Don't Blame Me! - S5E24: Dad’s Dating a Girl I Went To High School With w/ Melisa D. Monts

Episode Date: May 11, 2020

This week we're sharing advice on:    Talking too much Dating a celebrity Staying friend with a much older man that befriend you when you were a teen Telling your friend you dated her ex Update from Vicky the Homie Hopper   Join our PRIVATE Facebook Group: www.facebook.com/groups/dbmsecretgroup  You must answer all questions correctly to be approved!   Follow Us! @meghanrienks www.instagram.com/meghanrienks  @dontblameme  https://www.instagram.com/dontblamemepod/ @sheisnotmelissa www.instagram.com/sheisnotmelissa     Listen to ad-free on Stitcher Premium! For a free month of Stitcher Premium, go to stitcherpremium.com and use promo code 'BLAME,' PLUS exclusive bonus episodes.     Affordable Therapy By State (Curated by Crissy Milazzo): www.tinyurl.com/y64kwdnf    Need Advice?  www.dontblameme.show  Domestic Listeners Call: [phone]   International Listeners Send a Voice Memo To: [e-mail]    … with as much detail as possible under 3 minutes! I'll do my best to share my wonderful words of wisdom. If you're under 18, please get your parent's permission. Advice is for entertainment purposes only, so you can't blame me if I screw up your life. I kid! My advice IS AMAZING. - Want to WATCH this episode as well? Check out my YouTube channel:  http://youtube.com/meghanrienks Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/join/dontblameme See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

hello everybody and welcome back to another episode of don't blame me this is an advice podcast if you're new here welcome hi hello how are you how are you all doing how are you doing me i actually haven't talked to you in a couple like hours yesterday i was gonna say and i think earlier today too yeah i haven't talked to you in a couple hours yeah i'm fine just been working doing a bunch of work yeah how are you i'm fine i'm annoyed with my hair i love your hair just let it thank you i'm like trying to do this one of the things is like scrunch like get your hair to a crunchy like a consistency and then you scrunch the crunch out and i for some reason cannot get crunch in my hair unless i'm doing it like a refresh so i literally put so much

gel in my hair and it will not crunch and it's still very soft are you using the right gel huh are you using the right gel i don't know that probably is the issue yeah so it's a lot of like trial and error but i'm happy with like i'm happy with how it looks i just i like it better when it's crunchy and then i can really like squish it out like it doesn't feel i don't know it doesn't feel gross but hey megan melissa and potential guests i just called in and it was so scattered so i'm going to try this again in a more concise way um and make it a little bit more coherent um so i'm 19 and i'm currently in a trade school for acting and i'm really super super close with all of my classmates. We're all like super, super good friends. Um, there was an incident tonight

that happened that, um, I said something in the complete wrong way and it just kind of fell out of my mouth, which is things that tend to happen a lot. I tend to talk too much. And then, um, yeah. And I forget to put a filter on like my, my mouth is just working way faster than my brain is. So, um, it just came out bad. It came out really bitchy. I didn't mean for it to come out that way. It was mainly aimed toward a certain classmate that I have had a lot of trouble with, like just not vibing with very well, have a lot of problems with him in general, but the other one it was directed towards, I didn't mean it, and I just didn't mean it the way that it came out.

Anyways, the whole situation that has been the problem that I'm asking advice on is, I feel like my personality is not coming across the way that I want it to. Um, I also, I just had a whole sit down dinner with one of the people I'm really close with and come to find out, uh, she told me about basically everything that everyone has said about me. Um, and like, just like some brief examples of it are like, you know, someone says I talk too much about, you know, the guy that I don't like that I, you know, just keep mentioning and I keep saying the same thing over and over, which is a part of, uh, like an OCD

thing that I have which I am seeing a therapist for this and I am talking about this um well not this in particular but in general um but I just feel like everything that I'm doing I've just completely ruined all the relationships with people and they feel like like like someone had the impression I didn't want to work with any of the guys at the beginning of the year that I don't know and now I've got this one guy that I'm really not a fan of saying that he wants to confront me he's been telling other people he wants to confront me I don't know it's just a whole mess and I never meant for this I'm not a drama person it so sounds like it from this I'm and I hate that I hate that I'm coming across this way and I'm like this um so basically do

you have any advice for really just recentering myself getting back to a personality and being the type of person I want to be and just being better overall I don't know if I need to go on some retreat and meditate for a couple weeks i just i'm really upset with everything that's going on right now and how i'm acting my personality i just i need advice please and thank you okay um you talk a lot i do fuck off um i i relate to this but i also want to know what you said yeah we need to know what you said and what context it was in because yeah and like who you said it too and like what do you valid is what you said is it valid because like if you're in a class with a bunch of dudes and they're trying to make you be quiet it might be because

you're a woman and they feel like your thoughts aren't valid yeah i i just want to know because the whole thing is is i don't really i i think the ocd thing makes a like a ton of if you're having like impulse control because you're not it's not that like what you're saying or you I want to know if it's more what you're saying is being interpreted badly or if you're then looking back and going why did I say it like that like if you're recognizing it as it's happening or not even necessarily as it's happening but like I've done that before we're like 20 minutes later I'm like oh god like why did I why did I do it why did I say it like that like is it the filtering of how you're talking about it and like the impulsivity of what you're saying or is it that you stand by

what you're saying until you're seeing or until other people are telling you that it's offensive or anything like that I would also say like you're not talking about you said you're not talking about this specifically with your therapist I would I would urge everybody we've gotten a lot of comments like this in the Facebook group of people who go to therapy and they talk to their therapist about like specifically trauma-based stuff but then when it comes to relationships and friendships especially like this has been from people who are in their teens early 20s they're saying oh i don't feel like that's so frivolous like no that's what you're in therapy for like that's literally what you talk about in therapy the little thing uh that you think are

