Don't Blame Me! - S5E7: Ex Sent Me a 1000 Word Update of His Life w/ Melisa D. Monts

Episode Date: January 13, 2020

This week we’re sharing our advice on how to befriend your boyfriend’s friend’s girlfriends, if you should still talk to your ex even though his ex girlfriend is jealous, wondering if you’re in a relationship with a guy if he asked you to be his girlfriend while he was sleep talking, and what to do if your ex is dating his roommate who is actually your ex-best friend. In Don’t Blame them a listener shares her advice on dating if you’re plus-sized. Join our PRIVATE Facebook Group: www.facebook.com/groups/dbmsecretgroup  You must answer all questions correctly to be approved! Follow Us! @meghanrienks www.instagram.com/meghanrienks  @dontblameme  https://www.instagram.com/dontblamemepod/ @sheisnotmelissa www.instagram.com/sheisnotmelissa   Listen to ad-free on Stitcher Premium! For a free month of Stitcher Premium, go to stitcherpremium.com and use promo code 'BLAME,’ PLUS exclusive bonus episodes. This episode is also brought to you by Zola and BetterHelp. Affordable Therapy By State (Curated by Crissy Milazzo): www.tinyurl.com/y64kwdnf    Need Advice?  www.dontblameme.show  Domestic Listeners Call: [phone]   International Listeners Send a Voice Memo To: [e-mail]  … with as much detail as possible under 3 minutes! I’ll do my best to share my wonderful words of wisdom. If you’re under 18, please get your parent’s permission. Advice is for entertainment purposes only, so you can’t blame me if I screw up your life. I kid! My advice IS AMAZING. - Want to WATCH this episode as well? Check out my YouTube channel:  http://youtube.com/meghanrienks Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/join/dontblameme See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

hello everybody welcome back to another episode of don't blame me happy new year happy new year yeah happy motherfucking new year 2020 holy tits that's that's insane i know 2020 it's weird so we're in a new decaid decade oh I was like first of all that's how we say it in my country American I'm Canadian I wouldn't know that

I just wish I was Canadian wow we're in a new decade the last time we were in a new decade was the no no no this is the first time we've been in no no we've had 2010 was not the millennia 2000

so 2010 was the last decade i was a junior in high school getting drunk on hills i was doing body shots i had just graduated from college so we were doing the same thing we were doing the same just at different ages wow and look at us now thriving thriving with the podcast yeah eating snacking well guys welcome back to the podcast uh 2020 is gonna be a great ear for our podcast we're in season five now can you believe that shit well guys uh this is don't find me it's an advice podcast um let me get the phone number out of the way if you want to call in for an upcoming episode you can leave us a voicemail at 310-694-0976 and if you're an international listener you can send us an audio message at meganpodcast at gmail.com

um and i guess that's enough blub blub blubbering blabbering blabbering flubber great movie i used to be scared of flubber a little bit when i was a kid it's weird yeah i can understand that so it's got a lot of weird shit because it's just like something jiggly that comes to life and it was like neon green stop it and it like if it breaks apart it just multiplies so it makes sense yeah it does what does it have contagion which is an underrated bad movie i feel like you've talked about this before yeah i think i'm the only person who's ever seen that movie yeah i think so i brought it up to like a bunch of people and they have no idea what i'm talking about i know exactly what you're talking about it just like i know

how to seize this work no but it's it's interesting it's like a steal the money movie but about disease i'm good i love steal the money movies i do too motz doesn't understand he tried to put on a heist movie and he goes it's a steal the money movie i go i get how you could think that a heist movie would be a steal the money movie but a steal the money movie means i am rooting for the people stealing the money and they're kind of robin hooding it and it's for like the greater good no still the money movies are heist movies but not all heist movies are still the money movies true yeah yeah yeah not all heist movies yeah so then he just puts on movies where like people rob banks and they're like not the same boy not the fucking same i just want all

of the oceans and catch me if you can i love steal the money movies so good um should we get into the cause let's do it i wonder if any of you are stealing the money hey mcganais i need a question about robbing a bank so i was recently put in a sticky situation where my ex who i broke up with around seven months ago emailed me over a thousand words about all that's happened in his life and it was just this huge life update about him and his friends and family uh it's clear that he really wants to stay informed on each other's lives but i've made it clear to him that i'm not interested in sharing our lives for the time being because we aren't together anymore and it's pretty obvious that his moving on process has been slower than mine and I feel like any way I respond will have

repercussions because not responding would be cruel I've been short and brief in the past and that clearly hasn't worked because now I'm left with a thousand word email in my inbox and I guess telling him straight up that I just don't want to communicate right now seems very abrasive and I guess I'm just afraid of hurting him more than I already have um please help what a fucking weenie I also like my mind immediately went to like that this wasn't obviously this was a personal letter that as you continued on but in my mind I was like does he just like send these up or it's like you know like christmas time when people send their family updates yeah like megan's retaking stats again i don't actually maybe i think geometry no what

