Don't Blame Me! - S6E26: Home for the Holidays? w/ Melisa D. Monts

Episode Date: November 23, 2020

This week we're sharing advice on:    Update: Making friends in college A friend confessing feelings Gossiping boss Dating Don't Blame Them: renting from a friend   Call Transcriptions   Follow Us! @meghanrienks  www.instagram.com/meghanrienks  https://twitter.com/meghanrienks @sheisnotmelissa  www.instagram.com/sheisnotmelissa https://twitter.com/sheisnotmelissa @dontblamemepod   https://www.instagram.com/dontblamemepod/     Listen to ad-free on Stitcher Premium! For a free month of Stitcher Premium, go to stitcherpremium.com and use promo code 'BLAME,' PLUS exclusive bonus episodes.     Affordable Therapy By State (Curated by Crissy Milazzo): www.tinyurl.com/y64kwdnf    Need Advice?  www.dontblameme.show  Domestic Listeners Call: [phone]   International Listeners Send a Voice Memo To: [e-mail]    … with as much detail as possible under 3 minutes! I'll do my best to share my wonderful words of wisdom. If you're under 18, please get your parent's permission. Advice is for entertainment purposes only, so you can't blame me if I screw up your life. I kid! My advice IS AMAZING. - Want to WATCH this episode as well? Become a patron! https://www.patreon.com/dontblameme   Join the Facebook Group! https://www.facebook.com/groups/dbmsecretgroup Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/join/dontblameme See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

hello everybody and welcome back to another episode of don't blame me do you want me to say in the quarantine in the quarantine this is our life now we're gonna be here for at least another year yeah and i'm gotten used to it me too you know i'm fine with it well actually i'm not completely fine because i do have to do a lot more work than i did before but you know doing what i need to do i'm not doing what i need to do but like i aspire to have that energy well other people like count on me for the other stuff so like that's why i have to do it this is why i need a dog maybe i need like maybe i need that i need other people counting on me to like do stuff speaking of you counting on me i've got i'll do the stuff that i said i was gonna do for

the presentation the slides the screenshots i sent you i got you she gots it she gots it um welcome to don't blame me guys this is an advice podcast where you call in you leave us voicemails tell us about the shit that's going on in your life and we do our very best to help you out the advice that we give is um from our hearts from our souls from i don't have a heart from the cold dead abyss of the cavity that is my body um and we are not professionals by any means we're not therapists though we do preach therapy we're the friends you go to when you want the honest truth we uh we don't hold back we don't sugarcoat and um if you are upset by that it's the title is don't blame me so can't sue us and my i mean anyone can sue for anything

but you'll just be like trump and not be successful and embarrass yourself truly the most embarrassing thing ever um and my fantastic producer co-host and uh glue to my glitter is melissa de monts hello and greetings if you're watching the video you can see the waves the nice little waves we're giving our videos are on patreon if you want to watch the video version of this podcast but you're listening to it right now so maybe you'll switch over and listen watch the video maybe you know what usually happens is people hear the first call and they're like oh man i need to know what their reactions are and you can see our faces over on there so phone number if you want to call us is 310-694-0976 and international listeners you can send us an audio

message at meganpodcast at gmail.com we ask that you write out your call beforehand and then you read it. It's super condensed and really easy for you to get the message you want to get across and make sure you don't leave out any important details. And we just will bow down, sing your praises. If you do that, make sure it's under three minutes long. And if you're 18, you're solid. But if you're under 18, make sure you have your parents permission before you call in. And um yeah what's new with you uh you know working turning nine to five the midnight oil um yeah working and uh you know adopting georgia have you adopted georgia no you need to you should go adopt georgia um okay no i'm opening a tab for this runoff election that they're having

And, you know, if you live in Georgia, get out, vote for Ossoff and Warnock. And if you don't live in Georgia, you can still volunteer to do like phone banking. You can adopt the state. You can donate funds to help with the runoff. But also, if you're 17 and turning 18 before the election in January, you can still register and vote. So. That's what I'm passionate about right now. And we can and you can do text banking, too, if phone calls are not something that you're comfortable doing. Text banking is a great way to do it, too.

When you first said, if you're in Georgia, get out. And I was like, if you're in Georgia, get out and vote. no stay no if you're in georgia stay stay georgia you're doing you're doing you're doing amazing sweetie like you're doing fucking amazing we're all so proud of you and we're there with you and you know i saw that follow this guy on twitter who was like i don't have a job should i just like move to florida for like the next couple months i was like well fucking facts on the ground fucking getting shit done oh what about you what's new with you you got a new show i do i have a show coming out on food never kitchen the food never kitchen app it comes out on uh november 17th so it's out now it's out now and all the episodes um drop at once so you can

binge it the show is called just ask the baker and it's you know uh baking and then there's like a little bit of combo and of advice thrown in there so listeners you might like it though i do um i want to give you a warning beforehand uh food network is a family channel so there is no swearing there was swearing on the day uh accidentally obviously but that is not in the final it was cut around yeah well also it's not like because like the whole thing's like live streamed like when we like are shooting in like covid times like it's live streamed like everybody uh at home and so like i you know like i can't most of the time people are watching it they would like be casting it to their tv and then working on their like desktop um or working on

their laptop if they didn't have like a double monitor system but i was like i can't swear because like i'm literally being projected into like the fam like the family homes of these people and they have like kids who they're doing home learning and all of that and i was like everyone means watching me they should put on headphones true true true true but you know i've i'm i am very familiar with a hot mic so i've gotten a lot better at it i i i am because i got one of my my ex-boyfriend i started dating because i was talking about how hot he was on a fucking hot mic and he was on the crew and heard me and i looked up and all of the crew was looking at me like and they were all like my older brothers and they were like so excited and then i was like and he was

