Don't Blame Me! - S5E20: I Think I’m Pregnant with Melisa D. Monts

Episode Date: April 13, 2020

This week we're sharing advice on:    Living with messy roommates Boyfriend doesn't believe in pharmaceuticals Wanting to change your almost boyfriend's physical appearance Being self conscious about your vagina odor   And in Don't Blame Them a caller shares her advice on being called mommy by your boyfriend's kid.   Join our PRIVATE Facebook Group: www.facebook.com/groups/dbmsecretgroup  You must answer all questions correctly to be approved!   Follow Us! @meghanrienks www.instagram.com/meghanrienks  @dontblameme  https://www.instagram.com/dontblamemepod/ @sheisnotmelissa www.instagram.com/sheisnotmelissa     Listen to ad-free on Stitcher Premium! For a free month of Stitcher Premium, go to stitcherpremium.com and use promo code 'BLAME,' PLUS exclusive bonus episodes.     Affordable Therapy By State (Curated by Crissy Milazzo): www.tinyurl.com/y64kwdnf    Need Advice?  www.dontblameme.show  Domestic Listeners Call: [phone]   International Listeners Send a Voice Memo To: [e-mail]    … with as much detail as possible under 3 minutes! I'll do my best to share my wonderful words of wisdom. If you're under 18, please get your parent's permission. Advice is for entertainment purposes only, so you can't blame me if I screw up your life. I kid! My advice IS AMAZING. - Want to WATCH this episode as well? Check out my YouTube channel:  http://youtube.com/meghanrienks Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/join/dontblameme See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I saw my friend on the other side of the street. I was heading to school with the kids. I let go of mom's hand to wave. I had already forgotten their lunches. I ran over to hug her. She came out of nowhere. And then... It stopped.

Sometimes the moments that never happen matter most. Volvo's automatic emergency braking helps ensure a safe ending for everyone. Learn more at volvocars.ca slash safety. Hey guys, this is Melissa. We recorded this episode before the Safer at Home Act was put in place, so you will hear us referencing that we are together, but in episodes after this, we are practicing physical distancing, so enjoy! hello everybody and welcome back to another episode of don't blame me i was gonna burp hold on that's my impression of you trying to burp i was gonna do that but i'm i've got my drink so i didn't want to um welcome back to the podcast everybody how y'all doing you can't respond how are you doing it's not like we just recorded another episode sitting right here we haven't

been talking for yeah i don't know what's new with you not much i'm trying to think what's your um what's your like what's your most guilty pleasure movie like what's a movie that's like so bad that you love it like so bad it's so good or just like a comfort movie that like you know is not like cinematically like like i love cheaper by the dozen one and two see i don't really re-watch any movies and the one that i do watch is a masterpiece what is it mean girls oh that is a masterpiece yeah no nothing else i can't think of any movie that i've just sat and re-watch ever well like i've re-watched like if i've re-watched it is because of i'm researching it for something i'm working on which there's definitely no way any of like the so bad it's

good would be something you're doing with that have you seen to your brother dozen one and two they're great because i was like i think i was in high school going to college so it wasn't like yeah a movie that i would have sat down and watched what about josie and the pussycats oh i've seen that and it was awful whoa i saw it with my friend that is like a year younger than you and she we like the same type of tv shows and we um she was very convinced that i like i would love it when i sat down and watch it and i was like i get it like i know what they're doing here how old were you when you watched it it was a couple years ago oh yeah i mean did she warn you of being like this is just like no she's like early 2000s wet dream she absolutely loved the

fucking movie and we are like this when it comes to what we like we're right there together um missionary but yeah yeah he still don't get it i don't know he has legs too yeah so weird yeah um so i was like like i get it i understand why you would think it was good but it is what it is i remember when it came out i got panned so hard and i was like why should i waste my time with this i have it on vhs and i figured you did i do you have something to play it in no i don't have the vhs here it was that that my favorite movies is that um bent it like beckham loved a league of their own love i love legal their own

it's fantastic we've watched it together do you like um do you have you uh drop dead gorgeous no have you seen it nope i've never seen it it's a really good movie you should watch it it's not a bad it's not it's not like how i described like the movies that are so bad they're good that's not one of them i still think i have seen the greatest show i saw it in theaters i took my niece and nephew to see so what did you think about it i thought it was fine like they enjoyed the music and i think so i went like as something like i went watching someone else enjoy yeah watching children enjoy it and when i can see like a little like six-year-old boy walk out of a theater and he's like i want to listen to the song on the ride home then like it changes the

perspective what things are we don't agree yeah it's okay i'm the monster are the only two people in the world to have this thought um no it's no you're not oh well i tweeted i like movie hinted at a tweet and i got the thing is the people that love it really really really really love it oh yeah like greatest showman apologists are like strong do you guys not like look at history and see how terrible this man was but like he literally bought a black woman and put her in a cage and just had people coming and she walked around naked and had people like staring at her like she was a fucking cage animal at a zoo well that's the part that i think that you have to just kind of like the people who enjoy you have to kind of turn a blind eye because the movie itself is also

problematic like he's much more problematic than the movie but the movie is still he's still problematic and i just think a good rule of thumb is you cannot apologize you cannot make a song where someone else sings i forgive you for being like you can't forgive someone for racism in a song when it's not the racist person being like i apologize for being racist it's zendaya being like i forgive you for being racist i'm like zach efron didn't apologize this and i just hate i hate i okay i can't i should watch it i keep telling lots i'm like i just want to get super fucking high and watch him but maybe i'll get freaked out so you haven't seen it at all no i've seen it we saw in theaters i didn't know it was a musical and we almost got kicked out of theater got it

got it i didn't know it was a musical either yeah then i just saw his foot tap in and i was like and then he does yeah and lots look like slow turn looked at me and i was like i had no idea i am so sorry and i'm not i'm not i can i can fuck with some movie musicals rent love mamma mia love but i mean i love abba so hard so like there's they could do no wrong but i don't love a lot of movie musicals i'm trying to think of any do i love any i never saw i love like greece oh love yeah it's good i haven't seen in so long um moulin rouge or i loved moulin rouge or chicago i haven't seen any of those wait wait no i love chicago i don't remember i know i saw moulin rouge but i don't remember i remember in chicago i saw it at the movie theater and um in the last

act renee zellweger had lipstick all on her teeth and i was like they forgot to take this out and then when it came out on dvd they had taken it out that's gonna be like judy dench's hands because i saw it like the i think like the friday it came out so i wonder if people saw it later in the theater if it had been changed you know sometimes people tell i get like an occasionally i will get that people tell me that i remind them of renee zellweger in bridget jones's diary like not nothing else just specifically that bridget jones that should that actually should be a movie that i've seen because i was like really into like romantic comedies when it came out and i never saw it but i do have it saved in it's on hulu right now and i will watch it all three of

