Don't Blame Me! - S5E4: Guest: Aislinn Paul - I Hate My Christmas Gift

Episode Date: December 23, 2019

Welcome to our annual holiday episode with Aislinn Paul. We’re answering your questions on what to do if you’re dating a guy that bores you over the phone, if you’re holding on to a relationship that shouldn’t be, and letting your current boyfriend know you’re triggered by being called “babe.” In Don’t Blame Them a listener shares her experience with dating someone that’s bad at sex. We also have an update from the caller that was afraid of dick. Join our (new) PRIVATE Facebook Group: www.facebook.com/groups/dbmsecretgroup  You must answer all questions! Follow Us! @meghanrienks www.instagram.com/meghanrienks  @dontblameme  https://www.instagram.com/dontblamemepod/ @aislinnpaul https://www.instagram.com/aislinnpaul/ @sheisnotmelissa www.instagram.com/sheisnotmelissa   Listen to ad-free on Stitcher Premium! For a free month of Stitcher Premium, go to stitcherpremium.com and use promo code 'BLAME,’ PLUS exclusive bonus episodes. This episode is also brought to you by BetterHelp, Hinge, and Zola. Affordable Therapy By State (Curated by Crissy Milazzo): www.tinyurl.com/y64kwdnf    Need Advice?  www.dontblameme.show  Domestic Listeners Call: [phone]   International Listeners Send a Voice Memo To: [e-mail]  … with as much detail as possible under 3 minutes! I’ll do my best to share my wonderful words of wisdom. If you’re under 18, please get your parent’s permission. Advice is for entertainment purposes only, so you can’t blame me if I screw up your life. I kid! My advice IS AMAZING. - Want to WATCH this episode as well? Check out my YouTube channel:  http://youtube.com/meghanrienks Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/join/dontblameme See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

ho ho ho motherfuckers ya hoes ya hoes merry christmas everybody it is another christmas tradition um asa and i both definitely had the same vibe of not of of holiday themed sweaters leggings and socks melissa on the other hand went ham where's my ears they look so good and i'm very into this thank you um as our guest i already just said ace and paul is here again hello merry christmas merry christmas oh you've been matching scrunchie i brought a matching scrunchie but i didn't put it around my wrist oh man yeah that's perfect because you did the red theme i did the green team yeah it's the holiday well it's the holiday now the holidays are almost over is new year's one of those this is before this is going to be the christmas the episode that comes out

like the day before christmas eve the day oh the day before christmas eve yes okay i lied i said merry christmas day did i say merry christmas i don't know but just say merry christmas merry christmas everybody um ho ho ho i already did that too what other holiday things are there Yuletide Fireside Santa Mrs. Claus Chestnuts

Elves On fire And Snow That's about it It's a good time Mott and Sarah are watching We've been watching a lot of

Very bad Christmas movies And we were starting to watch one And then he goes Oh this is not a Christmas movie And I was like What do you mean? He goes No this is just a snow movie

It's like There is no holiday It's just like They're in the snow And I was like No I think it's a Christmas movie And he goes No no this is a classic

Snow movie You know that Hallmark now separates them. There's holiday movies and then Christmas movies. Oh. So, yeah. But are holiday movies, like, the season of holiday? Yes.

Okay, but this one had nothing. It was just snow on the ground? That probably would have been considered just a holiday movie. Yeah, it was not jolly. And I also, like, I'm just going to say, like, the Christmas one, we watched the Lea Michele one where she's in Hawaii. No, but it was, I was disappointed because there was no snow. It was, like, I know it was about Christmas, but it didn't feel that jolly. Didn't it take place in, like, California?

no hawaii oh hawaii yeah and brian greenberg was in it and we were supposed to believe that like he was a villain but then they realized that no one believed brian greenberg's a villain so like in it they were like he's not a bad guy and i'm like i know this is just like it was just very it was it was an it was an odd one but we we enjoyed it i just now my prerequisite is like i don't want a snow movie i want a christmas movie but a christmas movie needs to have snow yeah which is what i mean that's why every homework movie it's about some big time hot shot lawyer who is in the big city and then goes back to their small town where it's just permanently snowy that's what my sisters were saying that i needed to i could be a hallmark

movie because i came to the big city oh my god and then i go back and she was like you need to find a man with two children who has a bakery bakery yeah absolutely and his wife died and now he's trying to find love again for the holidays uh-huh yeah and i was like no thank you that sounds like nothing i want yeah no but i mean i would watch it i'm pretty sure i have watched that exact specific one yep um it's a good time uh if you guys are new here i'm assuming you're not but if you are welcome hello uh if you want to give us a call on for an upcoming episode sorry i'm out of it i took dake will um give us a call at 310-694-0976 and if you're an international listener you can send us an audio message at meganpodcast at gmail.com is i right with that