like being all like bashful and i was like oh fuck so i learned my lesson wow megan what a story i've learned so many new facts about you today just when i think that i know everything there's so much more to know she's an enigma wrapped in a riddle and if you add in diamonds and that's erica jane erica jane anything else or should we uh hop in to our update hop hop hop hippity hop hop hop let's get to our update okay so yeah i'm giving an update from I think it was like season six episode two and I was worried about making friends in college uh during the pandemic um and so my school did not end up going completely online they went for like a mixed instruction um however my school or like my classes are all online but I still decided

to live in the dorms um just because you know I thought it would be hard to find a quiet place to like take tests and stuff in my house so I just wanted to get out um it I did struggle making this decision because I thought it might be like a little reckless I mean I am using like a communal bathroom and stuff like that um but I just decided to go with it um and we do get tested like every week and um so I haven't gotten gotten it yet and I am being saved so no worries there um but I have met this like really nice and funny group of people here I'm starting to like figure out more of like who I am which I didn't really do in high school I kind of was just like all about work in high school yeah so this experience has been like really nice so far but that being said I still

struggle with some anxiety around these other people and like every now and then I just like have a bad day where I think like no one actually likes me and like you know they're all trying to avoid me or whatever, which I know isn't true, but I can't stop feeling like that. Um, and my family does have a history of like anxiety and stuff. So, um, it's not like mental health is like a taboo topic in my family. Um, however, like I kind of feel like since my sister has had much more like intense struggles with mental health, I can't, I don't really want to like burden them with what I feel like isn't as big of a deal. Um, but like lately I've started to feel like you know help would like going to therapy or something would just make life easier and there's

really no reason not to but I'm just not really sure how to approach it with my um family with my sister and stuff like that um so yeah I guess that's that's about it thank you for sharing yeah I mean that's some I mean hello I literally relate all the time I'm like do does everybody hate me and it's hard because you have that you essentially have to like what you're doing is therapizing yourself and like trying to tell yourself like oh no blah blah blah this this doesn't feel like this like this is not this and as my therapist has said um because i was very hesitant to go to therapy i'm like i'm a fixer like i'm a solve i'm like i don't even want anyone to help me do anything like i'm like i'm just gonna get my shit done and do my own shit

I've always been really independent and she like had told me and she was like well here's the thing like if you could figure out how to do this like you would have like you don't want to feel like this and you are so stubborn and so determined like if there was an answer that like lied in you you would already have it and you and you don't and that's okay and I mean obviously like we don't know your family or anything like that but I think like when we compare our mental health struggles to other people's because like that was a huge thing that was like stopping me from getting help because i was like oh my god other people have it so much worse but also other people have it a lot better too that's the other thing i'm like oh it's not this like either you're on it's

not it's i wouldn't even really call it like a spectrum like there are people who are i mean i wouldn't call it so black and white of people who like have mental health problems and people who don't like they're people have mental health problems like it it ebbs and flows and also because like most of the time they're they're like a lot of the time like shorts they're situational but there are some things like my brain chemistry is just fucking different and there are going to be times in my life where i'm better than i've been and there are times gonna be worse than i've been but the the comparison stuff can get really hard because i i can totally see like i have friends who are like siblings who have the same kind of mentality of like well i don't want to

burden parents with like any more and that kind of stuff but i i mean i think the the the thing that can be really like learned and taught from when uh mental health is not like a taboo subject in a family and it's been something a family's been through before is like a family knows how to handle it and like a family like knows how to have those conversations and it makes it like it makes it something where it's like oh we can talk about this like this is something we've been through before and like we can we can work on it and it's there's never a time in which like your mental health is ever a burden and that's anxiety talking you know like that's the anxiety part of your where it's like well I feel I don't want to like add any more things

onto this but also it's hereditary so like i think of like when i think of like me eventually having kids i'm on i mean it's fucking inevitable it's inevitable they're gonna have some fucking shit going on upstairs like something like and it can be i mean i can't imagine how hard it is when you have like a close relationship with your family and you're trying to you know explain that kind of stuff too but i mean we we love therapy here we do does your school have a program there where you can go and like it they have like in your health center that you can go to therapy they do however like i'm still on um like they i think they incorporate it with like their own like insurance plan thing so i'm still on like my parents insurance so i need i i'd still

like talk to my parents about it which i should anyways but i think my issue is i just i don't know i don't like attention on me like all at once so like telling them i just know it's going of make me feel like weird so I don't do you have any tips about like approaching that it depends on what you're looking if you're just being like hey um I uh I'm dealing with a lot of anxiety and stuff right now and part of this anxiety is I don't really want to talk about it I just kind of like really want to go to therapy and I'm having like I'm feeling irrationally feeling like because like my sister has all of that other stuff that she's gone through that I don't really have like a right to feel like this but like I know that I do and I know I should talk to someone

about this in therapy and i'm essentially just like word vomiting this text message to you because i'm letting you know i'm gonna go see the psych see the therapist or like the school counselor about it and i am not really in a place where i want to talk about it with you right now but like i just want to let you know where i'm at and i will check back in with you when i can talk about this again and i love you yeah anything else um i think that was it thanks guys thank you of course amazing we love it we love an update we love an update that involves more of us saying hey go to therapy yeah i think this one will be good for everyone because i think this is like probably the most relatable like call that we've had you know yeah as of late not that everyone

can't relate to like you know like oops i like i i'm in love with a man who accidentally killed somebody or like i fucked my stepbrother like actually apparently that one's a little more relatable than we thought i always knew always knew you always knew you always knew about that alabama and you were looking at me like this isn't a thing and i was like yeah it is all right let's get into the first call um hi megan and melissa love the podcast i'm calling because i'm 21 and just moved back to new york after living at home for six months and my best friend from when i started college randomly stopped talking to me i know that he's trying to date this girl who told him that she does not want a relationship that they can stay friends

