Don't Blame Me! - S6E7: No-Mask Wedding w/ Melisa D. Monts

Episode Date: July 13, 2020

This week we're sharing advice on:    Dating someone whose stepbrother is your uncle Friends not actively supporting Black Lives Matter People thinking you're spoiled Mom wanting to move in Update to a Don't Blame Them: dating a momma's boy   Subscribe to the new Don't Blame Me YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC9SMwL3ZgCUsD-yIDU_Zsqg/   Follow Us! @meghanrienks www.instagram.com/meghanrienks  @dontblamemepod  https://www.instagram.com/dontblamemepod/ @sheisnotmelissa www.instagram.com/sheisnotmelissa     Listen to ad-free on Stitcher Premium! For a free month of Stitcher Premium, go to stitcherpremium.com and use promo code 'BLAME,' PLUS exclusive bonus episodes.     Affordable Therapy By State (Curated by Crissy Milazzo): www.tinyurl.com/y64kwdnf    Need Advice?  www.dontblameme.show  Domestic Listeners Call: [phone]   International Listeners Send a Voice Memo To: [e-mail]    … with as much detail as possible under 3 minutes! I'll do my best to share my wonderful words of wisdom. If you're under 18, please get your parent's permission. Advice is for entertainment purposes only, so you can't blame me if I screw up your life. I kid! My advice IS AMAZING. - Want to WATCH this episode as well? Check out the YouTube channel:  https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC9SMwL3ZgCUsD-yIDU_Zsqg/ Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/join/dontblameme See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

When WestJet first took flight in 1996, the vibes were a bit different. People thought denim on denim was peak fashion, inline skates were everywhere, and two out of three women rocked the Rachel. While those things stayed in the 90s, one thing that hasn't is that fuzzy feeling you get when WestJet welcomes you on board. Here's to WestJetting since 96. Travel back in time with us, and actually travel with us at westjet.com slash 30 years. hello everybody and welcome back to another episode of don't blame me it's our advice podcast

hell yeah that's the name of it advice podcast hell yeah that was our that was our tester name and then we were like should we get something more catchy should we try something else wait did you see in our facebook group the um not to like brag to you not to brag to you guys but like to be like oh guys you can't be in our facebook group yet because we're still accepting new members but um this is for everybody uh there's a tiktok that someone posted in there of like a girl tie-dying or someone whoever it was a person tie-dying a shirt and it came out like a giant penis like the tie-dye was a penis and they were like this needs to be merged i was like i i missed it it was amazing it was good so um that's just uh been on my mind can you imagine

like that's a subtle subtle you know like i love it i i like it i feel like some people wouldn't see it and then other people who would we get to make this that's the question because i don't know if we could it would have to be like limited edition we just make five yeah and there's two for us and then three for other people forever live close by because the post office confuses me I just need to like well it's also germ ridden so I'm not going yes yes yes yes I had to go like two weeks ago worst day of my not worst day second worst day of quarantine so this is an advice show uh where we give advice if you guys want to call us for an upcoming episode you can leave us a voicemail at 310-694-0976 and international listeners you can send us an

audio message at meganpodcast at gmail.com and um yeah i think that's it right yeah yeah that's it well should we get into the episode let's do it hi megan and melissa i'm a big fan of you guys and the podcast and i thought i would call in to see if i can get your advice on something so i'm 19 years old now but ever since around eighth grade people have started randomly getting angry with me and cutting me off, and when I ask them, they're never able to give me a solid reason why, which I sometimes don't even ask anymore because it's happened several times now, and they just kind of give me the same answers. They just say that I come off as arrogant, stuck up, I need to be the center of attention,

I'm spoiled, I'm two-faced, I'm selfish, I'm a bitch, and all of those words that go along with that. I've been running into this a lot more since I have graduated high school and started college and new jobs and, like, running into new people. It most recently happened last night when my boyfriend's best friend just suddenly started texting him how horrible I am, saying all the things that I mentioned before and said that they aren't going to hang out with him anymore

until he breaks up with me. My boyfriend and I have been dating for about two years now, and I honestly don't know what triggered this now. It's a really weird situation, and I don't know how it's going to go or end, but it really seems like it's only going to end in an unhappy way somewhere. Basically, I'm really self-conscious and shy, and I don't talk a lot, and I think that that comes off as stuck up to people, even though in my head it's quite the opposite. I'm always trying to act with kindness.