little they actually build up and might be related to those bigger issues that you're discussing in therapy yeah and it helps it makes your therapist it helps your therapist to unpack all of that stuff more because all of those things don't just affect one aspect of your life like it affects every aspect of your life so I want to know what that is because at the end of the day if you're talking bad about people behind their backs like if you're gossiping you need to stop and you need to figure out why you're gossiping like are you gossiping because you're insecure like is what are all the reasons behind it because I think without a doubt don't talk about people behind their backs. I have a, I've got, I have my firm belief. I'm not going to say anything behind

someone's back that I would not say to your face. It's like I, the epitome of like, if someone confronts me and says, Hey, so-and-so said, you said this about me. First of all, more likely than not, I will have already told that person like to their face, like had a conversation with them about it. But if I don't really care about our friendship anymore and, or I'm like detached from it and I'm not, I don't think their friendship is necessarily like worth my effort, uh, or, or worth it or I think that they're going to change or I care enough to ask them to change and I talk about it with other friends if they approach me I'll be like yeah I said that like I I and I've done that even with shitty things I've said like I've said some not like in high school

I remember one time uh and I still think I think about this but I can literally call back because I think about it so well I hate my hair right now it's fine but um I there was a guy that I was friends with and he liked this girl and she like used to wear I'm not even gonna justify it like she used to just like wear and dress like not let not say like not cute but like you know the really dark eyeliner like all of that sort of stuff and I said something along the lines of being like oh my god like you like how could like you like like her like and she also was not nice to me and like was kind of like catty but I was cattier in the situation and I said like she looks like oh god now I can't even like specifically remember but it was like ew like she dresses like she dresses

so trashy something like that and she was right behind me and she cleared her throat and I said her name I said first name last name how can you like her she dresses so like she's she's so trashy and again internalized misogyny internalized like slut shaming sex all of that stuff but I also don't even know if she was like having sex or sleeping around. Like it was just a term that it was a thing that everybody said. It was the nasty things you said. And she turned around and I, and she said it, she said, excuse me, I turned around and she was like, and I was like, yep, I just said that. I, I apologize. Like that was totally out of hand, but like, I'm going to own that. I said that. But then there are other times where you say something behind someone's back.

one time I texted a friend one of my friends to say oh my god this girl like let's say Sarah like oh my god Sarah's being such a fucking bitch and I was in a room with Sarah and two other girls guess who I texted it to Sarah and she was like excuse me and I was like that was a really shitty thing for me to do I should have just told you up front but yeah you're being like you're being a fucking bitch so I think you need to assess if like you're saying if what you're saying is valid and how you feel about these people or the things that you're saying are valid in itself, who are you telling them to?

Are these, is it pertinent to the conversation? Is it something that someone needs to know? Is it something that they haven't heard before? Is it an actual productive conversation or is it just gossip for entertainment? And I think you really need to start by filtering that. But then also, like you said at the beginning, figure out, is this something,

are these the people that you're surrounded with like if you've talked to your and then this is why i want to say talk to your therapist about it too because if it is so inundated with this like same circle of people and they all feel this certain way it can be kind of like mob mentality and you can start to question like oh maybe i was being mean when you're like oh but i wasn't at all yeah and are you hearing this type of feedback in like all aspects of your life or just in this one class. Also, I love that the theater boy is going to confront you. Like he's going to, he's going to, I was like, is he going to fight you through dance? Like literally, but like, yeah, I, cause I get, I talk a lot and I can talk in, I mean, I don't know, not even can,

I talk in circles all the time and that's an ADHD thing and an anxiety thing that I heavily work on. and I definitely struggle with coming across in a certain way I I talk to everybody like I've known them forever and that's not really a good thing for like it can be a really great thing but I think it's also like a kind of a shitty thing because I can just make a joke and then think someone else is in on the joke because they know my personality and they don't know me and that's literally like the Leo is the one who's always like nah nah you gotta see and that's the thing is like when we first met you did that to me and I liked it but that's because we have the same type of humor and personality ish yeah it's it's it's something that you have to be cognizant

of who your audience is but i think you also need to figure out if you like these people and you want to be friends with these people and also don't go around like just talking about people that you don't like because that's not going to be productive for anything because they're saying the same things about you and how does that make you feel makes you feel bad enough to call into a podcast so guys um we had a little bit of technical difficulties and we needed to re-record this section the technical difficulties was um i didn't realize that the memory card was full while doing the audio so melissa was a great person and um did continuity and dressed the same and everything i tried i didn't even attempt to try so that's why i'm wearing a different shirt

and I look different so yeah your hair is up it was down yeah this is it's it's a different vibe it's not so I was way cuter before but if you're listening to this you won't even know all right um okay so I have this question that I think you might have a interesting perspective on so last summer I met this guy uh who was in the town that I was in for the summer working a job and we really hit off but by the time it came back for him it came for him to like move back um he lived in LA and it was like we both really liked each other but we weren't ready to like commit to a full-on relationship so it was going to be super long distance because I'm still on the east coast so um we didn't do anything official but we still talked all the time

and then in September I went out to visit him in LA and like at the end of those couple days we like we just decided that it didn't it didn't really matter how far away we were we just really wanted to be in this relationship and we really really liked each other so we started long distance and it was great it was so much fun and I'm so happy I really really like him and we visited each other a few times um the interesting part is that so he's an actor and he's not like like Brad Pitt level famous or anything but but people like know who he is like they would have seen some stuff that he's been in and we don't really post about each other on like social media or anything and I haven't told my family that like he let's just like call him Bob they're like

they know I'm dating someone named Bob but they don't know that like he's like a Bob that they would like theoretically you know um I just like don't know how to tell them just because I feel like they would make a really big deal out of it and I don't want it to be a big deal he doesn't really want it to be a big deal um we just really like each other in our relationship and like I know that you know eventually publicity might be a factor of what we're going through but right now I just really like how it is and I don't want to tell anyone so if you have any advice for how to talk to your parents about something like this or talk to your friends I don't even know it just seems really weird like who who's in this situation this is strange and I know that you're

