Don't Blame Me! - S5E18: I Don’t Like Saliva with Melisa D. Monts

Episode Date: March 30, 2020

This week we're sharing advice on:    Dealing with friends who don't think you like them  Missed dating opportunities How to date without getting too attached Gag reflexes And in Don't Blame Them a listener shares her advice on getting messages about your boyfriend cheating.   Join our PRIVATE Facebook Group: www.facebook.com/groups/dbmsecretgroup  You must answer all questions correctly to be approved!   Follow Us! @meghanrienks www.instagram.com/meghanrienks  @dontblameme  https://www.instagram.com/dontblamemepod/ @sheisnotmelissa www.instagram.com/sheisnotmelissa     Listen to ad-free on Stitcher Premium! For a free month of Stitcher Premium, go to stitcherpremium.com and use promo code 'BLAME,' PLUS exclusive bonus episodes.     Affordable Therapy By State (Curated by Crissy Milazzo): www.tinyurl.com/y64kwdnf    Need Advice?  www.dontblameme.show  Domestic Listeners Call: [phone]   International Listeners Send a Voice Memo To: [e-mail]    … with as much detail as possible under 3 minutes! I'll do my best to share my wonderful words of wisdom. If you're under 18, please get your parent's permission. Advice is for entertainment purposes only, so you can't blame me if I screw up your life. I kid! My advice IS AMAZING. - Want to WATCH this episode as well? Check out my YouTube channel:  http://youtube.com/meghanrienks Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/join/dontblameme See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

hello everybody hello everybody and welcome to a new episode of don't blame me thanks so much for being here we'll see you guys next time i thought i was saying it wrong but then i was like what did i do wrong hello everybody and welcome to a new episode of don't blame me i'm melissa no you're not you're megan it's improv you have to say yes to everything we can also tell by our voices um it's an m&m episode guys yeah we're back bitches that mean you know what that means that means if you're not listening to headphones grab your fucking headphones yeah grab them yeah yeah yeah yeah uh-huh um so guys uh if you want to call in for

have a coming episode you can leave us a voicemail at 310-694-0976 international listeners can leave us an audio message email to us at meganpodcast at gmail.com any other housekeeping stuff no nothing think of no i usually do some type of little i know what was our bit i don't know i don't know well i don't know people enjoy it wait what are we gonna do for your birthday i forgot about that fucking shit dude it's almost your birthday basically it is this is the time of year where i start thinking about my birthday um well our facebook group's been popping it has been uh i do want to say a couple of like facebook housekeeping things okay so we've got three questions to answer to get into our facebook group uh i want to say we're not asking

if we don't ask for it don't feel like you need to give it to us some people have been like oh i feel like i need to answer this is like like i don't know like tone wise like a specific thing just be you no our second question uh we say lackluster and lackluster is essentially like a synonym for boring and like like we we're not asking you for an essay we're just asking for like be genuine yeah be genuine and and like uh actually answer the full question don't just be like i'll post yeah that's not an answer no think about it in like a like a test for school it's not like a fill in the like there's film there's two fill in the blank questions and then we're not asking for an essay response right but we're asking for complete sentences addressing it the

we need a beginning middle conclusion can be like two sentences yeah i mean three sentences limits it i think it's only like 120 characters or something but but we we would we want it to be in complete full sentences because this is it's not hard to get into the group no um and then the other thing i'll say is uh you're not going to get any and this is something that i used to do on tests in high school so i i understand but if you write like five different options and you just write question marks at the end hoping one of them is going to stick even if you have the right one there we're not going to accept yeah just pick one and don't do a question mark and then if you don't get in reapply and change what that answer was if you weren't totally

sure of it or go back and listen to the rest of the episodes because the answers are so easy once you listen to the episodes but um we just want you to be confident in your answers that you know and again we're only doing this because we care about like the safety and security of everybody in the group because there's lots of sensitive topics in there and we want to make sure that we're vetting accurately so like we want everyone to get in like our goal is not to exclude anyone our goal is to only have people who are in who are like we feel like have listened for long enough that they we can really trust them with our audience and their problems too because we're essentially giving you kind of our i don't want to say our job but like what we're doing on the

podcast like it means everyone else has a voice in there too and so we just want to make sure that um it's a safe place yeah so it's the respectful place it's for uh everybody else's benefit too including you so um and again most people apply multiple times before they get in and sometimes you just forget to like answer the questions so um no hard feelings just keep applying we don't have any personal vendettas against anyone unless you got kicked out and if you got kicked out you got kicked out for a reason and it's not an ego reason it's because you're something something bad to somebody else or you said i'm just here to listen and uh hear everyone else's crazy stories and be nosy and i'm not going to contribute anything and then i'm like okay bye get out of

here um but yeah it's a good time and if you can't find the facebook group i don't know what to tell you i don't i i know i don't know there wouldn't if it was hard to find there wouldn't be like over 1800 people in it so um that's all there is on that and um should we should we should we hop into it let's do it let's go hi megan hi melissa impossible guest um i am 21 my boyfriend is 21 as well just for reference i am an aquarius and my boyfriend is a scorpio and um basically the other night my boyfriend like sat me down and we had a talk and he said that his friends have come to him saying that they think that I don't like them or they're not sure if I like them and they think I'm not a very welcoming person and I just don't even know how to react to this I don't know if there's

something that I need to change about myself I don't know I don't know I just don't know and I don't know why I didn't think that because I always thought that everything was really cool between me and his friends and I mean his friends are from his job that he only works at during the summer so like I haven't even seen them since the summer so I don't know like why this was brought up now but i don't know i'm actually have been looking into going therapy recently for the past like month or so just for mental health reasons just uh clearing my head and now i really think i should because i don't know if this is just something that i'm doing wrong but i don't know any help would be great thanks weird mood fellow aquarius here and i've heard this quite a lot