did i take twice you took yeah stats statistics is like more of a um no i had mono so i didn't take that one twice but i was gonna say that's more of that's not like a required class oh you're right that's that's when we got into the era of calculus and i was like i'm gonna opt out of that and i i was like i don't see you just taking a cool math oh i wouldn't even say cool math class it was high school too i know okay i was like i didn't take math you probably took geometry and algebra oh i might have had to retake maybe i took algebra like maybe i didn't maybe i took algebra one and two instead of doing algebra one three where people can like skip ahead i don't know something like that um okay you definitely called into a podcast of two girls

who ghost but i think like the thing is is this is obviously a different circumstance and situation but i think the same advice applies with like exes and people trying to reach out that like any response is he's gonna see that as a positive like i think like no matter what you say if you acknowledge him like that's the reason why he's sending you this letter is because and i'm not like faulting you and saying that like oh you did this to yourself but like those short responses like he's holding on to that and that's why he's literally at this point sending you a thousand word long letter he's not gonna come to the like the oh he's not gonna back away and stop on his own you have to be the one to stop it if he was gonna stop it he would have already stopped yeah

like when megan reached out to her ex that grandmother died and then he responded back why are you why are you messaging me so that's maybe what you should just say why yeah i just think like i think you've been a little too nice at this point and like it's not when we break up with somebody or we end a relationship like it's it's it's there is no saving face like it's not about like oh i don't want to be like i get like oh you don't want to be like unnecessarily rude but like at this point like you're going so above and beyond with a normal breakup that i think like it's just not helping him at all and i think just not responding and i also think that the benefit of not responding is like he can come up with whatever excuse he wants to in his head if you

respond and like hey i don't like i get how you think that that might come across as harsh but if you don't respond he can be like oh you know what she like she just like lost i just lost your email or whatever but like it's he'll eventually i think we'll drop it more and he won't just hold on to like whatever you say in a way yeah but then he might keep contacting her i just i would say put it in spam yeah just mark it as spam and so anytime he sends you anything it goes to spam and also when you said like you're getting over process just seems to be different he's not getting over you and that's you are getting over him so aiding him and what you think is his getting over process isn't helping him i think like if you can just cut it off and then stop responding like it's the

same advice we give them people will try to get over someone like stop being in contact with them he's essentially on that side of it and this isn't anything that he's doing that he even might say like oh this context really helping me move on it's it's not and i would just like know that even if he doesn't realize that now you do and then just it's not you're not being a dick and ghosting and also i wouldn't even necessarily call this ghosting at this point because like you've already responded enough times that i think at this point now it's just like okay cool i've responded enough i didn't like completely like shut it down immediately and then it's been like you said short kind of curt responses and then now there's nothing else and that's it and like

that needs to be fine for him and then you can like actually move on with your life agree that's a thousand words also did you um count or did you put it into pages or words and then count it that way you just guesstimate yeah you're like this looks about like two paragraphs because a paragraph is about 500 right well paragraph can be anything no no i'm sorry a page a page is about 500 um Well, best of luck. I have high hopes for you and your ghosting. Welcome to the ghosting club. Boo, bitch, boo. Boo, boo. I like a sweet boo of ours.

Boo. Hey, boo. Hey, boo. Poof, and we're gone. Hi, Megan and Melissa and guest. I am 26 years old, and I've been with my boyfriend for a little over a year. We live together. We have a great relationship. Love him to death. And I naturally don't have a lot of friends. I maybe only talk to about two really close friends. I have lots of acquaintances

that I hang out with at work. But outside of work, I don't really see very many people. But he has a huge friend group of people. He has a lot of people that he grew up with, that he went to high school with that he still sees all the time. One of them actually lives next door to us. And they all have girlfriends who I really love hanging out when we're all together. I find a lot of them really great, really awesome people to talk to. And recently, I've been wondering if I should reach out to those people, those girls, to maybe start hanging out with them one-on-one, building more of a relationship with them. But then I also have this feeling in the back of my mind. Like if I do that, I'm like encroaching on his territory in a

way, like because he was friends with all these people before I met him. Is it like, okay for me to start reaching out to them and, and hanging out with them like alone? Like recently, um, one of them, one of his, uh, couple friends, they celebrated an anniversary and I texted the one girl to you know wish her a happy anniversary and then I kind of felt weird afterwards like oh maybe I should have said like my boyfriend and I wish you a happy anniversary or something else because it almost felt like I was again like encroaching on his friend group and I just don't want to come off as like clingy or awkward or weird for like wanting to be personal friends with his friends that he's already, like, established as friends? I don't know. I'm

