Don't Blame Me! - S5E13: Guest: Boze - Should I Be with My Ex, His Best Friend, Or His Nephew?

Episode Date: February 24, 2020

Boze joins us this week to share advice! We're sharing advice on what to do if your boyfriend's family doesn't want a relationship with you, how to be friends with someone that dates your leftovers, talking to your boyfriend about sex, and how to break up up with your boyfriend even though his mom is your boss. In Don't Blame Them a listener shares her own advice about your dog being in the room while you're boning.   Join our PRIVATE Facebook Group: www.facebook.com/groups/dbmsecretgroup  You must answer all questions correctly to be approved!   Follow Us! @meghanrienks www.instagram.com/meghanrienks  @bigbossboze https://www.instagram.com/bigbossboze/ @dontblameme  https://www.instagram.com/dontblamemepod/ @sheisnotmelissa www.instagram.com/sheisnotmelissa     Listen to ad-free on Stitcher Premium! For a free month of Stitcher Premium, go to stitcherpremium.com and use promo code 'BLAME,' PLUS exclusive bonus episodes.     Affordable Therapy By State (Curated by Crissy Milazzo): www.tinyurl.com/y64kwdnf    Need Advice?  www.dontblameme.show  Domestic Listeners Call: [phone]   International Listeners Send a Voice Memo To: [e-mail]    … with as much detail as possible under 3 minutes! I'll do my best to share my wonderful words of wisdom. If you're under 18, please get your parent's permission. Advice is for entertainment purposes only, so you can't blame me if I screw up your life. I kid! My advice IS AMAZING. - Want to WATCH this episode as well? Check out my YouTube channel:  http://youtube.com/meghanrienks Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/join/dontblameme See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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build a life? How did they adapt as the world around them changed? With Ancestry, you can search select historical occupational records for free for a limited time and discover the stories behind the jobs in your family tree. You've got questions. We've got ancestors. Search free until August 31st. Visit Ancestry.ca for details. Terms apply. Hello, everybody, and welcome back to another episode of Don't Blame Me. Today, our fantastic guest, first of all, it's her birthday. I mean, first of all, it's both. Second of all, it's her birthday. Happy birthday.

It is. It is. It's not that important to me, I guess. but you know when i realized halfway here i was like oh my god it's already one o'clock and i haven't utilized this as much as i could what yeah have you gotten free starbucks can't you do that dude i ordered my free starbucks on my way here and then there was no parking and i was like i'm gonna be late so i didn't get my free starbucks oh my god and then my and then i'm gonna go out to dinner with my neighbors but i was like he he i'll pay and then my boyfriend was like you're not paying and i was like excellent everything's going everything's going to my plan i feel like i should try to like utilize it maybe two or three more times get like a little bit more

free shit just like have a good day but i think cold stone you can get us every but pretty much every place has like some free birthday stuff yeah you're right i just gotta google free stuff on my birthday google it every year oh my god just to refresh on what i can get yeah i have like an email address that i know like well of course i know when my birthday's coming up but then i just start getting all the free stuff oh my god like your birthday at gmail.com it's my birthday bitch at gmail.com oh i'm so that's how i'm celebrating this is an advice show right that's like such a hot tip like a week before your birthday go ahead and search what can i get for free on my birthday start planning out your week

oh god well um if you guys are new here this is don't blame me it's an advice podcast if you want to call in for an upcoming episode the phone number is 310-694-0976 international listeners you can send us an audio message at meganpodcast at gmail.com and uh i guess we should get into giving people some advice okay nice let's do this we'll be good at it and if you're not just it's your birthday no one can touch you so my answer to your uh question is it's my birthday hi megan melissa and possible guest so i just need some advice on a situation that has been lasting for like four years so a little backstory I've been dating my boyfriend for about four years and um since we started dating he's stressed the importance of me having

a relationship with his four sisters so which I get you want your family and your girlfriend to be close, fine. But before I met them, there was some stress in the family with their sister-in-law who's married to his brother. And I guess she's just not the greatest. And they all kind of have some weird relationships with her. So that's just a little bit of a backstory. So fast forward to now. We've been dating for four years and he always tells me that he wants me to like hang out with his sisters and like talk to his sisters and build a relationship with his sisters. And for a while I was trying to, but every time I tried to reach out or like start a conversation with them, if I texted them, they just wouldn't text me back. Or if we were in person and I said

something to them they kind of just let the conversation die they didn't really respond to what I was saying or if I jump into a conversation that they're having with each other or like their mom or someone else they kind of just change the subject which I can pick up on social cues that means that they don't really want to talk to me which is fine I don't care if they want to talk to me or not it's just the fact that my boyfriend can't see that it takes two people to have a relationship so if I'm putting all the effort in to having a relationship with them and they're not putting any really like any effort back towards me it's not gonna work so what advice would you give on how to either make him see that a relationship might just not happen or how can I

make them want to talk to me in any way that's so it sounds so stupid but thanks okay prepare for a crash landing wait what are your thoughts on this i was trying to put myself in her shoes and i'm not this nice i'm like a little too stubborn yeah like if i'm i'd be like okay they don't want to be my friend do you know what i mean like i i absolutely yeah i would just like tell him and be like if he like brought it up again i'd be like i'm sorry i tried do you not see this like look they didn't respond to my text and i would kind of just yeah i yeah and i don't i don't know if you're too because either you're too nice or he's really fucking dumb yeah okay first of all fuck your boyfriend because the first thing that like that stood out to me is that you're asking

like and i'm pretending i'm her you're asking me to get along seamlessly with four different women who are probably incredibly diverse that love you like did you he clearly doesn't understand women because like you're setting me up for failure and you clearly don't love me and you're the odd one out yeah it should be a conversation with your sisters of being like hey my four sisters who have known each other for your entire lives and are probably it sounds like there's a very close family please welcome in and reach out to my new girlfriend not like hey can you walk into this pack of wolves yeah literally literally this it bothers me so much too because like i'm sad that you have to convince him when he just clearly is in touch with the reality of women and they're

