Don't Blame Me! - S6E11: Boyfriend Won’t Move Out w/ Melisa D. Monts

Episode Date: August 10, 2020

This week we're sharing advice on:    Best friend ghosting you Friend backing out of living together Pandemic dating Dating as a demisexual Update: Boyfriend's ex threatened to kill me   Follow Us! @meghanrienks www.instagram.com/meghanrienks  @dontblamemepod  https://www.instagram.com/dontblamemepod/ @sheisnotmelissa www.instagram.com/sheisnotmelissa     Listen to ad-free on Stitcher Premium! For a free month of Stitcher Premium, go to stitcherpremium.com and use promo code 'BLAME,' PLUS exclusive bonus episodes.     Affordable Therapy By State (Curated by Crissy Milazzo): www.tinyurl.com/y64kwdnf    Need Advice?  www.dontblameme.show  Domestic Listeners Call: [phone]   International Listeners Send a Voice Memo To: [e-mail]    … with as much detail as possible under 3 minutes! I'll do my best to share my wonderful words of wisdom. If you're under 18, please get your parent's permission. Advice is for entertainment purposes only, so you can't blame me if I screw up your life. I kid! My advice IS AMAZING. - Want to WATCH this episode as well? Check out the YouTube channel:  https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC9SMwL3ZgCUsD-yIDU_Zsqg/   Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/join/dontblameme See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Visit ancestry.ca for details. Terms apply. hello everybody and welcome back to another episode of don't blame me come on you have to flex get it damn biceps nice someone was a cheerleader um we actually recorded started recording yeah and that's why she's told she told me to flex because i did it in the other one and then i felt weird about it but then i realized that my microphone was swung all the way over there so you couldn't hear anything that i was saying so we i didn't even notice i mean clearly i didn't either well um it's another episode yeah of the podcast i'm trying to remember what we said The thing is, this is the first time we're doing two episodes since we've gone into quarantine back to back.

Oh, my God. Yeah. We used to do two episodes in a day. Wow. So who knows what this is going to be like? Who knows? We're switching it up, you know, safely. We're adding some spice into our lives.

What are you eating? an assortment of weird things well it's not really an assortment it's two share with the class what are you eating can you see what this is is it oh is it is it grits no is it applesauce oh okay hey close though it looks very similar from here it looks like you know yellowy and a little chunky and got some uh mexican hot chocolate that has cbd in it the daytime formula i love that for you it's a great lunch what time i don't even know what time this is lunchtime it's 11 16 anytime is lunchtime if you decide it's lunchtime it's true truly who cares whenever we want to eat that's my that's my what's the slogan i'm running on eat when you want to eat

anytime eat this pussy when you want to eat it eat it just eat it there's fuck there's a tiktok i have to send you that was something about eating pussy and it was it was good i'm sad you didn't send it to me i know i need to i haven't said i usually do like the bulk once i like have like a couple and then i'm like let's see like it usually is there's one that makes me be like oh my god i have to send this to her immediately and then like the rest will follow just send them to me immediately okay i will now i just get on and watch my niece she that's literally part of literally getting better she's getting better wait so do you see the one that i don't know when she uploaded it but she it was a song that

it's definitely not in her repertoire but she she started she like by the time that they like they sang the same like the same like lyrics like four times at the end she was nailing it and i was like nice get it girl like we literally go because usually i just like look at my for you page i don't look at who i'm following but now every night mons and i get into bed and we do my for you page and then we switch over to my following and it is 90 because i follow like five people and it's just 90 like 20 a day she makes so many half of them don't make sense but the ones that yeah true but the ones that she does

like get she gets them she's six just so you guys know yeah and she is so fucking cute I love the ones with the baby I love when she puts the baby in them yeah and I like that she's now also been using her own audio she's been like

she uses her own and then uses it in other videos it's so funny it's so stinking cute too like and i also just love that you're like really seeing the sibling dynamic that she's like if you get in her shot out yeah push you out it's so funny uh i love it it is such a good time also wait you have to tell everybody what um she said about so i thought so this used to be your brother-in-law's account yes and so melissa had sent me this video of one of her nieces doing like a tiktok and i was like oh my god i have to follow it and then you were like oh it's my brother-in-law's account but switched over and

i was like okay let me know if it's can i follow like let me know if it's like is it cool can i follow and you're like yeah you can follow and i guess i mean she doesn't have it's now her account she doesn't have a lot of followers now it is she overtook no yeah now it's fully her account yeah like her name and picture on the account it's hers and so my tiktok is not verified at it but it's it's me and some people have like like figured out and like tagged me and stuff that they're like referencing i like like the trend people were like oh my god like remember old school youtube and i'm like i'm old um but my it's just my name and then my profile picture is uh one of the pictures from me crying once my youtube channel got hacked with like the mascara

down my face and there's only one video on my tiktok that is a face morph of me as a baby to um cam it's count and to cam from modern family oh i actually have never actually played it i've just looked at the picture of it oh my god watch it because baby me looks yeah like like fully looks can for modern family and so it's that morph and so tell us what your niece had said once she saw my account yes because she only has like two or three followers um and so she saw megan's account and she said first of all she said who is this and then my um sister said that it was um my friend and then she goes why is she crying in her picture and then she looks at the at megan's account and sees her baby picture and she said oh she's sad because this baby ruined her life

