Don't Blame Me! - S5E9: Guest: Gina Darling - Boyfriend Had a Threesome

Episode Date: January 27, 2020

Gina Darling is here this week to share advice! We're answering your questions on holding on to a penpal, getting past casual relationships, and how to give your boyfriend a handy-j. We have an update from the caller who kept finding the ex's clothes in the closet of the guy she was seeing and in Don't Blame Them someone shares their experience with bringing a vibrator to the bedroom.   Join our PRIVATE Facebook Group: www.facebook.com/groups/dbmsecretgroup  You must answer all questions correctly to be approved!   Follow Us! @meghanrienks www.instagram.com/meghanrienks  @missginadarling https://www.instagram.com/missginadarling/ @dontblameme  https://www.instagram.com/dontblamemepod/ @sheisnotmelissa www.instagram.com/sheisnotmelissa     Listen to ad-free on Stitcher Premium! For a free month of Stitcher Premium, go to stitcherpremium.com and use promo code 'BLAME,' PLUS exclusive bonus episodes.     Affordable Therapy By State (Curated by Crissy Milazzo): www.tinyurl.com/y64kwdnf    Need Advice?  www.dontblameme.show  Domestic Listeners Call: [phone]   International Listeners Send a Voice Memo To: [e-mail]    … with as much detail as possible under 3 minutes! I'll do my best to share my wonderful words of wisdom. If you're under 18, please get your parent's permission. Advice is for entertainment purposes only, so you can't blame me if I screw up your life. I kid! My advice IS AMAZING. - Want to WATCH this episode as well? Check out my YouTube channel:  http://youtube.com/meghanrienks Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/join/dontblameme See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

hello everybody welcome to another episode of don't blame me today our guest is youtuber gamer one of the very fantastic lots of women on the big mood podcast gina darling hello that was a really good intro oh i'm so i really i get nervous about intros really no that was really good thank you so much i also asked you exactly how you wanted it so i'm here to like ask receive deliver but i'm not going to just deliver without being asked it's not going to be as great of a time um so this is an advice podcast if you guys are new here welcome hello and if you want to be on an upcoming episode give us a call at 310-694-0976 and international listeners you can send us a voicememo at meganpodcast at gmail.com so we are going to be given some people some advice how do

you do you feel like you're good at giving advice um i am but i'm terrible at following them oh that's the best part that's the best thing about it i mean this is an entire podcast of us listening to people being like yeah do this yeah i mean like i probably wouldn't do this or also my advice is usually this is what you should do but what i would do is fucking shank a hoe yeah exactly just destroy everything yeah which is why it's don't blame me you can't get mad or press legal charges so should we get into it let's do it okay let's do this so i have a really big problem i met this guy online three years ago on omegle and we hit it off right from the beginning but he lives in new york and i live in california but when we first started talking it

was very flirtatious and i didn't know he had a girlfriend for like three weeks until i asked but then he after that they broke up for like they broke up after two months and from then on he was really like we talked non-stop with each other and he begged me to go to school where he was going to college at and it was really a time where we kind of just bonded and got to know each other a lot but after that he got another girlfriend and he didn't tell me about it And I found out over a Snapchat story. And but during that relationship, I wasn't his side hoe. I was like there was a big boundary of like I was his friend and I was fine with that.

And during that time, I also went off to college. I didn't end up going to his college. I went to a different one and I got my own boyfriend, which didn't end very well. And it was a very toxic relationship. but onto another issue um so we both had our own like boyfriend and girlfriend but then they ended we both broke up with them like with like after a year of being with them and over the last eight months we've just been in this limbo of like we like each other but at the same time we're not each other's first priority like I have school and he has a job and we're only 23 so it's fair

that we're not each other's first priority at this point and we've tried to meet multiple times but it's just this false promises of like I'll back out and he'll back out so basically I don't know if I should like pursue this person and give him my energy or just like call it quits but he does feel like home and it just feels like like he's just waiting for me and one day like we're both just waiting for life to just settle down until we like can be with each other so I just don't know if I could if I should give this dude energy okay thank you bye what the fuck that's a lot of work for someone you've never met holy shit i won't even put that much effort in with someone i've met in real life exactly

it's not working like they've tried to meet up so many times but it didn't work yeah you guys aren't that into each other like and i and i know people who've like met long distance and they've made it work because like oh they like meet up yeah and they like each other really yeah but obviously he's gonna have a girlfriend and not tell you you're meeting you're chatting on omegle yeah i was i was only only i was a megal too yeah yeah but so that's where you're like of course he's never gonna tell you that he has a girlfriend and also like maybe he's fucking married like there's just like there's so much up in the air that the idea that someone who you've never met is going to like be this huge part of your life while still not

actually following through with anything like what your relationship and everything you guys have done like is so it's it's easy to text someone like there's no that's not a ton of i mean sure we're saying it's a lot of effort to continue on with this but like it's not like you're actually meeting up it's not like you're actually someone's moving someplace and doing all that stuff so like the idea that this means a lot like this is a pen pal you have a pen pal there's no progress at all this feels like you know what it is it's a it's a it's a fallback yeah it is so like they're gonna go out date he's gonna go on date you're gonna go on date and then of everything anything goes wrong you come back like oh my god it's me again you know like it's

just it's just a little parachute for you and that's so fun you don't want to be someone's parachute you want to be the plane that they jump is that a good yeah no no I think you're neither of each other's like not only you're not each other's like priority you're not even each other's first option at all she said it herself yeah and as somebody I have not dated I've not been in this situation exactly but I definitely like there was a guy that I like thought I really liked and had known for a long time and like we never had like ever like been gotten together romantically or anything and we were like ships passing in the night will they won't they oh he's got a girlfriend oh i've got a boyfriend we finally went out and like we both built or i don't know he

was still down but i built up this idea of in my head of what he because it was so he was so unattainable and it was like romanticized yeah and then we get there and i was like i wasted four years liking you i don't give it i hate you i don't like you at all at all and that's the kind of thing that i just the you guys haven't you've been able to keep up this facade and i think it's probably the reason why you haven't met up is because you don't want to burst those bubbles and you want to keep this to be this really like amazing romantic fantastical sort of thing and i just think you need to like immediate like just stop talking to him also this is just not i'm not gonna front with you i think it's flat out weird like i think it's just fucking weird and i think

if you start dating a guy like seriously as a 23 year old and you're like yeah no i've been tech i just talked to this guy that i like met on a week we've never met up will our work will they won't they if i was a guy i'd be like what the fuck yeah and i'm a very firm believer of if he really really liked you you wouldn't be single right now yeah he would have made it work and you if you really really really liked him you would have been like i'm gonna go to school where he got like all of that stuff but in the back of your mind i think you know that this is not it's weird and it's just and it's not something that you really want but it's just it's comforting it's like it's a safe crush and a safe thing to have and the issue with those like safety guys

or girls or whatever is that it it satiates that romantic part and that side of you so you don't have that you don't you're not pursuing and like going out and really trying to find somebody else or really trying to put yourself out there and date because you already have him and then you're also comparing people to him when in reality you haven't even met this guy in person so all the positive qualities that he has and like oh well our history and all that stuff like you can have that with people that you meet in real life yeah and you don't know if he smells terrible or not and i think you're afraid of finding out i know and like if he like is terrible in bed has like a tiny but if yeah like what if he's just like so annoying what if he's like a fucking mouth breather

like a loud chewer yeah oh yeah and what if he's just a dick in person or also there's no chemistry there's no spark like if you there's clearly none of that because like you would be like i need to have sex with you now i need to rip your fucking clothes off let me get on a fucking plane and fly to you i'm really curious what the excuses were when they were about to meet up and they kept backing up yeah because if that was me i'd be furious after years like yeah what the hell you know and i think that's the reason why it's gone on so long because i think you're both in the exact same mindset which is why because usually the same thing i would think one person would be like what do you mean i'm more into it than the other and like you guys are both just kind of like

tethered to each other but you're neither of you have really any intention or desire to change your relationship for like to be more or to be less and i think you have taken upon yourself to be like you know what this past couple years been fun it's been nice to have a texting pen pal wish you well in your life i want you to date and i'm gonna go out there and date too and goodbye cut it off yeah because he's also not your like friend either again in the same sense that you haven't met him in person either and it's just it's also not fair to anyone else that you would start dating and yeah