they're his sisters he has four that's terrifying that's yeah that's like if you had a brother yeah that's true it that is so fucking scary and whether they love or hate him they're probably very protective of them of him you know he should have sent a text from the jump and been like guys i really care about her she's taking great care of me she really loves me she wants to be a part of this family i you guys are important to me and like how what do we do is he just sending her out to this pack of wolves or is he saying hey let's do a date and invite one of my sisters yeah like and also at this point if they're not responding to your text because oh that hurts yeah and you know they've got like their own group of text messages oh and they're just sending the screenshots

oh my god i know and then they're just ping-ponging off of each other and then the boyfriend's like why aren't you guys friends again yeah like that's the part that also they've been dating for four years yeah here's the thing i think uh and i say this from i think that there's like you guys need to like do some recon work because this is it shouldn't necessarily be like this four years in like if this is still they're just not responding like i think it's you have to have a sit-down conversation with your boyfriend and like you need to start hanging out with the sisters because maybe it's they didn't get a great first impression from you or maybe maybe when you guys started dating because he has a lot of women in his life he's very used to like talking about

his feelings maybe like if you guys went through some shit he opened up to his sisters and his sisters have kind of like held some sort of resentment yeah and it's because of the other sister-in-law too that they have yeah history with there's something there that like you need to resolve because i don't i think after all this time the fact that they're still not responding to your text like there's an issue that needs to be fixed i don't think there's any i think you just need to like address it head on yeah and first of all like the like very first thing like as far as advice like don't shoot the second arrow this is not your fault yeah like it is absolutely not your fault and then like are you familiar with the second arrow no but is that like

so act you try again don't make fun of me i went to this meditation room one time i thought you were gonna say tony robbins oh god we'll have an issue then no no no no no i do not have seven thousand dollars to go to a convention in like if you have seven thousand dollars you know how you can keep make seven thousand dollars keep the seven thousand dollars right however did you know you can bring a friend at half price oh my god i can't but they say that the second arrow is actually like when something happens to you the second arrow is the thing that we put on ourselves like this is me this is like my my problem and so like we always have the choice to shoot the second arrow or not and if you do shoot it then you're not going into the situation with as much

clarity as you could so like first things first is like this is not your fault you were thrown to the wolves you were right in between your boyfriend and his fourth jesus you were a strong person plus the mom too oh god i think about it even just that i've had a hard enough time with like boy like guys i've dated and like getting along with their moms and like the idea that there'd be four sisters plus that oh my god horrifying and he's just like figure it out yeah um i yeah i don't know i'm and i'm also thinking about like okay imagine you're one of the sisters and he starts dating her and then immediately she texts you she's like oh my god your dress looks so great today i can't wait to see you later at the barbecue yeah yeah it's just it's it's

there was there was a big mistake on his end and i don't know maybe you're his first serious girlfriend like maybe he hasn't been through this before but i think that's the like you weren't really brought into the family dynamic you are asked to include yourself in a sister dynamic and they're not your sisters either and also if he's let's say he's let's assume maybe he's the baby and they're like when he's had a lot of girlfriends before and they're like we're not gonna spend time but that's what i mean then it gets to be four years it's like well shit now how do we recover from this okay i'm gonna go straight up battle tactics on this i love it find the strongest sister persuade her like who is the leader of the sisters like super serious it topples

it's toppled down effect you have to go for the jugular with the strongest sister and then if it doesn't work out move to like soul or something i don't know why i picked soul it's very different i don't know yeah i i i think i think the first thing you should do is have a conversation with your boyfriend and be like hey here's the thing i even if you don't love your family yeah i think they're great i think your sisters are amazing i think the bond that they have with them is like with each other is really great i know you really want me to have a close relationship with them and i really want that too i've been reaching out and really trying and i'm at a loss at this point of what to do because i they're not responding to me and i'm really trying to go for

all of this and basically just be like have give him all like this is everything that i've been doing and like it's not working i'm not sure what to do at this point oh my god i've listened to the show but you're like a great communicator my god thank you i go to therapy that was that was just like boom boom boom like the the right yes that i'm also like very straight and have dated lots of stupid men where it's like you kind of sometimes have to handle drew because i don't think regardless of the fact that he has three sisters he clearly doesn't fully understand that dynamic and there has to be something of being like here i really tried and i really care about this and i know you really care about this and i care about it too and and even if it's like playing dumb a little

bit of being like what what do you think i should do now like how how at this point you know your sisters better than anyone like how could i how could i reach them how could i like be able to form that connection and then even just throw in and suggest like maybe like we could take pick a sister maybe we could take her whatever madison and maybe we could all go see like that new movie doesn't she love whatever celebrity or whatever and kind of show that you know who they are and you've been trying to like get in there with them make it more accessible because yeah like you're saying it is you're going straight in for the wolves and i think about it even with like female friends and stuff like my female friends when they bring their boyfriends around

and they were like my friends aren't really getting along with my boyfriend and i was like bitch did you introduce him to nine of them at once and what other guys were there she goes just him and i go oh what do you mean he didn't feel included and i'm like go out to dinner with one of your friends who has a boyfriend who's like long distance who's not like salty and bitter and single and then have dinner all three of you and hang out and like have him get to know those interpersonal relationships also because here's the thing too what if you guys don't live that close to each other you don't live that close then you want her to form texting relationships with them yeah and then it's only if you're only seeing them at family events and here's the thing

about relationships that i've learned especially in family dynamics if you're in a long-term relationship and it's a relationship that you see for the long haul which usually makes sense if you're including them within your family you also need to join as a unit together so there's your family unit your parents whoever raised you your siblings and then there's you and your partner and when you go to your partner's family it's not oh this is his family and me it's this is his extended family and here's him and i and we're doing it together yep because you need to have his support to do that with you and it's just and this is the whole thing you wouldn't say to him it's like it's been four years of me trying to do this and nothing's changed so i need to change my

tactic and i need to change how we go about this because i'm doing everything right as far as i know and then maybe it's and even if you feel comfortable i would i if i were you i think your boyfriend's kind of proven that he's not super on top of like the nuance of all this stuff and like you're clearly great with social cues and after you do this with him even if it's you just having a conversation with the nicest sister and just being like hey i don't know if i ever did anything that kind of made it like if if you just think that like we're different people and like i'm not really the kind of person you like want to get along with which again is totally fine or if there's something that I either like said or did early on that made me come off as like standoffish