But I found out that all the things that he used to do with me, he now does with her. So I just feel pretty replaced by this girl. But we haven't really talked since I got back to New York. And we used to do everything together and be so close. And when we were in private, he would imply things that kind of suggested that he was into me. But I never said anything about it because I didn't really see it as a problem. So we just never talked about it. and he really put a lot of effort into keeping in contact with me

before we both moved back to New York. He toured apartments for me, picked up keys, helped me move. The only time he's actually talked to me, though, since I have been back was two weeks ago when he was drunk, and he pulled me aside and went on this whole rant about how he's been in love with me for all these years and how it's always been about me and it'll always be about me and how he missed me so much. but ever since then like I've tried reaching out and he keeps making excuses and is talking to me

in a way that's way colder than he usually is like over text and every time I see him he just like won't look at me or talk to me and I really know I should move on and just not talk to him because he's being such an asshole but I feel really hurt and I miss him because he's also one of my best friends also I think I'm starting to realize that I also have feelings for him but i just feel like it's too late so any advice would be really appreciated because this is a really stressful situation and i'm really sad because i feel like i lost my best friend but also like i would love to talk to him about this and he just is not down for it so yeah would love the advice thank you listen as we were going through this call as you were speaking

we were just like one step ahead of you we knew where everything was going he's in he's in love with you he's always been in love with you clearly he has feelings so i think the thing is is that he's being cold to you because he admitted his feelings for you and you didn't really say anything back in return and he's like she doesn't feel anything for me so i'm gonna move on with my life and the only way i can move on is by cutting her off and and so like and then you saying that you think you have feelings for him do you actually have feelings for him or is it because he's not there now and you missed that time that you had with him i would like to know how you felt about like the other girls that he dated like i understand

missing a friend uh i will also say like when it's like oh like all the things that we used to together he like now does with his girlfriend that that's not a thing like like that's not like a friendship thing like you don't replace a friend like that's just no because they were like low-key dating exactly realize it so if you felt um like it think back to like that time and or like any girls that he's dated have you disliked the girls that he's dated like have you dislike them like have you not thought that they like are good together or whatever because then that is like you know projecting onto them that like you want to be them versus like the oh I miss my friend but I'm happy I'm super happy for him like I miss him a little bit but like it

does seem like there's a little more animosity there which leads me to believe that like you might have real like feelings for him um but you have to tell him and you can't like he put himself out there and then you essentially rejected him and he like this like doesn't he's trying to get over you so like you can't expect this to be uh kind of like a really smooth way for you to reveal your feelings like he's not gonna really want to i can see he probably doesn't want to hang out with you he doesn't really want to talk to you so like you might just have to fucking text him and say hey i have feelings for you i need to talk to you about it like he might just be fucking ignoring everything that you're saying because like he doesn't want to hang out

with you and so like if you're trying to set up the perfect circumstance to tell him this like you might not get to but you also have to recognize like do you yeah like you said do you like him or do you like the attention and do you miss that attention i think like there can be times where it's like oh wow I had no idea that I had feelings for you like I've had that before where you just like don't have a fucking clue but I would also ask like your mutual friends or people in your life and if you're like because like every time I've like fallen for someone like my friends are the ones who are like you duh you fucking like them and I'm like oh I do oh shit okay and so I would ask them like do I really have feelings for him like is this is this it but if you if you

don't and you're not sure you just need to like let him live his life and like let him get over you and he's not being an asshole like he's protecting himself and trying to get over you and that doesn't make him a bad person at all and expecting someone who like confesses their love for you to be okay with like going back to doing essentially what you described is that you guys were dating and then going back to that like the platonic dating and everything being fine like that's that's impossible that's not and it's not fair or nice to him at all but figure out how you feel and figure out how you fucking feel before you tell him because like if you just are like oh no i like you and then like picture making out with him can you picture having sex with him

like does that make you go or are you like i'm down like what does that make you feel because like that's i mean the way that i can like you know you can tell of like am i sicked out by the idea of seeing you naked like is you inside of me like making my skin crawl like or am i like i could fucking do that can i flick the bean to an image of you you know yeah figure that out before you figure it out before you tell him and if you figure it out and you don't have any sexual desires or any desires to be with him in any way beyond friendship then you just gotta let him go yeah oh i should also clarify that's if you are sexually attracted to people in general that's why i changed it to like yeah or being with him in any other way other

than friendship yeah if that's not something that you are if you're on the ace spectrum so but yeah it's that that kind of a thing you know i do hope that you guys like each other that would be sweet very rom-com so cute give us an update we would love to know we can make our own hallmark movie about it or just like watch any hallmark movie and it's already been told truly except she doesn't own do you own an inn is he a lumberjack is did he go away to the big city and then came back he was a he was a big corporate man and all he wanted to do was burn down the whole town to build

skyscrapers and then he met the lady from the inn who showed him the true meaning of christmas and he met an old man on the side of the road who he thought was just a homeless man and instead oh no he figures out it's actually santa it's literally every fucking one of them and i still watch them all all right ready uh hi megan and melissa big fan of the podcast fyi i am an airy sun a leo moon and a gemini rising um so i began working with this company last year as a social media manager and due to covid their business had to like become like an online business as a lot of businesses are so I was kind of leading that like transition and like kind of helping making like a new subdivision of this small business I'm a college student by the way um and last June

