Don't Blame Me! - S4E6: M&M July - Numb Mouth After Sucking the D

Episode Date: July 8, 2019

This week we’re answering your questions on what to do if your boyfriend doesn’t want to hang out with you family, negotiating your sugar baby status, returning to normalcy after a break up, and having compassion for your sociopath brother. In Don’t Blame Them a listener shares her advice on being scared that you’re going to get pregnant. Check out our NEW Patreon Community - https://www.patreon.com/dontblameme Follow Us! @meghanrienks www.instagram.com/meghanrienks  @dontblamemepod www.instagram.com/dontblamemepod  @sheisnotmelissa www.instagram.com/sheisnotmelissa Listen to ad-free and bonus episodes on Stitcher Premium! For a free month of Stitcher Premium, go to stitcherpremium.com and use promo code 'BLAME,’ PLUS exclusive bonus episodes. This episode is also brought to you by Buffy Comforters, Netflix podcast: Present Company with Krista Smith, ThirdLove, SKYN Intimate Devices, and Amour Vert. Affordable Therapy By State (Curated by Crissy Milazzo): www.tinyurl.com/y64kwdnf    Need Advice?  www.dontblameme.show  Domestic Listeners Call: [phone]   International Listeners Send a Voice Memo To: [e-mail]  … with as much detail as possible under 3 minutes! I’ll do my best to share my wonderful words of wisdom. If you’re under 18, please get your parent’s permission. Advice is for entertainment purposes only, so you can’t blame me if I screw up your life. I kid! My advice IS AMAZING. - Want to WATCH this episode as well? Check out my YouTube channel:  http://youtube.com/meghanrienks Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/join/dontblameme See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

hello everybody and welcome back to another episode of don't blame me don't blame me not the pot i'm just adjusting she's just adjusting um guys it's me and melissa today hello to melissa and megan melissa and i it is just odd no that's the king and i i was gonna say it's just you know and you have to figure out if it's i or me oh yeah melissa and me let's just keep it as me because we got to go with the m's yeah oh yeah we're we're all about branding here m m m m m m m and m's tasty i actually just listened to i think was our last one or the one before that of you and me we're so funny i mean i don't know which one you listen to so i can't answer your question i couldn't even tell you which what we talked about but like it was just like god

funny okay maybe listen to two of them yeah i mean there was two last month so and we didn't get any not that we would get complaints but like you guys all i i love that every time it's you and i everyone's like i love when it's just them yeah it's just fuck all the rest of our guests we love the rest of our guests but we know but it's a good time it's just us it's such a good time um so if you guys are new here this is an advice podcast you guys call in and leave voicemails for us and then we give you advice and if your life is going to shit and you need some advice you can give us a call at 310-694-0976 and international listeners you can send us an audio file at meganpodcast at gmail.com yeah i had a brand tell me like message me on my main

instagram saying that they liked my podcast oh cool yeah that's awesome yeah they make weed products and i was like can i can we send them over i think i think they're i mean they listen so yeah they listen um so guys uh can't wait to uh get some of that yeah hell it down well um do we have anything to say before we start our patreon you know yes guys oh my god motorcycle i know and those you can actually hear yeah on the podcast the audio doesn't cut it i mean the mics don't cut it out because small dick energy prevails yeah small dick energy yeah guys we launched our patreon i'm pretty stoked about it where we've been talking about wanting to do this for a really long time and now now it's here and we said for our opinionated olivias if you joined

before august and you'd get a shout out oh my god yeah so we've got a shout out to emily donahue emily donahue don um of the hues woohoo thank you so much thanks emily you're number one homie sorry guys i mean she is she is the number one yeah so number two yeah so um whoever the next people are if you sign up before the end of august then you'll get a shout out too oh my god my birthday month fuck i'm gonna be 26 oh my gosh i'm 33 i know but like i like i they do what age do you feel on the inside oh i forgive my age all the time i think i'm 30 okay because i like i don't feel that i don't i have just feel like i've stopped aging at 22 but i don't feel 22 but every time anyone asks me my age i'm like i think i'm 22 and i'm not and so the farther i get away

from 22 the more ridiculous it is because deep down i feel like i'm 37 but like i don't know why i think i'm 22 yeah you don't have a 22 year old energy no not at all also 22 was a terrible year of my life like i don't want to like maybe maybe that's why i'm like stunted there maybe more therapy talk about that in therapy oh my god that's true okay should we hop into it let's do it. Hi, Megan. Hi, Melissa. So I called in a couple of weeks ago with a completely different issue, but I have a new one or a new blossoming one, if you will. So I've been dating my present boyfriend for a year and a half and I'm 23. He is 22. So lately my family has been doing a lot of family events family outings I'm very close to my family I'm very involved with my family

um and I just I love my family as they are the most important thing in my life and so being around my family is probably one of my favorite things so how my boyfriend ties into that it's a little interesting I've been noticing that more and more lately when I've invited him to family events, uh, family gatherings, family outings, whatever it will, whatever, whatever it is. Uh, he's been suddenly not having time for it or not wanting to make time for it. Or another thing he's been telling me more is that he's just, you know, tired. He wants to spend time at home, which I completely understand and I support, but my sister is home for from college for a couple weeks and her boyfriend is coming as well

and we have a couple different um family gatherings and family outings just because this doesn't happen every day and um he is conveniently uh busy those days with things that maybe i wouldn't deem necessary and maybe that sounds harsh but it's just the way I'm feeling like you know one day he planned to go out with his best friend but they made this plan after I invited him to go with my family to an amusement park and like I understand family things are not that big of a deal to him but they are to me and I've expressed this and he doesn't seem to understand and he's told me that he's just too tired to go a lot of the time which at the same time i understand but i feel like he's potentially

i don't know getting sick of me or my family but won't say it i don't know am i able to think things and take a step back and not be so upset it just feels kind of weird to go to a family outing where my sister and her boyfriend are there and my whole family is there even distant relatives and then you know my boyfriend couldn't make it because he's tired didn't feel like going or has a you know an unimportant outing with his best friend planned that could be rescheduled at least in my mind I don't know maybe I'm being ridiculous I want I want an outsider's uh perspective of this she got cut off because she was long oh okay uh do you want to start um because you're close with your family i am close with my family