and also let it be known that she just had another sibling be born like yes like she's like i get it like she's like the baby ruined my life it killed me i was dying this is don't blame me it's an advice podcast if you guys want to call in for an upcoming episode you can leave us a voicemail at 310-694-0976 and international listeners you can send us an audio message at meganpodcast at gmail.com and um we're gonna give some advice and be a good time hi megan and guess if there is one i know because of the virus there might not be but um so i've been listening to your podcast forever and i really really love it. And I am in a really, well, kind of big predicament here. So my boyfriend that I've had

for seven, eight months now, um, moved in with me in my apartment, uh, in March because his lease was up and, you know, we were tired of never getting to see each other. So he moved in with me and his true colors are showing because he's just not a nice person I've come to realize. He will body shame women, and he claims he used to be gay, but then he went through some conversion therapy, and so now he's not gay, and he goes around calling all the queer people in that community really bad names. I'm not going to say them on here. but um and he is constantly making fun of me for being antidepressant because it's a little backstory I have a younger sister who's 16 who is in hospice dying of brain cancer and a whole bunch of other kind of stuff like that going on in my life right now and so I'm on antidepressants

because well I need them I am dying well I feel like I am um and he's constantly making fun of me saying that I shouldn't have to be on them for life situations and they're not doing anything to help me and telling me that I'm stupid basically and I don't know how to get him to move out of my apartment faster I have talked to him and pushed him and he's just not making any efforts he's 26 years old and does not have any credit so he says mom's gonna have to co-sign for him to get a new apartment and he's just a big baby I asked him to do anything to help around the apartment and he says he's a man and he won't do that kind of stuff and I just don't know how to get him to move out faster please help me tell me what to tell him to get him to move out I can't

get him to do anything he says he's going to email apartments but he won't he says he's going to call apartments but he doesn't and I'm just getting sick of it he is constantly belittling women constantly making fun of me for a whole bunch of stuff and I just he stays up all night playing video games and sleeps in until noon doesn't even work full time and he's just not I don't like him anymore and he knows that but he's just not making a an effort to move out of my apartment and i don't know how to get him to move out faster thank you for any advice and i hope that you hear this call thank you trash like this dude is like beyond trash he's like a whole landfill of just like rotting garbage what a disgusting human being he is a garbage monster

Like, he is a, like, a garbage, like, a fucking trash monster. And, oh, my God, I feel so, I feel for you so fucking much because this is, like, this is, like, you know, not to use the words of Ja Rule in an actual serious situation. You've been hoodwinked, bamboozled. Like, he completely, and, like, eight months, like... It's, like, a pretty quick time to move in. With someone, I would suggest, like, a year or more of, like, dating and knowing someone. Because you didn't know him. No, but, like...

And you just moved in because you were... He just moved in because you were... You couldn't see him. Yeah, but even eight months, though, for that. I'm like, that's a big fucking... It is. ...switch to make. I'm saying, like, yeah, it is a big switch.

But, like, you don't... You didn't know this dude at all. Mm-hmm. is he on the lease because if he's not on the lease because it's her apartment if he's not on the lease you can legally get him kicked out yeah i also think unless he's got squatters rights depends on the state yeah but there's no way he would have squatters rights after that amount of time he moved into your place so assume this all of this like you just need him to leave faster so i'm you can afford your own rent you don't need him to live there

like you're it's not contingent on like you paying your rent is not contingent on him contributing if he is fucking contributed anything like once i said if he's on the lease like figure that out and if he is on the lease and you've already lived there beforehand there's also like that it sounds maybe did she say her lease was renewing and they just added him on maybe um talk to your landlord if you've already lived there prior to him your landlord has a loyal like might have a loyalty to you especially if he's on the lease then it like legally he can't do anything about it no yeah because if he's on the lease then it's a binding contract that he can stay there for however long the lease is okay so if he's on the lease you have to move okay like

but then he but then the thing the thing the problem with that is if he's on the lease she moves i mean and it's she's on the lease too he moves then if he doesn't pay rent which he says he can't afford nobody's gonna mess up her credit oh my god because you're she can't break the lease if he doesn't agree to break the lease yep that's what my mind was thinking oh my god okay unfortunately if he's on the lease and unfortunately there's nothing legally that you can do about it if he's not on the lease then i mean you can do stuff you can do stuff but like it's gonna mess up your credit so if it gets so bad and you're just like fuck credit i'll take the whatever then just leave yeah um i okay if he's not on the lease talk to your landlord get

him kicked out it might be a thing too because if somebody stays at your place for over like a certain amount of time if he's not on the lease then they like legally have to get kicked out that's like i don't know if it's california but that's in la it's in yeah it's in they had it in arkansas too so it just look at your lease and see what your options are yeah and then also look at your your state and your county like uh rental laws um if he's not on the lease talk to your landlord get him like change the locks like he goes out for fucking like goes out to do something throat put his shit all away and yeah that's um and i don't give a fuck if his mom has to co-sign oh my god we don't give a i don't even give the smallest of shits no like that's not your problem

no um and then if he's on the lease and you have no legal ground to stand on make his life a living hell make his life a app what are his pet peeves do them all the time are there things that he hates is he terrified of clowns print out a hundred pictures of clowns and post them everywhere like constantly just just do like torment him like you are in punked you are in jackass like make this man's life like you become his worst fucking nightmare yeah like you become he is the villain and he fucking sucks and he's making your life hell you become the bigger villain we're not to be a bigger person i'm telling you to become a worse person than him and make it so he is drive him to the point of insanity so he has to fucking move out like go buck wild like yeah go like call