rambling now, but I just want to know if it's, A, is it a little clingy for me to not be trying to find my own friends, but trying to be more friends with, with his? Or, um, is it okay? And also, how do I do that? Because I'm really bad at making friends with people, and I'm just curious if there's any tips you can give me on ways i can like figure out how to do all this i don't know i'm just overall a bit confused anyway have a great day thank you i don't think that's weird at all you do it's i don't think it's weird but wow because this is me i literally will message i want to i just want but you've been in a relationship for four years my thing is she's like in a relationship they live together too but if the if this is somebody that you think you're

gonna be with for a long time then yeah go for it but but if this isn't somebody that you don't think like you're gonna be with them for a long time then it can be weird if you guys break up yeah because there's like the dividing of the friendship thing um i would like to say that this weekend i um found out that i am on the close friends list on instagram of one of matz's friends girlfriends doesn't it always feel good when you are looking and then you see that green circle and you're like i'm not gonna lie i didn't even think i was there i'm a lot of close friends i was just like i just immediately and then moths had to look to see if he was and he also was and i wanted to be like yo can you just take him off and keep me on so i can feel special um but i

totally understand this i i really get this i also have a lot of um again i have my moths has a huge friend group in this similar way and I would say out of that friend group um LA wise I'm kind of the only girlfriend who really has like her own set of friends and all of the girlfriends are all like friends with each other like there have been girlfriends before no there's girlfriends who their boyfriends have since broke up and they're still friends like so I think the thing is is you just have to have that conversation with your boyfriend first so being like hey like and I wouldn't bring it up in like a clingy way because I think like I don't want to like therapize you or whatever but like it's definitely not clingy I think like if you're feeling that's

clean I think you might be like I don't want to say that like maybe he I think you're feeling that's not a feeling that this should give you I think that's a feeling that you might be getting from somewhere else or you've had before and you're like worried about I wouldn't even bring that up in the situation because I don't think it's clingy at all but I would ask him be like hey like would it be weird for you or is like would it be okay if I like asked so and so if they like wanted to like go get drinks or like go to a workout class or go hang out and if he's like yeah for sure if he's like oh it's a little weird i mean if he says it's a little weird i would be like why is it weird because i don't think it is at all like matzah's fucking stoked that like i

get along well with the girl like it's literally like the guys will just like sit it's like we're on a play date and they'll be like oh look at them getting along i love this like that's so fun i think he should be just as excited but and that's like where my advice was the whole time until you got to the end part where you're like should i be making my own friends and not just his i would say make your own friends too because i think this is like you said that you have a hard time making friends and you feel kind of awkward which i also really understand i think this is a really easy way in but also it's this isn't it's not whatever this this isn't really going to teach you how to make friends as an adult like you kind of are getting like the training wheels on for

this and it's pretty easy and if something like god forbid happened with you and your boyfriend and like things didn't go well then let's say that happens in three years then you're like into your like mid-20s and you don't know how to make adult friends also you might lose everyone because they might feel a loyalty to him yeah because they knew him first and then you're left with no boyfriend and no friends so i think i would pursue both at the same time i would like if you have you said you have work acquaintances i would ask someone from work who you think is cool who maybe doesn't you don't work directly with every single day ask them to hang out um also if there's like anyone even if you hang out think about it in this if you hang out with like the friends like the

girlfriends all together whatever and then they bring other friends and you meet people through that kind of way I think just be open to meeting and like more friends like that I think that's like I don't know I think that's like a good way to like ensure that also you're not I don't know that you're you're not putting all of your eggs in one basket in a way because I think like it's important to have friends in general like regardless of a relationship and you don't want your friends to be contingent on your relationship success because that also like then if you guys have like issues you might feel like like obligated to like stick through it or like you deal with shit that you wouldn't normally stick through just because you're afraid of losing

friends right but yeah and then I would say like the way to ask you said you felt awkward like how do I ask them to like hang out I think like you just like text and be like hey I'm gonna go to this i always think i already have a plan for yeah like hey i'm gonna go um to this like workout class like do you want to come or like hey i'm gonna go uh or like have you seen that trailer for this new movie like i really want to go see it like and my boyfriend like won't fucking come like do you want to go or anything like that i think is like a good call and even if you want to do like double date sort of situation and then you guys start talking and then in person you can just be like yeah like yeah and i think it's also like nice to just be like hey do you want to hang

like there's i don't know we have this like oh i want to like keep my cool or whatever and i had this massive friend crush on one of motz's um oh my god they're married now one of motz's friend's wives massive friend crush first of all she's so pretty i like show people her photo all the time because i'm like she's so pretty and cool um and motz and his friend got drunk and they both were like oh yeah megan has a huge friend crush on her and he's like oh my god she's got a huge friend crush on megan and then it broke the ice for us and it was like okay because your boyfriend can also be like hey like what's so like you know i mean like you can kind of have that doesn't necessarily yeah it doesn't necessarily like always uh make you learn how to make friends