I never try to be mean to anyone, and I avoid drama and confrontation, and I am very well aware that I am a people pleaser, so that makes it so much harder when someone dislikes me for no reason. It got so bad that at the end of – or that I left college, my first college, and it just makes me feel like a villain who's full of evil and people are perceiving it that way, but I just genuinely don't know how. And it's getting, like, hard to live with myself knowing that I'm that way to people, if that makes sense.

uh i'm starting at a new college this fall um so if you have any help that could help you navigate this tricky situation also if you have any advice on the boyfriend situation that i just mentioned before it would be very much appreciated thank you so much megan um this i feel really bad saying this but the thing is is if everybody has been using these same words and saying the same stuff since you were in eighth grade something's up it's it's yeah and i unless you've got like a evil twin running around somewhere and pretending to be you everything comes back to soap opera yeah that's true like it is it is the same words and the same things like friendships and not like like lots of relationships and friendships and just like relationships end and they can end for

a multitude of different reasons but i think if you're coming across what you say you are you're the same words the same statements all of the same stuff i you gotta fucking address that and i think this is whatever you're in i mean you're you've got good intentions from what you're saying and that you can rationalize this and be like well no i'm just kind of like quiet like i am people please or all that stuff it's not registering for other people and that's an issue and it's not like I would say if this was like one person I'd be like fuck them but like it sucks to say that like yes this is a you issue and it's going to it's probably going to follow you into your fucking career like it's going you need to adjust all of this and I would say

this might sound weird and you're like what I would go to therapy and literally talk about this with a therapist and be like I'm I'm and maybe it's that you're not necessarily reading social cues and like noticing that kind of stuff and being like quiet and I understand all of that but I think especially if you've been dating your boyfriend for two years the reason why that they're saying this now is because they've seen a consistency in your behavior for two years and I think this is of all of like the friendships that have ended the fact that this is like I will say like from all of my like straight dude friends like they do not like ever fucking say if they do not like someone's like girlfriend like the like the bros like will not like Matz is

like no every time someone breaks up with like their girlfriend or whatever and we're all like oh god we hated them they're all like why don't you you didn't say that he's like no I would never ever say that but I think the reason they're doing you kind of a favor in this is like these are people who've known you for two years and if they're still seeing this and still feeling this I think this needs to be like the it hurts your feelings a hundred like and that's totally like understandable but I think it needs to be like the kick in your ass to be like I need to go to therapy and figure out where the disconnect is because it's a total disconnect because what you're saying your intention is and how you're perceiving it on your end is like the polar

opposite from how they're seeing it and I think yeah that you just it's like a love language thing like no matter what you're it's not it's not working so it has to adjust and you're not finding people yeah it's not it's it's happening to multiple people that are in different parts of your life that don't know each other so you still have the water bottle so so since it's happening like at different parts of your life it definitely is a you problem and the thing that stuck out most to me was it's like consistent of people saying that you're two-faced so that means that you're acting two different ways around people and like you said you're being a people pleaser so that means that people don't think you're genuine because you're just saying

what they want to hear and that's not what people want no and if you're saying what one person wants to hear and then what another person wants to hear then it comes off as you talking behind their back or not being truthful so that is something that you need to address like why like getting to the root of why you feel the need to change who you are around certain people and please them i think that's the biggest problem here also the but i'm not a shrink but also one of the other words you used was spoiled right that was one of them and that is that to me is such you can't really like you acting spoiled not a conscious decision like i don't know what the alternative of that is i think that's again social cue completely unaware thing that like acting spoiled and being spoiled

there's not like a good intention version of that for for you and i think that that's one that you should definitely latch on to like some of these it might feel like oh well no i'm a people like the same thing with being like she's not you're like two-faced and like not genuine and it's like oh well i'm just trying to like make everyone like me which is a fault in itself but then there are terms like spoiled which is okay what have i how have i missed the mark here like because that's not an intentional thing that you're trying to do and there's not really a like a a positive like intent there like it just is like the result of whatever you're doing yeah because like being spoiled is like bragging about what your parents are saying because i mean like by definition i

am spoiled but i've never been accused of being spoiled by someone else because i don't talk violet beauregard that happened like it's like it's like like spoiled like you think of it in the sense of like a rotten fruit like that's like it yeah it's like a it's like a it's a gross like unattractive thing that is not that it that does spoiled does not equal privileged at all like privileged is just like a passive it's just like a passive fact but being spoiled is like an entitlement that comes with that and like a bragging and it might just be like it truly might just be that you're not great with social cues and that you're not like and if you're like if everybody's like celebrating like oh my god yay and you're celebrating like oh my god my

parents bought me this like new handbag like oh my god I'm so excited about it but everybody else was talking about like excited that they got a good grade on their test or that like they're gonna like go on vacation soon and like you're it just truly might be that you're not processing it you're holding these other things in like the same regard and it comes across because it is really spoiled and it's just a social cue thing but I would I would also this is the other part if your boyfriend told you this your boyfriend thinks that there's truth behind yeah and I think that he probably sees a different side of you because that's usually what happens in like long term relationships um but yeah he wouldn't tell you if he thought they were full of shit

um because also it does put you in a position where he's basically saying my friends want me to break up with you unless this changes like because and i don't know what to do and i think if he just wanted to break up with you he would just break up with you and never tell you this conversation but I think him telling you is because he sees that what you're he sees what you're doing and he sees how it's coming across and he sees that this is a pattern and a habit and he wants and believes that you can change because he doesn't believe that this is your goal or your intention and so I would treat that again as like that's someone who like is thinking pretty highly of you and knowing that like hey there is a disconnect um but it's I would just 100% say