I think it's just odd it's a waste of time at this point it happens like a lot on catfish when the person is the actual person that they claim to be and then they actually meet up and date and they only date for like a month because they're not who they are pretending to be because you're always going to put your best self forward

and if your best self forward is somebody that never wants to meet up and always has a girlfriend or you have a boyfriend like that's not your that's not a viable relationship for anything if you want just be friends and just say you know what we're just gonna be pen pals and that's it yeah and i mean this truthfully should have ended at the very beginning when you found out he had a girlfriend yeah and then it would have been like oh okay you're kind of a shit dude that you've been messaging me and also if you're probably messaging a lot of other girls on it like

like the same way that you're reaching out and talking to me and you have a girlfriend you don't i don't owe this guy anything exactly peace but you didn't do that and so i think it's just been this like it shows you what kind of person he is yeah yeah and yeah like meeting someone in person is wait i met a guy online once really in person what was it like hey did you know that 510 is not the same thing as 5-7 nope nope not at all i could have told you that though if a guy told me he was 5-10 i'd be like you're 5-7 yeah right so we met up and i was like oh wow that's nice and yeah so that's and along with other a couple other things but i mean people put their best foot forward online and when it comes to meeting in person sometimes you're just like nope this is not gonna

work out and a part of me kind of wishes that you guys would meet up because then you'll see you'll be done and you'll be done because i feel like if they were to just break it off now she'll still think about it you know yeah i kind of want you guys to meet up and then you'll probably figure out like oh this is not for me and then you can really cut it off clean i truly think though even if you flew to whatever city he's in and you got a hotel room i feel like he wouldn't go wouldn't show up i don't think you show up furious yeah i saw that on tiktok the other day oh yeah they did that in a few seconds no no no there was eight parts i was refreshing i was like sending me a notification when you post i need to know how this ends this girl i i will level with you she started

off i was like you a dumb bitch like you're dumb she's like i thought we were texting for two weeks i bought him jordans i was like you're dumb bitch you're a dumb bitch and then did you watch the final ones oh wait i left it off okay so she she talked to this guy for two weeks and he was kind of starting getting weird on text she bought him a pair of jordans that was like three hundred something dollars yeah and she booked a hotel for them to hang out all this after only like two weeks of talking so when i like at first i was reading was like oh that's fucked up what is wrong with him and then she said we've been talking for two weeks i'm like you're dumb what is wrong with you keep the nest the situation the only thing that i think was uh like uh crazy and

a lot was just the fact that um he he then like tweeted or something about being like like he was like uh like happy to be in the bay but like missing socal where my girl's at and she was like so you do have a girlfriend and then she posted this tiktok and got like 15 girls who messaged me like are you talking about this guy and he was playing probably getting all so much stuff he tried to buy the jordan's back off of her wow it was wild but at the same she also went towards the end she goes i know i'm dumb like i fall way too fast and i'm way too into this guy but also she she did the thing that i'm like biggest red flag and like there's a part of me that i definitely have sympathy for people who like deal with fuck boys but at a certain point

if you tell me that you're like oh he was so nice immediately he was calling me wifey and baby girl i go yeah you walked into this situation i'm gonna tell you right now if you meet a guy on a dating app or anywhere and he immediately starts calling you wifey and be like baby girl you're so cute i see a future with you i love you so much no no no no no no love bombing is what it's called exactly i was like this is not this is not a positive trait you're like this is where the good guys are i'm like yeah he's gonna fucking wear your skin you're gonna die bitch exactly you want to die weird it's creepy at the bare minimum he's gonna get some jordan tech i died it was so funny like your standards can't be that low also the part that killed me in that was she was like yeah

and like he was told so the reason why she got him jordan's is because he was like she's like what are you doing right now and he was like oh i'm like shopping for a christmas gift for you and she's like what and she's like i have to get you one what do you like would you want like do you want good i know but also i think about it i've met guys where before literally right before our date where it's like hey i'm gonna be about 10 minutes late i'm picking you up flowers my response i'm so sorry i'm not gonna be able to make it like i can't come now like i i will if you tell me like hey big girl like so excited to see you like gonna be five minutes late like picking you up some roses because you deserve it i'm like thank you so much but i am no longer free

tonight really what's your what's your reason behind that because like that's fucking gross i i know it's for me it's not gross it's like you weren't respectful enough my time to go like be here on time and then you're going to it's just a move yeah and this move and all this move is is trying like you're not doing this because you know me or know this something i care about it's like you think like oh this is like i've got this and i'm like ew no and somebody on this side of the road was selling some flowers and like you think we support them though yeah and like what are you trying to get out of this with flowers like that's it's and also it's just you're putting too you're too invested when you don't know me enough yet and i don't know you enough

yet and like i'm like flowers oh just put that i want them now too but like after yeah not the first date when we've never met that's true it's just laying it on thick that's so serial killer like ding dong here's some flowers and you're like i'm gonna die you're gonna kill me is usually just like let's meet up somewhere and just talk and also it's the same playing field so it doesn't necessarily feel like you're interviewing him for a job as your boyfriend either like i don't want you to be so over the top into me without knowing me because then i'm like you're doing this with every other bitch like i want us to go in there and both be like hey do we like each other yeah like are we both into each other not like i'm already in love with you i've like picked out

all of our children's names absolutely i find that um when when the best relationships start when you don't really expect it yeah this one guy and i um he we showed up to our first date and then he goes hey by the way i'm moving to temecula and i was like all right well that's not gonna work out yeah you want to just grab something to eat and that's it like yeah sure it's fine and we ended up talking until for like five hours and like until they kicked us out i guess we finished that one yep fucking omegle weirds me out i can't never heard of it you haven't oh it's literally all we use this is now this is all omegle has been used for in my life as a middle schooler we would go on wait for so i sound fucking crazy but every i i don't want to

say everyone did this because if not everyone did this i'm going to feel fucking crazy so it's literally just guys like jacking off essentially like it's all penises and then we would go on there and be like do you want to see our boobs oh my god that's children like middle schoolers oh my god and it would only be to like other middle school boys but you would go on because you'd always you'd want to see there is another app like that right yeah it's the same thing it's the same chat roulette it's literally like the exact same thing but that's the one i've heard of is chat roulette i've never heard of them it was like the same thing but omegle i think people like to say that there's more like conversations but it was the same thing we

were just slashing our titties and being like look at his penis and we would just it would just like be a pants you could like scream and then like all the times i've ever tried it was just dick yeah upon dicks it's just dicks or them being like take your top off like well now we're not going to yeah but i literally did through omegle became like like there was these middle other middle school boys and we all friended each other on facebook so that we could give each other's lives in farmville and happy aquarium and to this day we are also friends on facebook and they still like my shit that's hilarious that's really cute but it's not like a date that we were gonna date or text or anything so i saw some stuff from my farm man yeah yeah dude

give me give me some fish food for my happy aquarium i lived for that shit at like 12 i was like fuck yeah wait i don't even like i can't remember the last time i've even been on omegle now i'm kind of curious just check it out hi megan hi melissa hi whoever else is there um I don't really know where to start I guess I'm in a situation where I'm just really confused so I guess a little background uh my name is Emily forgot to say that did I say that I don't know um I'm 20 I'm a junior in college you know um anyways background um I had my first boyfriend my freshman year of college um I really only got into the relationship we started off as like friends with benefits and then a week into it he asked me out and I kind of just said yes because

I've always wanted to feel in love like I've always wanted to feel like that strong passionate love for someone else and that I've just never really felt for another like or a significant another um I've just I've never felt that I really wanted it and I ended up just getting into a relationship because and it ended up being like a really toxic relationship and I stayed in it for like six months and I've never really gotten past that I guess um I've always been the casual like sex type of girl I've never done anything more than that and I'm not really sure why I can't get past it and then this most recent guy that I was hooking up with I was hooking up with him like on and off for like a year and a half um and I basically was just hooking up with

him for a year and a half and he had like a girlfriend on and off um in that time which was really annoying I don't really know why but it was like really annoying um it was just it was I think it just annoyed me because he would immediately text me um after they broke up and then I would just say okay fuck it like yeah let's hook up I don't really know how to get past just the casual sex thing I don't really know how to date I'm not good at dating at all I'm not really good at I mean I am now because I'm in therapy I'm good at like talking about my feelings and stuff like that but I don't really know how to date I don't really know how to put myself out there in a sense like i know i'm hot and everything like obviously but like i don't i don't really

know what i'm doing i'm obviously only 20 so it doesn't really like i have my time but i don't know i just she should have wrote this out holy shit oh my gosh oh that was a whole lot going on there buddy i feel like you're gonna talk about me in therapy because i am not gonna be nice to you wow why can't i get past the casual sex when all i agree to is casual sex dude you are you are like you are not even only making the bed and sleeping it you are building a fucking bed from scratch you're making you're inviting people into and being like come here this is it and then being like why is this bed here yeah who made this bed you why am i sleeping in it you how are you annoyed that this guy has a girlfriend yeah do you know what the

