Don't Blame Me! - S5E8: Guest: Geo Antoinette Kwan - College Boyfriend Won’t Move In With Me

Episode Date: January 20, 2020

Geo Antoinette joins us this week to answer your questions. We’re sharing advice on how to overcome religious sex stigma, dodging your boyfriend’s ex who’s super territorial, and finding people to date that don’t have a teacher fetish. We have an Update from the caller who felt weird about her boyfriend watching porn and in Don’t Blame Them a listener shares her advice about not wanting to be called certain pet names.  Join our PRIVATE Facebook Group: www.facebook.com/groups/dbmsecretgroup  You must answer all questions correctly to be approved! Follow Us! @meghanrienks www.instagram.com/meghanrienks  @geo_antoinette https://www.instagram.com/geo_antoinette/?hl=en @dontblameme  https://www.instagram.com/dontblamemepod/ @sheisnotmelissa www.instagram.com/sheisnotmelissa   Listen to ad-free on Stitcher Premium! For a free month of Stitcher Premium, go to stitcherpremium.com and use promo code 'BLAME,’ PLUS exclusive bonus episodes. This episode is also brought to you by Betterhelp and Dipsea. Affordable Therapy By State (Curated by Crissy Milazzo): www.tinyurl.com/y64kwdnf    Need Advice?  www.dontblameme.show  Domestic Listeners Call: [phone]   International Listeners Send a Voice Memo To: [e-mail]  … with as much detail as possible under 3 minutes! I’ll do my best to share my wonderful words of wisdom. If you’re under 18, please get your parent’s permission. Advice is for entertainment purposes only, so you can’t blame me if I screw up your life. I kid! My advice IS AMAZING. - Want to WATCH this episode as well? Check out my YouTube channel:  http://youtube.com/meghanrienks Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/join/dontblameme See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

hello guys welcome back to don't blame me today our guest is Gio Antoinette from Bart and Gio on YouTube and you're also a big boss lady am I you are thank you I like that you've got so much to tell everyone else where else they might know you from all the stuff you do uh so i'm part of jk um and jk so it's jk news or jk films jk party um and then i own a gym yeah and a gym apparel line barbell brigade so check that out that's a lot of fun um yeah and just bart and geo like our family channel teach me how to be successful oh when i find out girl i'm telling you all of it you do so much yeah shit like so much and we've had nikki limo on the podcast before and so i've heard she's like oh i have a friend who has a gym and all of this

and i was hearing all this stuff and then i found out that's so sweet the all of the accolades about this like they were you just you oh wow i was like holy shit oh that's so nice like that's yeah she's i mean she's a good hype man i love her yeah she didn't drop her name though no she didn't drop your name oh yeah so she's not a good publicist but she's like a good hype woman you know no i love nikki she does a bunch of stuff herself too she does everywhere she does and i'm over here being like well i've got a podcast and it's taking me about six years to write my book uh well guys if you are new here this is an advice podcast and the phone number if you want to call in is 310-694-0976 and international listeners you can send us an

audio message at meganpodcasts at gmail.com i'm happy you know the phone number now oh yeah oh you didn't know before no it took a lot it took so way too long dude you're flexing on us all day today good for you i also practiced the phone number yesterday in my apartment alone yeah were you in front of a mirror no i was just sitting at my desk and suddenly i was like you were sitting at your desk no i was sitting at my dining room that's what i figured i love it she calls you out oh my gosh i love it yeah no do you even own a desk yes okay okay go in that room that we were talking about that all her shit the hoarding it's so clean now should we get on to the call yeah i'm 23 and um i just have a little a little issue um i went to

catholic private school my whole life um if it was up to my choice back when i was a middle schooler i would have loved to go to the fun looking public school that my neighbors went to um now i am not religious i have not been religious since i was probably 16 and i still have this weird thing about sex where i still have that weird stigma even though i don't agree the same thing a bit and I am very much a feminist I am just not religious at all you know if you are that's fine to you um but I guess it just still bothers me a little bit and I'm still a little uncomfortable about sex and I guess my my question is how do you get over that um stigma that you were brought up with and that's still kind of in the back of your head about sex and about

like I you know I got the whole tape tape on the arm thing I have I've heard the whole you know chewed gum argument all of it and I was just wondering if you guys have any tips on how I can be more comfortable with sex and having sex and stuff I've been with my boyfriend for five years and we all we have sex all the time but it's still in the back of my head sometimes and it's kind of good so if you have any tips on that i'd be awesome thank you that's definitely not weird no i grew up very catholic yeah uh well okay wait let me take that back i don't know why i just lied so i grew up in a catholic household not very catholic but uh so i'm mexican and then we like to have the picture of jesus and stuff like all over our walls and my mom had like a saint in every

single room so um just knowing that and then knowing that god's like all over and like big brother is right absolutely like masturbating was the worst up until like I was like 30 something like I would even have to do it under the covers like that I'm just like they're fucking watching me right now like I can't I can't do this um so I can totally relate to that absolutely um and so I don't think it's weird at all for me what helped me at least was just like going fuck this like how was I created like they were busting nuts for sure you know what I mean like they're busting nuts so I need to bust nuts too and I would just like take the cover off but it felt so weird yeah and it just took time absolutely yeah I mean that makes total sense I grew up totally opposite I

grew up like in such a sex positive environment that I was like please stop talking it was disgusting I was like I need you not to talk about anal sex all the time your parents would talk to you about anal sex I was not into it it was not a good time well we can we can get it it was just too much it was like it was like it was over the top talk about like your mom would get like on the table and be like this is what happens or like that's over the top i mean i don't know if she would get on tables and stuff but like my like it was very much like unsolicited sex advice and like intimacy talk with me and all of my friends and or acquaintances and or boys i talked to like at in middle school and i was like this is terrible so there's a happy i think there's