but i also don't like people so yeah i can relate to him and on a lot of levels i also hate amusement parks yeah so and those are and if he's tired those are like all day thing where you're out in the heat there's a ton of people around um like waiting in lines is just long being like it's just it's just exhausting so if he's tired already like i can understand if he can go hang out with his friend you know like doing something low-key and doesn't want to hang out with your family yeah i also think like i for this i again i also really relate to your boyfriend on this one um i think like it's awesome that you're so super close to your family but they're your family they're not his family and you didn't bring up how much you guys hang out with his family or

anything like that and that also doesn't really i don't think that really matters because everybody's relationship with their parents is different so like he just might not like they might not have like as much of a either they don't live as close or they don't have as much of a oh we spend all this time together or they do and he doesn't necessarily uh and he likes to have you around but he doesn't value the that quality time and spending as much as you do with them um which is totally fine i definitely am like more on that side um and i think like comparing it to how your sister and her boyfriend and all of those things like that i think that's not really fair because it's their choices and i think if this is a deal breaker for you which it sounds like a deal breaker

and you want somebody who's going to join your family then this might not be the guy for you and i don't think there's anything wrong with either side of it but also that whole thing of like when you date someone you date their family like i to be perfectly honest i'm not i i get massive social anxiety usually when it comes to like uh having to be on about like all the time and that's what happens when you're in that situation and for you it's easy because it's your parents it's your siblings and you can tell your like you can tell him that all i'm like oh you don't have to put like you're totally fine like you don't have to stress about it but no matter what like it's not his family like and no matter how close he feels to them he's still

having to put like be that boyfriend and really just like put it on and that's exhausting and it's not really super fun and just the amount that you talk about hanging out with your boyfriend with Matt you talk about like hanging out with your family Mott's and I have this whole thing um and we've said this from the beginning of our relationship of there's certain things that like we're going to invite each other to, and we'll have the invite. It can be up there. You can say yes, you can say no, but there's only a few things that we will really insist that is, this is a really important thing for you to be at. And even that, that's the, those are the things that, okay, we were scheduled something for. This is the thing that, okay, it might not be like

either one of our absolute favorite things to do. And it might not even be either of our favorite things to do, but it's an obligation. And we will reserve those super important things, but not everything is that important and i've had friends who've dated people who every event has been that a really important one so for you having to be like well he could reschedule all of this it's like well sounds like he's hung out with your fucking family a ton and like your sister's home for college from college that's your sister you spend time with her and i don't think that you if anyone in your family makes you feel weird for the fact that like your boyfriend's not around as much as like anyone else is like he's got his own he's got his own life and i don't want to say

your relationship is doomed at all, but I think you do need to figure out if this is a deal breaker for you or not. Because I recently had a friend, um, her and her boyfriend broke up and a huge aspect of it was the fact that like, she was really close with her family. He was really close with his family, but he wanted her to join his family. And she was like, I still have like my own stuff. And I think everyone's great and all of that. But like at the end of the day, like if that's the kind of relationship that you need, then that's not going to work out. Um, um so yeah i would just i would just come at it from um a way of thinking like as much as you really enjoy all of this is it do you really is it a deal breaker like do you need anyone do you

need to have a partner who's like always around and with you with your family which that is so like romantic comedy to me which i love like i love that i think that's great i'm not that kind of person and i also wouldn't be i don't know i wouldn't i wouldn't date somebody where that was also the case do you know what i mean so i think like you're totally valid in like if this is how you feel this is how you feel but i would also take a step back from the situation and maybe maybe this time like you don't push it and you let him do his own thing and then realize like okay you can still have fun if he's not there like you can still have a great relationship and have him not be around all of the time and also maybe it's just he doesn't come around for every

single little thing and then you deem what's important but i think right now too if you if he's been around your family so much and been doing all of these things um he's you're right he's not going to tell you if he's sick of them yeah you should just ask him oh my god but he can't say that no you can just be like hey i noticed that you don't come around my family as much as you used to um is this too overwhelming for you yeah and and be like what's let's come up with a good way of knowing because maybe right now he's tapped out for a couple months and like he's not going to see them so you don't make you don't decide okay let's decide what's important fyi the thing right now is really important and just let him know you know like like i if you

don't want to come that's okay it's not completely okay with me um but i i just want you to know like i respect your decision but i feel odd awkward being there with like my family my sister and she has her boyfriend there and then other family has their significant others there and i'm the one without my significant other yeah i think you just you guys need to you need to decide what are the important things and then he could make time for that but it's a lot to ask someone to make time for everything and i also if me if he might not be super close to this family they might not live close by like my friends are my family to me so like for me if i had plans with my best friend and then like was rescheduling for something like for me that is that is that

does carry the same level of importance as some people is with their family um so i yeah i would just i think he also just doesn't want to hurt your feelings and that's why he's coming up with all this other stuff but her feelings are being hurt so if you don't say something then it's just gonna get worse um but as somebody who i don't have i'm not i don't have that close relationship there's also if he also doesn't have a close relationship it's i've definitely been in situations with um like matz's family and stuff where like i have to tell him like we have to take a break like not that this is anything necessarily personal against anyone but it's like as somebody who doesn't have a great relationship with parents like it can be hard

to like spend a lot of time around like you see like a really happy family and for you you might think of like if he doesn't have a happy home life like oh i'm so glad i can bring him into mine it's still not his yeah and i've had people say that before like who like when they invite me to do family stuff it's like well you're a part of our family i'm like that's really really nice and really sweet but like i'm not and the sentimental value and stuff that you hold i know it's like coming from the greatest place ever that you want to extend that to me but i don't have those nostalgic feelings towards this and it can just be like a little triggering and like not necessarily a way that he finds that that makes him feel super happy um so i would just i would yeah focus on

that and then also at the like last thing i'll say about this but but how much of really really wanting him to be there um do you value versus when you look at him is he having a good time when he's there yeah so your like ideal situation with partners like you should want them to be enjoying it as much as you so having him come if having him come is the win i think you should also focus on like oh do i just want him to be here for like saving face because everyone else is here or like is he having a good time and i am i also having a good time because he's here and he i can see that he's enjoying himself and maybe if he comes around less and like he's more fun to be around and you enjoy his presence there more i think that's i think it's a great thing yeah and

