Don't Blame Me! - S6E21: Partying in a Pandemic w/ Melisa D. Monts

Episode Date: October 19, 2020

This week we're sharing advice on:    Update: Boyfriend's ex won't go away Living with a friend Helping a friend with body image Reaching out to a sister Don't Blame Them: desperate to get engaged   Call Transcriptions   Follow Us! @meghanrienks  www.instagram.com/meghanrienks  https://twitter.com/meghanrienks @sheisnotmelissa  www.instagram.com/sheisnotmelissa https://twitter.com/sheisnotmelissa @dontblamemepod   https://www.instagram.com/dontblamemepod/     Listen to ad-free on Stitcher Premium! For a free month of Stitcher Premium, go to stitcherpremium.com and use promo code 'BLAME,' PLUS exclusive bonus episodes.     Affordable Therapy By State (Curated by Crissy Milazzo): www.tinyurl.com/y64kwdnf    Need Advice?  www.dontblameme.show  Domestic Listeners Call: [phone]   International Listeners Send a Voice Memo To: [e-mail]    … with as much detail as possible under 3 minutes! I'll do my best to share my wonderful words of wisdom. If you're under 18, please get your parent's permission. Advice is for entertainment purposes only, so you can't blame me if I screw up your life. I kid! My advice IS AMAZING. - Want to WATCH this episode as well? Become a patron! https://www.patreon.com/dontblameme   Join the Facebook Group! https://www.facebook.com/groups/dbmsecretgroup Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/join/dontblameme See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hello, everybody. Welcome back to Don't Blame Me. We are an advice podcast. We are a call and advice show where... Oh my god, there's a squirrel. So sorry. If you're watching the video, you can see me get distracted by a squirrel on one of the power lines. So on our show, we cover everything about advice, everything in between. We don't necessarily give financial advice or science i mean yes science is not advice actually we do give covid covid related advice as in stay the fuck inside we are not professionals in anything except being cunts and badass bitches and uh we're giving everything from our own experience so our own life has given us these tools and life our own love and you know light we just so happen to

kind of subscribe to more of the tough love sort of belief system it's how we give advice to each other how we give advice to our other friends we talk to this podcast it's we're all friends here we're that kind of friend who gives you the advice you might not necessarily want to hear but it's the one you go to when you like actually need to stop fucking that guy that you really should stop fucking and you go to her and then she's like don't be a dumb bitch we're here to tell you to not be a dumb bitch but we're also here to hype you up when you're being a dumb bitch if you want to continue being a dumb bitch yeah if you like live in the messiness of being a dumb bitch okay we're gonna tell you what not to do but like do you girl you do you as long as your messiness

is not messy to other people as long as you're like you're contained mess like you're a you're a self mess self-contained mess a self-contained mess then you're fine so if you want to call in for an upcoming episode you can leave us a voicemail at 310-694-0976 and international listeners you can send us an audio message at meganpodcast at gmail.com and we ask you to leave your voicemails under three minutes we don't ask you we demand of you you will get cut off you will get cut snip snip sect me baby um so we recommend that you write it down channel your inner virgo and that's how you can get a really nice clear concise story to uh let us know and it also will get you bonus points with melissa because oh i can feel it she can't and she

immediately if you start the call with going so sorry i like have tried to record this a bunch of times or you give a backstory that like this is really long or something immediately her reaction is wasted fucking time wasted fucking time don't that's what i'm saying when you guys are wondering what what what's going on that's what i'm saying if you're if you watch this podcast which you should check it out we're on patreon if you want to want to watch the video version it's only a dollar a month so that's four to five episodes a month for a dollar um but there's like always a moment like usually like right when the call starts that we're either saying that or if they say hey megan melissa and guest and we're like there's no fucking guest or if they just say hey

megan and then they ignore ignore you that's when we go i'm sorry what i'm sorry what always always literally always so yeah respect respect your fucking queens um please because truthfully i am on all i am i am what did you call me the last time oh i'm the glitter and you're the glue so truly it should be appreciated way more because all i am is the added sparkle that you get extra credit on but like there is no substance like it wouldn't exist there's nothing to put glitter on if there's no fucking glue do you what i mean yeah but you have substance no but like the podcast wouldn't exist i don't know how to fucking like when people are like oh my god how do you podcast i'm like i don't fucking know oh like i'm like i know how to record you know how to show up

sometimes when i'm not late yeah you're still here i am still here well it's also hard to like not go anywhere remind me i have something that we literally just spent so fucking long shooting the shit like off camera and i now just remembered another thing that i need to tell you off camera okay just to remind me but wild so um what's new with you how are you first i want to give a shout out to my sister megan happy birthday oh happy birthday so fun yeah new with me let's you know i've been working on like not sleeping on my face um on my stomach actually i have that pillow that i told you about no i got a full pregnancy body wait i wanted one yeah do you love it on both sides like i'm in like a full cocoon and i love it i don't like my hand i

usually wake up multiple times in the nighttime because i can't help but sleep on my stomach and my hand goes numb and so i wake up multiple times in the night haven't been doing it been sleeping through the night love it i can sleep on my side i can sleep on my back um and like yeah it's perfect it's perfect i'm not waking up like i usually wake up with like my neck hurting nothing wow so before we get into the calls let's let's go to the update let's get a fucking update We are here with our caller that was in season four, episode three. And if you want to share a little bit about the original call. Yeah, so I was a caller that called with the like, ex-boyfriend that his girlfriend was

