Don't Blame Me! - S5E3: Guest: Leo Howard - Ex Is Bad at Sex

Episode Date: December 16, 2019

My twin Leo Howard is here once again! We’re sharing our advice on what to do when you give more than you get out of a relationship, getting around red flags, crushing on your friend with benefits, and dating after having a baby. In Don’t Blame Them a listener shares her advice on paranoia in a relationship. Join our (new) PRIVATE Facebook Group: www.facebook.com/groups/dbmsecretgroup  You must answer all questions! Follow Us! @meghanrienks www.instagram.com/meghanrienks  @dontblameme  https://www.instagram.com/dontblamemepod/ @whoisleo https://www.instagram.com/whoisleo/  @sheisnotmelissa www.instagram.com/sheisnotmelissa   Listen to ad-free on Stitcher Premium! For a free month of Stitcher Premium, go to stitcherpremium.com and use promo code 'BLAME,’ PLUS exclusive bonus episodes. This episode is also brought to you by Duke Cannon, Betterhelp, and Hinge Affordable Therapy By State (Curated by Crissy Milazzo): www.tinyurl.com/y64kwdnf    Need Advice?  www.dontblameme.show  Domestic Listeners Call: [phone]   International Listeners Send a Voice Memo To: [e-mail]  … with as much detail as possible under 3 minutes! I’ll do my best to share my wonderful words of wisdom. If you’re under 18, please get your parent’s permission. Advice is for entertainment purposes only, so you can’t blame me if I screw up your life. I kid! My advice IS AMAZING. - Want to WATCH this episode as well? Check out my YouTube channel:  http://youtube.com/meghanrienks Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/join/dontblameme See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

hello everybody welcome back to another episode of don't blame me today our wonderful lovely guest is my twin leo howard i'm back baby and you guys might have um seen a tiktok with him recently that's research and erasers yeah and um you you might know him from uh disney plus now disney plus i'm i'm a show called freakish on uh hulu speaking of tiktok and freakish someone posted a tiktok essentially that there was a chemical leak at like their like in their town and they were trapped in their high school and i was like we got you covered this is the part of our show that got canceled didn't get canceled just ran ran its course you know after a second season for sure every show gets canceled everyone every show gets canceled do you still get dms

people being like what happened in the end and i was like i still get dms about uh on kicking it one of the characters um got fired uh i think between second and third season yeah and i still get dms it's like hey what happened to eddie i'm like i don't know and also i get dms about like hey let's bring kicking it back i'm like it's been six years literally six years everyone forgot so also how old were you like how old was your character when were you playing your own like same age yeah i mean you know it's high school i think we started when i was 13 14 yeah and then it went through high school until i was 17 18 if you came back you would be like saved by the bell it's that kind of thing if we come back as like grown adults like did you see the snl thing was

saved by the bell it was like um they were all back and they were all just miserable you could tell they didn't want to be there and was it snl or jimmy fallon i'm sorry jimmy fallon you're right you're right yeah so guys this is an advice podcast uh if you want to call in for an upcoming episode the phone number is 310-694-0976 and if you're an international listener you can send us an audio message at meganpodcast at gmail.com so basically my concern is me and my boyfriend are approaching our our one year anniversary and um i love him a lot and you know he says that he does he loves me back also but i feel like his actions or i feel like he's really slacking lately because at the beginning he was so sweet he would do a lot for me you know and now it just kind of

I feel like I'm exhausting myself because I feel like I'm not that I'm holding up the relationship but I feel like it's more me than him at this point like he just needs to put in more effort like him calling first him texting first like just some of the little things because I feel like for me at least the little things matter and they make up the bigger picture but for him he says little things aren't what he focuses on but either way it's just I feel like he should just do it for me and if he really loved me he would you know and I'm not saying that he doesn't try but he doesn't try we'll say hard enough or long enough for me to be like satisfied and content with where I'm at right now so I just don't know how else to approach it and say it to him and another thing

that really bothers me is that I never received a birthday gift and my birthday is on the same day of our sixth month and I gave him a nice little letter and he didn't give me anything for our sixth month and he didn't give me anything for my birthday and it just kind of threw me off of it because I'm not a person who really asks for anything I'm a very easy person but I would at least expect something like a letter a dinner or anything so I got none of that and I just I don't know if it's something that I should be concerned about it's definitely something that still bothers me to this day which I don't know if it should or shouldn't but do I have the right to still be upset we'll say because i have talked to him about it but i'm still upset about it

well thank you if you have any advice of what i should do or why i'm feeling like this please let me know and yeah i hope you guys have a good day oh hey i want to guess that they're probably young right like high school ish i don't know maybe maybe god if he if he's older than high school yeah that's rough yeah that's a rough situation the birthday present thing i think like the six month thing like i i don't think you really i don't know i don't really know anyone who celebrates that those kinds of like milestones um but like i think the birthday thing is weird and i do want to know what his excuse was do you know what i mean yes that's one of those things that I'm terrible at um birthdays holidays giving gifts and that sort of thing right

in terms of like on people's birthdays and like giving gifts what I don't think no no I'm not good at it I'm saying but I'm saying I think that's not true no it's it's definitely true in the fact that I'm it's not something that like clicks in my brain and I think about ahead of time until it's like that day I'm like oh shit so but when I'm with certain people I have to I have to make that effort and I know that it's important to them and so like you know you compromise on things and you realize that that's an important thing like if you're dating someone and that's important to them like you gotta suck it up like you gotta just do it that's um there has to have been a good excuse for that because that's like you know because i think it's about about being

like thoughtful and considerate and if you don't think you're good at giving like oh someone's birthday and anniversary you're thoughtful and considerate and like like presence for someone that you're dating not necessarily around like their birthday or something like you are thoughtful and considerate and so i think it probably for her it feels like he's not thoughtful and considerate in those in-between moments. And then when it gets to like that big moment of a birthday, there's still nothing. So I think also you're like,

it must be feel frustrating for you because you're saying that the little things matter to you. And he's saying, he thinks that the big things I would consider a birthday, a big thing. So it's kind of like, well, I thought if anything,

it was going to be there. So I do, I wish I knew what his reasoning there was, because if his reasoning is that he's broke, I think like, you can still do stuff. You can make someone feel important. And I think also six months dating.

and if he doesn't get you a present because he's broke and you have that conversation about it and you can be like, you know what? Like just a letter or flowers would have been nice and fine. Like then I think that would have been like a teachable learning moment

because it's the first, probably like the first like celebration you've had together. So I think again, yeah, learning curve there. Yeah. But I think now like a year in, I just, I also wonder if you're, I don't, I want to know what you,

you want him to text you first. You want him to like take the initiative and stuff like that. if you guys have been dating for longer, I would say this is something that just ebbs and flows. And yeah, but I think because it's pretty early on, things should still be pretty fresh a year in.