from about you yeah that first of all a lot of people want to be my friend i don't know why it's very fucking true and then and then i i've always like they they want to be my friend but then they're like you don't seem like you want to be my friend or that you're friendly and i think i'm being friendly yeah but it's just the the way that i come off i love the way you come off because were the same um i yeah i mean i think i don't know i have questions like if it's a summer job but you haven't seen them since summer have has he seen them since right um and are they avoiding you because yeah they don't want to see you i i mean i definitely like i've i've dealt with it like not like in moth saying like oh my friends don't like you but i i've always had my own group

of friends and most of his friends it's couples so like there's a lot of stuff that like oh if he's gonna go like watch the super bowl or go do something with like the group of friends it's all the guys and all the girls but if it's like a saturday and he's like hey you want to like come watch a fucking sports game and i'm like oh it's cool melissa and i have plans like we're gonna go and it's like i have my own separate life so i'm not necessarily spending a ton of time with them so i've gotten before like oh we wish you would like come around more does she not does she like want to hang and like moth will always be like oh no she just has her own group of friends so i do wonder if it's are they offended because you're not hanging out with

them as much and like maybe like all of their girlfriends and i've had friends who are in the same situation where like they have their own group of friends but their boyfriend's friend group involves all of their girlfriends too and so then it becomes like a oh you are the odd one out and so it's they can't really fathom that like it's because you have your own individual group of friends so i do wonder if that might be it but like i don't know if he couldn't like cite any specific things that you've said or whatever but i would question why he told you without just automatically telling them like oh no she really likes you like do you know i mean like i i always and obviously i preach honesty but sometimes i do i think if your partner's

bringing something up to you that i don't know like that that if there is no like validity to it i think that he should have kind of just shut it down and not brought you into it you know what i mean like i just like if his friends were like hey does she like i feel like she doesn't like us and he was like no she really likes you guys like she's just she's been like super busy with like work and stuff and then i wouldn't bring it up and be like hey like they think you don't like because like i don't know it's kind of setting you up for i think if i were you i would also be wondering does my boyfriend think that i don't like them too right maybe he does like maybe he's like he feels like you're not as involved in his like friend life as he wants you to be but i mean

i think it's just about like managing expectations and like asking him what he wants he wants because if he's happy with it yeah then who really cares do you want to be friends with him like yeah if you don't really want to be friends with them i'm just like okay i don't want to be friends with them so why do they want to be friends with me i truly have never understood that concept yeah i don't get it because i'm like do i i don't give off the vibe that i like want to be your friend like how are you how are you where are you getting this from and then if i want if i want to be your friend you know i will tell you that's what i told cammy crawford i was like i want to be your friend she was like okay for sure i was like i don't say that a lot rarely but yeah i i don't

know and i think like if you want to go to therapy i think that's like a great idea that's a separate thing but totally yeah I think you should I think as long as you have your own group of friends uh and then I wouldn't worry I wouldn't worry about like how you're coming across to like people like that I just don't think it's I think it's like they might have I don't know yeah expecting something else and different out of you but I think as long as you have friends and you know that like oh no I'm not like isolating myself from everybody I don't have any friends and I think you're totally fine i think they might just be a little too sensitive that's their problem yeah 100 i mean you're talking to an aquarius and aquarius rising yeah where we're like

and also if someone was like they all think that you don't like them and like that you don't want to be their friend like my responsibility is like well we're not friends i probably am like cool you're fine but like i don't yeah i don't really want to be your close friend is that okay also i haven't seen you in six months well like a almost a year at this point i don't care if i wanted to to facetime once a week like if i wanted to be your friend then i would be your friend yeah it is yeah i do think it's odd and i also don't think you have to i don't know i think there's also some some people though that like they're either friends of people or they hate people they don't have like an in-between which like i have tons of in-between people yeah me too that

i'm like i really get along with you when i see you but like no we're not gonna hang out and that's not me being an asshole it's just like you're not i think you're like a great person really cool but like i'm not necessarily i'm not going to like move you from one bracket to the other like we can just stay here and be fine and like not have any issues when we see each other it's great and like i'll see you at all these like mutual group stuff and like we'll have a great time we'll like talking but it doesn't mean that we need to like be best friends like i have a ton of friends that like i may see them once a year but we're still friends and we keep in contact with but i don't see they're not like my friend katherine who i'm gonna go just go sit on

her couch exactly on a random day of the week you know and i just don't think that i think there's a lot of people who don't have they in between yeah yeah which i love i love a good in between i don't have the bandwidth to have lots and lots and lots of friends yeah a lot of effort um well uh best of luck i hope it all works out i'd love to know like anymore i know this isn't like a crazy juicy one but i am i would i don't know i'm just like a nosy and i would be like to know some like more information about it and, uh, best of luck with therapy. Go do it. It's a good time. Hell yeah. Onto the next one. Hi Megan and Melissa and guest. Uh, so I'm going to try and get this out in under a few minutes. Um, so I'm 24 years old. Uh, I am a registered nurse. I work

at a hospital and I just wanted your advice on the little situation. So I haven't had like too many serious relationships. I was really focused on school for a long time. Um, and I kind of feel like I was ready for one I just like honestly haven't been on a ton of dates so I went on tinder wanted to like meet some people go on some first dates kind of see what happened so I ended up going on a date with a medical student and I liked him he was cool um and nice I didn't like feel much initial chemistry or like sparks at all but I kind of wanted to give him a shot for a little bit just like a couple dates see where it went so at the same time I met a second guy at a party in person uh turns out he's also a doctor so he's a graduate doctor he just finished

medical school um and a nylon blazer like a windbreaker like connected there was sparks I felt like we had chemistry I thought he was quite attractive um and turns out he was actually like working on the service where I work at the hospital so I ended up seeing him a lot at work we just talked he was very flirty but basically this whole time I had convinced myself when I met him that he was way out of my league um like way out of my league so I didn't like think about it much I thought he was just flirty overall like lots of guys are flirty um so I didn't think too much of it some time went by and then I went on a few more days with the first guy and ended up ending things with him he was getting just like way too serious way too fast for me

