Don't Blame Me! - S5E21: Boyfriend Has His “Sister’s” Nudes with Melisa D. Monts

Episode Date: April 20, 2020

This week we're sharing advice on:    Boyfriend complaining about different decorating tastes Having different styles of communication Partner not saying, “I Love You” Missing your ex that you're still cuddling with Update: Caller clarifies that her boyfriend isn't gay   Join our PRIVATE Facebook Group: www.facebook.com/groups/dbmsecretgroup  You must answer all questions correctly to be approved!   Follow Us! @meghanrienks www.instagram.com/meghanrienks  @dontblameme  https://www.instagram.com/dontblamemepod/ @sheisnotmelissa www.instagram.com/sheisnotmelissa     Listen to ad-free on Stitcher Premium! For a free month of Stitcher Premium, go to stitcherpremium.com and use promo code 'BLAME,' PLUS exclusive bonus episodes.     Affordable Therapy By State (Curated by Crissy Milazzo): www.tinyurl.com/y64kwdnf    Need Advice?  www.dontblameme.show  Domestic Listeners Call: [phone]   International Listeners Send a Voice Memo To: [e-mail]    … with as much detail as possible under 3 minutes! I'll do my best to share my wonderful words of wisdom. If you're under 18, please get your parent's permission. Advice is for entertainment purposes only, so you can't blame me if I screw up your life. I kid! My advice IS AMAZING. - Want to WATCH this episode as well? Check out my YouTube channel:  http://youtube.com/meghanrienks Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/join/dontblameme See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

holy fucking tip balls oh my gosh this is insane okay hello everybody welcome back to another episode of don't blame me i have done this intro 15 fucking times oh my gosh zoom is not our friend no i think like we vastly underestimate and if you guys are watching the video feed first of all i want to apologize because my skin i swear my skin looks worse in this video than it does right now but whatever relatable but also if you see me looking down it's because i have melissa on my computer right she's out fuck she's on my computer so i'm looking down talking to her um but this like when we talked about like the eventual event that it was going to be like locked down safer at home we were like oh yeah and we'll record it remotely it'll be fine i don't think we realized that this

is so much more complex because we're a call-in advice show like that we have to hear other audio besides just each other so this has been yeah it's been a journey we're both on two different devices but our quality is going to be great because we're actually recording from our phone and not directly from the computer yes well we also talked mad shit on everybody whose quality was so bad so like there was no way that like we could talk all this shit to each other and then suddenly be like yeah well ours is gonna look the same so wow god damn it well guys what a journey i'm i'm gonna i'm losing my mind it's literally guys it's taking us an hour to just to start it's not quite an hour i would say it's 42 minutes yeah there you go um well guys this is

don't blame me it's an advice podcast if you're new here if you want to call in you can leave us a voicemail at 310-694-0976 international listeners you can send us an audio message at meganpodcast at gmail.com and um yeah i just this is crazy also like you are receiving the most unflattering angle of me like it is just like chin it's it's fine no i can i'm not even seeing your chin because the microphone's in the way i'm seeing forehead oh okay my forehead that definitely it's a little too expressive right now well should we get into the calls because it's taken us so fucking long like good you haven't had botox i need some i've just been too expressive you look good i think no one's seeing me anyway hi megan i've been listening

to the podcast for so long i didn't even have to look up the number to call uh since you've been living with moth for a while i'm hoping you have some advice for me i'm 21 and my boyfriend is 24. We've been living together for a little over six months now. We're getting ready to move into a new place soon and there's a few things I would really like to fix before we do that. The first thing is decorating. I did most of the decorating for this place but of course we picked out a lot of the stuff together. Lately he's been making comments about how he thinks our apartment is too girly, which it's not, and that he wants to pick out some of the stuff. I'm fine with that compromise, but his idea of decorating is like displaying all his Patriot gear and putting out

his NFL beer can. Am I being unreasonable for not wanting that in my apartment? The second thing is he sucks at doing chores. His excuse is always that he works all day and he's too tired, but Isn't that the life of every working adult? His other excuse is that he pays for more of the apartment because I'm just a student and I don't make as much money as him. I don't think it's unreasonable for me to ask him to do the dishes and take out the trash, regardless of how much more he's paying a month. Whenever I've tried to talk to him about it, he either gets super defensive or he says I'm right and promises he'll get better, but then he doesn't. if you have advice on maybe different ways i could try to talk to him about it or what i could do it'd be greatly appreciated i'm rushing to call before he gets home from work but thank you

oi oi oi um okay first let's touch on the girly apartment because uh we have pink chairs in our apartment and i completely understand his thoughts and feelings and i even actually had one of Motz's uh friends his girlfriend who they just moved in together when she came over here for the first time she was like how is there no like Broncos jerseys on the wall like how did you get away with like all of like it's so meticulously clearly you and here's what I'll say anything that is not oh like I will when we were decorating or whatever I would send Motz like everything that i liked i will also say the issue is also like i lived here first like he moved in with me so there was a lot of stuff that was already established as like my stuff but like i okay so

i got the pink chairs because like he we got in like he was like being stupid or something about something and then he finally was like okay we can get the pink chairs but for anything else i would just pay like if it's something that he i would get him if he liked something then cool that's great like i'm not gonna get anything that he's like no i absolutely hate that like i would send him everything but if it's something that's not his style or is not what he would choose but he still is okay with it i would pay for it like i wouldn't ask him to pay for something that he doesn't like so i think that's like i would say that's the compromise like if your boyfriend's thinking that oh it's too girly i really don't like this stuff and he's also splitting the cost

for things like there's certain things that i bought and other things like i've like in the guest room there are pink lamps and some pink fuzzy throw pillows i bought those but then for excuse me for our couch which i wouldn't call it girly um are he we shared the cost of did we share the cost of the couch yeah we shared the cost of the couch or like the dining room table set he contributed to that so i think there's like that's a compromise there um but it is also hard if he is paying for more of the apartment like if he's paying for shit that he's not into then i get that i think like you have to let him have decorations but i think the problem with the pain for him paying for more he's saying that he shouldn't

have to do dishes no so that's what i was gonna say i think if he's like if we're just if i'm gonna use the same um i think if he's if if he's like paying for more of the rent that makes me wonder if he's paying for all the decoration stuff but if he's paying more for the rent that like doesn't matter that doesn't excuse him from anything like if he's paying for more of rent then you guys should move to a place that's cheaper that you can split 50 50 then like i don't think that there's i agree and yeah that doesn't make an excuse but also it's fair like to say that just because you're paying he's paying more for the apartment that he doesn't have to do dishes no he's saying it like you're a housewife hiring you for yeah or hiring you like as like he's

paying more so therefore he's like creeping the benefits clean like yeah yeah like that's that's not the house cleaner yeah no i think that's not cool or fair at all no but i think like then figure out with him what are the chores like divvy it up like decide what he's gonna do like Because the two ones that you mentioned were doing the dishes and taking the trash out. Those are the ones when Mott's and I were establishing, okay, what chores are you going to do? What chores am I going to do? Those are the ones that he was like, that's what I would, I'm choosing to do those.