his mom yeah post on like social media how much of a shithead he is call his boss tell them that like do whatever the fuck like literally just stoop beyond go go lower than he's gotten like stoop beyond his level completely make him feel so like he's drive him insane drive him to the point of him being like i need to fucking move out of this place this is terrible yeah like oh my god even just like stupid little pranks all the time like put like a saran wrap on the toilet seat like do all of that kind of shit hide his video games yeah throw his uh his laundry throw his laundry out the window yeah because i mean that's woman's work so it's not like he's doing it anyway no no no no no yeah and only when you're when you have food only have your

food put a padlock on the refrigerator yeah like literally do the kind of shit that you're like oh my god that's insane like as long as it's legal you can you can throw his his laundry out the window that's not illegal it's not you can put a padlock on your refrigerator that's not illegal just do all of that all of that fucking shit oh i'm sorry man and maybe put make a youtube channel where you document all of this yes and then post it and then like with his like it's hello here's your face but only do all this if you feel like safe oh 100 percent um also maybe you have a friend move in you bring it right now like you add enough like add a friend on to the like something just any like where there's like no room for him

there's and none of that stuff where it's like it just becomes another nuisance but i would also break up if you guys haven't officially broken up yet and maybe talk to a lawyer too because there might be legal loopholes in there as well yeah this i he might be taking the cake of like one of the worst people we've ever talked about on the show like there's obviously like really terrible like but this is like like this is like a scripted evil like this is like this is like a CW teen drama like bully

like I'm like or like Lifetime yeah it's like also not creative or subtle it's just like I just can't like he moved in because you guys didn't see each other enough nice and then

now he's just like turned into a completely different person whoa i hate him or like do you have a friend how long is your lease till is there a friend that you can go stay with until i know like oh yeah you still have to pay rent but that's still better than being with this dude yeah that's also that's a very valid point be the villain of your story moral of the story and let us know if you need more ideas yeah i got a ton so many so many um hi megan melissa

and possible guests even though there probably is not a guest because the world is stuck ending right now but um anyway so i am a virgo um rising or not rising aquarius moon rising Pisces. And well, my best friend, who is a Libra, decided to ghost me. Now, I have no idea what it was that caused this. Our last conversation seemed completely normal. Nothing really explosive happened. She stopped responding to my texts, my calls, my Instagram DMs, but she still shared her location with me she still i could see what she was listening to on spotify she viewed my messages and just acted as if i didn't exist so um me being the petty uh bitch i am i blocked her on everything imaginable pinterest venmo literally you name it everything and even texted her mom and

was like bye thanks for being a second mom to me um so I just was wondering if you thought that I should have done something different or should I do more like um because in my mind there's nothing that she can really say to me to make this okay because that's not something that you do to your best friend she wanted to be she wanted me to be her maid of honor she was going to be in my wedding um uh yeah I guess that's pretty much it I don't really know what to do I'm just really upset and angry you know so all right thank you so so much and let me hear what you've got to say all right bye we're ghosters we've said that before and I think a very excuse me a really natural response to ghosting is to be it's like when someone gets upset with you that

your response is to be upset with them and you really rolled with that and that's like that's fine but it you you made your bed like in the sense of like she ghosted you you didn't find out why i don't know how long the time period was of of that of waiting it out um and yeah like you fought petty with petty and that's also how you interpreted the ghosting aspect of it and i drew i think like yeah ghosting your best friend like that's it it it does seem like a what the fuck sort of a thing but i would something happened like something either you did something and she wasn't ready to wasn't ready or wasn't able uh and didn't want to confront it and needed to be done for her own mental health or also was just like going through her own thing and like needed to

cut everything off and like be selfish and wasn't ready to process any of it and there obviously that's like a very hurtful sort of feeling but you responded how you responded like i'm not going to tell you that you did it like right or wrong but it's also hard to know how long like yeah you didn't tell us how long was it like because like if it was like a day then that comes off like it's really or even like a couple weeks yeah but if it was like five months also did her mom respond when you messaged her i know you said that you said thank you for like being a second mom and bye did you immediately block her or did you wait till she said something did she say something if you didn't block her um because i really think it's something that

she's going through on her that she doesn't want you to know about and she's processing it especially like in these times during quarantine we're all dealing with it very differently and so um yeah i i since i am a ghoster i understand where she might be coming from so um it might just and maybe she wasn't just maybe she wasn't ghosting you she just needed some time to so yeah and no matter how good of friends you are with somebody um you never know them like we don't even know our like i say it's like i don't even know myself that well all the time like there are times where i respond to something like to the same situation respond to a completely different two different times and i think we can feel like as a best friend we're owed or any relationship

in a life like we're owed a bigger courtesy than anything else but that also implies that a lot of decisions that we're making are like really logic driven versus emotional emotionally driven so i don't think necessarily it had to like mean something really massive i i am like this is also not that i'm playing devil's advocate in this though but your response of being so upset versus like sad and hurt makes me wonder if you you're not saying but there's something that you think that like it could be tied to something that you said or did that you stand by and true she's cutting you off for that and that pisses you the fuck off because you stand by whatever statement or whatever you did and like you know that that's the right thing