like in June 2020 I actually left the job because uh my boss was kind of getting a little like too much and I just couldn't like give like the proper time commitment and like I just couldn't really handle working with her much anymore uh and then so she hired other people and then in August she asked me to come back as a consultant because like I feel like that's something that like a lot of people do that um like when you leave a job you say like oh hey I'll consult so I did that except she kind of took it as I'll come on as like whatever job I was doing before except now she's not paying me anymore and that was the most brutal month of my life especially like trying to navigate all my school and stuff um and I was working with like my co-workers and we all were

kind of like in agreement that like this was not like well um so what actually ended up happening is we ended up me and my co-worker ended up quitting together um and as soon as we quit um one of my friends who's still there she got my job and I got promoted so like good for her um but my boss started like spreading lies and like started kind of gossiping with the other co-workers about me like specifically me and kind of like making it like all my fault like oh I'm the reason why um my co-worker left and like making up a lot of this stuff and like i just don't know how to handle it and like i know like i'm not in the company anymore and like i don't really need to like be in that realm anymore but like i guess it just like hurts with

the fact that like this is happening behind my back um any advice you guys can give that'd be great once again love the podcast bye people consult and i don't say this is like a knock to you at all like to like your boss like the reason why people quit jobs and then consult is like you get paid more money you get paid more money to consult like so she essentially like your boss essentially went from like she was like oh you have a paying job and now i'm gonna give you an internship yeah i mean this is fucking annoying as shit um i i think like it can be especially because like yeah fuck you're like a fucking college student so you still have to deal with a lot of i mean we always have to deal with um

authoritative figures in our life or whatever but especially like in like that's such a manipulative sort of fucking thing and then to like talk shit about you like that's the age of which like you still have teachers and shit and it's essentially like a teacher talk you mean like that same sort of dynamic like not like that's just like it's so gross and like manipulative and like and i'm assuming you found out because your other co-workers told you yeah and like that again And I'm assuming that like you had your other coworker quit with you at like the same time. And like, it sounds like, you know, you're happy for the one who got promoted and you guys are close.

So it doesn't sound like whatever your ex boss is saying is getting to that. Do you mean like it says it's not tarnishing your image and anybody else's mind. Like the only thing it's doing is make making her look worse and making her look bad. But you've got a lot of fire in you and your chart. and so i feel like you just want to tell her off and if you like if you want to send a strongly if you want to pull like uh you know a strongly worded email out and like say that but at the same time like then like that's like you know through the other co-workers and all of that i would just like tell them to stop telling you about it or make a voodoo doll of her i had when

i left um this was like my first professional job in the entertainment industry i was working as a receptionist of a production company and then i got a better job and i like sent my boss an email saying hey i'm leaving you know given two weeks notice because she was based in new york so it wasn't like i could like go and tell her in person immediately after i sent her the email she sends the other receptionist an email and says melissa really fucked you over didn't she and then sends me and then she sends me an email that says oh my gosh congratulations i'm so and she like didn't think that the other girl was gonna tell me do they not understand collective trauma do collective trauma we were getting underpaid for this job like it was no one's like

end goal to be working at this job also like I mean like end goal to be working in this position like I'm getting I'm moving like you don't you're not a receptionist forever at this company like what did you expect from me and I gave you two weeks notice and I didn't have to do that because they were ready for me to like start that day I was being courteous and so like these people that are in these type of positions i've been in so many positions where i wasn't like the boss i was very much like low on the totem pole and it's a power trip like they do it to show dominance to show power because it's not about you it's about the next person that's in line they're trying to get them in lines like if you leave this is going to happen to you i'm gonna sit here and talk shit

about you it's like we're we're we're a family even though like you're not a family we're a family and if you leave the family then fuck you and so it's not about you it's about her asserting her dominance over everyone else that works there and i've like made it a point never to be that person well you're right it's exactly it's like a manipulation tactic it's like when you get a new friend and they start talking shit about like someone else that like or you like in a friend circle and someone starts talking shit about like another one of your friends and it's like oh you probably do that about me like or like now I'm afraid to like say anything because like I know that this is how you feel and like I don't trust you to then not turn around and do this

exact same fucking thing to me it's true it's like it's so not about you it is like a if you leave me this is like these are the consequences like I'm gonna talk about this about like talk like this about you oh just know it's not about you and tell your co-workers to or former co-workers to stop repeat it back to you yeah it's just not worth it because all you're going to want to do is like confront her and all that will do is and i mean that's a really good incentive for your for your co-workers not to tell you because you're like here's the thing if you keep telling me like i'm gonna cuss her out like i'm gonna like bitch her fucking out know where it came from yeah and like you need to stop telling me because like all of the information you're giving me is fueling my

anger towards her and if i unleash that then she knows who told me so but that is fucking frustrating and fucking annoying especially being a college student on top of it yeah you don't need that drama there's better things strongly worded glass door review yeah those are fun to look at if you've ever like been cured like oh i just love it i love them moths and i will do that sometimes we'll do dramatic readings of also uh dm me because i know somebody that's looking for somebody to run their social media stuff actually i forgot about that okay guys we're gonna take a quick break and we'll be right back okay everybody we are back from our break and let's get into the rest of the calls

hey megan and melissa first off i love your podcast um i'm just gonna jump right into it so my family expects me to come home for christmas this year um the main problem being we're in a fucking pandemic um i'm currently in school and i tutor remotely so they know like i could come home like there's no like work keeping me here um for context my family is like super conservative fully drinking the trump kool-aid i once made the mistake of saying i like to watch Sean Oliver with my boyfriend, and my aunt threw a peanut from her mouth at my head. Full-on crazy. So they don't wear masks.