And like, yeah, I'll still have to remind him. But I think there's compromise on either end. If it takes a little bit of time, if you're someone who needs to clean up every single night and he might not be, it might have to be, if he would want to clean up once a week and you want to clean up every single night maybe it's okay three times a week twice a week and like building up and finding that compromise for both of you but maybe dishes and taking the trash out are the two things he hates the most and he would rather do laundry and sweep like so find out that stuff and divvy it up otherwise otherwise if he doesn't want to do anything at all ever then

then you should be you should be getting paid because then you're babysitting like yeah like it's just not that makes no sense to me it doesn't make any sense at all like at all and i just think yeah i and and also the idea that he's like well i've been like tired from going to work all day you're a student you're tired from school all day too like it's not you have to when you come home you have to study yeah it's not fair oh my god yeah i didn't even think about that like that's not the idea that he thinks that it's not equal and i think and maybe it is the fact that he resents that he's paying more and also what if it's his apartment that she moved into that he was already paying more like that would be ridiculous but i think

if you guys are moving in six months i mean if you've been lived together for six months but you're moving now i think like i mean i would reevaluate like me too uh because yeah i just think especially you guys are at different points because you're she's 21 he's 24 he's in the workforce she's still in school like they're not yeah but it's not gonna be even until you're done with school so you gotta i think i don't want to say even but like he's not gonna treat you yeah i don't know how to say this no but i get he's not gonna he's not gonna think of the same excuses for like you're not gonna have the same excuses that he has and it's like he doesn't respect you yeah because i'll also say they're like i like moths works a typical nine to five

job and i work from home and there are some days where i'm doing a ton and there's other days where i'm like literally just not doing much and he will still come home and if i'm not in the mood to like make dinner or if i'm like feeling low or whatever like he'll cook dinner and he'll clean and i'm the one who's been sitting at home doing nothing all day like just feeling shitty or whatever and then he's the one who's gone to work all day and then he still like it's never going to be 50 50 and i just think that's ridiculous that he would hold that like above your head but i also think that like yeah i think that he need you guys need to have that conversation and then talk about the hypothetical like of you're like okay well if we moved into a place where i could pay for half the

rent would you be cleaning more and like i just i don't know it just doesn't to me it doesn't bode well for someone who like wholly respects you and is going to like pull that is going to support you regardless of like where you're at in your life like to me it's like it sounds like if you like if you let's say you like were working and you lost your job and you weren't contributing a lot of money that you would then be expected to like go above and beyond when like mental health-wise you'd probably be struggling like it just seems right doesn't seem and this probably isn't even an issue now oh my god that's true because you probably can't move uh you guys are stuck where you are right now and you're both probably working from home do you think he's

cleaning now or no no can you imagine that would be absolute bullshit like where you're doing school online and he's doing work at home like so there's really no like you're both like exerting the same amount of physical effort like he can't even come up with some fucking excuse there and imagine if he's still like no this is your responsibility yeah you're dating a man child i just and i also i'm sorry yeah this is also a similar age gap to matz and i and also a similar i think he was 25 when i was 21 um or maybe yeah we're like four plus years uh but i like yeah i mean i wasn't in school at the time but even then it like i don't think you could come up with an excuse that that's i don't know it's just it's not good it's not good at all but yeah i hope your quarantine

hasn't been terrible yeah i hope she's in our facebook group and then can let us know how the quarantine with her boyfriend has been or she can call back to oh yeah please call back to i just want to know now though you know yeah okay should we go on to the next hi megan and melissa um so i'm 22 years old and i'm just calling because i could really use some advice um so i've been with my boyfriend for a little over two and a half years we met sophomore year in college and we both graduated in may and then we moved back home at the end of august since then we've been doing long distance and see each other once every two or three weeks so going from seeing each other every day to barely seeing each other has definitely taken

a toll on our relationship and I have always been someone who struggles and saying how I feel and like talking about that um and just like keeping things in I also kind of feel like if I something bothers me that he does I won't really say it to him which I know isn't fair but really recently i've been really good at saying how i feel and when something upsets me i will just say it so with that being said recently we have been feeling really disconnected from each other and alone so the other day on valentine's day i was really looking forward to hanging out with him and i told him that i didn't want anything or to do anything i just wanted to stay in and watch a movie and hang out with him and so all i asked from him was

him to make me a card because I love cards and he was like yeah definitely I'll do that and when the time came he didn't bother putting in the effort to make me a simple card so I was really upset by that and I expressed it and told him that I didn't even want a card basically I just wanted something that I could read that showed me he loved me and he was like I know I'm really sorry I shouldn't have done that and then he went on to say how he feels like I always wish he was somebody else and how he thinks never thinks I'm happy and so I told him that a lot of times when he upsets me I'll just keep it into myself and that's not saying anything about him but it's more just about my issue and then um so I just let it get to my head and then I shut down it's

definitely not fair to him and so I told him that I wanted to talk about it so we could both be on the same page and get back to how we were and he basically just shut me down again and said well i don't know what you want me to say i always feel like i say this i always feel the same way about you i don't know what you mean by getting on the same page like i've always been on the same page and basically just shut me down and then it got me feeling really guilty for feeling some type of way because he said he doesn't feel the same way so i guess i'm just asking your advice about what you think i should do or say to him because i feel like nothing i say or how i calmly i try to say have a conversation with him he always just takes it so personally and like no matter what i'm

always wrong so yeah thank you and by the way i'm a leo and he's a gemini okay thank you love you bye okay i relate to i mean okay first thing i would say is the issue with keeping things in and not communicating with your partner it is going to be absolutely impossible for them not to take it personally because if you don't communicate with your partner the message that that sends to them is i don't think it's worth it to tell you this because i don't think you're going to change like or i don't think you're going to adjust for this so if you don't tell him that it's because it's not because of that like it might be any other reason for you but for your partner they're always going to receive it as oh it's not worth telling me this because they like

you're essentially kind of just like brushing it off and shrugging it off and not being like oh i think he's better than this or i think that this was a misunderstanding and like you're just not giving him the opportunity to like show you that so i totally understand how he's feeling that way i would also say you saying like we need to have a talk so we can get on the same page and as a fellow leo i understand it's just a little dramatic and ominous and so i think like as opposed to like planning to have a conversation just start having a conversation because i think that probably freaks when you say like hey we need to talk that is like the epitome of like freaking someone out and i think you just need to like say how you feel and not do this build-up

and i i'm i'm someone who used to really struggle with communication and now i over communicate but like it can kind of when you're not comfortable communicating your feelings it can kind of buy you time and you kind of do that build-up but to somebody else receiving that that i think like for him probably feels like what like i don't and maybe you didn't mean that there's like this big difference communication with you guys but i think like it boils down to like you guys have different love languages and you need to i would take the love language quiz with him because even when you said i just needed something to know that he loves me and i think for you your love language might be gifts like you might need he can tell you he loves you all this time and