and you stick by it and then she's doing this in response and so then that's where the anger the oh god the anger really comes in but yeah i think ghosting sucks but also i don't know i mean like i we have no idea why she goes to do because i would also say i've had people who like i've ghosted and then they've done that response of like oh i'm blocking you like i hate you whatever thing and i'm so resigned from it like i don't really give a shit so i think right now from my interpretation of it you're trying especially with texting her mom everything you're doing you're trying to get a reaction out of her because ghosting is not satisfying for you like there's nothing there and you're trying to get a reaction to prove that like she cared about you and that

your friendship wasn't just like that it meant something and like you're they trying to get a rise out of her and i just the more that you can detach yourself from other people's reactions and other people's responses and just do what's good for you without wanting an outcome that relies on somebody else is what you need to focus on because like it's the same kind of thing with like revenge as somebody who is a big fan of revenge all fucking about it and it took me and it yeah it took me a really long time to understand that like that doesn't revenge doesn't happen when you are so emotionally invested in it because no matter how much that you're like well i would respond this way and i would do this and i like they i need to get them to feel this kind

of way it's never going to be enough it's never going to be satisfying when you have like skin in the game like because you can't predict how people are going to react to it and no matter what you're investing your time and energy in it and then if you're not getting any response back like you just wasted all of this and then so much energy and you've hyped yourself fucking into it and like you you you get a rise out of yourself and you get this like anger fuel and then it's never it's never like being completed never satisfied no so it can hurt and it can suck um but if it's cathartic for you to block her on everything then can't have it be but don't do anything with the hopes that it is going to get a response

out of her because you can't control that as much as like you obviously like want to and yeah maybe she ghosted you because you did something maybe she ghosted you because she is going through or maybe she just ghosted you because like she decided she didn't like you anymore and like she's being a bitch and like she sucks like there's all of those different options and you just have to pick which one you want it to be and then commit to that to being your truth and move move on but it's hard i'm sorry that would be that would be really hard i guess i guess it's also how long have you guys been friends i would think a while if you like texted her mom but well because like if sydney ghosted me i would drive my ass to her fucking apartment

and be like what the fuck like so that's like the part that i'm i mean i i we always give advice from our own perspectives but especially when it comes in like relationship situations that i can really put myself in it i just don't it's just such an odd turn of events like the whole thing is just such like an odd like like i yeah that's just such an odd thing that i don't understand how it gets to that place oh but please give us a update this girl hi megan and melissa hope you guys are doing well i'm not doing well personally um i'm really upset because um it's about my friend I've known her since our freshman year of college um I'm currently 22 and so is she and every year we like we have talked about moving into with each other but

she's kind of always backed out and um because of like money which is fine that's I understand that so this year she was like yeah let's move in together and I'm like are you sure like for real this time and she was like yeah um and like before we'd like entertain the idea but nothing really came of it like she was like um actually just kidding never mind and this time she was like yeah yeah yeah definitely and now we're three months out my lease is up in October she currently lives with her sister um and basically she bailed on me um again and we were about to go apartment hunting and yeah I literally was like she first she was like well I can't move in until January so I was like okay well in my current

apartment they're going to increase my rates to where I can't I just can't afford it and so I was like okay well I'll pay all but what you pay at your sister's until January and she was like okay maybe and she's like but I need furniture and I'm like um I can get you give you my old bed at my parents house my parents house you know was my parents were fine with that and she was like okay well I'm going to talk to my uncle um he's like I don't know what his deal is I think he's like in to finance some sort of finance you know position somewhere and she was Like, yeah, he thinks it's a horrible idea. I could be spending that money on college, da, da, da, da.

And I'm like, okay, but why are you just now telling me this? Like, why are you just now figuring this out? I made a spreadsheet and all that jazz and figured everything out, punched the numbers months and months and months ago. And I'm just extremely upset. like i was literally bawling because i have to figure something out like i don't know what to do at this point so i'd love some advice thanks so i stand by my statement that you should never room with friends i don't think this girl's your friend yeah i mean she might be i i think she has

like financial problems and she might actually be her friend and she's just like like ideally she wants to move with her but she just can't financially she can't and so like she thinks that she can and so but when it actually comes to it then she can't actually afford it so she's and I think she's a little embarrassed about it and won't just come out and say that's what the issue is yeah no I think that's I mean I'm definitely coming at it from a response of like my college experience and like me bending over backwards financially to have people live with me who like were just using me and like didn't didn't really care she's not trying to use her though she offered to pay and she said i'm no no she originally said yeah well she said yeah but then

she said i i don't think she actually talked to her uncle i think she just said that to save face no i think i think i i mean i'm definitely my my my i am tainted from my own history but i think you're right it does it it sounds like i think yeah it's one of two options either she doesn't want to live with you and like doesn't know how to say it and is just kind of like stringing you along um and this has happened to lily so many fucking times like specifically uh or she really wants to live with you and like is embarrassed and like is not able to kind of make it work and kind of holds out hope until the last possible second and not in like a oh i'm ripping the rug out from underneath you kind of way but like i think just like let her know that this like