Yeah. Right. And I, my gut tells me, obviously I always preface this saying, I don't know the whole situation cause I don't. But at the same time, you can't,

you can't make people care more than they do. And you're never going to convince someone to care more than they want to care or more than they are able to, to fit that into their lifestyle. Right. so if you're not feeling valued and you're not feeling and you never really did or maybe you did in the beginning and it fell off that quick then you know you have to respect yourself and you have to understand what kind of value you bring to things and so you have to be uh a little harsh

with that and say well i'm this is what i'm okay with and this is what i'm not and that's why i've always led my life is going i don't i don't feel appreciated so i'm just i'm not going to deal with this you know and i think also take into consideration if uh it do you if you're someone who really likes doing things for people i'm that person i love doing shit for people i like doing shit for my friends i like doing shit but no but there are some people where it's like it's just not that important to them and there's also some people who like no i like they really want that it can't be like a you doing all of this stuff in wanting him to do it like i don't want you to be doing all this stuff just because you want him to do it back like take a step back and realize like

hey do i actually really want to be going for and doing all this stuff or am i just doing it because I want him to then do it because I think at that point you just have to be like okay cool have like a conversation with him and be super honest because if you've had this conversation before and like nothing really has changed I think you need to change your approach on how you have that conversation which is you asked how to do that and I think you just need to be like here's the thing I really like you we've been dating for a year uh I told you at the like when the birthday stuff happened like that really hurt and that really did suck and I feel like every time we've had this conversation, you've been like, yes, I'll get better. And it works for a

little bit and then it doesn't anymore. And I'm just at this point where like, uh, if I, I don't want to, I don't want to go out of my way to be the one texting you first and calling you first and doing all that stuff. So like, I'm going to take a step back. And like, if you really want to do this, then like, I need to see from you that this is what's going to happen. And I think you're at this point where like, I'm not a fan of ultimatums, but I think like you sound pretty fed up. I think it's ready. Yeah. And I think if he, if he wants to be that, then he can, But also there's a certain thing of like, some people are just, it doesn't matter how much you like each other.

You guys are just like different in relationships and different what you want. People speak different languages and relationships. There's also, there's this thing that happens that I see a lot. And I think it's a really unhealthy, um, flirting tactic or sort of a, like a foundation for a relationship. And sometimes it's with guys, sometimes it's initiated by girls, but there's a sort of thing where the more um maybe secure person in the relationship makes the other person feel like they can only get their validation from that person and so it sounds a little bit like a

situation where she could be chasing that kind of validation or chasing that kind of whenever he does actually approve or when he does reach out it's like oh my god it's like this drug high you feel so high and it's beautiful because you're getting it and then all of a sudden all those times where you don't get it it kind of keeps you hooked until you get it again so you gotta break that chain if that's if that's what's going on that's uh that's not a healthy uh relationship it's just it's not and I don't know if it is but it sounds like it could potentially be that yeah and I again he obviously can't read your mind and I think the the more that and you've said you've been upfront and honest with him and he's like changed and then not really I think at a certain

point you have to realize like it's not the way you're communicating it he just doesn't care enough to actually stick with it and change and you're right like he should be able to like hear what you're saying but i think both of you just need to like i don't want to manage each other like manage expectations but i think figure out if what you're asking for is something that does really matter to you or does it matter because he's not doing it and then the same thing with him it's like he needs to figure out like okay cool is this a girl i really care about am i willing to do these things for her without sacrificing do i mean because it's not she might be annoying though no but i'm saying if you're asking for something all the time saying hey you

gotta text me 24 7 when you leave the house when you step out when you get in your car i'll be like get the fuck out of here you also have to realize if you're the one doing something sometimes like if you're the one doing it all of the time like you're not giving someone the opportunity to kind of like let me show you like let me text you first let me do all of that stuff but it's because you can have a fear of rejection in your own relationship it's like there's certain things that you like yeah and you either like them and then if they're your partner's not doing them then yeah you have to go there and do that but then you can't resent them for not doing that Yeah.

But, I mean, I think, yeah, you have to have that last honest conversation with him, ultimatum-ish, and then see from there. Because it just might be that, like, you guys like each other, but how you guys express love is super different. And if he can't get with that, then no matter how much he cares about you, you're never going to feel like he does. Because he's not expressing it in how you receive it. I just imagine a man in a reclining chair. And she goes, hey, babe, how was your day? And I just go, uh, uh, uh, uh. Very Neanderthal-like.

I hope to God that you guys are in high school, though. or like early or like late teens early 20s because if he's just like a 27 year old man who's just like uh sorry bro like forgot your birthday man's probably got a flip phone he just doesn't text on it he doesn't text his pain in the ass you ever clicked through like a b c good memories well best of luck let us know how it goes um i hope he's also did he not gotten you like a replacement birthday gift move on i say move on dump him i don't know the birthday thing would really piss me off yeah i don't know life's too short i mean i returned the birthday gift mott's got me this year and i've been on his ass being like so like can i have a different

i told him what i wanted instead months i like that he finally ordered it that's how i operate if someone buys me a gift that i'm close to them and they spent money on it or and i really don't want it i will tell them i also think it's a disagreement with people though no i'm really with you i also think like when it's someone that you're dating i'm like you fucked up by not asking me or my friends when i wanted and i could have told you that what a week after my seizure i would not want a bracelet that vaguely looks like a medical id bracelet it's a little triggering like it just looks like she had a better than a strobe light hey baby is this a strobe light oh my god and then it cushions so when you fall down

do you want rings and i was like no triggering i want a small hoop earring that i can't get anything stuck in and it needs to be clasped in the back so that's what i'm getting but again here's the kicker he tries 100 he makes effort there's effort that goes into it important yeah sounds like this guy is not doesn't make effort yeah yeah and it's not fun at all it's not fun for anyone should we go on to the next one i just have a little background like um i'm 20 now um i just got out of a two-year relationship um when we had started dating i wasn't really ready so we started talking and then i took a break for a month to like i guess find myself in a way and then we started talking again and he had a girlfriend but she like sucked so i convinced

him that she was awful and um we had um we started like friends with benefits and then we started dating and then we just kind of fell into a relationship and i mean honestly our relationship is just like we're best friends and we do everything together and then we don't have sex we kind of just put a title on it um he broke up with me a couple weeks ago because he decided that he needs to find himself and he because I mean throughout the relationship he kind of always had anger issues and not in like like a physical way he didn't pick it out on me he would just find like the smallest thing from the smallest like the smallest mistake that I made and he'd make it like this huge deal we'd have a fight over it and he'd try

to push me away but I always like fought back I always like fought for us and I mean it worked for two years and then we started fighting and um he just turned 21 so he's been going out and partying and drinking a lot which I definitely don't like and he knows that I'm very vocal about that um but I mean he's still my best friend I still love him um I recently moved out from his house that we were living in so I'm with my parents now again but we're still having sex and we're still

hanging out and I'll go over and smoke and I just like I don't know what to do because he wants to come back and revisit the idea in two years but I feel like that's a really long time

but like I said I still love him and I'm still like i still want him so just let it go let it go the cold never bothered me anyway we don't have the rights that's true you guys are toxic as fuck for each other sounds like it yeah first of all uh i just need to give you shit for him having a girlfriend and dating her and then you convincing him and telling she sucked and so i made him break up i got him to break up with her that's no good hella fucked up and i just want like from the beginning you fucked your relationship with him like you guys don't i'm sorry look at her but truly this is the first time i've actually heard

you go in on somebody oh well you might not listen oh yeah you don't listen no no on the podcast no but i just think like you fucked like this is you started this relationship on a basis of like that's manipulative and controlling and then i'm not saying that he you ever deserved like him being really angry and lashing out at you but like you guys started this really fucking toxic and manipulative thing and you're both doing it to each other and that doesn't mean either of you are like inherently bad people but this relationship has no footing it has no ground at all i love analogies i'm an analogy person it's like it's like it's like check this right it's like you build a house right okay are you the foundation what adam from love island right so if you build