number yeah you slurred the numbers a little bit yeah but you were right three one zero six nine four zero nine seven six yeah beautiful yeah i really flubbed at the last one the last one i that was the first time i ever said the number out loud and i was like oh i actually do know this it's weird but doesn't it seem like you might you either do or you don't um wow obviously the only two fucking options there are well um anything else before we hop in should we just hop in let's do it should we what's a what's a christmasy action should we slaying slay slay in yeah should we wind in jingle in yeah jingle all the way jingle all the way hey megan melissa and possible guests so i watch your podcast daily before i go to sleep and i never thought i'd be

calling but here we are i'm 22 years old and i live in an arab country just to give you some context i've never had a boyfriend and i've always thought it was because i was fat but recently i lost a lot of weight i got under pounds and that didn't really change anything it's not like i'm scared of approaching guys and i get along really well with them and have a lot of guy friends but i think because i grew up with older brothers and i have an immature sense of humor i'm always more of like a bro than a friend which is fine because i love all my friends but i can never imagine being with them so i thought i'd try out tinder to meet some guys with the intention of it possibly becoming romantic uh where i'm from it's not really common for girls and it's kind of shameful

but there's this guy i met on there that i've been talking to for over a month now and we've gone out a lot and i've introduced him to my friends and he's introduced me to his but i don't know how i feel about him i'm a gemini and he's a cancer and i found this thread about our science relationship and i found a lot of our issues on there like i'm not a very emotional person i'm not lovey-dovey and i've made that pretty clear from the start but he's very full on and emotional and it's very early on like it's been like that from one week in and i don't know how I feel about that he wants like daily hour-long calls and he likes to fall asleep on the phone like listening to my voice and telling me that he misses me only a few hours after seeing me

and I know it's like shit that any girl would want to hear but because it's so early on your podcast is playing in the background um it doesn't just it doesn't feel genuine like one weekend two knowing each other and it's you already missed me an hour or two after seeing me I don't know I like spending time with him in person but I hate what he's like on the phone and I even told them that I wasn't really a call person but he stopped for like two days and then went straight back to calling and it's not like we talk about anything like it's just stupid small talk I don't know how I feel and I don't want to lead him on but he's he's honestly great and I'll find i worry about finding someone that's as good as he is honestly someone who makes me cringe over

text is like that's nothing oh i wouldn't be able to get past it enough to go like meet up in person over and over and over again you know yeah oh yeah that's tough but at the same time i guess what's more concerning is just if you are sending setting boundaries and asking for certain things and then he's not changing or adapting to be with you that's more of the concern than like if you find him kind of cringy or if like you do or don't like him I think that's more of like a red flag that you should be thinking about but if it's just about like how you feel about him and you're comfortable giving it more time you might as well maybe set those boundaries again ask for a little bit more like freedom and some more like boundaries to spend less time together

and see how you feel but also don't let the fear of finding somebody else like stop you from going out there and trying a little bit more I mean the idea of course of of being ashamed of being on online dating totally get it it can be really stressful and feel a little bit like yeah just a little bit nerve-wracking and a little bit weird to tell friends or family especially if it's not common in your country but um I would say don't let that be the reason you're going to stay with him because there's plenty of fish in the sea yeah no I agree with that I think like I I think I don't know for me I also equate like someone who makes me like cringe and you didn't even use this word I'm using this word because that's like stuff how that makes me feel I also can kind of

find that like that's an easy out for me that like I feel okay if I just don't like them I or if I just don't like them as much as they like me or I just feel like we're not it and I can kind to feel like if I feel like oh wow I'm being a bitch if I can find that they make me feel cringe or awkward or uncomfortable I'm like oh that's my good out that like I don't want to move like that's kind of like my body's response to being like oh you don't like like this but I think if you I don't know and like also what you said about how like this is what every girl wants I think also because you said you don't have a ton of experience you like it's not everyone wants something so totally different like you don't you don't have to be like oh I feel like

I have to like this is something that I don't necessarily like but I feel like it's something I should like because I hear other girls wanting this and I feel like I'm a bitch if I'm like turning down a guy because he like likes me too much and he's being too much that's so valid like you're so allowed to feel that way and I think that like there's this idea that people like want that and I think some people do really want that but then those people are matched with people like him and then there are people who like don't want to be like that with their partner and then they're matched with people who are more how you're feeling about this situation but I agree I think if you if you say to him that kind of stuff but you had said that like you had said

that and it lasted for two days and then it kind of just like came right back so I mean I'd say if you want to say it one more time and then see how it kind of goes from there but I think like I don't know I think your instincts are right with this but like there are so many fish in the sea that you don't this isn't like I don't know it's not like you have to like weighing pro-con list like oh a guy who's a misogynist who like is like a total shit and is like hates women and like is horrible and treats me terribly but like has the texting and calling etiquette that I like versus a guy who's so great and so nice but doesn't like you're comparing those two like it's not there is a happy medium and there is an in-between it's not obviously you're not gonna