therapy like I think people think of therapy as oh like mental health like I am depressed like I'm anxious I've like have trauma like that's why I need to go to therapy but you can literally go to therapy of being like I've had like uh friends who've gone to therapy being like I don't know why I can't stay in a relationship like I don't have any like childhood like trauma that I like have like I've been sitting with or anything like that I don't know why I find myself like perpetually single like I don't know why I can't like I can't stay in a relationship i don't know why i feel the need to like move states all the time or i don't know why i can't like stay happy in a job like it's just an unbiased wow triggered

or me i was like i mean i don't have a job um but like it's an unbiased third party who can like help you unpack you without any of these other preconceived notions or any of that stuff they can see the bigger picture of it all and I think that's what you need to do because it is a habit and I I really feel for you like leaving college and feeling like isolated from your friends and all that stuff is really really really hard especially when it's not your goal and the reason why these friendships are ending is it is because of what you're doing but you're not seeing it and you're not you don't think that you're doing it so I'm sure it feels like maddening because you're like what are you talking about how is this happening um and it's yeah it sucks

to say that this is on you but I think it's on you and you're clearly not like I mean maybe you fucking are and like it's we're just not I'm just not picking up on this call like you don't sound like a fucking awful person and a terrible person who like is like just fucking awful I think it's and that makes me think like yeah this can change like this can this doesn't have to be your forever thing at all and it can just get in the habit and to also because it's happened so often i think it's more likely to continue happening over and over and over again it hasn't stopped so there's no end point at this point until you figure out what the actual issue is therapy therapy and even in quarantine you can there's go to and we have the link always um

psychology today if you're in the states which i think you are um i didn't hear any abuts um and you can find a therapist and lots of therapists there are doing um you can have like you like email them you can call them and they're doing like facetime sessions you can do better help you can do anything like you can you have all of these options and so don't wait until you i don't know we're out of the quarantine i think because you're starting a new college this is like the prime opportunity to like get these tools in your pocket and to like break this down and understand why you do what you do before you start college so this can you can have a very different outcome and experience with your friends yeah well best of luck and um I would actually really

I don't say actually like wow surprise no I would love an update with this because I think it's um I think it's really interesting um and I'm sure other people can probably relate to I mean it's a term that's being used in no offense to her I mean whatever like more serious like in intent versus impact and I think a lot of people will relate to this it also just happens as you get older I'm gonna stop talking now should we go on to the next hey Megan Melissa and potential guests I'm 25 a tourist and my dating life is nothing but interesting. I have literally been on dates and guys have said they're addicted to cocaine from a guy ending up coming in his pants from a peck on the lip goodnight. My friends love when

I go on dates because they know I'm always going to have a story to tell. And it's gotten to the point that when I go out with my best friend each week for lunch, the bartenders and waiters pull up chairs because they know that I have a crazy dating life and they want to hear the story. So recently, I met a guy on Tinder and he's very sweet, not normally my type, but my therapist said that maybe that's a good thing because obviously my type has worked so well so far. But besides being a Gemini, there's no red flag. We've been on a couple dates so far, and he's very sweet and very different from anything I'm used to.

So he added me on Facebook the other day, and we had a couple mutual friends in common. And he says, oh, you know my stepbrother. And I asked who his stepbrother was. Y'all, his stepbrother is my uncle. so I guess my question is is it weird to keep talking to him because it's only his stepbrother so they're not technically related and he's only my uncle by marriage like I'm blood related to my aunt it's just her husband but I know it's weird and I'm also from the south so I don't want to have be the stereotype, like, oh, yeah, she's dating her family member.

That makes sense. But, shit, y'all, I deserve a good guy. I cannot ever seem to catch a break. So, yeah, any thoughts or opinions on how to go about this, if you would keep talking to him, or if you do think it would be okay to date him and not weird, um how would y'all you know go about telling friends and family about that um yeah so love the podcast thank you for any advice y'all have have a good one bye i love when people say y'all it feels like really i don't know i got out of the habit of saying it so don't say it as much

warm and fucking fuzzy like it just is just like it feels like cornbread like it just feels like sweet tea like it feels like i'm on a porch two of my favorite things yeah it feels like i'm getting a hug three of my favorite things um you just said you hate it no but it feels like i'm getting a hug from like a sweet um i don't know but like i don't know like a i i would say grandparent but like i my grandparents died when i was really young so i don't have that like but like a movie grandparent you know like where it's like oh you're like i feel safe here um i mean here's the thing i think of all the circumstances didn't we also have a fucking call with like an uncle and like not not similar at all but i'm pretty sure the girl who was fucking

she had like the boyfriend she had like her ex-boyfriend and he had like a baby mama and then there was like a she started talking to his uncle it was the whole thing but i just feel like we've had uncle oh yeah yeah yeah that was yeah you're right um i think in the scheme of like not blood related relationships i think this is probably the most fine personally this is so far down the line like that you guys are like not related at all and then you didn't even know that you were were you had this close relation so i don't think this is an issue at no i mean personally i will say i would i would not do it but that's also because um i won't i wouldn't go on dates with guys who like used emojis or like i like i'm insane like i like