um I just didn't feel it I didn't feel any chemistry um so some more time went by and then I found out through my mutual friends that the second guy the doctor I guess had asked um when he met me he had asked around my mutual friends and um people like if I was single who I was dating what my relationship status was like and they told me this and I felt like a bit confused about it and I didn't really know what to think I maybe he's just curious um so the other pieces so he matched me on tinder and I'm pretty sure that he liked me on there swiped right like probably pretty early on when I met him not recently because at this point like a month has gone by and I just I'm confused because I don't know how to feel and so I messaged him on Instagram

before I even realized that we had matched on tinder and after I ended things with the first guy just to like have a conversation basically and then we did for a little bit and then he just stopped responding so that was also confusing I just don't know how to feel I know that he's like dating around and seeing other people on tinder he's kind of pulled back i don't see him at work as much anymore and i just don't know if it's worth shooting my shot at this point um okay any advice would be greatly appreciated uh tell me if i'm being ridiculous okay thanks bye wow how do you guys have any time to get any things like stuff done maybe because you work such long shifts well if you watch shows like grace anatomy your general hospital then you'd know that there's

things like on-call rooms there's a lot of waiting yeah no it's just like no wonder why you're so meticulously you have to be organized and like you know very like diligent in the medical field and like no one like of course it like falls into your dating like i i would have been done so long ago it's just so much it is and what were you doing what was all that movement it was a lot yeah are you wearing a windbreaker and like you're making something yeah you're like cooking dinner in a windbreaker and running shorts like i yeah um i also love your voice um dating's not this hard like one person like i think dating as a whole is like a this is like stuff that you go through but i i don't think i don't know you you to me sound like you're kind

of like you've on you've turned over a thousand stones and there's a thousand left and you're like should i turn over the rest and it's like we feel like we're good do you like i think i think i don't think that it's gonna be this difficult and i think like if you've already had this much luck of like two hot doctors then yeah i mean if you're on tinder it's proximity so you're most likely going to be matching with people that are in the hospital yeah so maybe if you don't want all this drama inside the hospital don't start swiping to you exit yeah no that makes sense i would i would advise on that i just think that like i wouldn't read too much into him asking your friends if you were single i think that's a good he like you can't know that if that's because

he was serious about you or maybe he had recently talked to a girl who wasn't single and like was just kind of or he saw that you had mutual friends i've done that before like when i was on dating apps that it wasn't even like i was asking because i was interested it's like oh i saw we had a mutual friend oh is this person cool should i even swipe right on that like i'd ask for their opinion but it doesn't mean something super serious i think you've already shoot shot shot you're shot that doesn't work i don't like that you've already shot your shot you've already shot ended there yeah but like i want a past tense past tense because like shoot your shot shot your shot shot is shot is past i know but it's just i don't know it doesn't roll off the tongue

in the same way um yeah i think you've already done that you know i mean like if that's what you're asking yeah like and he's interested so yeah i think if if he if he's pulling away and you guys aren't really talking as much that's your answer it's not the oh a couple months ago when we first started talking he asked other people if i was single to me that sounds like friends who are in relationships who are kind of like latching on to like fun drop like let's talk about it whoo um i think yeah i think it's more just gossip at that point and i don't think those people are necessarily saying that for anything other than like they're bored and they want to make an office romance so i would like you said i would probably wait and start swiping other places

meet some other new people because i mean even if you think someone's out of i don't know i also didn't like that like i thought it was really out of my league and as if like that's the reason why ended essentially like implying that you kind of like self-sabotaged it because like he's too good for you i just think that like that's you should never feel like that in a relationship and i truly don't think that no matter how hot or attractive someone is as soon as they talk to you and you have a conversation with them if they're like a good guy or the person who you're supposed to be with or whatever you're not going to feel like they're too good for you but i think if you were able to talk to him and you still kind of had that feeling like that's intentional on his part

that's kind of like a putting up a barrier a little bit making you work for it to an like to the extent that's not great you never want to feel like oh my god thank you for gracing me with your presence and even from afar yeah you see someone who's like so hot and so like cool whatever and then you talk to them and suddenly you're like yeah they're not like this like mystical like gorgeous creature anymore because like i had a real conversation with them and like now i see them for them um and i think if that like you still kind of felt that way i don't think that's that's not on you i think that's kind of like how he probably was acting right it doesn't mean he's not a nice guy i think it just means that he is okay with you thinking that he's kind of like

god's gift to uh which most doctors think they are well yeah yep literally playing god um but love doctors that's not a slide at all no um but it is like slide into my dm go ahead i would love if you dated a doctor i have dated a doctor for one i mean like now yeah who do i want you to date now i think it'd be really fun michael b jordan no yep literally no um we i don't know what we would do i don't want to talk about it it's like really making sense um in the now stop right now no um i think i would like if you dated a lawyer i was thinking who would be fun like like like who could keep up and selfishly yeah who could who would join us shared a couple of her lawyer friends and they just worked for me yeah yeah she's been trying to hook me up with people

i just feel like it would be like a good i don't know you know we need someone like cynical yeah who's funny and smart who's gonna add to it yeah you know i like that so i that's why i was like leaning towards like someone who like is in the industry but kind of has like the oh i understand it and like i'm not invalidating its existence or your job but i'm that's not my job so you mean specifically entertainment lawyer no oh okay yeah you're you're a nurse you're like uh you've got your shit together uh broaden your horizons too because this also wasn't unintentional on any of their like anyone's part for kind of backing away that's conscious so like it's not like oh whatever happened to that girl like if he wanted to like he was into you you would know and there's a reason

why it fizzled out so i would say save your ego let it fizzle out it's not like your like dramatic true love story that needs a lot of effort on your part because it's also just only effort on your part he could do any like he could shoot a shot again with you so best of luck lob is shot how do you feel about that lob is shot sure like a lot of me because you wanted something past that lob is lob past yeah you can like lob something in the air so lob your shot okay yeah sure it also sounds vaguely medical too because lobotomy yeah lob your shot blob your blob well it was like you've already shot your shot you want to say that so i said what if you lob your shot okay i was just putting out there you you're not too excited no i'm just