girlfriend is annoyed about you oh jesus christ man um yeah i don't know what to tell you here but uh okay one super glad you're in therapy so glad yeah so glad yeah i think it's good for everyone and i'm glad that you're taking the proactive steps to deal with it but at the same time your therapist should start uh talking about self-awareness yeah i think you're not really aware of the fact that you are in the driver's seat of all of this kind of stuff and you're not being handed a different like like set of tools and anybody else like point blank everybody wants to fall in love at some point like that's everyone wants that and that's totally fine i don't think yourself i don't think you're like like you said you're not self-aware i don't think you're

filtering or checking in with yourself and i think you're kind of just going along with emotions and expecting stuff to just fall into place and happen but your choices impact how the outcome of things so if you want to be in love so badly that's totally fine I think ultimately when people start like seriously dating someone that is the ultimate goal you see this person you like this person you could see yourself falling in love with that person and that's a good thing that's what you want to be there um so I don't think I don't yeah I don't really understand that whole side of it that that's like a concerning thing for you is that you so badly wanted to be in love because you've never felt that i also think like of course you haven't felt that you were what like

a freshman in college like that's so incredibly normal and you have to give people the opportunity to like meet them and get to know them before you can ever get to that stage but if it is so clear and obvious when someone wants to just be casual and it is easy to get into casual things and you're also agreeing to casual things but these casual things aren't going to turn into this like relationship that you want and it wouldn't be fair for you to expect that from them no because you're signing up for the exact same thing and the reason why you're good at casual is because that's the only thing you've done you're not good at dating because you haven't done dating and so in order to like learn how to date i think for you i don't think that you sam's gonna say something i was

gonna word that really mean and i don't i'm not gonna say it like that because i don't mean in a mean way I don't think for you the I think the best choice an option for you is to then stop casually just being casual with guys and just start dating I don't think you can do both the same time because I think it's going to get to be confusing territory for you because I think the issue is with that guy who had a girlfriend like you were annoyed because you had feelings for him but you couldn't really be annoyed because you hooked up with a guy who was essentially being like hey do you want to be my rebound and you're like yeah for sure and then he's like hey I'm going back to my girlfriend you're like what and it's like well you signed up for he literally

fulfilled on the terms and conditions like that's that's exactly it so i think you just need to like go on dates with people and like get to know them and find out if you like them and don't have to sleep with them no just because you went on a date with them no and and also like take the process of getting to know someone in the same way romantically as you do as a friend like it's the exact same thing except eventually maybe possibly you fuck them like that's the only real difference and so be not being good at dating it's a muscle you have to like go out there put yourself out there and try it out and then figure out what you want in a guy because I don't think you know that right now and like the kind of person that you want to be with um and I would talk to your therapist

about it I know I mean I'm in therapy and lots of my friends are in therapy and that's one of the things that sometimes they have a hard time talking about like dating they're like oh we want to talk about like like childhood trauma like emotional stuff and like dating can potentially like can sometimes feel like it sounds really frivolous but talk to your therapist about it too because there might be some tips that she has that she knows more information about your life but I just I don't know I don't want to claim and say that you might not know yourself super well yet and I think I don't know I also think there's a huge part of learning your who you are through your interactions with other people and I think like if you can go out and start like dating

people and like going on first dates and like a bunch of first dates with different people i think through that you're going to figure out what you want and also like through what you want you're like oh wow these are the things that i value and i haven't really known that because i've been put in a position where i like it applies but i think you need to know yourself a little bit more because i think you're ending up in situations that are pretty like black and white and then you're like where's all the color it's so hard because she's so young too yeah and when you're young when you're that young it's so easy to be like impressed by everything you know what i mean and then you start realizing realizing that what he's giving you is not that impressive

it's like it's the bare minimum true it's so true and that's part of the reason why like older guys like to date younger girls because literally they're like i'm amazing to you yeah exactly like you have a car it's a shit-ass corolla but it's a car you know exactly yeah so it's going to take you a while to figure out what exactly you want and and you just have to kind of keep yourself from like take off the rose tinted glasses for a little bit you know it's not like those crazy things that they're pulling the words that they're saying they're not that impressive no it's the bare minimum so take your time you know go on dates and stuff you don't have to sleep with them don't jump into the casual thing um like you know like Megan said just get to

know them find what you like find what you don't like and it's totally a-okay to be like just send them a text like hey you know I like you and all but I don't think this is gonna work out and you know wish you the best in life and find another date yeah and the idea of you being the casual girl not the girl that they're dating or whatever women are all very different people but like at the end of the day we're not all that like it's not so crazy different i think a vast majority of guys especially young guys would prefer casual most of the time and a lot of the time the reason why it's like no i i would rather date is because that person who wants to date is aware and seeking other people who are also wanting to date but i think because you haven't dated yet you don't

really know that you're what you know is casual so the people that you're going to be attracted to and the people that you form these bonds with are experiencing and wanting the same thing that you have been the only thing that you know how so you're both kind of going into it casual and i'd say if you're talking to some guy and he reminds you like of anything of any of these guys you've ever slept with before goodbye yeah because that it is all the same dude and then just say goodbye and completely shift and change that and also i would say like dating apps and then filter of being like if they say in their profile not looking for anything casual oh this is a big the big keyword to me anytime a guy says anything about chill i just want something chill i just

want a girl who's chill let's just be chill like let's just be chill let's not i don't want to rush in anything like we're having fun or we're hanging out and it's chill yeah that's fuck boy that he just wants to fuck you and he doesn't want to date you so you need to go out of your way to date guys who are looking to date and looking to find a girlfriend and settle down because that's also the only way you learn how to be in a relationship is through being in a relationship and it's open communication too i've realized now that the age of 30 you don't waste time with like oh what if like like does he like me like i wonder like when it comes to dates now i'm just like yeah no i'm looking for something serious you know like you get that out of the way

you don't waste your time anymore and it's okay for you to do that like if you go on a first date you're like yeah i would actually if you tell them i would actually like to meet someone where i can date seriously you know it might scare them away but those are the ones you want to scare away you know what i mean so just communicate that and that'll help you filter them out so much faster and the thing with that is so many people always say oh i don't want to scare them away i don't want to scare them away where if that person's going to be scared away from you saying they're going to be scared away no matter what they don't want to date you ever it's not like a oh well i'm just gonna i don't want to say that and i'll wait till like six months it's not going to change no

they don't want to date you they don't they don't want anything serious they don't want anything serious in six months either exactly and that's the whole thing that people think that like oh well he just got out of a relationship blah blah anytime i've ever dated anybody who like you don't go into it and immediately at least for like i never went into immediately saying like oh i like totally want something serious like this is something that i want immediately especially like in my 20s not something i would have said but we would be dating and it would naturally get there but there is no like if someone wants something serious and then it's like oh i just want to be chill I want to be chill you don't go from wanting to be chill to being like psych I

want you to be my girlfriend yeah exactly it doesn't work like that and I mean and I even have guy friends who like they've gone out with girls and they've been like oh I'm just like not looking for anything serious and they're like okay cool well I'm I eventually like want to date someone I'm not necessarily like trying to like wife you up at this immediate moment but like I don't want to if you're just looking for a good time like that's not what I'm here for yeah it's not just girls who are doing that and it's it's it's also I think it also when girls hear that a lot of them we're like well i can change that oh i'm different right it's a challenge yeah it's not a challenge dude he's literally telling you dude no right don't do this and that the biggest thing that i

learned from that is here's the thing i'm not gonna turn around and say don't worry it's it's it's it's there is a girl that will not change him the second he sees her he's changed she didn't do shit and it's not you because he hasn't changed that was me in college guy who broke up with me in college i was like what what do you mean what do you mean and everybody's like no this is what he always does he like comes on so strong and like it's like i love you i want you to be my girlfriend blah blah and then he goes girls and i was like oh starts dating a girl in my sorority and i was like are you fucking kidding me immediately that they were boyfriend girlfriend dated for like a year and a half and i was like are you what yeah and i was like it was her yeah

it was her she didn't have to change him he changed as soon as he saw her he was like i'm i'm i'm flipping and switching all of this shit yeah and she's not one of those girls like look i changed him because she had no idea and that's how that works like you can't be that one to do it he has to want to do it to get the girl that he wants and like it sucks to not be that girl the person is changing the situation yeah and it's all on him and also no guy and he's not gonna ever admit it to that other girl because he doesn't want her to know that like oh i wasn't like that it's like no no you're i only advise for you look how great i am blah blah blah blah blah girls before you were a blur when i when i meet mods girls mods used to hook up with in college age like give me