you're i was like i'm so fucking picky um and moxel like i mean moxel listen to this be like yeah like i won and i'll be like i mean sure after years but i think well you call yourself the chosen pussy so i mean it goes both ways fucking facts um but i think it just depends on i think like it's innocent now like you're saying like whatever let's say fucking christmas rolls around and it's weird then it's fucking weird and then you can break up like if it's weird then then it's weird but like i think it just depends also like did they grow like did they grow up together but i would say no but like what's the age difference in like but that's like i think it does it the age is important because like if they grew up together as step

brothers then it's weird like but like it's not even like she knew no i think it'll just be the whole family will be like like her uncle will be like what well as someone from the south my my mom's cousin is married to my dad's brother they have no relation at all okay for some reason that doesn't seem as weird to me i don't know why and it's and that's even further it's for her situation is even even further i think it's just the term uncle in here makes me think of ages which also makes no sense because i am an aunt and my um my like half brothers kids are like three and five years younger than me like there's not a huge age gap at all there's a bigger age gap between they call you yeah they call me auntie megan just to like

fuck with me and then i'm like let's get wasted like i used to be like all about that i'm like yes when i get drunk like it's legal here we're in aruba um was it who knows they're all of age now um but I think it just depends on your comfortability and if you like him enough that like if there's weird shit with your family that it outweighs it you know like it just needs to be like is it more harm than it's worth like or do you like him enough and is he super nice and he really cool or is there a chance you could find a guy if your family's gonna be weird about it and like you feel like a little off about it or like you feel like uncomfortable introducing or talking about like the relation is it like is he so fucking is there a guy who is like

also nice who like isn't distantly related to you like it's one of those things that I think when you've gone dating like lots of shitty people then you find someone who's like oh he seems like really cool and it's like oh but he's distantly related there are other like cool guys but I truly think like play it by ear like just keep dating and talking and then i think if you get to a fucking holiday and it's weird as shit then be like okay i'm fucking out but you know we probably won't be having any holidays together anytime soon so you got time to figure it out also um you're you already talked about this with your therapist and your therapist didn't your therapist said go for it so maybe the therapist didn't know the

relations because she said like you should go for he's not your type like go for that you know i just want to know what your uncle would say he's like her uncle by marriage too yeah no i think the thing like i think again this is like the most not that you're it's so distantly related but it also just so depends on your family dynamic and if it would be weird and if it would be weird and you like him if you like him more than it would be weird then great but if it's like weirder than you like more than you like him then fucking be done but yeah you don't have to think about that for a while but also it is i like the southern stereotype like i don't want it to be like i'm marrying someone in my family

it's so far removed it's like and i mean shit guys on both sides on both sides they're not related at all and there's no blood relation i should say we've had the fucking like fucking my stepbrother call all of that shit so you're really in the clear here I don't know should we go to the next hi um hi Megan oh my god okay this is really crazy but um I just wanted to call in because I had like really good friends I thought for a long time and then since the whole Black Lives Matter thing has been going on they just haven't been there at all and I tried to open up and like talk to them about it and be like why aren't you posting anything why aren't you showing your support or anything and I told them how much it was hurting me and they just seemed to not care

about it and it was it really hurt so I I kept trying and now it's gotten to the point where I just think I need to cut them off I don't know if I should like be telling them why or maybe they just don't understand or should I be educating them more than I thought I was already because oh i'm a black woman by the way if i didn't already say that i'm a scorpio too and um one of them's leo and the other one's capricorn and i really just don't know what to do because i really wanted to keep them in my life and i know now that i don't know if that's a possibility because they just seem like they don't care and i don't know if that's the if that's the truth because when i said it was hurting me they felt bad but it's not it it should you should do something

about that right then but i don't know so um i just want your guys's opinions on this because i don't know what to do and i'm hoping you guys do first of all it's not your job to educate people second the black lives matter movement has been going on since 2013 it's not new so it's not something like that is brand new to the point where they're surprised by what's going on the name in itself right now like black you don't have to unpack anything yeah yeah that's was what was i was going to get to next like it's nothing that should be questioned because it's just black lives matter like it's literally right there like you don't there's nothing more that you need to understand about that um and they don't care about you why would you want to be friends

that with somebody that that doesn't give a shit about you yeah at all it's it's end it throw them throw them throw them the fuck away it's so I like can't even imagine how fucking like probably surprising it also feels because you didn't you didn't say that you had these like suspicions for about them and it's it again like you're saying it's such a fucking given like in Michael Che's uh stand-up and he like talked about it he's like we're just asking to matter like we're not like he's like I'm not asking like it's not like gay rights movement where we're like give us equal rights he's like i just need to matter and like that and it's something that is so in it and it should be so it's just a fucking fact and it's so obvious and i don't want to

say that it's passive because like the movement and itself isn't passive but the feeling is passive you either think you either think it or you don't and it's not oh hold on let me think about it like let me decide if i if i think that black lives matter or not like give me a couple weeks to like sit on it before I I come to my conclusion and I think it must feel surprising to you because you do sound surprised that this is their reaction to it and I cut them the fuck off like cut them the fuck off because they don't they don't they don't care and it means that and it sucks to say that it means that they never they never really did and it's not it's it's it's deplorable and it's disgusting and it's not something that you should take from anyone