i'm not gonna lie to you we're gonna i'm not gonna lie to you i don't know if i'm gonna remember it also i think my baby toe's broken again or i have a corn i really can't tell the difference what's the difference between a corn and a broken toe a lot okay will you look at it yeah okay i won't show you now i hate it but i'll look at it thanks i just can't tell if it's broken but like baby toes are always broken yeah so like your feet are like the only feet i can like tolerate looking at which is funny because they're hideous you they're out there all the time yeah well you don't have a choice yeah i've desensitized you to them yeah they are like they're very feet like feet they don't look like hands you know some people like very like long toes yeah i mean i

have long toes but i also have big toes like feet though yeah they do like it's a foot good talk um congratulations on being a nurse i would like to know what you think of the tiktok stereotype that all nurses were bitches in high school would like to know that like that nurses were the mean girls um well we've been done with that let's do the next one i'm 25 years old and i've been with my boyfriend for almost two years now um i was just listening to your most recent podcast and i know you give a lot of advice on flow jobs and my problem is that i really don't like saliva or cum i think it's just like a textural issue um i also don't like a lot of foods with like that same texture i don't know what it is like uh when you were giving advice

and saying like oh like the wetter the better like I in my head I just started gagging it really like disgusted me I give blowjobs my boyfriend pretty much every time we have sex but it's more of like like blow him and then we start having like penetration and he usually finishes inside me like in a condom just because I really don't like um like the texture of cum in my mouth and um it's okay if like there's a little bit of spit but like when it gets like too wet and too sloppy like it just start gagging and like they get completely turned off I don't know what it is uh I've always hated saliva ever since I was little so I don't think it's like something that has to do with my like

sexual preferences I think it's literally just the textural thing um so yeah I just wanted to know your point of view on that I really um just want him to be able to finish in my mouth because I know like he tells me it's not a problem but I know he wants to finish in my mouth and um another side note is that he takes a long time to finish so that's like another thing that turns me off is giving too long of blowjobs should probably take about like 20 to 30 minutes whereas in the past I have given other people blowjobs and they finished in my mouth feeling quickly in like five minutes so yeah um I hope you can give me some advice on this because I don't know how I can better pleasure my boyfriend and um yeah wait you're doing fine like if you don't

want to do something don't do it I also think that like I really hate this whole narrative of like oh we've had a conversation with my boyfriend and my boyfriend has said that it's fine but i know it's not like no listen to him like it's not like one of those things of like oh like he says it's okay if i don't want to you know if he doesn't finish in my mouth and like i know deep down like that really doesn't change the experience that much like that's not if it if it was a deal breaker you should trust your partner enough to like let you know but like i don't think he doesn't sound unhappy with no his sex life at all and like you're saying that you give a blow job almost every time and like you really hate saliva and wetness and you're already doing like i feel like

you're already like you're already doing so much you're doing so much that you don't want to do if you're if you don't want to do it but you're still comfortable doing it yeah continue doing what you're doing but if but why are you trying to do more are you doing more like you can i mean i know you don't like hand jobs but like if you don't want him in your mouth and the saliva you could move up your hand and give a hand job and point his jizz towards him you know like it doesn't have to you don't have to use saliva or have come on you or anything yeah but i do think it's a liquid thing she said some foods too i guess maybe if it's in your mouth but first i think you said it's okay if a little bit gets on you but yeah i don't know why we're

gonna go from like oh i really hate um like i have this like and it's a phobia and that's not like not even making like fun of that or anything like that like it's just a i've got random weird phobias that i will not disclose here because i don't want anyone to use them against me um but there's like nothing wrong with that and like again like when we talk and like people are like well if a guy said he wasn't going to go down on you and it's like okay well cool you've already had a conversation with your boyfriend it doesn't sound like it's a deal breaker if i had a conversation with a guy who had a phobia of wetness and was like so i'm never gonna go down on you i'm like okay that's fine that's a deal breaker for me personally so it's not like a double standard

but like you've already had this conversation with your boyfriend it doesn't i think you're kind of putting it with ideas and like words in his mouth that like oh no he said it was fine but i know it's really not but like yeah i don't know where we're going from i really like i can manage to give a blowjob like every like essentially every time we have sex but um i really like don't like like come in my mouth so how do i start liking cum in my mouth there's no way no you're not gonna like it there's not like a magic pill that you can take it's like witness and it's not just like oh suck it up and deal like it'll get better i think you're yeah i think your boyfriend's fine with how everything's going and i think that you are kind of expecting a different answer and

so i think you're thinking that that's he wasn't being truthful and honest with that um and yeah just talk to him more like get one just be like are you do you really mean that is it like really okay um but i've like never met a guy who's like pissed if he can't like come in your mouth like okay and like if it's other parts of your body like if that's still gross is it like if he can come somewhere else but like i don't know i also like i can't really use two yeah i can't really get yeah you can i mean you can give a blowjob with a condom on um and there's flavored ones flavored ones because if there's it might be gross feeling in our mouth too if there's also like if it's like pre-lubricated um yeah i also just like i don't i don't know if you're like

asking for blood because you're like i've never like he's never been able to like finish in like it takes too long i don't have any blow job tips that don't involve wetness so maybe it's just that and i think the solution to the problem is like a blow job is a part as a part of like foreplay with you guys but that's just not where he finishes exactly exactly and so it's not giving up anything and like you're not like withholding anything it's like the same thing that like you're like not on like it's i don't know like it's the same thing of being like yeah i don't want you to come inside me like it's the same thing we'll just do inside my mouth yeah just like don't don't come inside my vagina and that's just like a okay but um yeah yeah that's that's