but like I would just like to know like I would like to like be friends and it's really important for him for us to like get close and if that's not something you want to do that's totally fine but I just I feel like I've been like really trying to go for that yeah I would rather I'll stop if you that's not something you're into yeah I think like and Megan's given like so much good advice but i want to really take it back to the you're so nice yeah so kind because for me like you know when we when i'm and i'm in a relationship like i'm gonna give you the bad advice now oh my god oh how the tables have turned oh like now like it's like so me usually like now you must choose the good communication or the like oh my god i feel like i'm absorbing the leo mentality

that it really is because i okay in like when i first started dating a guy i'm like okay like you know hierarchy wise like he's got like you know family school friends whatever but like as the years go on like i need to start climbing the ranks okay and like after four years i need to be above your sisters okay i'm your top priority i'm hurting do you understand that i'm hurting you need you need to step in i'm hurt baby is sad i'm baby i'm baby and baby is sad and i need help okay so like as and like i feel like it's i'm kind of like fucking around but also there is a point where when you're married in a relationship like 10 years into it like yes he cares a lot for his parents but you are the number one you're the new family you you are and then when you guys have

kids they even say that you know husband and wife should still be top priority and child is kind of second priority so you need to be climbing the ranks and if if the sisters if it's still get along with my sisters or else after four years something is like kind of off here for me i'm just i'm not feeling it make him listen to this episode because you were nice about him you weren't a bitch yeah she was so nice you didn't incriminate yourself at all and we're just ready to ream him yeah yeah boy get better or she's gonna dump your ass seriously oh yeah message to him message sir unacceptable unacceptable un-fucking-acceptable unacceptable step in there be a man protect your woman you do you want to be in this for the long haul do you want this or do you want to

fuck your sisters instead there we go wow maybe it has to be said maybe it has it truly which what's your favorite had to be admitted don't show them she's like um here baby it's okay they ended there there's like a glitch now they start talking oh good god should we go on to the next one hello megan melissa and possible guest so i have this best friend and she tends to like to one-up me and i take her on all kinds of vacations and buy her all kinds of stuff but she doesn't really do much for me in return and I really don't want to lose my best friend but if this is what y'all feel is needed then maybe I should but I should need some advice on what to do she tends to go after guys that I have had past

relationships with or even are trying to have a relationship with or even these people that I'm friends with she tries to steal from me um I've heard that she don't crap about me to other people and when we're around guys she tends to just be a completely different person and treat me completely different and I don't know she really just expects a lot from me but doesn't want to do anything for me in return and whenever I've tried to have conversations with her try to play the victim card and switch all that i'm saying back on me so i'm always the one that ends up apologizing and having to move on and keep my feelings to myself so i don't hurt her feelings and i really just don't know what to do at this point so if you'll

have any advice i would really appreciate it um okay thank you all bye bye you just want our permission to stop being friends she's not your friend to begin with she's not your friend at all this this sounds like well she said best friend sounds like a um it sounds like a case of a friendship that has run its course oh my god it is it is also oh yeah we need to we need to cut this one out so that we can make room for good ones yeah like what do you like about her well it might be that she maybe she doesn't feel like she has anyone to replace her it kind of feels like a void it's you know it's that comfort of this person's always been my sidekick and by my side they're always down or something yeah and and it's scary to leave that comfort and it's also

some i've found sometimes it happens with toxic friends is they refer to you like they tell you you're my best friend you're my best friend and you start to believe it yeah and it's like oh i don't you might not even have initially considered her your best friend but when she refers to you as your best friend over and over again you're like you are my best friend dude i was friends with this psychotic dude i've been there psychotic girl and you know it's funny i met her on bumblebee cff i like tried to make friends when i moved out to la like i i feel like that would i would feel like that would i don't know if i would i don't know i think i would think that it would be the opposite because you would like have to put yourself out there yeah you have to put yourself

out there but i don't really recommend it yeah she was crazy oh in in fucking sane so after kind of no and she was my neighbor she lived like right across the street so she was just convenient aunt always there always down love to drink i love to drink um and like one day we're at the grocery store and and we're checking out and we had got like wine and stuff to make dinner for the night like super cute whatever yeah and the cashier said like is bringing it up and she was like oh y'all about to party she was like are y'all best friends and this girl was just looking at me like like she was like like say it say it and i was like and i just straight up was like no we're neighbors oh wow i was like hell no i ended up cutting her off like two months later i was

like good can't do this but that's that's true they will tell you we're best friends aren't we we've always been best friends and it's part of the gaslighting thing of like the reason why you keep apologizing and all that stuff she puts that into your head and when someone i've had friends like that where literally i was like like you're my best friend like no you're not i'm like no there's no way at all no and i i think i mean yeah like you said she's she's not your friend and she's not displaying any traits of a friend at all and i think she's like gotten into your psyche and convinced you that you are and also if you spend a lot of time together doesn't also mean that she's your best friend at all oh god this girl is using her though she's taking you're

taking her on trips and it sounds like you're paying for it i know she's like she keeps one upping i was like well at least she'll one up and take you on better trips no she doesn't do anything no she's taking your guys that you've been with she's taking your other friends like she's just a moocher yeah she's a parasite yeah absolutely and sounds incredibly insecure oh a hundred percent i can smell it from a mile away and that smelly smell that smells like insecurity dude okay but yeah very insecure person yeah i've been you like i've been like very generous and all of that sort of stuff and like there's a proximity friend and a convenience friends like you with your neighbor and so something that happens that i find with toxic

friends a lot of toxic friends are proximity friends and a lot of toxic friends even if they're not emotionally giving you a ton or anything like that but they're infiltrating your life in the sense that like they'll come over to your place they'll just come over and hang out and they'll show up there and all of that stuff they don't make you work really i these are my thing they haven't they didn't make me i've had a couple who made me work really hard for it but that was like friends turned toxic but other times it was like they kind of just infiltrated my life and it was easy and it was one of those things that i was like oh my god you're hanging out with me every day i'm not putting a ton of effort like it's just kind of

happening and then you get caught up in it and then it becomes like oh we're spending every day together yeah and you're like but if you live 20 minutes away i wouldn't drive to your place exactly yeah this the girl that i was friends with i was like the minute you move i was like don't fucking text me exactly absolutely not and you know it's actually interesting because i'm just now kind of having this like sort of epiphany where i'm realizing like they don't tell you that as you grow and evolve if you're there are some people that do not grow and evolve yeah some people that are just like stuck but like and i can tell you're like a person like that like every three four or five years it's like a total fucking rebirth and the sad thing is is you shed