he's saying his feelings haven't changed but you're not receiving it because it's not in your love language um i'm sorry she's telling him exactly what she wants but he's not doing it she just wanted a cart and he didn't even do that but what was his response did he just for if he just forgot it wasn't even that he didn't forget he didn't say she didn't say he forgot she just said he just said oh yeah i should have done that yeah i guess i want to know what his reaction was if his reaction was like oh my god shit i totally forgot then and then he made up for it only thing that she wanted like the only thing yeah i guess i guess or anything she just wanted a car she's saying exactly what she wants and he's just like oh yeah i should have done that i think it's i

think it's the love language thing though because i don't think he's treating it as something that's that important to her and i think that she even if she's stressing it i think you guys need to I think he needs to see and understand that that's your love language not just oh because he's probably thinking about in the sense like oh yeah a card would be like that would be nice and not in like oh this is going to mean so much to her thing and maybe you know like because you've said that it means a lot to you maybe he needs to see it in like again a stupid way of not love languages are stupid but in a way that hey this is how or even just telling him like this is how for me i i really love like a token of love like i love something tangible that i can hold that

like really has a sentimental value to it um i would say that because i mean i i'm giving him such the benefit of the doubt because the only thing i asked for valentine's day this year was flowers and moths didn't give me flowers and forgot and like but it wasn't a huge but for me that wasn't like my love language and i would then tease him about it later but it wasn't like such a huge deal and i wonder if your boyfriend kind of treated it like that like oh yeah no i don't want anything i just want to hang out and he took that as number one priority just wants to do this and then you're like a card like all i want is a card like a card would be nice and he just tuned out after the first part of it and i don't maybe he didn't realize how important it was i do think he

his response to like not only confrontation but you guys arguing is a little like fatalistic of being like well i'm doing every like i don't know what you want me to do and all of that stuff i think you guys that's what bothers me is because he keeps saying she keeps saying exactly what she wants and he's just but but she's saying that she's not usually really good at communication so it takes a little bit of time and i think you guys are like the prime example of a couple who could benefit from therapy because i don't i think that you guys have been together for a while and if your communication has gotten better this is something that i definitely struggle with my communication wasn't always awesome so even now and this was something that has helped

so much in therapy was that like now when i do communicate he will spend a lot of time like trying to look under and like like the layers of it because from before i wasn't super i wasn't super up front and he would have to do some digging to kind of decode what was underneath what i was saying and now it's a lot of okay i've unlearned these behaviors of not communicating you need to unlearn these behaviors of not thinking i'm communicating when i am communicating so i think you guys could benefit from therapy for that i just think you guys are so even though you're doing better communicating with your feelings with him i don't think you're communicating with each other at all yeah you know like i just i don't think i agree with that i don't think

they're hearing no what the other saying they're just taking from it what they want for the first time ever it doesn't really sound malicious on either end like i think you're both being like fair i just don't think that either of you are really understanding what the other one is like saying or wanting even though you're both expressing it which is like that's the other complicated thing because it feels like well obviously he should understand because this is what i'm saying but i don't think he's i don't think he's interpreting it like that or maybe he is and he's just like a total loser and then you'll go to therapy and figure that out that's how i feel and you can still do therapy um uh visual visual visual therapy

what's it called virtual therapy telehealth all that stuff like we're doing right now but it's not therapy hi megan melissa and guess so i'm 20 years old and i've been with my boyfriend for unofficially it's been way over a year going on two years but officially it's been about like almost a year so my problem is with this girl that he's been friends with for you know longer than he's known me like they grew up together she lives in the neighborhood that type of thing but she is like two or three years younger than i um but i just get the vibe kind of that there's something going on or like there used to be something going on but every time I ask him about it he's always just like no like I always see her as a sister blah blah so I was fine with

that I was like okay whatever but I met her and we all hung out together this was quite a while ago and I just felt like I was honestly third wheeling on their date and I was just extremely uncomfortable the entire time they were very flirty and touchy and just it was just really uncomfortable for me um i kind of let that go and i was like maybe i'm just being crazy whatever that seems to be a trend in our relationship by the way um but then i went through his text because something about her still didn't sit right with me and i found this one text where he called her babe he was like babe let me know if you're coming over and this was well when we were dating um and after we told each other we loved each other whatever um also he is my first

real boyfriend and I lost my virginity to him so it's kind of hard for me to like see all these red flags you know anyway so then I still didn't feel well about that I confronted him and he was like that must have been a typo um and I kind of let it go even though I just was like I feel like I'm being stupid but I let it go and then I went through his snapchat because again still wasn't feeling right to me and he said very sexually suggestive things to her you know like referring to having her nudes and like stuff like this and some really weird stuff and it was very obvious that like it was there was something at some point so I feel like I've been lied to I told him basically if this happens one more time like I'm done I can't do it anymore but I'd love to hear

you guys' thoughts on if you think I'm being stupid or what. If I'm being crazy, I don't care. Please give it to me straight. Love the podcast. Thank you guys so much. Bye. Being crazy. All the information is there. He's been lying to you the whole time.

She didn't even say, and he admitted, yeah, that they had slept together. But also, it's not even just that they had a past. He's definitely cheating on you. With her, actively. Currently. Right now. Yes. You're not crazy. But you're stupid. You're just blind yeah to what's actually going on around you like you went out you hung out with him

and you felt like the third will you've always got this weird vibe he calls her babe and they've been talking about nudes and sexual stuff he does not think of her as a sister if he does that's sick um and you just need to move on yeah dump him like he's he's lying it's not like like he might it like yeah we did something together he's not admitting and he's not saying like it happened one time a while ago it was it was a mistake blah blah no he is actively still doing this and lying to you about it yeah and he's not hiding it well and this is and not hiding it well is the epitome of not respecting you and like obviously like cheating on you is not respecting you but like hide not hiding it well and just like the fact that you hung out with her and they were doing

that blatantly in front of you just shows how much disgusting and like you know the fact that they definitely talked about it after and she was like oh my god your girlfriend like literally has no idea like that's so crazy like like they're talking about you being stupid which i say out of like love like i say this out of like being like i hope clearly you've seen all these red flags and you're addressing them as red flags and you're still in the relationship and you want us to tell you that you're being stupid so we're telling you that like you're being stupid like this is not yeah and i've uh and as somebody who like leo and i refer to each other like brother sister and like the first time moths moths and i had known each other before uh leo and i became

friends but like even for like before moths like really met leo and started hanging out he was like oh yeah i mean of course i was like okay he's like your brother but like okay like what and then it's like oh no 100 platonic and the same thing with the girls that he like that he's like he's like oh this is megan she's literally like my sister and there's nothing but there's no you don't do that with like friendships that are like you're that's not how if you refer to someone as your sister like that like he's just doing that as like a cover-up in a way that that's not how people who refer to each other they're friends like oh this is like my brother this is like my sister and if they act like that they're fucking then they're fucking yes and especially if he's