I don't think there's like you can write down every like quality that you want in a partner because also even sometimes you do that like it's not even what you actually want that was like how I was dating for a while but I think like you don't have to like sacrifice something that like I would say that is like boundaries are pretty important and how you feel regarding how all of this like it's not a great I don't know I don't think it's a great feeling to feel and I yeah I just think that like spread your wings find find some other people and also you don't have to tell people you're on dating apps if there's that like shame and you feel kind of uncomfortable about it um nobody's entitled to know that no and i have friends there's like guys that she knows that

sees her and then they're telling people pretend you had no idea and also they're on those dating apps like it's not shameful for them that's a double standard of course um but yeah i mean i had friends who uh one of my friends her and her ex met on a dating app and they didn't tell anyone that that's how they met they like just created a different story and that was like more on the earlier side of that kind of stuff so i think if it becomes like that yeah you don't have to and also just lie if someone says i saw you on there you're like oh i don't think you did like don't swipe right on anyone you know or you know i mean yeah and yeah but i obviously don't want to like give you advice on that because culturally i don't i don't know that experience but i think

just from like um an empowerment side i obviously can't tell you how to feel cult in that yeah in that your own experience but i think like from our opinion there's obviously nothing to feel ashamed enough but I definitely think you have every right to like go about it in a way that makes you feel the most like protected in like still being able to put yourself out there yeah ultimately I think it's just about not letting shame or guilt or any of those emotions dictate your choices here don't let yourself feel guilty about breaking up with him but also don't let yourself feel guilty about staying with him like that is what dating is about if you're not sure yet if he's right for you you are allowed to keep seeing him and try that out for a little while but also if

you're very certain that he's like not the guy for you but you feel guilty about breaking up with him because you know he likes you you just still have to do that and be true to yourself and then yeah with dating and going on online dates you can't let the shame dictate your choices obviously if you feel unsafe or you feel like you're somehow in danger definitely don't do it but beyond that you just have to go with your gut and put yourself first in so many ways with this yeah that's just the only way to to do it and and also with the specifically on the astrology thing um i think it's kind of funny because i actually know a lot of gemini's who are a bit more who are the opposite to you and like go full on from the beginning so i think yeah you can take from the online

astrology stuff like what you will but i also think that what i've also heard about that kind of stuff is to treat that as your initial yeah it's your meeting what it's like when you first meet and what and how it is in the beginning that doesn't dictate how your entire relationship is going to go it's just about the struggles that you might have at the beginning and if you guys can work through those issues then there's nothing to worry about and if you find it helpful in a way to understand and like put words to your feelings but don't like cast yourself in those roles if it's not necessary like do you mean like if it can help you understand like oh this makes so much more sense in that kind of way but it should be more like i don't know i think it always be

helpful never like scary like astrology and you're like oh we're fucked it should be more like oh this makes sense this is great sorry i don't know i just choked on my spit a little bit um well best of luck let us know how it goes and um on to the next call back hi megan i'm melissa impossible guest um i have a lot to get through um my ex-boyfriend and i broke up in may of this year and we were together for six years engaged had our own place had a dog everything was doing well I guess um till we broke up of course um and the reason for that was I don't know I still don't know we kind of just isolated ourselves at that moment in time and separating was the easiest thing to do we just didn't speak and I do regret that completely but I was shutting him out for

something that I was dealing with um I don't think I've told him that I don't think it would change anything but in the time of us being split up he did start seeing someone else honestly he slept with this person um but we were each other's firsts we had only been with each other because we were together since I was 16 so he is all I've known and I was all he knew to this other girl um yeah so I've been uncomfortable with like that because it just makes me feel really weird that it yeah it's weird thoughts but he's not together with her anymore they only lasted like two months but he was only with her because he felt like it was helping him get over or just kind of disguise the feelings that he was having because he got so depressed um didn't help or anything like that as

he was telling me um and we have been talking again since September and in the beginning he was so confident about what he wanted he wanted my back he wanted to work on things um but since then last couple of weeks maybe he hasn't been seeing me as much hasn't been coming over he doesn't want to do anything and it's really strange because when we first started speaking it's like we went straight back to how it was before which I don't think was healthy but I think I've gotten attached to that um we have like slept together and everything and I don't know if that's stupid of me to kind of let him in like that again but I still love him so much and I know he loves me but he isn't sure what he wants he tells me that he wants time

he wants to be by himself for a bit he wants to figure out his own mind and how he feels he doesn't want a relationship or anything like that but I feel like our situation is different since we were together for so long we were engaged but I feel like I'm just hurting myself by holding on to something that might not be worth holding on to for but I just need help oy oh first of all I love your accent this is rough this sucks like point blank this definitely fucking sucks yeah um and i think like he doesn't sound like a bad guy i think he desperately needs to be selfish right now like as do you yeah with his feelings and i think the issue is is like you just want to support him and it's coming at the expense of you and like when you love somebody