that's that's the solution yeah that's a great solution yeah i don't think it's i don't think it's uh again i would also just have another conversation with him and let him know how you're like still feeling and i'm sure he can be like oh whoa no i'm really like i wasn't getting like i'm saying it's it's fine because it's it's not like a wild i don't yeah i don't think it's like a crazy wild thing at all and again if it's not a deal breaker for him if it's doing it for him that's fine too right but it's not so then i don't think we need to treat it like it is and that you're like oh i need to pleasure him like you're already doing like he's happy yeah and yeah are you having happy are you having a good time too right if you're uncomfortable and not enjoying it then

why are you doing yeah it's very true yeah i also just like i don't think if i like had i know people who've got like really really sensitive gag reflexes and all that stuff like yeah i wouldn't be it like i like giving blowjobs because i'm good at them and therefore it's fun for me but it's not like an expectation everyone should be at yeah also if i had like a normally functioning jaw who knows if i'd be so good and if i'd like it so much it really pops in and out um but um yeah i wouldn't stress about this me either i think we solved your problem so easy um well best of luck uh have have safe sex and um don't get pregnant unless you want to on to a break wow we're on to a break guys and we'll be back

all right we're back in on to the next love it great you did it i'm not doing it again i was too busy yawning over here hey my girl is that um so i'm 23 and i was talking to this guy on hinge and he messaged me he's like really cute like when we were talking about other things too um he asked for my number and so we ended up setting up the first date we were texting so you go on the first date and it's like awesome like not terrible at all which is so surprising um there was no gaps in conversation he like we split food he like asked for two boxes so i could take some home and we kissed at the end and it was great and he's like yeah we should totally do this again totally do this again totally do this again and I'm like okay okay and um so we were

texting and so we set up a second date we go bowling it's just fun because none of us knew what we were doing and so I was like so what does the winner get and he's like the winner can pick our third date I was like okay and so he's like he should like he just got a new apartment so he's like you should come over and we should like watch like a Disney movie or something I was like okay cool and like we actually talked about deeper stuff that time and like it was just like nice like we just like clicked um and so we just like clicked I don't know but so we're texting and then I went out of town and then he was busy but we're all still texting throughout this and like it's fine and then a couple days ago I like we were having a conversation I asked a question on the

last bit and he didn't respond and then I said hey a day later and he didn't respond and then I asked him I was like so like are we still hanging out this week like I just want to know and then he says I'm sorry I'm just not in the right place for a relationship you're really nice this isn't fair to you blah blah blah I said oh okay um thanks for not ghosting me I guess which was nice but I was like did I do something wrong because it was just like so sudden and um he's like no I had fun like I just didn't want to like lead you on he's like he's like I sorry if I led you on I was like well yeah you kind of did because you initiated everything and then I was like he was like thanks for understanding and I was like yeah like I like

you but like whatever i guess and so like my question is like how do you date but like not get like too attached i i don't know but yeah because like that hurts but yeah thanks oh oh i feel like i might i feel really guilty because i've been him so have i yeah so let's answer it from yeah why why we do it yeah i mean i think yeah so yeah from his perspective if when i've been in the situation i don't think i'm i also hate the term leading someone on i think that's not a fair thing to accuse anyone of unless it's like um i don't know like leading someone on to think that they're going to like leave their wife and their children unless you're it's unless someone's like giving you misleading information uh i don't think this

is that case because like also dates you're getting to know somebody so one date i'm i can have a really great date and then the second one is really great the third one like it's really great but like i've gotten to know you more and now i can make a decision of yeah i'm not that interested in pursuing something more long term so like one one date doesn't mean any good date doesn't mean that there's that that's your person or that that's there's a commitment to something else and even him pursuing and like wanting to hang out more it's him getting to know you and it's not like an offensive thing that like once he got it got to know you he like wasn't that down but i think there's like a like a multitude of reasons it could have been like you guys really

got along but the same way that like i don't know you get along with like friends or something like that because like you're just meeting for the first time and like you're not you don't have romantic feelings for everyone that you're friends with and you know that because you know them and so the thing with dating apps is you're essentially meeting them and you're going based off of attraction first and then you're meeting them and getting to know their personality and then you learn that who they are and then you figure out that combo and if that combo is there and it's more attraction then you're probably going to be into them and then if it's like less and not because like they don't think you're attractive it's just based on like what they're into and

like what they're looking for but i've also like dated people and then started talking to an act like talk like rekindling kind of with an ex or someone else like i have been dating multiple people and that it's just not that so it's not like personal at all and i think that that was like nice of him to explain like there is nothing like wrong and like you didn't do anything wrong it's just it's really hard when you get rejected to think about that you do that to other people too because it feels so different you're like no well that's it and i've been in that position where like and you're like what and i was like well i do that to people too so like if you think about that same way um and i don't think it was misleading for him wanting to get to know you more

because that's how you make your full yeah like judgment about something somebody like are you was he are you dating like to date are you dating to fall in love are you dating like to get married maybe you guys had different views on where what this relationship was going to be yeah um and like for you not to like get attached too quickly that's just on you that's something you're gonna have to like i'm just going on this date to have a good time i'm not going to like find my soulmate i would talk to my friends about it who are more like this and i would treat it i told them i was like it's like an audition when i go into an audition i'm trying to have a good audition i'm not trying to book the role i'm not trying to get a call back but if i get a call back i'm going to

try and do a good call back like i'm not looking so so so far ahead because i can't control the other half of it right and i think that's the big thing i think you can do like your whole selection process of who you date um and not dating dating people and like you can even like that in the beginning of like messaging and big or what are you looking for and if they're like and that's not going to make anyone run away unless they don't want a relationship like it's only going to like like it's only going to get rid of the people who like you're going to get rid of eventually when you ask them that question it's not going to change if you ask them three dates in or you ask them before you even go on your first date um but uh i would also say that i and again i've

given this advice to my friends and they didn't necessarily always take it but the thing that also is important is i think you need to if you know you're someone who gets attached easily you can't only date one person at a time then you need to date like go on at least like say like three talk to three people at one time because if you get attached easily it's not necessarily because of the person it's because they're in front of you and if yeah if you're getting attached easily it's it doesn't really have to do with who they are it really has to do a lot with more of your tendency and I you just need to diversify that and like have more of a pool to kind of go from because then from there you're also going to figure out who you like and it's not just about oh who likes