friends then if you're constantly growing and evolving there are going to be people that aren't growing with you because a lot of people don't always evolve and you you you have to kind of cut them off because otherwise they'll drag you down they'll either like rescind you like five years or they'll try to just pull you they try to pull you back where they are it's it's that phrase misery loves company yeah really is and uh something i learned when i dropped out of college uh which i mean also i thought i thought that i learned it when i dropped out of college but it definitely took me a lot more years to like really learn it is that it it is far more lonely to be friends with shitty people than it is to be alone like the idea of being alone terrified the shit

out of me like i dropped it i had zero friends dropping out of college and i was like no i'll just be friends with whoever like anyone i could get i would be friends with and then it got to this point where it was like this sucks it is soul sucking it's emotionally draining and i'm not getting any of my needs met and if anything i'm just emptying from empty it's not like it's not like this static thing where it's like okay well it's not adding anything but it's not taking away from my life not true it's taking away if it's not adding it's taking away there is no friendship where it's just neutral it's either taking away from you or you're giving too much or you're taking too much and that's just how it goes and it's so much better to be alone and you even

mentioned like you have other friends that she talks shit about you too and i think that's also probably them trying to be like hey you need to cut her out of your life in this relationship but i mean it's definitely like scary to kind of end uh a quote-unquote friendship that is toxic but it's it like you said it sucks you back in and if you don't end it now you're gonna start finding that you're surrounding yourself with a lot of people like this because this is what they call themselves your friends and then you start associating this with friendship and then this becomes what your friends are like and how people treat you say peace out goodbye becky goodbye becky we loved you we had you we'll miss you goodbye goodbye hi there so i just need some

advice and perspective on a part of my relationship so i know i'm 23 and he's 22 he's a sagittarius and I'm Aquarius, just for your details. I've been with my boyfriend for a little under a year and we're happy together and this issue is not a make or break for me, but I feel like we have hit a bit of a wall with our sex life. So let me explain.

I'm extremely chill with sex. I'm comfortable trying just about anything at least once and talking about what we both like and what works best is super important to me. To me, it's worth it to communicate to make our sex life as good as it can be. And if you can't talk about it like an adult, then you aren't mature enough to be doing it so keeping that in mind we were each other's first

so it's not like either of us had a ton of experience going in um and even though i think it's fun to talk about sex my boyfriend however is there's no other way to say it he's kind of just like chased um and he gets visibly uncomfortable talking about sex so for example i asked about his sexual fantasies and things that he wanted to do in bed the other day and he kept just saying like i don't know i don't know um he doesn't want to eat me out because of quote how it tastes um i've genuinely like gently brought it up a few other times and he always sincerely says that he wants to try and that he actually does like feel bad letting you down in that way but says that it's just not something he's comfortable with um also when i go down on him i don't give an

average blowjob and i don't say that to be cocky but to me it's super fun to get someone off and do whatever it takes to make it really really good um and while he said like a couple times it was a great head he's also like mentioned like i'm surprised that you would do that or be comfortable with that and like that's kind of weird um he also is like really quiet during sex not like it's like dead silence but sometimes it feels like he's not really in the moment or it's hard to tell when he's genuinely enjoying something because he just is very quiet um the only time that he's not guarded and gets really into it and will like talk dirty or be more passionate without thinking is if he's had a few drinks um all of our sex is good but i wish that

he could be less self-conscious and more open to trying new things but every time i bring it up i just feel bad because i would never want to like push him and pressure um or make him uncomfortable because that's just not fair but how can i bring it up and normalize talking about sex and make it fun without pushing or pressuring someone that i really care about oh my god imagine having to get your boyfriend drunk so that he's like cool okay this is this is my worst nightmare no it's not it's up there this wouldn't this wouldn't happen i would be i wouldn't be i wouldn't be in this for a year we wouldn't we like i'm hot i'm i'm sexy in bed yeah why don't you i can't believe she's giving blow jobs and she's not going down because she likes it and that's the part it's like

i can't believe that she is going down on like him and then not getting what she wants that's i think it's because she likes it i like it too and i think it's a hot turn on sort of thing but i think my stubbornness would get like it wouldn't be my sex brain it would be like my stubborn brain to be like no i'm not gonna fucking do this because i'm not getting i'm not getting my needs met yeah i okay so i was trying to think why would a guy be so sexually shy because this guy seems yeah really sexually shy potentially religion because they're each other's first and i also was thinking if he has any if he ever had any sort of like body conscious issues or any sort of yeah that image issues body dysmorphia if he like had lost a bunch of weight or he had gained a bunch

of weight he was just uncomfortable in his like own naked body thing or really like yeah growing up religious or honestly i'm gonna be honest none of those are ringing as true to me as i'm not as maybe he's 22 or 20 and doesn't know what he wants oh yeah okay yeah yeah okay i i agree yeah i mean yeah they're 23 yeah having sex for the first time like 22 23 um as i mean it's not doesn't necessarily mean religious but to me it's like there's a higher likelihood that you did you grew up in a more conservative place where maybe it wasn't cool i will say i i hooked up with this uh really fucking hot uh executive guy one time was he a virgin no but he grew up mormon and he left the church and he um it was funny we went on like four dates and we literally slept in a bed

together but never did anything yeah we never did anything uh we like made out i think once i don't even remember it it just he was so weird about stuff um so it could be a religious thing like especially if he's mormon or something that's how they i don't know much about it but from his perspective like he had it ingrained in his brain like how bad sex was he shouldn't be doing this he felt guilt um extreme guilt and it doesn't put it for the same time as much as i say that it doesn't necessarily seem this guy just seems awkward it doesn't seem like guilt it just seems that he's so i think i think you're on to something with maybe he doesn't know what he likes and i would say that as a girl who enjoyed a former a cocktail in her former life i definitely