them are yeah i think the third one someone's in jail and i got stressed out i don't know there's certain things did i tell you i found out that i'm an empath okay no hold up first of all there's like a lot of like debatability of like our empath like is it like there's not like an actual test or if it's real or whatever when did you find this out in the last i saw you what a week ago from today when did you find no oh i found this out like a month ago and i forgot i feel late to the party now I mean it's me I forget you should have felt I should have I should have known no but it like my my therapist brought it up to me and she like basically like she had like it like clicked for her in one of our sessions she goes oh my god do you know about empaths and I was like like

being empathetic she was like no no like someone who is an empath and I was like no and then she was like oh like I'm not I can't like she's like first of all it's not something you can be diagnosed with because it's more of like it's not like it's not necessarily like gonna change anything of your life like you can find it like helpful personally but it can kind of make sense but everything adds like i can't watch movies or people do drugs i get really stressed out with like like just any sort of like massive amounts of emotion and like any like i just feel like overwhelmed and like big crowds and all that but i am an extrovert so like i've always been like but i'm not introverted like i don't recharge by being alone but i feel like i like really i can't

deal with like huge groups of people and that sort of stuff and like the biggest thing was like violence in movies like you have like a visceral reaction like like you like makes your heart race like makes you also kind of cry like it just like you cannot handle it and then she was like yeah she's like lots of actors become like empaths and also like it makes like you like get so drained around other people's like emotions but you also really want to help people and then she related to the podcast by this definition that means that i am one as well yeah i think but it's it's like she was saying that like it's something that like is is helpful in the sense that you don't feel like because i'm like why do i like why can't i just watch like a movie yeah i can't do anything

why can't i watch breaking bad but i'm like fine with drugs but i never was ever around drugs and i feel like you were yeah right and you've seen you've seen like yeah the um repercussions of people using drugs i've never really been around people in i that wasn't wasn't until i was older i've always been because that was the thing that i was like it doesn't make unless i could like foreshadowed the addiction of like people that i know like that wouldn't have made a ton of like it doesn't it doesn't make a ton of sense but they also said that like uh i mean my therapist was also like it couldn't empath and then also just like massive control issues and like i have you have control issues for yourself but i also have control issues for other people like i get so

like nervous and worried and like that's like and like that she's like i think that's also a huge aspect of your fear of drugs it's like you it's like other people out of control that like freaks you out because also then like what what happens yeah i'm like oh but i was like wow this makes so much sense but everything else is like i can't be in large crowds i've realized that i do recharge around other people like i can't be at home yeah no we lose our fucking minds but it's but i can't it's there's not it's not the altar i don't need the alternative and that's why it's that's why was like so confused by it but yeah it was interesting and then I was like yeah Mott's is definitely not one he was like if I he's like is it bad is that my guy fucked up person because

I can like watch all that shit she was like no you're fine but I thought it was really interesting yeah that is interesting and also probably why we like giving advice and like helping other people and stuff yeah we ready shall we go hey Megan Melissa and possibly us I'm so excited that I can finally call in with a problem and hopefully hear your guys advice on this so I'm your classic American student studying abroad in London for the semester and it's been really great there's only been one issue the one issue being the living situation so I live in a two-bedroom one bath with five other girls so you can imagine like the craziness that can ensue um i.e. maybe like the mess or drama whatever so because the space is just like so small we try to keep it clean as

best as we can but there's one of the roommates that's not pulling her weight and for the sake of this I'll just call her Sarah and so Sarah is constantly cooking and like making a mess which is fine as long as you clean up but she just doesn't like for instance like when she's cooking she uses a lot of salt and so the salt gets everywhere on the counter or she'll like cut up like hot dog buns and like she'll cut it over the floor or like over the countertop and not under a plate um so that's also really fun to come home to and so by the time she's done cooking she has all these dishes but she doesn't wash any of those dishes and so they're there for like several hours and so like by like the seventh or like eighth hour like half a day I'm just like okay I need

to clean these one bees either I need them or I just can't stand looking at them which has become an awful habit and I'm self-aware of it so I'm trying to not do it as much but she also like has her stuff all over the apartment and like the apartment's just so small that like you should just have all your personal stuff like in your section of your room just because like the the second part of like the living space other than like the bedrooms is just like common space and you should just be aware of like how much mess you're making but I don't think she is, and so we've hinted it out to her, saying, like, hey, whoever used, like, the stove last, can you, like, please clean it up, or, um, hey, could everyone, like, just start

cleaning up, and she literally just sits there and watches TikToks, and it just bugs me to no end, even though we all know that it's her, um, so that's super fun, just super fun, um, and I just don't know what to do because we've even like been straight up with her um and said hey can you move your stuff and all she does is like sit on her phone and watch TikToks and I don't know what to do I started like putting like her stuff in a pile and then she was like super passive-aggressive and being like thanks for putting all my stuff in a pile and I'm like okay you're welcome um so i really help um that wasn't even english like i i'm just so mind boggled because i don't even know how she passed preschool because don't you learn clean up clean up everybody clean up

like does she not get it so please help me i need it first of all i did go to preschool you bitch this is so megan this is me clean up clean up everybody everywhere clean up clean up oh i didn't know anything maybe i didn't i'm not thanks amanda um fuck off stop looking at me this is me no no this is me too this was always me but then when she said and she just sits on her phone scrolling through tiktok then it was triggered targeted yeah um here's what i'll say though i'm not uh to defend myself i'm not passive aggressive about like the cleaning aspect too and like i'm aware of the fact that like so if everything is like if you come over to my apartment in my apartment and you like didn't if like my cleaning lady wasn't here

and it was spotless you should be concerned about me like that is like uh like um i forget what my therapist my first therapist who like sucked my first psychiatrist oh that like um one of my like um if i'm like super depressed or anxious i will slip in i'd like i will slip into like ocd cleanliness, uh, tendencies. I don't have OCD, but that's what psychiatrists, it's like, I will, that is like a coping mechanism tendency. And it's like a, I can't stop. I have to do it sort of thing. And like, I will like when my life is going the absolute fucking war, like worst. And I like, it can't, or I can't deal with it. That's when I will clean, clean, clean. Um, but then there's also the level of like, Oh, I'm like depressed and lazy and it's not like a control

issue and then it gets extra messy um but then there's also the like i i just have like adhd like i just don't like i don't think about it unless i see it and then if i see it i can't blink because then if i blink i forgot then i'm like moving on to the next sort of thing but the fact that you're saying that like that's why i would say if she's anything like me the subtle hints aren't gonna work and it's not intentional and it's very much like i've had friends before i was like you have to clean and i'm like oh my god i'm so sorry i didn't even realize like it's just and I also didn't grow up in a house with like I didn't grow up in a clean house like I didn't grow up with parents like you have to clean this you have to clean this it was