who likes me back oh my god this person likes me and they pick me oh do I even actually really like them um but you should never not never I don't want to say that but I found that even when I like when Mott's and I first started like talking I literally like essentially pulled out my old little black book of being like okay i gotta talk to like five different guys at the same time and like go out and like really so i can know that if i like mons it's because it's him and also it's gonna put a lot less pressure on this to like work out necessarily and also i'm gonna like brush up on my flirting skills and like really like i don't know get my shit together and feel like on lock for that stuff and so then for the person that i'm super into and you're allowed to like you know

rank your bench, like have your favorite people. Um, but I think it does put a lot less pressure on it. And, um, that, because I think you do get, if you're only talking to one person and it is relatively casual, just mathematically, like statistically, this is going to happen. And so if you find yourself getting devastated, even though I don't think dating multiple people is going to completely eradicate that feeling, it's going to be, I think you'll feel a lot better because you're not putting all of your energy and effort into one person because truthfully, they're not doing that with you either so play like i don't want to say it's a game but like i mean do what they're doing like they're play it the same like way that they're essentially

playing it and they're not playing it to be a dick or to play a game like they're just like they're just playing the field and i always think you should also be playing the field because i just think you can get way too invested in someone and not even necessarily because you like them but just kind of because you want to be the one they pick yeah so that's what i would say and um do your best to like be casual about dating like don't i don't know if you need to like mute them on social media like so you're not seeing all their posts all the time follow them if you're just now starting yeah that's true if it's from a dating app like don't do that like keep your texts like minimal in between like don't be don't text them all throughout the day like

just like check yourself and kind of hold back a lot and if someone's saying a lot of things that seem too good to be true on the first second and third date know that they probably are a little bit too good to be true like someone should be excuse me someone should be into you but not to an extent where you don't know them well enough yet they don't know you well enough yet so i would just take it take it slow but i think the biggest thing is the selection process so you can get rid of anyone who's not looking for a relationship in the beginning and then talking to a good number of people my friends like they've they have they've met like a lot of a lot of my friends the guys that they've ended up dating for long periods of time were in that group of guys that

was like their bench or whatever but was never necessarily the first one like it was someone who's like oh this was my number three and then i actually really ended up being into him and then my number one and two kind of i was like not so much and they drifted away because in the beginning you're you're not showing your true self exactly so if you're taking your time to get to know somebody you'll eventually get to like who they actually are and so like the ones that were your favorite at first they probably aren't really your favorite it's just like they're putting on the best show yeah or it's someone you're automatically like attracted to the most and also those people like the higher they start the like the more they have to fall from that and um yeah i just think

that this is and yeah swipe a lot stay on the apps but i would love to know what your sign is yeah she cares a lot i think you're sydney's not listening to this i think you're a cancer my best friend sydney's again you say her all the time when it's like emotional people so no this is true that yeah but her boyfriend and her this was not this was not like she then eventually she started dating more but she was very she's like a she's like a very committed person and it was never even like the she would just choose to do it because she would just really like someone and be like oh yeah no i just don't really like want to put the time and energy into multiple people and then she started putting energy multiple people and then her boyfriend her current

boyfriend was one of those people who then she ended up liking the most and it was like megan i am so mortified i need i just need some reassurance okay so basically so i'm 19 i'm in college i've never had sex before or anything i went but i like i want to gain experience so i went on bumbles and i so the first time i met up with a guy we just made out like it wasn't you know but then like so today I was at this guy's house and it was like you know like I do want to have sexual experience but it was that time of month for me so I didn't really want to like do that you know so like I tried to give him a blow job and he just wouldn't come and I don't know I must have been like really bad but like I tried to follow the advice that you gave you know like

um keeping your teeth out of the way like you know being relaxed but like somehow like my gag reflex just kept in and every time he went in like deep like I thought I was gonna throw up so like I kept pushing him out and like every time like I kept trying to like relax relax you know but like it just didn't happen and like he just didn't come and then I felt so bad after and then I just left and like I feel so mortified and can you tell me like is this abnormal like are there other girls out there who've tried to give blowjobs and it just doesn't work you know like I just feel so mortified and now I'm not even sure I want to keep going through with this whole bumble thing and I just feel right now like the guy goes to my college and he's in like my field so I hope that

I don't see him again and I just really need I just really need at least some reassurance please like I tried and it just didn't work it just wasn't happening and I feel really bad so can tell me please if i'm you know thanks bye you skip steps dude you are not at the advanced level yet you're not even a rookie like you're a freshman a beginner like you went for the deep throat you gag you weren't ready yet if you were still concentrating on not using your teeth you should have just stuck with the mouth and not throat and the lit we so much of the early steps was just licking yeah and like the preamble of it to like really get them there so you don't have to be selective listening this is on you yeah i'm this is on you i'm also gonna say this like when

you're like if i'm the only one who's been okay no one's my first blowjob was not amazing that's not how it like even of all of our tips and stuff like that like when we say we're giving advanced blowjob tips it's not like for those of you who are just like it's not for the virgos who can like keep notes in their head like it's for like once you put in your like malcolm gladwell once you put in your 10 000 hours of sucking dick like then you can move on to these advanced tips but like you learn it's riding a bike like you learn by doing it yeah you gotta start front of the mouth yeah and like again like it it's there's no shame in like not giving a great blowjob and learning how to give a blowjob but then i would also say be selective about who you're giving blowjobs to

yeah like that's like i i'm like very happy that i so much of like my sexual experience of people that i'm like never gonna see you again deuces so yeah true yeah get out of your major 100 get out of your major yeah suck dicks of people you're not gonna see like yeah no that aren't gonna be on your side of campus go i don't know like for me when i was in college i mean if if if i was trying not to see anybody again i wouldn't stick in the biology science department because i'm gonna see those fuckers again i'm gonna go all the way over to the agri march your eyes open their mouth wide open who wants who wants their dicks tyson school of whatever it was called mike tyson no like tyson chicken it's like tyson related to tyson related