a house on sand or you build a house on stilts right yeah what happens when an earthquake comes that house is going to fall every time no matter how high you build the house still got shit foundation you guys have shit foundation um yeah that that that that bothered me for sure and then the other thing is um to give you a little clarity because i'm actually like this as a person um when there are deeper underlying issues whether it's in a relationship or things i find little things to get mad at and that's like my way of dealing with me being unhappy so it sounds like he is at an age where like the world is kind of opened up in the world he feels like he's not getting to see um what he wants to experience or experience things he wants to

experience and he's taking it out on you so that's that's that's what that process is but yeah you it sounds like you guys need a little breather and the whole the two was revisit it in two years that's disrespectful to you like you shouldn't say that like i don't i'm not a fan of being like hey i'm gonna put a timeline on this in six months we're gonna talk again no no just let it you gotta just yeah and also if he is angry with you and all of that kind of stuff and like he was pulling away excuse me and then you're you're fighting and you're like and i'm here i am like i'm fighting back but i'm fighting for our relationship you shouldn't have to fight to be with someone if and then at that point like it makes sense to me why he's like yeah no i need

some time and some space because he probably like you said like they're the these little things that he was kind of done like that were aggravating him because of these deeper things and then finally when he wants to have this, like, I want to go find myself and do all of that, which to also be fair, you did at the beginning and broke up with him to go find yourself. Like, it does seem like all of this is on your timeline and your call and your terms. And he doesn't really have a say in any of it. And it's like, if he wants to break up and you're like, oh, but here I am fighting for this relationship. It sounds like you want to win him, not necessarily date him. Like you have, it sounds like you're getting off on this power thing of being like i controlled i got him to

like break up with his girlfriend and then also like now even though i broke up with him and i was like i need to go find myself now when i'm ready i'm gonna date him but now he wants to go like he wants he we're fighting and i'm like no we can't you can't be mad at me i'm fighting for us i don't want to break up and then he's like hey i want to like do my own thing and i want to find myself and you're like no that's not fair i don't want you to do that like do you even like him or do you just like also why did you call in what kind of advice are you asking for you just gave like a really shitty story about how yeah what what a terrible relationship is then what do i do what do you you're in it you're in it yeah you can handle your business i think you

also might like drama which i really relate to when i was like i like and yeah i was in a relationship that was easy i was like this is boring but that was like that young mentality and then finally when it just kept blowing up in my face and i was finally like oh wow you know what maybe this isn't as fun as i like isn't like as fun as i think it is because ultimately like it ends up blowing up in your fucking face and i think you need to like take a step back and i think you need to be alone and you need to work on yourself and figure yourself out too and you have to let him do that too i just don't think that this is like a good place for either of you to be also because i think like dating your friends can be great but at a certain point like

if i ever like dated my friends with benefits like yeah we kind of treat each other like shit because like we were friends and we were also fucking and like it just seemed you just have too much of a handle in each other's lives i think to like have a healthy normal relationship at this point and i think like yeah be done break up like this isn't your person and i always think about in the sense that like uh but when i like like like can you envision you telling your grandkids this is how grandma and grandpa met well first of all i convinced him that the bitch he was dating before me was fucking psycho and then like dude like it's just it's not i will say my grandparents had some fucked up stories like that so yeah i mean i also like i think the longer that you've

been together married man and he introduced me to his other married friend and yeah but yeah i just think that like this is like the everything you've said about this is toxic and no matter how much you like love someone you want to fight for a relationship you should both be wanting to kind of work on that and like the fact that you were also kind of okay being like a not like uh being like a verbal punching bag and having him just like take his anger out on you also to me speaks volumes for like maybe you have some other shit you need to work out i'm not here to like and again as like if you if you came from like a single parent household or you came from like a angry household and like parents and stuff like that like that's the shit that like we then like

oh this is what love this is how i see it this is like it doesn't have that necessarily like it just happens and i also feel like i can say that from personal experience that like sometimes like if we see love in a certain way growing up we kind of don't even realize that that's the kind of thing that we also validate and consider love at that point that it just might be that you need to have that like year-long break of just figuring your own shit out and realizing like hey the shit that i did to get this guy was really toxic and when he wanted to be out and i was like no i'm fighting for you that's also really toxic too and i think like if you care about him as much as you say that you do you should really want him to be happy but i do agree that the two-year thing i

think that's like a weird you don't do that also because like no one's that's not gonna happen to it's not like six months or like hey we're gonna talk again in three months it's like two years we're never gonna i'm never gonna see you again even if you have an intention of getting back together i think putting a timeline on it yeah all it does is it allows both parties to not heal like so so whatever happens in the future right is gonna happen uh and so if you put a timeline on it it like makes one person hang on to hope or this that you got to let things just kind of sit and let both people heal yeah and if it happens it happens you know yeah yeah i think you need to separate yourself and take a break because and not break up any more relationships no

no because that's karma like you're gonna get some shit is it's gonna happen to you and then you're gonna be like oh wow fuck yeah that sucks and also at the same time i also think that like i'm not i'm not a fan of the phrase like how you get him is how you lose them but at a certain point i'm like if you could convince him that like he's done like who's to say that someone else couldn't convince him the same thing about exactly like and that would suck and if you got tendencies to do that sort of thing like you know yeah yeah i think that you'll probably end up missing a lot of really great guys if this is kind of how you go about getting this guy i think you'll miss a lot of like good eggs okay well best of luck please keep listening to the podcast sorry

that we roasted you um but i think you needed to hear it and should we go on to the next basically um i'm in this friend group it's me and three guys um we're very very close i've known them all since junior year of high school i'm 23 now um but i got into a four-year-long relationship in the middle of it um and um that kind of you know separated us for a little bit but basically known them for a long time um and when I met them at first I started to have a crush on one of the kids um but ignored it when I was in my relationship obviously now I'm single again and we all started getting really close again um they're my absolute best friends in the world um basically closer with them than I am with my girlfriends um so long story short uh we started hooking up now about

a year ago um right when my relationship ended basically uh and that's been great um except for I you know fucked around and developed feelings that I swear I wouldn't do um and we're just really close um he tends to open up to me more than he does with anyone else even other boys notice it um but I can't tell if it's just because I'm a girl and I'm just easier to talk to or if it's you know because there's something more there we just have a really good connection and um I don't know what to do about it also he lives about three hours away right now because he's in a six-year program at school and he won't be home for another year and a half um permanently we only see him during breaks but every time he comes home we continue

um to hook up and stuff so we're just kind of official friends with benefits at this point i guess um i guess my question is i don't know if i should say something because this is something that's really been affecting me um because I really really like him um but I don't want to risk ruining our friendship I don't want to risk ruining the whole friend group and I don't know if it's even worth saying something yet until he comes home once he's done with school um so I really need your help um I don't know if I got everything in or if that'll make sense but um any advice you could give me with the situation i would really really appreciate it i'm gonna need a quick recap from you because she i know it was english yeah but it just sometimes words in that

order don't make sense so so let me just see let me see so three friends she was friends with for a long time from childhood had a four-year relationship she always kind of had a crush on one of the guys yeah sleeping with him now and she likes him and wants to pursue a relationship but she's scared that it's gonna mess up their friendship which has already been messed up so the answer is yes pursue it because you're already in it but also he lives far away and is in a six-year like a six-year program i missed that see that that's that whole there's a language barrier happening english is my first language he's in uh he's still like in school in a program so she only ever sees him on breaks yeah he's three hours away yeah ah yeah um