these downstairs i'm like yeah no i know i know for sure i got it yeah i am the chosen one yeah carrie potter bitch sorting i'm the boy who fucking lived yeah it's it's wild but yeah again i didn't do that yeah do you know what i mean he did that that wasn't that wasn't me actively pursued you yeah that's the difference you can't be out here chasing dudes no not at all i was want to be like oh and he was like so that's the same situation i was in the dude that i was seeing he like he he got a lot of girls he's a beautiful man yeah like it's obvious you know um and it was the same guy that was like i'm moving to macula i'm like all right cool whatever and i didn't put any effort i didn't really care anymore but then it ended up being like hey i really want to date

you yeah not because i did anything but it was simply because he was like i really like you like you're the person that i want to be with and stuff and that's just how it works like i didn't go out there was just like well i'm special and i'm gonna fix him and i'm gonna make him exactly no it doesn't work that way at all no you want to be with someone who wants to be with you just as much like it's and you should never especially at the beginning of a relationship you should never that whole question game exactly like you were saying i'm like oh does he like me does he not if you're worried about saying something that could ruin it unless that thing is racist or homophobic or super fucked up if you're so afraid that if you tell someone how you feel

that it's going to ruin something it's because they don't feel the same way and then like you can't stop your own feelings like you have to cut it off end that then because like you're just putting yourself in a position where you're being like hey break my heart shatter me yeah and then you get upset when it happens and it's like oh my god and it's like well you essentially gave him permission to wreak havoc on your life yeah and i just i i feel like if you're in a relationship or if you start dating a guy and you start thinking well maybe if i just let it right out it'll work itself out that's such a red flag dude like maybe it'll change later on that's not gonna work out no and also if you let someone treat you a certain way that you

don't necessarily like they're learning that it's learned behavior then it's okay because you're still around and you're still dealing with intaking and all of that stuff but um i would also to tie it back to the advice the last thing i would say i would also talk to your friends about this and i don't know if your friends like the narrative even if it's in a loving way about like oh my god you're like the crazy party girl like boys love hooking up with you and like you've got the one mom friend who's like definitely wifey like that's how that is i would talk to your friends about it and just be like hey i really don't like love that i'm doing this right now and like you can like hold me accountable to this kind of stuff and also if we can kind of change that

sort of narrative and if you have other single friends who are also all about just like hooking up casual sex maybe spend more time with your friends who are a little bit more into dating and i think you'll find it that way and then also again i would i would pursue guys who are on dating apps and clear that they want a relationship because i think if you're just hooking up with like friends of friends at bars yeah that's that's not really you can't know what where they're at and conversation first sex later that's when they have it on their profiles that's exactly and then a lot of the time and also there's there's ways to tell like i said the chill thing yeah and then you could always just ask immediately and be like hey so like are you

looking for anything like what are you looking for and they'll say it all of my friends who are in serious relationships from dating apps all asked the guys before they got together being like are you like what are you looking for literally date one yeah that's and there's nothing wrong with it and these guys responding like i'm looking i'm looking for a relationship i had fun being single but i'm looking for a relationship and a lot of the time i find that guys who are on dating apps who again aren't the douche ones that you can just tell from their messages it's because they do want to date someone they don't really that that hooking up with some girl at a bar and then bringing her home and trying to like get to know her from there it's

not you'd rather know someone is single and trying to date and you can see that in a fucking profile oh best of luck though girl and masturbate a ton yeah get yourself off and then have sex with them when you haven't said that in a while we haven't masturbate guys yeah go on dates with a clear mind masturbate first yes yeah oh yeah yeah it's like eating before you go grocery shopping that's exactly what it is you go into that and you're like i'm fucked yeah black out you're like give it to me that's exactly what it is move on to the next one i am currently a senior in college and i'm 20 years old and i have been

having a hard time with my boyfriend recently i'm gonna start with some background my boyfriend and I started dating in August, and it's been a really unexpected thing. I was really just looking to be single this year because of a messy breakup that I had last year that involved cheating until I met my current boyfriend. I was warned that he had a big reputation for being a ladies' man and a playboy in his bra, which was completely fine with me since I was just looking to sleep around and have fun this year. So, again, it was really unexpected when he was completely different from what everyone told me about, and we both kind of fell for each other. and it made sense with him like it never had with anyone else before. So that's kind of the background, but now the issue. So during Thanksgiving, he was showing me a funny video on his Snapchat memories

when on his timeline there was a photo that when he saw where he was, he quickly exited and apologized that he had been needing to clean out his photos. I said that it was okay and I didn't actually see any photo, and the conversation eventually shifted to him confessing that it was really the only photo he has and that it was because it was a quote-unquote iconic photo when he had had a threesome last year with two girls. I was completely taken aback. I never really asked him about his past much besides just generally

about the important exes and things like that, but nothing regarding the hookups he had had, knowing he had basically too many to count, which makes me a little sick to my stomach. But, you know, ever since this discovery, I've been feeling extremely insecure about myself physically and emotionally, feelings that I'm not sexy enough or good enough in bed, and comparing myself to his Playboy days and his threesome. I literally cannot get it out of my head, and I don't know if I should bring it up to him or just deal with it on my own or if it's something I can't deal with because it is natural to feel insecure. I also don't want him to feel

at blame because I don't want him to feel shameful about his past because that's not really who he is now and I don't think that's fair for me to make him feel bad about it. So I'm extremely lost. I don't even think that him deleting the picture would make me

feel any better because I already know what happened and I don't even think that's my place to even ask that. So any advice would be really great. I hope that isn't too scattered um and i appreciate it all um i love the podcast and thank you okay well first of all why are we bringing old baggage into a new relationship yeah also she was going into this year you knew this but not just that but she this is what she was like yeah going for she wanted to sleep around

and now yeah and she ended up in a relationship like that was what you were going to be doing so and you can't judge him there's also you knew this reputation that he had and i will also say i personally have never had a threesome i i have it's boring i well this is what i was gonna say every i want to say almost every guy i know but every and any any guy that i've talked to or have known who's had a threesome their review is really great in theory it's all right it's fine it's kind of awkward someone's always a little bit left out and like it's something that you want to do to check it off but it's not some ever i think almost maybe one or two have ever had more than one yeah have done it and never had any desire to do it again yeah and so i think this like idea of it

is first of all i do want to know the picture like is the picture literally him a girl sucking his dick and then well what okay no no so how do you have me first of all and why is it and who is it is it him fucking selfing it being like afterwards they're all like yeah like that's what i want to know and why is it on the snapchat timeline i don't understand snapchat anymore it's like a it's like a public instagram story almost yeah right i haven't been on snapchat in a long time so it's like and or or it was sent to your friends like the only time it had to be well he said iconic which means that okay it was definitely sent to a group of guys okay but What was it?

Because like if it was just like a random picture of him just like with two girls that wasn't sexual. Why? Like he clicked out of it quick because he didn't want her to see it. Maybe it was somebody she knew. No, but if it was an iconic photo, that means it was very revealing. That's what I would think. It has to be the photo itself. And she said, oh, I didn't see anything.

So I think it has to be like I think it has to be they were fucking wasted. And maybe he studied abroad. It's Oktoberfest. And there's some lederhosen. and like Eiffel Towering like that's what that has to be what's the Eiffel Towering with its two girls I don't know I don't know how two girls works with a threesome which is like every guy's fantasy but honestly every guy's fantasy same 100% same I've always wanted to try with two guys would love that think of the attention yeah just to check it off yeah you know who knows it'll be

good enough I just want to check it off I would love it yeah I would I would be all for it I mean back to it I don't think you shame him for what he's no he's not gonna be he's not gonna be don't be afraid of that he doesn't feel bad about it at all no i think to be fair i do think you have like a right to say hey this makes me feel uncomfortable i would like if his picture was deleted i if i were him i wouldn't delete the picture i would just hide it and like but and that's fine i don't think that's like i don't know i don't think it's so crazy disrespectful because if anything it's the memory of the story and when he refers to it as iconic no one no male refers to sex as that was iconic sex yeah it's the moment it's the fact that like

holy shit this was crazy my friends and i talked about this it was wild like it's the experience it's and it's not this like romantic sexual like thing and i don't think and like when you were when you're like worried about like comparing yourselves to all the other girls i don't the reason why he's saying is iconic i don't think it's because someone like did like topsy-turvy like twist that dick shit like i think it's just the fact that he had a threesome it happened that's all yeah you can't let that get to you because honestly i mean it's not fair to bring past baggage or past whatever and throw it in his face in your relationship yeah unless he's making you feel exactly the actions that he's doing is making you feel unworthy and gross and