really hurt your feelings and don't ever live with her and just recognize that that this is not it's just not gonna work and like and unless like a couple years down the road she makes a complete 180 and is like she's the one making spreadsheets and she's the one who finds the apartment and she's the one who does all of that and like she's the one who takes initiative then like think about it again if you want to move in with her but it's it this is not it's not gonna i think it's been like an idealized thing that you guys have talked about and it'd be so fun and like you can romanticize all of it but truthfully she did you a huge favor and i've had friends who like i like was gonna move in with and

they backed out at the last second and they gave like very bullshit excuses and i was pissed and hurt and then our friendship like disintegrated or like i saw that they like were not ready to move it like and they had they were terrible roommates the people who they ended up living with and all of that kind of stuff and i was like oh cool i dodged a bullet so i think you did dodge a bullet in this sense and i would also evaluate maybe maybe she's the only person you would have ever offered to do that for like oh i'll cover your rent for x amount of months and i will give you all this furniture and stuff but i would also take inventory in your own life if you are doing if you are offering a lot to your friends and if you are if they are being

off if you are getting that offered in return and not just like emotional labor but like yeah if someone if you're like like you're moving or something and someone's like yeah no i'll get i'll get you a moving truck we can do all of this kind of stuff like if you are like the financially generous friend don't do some no yeah because that's not a as someone who was that that is not a personality trait like that's not that's it's not it's something that like you can be a generous generous person and unless you are having that generosity being met to you in return you are giving from an empty tank and it will never it will never work like it wasn't until i got older that i was like oh i have like friends that not that like money like money matters in a way at

all but like that was all like when when you're when you can like offer to do something for someone and you're like oh this person wouldn't even pick me up from the airport like is this balanced is this working like that but as we say never live with friends never live with friends you're in college I'm sure there's somebody else that I mean are you like going physically back to school or taking classes online but there there might be somebody else that's in the area and then like worse comes to worse it seems like your parents are still close by then you can stay with them until you can find some place that you can afford and you've got you said like it's you're freaking out because uh it's three months out but that's plenty of time to find an apartment

a hundred percent yeah i think it's because you're like you you it seems like you like to plan a lot and then she like messed up your plan and so your idea of what the timetable was has changed and maybe being a little bit more adaptive can be something that you can learn from this experience and living with someone as a blanket statement should never be this hard like it shouldn't be and it shouldn't be like oh i'm like chasing a friend down to like find like to like look at this apartment with like to like to send them pictures and they're like not responding like if it should be finding an apartment should be 50 50 like whether that's like someone who's like emailing everybody or someone who's like going in person and looking

at stuff like it's not like you have to be doing everything together but if you're putting all of the effort in what are that to me is like that's a bad roommate does that make like i don't trust that to like you to like care or like follow through on like the commitment of this like police and all of that shit oh but i'm so sorry i would be i would be upset too definitely been through this time for a quick break guys we'll be right back okay guys we are back from our break and we're getting to the rest of the calls what the happened there i mean here's looking bomb hi megan melissa i'm 30 years old and i'm calling for dating advice.

Back in March, when the pandemic started, I met a guy on Instagram. He basically slid into my DM, and we connected right away. We started exchanging messages, but then he asked me for my number, so we started texting and eventually calling every single day for like about two hours. The problem is he lives in a different town, which is about four hours away from me. He told me that when he first messaged me, he thought we live in the same place because all my chickens show his hometown, but that's because my sister lives there too. He was very straightforward from the beginning, told me that he would love to see me, meet me in person, take me on a date, and hopefully be more than friends.

But given the current situation, social distancing and all, he didn't think it was a good idea for now. We've been talking for over four months now, and he keeps telling me that he likes me more than friends, and that he's really interested in me, and would love to meet me in person. However, two months ago, he was in town, but he didn't want to see me. I know we're in the middle of a pandemic and we should be social distancing at all, but we've both been self-isolating. I know he's really concerned about the virus, especially because he lives with his parents. So I totally get that. I didn't make a big deal out of it, of course. We continued talking as usual. But last month, I got COVID, and he was there for me, calling me every day and asking me about my symptoms.

He was so sweet. And even though I had a couple of weeks, I was able to recover 100%. Well, yesterday I told him that I was planning to visit my sister in September for Labor Day. Of course, I just wanted to let him know because we shared everything. I thought it was the right thing to do. Just trying to be polite. I wasn't forcing him to see me or meet me in person. I understand the situation.

However, when I brought it up, the first thing he told me is, will you be virus-free by then? And that really hurt me. Of course, I'm going to be virus-free. It's been like three months since I got the virus. So I was just sharing the news. I understand he's scared and concerned about his family's safety, but of course, I'll be virus-free by September. This is the second time that he doesn't want to meet me in person, and I don't know if there's something else going on.