well megan i mean i feel like you're not gonna like what i have to say uh first you've already ruined the friendship you've already you've already really go back no and even i would say even if you have feelings for someone like you were saying well you're gonna call it's like it's not like they were just gonna go away like if you have feelings for someone like they're no longer your friend they're your crush and i think if those feelings don't continue like if they continue you on there he's just a guy that you like like yeah and she had the crush on him before they started fucking while she was with someone else so that should have told you already they were fucking while she was with someone else no no she had a crush before they even started dating

the other guy started dating she said they started hooking up like almost immediately after she broke up with other dude oh how heartbreaking for the other dude he always knew always always knew always knew how are you hanging with oh blake oh his name's definitely like i was gonna say chad i was like no too typical too typical also my ex's name um blake or chad chad i didn't date a blake um you dated a chad i did i love it everyone i know has dated a chad um but so i i don't know i just think a you've already kind of ruined your friendship but also like i like hate to say this but unless um i don't know i just think that like if he and maybe maybe it's just you guys have to have that kind of conversation but i think like

you guys kind of are right now the epitome of friends with benefits and like it's kind of perfect you live three hours away it's kind of great i just think that if at a point i do wonder it's just like i don't know maybe he really really really does like you and he's like i just can't not i can't not hook up with you we have to hook up but a part of me also thinks that like if he really did like like you and care about you there would have been a conversation before you guys just got together because it would have been like things happen man well yeah but i mean you can give the straight guy perspective like what if this was would you hook up with a friend that you like actually really really really cared about yeah without and just not say anything and just

be friends with benefits i would say something uh but it all depends i i this is a massive gray area because it all depends on one what you like i'm pretty intuitive with other people i know where they're at and like what they're looking for if i can feel that this person is expecting something i want to say yes there has to be a conversation because that's then i'm being disingenuous and i'm not i'm not being totally forthright with you right so i'm a big fan of huge communication saying like, Hey, this is, I can feel that this is where you're at. This is where I'm at with this. How do we meet somewhere in the middle or like just, just opening up communication. However, I've had, I've been in situations before where didn't really need a conversation. Cause there

just wasn't, I didn't feel like anybody was expecting, you know what I mean? Yeah. So it really just depends on the person. It sounds like there needs to be a conversation in this. Your summer travels deserve an upgrade with select Chevrolet, Buick, GMC, and Cadillac vehicles connected by OnStar, you can stream, game, and more on the go. Whether you're headed to a music festival or a cottage getaway, you can access hundreds of apps on Google Play right from your center display. Explore OnStar tech today at OnStar.ca and discover how to take your summer to the next level. OnStar, better never stops. This one specifically because there's a lot of factors muddying the water. And I mean, there's this whole unspoken thing of like, you know,

you had four years of being in a relationship and then right after the relationship ended you went hooked up with this person so obviously those feelings were there

so it sounds and I'm sure they've had these conversations but obviously it's but what's the solution here's my thing is what's the solution either they pursue

a relationship or they don't and they keep doing it and then eventually it's going to blow up in their face because it always does so there's really

no solution unless they want to try and pursue something or not or just a little distance and then they're together so it's yeah

I think like whatever happens you like you're not no matter what you say you're not at risk of losing him you already slept with him like that's something that like you guys have already been there like your friendships already like changed and i think like then you saying that you have feelings for him is not going to ruin the friendship like i think if any if anything was going to ruin the friendship the sleeping together would have any any any guy that acts shocked to hear that after you've been sleeping together like you feelings no like obviously that's what we're that's what we're designed

to do like anytime you're just like having sex with someone like you're trying to fake what it would be like to be in a relationship with them you're like faking this kind of intimacy with someone even people they're super guarded like it's kind of nice to feel close to someone that just just inside you sure kind of but you know what i mean i mean i mean i was inside you know sure sure we see that hat you got on buddy you made out with a guy once i did um but i would also say that like you need to figure this out because you don't necessarily know that he's not hooking up with someone at school like you don't know any of these other factors chances are he probably is based on just three hours away yeah i mean that's just the odds of and i think you

need to say something because you have feelings for him and clearly these feelings aren't going to go away so if he's not at the same page you need to stop you need to stop sleeping together because it's going to fuck you up like it's going to ruin you i recommend the conversation start with say something because i'm giving up on you it's really sad and i'll be the one if you want me to hold me closer tiny dancer would be the next line uh i yeah you just have to have this conversation and i think like the sooner you do it the better i don't think you need to wait until you're in person i think you can even like i would just do it we have phones now and be like hey here's the thing uh i don't i think you probably know that like i had like i had a

crush on you before whatever josh and i started dating blake and i thought his name was blake though no we agreed on blake no i thought his name was no no no blake's the old guy okay so chad's the new guy okay so i think you know that i had feelings for you while uh and like because heels might be considering you as you just rebounding to him of being like oh she just got out of a relationship I'm her close friend who she wants to like be close to like it I'm just a rebound and then just say like and I I have like developed like these feelings haven't gone away and I like really like you and I've enjoyed like hooking up and like this has been really fun I just want to know where you're at because I'm at this point where like if you're

not into me like that I don't think that this is something that like I feel good continuing on with because I don't want to ruin our friendship and I really want to preserve that and I think the more that we do this and if we're not on the same page i just think it's going to be really hard to like for our friendship to like for us to maintain our friendship i recommend a handwritten postcard from the city that you're in right now i think you should send it to him from three hours away handwrite it and say i'd like your answer to be like written back to me oh god he's it's like the letter in friends i fell asleep you fell asleep and let us know what he says and don't yeah don't put it off the more you put it off the more you're just going to be

caught in your feels okay guys we're gonna take a quick break and be right back okay everybody we're back from our break and we're getting to the rest of the calls hi megan melissa and potential guests uh i've been listening since the first episode and i'm huge fan um so about my situation basically I started dating this guy and there are two issues and so the first one is the sex um it's just not great and I don't know if I want to like stick around and make things better um he kind of seems like he hasn't really had a lot of experience so I feel kind of bad for being you know a little little judgy about this but he just seems like way too excited about just putting the penis in the vagina and I'm like you gotta go down on me

first dude so yeah not great um he's also like when he does go down on me not great it's all following instructions. I try to give them, but then it's like, hey, do these two things. And then he does the one thing, but not the other. And then if I tell him to do the other, he stops doing the first thing. It's a little frustrating. And then the second issue is it's just moving a little quickly for me. I met him literally two weeks ago. And we're going to New York this weekend which I think will be super fun um but now he's asking me if I want to go on his family trip to Hawaii for Christmas it's like November I've known him for two weeks like obviously we would need to talk about this now if I were to go but I met you two weeks ago dude I don't even

know if I like you yet well okay I do like him he's very sweet um he has a fun personality and i like him a lot okay a little um but yeah i don't know i just need a little bit of help figuring out if this is something that i should try to work at or just cut and run anyways any advice would be appreciated no promises that i'll follow it though love you bye i dude i i don't get it he this is like this is the recipe this is my perfect this is my hell this is a guy who sucks at going down on you and also who's like extra as fuck two weeks in like run run run run run run oh i want to know if he's younger than you i feel like he might be um i also i'm gonna say something controversial and feel free to like correct me i yeah as the