doing it in front of you like he should have been like if he was like actually a smart dude it would have you would have never met this girl like why did you even meet her like that's the part that is that's like i think it's because he's because it's under the guise that this is my sister and nobody just do what he wants in the open but that's what i mean like that he's such an idiot that he's like yeah not even he's such an idiot like he thinks so little of you that he's gonna enter like he's gonna not even hide her from your life like he's just going to have her be right there and then call her like his like be like oh she's just like my sister and then blatantly be like that all in front of you because it's an excuse that he can keep doing

what he's doing exactly and he doesn't have to hide it yeah this is just be also the thing about you losing your virginity to him we hate that and that makes you yeah I hate that term one but two like I understand what you're trying to say is that he's your first real boyfriend and he's the first person that you've really had feelings for so you want to hold on to that feeling but you need to have more respect for yourself yeah I think it maybe it's your first relationship so you're not necessarily used to like oh what is normal and what's not like you don't have something to compare it to but like i as much as i understand that excuse that doesn't like negate your feelings like you have a gut instinct and you have those sort of like oh this doesn't feel

right and it doesn't and like that's such like a male like a a narcissist like yeah like a male misogynistic uh narrative of being like oh well like you don't have any you don't have anything else to compare it to and it's like i don't need something to fucking compare it to like if it doesn't make me if it doesn't sit right with me it doesn't sit right with me it doesn't need to be like oh well i've never had any other boyfriends so like i guess like maybe this is just how it goes like not saying that you're like that's how you're thinking about it but to me that is such like a male thing put in your head essentially of being like oh well like you know i gave this to him you didn't give anything to him he was just the first guy that you had sex with exactly he

was the first person that stuck their penis it's the first person that you had penetrative sex with assuming or whatever you did and that's it and that's like literally i don't even think about i like hardly ever think about the guy the first guy i ever slept with who was like my first boy for my first love never fucking think of him i'm like don't really give a shit like at all yeah he does not own anything that i didn't give him anything he didn't take anything from me and he doesn't have ownership of that and i also think that there's like if you want to put any importance on something like that put it on the last person that you sleep with like that's the one the last person that you choose to spend the like that's who you want to sleep with for the rest of your

life and here's the thing even people who put like the concept of virginity on a pedestal change the narrative you can again the if the if you if you married or like you ended up with the first person you ever slept with it doesn't matter they were the first person they were the last person like it's still the same it's the same fucking thing like that's the part that i think is so like just dated and dumb um and i think you need us to tell you that you're being stupid and you're not being crazy and again women being crazy in these situations is the epitome of guys telling you that you're being crazy and if this is like your first like you lost like you like had sex for the first time with him and if he was your first relationship then it is directly him telling

you that you're being crazy about being worried about this sort of stuff because i don't foresee i don't know i don't necessarily foresee like if you've had a conversation with him about it and he's reassured you and been like oh don't be crazy blah blah blah that's it's gaslighting and then you go on to then like find fucking like him referencing her nudes and calling her babe and saying babe is a typo that is the worst excuse i've ever had baby is the only other one exactly and that's like again i think of the only the only males that call me babe i don't think my mods like never fucking calls me babe sometimes but like you call him babe i call him babe but like uh the only other guys who call me babe are gay like our babe or baby that's it like my

yeah it's just and yeah no it's just hella fucking hella hella you ever asked leo for his nudes no i'm trying to think if i've seen any of it no i've never seen any of his nudes i would die i've seen like funny compromising pictures i think we've i think him and i told you about one of his yeah i've that but there was like never fucking any genital like if i would be like getting to get the fuck out of it because it makes me sick to my stomach it's like it's disgusting it's like a sibling like it's so fucking gross anytime i even talk about like we'll talk about sex stuff like left and right but like if anything ever gets to a point where like too like graphic he's like i need you to stop because i'm just picturing it and it's

like making me want to throw up and i'm like yeah that's the exact same way how i feel about you break up with him he's a fucking please idiot and also you know you know like either he's gonna gaslight you and try and get you to stay until you're being crazy or he's just like not even gonna give a shit do you know what i mean like he's just gonna be like whatever like i'm fucking this other girl it's just so there's no excuse and like typo i'm not over it a typo like and he's like oh no he really thinks that you're an idiot that's what i mean like that's i think the worst part fucking stupid he thinks you are such a fucking idiot that he's like i can literally hang out with my side piece i can hang out with the girl that i'm cheating with with my

current girlfriend and she has no idea i can call her babe talk about the nudes that i have and i'm like able to convince her that she's just being crazy like what a dumb shit like that like he has zero respect for you and you should not have any respect for him and you need to like just walk the fuck out of his life because he is a piece of shit like an absolute piece of shit oh i apologize i feel so bad for you um but yeah you just you need to be done and also like we usually give like the oh snoop more like you've literally found everything i fucking hope i mean quarantine yeah break up with him by a vibrator we're all quarantined so you're not going anywhere no but i'm hoping she's not with him she's not i don't i don't think i'm willing i'm willing that

they're not they're not physically together right now uh imagine they're all three quarantining together and he's like i don't know why you're being crazy man like babe you're being like fucking insane and she's like wait which babe are you talking to me or her which one he's like oh babe one i can't you're all three sleeping in the same bed and he's like i don't know why you're being crazy his dick is like in her mouth i don't know why i don't know why i just fell over like sorry i just like have a cut on my penis and i couldn't find any like bandages like she's just like helping me out i can't saliva has cleaning properties did you not know that yeah break up with this dude is it time for a break now it's time for a break okay guys we're gonna take a

quick break and we will be right back hello everybody we are back from our break did you miss us clearly we have not moved at all because i am essentially in like i'm surrounded by equipment as am i which was my goal to like make my skin look not as bad but it's really not working um again I swear it does not look this bad in real life it's fine okay throw a filter on it please do um let's get into the rest of the calls I've been with my current boyfriend for about five months and I'm on to the point where I don't know what the fuck I'm doing um he hasn't said I love you I don't know if five months is a long time or not a long time like if I should be worried about that at this point but you know he's terrible at texting he's not very responsive

I've told him before that it annoys me and he says he understands um but it's kind of becoming a point where I don't know am I just high maintenance am I being psycho when I text him and he doesn't respond for multiple hours and I know it's because he's playing some video game or is that something that I should be chill about and I should be able to just go with the flow and not be so quote-unquote crazy because I feel like that's a pretty popular thing you know popular portrayal that oh it's a psycho girl that's super high maintenance and like oh my god he didn't text me back in five minutes he must hate me I really don't want to be that bitch so i can't tell if i am being that bitch or if it's within my right to say hey like you

don't give me enough attention um the thing is that you'll do one super sweet thing for me maybe uh and then kind of use that as like a well i mean i did this nice thing for you so why are you mad and it's in my opinion it's like well you can't just do one nice thing for me once a month and then use that you know to ignore me the rest of the time so basically what do I do like is this guy fucking with me is it a red flag that like he hasn't expressed deeper emotions after five months or do I just need to chill the fuck out I don't know I'm sure that your feedback is going to be brutal and that's what I want so yeah love the podcast and thanks for listening um i think we have to break this down into like sections i agree so five months had a board