that much and like he like he's not saying anything terrible like he wants to take time for himself he wants that break and it makes sense but he doesn't want to lose you because he's still like he does still really love you but the issue like you can't have both and I think that's it's just putting you like you're it's just putting you like in this like shit position that you're like quote like you're like waiting around for him kind of but it's someone that you're not like it's someone you're so close to that that relationship like I don't know like I can if you were engaged on like it makes so much sense to me how you would just slip into how you used to be and like you're gonna go back to this mindset of like oh it's all fine but at the back

of your mind you know it's not and you know that this is kind of this like very unstable sort of thing that like you're just constantly gonna be like you're not gonna feel comfortable and I think that's something that it's just if he wants to take a break which I think he totally should and I think if he says that and even if he like kind of like backtracks on it I think it's if I were you I'd be like okay let's take a break let's do like let's really do this like let's have you take some time for yourself even if you think that you like that you said that in the heat of the moment if you said it you felt it let's act on it and I think you like you guys need to really do that because you're right like you might be waiting around for something that like it's never gonna

happen and like maybe if you think about it in the sense of what when would you be okay waiting around and if the only option is you'd be okay waiting around if you ended up together then maybe you need to not maybe you need to take that separation but if you're like waiting around and you're like you know what if it doesn't work like I can give it six months and if it doesn't work those six months I'm not gonna regret it I like I'm gonna be okay with it then give it that but if if there's only one if you're if there's all these options in which how it ends it's gonna be like what did I why did I put myself through this then I think you need to take yourself out of the situation because just like logically like it it's a high probability that it's going to happen

and just you guys have so much history if you guys are going to end up together I don't see it I could see it then I think it would happen I don't think you you need to stay so close by waiting around for it do you know what I mean like I think if you're going to have that like oh we were engaged but I need to work on myself like you guys have been through six years if you do a clean break a full separation and then like what five years from now you guys come back together I don't think that's so crazy I don't think you need to like I don't know be so close by while that happens I think maybe the reason you want to be there through all of that is because you're afraid that like if you do like leave the picture he's not going to want to come back well

that's also a huge risk that is involved in actually committing to this being over and you guys going your separate ways for a while is there's a huge chance that you will both change in certain ways and maybe you won't want to be with him or he won't want to be with you but you're so young I mean I'd assume you're 22 23 now this is such a huge period of change and growth for young people like and if this is your only major relationship to compare to I think the idea of holding on to it just because it was such a significant part of your life could be a mistake obviously I don't know what your relationship is like but I think at least giving yourself some time to really commit to this idea of being your own

person and being on your own. Go traveling, go on dates, do other things. Maybe get like a travel visa, work abroad for a little while, like try something else, try a different chapter in your life. And yeah, maybe things will work out and you guys will reconnect in the future and it'll have been beneficial for both of you. Maybe you'll want to be with him and he'll have moved on and it'll be heartbreaking but that also is what defines and makes your life and you will be able to survive that too and I think it's just important that you don't let yourself as Megan saying like get frozen and stuck waiting for this guy to make the decisions for you both because you did just sort of mention you guys broke up and then he came back to you and said that he

wants to get back together do you want like to get back together or is it just because he's come back and said that he wants that like just think about really what you want in your life right now and all the possibilities in front of you you're so young and there's so much you could do and try now and if he is the right guy for you and if you guys do have like a healthy relationship that can be built upon again in the future then a few extra months a few extra years won't cost you anything in the long run yeah no i think what's gonna happen is gonna happen and i think like if you guys I'm not I don't believe in like fate and destiny or whatever but like if you guys want to work at your relationship and you guys want to be together you will take those necessary steps

to get there but it's not like just being in love with each other is not enough and like that sucks to hear that like love isn't enough like that's not that's not what keeps marriages together like people divorce all the time who love each all of that sort of stuff like it has to be like both of you want to work on it and you want to be in this right space and you're going to do all of these things to get yourselves there. And I think right now you guys are so relying on just how much you love each other to be enough to make it work and to make his like very valid feelings of wanting to have some like solo time and like work on himself and do all of that stuff. You're wanting that to, or not, I'm not saying, I don't want to say that, but it could be like, it's wanting love

to like overpower that very natural sort of feeling and those feelings i don't think are going to go away and they have every right to be like explored and to figure that stuff out and then once you once you like i don't want to say this sounds like i'm saying like go fuck everyone that moves but like like leaving those stones unturned you want to come if you end up being back together or whoever you end up with you want to be there knowing that like okay we've we've seen everything we've figured ourselves out and like i'm choosing you this is what i want this is like at the end of the day this is like where I'm at and this is who I want to be with and not like a oh but what if oh all of that sort of stuff so I think like especially because you guys are