let alone people who you've like loved and trusted and cared about like those are the people more than anyone who should be caring about you and thinking of you and supporting you and they're not even saying that you matter and that's like the most fucked up thing in the fucking world and drop kick them curb stomp them or i'll do it for you you don't have to do it i'll do it fucking for you let me curb stomp all of them like it's just oh i hate them i hate them for you and it's fucked and i think it's uh we treat relation we've talked about this before but treat also like the friendship breakups like a breakup breakup like really like give yourself that like time and uh like allow yourself to like feel like it's like a real fucking breakup and

like get some like comfort food and like sit in bed and like fucking cry or do whatever you need to do or like call your like family and facetime with like people who you know what you really care about but it's treat it like a loss because it is a fucking loss and it's i mean they're like they're the ones who are losing out on you in their lives and that's like the actual real travesty of like the losing of the friendships but it sucks it fully fucking sucks like i can't even imagine losing a group of friends and then losing a group of friends for this reason trash people they're trash fucking people you can also dm me if you want to talk that's it that's not an invitation for everybody else you're also more than welcome to dm me

okay guys we're gonna take a quick break and we will be right back Okay, guys, we are back from our break, and we're getting to the rest of our calls. Hi, I'm 26, and I have a family-related question. I recently found out that my parents are divorcing and my dad is moving out. That's been really hard for me to accept, but they really aren't compatible. Something that is really nerve-wracking for me is that my mom might end up wanting to move in with me. She's really reliant on my dad, and I don't think she would want to live alone in our childhood home or be alone in Pam's yard, all of that.

I have a younger brother, but he runs with his co-worker roommates, and I don't even think she would ask him. My mom is really hypercritical of me. She's a meat freak. She struggles with anxiety and depression, and there's a lie. And moving out was really good for my mental health. compared to living with my family. I don't know if I can deal with her uptight personality

and her criticisms of me, as well as her bringing up issues with my dad. She already does it over the phone, and that's just TMI and, like, frustrating for me, so I can't imagine, like, living in that. She just has such a different personality for me, and even though I love her, we just butt heads too much. I also work nights,

and living alone really helps me maintain my sleep schedule without the distraction of someone else, which is why my boyfriend of two years doesn't even look like me uh she already asked if she asked about moving in with me how can i decline without sounding rude or starting a fight she doesn't even want to live with him those i mean this is tough uh i mean you can't live with her and i think like yeah starting a fight or like hurting her feelings and all of that stuff is it's not your goal and you're not being an asshole and it's a very reasonable request and if she responds in a negative way to a very reasonable request

her feelings aren't on you like that's not that's it it's it's so not about you and like you've said like moving out it's been great for your mental health and it's as my therapist says like it's like we have like preservation self-preservation techniques and this has been one of yours is like having this like space away from her and her reaction in response to this is gonna be whatever it is and you even wanting to like have it not start a fight and all of that stuff means that you're not gonna go about it and be like fuck you mom like i don't want to fucking live with you you're fucking suck and i think what you have to say is if she brings it up again i would first i would just i wouldn't bring it up i would just ignore it and then if she brings it up again and

asks about it and be like I love you I care about you so much but for me it's really important for me to live alone and I've really enjoyed that and it's been really great for my mental health and no matter how much I care about you and how much I love you I I need this for me and that's like and that's the end of it and I want to preserve our relationship as mother and daughter um i really love you but um for both of us this wouldn't be a good thing because i think that down the line we might end up resenting each other and i just want to preserve our relationship as as it is now yeah and i think if she's mad she's mad and and she'll eventually get over it but she's an adult woman as well and she shouldn't be moving in with her daughter when her that's

not what her daughter wants be one thing like if you're like yeah you can come um but that's not what you want so she's this is a different a new chapter in her life she has a house and i understand if she doesn't want to live there but she can she can sell it if that's what she wants to do and use that money to maybe get herself like a nice condo or something um and get use it as a transition to get used to the next chapter in her life yeah also if you and you've got your brother and you don't think that she's gonna ask your brother if she then also doesn't ever ask your brother after you say no and tries to stay upset with you it's just not it's it's just so truly not fair to you and i understand like the fear the fear she must have of like being alone and having

this huge transition period but that like you said like she she needs this like i think as much as you need to live alone I think she does too I think that would be really and I'm I mean her mental health wise I obviously don't know her but like yeah therapy is a great thing and like going to all of that stuff especially go after going through a divorce with somebody you've been married to for years like this is a new point in your life I think she definitely needs therapy because she doesn't she I mean you said that it's like your parents so I don't you didn't say how old you are but it's i'm guessing you're in your 20s so she's been with this same person for at least 20 years so she doesn't know what it's like not to have people with her

so she definitely needs therapy yeah and i think it'll be an eye-opening like there's all those rom-coms about this of like first time like mom first time being single and like finding her new hobbies and doing stuff for her and I think moving in with either of her kids her role still is mom like she went from being what she was mom she was wife then she was mom or whatever the time period was and then you guys moved out and then she was wife and then I think her instinct reaction is to go back to what she knows which is being a mom and she will always be your mom but she needs think of it as much as you're doing it for you you're also doing it for her like she needs to learn how to be her own independent person again and find the hobbies that she likes