a happy medium yeah like empowering your kids with knowledge but also not like grossing them out okay before i've had a period and we're like talking about like i don't know like gross stuff i mean not gross stuff but like as a kid as a kid it's nasty hell yeah but i mean so i've i don't know why i suddenly stumble upon these youtube channels and i will sometimes watch them of uh like i don't know if you call it like ex-religious people or uh people who've like kind of come out and usually it tends to be more really intense if it's like mormonism or something like any and anything like that and they have these youtube channels where they talk about that kind of stuff and there is a channel called mr atheist and i literally watched like a 45 minute video that he did

and that's how i know the chewed gum metaphor because he did a whole video about purity culture and it's about um if you chew a piece of gum it's really great first then you keep chewing it you keep chewing in all like no one else wants this like and other people are chewing this piece of gum and then your husband gets this piece of gum that is essentially you and it's already chewed up and like no one wants that now that's gross that's used oh so i don't know what the tape one is that's the gun one what's the tape one is demonstrating oh the tape's no longer sticky anymore that's what it is yeah you can't put in tape on people till it's not sticky yeah so he talks about this like in his uh on his channel and he used to be really grew up really religious

and had a hard time and a huge thing he focuses on is the uh the danger and like the issues with purity culture which i think is like a huge part of the guilt because you it is your boyfriend you're not married to him so like in the world of religion that that is not okay uh so i would have really suggest i think like what you said of really just going for it and then practicing that because i think like anything when you're so used to something for so long and let's say you spent like i don't know you said 16 16 years of your life practicing this one thing that was right and you're in your 20s now that's not it hasn't been 16 years of doing the opposite so you just have to make the time that you've been sex positive and enjoy that just as long i think it

might take you just as long of each kind of realm of your life to kind of get there and feel comfortable because you're unlearning 16 years of behavior yeah um and then i would also really encourage to watch and like consume content of people who are in that same position so i think his channel is really really great uh there's another one she's still religious but she's very uh she's a feminist and she's like liberal yeah all that stuff and her name is uh god is gray why do i watch all this stuff i'm literally i know nothing about maybe i also know nothing about religion yeah okay and so she's also great so i think it might be great to watch and consume content from someone who's in your position and then also someone who is uh religious because

if your parents are still religious there might be some like sure feeling that and then from someone who is religious but also a feminist and very pro-sex pro uh choice all of that sort of stuff so I think that might be like some good empowering stuff to feel like reassured absolutely and I think just the circles that you involve yourself into for sure like having friends that will support that um definitely helps because if you have friends that are supporting the old school of thought then you're for sure going to feel guilty and you can't open you're going to be lying um and then uh yeah so so getting motivation and inspiration from your friends and just the the immediate circle that you keep um and then just being completely open with your

partner I think helps a lot um communication is key and I feel like if if you can you know voice it when it's happening too like if it's during sex and saying like wow I feel kind of uncomfortable yeah it might kill the mood in the beginning but after a while it's like he's gonna help you get through it and you're not alone yeah and you can like learn those cues and triggers and if certain things make you feel more uncomfortable or if you're feeling like I'm feeling really confident and I like want to go for it like right now and that kind of stuff I think the more he knows and is involved in that yeah better he can help you yeah absolutely and i would tell my mom too because she grew up with that school of thought too and for her even me moving out was

like oh you only want to move out because you want to have sex huh and i'm like what the hell like no because i want to be independent i want my own shit not to put any like shade on my mom like she's the best uh but i would give her the analogy of like yeah i like i want to have sex because like you know you want to like when you buy a car like that's a big purchase like you're not just gonna drive off the lot and be like well i hope this works yep you're just like well let me test it out let me drive it a little bit and see if it's my fit and if it's not then i get to another car exactly that's okay rent a car i'm all about it um well best of luck i have so much faith in you and also if you're not a part of our facebook group you totally should because i feel like

there's a lot of people who would also relate to this it sounds really nice in there yeah it is it's a good time it is a good time make sure you answer all the questions and correctly yeah yeah don't be dumb and then if you're dumb you're out you're getting declined damn it yeah no you won't be okay cool thanks uh should we go on to the next okay so i'm in college right now and that's i've been dating my boyfriend for about a year and a half now um and i'm not gonna be living on campus next year like i'm gonna get an apartment off campus um and my boyfriend is also looking for a new apartment, and so, like, I just suggested casually that, like, what if we moved in together, and, like, like, split a three-bedroom apartment four ways, like, you know,

um, and I brought it up casually, and he was, like, vehemently against it, like, really not okay with it, like, not, not okay, but he was, like, I don't want to talk about that right now, I don't want to put ourselves in a situation where if something goes to shit you know we're like stuck in the leaves together I really don't want to talk about it right now there's no point in talking about it blah blah blah and I'm like okay I get it like I get that like obviously there's a risk anytime you move in together but I can't tell if I'm just being like the crazy girlfriend that's obsessed that he's not like immediately on board to move in with me or if like this is some kind of like red flag like he expects something to go wrong or something like that i could totally be

like just being a girl and being insane and upset that he doesn't want to live with me oh um here's the thing you're not uh you being crazy has nothing to do with you being a girl um thank you i thought that too and it's not like oh i'm a crazy girlfriend i just think you have you're you happen to be a woman and you happen to be being a little crazy like you're being a little like it's it's a lot and i think and we were saying this while the call is happening i just point blank gonna say it if i offend you i offend you i fucking hate couples who live together in college why i just think it it cuts you off from everyone like the i was in a i was in a sorority for a year assuming that they're spending time together the whole time yeah and

Any time I met a girl who was like, I went to school with her or whatever for, again, the two years I was there. And by two years, I mean year and a couple of months. OK. And from freshman or sophomore year, when sophomore year, some people moved in with their boyfriends. Never once saw them. Never, ever, ever once saw them.

Yeah, they're boning the whole time. The whole time. And then also a huge amount of the time, they do end up breaking up. Yeah. And they are the only ones each other has. Like, that's literally it. It becomes already dating in college. Like, so fun.