i was and the reason why i liked drinking was i very insecure person and then when i was drunk i was on insecure at all like i felt hot i felt so confident i felt like this is who i wanted to be and this is all of this and i think this is really bad advice i think you need to have a conversation with him while he's drunk because it sounds like that's when he's kind of just saying what he wants to say and he's getting more into it and i think i think it needs to be a conversation that's like a sexy conversation but keep your fucking clothes on and have a conversation before you start having sex because i think you need to it sounds like you kind of need to like he needs to feel comfortable enough to start talking about with you and i'm not saying

like take advantage of the fact that like oh he's drunk he doesn't want to talk about this kind of stuff sober but if you guys are both drinking you're over a like you're you're saying that he's more comfortable like dirty talking and doing all this stuff when drunk i would just kind of roll with that and ask him what he's into and then also preface the fantasy part i don't know if you're saying what you would be into or like you really like and you kind of like break that wall down to suggest that kind of stuff and then i would also just throw out and suggest some stuff and i would suggest things all the way from you know do you want to watch some girl like would you like girl on girl porn do you want to watch like threesome like what about some like eiffel

tower kind of stuff like would you want a little role play yeah somebody that you're not you know oh and you know i i really like the idea that maybe it's the uh maybe he's not feeling very secure you do a little test you know do a little test when you're having that drinking conversation and compliment him like tell him how great he looks tell him like how great his body looks something like that and then see if he opens up a little bit more because it'll give you a hint if it's a confidence issue yeah i think that makes a lot of sense and also like try having sex with the lights on like is he like is he very insistent of like i really would like would rather the lights be dim or the lights be down like it could be like a yeah like a physical self-conscious

thing and then also like there is a huge obviously there's a huge aspect of like this uh hyper masculinity and a huge part of like hyper masculine culture is fucking lots of bitches and like if he's never explored sexually and you're his first partner there might be a part of him that feels not super less than yeah and he doesn't necessarily feel in touch with that or feel like he's enough of like a like a manly man quote unquote to kind of like know that sort of stuff and then also as long as he knows it's like a safe space for whatever fantasy because also maybe the thing is he knows what he's into and it's like hella freaky and he's afraid to bring it up gosh you know what do you want to pee on me what maybe watch some porn together yeah and see what he

picks like him pick if he goes immediately to like large breasts then he's just he's just like oh this is safe yeah it's not really what he watches no no guy is just searching big titty scroll scroll through and watch this is so psycho this is so psycho when someone sees something that they're attracted to their pupils will dilate and get a lot bigger and basically like take like a psych test just show him pictures flash him and see when his pupils dilate and know that's what he's into and i think you need i also the part that i like we haven't touched on that i do think is a little weird the part that he keeps being surprised of the stuff that she's wants to do or the stuff that that she would be into that part's a little i don't know it's a little weird

to me but if it's all new it can be just like the surprise of the newness yeah i guess that's true he hasn't been what if maybe maybe affected by any of it before yeah or maybe he just ends up being really maybe he's really vanilla and his favorite sex edition is missionary and like he wouldn't like spank you if you gave him a hundred dollars uh and and because you guys are each other's first i think there's an assumption that oh we're gonna it's our first time we're sharing this together our whole sexual experience is gonna be together and we're gonna learn it together but you're learning even though you're each other's first i think you're learning at different speeds and discovering and liking different stuff and so it also could be even though you've never had sex

with other people you guys could just not be sexually compatible yeah like he could just be very content with like super vanilla sex and you're like i'll try anything once and have you mentioned anal because i feel like if he turned if he turns down anal i'll be confused maybe get a i mean this is maybe get a dental dam if you want him to go down on you like a flavored one oh yeah because then how does he know it tastes bad he just doesn't like how it tastes he didn't say it tastes bad he doesn't like it but he but he tried it and he didn't like it yeah oh my god did he stop part way through and said i can't it tastes bad oh my ego i would have murdered him on the spot i beg you must die no one can know about this you die here nobody could know i wouldn't

and then like oh my god at least like lie to me like tell me you have like a like your neck hurts yeah or you're or you're congested if your neck hurts i'd be like okay i'm getting on yeah i'll sit on your face i'm getting on top yeah yeah just say you're congested and you can't breathe i want you to sneeze into my vagina my nose is all stuffed up and if i'm using my mouth then i can't breathe you know what makes your nose clear up an orgasm does it yeah oh i've heard it does oh wow oh my god it does it does that makes a lot of sense yeah that's funny that's really funny that is funny wow hot tip in fact hot tip uh this is this is a difficult thing um well um okay what oh man i um

i need more information i know i know i think we yeah do do take our advice and then give us a call back and let us know what happens yes follow-up call we love that because that's what we i we need to figure out because i think um and also maybe read the comments of the youtube video i feel like people might have some stuff to say yeah i think so too so yeah guys help us out yeah and if you're listening to this call and you're like i feel like i can pinpoint what this might be feel free to comment yeah yeah on youtube let us know let us know what you think we we'd love to hear because they're right there might be some things there might be some thoughts that we have nuts yeah you know that might not have yeah you know so let us know should we uh go into the next

time for a break okay we're gonna take a quick break and we'll be right back okay guys we are back from our break and we're getting to the rest of the calls hmm i am in a relationship and i don't want to be in the relationship but there's a few factors that are preventing me from breaking up with him so we've been together for like a year and a half i'm 21 he's 20 uh he is kind of immature for his age like definitely immature for his age he doesn't make a lot of money which will come up later but i'm just saying i make more than him right now and i probably will make more than him once i graduate from school with my uh license that I'll be earning um anyway I currently work at a place where his mom is my

boss and I'm like terrified that if I break up with him she's gonna make my like workplace difficult or even awkward like I can't even stomach the fact that it would be as awkward as I'm imagining and I just don't know what to do I have to work here for like another year at least until I'm done with school and I don't know I'm just not happy in the relationship anymore and I'm not sure if breaking up with him will be the solution but I'm pretty sure I don't know I just I'm sorry that I'm so scattered basically he's messy he's dirty he lies to me sometimes like little small lies that really get under my skin because our promises to each other are that we don't lie and we don't cheat and he hasn't cheated on me but he's definitely lied to me