and all of that stuff and I think like you said it will preserve your relationship so it can be like and even like if you feel like you need to kind of have like a middle ground with her of being like I I know that this I I can this will really put harm on our relationship in the long term but like I want to be there for you through all of this so like let's like have like a family like lunch every Wednesday or every other Wednesday or once a month and like creating these like traditions and like things that she can put on her calendar and look forward to so there is some routine and some family as she's going through all of this but it's also as much as like she's going through a divorce and yes you're like grown an adult it's also your parents going through a divorce too so

she can't put that I mean she can but she shouldn't be putting that responsibility to care for and be there for her on you because you're also like it's also your dad like you're also processing all of this as someone who's also gone through divorce and I think people think that divorce the effects of divorce or whatever only affect like the parents and then young kids but even adult kids like that's still changing your routine your relationship with your parents and you need to look out for you and I think in the situation it's also and it also in turn will end up looking out for her too and talk to your brother about it and get on the same page and so you guys both know like hey not gonna do this but yeah maybe maybe offer to help her like

redecorate a condo or be like i'll help you move out like i'll help you do all of this kind of stuff and like we can i i can help you i can assist you and be there with you in finding your independence right but I apologize I'm sorry that's definitely not like a fun thing to go through um because it does sound like you you're reconciling and like realizing that they're not the best for each other but it does still sound like it hurts so I am sorry for you too should we go on to the next hi everyone um so I'm calling in about a situation that has been developing over the course of a couple of months um I am the maid of honor for my friend of 12 years uh in her wedding that was supposed to occur at the end of May. Because of COVID, she decided to push back

her wedding to the end of July. A little more background to the story is that during the past few months, I moved to New York for a job and have been in quarantine since and have been practicing proper procedures. The bride, her family members, and the rest of the wedding party all live in a different state where the state of emergency has been handled differently. She has officially decided to keep her wedding date for her large 200-person wedding, and when I asked about safety procedures, she said that the venue okayed the fact that there doesn't need to be any social distancing, no face masks, and a large dance floor is allowed. I expressed my concern for the safety of others, and we shared different viewpoints on the matter. I understand she has been looking

forward to this moment, but I think she should have rescheduled since the availability to keep their deposits, and like a date for 2021 is available. I want to wear a face mask during this ceremony and reception and pretty much the entire event, but she previously expressed how she doesn't want people to ruin her wedding photos. I'm unsure what to do because I don't want to be the odd person out and the only one wearing a face mask, but I question the rationality others have in this situation. Additionally, she is traveling to the South right before her wedding, which makes me 10 times more nervous. Any advice on the situation would be appreciated.

I have a feeling if I further discuss it with her, it would just kind of turn into a heated argument. I'm not trying to take away from her experience and her day, but she thinks I'm being dramatic about this pandemic, and I find her irresponsible. I don't want to lose a friend, but I'm kind of in this hard position to be in, and I don't see a lot of options. in case you're wondering now i am a 24 year old leo and she is a capricorn okay um thanks bye you know you know face mask she said that face mask would like ruin her wedding you know what

else would ruin your wedding death what the fuck is this like hell like no just no fucking no no no this bitch is not only so dumb like the fucking statement you said when you were like her like the whole family but when you said something like i i'm just concerned uh for like the well being of others and we seem to disagree on that i'm like oh so she she's just she's like no i'm not they're not they game gets they don't think about other people this girl's a fucking idiot and not only should you not go to the fucking wedding do not be fucking friends with this dipshit no she doesn't care she's being so selfish so fucking selfish like this is the most ridiculous thing that i've ever heard is and you said that everybody's coming from a different

state so everybody's just gonna be together sharing germs from all these other states and then taking it back yeah and then taking it back it is the stupidest thing i've ever fucking heard like legitimately this is so dumb here's the thing this is so dumb on such a huge scale this is gonna you know who's gonna this is gonna be on fucking john oliver like this is like yes this is like you don't want this to ruin like she's like oh i don't want this to ruin my wedding photos i fucking guarantee you if you go to this goddamn wedding you will then see on late night tv two weeks later when 75 people in the first week fucking test positive and they get these fucking wedding photos back even if you're wearing a face mask if first of all if

you're wearing a face mask you'll be highlighted more than everyone you it is this this is going to end first of all this is going to end in preventable deaths but also it is going to end in like the most fucking public roasting of all fucking time like of all fucking time and she's such a fucking idiot and everybody involved is such a fucking idiot and also like i i know people who've rescheduled weddings also here's what i'll say i know people who like did not want to reschedule their weddings that were like holding out to the last fucking minute and i was like here's the thing i'm not fucking going i don't care what you think about this virus i don't care that you think it's a big fucking deal and those people are still not they rescheduled their