your your childhood and your whole like adolescence he's in he's associated with all of that that I think it would also be as much as he wants to figure out himself I think it'd be great for you to figure out yourself without him too so I have kind of a weird question I guess first I should preface this by saying that I was in a relationship that was three years long. I lived with him and everything like that. Ended up not working out. Pretty toxic relationship. So fast forward to about a year later, I am in a new relationship. We just started dating. It's been just a couple months. By the way, I'm 23. I don't know if that matters. He calls me babe. And I don't know why but that just annoys me because that was what my ex called me and I mean I know baby is such

like a generic thing like it's so stupid but it kind of like brings up bad feelings and I don't know if like it's stupid of me to bring it up to him and be like hey like because I don't want to be one of those girls it's like oh my god my ex was so crazy and like blame everything bad on my ex but at the same time like it is something that bugs me so just advice on you know how do I bring up without seeming crazy even though it's only like a couple months into the relationship yeah anyways love you bye why you're not crazy at all a little bit crazy this is the time to bring it up like only a couple months into dating that's the perfect time don't wait till five years in and then say hey by the way i hate it when you call me babe yeah also i

think like you saying that you have a toxic ex and it's like oh i don't want to be crazy i don't be that girl who blames everything on my ex just know that that sounds to me like your ex talking through you like you're allowed to like if you have baggage and like emotional trauma from your ex you're not a crazy girl or that girl who's like oh my god my like there's no no you have every right to say that like everyone comes into a relationship with previous experiences and stuff of being like hey i really didn't like this or and if you just keep it inside that doesn't make you not like it more like it like doesn't make it go away and like yeah you're not crazy at all for saying like the babe thing you're also not it's not like you're accusing him or being suspicious

of him or anything like that of like you know you had these bad experiences in the past it's as Simple is basically saying like, hey, like, by the way, I think I prefer baby or pumpkin or sweetheart or whatever you want. Yeah, like literally any other name. If you just throw it out there and say, hey, I really think I prefer this or like I find it really cute when you call me this or you're offering a solution to the problem. You're offering a better option first. And then you don't even have to mention that it's because of your ex that you don't like that one. if he presses you on it yeah you should mention it because in the on in the interest of honesty and being open with your partner but ultimately I don't think you have to be scared of this

conversation at all it's not a big deal the only thing I will say is that you should definitely like stress that it's or not stress that it's important to you but lay it out as clearly as you can and then if he takes a little while if it's kind of like a habit thing for him to break out of getting out of saying babe and in switching into something else have patience with him then too because then i think that'll cause you more issues down the line if you're getting angry at him then if he like is taking a long time to switch that pattern but i mean that's not obviously don't yeah just let him ignore you but i mean i would i agree i just would tell him why because i think that like i would make it more important and i think that would avoid like oh shit like that

makes totally i mean that's not just like oh just like the term baby because it's like or like yeah it was like the term babe like because i get what when when you say it on out loud if you just if someone just told me like oh i hate when someone calls me babe i'd be like why everyone calls everyone babe like what do you mean but if you're like oh no my ex called me that and like we just had a really toxic relationship and i know that it's a really common thing and i think for him it'll be like oh hey i don't want to say anything that's triggering to you but i think yeah i think you also if you can say that to him i think you also are he's probably more likely to not like he's more likely to really to take you seriously and not be like a oh this is she just doesn't

like pet names and that sort of stuff and if he's a good guy he'll totally he'll 100% respect that i also think about it if he turned if turned to you and said hey i really don't like it when you call me whatever you as a partner like you want him to feel loved and supported and like he's in a positive environment and that you care about him and so i think if you think about it that way there's nothing about it that's offensive or mean it's just about like this is a preference thing we're early in the relationship we're learning each other's preferences and yeah that's that's all it is you don't have to be nervous at all no and it also might not be a forever thing like it might be something that the more the longer that you're in this relationship with him and the more

time you spend with him it won't things like that it won't feel so triggering and it might be something that like later down the line you can also be like hey like and don't feel like you regret like if like six months from now you're like you know what i think i would enjoy it if if he had he had a nickname like he called me something like that you can you can say that again i don't think um i think especially if it's like fresh trauma it's that's so so so so triggering also because like you said you're just starting to like get to know each other and the last relationship you were in it's kind of like i don't know it's those instincts in you it's like oh my ex-boyfriend used to call me this name my ex-boyfriend also treated me like shit and

so this new guy is doing it it's the same sort of relation it's like a relationship and he's calling you that and your mind goes oh he's gonna do this other thing and he's not but you have to let him in on that otherwise all of that anxiety and fear it's gonna come out in some way and it's just it's yeah you can't just deal with that on your own at all and also he doesn't want to make you feel that way at all and it'll make him it'll force him to be creative come up with a cute like pet name for you best of luck babe kidding wow that was so mean best of luck um let us know how it goes and if he does come up with a creative nickname please let us know what it is um okay guys it's time for a quick break and we'll be right back hello everybody why hello no we're