They believe it's, like, not that bad. And they also think that living in a rural town makes them safe. My mom recently told me they went to Costco, and my dad just couldn't wear a mask. So he took it off and just walked around Costco without a mask on. um he has asthma and he blames it on that but I've looked it up and it says that only if you have like extremely severe asthma you can wear a mask so he has no excuse other than just being ignorant um next is my sister she is currently in college and she's just at the phase where she wants to like party and have fun um I see on snapchat all the time that she's at like a

different party at least once a week just with so many people not at all socially distancing and I've talked to her about it and she said quote unquote if I get it I get it which is infuriating I've told her multiple times it's more about her giving it to someone else than her getting it even though it is very serious that she gets it so I just don't know how to like tell my parents like nah I don't want to come home for Christmas they're just going to make it like a political thing because unfortunately this pandemic has been politicized so my main question is like how do I have a conversation with my parents when they just don't want to listen to me and they don't believe what I believe um it's just so unbelievably frustrating

um thanks so much have a great day okay so i myself am not going home for the holidays and my parents i mean they haven't been perfect as i've said on this podcast they've not been perfect when it comes to staying at home and not being with friends and things but like for the most part they and they wear masks out and it's not from an ignorance like standpoint it's from like you know uh older people standpoint yes and so they begged me for the longest time like come home well you can quarantine you can stay upstairs for 14 days and i was like that's not gonna happen my nieces and nephews are going to come to in the room like it's not gonna happen also i don't feel safe flying on a plane with

the air circulating. Um, I, um, also have a respiratory condition. So like I'm high risk as it is anyway. So I'm not going home. And I told them, I was like, I know this for you caller, this is more difficult for you to explain to them. And like my, every time I get on the phone with my parents, they were like, you, we want you to come home. It'll be fine. Blah, blah, blah. And I told them, I was like, if you love me, then you'd stop telling me to, to come home because what you're doing is that you're putting me in danger. You want to put me in danger. And then I'm not like, that's not cool. And then on top of that, I love you guys too much to put you in danger. Now I know that's not the same situation for you because your parents don't

think that this essentially exists, but I would just, you know, just put your foot down and just say, I'm not coming. And what are they going to do? Show up to where you are? No. Like if you don't come, you don't come and they can be mad at you, but guess what? You'd rather them be mad at you than for somebody to die. Yeah. How much do you like your parents? Like how much do you love your family because i think there's also like this is a trying time for like a lot of uh people and like trump's america has brought out the absolute like worst in people and um i've had a couple of conversations with people in like dms and stuff who have family members who are very much fully in it and like the only thing that like there is to do with like what professionals

have said it's like it's cult deprogramming that's what you have to put people through to get um out of this and like that's there are professionals who cult deprogramming like that's not the responsibility of like a kid um not even i don't mean like you are like a child but like it's not responsibility of their child and also it's no one's responsibility to do that like that is something that uh is fucking so fucking hard and i think that obviously like families and relationships vary person to person but you are thinking a lot about how they are thinking of you and they're not thinking of you like you're concerned about their like you don't want to upset them you don't want x y and z and like i understand like not wanting to cause most of the

time when people don't want to cause in these situations when you clearly are on the right side of history a lot of time people don't want to have those conversations about this stuff not because you don't believe in what you say like you don't it's not because you don't believe in what you're saying or you don't stand by what you're saying it's because you were wanting to preserve a relationship with your family and they're not trying to preserve that with you like they're not giving you that same courtesy of any of this at all and it can really suck to recognize that but if you are taking the burden of having a positive relationship with your family if you're taking all of that burden you're gonna crumble like

that's impossible to fucking do if like there are some people who are able to have relationships with their family who have different differing political views and that's because of where they fall on the spectrum and how they respect each other there are some people who aren't like who have been like fiscally conservative and haven't like aren't fully on like the q anon trump train but they like love their kids and they respect their kids and understand that their kids are smart and if their kids are telling them something that they're going to listen and then do their own research but if someone just has those walls up there's nothing you can do to break those down those have to come down again cult deprogramming and all that stuff but i just

think like like you said like have that conversation like just tell them again like i'm i've told you before and like not wanting to make it political it is political like that's what it is you're like here's the thing this is what i would do but again also i am a lot and have a very different like like different relationship but i would have been like here's the thing um i uh i voted for biden i think trump and i know trump is a fucking fascist and a white supremacist and he is awful and i'm not coming home because this pandemic is real and all of this shit is fucking real and people's lives are at stake and i'm not coming home like and i'm not i'm not i don't i am disappointed in you as people and i am until you can actually have some compassion and human decency and listen

to science and everything like that like i am not going to stand by and like let you harass me or just like be on my fucking ass about doing something that i've stated that i am not comfortable doing for my own safety and my own health and yours and everybody else in the fucking world and until you can and until like that's okay and you can respect that like i'm not fucking talking to you and then if they call you and like and they start bringing it up again it's like no i'm gonna hang up on you like i'm letting you know right now that i i'm gonna hang up on you and then if you call again i'm going to just ignore you like you there is no like pleasantries until they respect your boundaries right and that's something that like when you respect someone's boundaries that needs

to be like that's the that's the beginning of the conversation that's like i'm respecting your boundaries first so then you know we can have a conversation i'm not gonna fucking if you don't make that crystal clear and i'm saying this like as if like to your parents in that sense like if they don't make it crystal clear that they see and respect your boundaries they do not fucking deserve these conversations with you they don't deserve that because then that's so mentally taxing on you that you can be having a conversation with them like trying to update them on your life or whatever and then suddenly out of the blue they start spewing some like hateful like shit or whatever like that's not fair or taking a peanut out their mouth and throwing it at you