male in the room i i just feel like at like a where's the it it's a weird thing for me when someone has like an ego about sex when they're not experiencing like if he's not doing what you're saying like he's not doing any of that and you're giving him instructions and he's just going no to me that's like is that maybe i'm asking more of a question like to me that comes across as like an ego thing of like nah nah i got this but like what is that sex is like acting if you're talking about being good at it you're not good at it very very true uh and yeah but like i'm not saying literally not having that was it for this conversation that's all i'm saying but it's true though i don't get and like anything though i don't i don't get the whole

like i there's a certain part like i get guys who i don't know like for me like i've had guys who've gone down to me who like it sucked but it wasn't like i like i don't know like i didn't care enough to correct them but like if you're caring enough to correct like why would you not listen or follow them as a guy do you know what i mean like what absolutely absolutely there's you're being handed a guidebook of being like how to make me come and he's like that i don't need this shit i'm gonna improvise she's been doing this for years and years and years she knows what's going on yeah it's just weird to me use this finger nope no not doing it i'm gonna do something completely different no listen man what are you doing like listen listen up yeah just pay

attention and you know and i think the the part that's like as much as i don't know i just think like the moving too fast thing and all of that stuff i think that to me is a huge huge huge red you can't unmeet the family no once you're there like that's that's that's like family knows about you know so like yeah make sure you're ready for that that but i think it's even past making sure that you're ready i think you also have to think about how is it going to be how is our relationship going to be perceived by his parents if they're meeting me like a couple weeks in what are they going to think of me are they going to treat our relationship seriously all of that kind of stuff i just think that like i'm a big believer of being on the same page with people and if you're not on

the same page then it's just i don't think it's worth it because someone's always going to get hurt or someone's always going to feel uncomfortable and like I I just think that like at this point like he's moving so fast and if you like if I I mean yes I think there's something like pump the brakes I'm saying like hey I really like you but like I do want to kind of take things a little bit slower but for me it's a massive turn off at that point because I also turn it into being like you don't know me that well like why are like why am I kind of being to make this another acting analogy why am i being cast as your girlfriend already when like i have an audition like i'm in the process of this it's like imposter syndrome essentially of being like i'm suddenly now meeting

your family and doing all of this kind of stuff and it doesn't if it were me i wouldn't necessarily feel like i'm at that place where i feel comfortable enough that like that person like knows like the shitty stuff about me like i'm still on like i'm not farting like i'm like i'm so cute like i don't yeah i mean i always but like do you know what i mean like it's it's one of those things that it feels like i don't i want to kind of know that we're solid and we've been through something together and like we've made it to this point and we've dealt with shit that like yep it's solid for me as as again as time goes on what i learn huge about relationships and just not that doesn't mean romantically it's just relationships with people in general setting

precedence in the beginning is very important you can't usually move backwards from boundaries right so it's really important to set boundaries in the beginning and you have to figure out what you're comfortable with and what you're not and where you want to go that's what you owe to any kind of relationship it's not fair to say well i don't really know what i like figure it out you have to figure out what your intention is with this right and if and then be honest to it so there's a huge thing i see with a lot of people where they're either scared to uh they're just scared to make boundaries or do things that that are maybe or they get pushed into doing things that they're not comfortable with when there's clear moments to say hey this is the boundary

i'm comfortable with i don't want to do this i don't want to do this i don't want to do this that's okay to say like it's okay as a human being to say no i don't want to do that or i'm gonna i'm not gonna do this or you know and if it's the right person it's not going to affect your relationship at all and i will say the first relationship i've had like really clear great boundaries and was moths and i when we first started dating i was very much like i don't want to define the relationship right now i don't want to be like i was like i'm not ready for any of this kind of stuff and it got to a point then when i was ready for it or like saying i love you or anything like that he like very much i mean if he got drunk he would always say he left me but it was like sweet like

it was never a point that's a precedent thing but that's a precedence thing for me that i always tell myself like if i have not said this sober like i i won't like i just you know what i mean and he knew i wasn't ready for any of that stuff and then by the time that like i wasn't calling him i'll be like that's a specific example of like what i mean by that exactly but then it gets to a certain point where like for me it was these things that i was like oh i really i now want to say i really want him to say it's no longer me being like shit what's if he says it what the fuck am i gonna say and there was no longer this panic and it was like me wanting to say it and then when it happened i was like wow this is great like you've been you've been at this level

from like a couple like a while into dating and i like you you waited for me to get there and i felt zero pressure at all yep and that's an amazing feeling and i think like this across canada in a Volvo destination, Vancouver turn left to leave travel West through approaching continue toward you arrived adventure and comfort with Volvo, whether you prefer gas plug in hybrid or fully electric, there's a Volvo for everyone. Learn more at volvocars.ca. What he's doing right now and like the inviting, you're doing all of that kind of stuff. I also think again, if I was in the situation, I'm like, there's no way that I'm the only girl you've done this with. Like, this is just what you do. This doesn't make me feel special because this isn't like personalized

to me. And also these like life moments and these like life, like markers of like meeting the family going on trips, they're not going anywhere. They're going to happen eventually. It just, they don't have to happen all at once immediately. It's making all of these like fantastic and great, like like forward in your life decisions when things are going awesome and it's really hard to like it's you it's hard to think about when shit's not going well but if you make these like plans and for the future and all this advanced stuff when things are going really great i just think it puts a lot of pressure on like a really new relationship to succeed and then there's like sort of like an obligation of like again this just feels like love bombing to me which like

is a term that usually is used in like abusive relationships and I'm not saying that this was that's what this is at all but it's like the overkill and doing all of this kind of stuff and like you're being showered with all this kind of like extra sort of stuff that it becomes something that like that you sort of kind of need and you hold on to and you seek even if it's not something you really wanted right off the beginning like you're being bombarded by all of that stuff and then it's just a lot to like hold like I don't know like to hold up to of being like wow like it's a lot of pressure to meet his family and all of this stuff that I also think I don't know for again obviously this whole thing is from my perspective but like it just feels like not that

you owe him something but it does it feels like the relationship stakes are so much higher because like there are these things that he's already like been like I want you to come do this I want you to come do this I want you to come do this and you're like wow he must like me so much I really have to like him just as much as he likes me no you know we're not addressing the elephant in the room here that he's bad at going down on her well i don't i don't like to uh i like to point the blame here because you're you're not good at something unless you're taught how to be good at something the big issue is that he's not listening yeah that's the issue it's not that he's not good at it because like you you just have to learn you have to listen like i used to like

you you very rarely are just people naturally yeah exactly it's like anything like if you start playing tennis usually you're you suck at it until someone that knows what they're doing is like hey do this so it's just you gotta listen like i think it's worth a conversation for you to say like you gotta tiptoe around these sort of things because you don't want to make someone feel shitty you can get in someone's head yeah yeah both both ends though if i if i'm dating a girl and she's not good and i literally was like hey you need to listen to me because this is not good you would never do that exactly and i'm saying that i don't think that that's appropriate in any circumstance unless there's a shitty things going on blah blah blah but at a certain point

if she's if she's to be straight but you gotta be careful you gotta tiptoe a little bit i think But I think she already has been. I think that's what, like, when he's down there and being like, okay, a little more to the right, a little this way. We're putting it in our mind, though, that it's him going, I'm not going to do that. I'm going to do what I'm doing, right? But is he deaf? Like, are you squeezing his earshot with your thighs? Maybe he's just not coordinated.