fucking back hi guys we're back from our break and we're getting to the rest of the chaos hi guys i desperately need help trying to figure out if i should tell my boyfriend that i hate the Christmas present that he got me so he wants to take me to one of those workshop painting classes where you make really cheesy country chic wooden signs that say things like love is blind and la la la you know what I mean so he told me ahead of Christmas because we have to make plans to schedule it and the whole time he was showing it I was trying to fake enthusiasm and but really thinking inside like I really really really hate this kind of thing and he asked my mom and my sister about it and they both gave him the go-ahead and told them that

they thought that I would love it and I'm actually kind of surprised that they thought that I would love it because every time we're in a store, I make jokes about how silly live last love signs are. P.S. I actually have that tattoo and I hate it. But I don't know. He asked me to be honest with him about it, but I don't know what to say. I don't know if I should be honest or if I should just pretend like I love it and move on because I love him and he's awesome and amazing and incredible and I don't want to hurt his feelings so what should I do should I should I tell him that I don't love it or should I make the best of the situation and and just do it my reservation and the reason i don't i'm hesitant to go along with it is because it costs 68 a person and that's

a really good chunk of money but i also could just make the best of the situation and maybe i'm just being overdramatic which i could be just being overdramatic thank you guys oh i mean amazing this i feel like could have happened to me this is because mots would have asked my best friend cindy and cindy be like yeah it sounds amazing it's great it's for you she would love that that's amazing i don't know i think also i don't know i think you like painting yeah but those country signs i would if you honestly i was gonna suck it up and go i would have just gone and like written something that was like this is cringy or like eat my ass like so I like that yeah you know what I mean but I think like I don't know hurting someone's feelings

like you love him he's so great like he's your great boyfriend like you're so happy with him this idea of like oh I really don't want to hurt his feelings like it's a present for you I just don't think that that out like I don't think that's so terrible do you know what I mean like it's not malicious it's just like hey he doesn't want to waste money on something that you won't enjoy and like if he gets so butthurt on like a oh but I really thought you were gonna like this like oh my god like so upset over it like it's really like I don't know I think it's I think it's so much better to just be upfront and honest and then it's also like him getting to know you more and I don't think anything like I don't know I've hurt feelings of the worst thing that come

out of it like how it's not I don't think that's that bad because your intention's not bad but maybe I'm just a cunt but no I think I know but maybe in this situation I'm just being too much I think I'm I if this were me in this situation um I think maybe you're focusing a little bit too much on what the end product is um because I mean I don't know you personally but if you have any enjoyment of painting in general if you like wine which I assume there will be at one of these things because that's like the wine and paint night kind of thing just hanging out with your boyfriend having a good time painting whatever and not really being concerned about what they tell you to paint because that's the thing yeah the point might be to try and copy some design

that they've decided for the evening home is where the heart is but it's just a fucking place with boards and paint and you can make whatever you want to also another alternative is you make whatever cheesy sign that they want you to make and then you gift it to your mom for christmas or the one that says eat my ass mom but i think because it's not that's what you sort of have to weigh here is like if your boyfriend is like thinking like you're gonna love the sign you guys are gonna paint these signs for each other and then you're both gonna keep them and no i really think that's what he thinks like that's that's where i think you can just be on like try to let him down easy and say like yeah this maybe is not like what i would love to do but maybe we

can find something else that's more fun or maybe we can just go out for a really nice meal that's like you know 68 a person that's a huge amount of money to spend on food and drinks we could have a great time so but if he's more interested in just the doing of craft and doing something fun together like you can have such a good time just sitting next to each other painting random shit on an easel and it could be really fun in that way so if that is something that speaks to you obviously if you're not an artistic person if you don't enjoy painting then definitely be honest because you won't have a good time and he'll know that you're not having a good time yeah and that's when it'll also hurt his feelings because he'll feel that you're not enjoying it but if you think

you could enjoy it just in like a genuine sense painting some stuff and it's not about the end product and you can somehow get the end product off your hands give it away to someone or be heartbroken but will he i don't know like maybe he just thinks it'll be a fun activity for you guys to do and he's not even thinking about the end product and like he doesn't really care um or like maybe he'll be down for you to both paint something fun and silly like you could both paint like merry christmas you filthy animals or whatever like kind of cheesy but still festive and then also if you make it christmas themed you can put it away for 11 months out of the year that's a good point so yeah i think if you could think of if you think you could have a pretty good