to tyson chicken no okay they're very white my god how of course yeah that checks out so hard yeah yeah like it's a chicken capital where i'm from is a chicken capital tyson springdale arkansas i remember so then they the school's named after them for for the poultry science cool story poultry science is a phrase i never thought i would hear it says it's a major it makes sense sydney went to an agricultural school too and she was like oh the agro i mean we're not agro it's just that's part of the university school there um i think that you're thinking that like you're treating this as like oh okay like i'm 19 i'm i'm supposed to be somewhere like if you're just starting to explore sexually like your age doesn't give you an advantage do you

know what i mean like it's the same thing like when we talk about like orgasming and sex and all that stuff like what gives you an advantage is masturbating it doesn't give you an advantage if you're like i don't know like 22 when you're losing virginity versus like younger than that because like you're only gonna like in theory you can think about it all you want and like and imagine it and like do as much research but like until you're like in the game you don't really understand it so practice yeah you just have to practice and like also what i don't get like what our major tip is like asking guys what they're into like did you ask him what he was into or not and i think you i'm sorry i'm laughing but i think you really want to have some sexual

experience which is great and it's fine but i think that yeah you're trying to kind of like get it over with essentially and you're not learning like you need to learn in the moment too it's not learning like it's not doing all this research beforehand going in you i'm going to yeah you exactly like you're trying to skip all these steps and i think like the biggest thing that i would say as much as we're like yes no teeth and like relax but like be comfortable like nerves like i think like if you're trying to rush through and get like like out of it like the best blow job you're going to give is because you're super into giving them um and the way you're going to be super into giving them is if you're doing what the guy is into and he's

responding so i think you really have to tailor it to each person and you need to go to like the basics where it's like 90 hand job and then like playing with his ball like hands like playing with his balls and then like a lot of licking and then you're like literal like your hand should be at the whole base of his penis and then the only blow job you're giving is literally to the tip so you're like giving a hand job you can like go either direction whatever switch it up and then you're using it on the top it's like you should never be fucking deep no no no you gotta work up those muscles 100 and also like some days like if i've had coffee and i'm just like you know it's gonna be a little queasy after coffee i'm like no it's not gonna be yeah it's not gonna

be a good time you just yeah i think you're just you're trying to i don't want to say get it over with but i think you're really trying to get experience under your belt as fast as you can um and i don't know there's slow down girl you got time you should have fun with it too like it should be like as much as you're like oh i want to get this with i don't want to have sex right now but like well so like what are you getting out of this kind of stuff like you should be having fun and like the reason you want to like pleasure someone is not just you can have a trophy of saying oh i'm good at giving blowjobs like for me it seems like she should have like a good guy friend yeah that she can like trust just from your personality it seems like you should you

you need a good guy friend that you trust i feel like you'd be good within the moment notes too and then someone that you can learn the basics from yeah yeah i mean you can have a the blowjob pact with a dude and you guys can like learn that and he can teach you things too yeah yeah i i just think that you need to not not skip so many steps and also when again when we talk about like enjoying giving blowjobs it's because like we like doing it yeah it's not like i'm not saying that everyone should it's not it's not for everybody at all like it has to do with like gag reflex um your size of your mouth like partner side like there's all these other factors that go like it's like the main thing exactly it's like what you're comfortable with

and what they like yeah and so i yeah i don't think it's it doesn't need to be everybody's goal if you don't like giving them or you didn't enjoy it or you've got like a really sensitive gag reflex and like don't go yeah don't do it you don't have to do that i think that's a takeaway from a lot of things yeah and i we've had people who are like well megan you'd be so upset if mott suddenly turned around and decided he wouldn't go down anymore i go yeah because like that's a deal breaker and we've been dating for four years and there's yeah it wouldn't i wouldn't be mad it be like a conversation and be like let's talk about this there's a difference between being mad and then like being frustrated or being um disappointed yeah you don't have you like

or concerned if it's like if something is complete if something is shifted and it's something like oh this is something we both really enjoy doing and now you suddenly don't enjoy it i'd be just as concerned if you were like yeah you i really hate watching love island now and i'd be like what's wrong we love love island like what do you mean so i think that's when people like come at us for the double standard but yeah it's again it's deal breakers at the end of the day like i'm not going to get into a relationship with somebody who to be actually to be also super honest i don't know if i'd be into a guy who didn't like getting blowjobs either like i don't think like i don't think i would yeah i obviously i wouldn't date a guy who didn't go down on me

but like if a guy didn't like blowjobs i don't know if i do you know what i mean because like i because it's something that you really it's something that i enjoy and it's not even about you excited exactly and so i'm like i don't even think that like it would be definitely like a discussion a conversation something i have to like think on but it's not just like this these are my like these are my sexual needs like if you don't meet them blah blah blah but like that's also fine like if i met a guy who was like yeah i don't i wouldn't be if no that's fine as long as you tell me yeah then cool then i get it it's a deal breaker and like i'm not going to be offended anyone else's deal breakers now i'm thinking about that right i've never thought about it

like that but i yeah because like i think that like it's something that like i know i'm good at and something that i enjoy doing and it's like such a turn on for me that like yeah i would then feel like my powers are being like not used and they're like dormant and like i'm gonna be like elsa and then like something one day it's just gonna i have to let it go yeah like let me run wild and free yeah you know if a guy was like i don't like i don't want to smack your ass and i might be like no i liked having my ass exactly exactly yeah i know there's a lot of shit i think of that is like i don't not maybe not even like kinks but like turn-ons that like aren't necessarily like about you like do what i mean like like stimulatory or like i'm