i don't think is ridiculous that he hasn't said i love you at all no but also on the other side i don't think it's that long to like have they actually defined what their relationship that's what i mean like i think like five months most people i know like dating five months you're not even like necessarily exclusive yet or i mean you might be exclusive but you're not boyfriend girlfriend yeah so i think that there's like you can just still be dating like we've been dating for five months so i don't think that that's a red flag uh i also am curious if you've told him that you love him right if you didn't specify that and also do you love him or do you just feel like he should love you at the jamie at the it's on a timetable like you think that you guys have

been together for this amount of time so you think that you know what now we should be in love a bit heavy yeah like are you in love though are you actually in love with him yeah it doesn't i've dated people for like five months and never said i love you like because i didn't love them wasn't yeah but and i think it's interesting that she never said that she said it because i don't think you have i don't think you're expecting him to be the first one to say it just because he should but it also doesn't sound like you're like i really love him or like i feel like i'm at this place and he's not there um so yeah i just feel like a lot of this is like arbitrary time tables um and i think like the okay so i'm not a big texter at all like i'm nope takes hours yeah

it does and also i know that i know the fastest way to get to you is on instagram yeah it is because i'm also like oh what does it say and then i can see like if you've seen it or not yeah exactly but i'm also like that's part of me just like i'm got adhd it's just not a out of sight out of mind thing and if iphone could make texts unread oh i would do that too i only the only people that i text back immediately is like for when i need work stuff exactly otherwise it's just gonna sit there until i'm done doing what i need to do or until i've done the fit and then it's like oh okay cool now i can have the brain width to like do this and figure like to talk about this or whatever um or if it's like someone's sending me a video i'm not gonna

like i don't have time to like watch it yet so like i'm gonna respond after i've watched it um mostly tiktoks but so i'm not a huge texter and matz is definitely a far better texter than i am and i think that like at the early stages of dating that can be really frustrating because it does feel like oh they're not really responding as much like blah blah blah like what is all of this and I think like I don't think it should be a massive issue this early on unless you're not getting stuff other the other you're not actually like feeling like you're getting anything out of the relationship so then like if there's not a ton of texting happening then it feels like there's nothing really happening in this relationship at all like I think it needs like the reason why I

can be like a not great texter with him is because like we we see each other every day you're gonna see him yeah so i think it's so much more important when you're not seeing someone every day and he might just not he just might be someone who's not into constant communication so like the whole like psycho crazy thing um like we literally just had the last call like that's a narrative that like men have used to like describe women and also even if in the situations we're like well i don't want to be that bitch she's like he's not texting back after five minutes that bitch quote unquote is only the reason that way is because her ex-boy like the last guy that she dated made her be like this like even if it's in like a quote-unquote healthy normal relationship and they're they have

those triggers it's because of another dude from a different fucking relationship so no matter what it's not like on you or even if it is on you like on the person who's happening to them then more likely than not that's like familial like hysterical historical like daddy issue mommy issue drama abandonment shit yeah the only that bitch that we recognize here is the kind that lizzo speaks of yes it's empowering that bitch that be like you want to be that bitch we never want to have like let's just like erase the like the narrative of like i don't want to be that bitch no no you always want to be that bitch yeah you are that you are that bitch that bitch is a goal it is not something you want to avoid like she is the best so um but i do i do wish i kind

of understood in in what what kind of texting are we talking about because if it's just like carrying on like a conversation throughout the day some people just aren't huge texters like that and maybe it's as opposed to that you guys have a face time every day or like you talk on the phone me too and i think that's how like there's only a couple of people and that's long distance friendships that i have i will text every day like my friends who i see like in la i don't like we don't we'll like text when we need something or if i like send you something funny but like we don't catch up on text yeah i agree but my sisters we have an ongoing exactly all day and that's like us checking in with each other and we're all on different schedules so that's

like we have that going but like anybody else i'm not sitting i've got like 30 something unread text messages on my phone right now you're recording on it yes i've got 36 did you just say 36 too i said 30 something i have 36 but yeah so i do want to know what that is because if it's like you trying to schedule like a time to talk and he's just not responding at all then i think that's then then that to me is like it's not an issue of him not responding it's him like avoiding you but then if it's just like trying to keep up a conversation throughout the day and if you just have a straightforward like blunt conversation with him of being like what is your ideal texting style like what is your ideal way that we would communicate throughout the day and if he says um

like i like i wanted to i like we'll give you i like calling you in the morning and like calling you at night and then like maybe one or two check-ins throughout the day via text then and then maybe yours is you like from like start to finish wake up to like go to bed just a constant steady texting conversation i think you guys need to manage you both need to manage your expectations because i don't think either of you are feeling like fulfilled by what it is i also feel like there's so much of the excuse of like oh my god playing video games like this guy playing video games not responding blah blah blah i know that video games can be addicting i mean mott's just got an xbox but to be fair i'm more addicted to puzzles than he is to the xbox um but i do think

that the amount someone texts you doesn't indicate how they feel about you or how much they care about you unless their actions are like they don't care about you so like i think if you're looking for the text messages to like confirm or deny what you're feeling like in person or when you are talking to him then i think that's a different story like i think if like you're feeling like he doesn't really care and he's not really into you when you're talking and like when you're hanging out in person and the text messages are mirroring that then i think that's your answer but i think if like when you're when you're in person and everything's great and it's all fine then i don't think i think you just have different texting styles but i don't know how much you like him

either yeah you did not specify that at all you weren't like i like him so much or i love him yeah you're just talking about the things that are arbitrary and also we always say this on the show is that like your feelings shouldn't be contingent on his feelings so you loving him shouldn't be like oh well i only love him if he loves me too because that's like no like that like when when i when mons and i first said it like it got to a point where he had said it like you know a couple of times and i would like i'm not ready i'm not ready and like cut it off but um the first like it got to a point for me where i was like i wasn't worried about saying it first i didn't say it first but i was like i have to say it at some point it's just i'm just

gonna fucking like accidentally blurt it out and it wasn't like oh i'm gonna hold out and wait until he says it so i can say it back it was like oh i want him to say it so i can say it back but it wasn't a i'm not gonna say it unless he says it i just think that that's yeah it's just a weird power dynamic thing that you like don't want to show your hand but yeah if you've been if you really like him then express how you feel and if he doesn't feel the same way like maybe it's better that you it's better than you know that now yeah yeah i just or you're in too deep but i don't think that you like him i don't think you like him at all i think you like him i don't think you like really like him i think you just want someone to text too and like i will say like

that those early stages like that's when you're supposed to be like texting having fun thing but yeah it's also about managing expectations like when mons goes away for like bachelor parties and stuff like that like we have a whole system where like i get a call in the morning and i get a call i get a call in the morning and a call at night or a face time in the morning a facetime at night and then whatever happens throughout the day i'll get like check-ins but it's not like a like an ongoing conversation but you guys have to establish what it is that you guys are going to do otherwise i think you're going to feel disappointed or feel like you're being like needy or crazy but you have to say what you want or what you need so yeah but again

i don't think that you really like it and if anything this has probably only gotten worse in quarantine yeah like the not texting or it could be better true no i feel like he's just playing so many more video games yeah um but my ex left me because of drugs which was stupid because like i wasn't doing drugs frequently whatever um but he was telling everybody that he left me because i wouldn't stop doing drugs maybe it was terrible because i'd only done shit twice in about a year whatever um but like we still talk all the time and i'll come like talk all the time and he'll come over sometimes and it's sort of like a booty call but now

we'll just come over to like cuddle and watch a movie like it doesn't even I thought it was like about sex at first but like he still tells me how much he misses me and it doesn't make sense and like I've brought up a few times like trying to get back together and trying to just date instead of like because obviously he's not going to get back to where it was

but he always tells me that I broke his trust and I ruined his trust and I just like am I fucking missing something like I don't I understand I fucked up, but because we had done shit together and he never directly said to me he didn't want me doing anything, he just told my friends, like, almost a year ago that he didn't want them to let me do anything, I just didn't think it'd be a huge deal. And I haven't done anything since, obviously. It's been almost two months since we broke up, and I miss him so fucking much, and we still talk all the time.