like my parents house was even more disgusting than my like it like it's it was just never a thing and so it's not like a malicious sort of uh I don't care about anyone else's space sort of thing it's like oh I maybe she didn't grow up in a space in which that it meant that you're sharing this you know I mean like it didn't it there isn't that sense of like oh that's disrespectful because she didn't grow up with it but you're if you're saying that then you put all of her stuff in a pile and like you've been i'm just confused because you said that you've only been dropping subtle hints and then you said but then we were straight up with her and she was passive-aggressive about it because that doesn't make i don't know how she could be both yeah i

don't unless she's hearing problems and she can't hear you when she you say that yeah i don't i think everybody has a different level of cleanliness too because i remember i had this roommate and she um she actually owned where i lived and so she did have more say in like how clean i kept things but she used she would use the word tidy and to she's like tidy meant deep clean for her tidy means deep clean and i don't think of tightening me neither deep clean tidy just means make sure everything's in its place or it's in a pile yeah yeah like that's it's a it's a neat pile it's not tidy so for her it was like it needs to be like super clean and once i like understood that then it was like okay i got it i'll i won't i mean even it wasn't even like in

like public i think i left some clothes in my bathroom that she didn't even share with me and i was like no but anyway um but i do i think there's a level of respect that you have when you have a shared space so like you're here this is just you and matz's place and you can do whatever you guys yeah when we're filming i don't clean if you just come over but it's not deep clean though like the vacuum there's like popcorn kernels and some other unidentified things on the floor here um i think those are the uh fuck he likes the grossest ruffle chip oh okay they're orange but they're not sour cream and onion it's like sour cream and cheddar i can't yeah i can't but like disgusting

this makes me feel comfortable that you're not like super clean but i also like i live by myself i'm gonna keep my dishes like i'm not gonna wash dishes into that like i probably need some but it's like to the point where i make sure it doesn't smell or anything but that's a whole other story but like if you are in a shared space then you need to like make it clear hey this is what we're in a shared space it needs to be clean you can do whatever the fuck you want to do in your own area but like you you gotta clean and like have definitions of clean but you have to also understand that people have different definitions of clean and maybe shouldn't okay six five four three two one six seven eight hours it's not a long time no i don't know the last time

i've done dishes that i cooked that night like if i'm cooking dinner at night i'm not doing the dishes like so like give her 24 hours it might be too much for her even if she's doing tiktok that might be her time to decompress yeah and like you have to nobody nobody's mental health is valued over anybody else's so like in your for you like cleanliness that's what helps your mental health and if it's dirty versus for her not stressing about it and like feeling comfortable and casual and then like watching tiktoks is better for her mental like you can't weigh it both of you are gonna have to compromise like she's not gonna be as clean as you want her to be and you also need to be as okay with that and I would also say that like I the living room stuff you I think I wish

you were more specific about it because like at the end of the day you all have equal rights in the living room and if she wants to like leave a coat on a chair or like what like depending on what it is that you don't think she'd be able to like leave anything there it also does kind of sound like five against one essentially and yeah it's like you guys have to if it's not if it's not like absolute like mess 24 7 all of the time like mold is growing yeah that you like can't live in that like and then even if you just say like hey can like you pick up and if you feel ridiculous asking her to pick up like if it's literally again just a coat on a chair then don't act like then just learn how to be okay with it because like that is like you all have equal rights there

but just because five of you like it clean and one of you doesn't doesn't mean that it's five over one that's not fair all of you have the same amount of like yeah it can't be like oh we all want it to this level of clean and she doesn't so she needs to get there and it's like no it needs to be a compromise for all of you at that place um also this might be the first time that she's lived alone like lived out with roommates and had to deal with that i was the absolute messiest and the worst fucking roommate college my freshman year at dorm oh my god my roommate I don't know how she dealt with me I love her to death I still like she's one of my favorite she's like the sweetest person ever she is so meticulously clean I was not only a drunk hot mess I was not

only messy I was dirty like I literally would I would not even wash my sheets I would just like sleep on uh I threw up on my bed so I just slept on a mattress I know that's awful disgusting disgusting like it was so gross there was a point where I had and I'm saying this and it wasn't malicious at all it's just like it's not and i also again did not was not medicated for adhd at this point so like there was no rhyme or reason of like i didn't i it just was not a part of my daily schedule at all and like was so not a thing i could do i literally had um something explode in the microwave when i was drunk and i didn't i never used the microwave didn't open it for like two fucking weeks and was there like a smell and you guys couldn't identify where it was coming

from and then she was like fucking microwave and I was like all right and I was like oh my god I can't clean this and I literally paid a dude in my hall to clean it for me no I thought you were gonna say you picked it up and threw it in the trash I tried but then our RA said that we even if we bought the exact same microwave it wouldn't they needed the same one I already tried that um but yeah and so I applaud her for and I'm sure she talked very valid kind of mad shit behind my back for it but was never never made me feel bad do you mean like she never made me feel bad and like she was so it was never as clean as she wanted it to be and there were times where she would be like hey let's clean together and like would put music on and like i she knew it wasn't

malicious on my end and it just was something i wasn't great at and there were times that like if i left it messy and she was having like a guy over to the room that she would clean she would text me and say hey is it cool if i clean your half of the room someone's gonna come over and i would be like i'm so sorry i didn't like i feel so bad like you really don't have to i'll come home early she was like no it's fine I'll do it it'll be okay like it was very she was so understanding and so nice about it that like we met a comp we like we had a compromise essentially and there were definitely like as an adult now looking back on it I'm like wow you were so patient with me I really should have done better but I was learning and she she really allotted

that kind of curve for me and it's yeah it was a compromise I thought I was being way cleaner than i was and like i'm sure she was it was the dirtiest that she'd ever like been with that sort of stuff also in this time i feel like it's no long oh it's no longer an issue you're probably not there anymore no no but also you should join our facebook group because every time someone posts about this everyone on the facebook group is like a fucking bunch of virgos who are like oh my god i would die like i would die if it was this messy and i'm like oh why are you messing trouble not get called the wrong people if you wanted to be on your side we're ghosters who are messy yeah hi megan and guest um i just wanted some really quick advice on pregnancy scares so

um i really don't think i am but it's so like super scary and i've been looking tons of things up online you know and whatnot just because that's what you do when you're scared you know most people do it I think I know it's probably not the best thing to do right now but I don't know and I yeah so I really don't think I am but I don't know I just wanted to hear your advice and if you ever had an experience like this it'd be very nice thank you pregnant Amanda what does she think she has she thinks she has a baby a baby um no that's like an embryo yes let's see if i thought that i was pregnant you know what the first thing i would do was call this podcast i would go outside

