Don't Blame Me! - S6E1: My Husband Was in a Coma and Thought He Killed His Girlfriend w/ Melisa D. Monts

Episode Date: June 1, 2020

Welcome to Season 6! This week we're sharing advice on:    Being pressured to marry so you can financially take care of your boyfriend's family Big man (douche) on campus doesn't want people to know he's dating an underclassman Only fantasizing about exes when you're having sex with your boyfriend Don't Blame Them: Getting involved with your girlfriend's husband Update from the caller who was pregnant by her stepbrother   Join our PRIVATE Facebook Group: www.facebook.com/groups/dbmsecretgroup  You must answer all questions correctly to be approved!   Follow Us! @meghanrienks www.instagram.com/meghanrienks  @dontblameme  https://www.instagram.com/dontblamemepod/ @sheisnotmelissa www.instagram.com/sheisnotmelissa     Listen to ad-free on Stitcher Premium! For a free month of Stitcher Premium, go to stitcherpremium.com and use promo code 'BLAME,' PLUS exclusive bonus episodes.     Affordable Therapy By State (Curated by Crissy Milazzo): www.tinyurl.com/y64kwdnf    Need Advice?  www.dontblameme.show  Domestic Listeners Call: [phone]   International Listeners Send a Voice Memo To: [e-mail]    … with as much detail as possible under 3 minutes! I'll do my best to share my wonderful words of wisdom. If you're under 18, please get your parent's permission. Advice is for entertainment purposes only, so you can't blame me if I screw up your life. I kid! My advice IS AMAZING. - Want to WATCH this episode as well? Check out my YouTube channel:  http://youtube.com/meghanrienks Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/join/dontblameme See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

hello everybody and welcome back to another episode of don't blame me we have an episode what the fuck was i gonna say it's our season premiere oh it's our season premiere that's literally not what i was going to say but like you're right it's just when you said that i was like oh wait it is yep season six baby wow see this is usually when things go downhill in like tv shows if you power on through six seasons i had such a fun idea for what our season six premiere would be but you know quarantine what did you think it would be well i told you i don't want to spoil it for the people out there because we might do it again it's good it's good you guys are you'll maybe i mean eventually hopefully when this is all done we'll

we'll be able to do it season seven hell fucking yeah well is anything new with you not that we were just like not talking for like 20 minutes um my garden's thriving i'm finished the screenplay oh my okay wow i'm doing pretty good that you sound like you're doing fucking fantastic don't ask me how i'm doing because i really cannot compete with a garden and a finished screen but you had a freaking book come out come on man yeah i did take five years though and i got to see you a lot um i mean i saw you an extra time was that this week was that monday yeah that i did an episode for candace and kayla's podcast directionally challenged which is that going to be up by the time this is up

i don't i'm not going to make you do math in your head i think it's the week after okay well it's coming soon and um yeah it was it was a it was a jolly good time i had some fun also you know it was like really cool after i did um sophia bush's podcast no it'll be up right now the same day now oh guys yep same day coming out the same day that's another fun one um But I got a couple of messages from people who like listened, didn't know who like I was, then listened to me on Sophia Bush's podcast and liked and then started listening to our podcast and was like, oh, I love it. I was like, oh, sick. And I did. We were DMing and I did say we would love to have you on my podcast when like, you know, we're having guests and everything's less crazy. and she said she would love to so wonderful you saw this is like i remember us sitting on the blue couch yeah with the brick background and you're like she would be my dream guest

she is the fucking coolest i spent probably a good 20 minutes of just being like you're so fucking cool like you're just the coolest and it's so rare usually i mean i don't want to say so rare but it is pretty rare to have someone like who plays a character on tv who like is like the fucking best feminist and like it's just like she's like it was the fucking best and then like you get to know like the actor who plays them and they're also the best and i was like wow that's just amazing like that is yeah it's a good feeling so um yeah fingers crossed that that will be able to happen once all of this is um done so you know uh well um i guess we should get into this if you guys want to give us a call for an upcoming episode you can leave us a voicemail at 310-694-0976

and international listeners you can send us an audio message at meganpodcast at gmail.com hi megan and melissa to start things off my boyfriend and i are both 25 i'm a virgo he's a scorpio and we've been together for just over six years um and we just absolutely adored with another family. We both know that we want to get married and that we wanted to finish our degrees first, which we did. We wanted to get our jobs, we did that, and now we just kind of want to grow up a little bit after college. We weren't really planning on anything for the next few years, but we just we do know that we wanted to save up to own instead of rent. I also made it very clear that I wanted us to be established, to not have to live with

are parents, well-married, just because of drama that has happened with my brother and their wife. We currently don't live with each other, by the way. So here's the kicker. His mom is the sole provider of his family. Dad's kind of a deadbeat and nigger-sweep-linger financially irresponsible, and the person does what he can to help out, but she's still technically under the poverty line. They're living with his paternal aunt right now, but she's fed up, especially with his

dad and she wants them out and they're expecting my boyfriend to buy a place and be financially responsible for his family. The thing is that he won't be able to buy a place big enough without my added income and because of this my boyfriend is feeling like we have to hurry up and get married and just kind of expedite that process which we've been planning a long time and we really really wanted to be financially prepared for this and was just not at that place yet and i know that emotionally he's also not ready for marriage um he thinks that they're only going to be with us for the first three years of our marriage which he likes um but my parents and i also have this worry they're worried that they're not actually going to leave within three years and they're

also worried about the financial and emotional toll this will take on our marriage which we aren't technically engaged yet so this is kind of like uh oh no um I love my boyfriend and I love that he wants to take care of his family and I do want to nurture that part of who he is but I'm also terrified of jumping into a marriage knowing that it's going to be rough and emotionally exhausting from the get-go I know that he doesn't think this is ideal either um and that he doesn't know what else to do but at this point i mean i'm really questioning if i really want to continue this relationship as much as i do love him knowing that this financial burden is just going to weigh on our marriage and possibly affect our future children um and where this

