Don't Blame Me! - S5E5: Guy Didn’t Confirm We Were Exclusive w/ Melisa D. Monts

Episode Date: December 30, 2019

Closing out 2019 with another MnM ep! We’re sharing our advice on what to do if you lied about graduating from college, handling your boyfriend’s friend who is a dick, and what to do if your friends with benefits gets mad at you for sleeping with another guy. We have an update from a caller that had a friend obsessed with her and in Don’t Blame Them a listener shares her advice on the girl dating in boarding school. Join our (new) PRIVATE Facebook Group: www.facebook.com/groups/dbmsecretgroup  You must answer all questions! Follow Us! @meghanrienks www.instagram.com/meghanrienks  @dontblameme  https://www.instagram.com/dontblamemepod/ @sheisnotmelissa www.instagram.com/sheisnotmelissa   Listen to ad-free on Stitcher Premium! For a free month of Stitcher Premium, go to stitcherpremium.com and use promo code 'BLAME,’ PLUS exclusive bonus episodes. This episode is also brought to you by BetterHelp. Affordable Therapy By State (Curated by Crissy Milazzo): www.tinyurl.com/y64kwdnf    Need Advice?  www.dontblameme.show  Domestic Listeners Call: [phone]   International Listeners Send a Voice Memo To: [e-mail]  … with as much detail as possible under 3 minutes! I’ll do my best to share my wonderful words of wisdom. If you’re under 18, please get your parent’s permission. Advice is for entertainment purposes only, so you can’t blame me if I screw up your life. I kid! My advice IS AMAZING. - Want to WATCH this episode as well? Check out my YouTube channel:  http://youtube.com/meghanrienks Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/join/dontblameme See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Hello. Wow. I just, I'm sorry. I spoke so loudly. Hello, everybody. Hello, everybody. How many times should I say it? Hello, everybody. Hello, everybody. Hello, everybody. Welcome back to another episode of Don't Blame Me. You look, I mean, I already told you, you look cute today, but I didn't see you put on a jacket.

Thank you. This color combo. Thank you. Fire. it's like what i had clean in the closet it's really nice thank you i love this as a whole vibe for you i love it too pink is so good on you pink looks sorry i'm burping pink looks awful on me but i like this color it's good in your hand my water bottle is like my hands because your leg is in the way ayo it's my fake hydro flask from target 20 bucks oh i enjoy it i thought it

was an actual hydro no those are that's just expensive i know i didn't know if you were feeling bougie no no i mean kind of i bought myself some presents for christmas but other than that i do that thing where like i buy something for somebody and i'm like this is cute i'll just buy like two i'll just see i bought something for someone and then i was like you know what i'm never gonna use this i mean i bought it for myself and i was like i'm never gonna use it and i was like you know i know who would like that's smart that's nice i bought mom so many fucking christmas gifts so um this is a bonus megan and melissa episode and we've i feel like we've said this before but like we love our guests very much so we really only have some more than

others yeah but we're at the point where we really only have people on that we like really love we know and we think and we want your input sometimes isn't it is it just kind of better if it's just melissa and i if it's a guest that like not if we're stretching to try and find new people or if someone can't come and all of that kind of stuff we just want to know from you guys i think you guys are here for the advice more than the guest most of the time but um we'd love to know because we like doing episodes with just us and we started doing it once a month but would it be cool if we occasionally did it more than once yeah yeah and so you guys know we do when you guys like request people we do reach out to them and if you've requested them a lot that means that

we have reached out to them and they or they've ignored us yeah they've ignored us or said no yeah so the people who've been on i think we're pretty much like not that we're out of ideas but like we love having like repeat guests of the people who've been on who we know give great advice to because we also don't want that to be like at the expense of wonderful advice right and also for a while we said that um my prerequisite for people coming on the show they would perhaps be comfortable enough to tell us how they lost their virginity which we've interviewed everybody and asked but we wanted to like i don't know we want them to give good advice too so more of the story more us which i think is fine more more more more more

say that because you said that in an episode before i said more more more i said more is more is more the way that i just said it oh you remember so much about me because i have to edit those shows too so i hear it twice so sweet um well if you guys want to be on an upcoming episode you can leave us a voicemail at 310-694-0976 and international listeners you can send us an audio message at meganpodcast at gmail.com so um should we get into the calls yes megan we should hey megan and melissa and potential guests i just want to say first of all i love your podcast i've been listening since the first season. And I tried calling in about this earlier, but my phone died awkwardly enough. But I have a bit of a situation I have gotten myself into with this guy I've been

seeing. I've been seeing him for about two months. And on our first date, I told him like a little bit of a white lie. I know it's like really horrible, but we were having usual small talk with you on first dates and he asked me what year I graduated college and I lied and told him the year I was supposed to graduate college but in reality I ended up having to withdraw my junior year due to like personal reasons and I just didn't want to get into all of that with him on the first date especially since right now I can't really afford to go back to school and there's just a lot to explain. And if I'm being completely honest, I felt a little embarrassed about not having finished my degree, especially since he is super successful in his career. He's

an engineer and he has not one, but he has two degrees. He has his bachelor's and his master's. And I just didn't want him like thinking less of me. And I now know that sounds like so stupid because here I am I've been seeing this guy for two months and he doesn't know that I told this white lie and I just don't know if I should tell him I feel like I should just because eventually everything comes out like the truth will come out eventually but I just don't want him to think that anything else has been a lie and I don't want him to see me differently if that makes sense um but yeah if you could just give me some advice on how to go about this i know that this was like really immature for me to do in the first place and like i said i feel