i will say this is like i we both just talked about this that this is this is our type i love a former frat boy former frat boy is my type i want to know that you slept with the whole fucking world and then you picked me and also a because you know what you're doing and i have no fucking time patience to explain to you how to eat me out like no desire i would like you to just know immediately and also like i don't want someone i don't want anyone corny i want some guy who's like been through it dated girls know how to do that i want someone who's truthfully i also want someone who's fucked some girls over realized their mistakes and done all that stuff who's self-aware and i think experience can make you really self-aware and i also just like a

confident hot dude who's like i can i can get that bitch and i'm like hello that bitch and so i totally get that and i think at the end of the day though his past and all of that like i hate to say the whole fact of like oh he chose you but like he's been he's done this he had this whole playboy thing and it's literally the exact opposite of the other call where it's like he did all of this and now he wants to date you yeah it's better than sorry go ahead no it's like and that's and that's that's it like that's like any all of the stuff prior to you he didn't date those girls those were just like the fun sexy time thing but I will say the fact that you you never wanted to ask about like you asked just the important stuff you're like oh I asked about exes but like

the number whatever was like the number it was too many to count and like it just felt too daunting you didn't want to do that numbers I think that for you I think you have that insecurity prior to this I think that that's a little bit there and maybe it is the fact that your friends when they said about him being a playboys in your head but i think you just need to talk to him and get reassured because also to figure out what kind of playboy he was so like mots went to school with this guy who was like the every girl referred to him as a fuck boy and was like oh my god he was such a fuck boy and like when i got stories about i was like no he's not he knew he literally was rough about it's like hey i don't want anything serious i want to be casual and every girl thought

they could change him and then was so upset when they didn't and then he's the his fiancee now they're so happy and everybody's like how and it's like he pursued her he was ready for that he wanted that so i think you need to find out if he was this fuck boy that was leading girls on and then ghosting them immediately that fear that you have that you're going to be that is is warranted totally but if he's the kind of guy who's like i don't want anything serious i'm just hooking up threesomes having a good time like no strings attached and that's a communication with them and those girls you don't have anything to worry about because you already aren't those people you're not you've already surpassed that situation i was literally in the

same position but also at the same time i was i'm also that guy too you know yeah and everybody knew that um so i was in that same position where i met this guy who was just like a like he frat star sigma new frat star oh i'm talking about sigma new but he's like he was like top house you know like the only asian guy because he was a hot one and i knew his past i knew like look it's it's not a mystery you know and we both knew about each other and stuff like that and at one point i did get a little bit like oh like this is kind of weird like should i feel insecure yeah um and then what i did was one i realized that i'm that bitch you know yeah and two if it got to the point where i'm like i do want to talk about it i would talk to him like yo like what are you about in this

relationship are you ready to give up that life because if you are cool like i'm down if not then i'm not the one for you you know so it really comes back to communication i'm a big fan of communication you know so if something's bothering you like this whole like threesome picture and it does bother you that much i don't see anything wrong with bringing it up but don't attack him for it he didn't do anything wrong this was his life before you and communication it's not the same thing like you're saying like you you being like well i don't want him to feel guilty and feel bad you if you come at this from a place of like it's just about expressing your emotions that's all communicating is it's you're not trying to get something out of someone else it's like hey

here's my stuff i'm gonna unpack this for you and tell you how i'm feeling so i can get this off my chest so then we can communicate but if it's coming after him for something which i don't think you're gonna do so i don't think you need to be so worried because you not saying something at the expense of hurting his feelings is hurting your feelings it's like making you it's you feel shitty and neither of your feelings are more valid than the other person's and it's also up to him to make the choice of how he feels about something but he can't know how you're feeling unless you tell him but yeah I also think that there's this I don't know that yeah there is this idea that these guys these players and all of that sort of stuff that they it's going to be inherently bad

and also your friends might have different type than you and I all of my friends are complete opposite except one kind of but I am the one who would go and they would be like no this is going to end bad you need to go out with the guy who said that he loved you on the first date that was so sweet I'm like no it wasn't it was creepy as shit I'm not doing that and so figure that out too of how much is it your friends worried about you in your ear who like they don't they would never date a guy like this because like these guys they're he's a person too like he deserves love and all of that sort of stuff and just because he was more in touch and active with his which means he was hot like just because he was hot shit yeah can't fault him for it i also feel

like this must have had like happened when he studied abroad like oktoberfest i think it really had to and also you can ask him the story like that's the other thing too there is some there is power and also kind of knowing that kind of stuff and i think you can also just ask him and be like i may and even say like hey i don't know if i'm actually going to want to hear this but i'm going to let you start can you tell me like how that like what went down because knowledge is power and that and if you feel uncomfortable you're like never mind i don't want to hear this anymore but yeah i don't think there's any i think yeah learning that kind of stuff because it's always you're going to always build it up in your head to be so much more it's okay to ask for

some reassurance to put your pride aside and just be like hey this makes me feel a certain type of can you like do you still feel like you want to do that how do you feel about me like do you think i'm fine in bed or whatever you know like it's totally okay to ask things like that and i think for him him dating you and settling down with you is him non-verbally telling you i don't want to do that anymore but you're allowed to ask for that verbal confirmation to be like hey just to check like are you like do you still want to be do you miss those stages do you want that or whatever but because i think he's showing you it but it's totally fine if you need to be told like if you need to hear it too. I would totally hear it. I need to ask Mats what front he was in. I think

it might be Sigma Nu. Oh no. I think it's Sigma Nu. Oh shit. Okay guys, we're going to take a quick break and I'm going to change my tampon and we'll be right back. I'll watch. Okay guys, we are back from our break. My tampon is changed. I know you all wanted to know it went well hello megan melissa and uh guest um i'm 18 years old um so basically i need help because i am a virgin um i've never had sex before my boyfriend who i've been together with for about five months now is not a virgin he's actually a year older than me and he's had a lot more experience than i have and everything he was actually my first everything he's uh he was my first kiss he's my first boyfriend he's the first guy who fingered me first guy he's giving me oral

and basically this whole time he's been the only one who's been like giving me pleasure um I don't know like I said I don't have any sexual experience with anything so like I don't know how to please him how to um give him pleasure he does it all to me and he said he's like okay with just giving me pleasure he knows that I want to wait to have sex and he's like okay with that but i don't want like i don't like the fact that i'm the only one who's like like having like who's like having like any sexual anything here like he's like not like getting anything like i don't even know how to give a hand job um so like i need help like i don't know what to do um like oh like i'm like really lost here like i don't know what i'm doing

um i've never like he's like my first everything like i said he actually um I never even masturbated before like I grew up in a really religious home where like masturbation was like a no sex anything is a no which is why I'm still a virgin basically which is why I never had a boyfriend and so I just I need help because I don't know what I'm doing here um yeah I think that's it please help anything would help thank you the best way to give a hand job is with your mouth yeah a mouth job I told you I skipped that step when I was like going through the bases of being like okay i've had my first kiss okay i've had my first like tongue make out okay touched my boobs okay he's fingered me okay it's time for hand job

fuck that i'm gonna suck your dick and he was like literally a 16 year old boy being like what that and he's like well and i was like no i just like don't really like i feel like you've been doing this for like at least 10 years so i think you're probably better than i am and he was like what for sure at 16 for 10 years i don't know when do boys stop driving i don't know i feel that's what guys probably start you start i don't know yeah i don't think six we're not necessarily jacking off but like you start figuring touching yourself figuring your body out okay well also little boys get erections all the time that's the part that like you'd be like what this you just poke it maybe not to completion but you figure it out how do you learn what is

porn an option porn's an option we recommend that we yeah i i think uh if but i do think it might be a little daunting if you don't know anything and then suddenly you're watching porn and you're like how am i gonna do this like don't jump into it the big thing is you sound you seem to have some great communication with him about like your experience level just talk to him about like hey what do you like and what are you into and the only reason that for you i don't know if you're like getting off it sounds like you're you are getting off she just probably doesn't know yeah because she's never masturbated you don't have the sort of like so you don't even know him to tell you don't even know how to tell him what you like because you don't know so it seems like

wow he knows all this other stuff like this feels great because you've never had any no and also the only reason he like has any sort of idea is because he has had experience and he's been with other girls before um but those girls told the first girl he ever hooked up with or whatever girl was he found out how to do it because those girls told him and that's the same thing for this like i don't know any guy who's like no that takes away the magic i don't want to tell you how to like get me also young but i mean i think like a hand job i think he can totally just tell you i will fully admit to you i have no idea how to give a hand job to completion that seems like i would never i would just give hen i don't know if you are comfortable doing that i think like i would i