is really going to leave us in the long run any advice or any thoughts i'm sorry also i have to be quiet because i need to sleep okay thanks bye did you say she had to be quiet because he was asleep yep oh god i mean i'm really glad that you said i'm just like not sure if i want to continue this relationship because i was like shit dude like i that's like the only option i can really see because yeah yeah I think like if it was your family in this position you would do the same thing because it sounds like you're close with your parents and yeah I think it like I don't blame you at all but I do think I don't know I guess like my my thought is that if this was like the right relationship for you

you might have like some qualms but you wouldn't be questioning the relationship at all do you what I mean like you might like be like not looking forward to that or like being like a little like worried and apprehensive but it wouldn't like I don't think it would deter you but I think the fact that you're recognizing that this is not something that you are cool with that i think that you should go with your gut and yeah because i also i don't know i guess like my mind some i mean some people who some some people like support their families for their their like some children support their families for like financially through for their whole lives and i don't i don't know it i mean it can be a cultural thing but it can also just be

uh financial security sort of thing and i think that for you being worried about the fam the financial security of your family i think you also have to remember that that's he's worried about that too but that's this is his family so i think you're thinking about just your family in the future and not his present family who's always going to be his family but it sounds like you guys yeah you guys just have really different experiences and relationships with your parents and yeah I think I don't know I also I mean like I think like yeah I sorry go ahead I was gonna say not just that it's just like having when you get married you just wanted to be like you and your spouse and then having that extra pressure of having like

not only just having like his family living with you but also having to financially support them because that's what you will be doing like it will be part of your responsibility because he needs your income in order to get the house also he's like putting a fast forward on the plans that you already have and you're not ready to marry him yet because you want to be financial and financially stable and you're just not there yet so it's just like these are these feel like for you it feels like they're deal breakers because you already have the plan established for what you wanted and now he's changing the plan no true so valid no that's so valid like these are your deal breakers in this and i think also i i think like regardless of how close you are with your

parents i think you talking to your parents about this is also kind of like i don't mean the kiss of death in a way that like you fucked yourself over but i think the fact that you opened up and talked to your parents about this and your feelings about this makes it pretty clear that i think you're ready to be done because it doesn't it is a stark contrast from how your parents are versus how his parents are and that comparison and and i don't think that's something and her brother had left yeah i just don't think that there would be uh i don't think that you would be saying that to them if you i don't know there's some like issues or struggles that you kind of keep i don't want to say like ego wise you keep them private but you do keep them to protect your

relationship because they don't have to do with these other people and i think like you like talking to your parents through that I think that's also and again I think also think when you go to your parents uh or people like that who are just caring about you like sure they care about each other but like you are the like the you are the top they're always going to take your side it's so hard for parents and people like that to forgive like someone who's like done their child wrong because that's yeah they always take the side of your kids so I think when you go to them for that it's kind of that reassurance that you're in the right and like your feelings are valid your feelings are always valid but i think it's kind of i think that's kind of the epitome of

um you of of for you subconsciously knowing that this is not something that you want to stick it through which is also fine like we talked about this on other episodes like loving somebody's not enough and just because you guys planned a future together doesn't mean that it's going to go to plan and that plan can also be your deal breakers and it doesn't make you like a bad person at all for not wanting to be a part of this because ultimately there is somebody who would be fine with this and that doesn't yeah that doesn't make you bad it just makes you guys not the right fit and the right match for all of this compatibility yeah yeah and especially you said you've been through it because your your um brother had lived well your brother and his wife

i'm guessing had lived with your parents and you already know what it's like so yeah that's i'm sorry this is a lot especially when you thought that you had met the person and it still might be the person that you want to marry but then there's other issues that are keeping you guys apart yeah i could not fucking do it i would lose my goddamn mind i couldn't i can't even like i i i mean i can't even live with just like friends so like when i have relatives that you know like you can't just like get rid of it makes it even worse oh my god and the ones that like if especially if it's not your relatives but like that they're still gonna they're the in-laws yeah they're still gonna kind of like parent you in that way but mostly the in-law parenting way

is like a usually more of like a judgmental parenting way but like a nurturing or at the end of the day it's always gonna be yep and at the end of the day it's always gonna be them versus you yeah oh my god well because they're gonna take each other's sides no matter what oh yeah oh always always always always and you're gonna be the odd one out and that's and also i'm gonna say it doesn't make your boyfriend like a pushover or a bad person or his parents like bad people it's just a different situation and different setup yeah then and even if he like necessarily like this is not his ideal setup and not what he wants to do it's you can't change that you know i mean like it's like these were like the the cards that

he's been dealt and he is going to do what works best for him uh emotionally morally like with his family and do what he needs to do and yeah like it can be like a whole he wishes he didn't have to do this i wish he didn't have to do this but it doesn't really change the facts which sucks but also yeah yeah yeah it's sweet what he's doing but that doesn't mean that it has to be for you totally fucking totally um well shit i'm glad i'm really glad she brought up the maybe we should just like not continue this relationship because i was like fuck what the fuck am i gonna say oh yeah well best of luck i i hope things are i mean i wonder if things are probably a little different now because you guys are not you don't live together so you're not

uh quarantining together so i wonder if that's been a good uh a good break to think about this no i mean she called in just a couple weeks ago so there and she said he was sleeping i know but she said he was sleeping she called in a couple weeks ago so they might be quarantined together but just not living together you know wow can you imagine the first time you live with someone too to be like living with them and their parents nope that's what i was saying like yeah and like how do you honey like how do you like fuck you know you put them on the other side of the house that's so bad yeah no no no no no no fine for somebody not good for you and that's fine yeah okay wow should we go on to the next one okay hi Megan and Melissa and potential guests

I am 19 I just finished my freshman year of college and the beginning of last semester so my first semester in college I met my boyfriend at school um he's a junior so he's a good bit older than me and so we've been dating now for about almost six months and um he's my first love and i just i love everything about him and we have a great relationship except he doesn't really he doesn't want us to be public and i've told him that this makes me feel like he's ashamed of me but he's explained to me that it's because he is worried that uh i'm not or he's worried that people won't respect the fact that he's a junior dating a freshman now a senior dating a sophomore and he's very popular in campus a lot of people know him he's um very high up there and he's

worried that people will look down upon him but also he doesn't want that pressure put on me he said and i can accept that like i understand that he doesn't want that pressure put on me if that's going to be a negative thing for our relationship. But he also doesn't want me to meet his parents. And he said because he's never brought a girl home to his parents and he wants that to be a special thing, and I understand that. But just the whole thing kind of, like, makes me worried. Like, my friends know about him.