And it's just so dumb. I feel so dumb. I miss him so much. Like, he's probably coming over tonight. Like, it's so stupid, and I want him back, and I don't want to give up on it. but like i just don't i know it's my fault we broke up but i still can't see that it's my fault we broke up and like i don't know you're always gonna tell me to forget about him i don't even fucking care i just wanted to get this out and i thought this would be a good place to do it so um

thanks love the podcast um i appreciate what you do and i guess i'll go now bye um first of all that's a fire sign if i ever fucking heard one but like what what drugs um what what drugs yes um how are you missing him if you're seeing him every day um you guys did stuff together but then he got mad that you did stuff with his with your friends i have so many questions and my number one question is spit out things what drugs like what drugs because like heroin okay i get it and if like he was using two and like now he's not using and like let's say it was like heroin meth like fentanyl like anything like any like any opiate like let's

say it's an opiate pills whatever and if you guys were you like doing stuff together and then he was like he stopped and then he told your friends hey i don't want you to do this anymore and then you continued to do that i would understand not in like a oh you broke my trust but in like a oh i can't i'm so i'm i'm sober like i'm not yeah i'm not doing i'm she didn't say any of that and you also didn't say the term didn't say using you kept saying doing drugs yeah and doing drugs usually it's like such like a decoding language using drugs is not like that's like shrooms acid like lsd like like weed uh molly ecstasy like using is like a you said you've done you did drugs twice and that's not like in the last year yeah so it doesn't i'm not i don't know and maybe

it maybe it's your classification that you like will do all that other stuff but then the doing drugs is something like maybe this was a harder substance like again like like an opiate and you only did that one twice but like i just need to know what that is because like to be fair that fully changes it because if it is oh you guys are both like using he stopped using he's like working towards sobriety and he can't be with someone who is who might not like it doesn't sound like together but but they're still together that's what i don't get though but if like him saying like it's like an arbitrary thing of being like oh i can't be in a relationship with someone and like have like the reason have them who the reason that they

wouldn't be using is because i asked them to versus them not wanting to do you mean because like if you ask someone who's like using to make please don't use if if they stop for that the likelihood you have to want it like if you want to get sober you have to do it for yourself and so if it's like he doesn't want to be in a relationship with someone who's not taking that seriously but again it's just like the term like to me this sounds like you guys like we're doing ecstasy at concerts and then you did like he didn't want you doing of anybody else and then like you went to like a fucking rave with your friends and like did acid and he broke up with you like that's what it like that's the most logical explanation my point

in my mind get that but i don't understand okay so it started how long has this secondary third very third relationship step gone because it was first like he was mad and then telling everybody that you guys were doing drug that you were doing drugs and that's why you broke up but then you started having booty calls and now you're cuddling and he's coming over every day like how long has that been going on? And why do you miss him if you're still doing everything that people do in relationships

except for maybe, like, going on dates which seems like that would be the next step but we're all quarantined right now so maybe you aren't seeing him. I don't know. You better not be seeing him. But, like, also, how did you break his trust? Unless they're living together at this point.

Yeah, because she did drugs behind his back. But, like, did you say, like, you're right, I'm never gonna do, like... guys when you call in please give us all the information yeah this makes no fucking sense yeah we can't give you help if you're not gonna give us all the information that we need to well i think a lot of time people don't want to questions you don't want to like not incriminate yourself but like that you have to own up to the stuff that you've done in this because like also be fair even if you like say everything that you've done and like you really you don't sugarcoat

it like we still might be on your like we still we're not gonna like we're not always gonna tell you that you're being dumb in the situation because this is what i don't get like if he if you if he let's say it's like acid like it's like hallucinogens and you guys were doing it together and then he was like hey like don't do this with anybody else and what was your your reaction was like okay i'm not going to do with anyone else like what was his reasoning why because that's controlling like if it's not like i am not cool with drugs i'm not cool with anyone i date doing drugs um and for me that's i again i refer to them as like party drugs versus like face down in a pool drugs like i'm also at this point like my anxiety is just like too bad regarding them

that i like smoke weed that's totally fine like but anything else more than that like is just incredibly like triggering for me and so it's that but i'm also i'm not using i'm not doing drugs with my partner and then saying but you can't do them with anybody else because that's a control aspect it's not like a oh i have like trauma related to drugs or i have someone in my life who's like pat like passed away from like addiction and it's something that really like is uh it's like a hard it's like a deal breaker for me as someone who does that regardless of what drug it is but it's not that so to me it just sounds like weirdly controlling and then also you being like i know that i broke his trust and like i know that i fucked up and like this is my

fault and like i'm the reason why our relationship broke up but also like i'm not really understanding that i think that's like the rational part of your brain that is like trying to like break through all of this to be like yeah it's ridiculous for someone to ask me to not to only do something with them okay that sounds like like anti-monogamy but like but like a recreational drug like it's it's not okay for me to like that's like being like it's not okay like you like don't eat meat with anyone else only eat meat with me like it's not something that's exclusive to relationships do you know i mean like or even like stereotypical like movie style of like oh sex and like holding hands and all of that stuff it's not like quote-unquote relationship stuff that he's asking

you to keep exclusive to your relationship he's asking you to keep doing drugs exclusive to your relationship and to me that sounds like oh did he have a bad experience with someone else like like doing drugs and like an ex-girlfriend and then she ended up cheating on him or something like that but i just think it's very weird like i think the whole thing is super super weird and again unless like he's no longer doing drugs and that's what it is but like and also like he told all of your like he sounds like a shitty dude like he told all of your friends like oh she can't stop using drugs and like you did you literally did them twice last year and like why the fuck are you still even talking he sounds like a complete like because

she misses him so much but why she misses him so much i can't i can't i can't like that's just dumb as shit like he doesn't respect you and also if you break up chances are he's gonna like if you have if he has your nudes if he's gonna go around and spread and say that you're doing drugs when you're not he's gonna fucking leak your nudes like he's gonna he sounds like such a vengeful person that like he has to get even like i would he's saying that you broke his trust and i think that sounds like so much projecting to me of like him basically being like you can't trust me like i'm i'm a loose cannon i'm gonna do whatever i fucking want and like i don't care if it hurts you like i my goal is to hurt you if you hurt me and then again him turning it on you and saying

