Don't Blame Me! - S6E6: My Bestfriend Used Me to Cheat on Her Husband w/ Melisa D. Monts

Episode Date: July 6, 2020

Trigger Warning: Negative Body Talk - Call 1   This week we're sharing advice on:    Boyfriend gaining weight Telling your boyfriend's sister you don't have sex Being concerned your boyfriend is overmedicated Bad tasting cum Don't Blame Them: boyfriend playing too many video games   Subscribe to the new Don't Blame Me YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC9SMwL3ZgCUsD-yIDU_Zsqg/featured   Follow Us! @meghanrienks www.instagram.com/meghanrienks  @dontblamemepod  https://www.instagram.com/dontblamemepod/ @sheisnotmelissa www.instagram.com/sheisnotmelissa     Listen to ad-free on Stitcher Premium! For a free month of Stitcher Premium, go to stitcherpremium.com and use promo code 'BLAME,' PLUS exclusive bonus episodes.     Affordable Therapy By State (Curated by Crissy Milazzo): www.tinyurl.com/y64kwdnf    Need Advice?  www.dontblameme.show  Domestic Listeners Call: [phone]   International Listeners Send a Voice Memo To: [e-mail]    … with as much detail as possible under 3 minutes! I'll do my best to share my wonderful words of wisdom. If you're under 18, please get your parent's permission. Advice is for entertainment purposes only, so you can't blame me if I screw up your life. I kid! My advice IS AMAZING. - Want to WATCH this episode as well? Check out my YouTube channel:  http://youtube.com/meghanrienks Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/join/dontblameme See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Get tickets now. hello everybody and welcome back to another episode of don't blame me i'm not wearing pants are you wearing pants i'm wearing uh literally shorts that i've had since like 2002 when i was a cheerleader yes they're my bloomers that go under my flyaway skirt that i had love it so so retro yes very retro also quality quality wise I mean impressive I was going through my dresser yesterday and I realized that I have a shirt that it's it's it's a shirt from um it's a crew shirt from the fourth Harry Potter movie um because I had a family friend who has been worked the visual effects team and like for my birthday they gave me the shirt and it says 2005 and i was

like what this shirt is 15 years old right yeah 15 15 years like i i i don't it's so wild to think now that like i'm at the age where i can have clothes that are like the age of of the age of people like you know giving hand jobs like that's insane to me like that's insane that's insane to me that that's where your mind went yeah 15 that's not but like you know like i wasn't giving hand jobs at 15 16 but not 15 but like what it's just so wild to me that like now i have clothes that are that old like when you like are younger and something like an adult is like oh i've had this for years i've had this since i was your age and i'm like oh my god i have this and the thing that is that is a t-shirt with a hungarian horn tail on it i mean but that's very you it is and it's

very soft i love it it's a good time um well uh this is don't blame me guys it's an advice podcast if you want to call in for an upcoming episode our phone number is 310-694-0976 and international listeners you can send us an audio message at meganpodcast at gmail.com should we give some advice let's give some advice i'm so awake me too if you guys didn't know we started we now changed our recording time from like you know like four o'clock to uh 9 a.m good morning really more like 9 30 by the time we get on yeah but like we say nine but if we said 9 30 we would start at yeah this is correct we're being self-aware hi megan um so i'm calling in because my boyfriend is starting to get fat

um we've been dating for a few years and when i first met him he was very in shape he looked out every day and that's the kind of body type that i like is very muscular and he knows that and maybe a few years and last year he's kind of just let his body go um he has a i guess you could say a dad bod right now which is totally fine for some people but that's just not what i'm into um so just kind of starting to grow a belly and it's just not not attractive to me. It kind of turns me off and I don't really know what to do. I don't know what to tell him without sounding like an ass. I've tried to motivate him to work out. He hasn't gone as far as getting a gym membership with him and going with him for about six months but he would

never go to the gym without me and he never really works out or runs without me. So it's just very and motivated to work out or do physical activity besides what he does in his job. So I don't really know how to tell him that his body is starting to be unattractive to me. I don't, you know, we're young, and this may sound really lame, but I thought, you know, he would want to take care of his body and look the best he could and, you know, because we're both in our 20s, but now I'm just really mom. but I just don't know what to do without sounding like an ass I just wish that

he would you know take care of his body more and get in shape so um yeah that's all just how I think no break up with him because you are an ass yeah break up with him because you're an ass you are

very much an ass like you're a fucking ass and you should not tell him and you should break up with him and then you should date somebody who has the exact same expectations of you there you go like this is so fucked and i well i think we should have like a trigger warning in the comments for this because like we get the opposite of this question all the time of of uh like female listeners who will like or even on our facebook group of saying like i've gained i have gained

some weight and I'm really afraid that my partner is no longer attracted to me. And this, I don't want anyone to hear this and think like, oh, that validates that like negative self-talk in my head because it doesn't like, I'll straight up to say this girl's an ass, this girl's an ass. And this is not how everybody thinks because the most important thing is if your partner is happy, if your partner's happy who gives like what they're what they look like they're your partner's responsibility is not to be attractive to you you're attracted to your partner that's why you're with your partner but your partner's responsibility is not is not to mean it is not to work so hard to make sure and go above and beyond to make sure that you remain attracted to them and regardless