but i also didn't ask him how to do it he just got wasted and then they did it and then her and i were like well i guess we're friends now because we both love each other um but yeah i think this is also like a i don't know i think it's an exciting position for you to be in too it's kind of like the same thing with dating it's like you go on one date and then you can like date other people and feel more confident so i think if you can like pursue two kinds of friendships at the same time i think you'll be like i own this i'm great at this now so best of luck yes i'm excited for you luck do it be friends i also love how i judge everybody for moving in too soon with their boyfriend and i moved in with months so you knew him for a while that's true

that is true yeah i just think if i moved in after i've met him for a year i would probably murder him in his sleep you know i don't know well because i have my four months in thing where i'm like oh shit i hate you yeah but i guess if you move in at a year i've already passed the four months so i don't hate you anymore that makes sense okay well on to the next one hi megan um i've been listening to your podcast for a while now and i kind of have a spooky issue um so Recently, I found out through accidentally logging into or finding my ex-boyfriend's unlocked Instagram on one of my devices. And I read through his DMs and found out that he, it's been a year since we broke up, but I found out that he recently slept with a girl and then talked about me for an hour after. um and like we still talk every day but apparently like he stopped talking to this girl who he dated

briefly because he has a new girlfriend um and now she's like upset because he still talks to me and like blocked her um I'm just wondering what I should do if I should like stop talking to him or if i should talk to him about the dms or not say anything um yeah i know thank you bye boy i was hoping i was gonna get to draw a diagram for this on but i feel like we all understand yeah um you need to stop talking to him but my thing is like you accidentally logged into his instagram i get that part but then you went into his dms and oh shit dude if you're fucking but you can't be like mad if it's there and it's not like you're together anymore no i think it's just weird it's weird but like yeah you looked for information yeah i'm a level with

you if you break up with someone you continue to talk to them like for a year after they're gonna do weird shit and it's got like you're in a weird position and like it's i don't know like i think it's just when there's a weird situation that you're actively participating in i don't think you're not comfortable with being friends with him yeah you can't really be upset about the outcome because like it's it's weird it is wild you seem like you still have feelings for him yeah and you said he has a new girlfriend and like first of all it's also just like a really weird weenie move for it so they're on his on dm with this girl and explicitly they're talking about the fact that they had sex over instagram and then talked about you and then talking about

you i just think that like i i wonder if your mind is going to like should i talk to him about it i wonder if you feel like a little bit weird and guilty in the fact that you feel like that his new girlfriend that he's dating should know not your responsibility didn't mention that though no but i but just the weirdness of it like if it was me i think that would kind of be like why are you still talking about me because that's because the girl is mad because he still talks to you and you're his ex-girlfriend and he won't talk to her and he blocked her because he has a new girlfriend so i think usually what that in my mind means is the new girlfriend doesn't know about you new girlfriend only knew about the other girl i don't think it's like a specific thing and

i think he's keeping you more of a secret and private because i think he also probably like still has some like residual feelings for you and i think you and you do have some residual feelings for him and i think you just need to stop talking to him if you're not okay with him moving on which you're not yeah then you shouldn't still be talking to him no and if you guys if if you break up like break up and like if he's in a new relationship or anything that if you're ever like if it's not kosher when you're worried like well is someone gonna read into it weird if someone can read into it weird then they're going to and that means you're not you're doing something that you're also not entirely okay with yep because like you're afraid of someone else's response

which means and that response is totally valid so i think like you have to be the bigger person here and just like don't bring up the dms because it makes you look crazy which like i understand i would have done the same thing um but then just stop talking to him and like let him do his relationship and i don't want to say that you're enabling him to like if he's potentially not being great in this relationship but like he just needs to like he needs to get his shit together and you don't want to be like an accessory or an accomplice to like him being a shithead right you know because like you wouldn't want that in your own relationship later like if you guys were together and this was happening and you were in the girlfriend's position um yeah i just think like just get out

yeah i'm also like i'm in the camp of being like as much as i i mean i do agree with the whole thing of like i take what people say at face value so you if you say something i'm gonna believe you there's like a different level of like if i can tell that like if you have a new relationship i'm friends with the guy and like your girlfriend like doesn't like like i'm never gonna do anything to make you feel make either of you feel uncomfortable also like girl to girl i'm never gonna do something like that even if i'm like well no he said it's fine because deep down i'm like first of all my frontal lobes develop far faster than yours so like i'm no i'm not like like i just think there's a certain level of like yeah people are going to make their own mistakes