really bad about it but it's just been kind of like hanging over me and everything but yeah any advice is welcome and it's okay if it's a little harsh because i know this is horrible and also my sign is a Libra so thank you this is really not that bad I don't think so either I mean as somebody who says that I graduated college the year that I was supposed to graduate college I feel you yeah I don't think it's I mean most degrees don't even matter so I understand what she's saying though about like worried that he's gonna be like like it is one of those things that like in hindsight like yeah why like there's no need to lie about it I get like I also would have probably yeah you can feel like embarrassed in a way um and i also understand that like yeah you

don't want him to think that like you're lying about other shit but i don't like if it doesn't come up then so what that's how i feel about it that's kind of where because i was racking as you were as she was talking it was like kind of racking my brain of like all of like the ways it could like ways that you to address it and part of me is just kind of like i don't i think even if you don't necessarily even need to bring it up and then if it comes up again it's like oh yeah no i mean i didn't end up i didn't finish but like yeah that was maybe like well why did you say that was the year that like you graduated unless the conversation like unless maybe the lie if the lie had been a little bit more you're like oh yeah and he's like oh so like i don't know

do you mean like if it felt like a little bit more of like a fully fledged lie as opposed to just something that could be misconstrued in a way that you were like oh no yeah i mean that's just like the year i was supposed to graduate i actually didn't end up finishing yeah i think that would be fine um but i think if you did lie lie about it and if you've like kept it up in a way um then i would just love with him and be like because you're early on enough in the relationship i would just like hey this is so and this is exactly i'd say like hey this is super dumb and like i don't i don't even think i like need to say this but like i don't know why i just like feel really bad about it um and I just want to say that like when we first started dating on when

you would ask me like when I graduated college I was pretty intimidated by the fact that you were like so highly educated and all this stuff and like I've always felt this kind of embarrassment over the fact that like in all actuality I never finished college and I know that I should have just said that right off the bat and now that I know you I know you would never would like judge me based on that and that was like my own insecurity and it was like a stupid thing to like why lie about and it's just been like eating me up and like i feel so dumb because i really like you and i don't want to like i don't know i don't want to lie to you and it just feels like a point in hindsight it feels like a really pointless lie um and i just like wanted to get

that off my chest and i think like he's not going to be like whoa like why would like i think it's very valid and i and i get it because i mean at least for me like i definitely felt especially when I first moved out to LA like I felt super like if anyone like I was dating was like oh because I also didn't want to tell them what I did and they're like oh like what'd you graduate school and I would just I would I'm always like I know I'm a college dropout like self-deprecating like that but that's not to say that like that's how my way of dealing with the embarrassment of it but I think it totally I don't know it totally makes sense yeah yeah I just yeah I don't think it's a big deal but I do think if it's eating you up and you feel like some some type of way

i would say something then because then i think you're probably going to end up sabotaging it anyway because like you feel so weird and you feel like you're kind of not necessarily walking on eggshells but you do feel like oh i'm holding this thing in because i don't think it is that big but if it feels big then it is big too and so you got to address it that's true that's true yeah and maybe explain why you dropped out you said there was some things going on in your life and because that might come up you know like those bigger things might come up and then it would be like yeah yeah that makes a lot of sense yeah and also it's always kind of good to get ahead of that sort of stuff because if like i don't know someone else mentioned something about like you're if you if

you continue dating and like someone else mentioned something about like oh yeah when she dropped out yeah that's true but yeah i think it's just better to clear there and it's also you don't sound like crazy or like weird and i don't think he would assume that you're lying about other stuff because people who lie usually aren't up front about hey by the way i said this one little white line it's eating me up inside i if someone said that to me i think oh my god wow that's great this person's super honest yeah i don't think that they're lying about other stuff true yeah and i think if he asked you like when you graduated it was more of a way to gauge how old you were that's what i was gonna say i think that's exactly it and i think that's probably why you responded that way too

is because it's like oh no like we're yeah we're good this is like a fine way to do it like this is my age this is kosher um but yeah so let us know how it goes and um this really feels so much like me because i constantly say that i graduated i was like yes like when i graduated college no megan you never graduated college you can say when you finish college yeah but i usually reference it the same way that she did it's like once all of my other friends graduated college so once my friends graduated college i put on my friend's cap and I put on Sydney's cap and gown for a picture. Did you walk too?

No. It also was like, she's like 5'3". So it was very short. Very tiny. Is she 5'3"? We seemed about the same height. How tall are you? I'm 5'1".

Okay, she's probably 5'1". Yeah. I'm 19 years old. So basically, last summer, I was talking to this one guy. We'll call him Jason. And I asked him out, but he rejected me. which I was totally fine with I was like cool that's fine I'm over it a couple months later I went on a date with one of his friends it's not like it was his best friend or anything

they were just like friends they've been friends for a little while so we hit off he is now my current boyfriend we've been together for a little over a year now and my problem is that his friend Jason ever since my current boyfriend and I have been dating he's always been rude to me disrespectful never include me in conversations and even one night when I went to pick up my boyfriend from a concert that he was drunk at he messaged me he was also intoxicated but basically he was like what are you doing you're ruining his fun it bugs me that you and him started dating blah blah blah and I confronted him about it the next day when he was sober and he was like oh never mind that I was just drunk it was stupid I didn't mean it blah blah I was talking to way

many other girls um when you asked me out but basically I could tell that his ego was hurt and he was very much butthurt but I just didn't I felt like he not that he didn't have the right to be upset but he's the one that rejected me for a reason and I don't know like him and his friend or his friend and I really hit it off and obviously we worked out because we've been together for over a year so basically a couple months ago we all went to a concert my boyfriend and I him and a couple of their other friends but Jason's girlfriend wasn't there they've been together for a while um she wasn't there he was all over another girl and vice versa she was over him I told his girlfriend they both did not like it so they both blocked me um but then a couple