time doing this then i say go for it if you know that your mood will be palpable to him and he'll know immediately they are not having a good time at this place then you should be honest beforehand yeah and i would say i'll just play the like the other side of it i think if you to tell him i under like you definitely like you're great but you definitely fucked up a little bit when he was showing you and you're like yeah it sounds fun it seems great because if someone shows you something and you don't like it and you know it's possibly a gift you're like yeah i don't like that that's not my favorite thing or like i will point out random things i like to moss all the time like throughout the year. And then I'll turn to him and go, that was not a hint that I want that as

a present. I'm just saying that I think that thing is pretty. And he'll be like, okay, cool. Good to know. But I think like I would, if, if you want to have like a way to kind of bring it up, cause it does feel like you're, I don't know, the moment has passed. You can say something along the lines of like, Hey, so I was looking up, like, I know we had, you had talked a lot about like maybe potentially doing like, uh, like gauging if I was into like that painting thing. And I know I said I was into it, but I looked into a little bit more and it's like so expensive. And I think in theory, the thing that I would find fun is like you and me just like hanging out and doing something together. And like, maybe it's some, but I just think that that's so much money for

something that like, I don't think that that's necessarily like the activity that I would love to do. I think I would just love to do anything with you. And if it's going to cost $68, like I'd rather us do something that we're both more into that. It's not it. Cause for me, it's not really about like the activity in that painting thing like I'd love to do something like else with you like for that kind of money and I think that's a good way to bring it up because it's not because yeah I think like the reason why you lied about it is because like you said like in theory doing anything with him like would be fun but it's not your first choice of a thing that you would want to do and also it's not what you want him to spend his money on you guys doing because

the thing that you're going to enjoy and you're going to like the most is the free part which is spending time with him um and i think that like yeah he also doesn't want he wants you to enjoy it and if you like you said if he if you know i know for me i wouldn't be able to or maybe you just make you you say right off the bat like i'm gonna i'm gonna level with you i lied i think that shit's corny as fuck i regret my tattoo i think this shit is cheesy as hell we can still go but you have to promise to make fun of it with me then that can be something else but i think if you have to like keep up this like appearance then i think it's not going to be fun for either of you and even if you're like saving face i don't think it's gonna work out well for you in the end because

he's gonna he's gonna see that and it's not gonna be this fun idea that he had because he just wants to have fun you know i mean like and if you're not gonna have fun tell him that you're not gonna have fun um best of luck i hope it goes well and if you do end up painting let us know what it looks like that would be my worst like dream i mean my worst nightmare christmas gift if someone's like we're gonna paint these like manifesting like happy signage i'd be like um what and if you weren't allowed to like have creative liberty to be like fuck bitches get money and they're like that's the thing you got to think about is like if you're the one paying money to this place you're allowed to do whatever you want like just short of vandalism basically like just paint whatever

you want it's all good unless it's family friendly yeah and then maybe not or maybe if everyone's painting the same thing do you know what i mean like if it's stencils and everyone's painting the same style or if it's a lot of like talking out loud being like and we're here to like i don't know if it's cringy if it's cringy and i have someone to like cringe with i'm fine with cringe but if i'm the only one cringing i'm looking around and being like oh my god that's the part that i just like i don't think it's i think it'd be incredibly fun if you both went with that same mindset of being like can you believe that shit like this is so funny i think that'd be more fun. But that's just me. And I'm cold hearted Scrooge. Hi, so I'm calling in for

some advice on your most recent podcast for a live call with a girl who has a pretty serious boyfriend, but is having issues with D6. So I had a previous boyfriend who I ended up breaking up with because the sex wasn't good ultimately um I mean I loved him we were together about a year or two but then like I realized that he didn't put my sexual experience first and so I ended that relationship um but now I'm with my now husband we've been together for a total of almost six years I've been married for a few of those of course but he is amazing but he puts my experience first um I had to learn the hard way that even though you can love somebody so much that if they don't put you first especially in the bedroom um that can be really hard to get past and some

people no matter what you try to fix in your relationship with them sometimes it doesn't work out um so I just want to say to that girl um keep that in mind I mean I hope that things work out for you and I hope that um the sex gets better but I do want to say that if it doesn't just know that when you find the right person they will put your sexual experience first and we'll make sure that you come and that you have a good time um as well without you having to actually worry about it so i just wanted to give some advice and i love the podcast thanks guys bye hell yeah that's so sweet i'm so happy for you husband putting in that good dude and that tongue just lift the microphone good wet sex fuck yeah i'm happy for you it's great i think it's it's so

it seems one of those things that you think like oh shit i don't want to break up with somebody because of like that you know i mean like it seems like oh it's not gonna get better than this like it's already pretty good but no like you'll you'll be with someone else then you'll be like wow i'm so fucking glad i didn't settle for a guy who like didn't really care um but i'm so happy for you and hopefully all of you engage in good wet sex there's one takeaway from this podcast it's good wet sex it's our motto right gws well yay and congratulations on your husband and his sex abilities should we go on to the uh update we shall so this is actually a callback i don't remember the exact episode but it was back in the very

first season um i was a girl that said she was scared of dick um so i wanted to call back and give you guys some updates i have two things one um i had remembered that one of you guys had said that maybe i was gay not gay but i did find out not find out but i discovered with myself that i'm actually bi so that was one thing and then the second thing is i suck dick now um Um, so it kind of was just that I was scared and didn't really know how to do it. And like thinking I was going to look bad, kind of like you guys had said. Um, but I had started a relationship last year with this guy who's my current boyfriend and he was totally okay with me not sucking his dick.