but like i'm not gonna sit idle by knowing that someone's making a mistake and i'm like taking part of it i'm not i can't necessarily stop everything but like i would remove you remove yourself from the situation yeah yeah i think that's a good call and um i just i also like want to know i just love the whole like yeah his like instagram was logged into one of my devices which i'm i unless you're like really young you definitely logged onto it right that's what i think that's what i would because 100 like which device ipad 100 never a phone but if it's like your ipad and they've been broken up for a while then you just never get on your yeah well who goes on instagram this makes perfect sense who goes on instagram on their ipad she got on it yeah because

she was like oh what's on this ipad i haven't been on my instagram this sure i'll log on let me see what's here and then it's like oh shit i only look at instagram on my phone because there is no instagram for ipad version it gets real big and ugly yeah it's real big and ugly so i know i understand that but i think also that even though you guys are broken up the same thing still applies we say if you're looking if you're snooping you're you you're looking for something you don't look with not looking for anything so i think that's what i'm like if she's looking for something she still has feelings for her yeah you're right i think that's definitely that's definitely it get yourself out of it and then also you'll move on too right neither of you are going to be able

to move on at all because i always just think of like in this that sense of like relationship wise a good if you're gonna be super upfront and open and honest relationship you're like oh yeah this like my ex like we still talk every day no one's gonna be okay with that and the idea that like the reason his girlfriend's like okay she doesn't know like if you started dating a new guy and you're like yeah my ex-boyfriend and i talk every single day and you'd be like uh how about nah brah unless it's no but i mean if in if you read those messages of being like oh yeah yeah the context of what you guys are talking about context that does matter yeah can i imagine if i talked to guys i used to date every single day what would we talk about truly have no idea

nothing in common um i was gonna say i do a lot but it's usually a group message with girlfriend that's in it as well well you you are very good at like you're not like i'm not you're thinking for everybody yeah do you know what i mean and that's how you have if you want to be friends with your ex you have to take the responsibility to think for everyone yeah and then like when you act upon things or do things or whatever you're not just taking how you feel into account and how they feel you're taking how new girl all of that stuff you know i mean yeah it's not about i mean it is about you but it's not you know i mean yeah yeah you're just a really good person i'm not that good i would never say that but like if you want to say it i mean it's

fucking true oh well i'm that happy positive now should we go on to the next break okay guys we take a quick break and we'll be right back are we back we're back back back again hi megan i'm 19 and i'm a sophomore in college i've been dating this boy for about a month now and like a week ago i slept over at his house and in the morning he said um something like i want you to be my girlfriend or like will you be my girlfriend but his voice is like really groggy and at the time I was like yeah okay but then like we both fell asleep again because this was like early in the morning and he hasn't said anything about it since and since then I've learned that he talks in his sleep and now I'm like questioning whether or

not he asked me to be his girlfriend but I'm like afraid to ask about it because like either way it just seems so awkward to be like did you say this or not and anyways this weekend he's going to be meeting a bunch of other people like some of my friends and um some of my family and I'm just like not sure how I should introduce him as like this is my boyfriend or just like this is my friend or what so yeah that would be great if i could get some advice thank you wow um so my best friend sydney uh accidentally her current boyfriend she's dated him for a couple years now she um the first time she told him she loved him it was an accident because she also talks in her sleep um and i used to carry on full conversations with her when we were in high school and i would just

like my cousins the same and it'd be so funny because like it's just great and so she accidentally said i love you and then he was like what'd you say and then she's like what and she's like still kind of asleep but then like starts to wake up and fully panicked and just rolled over and refused to speak to him but it was cute he's like no i love you too and i was like wow but this would happen to her um i mean i i i wouldn't say anything me either i would like even when it comes to introducing him i would just introduce him by name bill yeah like hey guys this is bill and then also i think when you introduce someone by name uh to like friends and family i think it's a little more personal because it's like oh my god we've heard so much about you it's not like

you don't need a precursor to be like hey this is like of all of the bills in my life this is the boy you mean like you want to know like oh we've heard so much about you based on like who you are not just like as a significant other right um and also what if like he was having a dream and he wasn't asking you right you know yeah that's like exactly where my mind 100 i also just walk around i've realized just talking to myself all the time all the time and um the things that i say don't really make sense it's just words coming out of my mouth stream of consciousness yeah and so sometimes you just say things and you don't realize what's coming out and especially if you're sleeping your mind is already working on something else yeah i always just die that you

said yes and then like realized that he was asleep yeah how many friends did you like snapchat and texting me i would have been like i have to tell all of my friends right now that this just happened because i also think that like if he wants you to be his girlfriend too like give i don't know like you want him to like remember saying it and like if not that i'm saying that like i'm not here for people like planning out like just you guys are younger though so that might still be a thing um but i think like i don't know it should be like a sweet fun memory that like both of you should have right you know right and so like you said that he's meeting a bunch of your friends and family like why are they coming up is it like friends and family weekend if it is it homecoming