of what they fucking feel and think about themselves yeah it's so messed up and also you you never mentioned anything about his personality what you love about him so it seems like that you're very shallow and all you care about is how he looks physically you said you got with him because he was muscular and you thought that you would that you guys would keep up with like your body type throughout your relationship most people in relationships do not like that's when you get the most comfortable because you know that people that your person that you're with is with you because they love who you are and not what you look like also like what else

you also said that like you got a gym membership and he would only go if you went Well, if you get a gym membership together, he feels he probably thinks that this is an activity that you want to do together, not because you're trying to change what he looks like. It's just mean and rude and hateful. And it's not about what he wants. You're not thinking about him at all. You're thinking you're literally thinking of him as his role. Only soul role is to be attractive to you. and how can he be the most attractive to me and how can i do that without sounding like an ass

even though it is an ass feeling and it is and the other thing i will say is that there's a huge i mean there's a huge issue with body like just just body shit in the media in general for women and also for men this like hyper masculine all of this kind of shit and like men get eating disorders too women get them but like men also get them and that's something that's not really talked about a lot but more than that i think an another layer to all of that and the reason why i think it's it slides by is because doctors are the most fucking guilty of this is ableism when it comes to health and it comes to be like oh i'm worried about your health oh i'm worried about your health well eating disorders kill more people than obesity does so there you go and also it's well

i really really care about your health i really just want you to be healthy health is a privilege it's not a right like that is something that is so fantastic and great if you have it but the idea that like you're you can only lead like lead a peak best personal life if you are healthy is erasing everyone who is born not considered traditionally or like medically healthy or like as they go through their lives something happens or they have a chronic illness or any of that other shit that it's like well no I'm just I'm just worried about your health what how about mental health how about that and like if for you personally staying in shape really like working out releases endorphins for you and it makes you really happy then that's great but you can't

project that feeling onto somebody else and if it's like oh I'm really worried about someone oh they're they're overweight and I'm worried about them with like heart disease and all of that kind of shit it's just like let people fucking live and let people be fucking happy and make the choices that they want to make because in your mind they have to they have to do a certain thing to feel great and feel good because that's what makes you feel great and makes you feel good but it's not about you it's literally not fucking about you at all and i think that the only thing if you want to claim like oh i'm worried about like so-and-so's health the only thing that you can say that with is i just want you to get a regular checkup every year

that's the only time you can like not like oh i want you to lose weight for your health i want you to do this for your health i want you to get a regular checkup right i want you to be in tune with your body I don't want you to ignore if you're in pain I want you to yeah I want you to advocate for yourself and I will be there as a partner to help you advocate for yourself when if you need something in the medical field or you need any of like x y and z and all of that shit but I think people get away or I know people get away with that like oh be healthy this health health health health health because doctors fucking do it and the fucking reason that doctors do it is because they don't test medications on people who are considered

overweight. They don't do any of that shit. So their whole fear of being like, well, no, no, no, don't be overweight. It's going to cause all this other stuff. It's like, ah, actually it's because we didn't pay to have the trials be done on anybody who weighs more than 140 pounds. So can you like not, uh, do that? Because like, we don't know what's going to happen. And also like our surgeons aren't prepared to like operate on you at this size because like, we just haven't thought about it. And like anesthesia. So sorry. We don't know. like it's purely it's just discriminatory it's not like oh they're so worried about our health it's like oh no america and the world is so fat phobic that we don't even think or nobody's even

doing fucking tests and running those people on who is like the traditional or like majority american size because they are so fat phobic they would just be like sorry can't help you here also she said that he had a dad bot and that's not even and she called him fat and that's not even overweight nope nope nope nope all you're concerned about is his this and what he looks like physically and it's just wrong and also you're not even on what you said you broke it down so great but yeah but she's also you're not even bringing yourself into it it's not like hey we used to both run cross country together and i loved running with him and now he's not into it me more and it like makes me sad because it's something we both enjoyed like that I think if

you're gonna be an ass like at least fucking be an ass about yourself like bring you into it too like be say something along the lines of I'd fucking commit say I've kept my body in shape like I'm working so hard to like stay like exactly the size that like he wants me at and I'm doing all of this stuff like why isn't he doing it for me like you're not you're not even doing that you're just like going after him and again I really want to make sure that people listening to this don't think that this is a thing and this is like an overall sort of like response in a partnership of like gaining and slash or losing weight or whatever I I mean I've been in long-term relationships where like I am always like I'm always the smallest version of myself

when i'm not in a relationship right and there's like it doesn't matter and it's so it just pisses me off because then the reflection of it too obviously we're talking about this in like she's uh female and talking about it in her boyfriend but also it makes me like incredibly upset because people who uh give birth and people who are going to carry children those people you're going to gain some fucking weight and like this like this that whole toxic like oh bounce back all of that kind of stuff is just so incredibly fucked up and this is this is not the standard of this is the like this is the fuck this like this like fuck this fuck this this you're a fucking ass and i don't want anyone else to think that this is what your partner thinks because there is no way this