and lie down and see where the sun lands on my stomach because then i would know i just i can't i really how old are you you didn't tell us how old you are because if you're like 14 i'm gonna give you just a tad bit of leeway here only if you're 14 though but like i took my first part of success when i was 16 i know took it at the the uh cvs or right bathroom was it cvs or right it could question it was right it was near molly stones if you're from marin you know that so um get a pregnancy test oh my god it would be so easy to figure out the answer this this if you if you are not much i'm not here's what i'm i'm not of the camp of uh if people who say like oh if you're not mature enough to have a baby then don't have sex that's not where i'm at

no yeah i'm not mature enough to have a baby and i have sex i've had sex for like 10 years 10 years now look at me like no like i don't think that that's that's legit but if you are mature enough to have sex you need to be mature enough to buy a pregnancy test because like i yeah it's just like your own you have to be mature enough to buy a pregnancy test and you have to be mature enough to go get medication if you get an sti like that's the thing it's like you cannot let this implement your health and there's an easy way to figure this out and here's the thing if you're pregnant you're pregnant like it's not like researching and trying to figure it out that's not gonna help anything no it's it's not gonna change the outcome either of being like

well i don't want to take a test because like and it's like well i'm sorry what first of all the dollar tree has pregnancy tests any dollar store has pregnancy tests for a dollar you and if you're sexually active keep them on hand go with your friends buy a bunch pretend it's like a totally joke and like oh this is so funny like we're all wearing pregnancy ties like ha like it doesn't have to be like oh my gosh and then fucking keep them or if you're 14 don't keep them but like you have to take one yeah you have to or you can just wait nine months and see what pops up oh my god i saw a tiktok of a girl who was like i didn't know i was pregnant thing so she like was on like had gone on like a roller coaster she was like 17 16 or 17 maybe um and like she like like was

showing all these pictures of her and like how she like was feeling fine everything was totally fine and then like one day she like was like they were going to the beach their friends and she showed a fucking picture does not look pregnant at all but she sees this like dark line going down her stomach and was like that's so weird went to the and then she had like a really bad like stomach they like went on a roller coaster or whatever they were like a like a water park or whatever and then went to like the doctor the next day because she thought she like could hurt her back on the roller coaster and they go and she was in labor and like the doctor was like oh well i mean yeah you like you're in labor and she was like what and they're like you don't know

you're in labor now when when when was your due date she was like i'm not pregnant and they're like what what is the size of this girl small so she has the thing that i have that's uh uh her uterus is an inverted uterus so it's to the back of her body and that's what they so that's i did more research about um a lot of like especially young people who don't know that they're pregnant and that's the majority of it is because you're you're it's you're growing essentially backwards and she hurt her back yeah and so you're you're feeling all this back pain that's also why i also my ovaries are stacked behind my uterus which is all like to my back left, which is why my cramps are like majority in my back. Um, and they say that like a lot of women

don't, they don't pop if you have like, if that you have this, but she had like just a very like extreme case and she was small and her baby was just small, like just small in general. Um, and yeah, like had a baby and had no idea. And she also was, um, and the part that people, cause people were saying like, Oh my God, you love, like, how did you not like notice your period whatever she got this is like the crazy she got like um had you can spot when you have um when you're pregnant but she spotted the same time every single month like a tiny bit and i she had like gotten like and i don't think she got an iud but she was she was on birth control and the baby's fine everything like i'd like everything but it was like one of those things

that like she should have like it was yeah insane so that's someone who's allowed to be surprised that they're pregnant you you're sitting up doing research and you have a inkling that you might be going to fucking pregnancy here's the thing what is your inkling is it that you're late on your period because that's not an inkling that's a that that that's a 50 50 chance or did some dude just jizzing you and you're like that's what i mean though like there are certain things that if you're like oh my boobs are like i do this all the fucking time like every single month i'm like oh my god my boobs are sore and like i'm extra emotional like what if i'm pregnant i'm like okay well did someone come did moth come inside me no like am i like did you like and then you think

am i late on my period no but if you can be like okay i had unprotected sex there is semen inside there was semen inside of me um and i'm late on my period that's not like an inkling like you have to fucking take a pregnancy test i just can't i really fucking can't like it's it's just so irresponsible and this is coming from somebody who is terrified of the gynecologist right like i didn't go until i was 25 three four four i think you went in 24 you didn't go last year no i think it was last year because it was february was it yeah okay because i got a ZocDoc notification be like you should find another and I'm like I will um so I didn't go until I was 25 but I've been sexually active since I was 16 and I have pregnancy scares and I've I

have taken tests and also like if I was pregnant like I would have done whatever I had chose do you know what I mean like I would have made the choice from there but it wouldn't have been like oh I'm not gonna do anything about it and then it's gonna go away because it's not for you your hypothesis is i think i might be pregnant then you have to gather your materials go gather pregnancy tests you've done some research ask some questions get a sample of a urine sample from yourself do the test and see where it lands that's i don't understand why you're making this more complicated than it needs to be is it the fear of knowing yeah if you have a fear of knowing why are you sitting up and researching that's what i don't get i think there's this idea like

a fear of knowing that like yeah a fear of knowing but this is like a a time sensitive thing and it's not you can't like think it to happen or think it not to happen if it happened like it's no no whatever let's move on i can't there's no nothing else you can say about no Hi, I'm 20 years old. I go to school for elementary education. I'm in my second year of college right now. I'm in a four year long relationship with an amazing guy. we've been together since sophomore in high school and he okay so I have really bad mental health issues and he knows that and he helps the best way he can absolutely he is I don't even know how to say it but he's he's amazing he helps me so much through my mental health but like the only issue I have is he is totally against pharmaceutical medication and so far that has been the only thing

that has been able to help me through my mental health issues and it just hurts me so bad because he he whenever I try to bring it up to him about like past doctor's appointments and stuff like that he always gets so upset and angry and like doesn't really want to talk about the whole situation um by the way his family is just extremely um herbal medicine so and my family's not like we're giving drugs if it helps me so i don't know any advice helps thank you so much bye i i was gonna say i think that it's so fucked up this is a joke it's a joke i'm i'm saying it's a joke i think you should give him chlamydia i think you should i think you should give him chlamydia where is she just gonna go pick it up

that i don't know that's not my problem i think i think you need to give him a penis infection that is needs antibiotics this reminds me of this tweet i saw yesterday from this person named megan quote alex rinks that somebody said that they didn't believe in vaccinations and she responded it because they didn't believe in vaccinations because she got a vaccination before and she got really sick from it and then megan alex rink said so do you have polio right now she said she got every every time i get a vaccine i get i get sick from it i get i get if i get a flu shot i get the flu i'm like so when you got the polio vaccine you get polio and she goes no i never got that one and i was like do you first of all that was a fire joke bitch do you know