in ways that I don't appreciate anyway uh the reason I mentioned his money and everything is that we live together and we do split the rent um but I'm afraid that if I break up with him he won't have a place to live his parents have a house that doesn't have enough bedrooms for him because they have a lot of kids anyway I don't know I've talked to a few people and they've told me that I just need to do what's best for myself and I feel like breaking up with him would be the best thing but i'm afraid for him and for me because i don't want my life to be awkward and i want his life to be hard in a sense of like he's not gonna have a place to live and i don't know bitch i mean girl not bitch ma'am ma'am here's what happened i don't know

what came first the job or the boyfriend but this is you got yourself here like you got yourself yeah like surprise this is this it's gonna like it's gonna be awkward and also like awkward and this is someone who has social anxiety so like awkward is literally like one of the worst things for me an awkward situation is really not that bad like an awkward as a feeling it sucks but it's not awful it's not torture it's not physically painful like it sucks but also you did mention here's what i'll say great she did mention though that she uh he's got a lot of siblings i feel like the parents won't care as much oh my god hot take but do you mean like if it was your one son yeah but if you've got like eight kids okay i would just be like i don't have

time to worry about this take that point and cement it that's your baseline let's remember that and you know there's always a myriad of options my first like default was okay fake nailment like something really bad so that he breaks up with you but but she can't really fake it because then the mom would know yeah i'll say um you put details in your other call that you didn't put in this call that i know and i've shared with everyone so we know what you do we know we won't mention it and um for anybody listening she cannot quit the job that she's at and go work somewhere else yeah yeah so i man i was originally picturing like you know like she's like wheelchair everything like all bandaged up and then she gets home and just takes it off but

he's there surprise so not an option um yeah i think that being a being afraid of the awkwardness at work is oh my god it's so funny you said he has a she has other kids she won't fucking care she can't even house her own son and like oh my god honestly piggybacking off of that um that if she if he if okay her big concern was they're living together and if they break up then he's got to move out and he would have nowhere to go his mother wouldn't take him in but she would yell at you or very you uncomfortable maybe she the mom doesn't want him there though yeah but then that you can bond with the mom over this fucking loser i know like and also plots where it's like you break up with him and she high-fives you in the hallway the next day

like thank god my son's a deadbeat but they can't fire you it yes it may be a little and also you're speculating that it's awkward like if you don't have enough of a relationship with her to determine like what their relationship is like what the aftermath is going to be like i don't i i feel like it's like not even that serious like maybe she i and i can get how in your head this is like really stressful i think focus less on the mom and focus on your living situation will you be able to pay this rent afterwards what what is plan b can you like what other factors fuck the mom i don't even think she cares but i think this is the thing like everything you're worried about has nothing to do with you like it has nothing to do with your happiness or anything like you're worried about

him and like his living situation not your problem like it's really not your problem he's a big boy and if he's not a big boy break up with him like if he can't figure that shit out like that's not your responsibility to like take care of him at all like if anything that's going to be his mom's responsibility and it's also not your responsibility to like manage the relationship you have with his mom because none of this yeah it's just it's just you're thinking about everybody else's feelings before your own and that's not doing anyone a service at all so i mean i would truly the first thing i would do is talk like talk to your boyfriend and break up with him and then i would ask him and say would you be okay if i talked to your mom about this because i i don't want

i i don't want like if you want to tell your mom totally fine but we do have a working relationship and i don't want i i want to make sure that i can have a conversation with her about it so like is that okay or would you do you want to talk to her first if you talk to her tonight i'll talk to her at work tomorrow and just have it there not being like oh you'll talk to her and then i won't mention it to her because i think that'll be awkward but having a conversation with her and just taking her to coffee and just being like hey i this sucks like this is so and even in dress like this is so incredibly awkward i really didn't foresee this happening i really thought that like like you're he's great i just at this point like we're just not compatible and i care about

him and i care about you and i care about like my working relationship and everything like that and i just know that my heart really wasn't in it anymore and this i really hope that like work isn't going to be weird and like things between us can still like remain professional but i just wanted you to hear that from me and then you just have to like it's not your responsibility at all also that's so adult like sitting down with her and saying like hey let's grab a cup of coffee i know this fucking sucks that is so adult like and i think you're afraid of having that conversation because it is scary you gotta put on your thug gloves be a woman and at the end of the day she's gonna respect that and she's probably gonna actually be mad at her son that he didn't keep

you and you can have conversations with her like that like that's amazing yeah that's a fucking woman and i know that this is like a kind of weird scary bump in the road but it's not forever and it's a lesson that you're gonna take and carry with you forever like the courage to sit down and do that you're gonna have that forever it's like one time i had that job where i had to do cold calls and now i'm not afraid of anything for some people there are blank spaces and you have the power to fill in those spaces with a positive or a negative or just the truth and sometimes especially anxious people we tend to fill in those blank spaces negatively so either you're going to make her just sit on those for the next year and infer things about you infer things about the

relationship and just and then you're going to fester or you can clear it up right now and it takes a little bit of strength and a little bit of courage but it's so fucking worth it not only for this situation but in the future too yeah and how do you not know that like he's talking to his mom about you and all of this kind of stuff i just think you need to you need to become a part of the conversation because like it is family and then it's a relationship and then it's work and he doesn't share work with you and her so you and her have a relationship outside of your relationship with him and it's just super fucking you know it's all like incestuous and you just have to insert yourself in the conversation yeah oh good god i really don't fucking envy you um and i just

really want to know what went through i just want to know how the order of this happened like how did you start dating your boss's son oh my god yeah i want to know or like did she get a job i don't she get helping it yeah i want to know the order of it because then i'm will either i don't know i might judge you a little bit but i don't i think it must be like a very organic thing because like from what your job that we know of i don't there's doesn't i don't think there's a lot of places you could work best of luck have a hard talk put on your thug gloves i like that and let us know how it goes we'd love an update on to the next one um my ex and i we dated for a little over two years and we broke up last march and since then i kind of started dating his nephew i mean