Maybe he just, I don't know. Maybe he doesn't know the difference between his left and his right. Maybe he's just confused. Dude, I have a friend that has to do this. I have a friend that has to do this. It might be her left and his left are different from different angles. You've just fixed it. Yeah.

You need to remind him which way is right and left. Yeah. No, he's got to listen. I think if I heard the conversation, I would envision it going something like, hey. Not when they're having it. No, it's got to be after. I think you've got to separate the business and pleasure here. But what's better?

Would you rather have the conversation before to prove yourself or after to be like, hey, that wasn't good? After. After? No, no, wait. A correction of errors meeting. Oh, my God. No, I don't think it can be near any time that you guys have recently had sex. I think it's got to be like, you know, the next day, whatever, you're at lunch.

Hey, I'm wanting to talk to you about this, right? I think, oh, yeah, in person, of course. I'm always for in person with all those kind of conversations because you've got to read people. Yeah, 100%. You miss this kind of connection. So what would you say? Look, I like if she likes it.

I like you. This is all good. I want you to listen to me. There's a couple things that you could be doing, and it's fine, but it could be really good. So it's like you're beating around the bush a little bit. you're not you're not you're not like tell him you suck at this you need to get better because like no you know i mean i assume she likes guys you want to crush him yeah that's a shitty thing

to hear on anyone like you suck like this is terrible that would break my heart i've never told a girl that she was bad at giving head no way no i've never said you're bad i try to give no exactly so i've been i'd be like hey do this do this do this right yeah someone don't listen fine whatever well then you could direct them to the podcast because we literally have uh two episodes where we basically give tutorials which you would hate because you hate when i talk about specifics of like giving ed you're like i can't listen to you talk like this no it's fine i just i just listen i'm like oh i do i do like that that's fine they're both just like i was talking about with someone and i just look over and you and tyler both like what are you saying

i remember there was one time i call megan and i go dude this girl did this and she's like yeah yeah he was like it was the craziest thing and you were like i was like oh yeah one hand and and there was and she was like okay well now shit i mean we have basically i got we actually got a couple of reviews from listeners who've been like i gave like i took all your voice like my boyfriend says thank you like it was the best blowjob of his life yeah so if you ever date a girl who's not good at it you can just direct them to the podcast yeah but i don't know i also think I want, I want you listener to be, to be, I mean, not listener caller. I mean, you're hopefully listening to, I think you also need to figure out, um, if, and this kind of relates back to

like the other call when you're talking about the boyfriend in the situation, if, uh, this, like him coming on really strong and all that stuff is making you not super attracted to him. And that's also kind of why the sex is suffering. And this is like your body's way of being like, hey we're not into this guy because i've also very much been there and sometimes it's a little bit easier because like historic i don't know we're so used to like hearing the conversation about like fuck boys and guys for blah blah and like you deal with guys who are like our shit never call you back there's also like a terrible breed of guy which i think is worse is the guy who like is so extra and love mommy and you're like this is so corny and cheesy and i don't

believe you and then it comes to being like oh but that's like if i don't want the fuck boy And then there's this guy who's so nice There is a person I have a nickname In the middle What? My friends and I call them Whippernickles Whippernickles

That's my I call them weenies Those are Whippernickles Whippernickles Then you have two There's another one There's Whiffenpoofs Which are a slightly more feminine Whippernickle

In the relationship Like very whipped You know Whiffenpoofs Isn't that like It's a singing group The acapella name at Harvard Yeah

I know that from Whippernickle That's a Whippernickle Okay I'm so glad we have that Yeah yeah yeah but i think that there's you will walk down there and be like that's a whippernickle that's a whippernickle we're gonna use that on the show because we talk about these kinds of guys and i

hope you say whippernickle though you have to i'll put it i'll write it down and you're gonna have it as a little diagram but whippernickle and whiffing poos okay i just think that like sometimes it can feel like if you've been single you've been turning down you've been like dealing with fuckboys that this is like why do i not like this because this is too extra there is like there's an in-between and so i think like the sex part could also be a reason of why and that might be the reason why you're like well i can i can stop dating him because of the sex stuff i feel bad not dating him because like he likes me too much don't don't worry about that but i would also figure that out my own personal advice i think it's too much and i would not be cool with this

and i think there are some people though who love this shit who are very people love whippernickles but whippernickles they have whippernickles that's what i mean yeah and you're not a whippernickle so like let him i would say let him find a whippernickle and find and you'll be able to date someone who's in the in-between because i dated a whippernickel once and it was i was like fuck this yeah there's a lot of biology to to sex and like some people like fit together better is that blah blah blah yeah but there's also there's a whole like game and build up to every part of it and that is really what puts it over the edge yeah he's gonna rip his dick if he's just sticking it right in you well that's what i'm saying like there's a whole like take time yeah thing build

me up that's that is literally everything yeah oh my god buttercup yeah and also like that's like but whippernickles are known for not building uh building up that's that's maybe whippernickles are all the guys who stuck it in dry except the guys who are drunk that's i told you you can rip your dick that way it's happened several times multiple you can rip your dick our callers have called in the guys have stuck it in without like usually it's because they're all drunk and they're like oh we're if they're not whippernickles they're just drunk guys and they're dating i don't want to say it's all consensual and all of that stuff but like they're not taking the time and then they rip their dick you can't get hard for six months is it and you're apparently it

bleeds so much because all the blood has rushed to your boner and you're bleeding everywhere that will never happen to me good that's good in my life get them all wet get them all wet and ready good wet sex you're like all right don't worry i'm good i'm good no but there's a flood of coming yeah but uh yeah i i i don't know i think this is kind of your body's way of telling you that you're i don't know my body rejects him yeah 100 actually i was gonna say your vagina's like no i've had sex people afterwards where i'm like my vagina did not like that like i don't feel like and like you're like the next year like i don't feel that doesn't feel this is not what i want to be yeah it's not a good time yeah well well um give us an update let us know how it goes

um and uh hashtag with articles on to the next i'm actually calling back um with some additional advice if you could give me something that would be great um you actually answered my question on the episode with kelsey dara about um me wanting some advice on how to get over my ex um well my baby daddy even though i still have to deal with him as well my baby daddy anyways that relationship and that situation is all well not long gone it still hurts um especially because you know he automatically got into a new relationship so that's fun and I have to see them all the time and that's a whole different story but anyways I wanted some advice for myself since it was so easy for my ex to get into a new relationship I was wondering

what kind of advice you had for trying to get maybe not even into a relationship but on how to get comfortable with um kind of going out again I do go out often with my friends um and I'm not you know the type of girl that guys are the first ones to kind of go up and ask to dance or do anything or grab a drink I'm not really that person I have really hot friends and they all always get asked before I do you know they're very you know skinny and pretty and I don't see myself as that um so I'm not you know the first one that guys are walking up to and asking um so I don't really have a lot of self-confidence in that. I've tried dating websites, all different kinds.