in LA and that you have friends who are actors I didn't know if you knew anyone in like a similar situation who could help me out or if you have advice for me so thanks bye I'm re-offended all over again I know I was waiting for it uh that cuts deep it does it doesn't get better after hearing it the second time it truly actually might have might hurt worse um maybe we should have brought Mots in for this question oh my god well no because I'm not famous I just like live in LA and like I might know famous people right I know not even I'm famous but it's more like the the actor thing is painful because i'm like if you're auditioning you're still an actor i'm just i'm an unemployed actor okay so like but people would know who you were i'm just like pissed

it's fine um okay actually this is good because i we've caught more or i've caught more things the second time listening to this around so i'm gonna paint a picture in my head what i assumed happened she said she lives on the east coast let's say whatever i don't know states in the east coast except for connecticut new york and pennsylvania because well if he was working i would think it would be georgia new york new york or georgia is not the east coast georgia is the south but like i was just picking like a shoot maybe north carolina they shoot stuff there too so he was shooting like if it was a short period of time and he's not coming back he shot a movie and they met there oh my god so i mean i feel bad first of all you're living a fanfic

dream this is the shit people write about in fanfics but i i have known people in these situations like actors who've hooked up with um townies or locals while working and um you know the term a hose in different area codes i got hose that um applies i yeah i mean i think like the fact that you guys are visiting each other i this is what i don't get now your friends don't know and your parents don't know but like he's come to visit you and you went to visit him what did you do what did you tell your friends right if you don't live with your parents what did you tell your roommates you were doing like where did he stay when he came with you like or is this like a fanfic thing where like you literally can't be seen to so like

you don't go out to rest that's what i don't get like yeah i don't understand a lot of this and also i don't i understand like you wanting to keep your relationship secret because i'm like the queen of keeping relationships secret but like you do want your parents to know you just don't you just think they're gonna make a big deal of it but if you want to be in like an actual relationship with him you're gonna have to tell them eventually yeah i think you're making a big deal about it i think like if you guys had hooked up and like we're talking for this extended period of time and didn't tell anybody you're the anticipation is building like you're hiding something because you feel like you need don't even feel like you need to and there's no

fault in thinking like getting caught up and feeling like oh this is like really cool like this is awesome it's okay if you think it's a big deal and you're a little star struck by the Hollywood thing but I think you need to kind of own that and recognize not like don't like be like oh I love this but recognize that in yourself and then be like okay I then can't put it on other people to make it a big deal because I've I kind of hid it from everybody for all this time like I didn't tell anybody and then suddenly I'm gonna have to like sit down and have the sit down conversation like maybe I kind of just like the dramatics of it which is fine just be aware of that because yeah I just think that like the not if it really wasn't a big deal and it was just oh

this is just an actor I thought I think you would have met like introduced at any point and it wouldn't have been a big deal at all like I've I've met people that like my friends who are in the industry or whatever have hooked up with and it wasn't even serious it was not a big it was just not a big deal so I think that that's yeah but I will also say I feel like the reason why you haven't told anybody is because he hasn't and it's pretty clear that he doesn't want you to um the whole not posting each other and things I get but because you were you for like the first year that you and Mott's were together you guys didn't post anything yeah so I was super hyper aware of that stuff we were friends from before but I'd never I'd only ever posted one when I

first started YouTube when I was 16 my high school boyfriend and I were together so he was in like one or two videos but other than that I didn't put any relationships online um and so I waited like a good year but at the same time Mott and I got together when like if you guys have read my book shit was like hitting the fan with my like my personal life and so and and all of like that family stuff that was so public that I was like I can't put my personal relationships publicly anymore because it it makes it so much harder if it doesn't work so but I it was rough like he was not like he was very like okay with it but then once we did it he was like yeah that like I'm not gonna lie like it was really hard like it sucked and the good thing oh ow the good thing through

it was that he and I were spending so much time together we lived in the same place so he's like I didn't have any reservations that oh you were like hooking up with somebody else or something else was going on like i knew that it wasn't because you didn't want to be associated with me so you could be with somebody else because we're spending all of this time together but if you guys are like but also like all your friends knew that oh my god yeah that's exactly like all of my friends on him his parents knew my like but like it was it was our whole circles everybody like who i had worked with knew like everybody knew it just was the public thing and it's because it's that opinion that doesn't really matter but i just think the fact that your parents don't know

your friends don't know and again now that i realize that you guys have like seen each other you're sneaking around and that's if he says it's because like it's for his image or like he doesn't want you to get hate from anybody like any of his fan like it's a literal load of bullshit like you literally statistically will do better as a performer in the entertainment industry if you are a part of relation a public relationship people live for that shit absolutely live for that shit and there's no such thing as being like oh i need to be a hot young actor i can't i have to be single it's better for my career it's only better for your career if you want to hook up with more people that's the only thing like if you blow up and you're huge and you're like well it's better

for my career to be single no it's better for your sex life to be single if you want to be like sleeping with multiple people as as you get more famous you have more access to like whatever genitalia you're trying to get into but being in a relationship like that's it's just a load of bullshit so i would be oh god i mean i don't want to sound like defeated because i'm like well you kind of already made it a big deal so it's gonna be a big deal but like he might i mean oh we said this the first time around but you guys obviously didn't hear it um we need to know you can dm melissa and i uh and let us know who this is because we can do some we might there it's a high likelihood that we very likely hollywood is very small very small either we personally know

him or we're like one degree of separation a friend away and we can find out um what it you know if he's what the deal is yeah if he's going if he's got girls or guys or whoever he's into out here or any anywhere else also like are you guys like what is your relationship status like are you just they're making long distance work which that was so specific because she because at the beginning she was specified at the beginning like we didn't like we didn't establish like we didn't define us or anything but then after we did a visit we decided to like we really like each other let's try long distance long distance what right like long distance like long distance talking long distance fucking i mean right now it's probably doing what you and i are doing right