still involved with his family. That like, his family was basically telling me I was the crazy one. Meanwhile, his ex-girlfriend was still coming to my spin and bar and yoga classes. yeah that one so r.i.p to her is she still with us um she is I'm just not with him oh wait what happened so okay I wish I took your guys's advice and dumped him and said boy bye um I didn't so I stayed with him for six days short of a year um on the day of my graduation party um he didn't show up instead asked me to meet him at a local brewery um immediately first words out of his mouth he was like so I'm just gonna get right into it I don't want to be with

you i wrote you a letter no no no no no no graduation day this is college or high or high school college even worse normalize not writing people not giving people letters that you write like that should be like you should if you write someone a fucking letter don't send it like if it's to get your feelings out there you don't need to fucking see that yeah printed it had it ready to go oh my gosh it wasn't even handwritten yeah so like wait wait hold on was this before your ceremony or after your ceremony so it was after so it was the day of my party he told me i could either read the letter now in front of him while he sat there and drank two beers which unfortunately is the option i took wait i can't even read a birthday card when someone gives you one in front

of them oh my god you are brave i sat there and just like read it and cried and was like okay yeah um yeah so that happened in February it was six days before our one-year anniversary and then you just hopped into court yeah and our Airbnb was booked for that week oh my gosh in March I was still scheduled to teach at his parents studio right no so the yoga studio okay and so that was in March I taught my first class and then the next day while I was at work receive a six paragraph email from his mom telling me like all the making these crazy accusations that I said things about my best friend that actually came from them to which they reassured me that they informed her of

everything that I said why would they do this I have no clue maybe they were like really trying to weed me out the entire time which is why they stayed such close friends with his exit like I have no clue yeah his mom like basically accused me of being an alcoholic said that I like to overexpose myself and like over talk and overshare when I was drinking yeah told me I was so annoying and irritating throughout our entire relationship but that they were gonna allow me the opportunity to still teach at their studio because she couldn't say she wanted you to quit yeah yeah that's she didn't she couldn't fire you because it'd be wrongful termination so she was trying to say things to make you quit yep and so then I wrote her back just like a one paragraph

email because the I didn't need to be dumped by him and his family yeah and I was like I hope you're able to reflect on the things I did for you and your family without being asked and asking nothing in return. I wish you all the best. I will not be teaching at your studio. Bye. And she immediately emailed back and was like, I'm so sorry. I'm my heart's in my stomach because of this. Yeah. When you said she immediately, she immediately emailed you back. She had that email ready to go. She knew that you were going to quit. So she just like what you do when you schedule emails melissa that's probably what she did she scheduled the apology what a cunt dude i cannot fucking believe like this isn't that is so much like

that is so fucking extra i have to tell you guys the most insane story i tell people this story and they're like you're kidding right like you're fucking kidding so his family had a hot tub and the way the hot tub was set up it was like at the top of a bunch of stairs so you had to like walk up to the hot tub and there was one night that my now ex he was like come on like let's just go like you don't need your swimsuit like let's just go in the hot tub oh my gosh I was like I don't feel comfortable with that like your family could literally walk out at any moment I was like I'm gonna wear mine but if you opt to not wear yours that's fine so he didn't and we're walking out and his mom like shouts down from the top and she's like hey like we're already in here

and my ex was like oh well should we leave and come back and his dad's like no no like come up and join us so in my head at the time I was like this is gonna be awkward like I'm wearing a bathing suit I'm sure they wouldn't invite us up there if they weren't but he's not wearing a bathing suit oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh no no oh my gosh yep so i make it all the way up the stairs and um my ex just goes so are we in nude beach tonight and both his parents turn to us and go yep this is something they do all the time shut the fuck up shut the fuck up this went in so many directions yeah and it was weird because it was like throughout our relationship it was as if they were grooming me to be of course they were their family they were grooming you to touch her his

dad's dick yeah like they're like familial swingers yeah yeah yeah it was really bad um there was one point where um I like was talking to his mom about my best friend the one that owns the studio that I teach at and she was like I don't get it like why do you like her so much she was like because i'm telling you right now if you're a mother like she's a mother i'm not going to be happy with how you raise my grandkids i the audacity yeah she also told me that if i got pregnant right then and there that it would be fine because it would help me out i hate them i hate this is unreal i can't believe though debt like through all of this when did you start listening to the podcast because there's like you

called in for like yeah it was like a lot but I'm like damn all of this other shit so I have been listening to the podcast for quite a while and I've been kind of going back and forth because they have me like super sketched out where I was like they're for sure gonna find out about this like maybe I shouldn't do it and then I think if you guys remember it was five days before my birthday that i called it yeah because his ex wanted to give me a birthday present yeah and she did what was it like a candle it was bath bombs same fucking thing yeah it was in a basket oh even better did you use them uh yeah well you're here to survive you're here to live to tell the tale so yeah i'm so fucking glad that you're out of that like good god i think you're

gonna have a great your next relationship it's just like karma has to give you a good one like actually has to like i'm like crawled up into my skin right now dude i yeah like my i am like clenching my ass right now like i'm just like i can't i can't even imagine like i feel like i have no right to complain about anything ever again like i'm like like mons didn't take the trash out and i'm like that's fine that's fine holy fuck dude yeah and that was the beginning of my 2020 so 2020 was just like a full dumpster fire it stayed on theme for you like it never it never came out of left field like it was it was consistent with what had been dealing you before fuck well i'm so fucking sorry that is like absolute insanity i'm glad that we get to hear

about it and like we you can joke about it and all of that shit on the other side yeah you survive you need a t-shirt that says like i survived what like the fucking family or whatever as long as i never have to see my father-in-law's balls hanging down again i think i'll be happy i think you will be too oh my god that's insane well thank you so much for giving this update this was like not what i expected and like this was just like i feel like i i like need a breather like i feel like i just went on a roller coaster and it's not even my life ha ha wow that was just doing like the reaction like after commercial break that was a lot i know because i laughed at my joke before i even finished saying my joke uh i mean it was a roller coaster though i have no