They're cool, whatever, but I haven't really found any, like, honest connections or enough, you know, confidence in one single person or comfortability in order to go out with somebody. And that just could be because I'm shy. My ex and I dated for, he's all I've really known for the last, like, seven, eight years. and he's the only person well the second person I slept with but I mean the only one that comes to memory because he's the only one that I had you know off and on sex with for the longest time um so I'm really comfortable with that so I think I'm you know kind of nervous on getting intimate with somebody else or I'm getting comfortable with the thought of even you know sleeping with somebody else or having sex with somebody else um I am ready to move on but I just needed some

advice on kind of some ways you think that i could either boost my confidence or be more comfortable around guys and trying to you know put myself out there in the best way um for the best outcome um so if you have any advice for me that would be great um you gave me some great advice before and i would love to hear your advice thank you so much she had the baby right she's not pregnant anymore no okay apparently we disagree on that we may not we may not we might actually not i don't think i think that what you thought i was saying is not yeah what so um do you uh so uh so what we were saying is while the call was going on as i was like she she was talking about getting back to dating and i got this really weird thing i had a friend growing

up um that was part of a a single mother and dated a lot and had a lot of guys come into the house and the kid okay we're on a different yeah the kid thought that these were not different like yeah a year she'd date this guy for a year date this guy for a couple months but kid had eight dads yeah and it's just hard for a kid to adjust i feel like figuring out parental figures right and so there is a a part of me that's like you got to do what's best like when you have a kid this is how i look at it the attention kind of changes from me to the kid like that's that's when i when that happens if it happens uh i feel like i'll it'll it'll be very different me you know what i mean um so there is a lot of factors to account i believe in dating with a child and

who you're exposing your child to and you're being very careful that you are not exposing your child to someone that you don't know because you know how many years can you date someone and not know who they are that's all you know so um that's that's where i was going with that is i think it's it's you got to be very careful um no and that situation yeah and i don't not the same doubt no yeah and i also don't doubt that you won't be i think part of the reason why it's been harder for you to move on is because like because of that i think because you have a kid at this point it's a lot of pressure and also i think like you're just like you've got your shit way more together than probably a lot of the people that you're dating well she's had to she's literally

you're in a situation you have to grow up so much more than like your peers and your friends and all of that stuff that i think you probably are holding people to a much deserved higher standard and i think like it thins the pool 100 and i think from there i think you need to figure out like who cares if you have a kid you have sexual needs like you have needs to like there's a point of like if you like figuring out what you need and what you want right now like do you want a boyfriend like do you just like need to hook up with someone do you need to like spend time with like an adult who's like sexually attracted to you and like you're not spending all of your time just like you need to have that self-care time and that self-care time can come in the fact of

like feeling like, I want to feel sexy. I want to feel that I want, I want all of that. And that has like nothing to do with like being a mom or being a kid. I just think that like, if you're going to be going out with like, let's presumably your friends are like all like young and none of them are parents. I think like you also need to figure out if you want to hook up with someone or if you want to date someone. Cause I think if you want to date someone, I think it's going to be pretty hard for you to go out with a group of your friends. And if you're saying that you feel like pretty insecure around your friends that's hard like that's so incredibly hard and I think that's not going to make it's not going to make you like you want it when you're going out to

meet someone you want to feel good about yourself you don't want to feel like oh shit my friends are so like I don't like this makes me feel kind of shitty and it doesn't even necessarily mean that like your friends are cuter than you are I think you just might have a complex about that and like those insecurities are being amplified so I think you need to put yourself in a position of if you want to like if you want to get into a new relationship which i also think is totally fine i think at that point it's dating people who are older than you i think it's dating apps i think it's like meeting potentially meeting people who are like other single parents or anything like that because if you're gonna go try if you're like i forget how old you are but if you're like

22 and you're going out to a bar with a bunch of other 22 year olds it sucks but yeah they're some of the guys are probably gonna pick the one who doesn't have a kid and like it totally sucks but it's just like based on the fact that like those people are self-aware enough to know that like hey i can't handle that right now and they're getting some blessing like you don't want to have that in your life but i think it is going to be different for you also because um you aren't going to be going out as often as your friends and so like there's more pressure on those individual nights and so i say do the stuff that makes you like have a good time and if you are aren't having fun going out with like let's say all of your friends you're all 22 and everyone's single and

they're trying to get guys if that just like makes you feel kind of shitty don't use that as your one night off from being a mom like hang out with like like like two or three friends who don't make you necessarily feel insecure and maybe it's not so much about uh finding that validation through like guys coming up and talking to you maybe you just like have some fun girl time and build up your self-confidence that way before you put that like hey i need this guy to make me feel more confident again i had a or i have a friend uh she's in her probably late 30s and her kid now is i think he's 16 uh she had a pretty quick uh affair with a guy that had some substance abuse problems uh had this child and i look at her situation and she has done the best job as being

a single mother she doesn't have a lot of money she works really hard single moms are like fucking she's a superwoman she is and she raised this kid but yeah but yeah she raised this kid she really didn't date date till the kid was i think he was eight or nine or ten and she would never expose him to what she was doing like of course she had needs and things like that right and then as time goes on she would date guys with other kids like older guys and she like she really navigates it well of of not and she's keeping the kid very separate from from her relationships until she gets to a point where she goes okay yeah he can understand the difference between you know this is someone that i want him to emulate or you know what i mean because you you just kind of do have

that responsibility as a parent man or woman like you when you bring someone around your kid kids are impressionable this is they're like sponges so they they will emulate who they're around so if you bring someone kind of shitty into the household kid might start emulating that so you got to be that's your job as a parent is to to control your your kids surroundings and to create someone that that you know is happy and you're proud of yeah and i think the most important thing in order to do that is to take that time for yourself because i think if you don't date and you don't put yourself out there and you just like wait i think it's gonna be i don't know i don't think your individual needs are being met because you have needs as like a woman and a mom

and i think you also have to address like what you need as a woman because i think that's gonna make i don't know i think it'll make you i'm sure you're already a great mom but i think it'll make you a like an amazing mom and i think it's also going to help so you're not in another situation like you were with like your shitty baby daddy i think like you can kind of take this as a really great opportunity to not get so like not be like completely immersed in someone's life right off the bat like you kind of have this like built-in like wall and buffer of being like this has to go slow and date and all of that kind of stuff to like figure that stuff out i think is where we disagree because i don't think i don't think i would for a while you wouldn't i don't think i

would date at all i i i just i think like the response is own i don't i don't i'm just saying for me i've thought about it and i don't think i think i would purposely shut that side of me down for a while but i think it's it's like i think that's it's just hard because i think like it's also alone i get it and it's also different like as a mom than a dad like a mom like literally sure your body's depleted you've like given this kid like everything there's hormonal things happening in your body and like if he if her baby daddy's moved on with somebody else and everything like that like in or you need to be happy like and you need to be happy and if being in a relationship and putting yourself out there is going to be happy you'll be a better mom but if for you if

you could if you had a kid and putting yourself out there wouldn't make you happy and you could be you're very much right it's just a level of where you need to be it's like no judgment on what anyone needs or wants it's just about you have to figure out what it is that you personally need as long as the kid plays it which obviously it does is like in my mind as long as you put on your your mask before you put on somebody else's sure yeah and the idea is that if obviously if you're more happy in your life you're going to raise a much more well-adjusted human if you take care of you you can take care of somebody else but if you're not taking care of you you're not able to i've also seen situations where people look at getting their own and really just the

hell with the you know what i mean but i also think i think we're agreeing because i don't think that's taking care of you either you know what i mean i think that i think if you're trying to get your i think if it's like a revenge or a vindictive sort of thing i don't think it's coming from like your own happiness i think it's coming from like i'm dealing with shit and i'm trying like yes you know what i mean yes i totally i very much agree i think seeking happiness is going to be a really great thing for you but yeah i i would say if you also if you have friends who are other single moms i would definitely like as much as your friends who are not don't have kids and all that stuff they're really great you guys are at really different points in your lives and