what's you guys what's your relationship like as a whole yeah like is this just the one thing that is like bothering you or are there other things going on as well yeah yeah good yeah well best of luck give us an update we'd love to know yeah and uh have fun at the amusement park that sounds fucking exhausting as somebody who relates to your brother on the tired level boyfriend not brother what did i say brother oh yeah don't fuck your brother I relate I'm tired we're the same okay on to the next I'm 24 and I am calling because I need advice about this guy I met him on Bumble like two years ago and he ended up just visiting and he lives five hours away so we have been talking casually got to know each other have become

pretty close friends and recently he ended up moving back so we have been hanging out casually dating with intentions of maybe becoming more serious this summer once we're not so busy I've really enjoyed hanging out with him but like the sex aspect of things is really weird like I just found out he's 28 that he hasn't so much as made out with anyone for six years which you know at first I thought it was weird but to each their own and then we started messing around and he has a really hard time getting hard and then once he is hard he has a hard time keeping it up which you know it happens sometimes I get nervous but after the first few times I kind of tried bringing him up and he was super awkward about

it so I dropped it and then there was this one point where he went to get a condom and he came back and I went down on him and he had put numbing gel on himself and my mouth went numb and I started drooling everywhere and I tried to bring it up again he caught kind of like angry with me for bringing it up and he it wouldn't be that big of a deal but when he goes down on me he's perpetually like a half of an inch to the right and I've tried being sexy about it and saying oh no like move your edge right here and to the point where I was like right here this is the spot he still can't get it right so I really enjoy spending time with him but I don't want to go into something knowing that this is going to be an issue so I guess just wondering what your advice on this would be

should I talk to him about it even though he's like been upset about it every time we wrap it up or would this be a good enough reason to not try getting more serious i don't know thanks i just okay i need us all to visualize i'm so sorry this is happening too but i just really need us all to visualize moment that she went down on him she comes back up she's drooling everywhere because her mouth is numb that is like this is a comedy we have to save this for in a comedy have you ever made out with someone who's just done coke and not knowing no um is it coke that does it or one of them but it makes your mouth go numb and all fuzzy and numb and like the idea that like i can only imagine that that would be so much worse also like

did it taste funny like it tastes like icy hot like what's the numbing or is that a thing no there's like numbing gel for your penis but is it numbing or is it like icy hot because like no like you know like the if you get the ones that are like extends condoms that are for guys yeah that stuff that's on that that coats that but isn't that so you don't come too fast that's what he's trying to do wait is he coming too fast or is he not coming at all he's not staying hard so he's trying to like so the sensation oh okay in my mind i'm like well i feel like you're not going to stay hard if you can't feel your dick no but that's what he's trying to not feel so he can stay hard harder oh hard longer wow okay you need to be done with him i don't maybe he he's

like i guess he's trying but maybe there's other things like an underlying thing that he needs to get checked out if he hadn't made up for anybody in six years it wasn't because he was nervous about because he can't stay hard and he has this issue this ed issue where he has he been checked out to see what's wrong with him okay but my mind's not even at the penis stuff it's at the fact that he cannot eat her out and she's giving him explicit advice in the words of a former caller you just gotta grab him by the head but he's she's down there she no she told him she she said she showed him right there and he still can't do it i just think here's the thing like i think like in the like if this is all on paper on the scheme in the scheme of things like a guy who

um struggles to stay hard uh and the sex isn't all there but you really like him i would say like i don't think that that's like a doom situation but i think you saying like is this enough of a reason to end it like the even in your voice i think for you it is and i think that's fine like i'm i will fully admit like i'm not somebody and this is whatever it sounds bitchy or whatever but like if i hook up with somebody for the first time and like it sucks i'm not really one of those people who like is gonna work at it like i don't want i like i want our sex to be better but like if it sucks i have a really hard time immediate unless it's like okay think about the difference between being awkward and clunky okay i don't know i'm fucking looking at you because you've

only ever had good sex and great sex okay whatever so but anyone in general like if i've ever had like if it's bad i have a hard time staying super attracted to that person unless the reasons why it's bad it is coming from a place that it's like oh this is just like a little clunky and awkward and it's going to get better but if it feels like not compatible and it's not working and this is clearly like you've said this has been multiple times and it's been multiple times like again i'm not even thinking about the the erectile dysfunction part like i'm purely thinking about the fact that like you've literally told him how to go down on you and like he he can't and it also seems like him getting like angry and like defensive about like sex in gen like in that

in general like doesn't seem like somebody who is also trying to work at it you know what i mean and also like putting that on without even telling you or anything like that like that's just not good communication yeah like what if you were allergic to it true you know like that's just and like the fact that like you're cool with like oh i'm gonna put this shit on my dick like i he didn't know that it would make your mouth no yeah like that's just a little like it's just a little odd and like the not having made out with anyone like a bunch of years like i don't think that's necessarily like i don't think it's necessarily like said anything other than like yeah it's a little odd and the oddness of that is kind of checking out and the rest of

things that are happening now you know what i mean like it's like oh that was weird like that's weird but maybe there's something maybe there's i don't know like i didn't hook up with someone for like almost a year because i wanted to take a break but like once you know i mean like it's just kind of like it's a weird thing and then everything else is falling through you're like yeah that kind of matches that fucking weird thing but i think you can like really get along with him and think he's great but you're even saying like you don't you're not sure if you should get into something with someone with this right off the bat that's not super sexually compatible and if you feel like you've given it you guys have both kind of really tried and given

it that effort um then yeah i i think you're right in the sense that like i think you're actually also in a good position that like it is pretty casual now she's not in a good position no she's not she's yeah like how many i also want to know how many times because i don't know i genuinely do not know how many times i could do like just be like without it have like i would get oh wow yeah i would say if you really like him and you think that you want to be with him then you should encourage him to see his doctor but if and draw him a diagram yeah just take pinch his tongue and just move it yeah literally just like grab his head and be like there down don't fucking move and then just clank your legs around his head but also but if you don't like