words i have what the fuck what the fuck like how are these people real i i don't know unwell un-fucking-well i mean i think this is a great note to uh like if the update's that good then like you know like where do we have to go from here i don't think we can top it but whatever Hello, Megan and Melissa. So I am 23 years old and I have a little situation with a friend who is fucking stupid because she keeps partying when right now. And it's a fucking pandemic. Like I always see her snaps. I always see her friends snaps who are mutual friends of mine as well. actually and um it's mostly this friend that i'm talking about who by the way is 22 and a leo so maybe megan you can help me talk to a leo and why are they so fucking stubborn and i'm sorry i don't want to roast you but like literally like i worry about this friend because she and i grew up literally when we were fetuses like our parents knew each other and i don't like i keep telling

her yo we're in a pandemic and she's like I know like my friends want to go clubbing I'm like then don't go clubbing with your friends like you can just stay home and she's like yeah but I don't like I'm depressed right now just like go to therapy and she's like not getting it like I even told her today um that I'm like yo again we're in a pandemic and she just left me on bread I'm just like are you fucking kidding me like it's literally insane that I see people I'm sorry i'm like really angry but like i had a cousin who literally got tested positive for covid which don't worry he ended up being okay he's now healthy scared but healthy which i mean that's the initial reaction you would get right and like it's just drugging me insane like how do

i like tell her like i literally said it multiple times that she's being stupid and being irresponsible and putting other people at risk so how do I like tell her like do I just give up and be like hey if you get COVID you get COVID or do I continue to tell her that she's being stupid and putting people at risk or another thing that I thought of is telling her mom but she and her mom aren't that close like they kind of have a really toxic relationship which I don't want to go into um but yeah like how do i approach her or do i just dip and if she gets covered she gets covered okay i really hope this could help blink twice if you're in the facebook group everything we know you um uh whoo this is a lot so much like

i'm just this week i was asked by a friend to go to a place that a lot of elite people go to and i've been asked to go to this place many times by the same person within the past month and i keep telling him like covid doesn't have like barriers unless you're wearing a mask that it's like at this place you have to be inside there is no outside and like i mean there is but like it's a covered outside it's like not like it's not yeah like you're still people outside like you're not in the sun yeah you're like inside yeah it's not open air and i've seen his pictures from there and he's definitely inside all the time and i can't like i don't know how else i

can just tell him like i said like you know i'm not going anywhere i've said like i don't go out in these streets like trying to make a joke like and like his response to that was like and then the next day text me again he's like i'm planning a trip do you want to come and i'm like what the fuck is wrong with you like people that don't care just don't care and you just have to like you there's nothing you can say to them that's gonna change nothing yeah I mean I very much agree with you this is something I talk about my therapist all the time because her whole thing is um Megan stop putting all this energy out on other like you can't fix everyone you can't fix you can't save everyone all of that which is very much what I do and I'm very comfortable

calling people out so I've had conversations with like close friends I have had a conversation with the way you described this friend is like very much I have a friend in my life very similar to this and the conversation that I had with them is I I think the only if you can get to them there's like one of two people like you can either not get to them and they just don't care or there are people who are willfully ignorant and i and and in order to have someone understand that then i make them talk and i ask them questions and i'm like okay so like what do you so you're doing so like whatever they're going to go do or whatever i was like oh so are you just like like what's like what's your mindset on social distancing and then i'll be like oh so are you going by cdc

regulations and like what do you think those like what do you think those are and then it becomes like oh well and this was like a couple months ago when it was like oh well like groups of 10 people or less and i'm like no that was three like people who stopped listening people who got scared they heard all of the stuff and they just stopped listening because like it freaked them out and so then they went by the same guidelines that they had heard or when people are like well fauci says that fat masks don't work or like that masks are like it's not airborne i'm like yeah in march like the first week of march or something people are still trying to figure out what the hell this is now we have a firmer we still don't understand it completely we have a firmer grasp

on it but it's still like it's ever-changing so you have to be up to date like what's with what's going on today exactly a month ago even not a week ago and a lot of people don't have that and they put a lot of blind trust and faith in like they're like local like lawmakers and all that stuff and i'll be like okay so do you know how many new cases we had today like do you know like this whole thing that became it was just about and i think a lot of people have this mindset that it was about flattening the curve and i'm like no okay yeah it's about flattening the curve and the reason we need to flatten the curve is not to get rid of the virus that we have to flatten the curve so we don't overwhelm our hospital system like that's the reason why flattening

the curve wasn't the beginning and end of this and like the whole thing with like the quarantining and like social distancing and all of that people have assumed that that was because we needed to flatten the curve and that is the reason that was our first goal but then once the curve is flattened we're still in the middle of a pandemic and we're still it's still highly contagious and that doesn't mean that things can go back to like to normal and so i think if you can have a conversation where it's like have that it's have her like just be like so tell me tell me all the facts that you know like tell me what you're going by like i had friends who were talking about travel and they're well i read an article that said traveling was like fine and i was like when can you send it to

me like when did you read that like look on the cdc like guideline what they're saying i was like because this is there is a level of ignorance to it but then there are people who are like when if she's saying like oh well like my friends are inviting me out to a club and it's like you don't have to go and i like i'm i'm a petty bitch and i've literally told someone like and they if they're like doing that i'm like i'm gonna level with you like i really love you and i'm really disappointed because like this does make me view you differently and it makes me really sad to think that if i got sick and i'm thinking about all the precautions that i took there's someone who's so close in my life who hasn't done those things and that could be the cause of like why i