would rather yeah to completion but a hand job i feel like is the first step to giving head you know but i mean like if you want to learn how to like get it to completion that's a different story that's a whole different thing but i think you just have to figure out your comfort level and what and like if you are don't if you don't want to have sex right now and that's like just figuring it out and talking with him about it i think like is the best way to know okay well i am like what else are you comfortable doing are you comfortable it's not i feel like you'd be comfortable like it's a hand job but you didn't mention head which makes me wonder right she'll get there eventually it's all about communication just step by step i mean like have you i wonder if she's even touched

it she has to have and she's felt it he's felt it right he's had to get hard while he's going down on her yeah i think so what what a generous boy generous he's jacking off so much his dick is raw he's like you don't have to touch it i've been masturbating like crazy i really you know what he does he masturbates before they hang out yeah yeah absolutely i have a girlfriend who's dating a guy who's a 28 year old virgin because he wants to keep it until marriage and she's not a virgin i'm just like god bless you right i don't know how you're doing this right now you must really like him and he must be great at going down on her i would god i hope i would hope so i'm just really curious if she even if she's having an orgasm because she's never yeah masturbated

herself the word pleasure yeah it's not orgasm to me yeah so i think it's enjoyable and i'm at that age i'd never 18 fuck no i'd never come at 18 but i was having sex yeah well rub it fucking in and i was because you had rubbed it out so you could have a good time i was late to masturbating and sex wasn't fun i mean sex was fun but it was never like getting off for a while it was an act yeah so i would say and hey maybe for you maybe that's some sort of that sexual confidence maybe it is also come from masturbating came from was i was masturbating i knew how to pleasure me so then i was like you can get this yeah and then also you can feel comfortable there to also like get him off to kind of that but i mean i would even just say like if we have a whole if you are

ready to give a blowjob we have a whole episode two hey you know the second one that really gets into it nikki lima she's on the most recent one i love her she and i have the same exact sex language it's amazing we have so much fun with her on it and that was that one's called like the one that you know the one that you think it is or the one you've been asking for the second one yeah yeah because the first one is just us right yeah yeah so i would say there's a if you look on youtube there's a big old eggplant emoji in the thumbnail so i would if that's the kind of like that's literally like we give like step by step how to give a blow job and then i would just say again like hand job when you're making out with him like you can and you really really can

build the anticipation and that's gonna make it much less daunting with any sexual activity like the more you can get him excited the less like you actually really have to like the work you have to put in but if you're like making out with him and like unbutton his pants like stick your hand down his pants like you don't even have to like immediately start like you know tugging like yeah if you're like really into it and just not don't make it awkward just like just keep making out i'm really horny and i just really want to try this he'll be totally okay with that yeah and then and then just be like in the middle of just like like this or do you want it harder you want it faster and he'll let you know yep yeah you can literally and i think that's a good way of bringing

it up even before being like hey you know what i'm super horny and i've been thinking and i really would like like to like give you a handjob and get you off and like so like can you like walk me through that and like make out with him and then be like is this that and that whole thing and like that's like even if you just say like hey i want to give you a handjob and get you off he's like i'm already hard now thank you so much exactly and he'll get there and also like yeah just make out with him as it happens and he'll tell you too like i don't know any guy who's ever been like the first time you're doing something has ever been silent yeah like you'll know yeah and if it doesn't if it is painful or does not feel good he will tell you he wants to come

he wants to come so bad he'll be like yeah no do this do this do this do this got it good and i think there's no harm in asking no nails no teeth yeah yeah yep i once knew this girl and this guy who i had like set them up and they went on a camping trip and then i got a frantic phone call from him um that she had like spit his dick and he was bleeding everywhere and he had no idea what to do and i was like and i was like oh shit and then i think why did he call you because we were friends and i was that girl not a doctor no he was i was he was younger than me and so i was like his big sister and he was like what the fuck do i do yeah he was worried he was scared shitless though i mean also at the same time can i if 100 if someone bit leo's dick and

he was bleeding i would be oh i know i would it's not it wasn't leo but i'm saying leo seems more advanced no no no he would never yeah but i but it's it was the same sort of friendship but we were in high school got it and so it was that kind of like he was like my brother um but uh but yeah and then i think for some reason i must have accidentally told her or like texted her and said something yeah yeah she hated me for some reason i think it had to do with that oh i was on the opposite end of the spectrum where i was hooking up with a guy and like in the middle balls deep in my mouth he's like bite it i'm like oh i that's my mouth immediately went open i was like yeah yeah exactly and then he's like yeah bite i like it when you like they bite down hard

i'm just like on what part but like on like if it's like you're gonna bite it off yeah he's like i like it when they bite hard and i'm just like are you sure you count down like i did it softly first and he goes no harder i'm like bro what i'm like all right whatever i mean holy shit different strokes for different folks man or like yeah it was very interesting he's like i don't want you to grab my balls hard i'm like okay whatever like fuck it i'll do it i don't care but i mean if i'm not liable for any damage i just think about in the sense that like they say that you can bite off your pinky the same the level of it takes to like bite into a baby carrot like to snap that is the same it would take to bite off like a baby like a

pinky finger really and then i think about that with like a penis yeah like think about how hard you chew an apple yeah yeah and that breaks so that was that was the first for me and that was interesting that's crazy did it like look funny after was it like blue like did it get like teeth marks well i guess there's a lot of blood flow so it probably wouldn't like be so super reactive give you know like always give but um yeah he uh he he took a lot of yeah he was able to take some pretty hard biting man wow was he rough in sex or he just wanted it he's rough okay yeah i yeah i don't like that bad when it's like i want to be like i don't like the one the other like i wanted to be bad you know i'm not somebody is there they want the roughness but don't

want to give it back but then they're like oh i'm super so like i don't like that so i'm like the most submissive person in bed ever it doesn't seem like it but i'm super submissive um so that's why whenever i get messages like i want you to talk shit to me and treat me like shit and i'll give you money i'm like oh bro you were barking up the wrong tree like i have i do not have a dominant bone in my body right now like sometimes i want your dominant bone in my body your dominant bone in my body um i mean like if it's if it's like a one-off every here once in a while sure it's fine yeah but that's not yeah people are like i want you to step on me i'm like no thank you i couldn't do that wow what were we talking about um well porn porn porn yeah i teach you if you just google

how to give a hand job yeah there's probably articles i think i must have googled that at some point i'm sure cosmo has done an article dude i'm sure porn hub has videos well of course not even just like porn fucking but like actual instructional videos yeah yeah you can learn a lot yeah go to their like official page they've got like better quality watch a celebrity sex tape someone who released their own yeah we're not here for releasing and people didn't want it to be seen i think going to porn hubs official like their channel did you want a private browser yeah and you'll be you you've got your fbi agent will be like well she's looking at she's switching well best of luck please report back i would love to know how it goes um and uh yeah it's

an exciting time we've all we all have to give our verse we all have to go through the first and dude if you're like 18 years old go go get yourself a vibrator man yeah yeah it's about that time dude like learn how to pleasure yourself love yourself and figure it out on your own you won't waste your 20s having bad sex i know a girl who never had an orgasm or masturbate because of super religious house and so she was like 25 i didn't masturbate until i was in my 20s oh really yeah it was a terrible decision i regret it immensely oh now i'm like love it but like i think i must have been yeah like 20 21 i know it was super and never had never orgasmed obviously but was having sex since i was 16 being like oh yeah should we go on to

update update oh my god so we have an update this is an update from a caller who's giving us an update fun this is from the episode with cammy crawford um this is the girl that was dating a guy but his ex-girlfriend's clothes were in his closet this if you guys if you if first of all you should listen everyone should listen to this episode if no one's listened to it cami is not only my biggest friend crush in the world this is the funniest episode yeah and that call hey guys so i am the caller from the cami crawford episode his ex's clothes are still in the closet uh yeah i'm the one that was the ex's clothes who's still in his closet um so basically um about a month ago we stopped talking because I told him that I hate him and I wanted him to

get out of my room um so he did and then they got back together because he needs to have a woman who cooks and cleans for him because he can't do it for himself um and so basically I talked to him the other day because I literally live right across the street from him and I think that's super stupid that we're like not even like neighborly and so I was like hey it's stupid that we're not friends and the conversation was like the dumbest thing in the world because he literally said to me yeah I'm gonna be with her for a while but like do you think you'll still be into me in two or three years and I straight up was like you're kidding me right like he's mentioned multiple times that he thinks I'm childish and naive and like drama is just in