now doing a google hangout or something but yeah like are you guys like officially in a relationship because if so that's i don't know i think you need to figure out what you guys actually are yeah what you want out of this and if it's long term then why are you waiting to tell your parents and that's hypocritical coming from me but um well no but you seem like somebody that yeah yeah you seem like someone that does tell their family it seems the hold up is the fact that he like they might not know who he is but also yeah i think if if you really do like him i would check that part of you because that's not humanizing him that's like putting him on this pedestal and that will be a downfall of relation like that most of my friends who are

in the industry date people who are in this version of the industry and when they don't the the issue is like yeah it's it's people who look at you like another like a person but if you're something like oh i don't want to tell i don't want to tell like or like telling my parents like this is a big deal sort of a thing it should just be as big of a deal as any person that you like because like he's just a person like who cares if they've seen him on tv like it's not i don't know i i just think that if you do really like him i would be wary to not get starstruck by him because that's he's not if he likes that then he's fucking other girls by the way if he's like likes the fact that you are like enamored by his like celebrity or whatever but yeah i mean

to like really be super fucking honest with you people like it's so unlikely that a guy like that his intentions are total like spun of pure gold if he started hooking up with you or talking to you when he was on location that happens i don't know anyone all the time i don't know anyone who's ever gone location and didn't hook up i've done it like i've hooked up on location and then you get back and then you're like bye or you're like friendly and you keep talking yeah so i would just be very like cautious because i think especially if you don't work in the industry that it might seem he can like paint this idea in his pictures and say all these things that are like fact but they're not fact yeah there's a show on abc right now called beauty and the baker i think

i haven't seen it but it seems like the same situation that you're in maybe watch it get some tips maybe you're in sub one direction fanfic this is literally the epitome of fanfic because it's like seeing like seeing her in the concert like in inside and being like i gotta bring her backstage oh yeah we need to know who this is yeah and we're not gonna blow up your spot or anything like that i'll stay between the three of us yeah and then also what if he's just like literally like nobody knows like you're fine like yeah or what if we like what if i like really know them and then i can also tell you they fucking suck because if you're around the same age as me i know them like i 100 know them if they're basically a ton of people a ton of people in

this industry so um yeah we probably know them just let us know we can do some deep digging and figure out what his actual deal is and we won't share on the pod we won't share anywhere don't worry except maybe you'll have like tmz like paparazzi i can't i'm still a little salty about it but it's fine oh my gosh all right should we go on to the next hello um so this is very i'm gonna try to make this as simple as possible um when i was i'm 20 now and when i was 16 i met a man on a boat in florida i do not live in florida um but when i was on this boat i was with my mother by the way but i met this man he was 35 at the time um and we started talking i come off as far more mature um and older seeming i always have um and so when i was 16 i definitely

didn't come across as 16 and so he was kind of flirting with me a little bit and long story short we ended up having a really great connection actually as freaking weird as that sounds I know um and so we ended up having this connection and we ended up talking and texting from there on out for three years he was married at the time and had kids and we talked every single day for almost three years and at the time his relationship with his wife was very rocky he was at the time in the marines and was not living with his wife um and he ended up moving back to these he grew up in the state that i am from which is crossed nowhere near where we met and also nowhere near where he was stationed at the time but then three years that's four or three years

to after we had been talking for three years non-stop we were flirting and things but we hadn't necessarily got to that level of we weren't having an affair or anything we were strictly texting and we were mainly just really getting to know each other and he was telling me about his wife and the issues they were having and i talked to him about my day-to-day life and issues as well uh then three years later his wife cheated on him with his stepdad and they ended up getting a divorce they have two kids and so we then when he moved back to where I live he ended up buying a house here living here so we got together and we're actually meeting each other then and at that time I was 19 we decided to not have a relationship or anything after the fact that him and his wife

got divorced we decided to not have a relationship but we're still really good friends I now currently have a boyfriend as of a year so I actually I just called in an electric voicemail and I know that's supposed to be under three minutes but I feel like I left out an important detail he actually ended up being my half brother we him and I have the same mom but different dad so my half brother has he also has a half brother that's not related to me but it's his dad's other kid so my brother's dad had another kid with another woman so we're not related but he's my brother's my half-brother's half-brother essentially um and the man that i met on the boat is that guy i'm gonna call so my brother i'm gonna call him jay he has a half-brother that i'm gonna call nick and the man that i met

on the boat i'll call him bob so bob is nick's brother-in-law they married sisters together um so he's almost family to me in a way which sounds very weird but we have a whole bunch of mutual friends mutual family members so he's always at family things that we're getting together at and I had never met him before I turned 16 and we just happened to randomly meet on this boat Bob and I did um and so Bob and I became really close within those three years of texting non-stop but then he's also now part of the family and we see him all the time so we are nothing sexual or anything don't want a relationship anymore we're just really good friends at this point um and i just didn't know my boyfriend of the year he's a little iffy about it and i wanted

to know if it was weird to everybody else that we stay friends i don't know i don't really know what i'm asking but mainly is it weird if we stay friends me and bob stay friends yes yes we're gonna play both for the in the podcast episode right yeah okay i just need to say a detail that i missed the first time around bob and nick married sisters so he is a part of the family that's what i told you no we because we knew it was we didn't know but it's through his ex-wife yeah that is how she's oh my god this is bat shit like this is bad shit but let's start from the beginning you met him when you were 16 he was 35 that's i know that you said that you look more mature for your age but there's no way that you

looked anywhere close to being 35 years old no and even the second that he found out how old you were even if you lied and said you were 18 he should have been like oh fuck no run away and that's me saying that like oh you have like benjamin button syndrome so you look like a 35 year old at 16 like it's not yeah that's not a thing and then the the thing that like make like breaks my heart is the fact that your mom was there and this happened and like you didn't give us more details of if she was around yeah the interaction happened and if she knew if you guys were talking there's two options of either your mom knew and just let it happen which is super heartbreaking and really sad or your mom didn't know and this 35 year old man pressured a 16 year old or convinced