Some of my family has met him. And it worries me that he doesn't want me to meet the others. And the way he's explained it is that he's trying to protect me, but am I crazy for being upset? I obviously really love him, and I want to make a good decision, but I am worried that I might hold on to it just because he is my first love and I'm worried about – I don't want to lose him, but I also don't want to let myself be put in a situation

where I am being treated less than I should be. But, yeah, I'm running out of time, but that's pretty much it. I guess my question is, am I crazy, and what should I do? How should I talk to him about it? Thank you so much. I love your podcast. i listen to it every single night um bye oh my fucking god oh my fucking god you're not crazy it's so high school no and i'm like you're in college like

like who he's like also like in his 20s too yeah that's what i'm who talks about popularity like this in college nobody literally fucking nobody and oh he doesn't think people are gonna look they're gonna look down on him because he's dating somebody younger than no this makes zero sense but it's not true it's a fucking lie it's a lie you're not crazy but you're and i say this out of love you're not crazy but you're being stupid and it's because you're being blinded by the fact he's your first love and you are so into him and he's just fucking manipulating you this is like the epitome of like fuck boy bullshit of turning it back on you of being like no i'm doing this for you i'm trying to protect you like this like literally sounds like like the canned script from

like the fucking kissing booth like this sounds like a fake ass script for like a a throwaway one from a fucking netflix movie of being like i just don't want to do that to you it's just like it puts first of all it puts no pressure on your fucking relationship he's not the goddamn president right like he's a fucking college dude he's a piece of shit the reason why you haven't met his family is because he either does not give a shit about you or he has a girlfriend and then he also still doesn't really give a shit about you you're not the only girl picking up with you period you're not the only girl no that's and that's the the biggest reason of that is that is because you are not like his friends and everybody does not know that that's why like

if it was like oh i don't want to tell my family oh and i don't want to post about us on social but all of my friends know in person then that means you got a girlfriend back home but the fact that he doesn't even want like your fucking circle at school to know it's because he is hooking up with and or dating a plethora of other ladies and he's telling them all the same thing that he's telling you and he doesn't even want like to not be like not be public with you is the only he just doesn't want that to even hurt his chances to obtain more pussy like it not even just like fuck up like the john tucker situation he is going right now he's like nah i want to like be able to sub people in and like swap people out and i don't want you to get in the way of like me getting new fucking

pussy yeah oh my god girl get out and it doesn't matter that he's met your friends like it literally doesn't matter no because i they're just your friends like he might be fucking one of them i don't know you're like a but exactly like he's like you're just like a friend like a little freshman to him and like your friends in your circle like that doesn't even that's not even a blip on his radar but his social radar like that's why you haven't you haven't been able to be there for that like it is just a load of shit and i hate to say that i have seen this so many fucking times in high school especially but in college too of those fuck boy upperclassmen and dating like the freshmen yeah like i've been that like i've been in circles of of that of friends

who are hooking up with like seniors and the seniors were like oh yeah like let's not tell anybody like it'll be like our little secret just between us and then a big oh because lo and behold of these fucking every fucking akio like good god it's not because you're special at all and it's and also him saying this is like when you take you have to like instead of hearing what you want to hear what people say like really taking it face value and dissecting that but when he says that he's saving the person he has never introduced anyone to his parents and he really wants that to be like a special person that means that to him you are not a special person like and that's told you straight up you think of him as like your first love yeah speaking of my book but like

not in the good way but he literally said you're not special enough for me to introduce to you my parents so yeah he's like i've been saving that for someone who really means a lot to me i actually love crickets and he's again no not you yeah yeah you have to fucking break up with him that's the power move you have to do is you just need to like break up with him I mean more than that I would just ghost him because I know no offense but like I don't even know if like you're like if you break up with him he'll be like we weren't ever like a thing like I think he could really flip that and turn that on you I think the power move is straight up just fucking ghost him and like do not text him do not call him like just completely ignore him and that is

that is the ultimate power move that you need to do. Otherwise you are going to get like publicly embarrassed. It's going to like, he's going to be making out with some other girl at a party and you're going to walk in and it's going to like shatter your heart. Like it is an inevitable thing that's going to happen. And if you can end this on your own terms and like walk away from it with again, that power move, you're just preventing yourself from, you're obviously going to feel hurt. But I just also because college circles are so small, but I mean, granted excuse me now everything's like very different i just think that it's it's either gonna blow up in your face or you can just take it for what it is right now and just be like okay

i am dodging a bullet like fuck this you might be surprised by my thoughts on this but i think the bigger power move is to actually dump him and not ghost him no but i i know i i fully agree with you but i'm just afraid unless you guys have like officially defined we're boyfriend girlfriend i just feel like he's gonna flip it like if you guys have just been dating and you never like you're in this situation she could be like i don't i don't want to see you anymore it doesn't have to be i want to break up with you or i want to um or i i think we need to break up it's like i don't want to see you anymore and then ended it ended with that okay no i agree with you this is the one time i don't think you should ghost that we're saying no you're right it is a bigger power move

you're right though i i was just concerned that like you were she was gonna say like i like want to break up with you and he was gonna be like we were never fucking dating you loser because like that's just how i picture him probably does talk like that oh he does a hundred percent he wears fucking tank tops oh you just know yeah and he wears the sunglasses with the what's the thing call that you stick the string strap yeah the strap that you put your sunglasses on yeah the fucking straps yeah and he always has like a koozie with him oh my god and he wears all the years are flip flops like that's the only thing berries you wear scary yes you're right that's all he wears that's all he fucking wears ew i hate this dude and i just know