get sick or a family member gets sick and like i can't imagine just having someone's like life on my hands in that way and it really sucks because i thought you were better than this and like i've done i like it like just i'm disappointed and like that's all there is to it like it makes me like view you differently and it makes me see you differently and like that really it sucks and it's disappointing for me yeah and i really hate people that use um their mental health as an excuse for their bad behavior like if it's about you socializing and being around people that helps with your mental health i totally get that but that doesn't mean going out to the club that means going to a park yeah and being wearing a mask and not like out drinking having mask off dancing

close to people it's not the same thing you're going out because you want to go out well it's the same thing with it's valuing valuing your mental health over other people's physical health and other people's mental health and like that's not okay and like it also just assumes like the idea that there are lots of i don't know anybody who's not struggling with their mental health stuck inside right but it's like i'm now going to have to do this longer because your mental health said that you have to go out and party at a club and do all of this kind of stuff like I get it like if you want to have a conversation about how it's like really affecting your depression like hi hello me too like let's talk about it like this has been really fucking

hard and like has been really hard for all of us and as opposed to having that be the excuse and like the like the catalyst for reckless behavior like let's have a conversation and let's talk about that and then let's find a way that we can do things like safely like the whole thing that like there it's not getting back to normal it's how can I do the things that I like and bring me joy in my life in a way that is safe it's not like this game of like well are we gonna be like this forever and I'm like if you keep doing this yeah like but it's true though like what you said the beginning there's some people who just they don't they don't care and they don't really want to know and they don't they're not going to

change and for those people i mute them or depending on how well i know them a lot of friends like people that i've considered friends i've muted them because i'm just like it it just makes me angry seeing them and they're going to continue doing what they're doing so i should just mute them for now yeah and then it's like if it changes your friendship down the road which like for me 100 well like 100 will change my friendship and like but i can't see that shit because like like i've already said my piece and like you said it just makes me fucking angry like it just makes me angry but i think if like you if they're working an essential job or something like that and like you know that they're like not being safe or they're around somebody who's immune

compromised like i 100 thank you if you know someone who's in their circle who like might not know like if she's seeing her grandma like fucking let like a family member know or something saying hey she's not taking these cautions but like other than that if yeah it's it has to kind of be like if she gets it she fucking gets it but yeah it's it for your own for your own sanity you just need to like mute her oh but my heart goes out to you uh this is i think this is something we're all we're all struggling with with people like this next call yeah baby hi bang it and melissa basically i think i might have gotten myself into a situation that's kind of complicated um i'm an aquarius by the way and i'm moving in with one of my best friends who's

a pisces she bought the house i'll be living in and i'll be paying her rent i love her a lot but But a lot of the things she's said and done recently have kind of made me really nervous about living together. I like to think I'm a really chill roommate because there isn't a lot that someone I'm living with could do that would really irritate me to the point of getting mad. I've lived with roommates in the past, and it's been a good situation because, I mean, granted, we were all very respectful of each other, but nobody really did anything that really pissed me off. but anyway she was easily frustrated with things people do and kind of like things her way which is totally fine but for example I asked her if I could bring my bed over to the house a little bit early because it's in a box and wouldn't take up too much space but she said no because of all the boxes are stressing her out which I understand but I just don't see how a box in what will be my room

would be a huge deal anyway how do I live with her in a house she bought and feel like it's my space too basically i just don't want to feel like a guest in the place i'm living in and i don't want any conflict we've discussed being open and honest about things that would bother us and we've established house rules along with our other best friend who's a capricorn by the way who'll be moving in in a couple weeks after me but i'm wondering if you have any tips on making this situation a good experience and staying comfortable in a house that she bought thank you so much love you both in the show you decidedly saw you you sure is this set in stone yeah uh the roommates that you have before were they your best friend because they weren't um the thing is is that

you're now a tenant yes you're a tenant to that's the word I was looking for you now pay her money to live and she provides you a service and that has now is going to change the

dynamic of your relationship did you actually like sign a lease or is it like a friend thing where she says you're just giving her money every month um because like now the dynamics change so you honestly don't have any say in what goes on if she doesn't want you to bring a box over to her house because

yes you're paying rent there but it's her house yeah then you don't you have no say in that when does your did you sign a lease if you signed a lease what are like what does it say in your lease about things that you can and cannot do if you sign the lease like if the lease says it doesn't start until like the first of the month then you want to move your bots in and you don't you can't if she says no i mean all the other red flag here is this is three people in one house three is not a good number three is a really bad number to be fair i think this three is going to work out in your favor i think it's going to end up together yeah versus her like that's what i think is going to happen um oh my god so i am very it might surprise you all to know i'm like

really particular and like very type a despite having like adhd so i like i would be if i i would be this person do you what i mean like i would be like i would 100 if i as the like if i was the girl who owns the house i would be the exact same way which is why i would never put myself in that position i would never rent out a place to a friend ever no because yeah it's my like i want it it's my house like you're paying rent for your room but like my fucking house and so it's just no matter how good of friends you are it's just like a natural sort of feeling and like it's also kind of why i don't think anyone should live in the house like it live in a house even if it's like even if she wasn't they weren't friends in general like if you live with tenants

in the building that you fucking own like in like the same house and shared space it's going to be no one wants that in general like you would never want to live with your fucking landlord i did that because the last time i had a roommate that's what it was she owned the condo that we lived in that's true but i treated it as only a business relationship yeah but like was it did you did you were you were there sometimes you wish you didn't live with like the or did she not really not care i mean there's also age difference yeah there's a big age difference and also i um i kept like she wanted to like oh we don't know that much about each other and i kept the separation but like everything in the place was her stuff like not in my room but