them then move on yeah and i'm curious uh what you're like are you super turned on by him like are you super sexually attracted to him like is it the fact that like it's all this build-up and then the follow-through is kind of like sucky or is it like is none of that really meshing you know what i mean and that's what i think you can tell if you're sexually compatible or not and then also if he's not willing to fucking work at it then it doesn't matter if you are he's not gonna yeah oh my god i just can't even imagine also this sounds i'm so fucking curious about this icy like i keep calling it icy hot icy hot but isn't that what it's gonna feel like tingly this icy hot feels like no that's not what i think it's like vapor rubby it won't it's not

tingly it just numbs you yeah but i want to know what it feels like to my mouth oh i'm gonna buy it probably it probably would be tingly and i think it would smell like something like chemical yeah but it has to be like like what does that feel like on your vagina or is it inside the condom it would be inside the condom because he went to go get the condom on okay so but he went to get a condom so he came back she went down on him she probably he probably thought he was being sneaky you know like i'm going to get a condom but he put the numbing cream on so then did he come or did he take the condom off and then she went i don't think he he i think he went to get the condom but he hadn't put it on yet oh so then he just smeared some

stuff yeah okay i really want to know what that's like i'm just really curious like what you can try it or you can just get like i'm gonna have to put it on my arm and then make out with my arm or you just get like um what's that like ambasol what yeah what's that it's like stuff like when people have like canker sores or stuff in their mouth they put that in oh maybe it's like that throat spray i have um yeah okay well now i'm less interested because i have strep throat so i know what that nothing's up feels like but that's so funny but it's so much that you're drooling yeah it's gonna be strong can you imagine also sloppy wet blow job like if you're just drooling everywhere you're just like moving your head because you can't move your mouth so you're

just moving your head her mouth isn't even touching it there's so much teeth but neither of them can feel it because everything's numb oh my god this is so fucking great yeah you can't date this guy that's so weird it's just so fucking weird and you also have to ask he's not like oh by the way you're drooling all over me and you can't feel your mouth because of this but he can't feel it either that's so weird that's so weird that's super fun it's like yeah no i'm just not here for people like doing shit and sex that like we haven't agreed upon you know yeah i just keep thinking about um when i had my wisdom teeth taken out and my sister was like she's like you you kept saying and give me my tongue i can't feel my tongue that's what i think about shout

out to my sister because she now listens to the show oh yeah yeah that's so like religiously now wow okay well let us know what happens give us an update um yeah yeah i just yeah i just fizzle out fizzle out your friends yeah just stop having sex until he figures things out if you like him i'm changing yeah we have different we have different opinions i just i'm not i'm not here for the learning curve i'm not i'm here for like let me like make this better but also like if i give you a tip which is fine because like the first time you have sex with someone like it's not actually like me mind-blowing but like if you're giving him like verbal and physical like here's how to do this and he's just like i'm gonna fucking ignore you like i know your pussy better

than you like oh my god also when she says he's like two inches that's that's like your thigh that's what i'm saying like he's just like sucking on a fucking lip like being like like that's just so and like him to be like no she says that it's here but i'm gonna avoid like what's clearly clearly the part that i'm supposed to be getting at like that to me i'm like you just like it's not even like he's an idiot to me that just sounds like he's a fucking asshole who's like no i'm not gonna do it like you're gonna it's like a guy who's like no i'm not gonna go down you i'm just gonna make you come purely by touching your nipples and being like okay this is fun and all but like can we like can we move this along and also you're clearly

trying you know what i mean like she's yeah and also if he's quick if he's like quick to come or like not staying hard like that he should be a guy who like then takes it upon himself not to say that that's like a negative thing or whatever but like would take it upon himself like that embarrassment or whatever i would usually think that that's gonna get targeted into being like okay i really want to pleasure her versus like oh i'm gonna get angry but he hasn't been with anybody in six years like since he was 22 because he's 28 but like your vagina has always been in like most women's vagina it's in the same spot like it's not like oh it used to be on the thigh do you know i know but i'm just saying but you guys are not porn while you have sex

but it would have to be like lesbian porn yeah maybe you just put on like proper directions i just would laugh like if someone's just like eating out my thigh like can you just imagine and you're like oh no it's a little to like this side and he's just not moving and you're like are you avoiding it like is that what you just like i don't maybe he's gay yeah maybe he's gay who fucking knows but i don't think it's yeah well i guess melissa said that you really like and keep trying but i'll be here to say i told you so when it never to the doctor but i don't think i don't think she really likes him because they've known each other for two years yeah and also you literally said it in a way of being like is this enough to like

break up with him like i saw your face yeah and she's like we're like dating to see if it gets more serious in the summer no the summer is not the time to get more serious either cuffing seasons in the winter yeah yeah that's when you want to eat your heavy summer is for the fling Yeah, it's for the flings, it's for the lifeguards, pool boys, all that shit. What a good time. On to the next. Hi.

Hey Megan. So I have a little, not a problem, it's just a, I don't know how to explain it. So I hooked up with this guy, I'm a gay male by the way, I hooked up with this guy,

he's like 28, I'm 18, there's a 10 year difference but you know he was latin i have an affinity i can't i can't help that and i get i get to his house you know i have my knife and i have my gun in my glove box so i'm like safe um and i walk in the house and um his husband is there that i didn't know about and they want me to live with them and be like their gay kids that they

do things with and how do I say no but they also want to be my sugar daddies how do I say yes to that but no to living with them thank you fuck

if I could have like that Christy Teigen gif where she's just like oh my god yeah yeah fucking shit wow wow wow wow wow wow wow i mean can is there room for negotiation that's if yeah i mean i would think if you brought everything to the table like hey i'm willing to um be pampered too but i don't want to live here yeah like do you want to hook up with both like are you are you into that like or also maybe the one that you want to hook up with is he like does he have enough like say in the relationship that it's like this is my sugar but like can you be a solo sugar baby to one of