His nephew is older than him because he had, like, you know, older brothers. But I'm kind of ish dating his nephew. But we know that we can't really be anything official because, you know, of my history with his uncle. And also since then, I slept with my best friend who is my ex's ex-best friend. They were, like, best friends for years. and um i was like oh my gosh am i finally you know gonna get with the best friend um but my best friend is he lives with his girlfriend who has a daughter so he's just like super invested into that and he really is he doesn't know what to do and i'm like should i see you know if things

will develop further with the nephew and like try to tackle that and try to because i really like him like a lot I wish we met first um or should I tell my best friend like to leave his girlfriend for me but like I don't know I don't condone cheating and I hate that that has to go down that way um or should I just let things be and just do like just keep hanging out with the nephew or I don't know I need your help um so whatever advice you can give me would be amazing but thank okay first things first stop breathe and cease and desist touching all men stay away from all men my advice was become join a nun right yeah like we effectively immediately we need you to stay away from all men for 90 days minimum your reliability to yourself and others you it's

like it's like you have this car and you're just crashing into every tree no mercy there are people dying the news reports are out there people are texting about you and you're just like i think i want to be with this person sorry i'm being such a bitch right now but no no no this is what needs to be said you also have this innocent voice like you just like i don't know how i ended up here dude and i'm gonna say this right now if okay well there's three guys in the mix right now you're gonna date one of them and then you're going to leave him for another man why is this happening like yeah okay you're good at this stuff i'm ready for your i feel like i'm listening to the show right now hit me here's the thing you thought i've been nice this whole time

this is when you see the real mic and colors come out okay you know what we're just full disclaimer we're going in on you oh we are we are and you oh my god i don't know what your fucking deal is i don't know what your story is or what your history is but even based on how you talk about this call it's life is happening to you and you have you're not in the driver's seat and it's just whatever yeah this is not normal this isn't just like a okay so like do i break up my like best first of all your best friend your best friend you're fucking your best friend who lives with his girlfriend and has a baby oh my god and you're like oh like but it's my best like do you care about him at all no do you care about yourself no what do you care about i dick literally cock

dick that's in the same circle she don't leave the circle dude oh my god you're a uh-huh you're a homie hopper oh it's like oh and that is that is the that is the that is the kiss of death it's fucking it's running over like that's no it's it's it is the worst kind of person to be because also you like you said you literally you're a fucking tornado and you're just like taking anything in and it's just you're not literally literally you are pussy tornado and everything's getting caught up in a vaginal tornado this is so fucked dude and you need like when i like i need you to move i need you to move you need to fucking and like go to seoul i was gonna say if if we were so advanced that you could if you could live on a spaceship

i would advise i would sort of go fund me to get your ass in space you need to do like there's so many layers to this so fucking many i would like you to go to therapy um i don't know if you have any friends that you've never slept with and that's not a judgment but i need you to find a good female friend that you've never fucked do you have female friends i don't any female friend would be like vicky does she what's her name we'll call her vicky vicky what the fuck we're your friends right now and we are disappointed and if they're not doing that you don't have any real friends and you know what i fucking bet vicky you you do have female friends and you didn't tell them about this or they know and you just won't listen oh everyone or vicky's a

scorpion it's like i'll sting you bitch i also don't know if you're a scorpio though because you don't seem aware of what you're doing can we please guess the sign hold on you ready ready i don't know gemini oh yeah i you're not wrong there that could make sense because i just am confused as shit also i could i'm gonna say i could see a pisces too oh because it's in your own head kind of fantasy land sort of thing you're not really thinking of consequences please can you just let us know i know we're being mean but can you let us know if we're right yeah you're still here please just send us your whole chart um that dude yeah this is this is vicky this is so bad and vicky i'm also really concerned because you literally asked this so

which one should i date yeah you should date none of them you can't date any of them or anybody period no this is the the cold hard nasty dirty fucking truth um it's hard i'm about it's hard for me to go ahead all these guys i think they probably know what's going on friends of friends know somebody knows you i'm sure you've talked to people about this and i don't think anyone respects you right now no and you're right now you're making a really strong case for you to end up in hell and like as somebody who will probably be there i mean not probably i'll see you there i would i would like to spare you we're gonna be in line we're like oh my god is that the pass around girl oh my god no so you just this is the thing this is an extreme sport

you need to do recon in this and i think you need to this is what i'll i think the first thing you need to do is you need to apologize to your best friend and say i'm so sorry that i put you in the situation i'm so sorry that i put your relationship and your family and your relationship with your kid at risk for this that was incredibly selfish of me and i'm really sorry that i did that and then you need to apologize to the nephew and be like i'm really sorry that i created an uncomfortable and potentially like shattering familial relationship with you and your family and made that really incredibly awkward that was not my place to do so and that was not fair i'm going to um book a one-way ticket to berlin and follow my travel blog where i talk about

abstinence yeah you you can't do not touch any men and you know what you know what vicky i really want you to i i can't i can't let go of the daughter thing because that's because first of all like i wait do you have kids you don't have kids right when do you plan on having i plan on having kids okay eventually eventually same i'm shooting for i'm shooting for like 32 33 years you know but like when i have kids like that is that's so important to me and so the first thing i'm thinking of is like you fucking bitch i want you to imagine that child as a 15 year old girl and you have to tell her that you broke up her parents for funsies yeah because you felt like it because you didn't know how you were feeling that day like have that conversation with that

child in your head and you need to realize the magnitude of what you're doing to yourself and the people around you this is really fucking gross well your decision making skills are it's what you're saying and what you're doing don't line up and therefore that's like that's what you need therapy for like you need like the fact that you're like i don't condone cheating but i cheated i don't condone all this but i'm still doing it so you're not matching up with like you're this is what i keep saying when i'm like it's like you don't realize that you're the one making the decisions like you're choosing this you're putting yourself in this and also she like the best friend he said that he's about his family and stuff and she's like do i need to

tell him to leave his girlfriend no if he wanted to leave her he would have yes he does not want you no you need this is you need to stop dating and you need to be a i'm gonna this sounds really fucking bitchy you need to be a better woman you need to go make some female friends some really great female friends yeah spend some time with them i don't know what you're again i don't know your story or your history or what your life growing up is like and trauma and all of that stuff affects who we are as adults and things situations we've been through and right now it's you from women can tell you that if you were my friend i would not like the person you are right now so and i don't foresee you as you are in the choices that you're making i don't foresee you