is the only issue in their relationship and if he fucking called in we would hear some other shit so if you've got a great happy relationship your partner is amazing and you're hearing this call going oh my god does my partner think this about me your partner does not think this about you because I guarantee you that they have some other fucking shit in their relationship and it's it's a load of shit it's a load of fucking shit load of fucking shit hi there um I am 23 and um got an interesting situation that I've been brewing on for a couple of months for you guys. My fiance and I have been together since high school, or at least been friends since high school. And I have, as a result, been in his sister's, little

sister's high school. She was in third grade. We are really close. She doesn't have any sisters, so definitely sees me as the older sister. And last summer, I was with her and her other brother's girlfriend on a trip with their family and i was just letting them know you know like girl to girl i'm here for them if you ever need anything um that they can always ask me any questions under the sun or go get birth control or whatever it is that they may need and then that kind of spiraled into talking about like i guess what levels of intimacy we've had with people keep in mind she was like almost 15 at the time we had this conversation um and she straight up asked me if I was having sex with her brother and I said no which was a total lie

um I yeah we grew up in a pretty Christian setting and it just feels so stupid like she knew that we had done everything up till that but I just felt like I don't know I was poisoning this image that she had of me as a 14 year old and now I'm like stressed because one day she's gonna ask me like oh yeah like what was your first time having sex like and then what do I do am I like oh yeah you know on our wedding night we did it and it was fine or do I like be honest about what actually happened or I'm just so stressed about it and I don't know you're probably never going to use this call but if you do maybe someone out there has a similar situation um yeah i don't want to like be her savior hide stuff from her but at the same time

i just i was really scarred by my older sister when she was pushing me to have sex as an eighth grader so yeah trauma right but hey i see a therapist so we're good also i'm a capricorn not sure if that matters but yeah thanks for any advice you can give have a great day bye i'm sorry but this is all on you like you overstepped your bounds to a 14 year old that you're not like yes you've been in her life the this whole time but she's 14 you're not her sister you're not related to her you can't tell a 14 year old like i can i'll go buy birth control for you and then and then be like oh but uh no i'm not having sex like she's not a fucking idiot first of all second of all you should have never started this conversation because this is not a

conversation for you to have with her and third do you really think that she's going to ask you about having sex with her brother that's what I'm saying first of all bold as fuck 14 year old are you guys boning like that to me is like a whoa um I don't I I I agree with you I think I think it's a very sweet gesture to offer birth I think that's great I think if you're gonna do that though you have to be prepared to have like a whole ass awkward conversation and like then like you have to be I think if you want her to be so forthcoming and honest with you like you can come to me for anything I think that's great but you then have to also be forthcoming and honest with her to a point that is okay for a 14 year old and I think if you felt uncomfortable telling

a 14 year old you had sex then I also kind of think that maybe it was a little too soon to have that conversation with her and like say like hey I'm happy to get you birth control and all of that because i mean you should talk to your friend's family whatever like it's her boyfriend's family like i think that this was not your lane at all you shouldn't have been having this conversation i think that you're trying i think you wanted to recreate what you would wish had happened for you as a kid and like what you wished that that conversation had gone like with you because whatever the fuck your sister fucking pressuring you to have sex in eighth grade fucking weird like that is super weird and i think you are trying to recreate that and be

the most supportive thing that you can and I get that and I could totally see myself doing that but again it would need to be in I think that you just came in a little too hot I think you needed to open the conversation and just and just have said like hey I know you have a boyfriend now and like you know like I know like I like always have considered you like a little sister and so like if you ever need boy advice like I'm here and then be done and that's it yeah but like going explicit it and saying if you need me to get you birth control like that's also a conversation i don't know what your relationship is like with his parents and like not that you should tell his parents that their kid is going on birth control but but she's the one that offered that's the

thing like is she close but if she's close with her parents or her mom like maybe that conversation like don't rob the mom of that conversation or the parents have robbed that conversation or maybe that she is confident and comfortable talking to her her parents about it and then her parents are like why did you offer to get her birth control like that's it's not necessarily your responsibility but again i get if it's like a very christian town all of that but i do think that you should have you should have just opened the door instead of kicking down the door and then being like how do i put the door back together because that's when you break down those boundaries it's the thing with talking i'm saying this as if like i'm like i have a psychology degree i don't but the

thing that's important when talking to uh kids and young people as someone who was a kid in the young person if you're gonna make an open line of communication and you expect the other you expect the person younger than you because you expect that kid to be open and honest with you and 100 forthcoming you also have to give them that same privilege in your life it can't be like oh this isn't a two-way street you have to be super 100 honest with me but like i am going to still then try and protect you which is fair to want to protect younger people than you but because of that then you have to go at it in just a different way like just a different different way and i think straight up lying to her yeah lie to her when you're asking her to be honest

and i would be so pissed off if some other i know this girl doesn't have well you guys are sisters but i would be pissed off if i found out that an adult woman asked my 14 year old sister said that she would get her birth control yeah like and i understand you've been in her life but if she's not coming to you with the information saying hey i'm thinking about having sex uh my parents they're you know they're super like religious and they won't get me birth control that's a different story but you open the door for all this and the issue is is you open that door to talk about to offer to get her birth control and all of that stuff which you did because you live in a religious place and all that but then in turn you told her that you're