That's great. But it's the same thing. like when you go in with a high school boyfriend or a long distance relationship it changes how you interact with people at school and if you're gonna live with your significant other you become so unrelatable to your peers no one really wants to hang out if you don't relate to anyone what if you're like and go to community college like go like don't even live near like don't even be involved then that's the part that i don't like i just don't think is i don't know and i think he's being incredibly smart yeah he is and like i don't think it's like oh wow he thinks something's gonna

go wrong right like well to be honest if you want to get statistic like statistically yeah there's it's more likely that this relationship is going to end yeah in a breakup than it is going to be in marriage and also there's like for him it's it's the first time he's also being independent and if he's already had an apartment and lived with friends sure he wants to keep having an apartment like living with his friends and having a girlfriend and having it be fun but moving in together is playing house like you're playing and you it's totally valid and fine if you don't want to play house regardless of the age that you're at but also like a year into a relationship like if you're like 20 20 21 22 and you're like yeah i don't i don't really want to do that right now i

still want to have these like four years of fun and the only time i'm gonna be like living with like 16 guys and doing keg stands and all of that like it's an experience but i don't think it has any indication of how of what he feels about you yeah absolutely i agree 100 um i think this comes for sure from a place of insecurity because like i can relate to her at her age yeah um because i was just under such house arrest that for me any type of freedom i was like yeah i'm gonna go crazy however um i still wanted because i don't know i just felt like i needed to be by a guy yeah like I needed that comfort to be with a guy and then once I fell for a guy then I was so head over heels that I'm like I want to do everything with this dude what's the ultimate validation right

like being validated by a guy that you like is so much it's just it's everything yeah so I didn't care if I had girlfriends I didn't care about any of that and then I was like well if we break up then you know then we'll do our whatever thing like well it's gonna be complicated and messy but I'll do that but trying to put myself in her shoes I get where she's coming from and for sure it's 100% insecurity um but to kind of flip it flip the perspective for you uh I didn't catch your name but we don't do names oh okay then never mind um yeah to flip it on you it's like well what if you want to go out with your girlfriends like you would have to kind of ask for permission like it's it's not like can I go out but it's going to be one of those hey me and the girls are going to

do whatever and it's like I don't know it's kind of like having a second daddy that you kind of have to check in with that's kind of weird yeah and I think moving in with a significant other is a huge life step and in every aspect of college is a huge life step too and it's combining these two things that really like that's so much pressure on both of you it's so much pressure on your relationship you already have your school work to focus on you have a relationship to focus on you have uh like your housing to focus on and then you're going to combine all of those things together and you're just putting it's just putting so much pressure on all of that and I think that can be really hard especially at this crucial time of growing up and you need to grow up

independently to like end up in a really healthy relationship and I think it's not like he wants to break up it's not like he's trying to break up but it doesn't sound that way no it sounds like he really likes you but it's let's take your time at each stop and also I think as exciting as it is to have a boyfriend and regardless of how much time you spend with them and all of that it can be kind of fun to like go home to your own place and like text him and then you can still spend the night with each other all the time right there's no reason not to and as somebody who i moved in we always talk about this the same thing we don't even think you should live with like friends because it can really fuck up your relationship and so like and i think about in college i moved

in with girls who i really thought were like my best friends in college and it was so terrible that was the reason why i dropped out and so if i think about it in the sense of relationships it's already hard enough to get along with roommates and live with your friends to then put that pressure on a boyfriend it just sets there's just so many expectations and there's these chores and all of this stuff and you guys are just learning how to be independent i think it's it's not a great way to become i think that will just teach you how to be codependent i don't think it'll teach you how to be independent without him and he's aware of that and so i think if the tables were if it was if you guys were both gung-ho and all for it and

you didn't want to have other friends it was fine then for sure go do your own thing but i don't think this is you being crazy i think this is you being really excited and kind of not being as like logical and rational as he is yeah which isn't it's not like a knock on you or anything like that but i think i'm so glad that you have him to be like hey i don't think we should do that and if he hurt your feelings with how he responded like if in your mind there was a nice way for him to say no i think figure that out or if it it just hurt your feelings because he doesn't want to yeah so i think if he did hurt your feelings by he said it you could say like hey you know what i really respect that like you don't want to do this and that's totally fine and i get it but

kind of how you said it just made me feel like you don't see a future with us at all and i don't want to waste my time but if it was just that he was like no i i i don't really think that's a good idea then yeah figure that on your own that's a really good advice that's really nice well i like the way you said that i i also just want to look out for you and your and i also think about her friends like her poor friends would be like don't move in with your fucking boyfriend yeah hang out with us yeah like who are you gonna get ready with things for yeah i mean like you're not gonna sit on the floor and do your makeup like that is a crucial part of college absolutely and boys are messy oh my god yeah i smell kind of funny and like very but that age you're still pretty used

to like college and you're not really actually functioning as an adult so you really don't even know how to clean up yet like yeah and you're gonna have to sleep on like gross sheet yeah yeah having two separate spaces is cool i think that's great advice i mean you guys can sleep over and hang out the whole time but yeah i didn't i never felt like he was like i'm trying to do my own side shit without yeah no i yeah i don't think that's what it is at all but yeah hold your horses slow down yeah it'll it'll happen when it's later you know when you're in that age you're just like nothing else is gonna happen the time is also he sounds like he's older than her and my freshman year the guy that i was dating freshman year he was older than me and if he was

and if i i didn't ever think about moving in together but like let's just say that like it became a possibility out of it oh my god yeah like I'm such an adult like not making fun of you in that sense but that was that feeling of being like oh my god I had this intense validation I got picked by this guy who's like he's a junior he's so much older than me he's like cool I'm popular and like I'm the shit like and then I would just want to skip all the steps and kind of play house but it's not necessarily healthy and also we broke up so I'm really fucking glad that you never did anything like that good call oh yeah it was a bad time uh well best of luck um and you've got this let us know what happens on to the next one what's up little fuckers i am