I don't want to talk to him directly because I don't want to come up as possessive, and I'm not that kind of person, especially during a pandemic. But at the same time, I can help but wonder if there's something else going on. i'm just confused and i don't know if you can keep talking to him any advice be much appreciated thank you and i love your podcast bye yeah i mean i think to say that like oh i'll be by like we don't know enough about the virus like people have there are people who have tested pause like had symptoms got covid tested positive made a full recovery in quotes and have since gotten sick again and tested positive again and like have been contagious again yeah um so we don't know enough about any of it um have you guys facetimed like true because i think it truthfully

i think it could be twofold i think like he could be as cautious as everybody else should be being for this whole pandemic and he could also be a catfish i think he could be both like i think he could be a like a pandemic what a time to be a catfish which we will see on the new season guys if you didn't know i mean i feel like you might i mean actually no because when we recorded our episode with cammy we knew we knew that she was gonna be the but not everybody else knew that she cammy crawford friend of the podcast one of our favorite people fucking love her so much um cammy has become the full-time uh co-host of catfish and they are doing a fully like pandemic season like their social distancing doing it from home like all of that stuff so

fucking so excited yeah i can't wait um but i think this could be a combination like i think this could be a combo of this is he and even like he originally said it could be like he wants to be your pen pal and we're in the middle of pandemic like i don't think it needs to be either or i think it could be like it could be yeah just the pandemic and that's why he doesn't want to meet up with you or it could also truthfully be he doesn't want to meet up with you because the pandemic and also he just wants a pen pal or he's not that interested in it which i would just urge you in general like with anyone when you're establishing a relationship that is not meeting up which again you shouldn't be meeting up at this point

i think it's so fucking easy to like slip into especially like indeed like in in times of uncertainty to slip into comfort and like solid relationship and stuff if you're gonna start talking to people caught up i know with who is it the dude yeah again yeah you looped that of course okay i mean i saw it coming i was like okay we made a circle we looked back um but it's so easy to get caught up in like treating it like a comfort and a relationship through all of this when it needs to be treated like still casually dating and like it is a lot of fucking effort to like text multiple people i think it's more effort to do that than it is to like go on physical dates with like four people but i i would urge anybody who is starting to date amidst a pandemic to really

keep those and maybe you don't have those habits in general but really like broaden that kind of shit because this is like camp goggles times a hundred yeah like pandemic goggles are a real real real thing and it's you're getting caught up in all of that sort of stuff that we can forget that oh there are other people out there like this is this doesn't just have to be this but um i would like you shouldn't you shouldn't see like you know like just no i think you don't have to stop talking to him i think and i truthfully also wouldn't even have a conversation with him about it because i think like it is you to say like is it just the pandemic downplays the seriousness of the pandemic and the fact that he does live with his parents and

he's expressed like his own boundaries of his safety and comfortability and the fact that you've had the virus so then to like even assume that there's more there i fucking hate when people do that it's like and moss will do that sometimes when i'm like depressed or whatever and he's like is there like well and i'll like say if i like know why i'm feeling bad if there's something specific and then i'm like well is there anything else and i'm like no bitch that's enough yeah it can and there's no and like i don't think that you would necessarily mean it like that but it on the receiving end it can feel belittling because it feels like oh all the information that you have been so generous to being vulnerable and share with me i am processing it now and

saying that like i feel like that's not enough to like equate to how you're feeling right now or all of that and that's not it's never matzah's goal like i'm assuming that's not your goal too but as someone who's been on the receiving end that's how it can be interpreted and just take what he says and just be like okay i respect it like i respect your boundaries and there doesn't need to be like a solution to his boundaries or anything that you could do like or a time limit to his boundaries either like it is a day but and like my therapist says it all the time that's like yeah like your level of comfort to the same situation instance will change day to day like we don't know what's going to happen so you can and like when motts went uh golfing for the first

time which again far away is like social distance nowhere near anybody else um and like my whole thing was like i was like i don't know how i'm gonna like right now before you go i'm fine and like you might get home and i'm letting you know i might not feel good like i might be super anxious i might like want to sleep in separate bedrooms for like a week and like if i like get like anxious about like the virus they're like i don't know how i'm going to react so i'm giving myself and like giving you the heads up that it's it's an unknown so there's just like no solution to solve no this i'm just like he said uh are you gonna be virus free by now he was being so sarcastic because it was like are you sure you should be going to see your sister

is what he was saying that's what he was saying that's assault i don't even know how i didn't pick up on that that's a response that's like assault see like are you sure also i will say the thing that like gets me with this a little bit and i found that a lot of people who've had the virus never covered and like have had no lingering symptoms and didn't really have bad symptoms when it happened have kind of been like a they've been moving on faster than anyone that i've like seen um the the mention of labor day stresses me out it's like the same thing of like because that's a social oh three-day weekend like there's like a connotation with events and like a vacation and

a break and yeah fun and it's like oh hi megan melissa special guest um i'm 27 years old and a little background i've only had one boyfriend it was online i was 20 years old and i then started seeing a guy after that and it's been about five years since i dated anyone my problem is is i tend to only fall for people when I have a friendship with them so I'm like I'm a demisexual so it's hard for me to like just go on a date and think if I like someone or not and my brother's been going to my dad saying how he's scared that I'm going to be single forever and never find love and I've tried to explain this to them and they don't really understand my question is is every time I try to like someone every time I become friends with someone