not having sex yeah so then that creates this very weird like dichotomy like this double standard of oh i'm gonna help like if you need anything i'll talk to you about it but like i'm not having sex like we're gonna like not that you said that you're waiting till marriage but even your question so do i tell her like our wedding night is when we had sex for the first time so you're not actually achieving what you set out to achieve which is to kind of like break down the standards of where you live and let her know that like hey it's okay if you have sex before you get married and blah all of that kind of stuff but again it there is such a thing as information overload uh for a young person especially when talking about sex because there is there are the parents who and

the parents guardians who never fucking told their kids about sex at all nothing maybe they were taught abstinence uh religious uh uh associations all of that sort of stuff save yourself for marriage or we just never fucking talked about it and that's a huge majority of i mean that's a huge group of people and then there are people who is information overload i was an information overload kid like complete too fucking young to hear about explicit things too fucking young for all of that But I mean, that's also story of my life. You can read it in my book. But it is you're not empowering and equipping a 14 year old with the like education, the knowledge and the deductive reasoning to then make their own decisions and form their own thoughts and opinions. it's just shock like it's just like shock value scary it's not education driven it's kind of like big blanket statement which then just opens all of these other questions that you weren't prepared

to answer and so I if I were you I would then go to her and I would say hi hey I've been thinking about this a lot lately and I'm realizing that I definitely crossed a boundary with you and I shouldn't have said that i shouldn't have offered that i really want i don't want to take the place of your mom i don't want to rob your mom of those experiences with you i'm not going to tell your mom that you and i had that conversation but i would really if you feel comfortable once you get older what at any age go to your mom talk to her about these kinds of things and always know if you have other questions i will always be here as a big sister yeah and just fucking there i wouldn't then turn around and tell her parents i wouldn't do that i feel like the girl might tell

her like that's what i mean i think if the kid will yeah like she might tell her parents and then like where does that leave you yeah i think there was all all the right intention here but i just don't think i think you were trying to recreate what you wish you had had but i don't think that you necessarily thought it through as thoroughly and i think you might have projected a little bit of your younger self onto her versus her so you know build that door back up and like shut it but like give her a key to the door you know weird but okay on to the next hi my name is melissa so i'm 29 and i am a libra and then the friend that i'm going to be discussing is also 29 and she's a cancer she's been married for about two years we've been best friends for

about 15 years and i recently came out as bi last year so uh basically long story short she used me to cheat on her husband back in january um she was on all these dating apps and her husband knew about it um they were sort of doing an open sort of thing he didn't want her to meet anybody but she was talking to people online um and flirting and stuff so um me and her went out to a birthday dinner and we were just talking just me and her and I had mentioned now that I'm out or whatever I wanted to like make out with a girl or kiss a girl or whatever and she said that she had asked her husband is it be okay if me and her did and he said yes because he trusted us so that night we made out we didn't go past that because like I wasn't sure if he was okay with other stuff

you know so then a couple weeks later I basically catch her in like a lie in a very roundabout way and it turns out her husband didn't know about any of the apps that she was on didn't know that she was talking and flirting with people didn't know anything um also that she was having an affair a texting affair with one of his really good friends who was also married and a texting affair because he lived across the country so then I asked her when all these lies came out like okay so like are you lying about him knowing about you and me and she said no that like he knew about that and that she wouldn't lie to me about that and I believed her because she was my best friend and I I can understand her lying to me about some things but like lying to me about

stuff that's like I'm involved with I couldn't understand that so I believed her and I told her you know I was like this is your life you can do whatever you want but I do think you should be honest with him and she you know whatever so the next day she tells me that she decided to come clean and tell him everything and I was like that's great and then a couple days later I did a phone call from her husband and he's asking me questions about things that supposedly she just told me that she had told him and so it was just like this realization that everything that she had told me I couldn't believe it at all so I asked him if he knew about us me and her and he said no and it turns out she was lying about literally everything including that and now i

don't know what to do because we were best friends for 15 years and she used me because i was lonely and i didn't know what to do so help me please thank you what a fucked up situation this is insane your friend is insane she's insane all the cancers in the comments are being like we don't claim her get away from her first i would say like none of this is your business but they both brought you into this situation from different angles like she should have never made out with you i mean clearly you guys have been if you've been friends for 15 years there was probably some attraction there you can't make out with your fucking best 15 years like yeah you crop once you did that it crossed the line and you were both interested in going further

than what than just making out so once you did that that crossed the line but then on top of that she's been lying to you this whole time about not just like about you guys getting quote-unquote permission for you guys to kiss but also all these other relationships that she's having with these other people online that she lied about and then the husband calls you like why is he calling you to ask information that's all the whole thing is messed up and you just need to run like you do not need to be friends with her at all because all she's gonna do is keep lying to you this is and this is not new like this is like it sucks to think that like oh 15 years of friendship no no she's been doing this shit for 15 years you just didn't know you didn't know she got caught because