i think you also might feel a little bit of not that you don't love your kid but a little bit of resentment of like wow they have all this kind of stuff i got the solution just go over poke some holes in the condoms and all your friends houses you'll have a lot of quick yeah exactly mommy and group yeah it'll be sweet it'll be all cute and sweet all different ages like the little verizon bars you know so um but yeah i i i've got i like her you know you listen to people and you just yeah but even that like she's just she's she's now in a situation that she's in and she's taking ownership and she is doing it sounds like she's doing the right thing and just trying to deal with it and i don't know i just i like her yeah she seems very sweet so we i'm pretty sure anytime

time there's baby daddy advice we're pretty um tough love oh sure and it makes me there's not there's not excuses for a little no there's just 100 and i think like uh i always say like i couldn't i couldn't i couldn't i couldn't do it i couldn't not ever be involved in well that speaks volumes of you versus a lot of these shit dudes i couldn't yeah okay so now it's time you obviously knows because you're a huge fan of the show it's now time for the the time the time for things to happen it's time for don't don't blame me nope that's the whole podcast don't blame yourself never blame yourself unless it's your fault time for don't blame them um so this is when listeners will call in with their responses to their own advice yeah yeah yeah wait their own

advice no they give their own advice if they've been through something from a previous episode that we've talked about oh yeah yeah yeah with the responses yeah to our response yeah or other people's response the other guests for sure yeah it's time for don't blame them on don't blame me hi megan melissa and jess i'm calling in in response to the episode with claudia and jenny where um a girl called in about being really nervous because all of her relationships had ended in cheating and kind of having that haze around her that that was going to happen next while her boyfriend was starting his musician career and I just wanted to kind of give some advice I mean you guys gave great advice I I'm in a similar situation I've been in my I'm in a

relationship now my boyfriend's been together for almost 10 months and my two past relationships have gotten cheated on brutally just awful I said my girlfriend there was like a close friend it was just the worst um so what I did with my boyfriend is I basically when we started talking and decided to be in a relationship I told him straight up I was like look I have cheating problems as far as like thinking everyone's cheating on me um and thinking that it's just gonna end that way because everyone i've been with has done that no matter what i've like done to kind of try to make sure that i see everything it's always happened and um i just thought i was like that's something that i'm working on not having that idea of everyone but i just want you to know

that it might it's something that is gonna affect our relationship because it's all i know and he was very receptive and we're pretty much into the relationship now and whenever I have plans I said I'm like hey I'm having a day where my brain's telling me that like trust isn't really working out or that like I don't know that something's going on and he'll sit there and he'll reassure me and he's really a fantastic guy but I think like they said just be completely open with him and let him know that hey it's not you but it's the fact that this is all I know and I have to do something different for my brain to realize that that's not how things go and hopefully in my experience and hopefully it'll be like mine where i hope you're really receptive and kind

and try to help you through it and work through it with you and it's gotten a lot better for me and i hope it gets a lot better for you but yeah just open communication and let him know that you know this is what you're going through and see if you can just kind of do it with you and um and if he's a good guy he will and if he's a good guy he will care for you through it but best of luck have fun in your relationship that's so exciting go to his shows and support him because that's honestly the best feeling um i know as someone dating also performers so good luck have fun love the podcast have a great day everyone sweet that's very sweet that's sweet i think i mean yeah i mean i just i also love when people

just reiterate the advice we gave but i'm like yeah so we're extra right um just confirmation yeah i'm just full of like confirmation yeah i think it's it's yeah it's it's very um validating once you can like open up and also if you like open up to a guy and you're like yeah i got cheated on my last relationship he's like sorry bitch like i'm just gonna keep doing me like i don't that doesn't really happen i think there's nothing really bad happens from opening up to someone being like hey i got cheated on like uh i need i'm gonna be a little skeptical about certain things like i'm just gonna need reassurance like you would never just be like fuck you no yeah yeah yeah obviously yeah if you care you're gonna make an effort or if you don't

you're not gonna make an effort exactly i don't think there's any there's nothing there's no nothing bad's gonna come from saying that there's no bad i mean maybe but at that point you'd be like wow you're a fucking terrible person actions just speak louder than words and i mean if you have issues and that's part of you having boundaries too that we talk about everybody dating musicians whoa rolls his eyes also is a musician i wouldn't class if i wouldn't say i'm a musician i'm an actor slash musician i hate i hate telling people i lie you lie yeah i lie when people tell me ask me what i do what do you say depends on the person but i i don't know i say do they have your instagram i mean these obviously i'm not gonna lie you mean like uber drivers

yeah just out just out meeting people what do you tell people you do uh either like property manager or no fucking way they look at your face and they're like nah you got a face for the movie i don't want to get into it but you know why because it's always like what have you done you're sitting there fucking listing off your resume is there something i would have seen you in and you're like what have i seen you in i don't know you tell me i don't do it i don't do it yeah it's valid it's pretty true um but uh yeah guys everyone dating musicians crazy um well that's it for our episode Leo thanks for being on

it's always awesome it's so great to have our biggest fan on the show no I actually you're like meow no we love you come back anytime

I love I love this show very much I do I love coming on I don't listen to it I know I know it's good

I'm sure it's good I don't hear other people talk no you don't hear yourself talk it's fine you're almost I like when you talk I like when Melissa talks too you don't talk enough

you talk enough well you talk enough for everybody you're right we also have a whole episode Melissa's we do get monthly episodes which just Melissa

just Melissa yeah I know I actually do that because you post the photos and I see the photos do you follow our podcast Instagram account I don't know you should follow it right now

it's really good it makes some great edits and we got some great video edits too I love that where can people check you out property management company who is Leo I am Leo

yeah who is Leo on Instagram I don't really use Twitter but it's I am Leo Howard yep remember when I told you that and you didn't realize that it was the call

and response essentially who is Leo I am the yeah and you were like oh wow I didn't realize I was like when you bring that up every time he's on this show

because it's fucking genius okay well where else can people find you do you want to promo anything you're in right now I am you can check me out on CBS All Access

there is a show called Why Women Killed it's streaming right now 10 episodes it's a fun show if you like if you like Desperate Housewives it's in that ballpark

and then I am a reoccurring on legacies on cw yeah um well if you guys enjoyed this episode uh review us we're over on apple podcast spotify we get lots of questions you can just go to don't blame me dot show to find out exactly where everything is we are on instagram at don't blah meme pod and if you're just listening you can watch on youtube see the video version all that stuff and if you want to be on an upcoming episode you can leave us a voicemail at 310-694-0976 and international listeners you can send us an audio message at meganpodcast at gmail.com and don't forget guys we have our private exclusive facebook group so uh join request you have to answer the questions

yeah there's some people that have sent in requests with no questions answered so you're just going to be sitting there to answer those questions and this is for everybody's protection because we get so many people who like won't even call into the podcast they're like oh my friends like i don't want my friends to hear i don't want someone out all that kind of stuff so we're doing this so we can like you know we can be candid and like open so we can like yeah we can get rid of those people who are just trying to like snoop we're all about secrecy yeah we truly we don't talk money over the phone no so um we'll see you guys next time goodbye