26 years old i feel like i'm living a high school nightmare right now my live-in boyfriend he broke up with his ex three months before we started dating and they only dated for five months and she's just she's around all the time his the females and his friend group are like best friends with her but also talk mad shit about her to me all the time and I told them I was like hey I don't feel super comfortable with you sharing such like personal details about this girl's life and also I don't want this to be a topic of conversation because I don't want to fucking talk about someone else as a form of entertainment and they didn't take that super well so now every time she's around they're always like hey so so-and-so is going to be there

really sorry but there's nothing you can do about it she's not going anywhere or she'll get there before me or after me but recently she's been around more and she comes into parties and bars like hot she comes in hot peeing is like a circle around his friends really really loud like really lovey very much like marking her territory like these are my best friends and I'm just kind of like I try talking to her she ignores me um she just makes it super she makes it so uncomfortable and my boyfriend picks up on that and he's like hey we don't have to hang out with them you can do different things or like we just won't be there when she's there but it all just feels really childish to me and when I told him I just text

her or not text her dm her and be like let's just grab a drink and I'm not going anywhere that's for sure and it seems like these people really want you around despite them not being super great friends um so we might as well like squash things but he told me not to do that my friends told me not do that. And I just, I don't know what to do. I live, like, my family, people, you know, got divorced. Like, an uncle I grew up with my whole life, it's like, oh, I guess not going to see freaking, I don't know, Uncle Bob anymore. So it's just strange to me that they're, like, so, so holding on to this person. And I don't know, I just feel so weird. And i need some help i don't know what to do like what what's going on i don't know it's all very

strange and i talked to his friends about it and they're like oh but we love her you love her but she's looked here her whole life and she didn't know you guys before y'all started dating to find find new friends you know i mean to be honest i don't really know there's anything she can do um i mean i think everything she's doing is fine like trying to like talk to her I think that was really mature of her like she didn't have to do that yeah but it just kind of focused on her man and then just kind of been cordial and then you know once they're gone then it's just her and her man but her going above and beyond for me that's a huge debt I think that's very mature yeah um but yeah I don't know what I would tell her to do I think what her her

her dude did was pretty cool like well we don't have to hang out that like was very comforting and i would feel like wow thank you for like choosing our relationship um yeah that that one's tough because they sound like they're fake friends yeah they sound very fake yeah i wouldn't want to be friends with i was gonna say they're talking behind her back and then reporting it back on the other side so they're probably doing the same thing absolutely i would keep that in mind and have that be like oh cool i'm so glad that i got to hear this because now i'm not necessarily gonna trust that that much the issue is is you just can't control anyone else but you right and i i am not gonna call this other girl um a leo or a scorpio but i think she might be

and like i could totally see that and as a leo i completely under like i totally i i could see that and the thing is is if you want to be if you want to like you both have to want to squash it doesn't sound like she wants to squash it right so if you're gonna keep trying and being like you know i want to be i want to be over this this is so dumb that totally makes sense but unless she also wants to be there it's not gonna stop it's not gonna work and you're investing all of this time and energy to kind of like you know like have something go away or solve something that someone else isn't even like she just wants to be pissed at you yeah and so at the end of the day i think like if you i think it's fine if you want to reach out to her and like get drinks and talk

about it but i think it's she's pretty clearly shown you that i don't think she's trying to squash anything or trying to go away like deal with anything like that and she also just might not like you and that's okay yeah and you just have to like i don't want to sound bitch but yeah you just kind of have to accept it and stop trying to get her to do something or be somebody that she's not right and i think that will be really liberating for you but yeah you can't really control who they're friends with and sure logistically does it make sense that she was only like in there for five months and all of that stuff and maybe she became better friends with the people like the friend group than their relationship was like maybe those friendships

escalated and got more serious than the relationship did which totally happens i have like i know friends who like still friends with like exes has broken up and like that whole circle has still kind of maintained what it is but i think you just need to figure out what it is that are you gonna be okay like can you just let her dislike you yeah i think i think she's gonna have to so when i was saying that it was very mature of her to reach out i think that was the best thing you could have done and like you mentioned yeah she clearly stated her position she's not going anywhere and it just shows you um like her mental state like she's just kind of very mature to be like well i'm here like i'm coming in hot everyone look at me uh that just shows her maturity level

i if i were you i would just have a good time with my man support him just know that those are his friends they're not your friends and you just keep it cordial you're the good girlfriend and you just support your man with that um don't open up and try to be like the best of friends because you already see what type of quality of people they are um just keep it fun just know that she's showing off because she's i mean from what i'm getting she's kind of intimidated and she's just like damn it like i need to show him that like he lost a good thing when he's just like not even into it so you've already won the battle girl yeah yeah no exactly and i think this is the best this is the outcome that it is i don't think there's anything that's going to change from us

I don't see her going away and I don't see her and you kind of squashing the beef and like being nice to each other. And I don't see any of that happening. I think everybody's kind of shown their cards of who they are. His friends, his female friends have shown who they are. Your boyfriend has shown who he is, which is really great and really nice about this. And then she's shown who she is. And I think right now you're the most mature person.