wedding till the next year multiple people i feel like i don't know where you guys are you're in new york but i don't know where this wedding is happening but like two days ago texas like made it made it a requirement for everybody to wear a mask and they're going back on a lot of things that they said so i feel like by the time this episode comes out they won't be able to do this wedding it'll get taken back but still the rationale if if this wedding is happening do not fucking go i don't i don't care about your 12 year relationship as she doesn't care she doesn't care so just be like look i love you but this is completely irresponsible and i'm not putting my life on the line for for you for a couple hours of wedding bliss for you when you can

if like a wedding I understand the wedding I understand having like it's a big party for everybody but like if you just want to if the point of a wedding is to get married and if she wants to be married to this person then they can just go get married they don't have to have a big ceremony i've seen people like do the weddings where the the the bride and groom get married and then the minister is far away conducting the ceremony and then like their parties are just driving by in the cars and honking horns and that's their wedding if that's what she if she just if she clearly just does it's not about the marriage it's about the party and it's about and she can put the party off pandemic like she's yeah choosing to not like she's been given the

option to put this off without like a financial like you're saying that like she's been given this and she doesn't believe she thinks that it's an overreaction so she is making people these fucking people like her have made this pandemic a political statement and she is choosing this to be her political statement to say hey fuck you hey fuck you i don't believe any of this shit this is literally like her inviting people to come to a like come to her wedding that is peanut themed and being like you got a peanut allergy i don't give a shit like it is like being like yeah it is the most reckless thing ever or being like hey guys i'm having a wedding and it's going to be um we're we're gonna be uh free swimming with great white sharks so everybody needs to come

and like you have to come it's gonna be great like and we're gonna throw meat raw meat into the ocean there's 200 people and it's just it's just insane and she's a not only is she dumb and don't be friends with dumb people because dumb people put you in really shitty situations and also they like fucking suck and like we need to eradicate them from the earth or we can educate them but like i'm not that patient other people can if they want to do that but like she's so fucking dumb she doesn't give a shit about not only does she doesn't give a shit about your friendship she doesn't give a shit about your health she doesn't give a shit about her grandparents health her parents her own health her own health at all and that is someone who is like that's

dangerous that's someone who you should not want to be friends with and regardless of once this pandemic is over you've been friends there for 12 years well like oh wow did you get hit on the head with a fucking anvil you dumb fucking bitch not you her like at what point did she become this person and it fucking sucks because i think we're in this is it's revealing some really fucking nasty fucking things about people and maybe we never would have known this stuff before maybe something else would have happened down the line that you'll see this side of people but i truly think it is give it is a fucking like seeing this side of people is terrifying but it's also a fucking blessing to be like oh cool get the fuck out of my life you are a liability to yourself

and others like she is she is actual garbage gar fucking she's just as bad as these people that are throwing these pandemic covet parties where have you heard about this where they're like putting money in a pot and then the first person that gets it gets the money in the pot like they're purposely trying to get covet 19 how much money is it enough to cover your health insurance bills no exactly not even close like it doesn't make sense and we're not even talking about like the short-term effects like this shit has a long-term effect on your lungs people are stupid and also here's the thing if like she wants to be like wow everyone's

overreacting i would rather like even if even if we had no scientific evidence backing the seriousness of this which we do but even if we didn't if someone said it was like a 50 50 chance that this is going to be really dangerous or really not like it's like six months ago someone said that like okay if you knew that there's a 50 50 chance there's going to be like a deadly pandemic that like hits the world and you need to change drastically change these things in your life but there's a 50 chance it'll happen and people will be like well then what like what happens when like we all overreacted i'm like i would rather have gone above and beyond and been like oh cool we dodged the fucking meteor that didn't hit earth like the rest of the fucking

literally like that's fucking great like if this all turned like if this like six months ago was this big fucking conspiracy theory and then it hit and then it was like it's like the fucking mayan calendar shit and then nothing happened i'm not pissed i'm fucking glad and anyone who says like oh well i would just be fucking pissed i'm like i'm sorry do you think about anybody other than yourself and you're upset that you like wasted time and energy like it is so unbelievably fucking dumb like so unbelievably fucking dumb this is no like cut her the fuck out cut everyone who's attending cut all of that shit out like she is an absolute idiot and then once you cut her out of your life um you feel free to like slide into my dms give me her handle let me know what her

wedding photographer's name is and i'll like you know we can we can send these pics around make sure they get to the right people yeah she needs to be publicly shamed and she will be it's gonna make it's gonna make the news regardless it has to so today we have a update to a don't blame them call so this is unique it's different we've never done this before so um the original call was in season 2 episode 25 with leo then the person that was calling in to give advice to that person was in episode season 3 episode 6 and it's about a mama's boy um and so we've got a update to the Don't blame them with another twist. I'm really excited.

