're in a way tougher spot financially than me because they're covering all of these other people that i don't have to think of it's a privilege to not have to provide for somebody and it totally sucks when some when that's not something that when it's not a relationship that you sign up for and that that's also it's his it's his choice it's his call i don't think it's going to be a forever thing at all but i think like this i think finding empathy and finding that for that situation and knowing that like if he got to like draw out his picture perfect life it wouldn't be having a mom who isn't financially stable and

that he needs to worry about financially and i think if there's other things going on in her life that he is stressed about and money is the only way that he feels like he has a way to help her in any way then he is going to do that and it totally sucks but i think like thinking about it in terms of your guys's future i think it's a little selfish because it's also not his job to provide for you yeah it's not his job to be able to afford a house for you you should be able to like not okay we're all young we can't afford a house houses are too expensive right now and like millennials we live in la that's true but like your goal should be that financially you want to get to that place you want to be able to do these things and that shouldn't be reliant on your

partner being able to provide those things for you and if that's something that's really important to you in a relationship then maybe this isn't the right relationship for you yeah you should have compassion because it is a problem yeah um and so there is um a thing called the national council on problem gambling and they have a hotline i'll put all this all these links in the show notes but they have a hotline that you can call or like a chat service that you can use to get help on how to help deal with this um so you just you just have to it's it is she is like taking money away from your boyfriend but he's doing this because he wants to and he wants to help his mom but by him giving her money when she's headed to the casino that's also enabling

her yeah so maybe you can um call this and they can talk you through how you can talk to him about helping her and then he can talk to her yeah i i think also i've yeah i've had friends who've had to really support whether it's like emotionally or financially like carry that baggage and like assist parents or any like adults in like family members it's super sucky to see because like you just see someone who's being taken advantage of ultimately it can't last forever like it really can't like i'm sure that's what's also happened with the siblings but maybe if like the first thing that you do is um because he said like i'm i'm assuming you're not knowing all this because you're going through his text messages i'm sure he's like you're seeing like he's talking to you

about it probably with some annoyance yeah and then i think maybe it's just like so how long has this been going on like does this like does she like and not come and not from like a judgmental place of being like asking about that and be like so like are your siblings like are they so close to your mom like are you like or is like are you and your mom like the closest of like the whole fan like you can make it in a way like to understand and learn more about it because i think also like he probably feels embarrassed by it too so i think like the more that you can learn about it and understand it from like understand the situation that he's been put in i think you'll have more empathy for him yeah because it won't just feel like oh she's asking for this and he's

giving it to her like it's not that easy of a process for him but i think you guys should talk about it and i'm sure he would love to like he's obviously like opening the door a little bit to like let you know what was going on and i think that's probably him asked like trying to get you to ask him about it so he can have someone to confide in with it and then you guys can both like go like check it out figure out what you guys can like do how you can support him and what choices he wants to make from all of this yeah but yeah oh okay is it time for don't blame them or as Key says don't blame them

don't blame them waiting on that fucking graphic still waiting he like invoices us we didn't sign a contract to pay this we don't got that also where's our neon sign

okay so what's this one from this one is from the episode with Jocelyn Davis and so the original caller um she had found out that her roommates the people that she was going to room with had kicked her out of her living situation oh yes yes yes and so this is someone calling with similar experience hi megan um i'm calling about a caller that was talking about how they had a difficult roommate situation and how their roommates told them that they didn't want to live

with them it's the episode of jocelyn davis um i just wanted to give some follow-up advice because i had the exact same situation where i was supposed to live with three other girls um one of which i'm still close with two of which ganged up on me and told me that i couldn't live with them because i was having like a mental health crisis and they didn't want to deal with the drama um and basically what i ended up doing was i had a mental breakdown i thought about dropping out of school I felt so alone and horrible but then I just ended up living alone that whole year and it was really great I had a good year academically I just kind of distanced myself from those people and I just I had my own space I was able to kind of find myself and like