16 year old to have this relationship and keep it secret from your family all the while having a relationship with your family like that is either way these are adults who are not protecting you and i don't think i think because he's still so infiltrated in your life i don't think you understand or really see how this is discussed like it's it's awful and like the the control and the power there and see how completely completely wrong it is it takes people like we've had in the Facebook group we've had it in comment sections here people talk about the age gap that they've had with someone that they've dated and that it took them until they got to be a lot older to realize oh wow I thought that that was okay but it wasn't and that's so gross

that they were attracted to me at that age and regardless of what you say of oh we never actually did anything it was just flirty he was just talking about his wife that's vastly inappropriate and his intentions were sexual and flirty and romantic like that's why you said that we don't want to be in a relationship with each other anymore so that means that some point you did want to be in a relationship with each other and you can't decide that you want that when you are 16 and he is 35 years old that your frontal lobes are not developed it's the same thing of like teachers like being predators onto their students there's a power dynamic that you can think that you want that but you can't choose that you literally cannot consent to that or choose that

there's a it is so frustrating to me and then the fact that he's still around your family which means your family now isn't protecting you through all of this the gold star through all of this is your boyfriend but even this like the ex like his ex-wife thing like him complaining and talking about his ex just as like an overall thing if you're talking to someone and they just start who's in a relationship and they just start going in on their current partner and how much they suck and how terrible they are they're a piece of fucking shit they are a piece of shit and they're trying to they're trying to show you a crack in their relationship so you feel okay and you feel like it's fine and justified for you to slip in and do whatever you want to do with that person

like that's how they're getting because you were a child as well yeah it's like you shouldn't like parents didn't even talk to their kids about their marriage and like the fact that this is at that time essentially a stranger who is expressing interest in you and then talking to you about his like relationship with his wife and even the way you talk about his ex-wife which i mean i i won't say that i would have fucked the dad stepdad was it the step stepdad i would to fuck the brother or like and like that's that is a vent like a vindictive vengeful woman who's like this like who is what is more crazy here and this is why I think first of all you need to go to therapy and I would go with your boyfriend and really go through all this and figure this out and

separate from your family if they're not going to support you through all of this but if you paint a picture of here's what he said to you oh my ex-wife like we broke up like she's the absolute fucking worse she slept with my stepdad and then we have her point of view my husband of all these years father to my children spent the last like however many years talking to an underage years yeah that's three years spending talking to an underage girl every single day about our marital issues and flirting with her every day who fucked up like you like the fact that you're weighing the fact what she did is so terrible is just proof that you are so entrapped in this like mind fucking power control of him that you have no idea that what he did arbitrarily is actually

illegal like his intentions are illegal she's that what she did sure it's a fucked up bitchy thing to do but there is no issue of consent there there's no issue of predatory nature there's no issue of age like legality any of that it's just a fucked up like revenge thing to do what he did was predatory and absolutely disgusting and i just it makes me so fucking pissed and it makes me sad too because i think you're surrounded by your family who he's still in the picture like he's still there every like on all of your family major events we also don't know how much the family knows no and that's like they're either way it's bad either he has a hue so warped and convinced to keep this a secret from your family which probably feels even at

this point like sexy and like oh nobody knows and that stuff but you've already told your boyfriend so i don't know how that came up or if he noticed it so it's either he has you so wrapped around his finger that you've kept it a secret from your whole family and maybe i don't even want to say wrapped on your finger because that sounds like you're uh you're choosing that i don't think you are i think he groomed her yeah exactly like he groomed you and i don't think that as much as you think that you've had like a choice in all of this i don't think you have because that's what it what's a grooming is and i think that he has he has this power and control over you yeah if your family doesn't know it's because he has his power and control over you that this is something

special this is something that we can't tell anybody else like there are two options here which both require therapy either he really regardless he groomed you but either he really groomed you and he has made you keep this a secret from your family and your family has no idea all of this that has gone on or your family does know and they're okay with it and they don't see it as predatory which doesn't mean that they're right they're wrong if if they don't see it as predatory and they don't see an issue with it that's something that you need to go to therapy and talk about because you need to be the people in your life need to be there who are going to protect you and either he didn't give them an option to let them protect you or they're choosing

not to protect you and right now the only person who is protecting you and looking out for you is your boyfriend and i would really go with him and listen to him when he is expressing how this makes him feel it's it's the it's that icky feeling i don't even think it's it's not him being jealous like it's it feels it's him being real with what the situation actually is and i don't think he might not feel comfortable saying that to you also if he's like a cis heterosexual man like not knowing like the oh that might feel a little creepy i don't want to like tell my girlfriend that that seems predatory but it is and i think you guys need to go to therapy you need to go to therapy and assess who is in your life and who's actually looking out for you and taking care of

you and and cut anyone out who is enabling or enabling ignoring or just not caring about your well-being or letting this predatory stuff happen and just because you are of the age of consent now doesn't mean that it's not still predatory because it is because that's how it started okay guys we are going to take a quick break and we'll be right back wearing different clothes i got on the same though yeah we're traveling back in time actually we won't be right back gonna literally be from before okay we are back from our break guys and we're gonna get into the rest of our calls i am i'm in a bit of a pickle and i would just love some big sister advice from you guys