I end up liking them and when I like them I'm always considered one of the dudes and so I haven't been able to get an actual relationship and I'm just curious how I can go about this or if you have any advice for what I should do my family's really worried for me for being single forever which is what it is but also I kind of want to start dating but it's hard because I can't just get that connection with someone I have to first gain a friendship before I even think about dating and by the time that happens I'm one of the guys and they don't want to date me so any little bit of advice would help thank you bye I think that and and I'm also not super educated on what it's like to be like

demisexual that's what demisexual I for a minute thought that maybe I what I don't know what it is I actually need to look that up I thought for a minute I mean I have a I knew a girl who was demisexual and I what her and I were talking about relationships and she had suggested to me she's like have you ever thought that you might be demisexual and like I thought I like trace back like all of the people that i've like liked and been into um and i've i've definitely had people who like right off the bat i like will get a crush on them so i that's i think that's the big difference from what i know is that like you don't develop those kinds of more than romantic feelings until you're friends like versus like you have to have an emotional connection with it yeah so

like i've like had like i've been people who like i mean like the first time i met mots i was like oh my God, like I have like a little crush on you, but like, it was never, I never like, was like, oh, I like you immediately. Like I would then become friends with them and all of that. So I think that's like where like, I was like, oh, okay, now that's not how I am, but I can, I can understand an aspect of it. I would, I would break it down for you that like, how long does it take for you to become friends with someone? And I think that you can, I think you can like date. I think it just needs to like maybe you've been like maybe because you haven't been date like dating really but maybe your friends are dating like guys that are like so not who you would be

into but like to like for me I've like gone on dates with guys like we're for like over the course of like months like and like we were never like boyfriend girlfriend like we were just like getting to know each other and all that so I think it depends on how long it takes for you to become friends with someone and i just think you need to like date people who aren't trying to like wife you up on like the first date like you're just getting to know them and there's so so so many people like that out there like i don't think that that's not that i'm saying there's my demi-sexual out there but there are so many people who like are very okay with like taking it slow and then figuring out if you like each other like we talk about this all the time

like i don't want to go on a date with someone and have them be like oh i'm totally like after the first date like I only have eyes for you I'm obsessed with you like that's it and like I'm a Leo and I love attention but like that I don't I don't I want you to get to know me and then decide if you like me from there and the same way like I want to get to know you and decide if I like you but as someone who has dated my high school boyfriend was like my best friend and then Mott's and I were really good friends before we he's like one of my best guy friends before we started dating but um and i've also yeah i've actually dated like a lot of friends but there are also people who i have like gone on dates with and i like or like i started talking to

and i met them and i thought they were really cool and i liked them as people and as our friendship like our friendship and the same they grew they grew at the same time like it wasn't this separation like i was getting to know them and as i got to know them i liked them more and more and like it was a gradual like parallel relationship of like romantic and friendship at the same time but you just have to be on the same page right with somebody right right they can't like date to get to know people and not date to fuck and i think that's it might be like you getting to know somebody might be on a longer timetable and that's fine um and i don't believe in like friend zoning which it sounds like you think that's what's happening to you if you like

if you realize that you like somebody like are you telling them that you like them are you just assuming that they want to be your friend so yeah take some take a little bit of initiative and let them know like now that we know each other then i'm attracted to you and i would like to maybe actually date yeah good luck best of luck all right it's time for an update oh an update oh baby it's an update what episode is it from i should have a jingle it's from season six episode five her boyfriend had a d uh dui what are you doing i'm moving i was agreeing i remember this call okay her boyfriend had a dui and she would drive him to work and the his ex-girlfriend the place that he works is owned

by his ex-girlfriend's grandpa grandfather and so she's there all the time and the ex-girlfriend has threatened to kill the caller and the caller has a uh restraining order against the ex-girlfriend i just like love when like you retell it in a way that it's like dude it's fun like it it's so fucking crazy and then he tried to yeah try to kill it like yeah it's wild hi i'm the girl who was who called in about my boyfriend's ex threatening me and then like threatening my life and also threatening to call the cops on me because apparently I violated the restraining order so um just to clarify some stuff he can't get his license right now because he would have to he had since he got it taken away

he would have to like completely get a new like do the driver's test and do everything again and also he'd have to get an interlock and to rent an interlock it's like a hundred dollars a month and he can't really afford that right now because he has to pay for his testing his classes and stuff and that's really expensive and and so like he can't really uber either because we live in a really really small town and there used to be one uber car but I don't think is any now so even if there still is that one like it's like would barely ever be like reusable I guess is the word but anyways he could sometimes he gets rides to work with his co-workers but he lives kind of out of the way for all of them so a lot of times they don't want to go

like leave the house really early to go and pick him up and yeah so you guys were wondering what like what where he works and so he's a logger so he works at a sawmill and he goes up and logs so it's like in the middle of nowhere and I can't really drop him off like off of the property because it's like he'd have to walk like two miles down the road every single day which kind of sucks but um and anyway so about that girl more so he's only dated one other girl in between me and her and that girl was also part of that it's her cousin and she was part of that too where she was also threatening me and stuff and I also have a restraining order against her and she also used to be like my best friend but we didn't like stop being friends in like a super

bad way like it was mostly one of our mutual friends and her stopping friends and then I just chose the mutual friend over still being friends with her and i think that's all that i need to clarify bye so this dude's a homie hopper you just need a new boyfriend they live in a small town i think that's the problem though she's in a small town we need to start a gofundme you need to fucking move to miami you just like i just need you no she does not not during this pandemic florida is terrible oh god you're right um i need you to i oh my god this is just go to the nearest big city yeah like you are you are the beginning of a like a fucking romantic comedy and like this is your origin story like this is and like i okay here's what i will say