what I need in the living situation and I just recommend that I understand that that can be difficult financially so the other advice is yeah just to live with a stranger who's busy and hopefully not going to be around all the time but yeah just finding yourself and being able to distance yourself from those people is really important good luck that'd be me if I had stayed in school I just had the mental breakdown

and then dropped out no but that's like I think that's so incredibly impressive especially when you're like not doing yeah after like when you like when you're like kind of one of those like when you hit rock bottom points that I think it's so like amazing I'm always like so impressed by

my friends and people i know who like when they hit those things they like take it as being like well here's what i'm gonna do and i'm like holy shit that's like i wouldn't if i was in a good place i wouldn't be like i'm just gonna like do my own thing and like have my own apartment and like crush life like i think that's so like i don't want to be like cheesy but i think it just like shows like immense like strength i think is awesome because i think like you can feel like once you have like a full mental breakdown and you like you know like are laying i think gabby and i've talked about for like every couple years like you have one of those i'm just like on the bathroom floor and like someone needs to come pick me up um it's like i think that's yeah i think

that's really impressive yeah yeah and then speak on um her saying like find somebody that's really busy maybe find somebody that's like a recent graduate that's in that they just got like their first job or something so you know that they're not going to be around a lot and and like when you're in between classes and stuff so that could be that could somebody that doesn't want to be your friend someone pre-med they're not looking for friends yeah somebody's pre-med or somebody that says like young professional or something like that so um yeah i i personally know acelyn um on the previous episode said that she roomed with her friends and it's been great and it's been great for her but like the friends that i've roomed with it was like terrible no same and so

um for me after i had two terrible experiences i either one lived by myself or two um had a roommate that i wasn't friends with and it was great yeah that was my college roommate we i had requested a different girl because we had like met on facebook and like wanted to like room together and i got a random one fucking we like got along so well but in a non we didn't not because we had to and it wasn't like we didn't feel like obliged to like i'm sure she fucking hated with me living with me because i was a fucking that was like peak terror megan like i was like we can't lock the door because they just don't want to bring keys out and she's like okay what yeah it was bad i just just our hall door this is our hall room our hall door we also had an ra i love our i loved

our ra but he um he also a lot of people dropped out of the ra program he was not very high on the list and i love him but like we just it was just a whole hall of people that were just like enabling our like craziness um but uh yeah no but she was great and then when i ended up living with that girl that i originally wanted to live with she was the reason one of the reasons why i dropped out of college like i think like living with someone um where their only obligation to like yeah the only obligation like is that they pay their rent on time yeah it makes it so much easier and also like you think about it in the sense of being like when you like are going home and you're like i don't want to have to like say hi like i don't want to say hi i don't want to

sit and have dinner together yeah i don't have to catch up and like i just want to go to my everything like i want it to be like chill in that sense so i think that's great advice i think it's great advice in general don't live with friends you like your friends so much more when you don't live with them all the time it's just yeah you know sometimes you just don't want to talk to people all right yeah that's me like all the 99 percent of the time that's mox and i'm like talk to me i'm bored i'm a yorkie as our therapist says i'm just unemployed and i sit at home all day and then he comes home and i run in circles and i'm like it's fun it's a good time okay well that's our episode that's the episode pew pew pew we we we we did it we did it we did it hooray

oh yeah we watched that's yep dora i was like we already got we yeah the live action door actually it's pretty good i'm gonna go see it yeah i'm like let's go see it together we shot on it and i'm like no you're gonna see it yeah i think i'm fucking into it yeah she looks i don't she looks like a badass dude she look it's like um oh it's like a young tomb raider i would say that's where i was trying to go i was like angela jolie no sorry um it literally that's what it feels like but just like somehow more like not as smart clothes you think tomb raider you're like unpractical outfit dora shorts yeah even more but she was like in the jungle it was hot no that's very true i just think of like bug bites yeah uh okay guys well hopefully you enjoyed this episode

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Bye. don't blame me as a production by me executive produced by melissa demonts camera operator amanda lechner production assistance by julie carley and music by ryan hunter and giacomo picasso part of the her pod network