it's not even a word but like actually but like they're just something like oh no i wouldn't be into that yeah at all like if it takes me like if it takes us like 10 times before we have sex before like you'll even say like anything like if you can't dirty if you like refuse or talk like i just like don't want to hurt your feet i would be like i'm fucking out like i and like i'll give like a a learning curve i mean literally before mods the first time mods and i he like would not touch me with a 10 foot pole and i kept being like hello like for me like fuck and he was like trying like he was being like very respectful and i literally like called about and i was like i need you to stop being so fucking respectful like you're not like misreading into the situation

like the very clear signs that i'm doing with like my tits being fully out is like i would like to have sex like this is not like a trap um but like there's definitely like a you know like not like a learning curve but a getting to know each other and like a comfortability but if it just gets the point where like you're not comfortable with that stuff that's fine but that's gonna be a hard out for me yeah but the same way if like i was like super in like a guy was super into something that i like really wasn't into like if he was really into like peeing on me during sex i'd be like i'm sorry that's just not for me that's not for me the same way it won't be for me if you're like i can't pull your hair i'd be like i'm out but yeah i just think that

there's nothing wrong with um figuring out yeah figure out what you like this can be like your journey of like learning how to like give good blowjobs but also learning like do you like giving blowjobs right like is this something if you don't like it then that's not for you yeah you don't need yeah you really don't need to like it you don't have you don't need to like anything i know plenty of girls who like are not super into blowjobs and they give a blowjob maybe once a year if that and their boyfriends don't give a shit no one cares like at all and if they did care they wouldn't be dating you yeah it is time for don't blame them what do we got we've got someone calling with um their own advice from the um march eminem episode where we uh this girl she

found like the another girl was dming her that her boyfriend was cheating yeah and stuff so here's someone calling back to share their advice okay hey megan um i'm calling for advice to the girl on season five episode 14 with melissa the one about her getting messages from girls telling her that her boyfriend's cheating on her and she didn't know what to do so i've been in that same situation before i was dating someone for many years i think it was like six seven years um and i would get the same messages telling me that a girl of a girl telling me that my boyfriend was cheating on me and I tried to look past it and say that all this girl's just being crazy mostly because he's the one that tried to convince me that he would tell me that he didn't

know who these girls were but like Melissa said why would a random girl just target me and um I just want to say that I feel like it's because she doesn't have closure because he doesn't tell her the truth and that's why she can't walk away from it and I want to tell her that I never got closure my ex-boyfriend never admitted what he did to me he screwed me over really bad I found out a lot of things he never gave me closure and I decided to just walk away and do something good for myself and I've been happier ever since I'm in a really happy relationship now it's healthy it's way different and yeah he's gaslighting you and he's manipulating you by climbing your arms trust me girls he's cheating on you you can do so much better do this for yourself and move

on and be happy all right thanks love you guys bye hell yeah so sweet i love that melissa also really likes how you said her name i did i like how you say my name i think it was really nice um no this is great i mean i think that's a it's a very good point that and i think that's i think what we were trying to make with saying like snoop where you need more evidence because yeah you can provide your own closure which is i think a very great message in general that like as much as it will aid you and you really need that if someone's hurting you they also really don't care if like they're going to give you the information to help you move on like so much of the time it's just about like protecting your ego and all that stuff and as much as also sometimes as much as you think

that you want to know do you mean like to have like a definitive answer and all of that sort of of it doesn't really change how you feel no at all um but you're gonna be hurt either way yeah and i think we all think if we have closure this closure sounds like wrapped up in a nice little bow if we have that that's like a essential thing to move on but it's not also like who knows if you're ever gonna get it because you can't control the other person exactly but i think this is a great um a great success story of it i like you gal and it's true you're never gonna find a case in which like and also if someone ever came out like and they commented it was like my boyfriend this happens to me all the time like it's just a total lie like you're never gonna hear like

you're an idiot like you're just completely looking past it like it's not a real it's not a thing no it's not it's never ever been a thing the whole like oh she's just crazy like i don't know what i know like girls who are quote-unquote crazy and i can't name a single person i know who would ever dm a guy like a girl being like your boyfriend's cheating on you that was fun yeah like hey i got high now you're like what the fuck is wrong with you yeah yeah it's not a thing it's not a thing at all no it's not i hope you end up like this go me too happy new relationship things are good and that one's six seven years she said yeah wild absolutely wild and like she said you'll find out she found out stuff like a lot like later on and all of that like it eventually will all come

up and then and you're like oh wow i didn't i truly didn't need that to move on because i already did move on and now i have all the information it's like whatever i'm over it now exactly well um that's it for our episode guys hope you enjoyed if you want to call us and leave us a message for an upcoming one you can leave us a voicemail at 310-694-0976 international listeners you can send us an audio message at meganpodcast at gmail.com um join our facebook group if you want to listen to the podcast ad free stitcher premium youtube um i would also really love if you guys left us reviews on the uh itunes apple podcast app itunes doesn't exist anymore oh that makes a lot of sense i would love if you guys uh left us reviews on the apple podcast app because sometimes i

like to go read them i was reading them recently and like we don't we haven't had any in a while like any recent so i would love if you guys love to review and if you're part of the facebook group maybe maybe you're you people you want if you want to go leave a review too not of our facebook group because i don't mean you can't yeah you can't reviews of like two oh yeah are they good yeah cool nice i meant if you're from our facebook group and you want to like head on over to leave us like a a nice review that would be wonderful um that's not bribery i'm saying you're not going to be let in if you let leave us a review i'm just saying no no you have to answer the questions correctly also thank you everyone that did leave a reason told me happy birthday i get those ones

i read those are the ones the last one thank you i appreciate it was a couple months ago but it was that's why i want more yeah like her birthday september um and if you guys want to follow us on socials we'll have everything listed down below oh buy my book it comes out may 5th cinco de mayo it's a great time if you want to pre-order it it really helps with a potential book tour and like lots of sales and stuff like that so if you care enough please do and um i think that's it right that is it okay guys we'll see you next time goodbye don't blame me is a production by me executive produced by melissa demonts camera operator amanda lechner and music by ryan hunter and giacomo picasso

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