weeks later she followed me back after unblocking me on everything and she tweeted out something that was like it's better to be single than to be getting played uh but a couple weeks later they got back together but basically my problem is that my boyfriend has kind of never really stood up for me um when I talked about his friend disrespecting me and I just want to know how to go about that and that's just my biggest problem and if you could give me advice that would be greatly appreciated and also if I'm overreacting about it because it's his friend not mine i don't have to hang out with him but also i would just like more respect from one of his friends and also for my boyfriend to step up for me every once in a while um thank you love

your podcast bye oh my lord what a dick what a fucking loser that guy is such a fucking loser because at first i was like maybe he regrets rejecting you and sees how good that you are in relationship with this other guy and now he's secretly in love with you but then you said all that other stuff he just seems like an all over like asshole yeah he just seems like a like a just a loser i think there's some like weird things with like people who have uh i don't know i understand being like like in relation like you can miss your friends and they get into new relationships and stuff but there's something so immature about just like being a dick to their significant other to their fate like it also just like it's a shitty friend move like he's putting

your boyfriend in a really shit position and i think that like i totally understand you saying that you really want him to like stick up for you um i would also say that like your boyfriend might be just i don't want to say he's like clueless but there just might be a part of him that is like it's he's in a rock and a hard place like this is one of his good friends it's not his best friend this is one of his good friends and this is his girlfriend and sometimes from personal experience with guys they think that not doing anything is doing something yeah and it's like he's not if he's not like joining in the conversation with his friend he's not engaging it he's just kind of ignoring it it is an issue because he is letting it happen but in his mind it might not

be like oh do you know what i mean like it can just be like a oh but i don't think he's necessarily seeing that and there also might be a part of him that like it does feel a little weird because he did jason didn't originally reject you and that like oh does she want his approval like what do you what i mean yeah that like he might be wary of the fact that like i get i get wanting people to like you want people not to be an ass and want them not to like you but i wonder if your boyfriend does feel like you want him to be nice and like you because you might there might be residual feelings there and that's why he's kind of like hesitant to like clear the air between you guys or maybe he doesn't really give a shit that much about jason and jason

is kind of just a dick and he just has always been kind of a dick to everyone that jason's just a dick to everybody i dated a guy who had friends a friend specific friend who was just like a dick and they were a dick to me and it was one of the things that i was like uh is something and he's like no this is just literally how they were with everybody and i finally realized it and i was like oh it's not me there's no thing and the reason why no one's sticking up for me is because no one's doing anything because this is just who that person is yeah was he a dick before you had he had rejected you like what was his personality like before that and yeah and i think also if he's not that close with your boyfriend that's probably because he's kind of always been a dick yeah like

and that's just how it is and sometimes from like most of my guy friends are friends with people who kind of suck and like they just kind of stay friends with that because it's like they're just not super confrontational or super dramatic it's just like you kind of stay friends people even if they're not awesome and most girls i know are quicker to like there will cut people out they don't have as many like eh like she kind of treats me like shit but i deal with it sort of things um i think like i don't know i would just say like i i don't think you're being over dramatic at all but i think like i would have a conversation with your boyfriend i've been like hey fyi also here's the thing i don't think you need to want this guy to like you or to respect you

or anything like that because i don't think it's gonna happen i think you just need to tell your boyfriend like i think you need to stop trying and you tell your boyfriend i've been like hey like he's a fucking dick and like i'm gonna love with you like i really care about you i love dating you i hate hanging around him like he's not changing he's still being an ass he cheated on his last girl like all of this stuff is like so extra and so dramatic like if he's gonna hang around like i really don't want to be around and like it does kind of suck like if you're hanging out with him and i know he's saying that shit about me like i just like think he's just kind of a shit guy and he's dming you like and then he said oh i was dming a bunch of other girls

it's petty too but then it's like oh so you were just being a dick to everybody that's what it's i just think if you like like tell your boyfriend just be like i just don't i'm just i just don't like that guy and i think you can't expect him to be nice to you because i don't think he's a nice guy and i think if you do hang out with him because here's the thing it's either like don't spend time with him and tell your boyfriend like hey i'm not cool with this and fyi like it kind of sucks and he might be able to feel that a little bit more and then let him do what he's ever going to do and you know that your boyfriend cares about you and trusts him and if his if he's going to talk shit about you in front of your boyfriend it's not going to like if he's already

doing that it's clearly not affecting your relationship or how your boyfriend perceives you so i wouldn't worry about that as much as that's annoying and sucky or the second that for me personally the second that i stop trying to get someone to like me i can hang out with them and i'm totally fine i don't give a shit like because i'm also not like being like how or like trying to patch things over like i just there they exist 100 and i can just be me i don't have to filter i can just say whatever and i've dated people who've had friends like that and then i've just been like you know what like this is just who you are and i'm gonna treat you like a piece of shit because you're a piece of shit so i think you just need to because i think you're just trying

to get him to be somebody that he's not um and yeah and even if that means like muting him on social media and all of that kind of stuff like i think you can like block so yeah so but yeah i just think like the more you can distance yourself from him too um because i do think that there yeah i think it probably does also feel a little weird for your boyfriend at that same time and i'm sure there is a little bit of like tension there and maybe that's also why her boyfriend's not bringing it up with him is because like what if he's such a dick that he's gonna be like oh well yeah like she's only pissed because i rejected her and then she went to you you know like yeah i think it's just like i don't think you or your boyfriend like him he probably gives your boyfriend shit