Not that I don't remember this, but it's harder for me to remember don't blame them than these, so I'm excited. Yeah. Hey, Megan. I just wanted to call in to provide a progress update from a very old episode. Season 2, episode 25, where the girl was dating the mama's boy. My girlfriend actually called in to provide advice from season 3, episode 6. So she called in to give advice and talk to the person about the mama's boy

situation so shocker I'm the guy in that story um for my girlfriend who called in uh for sleep advice and um basically what happened was that I had to first of all fix what was wrong with me I had a lot of um issues to work through and a lot of stuff that was going on so I had to learn to set proper boundaries with my mom first and work on that with her and even when she broke those boundaries I would have to reinforce them and say hey

that wasn't cool, this is what I need to do so yeah and the other part of it is like I was saying a lot of it was on me and a lot of it was how I viewed my relationship and how I viewed the things because I have a problem

I used to have a problem about talking about people negatively to each other. So, like, if I was my mom, I would talk negatively about my girlfriend. If I was my girlfriend, I would talk negatively about my mom, leaving this kind of space between them where they just didn't like each other because of me. So that was another thing I had to fix was my mental state and my mental awareness of that whole situation. And once I did that, then, and I had the boundaries set with my mom, I basically spoke to my girlfriend and said, hey, you need to give my mom a chance.

And I did the same thing with my mom. I was owned up to it and said, you know, a lot of the stuff you guys feel about it is my fault. So I just wanted to let you know that things are going really well now. And a lot of hard work went into it. But, yeah, so I appreciate it. It's just funny that me and my girlfriend both watch your podcast together on YouTube. So thank you. And see you later.

Talk to you. Oh, my God. I'm dead. I love that. It's an evolved dude. Wow. No, that's great. I mean, my only note is saying that.

No, I'm kidding. I think that's awesome. I wonder what it's like for people. and like we've had like we know people who like listen to it with their partners like watch with their partners like i'm curious if it does bring up like any conversation like if like the topics will bring up like a conversation and be like oh wow like what would you do in this situation or if you guys like relate to something and you're like oh shit like this feels like a weird one to listen to like sitting next to like my partner um but i think this is like great and i'm i'm

fucking stoked i'm like glad you guys are still together and it's true the yeah the don't the in the don't blame them call she had said they had been dating for nine years and that they're they had been um her boyfriend and his mom were like enmeshed um in an unhealthy codependent relationship and that he had started to go to therapy so this is the after of therapy i'm i fucking love it but it's true like what he said it's like it's it can be really hard because i've also been on the other side of it of like someone where it's like why the fuck are you fucking sharing everything with this other person and it can feel so about you but like he said he's like no it was like a me issue and it usually does translate into other parts of your life and like oversharing other

people's things just in general but it's especially really hard in a relationship um but fuck yeah fucking amazing fantastic you know what we need we need some we need a uh someone to call in from like a girl who's called in about like how her like boyfriend like something about like something sexual i would die like can we get the guy who the guy who broke his dick who ripped his dick i would love if he called it and was like let me break it down and he could or even the ones that are like are like we've gotten so many people like thanking us for the blowjob tips so like if the boyfriend like an audio review of like thank you so much great blowjob 10 out of 10 love it big fan like i would die i would die i would i would fucking

love that oh but thank you so much for calling that that's really interesting you haven't had that type of perspective before no that's like it's it's and it's also because it's it's such a common call we've gotten for for so long and the great thing about don't blame me don't blame them i mean there's lots of great things about podcasts but uh is people giving their own experience and yeah never we've never had like the other side of it it's always been like with that like the girls have been like oh yeah my boyfriend like him and his mom like i've had that relationship but then it's gotten better and blah blah blah and then him being like yeah this is how i did it fuck yeah well guys uh i hope you like this episode if you did please um leave us a

review on the podcast app and if you want to call in for an upcoming episode you can leave us a voicemail at 310-694-0976 international listeners you can send us an audio message at meganpodcast at gmail.com my book is out my presets are for sale if you want to follow us on social we have the podcast don't blah meme pod and then our individual socials check them out um and pro you want to promo your other one of your other many podcasts uh let me promo jocelyn and lily show who are those go check it out it's called overshare it was a uh youtube show for the first season and now it's been converted into which megan was on an episode now it is a podcast as well so please go check it out it's them it's like extended story times about specific subjects that

them and sometimes a guest share stories what would you share on your episode do you remember i think we talked we talked about uh i don't remember if we did like specific story story but like it was more I think it was more just like overshare topics and one of them was uh like embarrassing like things that like we did as like or like things that we were into um as a kid and I you know talked about fanfic talked about I think I talked about like um the couple of times I went LARPing I was into like a lot of weird fucking shit I have not heard that so I will come back no no I'll circle back we'll circle back later at a later date it's really not that interesting um it sounds fucking weird as shit i don't care about it mostly my friends just want

to hear the weirdest and i was like i'll go fucking galadriel who for sure i'm into it is she pretty uh so uh please go check it out on the podcast app like subscribe leave a review it's fun it's a fun time time with i mean the episodes that are probably coming out around this time with Kelsey Dara. Love her. Friend of this show and Mega Batoon who's also been on this show.

We share the same name. No H in hers. True. It's too short without an H. Okay, guys. We'll see you next time. Goodbye. Don't Blame Me

is a production by me. Executive produced by Melissa DeMonts. Edited by Katrina Henning. and music by Ryan Hunter and Giacomo Picasso.