it's like those people who get very like hyper defensive and accusatory of something that like you're not doing but they're accusatory of it because they're doing it that's what that sounds like to me that he's like being like oh i can't trust you but it's like well clearly you can't trust him so yeah you sound like brainwashed by the dick yeah and i really hope you're social distancing and physical distancing and not seeing him and we need a clarifying call we need to understand and don't be like the girl that uh oh god said the dude that broke her back blew her back out because we don't need like i don't need a new story clarifications we don't need you to have a totally different call no no i don't we we've got a pretty good character sense of like

him from or we've got an idea we need more of to clarify this if you give us like more unrelated information it's not going to make any of this more clear no so it's just a new problem yeah we need to know what drugs they are all of that shit and also like don't do your friends like fucking hate him i would hate him if that was like one of my friend's boyfriends like imagine there's like a fucking like i don't know like a wiz khalifa concert and he's like i can't believe you would do that without me it's like okay fucking loser i just can't i can't i can't what if it's like she went to burning man without him or maybe they went to burning man together and they had this like only do drugs at burning man yeah and they had this like experience and

he was like i could never do it again like maybe he had one of those like like very like sexual like they were rolling and they had like crazy fucking sex and now he's convinced that every time she's rolling she's like having crazy sex ridiculous it's fucking dumb i can't i don't i like have lost all track of time do we have another call we have an update oh oh update okay update time yeah update time so this is from the episode with bows and uh the original caller was having sexual issues with her boyfriend okay and there might have been hints dropped about his sexual orientation yeah and it's an update it's her call yeah oh shite

so i was the girl who called in on episode 112 this was a callback by the way called in episode 112 where both of the guests and i'm the girl with the boyfriend who's super chaste and sexually shy and everyone in the comments and you guys thought he was gay um for clarification this this boy ain't gay he's definitely very straight but i have put together a few things that first called in and the easy answer him to being so sexually shy is that there's more than just one answer and they all stack on top of each other so first he was raised in like a super catholic household but like full labs didn't meet the expectations from day one and he just had some hang-ups about sex in general so secondly we were each other's first for everything so i literally had to show this man

like on hook or bra and basically everything else about women and third like you guys totally hit the nail on the head when he said that he's the kind of guy who is so respectful that he's afraid to cross any kind of line despite the fact that like i might not be drawing any or i definitely wasn't drawing any um but yeah he he's like apologized before for like coming on too strong or like doing something that he thought was disrespectful i'm like no you're fine um next um he actually does have some like body confidence issues that he doesn't like to talk about so i kind of forget about them sometimes but they'll come up every once in a while i feel like this is one of the main issues for him so he used to be in a full-time like he used to be a full-time

athlete and then he quit to get a degree so obviously like his body's changed but not all the time and that led to like a lot of insecurities for him so the whole conversation came about because I complimented saying like damn you're really sexy um and he literally stopped me in the middle of that sentence and explained that he was like I don't feel that way like I just I don't feel sexy um ever and he's just very hyper critical of himself and picks everything especially like photos of himself and specific parts of his body and he just has a genuinely really time like hard time feeling sexy um and i felt like this was important to explain just because i feel like this is the perception of men and this thing of like all men are super sexually experienced and

confident when it comes to sex but i also feel like there's this other side where we give them like points for trying and we're like well you did your best it wasn't good but it's all you've got um and i just i wanted to say that i think that there has to be something in the middle especially when it comes to sex and relationships and between couples like it's a process you don't have to be like this fuck boy who's just great at everything but you also don't have to like just resign yourself to being insecure and bad at sex or things like that like you can it's a process like you can grow and it's something that you can learn from each other um and also taking into account like it's important to remember that your partner might have different hang-ups and

issues and insecurities that you can work on together but thank you so much for the advice i really did appreciate it and i love you all very much thank you bye but i still think that this that she's not making excuses for him well this is because people were saying he was gay i was gonna say i feel like this callback is just defensive and i don't say that in like a a mean way i think like it's so odd i mean you're saying that you you hear our advice and that stuff but it i don't know i don't feel like we gave you any insight that you like everything that you're sharing now you didn't share the first call and it's nothing that we like we brought up the body conscious thing and you're like oh yeah i know he is oh do you mean like it just seems like all of

this stuff was there when you called the first time but you didn't share it no and what you chose to share was talking about how he doesn't like going down on you how and he's like surprised that you would do certain stuff and he doesn't know what his fantasies are yeah it's weird it is weird and i think like again we need all the information when you guys yeah the first time we talked about the like maybe like the religious aspect of it and like any time like we have so many calls of people calling in it's like oh like usually it's personal like oh i can't masturbate because i grew up in a religious household and i still feel really guilty about it so there's all of that sort of stuff but like you knew all of that but you focused on this other stuff so that

like i i don't i think that you think that there's something else there besides what is there and you got offensive because people were saying that he might be gay he might be gay yeah and i mean i just read another comment on that is that like he might have like some sexual trauma in the past which again also all totally makes sense it's just like the specifics that you chose to include the first time around i don't know like that the things that you specifically chose to include start the narrative of he might not be in to to you you and like or into women like into into like cisgender female genitalia yes and that's what like that's what like that again that's the specific stuff that you used in that first call so that's obviously where

everybody went and like we didn't say it in the call like because like we're not gonna yeah that's not our place but like we implied it and like said that people in the comments would say that which they did so yeah i'm just confused what we did for you in this situation at all do you know what i mean yeah because you said you liked the advice that we gave yeah and yeah again like everything you said was just so like not what we had heard the first time but like again is not new information to you but that does like all like click and make sense how that would be like why he would like be more sexually shy and like i don't think that there's i don't know i don't agree with the fact that that like your your point of thinking that there's um that

stereotypically or like mainstream there's only two like mainstream ways for cisgender men to be which is like a complete and total fuck boy fuck boy or a lost cause like yeah that's not anything that we have no i think that's so opposite of what we stand by and like what we like talk about here i don't think we've ever like deemed a guy sexually as a lost cause and also like i think i don't know i don't think you meant it to sound like this but i do think that because like there was a lot of like you defending him being straight then like having that be the alternative like do you mean like in the sense of being like no he's not gay he's not gay and like why is it that like you're either like this fuck boy or you're a lost cause and i don't think you meant

to have there be a correlation between being a lost cause sexually and being gay but it does it did a little bit sound like that so i want to clarify for like anybody listening that that's like i don't think that's what you meant to say or meant to sound like and i i that's not i don't think that's a thing at all um and yeah i don't think that that's how it is like i think like there's definitely like cisgender men who are incredibly sexually experienced and like sexually prowess and that's totally fine i think there are cisgender women and like like transgender like heterosexual queer whatever whatever like whatever you are like uh whatever you want to identify yeah whatever your orientation whatever you or whatever you whatever you do or do not