about that behind your back anyway he's like probably says stuff like that anyway but i don't think he's affecting your relationship with your boyfriend at all i think he's all he's doing is digging himself in a grave and looking like a fucking idiot and you and your boyfriend are both just handling it differently i think you're trying to take action and he's just letting him like go on and on and on and just ignoring it because maybe your boyfriend has said something and he said it and then he was like yeah whatever yeah she is only with you because i rejected him and this might just and this also like not to promote my book you're not special but this might be like a you're not special kind of thing this might just be like this is how he fucking treats

everybody like everybody is a piece of shit and the same that's also like yeah i'm repeating myself but the same reason why your boyfriend doesn't necessarily feel like he needs to take a stand is because like you're not being singled out more than anybody else yeah but yeah just fuck this dude fuck this dude he's a fucking loser so and don't give him don't give him like that satisfaction or like time of day of like obviously you're blocked but if you didn't get blocked or all of that kind of stuff just peace the fuck out yeah pretty much my now boyfriend and i have been kind of seeing each other off and on for about five years um back before we started college he actually told me that he didn't want to officially date or anything and that he

just wanted to be friends and hang out and fuck and be friends with that bitch or whatever this was really hard for me since I pretty much fell for this boy in high school blah blah blah um but whatever I ended up sleeping with someone else he ended up asking me it was fine I thought it was whatever and then recently I or about a month or two ago I tried to reach out to him and like have that conversation that commitment conversation because we've been hanging out more we've been like doing more things together we do more couple-y things now and he kind of just blew it off and acted like it didn't matter and so I was like okay so like it still stands he doesn't really care if I see other people that's fine whatever so this past month I went and hung

out at Central Michigan University with my friends and I ended up hooking up with this guy and I didn't think he would care at all I get home I tell him really casually just because I didn't think it would matter. And he blows up on me. And he's saying all these things like I have commitment issues, all this stuff. So yeah, I don't really know what to do. I understand where he's coming from. Because if it was me in his situation, I would probably be really upset about it. But then again, we never really had that commitment talk. And he never really seemed like he was ready to 100% commit. So I thought we were just friends walking around for a while. he is my best friend I do really really respect him but he's never told me that he cares about

me and we are dating now because we have talked about being committed but he still makes me kind of feel bad for what I've done and it's only been a month since I did that but he still makes me feel kind of guilty for it so I don't really know what to do I again I've been trying to understand where he's coming from I would be pretty upset but then again like I wouldn't be making him feel bad for it because we've never had that discussion so if you guys have any recommendations or any advice i definitely appreciate it i'm in the wrong if he's in the wrong we should just suck it up if our relationship's gone um i don't know i've always seen myself um and marrying him in the future and i hope that we can figure it out but i honestly

think like if he can't get over this this might just be a lost cause and we're gonna have to move on thank you so much love you guys bye this is a stupid loser yeah you gave yourself your own advice at the end if you can't get over you have to move on that's it yeah i don't know this is like gaslighting vibes yeah because like such a stupid gaslighting vibes like that's like a terrible etsy t-shirt um i'm a visco girl um but no i just think like you had he's so clearly in the wrong here and then to try and turn it on you it's so manipulative and the fact that you feel bad shows that he's succeeded in manipulating you and i don't think he's continuing to make her feel bad and i don't think that this is probably the only thing that like i think if

you guys have been on and off again for five years and you keep going back to it. And it's like, he hasn't wanted to commit it and all of that stuff. Like that's manipulation. Like you, you should have been like, if you had feelings, if it's not just a fuck buddy, it's just someone you have like actual romantic feelings for. And he's managed to keep you up and down for five years. You are in his grasp a hundred percent. Like it is literally like, he is calling all of the shots and it's whatever he wants is going at this

point. And then when I, as I always say, i'm a big thing i take people what things people say at face value if you tell me you're cool it's cool if we're not exclusive we're not exclusive like i'm gonna go do my thing and then to have him turn around and be like so upset when literally you did nothing wrong absolutely nothing wrong and you were actually honoring what he wanted yeah and you keep saying like well if the rules were reversed i'm like yeah because you were the one who wanted commitment yeah you were the one who wanted commitment and if you had wanted commitment and then you went and then he went and slept with somebody else like yeah that would hurt you but he's the one who was like no i don't

want to be committed i don't want to be committed and so it's like okay well clearly you're the one who's way more in your feels and the fact that he's going to be upset when you had slept with someone else when he knows that you clearly have had more feelings for him this whole time than he's had for you and he's going to be pissed for no reason other than that power and control stuff like he has no reason to feel insecure or anything like that because he was the one who did called all of that shit exactly and as somebody and i've said i think i've said this podcast before when Mott's and I started dating in like we started dating in four years over four years 1992 that's a year before I was born um but we started dating in fall of whatever year but it was October we

started like dating in October we I was insistent with him that I was like I don't want to be exclusive I don't want to be exclusive and he was like okay cool I would like to be like that's where I'm at and he's like I'm not sleeping with anybody else and I was like okay cool I slept with someone i slept with someone like halloween of that month that we were dating and then monsignor became what okay i'm sorry i had it i had it just nothing this halloween no i had it behind in my head like that you guys had been exclusive like you started to be exclusive in halloween i was like halloween is the last day of the month no so i like slept with somebody and i never really like felt the need to like tell him and because like it's none of his business

we weren't exclusive um and he knew i had gone out with this guy and all that stuff and he was like no i knew you definitely knew like something happened and then finally when he like asked me at one point he's like hey did you guys like ever have sex and i was like yeah and he was like okay and i was like does that piss you off and he was like well i mean it doesn't make me feel good yeah he's like i mean i have no right to feel upset like you didn't do anything wrong and like you told me and we agreed that like we weren't exclusive and he's like and i'm dating you so clearly i have nothing to worry about and i was like oh wow and it was one of those things that i was like a part of me i was like obviously very much like i'm not gonna tell you it's none of your