You and your boyfriend are the most mature ones in the situation. You're trying to get people on your level and they're not going to get there. and there's something as someone who I very much have been in the position of like trying to get someone to like me really bad and then finally when you just like fuck this why am I trying to do this because I'm putting all this effort in and you're it's like I'm waiting on you and you're like at a we're at a restaurant and I'm your server and I just keep coming to you and you're sitting there being like yeah and you said it you're not on the same level no and then when you finally just stop that it's like oh wow I can be myself now now I can be myself in this group

of people I'm not worried about it I don't really give a shit like I'm not thinking about you because there's nothing i can do to change you and that's fine and it's not a threat to your relationship at all yeah and so these people and these friends and i think i i would like with your boyfriend i would definitely i don't think you need to hang out with these people as a group that much also because regardless of the girlfriend these friends are shitty too so like yeah listen with him be like cool let's do our own thing or let's hang out with our other friends or go do this stuff and then on the occasion that there is something fun and it's an activity that we want to do or it's someone's birthday and there's an actual reason but let's not turn to

them for all of our social activities because it's not a fun place yeah and then you're not gonna have a good time and he's gonna feel bad because you're not having a good time and it's yeah i just i wouldn't spend as much time with them yeah and because they're both mature like he'll come around it sounds like it sounds like um if you just stay positive and you just know what you bring to the table and just know they're not your type of people um he'll might he might even start feeling it and going like wow these people are kind of shitty i prefer those people over there yeah yeah yeah and you guys live together you know do that whole thing invite other couples if you're friends with to hang out and all that stuff but yeah god or also you could

just do to her level and be a massive bitch to her too yeah and just get really fucking hot pull your titties out oh no that is my making out with anytime someone like comes in hot trying to be a bitch i go oh okay i see you me too i like i was like i see this and i raise you one more oh you do oh yeah so you can do that too but i i don't think that sounds like oh 100 that's how i'm old i'm like i'm tired of just hearing that no i'm i'm the kind of person where i'm like let me throw on some thigh high boots let me tower above these tiny bitches and i will crush you yeah at the end of the day you sound way more mature yeah and i sound like the ex-girlfriend but you sound like a lot of fun and then i would it's like if i was that girl and you're the ex-girlfriend i'd be like

wow you look really hot and i'd walk away and you're like and that's that's the stuff that you're like oh my gosh you look so great and also you're so fucking fake nice to her she doesn't even need to know that it's fake yeah and you can just be so nice then everyone's like oh my god she's being so nice i know and then she's talking so much shit about you but she's so nice to you like oh my god i love those boots yeah get them from oh my god your body looks so hot she's like yeah she's like what do i say now she's on my team yep yep yep it's like hannah ann on the bachelor if anyone's watching no no one's watching school it's fine um well best of luck with this let us know what happens and if you happen to know her birthday please let me know

that's funny yes leo i feel like it's a leo or a scorpio like there's a lot of like revenge in there okay guys it's time for a quick break and we'll be back with the rest of the calls okay guys we are back from our break and it's time for the rest of our calls hey Megan okay so I am 22 um and I just have like a weird dating question so I'm a middle school teacher I love my job I love working with kids you know I've always wanted to teach and I finally get to do it but as a young single teacher it's hard to find like a dating pool um when i put on my teacher on like bumble or tinder like dating apps um it's like totally fetishized i don't know how to say that word right but it's like guys messaging

me like wanting to fulfill that like teacher fantasy they had as kids and it's totally weird you know so then i take it off and then it's like they eventually find out anyway like the weirdos do and so I don't know like I don't know and there's this weird thing of like my friends being like we'll just date a single dad well I'm 22 I'm not out here trying to like have a like a I don't know I do want to get married someday and like have kids and do the whole house thing but I don't know a good way to find a dating pool that's like I've always hated boys a little older than me so my age or older but also who are just like normal and like saying people so i do work like a monday through friday like i get up at 6 a.m and i get home around 4

35 depending how good the day is so um just any advice on just how to find like a sane single dating pool um i live in the south so i guess trying not to date someone crazy republican is also makes the pool smaller so thank you i love the podcast bye you have to find someone who's not a republican who's also probably not racist and um you know a feminist and doesn't have a teacher fantasy wow that is so weird to me i mean i don't think it's a weird it's a total like fantasy for a lot of people but just like the fucking balls on these dudes to just be like yo like you've gotten those dms stop it no i have i told you i don't have male fans really oh fuck no i'll get like marriage offers for like sheeps like i'll give you 15

sheeps if you marry me and i'm like hey hey you get sheep no i get like send me pictures of your feed i'll buy some i want to i so badly i want to i want it you're into it we want to sell i want to get that coin you're gonna forward them please honestly okay not even kidding yeah i've gotten guys like take pictures of their like their butt and then they stick something in their ass it has my name on their ass and they're like i did this for you i'm so jealous no you're not no i am creepy no i am i mean i'm not that creeped out but i'm just it's amazing i love that it's amazing um i don't know like i haven't been on like tinder but like i've been with my husband for 11 years now so i've missed that whole thing so i don't know what the dating world is like i mean is that weird

i mean it's just like you have more opportunities and more people so by result you're gonna have more creeps than you will like just in an everyday basis because the pool's bigger so let's say you're going out of like there's a hundred guys and 50 are creepy you've the same odds like if you if you do like there's five and ten but i think if you're getting like 50 creepy dudes you're like holy shit this is a lot but i think that's the whole thing it's like everybody is on a dating app so it's the people that you're not necessarily going to come across with in everyday life which is great and also negative like yeah if i'm on a dating in my every everyday life i do not come across any racist republicans at all but if i get on a dating app you do i might because like that's

not my circle those aren't the people that i surround myself with those aren't any of that stuff so at the same time oh it's great if i in my everyday life haven't met somebody and so i'm like okay i need to expand so a dating app can help you expand in that but yeah you're gonna have to sift through a lot more people who really aren't necessarily like-minded um and i think i think you just need i would i don't know what your profile looks like what if her profile picture is like her in a little miniskirt a ruler i was gonna say if your profile picture is if your whole profile is like hella fucking sexy and then your bio says i'm a teacher but like the sexy might be for people that have that fetish like in a like cardigan no yes that's what i mean like i think