i just know he is not cute enough not that you can be cute enough to do this but like he's not no there's just like no part of him that like makes any of this worth it like what a fucking idiot i hate him yeah i just can't i also just like you can you can't write this shit and like i feel so bad and i'm like not laughing because at like you for like getting like i don't i don't know like questioning this or anything because like it's impossible to fucking see when you're in that situation you have feelings for someone because you will make every excuse in the book for them and like you can really reinterpret what they're saying to be like what you want to hear or like spin it in the best possible light but as like a third party perspective

like it is just like give it some fucking time and some space away from this you're gonna look back on this shit that he said and be like wow this guy is literally garbage like there's nothing redeeming about him like that is like the most abysmal piece of shit and you're not even like fucking good at it like again like it's like ripped straight from a fucking rom-com villain he's the villain in a fucking rom-com like he is the guy that the girl starts off dating and then it's like oh god like he's horrible and then she makes him meets her real patrick dempsey or whatever oh my god it's literally john tucker must die like truly like watch john tucker must die and you'll be like oh shit okay let's get into the next one hi Megan Melissa and probably not guess

because I'm Miss Rona but hi through there um I am 23 and I've been with my boyfriend for three years and like two weeks so basically three years um and I literally am just driving and i'm thinking that's what i do my best realize that i literally never fantasize about having sex with him like we have really great sex like i love having sex with him i literally would have sex with him 24 7 if i could but not possible um but like i only ever fantasize about having sex with guys that i've had sex with in the past they just realize like is that normal am i fine like does that mean something i don't know what do you guys think please let me know thanks bye oh wow i don't know what that means i think it could be like really innocent and innocuous

like actually mean nothing but i think it also depends on i don't know i think like a lot of factors like were you long distance with any of the other guys like did you ever do like phone like did you ever do something that like you you guys didn't get to hook up as much so like you got used to masturbating to them or is it that like even in previous relationships you didn't think of did you think of the guys when you were dating them or do you only ever think of people you're not dating are you physically attracted to your boyfriend yeah um or but if it's i feel like if it's not like affecting your relationship when you're not having sex then it's fine you know i think it's normal to for your mind to wonder wander during

sex but if it's every single time that seems a bit off to me yeah i think like i mean there's definitely the fantasy of like fantasizing and your boyfriend is if anyone's gonna be like my boyfriend is my fantasy like no that's your reality like you're that can be like you can love it and it can be great but it also just might be that your mind goes to not plausible situations just because like it's more creative and you need more like mental stimulation and like you might need to kind of come up with these ideas I think if they're like again I really have no fucking idea but like my gut would say if you're making up let's say that you every single time you're in a relationship with someone you don't fantasize about that person you're in a

relationship with you only fantasize with about people you've already been like exes that you've been in relationships with so let's say that as a total because I think if your boyfriend's the only one I would think that might be a little weird but maybe you've you've been dating him way longer but maybe it's the fact that like you need to come up with situate like you're coming up with like not only like their situations of people that you've already slept with and are you thinking about like specific instances or like times you guys have hooked up or are you thinking about are you recontextualizing it like are you being like oh I'm imagining like we're like we meet up at a lake house and like that's never happened before like are you pulling like is it kind of

like in your dreams how like sometimes there'll be people like you know in your dreams then some like but then some people i think they say like you've never or you only dream about faces you've seen before so like you can't have people that you actually yeah no no yeah so i wonder if it's something like that like your it could be like it purely could just be like an imagination thing that is easier for you to imagine people you've already had sex with and this is me like just being like maybe you have a shitty imagination maybe you're not fucking creative but like maybe that's maybe that's the way or like you have to imagine you have to like think of getting off and you're not you can't creatively think of like getting off in a hypothetical sense you think

about other times that you've gotten off but again i think that only really works if like you also did this with other like boyfriends and like people that you've dated before because again if you guys have like great sex and if you've been together i don't remember how long you'd said but you'd said you had said you'd been together but like i get like if you're masturbating maybe you're just not you like you if it's because you're not having sex with him and like you i mean like you could like if you wanted to have sex like like i just think that like maybe like for the fantasy aspect of it like you're choosing something that isn't so realistic but i mean yeah i want to know what are you fantasizing about is it just like the guy is the other guy's faces are on your boyfriend's

face or are you creating new scenarios or are you thinking about like that time we fucked on the 4th of july like are you reminiscing and also are you reminiscing about those relationships any at any other point yeah or like yeah i just wonder and like do you dream about your exes a lot and yeah i do think it's i think it's interesting that she said if i could have sex with him 24 7 i would but like yes physically you're having sex with him but mentally you're having sex with a whole bunch of other people too so it's like dude it's not cheating it's just mentally right it's like you've got you're sleeping with so many people i'm a fucking hoe in my mind that's so fucking funny um yeah it is I wouldn't say that it's weird I mean I think I know normal no yeah

I just think that like I think if you're concerned about it I would then just like dive deeper to see like if there's a habit of like what like has this happened before like what is any of that because I I truly think it could mean absolutely nothing and it could just be like a creative mindset sort of thing the one thing I will say I would not tell your boyfriend I don't think you will but like we've had so many fucking like girls who called in who's like boyfriends have said like oh yeah I was like

fucking fantasizing about like you and your best friend fucking or like I like had a dream about that so like just don't like it's not something he needs he needs to know um also more likely than not he's probably thinking about a lot like he I'm sure he thinks about you at some points but he's probably also thinking about like a

lot of other stuff when he's getting off but also if you guys are like no fuck no literally fuck now it's a big delay is it yeah oh i'm not seeing i'm it's fine on my end it's okay keep going um yeah i just want to know like more details like i like you can just give us like if you call in with an update if you can just like even give us more details than that i think we would be highly curious but i don't think unless again like you said unless this is like translating other aspects of your relationship i i don't think it's something to worry about it might just be like a funny quirk about you i don't know uh that's funny okay guys we're

gonna take a quick break and we'll be right back and we're back from our break and let's get into the rest of the gals hi um i am calling for advice obviously um me and my husband have uh whenever we first started dating he told me about how he had made a mistake whenever he was younger and it resulted in the death of the girl that he was dating at the time um the girl that he was dating at the time he thought was his soulmate and that he was gonna marry her and stuff like that um and that i was basically a second chance. Well, come to find out, during the fake, he had actually gone into a coma for, I think he said a month, and everything that he thought had happened