them i don't think so no it needs to be like a twofer i think it's a twofer well i mean i think you're open to negotiations they're like you're like literally they're a sugar child it's like i also can't with the fact that they refer to the term kid because i'm like no no there's sex stuff happening here like like you can be like they're like sugar i guess baby is always a weird yeah that's the term familial term anyway yeah but it's just different now because there's two of them so it sounds like their own daddies yeah hey more is more yeah but yeah i think if you're like if the whole situation as a whole is just like really like not you're not into at all and the only thing that's enticing is like the sugar baby aspect um i mean sure see if you can

like become a sugar baby with nose drinks attached but also like if you're open to um like if there's things you're open to and the thing that's like really like the no-go is living together and then also like you probably have your like hard passes on like any sexual things um see if there's room for negotiation bring an offer to the table yeah wear a suit yes no pants i love this and have a full-blown contract written up and be like let's see how this is gonna yeah be a thing maybe bring your lawyer into it yeah because i think you're right in the sense that like i don't think living i think that's like a little it to me seems like a little like it seems like they're gonna like dress him up and yeah it seems a little barbie dollish and like in a way that i don't think

is um i personally if i was i don't think that's awesome like great and also you don't sound like that's like your cup of tea either um so i think like if there's a way that they're like you can feel you can you get what you want out of this and you still feel like empowered and you don't feel kind of like pigeonholed um i say like go for like finding that sort of negotiation um and like as in regards but also if you just want to say no as a total whole i think that's also like very valid and fair just to be like hey guys you know what i think i'm super flattered by your offer. Thank you so much. Um, not really what I'm looking for right now. Um, but, uh, very flattered. So, um, yeah, thank you. Carry on, you know, or you can, or just be like, you know what?

I'm not, uh, like I'm again, like I'm really flattered by this, but like, I am not super comfortable. Like I like my living situation. I'm not really comfortable or, um, looking for a new one. Um, unless you guys want to buy me something. Yeah. My own apartment. I really like my own space individually but like you know i would be open to discussing like other aspects um of this that i could get into just like want to make sure that like we're all on the same page um then i think yeah yeah negotiations you never get a contract first and just sign it yeah and i think if you guys are gonna like get into anything i think it probably is good even if it's not like legal binding agreements in that sense but like any type of relationship you should have open

communication yeah especially when it's you joining in to someone else's relationship having that um making sure that you guys are all on the same page with like what we're all okay with and comfortable with and also making sure that you establish what you're comfortable with before you talk to them so you don't feel pressured in any sense um to kind of change your comfort levels and if you do then like readdress that with them but don't don't go into it um like totally on their terms yeah good luck good luck please call us yeah i've had friends who've done the sugar baby thing have you yeah we had a couple callers at one point that had shared their stories i mean you know some people gotta fucking pay for college and also like live life right yeah it's a lot more

common than i do want the call back from the one girl that was like falling in love with her sugar daddy oh yeah i'm like season one or two they're married they had their own sugar yeah i think she's in australia oh yeah let us know yeah also you let us know too i'd love to know um what happens yeah maybe you guys can meet on like the chat board and have a discussion yes we should have like a sugar baby like um like subgroup yeah can i join i just want to i just want to i just you're an admin so you should see it megan is always watching big brother always watching wow love it okay on is it time for a break time for a break okay guys uh we'll take a quick break and we'll see you guys soon or you'll hear us soon we'll be back yeah

we are back from our break and uh let's hop into there's the calls hi um i'm 22 um i live it doesn't matter where i live um so i just broke up with my boyfriend um of two years because of a plethora of things um but I kind of had like a straw break I guess um when he showed up to my brother's fifth birthday on muscle relax there's no guarantee it was an accident he didn't know how to infect him but you know whatever accident air quote or not uh it just I'm a protective person and I don't allow that around my family um I also have and having a lot of business with my own, you know, self-love and stuff. And we used to live together for at least the next month

while I find a place because I'm moving closer to my family and to a city that's a little bit more accessible. And I guess I was just looking for tips on boundaries because he's insisting that we sleep in the same bed and, you know, make the most of the time we have left. And I didn't break up with him because I didn't love him. um it was just you know what was best for me and what was best for the people who i love outside of him and like he's just insisting we make most of the time we have left and i don't

know if that's the best way to handle it i guess like i don't mind it but like it's not like we're cuddling or anything in bed like we're just like i'm sitting on the edge of the bed while we're watching shows or some shit and definitely not the same and I just want to help with setting boundaries because it's really difficult um with addiction and whenever you still love someone but you just you know you need to leave because it's what's best for you um and also tips on helping to make my new apartment a sanctuary because that's all I wanted to be I just wanted to be cozy and fluffy and fucking beautiful for me to grow and take time for myself okay um that's it thank you I didn't give as much detail as I probably should have um basically we just have

a long history with addiction and I have a long history with trauma and other bullshit that he's supported me through with like therapy oh my god I'm about to hit the three so I'm gonna go thank you have a good day you guys fucking rock bye I don't know why he's calling the shots and i get that like you really care about him and you love him and like i've definitely been in relation actually it's a lie i get why he's calling the shots because you also don't disagree with him you know i mean like you if she doesn't put the boundaries yeah because you don't necessarily want to because you're right you do still love him it is like this is what's best for you and your mental health um i think the most important thing when you are

i don't like i don't want to say that you can't trust yourself because like deep down you can but like the minute to minute day by day you're having to deal with like okay i know what's right for me versus like this also feels really good so it's really fucking confusing because like you're also even saying like he supported you through all of this stuff and like it is the addiction that is the issue and like it's a very valid and fair and like empowering self-love reason to be out of the relationship but i think now you need to involve somebody else to hold you accountable for that, like very clear, correct, um, thought process that you've had, but it's hard to maintain that, especially when you see them all the time. So I think it like, as much

as like, I don't want to, as much as it's like, Oh, like winning the relation, like the winning the breakup or whatever, like stand your ground and all of that stuff. I don't think, um, comes in the form of being like, if you like talk to your friends about it and they're like, well, no, like he should be the one sleeping on the couch. Well, if he's not, then you should sleep on the couch. If he's not going to do that. And he's going to insist that like, no, I really want to sleep in the bed with you if he's not going to respect your boundaries um should he be the one sleeping on the couch yeah but like it might have to be you or even more than that you have you're spending a you have a month left stay with a friend like have a friend come crash at your