um so basically i grew up in the same area all my life and then went off to school um i'm 21 and in college and at the end of high school my best friend and i had this huge blowing out like she just like freaked out on all of her friends and she was going through a lot but wasn't explaining herself so we just kind of like cut one another off and she all of our other friends kind of did the same with her and she was like really awful and will admit to being really awful um so we stopped talking didn't talk to each other for like two years and there was this boy that she had dated in high school and they were broken up at the time that she and i stopped seeing friends and they had been broken up for a while but fast forward to this past summer

school started dating that boy I got with her ex-boyfriend which it's like so far removed from the situation she and I were not talking he and I both went through like crazy identity shifts but like essentially in college as I'm sure many people do but now he and I have broken up didn't work out no bad blood there just long distance another thing but now she and I are kind of back in touch and she was like yeah I was going through this really hard time explained her whole situation to me and it's really great that we've kind of reconciled that but she didn't know that me and this boy had dated this summer and I don't know whether or not to tell her there's definitely like on the down low in terms of social media and stuff like that but

like people in our town definitely know it happened so I just don't know if I should just like not bring it up and if she finds out be like oh yeah I was just like don't know what I was thinking so um I don't know if that makes me shitty but I should just be straight up I mean she and I just kind of getting back in the swing of talking and hanging out and stuff so I don't know if I should do it sooner than later just like oh shit totally forgot about that because i honestly heard it so anybody would be great thanks is she calling us from a fucking racetrack i was like are you on the highway are you on the highway with the fucking windows down uh yes you should tell her yeah because she's gonna find out from other some from somebody else

uh yeah tell her if you tell her and we've talked about this before here that if you get ahead of something and you're honest about something it is a lot harder for that person to be upset with you like it is it just factually and if you are upfront and honest immediately there is it nothing makes you look better like it is the best possible way that you could come across and it is the most likely way that you're going to be able to move past or get through it and also you don't even know if you want to be friends with this girl anymore you guys are just kind of back in contact so also if it's such a not big deal to you wouldn't you also want to tell her now find out if it's a massive deal to her if it's a massive deal to her and you're like oh it's

really not a big issue she's so dramatic i don't really want to be friends with her good that i know this now i think like the more you don't say like that's just hella fucking weird yeah yeah and and like and explain it to like you didn't think you were gonna be friends with her again it had like happened so like after the point of you guys being friends after they had been broken up unless it was like two weeks later then yeah you're shitty but like you didn't give us a timetable but if it was like a couple years later where you just like ran into this dude and you guys found out that you know you had some chemistry and you date it then um I don't think there's anything wrong about that in this situation but you just have to be up front with her yeah

like I think if it could did he go to high school with them it sounds like that it seems like it yeah I mean to be honest like I I would probably feel like a little weird about it but if someone told me up front, not that I would then feel like I don't have the right to feel weird, but I would be like, well, I'm not like, I can't be mad at you now. Like there's no reason for me to be upset with you. Like you're not hiding it. You're being so forthcoming with it. That is easier to deal with. And they're going to find out eventually. And it is always better to get ahead of the truth and say the truth right off the bat, then wait for somebody else to do it. because again you only hide things you think you should be hiding so if it really isn't a big deal

and you guys aren't like it wasn't sticky again like you said it like it was there was like enough time had passed between there was no overlap it wasn't right after it wasn't vindictive it was yeah and you guys aren't even dating anymore there's no reason to hide it if it wasn't a big deal and then if you do hide it it's going to make it seem like it was a way bigger deal but then also that's not justification to hide things that are a big deal like when you hide something that's a big deal. It becomes an even bigger deal because you're hiding it. So yeah, I mean, I, again, if I was her in the situation, if I was the friend, like the new friend, I would totally feel weird, but she has every right to that. Like she's again, everyone has the right. You can't

have people make decisions based on selective information. Think about your ex, like your friend, like girls that you used to be friends with who you're not friends with anymore. And think of their ex-boyfriends would you date any of them like not like in a shady way i just mean like are any of them like are you attracted to any of them can't say that i am i know i'm trying to think of it that's also very different types yeah i also i'm just thinking about how one of my friends exes he like came to me and he was like if i had met you first then i would have dated you which is rude to begin with and i was like i'm not attractive to you at all because i wouldn't have date you might have dated me but i wouldn't have dated you like that's so flattering i do not

feel the same way yeah i'm so glad you didn't meet me first yeah ew hi i'm 21 years old and And my dad is dating a girl who is two months younger than me. We actually went to the same high school together. And it's really weird because obviously there's a big age gap there, and she lives with him. And it's really weird. They've been dating since she was in high school. She graduated the year after me, but she keeps trying to be my friend, and I am not comfortable with that.

I am, after almost two years, am now finally developing a kind of stable relationship with my dad, and I honestly am not comfortable with being her friend, just because, I mean, She is dating my dad, and she is two months younger than me, and we went to the same school. So it's just really awkward, and I feel bad because I'm always telling her no, and I don't want to be a bitch and just be like, no, I don't like you, and I don't want to hang out with you because this, this, and that. Um, so, yeah, any advice about, like, how to handle this? Like, should I give her a chance? Should I hang out with her? Um, even though it, like, really makes me feel weird.