does he have people coming too because then if he's introducing you to people then that can be a cursor because he might say this is my girlfriend and also if you are introducing him if it is friends and family weekend you're introducing him to your family and he's not introducing you to his family i think that's also a good clue to see where your relationship's at wow i just had an epiphany remember that guy who broke up with me and we still don't know why we broke up he fans of family weekend he invited me to his parents and i didn't go oh do you think that's part of it wow yes i really do think that's part of it the plot pick it does yeah the more we talk about it or maybe we broke up before it i don't have a memory but

if he asked you to meet them yeah then that he either asked me to meet them and then i said no or he asked me to meet them and then we broke up before i met them got it but i think i probably would have said like no but i don't wow um but i would also just say that i think like I don't know I think a month in is pretty quick and I would say like spend the first couple like months dating someone like enjoying dating and having fun and I think like we kind of like try and rush to like that like it only gets good once he's your boyfriend like as if it's this really like rocky unstable thing but I think it can be like really fun and really great while you're still just dating and then by the time that like they're asked like that your boyfriend girlfriend

friend like it's because you're done with the dating stage like you've exhausted it and now you're excited for that like new chapter um and i think like i don't know i just think like definitely when i was younger we rushed through that like a lot more yeah and also you don't necessarily i don't say you don't know what you're getting into but like also it's gonna mean a lot more when like i don't know you guys know like you've known each other for a good amount of time and then it's like oh wow this person like really wants to date me and like they know all my like we've been together for a good amount of time and they like know all this stuff yeah yeah it'll you'll figure it out yeah i don't think it needs to be some big thing or like hey you told me yeah

you want to date unless he just like says he loves you one time during his sleep because mox just to do it drunk and i never brought it up i know because yeah but i think that's like the way to do it you know and then finally when i did let when i let him say it it was really sweet and like that's like a good i don't know like a good memory for both of us versus like him telling me drunk and i can like make fun of him but it's not like he's like shit that was the first you know i mean like a the moment time but um yeah and figure out what else he says in his sleep and it's always fun i always record like record when he's in his sleep or write it down i have literally an entire notes app from like all the shit sydney is saying her sleep so funny and i could just have

conversations and she would just keep responding and i was like you are so fucking asleep this is great it was fun but um yeah congratulations on being in college sophomore year made it longer than me didn't you make it to sophomore year two sophomore year two like and again units wise no got it units wise i did not i made it to i finished the first quarter yeah yeah we weren't even on semester i was on quarters oh geez even shorter megan hey megan so i'm 19 um basically I used to work at this one place, um, and I started dating a guy and his roommate was my best friend and she's a girl. Um, so, okay. So I started dating this guy. Um, it was great for a little while, but then it basically, he was just really shitty to me and

just not a good situation. Um, told me he loves me and then basically tried to ghost me while we're already dating. Um, you know, whatever. Um, so then we broke up. Um, I was pretty emo about it for a while, but then I was getting over it. Everything was fine. Um, now it's like three, four months later and I went on Facebook and his roommate who was my best friend is dating him now so they basically changed their relationship status and she of course didn't tell me this um so I guess her plan was to never talk to me again um which is okay I don't want to be her friend that's not what this call is about um what I'm calling about is that now I'm having a bunch of crazy dreams where I like run into her on the street or I run into both of them and I

used to have these dreams just about him um but now it's just like about her and sometimes in the dream we make up sometimes she ignores me sometimes she like punches me in the face and then he's walking um so I don't know um obviously there's some unresolved feelings there um I feel like a big problem here is that I never really told either of them how I felt and how much they hurt me. So my question is, should I reach out to her just to be like, Hey, that was kind of shitty and that kind of sucked. Um, or should I just leave it alone? I guess. Yeah. Okay. So thank you so much um love your podcast bye so double confirming it's he's now dating his roommate that was her best friend so okay i i'm gonna i wish this was one of the live ones um i'm assuming

that they had a falling out before this because you said that used to be your best friend and that you think that she never had any intention of telling you i think that when she's when the best friend started dating him that's when they stopped talking but you didn't but i don't know because she didn't say anything like and then i was like why you mean like it didn't to me it didn't feel like a friendship lost too yeah it feels like two former people in your life have gotten together so i'm gonna go on based off of that is what i would assume um i'm really happy she's not your roommate definitely thought that's where it was that's what it was at first i'm just like i just imagine this like one of them just walking in on the other one in the shower and

they're like oh i know to do it and then they got together i think i obviously don't want to put ideas in your head and like i don't want to like therapize you at all yep but i think the reason that you feel like unresolved about this or whatever is because like i think you probably have every right to feel this way that he might have been sleeping with her and they might have had something prior to you guys potentially during you guys and it does kind of just feel like you maybe walked into something that you didn't know what it was and then you got blindsided through all of that also the him ghosting while you're dating and then dating her to me that all really makes a lot of sense yeah um point blank she was that's a shitty friend on her part she's not your