god like it's just so deplorable and so disgusting and that's not how families treat there's not how families should treat each other and people who like claim to be like oh my god i'm so maternal i'm so paternal like love my kids unconditionally if they can't provide that for you and be that for you you don't need to be that for them it's not your responsibility you as a kid do not owe your parents that shit you don't and there's this idea that like parents who are assholes or manipulative or whatever that like oh well i brought you into this world like i can do like blah blah no you don't that was their choice it was their fucking choice and you don't owe them shit and you have to focus on your boundaries and your comfortability and stand by that and

they can choose to respect that or not but you can't bridge that gap in that relationship if they're not gonna do it because it's not gonna possible no so you just say your piece and and let it be and don't be afraid of ignoring fucking calls like what is that what the fuck are they gonna do show up make sure you have locks and they don't have like keys and stuff but um also like the idea that like the peanut reaction was to watching john oliver i'm sorry just that's john oliver it's not like you said like oh so here i was watch like do you mean like john oliver like obviously like very political like left-leaning but like all he does is spit facts yeah literally he's like probably like the it's not like you were like

i was i was i was watching trevor noah and then it's like oh like you're ah even like any sort of like but even i don't know all he does is share facts again i mean like anything that's on television that needs to be like fact check that is like straight that way it's not like the that the fact that that is the reaction and then we are not allowed to have like the same adverse reaction when people are like yeah so i was watching ben shapiro and it's like oh i'm just supposed to like let you i'm just supposed to like agree to disagree and let you have your like absolutely misogynistic sexist racist awful un in like incorrect statistics and shit i'm just to let you fucking do that and not do anything normalize spitting peanuts back on people

my favorite thing on tiktok right now is people like practicing like getting their voices ready to say well if you don't like it here you can leave i love it i love the role reversal we've been able to have i love it there's like all these tiktoks of like trump supporters like crying about like him losing and all the guy with the flag on we lost that's what it said it's over died i died i like fully fucking died and all the comments are like you fucking snowflake facts don't care about your feelings uh and maybe it's a beautiful place right it is i was gonna say maybe you just spew some like really political stuff too so then like they don't even want you there yeah you know just be like this is what if i came this is what it would be and the thing is

like the things that you were saying will not be political they will just be facts literally science yeah i hope your boyfriend's family is um liberal but even so you guys have each other yeah like stay where you are what you say you're gonna do anyway and just be in your bubble and be happy in your bubble and you know they can catch your feelings next year probably the year after that but whatever yeah you need to unplug from your relationship with them if it's all if it's going to do is uh cause you more anxiety and frustration oh happy holidays happy holidays and best of luck i do not fucking envy you me either normalize abandoning your family sorry what uh okay next pulse yeah hi megan melissa and probably not guests because of covid times

so i've been struggling a little bit with feeling like i am really successful in most of my life except when it comes to dating. So as context, I'm 25. I have a master's degree. I'm starting a great career. I live with a roommate in a city that I really love and I have wonderful friends and family and I've had some, and I am really involved in my hobbies and have met great people through that. I live a really full life except when it comes to dating. It just hasn't really worked out for me the past couple of years. And while I think ultimately, like I am really happy, I do feel really fulfilled I can't help but feel like something is missing in my life because I really would like to get married eventually I really would like to build a life with someone

and have a partner with me um any advice for and I think also like I keep my standards pretty high because I think I'm pretty cool and I want someone to kind of meet me at my level especially when it comes to like ambition and drive because as you might have guessed I'm a pretty ambitious person. And I'm very passionate about the things that I do. I don't work in a career that makes a lot of money, but it is one that makes a big difference in the world. And it's something that I really love and love doing. Do you guys have any advice for kind of dealing with a feeling where you know that you're a good catch, you know that you're a good person, you know that you have a lot to bring to someone that you would date, but it just hasn't really

worked out for you for whatever reason. And maybe some advice and kind of maybe places that I wouldn't necessarily think to look going forward love you guys and i hope you have a wonderful day bye right now for a limited time everyone's part of the buick team even you buick's employee pricing for you event is on now get a purchase credit of up to three thousand one hundred and sixty eight dollars on a 2026 buick envision surround yourself with signature buick refinement from an available massaging driver's seat to an expansive panoramic moonroof and a stunning ultra-wide 30-inch diagonal screen. Don't miss Buick's Employee Pricing for You event. Visit Buick.ca for more details. This is hard. Like, I'll level with you. This is, this is really fucking hard. And I think this is

uh something i a lot of people deal with um this is something i have said multiple times the podcast sydney had like a sit-down conversation with me who was like you're gonna fucking die alone if you don't actually date people uh because i was very like similar in that kind of sense i don't think there's anything wrong with having um high standards I think that there is we should know the difference between having high standards and being picky because picky to me is like nitpicky and really kind of like surface level and also picky usually I mean not to like therapize it but like picky usually means that like I'm actually like trying to find something wrong because like I'm not ready to date and I can't

recognize that but having high standards is like totally valid if you know what those things are And I think that the best advice that I can give when it comes to like finding a relationship and someone who meets you where you where you're at is like really just like establishing that shit right off the bat, like establishing like I'm only going to swipe right on dating apps of people who are over this age are employed. i'm gonna ask these questions right off the bat like i'm going to kind of like get those filters and weed those other people out because that's how you get exhausted you get exhausted by going through all of these people who are so not your like what you're looking for or um when you give people too much like people you don't fucking know don't deserve the benefit of the doubt like i don't know you i don't know you like i'm gonna go based off of what i know but like getting to know someone and like and hoping they're gonna fit everything and that versus just straight up