Um, and, like, and my dad also kind of thinks that it means that I'm not hanging out with her. But, like I said, it's just way too weird personally. and like i'm finally getting to a good place mentally uh and building up that relationship like i said with my dad again um so yeah any advice would be awesome thank you wow what in the actual fuck so her dad her dad started dating this girl while the girl was in high school after his daughter had already graduated from high school and it seems like the girl and her dad the caller and her dad didn't have a good relationship for a long time and now it's well you wonder why it seems like your dad doesn't make the best decisions in life

i see why you and your dad bring super close oh my god um oh like you're not being a bitch this is just an uncomfortable situation i'm sorry that you're going through this this is insane like this is straight up insane and for the sake of my own sanity and like the fact that you're maintaining a relationship with your dad uh we are going to operate under the notion that she was 18 when i started dating and everybody in the comments i would also like you to operate under that notion because if not that we're going to have to have a different it would be a totally different conversation like it's it's totally different and we're not here to question this caller's relationship with her like everyone's own choices about who they

led into their lives through moving past things and dealing with trauma and all of that stuff like that's your own that's her own journey so we're going to operate again on the pretense that she was 18 when i started dating this is fucking disgusting like i literally just snot rocketed because it's so disgusting i first of all the audacity of this fucking bitch to try and be your friend she is fucking your dad yeah and she's two years younger than you oh two months young no she's two months younger yeah yeah yeah sorry two months young but she's your peer yeah and she's fucking your dad and she graduated after you did like this is disgusting like this is absolutely disgusting absolutely disgusting and here's the thing there is in no world

would you be friends with her so there is no world in which you are being a bitch the situation like you have free fucking reign if you want to say to her no i don't want to be your friend you are my peer we went to high school together I know you're two months younger than me and you are literally dating my dad and you are fucking my dad no I don't want to be your your friend you fucking you fucking bitch you have every right to say that because at the end of the day like you didn't do anything to put you in the situation it doesn't make you a bitch there's like I don't know anyone in their right mind who would be okay with this and would be friends with her and think about it in the sense that like so what she's not gonna turn around and be like to her friends I'm

just like so pissed because like here I am and like I'm just like I'm trying to be the best stepmom that I possibly can I'm trying to be nice to Stephanie and like she just told me that like she thinks I'm a bitch and like doesn't want to talk to me like what just because I'm dating her dad and like I'm two months younger than her like there is no way in which she can spin that where you are the villain and I think preserving the relationship between you and your dad if that is your goal that is fantastic but that needs to be on the pretense of our relationship is isolated between you and I I am not associating with her she is not part of this and if that if our relationship is contingent on my comfortability with her tough tough shit like tough titties dude

because it's it that's bullshit like that's absolute bullshit yeah I think yeah I agree with you I think that um since your your relationship with your father was rocky before uh this is probably not the time that he should even if if even if this wasn't just like a friend that was not a friend just like a peer that you went to school with if this was some woman that was age appropriate that he was dating if you're just now rebuilding your relationship with him he shouldn't be introducing you to some woman that he's dating because it should be about the two of you yeah and also if your relationship with your dad was rocky because of this and like because they started dating like this was really like your big falling out that you coming back around

is not an invitation for her that you're okay with the situation it's I've made the choice and decision that I want to try and have a relationship with my dad despite this like despite this shit and it's she should just stay far far far far far far as fuck away i couldn't tell if her dad was on her side or her dad was on the other girl the other girl her dad is is wondering why she won't be friends with her if you are wanting to have a relationship with your dad is the relationship that you want is he able to give you the relationship that you want to have with him and if it's not if he's not you don't have to settle for that you don't have to settle for anything less but also it's okay if you do like it's okay if it's you know what I'm gonna

deal with this I can work through this it is worth it to me to maintain a relationship with him even if it's in on his own terms or it's okay if it's not I think you just need to figure it out for yourself because it's on his terms it sounds like you need to be friends with this girl and I think it's totally valid and fair that you don't want to be I fucking wouldn't want to be neither would I and I and if you haven't told him thinking you tell him up front that it makes you uncomfortable to be friends with her sit down and write down all the reasons why you don't want to be friends with her and tell him because you've got to set up boundaries for yourself please give us an update and like let us know what happened if you want to keep it more like private you want to send it to

us in a dm or if you want to call back that and also that's not an invitation for people just asking random questions no if you have random questions call into the podcast we're not going to answer questions through dms it's like an unsolicited dick pic we did not like we're at i'm asking yeah we're only soliciting questions through voicemail or voice memo not through instagram no please no all right we've got an update today oh oh god so this is why are you saying oh god because i just read your face whether i know it's gonna be good or bad and i no oh no this is from the episode with bows i don't know if you can remember those calls during that episode well there i remember them but now i there's truly could be any of them this is the one

that the gal she uh had dated her friend and then his best friend and then the nephew and so she's calling with an update are you fucking kidding me ready she's calling with an update she's calling no i'm not ready we roasted this girl hey guys this is vicky i literally just saw your video um where you addressed my question about the eggs his nephew and my best friend um so i just wanted to clarify certain things first of all like i love that you guys told me like I watched the whole thing like three times um but it's not any different from what my girlfriends have told me um and also like I haven't told my friends my my girlfriends like details too much because I know what they're gonna say like I already know trust me but I wanted to

clarify a few things um so the ex my ex he's no longer in the picture he never will be like he move to the east coast like goodbye the nephew we haven't slept together um because i don't want i know that that would like fuck shit up in a like completely different level and i just don't want to put him in that situation where like i don't know like feelings to develop or like i and i think of the scenario in which my ex you know approaches him and he asks him did you ever sleep with her I want him to have that immunity um so it feels like we've been dating you know like we like hang out like we're kind of flirty with each other but nothing has ever happened I've never kissed him nothing and then another thing that I want to clarify which I know does

not make it any better whatsoever um it's that my best friend um he lives with his girlfriend and that's his daughter and that's her daughter so she already had a kid it's not his kid obviously doesn't make it any better like he's in a committed relationship but um I've been distancing myself from the nephew not in like a I need to stop talking to you like kind of way even though but it's more like um I'm letting you live your life you know I'm just gonna step away for a bit and then my best friend it's been really hard trying to navigate like still trying to be best friends and you know not letting this affect it too much because he's still my best friend at the of the day so um I told him like I you need to tell her I can't tell her but it's like I feel

like I have this moral obligation to tell her because hello but also I'm like I lost the allure of wanting to be with my best friend because he's been lying to his girlfriend this whole time and like anything this has been eye-opening for me but anyways can you guys do like a call-in I want to legit be on a call with you guys and just have this conversation because this is my biggest hookup in life to date and i don't know what to do anyways i am a libra and a scorpio moon libra sun scorpio moon cancer rising okay thank you bye but the thing is if i'm not mistaken in the original calls she asked who should i be with yes yes she did and she also said um uh she she told her best friend like she's like i can't force