her husband is in the situation in the picture now and the reason why he called you is because you are also probably involved behind the scenes as much as you don't know where it's like call her she'll tell you the truth yeah like she knows everything like and she's not even like checking with you and be like hey can you like make sure you tell him like x y and z like she's literally putting it on you and making you tell the husband the truth like he didn't just come up with the idea to call you like yeah also what was her reaction to him calling you and then you are the one that's outing like what what was that conversation with her like like is she pissed at you have you spoken i am just floored by this like this is the messiest thing i've ever heard

this is so messy like and like does she have a job like what is she like this is like what like you're on dating apps which like how often do like fucking people are like oh my god i got off dating apps it was too time consuming no so she's married she's on dating apps and she also has like a texting relationship with one of his best friends and then she's also like you know making out with you so like when does she go to work this is her job this is her job her job is be she's professional she's the ceo of messy messy messy messy incorporated like fucking shit yeah you need to not be friends with this girl you were never friends with this girl you

guys had some sexual tension chemistry there yeah which i mean i mean up until then i was like oh are you guys gonna be in love and then i was like no you're not gonna be in love this bitch is fucking messy liar she's a pathological liar and then brought you into the mess uh-huh and especially if you've been friends for 15 years and you trusted her and you believed her that means she's a good fucking liar which means she's been lying your whole friendship and i guarantee she's not just like texting or messaging people she's fucking some of them as well if she made out with you and was like no my husband says it's okay when in reality like that makes no sense because she's essentially telling you like no it's totally fine my husband knows like it's

totally fine and you are in her life and his life so like it would come up like it could totally come up and get caught in a lie like if she wanted to like fully cheat and get away with it and like you would cheat with someone who is not a part of your fit like not a part of your circle at all like she's literally being like yeah no he's totally cool with it and then like what you're gonna go to the fucking barbecue and be like yeah we made out and he's gonna be like the fuck like she's and I think she wants it she's like puppeteering and I

think like eventually she would have slept with you like she's just like oh he said this is okay and then this is okay and then this is okay what a nasty can you imagine if you if they fucking if they fucking slept together and then

like you again you like go and you hang out with them and like you have a couple drinks something comes up and he's like what and you're like what like gosh i i'm so glad for like your sake that this didn't go further and like you didn't get i don't know like emotionally but she's gotta be she's gotta be emotional you've they've been 15 there have been friends for 15 years she's i think you have feelings for her and and then this friend just wouldn't mess things up yeah hopefully you had feelings for her

and this has made you be like nah nah nah i think she i don't think if you had if she's had feelings in the past yeah then she wouldn't be calling yeah this girl's can you move like just like move like it's not gonna stop anything because she has she's having this textual relationship with somebody across the country you need to like i just need you so like you are the main character like this is like you are the main character and you need to start living like the main character and you need to bounce this fucking bitch out of your life not friends with her not friends with anyone who is like endorsing her behavior like you need to like really really cold cut her out like you need to have no mutual connections with her anymore

because like at some fucking point she's gonna use you as like an alibi to like hide a body like it's like like the caller ends up the husband could you imagine now that is a main character move yeah that is a main character move don't do that don't do it no because then that makes you mayor of messyville yeah and you just want to move out of messyville you don't want to be a resident of messy mill anymore it's not a good time holy shit what a story truly what a story we're gonna take a quick break guys and we'll be right back Okay, guys, we are back from our break and we're getting to the rest of the calls as Melissa eats her egg. Hi, Megan and Melissa.

I am a 26-year-old female and I work as a mental health counselor slash peer support specialist. So I am in the mental health spectrum when it comes to the way that I deal with things and process things through my life. I kind of always have been. I'm calling to get some advice about my boyfriend. We've been together for two years, and we have lived together for about one and a half of those years. We moved in fairly quickly, but we were friends for a long time, so it was kind of a no-brainer. We both suffer from some trauma from long-term relationships that we've had in the past, and we've always been really good about communicating with each other and kind of getting through those.

Although one thing that I've really started to notice and kind of pick up on is something that he did with his ex and that's when he was at his lowest point with her, he decided to go and seek help and was diagnosed with depression. Now, he doesn't remember what exactly the coding of the diagnosis was or anything like that, but he has since been on antidepressants for several years now. And through our time together, I've noticed huge personal growth in both of us, but especially in him, which he chalks up to, you know, being because of being in a happy relationship. But I think a lot of it is personal growth. My concern is whether or not these antidepressants that he's on are still helping him.