know what polio is like what i just can't i can't i knew this girl growing up in her family so and i say this as like and we were talking about this before we even started recording that like i grew up so fucking hippie dippy like cloth diapers like all of that like crystals like buddha shit like i just grew i grew like no sugar all of that shit that you would think would be like an anti-vaxxer but like there's just like this yeah there's just like i i knew a couple of kids who weren't vaccinated and then as far as i know they died because they disappeared by the time i went to elementary school because they couldn't go to school so like it was just like i don't know where they are actually one of them i think goes to harvard which makes me think

got vaccinated because you can't go um but there's just like a level of recklessness, narcissism, and like lack of like, and ignorance and uneducatedness of people who do not believe in Western medicine for the safety of other people. Because like, here's the thing. If you don't want, if you have a headache and you don't want to take Advil, I don't care. That's totally fine. If you have a stomach ache or you've got diarrhea and you don't want to take Pepto-Bismol, that's totally fine as long as we don't share a restroom. But like, if you don't want to,

if you want your girlfriend to live and you don't want her to take antidepressants, you don't, like, I hate to say this, and I think this is, you're saying this is his parents. It's so much of a brainwash thing. And if you're younger, I think he probably is still just paying attention. But oh, so I knew this girl.

Wow, my Adderall is not a thing today. I knew this girl who she, her parents were very much like homeopathic all of that stuff she was vaccinated but they were they were like newly hippie dippy and um for her birth control her parents went to uh our local health food store and bought her this root that she was just supposed to chew on and i literally was like bitch you're gonna get pregnant and i told her and i was friends with her boyfriend i was like do not come inside her she is not on birth control and if she says that she is she is lying she's not and i knew that he's not they were both they'd never had sex with anybody else

they neither of them had anything that they could give but i was like for boyfriend i was like do like no no no no no this is rude now i have to look it up and that's the part that i'm like i don't even think that's a thing but it was just like that kind of shit that i was like this is so reckless and like and it's just like the mental health aspect of it like here's the thing if for your own anxiety depression you can make the choice that medication is not for you but that does not mean that you can judge anyone else or have the opinion for them and everybody has the story of like, well, no, it really messed up with like my, my like ant went on it and it made it so bubble, all of that sort of stuff. That's a relevant to the person who's on it. Medication

saves lives. It's what keeps people alive. It is a, there's a chemical imbalance in your brain. And here's the thing you can have, uh, you can have like a depressive tendencies. You can have like extreme sort of sadness. You can have situational depression. And like, then there are people who regardless of the season, regardless of the weather outside, regardless of like the situations in our life their their brain does not produce the right chemicals and it's not like sometimes they do and sometimes they don't they don't at all and if you're diabetic your body cannot handle your body your body needs help with insulin and glucose yeah and you would never tell someone with diabetes no don't do that like that's not it's it is just it doesn't affect

your boyfriend at all at all and if he wants to say that it does he's thinking about it from like the 1% story of, Oh, someone, I know someone, I know someone, I know had a bad experience with blah, blah, blah, and all of that. That's that. No, like that's, if this is a thing that helps you and is what keeps you like in the best possible, like being the best possible version of yourself mentally. And he doesn't want that. Then he doesn't want that for you. And that's, and I don't want to say that because I don't necessarily think that that's the case because you're saying his parents are like that. And you guys were in college. And it's like, it's still a lot of like heavy influence. I don't think it's like, uh, like lost hope sort of thing,

but I think talk to your psychiatrist and talk. I would, if you don't have a therapist, I would talk to a therapist about it too. But like talk to your therapist or psychiatrist and say, can I bring my boyfriend into one of these and have him hear from a fucking doctor about how, Hey, here's my job is once a month, especially if it's, if you're, if you're on like anti-anxiety, if you're on antidepressants anti-anxiety depends whatever you're on though that like you're meeting with your psychiatrist once a month you're talking with them you're they're checking in with you they're monitoring your symptoms like they are there to make sure that like one percent of case like backfires and it doesn't work that it doesn't happen and their job is to look for that even if

you're not explicit like explicitly saying that you're dealing or like you're feeling these sorts of things i just think it's like such uh like an it's like an ableist piece of shit because if like a crystal helped you with your depression i am so sorry but that there is that crystal did not change the serotonin levels in your brain it's willing for ignorance yeah and it's not fair it's not it's just being like okay do some yoga like go at like you'll be fine this way and like if something works for someone let it fucking work for someone i'm not gonna be here telling you that like hey this thing that does not affect me at all or like is it not like a morally you're not oppressing anyone it literally the only person it has to deal with is you i'm not gonna tell you

not to do it i'm not gonna tell you to take advil if you don't want to take advil but i'm not gonna but but if you're gonna be like no i'm not gonna i'm not gonna i'm not gonna vaccinate myself against everything and then i'm just gonna like walk around licking shit then make you a piece of shit because it's not about you oh i fucking god i'm not gonna add to that but again i don't want to i'm saying this because i don't think i think this is a product of your boyfriend's environment yeah and you're we're seeing this so much more and more of kids who are like like 18 like i mean not even 18 like uh before they turn 18 like between like 15 to like 18 who are suing their parents and are getting emancipated because they're suing the courts they're suing their

parents because they're not vaccinated they want to get vaccinated so you can't go to fucking school you can't do like you can't fucking do anything it's just reckless and parents make that decision for your kids and there's a huge majority of your life in which like your parents they're the adult figure or whoever the adult figures are in your life like that's right and that's wrong and like this is like it's the moral compass and you start to like form your own opinions and do your own research and you realize oh wow these people are fucking dipshits like i don't want to do this and they made this choice for me before i could choose it and it's not an irreversible choice i can go and i can i can change and move on from this but i think he needs he needs to go to a real fucking

doctor yeah because that's the uh he needs to go in with your doctor like megan said yeah sit with them and learn more and it's because of the way that his parents brought him up that he doesn't realize that this is helpful and this is why most people aren't regulated when they're 15 years old and that's like you're it's regulated and the other part of it is like if someone had a a bad experience with a medication and a drug the vast majority of the time is because it wasn't being monitored and they weren't taking it the the wet that same way or there was another underlying issue that it was amplifying and all of that sort of stuff but like it's that's it's not in like I just like western medicine is the reason why we can have like not dying childbirth

and like why all of like we're living to so much longer and through all of this sort of stuff and then the other end of it that like I mean I can't even get into like the if you want to have a kid so badly and you would rather you would rather have a dead kid than an autistic kid you're it's absolutely it's disgusting like and they're they don't correlate they don't correlate and they don't correlate literally at all it has been it has been proven time and time again this has been something that's been around since the 90s people have been claiming this it's been heavily researched like they were all like okay we'll we'll humor you and do the research oh look there is no correlation at all but even if there was you would rather have a dead kid and a kid