everywhere else in the living room in the kitchen it was all her stuff and i respected that and i knew that like this is her shit like i i don't have any say in it even like i didn't have that much space in like the cabinet like she made she cleaned out a cabinet for me but like I didn't, I knew what my place was in the place that I lived. And I think with you coming in as a friendship, it's just going to end badly if you're already having issues and you haven't even moved in. Yeah. I don't know how old you guys are or if she, because I think like the added element, if her parents or guardians, the people who raised her or whatever, if they bought this place for her or like contributed heavily to it I think that can kind of be a mind fuck

because it also feels like she's benefiting from it too do you know what I mean like that it's less like it should be more like oh we're all benefiting in the same kind of way but it's just not how like the mind works in that way like as opposed to like a roommate when you're all renting from like a landlord you're all paying you're all paying for like to share the space but when you're renting out from them directly like in you're paying for your bedroom in her house you are paying to like stay there and that's like it's that's it like it's just i don't i think if you can do as much like it sucks to say but kind of like i think if you want to preserve your friendship don't expect this to be uh oh yeah everything's shared space this is all going to

be really chill like treat your room like your room and like salvage the friendship that way and like if you feel comfortable like and it like gets better then totally like but i don't i it is going to feel like you are living in her house because you are living in her house well best of luck i'm so sorry that we just told you that you just shouldn't go back in time uh i mean you're in the situation now you just have to go in it and realize that like you are in her house you have to abide by her house rules yeah and you make your room really nice and really cozy in a place that you really like like to be and and yeah and then like all of the shared space think of it as 90 hers 10 yours like let it think of it like borrowing like the kitchen is there for you to

eat like get food that's it believe it or not if she comes in and she wants to watch something different then she gets to watch something different oh and it sucks like i don't think it's like i think it's just natural though unless someone's really fucking chill and she doesn't she's not she doesn't want you to bring a box in to your room like it's going to be in your room behind a closed door i would never do that by the way stress her out wow i'm stressed out for you please let us know how it's going um and we wish you the very very very best get some like nice twinkly lights cozy blankets get an apple tv for your room okay guys we're gonna take a quick break and we'll be right back

little fuckers and call me sluts guess what uh melissa and i were on an episode of clit talk a fantastic podcast where guess what we talked about sex sex toys and clits so here's a clip and then check it out all right ladies should we dive into it should we talk about vibrators yes we talk about clitoral suckers all right all right that's exactly the sound effect that like in my head when i first read like like i was like sucking i was like that's all i could hear in my head was like i feel like that is what it sounds like it is okay so megan and melissa did you guys know that there's five different types of clits i actually listened to them i did wait what what what do you mean

so basically to in a nutshell the episode talks about there are five different types of clits so there's clits can be either hooded or unhooded which means it's like kind of covered or a little bit like outside of the hood you know what i'm talking about and then there's small which is the size of about a grain of rice and that can be either hooded or unhooded there's medium which is like the size of like a pea or like a corn kernel which can be like hooded or unhooded and then there's anything larger than that is considered large um and so for me i have a small clit which is really extra sensitive so i've had a lot of issues with vibrators in the past making me just fucking go numb and i had never tried a clitoral sucker before and i was like

okay so we got this the um the empress is the one i'm talking about from vuj and i tried it and it like altered my sex life my like sex life with my partner and masturbation because i realized like the vibrators were too hard like they would i would just go numb in like 20 seconds and then i'd have like blue ovaries you know and it was just so frustrating to me i can't wait to like as soon as we get off this i'm like standing in front of a mirror and my hands are down my pants and i'm figuring out i'm gonna be like what where do i fall what is my category wait wait till after the episode you gotta be like aroused go grab a hand mirror right now yeah don't i have to like be turned on to like see you actually need to make sure your clit is engorged with blood so

just stimulate okay so i don't want to have no follow-through so i'll wait until we're done with this and then i will keep everyone updated fair enough fair enough i'm guessing i'm medium is what i would think but maybe i'm not i don't know the crazy thing is like that's the most common most common is medium okay i don't want to be common i want to be unique you want some big foot energy i do i do i would like big foot energy okay guys we are back from our break-in let's get into the rest of our calls hey megan and melissa um i'm hoping to get your help with a friend of mine um so about a year ago we met freshman year of college and now she's sort of like one of my best friends. She is like

a heavier set girl. Like she has like an apple body type, like she sort of has like a bigger midsection. And as we sort of became closer friends, she started to make like light jokes about her body. I never really paid a lot of attention to them. I didn't like that she made them and they were usually like kind of hurtful to her and self-deprecating. So I would sometimes ask her like, hey, are you okay? And she would just sort of laugh it off and nod and be like, yeah I'm fine why I was just making a joke like she kind of I guess I sort of felt like I was being too intrusive asking her the questions at the time so I was just like whatever I won't address it and like whatever so we've been friends for like a year now um and over the summer um

she was having like a really hard time and we got like pretty close and we started talking more and I went to visit her in July on her side of the state um and so during our trip um she was expressing to me that she didn't like her body and that she didn't like the jokes that she made or that like our friends would make because like I guess when we saw her making the jokes they started to think like it was acceptable to do so she doesn't like that like they make fun of her as well like not make fun but you know what I mean like make light of it so she asked me to help her stop making them and I encourage my friends not to make them anymore um and I want to be there for her and that's fine but what I'm trying to like get advice on is like whenever we

do yoga or work out together she'll say like she can't do certain things because of her weight um she makes like comments and stuff about like how her weight affects her capabilities and my question is i don't know exactly what to say to her when she says things like this because she has a tone in her voice that she wants me to help her but also that she wants me to tell her she's not overweight but she also acknowledges that she is and that she knows her body type and she's up front about it but um can you give me some advice on how to make her feel less insecure when she expresses dislike like when she says certain things like oh I can't do this pose because like of my big belly or whatever like and I don't just want to be like of course I don't want to just