place too like make it so like you are not alone together because like you shouldn't be watching tv together like this isn't how a normal breakup would go and it's also going to make it really hard and confusing and also an even harder transition for you i think to then go to being completely by yourself in your new apartment um i think even like you said like how can i make my apartment feel like a sanctuary i think like you need to start that process now yeah because it's like you guys haven't broken up yet like you've taken away like the for the intimate aspects and like you've dialed it back but like it's still even being roommates is still like a really like heavily intertwined relationship and so you guys are still there um so i think even if it

inconveniences you for a month staying with a friend um or uh staying with like a family member or anything like that or anything to get you in a place where like you aren't spending any alone time with him um and i also think it'd be really good for you uh to spend some time away from that apartment too yeah because you're gonna be in a totally new space and i think that's gonna be a great thing for you because it's not gonna be like the memories of this place that you guys had together but I think that the more you're in you're in a place now where you can gradually pull back from all of that and it's not going to be so much cold turkey so I think like really trying and making an effort to do that and even just not hanging out at the house

like having it be like if you have to sleep there and you can't stay at a friend's place one night or you can't stay at like a any family member's place one night or a friend can't stay with you that one night then come home just to sleep and you sleep on the couch you don't hang out there and you don't watch movies there you don't watch tv there like you don't you don't do that there you really use it as like this is my crash pad and and he's your roommate yeah and also just and tell him and be like i really love you and i really care about you and i the reason why i'm doing this is because i care about me too and i need to value me and i as much i don't want you to take this in like a i don't value our relationship and what it's meant to me but i

need to value myself right now and i would really i'm gonna let you know i'm not gonna talk to you like if you talk to me i'm not going to respond and i think just telling him that and being like able to create that but distance now i think is going to be a lot it's going to just benefit you in the long run and also as much as you're saying that like he's saying this and he's saying this and he's saying this you just have to create your own boundaries and it doesn't matter if he agrees to them or not because you don't need him to agree to them when you've created them like you you get to live up to that like if you're like no i'm not going to sleep in the same bed as you he can't i mean if he's physically forcing you to then like get out of there yeah but the same thing of like

you're like if i'm not going to talk to you he can't force you to talk to him and again if he puts you in a situation where he's like physically harming you then that's a whole other story but he's not going to necessarily agree with the boundaries that you want to create but that doesn't mean that you shouldn't still have those yeah they're your boundaries they're not um something that you should get okayed by him yeah um so just think about what you want what is it And it'll be easier now for you to set them than, um, doing it in the long run. So, yeah, but I think, yeah, just friends, friends are really, and also I don't, I don't want you, I don't, I'm not saying I'm not want to put words in your mouth because I

don't think you should feel this way. Um, but if you do feel any sort of like embarrassment about all of this stuff, I think it happens. I mean, addiction happens to like, so I've said so many times, like I've dated so many you guys have been drugs. And like, you can kind of feel like an idiot that you're like, how the fuck did I not know this? Or like, how the fuck did I get in this deep? And I feel dumb or even if your friends had made an inkling and like suggested it before, and you were like, no, no, no way you shut it down. The more open and honest you can be with everybody in your life, then they're going to be able to do the most for you and support you the

most. So, um, as much as like obviously respecting his privacy and everything like that, like this is something that you're also going through. So let your friends know, because your friends are going to be able to be there for you when they understand the situation like really explicitly um and yeah I mean like if I had any friend who had like been like was going through this I'd be like no 100% like crash on my couch for as long as you need so I think um that I'm sure there are people in your life who totally will do that and just make sure that you're being really honest with them about the situation and also about what you need from them as friends to support you through all of it yeah because it's rough it's super rough but and then how to make

her place like more comfortable i mean i think number one just like go like that what's that that that's is it a swedish term it's like higgy higgy or whatever high h y g something but it's supposed to be like just like cozy cozy cozy cozy sort of things um i think focus i mean a get a gravity blanket yeah a gravity blanket and buffy oh my god yeah we both have those they're probably advertising in this episode too so you can get yeah melissa told me to get one before they were even sponsoring the show yeah and i was i'm obsessed and then they sponsored and then they're the best um so i would focus on things that uh that kind of comfort level of like stuff that's good for you in that way um things that smell good also make me like lavender calms

me down and things that are gonna you walk in and you just see things that um make you feel good yeah and i think also pictures of like your friends and your family and stuff that's might not necessarily have like a physical feeling of coziness and warmth but things so when you look around your room or artwork or paint anything that like when you look around it makes you happy and it makes you feel like safe and nice and good and secure um i'm like a hyper paranoid person so for me like i love being able to have like so many lights in rooms and like have them then be able to like really all the way turn on um i had a nightlight for like the longest time um and now one of our lights just like won't turn off in our kitchen so like that's my nightlight because i can

still see it all the way from our fucking bedroom um so i think stuff like that is is super great um and then also to feel safe and i i would as much as alone time feels really um can be really like therapeutic also inviting people over and having like it's your sanctuary and it's your safe space but also you can let people into your sanctuary in your safe space and like having making like weekly plans with friends and all that stuff because as someone who lived alone for a long time like it can get really lonely yeah and it can be really cathartic at some points but it can also just feel isolating so making sure that you're um still going out of your comfort zone and like having or like staying within your like comfort this is my cozy comfortable place

and i'm gonna bring people into it if you don't feel like ready to like explore outside of that and then i would also say start um a new hobby at like at your home so like maybe you get into painting watercolors you get into something that's like an activity once you come home that isn't just like content that isn't just like watching tv or anything like that that you've got like a little corner on your desk where like you like to paint or you like like to like whether it's like make friendship boys that's knitting something that you can do that feels um like productive and relaxing that isn't um content because content can also be triggering yeah like there's definitely like there's so many fucking things i'm like halfway through i'm like yeah i

can't watch this just make me feel fucking worse like i can't do this so something that can take your mind off of that too and music get speakers yeah speakers all around the apartment that'll be great also for me like color is a big thing so like um like when i walk in it's like purplish um like my curtains are purple i have a fuzzy purple rug um and then like my bedroom there's like lots of like gold tones in there so that when the sun shines in in the morning then my whole room is like golden um yeah so yeah that's another thing yeah and curtains feeling safe yeah that's another good one i have blackout curtains which i love but then the other thing i did with i got blackout curtains so um if i like want to feel like really isolated in the