him to like how do i make him like break up with like i can't force him to but like how do i make him date me when he doesn't yeah i mean oh i fucking first of all i am so surprised that you listened and you called back and she used her nickname that bose gave her vicky yeah it was not a nice nickname like we it wasn't like a nice thing that we how he said it but i think that's great i will say um and this is like a thing we've said here you have to hold your friends and romantic partners to the same standard so you saying that oh i wouldn't date him now because i've seen how he won't tell his like girlfriend but then why are you friends with him like if he like it's a that's like a moral character flaw this is not it has nothing to do with dating him

or not like it's just gross and you can't be best friends with him you just can't like you it sucks but you made your bed you slept in it and you need to fucking cut it off because like it's so vastly inappropriate and he at this point he's not your best friend like once you fuck him and you wanted to be with him the only thing is now you're saying you don't want to be with him because like he won't tell his girlfriend it is not your moral obligation to her because if it was your moral obligation to her then you feel like you have a more like you then you feel like you have a relationship with her enough that you have like that's the thing that makes and they're again the only reason why you'd be telling her like okay if you tell her they decide to work on

it you're not in his life anymore she's gonna make him not be friends with you anymore and you're saying that he's your best friend you can't like get like you can't let go of him so the only reason you want to tell her is because you think that she will dump him and then you can be with him that's the only reason and but he's just gonna be mad then at that point and he's not gonna want to be with you no and like if you're saying like there's just literally like the only thing that you can do the only thing that you should do is stop being friends with him that's it just stop being friends with him and i'm a big advocate of like obviously like i'm torn between like stay in your own business but also if you know something about someone's relationship you know someone's

been unfaithful you i i personally think you should tell them like i think that you have an obligation to do that but only if you have nothing to gain and you have something to gain here even if you don't think that you do and you're saying that you don't just based on the fact that you have slept with him you have something to gain so you cannot tell him if somebody else knew like one of like yeah someone else's friend knew they would have an obligation you no longer have an obligation you have an obligation to walk the fuck out of his life and stop being friends with him and let him deal with everything on his own with his relationship and try and salvage that and fix that but that's all like that's what you have to do there is no other option yep i just 100

and like i love that like you like are like she wants to get on a call like a call like a live show call back with us no like you already you said that you won't tell your friends because you already know that they're what they're going to say like you already know what we're going to say there's not going to be anything that you can tell us that's going to justify the situation no and like not to like promo my book you're not special but like you're not like this situation there is nothing unique there is no detail there is no oh well you don't get it like there's there's nothing there is no factor or thing there that makes it justifiable or that makes the situation unique or an exception to the rule like nobody's an exception to like it's just it's just bullshit

and like it's just like excuses and wanting to still be with him and like be friends with him and have him in your life in some capacity and that's selfish and you can't and that in itself is just as fucked up as continuing to sleep with him while he's like with her and with their the kid like it's just as bad staying friends because you've already you've already slept together and then you're withholding that information from her you're hanging around and like that's so wildly fucked up yeah so wildly fucked up oh i yeah can you and then if you i guess you have boundaries with him so just be his friend but i still think that's a sticky situation too yeah stop being friends with people who like you fuck you want to fuck or have you fucked before

just like yeah don't go get some new friends yeah hang out with your girlfriends like like we said take a break from me take a fucking break oi oi oi can you imagine being a like one of her friends and just like hearing this i'd be like because yeah your friends already know i guessing they know like the surface level and they've already told you some things because you say you didn't tell them all the details they're they probably do know they actually probably do know they're just not saying they do but also you don't want to get on the phone call like what we're just it's not going to be fun for you like we're like we're gonna be assholes well you know what she likes she it seems like she likes to be in those type of assholey situations

so maybe maybe you like it yeah but we're not gonna call you no maybe we'll call you in a you'll you'll send us a postcard from the nunnery that you join and we will then have like a one year update after your like your cleanse not that nunnery is a cleanse but yeah like your your we'll talk to you after your break when you have some more like clarity experience yeah exactly and growth and we can look back on it and laugh at young vicky and the shenanigans she got up to but this ain't the time sis ain't the time sis also how are you coping with quarantine she's with the nephew i can't wow um well guys that's our episode if you want to call in for an upcoming episode

you can leave us a voicemail at 310-694-0976 i don't know why that was hard or you can send an audio message at meganpodcast at gmail.com um what else buy Megan's book it's been out for a week buy it buy it buy it oh I have it buy

it it's on the video you can see it you should buy it um follow us on Instagram follow adult blonde meme pod over on Instagram our individuals we love that shit me too maybe I'll start posting more if i get to 3 000 if i get to 3 000 i'll start posting wow okay she's also doing giveaway likes

for likes oh my god speaking of likes for likes i die i have to tell the story i accidentally dm'd lily from my finsta yesterday and i like didn't realize because it just like i i think i forgot that i was on my finsta and i was just like you know look like scrolling through shit and i saw that like i was like oh my god she's a story that i haven't seen and then i responded to it and then i literally immediately was like oh my god and then i switched over to my main i go i'm so sorry i just you know you can delete you could if they haven't read it yet they you can delete oh yeah but she knows i have a finsta like i'm not like it's not like a weird like i'm not like worried about that um because it's lily but then i like just sent one to her and she literally

just responded back with like my username and the thing she goes this is a fantastic finsta she was like i'm dying it was good it was a really good time um but yeah that's it um hope you guys are all staying healthy and safe and all that jazz jazz okay bye jazz him bye don't blame me as a production by me executive produced by melissa demonts camera operator amanda lechner and music by ryan hunter and giacomo picasso