friend which i feel like we say every time someone's like oh my friend or ex-friend or whatever your friend yeah she wasn't your friend in this situation at all and then he also just like not no one's being like a mature adult about it and in those situations you don't have like you don't have to be that for everyone like you don't have to sit down and be the bigger person and be like hey this really hurt me they know that it hurt you they know that it sucked like it's a completely douchey terrible thing to do and also like i always think about it in the sense when someone does something so terrible and i'm like i'm i've said this before i love revenge i want revenge so much i want like i want to get even all of that stuff but what i've found through

all of that is i'm the only person who cares i'm the only person who's gonna put it you're the one that's putting in the effort nobody else is putting in the effort so that means that they don't care. No. And, and no matter what anyone does at all, it's never, it's never going to like get any, it's, I'm not going to like relinquish anything. I'm never going to like be rid of that sort of thing because they don't control that. I do like, that's something that's on me. And that doesn't mean that I'm not like petty and still like that kind of stuff. But also there isn't any like cathartic feeling that you think you're going to get through like confrontation because they're not going to say anything great. They're not going to do anything or say anything that's

going to be like oh I'm and even if they said like oh I'm so sorry like that it doesn't change what they did and I think like you just need to be like moving on and be happy that you don't have to deal with either of these two people in your lives anymore um but I mean I very much understand the dream they have that's literally my life is all I have is dreams about like actual real life situations and real life circumstances um but i just i don't know i just i yeah i think like trying to get anything out of them is only gonna put your like make you more vulnerable and put you out there more and take like the control of how you feel and put it in someone else's hands and you can't count on that and it's like it's not gonna help you yeah it's like you said you

wanted to talk to them what you're if you talk to them you might not get what you want no it might be worse it might make you feel worse and the dreams might get even stronger because now you've had this face-to-face contact with them yeah and it's you're also like you've you've been broken up for three four months that's a good amount of time that like you obviously shouldn't i mean not obviously like i think it's totally fair that you don't feel like immediate like you still have these feelings but i think like you don't want to backtrack also as somebody who i my ex-boyfriend and i when we broke up and i was like he yeah asked out another girl to prom and i was like so pissed and i was like i'm gonna talk to him about it and i was just i just wanted him to

apologize and he was such a dick and like i in that situation thought like and i did truly like on paper like i he had no reason to be an asshole he fucked me like it was so mean all of that kind of stuff and like it didn't help me at all it just made me feel worse but i also then realized that same thing i say about closure is like i went in there thinking that there was no way he couldn't say what i wanted him to say because it was so obvious to me and if someone does something shitty the great nice thing that's not obvious to them right like it's just like who fucking cares at that point um yeah i would i would like sit down and write out everything that i want to say to her and then just burn it yeah and then take a boxing class yeah and then i'll get it out your

head um or if you want to send it my therapist was like if you have something that you want to say to somebody yeah um but you know like having an actual like conversation or dialogue with them isn't going to get you anything she's like just sit down and send them an email then block their email address so then you don't have to worry about if they're going to respond or not yeah yeah then you get it out and they have it and then it's just out there if they want to contact you they have other ways to contact you yeah i just i don't know i think like when you're hurt and like someone's fucked you over and done something i think in theory like something that they say can be super like great but all that it's done is shown that their true character

and shown that like you're better than that and so anything they can say like that's beneath you do you know what I mean like you don't you don't need that shit at all yeah um and I would yeah I would I mean I would definitely say like I would throw yourself into something physical I think that will I mean that for me helps my dreams like that's like the if I work out more and if I not even just like Pilates workout but if I do like high intensity like hardcore and I get out that like primal aggression I don't have those kinds of like as like stress anxiety like heightened kind of dreams anymore because like i can have a punching bag and i know you said you your dreams she was punching you but like i can punching bag and i can just picture all of that

stuff and just get all of that stuff kind of out so that my subconscious isn't it's not dwelling on it because it's already been like brought to the surface and dealt with in like a constructive sort of way but um i'd lean on your other friends and like all that stuff and also like or talk to them about it too yeah and they know it's not about like winning a breakup and this is definitely like a like very like childish like response to it too i also think there's some um i think there's an amazing amount of strength in not showing how much someone has hurt you and not giving someone ammo to hurt you more and then opening up to your friends about how much someone people that you trust but putting that like vulnerable hey you really hurt me and like just open like sharing

all of that and opening it up to someone i think it's just like you're just giving them ammo to like go at you and i don't think though i don't think that your vulnerability and like i don't know those like intricate parts of like your feelings and stuff should be in the hands of people who clearly didn't like respect that in the first place at all yeah so i just say that like it doesn't i don't want to say it doesn't make a good look for you but i just don't think that like yeah they don't deserve to know how all of that stuff made you feel because they knew what it was gonna make you feel like going into it then they still did it anyway and don't give them the satisfaction of being like yeah it really did hurt me because they knew they knew it was