who killed other kids than a kid with autism that is disgusting that is literally like are you oh my god it makes me so mad like it makes like so fucking mad i can't i can't i can't and on that note we're gonna take a break okay guys we are back from our break and we're gonna head into the rest of our calls did we spend the entire break talking about anti-vaxxers yes hi megan melissa and guest so i'm calling about some boy advice i'm a sophomore in college and the situation's kind of weird but basically i was not having a boyfriend tinder who goes to my school and it started last november and it's February now so it's been like over a year and a half of us just snapping but we did start hanging

out a couple months ago when we got back to school in January so actually literally only one month but okay anyway I think we're gonna start today seriously so that's the backstory and now I'm gonna get into the issue um he's like super sweet and everything like he's a tall awkward shy boy like that's my type but I have noticed a couple things first he grinds his teeth at night which that's a medical issue and is it weird to tell him like I want to let him know because I feel like that's something that you should probably tell someone but I like it's only a month in really so like I don't really know also another thing I think he needs to wash his sheets more often but that's also something that you can't really say like this soon so I don't really know

um and also I really want to offer to pluck his eyebrows but I feel as though again that is just something that is a little too early so my question basically is when is it okay to say this stuff to a person because obviously after a month like that's a little too soon but I mean I don't know I just like don't want to seem naggy I'm not trying to be his mom but there's just some things that I feel like he probably just hasn't realized and I could really help him um but I feel like this just makes me seem like super overbearing and everything like that and I'm really not trying to be that way so if you have any advice on what to do with someone that you're seeing where you just want to give them some uncomfortable news um that would be

awesome thank you so much Megan I love you bye you think you're gonna start dating seriously you're not even dating yet also you you literally said i when i want to tell him something uncomfortable like i want to tell him you don't why yeah like okay the teeth grinding thing i don't think that's anything uncomfortable just be like hey dude when you're sleeping you grind your teeth i want to get that in the middle of the night i would be like there so my sydney grinds her teeth oh my god the noise it makes it literally makes my body like it oh it's just i hate it same thing that i get when i hear uh like sharpie on paper it's that same thing yeah i can't stand it so and i've i probably said it

the first time we ever had a sleepover i like hit her and i was like bitch you're fucking grinding that is so annoying stop like and she doesn't have a mouth guard now but like i still to this day if she grinds her teeth and we're sleeping in the same bed like i will just poke and i will say you are grinding your teeth it's not like um from a medical standpoint i'm like bitch i don't care if your teeth are flat on the top yeah you're driving me crazy so if you're sleeping in the same bed that's the same thing with snoring like i think like don't make it because you're saying you don't want to mommy him but you're like really making it like the mommy angle like if it's not annoying you then don't say anything he goes to a dentist he knows nobody

is an adult and doesn't know that they grind their teeth go to the dentist though ever though i don't know i don't know his life i mean i mean there's definitely like a point where you like are in college or like when you're off your like parents health insurance and then you're like no when i was in college that's when i was using up all this that's what i mean but when you're off it and then you no longer have that health insurance and then you're like i haven't been to the dentist in three years like but like i'm gonna be super surprised if he doesn't know that he grinds his teeth and also like if you've been dating for a month to be fair he might have a fucking mouth guard that he doesn't want to spring on you the first month of you guys hooking up okay easy fix whatever yes

sheets i get that because there was a guy that i was hooking up with and he's like i haven't washed my sheet in two months and i was like i'm not fucking you on this bed why would he tell you that exactly that's weird yeah but um so like i don't know just don't fuck him in the bed yeah that's what my yeah also you know that when a boy is in college the only color sheets he has are navy plaid or black do you know how hard it is to know those are dirty yeah if they are you know those are dirty those are really fucking dirty yeah yeah i mean here's the thing i think like also i think there's like you kind of college is also kind of a time to like be a little gross well you heard her story at the top of the

show that she's no that you was at this episode that you barfed on your bed and then just slept on the mattress i'm not saying you have to go there but like i fucked on some like my ex my college ex had black silk sheets that's disgusting absolutely disgusting did i fuck him 100 like you do some something like you can't like make like like i don't know like spruce everyone up like take the glasses off like this whole thing like sometimes just like let people like if you don't want to fuck him in his nasty like bed sheets don't fuck him in his bed but don't be like you have to like no let him do it don't mom him he's also in college and if you start if you start momming a guy that you're dating one month in you are going to mom him for the rest of your

relationship it is such a bad precedent to make you should want some like you should want someone to want to do shit for themselves and for you if you're dating not because you ask for it yeah like there are certain things that like yeah you need to ask for if they're hella specific but it's like i would like if you like did like no don't be the person who's chasing after their significant other like telling telling them to like shower unless it's like a mental health thing of being like hey like come let's rally and go shower yeah which is moths when i haven't showered i haven't washed my hair in like a week and a half but like no don't not your place and the okay here's the one thing I'll say the eyebrow thing I totally understand I totally understand looking at

someone not it's mostly if I like actually no I don't think I would have ever thought of months in but if I like if Motz now has a zit and we're talking I'm like I have to you have to let me pop it but I don't think I've I plucked his eyebrows or popped his zits until I mean I'm also a lot and I'm like funny but like we were friends too I don't think like it would be I would have to feel comfortable doing it with a friend like if we weren't romantic and we were just friends i would have to feel that same that same like level of friendship because i wouldn't do that to all of my friends will i do it to leo all the time he'd be like no you cannot pop my zits and i'll be like come here rich but there are other people like i wouldn't do it like i think it's just like

if it's somebody that you're just now dating like you and monts were friends for a while before you were dating yeah but i think she's getting it confused because they snapped for a year and a snap that's true i don't understand the snap no and that's the thing that i think you need to like there this comfortability that's not it doesn't count yeah that's not your friend and like if it disappears and you can't see it anymore i'm sorry but does that doesn't count no snapchat is such a specific app yeah it is such a deliberate deliberate one um i think you need a hobby yeah and i think that's rude to say to somebody that they that you know what you would look so much better if you plucked your eyebrows that is so fucking rude like you were

fine with it for a year and a half while you were just looking at his pictures on snapchat and talking back and forth that is that's just mean you seem like giddy at the idea of giving him a makeover yeah and like fixing him you're trying to change who he is yeah let him be and also like that's what his if he's got like siblings or like female friends or whatever like that's what they're for that's not like the last thing that you want to hear is from the person that you're like trying to impress that you have like a crush on that they think that you need some fixing like i would no never he really loves his eyebrows i also there's something there's nothing that pisses me off more than like i mean i will pluck any i will pluck in i will pluck every single one