my life which like yeah I'm 18 years old almost 19 by the way like in a week it's like it's gonna be my birthday um yes I am a Sagittarius anyway um so but like and I get it like I have impulses and I like act on them and I am more like I'm just I'm happier and I love life and that's just like who I am but he like he's very much like oh you're a child and I'm like okay whatever but then he has the audacity to ask me if I'll wait around for him because like no like he's made it very clear that he like wants to marry me like on multiple occasions like has literally said the word marriage and i was like okay i'm 18 dude like slowly roll anyway but yeah so that's the update um and he's stupid so thanks so much bye guys wow she didn't even didn't even address any of

the shit we talked about the thing is though like when he wasn't being rude to her she loved the fact that he said that they were gonna get married one day you didn't tell us that he was calling you childish and stuff it's like when you have the rose colored glasses on everything seems perfect but as soon as you don't get what you want he's a villain yeah like he told you who he was the girlfriend's clothes were there all the time she was there all the time her car was there you live across the street you can look and see like you were just being dumb bitch you sniffed out this conversation you go it's so weird we're not friends no it's not so stupid you were you breadcrumbing him because you wanted him to come back to you yeah when you reach out to we've we've

been over this don't reach out to an ex don't do it because you cannot control the narrative and they are not going to say that what there is like a 1 in 10 million chance they're going to say that one thing that you really want them to say and every other option is they're saying something that's going to be dumb like this he wants to marry me in like two or three years but also still be here in two or three years to be fair jesus christ to be honest valid question from him because you popped back up and you're like we should be friends and he's like oh six so like would you be down in like two three years i don't think that that's like a crazy thing to say as him if you're pursuing a friendship right after all this stuff has happened yeah like i mean is it

dumb that he said this yes but also like you're kind of like leaving that door open that he's like oh cool maybe this will happen oh my god people keep being backup plans why do people do this you just love the drama which is fine you're allowed to love the drama but then you don't be sad yeah if you don't be sad because if you love the drama you should be the star of the show and not the supporting cat 100 you need to come out on time if you're loving the drama regina george that fucking shit yeah like be a part of it be the best at it rule it and own it and be good at it exactly well like while they're fucking bring over a cake yeah yeah i got sugar neighbor exactly a hundred percent yeah exactly you can't switch the narrative of being like this oh i just

like i'm just this fun happy girl like love life and then just be like and i'm gonna show up with blah blah blah like it's just it's not either choose the drama or or or stay as far away from the drama don't like breadcrumb that drama oh it's embarrassing like and move yeah if i and don't be friends with him the idea that like it's not i'm not friends with any of my exes good god i just i i can't like i think you're both you both just stop and why do you want to be friends with him you hate him exactly i was like if i was a dude i would lose respect for you if you can't have no respect for her yeah or even yeah i would negative respect like if i'm with my girl and we're just like peeking out the window it's like yeah you see

that girl over there yeah that's her that's a dumb ass my god oh god this yeah it's just it's it's not a good look because like you you as you talk about it it's like you know that he's dumb but then you're just letting him back in yeah the best and smartest thing that you can do to prove like i'm above this i'm like so much better than you dude is to never speak to him again and like not give him shit or whatever just like be above it and be over it and be like okay cool i learned my lesson and i'm never going back there and fuck another dude and make sure that dude has a really loud car that your neighbor here is coming down yeah leave your window open right i want him to hear that car coming down the street like damn she's about to get dicked

down again at like three in the morning yeah yeah and move and then move yeah i just i can't i fucking never go back to that and also again guys red flag when guys you've been dating for short periods of time say they would marry you no bitch right no fucking wait but the thing is he was her best friend remember she kept saying oh really but like it was only like a few months okay yeah that's dumb no she was you're you got a lot of growing up to do yeah i don't want to be ageist but like you're 18 and being 19 no you have a lot of experiences you need you're gonna go through and you're gonna have and i would move on from that you had this one move on to the next yeah that's how you know when someone's young they're like i'm 18 but almost 19 like when

they're when they have to mention but almost 30 18 and 19 are the same age yeah exactly you get no no new privileges 21 25 30 yeah those are the only real ages only real fucking ages yeah that's it so is until you're 21 you're 18 yeah there's no new privileges that come to your 21 um i apologize for roasting you but apparently but you could take it you took it the first time i would i would like to know if you like resonated with anything we said the first time yeah you know what i mean because it sounds it sounds like you just came to your own conclusion like were we spot on about any of it did it help we were spot on about all of it but do you know were her clothes at least cute though that's what i want to know oh true clothes do you i want to

know do you ever see this girl coming and going to this house no she does oh she does yeah like she saw his when he was supposedly on a family trip in italy with his parents her car was there and they were like no he's not there i'm not saying that you're dumb wait no that's literally what yeah yeah i'm playing i'm saying that you're pretty fucking dumb i think the quote that cammy said was his closer in her closer in his closet his dick is no her his closer in her closer in his closet her car is in his driveway his dick is in her vagina yeah that's true there is day yeah and here's the thing you don't have to be like and i think what i i think i called her dumb at the first call and people got heated about it you can be a dumb bitch and that's not a permanent

title no no and i've been a dumb bitch hundreds of times and you know what you need when you're being a dumb bitch you need someone to tell you hey you're being a dumb bitch because the issue is is when you're being a dumb bitch you don't know but everyone else around you knows everyone not just your friend everyone can see it and people treat you differently when they're like oh i can pull fast shit over her head any fucking day i can get away with all this fucking shit so until you recognize and you can like fix and adjust that you're gonna be in like the same situations with other guys over and over and over again because it's gonna be like it's magic the clothes are appearing by magic everyone's been a dumb bitch i was a dumb bitch oh my god why are

condom's missing oh my roommate needed to borrow one like for sure yeah why did you why did you text your roommate for a condom oh because he was using my phone to text i was i was that dumb bitch yeah we've all been that dumb bitch we've all been there and you only get out of it when someone's like you're being a fucking dumb bitch exactly and that's what we're here to say and so i think the first step in um you figuring this out is moving on from him no the first step is recognizing that you're a dumb bitch okay so recognize that you're a dumb bitch and then now we have to move on to the cutting everything out that enforces your dumb bitch hood yeah and so that's gonna be we're not being friends with your stupid ex who's also a dumb he was

never her ex though that's the thing we're not gonna be friends with him he's also a dumb bitch cut off any dumb bitch enablers this is the part where you get to have fun because you're neighbors you know like get a dog shit on his lawn yeah not the dog get a hot boyfriend wash the car outside with your hot boyfriend with his shirt off you know this is when things get really fun yeah and then the more that you do that shit and the more that you have fun you're gonna be like oh wow this guy was a fucking loser and i don't even care anymore yeah naked yoga in the front lawn fuck it oh god i hope you brew mates don't live alone and do naked yoga outside that's scary well um i hope you still listen to the podcast after this one

i think i said that the last time but uh it seems it seems like you can you can take it well you're a sagittarius so you can she's a sagittarius yeah she said that yeah you can take it if you're a sag because it was relevant and i mean to be honest her saying that i was say oh okay you like drama you like some what's your sign i'm a leo i'm a leo too oh shit oh my god this makes sense august 4th okay i'm july 25th oh this makes sense we're very similar i get it i get it uh okay well do we have a uh don't blame them we do okay so this is when a listener will call in with their own advice so if they've been through something similar they'll give their input Hi, I'm calling in for Don't Blame Them. I'm calling in for the episode, the 100th episode. And it's about the girl that has like her boyfriend where she can be marrying him, but like sex isn't great. And she's on her team with him, which I don't like totally understand, but I kind of understand.

and I kind of had a little bit of advice. I came with my boyfriend. Me and my boyfriend have been together for three years, and we definitely, like, were in a struggle period in our sex life where I wasn't coming and he was. And we got a vibrator, and it makes everything better, to be honest. And it's nothing to be ashamed about. I know that the only thing I have to say about it is that sometimes, like,

it's hard for the guys to like put their pride aside and use it but if you just tell him like hey like you know it it helps like a lot of people can't come a lot of girls can't come it's not like i'm helping them or whatever it is you know like just take it like inch by inch and yeah like you know guy bridges are awesome in toronto every arrival is a statement and nothing says it better than this. Cadillac Optic was the number one selling luxury EV in Canada for 2025. Find your rhythm across a seamless 33-inch display and an immersive 19-speaker AKG surround audio system.