agree and be like lol yeah like I would never say that to a friend and I don't want to call my friends that because like she's really insecure um so I don't know what to say to her to make her feel less insecure and make her feel as beautiful and as capable as I see her because she's so wonderful and I see her so much more than just her body type and I don't want to make her feel bad but she doesn't like herself so what can i do whenever she needs my help or expresses dislike and wants to feel better like as her friend she'll always say that she's not beautiful and i want to encourage her and tell her she is but she doesn't physically think she's beautiful even though she knows she's beautiful on the inside she doesn't physically think she's

beautiful so i'm sorry for rambling but please give me some advice i appreciate it i love your podcast bye you can't make her feel better about her body you can't make her love herself you can't make her like her body anything like that uh this really fucked up thing about being a person is uh people have the capability to make us feel really really really bad uh about ourselves but people don't have other people don't have the capability of necessarily making us feel better so um i mean i think that i think the thing is if she says something along the lines of like first of all I think like the term fat is not an insult and we should never use it like an insult. And it's also a word that can be like, you know, incredibly triggering to some people.

So it doesn't need to be something that not everybody needs to accept that term as like a positive term, but we need to take away the negative connotation from it. So using it as like an insult in any way, or like a, not even as an insult, but as like, like that there's a negative connotation to it or that it's like a, it's a bad thing to be like oh i don't want to say this um but i think if she's like saying like oh i can't do this like pose because of like this part of thing um and then it's like okay well how about like what about if you try this one instead and like that's all there is to it it's not about it's not about her body and making you feel better in her body it's about making it's about like that's

it's hard because our society and i'm not accusing like you color at all being like fat phobic at all but like so much of our society is based around like weight in our bodies that it becomes oh that's the thing that needs to be fixed versus oh or like i can't do this because like um it's like my ankles or something like that it's like oh have you tried ankle braces or like maybe you try this pose instead and you address that versus oh well here's this other like let's talk about your weight here or this is the thing like no we just like there there are certain things that like i can't do i have limitations with my body that's what i was about to say like with yoga there's several different modifications that you can do for every single pose every single pose and

there's several like plus size curvy fat whatever you want to call um the person or what they want to be called, um, models and, uh, like Instagram models that are on Instagram doing poses. Like there's, um, that's what I was looking up. Um, my name is Jess, Jess Subman, M Y N A M E I S J E S S a myn and she is like crushing yoga crushing yoga and people love her and she the things that she can do i'm like i could never i can't i can't i look at yoga and all of that kind of stuff i just think that like as opposed to looking like this as a weight thing and i think because she's talked about i think because she's talked about her weight and then she also talks about these things that are related like as her friends separate those things from being related like because like

who gives a shit like that's just what it is like truly who gives a shit like i have i've got really shitty joints so there's a lot of things that like i have a bad wrist there's a lot of things that i can't do because of that um i had a tailbone injury as a kid so there's a lot of things that like i can't do like uh like certain like crunches wise that are like right on the tailbone that i can't do and they I you modify and you just modify from there and I think she's not when people express how they feel about their looks or their body or something first of all like depending on the kind of person like sometimes toxic people are doing that and it's just like it's really soul-sucking anything but also like usually like people do that with people that they

feel really comfortable and really close with and sometimes it's just like you kind of just have to say like i feel shitty i don't feel great about myself today like i don't like like the way i look or i don't like the way i feel or whatever and the best thing that someone else can do is just be okay what do you want to do like what do you want to do today then like it's just move on as opposed to seeing this because there's something that like feels especially shitty when you're unhappy with something or whatever or or or just like the car the like the hand you've been dealt or if like my mental health's doing really bad someday and i'm like i'm feeling super depressed Well, what will make you feel less depressed? And I'm like, or like, let's fix it. And I'm like,

I can't, I just want you to kind of be like, Oh, I hear you. Like, let's like watch a movie. Like, let's do something like not even necessarily like ignore what I'm saying, but like, it doesn't, not everything needs to be fixed. And just because someone talks about it sometimes just like, and you can even ask her, it'd be like, Hey, when we talk in these certain situations, like what, like, what's the most helpful thing like for you? Like, would it be like, do you like what like what do you it's it's so much easier to ask people what they're looking for in conversations because most of the time we're all just like looking for someone to listen and not even respond and we just want to have an actual response yep yeah because she's not

expecting you to like fix her or make her feel better because we all know that that's like that can't happen like that's just it is like it like we feel about ourselves how we feel about ourselves but i think if you take away if you make it yeah it's if workout regarded it's like oh like weak ankles have you tried these ankle braces like i look these up these seem like something they might help you or like oh maybe we should try like i don't know like back in the day other workout stuff's like oh have you ever tried like this kind of workout like someone i heard who's like really into low impact stuff they really like this and that was really good on their joints like if we just treat it like it's because it's not like it's just it's our body our bodies are all

so fucking different and like are we have we have thin bodies we have fat bodies we have uh we have the bodies that are capable of doing some things bodies that aren't capable of doing other things like it's such a fucking spectrum and like like any sort of like disability or limitation or anything like that we all have yeah something like there is no and this issue with like fucking fat phobia is that it's everybody else healthy and then it's fat people unhealthy and none of that it's not at all it doesn't take into account that like health is like a privilege and not something that everybody is born with and the idea that that is the ultimate like goal at all times of like human it's not it's and also like just because you're fat doesn't mean that you're