this is like a fucking headache and a half and like there's no fucking solution because like this is just a this is a struggle bus and like you are driving the struggle bus and like you need to fucking pull over kick everybody out and get a new bus get a like and like your boyfriend has a DUI so you drop him off and he has to walk two fucking miles or even like get get like close enough where you don't have to like physically see them you know like even if it's like half a mile away you wouldn't be able to see them from your car if they're at the building drop him off there yeah but also still he got a DUI that's on him he drove drunk he shouldn't have been driving then walk fucking two miles every day like every day dude like you fucked up like it's it's

it you it feels like you're like babying him when he did something that was so selfish and dumb and reckless and put other people's lives in danger and his life is intentionally harder right now and it's not your job to make it any easier at all like else with the expense of like expensive like your own restraining order and like your own mental health and comfort and safety like he can walk two fucking miles like he can like it's not your responsibility to figure his shit out like he fucking did this like he like he did this he works at his ex-girlfriend's grandpa's company and he got a DUI and hold on his ex-girlfriend's grandpa's company when west jet first took flight in 1996 the vibes were a bit different people thought denim on denim

was peak fashion inline skates were everywhere and two out of three women rocked the rachel while those things stayed in the 90s one thing that hasn't is that fuzzy feeling you get when west jet welcomes you on board here's to west jetting since 96 travel back in time with us and actually travel with us at westjet.com slash 30 years plus he used to date that girl's cousin so it's like double is that girl's cousin that her grandfather too and she was friends with the cousin yeah like you're it's just i know that you live in a small town but like you shouldn't be it's not you shouldn't be dating anybody that was friends with somebody else unless you want to be completely removed from the situation but you can't like you can't be completely removed

from this situation it's just it's obviously we're not you but i'm like there are no you could tell me this guy has the greatest dick of all time and he goes down on you for four hours a day and i would still say dick ain't worth it nope like the pro con list that i have made in my head he is never winning like there is not one instance there is not you could tell me that he ejaculates money like fucking if he if he ejaculated money she wouldn't be in this situation because he could just get a limo true or just like hire this one uber driver that's in town for the whole fucking day decided his name's gonna be jim and he's driving everyone in his uh Honda Civic um like there is not one instance in like oh he's such a nice guy it's all of this

sort of stuff I'm like this is not I again like you said like I get that it's a small town but nobody is forcing you to do do this like either you like if you want to date him then date him and then break your restraining order and then still be in the life of a girl who uh threatened to kill you and all like this is two girls two girls it's either all or nothing like you either have to like this is like this is my life now and i've accepted it and this is what i do and this is how i'm living and where i'm at or break up because there is no solution at all let this be your origin story yeah or this is the rest of your life so you have to accept it if this is the guy that you see yourself being with and you can't accept it with these like the conditions

on this this and this like except you have to accept it as a whole like this it is what it is this is it yeah or be done well that is our episode guys i hope you enjoyed um if you did head on over to uh itunes apple podcast app leave us a nice fun not itunes itunes doesn't exist anymore uh okay for sure uh podcast app nice review and um follow us on instagram our own individuals the podcast don't want meme pod uh hit up melissa on twitter fucking fire comedy good good good times and if you want to call in for an upcoming episode you can leave us a voicemail at 310-694-0976 and international listeners you can send us an audio message at meganpodcast at gmail.com um and what else you want to promote another show that you you you've got do you want

me to do it for you yeah i want you to promote a show i will this is an ad read hashtag spawn hashtag ad um as you guys know melissa is a producer extraordinaire and while this is by far the her favorite show and the best one and her number one no i know that's why i'm doing it um school uh she does a lot of other shows and um i'm a fan of i mean i'm a fan of all of them i'm a fan of your work and one that you guys should definitely check out is uh overshare which is lily marston and jocelyn davis's podcast started off as a show on their youtube channel shared which was the shared network um and it's like a story time podcast they've got guests on and they they dive deep into like specific stories and instances and it's a fun good time and um

your favorite internet ladies all together doing a podcast so check it out that was great actually a few from the last time that i talked about it a few people have actually gone and listened to it oh like they left comments and just like i'm here because i heard melissa and megan talk about it on don't blame me i think it's also fun because um someone i think someone commented on it maybe it was on graces or someone tweeted me after like candace and kayla's but it was something about how they were like melissa's like so like like you you like don't blame like it's like half of this show is you and so like people they're like but then i know that like even though like we can't see melissa like melissa's in the background there and i could just picture like you guys all

having fought like all of it and i was like yeah i forget which show that was it was probably well i was yeah i was gonna say but i was gonna say probably um not too deep but like we've talked a lot you guys talked about me too yeah too so and i was like it's just it's just fun yeah and now everybody knows you know i mean like everyone knows that like you're behind all of them it's a good time um anything else nah we're good thanks for listening thanks to those who listen to the very end oh yeah leave us a fun comment on the youtube if you're watching to the very end and if you're listening to the very end leave us like a fun comment on instagram or something yeah but like cryptic so other people don't catch on oh maybe just say i can't believe

what happened at the very last like at the end of the episode but then people go listen you know oh you're right we want it it should just be like they drop an emoji and then people don't know what the emoji is what emoji should it be i think it should be i asked you but i have an idea i think it should be this girl but like a white one with blonde hair and black one do it yep leave it as a comment on instagram if you're an audio listener and then leave it on the comment on youtube if you're a youtube viewer of podcasts and um we'll see you guys next time goodbye don't blame me is a production by me executive produced by melissa de monts edited by katrina henning and music by ryan hunter and giacomo picasso