way i can but then i also got curtains that go underneath it so they're like sheerer so people can't see in but if i still want the light without feeling like too exposed i can have that um so i think that's also a good one you know alarm system the alexa thing you're telling oh yeah alexa has this new thing that's called like alexa guard so when you leave your house you can say alexa i'm leaving and it'll make it so like if there's a fire or if glass breaks or anything weird happens in your house and it'll send an alert to your phone yeah yeah and then when you come home you say alexa i'm back and she's like welcome home melissa or whatever unless you change your name to melissa yeah whatever your name is it's always just melissa though she's like i only do this for

melissa i'm like well fine sure there could be more melissas but um congrats on your new apartment yeah that's a big step yeah congratulations yeah i think be good and also just lots of last one i'll say speakers podcast i mean uh music is great but also podcasts that for me when i'm um home alone or even when i lived alone playing it made it feel like it i wasn't so isolated like there are people around yeah it's like that meme of everyone being like haha me laughing alone in my car to the people who don't know that i'm like they're i'm best friends with these people on podcast so it feels nice and it includes some i also do that with like getting like a postmate i always have like a podcast playing or something that's not tv so i'm like

oh i have all these people and like don't kidnap me i mean i'm paranoid okay you know that's how i say comfort like my like cozy well i always tell my postmates just to leave the food at the door so yeah i should do that yeah then i don't have to i rarely do it though because usually acelyn understands my paranoia and she'll do it and then it's not it's just i don't want to talk to people as i've said before yeah i mean it's valid people suck yeah well um yeah i'm excited for you and your new adventure so let us know how it goes send us pictures um on instagram of your oh cute apartment of the inside we don't need to see the outside we're good hi megan so i just learned about some news with my oldest younger brother um I'm 21 and he's 17 I believe um

we found out that he was my dad's kid about five or six years ago sorry here's some backstory um and he has his entire life gone through so much like he's been abused in every single way you could think of basically from his mom being a drug addict dating men who abuse him and all that type of stuff and his grandmother being a drug addict and he was primarily in her custody don't know how um we tried helping him gave him all the resources we could when he was like a pre-teen when he lived with my dad and it just didn't work he kept stealing from my parents he kept threatening all these things he went to counseling and he was diagnosed I would say as a clinical sociopath um I don't know if that's important or not but I just learned that after he

moved back into his uncle's house and then moved back with his mom which wasn't the best place for him at all um he had gone to juvie twice and is now being charged as as an adult for raping a child and even though him and I aren't close I don't know how to feel about it obviously like it's disgusting and i can't believe that it happened but at the same time that's my brother so i don't i don't really know how to deal with it um if you could obviously give me some advice that would be great i just i don't i don't know how to deal with it and it's kind of freaking me out so yeah thank you bye oh fuck um damn well i think the first thing i think it is i mean it sucks but i think like it is

important that he has been diagnosed as a clinical sociopath yeah and i understand that like familially blood related this is your brother um and i think the more research you can possibly do on sociopaths i think you might understand that the relationship and the kinship that you feel towards him as your brother he doesn't feel towards you and he if he is he doesn't have that sense of empathy and remorse and love and the the compassion that you're giving him he doesn't have not only does he not have for you he doesn't have for anybody yeah and it really sucks when someone in your life that you have those feelings for and you have that like innate human relationship with when that's not matched um it's really confusing and it's really

hard because you can't ever really put yourself in his place because he doesn't have that sense of empathy. And that is what makes humans human. Like that is, that is one of those things. And when he doesn't have that, it's hard to wrap your head around how someone could not have that because there's also a huge aspect of manipulation when it comes to sociopaths who, um, can't, you can tell, I know a lot about them. Um, but, um, a lot of it is mimicking and seeing like, oh, this is, I see how these humans are and how these people keep saying that human, like he's an alien he's not an alien but like i see how people are reacting and communicate with each other on a tv show and i'm gonna mimic that to get what i want and get what i need so it can be

really confusing and hard because it doesn't really all line up as a story because there are moments where it feels like no this feels like compassion this feels like humanity and then he's stealing something it's it's not it's never there out of like the goodness of their heart it's they're out of the fact that like that's what's happening and i also want to say like there's as much as like sociopaths are depicted as like serial killers and so incredibly scary and all of that stuff it's a mental disorder and it's not something that um necessarily like makes him a monster or a terrible person it is the reason why he has done these things and it's the reason why these things have happened and it hasn't changed or gotten better and it adds up to the

fact that a huge thing with sociopaths and a huge uh connection is people who were abused as children yeah and like promiscuous sexual behavior and infidelity are parts of that and abusing children is a part of that profile as a sociopath it checks out from his whole life that like it fucking sucks that like there are a bunch of studies of people not knowing like are people born sociopaths nature versus nurture and all of that stuff and it totally fucking sucks that this is where he's ended up but this is where he's ended up yeah and it's not something that you are going to be you or anybody's going to be able to change and i think like the more that you can look at it as he's a danger to himself and other people right now um and that this is like a

terrible disgusting thing that i mean it's been terrible things that have been going on that you when your family have tried to steer him in the right, right direction, it's not been able to work. And now it's at a point where it's not just affecting your family. And in a way that you guys can deal with while still being frustrated, like this has gone to a whole different level and knowing the fact that if he's not able to be a like productive, positive part of society right now then like he shouldn't be he should be charged as an adult and he shouldn't be able to be out and around he should be a registered sex offender there should be all these things that like that doesn't change like he's still your brother but he isn't capable and shouldn't be

allowed to be in certain situations and the law should enforce that yeah and i think the more that you learn about yeah um like what a sociopath is and that then the more you'll be educated and you can understand him more and I would also suggest therapy for you is great um in your family too yeah just to understand it more because I mean I've definitely understood it a lot more in therapy um and it's something that it just it's one of those things that like the more research that you do on your own and the more that you can talk to professionals about it I promise you for all of you, it will be these moments of, Oh, it clicks. Oh, it clicks. And it clicks not in like a year. It doesn't click in like a certain specific time period of his life. You're going, it's going to