business but then when he ends up asking i'm like well yeah and then he's like yeah why how could i even be bad like why like even if it makes you feel a certain way it's like i have no right to be upset about this and i was like oh true very very true and so i just think that like that exists like it's like it shouldn't be a big deal and i if you think of in the sense like the bachelor like people fucking go on the bachelor the bachelor picks a girl or a guy or like bachelor bachelorette they've slept with other people before they've been dating this whole time and like those relationships can succeed but like holding something above your head that literally had nothing to do with your relationship and was everything to do with the precedent that he set

is just like the hi i get horny on fucking control and shit and i wonder like also did you like just offer up this information that you slept with the other person did he ask because if you just offered it up were you just trying to get like a reaction out of him which i mean yeah that's what i would assume yeah and also if you're like i thought he wouldn't care and it'd be fine i think also there's something like like open relationships uh i've had friends who've been in open relationships and especially if they're in school when they come home for like thanksgiving or talk they're like certain relationships certain couples will be like i don't need to know if you've like made out with someone but i do need to know if like you slept with somebody and all or or they don't

want to know anything at that point but like you're friends with benefits like you don't owe each other any of that shit and the idea that like that also to me is a control thing about like oh and then i'm telling him about this because i want to see if he gets jealous yeah yeah to see if he has more feelings which it kind of did work in your favor because then you guys talked about what you were after that but now he's still holding it over your head so what was no that's a load of bullshit and also i think like i think he's attracted to control and i think he's also attracted to the drama and i think when things aren't you are still a little bit yeah but i think i also think if things settle down and they're not this crazy i think you're gonna be like oh wow he's a shit

boyfriend and like he's not that great and he's doesn't like i don't get that care and attention and this kind of is like this is like uh it's gaslighting and like love bombing sort of thing of being like oh i'm gonna make you feel like something's your fault and then we're gonna be dating so then there's a reward at the end of it and it's just gonna fuck with your head yeah and if you guys were meant to be together and it was gonna work like it would have already worked you can't sleep with someone on and off for five years yeah and you're like different people you're you were in high school now you're in college yeah there's so much to be had and to be done in college when you don't have to be tied down to somebody which you were doing but now you were

just had him waiting yeah or you were waiting for him and it's just like no i feel like you're just like attracted to what could be and not what actually is and if this is someone you had a crush on in high school oh my god i understand that shit so well that you're like you you put them on this pedestal and it's like oh we'd never like wrong time wrong like well they won't they the one that got away and then you finally get it and it's it's not it's so stagnant it's literally like a former version of both of yourselves that you're attracted to and into and you're not letting and like the idea like oh i always thought we'd get married and all of that stuff it's like you go you were 16 you thought you're gonna marry this person well he's also never let you get over

him yeah like at all like you've never even been able to like to have a clean break from this guy that you've always had feelings for he's always put you on the back burner and then finally now that he's ready it's like oh wow he treats me like is he really ready no he's ready quote unquote and like you just need to date someone else and realize like oh wow all this it won't be this hard like all of this shit's not that's just like a load of bullshit and yeah it just makes me like it's just gross and like makes me so sad that you i don't know you obviously you said you like you want to know if you're in the wrong or he's in the wrong but like the fact that you there's even a remote shred of your mind that you might have done that he has a right to feel like this and

you keep putting yourself in his shoes he's not doing that with you he's just manipulating you and gaslighting you and it's hard to know when you're being at like when that's happening to you but like that's what's happening it's like he's did something he set this precedent you listened to what he said and that was wrong but if you didn't listen to that that was would have also been wrong like you can't win in this situation oh it's dumb it is and it's only a month in yeah get out get out get the fuck out don't you don't need this no go you clearly were hooking up with a whole bunch of other dudes go experience that without having this guy in the back of your mind and it's gonna take a while to get over him but like that doesn't mean that he's

the one yeah like if you still think about him for a while like that still doesn't mean that like oh well i'm still thinking about him which means that he's so special it's not like he had a huge role in your life and that's fine but that can just be the role that he played it doesn't mean ever like you're gonna have multiple people who will play a big role in your life but like just because he played one doesn't mean he's gonna be like the end game dude yeah oh i hate him me too a lot of terrible guy yeah what a shithead what a fuck and i could i just picture what he looks like you know he looks like he looks like the bully from christmas story all grown up so it looks like in my head what a dick yeah fuck this dude i hate him what about that

other guy from that other that college yeah what's he have to uh well is it time for a break it is okay we're gonna take a quick break guys and we'll be right back hello we're back we're back yeah hi hi let's let's keep going hi um so basically i'm 19 sophomore in college and this is my first i guess official relationship so basically this guy and I we were in the same friend group last year so freshman first semester freshman year um the friend group fell apart and then we never we didn't talk or anything for all the second semester and now this semester we kind of bumped into each other on like literally on the street and he said we should hang out so a couple days after that we hooked up uh we just

like made out because I'm paranoid of getting pregnant um and then we saw each other again was like on the street and then he and then we kind of just started hanging out a little more and then we went to a party and then he introduced me to his friends as his girlfriend but like we never discussed it ever and also he doesn't really like text me that much but like he wants to hang out a lot and like it's like I don't really have time and it's like so I I don't know I guess I'm just wondering like is it weird if I bring up the fact that we never discussed that we were like official and he just like said i was his girlfriend uh i don't know if i'm just like overthinking things but um yeah i guess like my question is i guess like how and when should i