asking and like normalizing kind of like weeding through those people quicker and then the dating pool will it be smaller yes but then you know at least right off the bat those are people who already uh meet those things that you're looking for in a relationship and then from there you see if you're compatible and you see if like off paper and like chemistry wise like if you are into them like that but i would say you're 25 um i i mean are there any dating apps for like professionals isn't there a couple i mean there are but it's still just the same people that are going to be on tinder and yeah whatever because anybody can be on them you know yeah um but i would say like for me you know i'm a single gal i'm pretty successful and um i you know when i'm

in the mood to date then i date and when i'm not in the mood to date i don't date and right now during the pandemic i'm not dating because like i don't feel like that i need to invest all my time into something for somebody that i potentially like if i let them in my bubble then that's going to be the only person that I'm going to be able to see because then we've got to you know close out the bubble but saying like on that same page like you have to like put yourself out there you didn't say if you were like you know like even pre-pandemic you didn't say if you were like maybe going to like events where you're meeting people or you know being on dating apps and actually like you didn't even mention if you were on any dating apps um so what are you doing to put

yourself out there yeah i think that's the biggest thing and um again pre pre slash post pandemic asking your friends and like work friends especially and like colleagues saying like hey like would love to get set up if you know anybody like the people who know you who you like trust who can kind of like figure like it from their own circle who they think would be like a great fit for you yeah um and i would also say like that if you're going if you're on dating apps what kind of person are you on dating apps are you a person who always has the app on your phone and like you kind of mindlessly will like scroll and then like swipe through and then you like won't check it for a couple days and you'll come back are you the person who checks

every single day or are you the person who like downloads for a month hates it then gets rid of it and then does it again because it is a game of numbers on a dating app like it truly is like you actually have to swipe through people that you wouldn't have to do in the real world like at all and so there's going to be more people you're not interested in and more rejection than there are like people you like and people who are also into you like that's just more it's going to be more on both ends and so i think personally if you're going to be on dating apps you have to put the effort into them when you're you need to figure out which way works best for you you need to figure out am i someone who needs to kind of micromanage and like again post pandemic

um i really want to go on some dates so am i gonna like i'm gonna sign up for these dating apps and I'm going to make it. So I'm going to go on two dates a week and I'm going to like message these people and I'm going to do all of this and like have a game plan for how you're going to do it. Or is it like, it takes me a while to warm up to an idea. So like, I'm going to keep it downloaded on my phone and then swipe through until I feel more comfortable with it. And then from there also see which apps you like more. I would assume I would recommend ones that have, uh, that are connected to like, um, Instagram and like Facebook and stuff. So you can see people's like, you know, more of their like job stuff and see what they're into, but then come up with like

a list of questions that like what's really important to you is like ambition and say like ask like oh like what's your what what what like what do you do for work and then from there it's like oh so like what is that like your dream job or like what's like your if you have like an ultimate goal what's like your ultimate like career goal or like life goal and you can really just like suss it out from there and anybody who is also attracted to those things isn't going to fucking find it weird like you don't have to and not that you said that you did this but like we don't have to kind of i don't know like tone down ourselves or like like breadcrumb people and like spoon feed people uh our personalities and what we're looking for um to then hope that

that's how we get the outcome we want like you're the outcome exists whether or not you are right straight up right off the bat or you kind of like slowly ease into it all that the slow one always doesn't fucking waste your time yeah like some it's like the same thing when people like aren't comfortable asking someone if they're like looking for like a serious relationship i'm like the longer it doesn't matter when you ask that the answer is the same the answer is already the fucking same and so like you just ask it now and then you're not wasting your time there's really very few things that like we can say and do and like the way we go about something that's going to change an answer and i think during the pandemic if you have time this is the perfect

time to practice and figure out what you want um you can like like megan was saying earlier making a list of what it is that you actually want and then get on a dating app and just start talking to dudes and you can it's easier you know because you you're not like under that pressure not that there should ever be pressure but under that um that like end goal of like i'm going to go on a date with this person in person it's like i'm going i'm trying to get to know someone right now and that's all it's just about getting to know somebody so i'd practice yeah and also you can be like up front with the people too where it's like hey i've like not really like i'm like started the dating game and like this pandemic dating is like super weird like can we facetime

like you know i just would love to like let's like yeah you treat it like even if they live like on your street for right now treat it like you're in a long distance relationship and then you know how we always say with long distance relationships you know always have like an end goal if this is someone that you actually like could like and could be in a relationship with then you treat it like as an end goal like eventually we can meet up if we're gonna be safe about it you know depending on your job too is there anybody from like work that you think is like no no no don't date at work okay do not date at work see this is my issue i've never had a normal job and i'm like i did everybody if if if you break up then you're just bringing just like not just like work drama

but like yeah work like relationship drama and stuff and but I don't how about this you I don't think you said you I think she's done with her master's program was there anybody from like school that you like were kind of it like this is the same thing that you're saying like you can date someone who's like right down the street the same way that you would date someone like long distance but like is there anybody you've been into like from like hello everybody's like texting people out of the woodwork or talking out of the woodwork or even asking like old classmates um or like co-workers you can still ask like hey i'm like you know trying to date uh obviously pandemic dating is hard and if you're not having success on the apps because it's like

you know a lot of you're getting tired and not powering through all of the um messages of the guys being like still down to get my dick sucked even though we're in a pandemic um you can like tell your like co-workers and people like that like look if you anyone you would be like down to set me up with or anything also a lot of people are newly single in the fucking pandemic that's true but yeah i don't know i there's i don't think there's any secret place where people hide at all it's just about being more upfront with what you want and it's going to feel like those people have like been hiding and like they're there all along but it's just because you're asking the right questions and you're looking for something and you're being specific