gonna hurt you or else they would have talked to you about it before yeah or if they they knew it was gonna hurt you if they respected how you felt then they would have talked about it with you before and then yeah if anything if you tell them that it hurt you now like they already knew that and like they're shit people and like they're gonna yeah they're not gonna care at all and that's such a sucky feeling yeah when you open up to someone and it's just like so clear that it's like well sorry that you're like sad and you feel bad but like i'm in this happy relationship yeah it's just no i don't think that's it's not going to feel good stay strong you want to send the letter you can um send it to um don't blame megan podcast send us our email send us the whole

letter and that'll be and then i'll respond as him and her and i'll give you the apology you want yeah how about that that's a good that's a good time that's a good one okay you just have to remind me to check the email i mean it wouldn't be me will you remind me to check the email just like just forward it to me a text yeah forward it to me looking forward to hearing from you okay guys it is time for don't blame them this is where um listeners will call in with your own experience on previous episodes yeah y'all no Hi, Megan and Melissa. I'm calling in with some of my own advice for a caller on the November M&M episode. There was a question saying she's sick of being friend-zoned and she feels that her plus size has something to do with it. I just wanted to call because I think that you guys gave good advice, but being a plus-size woman myself, I can totally relate.

I've been in only three relationships ever, and I am almost 32, and I want you to know that it is hard. you are plus size um and you think that everyone is just looking for a skinny chick which some are some aren't but i want you to know that there are guys out there who are going to love you for your body uh just the way it is for your personality the way it is it's just a um you know it's just a matter of getting there but i don't want you to give up hope because right around And when I tried to give up hope is when I met my current boyfriend who loves me for my body and for my mind and doesn't want me to be skinny. So there are guys out there. I don't want you to think that this is something bad.

You should embrace yourself, your plus size self. And, you know, you sound like a great person. I'm sure there's someone out there for you. you're just gonna keep looking and you know follow their advice that they gave you on how to find better matches but i wanted to speak to the plus size piece all right thank you guys love the podcast yay i think that's great me too i love that um yeah i mean i think it's also obviously doesn't mean i can't like i'm not gonna speak on behalf of like any community i can only speak on like who i am and like what yeah who i am but i also think that like she's so

right in the sense of like like i the the idea that everyone has this specific body type that they want that's mainstream media 100 like there i've never like i like there are men women who are into every certain body type under the sun and not even like oh i like i love you in spite of something no no that's like your type preference like there are some guys who are like i'm an ass guy i'm not gonna date a girl with a flat ass and i'd be cool bye see you i'll say hi so i think like obviously it's different on like plus sides because like that i mean yeah you're marginalized in every sense of media of being like not represented at all but i think like it sucks when the media the media representation is not represented it doesn't represent how

everyone feels or how like every yeah in general but it's like that's yeah it's it's limiting in that way but i think um yeah i think also the more you put yourself out there you realize that kind of stuff that you're like oh wow this is what everyone says everyone's into but it's not what everyone's into you know at all like low-rise jeans when it was like low-rise jeans we're all into them i was like you know what i'm not most people weren't no that's just the exactly making us they made us think that that's what we wanted to have our thong hanging out that rhinestone actually i did not have a rhinestone thong i mean you would have been like seven i'm gonna say you like a baby yeah um i hope you guys enjoyed this episode if you want to be on an upcoming episode

you can leave us a voicemail at 310-694-0976 international listeners you can send us an audio message at meganpodcast at gmail.com if you are just listening to this podcast uh check us out on youtube and for everyone watching on youtube who comments on every single episode are you on spotify we are on spotify you guys just go to don't blame me dot show it literally has every single link every link every every every single one i urge you guys just like open the description of videos or of podcasts you'll see it it's easy it's very easy to really join our facebook join our facebook come join the i almost said cult come to the club no it's not a cult it's a fun time it's a great time we would love to see you there join the party yeah did that sound like

a pitch for a cult it did how do you make it sound not because like that's the whole point of cults the pitch it's like it is so like broad yeah i don't know come join the community do they ever say community is such a cult word i don't know commune we're not the compound we're not exalting one individual person what's exalting me like raising them to a higher standard we're not raising me to a higher standard no i'm not and i won't either yeah um that's fine um cool bye oh follow us on instagram too please go watch the whole video just as you how fucking weird you're being ew stop i can hear your kissing mouth stop it ew ew ew ew ew okay goodbye don't blame me is a production by me executive produced by melissa demonts camera operator

amanda lechner and music by ryan hunter and giacomo picasso part of the her pod network