of my leg hairs out with tweezers or my armpit hair like i was depressed while i was doing it i mean i'm always yeah i mean yeah same but like i that's like such a and i live for that kind of shit um but like if moths was like no i love my unibrow yeah i would be like okay let's fucking leave it but like he was like i don't really like this and i'm like i will get rid of that for you or like and it's the same thing it's like it's like oh you'd be so much prettier if you didn't have acne yeah like that's something that like fuck off yeah it's not it's such a personal preference and here's the other thing and if you're coming at it from like that well maybe he's like no one's ever told him or whatever like the the amount of guys that i've been friends with

who like they haven't had a ton of female friends like within the first month or like two months of us becoming friends them being like i've got a blackhead on my back that i've never been able to reach could you do that for me or like could you like i don't know how to do my like could you help me like and it's always been like a could you help me with my eyebrows sort of thing like it's not if he wants you to he will ask you to but like again that's like him pointing out something on your face that he would like you to fix a month in it's mean it's mean it is very mean and I would just I think you really really need to chill hey girl so I have a question um I uh my husband likes to go down on me all the time or wants to but I mean I take a shower every night

and I use the Vagisil like odor protection and I don't I mean like I don't have an odor down there I mean that I know of but I don't know I'm just so self-conscious like he wants to go down on me every time and I don't know I just feel so self-conscious that I might have an odor down there i mean i keep myself really clean but i don't know how to get over it's not a fear like i said i just feel self-conscious so if you have any tips that would be great thank you bye if his head is buried between your legs so much and you don't even have to ask him and he just like wants to do it i think that's your answer right there like if you smelled i don't think he would be down there all the time also if he smelled you would know yeah it's like if if if

you smell then that means that there's something going on like bacterial vaginosis or yeast infection yeah which is like in part or an sti yeah and that's also not going to be your only sign yeah it's gonna be like milky white discharge cottage cheese yeah so like very very like fish market if that's the issue then like you can go to the you know and you go to the doctor and you get that cleaned up he would know he wouldn't be putting his mouth on you if that was the issue like you're fine also vagisil can mess up your ph and um it can over dry you um your vagina is a self it self cleans and like if you want to clean anything with um your uh yeah so this all these i'm looking at all these articles and it's all the science stuff that are not not great and talk to

your gynecologist about this because your gynecologist will tell you hey you don't need this and here's the thing if you want like um there's a brand called like queen v and that sort of stuff and the honey pot as well and there's it's one of the body wash it's like a body like a body wash that is also safe for like outer labia use so a lot of other body washes aren't but this is the kind of body wash is like not oh no this is specifically just for your your vagina it's not like it's literally for the rest of your body and it also happens to be safe for like outer labia use whichever most body wash other body washes aren't but you don't this is like the same thing with like douching and all of these like wipes and all this sort of stuff any sort of like

artificial like these fragrances and everything mess with you so much more the vagina is a self cleaning system and this is not a part of it so then your vagina has to clean even more to get rid of everything that you're doing like it it no matter what you do to like clean it it cleans itself right it's like a live it's your it's like your liver like where it's like oh i'm gonna take all of this stuff that's gonna like help my liver well your liver is going to produce your liver is going to break down toxins or it's not going to break down toxins if your liver doesn't break down toxins you know that yeah like that it's not something that it needs help it then just has more shit for it to break down which in usually ends up backfiring because it's

like well now i'm spending all of this time getting rid of all this other shit extra stuff that i don't know that i'm already i already know how to fix myself yeah on my own why are you making this i just think that like there's definitely like also the idea of like vaginas like that's being like this gross odor smell or whatever like is sexist misogynistic nasty media of like women telling like being like you are gross your vagina is shameful unless it's being used to like pleasure man like it's just awful like and it's a load of shit and your vagina shouldn't smell like flowers it smells like a vagina like dudes aren't concerned about the smells of their the smell of their balls we know that for sure like you don't hear about like ball wash no like they're

just it's like that pink tax yeah it's like they're making money and profiting off of women's insecurities and a huge amount of that is like what do uh cisgendered women have vaginas we can make bank off of that it's like women's uh women's quote-unquote razors are more expensive than men's razors and they're pink and they don't they don't work as well and women's again like products targeted for women also tend to like expire faster don't last as long because it's like oh they love ladies love to shop and buy more stuff and they like to try the new things so like if you see the amount of like shave gels that guy like that that are like designed for men versus women women have 10 times as many and it does the same thing barbershop costs like 75 cents

works the best it's just absolutely insane and like you don't if you if you had an issue and here's the thing if you're like it's not like your husband has a different nose than you do stick your fucking hand in your vagina like true spread your lips check yourself am i caught it's cheesing my friends and i i've never run so gross did you check each other oh all the time all the time if we if we if we needed to if it was like i don't know where we're going but we used to do this thing where it would be like um that i'll tell you offline yep um it's just like you've hit me of us uh but like stick your hand like and smell your hand and see like you'll know like and i it's not that like oh well i think it's fine but then it's it's fine and it's fine yeah and

if you're super work to be super fair if you are super worried that you might have like bacterial vaginosis or something like that like get like bioric acid uh suppositories from order those ones because like that's something that if you're having like a ph balance issue you can test your your ph p stick you pee on the stick it'll tell you where your ph level is it is it's like i think it's like red and green i forget the color spectrum that's how it is and then the what the thing that will change that is uh vaginal suppository bioric bioric acid but to talk to your doctor the wash should only be used externally not up in there and also a fragrance it needs to not have fragrance in it because that's also going to irritate you more yeah and i and cause

yeast infections oh my uh-huh i just think that this is definitely like you are the epitome example of like and i've been there we've all i think everyone's been there but like of like the marketing to like profiting off of making like cisgendered women feel insecure and that's what this is like you have no reason to believe that you your vagina smells or there's any sort of odor or there's any sort of anything that's irregular at all but you still feel that way and you're buying something to combat something that you don't even think you have like have an issue with but you're still convinced that you do and as if that like oh well maybe my nose is immune and i can't smell it yep so then you ask is it time for you always do an action uh is it

time for don't blame them it is wow please keep it everything we did before that we're just like what do we have here so this episode this um call is from the episode with jocelyn davis and the original caller um her boyfriend's son started calling her mom and so this is somebody calling to share their experience with that hi megan and melissa um i'm a long-time listener and first-time caller i'm actually calling um to give some advice to the girl um this is in reference to the episode of jocelyn davis where the girl called in and she was having problems with her boyfriend's family because his son started calling her mom i actually have a kind of similar experience um kind of from the opposite end my sister uh is now engaged but has been

dating for about five years a guy who has a son as well and um his mother passed away unfortunately so she obviously won't be in the picture ever um that sounded morbid uh anyway i know that from my standpoint and from our family standpoint we were a little bit concerned at first and kind of weirded out when we heard him start calling her mom and we were more concerned you know for my sister about you know what if this doesn't work out and we were also concerned for the child who is now going to be my family because they're going to get married um and for them it ended up working out but it was a little bit weird at first uh my advice to her is to just do what you think is right if you know you know that you're going to be with somebody and