unhealthy and just well that's like you think about i'm like you could see like the the difference that someone would be treated like a incorrect i mean first of all eating disorders kill more people than like it's one of like the biggest causes of death i think it's like under 18 or something something wild but like there are people who could be you know like really really really struggling with like like multiple chronic illnesses someone could have like super thin has cancer all of that kind of shit and but the issue is going to be the person who's fat like that's going to be like what the epitome of unhealthy is like regardless if someone is like emaciated doing chemo and all of that kind of stuff that like it's just it's fat phobia like

it's just what it is and it just pisses me off i get like so heated about it like i just get so fucking mad because also it makes it seem and how people talk about is it makes it seem that health is exclusively reserved for thin people and thin people are in turn healthy because they are thin and then i'm like there are lots of thin people who are incredibly unhealthy and then also that also doesn't help them get the attention that they fucking need because everybody's like well no it's weight weight is the biggest issue here so unless there's this then oh and it's and it's also just like not even set up in a way that like for our society and for our medical system to be so fucking fat phobic it's not even set up in a way that like i've had

friends who have had like pcos and gained like a good amount of weight in a short period of time and their doctors all were like well just why are you eating so much and i'm like i'm sorry if you're so fucking worried about people getting like overweight and then this is like this is not like a disorder that syndrome it's a syndrome like that causes like one of the symptoms is like rapid increased weight gain and you are going to treat this like oh this is someone who's like and you're not even treating that like and i thought this is your biggest fucking issue like oh it just makes me it just makes me upset but here's the other thing too you don't know where she is like your friend is at on her journey with her body and like if she's trying to work towards

like being more body uh new like body neutrality and all that kind of stuff like you don't know where she's at in that process and it also can be really draining to listen to someone talk really negatively about their body all the time and not absorb that um yourself so i think like take care about your own feelings and everything like that but just ask her what she's looking for from you and support her and take her weight out of the conversation because like if she wants to talk about it go ahead i think about it like someone bitching about their grandma if you want to bitch about your grandma to me go ahead bitch about your grandma but you know i'm not gonna do i'm not gonna talk about your grandma that's your that's that's your grandma that's your life that's

like i'm here to listen and i'm here to support you and whatever you need from me but i have no say and no opinion in what you're talking about all i care about is your happiness and what i can do to like not necessarily make you be happy with this thing that you don't necessarily like but like what i can do in this moment that is the best possible response like that's all i'm looking for moment to moment yep oh well said and i'm not angry at you caller at all i think you have like a really great mentality with this i think it's just this is the like this is the definition of like the society idea of like how do i fix this and say this and not even saying that maybe that's what she wants like she wants she thinks that you can say something to fix it but there's nothing

you can say and that's not your fault like it's just how it is well should we get on to the next one hi there megan and um potential guests um i have a kind of a weird situation maybe not so weird but essentially i'm the oldest of three sisters with a little bit of an age gap um for reference, I'm 26. My middle sister is 17. And my youngest sister is 15. And we grew up, well, they're currently growing up in a pretty small conservative town. And I am one of the only people I guess you would consider liberal in my in my family. And around election time, It did cause a huge rift in my family between me and my parents and some of my other family members. We've since reconnected and are kind of mending that relationship.

But my middle sister is also, as of right now, identifying as conservative. I know she's young, but it's hard when that's kind of the household that you grow up in. And she recently confided in me that my youngest sister, the 15-year-old, is also holding a lot of liberal viewpoints and that it's causing a risk between her and our parents. Now I am a little bit closer to my middle sister than I am my younger sister, but I've been there before and I know what that position is like. So I was just wondering, even though we're not very close and I heard this information secondhand, should I reach out to her and let her know that I can be there for her to talk if she ever needs a resource or let her know that she's more than welcome to stay at my place if she ever needs to?

I can also confirm that these are her political and social beliefs Because I see what she posts on Instagram and they match up with what my middle sister is saying. So I guess I just want to make sure I'm not stepping over any boundaries. But I know, like I said, I was in that position and I know what it's like to feel like you're kind of alone when it comes to your beliefs. But anyways, thank you. Okay, only child syndrome here, but she's your sister. yeah that's i am the oldest of three girls and i don't ever think that i'm overstepping in any type of way like whose boundaries yeah like like your i just talk to them however i want to talk

to them maybe because there's an age gap or is she like i don't know if maybe is it the same different parents yeah that's what i'm gonna say like different parents and you think that it's a parental thing but like if she's your sister then just talk to her however you want unless i guess you don't it seems like you don't talk to her so maybe just start there and just like building your relation your foundation and your relationship of actually just like talking to her and then you can be a good influence on her life no i think so i think like also there's no harm like i would i would assume like you said because you've been in that situation which actually maybe they do have the same parents because if she said she's been i don't know

um but i would just like reach out to her and be like hey blah blah blah um so so-and-so told me that like you don't even say that told me i wouldn't even put that in there not even talking about views well also yeah she knows that you have liberal views so like there's no reason that you even need you're right there's no even reason you need to state any of that like she knows that you feel that way so like just rekindle and like you could even like make a joke it's just like you know i know like it's election time so it's like high stress in that household and like just wanted to like give you a head like if you ever want to talk or anything you ever need someone talk to if you want to crash on my couch like you're more than

welcome to um like i'm here for you like and then just like and i think i would love to like be able to like talk to you like i'd love to be able to get closer to you because we haven't had that in while and like yeah i don't think this is overstepping any boundaries i don't see any boundaries when it comes to my siblings or my parents i regularly say a lot of things that some people might say is uh award comically comedically award-winning because that's what i yeah yeah that we'll go with what megan would say that's that's what people would say yeah yeah i don't think there's any i mean again i'm an only child so like i i don't see this but i also i also don't have boundaries with like yeah a lot of people yeah i think it's just especially