This city demands agility, and Optic delivers with precision to make every drive extraordinary. Let's take the Cadillac. Find out more at cadillaccanada.ca. Luxury sales claim based on S&P Global Mobility Canadian New Vehicle Total Registrations for Calendar Year 2025 for the Cadillac Definition of Luxury. oh yeah hell yeah i'm one of those people who's like it's harder for me to come well

we're all one of those people media has created this idea that we are the like the few that don't come from three thrusts but no it's those that is slim to none yeah so um i dated a guy for a long time actually and we were about like we were on that path dude like he was about to buy a ring and shit and i mean there were also other you know problems in the relationship but i realized the sex is awful and i've tried multiple times to fix the sex like hey let's try this but he was just not receptive of it it was literally like come home i had dinner ready and then we would go to bed watch hgtv have missionary sex oh my god but at first it was like he well i he can't get hard unless it was a blow job first so it was a routine blow job missionary sleep and if we're

feeling fucking wild maybe we'll he'll hit it from the back you know so one day when we didn't go down on you oh he did okay but um not well for every like nine times he came i came once but here's the thing i'm a really weird person when it comes to sex i actually don't really need to orgasm every time yeah that's valid yeah so um i didn't mind that at all so that was never an issue for me but i realized like the sex itself was so boring i'm fucking like i get i like to get this shit beat out of me during sex you know so for him it was just like missionary at one point i'm like should i be clutching a bible right now you know should we be doing this through a sheet through a sheet in a hole and turn the lights off or something so i remember when we were talking

about something he's like i wanted to buy this thing but i think i should buy the ring instead that's when it clicked in my head a part of me was like oh yeah you know you know couples stop having sex eventually so it's okay if i just you know just ride it out and then that's when i realize like what the fuck am i saying no i can't do that and that's when i broke it off yeah you know well i mean amongst other reasons but that was one of the reasons why i broke it off and i think bad sex is fixable but they have to if they don't want to fix it exactly but he was just not receptive to it at all so that was one of the reasons why we just put up and vibrators are fucking dope all right like i dated a guy um who is just like me and he doesn't have to orgasm all

time and he understood like yo if you need a vibrator dope i love watching it it's hot and it worked out and the sex is fucking awesome yeah yeah what the one we love is the crescendo it's great it's fantastic it's bendy and so it's not i i don't it's fantastic oh my god and you program stuff on your phone you can do it from your fucking phone yeah and you can like have program like you can create the vibrations yeah it's like garage band no they actually like for christmas because they like upload new ones and they had like jingle bells and like you're lying this is a musical vibrator dude we're not we're not classy too yeah and it's so sleek it comes into this beautiful box yeah it's got like a shot it's got this like nice little packaging

i hope you know we literally can't essentially wait at a mailbox every day until this game we were like yeah i gotta try this and it's like for like guys too like yeah it can wrap around their dick if you want so that's what i was gonna say so i think the the some some guys truthfully i don't know any guys who feel emasculated by using vibrators i think it's a big miss yeah and at the end of the day then maybe don't get a vibrator that looks like a shiny pink dick right like that's what they're thinking of and i think if their pride is to like get like this looks like a thick slap bracelet yeah it does it literally exactly what it looks like with like a little mouth yeah with the little mouth that goes on your click i'm convinced that y'all are just

making this shit up right now it is like the perfect vibrator it's fantastic and the best part of it as like with using it with a partner like i've done it both like myself and then with i was gonna say a partner only you but the best part of it is the fact that like because it is so bendy it doesn't it doesn't feel routine and the same thing with sex like it's adding something every time you use it it's like adding something totally different and new because you can use it in so many different ways with cards with like different things or how you can use it and then on the website they have even more yeah and then like it's so fun and the fact that like it is something that like as soon as the guy that you're with will see like how great this like

and also like if you're with your partner and your partner's controlling it their ego they're still like i'm doing this this is me it's not the fucking vibrator that's doing it it's them and It's that, like, that ego, and that's like, oh, my God, I can get, like, off. And it's the same thing of, like, guys think that's hot. They want to watch, like, you get off. No one's like, please keep that to yourself. If you're into anal, you can stick it up there, too. They've got cards where, like, if the guy's into anal and you want it in your pussy, you can both do it at the same time.

If you're two gals, do it at the same time. Two guys, butt to butt. What is this? I'm going to Google it. Crescendo. Wow, that's amazing. You know the funny thing about guys controlling? I have a really funny story about this.

there's a vibrator with a bluetooth remote control and it works from like hella far away yeah and then i remember my ex-boyfriend i went to a nightclub um and he like i let him i let him hold on to the to the control of course and then this one time i was at the bar and then i and then i'm getting a drink i'm like oh and i look over and he's waving at me while holding a drink i'm like wait what and then he handed it it was actually his friend and i was like his friend was just like are you serious i'm like bro what are you doing that was your threesome with two guys oh my god like it was okay so the friend's kind of hot that's fine whatever you know and but i'm just like bro did you not think this through like your friend just controls

it's pleasuring your friend it's not weird yeah that is so fucking funny when i told him that afterwards he's like oh i didn't even think about that one i'm like yes you idiot you just gave and it's like well i just made your girl come and you're like oh yeah the friend's like getting off at home thinking about getting the friend knew the friend was like oh fuck yeah dude i'm down and he's just like oh oh is that weird moron that's funny i've been an avid rabbit user for like the last decade and this thing you can use as a rabbit too okay cool so and i haven't like strayed from that so now i'm curious about this whole because if you guys like if y'all come over and suddenly see me in like an elegant ball gown listening to fucking uh to bach just leave me the

fuck alone or we're having a classy night no it makes me feel so classy it does it is it is so classy it like it also like matt when you masturbate with something classy you're like i am posh i am like picking up the whole time yeah so because you can bend it okay like half of it's in you and half is like the rabbit so and then you don't even have to like it because it bends you don't have to hold on to it hands fucking free yeah yeah the flash cards are also great like so much interesting stuff we literally like so many of them you're just looking you like do the head tilt and you're like oh i got okay i've read my life that i ever think i would need flash cards to masturbate but you know what it shows you options you've never even thought of yeah

it's yeah it's amazing phenomenal but i cannot recommend it because i don't have to put my hand no i think i want to time how fast i can come from it you guys are about to get a call like an anonymous call from update like hey guys it's I just wanted to let you guys know I tried it and it's great it's great no it is truly like I think the first time Monson I I had used it before he was I was like he's like have you tried it I was like I tried it you tried it without me yeah dude I'm gonna try this out because you were just like taking it out and putting it on on his leg weren't you and also he kept falling asleep and I would just smack him because it really is just like a it's so soft i was like doesn't it feel nice and he's like what do you do oh my god

no but he like the first time we ever used it like in sex he was like i think you came in like a minute and 30 seconds and i was like are you like what what like it's like an impressive fun thing it's not like that i'm convinced i'm gonna look this up i'm gonna get one now everyone should get one i'm convinced huge huge fans um well i'm excited i learned a lot today i learned about relationships i learned about musical vibrators i learned i didn't download jingle bells oh yeah you got they every yeah it's still up there yeah every few like months they do a re-up yeah it's like a test yeah you guys gonna you guys gonna hear a monster mash coming from my back that needs to be the halloween one yes we did the mash we did the monster mash that is so fucking funny

well that's it for our episode plug your shit thanks so much for being on thanks for having me where can people find you across

the internet yeah if you guys want to find me I'm on Instagram at Miss Gina Darling that's M-I-S-S-G-I-N-A it's like Miss Gina Darling if you want to find me there

yeah I'm also on I stream video games on Facebook at facebook.com slash I heart Gina honestly if you just Google Gina Darling

you'll find my shit everywhere do you watch Brooklyn Nine-Nine I do do you relate to Gina I love Gina me too I love her so much

I literally have a sweater that says gina knows best yep um and also i'm part of a podcast called big mood so if you guys want to look up big mood uh it's big mood girls on instagram and big mood on youtube i am with like four other amazing women of which yeah a couple have been on here yeah they'll all be on here eventually you just i don't know if you want to put it it is it's in the description yeah it is very very much along the lines of our like if you like our pot like girls all talking about the stuff that we're talking about yeah yeah so if you guys want to check us out there uh but thanks for having me oh my gosh thanks so much for being on wow okay um if you guys want

to be on an upcoming if you guys want to be on an upcoming episode you can give us a call at 310-694-0976 and international listeners you can send us an audio message at meganpodcast at gmail.com if you're watching this on youtube check us out on podcast app or stitcher if you don't want to listen with ads and then if you're listening and you want to watch us stitcher premium that is yes stitcher premium sorry guys got to pay that um and if you guys want to watch this uh is all a video on youtube as well check us out on instagram don't blah meme pod and all the rest of our links will be in the description and we'll see you guys next time don't blame me is a production by me executive produced by melissa demonts camera operator

amanda lechner and music by ryan hunter and giacomo picasso part of the her pod network