I am having trouble figuring out whether to speak to him about it because I work really hard to not talk to him coming from a clinical place I don't ever want someone in my life one of my loved ones to feel as though I'm talking to them from a clinical standpoint but I've just noticed that the medication doesn't seem to be something that he needs. He doesn't experience many mood swings when he's gone off of it. The only thing that he does experience is extreme migraines, which is just your body bouncing back. Now, I don't prescribe medication. I'm not a psychiatrist or anything like that so my knowledge is clear but limited I've never been clinically diagnosed as depressed so I don't know the repercussions of getting off of a medication or finding

that you no longer need it and how to supplement that she ran out of time but good um yeah this this isn't i know that you're concerned for him but you're not a medical doctor also you're too close to the situation to have a fair assessment but if you have like a legitimate concern that he might be over medicated then he should talk to this about if you are like really concerned about it then say hey i think you need to get re-evaluated but he's still getting medication so that means he's still seeing a doctor right yeah and he's not over medicated and that's not her issue like it's i don't know if you need it anymore because like you're happy and like yeah you're doing

that's not how depression works no and that's also why he's on antidepressants and like the idea i'm gonna fully say like this is super fucking problematic and i don't know if you're in therapy uh but you should be you as a person should be in therapy because this is a very very very very fucking dangerous mindset to have when it comes to clients as well if you don't have a relationship with your like so like my therapist has she knows my psychiatrist like that your therapist should communicate with your psychiatrist if you are on any sort of medication or just have their contact info if your therapist then becomes concerned that you are misdiagnosed over Medicaid or anything like that and so if you are working with patients and you do not have relationships with their

psychiatrist and you know that they are on medication and you then are curious and wondering blah all of this sort of stuff those questions you should have you you talk to either you talk to your client's psychiatrist like that needs to be like a mutually exclusive relationship but if you are a counselor where that is not a part of it, then you need to butt the fuck out of your clients as well. And that's, I think the thing that like is worrying me in a situation too, is that you're not, you're trying not to approach him like a client. This also worries me. If this is how you approach your clients is, Oh, you seem, you don't seem depressed anymore. Why do you still need this medication? And he's, he's happy. Like he's happy and he's doing so well. And he chalks

us up to like being in a good relationship, but then also being on antidepressants and your thought is oh he doesn't need them anymore he was only on them for situational depression because he was in this relationship and as somebody who's been through both situational and clinical depression that's not your call to make and also situational depression can exacerbate clinical depression and he might not have known that this was something that he felt and it might have gotten to a point where then this relationship and this situation that he was in brought him to his lowest low which was what most people need to then get medication. Most people don't go when they're like, like when they're a functioning depressed person, if they're functioning, that's not when

you are usually seeking help is when you're like, okay, I can handle this. I can handle this. Or I don't, maybe I'm crazy. I'm questioning this. I don't know. And then it gets to a point of rock bottom when you're like, oh, this isn't normal. And now I'm going to go get help. And he's going to go get help. And he's seeing a psychiatrist and you've never been diagnosed with clinical depression so you don't know and this also like you didn't fix him you didn't fix him he's in a happy relationship he was in a shitty relationship and he's also on antidepressants none of those things are related he's not on antidepressants because of last relationship maybe he was given the opportunity and he had the the the strength in him and was in a bad

situation that he needed to take care of himself and he chose that at that time but it is not his ex-girlfriend's fault that he's on antidepressants and it is not your responsibility nor you that he is now happy and does not need the antidepressants anymore also why is he going off his medication because you said there are periods of times where he's not so the only thing in my mind that makes sense of that is if he's going off of his medication for small periods of time and the only experience he's if the only experience the only side effect he's experiencing are migraines after going off of his antidepressants and it's not like he's not going off it for a long period of time it's just in it's in like a oh shit we're on a four-day vacation and i only i need to get a

refill i'm a couple days in between i've like forgotten to get it or my psychiatrist is out of town and it's something it's that he's if he's going off of antidepressants for months at a time his psychiatrist knows that like that's a communication that you would then hear from there and more than anything like he's going off antidepressants is not like an an easy feat at all and if the only you're seeing the only side effect he's experiencing are migraines most likely he's not yeah he's not going off them for a long period of time and why does he need to go off them yeah that's why are you enabling him to go off of them or is it just like they're going on trips and she's noticing something yeah i don't know and i also just you're not talking about

his experience with oh he's feeling like these side effects he doesn't are outweighing like the cons are outweighing the pros at this point and like he doesn't feel like but the way you're talking about is he's had a very positive experience with his relationship with antidepressants and you are like okay so then like don't use them but like what's the fucking issue with him being on antidepressants for the rest of his life what's the issue what's the fucking issue and that's like also antidepressants aren't like it's not like you your body majority of medications will develop a dependency on them but it's not a high yeah like he's not this isn't something that it's like an unsustainable oh he has like a problem with his anti like he a

dependency that is that is alarming in uh like detrimental to his everyday life that's not what it's sounding like and also like people are on antidepressants for the rest of their life and like that's what there's a the reason is they're balancing the chemicals in their brain and it helps them do that and so that's it's it's great like that's awesome like they're at the level that maybe he's now at the level of serotonin that you have and like it's not a quick fix and it's also shouldn't be stephanie getting in the way like i feel like if i feel like if she has a legitimate concern she doesn't which she doesn't but if let's say somebody a listener they had like a legitimate concern it's not your place to say that they need to go off medication