didn't. He didn't actually kill her. He thought she had a twin, and she didn't. He has actually had contact with her ever since the accident and didn't even know and now that he knows that she's alive he is scared that he is going to fall in love with her and um he's terrified of that and so am I I'm scared he's going to fall in love with her and leave me and I just need some advice on how to deal with this or what we should do so that doesn't happen because I don't want to lose him like that but i also understand that this may be something that has to happen um i suggested he goes to therapy but he has not wanted to do that just because he doesn't want to have to talk all of this out um so i don't know yeah if you could just give me some advice

that would be great thank you what the fuck this sounds like a movie plot it doesn't no it sounds like a fucking soap opera i can't believe you didn't compare it no i mean that's where i was gonna go but i didn't wait so how did he think that he killed her she didn't specify also like you had let's see you had a minute and a half left where you could go into more details so i i wonder if she doesn't have more details like i wonder if he's being fucking like ominous weird as fuck that she doesn't even like how would he okay so so he thought he killed somebody his girlfriend okay can we say that we we thought that he got like okay so if he was in a coma let's assume it was a car crash okay because like i don't know why you would like that makes more

sense like why they were in a car crash i'm not laughing at that i'm just laughing at the idea that like yeah he shot her and then he forgot he was driving a car he thought he got i mean he got into a car crash he thought he had killed his girlfriend he was in a coma so he didn't actually kill her okay um but but then years later he realizes that he had been in a coma and none of that happen but he's been talking to this girl the whole time yes she not tell him not but he like he's been talking to this girl this whole time but he didn't realize it was that girl no but what did that girl say i don't know like hi we dated like i am your girlfriend i was like and no one else in your life was like when you woke up no one was like

hey you killed that girl or like hey here she is like this makes zero sense to me no sense like if you thought you if they thought you like even accidentally killed the police would have came and questioned you did you have memory loss well obviously he had memory loss because he doesn't remember a lot of this did he wake up like as a new person like like how jason morgan used to be jason quarterman he woke up and he didn't realize that he used to be this person and now he has a completely new attitude but like like i'm just picturing like let's say everything went exactly how this is happening and this isn't your boyfriend like lying to you in the most obscene no it's her husband not boyfriend remember

this is her husband this makes it worse what yes this is her husband i have goosebumps all over my fucking body that's her husband husband that she's afraid is gonna leave her for this girl that he thought he had killed in the in the coma but like this girl has not obviously reciprocated the feelings because she hasn't said that i was that girl yeah i mean the dark the dark thing that my mind not dark but like the more like realistic thing my mind is going to is either he i mean the the not sad version and just more like dick version is he's just lying to you because he like took a creative writing class and is like doing that or the sad version is he's having like a full-on psychotic like psychotic break and like is making this up

because like if you if you guys are married and like regardless of when this was like my like yeah i would just like fucking dig deep find like the medical records of him being in the hospital for this coma and like find all of that stuff like i would talk to the girl yeah no i would talk to the girl too but like talk to like if his if his parents were in his life or anything like that and like find figure that kind of stuff out because it's it's it's fucking insane but like it's so insane to the point that like there's not one of these theories that i'm like oh it's definitely like i don't like i have no idea i think it could just as likely be like him having a psychotic break or having a psychotic because if this is like if this if you've known this for a while

then i'm not going to say like a um what like a sudden psych i forget what they're called like a one that if you like mix medications and you can have like a psychotic episode um if this has been going on for like some time if you like notice any other like erratic behavior or like changes in like personality shifts or anything like that i would just reach out because i also him not wanting to go to therapy it's like again if you thought you killed somebody i didn't even fucking think about the police part until you said that which is like oh my god you're right like if you were gonna be like I don't know like fucking

tried for homicide or a vehicular like manslaughter like involuntary manslaughter or anything like that like but more than that if you had gone through this I'm pretty sure you like anyone in his life would have like encouraged

him to go to therapy like that would have been probably would have I mean at the hospital they would have had a shrink come in to talk to him when he woke up nothing about this story is adding up and i'm going from the perspective of let's say everything he's saying is true in his mind um you should be questioning what he's saying and it doesn't seem like you're questioning any of it you just think that he's gonna leave you for this other girl

so if you really care about him then you should want to get to the bottom of this yeah yeah because this is like and again i think the reason why this call is so short and she didn't include much is because i don't think you know like i don't think like i truly think in this situation this situation is so crazy there are like some people who call in and they're like oh i can't fit it into the three minutes and it's like it's just because like he's got such a good dick like it's all of this qualifying stuff and i always tell people i'm like cut out any details that as a listener you wouldn't give a shit about like no offense but like if it wasn't your own life would you not need to hear that to like think about the advice and what you would do and think

of like what you would do in that situation um but then there's ones that like are so detailed and like so chock full of all of this stuff like even the girl who like met the guy on the crew like on the boat and all of that she called in twice to get it all in and there was no unnecessary details like she got everything in this is such an insane situation that I feel like you this is all you know and I think you're right that you're just going off of his word because like you love him and you trust him but this is this is like so so insane and I just would I like you said I would get to the bottom of it and I will also say if you're fine like if you are noticing that he's being like erratic and like making rash decisions but he isn't like really being like himself i

like i mean we give the snooping advice all the time i would not tell him that you're looking into this like i would just like when he talks to you like hear him out and listen to him and if i were you uh i would i would talk to a professional and like if you start to see that like this is not really happening i would start to go to therapy and then talk to a therapist of like hi how do i how do i whether it's doing an intervention with my boyfriend or like how do i do this or even saying like having your boy like talking with a therapist and getting their input and their advice advice on how to like move forward and talk about this and address it but if there's like i just like what if it's all true like what if she just finds i know

and like did you know that he got in this car accident like she must have known i mean we're we're saying it's a car accident it could be anything i just have to i have to fucking believe it's a car accident because like imagine the like uh like he thinks that he kills her and then he's in a coma for something unrelated it could have been no he could have like killed her and then hit his head on something like he did it in like a blackout but still where are the police yeah where's this girl's family yeah and wait so hold on we have to go back to the what was the twin part twin there was something about a twin that's a very soap opera hold on there was can you imagine we look it up and it's literally just like a plot from a soap opera and