bring up the whole like girlfriend topic because like we didn't really discuss it so yeah thanks okay bye i don't want to age shame at all and i know that i'm guilty of doing this which i'm like 16 year old me is like maybe why are you doing that but like i think like the narrative of i think there's nothing whatever i'm gonna sound judgy i don't think there's nothing more weenie than like the defining the relationship talk to me that's really young that's really really young if you want it to be his girlfriend who fucking cares you don't need to have a conversation like i think that whole defining the relationship stuff like it's a lot i don't know when you are clearly both on the same page i think it's just like a lot younger yeah i i agree with you

somewhat but you should have the conversation about if you're exclusive or not exclusive oh yeah yeah if you're not and that's probably the thing they haven't had that conversation and for her that means girlfriend or boyfriend yeah i also think it's i i don't know for me it's like same page sort of stuff so i think i understand wanting to define the relationship and know if you're exclusive or not if you're like hey I don't know what you're doing but if you're like so clearly secure in the fact that like you're hanging out all the time like you don't need it do I mean like if you're on the same page so clearly I think now you've kind of skipped ahead you didn't have to have a conversation unless you're not okay with it then like I don't know

what you want out of the conversation do I mean other than the fact that like love you maybe you're just a little corny maybe you just like want to hear him be like I really like you I think you're amazing like will you be my girlfriend like maybe you want that rom-com moment in which case like sure fine ask for it but like i think like if if it's not i don't know it doesn't to me it doesn't sound like you're worried or scared about anything it just kind of seems like you just want a definition of what your relationship is and maybe it's because you're used to having have had that and like i think of like she hasn't she said this is her first official relationship if you think about like in the timeline of high school relationship even if your friends were going

through them you're not personally going through them it's kind of like oh we're exclusive like yeah he asked me to be his girlfriend like oh he asked me to be his boyfriend like last time we were watching love island like that's a big thing on there they ask someone like you are exclusive but then you boyfriend girlfriend we were talking about that right wow i can't believe people like i forgot that people still like do that like that's something that people do but if it's important to you to like have that like sweet conversation then go for it and talk to him about it but otherwise i think like if you're into him and you want to be his girlfriend you're cool with it you don't need that as a conversation i don't think it's weird that you guys didn't have one yeah i

think he probably read you and you're like okay we're on the same page we were already friends before we don't need to go through all these tech like these formalities and stuff like that i see where you're at you see where i'm at and like this is how it goes yeah i remember when i was in college and me and this guy yeah you know we're on the same page we've been friends for a while then we started hooking up and i remember i was like in the bathroom and he was waiting outside the bathroom and like these girls walked out and they're like oh you're being a creep and he was like no like my girl's inside and i was like oh then yeah that was the definition it didn't we didn't need to have a conversation after that yeah i think it's super common i think this

is actually the most common way people as adults define the relationship is like we get people calling in being like i'm introducing him to my friends what do i call him right i think that's a moment in which you're like oh this is my boyfriend like i've definitely been in that where it's like i'm dating someone and i'm like more exclusive but like and then it's like oh hey yeah this is my girlfriend and i'm like cool i'm your girlfriend now like good to know so i don't think it's i don't know i don't think it's a weird thing to have done without a conversation unless yeah unless you really want a conversation in which case like you already know he likes you he already wants to be his girlfriend you're not going to ruin it by asking like hey so like

i don't even know how you bring that up at that point though i don't either maybe like or you can just be like hey you introduced me to your friends as your girlfriend so this is what we are now yeah and that's it or maybe just like hey i'm kind of corny and all and like i know you like introduced me as your girlfriend but like i don't know like i'd love if you like asked me like it'd be sweet like blah blah and then he can like spell it out in rose petals or something yeah just don't send us a picture because i'll projectile a moment but it's sweet i think it's it's it's it's sweet especially this is her first time oh and also i think it's i think it's there are guys like this there are girls there are people who are just more sentimental like this

and all that stuff and it just makes me so happy when those two people find each other because then i you know i mean because i've dated people like that where i'm like oh my god i wish i could just pawn you off to my friend who would love this shit and i think it's really sweet because then there's other times where like girls are dating people who aren't like that and you feel like oh i really want that so when you guys find each other i think it's really happy you're just like corny corny and popcorn sweet sweet moms and I are the exact opposite

yeah damn I think it is sweet of all of the calls of issues to have this is such a sweet one it's a wholesome one it's a pure

also how do you listen to our podcast you think we're just like cunts no she's like studying up you gotta study up for where you want to be it's true give her a couple years straight savage fucking bitch she's like don't talk to me yeah go down on me don't speak to me yeah because oh speaking of you don't want to get pregnant just have them go down on you yeah yeah also we've had calls about people who've been like paranoid about pregnancy and things like that so you can go back and listen to any of those if you need to but again might i remind you the only

way to get pregnant is when you are ovulating if someone if semen gets inside your vagina from pre-cum or ejaculation that's the only time that you're gonna get pregnant it also has to do with your ovulation so i wouldn't i talk to your doctor yeah yeah but i i think that like yeah a healthy level of like nerves to like nervousness to like not get pregnant is great but like yeah don't worry if he's like if you're horny yeah have sex if you want to have sex use a condom yeah use a condom get on birth control you got this down talk to your doctor though have him go down you too so we keep down i also just love the image of them bumping into bumping into each other on the street twice i just see like literally like very hallmark movie