siblings i don't yeah i think it's just a matter of like as long and like as long as she's safe as long as it's not going to impede on and it doesn't sound like it's going to impede on her safety like that's the only way like like yeah like i i as long as that's what it is like fucking i'm glad you have a sister who's on your side yeah i do not understand people who like reconcile like who and i'm in a very very fucking different position because like uh i yeah family stuff is different for me but like i can't i cannot even wrap my head around having like relationships with like parents who are like x y and z believe system like that's i can't imagine how hard that is like that's so hard but like also like

again like you're in a different position but like if you get along with your parents in every other thing except for this one huge thing then it's really hard yeah because also right now it's it's it's like human rights and morals which like are not really shouldn't have a hand in politics like they should just be a given like human rights are like should be a given and so like just the whole thing like i i can't imagine how i can't imagine how frustrating that is i also i can't even imagine how fucking hard that is for like people who are financially dependent on their parents or their family or who like are live at home and are like teenagers like that kind of shit like that like fucking claudia conway that shit makes me like my heart

i cannot my heart breaks but i can't believe all the shit that she gets away with iconic like the fact that she broke that her mom had covet which you called the day before you said it was gonna happen i got so many dm's people being like oh my god are you writing for the simulation i'm like yes i would like my credits like yeah like she's like my mom's coughing has been around trump and then it's like three tiktoks later my mom tests positive for covet and then her mom posts after that on twitter she had to and then she posts like this didn't age well she's iconic she's iconic i oh my god like her painting her pink walls all white and then writing things on did you see this no you need to look she so she had pink walls in her room took a paint roller made it all white

and then did like some graffiti shit on all her walls like a cab fuck trump all this shit and then her mom like came in and painted over the fuck trump but left everything else and like that's when i was like okay this girl wow i don't when it comes to siblings i don't think there's boundaries but i can also understand a conservative household where you're told to respect your elders and don't question things and so i think i understand where you're coming from but at the end of the day she's your sister and just have a conversation with her it doesn't have to be like you saying you're a liberal i'm liberal let's do liberal things it's just having a conversation i think right now what's missing is the just the friendship so i think if you can

cultivate a friendship with your sister first then the other things will naturally come spot on everything you said hell yeah wishing you guys the best of luck and wishing your um family and your other sister um enlightenment time for don't blame them oh don't blame them hell yeah what is this from i mean it's from what episodes are from so the original call was from season 6 episode 14 and uh the gal that originally called was talking about how she's been in a relationship for years and she wants to get married but her boyfriend isn't making moves that way and then here's somebody calling with similar experience oh no hi megan and melissa i'm calling in as a response to the

girl who didn't want to feel desperate about wanting to get engaged or married. I was in a very similar situation. My boyfriend and I had been dating for at least eight years, but we started dating like in high school and then dated through college. And at the end of that eight-year engagement or dating relationship, I was very ready to get engaged um but it was kind of like he kept pushing it off and I didn't know when it was coming and it was really just like a weird time um we're now married and I have since kind of talked to him about it and asked him what took him so long and basically what I got out of it is that

he was viewing it as like it was a partnership and if he wasn't 100% ready to commit or ready to get into a marriage, then he wasn't going to do it. And I'm thankful for that because I would rather him have waited than to jump into it before he was ready, just because he knew that I was ready or he knew that people around me, as in my family and friends were ready for us to get married. So that's the first thing. And as far as feeling desperate, I feel like that looking back that feeling came from people around me like I would hear people say oh you don't want to sound desperate and things like that but talking and talking to my now husband he never thought that me bringing up the engagement talk or marriage talk was desperate

if anything it made him feel more comfortable and the fact that he knew that I was ready to get married too. So if you two are very comfortable with each other, it shouldn't be an issue of him thinking that you're desperate. I would just really try to block out your family and friends around you who are, you know, saying things like you don't want to sound desperate. So hopefully that advice helps. I don't even know if this will get put on air, but I've been in that situation and I know it's really tough but just stick it out and if you know that this is the person that you want to spend the rest of your life with it's worth it to just stick it out thanks I think this is great advice for some people but I also think you know

we all have that story about someone who stays in a relationship for like I just like for a blanket statement for everybody like it either goes one of two ways it's like people like oh my god maybe he's gonna rose you tomorrow like that's why he's being weird and secretive like okay well he's either being weird and secretive because he's gonna prose you tomorrow or he's gonna break up with you so you know take that like that there's always those different options and like she said you have to go based on your own instinct not what anyone else around you is saying we can get influenced by that very very easily yeah yeah just go with your gut if you don't feel like you're being desperate you're just having conversations with him then that's

what's happening that's it people should just be honest i ask mods all the time i'm like when are you putting a baby in me and he's like not now and he's like unless like do you really want that and then he'll psych me out reverse psychology but um yeah yeah we gotta make our movie first before you get knocked up okay guys that is it for our episode we hope you enjoyed if you want to call in for an upcoming one you can leave us a voicemail at 310-694-0976 and international listeners you can send us an audio message at meganpodcasts at gmail.com follow us on the socials uh don't bomb meme pod over on instagram and then our own personal twitter instagram and if you would like to listen ad free stitcher premium and if you want to join our patreon we

would love it come join the fam we would love to have you um we do live streams twice a month very fun lots of things it's a good time it's a good community and um and then we also have all of our video versions there so it would really help us continue to make this current podcast that you're listening to so we would love if you joined us there please do please do please do please please do or we'll start a GoFundMe that's like less we were shutting down before we started GoFundMe 100% so please please please let us not do that um and yeah we'll see you guys next time don't blame me is a production by me executive produced by melissa de monts

Edited by Katrina Henning and music by Ryan Hunter and Giacomo Picasso.