and intentional and that's that's how you find the people that you're actually into yep but best of luck um definitely a hard time to uh start dating so if you're a part of our patreon or our facebook group um if anybody else has any you know experiences or um tips on pandemic dating drop a line drop a line all right ready for don't blame them so fucking ready this is uh where a call a listener from a previous episode nope this is when a listener calls in with their own personal experience from a different call that we've had all right so this is from episode 21 of the season season six for someone who um is renting from um the original call caller was renting um a room in her friend's

house and so this is someone calling with similar experience oh never mind we've talked about this yeah i knew what you're gonna say okay hi megan and melissa so um i was calling in about the girl who was moving in to her friend's like house and her friend owned the house so recently I finally got out of my lease but my lease was um my like landlord we weren't really we weren't friends before I met but um before we met and I moved in but she her parents owned the house and she you know found all roommates and it was it was her um one of the guys who was like uh like a boyfriend of her cousins or something and two other guys she was like really really close friends with like friends since like middle school and so I was really like the one that she

like didn't really know um and I just want to say like for starters I felt like I got really take advantage of because she kind of just like wrote whatever she wanted in the leave agreement so like when i was trying to get rid of my leave and i was trying to find someone to sublet she literally would like like if she wrote in the lease that if she just didn't like the person she had every right to say no it's not renting out to them so i literally felt like when i was trying to find someone that she would literally like make shit up on the spot but um besides that I just want to say, like, at least for me, I felt really alienated in the house because, one, I wasn't really friends with any of them, and two, it was very much, like, her house, and she wanted things done her way. so like if you wash your dishes but then left them in the sink for too long she would like

text you it'd be like kind of kind of like fucking annoying about it and would be like oh like you need to clean out your dishes like there's a like there's a bunch of us that you need to clean your shit and i'm like okay but like yeah like it was very much her house like things had to always be clean like we had a chore chart and she controlled the chore chart so like if she left for a weekend she wasn't going to do chores but um if you were gone like I was gone the entire week once and she still made me do chores because it was like my chore week but she would like switch things around for her benefit but yeah it was um it was an okay living situation but like um I definitely felt like I was actually in advantage of but I also think that

was like i'm not as young and dumb than looking for a cheap place but um if you could honestly avoid ever living with her landlord i would never fucking do it again like it's absolutely fucking tough and we feel really weird all the time but yeah i hope that helps yeah i mean at the end of the day it's their house and they can do whatever the fuck they want yeah so that's how i feel about it and when i lived with my landlord it was her house it was whatever she want it goes and i understood that you have to understand that this is not a friendship it's a it's a business relationship yeah and i think the callback uh that's that's i think can be especially especially tricky when it's the parents who own it because then it kind

of feels like oh we're all lucking out and then it's like oh no it's still their house at the end the day because at that point the parents might own it but if you're thinking of it on like a landlord relationship it's like the parents own it but then you're the person that's staying there their child is like the manager of the building so they still have the super yeah um the original caller from this episode um slide into our dms please please um you might already know like it might be like we're all on the same wavelength um but we would you know we can you know we'll tease it in the sense that we got a message after that episode when that call came out um and wasn't from the original caller and we would love uh to discuss with you um and don't worry

we always keep it discreet we do and we always take screenshots so receipts baby receipts receipts oh wow well um that's if our episode if you all enjoyed um please uh leave us a review on the podcast app we would love it if you want to listen on ad free we're on stitcher premium we also have our patreon where you can watch all the video versions only a dollar a month and then we also have our five dollar tier which really helps us continue to do this show and continues to let us put the keep the lights on and helps us out with uh the lack of ads that um covid has hit um us with so we would wholeheartedly appreciate that we do um two live streams a month and they're like just zooms where we like all hang out and talk about shit we've done themed ones unthemed ones

but it's a good time um and i also recommend that for people who are you know maybe not having a kind of social interaction if it's it's very friend-like like it is very like gabbing with your friends um gabbing with the gals and guys and it's a great non-binary pals and it's also a great way to get to know other um like listeners in the community and there's a lot of people who become friends with each other through that like obviously through the facebook group is a great way for people to like meet each other and become friends but also especially through like the zooms and live streams and stuff you really get to know people um which always like warms my heart me too if you want to call in for an upcoming episode you can leave us a voicemail at 310-694-0976

international listeners send us an audio message at meganpodcast gmail.com under three minutes 18 or over or get your parents permission otherwise and follow us on socials watch my show on food network app what else oh um a a phone bank for georgia let's help georgia georgia georgia georgia anything else on my mind anything you want to promote um i've got several podcasts that i'm now producing that are new to the roster so i've got behind the wills which is a like a show that dissects like hip-hop and r&b music um it's very fun with the dj international DJ that's done like parties with Issa Rae and like Will Smith and Jada Smith like he's a big deal so I should get Mott's to listen that sounds right up his alley

it's fun um that one's brand new then i've got um another one that i've produced before but i'm back bitches on just between ups with gabby and allison and then another one called uh black men can't jump in hollywood which is a movie review show if you watch the astronomy club on netflix three of the actors from that show are on there and it's dissecting black muse uh movies so hell yeah yeah boss bitch energy working so fucking much so much i love it she's smiling she's surviving she's fucking surviving um okay guys yeah follow us on instagram follow the podcast on instagram buy my book and that's it all right bye guys bye don't be nice to racists don't blame me is a production by me executive produced by melissa de monts

edited by katrina henning and music by ryan hunter and giacomo picasso