he like knows her schedule also like if you're friends don't you know where each other lives and also you're in college is it definitely bumping to each other on the street i was gonna say were you guys like going to class and you have we're on campus in the same direction or opposite directions and you cross each other okay so romantic well congratulations on your boyfriend congratulations stop doing that it's disgusting and you're doing it so slow it's i can't do it don't like it no stop it okay all right should we go on to the next yeah the next one's gonna be an update oh my god y'all bitches love updates let's get it i'm megan melissa and guest so i was a follower on kelsey's episode i'm that girl who had the friend that wants to fuck me and wear my

skin um a detail that makes it even more like traumatizing to me is that strangers acknowledge that she wanted to wear my skin is I haven't talked to her in four years and she is still going out in public and like saying mean things about me um it's been like up until this past couple months where she would just text me occasionally for new numbers like once or twice a month or she would make new social medias that I've because I've already blocked on all of them and she'd message me and like try to send final requests or she'd have whoever she's seeing at the moment message me um yeah so that's another detail that I would like advice is to us now that she's like starting to interact with people I see in person and physically putting herself in places

that I always hang out do I confront her because she's been like kind of harassing me for four years um she schedules appointments at my brother's work to have him like do weird maintenance on his car she gets her royal change by him like once a month and that's not routine um yeah so I stopped talking to her like right after everything happened had like a month left with the fuck boy like free coffee free booze and like decent sex I would also have him go with me to other tinder dates with other fuckboys and watch the confusion on his face um like if you're gonna play a game with me then we can just play a game together so yeah i hope that maybe that adds another detail that it's been four years and she's still doing this and i have been ignoring

her this whole time but i think it's getting worse thanks bye okay just remember she's not asking for advice she just is giving us an update okay this is weird and it seems like you like drama too yeah dude what the fuck is up with the bringing the fuck boy on tinder dates with you so he can see other fuck boys in action like is he other days is he sitting with you at the table or is he like behind you listening in and also like that's so fucked for those other guys who are like putting themselves out there and going on a dating app like if i was i don't know if i was someone and then i go out with someone and then i'm like oh yeah no i was just going out with you because like i was proving to this other fuck boy and all that like no one has to be

girl move yeah don't involve anybody if you want to be dramatic don't involve other people who didn't ask for it that's just like shitty and also like karma dude this is why you're probably in this situation with this guy like you don't have to yeah you don't have to like you don't have to get even with anybody it's gonna happen and the more that you stoop to their level of that stuff like shit's just gonna keep happening to you like karma's gonna bite you in the ass for that and it's gonna bite them too but like you didn't need to have a hand in like you know being like ha ha see sort of a thing also like that you're just using people for your own amusement yeah and that's igniting for him no wonder he keeps doing this shit with you because like

you're doing it to each other you like it you're not any better than he is that's so but you're not you said you guys aren't even dating anymore that's done um wow i uh i i don't know she doesn't want advice she's just updating us on her life so you know i mean like i mean she did say she doesn't know if she should confront her or not that's true i mean if she wants to keep wasting your money at your brother's place then whatever yeah let her keep giving money yeah and it's been four years so like talking shit doesn't yes i mean like talking shit doesn't necessarily like it makes someone look dumb but it doesn't cause harm you know what i mean yeah and if you're like if it's weeding out your friends then good they were shitty friends to be like they weren't your

friends to begin with but i just think that like i don't know there's also part of me that like it just seems odd to me that like she's gotten no response and this still keeps happening after four years and you keep saying like oh yeah and she'll get a new number and she'll like does she say it's her or are you responding and then realizing it's her and all of that kind of stuff that it just seems so odd and also at the end of the day if she's like if you're if if you feel like you said that she's essentially harassing you if there's a point get a you can get a restraining order yeah you can every time she sends you a message or yeah does anything just print it out and have a file on her and give it to the police yeah and you've already had that

like cut off conversation with her and having it again does nothing no and no lawyer's ever gonna advise you to be like yeah confront them like just don't i just i say keep ignoring it and if anything it should like four years obviously it's you i would you would think that the girl would be done with it but i would also think that like you'd probably care a little bit less you know i think like there's some part of you that is still a little bit invested in this and even if that means telling your brother be like yo don't tell me when she comes like i don't need to know or if you want to get a new coffee shop but like why do you know she goes to all of these places right i would like you need to she was showing up at her work before so yeah but i

think if like a certain things if you're not seeing if she's purposely running into you like ignore and then if it's getting a new coffee shop get a new coffee shop yeah and don't block her she's probably like following you or whatever knowing where you go it's like uh it's a movie um with uh the girl from parks and aubrey plaza when she stalks oh uh anger goes west yeah where she like knows where she's going because she stalks her instagram and then goes to the same places yeah make your instagram private that should be really you just make it private so she can't like follow you and re-add you and all that stuff and like don't accept her i just would just say like or when you go places don't post when you're there post like two days later if you

want to post and also if she shows up what's the worst thing that happens it's annoying or and it's in public and then so then you have other witnesses and that just helps your case even more yeah but i just i just think that like don't do anything there's nothing you can it's been four years there's literally nothing you can say that she's gonna be like oh wow yeah i'm not gonna do this again like you have no power at this point so just like your power is saying nothing yeah exactly and i think that's like something that it's gonna probably piss her off more and also it's just not your problem and yeah if it gets to a certain point like that's those are the levels it's at you know what i mean like it either needs to not it's neither a nuisance but like who cares get

like i don't say like be a bitch and be like get over it but like yeah like deal with it or it's such a level that you can get a restraining order like that in between place is just like don't be invested in it yeah because it's just yeah just not worth your time and also don't be mean to like those guys that you went on dates with that's terrible that's really fucked up and i think like i would also apologize to the fuck boy too because i don't like fuck boys aren't like the devil like that's something that like someone who's like treating you like shit in a relationship like doesn't deserve to be treated like shit back i think like if you can show compassion there and apologize hopefully like maybe he can see that when he dates other people