click in every aspect and you're going to be able to look back on it. And I'm not saying that it's going to tarnish your memories at all, or it's going to like do anything like that, but it's going to make this like sadness that you feel of wanting him to do better and thinking that he can and like feeling this obligation to be like, well, what about me? What have I done? All of these things, it's going to be like, you know what, this is him. This sucks that this is like, was his situation is some circumstance when he was really young and it was out of our hands. And this is where he's at now. But this empathy that I, or, and this, these, these feelings that I have of like sadness about like, like, uh, that this is my brother and he's doing all these

terrible things. It's going to change your relationship dynamic in how you view your relationship in a way of being like oh i was never going to get what i wanted like what i needed as a relationship out of this person i was never going to get that and i think when you have that it kind of closes that chapter then it i think the worst thing ever is like when there's a relationship you have with someone and like you can't get what you want out of it and once you realize that like that was you're not going to be able to i think you will feel a lot um come to terms with a lot more and like, you'll, you'll feel a lot better and you'll feel a lot more empowered and controlled in your own life because there was nothing you could have done, which is like, yeah,

it's a frustrating thing. But, um, yeah, I think it's the more, yeah, I think knowledge is power and the more you can research it and understand it. And then, yeah, I think if you can talk to a therapist about all of it, um, it makes sense. I mean, there's like the same interviews that happens with like people whose kids commit murders and shootings and all of that stuff like that it's a process of figuring all that stuff out and also i think if it feels productive for you to um really like uh like volunteer with like young kids and um doing like work with a charity that focuses on um helping like young abused kids in that situation like channel that like sadness that you have um and empathy you have for your brother to like people who are in his same shoes when he

was that age because i don't want to call him a lost cause but i think like that empathy um i think there's a lot of kids out there who could really use that like nurture and love um that have parents that are like drug abusers and stuff so yeah i think probably abuse them yeah and i think that's those those people are going to be really susceptible like being they're going to be able to feel that and absorb that from you and i think you're going to find that to feel a much more like fulfilling place because i think pouring love into a sociopath does nothing and it sucks and like it feels exhausting but you always kind of like hold out a little bit of hope but the the more than you can pour love into other people and people who maybe you see

like young him in i think uh i think that's going to be a much more um a good relationship on both ends it's not going to be so draining for you but this really sucks i'm sorry i'm really sorry yeah i wish i could give you a hug yeah just like close your eyes and we're not over time we're hugging right now your eyes closed okay okay that was our hug it was a good one i hope i wasn't the only one closing my eyes i closed my eyes okay well you always close your eyes for no reason randomly all the time i think i'm a deep thinker oh yeah she's an aquarius she's not from this planet that's why okay is this we have another one are we on to uh don't blame them we are on to don't blame them uh and this is where listeners you guys call in with your own advice

on um previous calls if you've been through something similar so this is from episode 24 from season two um the original caller was very very very very concerned that she would get pregnant okay yeah i loved this one so this is someone calling in to share their advice if someone got fucking pregnant from dry humping i'm gonna lose it did she no oh thank god hey megan i am listening to the last podcast with melissa um and there's a girl that called because she's super paranoid about um getting pregnant even if she's not having sex and i can I even tell you how much that used to be me I'm 22 and I've been with my boyfriend for almost five years now um he's the only guy I've had sex with but that used to be me to a tee I made him

take me to get plan b one time just because we made out and he came in his pants so I totally get it however it's sort of something I've just I've kind of grown out of so partially because I have an IUD and even with an IUD I did not let him come in me for the first year because I was still terrified and then my doctor basically told me there's the slimmest chance of getting pregnant with HIV like there's no point like just let it happen so I've gotten comfortable with it now after a few minor major panic attacks um so I totally get it it's just something that you have to learn to trust your partner trust yourself trust your body and eventually you'll probably just get used to it or kind of grow out of it i guess also with what megan said about implantation

bleeding i said every time i started my period i would say i saw my period i'm not spotting it's implantation bleeding but i figured out by a lot of research the implication implantation bleeding is usually a very dark color it's like brown usually with sometimes you're spotting candy but sometimes that's helpful to know that your period is usually going to be a little bit more red then implantation bleeding is going to be a very dark brown usually so that's something that helps me get through that so good luck girl you're probably not going to get pregnant especially if you're being as cautious as you are but good luck everybody stay safe and thanks love the show guys bye i i just want to applaud i'm not here to like applaud a fish or something and i'm really

not here to applaud usually like straight boys but like that boyfriend for buying flamby when he came in his pants and being like yeah babe i'll buy i'll spend 45 fucking dollars on this for sure here you go that's been i think that's really sweet that is sweet they're still together too yeah five years going strong yeah so original color you're not alone you're not you're not yeah i mean it's just so unlikely but i do like how casual she made her doctor sound like she made her doctor sound like she was peer brushing her just like fucking let him come inside you just let him not just let him fucking not like you're being stupid not that she said that not that you're being stupid but no it's it's yeah it's funny knowledge is power it is once you

figure this out you're like oh wow okay yeah and then you can enjoy yourself more yeah oh yeah and also like don't take plan b if you really don't have to guys yeah don't do that at all at all all right well guys that's it for our episode i hope you enjoyed me too um if you guys uh haven't checked out the patreon please please please check it out there's new content from us there's new content monday wednesdays and fridays so much content for all of you who want more this is where you go more is more this is where you belong patreon um and check out our instagram don't mean pod and uh if you guys want to uh call in for an upcoming episode you can give us a call at 310-694-0976 you're gonna need to do both hands yeah she was trying to do along with her

hands um and international listeners send us an audio message at meganpodcast at gmail.com you only did like four letters i know i could get them all in but you were just going too fast it's true um and uh what else guys check our instagrams out we're always in just show notes um and uh we'll see you guys next time goodbye Don't Blame Me is a production by me. Executive produced by Melissa DeMonts. Camera operator, Amanda Lechner. And music by Ryan Hunter and Giacomo Picasso.

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