it's like he fell asleep watching that's what i'm trying to say but the thing why i i don't think it's a soap opera is because you would have had to been trapped in one person's mind and then went back oh oh oh um that's why i went movie instead of soap opera totally makes sense um wait find the twin part i'm gonna close my curtain i'm gonna close my curtains really quick oh she oh yeah we missed you're right he thought that she had a twin and so he must have thought that this girl that he's been talking to was the twin and not actually her wait so he thought he thought that the girl that he was talking to he thought the girl that he killed had a twin so maybe he thought that the girl that he's been talking to was the twin and not her

and she never corrected him and like does she have a different name like does she actually have a twin right like did they date this whole time and like did a twin resurface I have so many fucking questions I want you to go back listen to this call several times like our answer like what we're saying and write down every question that we have and figure out how you can work this into normal conversation and report back please yeah and if at any point you're like afraid for your like own physical well-being or his physical well-being it's not being overprotective to like call uh uh call the any like any hotline or anything to like kind of talk through steps and protocol to go through all of this um and if you do feel like even just the

first time talking about it if you like want to get these answers but you're a little worried go well you can't really do that now but like uh i don't know what state you're in but like maybe you're in a state where you can go on like social distancing uh like picnics and go to a place that there's like more people around or something like that so you kind of have that uh buffer if they if you're worried about his like reaction and if you're worried and like he's shown if you're worried about like if you have no quote-unquote like no reason to like think that he's gonna get like aggressive or violent or anything like that but like you're just worried still do that like if you're even like even if he's given you no reason to think he's like that if you have that

like a little like gut like oh i'm a little like i'm worried like trust trust that here's the reason why you should worry because in his mind he killed he has killed somebody that's what i'm fucking i'm like afraid for you yeah like i just i i have so many goddamn fucking questions yeah because like i i know that there's like i don't know a ton about like psychosis i uh i know like i know a bit just through um a really like super super sad situation that happened to someone i know um but i don't know a ton about it i guess actually know two people but i mean i don't know i don't know a ton about it i know also just like age-wise too if he like if like if he's like schizophrenic or something that he's undiagnosed if he's in

his like early to mid-20s like that is a really big diagnostic time for a lot of mental like disorders in general but especially schizophrenia oh my god i lot no i know i actually know a couple people who had um yeah i know i do i know a couple people who've had uh uh it's it's i don't even know like a like a i don't want to like speak wrong on it but like if he like partied a ton or did a lot of like hallucinogenics like it can if you already have that and that's going to happen it can kind of speed up that process or can kind of like kick it in and people i know have had like uh drug-induced psychosis and they have never come out of it and have like always had always are now dealing with that kind of stuff but it's uh

it's like such a big deal sort of thing so like if he's not seeing a professional or going to therapy like he should even like the fact that he doesn't want like this is the part that like makes me be like oh god like if he doesn't even want to explain this to a therapist in my mind that goes to yeah that goes to like the paranoia of being like no they're gonna think i'm crazy like all of that kind of stuff when in if if it was like a totally true really crazy story i don't i i i personally don't i don't have like experience obviously something this like absolutely wild but i would think that it would be more i really need to talk to a professional about this as opposed to i really don't want to talk to a professional about

this or maybe he like ran from the fucking cops and like he thinks that this is gonna like trauma that is so true they like fucking handcuff you to the bed i've seen those movies i also want to know passed out at some point you know like if you're in a coma he had to have some type of trauma oh yeah i'm just this is not like 50 first dates at all I am just I'm baffled. I'm so baffled. I don't even like I just I like you said earlier, like I need you, the caller, to start asking more questions and start questioning this because this is not. i this is just not like there's no there is no option or like path that we've gone down discussing this that is like not crazy or wild of the arm of the norm yeah like it's there is no

there is no scenario that we've explored that is like ah that makes sense and there's nothing to worry about like regardless this is like a lot and i just holy fuck yeah i'm on well i am on fucking well i can't believe it i'm just thinking about the twin again okay guys so we have both a don't blame them and an update are we gonna go don't blame them first yeah okay uh what episode is it from this is from um an episode with us our february eminem episode and so uh the original caller she had a girlfriend that was married and wanted to also date the girl's husband husband yes yeah it was a leo scorpio aquarius oh yes i forgot about that i remembered that because i was like you got two big ass crazy egos and you have the chillest other factor and she was the chill

factor yeah so this is somebody calling with a similar experience go figure that's amazing i love this you guys are so much cooler than i am i know i'm jealous hi megan melissa i'm potential guest i'm a 26 year old virgo calling um in reference to the caller in episode 22 who was calling for advice on um wanting to potentially enter a polyamorous relationship with her girlfriends and her girlfriend's boyfriend. I have been in a polyamorous relationship for six years and I have a little bit of experience on this and I have a few things of advice that I would like to say. Number one, definitely reach out to the community, do your research, educate yourself on polyamory, swingers, open relationships, everything that follows kind of under this

category the best that you can. Watch a lot of videos, talk to as many people that you can, ask questions, and in general, just kind of dive into what communities that you could potentially be entering. There's a lot of really good information there, and this can help you decide if this is something that you really want to do. Second thing that I want to say is talk to your girlfriend and be as honest and open as you can with what you would like for your relationship and hopefully she will do the same to you and she can explain to you maybe more what the dynamic of her relationship with her boyfriend or husband I believe is and you can learn there if this is something that you know potentially is possible and then the last thing I just want to say is

definitely be really careful um you you want to think of yourself first just because these relationships can get kind of messy um there are a lot of war stories where couples will bring girls into relationships and then end them and then the girl is losing two people who she you know loved and cared for very much and and this can be very difficult and And I encourage you to take this road if this is something that you really want for your life, but also to be very confident in that decision and make sure that you are open to potentially the hurt and the self-growth that comes with that pain coming from it. And I hope for you that you figure it out and you have a good experience and love the podcast.