identify as or whatever your genitalia is and whatever whatever it all is like you can be sexual and you can be like a fuck person like you can just like it's not deemed that way if we want to go into like this strictly like talking about like toxic masculinity and like heterosexual like male cisgender heterosexual culture i think yeah of course there is that um that's what the media has done like this pressure of men to be like quote-unquote masculine and extremely like manly and they should be into women and they should be all of like it should be like really sexual and like they have all of that sort of stuff but i think that's so dated and so not what we've ever talked about or stood for um so i don't i think there is an in-between with everything and i think

like yeah you have to learn and we preach that all the time of like guys who don't know how to go down on you it's not like we're not saying give up we're like but at a certain point if like you're not getting your sexual needs met it's not giving up because that person's a lost cause at all it's just because that person's not the right fit for you so i think that it's understanding that difference that and i and i think like from the first call you said that this wasn't a deal breaker thing and it wasn't a really big issue to you so that's fine like that's totally like if if where your sex life is at it's not exactly what you want but like it's not a deal breaker then like okay go for continue doing whatever you're doing but i don't think that yeah i don't

think that it means that like there's not enough roles especially like let's say just on this podcast like in the mainstream world of course i think that like we're pretty pigeonholed to like our stereotypes of like genders and sexuality but like here i feel like there's not we don't need every like cis heterosexual man to like fucking like blah blah blah like rip your top up like unless you want that and if you want that i love that i'm about that so i'ma date that but like it doesn't invalidate or like make anyone else like less than it just means that those people aren't necessarily right for me so yeah so like what do you want like i don't understand i think this is just defending the comments but like yeah i don't know it does feel like you're kind of

tying this up with like a bow and like it's all like better and good now and maybe you just just need maybe you did just need to kind of like hear yourself talk about it and register all of it but and also like if he's like not i don't know i'm just still like in the whole like you talked a lot about the uh culture of men and expectations of men but i think you also need to like understand that him saying eating you out is gross is like you're defending like you're defending like sensitive men here but like in turn he's that's like such uh misogynistic like culture women are like vaginas are dirty like that like and he's also surprised that she likes going down oh my god wow

god girl you are defending and you are like you are pioneering for like the sensitive not superly superly sexual prowess man but like he yeah everything he's kind of saying to you he's just not a sexual person maybe yeah but then everything he's saying to you is kind of the mainstream media of like women shouldn't like sex like that like yeah oh yeah i didn't even put that two and two together like you're pioneering him for not being sexually proud and he's a little bit like not necessarily i don't think yeah he's surprised yeah this i yeah i'm and even i feel like a lot of uh my friends that grew up catholic with that catholic guilt like going down was still the okay thing you know like going down on each other was still okay

because it wasn't sex even some people were anal anal that's what i was gonna say because it wasn't yeah it wasn't vagina to penis yeah so the all this is just very surprising to me yeah i think if you're happy in your relationship and this is where you want to be and you're fine with how things are then good on you yeah but then also why'd you call the first one yeah that's what i think i'm a little confused about um yeah but yeah i'm a little i'm yeah i mean happy for you i don't know what you want from us at this point yeah or what you wanted the first time like what did you think we were gonna say all right weird okay well it was a good update thanks thanks um well guys that's it for our episode i hope you enjoyed if you want to call

in for an upcoming episode you can leave us a voicemail at 310-694-0976 international listeners you can send us an audio message at meganpodcast at gmail.com oh there's something in my eye um pre-order my book may 5th it comes out and i've been getting a couple messages of people who are like oh is it not in canada if you're like trying to pre-order from amazon you got to go from your amazon site like your country's amazon dot ca yeah so a lot of people like well i went to the link in your bio and i was like yeah but it's a u.s site like just search it from wherever you are and if you are experiencing delays in shipping you can do digital and audio those are immediate downloads and i did read the audiobook directed by melissa hello we had fun

we did have fun i really enjoyed and i enjoyed the book i can give a first-hand account about how proud i am of megan and how good the book is and the writing is great and i highly highly highly highly recommend you all to buy it it's not like it's it's not a lot of the things that you've heard they're not things that megan has talked about publicly so it's not like you're just it's not just videos being regurgitated to you these are new things that give new insight into life and i don't even think you need to be a fan of megan to to enjoy the book oh my god i love you pinkie it's so nice um yeah someone had asked me if it was like the podcast like it like all the podcast stories and i was like no like it'll i'll dive deeper into like the reference

of me getting dumped underneath the claw machine in a mexican restaurant which i've like said but like nothing else is there's a lot of things that i was surprised about and i feel like i know megan yeah you do you were like i don't know this story and i was like yeah closed book girl um so if you guys want to pre-order it please do and what else was i gonna say oh yeah follow us on instagram follow our personal instagrams please i don't ever post anything but you should follow me and follow me too and uh if you guys haven't watched the video version you can check out all of the lighting that i tried to do for this that still makes me my skin look absolutely awful which is cool and what else i hope you guys are all staying safe staying healthy staying inside

no dick is worth other people death no dick is worth death nobody else it's worth it nobody should die for you to get it fucking in unless you're like yeah nobody else should die but if it's like the greatest sex of your life and you die yeah that's fine but i'm happy for you like i'm happy for you then but like nobody else's life is worth your yeah no it's just not a thing so buy a vibrator stay the fuck inside only fuck people that you are quarantined with and not related to and not it's so sad that we have to say that blood related or related by marriage unless you're the one who's married yes yeah so and use protection don't have a quarantine baby unplanned did you see those

twins that were born i i can't covet it and corona that's yeah cruel fucking cruel like we just wanted to like make bring some light to this and like make some levity and i was like i think it might end up being illegal that's so bad it's so bad it's terrible um well guys you can also what left i was gonna say whoever left the uh message on or the review on apple podcast that uh i'm always grumpy you're stuck with me that's that i can't that's a cancer i also just want to say i've predicted everybody like everyone who's like on the facebook group um one girl like made a post of being like uh like i'm not gonna whatever but like made a post and it was what i know exactly what you're talking about and i'm not gonna like say what it is because like we keep

all that private but like my i ever it's all these fucking comments like answering and like giving advice and the only thing i said is are you a cancer and she responded and going haha oh my fucking god i am and i was like yeah knew it knew it yeah but uh yeah i just like yeah if you guys want this like peppy like oh like also i just can't understand like am i not grumpy like am i angry are you grumpy and am i angry no they said they said they they said that you're that you were tolerable and i was grumpy oh because they could tolerate what you were you said and then i was because i was like there's no way that they like me and then thank you because like i'm not like sunshine rainbows do you what i mean like i get like all the time it's like oh she's like

either she's a bitch or like yeah so like that's what i don't don't i are like closed-minded so that's that's funny tolerable that's the only way you could cut it and also if you think i'm tolerable for all the yeah thanks guys for all the other nice reviews if you want to leave a review uh now now that you've got the time please do and um we'll see you guys next time goodbye don't blame me is a production by me executive produced by melissa demonts camera operator amanda lechner and music by ryan hunter and giacomo picasso