but you could recommend that they get a second opinion yeah that's the that's the the only thing like you can't like say he needs to go off the medicine they should just get a second evaluation and then leave it at that this is so above your realm of knowledge in your profession and also personally because you don't have personal experience with this and encouraging anyone or questioning if anyone needs medication is a razor for mental health like it is and it's it's it's bullshit like i know there are some therapists who are very like anti and they we just just do therapy we don't want you to be on medication blah blah blah and like my fucking our couple's therapist is like hell yeah medication fuck yeah medication like it's a

great combination like i can't fix chemicals in your brain like i can help you talk to your brain but i can't fix those fucking chemicals in your brain i can't and like there are some like there some cases and like like sometimes people can like live with less serotonin but other people can't my job and my responsibility i want you to live and be the happiest version of yourself and whatever that fuck you ever fucking need to do that and yeah this is just it's problematic like it's truly just like a problematic stance to have especially from someone who works in the mental health field and I will apologize for being harsh but also uh as someone who's I'm a peer of you I'm 26 too um you need to do a lot more in like

you need to be you need to yeah do a lot more research in um this if you want to then make calls like this like become a psychiatrist that like get a degree so then you can do that with your clients if that's what you want to do right right especially since this is the field that you work in i would think that you would have asked other people in the same field what their thoughts are on this and they probably told you what you did not want to hear and so you called people that this is not our profession at all no but oh god i would be so i would be i would feel so hurt if my part if like mott said that to me about something like oh i don't think you need medication i would just be like you don't understand no and also like how can you see

me being so happy and then i know that she kept saying like he's done a lot of personal growth no you're taking credit i have to yeah like you're taking some credit if you're looking at him and knowing that he opened up to you about being on antidepressants like the the the circumstance in which he decided to go get help and then you deciding that you don't think he that i made him better so he doesn't need it because it's impossible goodbye um hopefully she can maybe she'll take the tough love sort of stance but also when you come never had anybody call just being pissed like with an update or anything so no it's true even the ones that we're we're shocked by yeah um okay on to the next hi megan and melissa i'm 21 i'm an aries my boyfriend is 23

I'm calling for advice. We've been dating for about eight months and there's no other way to say this, but his cum tastes really bad. Um, I feel really guilty saying that because I want to go down on him, but every time I know he's about to come, I start gagging. I want to puke and I dread it. Um, and I've never experienced that before. I know that food can contribute, but in comparison to my exes, I know that my current boyfriend has a much healthier lifestyle. So I can't really think of what else it could be. And I really don't know how to bring this up to him. I haven't been able to talk to my friends for advice because I don't want him to feel embarrassed and I honestly just don't want them to know that information. I feel like it's private

and I would be embarrassed. So I would really appreciate some advice. I even considered buying those magical berries that make everything taste sweeter um but I really just want to be able to like fix it rather than um hide that I'm feeling this way so I don't really know what to do if you have advice I would really appreciate it I love the podcast I've been listening for a very long time so love you guys thank you so much bye I also want to say I love the fact that she has decided not to talk to her friends and call us because there are some times where it's like yes this is a perfect example of I don't want my friends to know this about my relationship because I wouldn't want them to know that know it in turn about me fucking great hats off to you

So I love that. There are some great boundaries here. What were you going to say? I was going to say just because he's eating healthy food does not mean that his sperm is going to taste better because he could be sitting up eating asparagus all day and that's going to make it taste terrible. Yeah. I mean, it's so they say that fruit, they specifically say pineapple. I've got a whole thing of fruit right here that I didn't even realize would be my prop. but i've got pineapples in here i've got mangoes they were frozen so that's why they look like

juicy but um yeah this would be the perfect cocktail to give i think you need to test it and again like figure out what it is that because it does throw a it does make it more complicated because he eats healthier but it is we got to figure out what it is that he's eating and like because it is true like okay let's say it's asparagus it's like broccoli like he's all about like a fucking celery maybe celery celery is pretty fresh but like if he's like having like oh like kale chips and right you know or like he's like really into fermented foods like you know it could be a little rank but i would just have like make a fucking fruit salad sit down with him eat the fruit salad and then go for it and see if it changes salad sexy too yeah put the fruit

salad on your body and then see if it changes don't put the pineapple anywhere near your body because that eats flesh um protein it eats protein that's what pineapple does it's so acidic but um did you actually know i got on my tangent you know if you put though like enough pineapple in like a steak it will like dissolve the steak what isn't that crazy because there's like it's it's a protein eating enzyme as someone who's allergic to pineapple i know a lot of pineapple facts i mean that makes sense yeah it makes you you're the tingly and all of that um but so yeah i think you need to test that first because i think that's then you need to exhaust all options before you have a conversation with him because i agree it is going to hurt it is not going to

feel good for him it's going to be it's it's up that i would say it probably like aside from like cisgender men the stereotypes of uh what hurts is you have a small penis you're bad in bed your cum tastes bad like i like you know like they're like or you're you're yeah those are kind of like the big blows when it comes like intimacy for cisgendered men so what big blows big blows um so i would figure that out first if it is his like weird healthy diet and if it can't change with a lot of protein too if he's like that if he's dehydrated yeah if he's not drinking a lot of water um and then it could also be medications that he's on as well oh true any vitamins too i think there's some vitamins i can fuck with that um so then my