Thank you guys for doing this. really awesome thanks again bye hell yeah yeah it's fucking great wow i didn't even think about obviously but i really didn't even think about the sense of uh that obviously like if you break up but that you are like it's like a double heartbreak like you're losing two people not just one that's a really good point yeah yeah damn great call well thank you i've never been in a polyamorous relationship so i'm i have nothing else to add i think that was that was great and uh yeah hell yeah thank you for calling in should we uh get to our update what is our update yes our update oh god your face your fucking face dude you have guys if you're not

watching the video version of this first of all you have to because it is a roller coaster because i constantly am moving and changing the light and just like doing shit all the time um but also you have to look at her fucking face like melissa's face when you there's like a specific face and i just know i just know that it means i don't know what's common but something's fucking coming okay we have to address it for everybody watching i've gone through three cameras in uh this episode um please don't comment that you like this one the best because this is the most this is the one that doesn't hold the charges long and it's like the heaviest biggest one that stops recording after 20 minutes um so yeah we just need to figure our shit out and i've been

on my iphone 10 the whole time i need to figure my fucking shit out okay let's back back in let's get back into it so it's the update from yes so this is the update from the eminem episode in february so we had i just want to draw this out so we had someone call um with similar experience that their friend had gone through the same thing and we talked about it in the Megan Tonjes episode but this is an update to the original caller who I think I know by the look on your face you know who I'm talking about the brother fucker yes oh my god oh my god can you ready uh physically yes emotionally no oh my god fuck okay I'm ready hey girls it's the bitch who fucked her stepbrother what's up so i realized i left out

a lot last time because i don't want someone to find out who i am but for context they found out from taking one of his phones and reading our messages and we were both older than 18 and met at like 17 18 year olds and we were in college so we shared a room in a car for a short period of time while our parents got married and then once they got married we got a big house and everyone spread out but we didn't grow up together we have known each other for like a year before this all started but anyway so christmas passed it's been by the way we're both in our 20s now like it's been a long ass time Christmas passed we fucked and we kept fucking and um girl like I know I need a therapist but guess what the fuck happened I literally saw this man okay it's

literally freaking May I saw this man three days ago and we slept together or whatever yesterday we had a family event and he brought the girl he's talking to I wanted to die he didn't even tell me she was coming he just walked in and I looked at him and my eyes grew up and I had that dumb ass smile on my face like you do when you see this stupid ass fucking dude that you like and then behind him she popped out and I instantly teared up and I was just like okay like this is actually the end like it's completely over for real now and now I'm trying to process losing this big ass long ass relationship with this man and I'm trying to figure out if the best way for me to get over it is to tell him how I feel and then like block him out of my life or just kind

of like step away and try to move on it sucks so bad with the quarantine because I can't meet anyone new so like cutting off him with no distraction is killing me and I was just watching the episode over again to try and answer some questions and I definitely think I fell in love with him I've never felt this much pain in my entire life when we had to separate after I got an abortion it literally felt like my heart was like tearing apart and he feels like a piece of me and really I'm just trying so hard to get back to the person who never knew him like I just want not feel like i need to call him every other day anyways hope your day's going good bye i fucking called that i said he's gonna bring a fucking new girl around and it's going to wreck

you and we also said for you not to have sex with him anymore and she didn't care she did yep also your family fucking sucks at social distancing unless it was a funeral like being like we know family funeral doesn't even count because i had a funeral during all this true true true but i just mean like in the sense that like i don't want to like shit on them if they like yes you shouldn't have a funeral on this but like if like if it was a funeral i'm like i would be like i'm i'm more i'm empathetic of your loss and i want to address your loss so if it was a funeral i address your loss but like that's not what you're supposed to do for social distancing also he shouldn't have been bringing this other girl that's what makes me think it's not a funeral that's what makes me

yeah she said a family gathering like it was exactly a fucking barbecue yeah dude dude dude this is like i don't know how i feel like the age thing now knowing because i just it just is so like you have to go to therapy like because it's just so odd because know when she said that the age stuff because she said we were older than 18 and then she said we were 18 17 is that what she said oh wait wow do you want to play no you're right no she's on it she's she's trying to get get us on a technicality yeah and then she's trying to play yeah she's like it happened so long ago and we're in our 20s now but like you didn't specify how far in your 20s and if you guys have still been having sex throughout all this it wasn't that it wasn't

long ago like it's still actively happening no i think you're trying i think she's trying to play both sides of our argument last time which was oh you're probably really young and horny and didn't like know better and hopefully you guys and you then like it but if you guys knew each other for a long time and grew up together so she's like oh no we didn't know each other for super long but like we're still yet we were like 18 17 it's been going on for so long but that doesn't check out maybe that's when they were 18 17 when they met yeah and then 18 19 when they started having sex but like i just still not that long though no and i also just like don't get and you said it before in the first call where it was like oh uh like the convenience of like someone who like like a

like a hot boy moves in and like when you're like young and horny and it's just like oh we can hook up but like you guys were only there for like a summer before you went to college and that was the only summer like it just makes and then they got a bigger house and spread out but then she was talking about college too your story isn't really adding up no and it's i uh like i think you really want us to focus on like oh getting how to get over this but like you don't end up in this situation in the first place without having some shit you have to work through with a professional because you ended up here like i like that's the whole thing with therapy and people are like oh like i don't need therapy and it's like okay cool are you still making mistakes or doing things that

you or are you in situations that have relationships or things is there anything in your life that you are unhappy with and if it's like yes okay well then have you tried to fix it on your own yes oh has that not worked no it hasn't worked why is it going to work now like that's what i always think about therapy of like with anything like the reason why you go is because like if we could as my therapist says just like if we could all like snap our fingers and fix ourselves like we would and like there are some things that like you can work on and like go like and deal with and like come out the other side and improve on your own but if you've been trying on like specific aspects of your life or things that are going on that you're like how the fuck did i end up here

or like why does this keep happening to me or like how come i'm not in a relationship and i've always wanted wanted like what are these things that like i i've i've tried to fix this and i i haven't been able to you need some help like if you could fix it on your own you would have already and this is not a situation that you get into especially like being like let's say you're both you're 17 18 you're only there for a summer you know better like you know that this is like your stepbrother and like sure you just met and yeah you haven't like you you have you didn't grow up together and or whatever it is but like he's still being introduced to you as like a platonic member of your fucking family and the fact and it pissed off your parents when they found out that you