like i i would really steer clear of like any of your images and stuff like i just think like your profession teacher but if anything if those messages discourage you of getting those because i think you're going to get them if you say you're a teacher because you already are getting them and if that makes you feel gross and weird then take that out of your bio don't say what you said she did yeah they still figure it out then you're dating then why are you going out with weird dudes yeah that's what i'm thinking i think that you might i don't maybe you're not vetting them enough beforehand and having conversations and let's also narrow it down to like uh if a guy immediately is messaging you being like like that second pick is so sexy cut him off the wrong

approach yeah so I think he just wants the booty yeah I think there might be some other ways you can read into them before they come out because I think it's again I I don't want to like place myself on a pedestal but like I could never imagine myself going on a date with someone who would say something like that because I would vet them so hardcore before right that you would kind of know their personality and how they talk to you and unless it just completely comes out of left field in which case leave the fucking date and try again yeah but i think this is that's so not the majority that i think you just happen to be picking and going on dates with guys who are like that and i think you just need to do some more vetting maybe that's texting them more before

the date it's any of that stuff and maybe it's you're only going to message guys or continue messaging them who don't mention anything about like your looks or your picture and they talk about like the prompts that you have and all of that stuff um but yeah i just i i think that's so yeah mild yeah no that's really good advice um there's this i don't know if you know her shannon budram she's like she's been on here oh god i love her so much but she did a whole video like how to like up your profile make it look like it's best um you can do that me i'm a little bit more old school and like i was saying i kind of missed that whole boat of the dating app so what i like if now like if i heaven forbid like were to break up with my husband then i would

probably go and do activities yeah i would go do activities i would go to the gym i'd go rock climbing i'd go hiking and find different groups that you know do that um and then i feel like i would naturally just kind of click with people and then through that that's kind of like a dating app where you're opening up that pool of people that you surround yourself with and then you already have someone that's kind of like-minded and you get to see them interact so that's like an alternative to it um but yeah everything you said i think is really really good maybe you should date a teacher that's what i was gonna say if you live like close to a college or university yeah somebody that's like studying because like a male teacher it's kind of hard to find like in the like

elementary school middle school it's kind of hard but if you're it's like a somebody studying to be a professor or something yeah yeah i don't think there's anything wrong with you being a teacher i think it's the vetting yeah like i think it's the dudes i think it's the dudes that you're talking to and i think the them having a teacher fetish is probably the least of their gross qualities what are your like and i don't think it's a gross quality i just mean like to bring up on like a first date to a teacher also like know your audience what are some of like if we're having like i'm a guy we're having an exchange what are the red flags for you the first one you said was wow that that picture yeah something about a picture i mean so i would say something about

a picture uh any use of like tongue out emojis or any sort of immediate nicknames like yeah yeah or like nickname baby girl girl like babe any of that stuff is just it's a lot or anything that feels really like uh I don't even want to say this or like a line but it feels it sounds kind of like a like a movie or it sounds like this really sweet too good to be true I always am like I wouldn't say that to someone i don't know because i don't want to give them the wrong idea like i don't want to come across like come on really strong and any guys who do that i'm like you're doing that to everybody because you're just trying to like get in yeah the pants and uh yeah any guy who just and it's also the the lack of interest of anything other than just trying to

meet up yeah so if someone like is actually interested in like asking me some questions or being funny so like the number one thing i say is the back and forth kind of banter so anytime i was like continue on messaging someone as if i would always say so if it was like bumble and it's girls talk first i would say i would make a joke relating to either one of their pictures or uh one of like little like text prompts sort of stuff but it was never like a hot or a sexy or like cute dog like none of that fucking shit it would be something smart and like quippy and funny and then from there if they responded to that with like a hubba hubba no but if they responded with the same like like I can be snarky and like funny too then from there I'd be like oh okay cool

I would always go like humor first and connect on that before anything else because also at the end of the day we both swiped right because we thought each other was attractive we don't need to kind of harp on that and reiterate that because that to me is like oh yeah you just want to fuck yeah like I get that like now I'm trying to see obviously I want to fuck you I look saw what you look like now let's kind of have that like personality talk get along with um and yeah anything just corny any corny cheesy stuff you're out because you know that that's your line i i hate to say i mean i don't hate to say this because the book name of my book but you're not that special like which sounds super fucking harsh but if a guy is talking to you in the first five

minutes is coming on so fucking strong there is that sense of validation and being like oh my gosh like i'm special this is what everyone says date someone who makes you feel special he doesn't know you he doesn't know that you're special yet so he's saying this to everybody yeah and that's kind of like a icky sort of thing do certain apps do certain things like you were saying bumble the girl yeah girl talks first on bumble hinge a huge part of it is like facebook uh like for like friends of friends and that kind of stuff um and then tinder tends to usually be a bit more of like the straight people hookup app grinder is more of like gay hookup app and then most of as far as my gay friends now uh talk to me about it then tinder is like a more dating for gay guys so if you're a

gay guy on tinder you're more likely to want to date than if you're just like grinders you're just trying to hook up um and then there's like a bunch of other ones like if you're jewish like j-swipe j-date uh there's coffee meets bagel all of those different things but i think the best meant way to go about dating apps is to download as many as you can and continue on with that and i think there's also something great that happens with that which is actually how a couple of my friends have gotten with their boyfriends is they've matched on multiple apps and then it's like oh okay cool and then it's like haha like we totally match this other one and i'm messaging here and that kind of stuff and then i think that's also a way you can see if someone i don't

know i i think it tends to cross-reference each like people's profiles and see if they're putting different stuff on different ones if it's just a little sus and a little weird yeah um but i i think dating apps are a really great fantastic thing i think it's just about learning how to use them and the same way that i don't want to compare it to acting because not as necessarily if the more times you put yourself out there the more times you're going to get rejected and so if you have all of these people you're gonna have to work a little bit harder and you're gonna have to deal with a lot more rejection just because there's more people and there's more opportunity and that doesn't mean that it's like oh wow this is so bad like I think you're more