if all of that like does fruit salad everything comes back like normal all of that stuff just like don't have him come in your mouth yeah just like when he gets close and you can even and again what say if you want to save his ego um then i would just say something along the lines of that your like gag reflex has been bad recently or like it's a lot or like you come on my tits yes you can make it hot yeah yeah it's like i like it i you know like i really like it when like you come on my tits like that or like anything like that i think you can skew it to be a sexy sort of thing and if he's giving you warning because you said that like when you know it's gonna happen you like just like start preemptively

gagging so you know so you can always just like you know move off throw a hand on there and like I think I yeah I would avoid would avoid telling him as much as you can

because if if you're watching and it's like no matter what he does he can't change it then it's like what the fuck is he supposed to do with that information right like oh and also maybe you guys just have like different um you know chemistry like you know i mean like one person's stank jizz might be another person's ambrosia oh yes everyone just just do whatever everyone

needs to start doing what you're like they're comfortable with and not assuming that other people are also doing stuff that they're uncomfortable with it's true very true so best of luck let us know how it goes i would love an update with his diet and if like the excessive you're gonna say with his dick no with excessive fruit and uh well hydrated i would love to know if it um affects it or changes it i wonder what else is like medication vitamins i'm trying to think of anything else i would think hot tubs probably oh yeah so like warm because i mean you can like make yourself sterile so like oh yeah you can like cook them yeah so it's coming out i think like rancid yeah like spoiled

in my mind it's also coming out like scrambled eggs That's what I was thinking, too. But, like, and then, like, a cartoon where it has, like, those squiggly lines when something smells. Wow. Okay. So, is it Hemphir and... Don't blame them. Don't blame them.

Mm-hmm. So, this is when one of you guys calls in with your own advice pertaining to a different episode, a different call. You got your own input. What's it from? This is from season six, episode three. It's a very recent episode. But the original caller was frustrated because her boyfriend played video games all day and only spent 17 hours a week with her. Hey, this is some advice for the caller in y'all's last episode who's talking about how often her significant other has been playing video games.

Um, so my fiancé's simply husband is a gamer, socially, that's what he does, he hangs out with his buddies over video games. And it's definitely been a difficult thing to talk about and try to understand as somebody who doesn't play video games. um after four or five years together now and something we've had conversations with and dealt with and he's made progress with but it's only happened because i have voiced why it makes me upset and so especially during the pandemic and the strict quarantine not laws but rules um he was playing a lot more and i felt like i wasn't getting enough attention and voicing that to him of, hey, I need more time with you. He was able to understand and listen to my needs

just as much as me understanding and listening to his needs. So as somebody who he was also very stressed out, still is a little overwhelmed, just playing is just time to relax and not being able to see his friends face-to-face right now. It's a form of social gathering for them. And that's something I had to understand. Does he play 25 hours a week on a regular basis when he can go to work? Absolutely not. So I think, to be honest, my advice is talk to him, be a little bit more flexible during the pandemic. Everybody's needs and stress levels are at a different rate. and also if you want more time with him tell him you want more time with them and if he doesn't listen to that dump his ass and that's the end of her call i agree with everything i think it's

funny that even in a pandemic people are still calling from their cars where are you going like everyone's still everyone is still calling from their car i'm like true fuck are you going well guys that is it for our episode if you want to call in for an upcoming one you can leave us a voicemail at 310-694-0976 and international listeners you can send us an audio message at meganpodcast at gmail.com um what else follow us on instagram youtube change oh yes youtube change we are starting a new channel for the podcast episodes i'm so glad you're reminding me this is going to be on my list of the things well i reminded it because uh we've been getting millions of emails from people subscribing so i had to go in and turn the notifications off

might be um so we're now going to be uploading this on a don't blame me podcast youtube channel account so it's not going to be on my channel it's going to be on don't blame me youtube channel so yeah it's just fucking easier that way and truly the thing that is the most important um in this for me is, uh, that when I have the pod, I was telling Melissa this, when I have the podcast account videos going up every Monday, in my mind, I'm uploading YouTube videos. I am not uploading YouTube videos. I'm uploading podcasts and I need to like actually upload YouTube videos. And I need to, the swift kick in my ass will be the fact that there are not other videos going up on my channel to like, look like I'm uploading. So that's what we're doing. This is going to be a self-care and

motivation from me so please do me a solid and uh subscribe there because that's the only place that we're going to be having the um video version of the podcast from now on and yeah oh follow us on instagram follow our individual instagrams um and order my book you're not special check it out and yeah we will see you guys next time goodbye i almost like blew a kiss but i was like why would i do that that's not me me being weird like that's me not yeah i can't even how do you do it seriously wow i hate us okay goodbye Goodbye. Don't Blame Me is a production by me.

Executive produced by Melissa DeMonts. Edited by Katrina Henning. And music by Ryan Hunter and Giacomo Picasso. Real Canadian Superstore has everything you need this back-to-school season. Save on lunchbox savers like Ziggy's sliced deli meat products for always $3.75. And get Life Brand Pure Vita shampoo or conditioner for $8 each. At Real Canadian Superstore, when you're ready, we're ready. With a whole world and more.