maybe it won't work out nobody can ever be certain but i would just tell her to maybe arrange like a sit down with the mom and the sister and let her just air out her intentions and let them know that she does plan to be in the picture for a long time and of course she can't say for certain that she will be but all she can really do is let her intentions be known and let them know that her intentions are good and maybe hear where they're coming from and maybe she will a little insight to why they have such a problem with it or why they seem to be a little bit iffy about her and you know maybe they'll never understand her and maybe you know that's just like people just don't understand others sometimes but yeah i've kind of learned that all you can

really do is let your intensity know and i know that you know in my personal experience it is a really weird situation when a kid starts calling someone who's not their biological mother mom so So yeah, I don't know if that's really helpful at all, but I hope that it is because I really didn't think that that was, I would ever hear somebody else have the same kind of problem or issue, but yeah, thanks. Um, no, my biggest issue with the first caller is that she never once called the child her son. Someone commented that on, on the YouTube and I was like, oh my, and I didn't even,

i didn't even realize it and i was like yeah that makes so much sense like because it's there's this disconnect and it's like oh that's you never referred i'm sorry we had a girl who like fucked her stepbrother and then accidentally heard him as her brother but like he's calling you mom and you're not referring to him as your son i mean i think the comments on that episode are fantastic uh in regards to that call especially um i think and there's a lot of like people who haven't been in the situation or who've been on like oh well this it all worked this kind of thing but there have been ones from uh callers who introduced their kid to an like an ex and they said it was the word they regretted it so much or it was too soon and it didn't work

out and the thing that people are like this blind optimistic thing of being like well if it doesn't work out like you know he has his great memories he doesn't here's abandonment issues are abandonment issues and being abandoned by one mother figure in your life is enough being abandoned by another is not like oh well what's another it's twice the abandonment it's like if you can avoid any additional hurt do that like it's not a matter of like well the risks outweigh the rewards they don't because at the end of the day get married adopt that kid go through that whole fucking process and if it's like well no like that's we don't you don't want to rush that then don't then don't rush the rest of the stuff yeah if you're not ready to get married and adopt that kid

and like if you can't make that decision right now then you shouldn't be a part of that nope and i understand that like uh someone's kid is a huge part of their life and you would date them you date their kid but that's the whole thing that i'd be like well that that's my my issue is also it's with him it's not i mean it's not with her essentially it's like it's he shouldn't have let this happen right and he has his family who's there he doesn't need you it doesn't need her to help with the kid and then that's a babysitter it's not a girlfriend and then again and like the thing that i like commented responding back to someone i was like they're like well isn't it great for like the kid to have like a great like female role model in his life here's dad's

cool friend she's awesome she's she bought me a truck but mom and sisters were there too so that's what i mean like he has other female role models and that's i think why the parents are upset and what this the uh the this caller who's calling in with this i don't think that if they end up together and they get married i do not think the family's going to hate her at all yeah i do not think it's going to be an issue i think the issue is the fact that i think he's done this before and i think that they have seen that he's not looking out for the kid in he's looking out for his own interest before he's looking out for the kid and he has this blind optimism and this kid is collateral damage essentially and like dealing with all that stuff and the parents

know that and they more than anything now that he calls you mom they want that to work out they want you to stick around they want you to get married they want this to be it like they don't want like they're not like hoping for you to fail at all and it's not unless you they just unless you're a piece of shit that's what i was gonna say unless they know something that we don't know and you're giving us the information just from your point of view oh my god imagine if they hate her because she like sucks and then he starts calling her mom exactly that's kind of where my mind is and also someone else commented something of being like the kid should it wasn't like i want to call you mom it was like i'm confused are you my mom right and it was like i'm not your mom but

you can call me that if you want oh it like it it should be and like again i'm referring back to the comments again but people were saying it was really like when my like stepdad came into the picture and like i got to tell him that i wanted to call him dad like that was an amazing moment for us or like that was an amazing moment for my like little brother like it's such an empowered like that's such a nice choice and there's also something there's something so amazing about if you grow up without like a super stable home life or like those traditional parent roles filling what they stare like they they usually do and there's another adult in your life who is not biologically related to you and they love you unconditionally and they choose to be there for you that is

unparalleled that is an amazing you don't it doesn't you don't need to call the mom or dad for that to happen like that is such a validation and feeling chosen and feeling uh like loved and taken care of and special and protected that you that is so incredibly important for a kid who has abandonment issues from a mom of someone who was not supposed to abandon him because that's his mom and that's biologically we're taught that no that's no your parents stay with you forever like they're always there for you and if you have someone who's not even blood related to you and they choose to show up for you and be there for you then the greatest gift that you can give them in return is adopt me or i want to call you mom or i want to call you dad yeah yeah i just

and everybody likes to do like the well on this side but there's literally no one person who commented who is a parent who has a kid who said that yeah this was it all worked out or it was fine it's either from the kids perspective excuse me the kids perspective of like how it was for their siblings and that sort of stuff um or people who've never been through this kind of like experience but yeah more trauma is more trauma is like the moral of the story like it's not and like the risks if the risk if trauma as like if it's child if childhood trauma is a risk in a decision you make don't make the decision like if that's like if this goes wrong this could be immense amount of childhood trauma it's not worth it it's literally never worth it

at all even if it 50 50 chance 70 30 no it's not it's not worth it at all that's like it's yeah it's developmental age all of that sort of stuff and he should focus on being like the best dad that he can and you are his cool friend yep all right but we can't go back in time i wonder if she still listens we'll see um well that's it for our episode guys if you want to call in for an upcoming one you can give us a call at 310-694-0976 international listeners you can send us an audio message at meganpodcasts at gmail.com um we are available as a video on youtube if you want to watch us lounge with me spread eagle this whole time and you want to show off your slippers you're flexible don't lie okay be lazy who's new um no i've had them for a year i only wear them

inside um if you want to listen ad free we're on stitcher i might have already said that uh and if you want to leave us a review please let us um let us i don't know how i was like trying to come up with a sentence that that would work in just leave us a review follow us on instagram we'd love that any other oh my book may 5th cinco de mayo soon it's insanely soon um pre-order it um would love if you got it hard copy audio book digital lots of those different things and um a lot of questions that people are asking if you pre-order it um when does it arrive it usually arrives like day or two before yeah if the latest you'll get it is the day that it hits shelves depending on the state of the world

when it comes out. That's true. Yeah. Maybe you have to get it online. Maybe you have to get a digital order. Yeah. Well,

on that note, anything else? I'm good. No? Okay. Hope you guys enjoyed it. We'll see you next time. Bye.

Goodbye. Don't Blame Me is a production by me. Executive produced by Melissa DeMonts. Camera operator Amanda Lechner. and music by Ryan Hunter and Giacomo Picasso.