having a lot of people who are really looking out for you or caring about you or who are going to prioritize you because it's really abundantly clear if i was your friend and i saw you acting like this i'd be like that's not a girl that i can be friends with because i can't trust her no and that's not who you want to be and it's a slippery fucking slope and boys and dating and all of that stuff can be exciting and validating picking do you know what's even more validating than a guy liking you a fucking girl liking you do you know how great it feels when a girl that you have a friend crush on wants to hang out with you or when a girl compliments your outfit versus the guy so true you think that you need all of this approval from like whatever gender i'm going

to specifically say like in heterosexual relationships though women find that that validation from men also like that's hello daddy issues all of that kind of shit and maybe mine's my issue because i have mommy issues i really want validation from women but i find that that is something that is so much for not only is it more fulfilling it sustains you so much more than validation from men because if you're friends with these other women who aren't you're not dating and you're not hooking up with their validation of you as you as a person and has nothing to do with what you're going to give them or what you're going to do for them or sexually or anything like that so you need to focus on that and that's that's just what you

need because you can't you're not even looking out for yourself right now yeah what are you looking for like what's the end goal here and here's the thing what if this fucking girlfriend like the the babe like baby mama or whatever like what if she's got an anger problem what if she fucking stabs you whose fault that whose fault that you got stabbed like no ifs ands or buts like you're gonna get your ass that's what i mean like at this point if you haven't already had this blow up in your face so massively it's going to yeah what happens when you hook up with someone who's married or what happens when you hook up like do what i mean like there's some there's you're just not being safe at all about this and the world's no offense and as a leo this is a hard thing for

to say the world doesn't revolve around you and like you're treating this again hurricane vagina like this is like this is everything is about you and everything's all around you how can you make how can you make all these people and these characters in your life work for you and you're not thinking about them and it's because you don't care about them and maybe you don't really care about yourself right now and these are not characters they are people and you're she's right there you're treating them like characters in vicky's little play like in and honestly the real advice here is you've you've tangled up a very nasty web of a lot of different things and prepare for a crash landing because there's no way that this ends well there's absolutely no

way that all three of the men come out and they say it turns into the fucking bachelor and you get to choose which one you want and there's a couple more hot ones sprinkled in like that's not going to happen it's um i have no idea what is in your future in the next six months but uh it's probably not going to be good no and this is if you can admit it and realize that and take accountability and that's not where it ends that's where it starts and then go into like the healing process therapy all of that sort of stuff i think you'll you know solidify or give you a lot better chances to end up with a healthy relationship and good surrounded by good people but if you literally keep doing this dude like it's you know what the the the the bad advice i would have you

don't want to listen to any of this apply for the bachelor oh my god we don't know we don't stand no we don't stand we don't stand at all and she definitely stopped listening yeah no well if you're still here vicky right now we're your only friends and we're disappointed we're disappointed and this is sometimes what female love is like it's tough it's it's real it's real tough and god you need that friend that like gives it to you like like when you when you're like i i need help and they're like well bitch first of all and yep we got a lot of things to say to you vicky but we just want to start with that yeah a little surface level a little sprinkle sprinkle see if you can get it done is it time for don't blame them okay so don't blame them is where other

listeners will call in with their own advice from previous calls so if they've got some of their own experience with some shit hey guys I'm calling about the girl who called in because the boyfriend's dog was everywhere that they were including in the bedroom while they were banging so I have advice for that in my situation I'm the person who's weirdly attached to their dog she doesn't sit at the dining room table with me like that guy's dog does but um she's always with me and um a few months ago I got my own place and my boyfriend would come over and we're trying to like get our shit on in my bedroom and my dog is standing next to the bed she's small she's a miniature dachshund so she's standing next to the bed trying to jump up onto the bed and she's not

making it because she's so small um and she would whine she would cry while we were having sex so i'm like okay this is going to be an issue let's put her out in the hall and close the door the whining continued louder out in the hall so that didn't work so i went on to chewy and I found compressed bones that she loves. So now I say that this is so weird. Um, I say that my dog is getting boned while I'm getting boned because I give her one of the compressed bones that she can chew on while I'm getting laid. Um, but it works like a charm. Like I give her that bone and it's like she's in her own little world and it's worked so well she used to get scared when my boyfriend and i would have sex because that shit gets aggressive because it's wonderful um

and she got so scared one time that she peed so that is my advice to her if his dog is so attached to the boyfriend who the dog's owner that maybe it's not a good idea to put the dog out in the or something like that get that dog a compressed bone and let that dog get boned while you're getting boned bye that's fucking hilarious i've those compressor things will work yeah i love that for you i also do love the bone and bone it's a nice duality wow that's yeah that's helpful i can't believe you didn't shut the door immediately though that's like the one thing i don't i mean i don't have a dog yet but i would just shut the door i would not let my dog watch that's inappropriate or a lot of people do it though i'm not okay and that my dog is my child

that is my baby and you will not funny enough someone else called and they were saying the same thing that like they were like my dog's my child and i let them in the room and then she's like hold on no that's weird i can't say that because i would not let my child in the room i'm having sex exactly that's funny oh my god i i would cry i couldn't do it you know no not at all and it would just take me out a hundred percent of the mood if i'm just like hearing like you just adds to it but i think that's great advice not an ad for chewy but we're open to the if it works it works neither of us have dogs yet but we can make the ad

i want one i want a dog i do want a dog i want a dog i can't wait um well that's it for our episode oh my god thank you for being on plug your shit where can people follow you thanks thanks i'm i'm i'm at big boss bows i'm mostly on instagram and twitch i just started streaming on twitch again yeah twitch.tv slash big boss bows uh i just like talk mad shit i just quit my job so yeah yeah so i'm i don't know i'm just doing shit i love it i'm happy to be here we're very happy and also happy birthday happy birthday oh my god i forgot thank you thank you i'm taking myself out for a little dinner hell yeah you should uh if you guys want to call in for an upcoming episode or if you want to give us an update give us a call at 310-694-0976

international listeners you can send us an audio message at meganpodcasts at gmail.com if you want to listen ad free check us out on stitcher premium we've got video on youtube and the audio version everywhere itunes all of the uh spotify all of that stuff pre-order my book you're not special on amazon or anywhere else comes out may 5th and uh follow us on instagram everything's linked down below just just just just check or just expand wherever the notes just go find it and cool we'll see you next time goodbye don't blame me is a production by me executive produced by melissa demonts camera operator amanda lechner and music by ryan hunter and giacomo picasso

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