but i think like giving someone a taste of their own medicine is like such a slippery slope of like then you just kind of end up being a bad person too and it's yeah and then you're just you're judging someone for treating you like shit and then you're treating them like shit and then expecting them to not treat you badly is just not a good time yeah it's poor other dates you should go out with those guys that you did that with you should go out with them again and apologize apology tour yeah uh-huh okay well your life sounds exhausting so dramatic on to don't blame them woohoo time for don't blame them this is where uh you guys call in with your own advice on previous episodes so what do we have today i'll just play it okay

hi ladies all right so i have to pause the most recent m&m for november um with the call of the girl with all the goss girl melodies um i just have to add in my two cents because i was getting kind of mad um so the guy that is apparently weird do you think he's weird because everybody else thinks he's weird or are you coming to that conclusion on your own because it seems like you care more about what other people think of you than how people are treating you and honestly if you're going to treat people like that then nobody's going to want to be around you i'm sorry like i got really mad listening to this and granted i'm a 24 25 year old woman so like i'm i have a few more years under my belt than this girl does but like honey don't give a shit

And if people think the people that you spend your time with are weird, because everybody's weird. Everybody does freaky shit behind closed doors. And honestly, if you're not interested in him sexually or attraction-wise, then that's fine. But if you're more concerned about what other people would think of you for dating him, then honestly, shame on you. Because it's a waste of your time to worry about their opinion. So give people a chance beyond what people think of them. But other than that, you do you. and enjoy your last doctor all right thanks bye i love you love you dude wow i love when people

call in with this part of advice that is like you know the shit that they that i don't know the more like pared down like bitchy shit of what we've said and not so many were in so many words you know i mean like this is we're all on the same page dude but it does it is it is such an age thing like when you i think about that to like the people that or even not necessarily person to person but i remember in high school like it wasn't prom was the only dance that you went to with a date the only dance really yeah and so freshman year or unless it was um we had coming no no days to homecoming but more which was like backwards prom or whatever and it was like sadie hawkins so girls would ask the guys but it was mostly like like friends like i went with like

my like gay best friend like it was like you that was it was i don't know it was more you dressed weird like it was like a fun thing you didn't really want to go with a guy you had a crush on because you were going to probably wear a really weird costume um and but i remember freshman year this boy asked me um can i i can say his full name we're still friends on facebook and twitter instagram i'll still bleep it okay i won't say it then um but he asked me to homecoming and i was like oh that's no like that's so weird but like i liked him like i had a crush on him at school and i thought he was like really cool i really like i liked him but it just wasn't a thing that people did and i didn't go with him and like we never ended up like being a thing or dating and

like i always think back to like how stupid and dumb that was that i let this guy that i like who clearly was interested in me i literally turned him down because i was like oh no that's weird everyone else is gonna think that's weird i did the same thing and it's so dumb but i get i get it that age it's so important like you find it so important what people think about you and like how to be perceived and you don't want to be like you want to fit in so badly you don't want do anything that makes you like stand out in a way that could be negative but it like yeah it's sad and sucky so i give him like five name shout outs my book about like and he got i mean he was always really cute he's like hot now like everybody that i was that i had crushes on in high school that

were hot then are not hot but that was the thing he wasn't like hot hot in high school he was like he was cute he was like you know like really cute but he wasn't like it but now i'm like damn so i give him a lot of shout outs in the book and i'm like i think he's single everyone and set him up slide into his dms i don't know what he's like as a person now i think he's probably still really funny and nice but yeah it's just sad when you care that much about like what people think it's yeah it's it's it's it's lame it is very much so yeah and i also just again there's something about that prep school like rich kid thing and then like someone who's weird because like in my mind like at least in my high school was pretty like it was pretty

offbeat like it was like hipstery and like indie sort of thing but there was like a popular group for everybody like there was a space for everybody but at prep school that vibe to me is just like there's this and if you're not this you're nobody and you don't have like a subgroup or something like that and it's just like the poor dude yeah and everybody was into him before yeah and then it probably was just one person that said that something was weird that he listened to weird music and then that changed everything and usually that shit it's maybe it's a guy that like used to like that girl who's then like yeah no he's fucking weird and it was probably it was probably you know what it was it was probably somebody that did like him and then he asked him out and

he was like no i'm already fuck or seeing somebody and then she doesn't want to be that girl that everybody found out about no it's just it's if someone like turned you down then suddenly it's oh they're gross and they're weird it's just like not i don't know not cool be cool be cool i and you know all those kids are gonna go to like some like yuppie private college too bought into it by their parents that's true did you see alumni love this girl with an update i want you to like call him with advice that you need because you seem cool but like you feel like you don't need us yeah like you seem like you got your fucking shit together that's the episode that's the episode guys i hope you enjoyed um if you want to be on an upcoming episode you

can give us a call at 310-694-0976 and international listeners you can send us an audio message at meganpodcast at gmail.com um check us out on instagram dump on meme pod check out our exclusive private facebook group uh we've got some questions for you to answer just to like you know we like weed out anyone who isn't actually a fan of the podcast and if you listen occasionally you're probably not gonna get like then no this isn't for you this is for people that actually like want to build a community yeah be a part of it by participating yes and like if people who like are open enough to call into the podcast and all of that stuff like if you've been an active person in that sense where like you're willing to like yeah put yourself out there and get some advice

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video version and um yeah that's it that's it we'll see you guys next time goodbye goodbye we usually say it together do you want to say it again no goodbye come on one three goodbye We'll be right back.