Um, and I think about like eight or nine months into it, he was just kind of like talking about it and like saying how much I'd love it if I did it. and I was like I don't really like maybe the future and like I guess just like him saying like how happy it would make him and like how much pleasure it would give him I was like kind of more willing to do it so I did it um it's so much easier than I thought it would be first of all so like anyone else who's like scared of stuck dick it's so easy I promise you like 100% so easy um and then he also like helps me do it so like totally ask the guy you're with like they will not think it's weird if you don't know how to do it and they can teach you exactly how they

want it done too so like perfect for them and then you don't look stupid um and then also what was I gonna say I don't remember now um but yeah so basically I was like oh I know I thought it was gross I still think it's gross sometimes to this day and I kind of like gag and like if i think about it too much i still think it's gross so like i was right and i do think it's like really nasty but i do do it just because it makes him so happy and that makes me really happy and it turns me on so yeah i just wanted to update you guys the girl that was scared to dick is now only scared to dick and sex them so yeah love the podcast you guys long time listener and we'll always continue to listen okay bye oh my god i love her that's growth that's really is we've

come from season one you're scared of dick now you've given head and you're not as afraid of dick and she likes pussy too yeah i wonder which one of us were like are you gay i really hope i think it was a guess i think it was like um but whoever it was i hope we said a little more delicately than you retold us or when i was like are you gay i really hope we came we had a little bit more like tacked with that um but uh but yeah i mean i think it's also funny like they're like yeah the idea of it is still like kind of gross if i think about what i'm doing i'm like well i mean yeah i don't think that's like a a crazy thought to have but i'm is it weird to say i'm proud i'm very proud very proud it's a lot of personal growth like don't blame me uh influence

yeah that's great we're dick influencers dick influencers wow wow wow wow um wow this is just so exciting for you and your boyfriend i'm sure your boyfriend also like thinks like that's special he's like i'm so special i'm the only dick that you'll suck this is amazing but i also do love that you said that it's it's it's really not as hard and scary i mean it's but it's not as like scary and as difficult as people make it out to be so and i think it also it ultimately just comes down to trust and respect too for like any kind of oral sex or any sex thing at all like doing it it's not that complicated but i think being with somebody who's going to make you feel dumb or bad for not knowing um how to just do what they

want which is fucking crazy that also is just a sign that they don't know like they're not that experienced but as long as you're with somebody that like respects you i think it is pretty easy and just yeah go for it pretend you know what you're doing doesn't matter ask you can ask a million questions ask like what do you like and you can make it like a sexy foreplay thing it's all good about you go wow wow god i'm so happy for you this is just very exciting we've we've made such leaps and strides in our dick fluence um but yeah that's it for our episode um asom thank you so much for being on plug your shit where can people find you on on on the instagrams and the tweets yeah i mean you can find me on the internet occasionally at uh on instagram and

twitter at acelyn paul um i post sometimes she does they're beautiful they're nice when you post thank you so much melissa they're wonderful they're wonderful when they when they're there yeah when they don't post for the sake of posing posting come up it's worth it i hope it is it's it's a fun game like is it when when is it gonna happen i'm always surprised in a good way um if you guys want to call in for an upcoming episode you can leave us a voicemail at 310-694-0976 and international listeners you can send us an audio message at meganpodcast at gmail.com check us out on instagram don't blah meme pod and if you want to listen ad free hit us up on stitcher and if you want to join our facebook group hit us up if you don't know how to find

um private facebook groups we can't help you that means you're not smart enough to be in our facebook group guys it's so not hard it's i won't say where it is but it's like just look it's really yeah we're not here to spoon feed you no you gotta figure this out on your own because over 500 people yeah so we know it's a you issue it's not an everybody issue um and also i want to say it's also not like a an american or english first language speaking issue at all either no so you really have no excuse so um yeah we would love to uh have you guys there on our community it's a it's a roar rip and roaring good time i'm cringy well the rip and roaring 20s are coming up yeah i know the end of the decade is near oh good god um well yeah we hope

you guys enjoyed and we'll see you next time goodbye next year oh wow no well there's another episode coming up this year yeah we'll see you soon before merry christmas ho ho ho's