likely to get rejected so many more times on a dating app than you are in real life yeah but also you have so many more opportunities for something on a dating app than you might have in real life yeah and the amount that you're learning and you're adjusting you're like okay I know I really don't want that like now you know if a guy comes at you with a teacher fetish you know for a fact that you don't like that shit so that's awesome like use all that data yeah yeah and then also I if you're not conservative like how I would rule out on dating apps is the first thing I look at is uh not even what they look like the first thing I look at is their political affiliation and if they're conservative left conservative left if they're um what's the

moderate left if they're anything other if they're like not like apolitical left and so i was only swiping right on people who are liberal and then for me that also does the okay cool so i'm only swiping around a liberal i don't have to worry about i most likely don't have to worry about you being racist i don't like it's not a high risk of you being a complete misogynistic sexist ass like there is there is those things it might still totally happen right but i'm kind of making that pool a little bit smaller and then from there like whittling it down to the rest of that stuff but i think you just need to uh yeah i just swipe as much as possible yeah more opportunity the more chances and then if you ever need helps like show the profile to your friends with the messages to

your friends and they can be like yeah no yeah the real friends the ones that tell you the fucking truth yeah not the ones are like well my cousin's sister's friend actually dated this guy and like he had a fetish like a teacher fetish but like they totally went away and they're fine and happy now yeah you're like that didn't get rid of that one not the acceptance of the rule he's just not that into you'd really taught none of us anything like come on yeah fantastic movie what um i'm sorry for trying to move on but um what about like instagram damning is that bad is that too thirsty i mean it more likely than not like you know the dms you're getting are like well mine are weird yeah but i don't know anyone who gets uh i mean i think if it's a friend of a friend and something

like that i could totally i could see that sort of happening um but i don't i don't know i think dating app is still easier yeah just because you know you both know what you are looking for and i also think that's 10 a lot of the time i think when two people see each other on a dating app it's also confirmation that like hey hopefully i'm single and like i'm looking for a relationship and i think the like the balls it takes to dm someone like point blank you don't really know what they're doing or and it's like i'm so fucking confident i'm just gonna slide into your fucking dms and you're gonna want to date me and do you know i mean like it yeah it does kind of feel like a little it's just a little bit different you're not really in the same playing field but

i think it could work but i just i mean isn't that how um um sarah highland and that guy from the bachelor wells i think that's how they started dating oh so it can happen i think it can yeah okay well let us know how it goes if you revamp your profile all of that sort of stuff and i hope you find i have a lot of faith that you're gonna find a guy who's absolutely not um conservative who's not a racist and who's not a piece of shit and who also isn't just trying to get you to spank them with a ruler it does it does sound fun though it does bent over a desk no and that's like why i totally get that fantasy but i also just think that like if you're going out with a teacher the fucking audacity to be like yo i got that fantasy and be like of course

that's the thing is like i would never like want to do with an actual that's what i mean it would be in a role-playing type thing yeah that's the part that's like so fucking weird she should do it go out and then rate them oh it'd be like you get a fucking f failed yeah wow that's just gross the audacity of some of these men um now it's time for an update yeah and this one is from our most controversial episode oh shit you know which one i'm talking about i don't is it about porn okay hey there megan um i was featured on an episode with taylor back in like June of 2018 and I was just looking at the podcast again and thought you know I should update everybody um I was talking about like the traumatic experience of figuring out I guess like

how my boyfriend experiences his sexuality with porn um and yeah I just thought I'd give you an update I'm now almost 23 much older much wiser um or actually just got engaged um and we love porn and we love sex and we also love Jesus and that's totally okay um yeah I just thought I would update you I think I definitely needed that hard honest truth for a hot second there I think that you know I just didn't really have any role models or anybody to be able to go to to ask about this because I think that unfortunately in a lot of the circles I used to hang out in it was a pretty taboo topic but honestly like ever since that summer I definitely make part of my goal and my vibe to reach out and make sure that I'm having conversations with my friends that talk about

sexuality and intimacy with our partners so that it's not something that we're scared to talk about um anyways yes thanks for giving me the advice all of those years ago because I don't know if we would be engaged in getting married and still be together if it wasn't for that so yeah in this reflected period in time in my life I just had to say thanks so anyways still love listening to the podcast don't worry you didn't make me hate it because you were being harsh and honest i needed it thanks again um bye holy shit yeah both of you i want this on my fucking great show yeah oh we got so much from that so so so much shit because like a five second like update i'm pretty sure it was she had found out her boyfriend was watching porn and she was like really angry and

it was about like sex addiction and how this was like really bad and it was just yep she was very very anti it and both the get and the guests and all of that we were very much pro yeah pro all of that stuff and how there's really nothing wrong with it and all of that and we got so much flack from the audience being like porn is disgusting if my boyfriend or my husband would never watch porn for sure watch i know and that was the whole thing that we were like everyone does and also and personally i don't watch porn i'm not into porn that's also but i also know that i am an anomaly because i don't even like watching people kissing on tv and i think that's because i as an actor i watch and i'm like oh god like i i have this like secondhand feeling of like i can't stay

in it because i know the logistics of it like and i've like you know there's like bad and good like i mean there's like fine and then bad experiences when it comes like intimacy stuff on camera and i just i get i don't find it sexy because i just think about logistics but that's because i've been in the i'm not porn but like the logistics of it all of like you know scripted um but porn can be scripted it's for sure scripted no no yeah yeah but i mean like in like there's no like actual real like sex and anything like that but um that there's so nothing wrong with it but we got so much flack from the audience and so many people who are just so completely i don't think we got many comments on our side at all if any oh yeah but this was a while ago yeah and i think

that since then we've weeded out a lot of those people that are closed-minded and we in our age bracket has also increased yeah for the audience well and i think this makes so much sense and that's like this i'm so glad you called into update because like it it in we we never want to be like ageist on the show but there is this like crucial time period of your early 20s of like learning and figuring stuff out or in any period of your time of your life like there is those kind of like those sections like i think about the time that you go from like like like the beginning of middle school to your freshman year of high school i started middle school being like i'm never gonna swear and then high school i was like i can't wait to like make out with the