were hooking up yeah like that obviously wasn't their intention at all for this to happen and like it's just like this happens like this is so different than uh the call the the the don't blame them we had about this where the girl called in like with permission from her friend and her friend was like really dealing with her parents divorce and going through it and was like much younger and like parents took her to therapy and all of that stuff this also makes sense to me that your parents like you guys are fucking adult that you're 18 like you're you're legal adults at that point like of course your parents don't know and aren't really involved in this because like they're thinking oh my 18 year olds like our 18 year old kids aren't gonna just like it's just

so we like again like all of my friends who like have step siblings or like got step siblings whether it was like in high school or later like the relation it was always like oh god like this like this step sibling like this kind of thing like maybe we'll get along but more likely than not like it's kind of like a turf war it's not like a hey let's fuck and if you were only there if you met him and like you were only shared a car and had that for like one summer that's like the first couple months you meet him you guys hook up like this isn't again this happened in gossip girl but like fucking serena and dan were dating before their parents like it just like this is so not a thing and you have to go to therapy because yeah he's gonna date other

people because guess what he's not going to marry his stepsister like it's not gonna happen and i like i do i obviously think that he's got some fucked up fucking issues but you're the one calling in and i i hope we can like get to you and like reach you in saying like again like this comes from like a place of like care like we care about like everyone who listens to our show and like the people who call in but like you you have to get this shit figured out like you have to get your shit figured out because this is seeing him with girls that he dates and all of that shit it's not going to get any easier and it's not going to change you don't need to sleep with someone else and you don't need a distraction you don't need to sleep with anyone right now you need to figure

out your own stuff like getting a distraction you that's not gonna fix the problem all you're putting a fucking like yeah it's going to be a distraction and that's it you have to get actual help like your parents and you can't even and you even were taught you said that you just want to cut him out of your life so if you cut him out of your life you're gonna have to cut your i think it's your mom right because it was his dad that found out i think so right and so that means if you cut him out of your life that means you're gonna have to cut your mom out of your life because he's always gonna be there you guys you were just seeing each other at a family gathering you're gonna be together for holidays so you've got to think about the the consequences here

you can't just cut him out of your life you have to figure out how you can get over him yeah but like it's not it's not like a normal breakup and it's not like a normal like anything like that like this is such a unique circumstance that you should have never been put in and you and you put yourself in this situation as like a from everything we've heard like a 17 18 year old this is something that until you figure this out and i don't say this to be a dick at all until you figure this out no relationship is going to be successful like no other person you're not going to date anybody and it's not going to work like because this isn't a circumstantial issue this is a how the fuck did i put myself in this situation and how have i been able to rationalize it for so

long and let this go on for so long and like it's it is self-destruction because you know going into it or you should and i'm assuming that you do that like you guys were never going to end up together even the first time you guys hooked up like that it was never going to be like oh our parents are going to be cool with like us ending up together like that's like you're purposely going out of your way to attract and seek out harm for you like emotional turmoil and just like absolute bullshit so yeah that's I don't yeah I don't foresee I also don't foresee this being and I'm pretty sure I said this the first time I don't see this being like an isolated incidence of you ending up in a situation that you have no idea how you got there or in something that like none

of your friends can relate to or anything like that like it's just this is like this like rational decision making is not there and like I don't know why you don't want to go to therapy because like I mean maybe there's a part of you that doesn't want to go to therapy because like you want this to work out with him and you don't want to be you don't want to be told from a therapist and you don't want to kind of dive down deep and like process this and get through this and then realize that this isn't okay and this is not something that you're into and all of that like maybe you don't want to let go of it it's like letting go of an addiction like you don't you don't want to get better essentially because like that means that means that this like

possibility and this like this whatever you thought was going to happen with you guys is gone but yeah and of course he fucking didn't tell you that he was like gonna bring a girl to this thing wow this was a fucking roller coaster of a goddamn episode what an episode i'm like i am actually like i am like shooketh like i am like i am like not well like i feel like i'm gonna like the rest of i have like a zoom call with my friends later i feel like i'm just gonna i am like i don't know i feel like i'm i feel like i'm flubber like i just like don't feel like i just like what is going on like what the fuck like what the fuck sometimes this show makes me feel so fucking like vanilla like it makes my life feel and my life like i will say

is like not vanilla like if you've read my book it's not vanilla and also if you could have read the first draft of my book it's yeah it's like but this makes me feel like this makes me feel like fucking artificial vanilla like not even vanilla bean yeah vanilla artificial flavoring yeah made in a lab uh-huh and like it makes me feel like almost like fucking like dippin dots like vanilla ass dippin dots also when was it going to be the future they never told us when they didn't so vanilla dippin dots just tastes like frozen creamy ice it does okay guys um well if you want to be on an upcoming episode your life doesn't have to be like this but if it is uh all the more the merrier so please give us a call leave us a voicemail at 310-694-0976

and international listeners you can send us an audio file at meganpodcast at gmail.com um by megan's book oh yeah by my book you're not special i was gonna hold it up for the camera but that's fine uh it's out mine finally came it did yeah one of my spider man to bring it over spidey senses mott's uh came too he finally has one and he's only read part of it but it's fine um i like i like i i i i'm shaken i'm shaken up um anything else oh yeah follow uh the podcast on instagram don't blah meme pod we're getting pretty close to 10k and then we can do swipe up links and that's really all we care about also uh please don't dm us for advice on the podcast we only do advice on uh i mean on the podcast instagram we only do advice here um and also

if you dm us asking for advice on the podcast instagram and you also don't even follow the podcast instagram just know that i think less of you like just know that i am looking at that going shitty that's how i feel too when people ask how they can join the facebook group and they're not following the podcast no that's how i feel too i'm like mm-hmm okay guys that's it for our episode uh and we'll see you next time goodbye don't blame me as a production by me executive produced by melissa demonts camera operator amanda lechner and music by ryan hunter and giacomo picasso