bowl like you just can't wait to suck a dick yeah like you you have these like really fast like growing up like hormone changes and all of that sort of stuff and uh and the first time that you are kind of out on your own and forming your own opinions and experiencing your first long-term intense relationship and all that there's a whole learning curve that comes to that and we all start with one mindset and your parents mindset yeah and it completely can change once we get older and i think it's like fantastic to acknowledge that and i'm so glad that this has been something that you haven't had to give up your faith or any of that sort of stuff and that this has been like you and your friends don't talk about i think she said she gave up jesus no she said she loves

oh good okay she has sex she watches porn okay my bad my bad and she also must love hannah brown from the previous season of the bachelorette because she her famous quote last season was i've had sex and jesus still loves me yes bitch get it beautiful but i think this is great congratulations on your engagement um and i just want to like forward i want to respond to every comment on the video of the first episode where we talk about this i just want to link this yeah like this again and again and again yeah um and it also just makes me happy because sometimes people like listeners or not even listeners hey they're like like they'll come at us for being too harsh and being mean and it's so nice to hear uh that sometimes we need tough love and it's a little

bit harder i know when you're not the person receiving the tough love that you're like oh this seems like that would hurt my feelings right but it's nice to know that i like took it in yeah yeah you have to go like listen here bitch yeah i'm like oh my god you really care about me because if someone's like no but wait I'm like why are you sugarcoating shit for me like you're lying to me right now so I'm that person yeah and in real life like with my everyday friend this podcast I'm like I you all know that I'm not going to sugarcoat it but with my friends and like everyday life I'm like which Megan do you want like do you want me to just be supportive of whatever you want to do or do you want my opinion oh that's very nice and like I'll give you the options and then

what my best friend will be like yeah no I just like need you to encourage me I was like yeah sure go fuck that guy who like sucks and you hate like like go for it have a good time yeah and so i think like i don't know i it just it just makes me happy when uh the tough love it does work it's a good it's a i think it's a positive thing because it means you care like you said yeah oh wow this is so great that makes me so happy 2020 fuck yes i'm so proud year girl if better fucking be um well guys that is it for another one the don't blame them now oh my god we have don't blame them now are you trying to get rid of me no i just you i didn't we're in like a different transitional period i didn't know we were gonna do both yeah we're doing both doing

both i'm ready let's keep going let's do another hour yeah fuck yeah so this is uh when listeners will call in with their own advice if they've been through something similar they'll give their own advice how fun so this is somebody calling that they are updating or um sharing their advice about uh nicknames and not being called something from like babe from like some because your ex called you the same type of thing i like that hi guys i'm calling in to share a similar experience to a girl that was in the most recent episode with a from paul the christmas one um it was a girl that said that she kind of triggered when her new boyfriend called her babe um i was so surprised someone else has had the same experience as me i think this was early in 2018 so early last

sure there was a guy I was kind of talking to he was like the love of my life also like high school and part of college and then he like finally told me he loved me and always called me babe and it was great um so he was the guy that called me babe and then it kind of like ended abruptly and like I was like crushed like it was crazy it was like he told me he loved me one week and then like two weeks after that he just like stopped talking to me um right after that I got into a friend his benefits relationship and the guy would always call me babe and I hated it so much because it just reminded me of the previous dude so I just came out and I just told him I was like can you just please like not call me babe um the guy I was with last called me that and I would just really

prefer if you did it and he was totally understanding so I don't think it's weird at all that she like that you're feeling this at all and if your boyfriend really cared about you and if you told him that and he he should change because if this friend's benefits could like accommodate me then I feel like a boyfriend totally should and could um so yeah you're totally valid on like feeling that and if you don't want someone to call you something you just they don't they don't have to if you don't want them to you just gotta let them know um but yeah totally valid I have had the same experience and yeah love the podcast okay bye oh yeah that's great advice yeah that is such a friends with benefits like hey babe babe i love that i've never had that either you

ever had friends with benefits no i haven't lived it's it it's like 50 50 like it either works well or it really doesn't because there's a level of friends you need to be at you know i mean like you can't be so close oh but then also yeah but then also like acquaintances and then it's like figuring out like there's a level of trust that you have to balance you've seen me naked and then like our yeah it's just like a it's a and then also like it you have to make sure neither of you are going to catch feelings yeah which is also like if you immediately are both single and you're like yeah friends with benefits then that usually means you've been thinking about sleeping with each other for a while and if you're friends it means you already like their personality

and so it just is like okay um well i guess that's it for our episode guys i say as if we haven't been talking for so long yeah we're gonna cut so much oh no we can have bonus stuff yeah okay this material um well uh thank you so much for being on plug your shit where can people find you um i mean if you go to my instagram geo underscore onto one it you'll find everything there or barbell brigade or jk uh news you'll find all that there so fucking boss lady you have an adorable kid too thank you so fucking cute congratulations some kids aren't cute and you have you made a cute one thank you so much you grew a penis and you made a cute dude hell yeah i'm a cute little dude dude this is thank you so much this is really nice

this is a lot of fun you guys i'm so glad you could be on this this was it's always exciting when we have someone who's like what can't i say because i'm like oh cool cool cool cool you're gonna get on our level yeah i'm i'm hell yes um if you guys uh want to call in for an upcoming episode you can leave us a voicemail at 310-694-0976 and if you're an international listener you can send us an audio message at meganpodcast at gmail.com if you want to listen to us ad free check us out on stitcher if you are wanting to leave us a review we would love that and then also the video version is on youtube if you want to listen again but you want to see some stuff this time and uh follow us on instagram don't blah mean pod and that's it we'll see you

guys next time bye don't blame me is a production by me executive produced by melissa demonts camera operator amanda lechner and music by ryan hunter and giacomo picasso

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